Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - The Secret To Life Is Queef & Potatoes (FULL SHOW 6/16)

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

Ally got into an on-air fight with her arch nemesis Fat Ally, who's attempting to make a comeback during her second pregnancy. We say let Fat Ally take the reins, and the leftovers! Today we heard stories about times your dad solved a problem in the most "dad" way possible. Like the time a girl was sent home for her pants being too big, so her dad duct taped the pants around her waist and sent her back to school. Or the dad who put his kid in a sling using a broomstick. Or the dad who blindfolded his daughter to help her conquer her fear of driving. Thanks for being you, dads! We got an incredible call today from a guy who almost died after being swept away by a wave in Newport Beach, only to be saved by a lifeguard as he clutched onto his son. It got emotional. Listen if you want your heart strings tugged followed by us still making asses of ourselves. We also wrote new Hallmark jokes for our annual Father's Day Card remix, learned the best pre-date ritual in Clickbait, and why queef and potatoes will help you live forever in Old People Secrets!

New episode of Klein Alley Show is about to begin, but before that can happen, Alley, let's tell the people what they need to know. You mean about San Bernardino International Airport? Of course I'm talking about the San Bernardino International Airport. Easy, close, and not LAX. And parking is always just five bucks a day, which means it is El Cheapo approved. Fly nonstop to Provo, Utah for all the skiing, snowboarding, or wives you can handle. And of course you can fly into my hometown of San Francisco, San Bernardino International Airport, when airports smell great. hey what's going on are you ready hello you little it's just okay good morning everybody oh sweet devon snake did you see that

Viva Klein Alley Show. Klein and Alley, I just have one thing to say. Let's get the show started. The show started. The show started. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. We are live in Los Angeles. Three, two, one.

And here we go. It's Klein Alley Show. Low 6.7. KROQ FM and HD Pasadena. I'm Los Angeles. Orange County. The Sonic Pulse of Los Angeles. This is the world famous K-Rock.

Good morning. Welcome to your Tuesday K-Rock Klein Alley Show. It's after 7 o'clock. It's going to be another beauty outside. Inside, not so much. You don't believe us? You can see what's happening on YouTube right now. We are streaming there for all of your viewing pleasures and displeasures. And many people have regretted checking out the show for the very first time, Alley. There's a couple of people that say they finally went over to the YouTube

because I wanted to see, I think yesterday you said your boobs were getting bigger already because of your pregnancy. Someone was like, I've got to see this for myself. Yeah, that finally was the thing that convinced someone to check out the YouTube and they instantly regretted it. Oh, that was Omar. Well, here they are, Omar. A-jigga-jigga-jigga.

A-jigga-jigga-jigga. A-jigga-jigga. Watch with warning, I guess is what we say, but we are here live on KROQ as well. If you need us, phones, text line 800-520-1067. Watch with warning? Watch with warning. Okay. Warning, warning, warning.

I would say just be careful. Persuasion is advised. Proceed with caution is what I'm saying because a lot of people are saying that they enjoyed the show until they looked at it. And I could play some of these calls, Allie, but it's not going to make any of us feel good about ourselves. Come on. I'm sure we can find a compliment hidden deep, deep, deep at the bottom of this note. Hold on. No, let's skip that batch.

Let me skip this batch as well. Hold on. I'll skip this batch as well. Eventually here there's someone. There's not even an I love you guys, but you're freakish type of call? There's a child that likes the show. Hi, Klein and Allie. My parents sometimes let me hear your podcast, and I'm a big fan.

I can't wait for your next one. Oh, and also, Klein, I can't believe you can't remember people's names that much. The next thing you're forgetting is your kids' names. That's a sick burn, burn, burn. All right, I got sick burned by that kid. What the hell? Sound effects, too? Some kid burned me, and he audio sniped her.

He's already better than Jake is at making audio. That's a sick burn, burn, burn. Oh, that echo. You know what's really annoying is ever since we did that thing where you guys brought in coworkers, and I failed at remembering who they were because I don't remember names very well. Do you want to tell everybody the apologies tour you went on? I went on a slight tour to the people that were offended, because a lot of them were, and I just said, hey.

A little bit of damage control. Just want to let you know. Hey, man, I really do know your name. I always knew your name. I just sometimes can't come up with it in the moment. And the reality is. I have brain damage, you see. And the guy that I called Red Splotchy Face Guy

has now officially changed his email signature at work to Red Splotchy Face Guy, which I feel bad about because he does have a legitimate title. I mean, the guy worked hard. He's the chief something or other around here. Look, you take for granted that we all bust each other's balls every day and we've developed this thick, scaly skin. And then when you just do a casual, hey, red splotchy face guy,

you forget that other people don't get ridiculed on a daily basis. These words can hurt. This guy has a pretty good sense of humor then. Yeah, I agree. I actually have a lot of respect for him because he sent an email to someone unrelated and he just signed it instead of his name. Like where Ali has her signature comedy and improv or whatever stupid thing. And shenanigans.

Shenanigans, whatever, stupid. This guy changed his name in all the emails he sends out to Red Splotchy Face Guy. Right. What's his name, Kwon? Red Splotch. Yeah. I don't know his name. It's not important what his name is.

Hey, Splotchy. The important thing is he's got a nickname now. He's a splotch man. Everyone knows, everyone's born with a name. That means nothing. When you get a nickname, that's when you're cool. Right. Totally.

And if Red Splotchy Face Man has a kill list, you're at the top. He is on my prediction for co-workers that may or may not have a kill list. That's all I'm saying. It's K-Rock. Good morning. K-Rock, we're your Klein Alley Show. A little bit later this morning to take care of the dad in your life, even if that is just you. We will give away a jumbo giant TCL TV and a mountain of meat.

The father of all giveaways. Every day this week to get you ready for Father's Day on Sunday. A 75-inch TCL QM7L TV, sound bar as well, and Vaughn's Albertson Pavilions gift card so you can buy all the meat you could possibly handle, a mountain of meat and a giant TV. And today, we were inspired by something that happened very recently in a petty claims court alley. We met a father that had a solution for his daughter's cold hands because she claimed she was cold in the morning, even though it was May, I believe, when we had this conversation, or early June. And this is what we learned on our show. I wear mittens, and it's hot. Wow, she's wearing mittens today?

My daughter complains that it's cold in the morning, so I bought her some mittens. These are such guy solutions. So she said she was cold, and so you sent her to school in mittens? Yes. So this is a dad-lution right here. This is the way that dads solve problems. Not necessarily the right way to solve them, but daughter said she was chilly in the morning, so he ordered her some mittens, and then mom said she goes to school looking like she's dressed like a freak.

Yeah, but this is the way that a lot of guys think, and this is the way that a lot of dads solve problems. It's not necessarily the traditional way to solve something, but it gets the job done, and only dads can solve problems this way. Problem, girl's cold, solution, mittens. Now, meanwhile, a woman would rather we talk about why she's feeling cold, right? I would say, why don't you complain to any guy who will listen? So, anyway, that is a dadlution at its finest. We will take some of the dadlutions, whatever your father has come up with over the years, to solve problems, even if they were not necessarily the right way to solve the problems. Especially solving injury problems.

Oh, man. Any medical problems. Home improvement, injury stuff. There's a million different ways that dads have a way to solve issues. So we'll get to those stories later this morning, a chance for you to win your way, win this giant TV and a giant mountain of meat. Right now, though, if you want to win, take Ali's money, 800-520-1067, five questions about the news. You will learn a thing or two about what's happening in the world. And even better, Allie will be forced to pay you her actual money if you beat her.

And all you've got to do is compete by getting on the phones now at 800-520-1067. That is next. You may think the only thing happening in the world right now is World Cup related or the incredible price of the, what is it, the StockX? What was the? SpaceX. I actually bought some this morning. Allie couldn't get in on it. She thought she was in on it. She was counting all of her riches, only to realize that she never had Sen, so she has none of it.

and it keeps going up, up, up. But there's other things happening in the world, believe it or not, things that you may not be aware of. But if you do know more than Allie, who's putting together the next batch of ADD news right now, we pay the people, at least Allie does, with her actual money. If you want to win and you have no problem taking the money from a pregnant woman who may or may not have twins or triplets inside of her, we don't know.

Now's a good time to be on the phone, and we say good morning to all of these contestants. But we will say good morning special to Brian in Irvine, who is waiting on the phone right now. Good morning, Brian. Good morning, everybody. Sweet dibbits. Sweet dibbits.

to you. Five questions. Allie will leave the studio to everyone else that we didn't get to. Thank you for calling and attempting to get through. You'll have another chance tomorrow right around this time. Allie is leaving the KROQ studios right now. Sandwich in hand. It's not really for a sandwich. Let's go ahead and

get into your round as soon as this begins. Answer these questions quickly, confidently, and accurately. Let's see how you would have done if you were not Brian on the phone right now. Allie knows the news. This person currently incarcerated will be released February 23rd

of 2028, which is four months earlier than his initial release date. Who is it? O.J. Simpson. O.J., that would be interesting. We go to question number two. Spam has teamed up with this animated

character that may or may not be one of the ingredients inside of a can of Spam. I am going to go Spam character Pooh Bear. Pooh Bear. Dang it. Go to question number two. Three, excuse me. This former goonie

was rushed to the hospital after having a mid-air emergency on a plane. Chunk. Whoever played Chunk. Chunk. One of those truffle shuffles at 30,000 feet. We go to question number four. The FBI claims that they disrupted

a terror plot that was going to attack the UFC fight that took place at the White House and there's a little details about what was going to happen supposedly what was the terror plot what was going to supposedly happen at that UFC event before it was disrupted by the FBI I'm gonna go with it was supposed to be a bomb somewhere nearby bomb nearby and we go to question number five this power couple is back together just in time for Wimbledon. Which power couple will be back on the court playing together? Oh, the Williams sisters.

The Williams sisters. All right, let's go ahead and score it at the end. Allie is reentering the KROQ studios in moments. And if you're trying to watch us now, apparently there's all sorts of technical issues on the stream, so maybe you're back to radio just listening to us, which is probably for the best. We go to question number one, Allie.

Yeah. This person, currently incarcerated, will now be released February 23rd of 2028, four months earlier than their initial release date. I believe that's your BFF Diddy. Diddy, great guy like Diddy. First of all, not my BFF, and that quote that Omar plays a lot is completely out of context. Did he do his time? No, he didn't. He's getting out early.

Sadly, the contestant, Brian, thought it was OJ Simpson. Hate to inform you that OJ Simpson is dead. I don't know if you knew that, but he's no longer available. He's been released early from life. So we go to question number two right now. Allie's up 1-0. Spam has teamed up with this animated character that may or may not be one of the ingredients inside of Spam. Oh.

Hmm. Spongebob? All right. Allie says Spongebob. Good guess. He said Pooh Bear. Also interesting guess. Oh, good.

Yeah. Correct answer, sadly, is Hello Kitty. How is that possibly an ingredient in Spam? You never know what's in there, Allie. It's a lot of mystery, right? Yeah, that's true. I would imagine there's probably a little Hello Kitty. A little bit of cat?

Yeah, sure. So Hello Kitty seems like whenever anyone needs a collab, they just go with Hello Kitty because that's such a passionate fan base. Those Hello Kitty fans. They are obsessed. And it's been like decades. And they've done nothing. I don't know.

Hasn't Hello Kitty just sat there for decades and everyone just keeps buying it? I was going on an airplane one time. I don't even remember which airline it was. But some of the planes were painted with Hello Kitty on them. I don't even know what the collaboration was. And there were all these people that were going to board the plane with me. and then they realized that we were not getting on to one of the Hello Kitty painted planes

and the people decided they didn't want to go on the plane. What? And I go, what's it matter? It's only on the outside of the plane. Yeah, you can't even see it. I mean, why not decorate on the inside if it really matters? I heard this group of, I felt like 20 women were like, put us on whatever the next flight is

that's going to be on the Hello Kitty plane. Some Hello Kitty freaks are like hidden in plain sight too. I know. You don't realize. Like my wife was even like, oh, my old Bad Bats Maru key train. I missed it. I'm like, what? They should wear something to self-identify.

Question number three. Allie's still up one. This former goonie was rushed to the hospital after experiencing an in-flight medical emergency. I don't know anything about the goonies. What about the guy who's like, hey, hey, you. Oh, no. You really don't know anything about the goonies. You're so close.

Is that him? Hey, you. Hey, guys. That's right. Hey, you guys. He guessed it was Chunk. Isn't that him? That's what you're guessing.

Allie's guessing. Who's Allie? Sloth. That's right. Chunk, Sloth. Allie's doppelganger. The correct answer, though, is Corey Feldman. Oh, that's right.

I did see that. Yeah. So I don't know if it was a medical emergency or he's just performing his music. But one way or another. Oh, my God. We saw that live and that was a travesty. Got a question for Allie Stillup. One, the FBI claims that they disrupted a terrorism plot that was scheduled to hit the UFC event at the White House.

What exactly were some of the details of this terror plot that they apparently disrupted? I believe they were using drones to try and explode some stuff, some buildings. Explosive drones was the plan that was shut down, supposedly. He guessed explosives nearby. So I'm going to give him the point on that, even though he said bombs. But whatever, you both get the point. I feel like they easily could have been like, yeah, no, that was planned for the celebration through Trump. Good work.

Like, exploding drones seems like something they would have planned as well. That seems to be where the future's headed, which is super freaky. I used to just be freaked out by the pervert that was trying to spy on me with his drone. But imagine that, you know, because some of these firework shows are becoming drone shows. What if they did drone show and then all of them exploded like fireworks? Great. We got a question number five, and Allie is up one still. This power couple is back at it, just in time for Wimbledon, back on the court together.

Yeah, that would be Serena and Venus Williams. He said that as well. the Williams sisters. They didn't want to go back, but their father forced them to. Still. So they will be back on the court and playing together for Wimbledon.

And sadly, Brian, you put in a decent effort, but Adley still bested you by one. And what must you shamefully admit over the airwaves of K-Rock? My name is Brian from Irvine, and Adley knows the news. This is Evanescence. And then later this morning,

we will give you a chance to see Evanescence. Not once, but twice. Once right here at the Kia Forum in July, and then again in Montreal, Canada. So listen to this so you're ready to go. I know you won't remember what I'm telling you now, but 9, noon, 3, and 6. Those are your chances to win yourself some Evanescence today on KROQ. So if you don't plan on sticking around and listening for everything we have to say between now and then,

I hope you just set a reminder so that you can be in on that. 9, noon, 3, 6, KROQ, Evanescence, once, maybe twice. I've been really struggling because my appetite is beginning to change the more pregnant I get. And I usually am pretty healthy in the morning, as you've seen me eat my breakfast. Usually it's a combination of egg whites mixed with veggies, and then I've got some banana, some carrots, things like that that I snack on. Whatever it is you're snacking on stinks, usually. That's how we can tell that you're grazing. It's some sort of smell wafting through the studio and or the back office.

Sometimes I do want to nosh on a nice raw or gently cooked slice of broccoli. And for those of you that are new to the show, the last time Allie was pregnant, which was a few years now, she had a milking room here at K-Rock. So I could milk cows and make cheese. And after that milking room was no longer being used for her to lactate, it was a lactation cube or something, she turned it into her own egg room because her smelly eggs were ruining everyone's day, so she went in there. That was my hard-boiled egg phase. Yeah, it was a terrible phase. I had a lot of different phases with eggs.

I like how Taylor Swift has these phases that are like her sexy room. Yeah, her eras. This was Allie's egg eras. It was the worst era. Her running over easy era. So people would go into that room, her pumping room, and that became her egg room. So she's got a long history of eating terribly smelly things. I did successfully, I mean, I gained a lot of weight the first time I was pregnant.

I gained 55 pounds, I believe, and then I lost it all. It took two years plus to lose it all again and kind of get my body back. I'm in a really good place, and I've already noticed over the past couple of weeks that the scale's starting to creep up a little bit. That's a good sign. Yeah, it is to a degree. Sounds going to be funny again. How much weight, on average, are you supposed to gain during pregnancy?

They don't really have a number necessarily. I think most people gain about 20 to 30 pounds. And you gained 55? Yes, correct. Cool. And her son. You gave no Fs, did you? What was he, 8 pounds at birth or something?

He was 8.7, I believe. So let's do some basic math here. Hold on. So carry the 1, 8 pounds. So Allie, so that takes care of 8 of it. And then the other 40-something was you, all you. No, no, no. After I gave birth, I had still gained 55 pounds.

Oh, after he was home. So, throw eight on top of that. I did not know that at all. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at the pictures. That is crazy. Some of it was bloating. There's photographic evidence of it.

It was crazy. Some of the pictures I see from when he was first born, I was like, ah, God. Well, he said that at the hospital. I thought it was another person, but it was just my shoulder. They gave her a room for two, and I said, oh, you had to deliver with another person. She goes, just for me. A room for two for just for me. It was incredible.

So, I decided I don't want that to happen again, but I'm already noticing. like this morning I went to go make what I normally make for breakfast and I was so disgusted by it I was like I don't want eggs I don't want egg whites all I want is carbs and cheese I just want a grilled cheese sandwich I just want cheese and crackers I want all things carb and cheese because that's what's delicious and that's what feels good to eat but I'm trying to resist because I know that that's my brain telling me eat this you dummy what was my real alley has to Say, whoa, whoa, eat the banana instead. No, that's not the real Allie.

The real Allie's Fat Allie. Fat Allie's the real Allie. The real Allie growing up had three bowls of cereal in the morning. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. I'm going to tell you, the first time I went out, the first time I met Allie ever was over a decade ago. I took her out. I said, let's get coffee. I thought we were getting regular cups of coffee, just a coffee place.

They had an option at this coffee place that one of the cups was an edible cup. No way. Yes, do you remember this, Allie? Yeah. Because you ordered it. Oh, and I ate it. Yes. Before I even drank it, I ate it.

I thought we were sitting down to have regular coffee and regular coffee. Allie goes... I was like, anyway, ow. She goes, you know, this cup you can eat, and she ate the whole cup. And I go, wow, that's my girl. Well, because I also... That's my fat Allie. If I'm going to use everything, it's like I use the whole cow, I use the whole coffee.

Right. I didn't want to tell Allie this, but she actually did not have one of the edible cups, but she ate it anyway. Hold on. On the phone right now, I can't believe we're going to see her again. This is fat Allie. This is the Allie that we used to... No, it's not.

Hello? Hey, Allie. It's me. Long time. How you been? No, I don't. Fat Allie, get out of here. You're not needed.

Can't wait to come back. No. I missed you. Hold on. Oh, she's eating. There she goes. Stop it. What is possibly going on there, Fat Allie?

I'm just eating my morning spoonful of mayonnaise. No. Oh, man. Wow. That's not a spoonful of mayonnaise. That's amazing. It's a whole ton. Oh, yeah.

This isn't a spoon. It's a ladle. Oh, stop. A ladle of mayonnaise. Hey, Fat Alley, we miss you so much here at K-Rock. You used to be funny. You didn't care about anything. No way, you're not missed.

You're a great punchline. Oh, we're going to have so much fun eating for four or five or whatever. It doesn't matter. Wait, hold on. My Postmates is here. No, why are you ordering Postmates? You're already eating. What could you possibly be ordering?

To me. Oh, she knows. Yeah, two waffles, six eggs, two more waffles, and six more eggs. That's so many eggs and waffles. That's a huge order right there. But I'm eating light today, because I've got to run later. Oh, okay. Well, at least you're staying active.

That's important. I mean, I've got to run to Costco to get more snack-sized bags of chips. Come on. Those aren't even snack-sized. They're massive bags. Yeah, those are massive family-sized bags. Okay, let's agree to disagree. Got to go.

Okay. I'm bulking. Okay. See you soon, Allie. Fat out. No, we don't say fat out. Oh, man. She sounds so much better when we think about it.

Oh, she's so funny. I love Fat Allie. God, bring her back. You know what? You are so missed. It's not going to happen, all right? I've got my banana here. All right, yeah, good luck.

You've got to try that with a ladle full of mayonnaise. That's how you've got to enjoy your banana. Actually, that does sound pretty good. You've got to take a break, believe it or not. Allie's chair will not be the only thing that will be tested over the next few months. Does anyone have any cheese? It's very exciting. We'll be right back.

We've got your news to get to and much, much more. Already people saying replace Allie with Fat Allie when she leaves for maternity leave. I agree. Let's bring Fat Allie in here full time. We've got to take a quick break. More show next. There's lots of reputable places you could be getting your news from. But he decided to get it from K-Rock this morning, so here we go.

Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. One place we would not recommend for tourists coming to L.A. to visit would be the downtown area. I think we can agree it's not necessarily a go-to destination in L.A., whether you live here or not. There are still some good music venues down there, but now the staff... There's some good restaurants down there. Yeah, there are. There's a couple of gyms downtown, but it's definitely not...

definitely a place you want to get you want to hang out like outside on the street no at all no no unless you want to get mugged or jumped i got laid yeah oh you got jumped down in downtown oh yeah right in front of the um la mission dude yeah it was real bad recently no no no this is probably i was uh 18 years old 17 18 probably probably deserved it uh i was i was doing some illegal activity but i did not deserve it at all no they're like this guy's gonna mug me i might Just want to make him first. Someone's beating up someone here. I'm on my turf.

A lot of cities, the downtown is the... The most vibrant part of the city, right. Until you go to the downtown, people go like, oh, and you see the downtown skyline of L.A. It's not necessarily, it doesn't have the same wow factor as a lot of other cities. But it has a charm to it, looking from a distance. And then you visit and you're like, ooh. It has potential. There's potential there.

Well, apparently it is one of the deadest downtowns in the entire country. Los Angeles is one of the most dead downtowns in the world. That is according to architecture firm Gensler's 2026 City Pulse report. Downtown L.A. was the 20th least vibrant city in the world and 11th most dead in the U.S. Downtown L.A.'s vibrancy dropped when a bunch of businesses left after the pandemic. Of course, the remaining restaurants and shops are struggling with fewer visitors. They also said that perception that downtown L.A. is unsafe contributes to its deadness. Yeah, but we spray painted that building.

Well, that's, I think, also why businesses don't want to move into that area, because if everyone's just tagging everything, they don't want to have a building, move everybody in there and then just have it be destroyed. So they're like, why don't we just move it to another area where it's least likely to have a bunch of crime around the building? The amount of tagging that went on that building in that short amount of time leads me to believe that the police don't give any F's when it comes down to people doing that sort of stuff. Well, it was like an organized effort because there were people that traveled from other countries just to tag that building. Which leads to my point. Can't you just stop it? I don't think they had enough people at once. I think there were so many.

And then they were, I think they did arrest some, but everyone was tagging. And then as soon as the cops showed up, they all scattered. It's like the ego. All the priorities, you know. Well, you would like to believe that that would be low on their list of priorities over anything else. But it seems like all the other things that, you know, we've needed them for, cars being stolen, break-ins. Yeah, they're not doing anything there either. Right, they're not doing that either.

So where are the priorities happening? Yeah, exactly. Tributes for Oliver Tree continued to pour in yesterday. This, you know, from many, many collaborators who all said he was a one-of-a-kind talent. His exes were even posting tributes, which really says a lot about you, I think, when your exes are saying nice things after you die. But in an interview he did a few weeks before he died, this is being shared everywhere. It is creepy to watch now because in this interview, he details his will at, you know, these guys in his early 30s talking about what's going to happen when he dies.

And it is sad to hear this, but it's also kind of beautiful because he did have a very interesting plan. When I die, I've set it up. My will is set up that when I pass my family, no one's going to get a penny. If I have a wife or kids or anything, not getting a penny, I'll get my kids through college. All the money is going to go back to artists. So I've set up a foundation.

It's called Dr. Oliver Tree's Art Grants for Baby Geniuses. And it's set up so that basically the interest generated from my music will take mostly that, but there's also room for other money because when I die, my art will continue to have residuals and probably be worth more than it is now. People will finally appreciate my stupid f***ing videos and my stupid f***ing songs. I have basically a committee that I've set up when I pass it. And I plan to do it while I'm alive. Basically, everyone will vote on who the money goes to each year and a few different people.

and it will be in the spirit of the Oliver G. Project. Pretty incredible that, you know, now that he's gone, this is already set up. The fact that he already set up this foundation, you know, before he passed away is pretty incredible. That's part of that video is that I think he's dressed like Shrek. Yes, he's painted green while he's saying all this. He's like, someone's going to appreciate my videos.

Yeah, he is an absolute weirdo, and I mean that in the best possible way. But as he's having this serious conversation about what will happen to him, he is sitting there painted green and dressed like Shrek. In most of the videos that you see, he's wearing some sort of a get-up or a costume or an ensemble or a ridiculous haircut. So he was an absolute one-of-one weirdo, and the world is less fun with that. We appreciate weirdos here on K-Round.

Less fun with that. We appreciate him. Not Miles. He yelled at me for playing his song twice yesterday. But how could you do that? How could you do that? Here is one of the stupidest things you've ever heard. Yes, the Knicks won the NBA championship after 53 years.

It's an incredible accomplishment. But unfortunately, a lot of people are more interested in the fact that Taylor Swift not only attended a finals game, but attended a playoff game as well. They're so obsessed with it that they have purchased one of the seats she was in during the playoffs. The Cleveland Cavaliers auctioned off a courtside seat that Taylor Swift sat in for Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals. And the chair sold for a final price of $7,000. The physical seat? The seat. They sold her chair.

Is somebody going to sniff that, or what are they doing there? Smart business move on their part because these things, I'm sure, cost, you know, 50 bucks to make or whatever, and they can just, anytime a celebrity sits down. And it's just a folding chair, right? Well, yeah, depending on, I guess, if they're courtside. Yeah, this is a courtside seat. It's just a folding chair. Folding seat.

So those are even probably less. You can buy folding chairs at Costco for, I think, less than $20. And how do you verify that, though? Do you think that they knew? I mean, at the end of the game, there's just somebody coming in and collecting the folding chairs. They're not saving the one that Taylor Swift sat in and going, hold on, pull that one off to the side. Someone's got to sniff it and auction it off later.

You don't think the Knicks could make an S-ton of money right now if they just went through that whole celebrity row of theirs and said, who wants to buy it? I saw somewhere where, who's Timothee Chalamet dating? Kylie Jenner. Kylie Jenner's seat is selling for like $1,700. That seat that she sat in. Right.

So these must be for chair sniffers. What are we doing? Because it's funny, no one's buying the Fat Joe chair. Is it creepy old men or is it women that are like, oh, my God, I'm obsessed? Creepy old men. Creepy old men. This is the chair sniffing community. Because, right, why would they not buy the Ben Stiller seed or the, you know, they don't want.

No one wants his farts. No one wants to smell Ben Stiller. There's one woman who's like, finally, Ben Stiller's chair. I find that to be very strange. Or is there one creepy old guy who's collecting the chairs of all these women? Oh, perhaps. This is my used chair room And I'll just go through

And I'll sniff And go down the runway No, no, no Don't sit down Don't sit down Please don't Those aren't for sniffing That's Kylie Jenner's fart seats

They're for sniffing He brings company over There's not enough seats At the table They're like You have a room full of chairs, sir There's a bunch of folding chairs Don't touch those

Don't touch those For sniffing I paid $7,000 for that chair Oh, man We are weird Yep, that's good, though It's good for some It makes money

For some people Yeah Get into a brand new hour Of the show right now And I believe it will be the greatest hour of your life. Here we go. In Pasadena, Los Angeles, Orange County.

The Sonic Pulse of Los Angeles. This is the world famous K-Rock. By the way, the chair alley is sitting in right now in the K-Rock studios. We're going to go ahead and start a speed auction. Currently start the bidding at $1, and we'll see what we get that up to. This thing came with a bunch of...

It doesn't go down. Came with a bunch of stains already, and there it is. You can see what it looks like. Looks like there's an indentation of my ass. Yep. So if whoever collects these chairs, maybe you want this one to your collection right now. We will go ahead and give that away.

This is probably some of my breakfast from days past. Great. Crumbs. Mystery stains that will never come out. This is a one-of-one, guys. One-of-one. Hey, you're on the phone. You want Allie's chair?

Hi. Hey, Allie. It's me. Long time. Get out of here. You're going to break the chair, you bitch. That's Fat Allie calling back twice in one day. It's unbelievable.

I wonder if people would want it more with Fat Alley or Skiddy Alley. I think no one would want it more. I mean, the chair deserves a raise, clearly, when Fat Alley reenters the studio. It's going to get a lower. If you would like to join us this hour, remember these numbers. You'll need them. 800-520-1067. We have lots and lots to get to this hour and lots to give you as well.

Giant TVs and giant piles of meat in your future. This is the theme for the hour as we get ready for Father's Day on Sunday. We'll be talking about your dadlutions. These are solutions to problems that dads came up with. either because of laziness or because maybe there's some secret genius to it where they don't believe in solving the problem the right way. They solve the problem the dad way. Well, you've, I'm sure, done this millions of times with your kids.

Of course. Of course. I can't think of any examples right now, but I do know in the time, like, when I solve a problem, I immediately am told by my wife that all I did was make the problem worse. And I said, I solved this problem. This is now something you can cross off that nonstop, never-ending list you have in your brain of things we have to deal with because it's been taken care of.

And it's been taken care of creatively. Right. I admire the creativity of dads solving problems. But you didn't get them a backpack. You just used duct tape and Ziploc bags. I'm like, yep, that's right. We solved it. It's that old Ikea bag.

It never stops becoming useful. So this hour, we will hear some stories about dadlutions, either that your dad used on you or that you as a father used. And someone will leave here with a giant 75-inch TCL TV sound bar and $100 to buy all that meat, beer, and ammo. 562 said they'll buy my chair for $100. bucks well that's probably going to be a winning bid right there they're legitimate so get ready for your chair it's kroq time for us to solve some of the internet's biggest riddles internet design two reasons and two reasons only clickbait masturbate we can only do one of them on the radio it's time for clickbait

a lot of these things you know they force you to you must click you need answers your brain must get the answers and according to the internet this week there is one thing that you should be doing if you are nervous about going on a first date and one thing you can do to instantly calm your nerves before you go on that date and now this is backed by research science and this has just been released in the last 24 hours ali what do you think it is i think before you go on a date you need to eat even if you're going to dinner i don't think you should go on a first date hungry just like you shouldn't go to a grocery store when you're starving because you're not going to make good decisions and you're just going to make an ass out of your choices you got to eat a decent

meal before you go out so that you don't act a fool and focus more on the eating part than the date part a lot of people think to themselves i'm not going to eat anything i got a i got a date coming up it's going to cost me money anyway i might as well just eat there but the idea that you go in already full means you can focus on more important things exactly and then you're not worried about the menu you're not thinking about uh what do i want to order because that part is already done as jake said that way you can put all your energy on uh knocking the back out that poo nanny right jake that's the point you can't do that if you're thinking about uh or a mozzie sticks the whole time and when you're hungry you just do dumb stuff he's gonna make

Now he says eat. Eat before the date. Jake, I know that you are. He has a pre-date ritual. Single? What is this? Oh, he dumps out. Nervous poops.

Yeah, what do you do? You do a couple different things, don't you? I'm just so lucky to have one. I don't know if I have a ritual. I thought you said you would, like, drink one beer, poop. He has the shower beer. That's just every day. Oh, okay.

That's just a normal day. That's a pre-day ritual, not date. Got it. What do you think it is, Jake? I do think it's having, like, a shot, like a shot of a tequila or whatever just to get loose and, like, you know, comfortable and willing to share or whatever else. Make sure you smell like whiskey when you meet her. Yeah, I can see why that would be potentially a red flag. You show up and the person that you're meeting for the first time already smells of booze, but I guess—

It's a shot. No, I know. That's the thing you can tell that person. It was just a shot. But if they give you a hug or whatever— Wait, are we prude? And they go, I'm just saying I could see why that would be potentially. I mean, they showed up stinking like whiskey.

Yeah, I know. You've got to make sure that you brush your teeth or something to make sure. You've got to go with something like Vodky. It doesn't smell too. Yeah, I know. Omar, this is the pre-date ritual that should keep you from being too nervous if you've got those pre-date, first date jitters. Now, is this pertaining to both men and ladies? Yes.

Same thing, huh? Because I was going to say masturbating for dudes. I mean, that'll put you right at ease. And then, you know, you kind of bleed the lines and then you aren't going to be over sexified. You know what I mean? They cancel the date altogether. You got that out of the chamber. I'm thinking that's going to be it for the ladies, though.

So I'm just going to go with, yeah, you just got to dump out before the date. I think if you dump out, you're going to feel a little lighter, a little looser. And, yeah, you're just going to have generally a better time. How do you do that? How do you just control when you do it? Omar says dump out. Ali says eat before. And Jake says shot of vodka.

You should have gone with your original gut, Omar, because according to this new research, masturbating, it calms the nerves, slows down the thought process as you become aroused. The brain releases dopamine and endorphins, which give you the I've got this motivation and confident energy. And I don't know, to be completely honest. You think ladies are doing that? As you're putting away the lotion and Kleenex box, you go, I got this. Obviously, there was that iconic scene from something about Mary where that was like a

known thing and that was uh you know ben stiller i'm gonna buy his chair now because that's yeah nice but if the thought would be right are they talking about to completion or are they talking about like no absolutely completion you don't think they're talking about edging yourself yeah you would be a weirdo completely jacked the entire date you want to go all the way so that you're calm i guess if you give off those vibes of i don't really care at all if there's anything that happens, those vibes are probably much more... I already had sex with myself. I don't need you.

You should see what I'm doing in the parking lot. I'm about to back out my boon on you. No, no, no, no, no. Moving on. And apparently that is for both genders. Oh, cool. I would never think to do that before a date. Right. You just

think about it while you're driving home. Yep. Which is very different. Alright, moving on. Next one. Bye. A new study reveals this is now the sweet spot The amount of sleep you should be getting for healthy aging. Now, it does feel like every week, yes, there is a new report about how much sleep you should be getting. And it constantly seems like it's shifting. Oh, the sweet spot is eight hours.

Anything less is no good. Oh, you don't want to get more than this or too much. Then it was like 6.8 hours. Right. Everything's been shifting. But I guess they're focusing now on if you want to age in a healthy way, whatever the hell that means, this is how much sleep you really should be getting. There's a new sweet spot.

It's a slight range, but somewhere between these numbers, that's what you should be getting every night. Anything less or anything more is killing you. It's got to be between. That's not a sweet spot. That is a problem spot. Between 6 1⁄2 and 7 1⁄2. All right, Allie says 6 1⁄2 to 7 1⁄2 is her number. DJ Omar Khan, who, by the way, lives most of his life on four hours of sleep.

Yeah, yeah, four to five for sure. I'm going to say that I think for a long time we've been hearing, you know, anywhere between like seven and eight. But I think if you want to live longer or age healthy, we're going to go another extra hour. I'm going to say nine. Wow. Nine is a lot. It is. Jake the Nerd.

Twelve. Spends most of his day. That's Jake's day. That's how you age. Perfectly. Listen, I saw Jake's driver's license picture from when he first came to L.A. over 20 years ago. He looks almost the same in the face, which is incredible. Well, he does 12 hours collectively.

Yes, not in one long stretch. Yeah, he does one long nap and then one long sleep. Right, he'll do like a six-hour nap and a six-hour sleep or something like that, which is incredible. How lucky. All right, no one's, well, Ali, you know what? You are the closest because the optimal sleep range, they say, if you want to actually age in a healthy way, is between 6.4 and 7.8 hours per night in one long stretch. So not even eight hours.

Do not split it up. Anything over that, bad. But the magic number is somewhere between that 6.4 and 7.8. Some people can sleep for so long. You know, Sluggo was telling me he slept for a full 24 hours once. That's incredible. He slept a whole day. That's incredible.

But I feel like, I can't tell if that does more. What drugs was he, I mean, he was probably up for a week, though. Yeah, he probably was. But he's like, yeah, go back to bed. I do remember, like, after, like, a long trip to Vegas where you, if you didn't have anything you had to do and you didn't have any kids to take care of,

there was the ability to kind of do that. I'm just going to sleep. I'll see you in a couple of days. That was a great recovery period. I don't know if I've ever done that. If I did, it was because I was

intensely hungover. Last one. Here we go. Just click, babe. The most successful people in the world are willing to do this one extremely

uncomfortable thing. If you want to be one of the most successful people in the world, you have to do this incredibly uncomfortable thing? It's probably workout as soon as you wake

up. Like something active. Workout first thing in the morning? Yeah. Okay. If you want to be one of the world's most successful people, you must be willing to do this extremely uncomfortable thing, according to an expert. Jake the Nerd. How about speak in front of people?

You have to be able to confidently speak in front of people. Omar Khan. I'm going to go with um you have to have the ability to ask people for help i think most successful people aren't afraid of knowing that they're not good at whatever part of uh you know their goal is they can delegate right exactly so they ask for help and they have no ego ego you know um uh pertaining to whatever matter they're trying to accomplish when i saw this clickbait and it said

the most successful people are willing to do this uncomfortable thing ask someone's name if they forgot it i assumed it was you had to service that person with your mouth and one of the music and i go that sounds incredibly it's uncomfortable to get on your knees for that long but uh apparently that's right you have to say no to good opportunities whereas if any of us get any opportunity for anything we're like yep yep yep yep and apparently the real they have to stay their course right they got to say like hold on this is a good opportunity and maybe it's a little bit more money right now but does it put me towards the way i want to go if my if my goal is world domination and i got this opportunity over here that seems fun it's going to pay me a nice paycheck

but it's not going to put me towards my goal of world domination so i sort of said no to my radio job so that i could stay the course and be a famous actress yeah that would have not worked out you could have still been working at that doll cafe serving dolls lemonade i say no to these amazing opportunities when we get back from this quick but that's why you're that's why you are in the middle that's why you're meeting oh yeah i settled you settled proud of it i don't have the confidence you're a show of settlers and you have found your people if you would like to join us and win yourself a giant tv for you or the father in your life and a bunch of money to spend on meat booze bacon whatever now is the time to call us with your stories about dadlutions solutions that

only dads could come up with to real world problems 800-520-1067 we'll take those calls next there are solutions to problems and then there are dadlutions to problems sometimes better and sometimes far worse and sometimes the words are even worse than dadlutions it was tough we did spend way too long coming up with something better and that's uh then we decided let's just go back to that it makes no sense and vanessa still can't pronounce it it's time for the father of all giveaways the father of all giveaways you will take your calls at 800-520-1067 and what will someone win right now ali here on k rock well you could win a 75 inch tcl L, hold on a minute, where's my paper, where's my paper, TCL QM7L TV, and a TCL Q7 5H sound

bar, and a Vons Albertsons Pavilions gift card for all your grilling needs. So everything you could possibly need to make this the most epic Father's Day ever, that TV will be there so you can ignore your kids and family for the foreseeable future, or maybe they gather around, you all watch a movie together. Think of all that sports, all the Dodgers, all the football you can watch on that amazing TV. World Cup action as well. It's just unbelievable. You read the specs of these TVs, and they're like, it has over 2,500 dimming features.

Like, that's so many dimming levels. It's unbelievable. We were inspired for this topic during a recent petty claims court on the show when we did hear from a mother that was complaining that she didn't like the way that the dad dressed their kids for school. And that's when we learned this. It was a real dadlution. I wear mittens, and it's hot. Oh, she's wearing mittens today?

I told her I complained that it's cold in the morning, so I bought her some mittens. These are such guy solutions. So she said she was cold, and so you sent her to school in mittens? Gloves? Yes. That's a real dad-lution right there. She's chilly. Let's just give her mittens, and she can wear them to school.

We say good morning now to Mary on KROQ 800-520-1067. Got to give this TV to someone. Might as well be you. What's up, Mary? Hi, good morning, everybody. Shout out to NetBanger. Nice. Shout out, NetBanger.

What was your dadlution? So a few years ago, I got hit by a car. So anytime I was in a vehicle, I would get extreme anxiety from being near, like, any other cars or being on the road. But I needed to get to my doctor's appointments and physical therapy. So my dad had the bright idea of blindfolding me anytime we were on the road. but he didn't even think about how that would look to everybody else. So we would get the craziest looks, he said. And I think the most concerning part was that nobody ever even bothered to call the cops.

Yeah, no one even pulled you over. Yeah, I could have been kidnapped. Right, so his plan was, right, rather than you just close your eyes and put on sunglasses like a normal person, we're going to put a blindfold on you, and you're going to sit there so you're not freaked out by cars, right? Exactly. And was this while you were in the passenger seat or the driver's seat?

No, I was in the back. Oh, in the back. Oh, my God. I had a broken leg. I was in the trunk. Man, even more of a, that's such a funny dadlution right there. I got a solution. I'm going to blindfold you.

Makes sense in a dad's mind to go, well, you can't be afraid of the cars if you can't see them. Right. I get that. I understand that thought process right there. We say good morning to Anthony now as we are celebrating some of the fine dadlutions that you've either come up with or grew up with. What's up, Anthony? uh yeah when i was younger i broke my arm and my dad took a broom handle and layered it like uh measure it out to my arm put it down there and i taped my arm and said all

right you're good to go nice so rather than go get you professionally checked out by i don't know urgent care a hospital er whatever he says i can go ahead and solve this broken arm and it was part of a broomstick and tape yeah and then you know like when my mom came home she asked like what happened he's like i was i didn't want to interrupt my football game so i just did a temporary fix yeah broom has so many functions for a dad other than sweeping temporary fix be a weapon and did you immediately have to go get that looked at professionally or did that actually heal your arm no i ended up getting a cast you know a few hours later but when the mom came home and said what the f are you doing let's go to the hospital what the people at the hospital thought

when he walks in with a broom taped to his arm and the dad was probably like yeah he's good right Hey, we're just here as a formality. No, you need to be x-rayed. You can sit over there with all the other broom arm kids that the fathers also thought they solved the problem at home. Hey, Kim on KROQ, good morning. Hi. Hey, good morning. What is your dadlution that you experienced growing up?

When I was either in kindergarten or first grade, I was, like, really skinny. So I got a note sent home from my teacher that my pants were constantly falling down. So my dad's solution to that was he put duct tape instead of buying me a belt. and he decided to tape the duct tape around the pants to cinch them around your waist better yeah so he put it around the waist but he had the first day with a flaw

because I couldn't take it down you had to break the tape to pee first day you had an accident there that's an early lesson that women learn about it's very hard to take off outfits when you have to go to the bathroom yeah all these solutions would warrant a phone call from child protective services every single one of them

But, by the way, every dad probably thought, huh, I am a genius. Well, boom, problem solved. She wants me to go out and buy belts, spend belt money? I got a million belts right here in this roll of duct tape. And dads think that they can fix everything with tape. I mean, duct tape is so strong. Don't you mount TVs with duct tape? Well, here's the thing.

I have mounted. It's not duct tape. I've mounted TVs with double-sided adhesive before. Oh, sorry, worse tape. But an even worse dadlution solution that my wife had given me the task. My kid bought one of those stupid malaria nets to put around her bed. What? Not malaria.

I mean, they're not for malaria, but they're, you know, one of those, like, princess. Like a little fancy princess net. Like a princess net. She wanted to have a net around her bed, like a net, you know? So you can't see me use my iPad and buy all your Roblox. Because I'm a princess. This is much younger. This is when we were transferring her from the crib to a bed, and she wanted to feel a little secure.

And my wife said, can you figure out how to put this net up around her bed? And I said, you know, to keep the malaria out. And she goes, what? And I go, well, I don't know. I think that's why you bought this thing. And apparently you're supposed to find a stud in the ceiling and drill in. I wasn't going to deal with all that. So I just realized that with 10 Band-Aids, I could tape the top of the hook part to the ceiling.

You didn't even use actual tape? No, because I thought it would rip apart. I thought it would rip off the paint on the ceiling. So I just used, at first I used three Band-Aids, but it wasn't enough to hold it. And then I just kept adding Band-Aids. Was it the flex waterproof ones? Yeah, 10 was the number. Two.

Yeah, yeah. So it kept, but then she finally won. One time, I was laying in bed with my daughter reading a book, and she looked up, and she's like, did you attach this to the ceiling using a bunch of Band-Aids? I'm like, you sure did. They don't even match the ceiling. It's so obvious. Yeah, it was very obvious that I'd use Band-Aids.

And then, yes, Ali's right. Once there was a little pressure. Once she rolled over just a little bit, the whole thing came down. But it lasted for weeks, so I feel like I still did my job. Hi, Octavio. Welcome to Dadlutions on KROQ. What's up? Hey, guys.

Good morning. What does your dad do? What do you do? So my kids wanted to take some Lunchables to school because all the kids had Lunchables. I said, I got something better for you. I got Dadables. I had some old crackers in the fridge. I had some old crackers in the pantry.

Some cheese. Cut up some ham. Threw some jalapenos on them. And we called them Dadables. We still use them today. So you save all that Lunchable money by making Dadables. and the major difference is you put sliced jalapenos in there. Everything else seems like the same ingredients.

Whatever you want to throw in it, we got it. I like that you also said you had old crackers in the pantry and old crackers in the fridge. Yeah, everything's old. It's just all old. Can we just get a lunchable? Old crackers in both places. No, no, we got all these old crackers all over the house.

Everywhere as far as the eye can see, old crackers. Matthew, good morning. It's time to talk about Dadlution. Someone's going to leave here with a giant brand-new TV, a bunch of money to spend on meat, beer, get you ready for all things Father's Day. What is it that's going on with your dad, Lucian? Hey, good morning.

Yeah, mine is actually fixed. My daughter's toilet was dental floss. I was visiting two years ago, and the chain broke. We're up in the middle of nowhere. She lives in the boondocks. We're having some dental floss, but the plunger works. Wow, that's incredible. Something to see.

Well, every once in a while, you just need a guy like this that has one that actually holds and survives. And then you go, all right, all of the duct tape pants on moves seem like at least they came from a good intention place. The fact that he was able to tie the dental floss. That's just tying a knot. That's not that impressive. Yeah, but you're doing it with a toilet. I mean, that's like proper toilet repair, especially that can, they can charge you like hundreds of dollars for fixes like that. And it is like cost no money.

Kelly, what happened to you? Hey guys, what's up? So I am what you call or what is known as Pigeon Toad, and I wore my shoes out faster than my sister when we were younger. And instead of buying me new shoes because my sister's shoes were still good, my dad super glued the soles of my shoes back onto the shoe until my sister's shoes were worn out and ready to give both a new pair. Once again, that's a great dadlution right there. Yeah, for your Pigeon Toad kid. All you need is some, you can do a lot. A lot of problems solved, Dad Lucian style, with crazy glue.

If you think about it. Oh, yeah. I think glue and duct tape is solving most problems for dads. All right, Felipe, we give you the phone. We have to make a decision, Ali. Someone's got to leave here with a brand new TV. Felipe, go ahead. You're on KROQ.

Hi. Hey, sweet dudes, guys. When I was younger, maybe around seven, I was hit by a car. My dad's Lucian was to pick me up from the fetal position, take me to my aunt's house, stretch me out on the couch, and wait. And wait for what? If your heart doesn't stop in two days, he's fine. That's about what it was.

Yeah. But I think moms have the answer. A lot of times moms go, immediately, let's go to the ER. Better safe than sorry. Yeah, I know. And that's what people want. They want to go through the proper protocols to make sure that nothing was missed. They want peace of mind.

Dads really don't need peace of mind. No. It's just how do we solve something quickly and affordably. So that I can move on to the next thing. In that Nate Bregazzi movie that's out, the wife leaves town for a while, so he's home, and the kids are trying to figure out why they keep smelling like their mother, and then they realize that the guy got so sick of doing laundry that he would just spray the mom's perfume on the pile of dirty clothes

and kind of mix them around. That was the solution of doing laundry. I mean, it works for a little while. Usually these are all temporary solutions. They are. All right, we've got to decide. TV to give away. Thank you for all the calls.

Thank you, everyone, for participating. Once again, a TV a day, every day this week for Father's Day. Come back and announce the winner. Give that thing away next on KROQ. The father of all giveaways. Giant TVs every single day this week. Giant piles of meat. That's our way of saying happy early Father's Day.

And, Ali, it's time for us to now give away today's TV. We battled this out off the air and looked at the text line. And listen, there's a lot more people on the phone. I wish we could get to all of these, including the dad who dug a hole in the backyard and put a tarp there because the kids wanted a pool. Oh, my God. That's a great cheap solution. Pools are so expensive. Mike says he had a twin brother.

He was supposed to win an award, but he couldn't. So his dad had his twin brother show up and accept the award. That's a great dadlution right there. Anyway, there's a bunch of different ones on here, including dads who use superglue to heal wounds. etc but listen after hearing all the stories the greatest dad lucian we heard so far today was kim whose pants were too big and her dad decided to use duct tape instead of buying her a belt and then she peed herself at school because she couldn't take the duct tape off and kim this happened many years ago you still seem a little traumatized by it but as a result you

want a giant tv for your dad yay thank you but i do want to say that he did um find a solution so So the next day I went, he only wrapped it around once and showed me how to take it off. So I did it to myself. The second solution was still not a belt? It was just differently used duct tape? Less duct tape. Yeah. First time probably went through half a roll.

Second time, he's like, hold on. Let me show you how to take the duct tape off and then put it back on. So here's the thing now. You've technically won this TV, but will you be keeping it or will you be giving it to your dad? No, I'm giving it to my dad. Oh, that's so nice of you. That's good stuff right there. And he'll mount it himself, I'm sure.

Beautiful moment. Hold on one second. Kim, thanks for sharing the story. Enjoy your giant brand-new TV. Your dad, I'm sure, will greatly appreciate it. We've got to take ourselves a quick break. We've got the ADD News to get to in a moment. It's a brand-new hour of the show.

And in less than 20 minutes, we need your name to put on this list so we can send you to Montreal, Canada to see some Evanescence, plus tickets to see them right here at the Kia Forum in July. So a couple of chances to win those coming up, including in less than 17 minutes right here on KROQ. In about five minutes, we get your name on this list so that you can be a part of KROQ's Road Trip USA. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer.

You're going to start having that FOMO. You look at your friend's Instagram and you realize, why is everyone doing something and I'm not? Let's go ahead and get you to Montreal to see Evanescence and give you tickets to see them right here in July at the Kia Forum. That will all be coming up the second Ali's done with this. Your news. Grab your Adderall.

It's time for ADD News. Some things you read and make you feel like the end of the world is just around the corner. The tides along California coast have been insane lately. Another person lost their life off the coast of Santa Cruz. One was just sleeping on the beach, and she was swept away. They're even worried that some people's homes are going to start flooding because the waves are so high that they're crashing over those protective walls that are supposed to keep the waves from hitting the house.

What are they calling these waves? There's some name for them. King, King Wave? Yeah, King Waves. I don't even know. King Tides. Oh, King Tides. King Tides.

That seems intense. I know, it sounds like a college football team. How long has that been going for? And I know that usually this... Well, this is the biggest ties they've had in this area in years. Unbelievable. In these 20-foot waves, it's been insane. But even more worried are some people who are afraid of earthquakes

because now they are revealing a new report saying that the big one is closer than ever. Stress on the San Andreas Fault line has reached its highest levels in 1,000 years. That was a big one. Yeah, stress, I guess, normally releases with these large earthquakes, but we haven't had any large earthquakes, so it's been building for the past 160 years. That's how long it's been since the last, quote, major rupture, and they said the fault system is in a, quote, critically loaded state. Oh, boy. Can't we just lube it up or something, put some WD-40 down there?

That's a great idea. Doesn't matter. We need a dadlution now. That big bottle of KY I stole from the OBGYN's office. Here we go. Solved that problem. Put a couple of Band-Aids on that fault. Yeah, done and done.

It's going to be a big earthquake or a fat alley. If I needed 10 Band-Aids to hang a net for my kid's ceiling, how many Band-Aids would I need to solve a fault? I think just a couple of Costco trips with Band-Aids and you're good. But here's the thing, because there are certain days here, like we had all these earthquake swarms recently, right, where they would say something. I know they weren't big ones, but they were all like three and under.

But there were certain days where they would say like nine earthquakes hit, you know areas like Rancho and it was all across too isn't that doesn't that let some of the pressure out I thought that was part of the deal I don't think enough because that's what they're saying is we need a big big earthquake to release the pressure well these little

ones don't do enough so what they're saying now is it's something like we're a thousand years was it a thousand years overdue or something I saw it come seeing the number a thousand think about yourself when you actually get to have sex versus just pleasuring yourself that's like a mini version of what you really

want, right? So you can't do that forever because you're still going to go insane. You have to have the real thing sometimes. That's the only comparison I can think of. Right, I guess that's about right. And like, Jake, when you were all pent up for almost as long as the fault is, but I'm saying, now you've had

sex in the last couple weeks, but when you were going on that year-long drought. Oh my God, he was in the worst mood. Right, the terrible mood. And he was all ornery the whole time and grumpy. Shut up. Then he finally released and the whole shack went shaking. So I get it. This is scary times if you're one of these people that's afraid of the big one.

True. Now's the time. The big one is a coming. For people with realistic fears like waves, tsunamis, earthquakes, fires, yeah, now's not a great time for you. It's unsettling to hear IVF oopsie stories considering I just got pregnant through IVF. And this couple had given birth to a baby that was conceived through IVF. This is a big story. The couple is now suing the IVF clinic because the baby was born a totally different race.

both of the parents were white so the embryo should have that they gave birth to should have been a white baby but that was not the case when the baby came out then they were able to eventually prove through a genetic test that the baby was not genetically connected to them it was a real switcheroo oopsie wrong embryo scenario so now they're suing the clinic but also decided they're keeping the baby even though they found the biological parents the other couple that created a different embryo they're just going to keep the baby and say hey you know what this baby grew inside of me. We feel connected to the baby. Baby's got a white girl name, but

that's her life now. Also, it makes you instantly cooler if you're two white people. Totally. Oh, my God. So much street cred. Dude, yeah. It's like, what? That's a great story. This is my baby. Everything, yeah. How did it happen? Don't ask. I'm going to make millions of dollars off of it. Because, you know, every single person

they meet is, like, going, like, hold on. I'm trying to figure this out. Because she was pregnant. So instantly, there's a thought of, like, she got impregnated by someone. There's got to be a thought of, like, Yeah. Someone else, you know, that was one of the... You think that that would be pretty extreme cheating, that you would get an embryo made with the person you're cheating with?

I'm saying the average person wouldn't think that. The average person is going to say, I saw her pregnant, because she's the one carrying the baby, right? Yes. So they saw her pregnant, and all of a sudden, this kid pops out, and he's a different shade than the dad? Right, so the rumor is, yeah, she must have cheated or something, and they're like, no, no, it was an IVF switch, and they're like, okay.

Every single one of her black friends immediately is under suspicion, right? Like, immediately. Even if that's not what happened at all. He's like, I'm gay. Dude, I wish that there could be a little switch just so I could make some money. Well, listen, it's one of those stories. This baby is now neither part either of them. Is that right?

No, it belongs to a totally different couple. Crazy. But the IVF clinic switched the embryo. So it's a different couple that was doing IVF. It's their embryo. So I wonder if the black couple has their baby. Well, they, I don't know what happened with them. I don't think they completely switched.

I don't even know if the other couple has gone through their IVF cycle yet, but it was somebody else's embryo. But, I mean, those things are microscopic. When they put mine in, they have to then go to another room, take a microscope, and make sure the thing even went in. And then they make a phone call going, all clear. Wouldn't the people who lost the embryo have dibs on the baby now? Because I know now it's been grown to a full-size baby, but wouldn't they say, hold on, that's our embryo? Yeah, I mean, I would imagine you have to get an okay from them going, hey, is it cool that we are in possession of your baby? I mean, to them, I guess they're less connected to it because they didn't grow the thing themselves.

But it is their embryo. It's their genetics. What if the wife was just going in because this is the only way, but now they've got a free surrogate? Yeah. You know? Yeah, take that off. She doesn't have to get pregnant and go through all that stuff. Just hand it over.

I'll just take that one. That was easy. When do you find out what you have going on inside of you? Because I know that you said your levels were doubling and tripling too quickly. And either you could be, this could be one of those weird situations. I didn't even know this. When Allie told us that she has potential for twins, I didn't know you came from, you have two sets of identical twins in your family. Well, my dad is a twin, and then I have two sets of twins on my mom's side as well.

So there's twins all over the place. Both natural and IVF, a lot of different methods, but a lot of twins for sure. And then you're more likely to have twins when you're older. And also with IVF, I looked it up. There's like a 1% to 3% chance that I have twins in me right now. But they did say that my levels were going higher, you know, than a normal person. And if you look at Allie next to her sister, Allie does look like the Danny DeVito of that kind of twin set right there. Right.

But I'm still the bigger one. Yeah, you are. But next Friday is my ultrasound. Oh, that's today. My first ultrasound, yeah. Mark your calendars. SpaceX is the biggest business headline of the week. The stock has grown over 50% since it started trading,

which only been on the market two days. But that's not the only exciting thing going on. If you missed the train on SpaceX, you can get in on Ice Cube's Big 3 Basketball League. Ice Cube announced that he plans to take his three-on-three basketball league public. And the estimated value of that company is $290 million. So if you want to get in on that, you will have the opportunity. The other big business headline is another big company has sold Pizza Hut. sold for $2.7 billion to a private equity firm.

And they were happy to sell because, obviously, they could never live up to Domino's glory. Just so you know, Ali, SpaceX currently is up $50 today alone. No, it's not. I've been watching it. It's not up $50. I'm looking at it right now. No, it's not. $211.23 right now.

Okay, well, I wanted to let you know that I did end up buying some. Ali was iced out of the SpaceX. But the good news is there's plenty of space for you in the Pizza Hut merger. So we got room for you there. And I might invest in this three-on-three basketball. Great. I'm sure that was a well-threaded. That's exciting.

We get into a brand new hour of the show right now. Looking for caller 20 at 800-520-1067. Let's go. This is the world famous K-Rock. Hell yeah. Welcome to your K-Rock. Good morning, Klein Alley Show. Perhaps your first day listening.

You don't even want to be listening. You're just in the back of a ride share right now, and you're questioning your driver's taste, and what's that weird smell? Well, anyway, I'm Klein. There's Alley. Hi. That is DJ Omar Khan right there.

You know him as Jake the Nerd. And then in the back, taking those calls, in the room known as the Chicken Coop, you got producer Vanessa and postmaster Johnny, 800-520-1067. If you call at 20 right now, we add your name to a list. It's a good list. Usually when your name goes on a list, it's never a good thing. Here it is a very good thing because we could send you to Montreal, Canada to see Evanescence. And we give you tickets to see them at the Kia Forum for a show that is coming up on July 18th.

So that is in your future. A lot of people are excited now. A lot of people are leaving messages on the GOAT line for a variety of reasons. And you can hear everyone's just got that summer attitude, which is a much better attitude to have. Hey, guys. I'm here with my wife at a Las Vegas Pride event. This message is for Vanessa. Are you gay or are you straight?

I don't know. That's just a gay couple checking in from Vegas Pride. I don't know why we're not sending Vanessa to all the prides. But if you are at any of the prides happening this month, you can just go ahead and start talking to people and do your best Vanessa impression and send us the audio on the goat line like this fine lesbian couple. That's Vanessa from the depths of hell. I really do feel Vanessa has reinvigorated pride because I have not gone to the pride celebrations that were happening locally. But it makes me so excited to hear her appearance and to get excited through her about pride. And I would be happy to continue contributing to her going to every Pride event, not even nationwide, worldwide.

Oh, yeah. I don't think my liver can do it, guys. You can do it, Vanessa. You're young. You're fine. I think my body's saying, girl, you shouldn't drink. You're poisoning your body. No, no, no.

Go against that voice. Go to the louder voice. It's okay. It's straight. I don't know. See? This hunts me. It hunts you?

Yeah. I love it. I freaking love it. Do you think Vanessa even knows? Vanessa, is this you or is this someone trying to be you? I don't know. Is that the answer or is that the question? I know that's not me.

That one's not you. But there's so many people doing their Vanessa impressions on the goat line right now. Omar, do you have the one where she's trying to hit on the bi guy? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get that right here. This is my favorite. This is the most uncomfortable, weird moment ever. and this was at the end

of one of her gay or nay chats and it's just a nice friendly reminder that Vanessa's bringing the pride back to pride. Okay, bye. Okay, bye. Bye.

Bye. Am I cute or am I not cute? It's okay if I'm not cute. Yeah. No, you are cute. Okay, I'm cute. After I force you. Thank you.

It's okay if I'm not. The part of the clip that is the best part actually sadly is cut out of what Omar just played because here's what's happening there because I heard the whole thing in its entirety and Vanessa says to this guy at the end of the chat are you gay or are you straight and he says bye and her response is bye yeah and so he's answering the question because he obviously

identifies as bye and Vanessa assumes that it's his way of saying all right we're done chatting goodbye so then when he says bye that's where Vanessa picks up with her bye so it's great because it's a total misunderstanding anyway. But then she still kind of hits on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is great. Well, she's got a 50% chance, I guess. All right, we've stalled long enough, and we say hi now to our 20th caller,

which puts us in Chatsworth. Good morning, Allison. Hey. Good news for you. Your name is going to the list. You will be seeing Evanescence for sure at the Kia Forum July 18th, and if we call you back on Monday,

pack your bags. You're going to see them again in Montreal, Canada, all right? Awesome. Thanks, guys. You're very welcome. Thanks for starting your day with us here on KROQ. this is Papa Roach and then we will, I'll give you a guess Allie, it could be any Papa Roach song

what do you think it is? God, you know, anything but Last Resort Allie's going to lock in on anything other than Last Resort, well once again Allie, you are wrong Mayrock, we are Klein Allie's show, in a moment we're going to meet another possible employee of the month for the month of June people making the news for going above and beyond

their job duties and here's some previous nominees for employees of the month the ringleader of a makeshift child fight club She was running a daycare, and she turned into a fight club for children. She was, I believe, nominated, but not the winner of our Employee of the Month Award here at KROQ. Everyone needs a side hustle. Then there was this one recently.

The teacher won't be returning to the classroom in Lee County Public Schools. Police say that Jennifer Jennison showed up to Fort Myers Middle School with a blood alcohol level four times the legal limit. You know, we do search for employees all over the country and all over the world, but we do have a nominee to bring you from Pasadena. A local employee that we will get into for Employee of the Month in just a moment. But first, I want to say hi to Marcelo, who's been hanging out on the phones this morning at 800-520-1067. What's up, Marcelo? Hey, I just wanted to throw a person's name in there. Sunday, June 14th, I was at Tower 58 in Newport Beach with my 12-year-old son and one of his friends.

We were swimming. We were having a good time. Six-foot waves all of a sudden doubled onto 12-foot waves, pulled me and my son out past the jetty. i swallowed water i had a kid around my neck my son had fins on and has done junior guards before we're trying to get out of this riptide these two kids came from the shore and got to us so fast but i was done i was really i couldn't even get a breath to tell my son i love him one last time because uh i was drowning so um i just wanted to say to mason grasp of newport beach tower 58 thank you for saving all three of our lives it was the most terrifying thing i've ever experienced in 56 Six years.

And I just want to nominate him. Well, so let me get this straight. This past weekend, these waves we've been talking about, these king tides or whatever that have been happening, they took you down and you thought you were done, game over, and the lifeguards rushed in and saved you. Yeah, yeah, they did. I mean, I lost all.

I hit the bottom. I tried to shoot up, you know, because I felt the sand in my feet. I couldn't tell which way was up or down. I was in a tumble dryer just going. And it wasn't only pulling us out, it was pulling us under. You know, my friend's son wasn't an experienced swimmer, so I have a kid around my neck. I'm treading water, trying, and I told him, stay calm, float on your back. You know, this is what you do, and the lifeguards are on their way.

But these two young men got out there, and I'm a 200-pound, 6-foot-3 guy, and I got a 100-pound kid on my neck. And, you know, they saved all three of us, and it was incredible. It was terrifying but incredible what these lifeguards do. and I don't think they get enough credibility for their jobs, man. They are true heroes. Absolutely, especially because as a lifeguard, most of the time you're just sitting there looking at the ocean. That's a lot of whistle twirling.

Yes, but you have to be ready at any time for something to happen. The amount of concentration and patience and to be able to act in an emergency situation like that is absolutely incredible. Marcelo, did the guy Mason go mouth-to-mouth with you or no? No, no, it wasn't that bad. I mean, I did throw up some water and stuff, but he was swimming with me and a 100-pound kid. You know, there's 300 pounds this kid is towing.

The other lifeguard swam over with my son, which, you know, maybe 90 pounds, took the other boy. Then he swam in with two boys, and the other one swam in with me, and we swam in unison. Like, I was more than grateful. I wasn't talking about CPR. I was talking about out of appreciation. Oh, well, no.

I mean, after we had some drinks, we, you know. All right. then what happened congratulations thank you that's a real shout out that guy's actually nominating a local employee of the month who probably does deserve that award and to all the lifeguards that are out there saving lives on a daily basis uh we cannot thank you enough and to the bravery to go out there when when people are already drowning and say i can save these people and not drown myself i understand saving hot chicks on the beach that's why probably most lifeguards get into it a woman can't even get in the ocean anymore she gets rescued right

away see marcello out there you go yeah let the guy figure it out but good story but i don't know if that guy has what it takes to be the Employee of the Month when we tell you what someone in Pasadena was up to. Here we go. Employee of the Month. You are the best. Put everybody to the test, but you beat the rest. Employee of the Month.

How do you do it? How do you become the Employee of the Month? We go to Pasadena for our nominee for the month of June, Employee of the Month. Here we go. Shocking newly released video showing a Pasadena police officer being shot by a fellow officer. Tonight, the police chief is calling it a horseplay incident. Okay, now, there's something great about the word horseplay.

Lifeguard, schmifeguard. Let's talk about this. This is a cop that accidentally shot another cop during a little horseplay. A little, uh, just horseplay. Cops playing around with each other. Fun with guns. Fun with guns and the Pasadena Police Force. Here it is.

This is dash cam video from inside the Pasadena Police parking garage. Watch again as it all unfolds. You see a patrol car pulling up behind two officers standing by another vehicle. That's when one of those standing officers quickly draws his gun and points it at the officer in the vehicle. After a few seconds, he re-holsters the weapon. What you can't see is the chief says the officer in the driver's seat does the same thing, but that officer's gun goes off. The shot goes through the windshield and hits the shoulder of the other officer. This happened in September of last year.

The department just releasing that video today. The chief says the officer who was shot has recovered and disciplinary action has been taken. There you have it. Horse play leading to Employee of the Month nominee right there. For cop accidentally shooting other cop. The disciplinary action that is taking. Hey, don't shoot the other cop's cop car into his shoulder. I mean, it's unbelievable.

Anyway, get back out there. Because I'm sure they were playing some sort of, like they were pretending to pull each other over or whatever they were doing. I just think it's funny that the stick them up, just kidding joke is still a thing for adults. Congratulations. since Pasadena Police Officer nominated Employee of the Month, but to the real Employee of the Month, that lifeguard from Huntington Beach, thanks for saving the life of our listener. What was his name?

Officer Randy Hoppert. Randy Newman. Now, his name, I heard it was Mason. Mason, I don't forget the names of important lifeguards. Mason, the lifeguard. We've got to take ourselves a quick break. Back in a moment with more show after this. K-Rock.

K-Rock Klein Alley Show. When you get bad neighbors, it can really change everything. And I'm not just talking about in your apartment building or in your neighborhood or maybe you move to a new house so you don't really, you know, you know about the school district perhaps, you know about the street you're on, but you don't necessarily know what your neighbors are like next door. Also true on an airplane, right? You may have a long flight cross country and the person next to you could be a nobody,

a ghost, no one shows up, greatest thing ever. Everyone loves having a no neighbor situation. No neighbor is the best neighbor, except for in a house situation because an abandoned house can be a real weird situation. Well, Jake said the theory that living next to a cemetery is a great move and everyone kind of looks at that like I would never want to do that because it's weird and haunted and creepy that you're constantly, your backyard's full of dead people. Yeah, but it's always quiet. Always quiet until it's not and then you're freaked the F out because there's a lot of people there. I am convinced now, and I used to think that I was a good neighbor for a variety of reasons, primarily because, keep to myself.

You only steal from them. Don't you kill your neighbor's plants thing? You steal a desk from your other neighbor? Yeah, you stole a desk from your neighbor. Okay, first of all, they left it outside. I didn't realize they were in the process of moving. I thought it was a take a desk situation. But then when I saw the sign go...

Who even wants a desk? You're right. I didn't want it for me, but I thought I could grab it and use it maybe. This will make me look smart. And didn't you also let a homeless man just camp out in his van, like, right down the street? Well, a homeless man, I let him park his van in front of my house for a while because... Right. You don't do that. Well, I was going to rat him out, and then when I thought he was dead in there, I called the authorities.

but it was just a shoe. Were you supposed to neighborhood watch and you didn't? Oh, that's right. Good point, Jake. Yes. Your watch ended right when it began. I did miss my neighborhood watch and some break-ins happened during that time, supposedly.

But aside of all of these examples you're giving... You think you're a pretty good neighbor. I'm a pretty good neighbor. But now I'm rethinking that for the following reason. Over the past two months, I have had neighbors on both sides of me move and one neighbor across the street from me die oh and now i'm gonna become a ghost i have realized that uh yesterday as i saw moving trucks i don't get any sort of there's no conversation i

would think you would say something along you know i'm not friendly but friendly enough that you're walking the dog and you wave or you know something's out there there's enough waves back and forth you would think they would say something along the lines of hey just so you know we're moving and when you see the moving trucks pull up you just start going oh i guess i guess we're We're losing another one. Now, the first neighbor that moved about two months ago didn't know they were moving until they started packing their house up. And they said, we are moving and we're moving out of state. We've had enough of California and we're moving to Tennessee or something.

Maybe they're moving because of the crime in your area. I mean, everyone's getting robbed, right? So I go, all right, well, they're out. No big thing. And then you're also robbing them. Right. The woman, I'm not robbing them. I'm just not doing my part during the neighborhood watch.

So the robberies happened. The person who died, she was an old lady, lived by herself, and I can't take responsibility for that, but she did live directly across the street from me, and she died. Natural causes? Yeah, I mean, yes, she seemed old. She was one of these old people that would constantly be outside sweeping leaves up. She wasn't like, oh, my God, I have to have another conversation with this weirdo with a dog, and I smother myself with a pillow? Maybe she did that after. I did try because no one else really talked to her because she seemed lonely.

So I would be the one person that would attempt to engage her in conversation. So maybe she decided to end it. I don't know. Oh, man. Maybe she didn't like you, though. Yesterday, I'm convinced now that I am the bad neighbor because they are moving. And when I said, oh, you guys are moving. And they said, yeah.

And I said, oh, yeah. Where to? And they said, down the street. Oh, wow. They're just trying to get away from you. They are moving. and they're going through all of the hassle of moving just to be you do that though didn't you move like one mile away from where you live no but i'm not talking about one mile away i'm talking

about like they pointed to where they're moving and it's just like on the like it's it's on the same exact same street just further down not next to me yeah but if they're renting it's a better house maybe it has a pool or something something listen i i gotta tell omar once one time coincidence two times maybe coincidence three times now you've neighbors on the left and the right and in front all out i think it's your neck dude i think you look menacing now yeah you're absorbing the energy of the whole neighborhood yeah dude you're sucking the life out of that woman you're a you're a menace you're menacing it's not the neck at all and i know what you're thinking oh they ran out of they ran out of room because my neck is now encroaching on their

property lines as well that is not what is happening and i just feel like at some point don't you start going maybe are you thinking about the things that you do that are annoying as a neighbor? Like, do you have loud hobbies? I do want to say to this neighbor that's in the process of now moving to go down the street, I do want to say is it us? Because I think you should know that.

Do I walk around in my house naked? Yeah. Can they see that? I don't have curtains up and stuff. Is there like a fence that separates you or they could see from your window? No, they could see probably, but I don't think that they would. When are you doing this?

As soon as he gets home, he takes his pants off. Sometimes I take my pants off when I get home. My kids are at school still. Oh, but you're still wearing underwear. Oh. Yeah, sometimes I take the underwear off, depending on how hot it is. And then at night, usually after I take a shower, I walk around naked for a little bit until my wife gags.

That's when I know it's time for bed. That's when. Well, you have a dog. Yeah, and he does. Your dog is a yappy dog. He's not yappy. Dude, every time I call you, he's barking. He does get set off by things like trash trucks and people and leaves.

Any time you get audio from your house, the dog's barking. Yeah, so that could be it as well. There's things, but I just, you know, as someone who's lived next to bad neighbors, the last thing I ever want to do is be in the category of being a bad neighbor. So they're still in the process of moving. They haven't moved yet. They're still there. But they're still there, yes, but they are.

Yeah, I think it's a great idea. You should, you know, interview them and figure out if something happened and record it. If you can hear it over the dog barking. That should be impossible. I will, I'll ask, I mean, yesterday I was shocked when I pulled up and those moving trucks were there. It'd be like those one interviews. Like, what is it, those interviews after you leave a job? Oh, the exit interviews.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the part that sucks. Yeah, how good of a neighbor was I? That's a great thing. Yeah, and also now I run the risk, now that that house is going to be vacated, that I run the risk now of potentially new bad neighbors come in. You have to buy it. Buy all the houses so you don't have neighbors.

Oh, man, if only that was an option. 626 has a great theory. They probably heard your snoring from a mile away. We're keeping the whole neighborhood up all night long. Is that what it is? And they're like, he got a nose job. I think maybe it's going to stop, honey, and then maybe it doesn't. Or maybe they're all moving because they're like,

this neighbor with the thick neck is probably going to help. That's probably what it is. He's probably going to help us move. I thought you had less to lift things. Let's just move. I'm going to go bench press some couches today. That's pretty help right there. We get into some Father's Day card remixes next on KROQ.

Just a reminder that Father's Day is on Sundays, So if you feel like you should send cards to your dad and he does not live in Southern California, it's probably already too late, to be honest. You probably won't get them. But the good news is, I speak on behalf of dads everywhere. We don't care about cards. I mean, I think moms care more about cards. I think cards are a giant waste of time, a giant waste of money.

I care about homemade cards. My kids make my cards. They still make them. Yeah, they're awesome. I made my dad a homemade card like five years ago, and that's all he ever asks for. A homemade card as an adult? Yeah, I made one as a joke. I was like, oh, this will be funny because I was, like, broke.

Would you trace your hand? No, I made, like, a pop-up card. It had, like, you know, you opened it and things popped out. And I, like, spent real time on it. And he still talks about that card. Is there a check in there or a gift card or something? No, there was nothing. Nothing?

Just that? And he's like, just make me one of your cards again, honey. Oh, man. I was like, no, I'll just buy one. Get him on the lie detector test. There's no way he'd like that thing. He does. But, okay, so anyway, maybe some dads are sentimental and they like the idea of a homemade

card but for the most part the stuff they're selling it right you know walgreens or cvs or whatever there's an obligation to buy them because you feel like oh let's get something in the mail and let's be honest most dads have been whittled down to about four different hobbies includes fixing stuff golf uh i just realized yesterday that i've been given the same card four years in a row and it's been purchased every time and it's just got a toilet on the front of it which is sad that my family thinks the only hobby i have is going to the bathroom but that's the joke right is that you're always in the bathroom yeah but it's not a joke it's the reality it's the only place i get to myself it's my sanctuary isn't it sad that they look at a wall of cards and that's

the only one they think can relate to you yeah i know fishing is another one grilling is another one and i like grilling and all that i don't fish ever but i mean uh it'd be fun if one year they didn't look at the toilet and go get that one again another year of him on the toilet i'm also amazed the same card is available every single year i'm surprised i haven't got that card yeah Jake should get that every day of the year. So it's time for us to break down what we believe to be some of the least funny cards you could spend money on. These aren't cheap anymore. Some of these cards are over $10 now.

And you would think that the joke would at least be funny. And the part that is so effing frustrating is these things are probably making, I would imagine, hundreds of thousands of dollars per card. Some of these designs. They've been approved, printed, sold nationwide. And still, we can't get over how bad the jokes are. So we call this Greeting Card Remix, and here's the first one that we will share with you. It is a, I'll tell you, I'll describe what's on the card. You have to guess the terrible joke on the inside.

It's a giant fish that is jumping out of a lake, and it said when it comes to being a dad. That's what it says on the front of the card. So once again, it's a giant fish, green fish. I want to say maybe a bass. If I had to guess what type of fish that is, but I don't really know. Could be a trout. Not really sure. It's a horrible picture.

And it's got a googly eye. I should point out that as well. The fish has a googly eye. And it says, when it comes to being a dad. Then you open it up, and this is where you get the zinger that you paid $9 for. Okay. I think it's going to say, when it comes to being a dad, you're a real good one. Oh, they're making a real joke.

That's pretty bad. Yeah, of all the fish puns you can make, real. Like, I'm going to make a joke about the rod. It's pretty boring. You've got the thickest rod in town. That's something I would like to get that card. Okay. But you say real.

It's going to be a real joke. Yeah. Omar, this is, once again, big fish jumping out of a lake. Sure. When it comes to being a dad, and we've already decided dad jokes are the lowest level of jokes. Greeting card jokes are almost lower than that, so the combination of the two is just evil. What's the setup again? It's a fish jumping out of a lake, and it's a big green fish, and it says,

When it comes to being a dad. You deserve to catch a starfish tonight. Ew. Oh, like a butt sex joke. Yeah. It's funny. See, that's his dad's. Take a note.

The dad's love this stuff. And by the way, Jake got all upset because he goes, starfishes aren't in lakes. Then you can add just kidding, starfish aren't in lakes. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense at all. Forget about the butt stuff. These aren't even in lakes. All right, Jake, you've ruined that card. What do you think it says, Jacob, when it comes to being a dad?

You're the bast. Ew, that one's so bad. You're the bast. You're the bast. See, I thought it would be one of those lame-ass ones. Hope you get a star, Ferris. When it comes to being a dad, you take the bait, or one of those stupid ones. Yes.

You're a master baiter, maybe one of those. Oh, yeah, master bait joke would be good. But when you open up this card, and this is what you pay the nine bucks for, it says when it comes to being a dad, you totally kick bass. Happy Father's Day. Is that really what it says? Yes. I like you're the bass.

Yes, that's really what it says. You totally kick bass. Happy Father's Day. You're the bass. It's so better. It's actually kind of just animal abuse, really. Yeah, yeah. Well, anyway, that's that one you can buy.

We move on to the next one now. And now we all feel sad. And this one is maybe my least favorite joke so far. It's just got a mug of beer on the front of the car. Ah, cool. Men love beer. And the mug of beer looks like it has a white afro, but it's just a foam, and it's got a smiley face because you've got to humanize the thing. So it's a mug of beer with a smiley face, happy beer, and then it has a message when you open it up. Happy Father's Day on the front, but then you open it up, and there's the message in there.

So what is the hilarious pun that you get with the giant mug of happy beer on the front? unlike this beer, you can never have too much head. Great. It's great. Have a father's day. Very true. Very strange.

That's true and accurate. Strange card to get from a child, but maybe that's one of those wives to husband cards or something like that. All right. Omar, once again, just a big mug of beer on the front.

Sure. And what's the funny joke there that people are paying $6.95 for? You open it up and there's a picture of like some fit dude with a six-pack, but he's holding a six-pack of beer, and it says something. Here's a

six-pack for you, because this is the only way you're going to get it. Like, ah, you're digging on Dad. Dad's all fat. Fat Dad joke, fat Shane, love you. Yeah, Dad's going to have an early death because of his heart condition. Alright, Jake,

what is it? I hope he gets some starfish tonight. Oh, that's funny. That's right. That's not right. It's not? This one's pretty bad, and it is maybe the worst because with beer there's so many you know you could write you're the beerst

you're the beerst you could say that you could have like a DUI but then the UI is crossed out and a DAD is written in there oh yeah that'd be cute but instead it says to a this is pretty bad and I'm sure this is a card you could buy

to a beerliant dad oh my god it's even worse than what I came up with They turned the word beer into brilliant, and they gave us to a beer-liant dad. Wow, that's such a stretch there. I can't tell if that's an insult or a compliment. Our fish is better. That's true.

I think anything we came up with was better than that. And finally, we wrap it up here. These are all cards you could actually buy for Father's Day as a dad. I would not want to receive any of these. This one is just a plain, boring brown card. It looks like a brown paper bag from a grocery store. And it says on it in big letters on the front, Dads are like dogs.

Dot, dot, dot. Dads are like dogs. And then you open it up, and that's where they zing you with the hilarious jokes. Dads are like dogs. They all need to be rescued. Okay. Allie believes it's a rescue joke. Omar, dads are like dogs.

I think it's going to be another one that does a little digging on dad, and it's going to say, you all smell, but we still rough you. Oh, damn. Insult followed by terrible pun. Yeah. That does seem to be the formula for dads. It does seem like a stinky comparison is going to be made. Let's knock him down a peg.

Yeah. And then let's... You're stinking, you fart. Love you. Right. You're not too far. And the dad's like, yeah, dude. Yeah, please.

You're not too far off. Jake, what do you think it says? Dads are like dogs. They just want a bone. Oh, I like that. That's a great card, dude. Sadly, this is what it says. And I'm going to read you verbatim what the inside of this card says.

Dads are like dogs. Then you open it up. They're both hairy, inhale their food, and fart. Oh, my God. There's more? Oh, yes. That's only part one. They're both hairy, inhale their food, and fart?

They're both hairy, inhale their food, and fart. They love to play catch, are afraid of the vacuum, fall asleep anywhere, and snore. Ew. My dad's afraid of the vacuum. Well, they don't want to clean. It's an anti-clean joke. It's a mom job. It's like a sexist joke, kind of.

So is every card just bashing your dad? Yes, it continues. They guard the house, and they give unconditional love. Happy Father's Day. This feels negative. And unconditional love. So there you have it. Those are just some of the cards you could be buying this year for Father's Day.

And they love to hump and sleep. We've got to take a quick break. When we get back, we will do something else. Your ADD news is next. We'll just say something else. and no more of this after this grab your Adderall

it's time for ADD News here's your daily exciting update on the World Cup all the games yesterday resulted in ties yay

ties the game at SoFi between Iran and New Zealand was the highest scoring game yesterday at 2-2 the lowest scoring game

was between Spain and Cabo Verde which ended in nothing nil-nil as they like to say in soccer so we turn to the

exciting part of the world cup again the fans that are visiting from other countries and my early favorite is the fans from japan because not only are they giving us gold like this every single day big beef get that lady some big beef big beef yeah hey and moments like this i cannot speak english but okay but i'm excited japan where's vanessa in west hollywood we should i was just gonna say we should set that guy up with Vanessa when you find that guy. Let's just scream at each other. Imagine watching Columbia.

What's a succulent? I don't know! I don't know either! Let's order food! Great. But they are also, when they show up and go to games, they are cleaning the stadiums after the matches. I think this is amazing. When the game is over, win or lose, or

as seen here yesterday after a tie with the Netherlands, they use those blue bags to clean up the stadium. Bottle by bottle, bagging trash until it's gone. They do like, uh, respect for everything. Respect for uh, the

players, supporters, and also for the, uh, stadium. So we don't want to make a mess and then leave it. We don't want to make a mess and then leave it, which is the American way. That's right. We make messes, we leave it, and then we brawl. We brawl in the parking lot. Leave your stuff

in Japan, Japan. Whether it's an airplane or a stadium or an arena, anywhere, we can leave trash. People always talk about how clean everything feels in other countries. A lot of times they'll say things like, and that's not necessarily true for every country, but they'll visit and they'll post videos. You won't believe what the airport bathroom was like in, you know, insert Japan here or whatever.

Well, I think in Singapore and places like that, you have to clean up or I think you get like. Cut off your finger. Yeah, I think you get caned if you like leave gum on the side of the road. So, yeah. And then you come here and things are, you know, sometimes. Gum wall in some cities. Yeah.

And gum walls. What about greatest attractions? Yeah. I went to Seattle. and they had a wall full of gum. And then I'm going to stick this empty soda can on the gum and then put more gum on it and then bury it in more gum. Keep in mind, art is us taping a banana to a wall with duct tape.

That's how we roll. Well, apparently Japan has been doing this after games since the 90s. So it's like even the players in the locker room, they bring their own recycling and they fill everything and they even leave thank you notes in the locker room before they leave the game. And this is also something that Shohei Otani does. Doesn't he thank all the staff, and he fills water cups for his fellow players?

They're hiding something. It's a respect thing. There's no way they can be that nice, right? Exactly. There's something going on there. The hentai. It's not right. Yeah.

You freaks. All right, here's a new— I think it's great. As much as we badmouth this culture, it's nice that someone's cleaning around here. It's a new wedding trend that is sure to be a waste of money. Brides are hiring witches to perform spells that ensure their wedding day goes over well. Usually, these spells are from Etsy witches, and they can run anywhere from $10 to $50. Most of them are weather spells before the wedding, so they would basically put a spell on and say,

hey, it's going to be good weather, there's not going to be any rain, and they can improve the weather forecast just through a spell. Also, to make sure that nothing else bad happens on the wedding day, but Witch Talk and Witches on Etsy are doing gangbusters right now. How much per spell are they charging there? So it's around 10, between 10 and 50 bucks. Omar, couldn't you just add that? Oh, that's it? Add that to your DJ package? Allie, are you willing to be my witch?

I mean, I think you'd pull that off. Sure. No problem. I regret that decision instantly. What kind of money back? Is there a guarantee? If you pay a witch to put a spell on the weather and then it rains anyway. Do you get your money back?

No. So then the spell's no good. Well, they have a success rate that they can share. That they can make up. That they can say it always works. Right. Okay. Well, I remember.

This is Southern California and it doesn't rain. Yeah, that's true. But I remember the night before our wedding, I talked to the guy that was running the venue and they said, there's a 50% chance of rain. Do you want to spend the extra $500 on a rain tent or not? And I was like, yeah. He didn't know who he was talking to. I was like, you know, I don't know.

I don't live here. What does your gut say? He said, my gut says you're going to be fine. and it rained and everybody had to carry all the tables into another area in a gazebo and everyone had to be shoved into one small area for dinner because there was no rain tent. I'm so glad I skipped it.

You missed a lot of great stuff. There have been many tragic things happening in the skies in the last 48 hours. You had the bungee jump accident with that woman in Brazil. You had the skydiving plane that went down. The helicopter crash with Oliver Tree. And then yesterday a B-52 plane went down and killed eight people. So I just wanted to bring some fun things that are happening in the sky when no one dies. And this is just a good old-fashioned mystery.

If you remember, a while back, there was a jetpack man that was being seen around LAX. He's back! I just had a potential skydiver at 4,000 feet. What was that? At San Antonio 41. We just had somebody cross above us around 4,000 feet in a whip seat. Are you serious? In a wingsuit.

American 2041, did you copy that? We did. We're looking for him. Delta 895 and Southwest 4882 for you guys straight in. And they said basically... This sounds like most of the calls that Johnny screens for our show. They got good quality. Pick up line three. No wonder these accidents keep happening. I bet no one can understand each other.

GTA6 came out early. That's exactly what happened. The jetpack man is back. So we have yet another sighting around LAX. Will he be seen again? Who is it? Some people call him a winged man. Some people call him a jetpack man.

I thought last time they were pretty sure jetpack man was just a mannequin with a drone attached to him. That was the theory that was going around. That was one of the theories. I don't think they proved anything. Well, listen, we salute you, jetpack man, and we welcome you back to the friendly skies here in Southern California. So we get into a brand new hour of the show and perhaps the greatest hour of your life next on KROQ. Good morning. This is the world famous K-Rock.

Good morning, welcome to the K-Rock, we're the Klein Alley Show. It's a big hour to be here because we will help you live forever. Brand new old people's secrets to get into. And much, much, much, much, much, much more. Including, there's like a listener on listener feud that's developing now. If you remember yesterday, a doctor called and gave me some sort of a medical diagnosis on the goat line. Said that I suffered from something that she believes is called ADHD. ADHD, which is a hybrid of autism and ADHD, which she says may explain why I just blurt

things out without thinking about the consequences of what I say. Yeah, it's like the perfect storm of awkward. This other woman is now called, and she's very upset with that diagnosis. I really couldn't believe what I was hearing when that woman that called that said that you were spewing stuff out of your mouth. um client that woman is freaking crazy unless you have a blood test or i don't know i don't know i'm very confused i have to listen to it twice so that i can um defend you well i don't need to defend you i need to tell her that she's full of i had a co-worker come up to me

i'm also in the medical field and she said maybe you have adhd and i said maybe you should not go around diagnosing people. Burn. Even if you have a degree, you can't just diagnose people on the air. She hears your voice. She's full of s***. God, I really hate that woman.

So, love you guys. Oh, thank you for that. Sounds like you have an ADHD buddy. Allie, are you diagnosing that caller based on the voicemail she left? Yeah, I mean, red flags there, baby. I don't know what's going on there. You can't just diagnose people like that.

What do you know? I think if you've been to enough schooling, you can just go around and point at people and be like, yeah, you've got the... I sit around in the waiting room all the time and diagnose everyone in there. Oh, I feel like I could pick out about a little lineup at this point.

I know why that person's here. I know why this person's there. Autism, autism, ADHD, autism, autism. It's all some sort of combination of all of that. We are Klein Alley Show. This is KROQ, and we get into your brand new hour right now. Thanks for hanging out after 10 o'clock on KROQ.

Did you hear that call I had to take off the air just then, Allie? Oh, yeah. That was a real live opening experience. It's unbelievable, because it's been made very clear to... And now that school's out for summer already, kids have nothing but time to call me for what I said, only very important, top, most important emergencies. They say emergencies only if I'm not doing the show.

And there was a call just now about some squishies and some Neato's because yesterday happened to be walking through a mall as a shipment of Neato's was being brought into a toy store. And my kids went ballistic. And these things are pretty cheap, right? It's not like cheaper than little boo-boos were. Oh, yeah. Neato's are cheap. Five, six, seven bucks. How many do you think your kids have now at this point?

I don't know because it's hard. What is the fascination with different Neato's? Aren't Neato's just like these cube things that get soft and you squeeze them? Yep, but then they got other shapes. They got popsicle shapes, Omar. They got fuzzball shapes. Well, according to the FaceTime that he just answered, they can't have the popsicle right now. The popsicle is not on the table.

But she said, I said she could have the gumdrop or something. You said gumdrops, yes. Popsicle, no. Yeah, I don't remember. And then she just hung up on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the point is this, is that I got to experience a great feeling that I know that everyone has related with. Forget about Neato's for a second and Squishy's because you wouldn't care about those unless you have, you know, kids.

Although I did see when they brought this box in and started unloading it, I saw some grown-ass adults that were, like, in tears. Like, you know, the old videos you would see of, like... Over Neato's? Yeah, yeah, you would see, like, the Beatles. You remember the old, like, black-and-white videos of the Beatles arriving? And everyone was like, oh, my God, the Beatles. I miss that we used to trample people on Black Friday. Some people need to be trampled.

And I said to this person, I thought I was having an adult-to-adult conversation. And I was like, how many are you getting your kids? And she's like, I don't have kids. They're for me. I'm a collector. And I was like, are you reselling them to make money? She goes, I would never. And I go, I can't figure this out.

She's an adult. I know you're not a collector of boyfriends. That's what I said. I do. Cats. Yeah. Yeah, she was insulted that I would assume, A, that she was buying these for kids, and B, that I was like, oh, well, if there's no kids involved, she must be making money off kids.

Well, and with Blah Boo Boo's and all that stuff, I'm sure those adults get mad that some of them just go to kids who destroy them, because a lot of other people just want to let them appreciate, resell them, all that stuff. But the thing about the Neato specifically is it's not just about acquiring them, which supposedly they're hard to get, I don't know, and then... It seems like they're everywhere. There are a lot of fake ones out there, a lot of counterfeits. But the other thing is kids like to do the neato trades.

There's a lot of trading that goes on where it's like. Like Disney pins? Yeah, and I don't even want to get into what happened with Bruiser because she's right now in a no neato situation because I went on that WhatsApp thing, what not thing that your mom was telling me, you know, the what not, the selling thing. And apparently there was like neato auctions happening there.

Oh, wow. Like speed auctions, like three sec. All right, I got a popsicle. Who wants it? Go, go, go, go, go, gone. And the 10 second auctions. And Bruiser, I was showing them this because I was saying, hey, look at all these cool Neato's I found,

but we're not going to buy any of them. Why would you show them that then? Well, I was just saying. Look at this cool Neato that you're not going to get. I said that because they're all going really quick up. Not yours, not yours, not yours. Bruiser took my phone at one point, and she ended up bidding. These things were all selling so quickly, so they'd put it on for $1,

and then the auction would be over, and they would sell for $6, $9, $8, whatever. But every time there was a bid that would come in, the clock would reset for another 10 seconds. Bruiser ended up bidding against herself. My own kid was the only person bidding. And right when the clock would get down to three, she would bid again and bid again. So how high did it go? $53.

Oh, my God. For what? For a squishy hot dog. She's your kid. This sounds like something you would do to yourself. Totally. I've done this before on eBay. Were you not mad that she took your phone and only mad that she was out bidding herself?

Yeah, because when I saw the bidding history and then the person they claim at the end of it, They're like, hey, congratulations. Goodbye, Klein. And then they go, oh, Klein bid out. I bid Klein, and I bid Klein, and I bid Klein. What an idiot. I'm a winner. Yeah, so this stupid squishy hot dog arrived at my house.

There was $53 plus shipping. And I probably could have gotten the thing for $6. Then, of course, you're at the mall when they unload the new shipment of them yesterday. I know the feeling of just being there when a new shipment of anything. Like, that feels like you're just in the right place at the right time. So lucky. Even if you're just at the meat section of the grocery store, and you're, like, deciding between two grayish-looking steaks.

And I got the fresh meat. The guy rolls up with that cart of all the fresh meat. Dude, I was at Trader Joe's at the end of the day, and I was in the bread section, where it was all hard, picked-over crap, and this guy brought in new, fresh loaves. You could still see that kind of glaze inside the plastic. You know, it was, like, just the freshness, that little steam.

I was like, oh, my God, I won. I won in life. Not neatoes, but still the same feeling. It's that feeling of I'm getting the best of the best, the cream of the crop and I've done that before even like you know Costco

I'll buy that giant tub of croissants like every other sucker and then and I know it's gonna you know it's gonna last me a few days not that I'm ever gonna make it to the expiration date

those are not gonna last that long but then all of a sudden I'll see them wheeling out what I believe to be a fresher crop and then I'll take the one I have and discard it just throw it

get out of here you're disgusting throw it on the old book table you'll play with this one for a little bit go get a new one I even feel like I won when they just refreshed the bathroom

and put all new rolls in there oh dude when you get That's a great feeling, too. Talk about, like, fresh suds in the morning. Midday suds. But when you go in and they are just finishing up in there and you got that, like, nice fresh... The reset.

The fresh roll where you can hardly get that first... Especially here with that... I mean, they use the worst toilet paper on the planet in the bathrooms here. Oh, my. It's not even one ply. It's like a half ply. Half ply. I think they scaled that back down big time.

They probably saved them millions. I'm sure at some point someone right there is going, like, ah, they'll never know the difference. Oh, God. Jake's going to make sure they don't save a dollar on that. In the L.A. office, we go through 7,000 rolls of toilet paper a day. Why? What is that? Kicking down a quarter ply.

Yeah, but the idea of getting the fresh whatever it is is so great. Yeah. And there's a sushi place not far from this radio station. And they used to do a thing. If you got in at like 11 in the morning, you got some crazy deal on sushi. But I think someone tipped me off and they said, that's them unloading all of last night's fish. Whoa. And then they start cracking into the new fish around, like, real lunchtime.

Whoa. But some people love it because they go, I got a bunch of sushi for, you know, what would have cost me, you know, 30 bucks for, like, $10. Oh, yeah, old fish, that's my lane. That's my comfort zone. That's Allie's nickname from high school. Fresh, I can't digest it. So we have to take a break, but enjoy. Hopefully today you come up with something unexpectedly fresh in your future.

Yeah, just something that makes you feel like you want it, like, even if it's small. Sometimes when you're, like, pulling milks out of the, like, the freezer at the grocery store and then you see a guy in the back. And he, like, just puts them in. Yeah, he's throwing them in from the other side. You see a hand with a card. You're like, that date is a week in the future from this last date. I know. It's a good feeling.

Sometimes, though, they'll be like, we got a new shipment of cars and these are all the exciting ones. And, you know, you feel like you can get a deal now on a crappier car because of the new ones that came in. So it's not even the new thing that you're interested in. It's the fact that the other thing is going to now be. That's why, like, I keep waiting for it. I love when Apple announces the new stuff so I can go with the year old. Like, that's the one benefit. Apple Watch Series 3, here I come.

It's my time to shine. Hey, Rockline, Ali, Sheila, let's help you live forever. We have an old person, and as you know, each and every week we scour the earth to find the oldest people we can possibly find that are being forced to talk to the local news to give their secret as to why they're still alive. And perhaps if we can start implementing all of these secrets into our lives, we too can live forever. But there's a warning here. There's always a chance that they're sabotaging us by giving us bad information so that we all die off young and they get all the glory.

It's time for Old People's Secrets. From chicken brain to drinking rain, not getting laid, they call me the barmaid. They call me the barmaid. That's right. Let's live forever with sweet dibbits. Sweet dibbits. Time for some Old People's Secrets. I would also say that we get bad intel from science telling us to drink coffee and then not drink coffee

and then wine's good for you and it'll help you live forever, but naps that are too long will kill you slowly and just, ah, makes you go crazy. There was that whole standing desk, sitting down thing that was going on forever. I didn't know whether to stand or sit, so I was just swaying. People used to sit on those balls, those, like, exercise balls. Yeah, those yoga ball chairs. I mean, there's a guy down the hall here who stands at a, it's not enough that he's got a standing desk, now he's got a treadmill standing desk.

Like a little walk, a baby walking one. He's got a little walking thing underneath his desk. He's on one of those people movers at LAX. He's just not going anywhere. I don't know how you can concentrate walking and typing at the same time. And that thing's probably going to be the cause of his death because that thing's all backed up to a window. Or if that thing goes a little too fast, he goes back. He's right out the window on Wilshire Boulevard.

So I can't quite figure it out. But apparently whatever we're doing is wrong and or right. And that's why we go to the old people. Let's go right to the source. Here we go. You can always debate the milestone birthdays. 21, 30, 40, even 50. Jesus, that woman.

How many examples do we need? I think we've got it figured out, the first two. 21. That's the milestone birthday, right? 18, 21. Well, 16, I think, is the first major one. Or maybe double digits. First time you're double digits is exciting for a kid.

When you're a kid, I think any time you can add a finger, it's exciting. Kids and lesbians love adding a finger, right? Oh, we love it. But for the most part, Allie, it's 21 and then you're done. When lesbians get to double digits, it gets fun. When a lesbian turns 10, oh, it's very exciting. Tonight, where she's Dave McDaniel, visits with a woman ready to celebrate a milestone by any measure. This woman is known simply as Aunt Frances, and she's ready to turn 108 and see if you can keep up.

Now, listen, the reality is... We can't keep up. We're already way past her. I think we can't. This is a 108-year-old who's going to give us her secret. two more whether it's chair aerobics or working the machines at the crosby ymca you can find aunt francis working out three mornings a week this is like ali's future yes i'm totally gonna i'm already this person the ymca i bet

she's doing like the shoulder machine too where you're like just moving your arms in little circles it's chair pedaling with your arms chair aerobics aerobics in a wheelchair or is she doing some sort of like uh one of those dances like it's flash dance chair aerobics i think that's when you're sitting but you're like doing a stepper oh yeah she's 108 so there she is sounds great and uh she's 108 and she's working out on the regular three times a week at the ymca so what excuse do we all have right look my grandma that lived in 94 years old she went to the ymca a couple of times a week and i think she even did one of those little swim aerobics classes where you had like the little weights the underwater weights

she was a big drinker she was a drinker too she was the one who had her red zinfandel every night every night yeah that's more than 39 400 days by the way if you're counting think about the changes she's seen airplanes those are new those are new so airplanes are new to her okay she's excited about that that's what a life it's been Those, by the way, are just her bones. If you hear that, I know it's weights. These are just her hips. Things just keep on changing.

And I keep on doing it. She means it. This is her zip lining in Costa Rica. Whoa, cool. She's a zipper head. Just like you, dude. She's a zipper. She loves doing the zip lines.

Congratulations. Do you like that? No, it's great, yeah. As a whole person. But also, it's like, you know, I mean, there's really nothing to zip lining, you know what I mean? They just put you in that hardness and off you go. Right. There's no skill involved, you know?

Just gravity. No, she's good at it. Yeah, but I think when you zip line, it's at least kind of freeing feeling, you know? I mean, it probably gets your heart rate up. Not at that age. She's clueless. Yeah. You know?

Are we sure she's zip lining? Well, this picture is older. It's not from today. It's from like a few years ago. The woman born in 1901 to a large Midwestern family has always been active. I went to school. I went to college. And then I...

And then OnlyFans. Oh, totally. That's the trajectory. I got another job. I don't know what it was, but I've always been working. Now, you'd think somebody who comes to the Y three days a week when asked about their secret to longevity would talk a lot about physical fitness. So there you go. There's your tease.

You would think if she's going to the gym three days a week, she would say that's the key. If you want to live to 108, you just got to go to the gym regularly and work out. But maybe she says that and maybe she doesn't. So what is her secret? We start with you, Omar, DJ Omar Khan. So I think the reason she works out so much is because she loves junk food. So I think she's going to say, like, name a chocolate bar. You know, a chocolate bar a day or whatever.

Some people do love a good old-fashioned chocolate bar. Hershey's Dark Chocolate. Yes, just a regular. What's her secret? I think she's just going to say work hard, play hard. Because I think she, I think Omar's right. She's going to steal her secret from a No Fear shirt? Yeah.

Okay. I bet she's the first one to ever see it, say it. All right, all right. Work hard, play hard. Jake, what's her secret? You gotta have adventure. Adventure, yeah. She likes to zip, right.

Vanessa, she got a secret? Beef and potatoes for the protein. Did you say peef? Beef. She said queef and potatoes. Queefing and potatoes. This is... She said a lot of protein.

It's gotta come out somehow. this is what the woman said i got it but this is right first if you're right a thousand dollars here we go well while that's important she says as much as anything it's about attitude she says as much as anything it's about attitude it's being positive everybody should have a smile by the way when you're 108 you make sure you have the exact number of candles it's about celebrating a life well lived one with continued joy each day there you go happy birthday aunt francis happy birthday aunt francis horrible 108 all you got to do is uh have a good attitude And a little queef and potatoes.

A queef and potatoes. Beef. What did you say, Vanessa? Beef. We'll never know. Don't change your answer now. It's too late. Stay right there.

For our Klein Alley show, usually if you wore a jacket into work and everyone said it smelled bad, you wouldn't wear it every day thereafter, but that has not stopped Johnny from showing up. It doesn't smell bad. It just smelled like factory when I opened it from my package. A BO factory. But anyway, Johnny's wearing that jacket again today. It's his official uniform now on the show. And we say good morning to Jessica, listening to us in Covina.

For one question, one question only, Johnny Doesn't Know lightning round before we wrap up the show. You ready, Jessica? Yeah. Okay, it's time for Johnny Doesn't Know. Johnny doesn't know. And I was like, okay. Oh, Johnny doesn't know. I didn't know Vegas was like in Vada for like a while.

Johnny doesn't know. Johnny doesn't know. Gelato sounds like Jell-O. Johnny doesn't know. It like goes, wiggles. All right, we live in a world. of downloads and click here and click there and a lot of times we'll sit in the back office and johnny will get an email that informs him to do something and he will say one of the words from

the email and be perplexed by it and this has happened before when johnny was asked to download a pdf and the question today is will johnny know what pdf stands for yes or no no okay johnny you know you've seen pdfs before right yes and when's the last pdf you encountered um the comment section of an instagram post nowadays a lot of people use pdf to describe pedophile because you can't write the word pedophile on instagram it ultimately blocks all that content and stuff so now people use pdf it refers to pedophile this is something that you've discovered in the chat section of instagram yeah i've discovered because it's like before it used to mean something about computers i've met a lot of pdfs online well it's funny there's a big they're big fans of johnny

They're all up in your chats. My high school English teacher got arrested, actually, afterwards. Well, he had CP on his computer. He probably didn't get arrested. He probably just had a lot of PDF because they were all files. It's a document! Johnny, is that your actual guess what PDF stands for? That's what it is nowadays.

The definition's changed. But I know it's a computer thing. I got to be really careful as to what I open now. Yeah, you're talking about PDF so openly. I was like, dang, where are we going there? What does MP4 stand for? Oh, you don't want that, Alan. MP4 to 7 with good behavior.

Wait, Johnny, so you're saying PDF, your guess, legitimate guess, is that it stands for pedophile, pedo. Nowadays, yes. But I know it's like a computer thingy. Like it's a tab you could attach to send stuff. It's a tab you can attach? It's a tab you could press on to send documents and stuff. I don't know what it means, though. Well, that's the question.

you know what it is. No, I don't. I don't think I do. Have you ever clicked on a PDF before, ever? Yeah, I've clicked... Loaded question. Yeah, that is a tricky one.

Are you talking about the new version or the old version? Wait. I'm talking about the new version. Hold on. Obviously. Or, or, or, or...

Johnny, have you ever been in the van of a PDF? Answer the question. No, no, I've never been in the van of a PDF. Johnny, serious question. Yeah. You don't think you've ever

clicked on a PDF? Yeah. Like, when you send stuff, like, you send emails, they're like, hey, send it. Don't send in a Word doc. Send in a PDF.

All right. So what does the... That's the question now. What does that PDF stand for? P's got to stand for paper. Okay. All right. I like that.

Paper. The D... What does the D stand for? Well, I think we know from the first example you gave. D... Oh, digitalize. Paper, digitalize, and then the other... Oh, the F.

Whoa. Oh, plot twist. Wow, yeah. Actually, I was thinking of D again. Yeah, I bet you were. Pull that clip. P-D-D. I'm a gobbler.

Yeah, you are. Damn, what does the F stand for? Frequency? Paper, digital. Paper, digital. What are the Fs in the paper world? Oh, file. Paper, digital, file.

Oh, damn. That's interesting. I thought Johnny would get at least one of the three. Congratulations, Jessica. You said Johnny would not know, and boy, he did not. PDF stands for the Portable Document Format. Oh, what the hell? You guys led me on to that thinking I was right.

We didn't lead you on to anything. Allie's like, oh, he's right. Oh, he's right. Well, when you said file, I was impressed. Yeah, file's like one of them, no? Which is an impression where you... I mean, paper and digital were a way off. From where you started.

Oh, damn. And pedophile is where you started. We're going to wrap the show up in a moment. Takeaways are next on KROG. Go nowhere. We wrap things up after this. Let's wrap things up with takeaways from today's show. So Sluggo will be in here in a few moments.

Got another spot for you on that list coming up at noon, then again at 3 and at 6. So you can go be a part of KROQ's Road Trip USA. This time we leave the USA. We head to Canada, Montreal specifically to see some Evanescence and tickets to see them right here in July at the Forum. So be ready to win that trip coming up. Let's do takeaways from today's show quickly, and then we will leave you in the very capable and sometimes sticky hands of a man named Sluggo.

Always sticky. 818, my takeaway is Allie has egg eras. Yeah, she's in her egg eras back. So nice to hear from Fat Allie today on the phone. If you missed it, Allie had a fight with her former fat self and her future fat self on the phone today. Get out of here. Here in the podcast, I'm sure. 424, shout out Mason Newman, the lifeguard.

Mason, lifesaver. 310. Saved the life of a listener and their kids this weekend on the beach. That was a very emotional story. Yeah, that guy was all... He was crying. Almost had to save him again, drowning in his own tears, telling that story. You were going to be a lifeguard.

I was about to step in. 310, disrespect. It's the American way. 626, good dads know how to catch that starfish. 562, squishy collectors should try and collect boyfriends. 818, Klein's neck is absorbing his neighborhood's energy. And 310, my takeaway is Klein Alley Show is the beerst. We're the beerst.

Trying our best to be the beerst. By the way, you can see the greeting card redo that Jake has done with the Better Punch line. I think we've posted it up on our Instagram, a Klein Alley Show, available for you to download. A free card for your dad. If you want to get your dad a brand-new TV, 75-inch or TCL sound bar, and money to spend on all the meat and or beer he can handle, we'll be doing that again tomorrow, every day this week. So be ready to join us again tomorrow for another of the father of all giveaways here at KROQ. All right, what's your takeaway from today's show, Postmaster Johnny?

Nobody wants Ben Stiller's farts. It's funny. All those chairs that celebrities are sitting in are going for big money, assuming they were like hot chicks that sat in them. Someone probably bought that Sidney Sweeney chair from the third row already. Meanwhile, all those... That was nailed down. All those Fat Joe chairs are going unclaimed, sitting courtside. You go to a...

They're all broken, probably. Yeah, that Fat Joe chair. Not really servicing as a chair anymore. It's like, no, I got Fat Joe again. Oh, man. Those poor chairs talking after the game. Vanessa, what's your takeaway? Mug before you get mugged.

Nice. I love it. Don't know what that means. Do you remember Omar Mugged somewhat? Oh, yeah, yeah. Before you got mugged? Mugged or be mugged. That's right.

You got a mug first. Allie, takeaway? My takeaway is the secret to a long life is Queef and Potatoes. Queef and Potatoes. Thank you, Vanessa, for that. A lot of people say they're going to start implementing that into their daily routine so they can live forever. Jake the Nerd, takeaway?

All crackers are just a base for dadables. That's right. And finally, DJ Omar Khan. I'm from New York. Buy that chair. I'm from the home of a nerd. Yes, I'm from New York. That's a stinky-ass chair.

All right, bye. Have a good one. Well, that's all we got for you. We know you were hoping it would be better. Trust me when I say we were too. But for those of you with learning differences, this episode comes with a visual aid in the form of a live stream on YouTube. That's right.

You can see the show you just listened to with a bunch of more weird, awkward moments where there's music and commercials playing and Allie and I are just sitting there picking out our faces. Yeah. So if you go to KROX YouTube, you can watch it live or you can watch it after the fact. And as always, you can catch us on Instagram at Klein Allie Show and on TikTok as well. And there's a live show, by the way, on the radio. Okay, volleyball.