Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Unfortunately Morgan Freeman Has Eyeballs (FULL SHOW 8/25)

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

The Dank Tank is back! Listeners unleashed their most original weed-inspired “high-deas,” including Weedmo (Waymo, but for weed), butter-flavored chapstick, and a build-your-own canoe concept that may or may not have involved getting extremely high. Then we brought back 10 Seconds of Rage, giving listeners exactly 10 seconds to unleash their frustrations, and unsurprisingly, the never-ending heat wave gave everyone PLENTY to rage about. Plus, we met Rob the Blob, a man who allegedly weighs more than 700 pounds, never leaves his house, and desperately wants to make it to our Endless Summer Kegger in Newport. The only problem? Getting him there may require a crane, a construction crew, and possibly a full municipal infrastructure project. But hey… is it worth it? And finally, we welcomed our first set of twins to Old People Secrets as they revealed their secrets to living a long life.

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Hey, what's going on, Klein Alley?

Are you ready? I love Klein Alley, you little bitch. Klein Alley, it's just okay. Just don't let Frank's body into that. Good morning, everybody. Hey, what up, Klein Alley? Whoa, sweet David Stank, did you see that? Meet the Klein Alley Show.

Let's get the show started. The show started. The show started. We are live in Los Angeles. Three, two, one. And here we go. It's Klein Alley Show. Low 6.7.

KROQFM and HD Pasadena. Los Angeles. Orange County. The Sonic Pulse of Los Angeles. This is the world famous KROQ. Oh, hell yeah. Good morning. Welcome to your Tuesday.

It's KROQ. We are Klein Alley Show. If you need us, phone, text line 800-520-1067. You'll need those numbers. If you want some Weezer from us a little bit later this morning, a chance to go see that band again in Boston in the world's worst announcement and the worst surprise ever, we shared that news with you after you already learned about it

because... We suck. Because we suck. And then we got an explanation after the show yesterday as to who really messed up here, but then they claimed that they didn't mess up because there was a plan on Thursday. I don't understand.

No one here likes to take accountability for their screw-ups. The explanation was that there was an email that was sent out that said that it was going to be released at midnight. Right, but not to us. But it wasn't really made clear. We're looking at you, Miles. We're looking at you, Miles, the DJ. We don't speak in code. We're humans here.

We are humans. So when we have a big announcement like we're giving away a trip to go see Weezer, we don't understand what it means. I wrote in the email about a code. The code was in the email. What is this? We're not trying to defuse bombs here. This is together like a beautiful mind. Figure it out.

Sent some random-ass email that said the code has been switched at midnight to Q7735. What is that? You think we know what that is? He must not want us to announce it. We can't even say words right on the show. You think we can work in codes here? Jesus Christ. I know.

Even basic things we're supposed to say, just words written on a piece of paper, we can't do. We need clear messaging. For the love of Christ, Allie, yesterday we did a doorbell salute for a listener whose dog died. That's where we're at mentally. We don't have the ability to decipher codes here. By the way, that guy heard his doorbell salute. Do you think he liked it or hated it? This man that called crying about his dog dying.

I think he must have loved it. This is what he said. Hey, Kinelli Show. Thank you for the nine doorbell tribute to my dog. Pudge would have really appreciated the thought, but not the doorbell. So thank you again. I was driving home laughing and crying like a lunatic at the bit. And you guys are great.

You guys are just the best. So thank you again. We're going to keep on slogging. Thanks. Guy's going to keep slogging along. And he said that he was laughing and crying like a lunatic, which is the effect that we hope to have on many people. And when you get your new dog, name it Slog the Dog. Slog the Dog.

You're really dedicated. We were trying to get that pig that was running loose in West Hollywood, and we were going to call it Slog the Hog or Slogger the Hogger. And sadly, it got bid on by that celebrity, so we couldn't get that. So anyway, here we are together again. Decent show in store for you. We'll tell you all about it next on KROQ. Good morning. KROQ, we're your client at least show.

A lot of people asking the same question. Sweet divots, are the tickets to the Clams Tank, Clams Slam, going for sale? Because I can't get through these calls. No, they're not for sale. You have to win them from us, sadly. But the good news is we have at least five chances to win today, including any time you hear the chug chant, be sure to call us at 800-520-1067. That can happen when you least expect it.

Also going to bring back the Dank Tank today, which means your best idea will instantly, get you access to the clam slam also known as the endless summer kegger yeah we would never charge you we would never do something smart like make money yeah that's that's a good idea and apparently these tickets are in demand so in demand people are asking from other states if they can attend the clam slam hi guys sweet dibs uh long time slogger here your favorite listener from massachusetts dawn i'm not sure if you'll remember who i am but um my husband and i are the one that have the two tv side by side so he can game and i can watch tv in the same room i don't remember this call but that's a great idea first time i've heard it crystal clear i remember every word go ahead

don't remember one thing about her where's she from she's from nevada no massachusetts she just said it a second reason for my call is that by the way the call is the call is labeled uh uh listener from michigan but but she said massachusetts regardless she's got a great idea her and her husband they have side-by-side tvs i love a side-by-side tv house i think that if you're not doing that you're doing it wrong it's a great idea uh reason for my call is that he actually just wanted to surprise me by having us fly out to go to the event and i didn't know if that was possible because we're not california residents do we need a special invite i don't know but I want to manifest this.

We would love to fly out. He is now also a huge fan. So let me know, Vanessa. I'm manifesting. I'm manifesting. I'm manifesting all day. You want, you got to be the right caller to get through. I don't know what the rule is.

Do we ever find that? I don't think it matters if you live here. No, it matters. It does? It's part of contest rules. Pretty sure, pretty sure. Ali said it doesn't matter. So we're going to go with that.

Doesn't matter. You know what you can do? Find an LA address. Right. Same thing. And give it to us. Yeah. You just say.

Yeah, don't say where you're from. Look up an address for a Wahoo's Tacos and just give that address as your home address. We've all done it. Yeah, we've all used that before. So anyway, I would love it. Everyone who wants to come, you want to fly out to this thing? I think that's a giant waste of your time and resources, but we'd love to have you regardless. Yeah, technically you have to be here, but we are easily fooled.

So we'll have chances throughout the day today. Every hour at least a chance, and one hour we'll have a bonus chance so you can all come and hang out with us at the Endless Summer Kegger, also known as the Clamslam. And trust us, we would like to have every single person there. We don't want to pick at all. Also, I just want to point out, because in a moment you're going to get a chance to take some of Allie's money in Allie Knows the News. And today's the day that we have a few celebrities that have heard your invitation. We've been reaching out to celebrities on your behalf. Because you are able to have a one-night stand, according to your wife, as long as it's with a celebrity.

Yeah, A or B. I think she even went up, I think she went down to C. C-list celebrity. All the way down to C-List. So we reached out to a few. We have responses from some, and we will play them for you later in the show today. But I will say that you do have options. Men and women? Both?

Oh, yes. Okay. And unrelated to that, we had a celebrity calling for you on the GOAT line, and I think that you should hear this as well. Yeah, hi. I'm looking for Allie Johnson. This is RFK Jr. calling, Allie. And I didn't realize the impact this show is having now, but this man has called and left you a message. I heard she was making fun of me on her radio program.

I just wanted to let her know that I told half of Los Angeles to go buy her portrait where she looks like a mogul and throw dookie at it. I don't think that's actually RFK Jr., but regardless. I don't know. It sounds a lot like him. It's pretty spot on. I wasn't making fun of him. I was making fun of his phone ringing in the middle of his speech.

At this point, I mean, he does sound like a dead ringer right here. Yeah, I am looking for Allie Johnson. Yeah, so anyway, there you have it. If you want Allie's money, call now. Claim it, 800-520-1067. So I can have sex with him is what you're saying? I think he goes on to say that. Got it, okay.

That's a real concern of his. Of all of the things he's concerned about health-wise, that one tops on his list. 800-520-1067. Five questions about the news. Do better than Allie. She'll instantly pay you $100 cash money. Or you can have sex with her. The choice is yours.

She's very open to it this weekend only She's got a one night hall pass opportunity Well it's two nights Two night hall pass opportunity So get it before it's gone And you can follow up RFK Jr. in the bedroom It's going to be exciting Wouldn't you like some of this?

Oh god damn, that's happening right now on the YouTube That's a little sore actually Whoa, whoa, Allie just lactated I think No, it's just kind of sore there We'll come back and play the game after this on KROG 100 bucks up for grabs every morning around this time Chance to take Allie's money This past Friday Allie did pay out $500

dollars on a five hundred dollar friday so real people are winning real money and it always hurts and the best part is when she forgets she lost and then we remind her a day later and then it has to hurt her all over again i mean think about the times you gamble and the times you gamble on yourself yep and then think about that loss and how that feels and how then you forget about it for a little while and then you remember and you go every time i look in the mirror i'm reminded of it i go why did i bet on myself ever what a stupid stupid bet on this face everyone knew going in. This is a loser. There's a loser bet right here. I made it

every time. But you know what? There's something about not having short-term memory where you don't remember it. You go, I'll do it again tomorrow. Hey, I'm Mike in Westlake Village. Good morning. Good morning. Five questions. Up for grabs. Also access to the endless summer kegger. Slightly stupid. It's going to be a good time happening September 3rd

in the Back Bay Amphitheater in Newport Beach at the Hyatt there. Ali's leaving the K-Rock Studios. Hopefully you answered these questions correctly. They are about the news and your round will officially begin in moments, and those moments are rights now. Allie knows the

news. All right. $150,000 worth of this shoe brand has been stolen out of a train in San Bernardino County, and Omar does not have an alibi, so I'm just saying, all eyes on DJ Omar Khan. What brand of shoes?

$150,000 worth stolen out of the back of a train. I'm going to guess Jordans. When in doubt, go with the Jordans. We go to question number two right now. There's a new dating trend that's getting a lot of buzz, and it's a term called polyester. Polyester.

What does it mean if you are in a polyester relationship? You're wearing a lot of different clothes. All right. We go to question number three. Target has pulled a Halloween costume from their stores. For what reason? oh something inappropriate more specific there's obviously many different types inappropriate beetle juice all right i'll write that down uh we go to question number four right

now a sandwich at a strip mall in glendale is dividing the internet right now because of its price what is the cost of the sandwich right now right now that is dividing the internet because of what they are charging for it. What is the cost of this brisket sandwich? $45. $45. I remember thinking once pizzas cross $20, what the hell's going on?

But now that sandwiches, you believe, are creeping into $50, that does seem crazy. And finally, this last question. This actor has officially now been added to HBO's Harry Potter series, in fact, replacing another actor. Which actor are they bringing in to the HBO Harry Potter series?

Joe Pesci Oh man, that would be amazing He's going to play young Harry Potter Alright, let's bring in Allie We'll score it together You're battling Mike The news is always changing Send Allie in

She doesn't know what's going on She's been fully sequestered Mike, I'm rooting for you Up for grab money Access Bragging rights Glory Allie is back in her seat right now

Sorry, seat The only loser today in this round is the seat That chair is losing everything. Save me! I'm so sorry, seat. Sorry, seat. Thank you for your service. Take a moment of silence for Ali's seat real quick.

I'm sorry, seat. All right, that'll do it. Question one. $150,000 worth of this shoe brand has been stolen out of the back of a train and Sam Bernadino, no word yet on if DJ Omar Khan was involved. Which shoe brand was stolen? Is that a hint?

It's a hint because it happened to his neck of the woods, and he's been known to steal shoes before. I'm just going to go with Nike. I feel like everyone steals Nike stuff. He said, Jordan, I will accept both of those as the same answer for the most part. But sadly, you're both wrong. Check your dad to the left and check your dad to the right. New balances.

$150,000 worth of new balances were stolen. It's a lot of new balances. It's a lot of jogging. It's a lot of jogging. We've got a question number two. No one gets the point. there's a new term dating term uh if you're in a polyester relationship polyester is all the rage these days uh explain what polyester means doesn't it just kind of mean lame like it's

it's not leveled up it's just kind of plain plain polyester he says it means there's a lot of outfit changes or something like that now he says lame but i think the idea about polyester is it's cheap and it's very, you just kind of move on. It means nothing. It's temporary, very temporary. I think that my answer was right. So no one gets the point on that one. No, you said lame.

No one gets the point. No one gets the point. We move on. That answer was polyester alley. We got a question. You don't even know what it means either. You're polyester alley. You're polyester.

Question three. Zero zeros. We got a question three. A sandwich, oh, excuse me, Target has pulled a costume from its stores. For what reason? Target already pulling Halloween costumes. Shouldn't even be putting them out yet.

It's August. Yeah, pull them all. But they are pulling one specifically for what reason? I mean, I'll just go with racially insensitive. Okay. He said inappropriate Beetlejuice. Ali's going to get the point on this one because this one is racial. And it appears to be based on a very old racist meme.

I guess meme would not be the right word for the time. but a drawing of what would have been considered a very racist caricature of an African-American. What? So they had a costume on it? And it was very similar. I don't know if there was any intention to look like this, but I guess as soon as someone said, what the hell, they sell in there, and they put the picture side by side, they're like, let's pull that off the shelf immediately.

Yeah, I mean, there's intentional racism, always wrong. And then there's oopsies, it's racist. Right, like the woman who tried to dress like the black Sharpie, and she did blackface because she was trying to look like a Sharpie, and she lost her job. And she was working at Staples, that woman. And that made sense. And they told them there, you have to dress like your favorite office supply. You sell.

And she went as black Sharpie, and she got fired. I mean, she could have done any other Sharpie. That was her mistake. Should have gone blue avatar Sharpie like Jake's going to do. No, I get fired, too. Question, I wish. Question number four. Allie goes up one.

There's a sandwich at a strip mall in Glendale that is dividing the internet right now for the price. It is a brisket sandwich. What is the price of the sandwich that is freaking people the F out? Yeah, I heard about this. I think it's $38 for a sandwich. He said $45. Allie is right on the number.

It's a $38 sandwich. We got to get it. And people are saying it's delicious. Other people are saying it's overrated. Well, it was dubbed the best sandwich in the nation or something. Yeah, but then other people are saying it's still not worth $38 for a sandwich. We go to this final question. Allie's up, too.

And your round is coming to an end, Mike. I hate to say this. Harry Potter, the TV version that's coming to HBO, has just announced who will be replacing. There's a new actor that's joining the cast replacing another actor. Oh, yes. People are all buzzing about it. It's a big buzz. I saw this and I can't remember.

Is it? I'm just going to go with Robert Pattinson. No. No, he said Danny DeVito, which was a great... No, he said Joe Pesci, which was a great guess. Sadly, the correct answer is Kit Harington. Oh, of Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones fame.

Well, at the end of it all, little ups, little downs, doesn't really matter. Mike, you win nothing, no money from Ali, so sorry about that. Good news is you'll have a chance to win your way later on today into our endless summer kegger. And what must you shamefully admit over the airwaves of K-Rock? Go ahead. My name is Mike from Westlake Village, and Ali knows the news. Yeah, but the loser here today is not Mike. It's still Ali's chair.

Let's never forget that. Sorry. Sorry, chair. More show after Green Day. We were calling Ali's show yesterday, got into a heated discussion about what is considered cheating by 2026 standards and how it's shifted quite a bit. And there are certain nuances and variables. Video went up on our Instagram yesterday that has a ton of people commenting, saying that

we are either completely wrong. They don't agree. There's a guy who's got a very similar question, but a topic that we did not cover yesterday. And he needs us to give it an answer because apparently his relationship is hanging on by a thread based on how we answer this question, which is waiting for us on the GOAT line. Before we can do that, though, we have a very special guest joining us right now

on the hotline. Oh, no. It's second, second, second, second, second-hand Cindy. My queen. Second-hand Cindy, good morning. Good morning. How are you guys?

We're doing great. A couple of questions. First of all, are you already drinking this morning? I am. And what is your drink of choice this morning? Well, I thought I'd start out easy, just having a white Russian. Oh, nice. That's kind of like coffee.

I mean, it counts. I don't think I've had a white Russian since I was 19. That's an acceptable breakfast drink, I believe, because it's very sweet. It's so thick. It's like cereal almost. Second, Cindy, I hope that we see you at our endless summer kegger. The reason we're calling those specifically is because Jake, I know this is going to be shocking for you as someone who is a car-in-a-day smoker and has been for a long time. But Jake the Nerd, who I know you know well because he drove you home from our last hangout in that 7-Eleven parking lot.

It's all true. We're not making this up. Everything I'm saying is true here. Real rager. Where you were stepping on your chicken wing before you picked it up and ate it. I'm going to pass out of my car. Jake said that he has never smoked a cigarette in his entire life. What do you think about that?

That's amazing. He didn't even, like, try one as a kid? Never. And he was, like, a D1 track, not star, but a track participant or something. So as a result, I think that once he got involved in the running, he kind of, you know, smoking and running don't necessarily go hand in hand. The question we have is, and he had offered this up, he said the only way he would ever try a cigarette, because he's made it this long in his life without ever smoking, is that if he were to shotgun one of your cigarettes out of your mouth.

That's not what I said. I said I had to try one of hers. Shotgun out of her mouth. Are you down for either of these, Cindy? Or both? I'm down for both. All right. Great.

Love it. I haven't done that in a while. Yeah, well, Cindy, I know that you shotgun many cigarettes probably with your brother, But also, you are willing to give up a cigarette for Jake? I know it's a tough ask, because cigarettes are more expensive than ever. Oh, absolutely. I will give Jake whatever he needs. Yeah.

He needs his medicine. I believe Jake does need his medicine. All right. So, the answer is... Wait, how do you shotgun a cigarette? She would take a nice long drag. I've seen her take down an entire cigarette with one drag. It's incredible to watch.

She can do that. She's got the power. She's secondhand Cindy, let's not forget. and she would do that. She would take an entire cigarette. What's your brand currently, Cindy? Well, right now, I'm smoking Palmo Light 100.

So, for someone that's never smoked, it's very light for them. Yeah, it's like air. It's like the Bud Light of cigarettes? Yeah, basically. It's like a tall boy. Right. That would be a good way. It's a good gateway one to get you into smoking, Jake. But it's basically... And smoking's back. It's very trendy

again now. If any kids are listening, you should probably start smoking. But... So she'll take this hit, she'll suck down the cigarette, and then she'll blow it into your mouth, Jake. Oh, okay. Like, lips to lips? I think so. No, you don't have to do lips to lips. You can just get close to lips.

Cindy, you decide. It's really, it's your body, your choice. Well, what I'll do is I'll light it up and let it go down at least halfway, and then I put the cigarette in my mouth with the lit part first. And then I'll put my lips around it and then I can blow it into him. Whoa!

I've seen that trick before. It's badass. So you get halfway through the cigarette and then you put the lit side inside of your mouth and then you can blow the smoke out of your mouth? Right. Into Jake. Great.

I can't wait. I'm all for it. It is an endless summer. So this is going to be at the kegger. So you can get out to, you'll have no problem getting there. I know you can't drive because of all the DUIs and stuff, but you can get to our event, you think? Oh, absolutely.

And I can drive, even though I have all those. But, yes, I'm going with Doug. That's amazing. You're still on the road after all these years. You know, it's a 26-strike-you're-out policy here. We get it. You get a second chance. All right, second chance Cindy, we call you.

Yeah. All right, listen. These are all, Klein, these are all party tricks you would see out of Kegger. Of course. I mean, the Bud Light Bros can shotgun a beer. She can do smoke rings, all these smoking tricks. It's going to be great. We can't wait to see you.

Secondhand Cindy and Jake's going to have his first cigarette, courtesy of you, so that's going to be fun for him as well. Oh, I'm so excited. Can't wait to see you guys. All right. We love you. Thank you. Thank you.

There she is, the great secondhand Cindy. You can enjoy the rest of that white Russian. I know we're supposed to take a break now, but I did promise we'd answer this man's question, and his relationship hangs in the balance and is exactly 20 seconds long. So, Ali, here's the question. Is it considered cheating if you don't want to give phone access to your spouse slash girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever you have,

you know, the unlock phone passcode? I'm just wondering. Not that I'm cheating or anything, but there are conversations with the boys that we have that wife slash girlfriend should not be seeing, not because it's cheating or anything, but because of the stupid conversation.

Anyhow, that's my question. Is it cheating? Thanks, guys. Sweet dears. Love you guys. It was one of the things that we didn't quite get into yesterday when we talked about it, but the idea that if you do not give your significant other full access to your phone, then that is somewhere in the realm of cheating.

And this guy's making a very good point. I have some of the dumbest conversations you could possibly imagine with guy friends and even just stuff i look at online is so stupid and i don't necessarily need her to judge me based on that even though it's nothing to do with being uh unfaithful so are you saying you don't give your wife access she has she can look on your phone all she wants she's gonna respect me less afterwards yeah i'm gonna find anything suspicious here's the thing if you say look at my phone i don't care you have all the access you want that will put the person at ease knowing that if they want to they can go through your phone now they probably won't because you're allowing them full access if you start

cutting it off and saying no you can't have my passcode why what do you you know what are you hiding that's what they're going to start thinking and then it's going to make them want to go through your phone so i say give the access yeah well you got to give the you got to at least give the illusion of access yeah exactly even if you have things to hide or you feel like you're going to be judged for certain things if you're denying access that's going to put up a red flag but you went through your wife's phone recently and you found her talking trash about you with a friend yeah we were in a fight and she was talking about the fight to our close friend and talking crap about do you wish you had not seen that like going back now do you wish you had not grabbed the phone

and gone through it no because it was great when i whipped it out during our fight i was like that's not what you said to so-and-so and she was like uh and that was the best i was like you got yeah Yeah, it's all about, you gotta load up, you gotta load up on all the arsenal, you gotta just keep growing your arsenal. Yeah, so just check once a month, write some things down, so that you have an invite. I don't think this was probably good advice for you, sir, at all, but you can take it, it's free. We'll be right back with your news, and then a brand new hour of the show, and access to the endless summer kegger, and more after this. Hey Rob, we are Fine Alley Show, getting through some ADD news, and then a brand new hour of the show will officially begin. And if you're keeping track, Allie is potentially going to be having a one-night stand this Friday or Saturday

because her wife said it's okay as long as it's with a celebrity. I was going to go robot, but if I can go celebrity, that's much better. I'd rather have a person than just some AI. So we have been reaching out to every possible celebrity we know or have connections to to try to figure out if we can make this happen for Allie because she's only going to get more pregnant by the day, and she's been given this once-in-a-lifetime hall pass opportunity. And, Allie, you'll be thrilled to find out that even though you're allowed to go as low as a C-list celebrity,

I believe we have an A-lister that was the first to respond to the invitation. Hello, Allison. This is Morgan Freeman. But I'm sure you already knew that. I hear that you have a hall pass to sleep with me this weekend. Unfortunately, I have eyeballs and just saw you, so it's a strong pass for me. Good luck. Okay.

Wow. That is beautiful. That is some early rejection. You know, it's still nice coming for Morgan Freeman. I feel offended, but also I feel warm inside and fuzzy. That hurts, that hurts. But anyway, congratulations. It's an honor just to be considered, I guess.

So your news now, and more celebrities. I think you know how this is going to go. Right. If you don't like us talking to your baby bit, you're really going to hate this one. Here's your news. Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. When it's your birthday, the best perk is you get to go to a restaurant,

have a bunch of strangers in aprons saying happy birthday to you, and give you a free dessert. This experience has been forever tainted for one woman because she did that thing. They brought out that dessert and there was something offensive written on her dessert. And now she's upset. It was supposed to be a celebration, but the message left on her birthday dessert was nothing short of shocking. Now the woman who is quadriplegic is trying to understand how this happened. My family angry. My friends are angry.

She, along with friends and family, went out to celebrate her 29th birthday at the restaurant Blue on the Hudson in Weehawken. Is that a real 29th birthday or like, you know? 29 is the one you lie about the most, right? That's the one I was like, bitch, you're 37. Let's go ahead and tell the truth. And I feel like if you're always sitting down, you probably don't know as much what a person's age is. You know what I mean? Definitely feels like it goes 27, 28, 29, 29, 29, 29, 29.

And then it just goes 30s. Eventually you become 30s. I'm turning 30s again. Cinnabaldi, who is a singer-songwriter, was diagnosed with a cervical spinal injury when she was two years old. When it was time for dessert, she was served a message that was far from sweet. What it said was, happy birthday wheelchair. Oh, man. So, first of all, her name is Cinnabaldi.

Hard to spell. Yeah. And this is written in chocolate, in the chocolate sauce on the dessert. Now, happy birthday wheelchair, obviously, not okay. You think that was one of those things where it got lost in translation, like they said, hey, let's make a happy birthday for the, whose birthday is it, wheelchair over there? So it's interesting you say that. They do have an explanation. Oh, they do, because, yeah, that's the obvious one.

I mean, I know, I one time got a cake, I think it was a Mrs. Fields cookie cake, and it said on the cake, just don't say her age, because in the notes I wrote, I was getting, I think I was getting it for my wife for her 29th birthday, coincidentally. and I think in the notes they asked me what I wanted to say and I think I wrote the name, but I said on notes, just don't say the age. And apparently I wrote the wrong thing in the wrong box. And the cake came back and it just said in frosting, just don't say her age. That's all it said on the cake.

That's all it said on the cake. Which is great that that person's like, alright, I'm gonna write it down. You would think they'd call or something. You sure you want this to say this? No, maybe you're being funny. They don't know why it's being written that way. You know me. Yeah, you're finally funny. I'm not being funny. That's the obvious. A message that stunned the table and the birthday girl.

Just me, by surprise. Blue on the Hudson said management was deeply saddened by what occurred, apologizing for what it describes as an unfortunate mistake. Saying in part, the word wheelchair was used as a reference to identify where a birthday dessert with a candle should be delivered. Unfortunately, that notation was misunderstood and was written on the plate itself. So it was exactly what you said. It was supposed to be this is where you bring it. It's bring it to wheelchair. Right. And we have a guy, the K-Rock guy that's at all of our events, and we call him Wheels. And he's in a wheelchair, and he likes that name.

And if we got him a cake, we would say, happy birthday, Wheels. Right. And apparently, Omar says he's been a K-Rock fan for so long, he used to be Crutches. Now he's officially Wheels. Yeah. But he used to be, and I think he... Does he have stickers all over his crutches? Because he has stickers all over his wheelchair.

All over his wheelchair, yeah. His wheelchair is the only branding we have for this radio station. What is his actual name? Do we even know? I think it's Wheels. I think it was born Wheels. He lived up to his name. His name is Rick.

He's a real nice guy. I always see Rick at our events. He's cool. Rick, I love Rick. I know his name. Yeah, that's Rick. Hey, shout out, Wheels. Burning Man starts this weekend slash next week if you want to feel like you are literally

burning alive in the middle of the desert during a heat wave. And there's also an active fire on the main route to Burning Man. 90,000 people are currently still evacuated near Reno. Then when you get there, there are going to be some changes. This year, the organizer said they are allowing smart glasses or meta glasses at the festival. And there is a lot of uproar about that because all the burners are like, man, it's supposed to be about freedom and no judgment. And I should be able to get naked and do acid and not have it all over the Internet. So people are concerned.

They did say that people cannot record others without their consent. But as we've gotten our hands on metaglasses, you know, nobody does that. And they're called perf glasses for a reason because a lot of people, especially if you are on drugs and just having a good time, You're not noticing that little light where someone's recording you. And if you're messed up yourself, you don't necessarily going to remember to even ask people if they want to be filmed. So now we're going to get a much bigger glimpse into what happens at Burning Man because everyone's going to be wearing the meta glasses. I know the burners like to pretend that they want to just keep it all there. But you're spending that much money, time and effort putting together your stupid disco ball outfit and your furry boots and whatever else you put.

You want to show that's a real look at me. You want that. But I think that there are plenty of people who are, look at me. Yeah. But the original people. Okay, the originals. That go every single year, I don't think are like that. I think they really do just want an organic experience to connect with humans.

And what percentage of the people there are originals versus they look at these? Oh, I think it's. Three percent? Yeah. I think it's probably 20% of the original people that are still doing it. And then finally, point humans in the battle of humans versus robots. Human job resumes perform better than AI-written resumes. They did a study, and they discovered plain, single-column, human-written resumes got the highest response rate when it came to...

Yeah, and then two-column human resumes were the next, and then the worst was AI resumes. The worst is the person who, in her email signature, says, jokes, comedy, and musicals, or whatever. Shenanigans. Whatever you write, you're stupid. Oh, my God. Yeah, Ali's email signature is the pits. I mean, it really is the worst. Does he still say that?

I think it does. I think, I don't know how to change it. Omar has shamed her about this for years. I don't even think he opens her emails anymore because he doesn't want to see it. But it just adds to the shenanigans. Sincerely, Ali Johnson. Voiceover, laughter, and shenanigans. I didn't say laughter.

Whatever the hell you say. Yeah, no, don't say laughter. I would never say that. False advertising. 714 says, from what I'm hearing, it sounds like Klein's next birthday cake is going to say happy birthday nose. Yeah. Meanwhile, more importantly, someone who can connect us to a celebrity for Allie, 916, says I have access to a Gary Busey Allie.

Oh. So get ready. Definitely that would be someone you could hall pass with. So we get into a brand new hour of the show at this exact moment on KROQ. This is the world famous KROQ. Hell yeah. Good morning. Welcome to your KROQ.

We are Klein Allie Show. Nice to meet you. Thanks for coming back for more. I'm Klein. That is Allie over there. Morning. DJ Omar Khan, the audio sniper. You know him as Jake Znerd.

What's up? And in the back, taking the calls early and often and giving you stuff. We've got Postmaster Johnny, a.k.a. Gay Leno, and he's sitting next to producer Vanessa. Vanessa, are you in the boogie phase of your sickness? I'm super in the boogie phase. Yeah, Vanessa wants to know. She has a long cold. Where does it come from?

She never gets better. It's all the childrens are sick. It happens. The back-to-school flu, whatever they call it. And Vanessa, even though technically she claims she's an adult, has gotten the same exact thing as children all over the place. And she says that it's good for her because she's building up immunity. That's right. So it's a good thing.

She's drinking an orange Gatorade to help with vitamin C. That's right. So we're together again. A full force show today. So you can hold that against us if you damn well choose to. We have for you this hour access to our endless summer kegger. In less than an hour, we get you on that standby boarding list so you can go see Weezer in Boston and again right here in Southern California. And if that were not enough, this is the hour we need your ideas.

The Dank Tank baby is back. Turning ideas into high profit. It's been a while since we've done a Dank Tank. It's been too long. We used to try to get one of these on once a month, and it's been a long-ass time. So start thinking of your ideas and remember to get them to us when we officially open up the Dank Tank as we turn those ideas into much, much more, including your access to go see Slightly Stupid. And you better believe if you are coming up with ideas,

you would probably like to see Slightly Stupid perform at our endless summer kegger. So that will happen this hour on the show. Come back in a moment. Solve the Internet's biggest riddles once and for all. It's clickbait time after this. If you need us and we love the interaction, the phones, the text line remain the same. 800-520-1067 or 323-TIP-BOLY if you nasty on KROQ. Internet design, two reasons and two reasons only.

Clickbait, masturbate. We can only do one of them on the radio. So let's get into it. It's time for your clickbait. Here we go. I think this first one is a little targeting towards me, but I'm excited to find out the answer because apparently if you're like me and you're living in a quote cockroach infestation two more found yesterday by the way and i've been trying to clear the deck in the morning so she

doesn't find the bodies but last night she found two more they're all kind of in that upside down tummy rub position but kind of like shaking their legs having seizures but apparently this uncommon excuse me this common household uh item actually attracts cockroaches and i'm so glad that i have the information here because this is not going to be on me. This is going to be my wife's problem and I can't wait to rub this in her face. Hmm. It's a common household item.

That is actually attracting cockroaches. You have it in your house? Since you mentioned your wife, it's got to be a skin care product or something. I'm going to go with any kind of high-end skin care. Maybe there's some ingredient in there that they love that's like

cockroach aphrodisiac kind of thing. It's that salmon sperm everyone's rubbing on their face these days. Yes, and they're like, where's the salmon? What do you say, Omar, this common household item is actually bringing cockroaches into your home? I mean, I'm going to go with, you know, the standard, like, some sort of sticky syrup situation. Oh. Yeah. Sticky goo.

Ants love it. Roaches love it. Goo syrup. Everyone loves syrup. Jake, you live in a shack, but yet you have crickets and ants. You don't have cockroaches. Correct. how many times do you think they go in and they're like

mmm I'm good like when you walk into a store at the mall and you're like mmm I don't like this store I was trying to hope that cricket stopped doing that what do you think the answer is I don't think it's something that usually these types of clickbaits are something like oh I can't believe it's this

so you never think it's like dish soap or some kind of cleaner actually attracts cockroaches well you're all wrong the item and I'm telling you right now there's no one more responsible for this item

in my house than my wife is cardboard. Really? Cardboard boxes from deliveries. Oh, no wonder. You guys have a million

of those. Non-stop. And they sit around inside the house all the time and it's because they are That's their like

bat signal? They are damp. They release some sort of a smell from whatever that cardboard is. Cockroaches love it. They just love eating it.

Love it. Cardboard is a food source for the cockroaches. Really? And since the cardboard is absorbent, it can gather odors from other pheromones, too, which makes it even a more attractive surface. What are we doing, guys? The roaches are loving the cardboard. Why don't we mail things and something else?

We can't. We're addicted to it. Every day there's something from Amazon. And they love it. Yeah, that's what they want more than anything, cardboard. That means every Amazon warehouse is crawling with roaches. Of course. They have to be.

And so some of them may be, who knows? They could be chilling in the box. God, now I'm so happy. I'm so proud of my ability to break down a box and put it right in the recycling when I open it. That could be like Trojan horsing those cardboard boxes right into your house. Think about that for a second. Why is this cardboard box carrying itself into my house? So, I don't know.

That's interesting, and I think that that may be the cause of the cockroach problem. Did this naturally come up for you, or were you searching for retaliation? Vanessa found this one, and I appreciate her for that because... Because you've been getting a lot of crap. I can't wait. I really can't wait to tell this, because she thinks it's, you know, last night was one of those, we have to move, so she said we have to move, and I said, we're not effing moving again, because of the goddamn bugs.

We've moved because of bugs too many times. We're not going to stay ahead of the bugs. Yeah, I know, they're just going to catch up to you again. But now that I know it's her delivery addiction, that's the problem? Good to know. Put that in my back pocket. For her to not do anything. You just wait until I drop that on you later.

Allie, I'm going to give you this next one, because it is back to school time. Okay. And it's one more clickbait. Here we go. Here it's a clickbait. This is clickbait number two right now. Okay. Teachers share the telltale signs that they know a parent actually cares about their kid.

So the teachers are judging you just as much as they're judging your kids at back-to-school time. And they're saying, what is something that teachers can tell immediately about the parents? And then they say, all right, this parent is... This parent cares? This parent cares about their kid. This parent is a good parent as opposed to... It's just like they're deciding which kids are good kids and bad kids. Well, because there's a parent who doesn't care, and then there's, like, a medium care, and then there's too much care.

Right. Like, I'm not going to be the first to stand up and volunteer to be, you know, room parent. That's not going to happen. Ooh, yeah, that's a rough. And they still need him, apparently. They can't have enough. They won't be happy until every goddamn parent's a room parent. And the room parent's just sending a bunch of annoying emails, right?

That's what they do. Yeah, can you donate five bucks for this? Can you do the chaperone this field trip? Bring pasta for Pasta Wednesday. Right, whatever it is. It's a lot. I'm not doing it. But if you're a room parent, God bless you.

You've got more time than I do, and you probably care more than I do. Well, I think a lot of those room parents, too, they sign up as, like, a good faith thing, but then it's also, I just want to see what my kid is doing in class. Right, keep an eye on things. Yeah. This is the way the teachers claim that they can tell pretty confidently if the parent actually is good and cares about their kid. Two hugs. Double hugs.

Double hugs when you drop off. Not just one, just another extra little squeeze, because I actually love you double. I feel like parents, teachers probably hate that because they like the quick advice. They don't like that's long-lived. Oh, my God. The rules that they have around that. Omar, what is your wife's a teacher? You're supposedly a good parent.

You should know this one. I try. I think it's going to be knowing your child's peers, their friends and stuff. You know their names and, you know, kind of like you know how to, you know, interact with them. Right. You don't say things like, hey, what's up, googly eyes. Whatever. Right.

Yeah. Right. I got it. I'm shorty. Don't play with that short kid. Have fun. Hey, there's your friend, Mole Face. Hey, Mole Face.

Good to see you. Jake, what's... Happy birthday, wheelchair. Jake. Jake, what's the answer? I'm going to say, like, depending on what you have for lunch, what they have for lunch. If it's like a healthy lunch or whatever. It's awfully packed lunch.

I thought of that, too. Awfully packed lunch. And then you just throw an Uncrustable in there. Here you go, kid. Or it's just an empty lunchbox. Right. Oops, I forgot to put stuff in there. Just clearly the parents' leftovers from going out the night before.

This is Subway. One of you's right. One of you's right. Oh. Congratulations to, obviously, the man. Omar, yeah. When the parent is familiar with the child's friends and talk to their child's friends

and listen to their... and they have a good relationship with the friends of the child, too, that is the indication that they're actually a good parent and care about their own kid. What if your kid doesn't have friends? Well... That's an alley problem, I guess.

Jay Rock, we are Klein Alley. Show up for grabs right now. Access to the Endless Summer Kegger, also known as the Clam Slam, Slightly Stupid will be there. You should be there as well. And all we need from you is your ideas as we officially open up a new round of the Dank Tank. Just to go ahead and remind you, because everyone's short-term memory is fried.

Thanks a lot, Weed. Here are some of the many ideas we've received over the years. Good morning, guys. I think, or I used to think, a brilliant idea was burrito tape. I hated going to Chipotle, and, you know, you take a bite and it all falls apart. So I was thinking translucent, flavorless tape that you could use on your burritos, on overstuffed tacos. on, like, a messy burger, brilliant. That guy calls his own idea brilliant for burrito tape.

I still don't believe it exists, but he did bring that to us a few months back in the dank tank. I think the technology of making that, it has to be highly adhesive but flavorless and edible. I think that's tough to do. Someone pointed out you could just do double tortilla, and that would solve that problem, or use other pieces. Yeah, but that is too much tortilla.

Yeah, I agree. It does change the ratio. Then there was this idea. Um, so what if they had cereals mixed with other cereals? So my idea is for a hoodie, like a sweater and the top of your sweater has a hole for the woman's ponytail or mouth or. Okay, picture this picture instead of an ice cream truck, you'd have a beer truck coming around to the neighborhood and to the park. And then you see the parent running out to go get their sips, their beers.

So clearly there is no such thing as a bad idea. We will take yours now at 800-520-1067. Invest our actual money into the ideas we like and tickets so you can officially come and hang with us at the Endless Summer Kegger if you are on the Dank Tank. Here we go. My idea is called the Blunt Etiquette Book. Lego or Kinect set that you can put together and you got your pipe or ball. It's called the Dank-O-Meter.

Bug repellent, if they could make it smokable. Instead of having a tree in your mirror, we're going to have like weed leaves hanging, bro. It's viking for your mouth. We should put popcorn out of business and start serving mac and cheese. All right, first idea out of the gate today, Allie, is from Sky, listening right now on line four. Good morning, Sky. Welcome to KROQ 800-520-1067. You're in the Dank Tank.

Officially, pitch away. Hi, sweet dibs. Sweet dibs. My idea is grocery store daycare. Oh, for your kids, so you just drop them off at, like, a little play place and do your shopping? Yeah. Isn't that what that little area is with all the expired stuff in the back? I know that rack well.

It's right by the bathrooms. Yeah, you just go ahead and leave them back there. Why don't you go ahead and alphabetize these expired snacks. Those big kitchen doors? Yeah, yeah. So don't go back there. That's where the butcher is. But, you know, sit right here.

Interesting concept. You could also put them in that little beer walk-in closet thing. Oh, that's a good idea, too. Keep them especially in these hot days. Yeah. All right, so you say add some sort of a... Like a pen. Like a kid valet at a grocery store.

Yeah, they just get so bored and frustrated, and I'm just like, I just want to put you somewhere so I can do my shopping in peace, and then I'll pick you up. It's also annoying because anything they ever want to grab is something that... They're such suckers to the end of the aisle. Oh, man, and they know. Those stores are smart. They put all that stuff there knowing it's going to be like...

Let's put all these Hot Wheels right over here. Right, what can I do to shut this kid up? Okay, go ahead and throw it in the car. Well, and then a kid is constantly talking at you while you're looking at an aisle and trying to make a very important decision, you know, about which soups and pastas you want to buy. It's good stuff.

All right, hold on one second. Sky brings us the grocery store daycare. The ideas could be good, could be bad. We say hi to Noah on KROQ. Welcome to the Dank Tank. Noah, what do you got for us? Hey, so instead of Waymo, I was thinking like Weedmo. They're green, self-driven cars that everybody knows you're getting high in it,

just looping Snoop Dogg and Cypress Hill all the time. and then you would have like a fast pass through Del Taco when you're in this safe, self-driven weed car. Oh, wow. So this is not to deliver you weed. It's for you to just get in and hot box. Just hot box and cruise around and it's painted green so everybody already knows you're high.

So when you pull into Del Taco, they're just like, go for it, man. Smart idea. That's a great idea. It's a custom made, you know, because we are in the world of the driverless technology that's only going to continue. So now you have specific ones.

You don't necessarily have anywhere you need to go, but it's just you want to pick up and maybe you have an option. Well, smoking weed and driving, I mean, it was such a great part of it. But they have those new Waybos, the vans, though. Imagine that. You can get in there with five or six strangers or friends. You can just go for a little smoke sesh, drive you around the beach. No one's got to get high and drive. And then you can, it'll know right away to take you to, as you said, like a Del Taco.

It's great. But is there any legal problem with that? Like, you can't drive while you're high, but you can be in a car, can't you? I think there would be, they would be upset if you, like, I don't, if you were to smoke weed in a regular Waymo now, I think one of those humans would jump on and be like, hey, cut it out. Like, we see you because they're spying on you. Oh, really? They're watching you? Oh, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, they have eyes on you. I mean, it says that. Yeah, they'll tell you stuff. So if you were to, like, hook up in the back of the Waymo, it would stop the Waymo? Yeah, you should test it out and see. I will. Yeah. Interesting.

So if you're, like, snorting coke back there doing illegal stuff, they'll stop the ride? It'll tell you, and I think it says it can use any sort of footage against you for criminal reasons. Cool. Yeah, but I know that they're, like, eavesdropping in on you, and they are watching. I think that's very clear. NARC car. It's a NARC car. Yeah, shut up, NARC car.

One, those cameras I'm sure you can cover up. It's the Dank Tank. Hi, Diaz. Hi, Profit. We say good morning now to Berkeley. Hi, Berkeley. You're on KROQ. How goes it?

So, my idea, you know how there's full self-driving Teslas all over the road, And most people like to avoid them because they're either slamming on their brakes or cutting in front of them. So I like to have a blue status bar on the back of all full self-driving Teslas that lights up so when we know they're full self-driving, we can just avoid them. Yeah, that's great. Like a cab that's open has that special light to let people know this one's driving itself right now. Yeah, that's a great idea. It's like the student driver sticker. Let me say to John, you're on the Dank Tank. John, any idea is welcome. We will pick our favorite and instantly invite you to the endless summer of kegger. What's up, John?

Yeah, what's up? Good morning, Sweet Divots, everyone. Sweet Divots. So my idea is a protein-infused vape. Oh, Klein loves it. You know, there is a three-second period in the day where I'm not getting my protein in, and I could. You're only at 300 grams. I could vape in the rest of it.

They figured out how to protein everything. Why have they not figured out how to protein vape? Vape with protein. And why stop at protein? Why not go creatine? You go a whole thing. It's a whole line of smokable. At least you don't have to taste that powder taste.

Jake tells me, and you want to talk about what a weirdo this guy is. He doesn't even put, he takes electrolyte powder. He doesn't put it in water, let it dissolve, and drink it. He just puts the powder packet right in his mouth and swallows it. It's not even a packet. It's a scoop. I just put a scoop of the stuff into my mouth. I mean, what a weirdo he is, huh?

Yeah, but also, then it just sucks for like 30 seconds. It doesn't suck for the entire time you're drinking the water. It actually doesn't suck at all. I like it. Yeah, but, Allie, to drink a bottle of water, Omar drinks nine gallons of water a day. To drink a bottle of water takes no time at all. You put a little scoop of powder in there. Yeah, but then your water's salty.

It's gross. All right, so Jake just puts a giant scoop on his tongue and swallows it whole. He says that 30 seconds when he's trying to take it down is difficult. I like it. That guy's kind of tanking now, ladies. Yeah, Jake is kind of off the market, so watch out. Let me say hi to Gus. Gus, you're on the Dank Tank.

Good morning. You know, if we did, I had an idea of replacing the inside of chapsticks and glue sticks with butter. Do tell. And just making toast a lot easier, and it just goes up and down like your chapstick does, and then you just apply it whenever. Well, this is actually a great... I actually think that's great.

A great idea is that it's like the same technology we have for chapstick. Or like those big tube glue stick things where you just kind of roll it up and then you go up and down on your bread. And you use it for your butter, for spreading purposes. Or you could do the pan. You just spread it on the pan. Originally, I thought he was talking about putting butter on your lips all day, which I thought was a great idea, too. We already were in. Yeah, I was like, that's a good idea.

And now I realize he's actually talking about putting it on bread. Yeah, but I thought you were also talking about just like butter on the go. Like if you're in a situation where you have bread but no butter, then you have this. Jake, he had that whole tantrum in the casino because he couldn't get butter. He could have avoided it with chapstick butter. I tried to get my own goddamn butter, and they wouldn't let me. Well, I guess that's maybe the best idea yet, which is not saying much for this crop of ideas in the Dank Tank.

We need to come up with a better name than just chapstick butter. Right. Yeah, but that's for the marketing department to think about. We're just here to get the ideas. Samuel, you're on KROQ. Good morning. Hey, good morning, sweet knockers. Sweet knockers to you, good sir.

Hey, so it's summertime. it's hot and everyone's out by the water but, you know, sometimes you don't have a canoe. So I'm going to be selling your own build, your own canoe set. That everyone would just bring to the beach? Yeah, you just keep it in the back of your car, you know,

or truck, whatever, and it's pretty much kicking wire. You make the frame of the canoe and then you put a little saran wrap around it. Saran wrap? Saran wrap, yeah. Is it going to float? It's not sound. Don't cut this guy off.

He's in the middle of his pitch. Yeah, what's the important part? It's the flex seal or rip-off version of it. You seal all the way around the canoe, and then it floats like a boat. Have you actually made one of these before? No, I've been trying to for 10 years. Okay. I mean, how long is it going to take for us to build this makeshift canoe?

11 years. If you want to go in a canoe 11 years from today, We've got the kit for you. I mean, they have inflatable canoes and kayaks everywhere now. This guy's got chicken wire, saran wrap, and flex sealant. And he's still not sure. And what is the situation where you need this? He says, hot days like today, 11 years from now.

So this is not for emergencies? This is just recreational canoe use? Yeah, I think he's saying for fun. I thought it was like an emergency. Is this a fun item, or is this an emergency item, Saul? It's a fun item, and, you know, you start now, and you can start building it, it's great. I'm only asking for $1 million.

Oh my God, for just chicken wire and saran wrap? I think it's a good deal. The fact that you'd go through that much effort just for fun, not out of starvation or necessity. Yes, pantyhose Greg, you're on KROQ. Good morning. Did he fall asleep? I think so.

Pantyhose Greg, good morning. Oh, hey. Hey. Hey, you guys. What's up? Hey, how are you doing? Sorry, are we bothering you? You called us.

Yeah, I was just dozing off here. Yeah, my high idea is a good one, man. What about, like, you run the washing machine, and when it's done, you don't touch it, but then the dryer starts. It's really fabulous. They have that. That exists. Yeah, I think Ginger Justin has one. Yeah, that's cool.

I'm really jealous of that thing. That technology already exists, man. Because picking up the wet clothes, and then you always drop stuff on the way, and it's just, there's no not awkward way to do it. They have one of these things, I've seen it. I think Europe was on this trend earlier, then now it's finally here, or something. Yeah, but I don't think it dries stuff all the way, but none of the dryers do anymore. Sorry, man. Are you guys going to find me a hot little number so I can smoke out with a chick?

I thought you were gay. Well, gay and some, you know, gay plus it's called. Gay plus? I've never heard of this. Gay plus plus. Oh, gay plus is the newest. It's like you're gay in some areas, but plus one or two in other areas. It's called gay plus.

All right. Move over, Disney plus. I can't solve this riddle, but congratulations, Greg, on that. It's exciting that you came out as gay plus on our show. You get a gay plus. One final person gets an idea. And let's say I had a Jasmine on KROQ, and then we have to decide a winner, Allie. go ahead. Jasmine, this has been ridiculous

enough. It is the Dank Tank. It is on KROQ, oftentimes imitated, never quite duplicated. Good morning. Good morning. So my idea is exercises to slim down your neck. Oh my gosh. How would that happen? Who could possibly

use that? Klein needs to know. I could think of one person that definitely needs it. Right. Well, let's not all say the name at once. What are you doing, Klein? Do you have an actual exercise that can actually help slim your neck down or no? I mean, I'm trying to think of some, because I think you might need it. Right, thank you.

That's great. I'm thinking of a noose. It's great when you come up with an idea that you just thought of one minute ago. All right, Allie, we've heard some ideas now. They're not all the best. Some of them are. We didn't even get to some of the ones on the text line, like a fast track pass for the streets, not just for the freeway. Wow, great idea.

So there's certain lanes that you can go in, like a bus lane. Oh, my God. But fast track for you. Could you imagine that on like Highland? Yeah, but once again, as soon as that lane became a special lane, it would suck too. Totally. So it's like the high occupancy vehicle lane sucks now on the, sometimes it's the slowest one. I know.

And then it's like tricks you and then it's fast at first and then it backs up and you're stuck there. We've heard quite a few ideas. Only one of them will win access to our endless summer kegger. Who do we want to drink with? Which one stood out to you as the best one? For me, it's between Chapstick Butter and Fun Canoe. Yeah, those are my two favorites. Those are the strong ones.

Maybe not the best ideas in reality, but I do like the fact the guy called. He's been working on this canoe for 10 years plus and still only has chicken wire saran wrap. He didn't really think it through all the way. I hope he has a significant other that's like, damn it again with the canoe. Will you give up the project? Here's the deal. Since we are doing this endless summer kegger right by the water, I think that he's invited, but he has to have a prototype.

He has to bring his prototype. All right, Vanessa, that's the deal. So that's the man who wins the access to the endless summer kegger. It's whoever gave us that canoe idea. But he has to get his. And sometimes you need that. You got to light a fire under these guys. You know, he's going to serve.

Yeah, we've been doing it in five years. Yeah, so he's got another couple. He's got two weeks to finish this prototype. And then we're going to go test it out in the water. Yeah, well, I'm sure you, you know, you had pie wine as an idea. And then when you actually got Shark Tank, it was like, whoa, we got to kick everything in the high. And now we really got to make something happen. These guys are going to say no in front of millions of people.

I've got to be ready. I've got to be ready for this rejection on a massive scale. And that can be you, Canoe Guy. So, all right, tell that guy the good news and pick a few other people that called in. Let's invite them as well. We are Klein Alley Show, and this is K-Rock. How would you like to go to Harvard? It's very difficult to get into Harvard, but we will send you to Boston to see Weezer.

And that's where Rivers went to college. So, at least you'll get to kind of go. You can tell people you're going to Harvard, even if you didn't go to school there. And we've got that trip coming up in about 20 minutes. Get your name on the standby boarding list so you can win your way to the Weezer show in Boston. It's one of the many sold-out shows on their tour that they're about to head in on. And we will get you into the location right here. Crypto.com, October, you'll get to see Weezer right here.

And if you win the trip, you get to go see them again in Boston, plus an autographed guitar. Your chance to win all that in about 15 minutes right here on KROQ. Kaylee, good morning. Hi, what's up? I'm the Canoe Guy's wife. I knew you existed. Hold on one second. You just heard your husband pitch his idea for the canoe? Yes. And have you heard about this canoe before?

He was talking about it on Sunday. We've been together for over 10 years, and he's talked about it every time we go to the beach. We were at the beach with my family on Sunday, and he goes, you know what would be good right now? And I go, don't. And he goes, you know it would work. I'm like, no, it would not. It would not work. This is a common fight that you get into, is that the chicken wire saran wrap canoe is not a good idea. Oh, it happens every time we go to the beach. Every time. And he claims he's never worked on, he said he's not finished anything. But have you seen him, like, even buying, has he even purchased chicken wire at any point over the last decade?

Oh, you can purchase chicken wire. You can purchase all the saran wrap. He even used the stuff that you can use when you're moving to wrap mattresses. Uh-huh. Yeah. Like shrink wrap? We have a ton of that. So he has actually bought the stuff to try to make a prototype.

He is. He is invested. But he's never once finished a canoe and brought it to the ocean. No. But we do have a pool, and he's tempted to test it there. Tempted? After 10 years, he's tempted? Listen, do you think it'd be...

I mean, we're all having a good laugh at this guy now, but, I mean, if this thing were to somehow, miraculously, turn into a multi-million dollar, billion dollar business, I guess the joke would be on us. But you have no confidence. It's the biggest beach thing since Spikeball. You have no confidence in your husband in this particular realm, correct? Well, the thing is, they're high deals. So it's like he gets really motivated, and then he gets lazy.

And then he just buys saran wrap and keeps it in the garage. I could also use the saran wrap on a sandwich. All right, well, listen, good news for you, I guess, if he's going to bring you as his plus one, because he just scored access to our endless summer kegger. So at least that idea brought you this. I mean, I'm really excited. I couldn't believe that he was on the radio.

I heard Samuel, and I know he listens every day. I listen every day. And I heard his voice, and I was like, don't talk about the canoe. And of course. Well, I wonder if he's going to build it and then bring it, or if he's going to bring the materials for it and build it on site. Yeah, we did say the one caveat is, of course, you guys can come, but he does have to bring us a working prototype so we can test it out.

Your guess is as good as mine. We can't wait to meet you, Kaylee. You sound like a lot of fun, so we'll see you at the endless summer kegger. That's great, Allie. Look at that. I can't imagine every time they go to the beach. She's like, God damn this thing. Well, I like how she started.

She's like, ugh, I'm his wife. We're going to take a quick break. We're back in a moment. We have ADD News to get to. Then we have your tickets to go see Weezer. And before we go to break, Allie, another celebrity is RSVPing to your exciting... Allie is saying, any celebrities out there? She's been given the hall pass from her wife to sleep with a celebrity this weekend when her wife's out of town.

This is big news. Hello, Allison. This is Kim Kardashian. I heard you picked me for your Celebrity Hall Pass. Oh, I did. Love that for you. No. Unfortunately, I've seen your acting reel, and I don't think your acting skills are up

to par for my next sex tape. You have no talent. Maybe take some community college acting classes and get back to me. Bye, bitch. Oh, you're a bitch. Oh, man. Now I'm mad. That's a long list of celebrities.

I'm mad, and I can't have sex with her. That are turning Allie down. God. We've got to take a break. We have more show. Stupid law show. Maybe Rob Kardashian you have a chance with. Well, I'll take a break and more show next.

We're on the Klein Alley Show. Get into your ADD news in just a moment. Then a brand new hour of the show will begin. First thing we have for you is tickets to see Weezer at the show. It's happening at Crypto.com Arena in October. And then get you on that standby list to go see them again in Boston. Plus get that autographed Weezer guitar. That'll be happening the second we're done with your news.

Text line wanted to let us know, first week listener to Klein Alley Show. Also happens to be my birthday today. We don't really talk about birthdays, but... Happy birthday wheelchair. That's for you, pal. Thanks for listening to the show. Let's get into this now, your news. Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. We have our first Halloween costume recall, and it's not even September yet.

Target has pulled this costume from all stores and issued an apology, and I am shocked this even still happens. To be honest, it was a kid's costume. It is a black and orange, quote, clown costume with a giant oversized smiley face attachment. They called it the Kids Glows Under Blacklight Circus Clown Halloween Costume Body Suit. That's a catchy name. That's what every kid says they want to be this year. What do you want to be for Halloween? Glows Under Blacklight Circus Clown Halloween Costume Body Suit?

Oh, perfect. They have it at Target. Lucky you. I thought you were going to say Spider-Man. The picture on the front is a kid who happens to be black modeling the costume. and it looks almost exactly like one of those old caricature minstrel show images. The internet dug up some of these images and they are almost identical in color and in look, even down to the colors the kid is making. Well, I mean, there's literally this costume.

Right. Like, it's almost exactly the same. And so it just begs the question, how did this happen in the first place? As the company issued in their apology, they said, we know we got this wrong. We are deeply sorry. The costume is offensive and should never have been a part of our assortment. It's no longer available for sale.

But there was not only this idea. There was a mock-up of it. Then they said, let's get a kid to model it. What about that kid? Yep. Okay, kid, make this pose. There's no way someone in the room didn't do this intentionally or at least understood that there was a similarity there. It's all made in China.

They're like oblivious. What would someone wearing that costume say, Omar, if perhaps there's any clips? No, stop it. Oh, wow. That is offensive. That's not what he would say or anybody should say ever. Gay. I don't think you should wear that costume.

I'm not thinking of wearing the costume. It's not available anymore. Someone should lose a bet here on the show and have to wear that costume this year. No one is wearing the minstrel show costume. It's horrible. It's a terrible costume. I'm glad they pulled that off the shelves at Target. At Target, for sure.

Just in time for football season. We have an ESPN price increase for the streaming service. ESPN Unlimited is going to go up to $32 a month starting September 17th. And then the just regular ESPN Plus, that's just their regular content library, is also going to be more money. It's going to go up a dollar from $13 to $14. And their annual cost will go from $130 a year to $140 a year. And the question is, how many of these subscription services do you cut out? When do you decide?

You know, it's like Survivor. You've got to be like, where's the weakest link? Because I've got some decisions to make. Which games do they have? They have the Thursday night game? Well, they claim they have tens of thousands. Right, exactly. But I don't think ESPN Plus has enough.

If you're going to start raising prices this time of year, it's usually because you say, I've got, if you want to watch, insert which game of the week they have. The Sunday night one? Is that the ESPN one? They used to have. It's moved around a lot. I can't even keep up anymore. You know, we used to have a little cheat sheet on our fridge.

You have to. Where Sunday night, here's what you watch. Thursday night, here's what you watch. I think ESPN's Monday night, right? I think maybe it's Monday. Oh, they have Monday now? No, I thought Monday night was Fox. ABC was Monday night forever, but I guess that's the same as ESPN because they're all Disney.

But if you have ABC, just watch it there. I don't know. Well, they just said they have 47,000 live sporting events annually and every major sport and championship carried by the network. That number is greatly exaggerated based on all the ones that are skippers. And I'm saying that because they do have a lot of college softball and a lot of other crap on there that shouldn't count towards their number. So how many of the games are they getting, the real games that matter? Well, then you could just get something else, right, like Sunday Ticket and just get all the games regardless of network.

But even that has gotten real pricey, too. That's super expensive. And also, it doesn't even have every game still. There's also blackout games. I don't need anything other than Red Zone, baby. Give me that Red Zone. All the good stuff. Yeah, but aren't there certain times I want to just watch one game?

Nope, can't anymore. My brain doesn't function. I can't watch real games in real time anymore. I need just the action. It's a fix. I've got to get my fix. I need to watch at least one just regular game. Like, I'm fine with the red zone for some of that stuff,

but when my team is on, I want to watch their game from start to finish. Can you come close to any of the world records in running that have been set by men over the last 10-plus years? No. So there's a list here of some of the biggest world records that have ever been set. One of them was actually broken earlier this year,

but of course you have the regular ones that everyone knows about. Like in 2009, Usain Bolt set the 100-meter world record for 9-minute and 58-second 100 meters.

He was the fastest man in the world. No, no, that would be a terrible time. 9 seconds, I'm sorry, 9.58 seconds. I think I could beat that, actually.

9 minutes? I think I could beat 9 minutes and 100 meters. He also set the 200-meter world record nearly 20 years later. Oh, both stand nearly 20 years later,

so no one's broken these records but it was 19 seconds that he ran that then the 800 meter which is half a mile is a minute 40 seconds that's a half a mile that seems impossible one minute 40 seconds 40.91 seconds and then the mile was the one that was just um broken by josh kerr this was broken in july three minutes 30 uh three minutes 42.66 you're not good at times huh you're gonna go through all of the times that have been set? This seems like a lot of numbers

for you to throw out there. Three minutes. Yeah, to get through this. 42.66 seconds. Right. The 400 was broken, too. That was broken by South African sprinter

Wade Van Neertekerk. Do you want to know the time of that one? What is going on here? What is it, like 42? I think Allie's brain is broken. 43.03 seconds. What?

All right. What year is that? So you're asking that if we could beat any of these times? No. Is that a serious question? What about the beer mile?

Do you want to know that one? All right. Give me that. You got that? Yes, I do. Four minutes. Okay. 27 seconds.

And .1 other seconds. I think you got to go on maternity leave now. I think you got to get out of here. Call it 20. Let's forget everything that just happened. The 5K. Okay. Jesus Christ.

12 minutes, 35 seconds, and another 36th of a second. What just happened here? If you'd like to go see Weezer. 10K. You can call us right now. The 20th call, and we'll get tickets to see Weezer right here in L.A., and potentially you'll go see them again in Boston, 800-520-1067. Let's go.

This is the world-famous K-Rock. Welcome back to Runners, a show for runners about running. We'll go over all times of all lengths that have ever been run. For some strange reason, I don't know why, but we'll do it anyway. Look, this is an interesting list that just came out. I mean, maybe. They're putting it all in front of you, going, where do you stack up? I'm more confused now than I was when I knew nothing.

But I guarantee you that no one here on the show could come anywhere close to these records that have been held for standing for 20 years. Okay, obviously none of us can break the records. I'm just saying, how close do you think you could come to any of these? Well, Omar just ran a 5K, and he ran the 5K in 30 minutes, over 30 minutes. Right, just over it. Okay, so the world record for that one is 12 minutes, 35.36 seconds. So Omar was way off.

Yeah, there's no way. Even if you were in the best shape of your entire life, how close do you think you'd be? Like, what do you think is your max? A mile? My best? The best I could? If I ever were to run a...

Do you think you can run a seven-minute mile if you trained? No. No way. Like, the fastest you could ever be? I could be getting chased by a bunch of guys who were trying to have sex with me, and I couldn't run a seven-minute mile. And that would be terrible.

That's a great event. No, that's not it. You should run it. You should start it. We're not doing that event. But anyway, I could imagine. And he's been tackled, and he's being ravaged. But what an effort from Kevin Kline of the United States.

That sounds horrible. If you're the 20th caller, we'll pick you up in a moment. We've got good news to deliver. You'll be heading to go see Weezer right here and then maybe again on the other coast because we've got a road trip happening here at KROQ. It's called KROQ's Road Trip USA. Destination number 8 sends you all the way to Boston, and you will see Weezer there and get an autographed guitar signed by the band.

And it all starts with you winning tickets to see them right here, October 24th at Crypto.com Arena, Yeah, which is information that you probably don't care about unless your name is Alan from Reseda. Good morning, Alan. Oh, Clive, good morning. You are. Sweet divots. Sweet divots to you, good sir.

You are the 20th caller at this exact moment. Oh, shoot. Let's go. Yes. So enjoy yourself some Weezer. I was not expecting this at all. I know. Well, most people are not.

But congratulations. You made it through the gauntlet. And if you have any questions about running or times or distances, Ali can answer them right now. If you win those tickets to Boston, they have the Boston Marathon to be a part of it. Do you want to know the marathon world record? No one cares. Give it to me, Allie. Let's go.

Give it to me. Okay, full marathon. The world record is 1 hour, 59 minutes, and 30 seconds. Woo! Let's go. All right. Hey, fine. I was thinking you should eat your words whenever you said you'd beat that 33-second one.

The 33-second one what? I think it was like the 100-meter. I said it could be nine minutes, sir, and I will eat my words. I will run 100 meters in nine minutes, okay? Just give me a couple weeks to train, but I'll make it happen. Good morning. It's K-Rock with Klein Alley Show. You know, yesterday, Alley, someone asked if they were able to attend our Endless Summer Kegger.

We have more tickets coming up later this hour. And they said that they were over 700 pounds. Do you remember this person we got yesterday? Yes, that person texted in, but we weren't sure if that was real. So they've called and left a message on the GOAT line. It is very real, and they said that they are unable to, well, they would like to attend, I think, but they're not able to because, obviously, transport is difficult. You tell me. Excuse me.

I see people, I see trucks on the freeway transporting houses. We can transport this person to Orange County. Hold on one second. Let me find this message. Jake, you heard this message from this guy. Yeah. You think this is real? It sounded real, right?

I think it's real, too. And usually, you know, my spidey sense is always tingling around here, specifically about people that I think try to tell us stuff because they think it's going to make for good radio. But this guy, I believe to be—listen to this message, Al. You tell me if this guy is over 700 pounds listening to our show. Horse Wiggins, Klein Alley Show. This is Robert, or as my friends call me, Rob the Blob. Rob the Blob. Great nickname.

And by the way, I mean, sometimes... What came first? Right. Did he have the nickname and grew into it? Did he grow into it? His friends were like, just another 100 pounds, we can finally drop this nickname on him. Yeah, right. But Rob the Blob is what this guy goes by.

Now, you'll hear he has trouble breathing during the message in the way I would expect someone who weighs 700 pounds to have trouble breathing. I texted into your program yesterday regarding the fact that I am a proud BBT. that is a big, beautiful person. So he's big and beautiful. He is so big that he claims that he hasn't, I don't think he leaves his house very often, but we did say we'd love to have him as our guest

at the Endless Summer Kegger. I currently weigh a healthy 762 pounds. 62? 762 is what he claims currently. And I don't think that that seems impossible. There's some sumos that I saw there like that. When we had that 420 show and we said we wanted to have people that weighed 420 pounds come.

We had multiple people showed up that were north of 420. Yeah, but double that, basically. Right. That's insane. How can you walk? I mean, if you've seen a My 600-lb Life, even 600 pounds, they can barely walk. Well, once again, we don't know his height. He could be very tall.

That's true. I haven't left my mansion in my adult life. Since the doorway is too ignorant to accommodate my body positivity, and getting me on my feet requires a floor jack and four adults lifting simultaneously. Whoa. Once again, I... A floor jack?

What is that? And four adults lifting simultaneously. Wow. So it would be hard to get him there, but I think worth it. If he's real, if he's pulling a joke on us, then tell us now, Rob the Blog. I love, by the way, that he's shaming the doorway

for not accommodating his big, beautiful body. Well, he's right. Doorways have stayed pretty much the same size. Humans have gotten bigger. A lot of those houses now are open floor plan for people like Rob the Blob. I don't consider this a negative because I have everything I need in here. Between my 22 daily DoorDash deliveries, visits from my masseuses, therapists, girlfriends, and personal trainers. And most importantly, my space.

There's no way he has. Allie, this is why I believe this to be a real call. And I'm telling you, I'm pretty good at this, like now. Yeah, you have a good judge of this. And when you hear his breathing, this is the breathing of a man that is 762 pounds. And most importantly, my favorite radio program. Yes, Klein Alley Show is number one in this happy shed. And I want to thank you guys for letting me know it's okay to be different.

And that really is the message of this show. Absolutely. And if you are happy, that is all that matters. Regardless of all of the ridiculousness and the people that accuse us of being a bunch of different things on a regular basis, Allie being racist and homophobic and all that stuff, which is true, this guy's making a good point, is that we've accepted him, all of him, all 762 pounds of him, for who the hell he is. You've accepted us in our weird ways, and we appreciate that. But, I mean, I want this guy at our event, and I'm thinking that we need to start making moves to make it happen.

You remind me that it's okay to have a relationship with food like the one I have because it isn't substantially different from a client's relationship with gambling, Vanessa's fixation with chicken, Jake's infatuation with Kitty, Omar's drug use, or Allie's love of terrible, terrible women. So this guy is making a good point, this fat man, that we are all addicted to different things, and he just has this unhealthy relationship with food. But, I mean, who among us doesn't have an unhealthy relationship?

And also, I would love to get a weekly restaurant recommendation from this guy. You know, if he's doing 22 door dashes every single day, this guy knows every good spot within a 100-mile radius, I bet. Also, you know the idea of, like, whenever you take a group picture, you always want to have someone, like, a little fatter than you in the picture so you look skinny? He'll just have 762 pounds. If we could get this guy in all of our pictures, we would look amazing. Think of how good we'd look. Also, the event would look way more full. Oh, yeah.

If we get this guy in, I think that's it. We're at capacity. And look at you guys now. Number one morning show in the area of Spike Ward and the Blob Shack. Congratulations, by the way. The Blob Shack? I think he calls his house the Blob Shack. Oh, I thought he was talking about an online chat room that is for blobs.

Oh, maybe it is. I don't know. Please call back and leave another message about what is the Blob Shack. So thank you, Klein Alley Show, for making all this possible and for occasionally making me jiggle hard enough to register on the Richter scale. And hey, I would love to attend your kegger, but Odyssey would need to come knock down a few walls here

and then put them up again. We'll do it. I'm telling you right now. So he can't physically leave because he can't get through the door because he's stuck in his shack. He's being serious. Omar, either this guy's real or either this is a joke.

Man, it's hard to tell. Yeah, it is. But I would love to grease him up and get him out those doors for sure. You have tricks, Omar, taking the hinges off. The hinge? Yeah. You take the hinge off the roof, man.

Yeah, you can figure it out. Just have a giant come in, take the roof off, lift him out, put it back on. If he's cool with it, we'll figure it out. We can move the shack. I don't think we can figure it out, man. We have construction workers that listen. If it's about getting this one big man to our party. We have to maybe get him out a window or something.

How's there going to be a window that big? We'll make one. Does he live in LA? Because his area code shows Massachusetts. What? We would have to get him across the country? That's even better. Then you just rip the shack off its hinges and put it on a truck.

Call back and see where he... I think he listens. Or just have him walk through the wall like the Kool-Aid man. Oh, he just shows up? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there he is. When my girlfriends come. All right, well, listen.

Girlfriends? That part I don't believe, but the other parts I believe. And his trainers. All right, listen, let's figure out if this guy's real. If not, I've been had. But I think he, people think he's real. I'm just saying, there's something about him. He sounds legitimate.

I want to believe this man to be a real man. Man, if he comes to L.A., he'll be on GLP-1s in a heartbeat. That guy will be like 120 pounds. Yeah, because you're right to air one, sir. So much loose skin on Rob the Blob. We got to take a quick break when we get back. Everyone's feeling hot and bothered because of the heat wave, and we're going to let you go ahead and vent.

Let some of the air out of your balloon right now. So, 10 seconds of rage. We have access to our endless summer kegger. You don't even have to be 700 pounds to get in. You just have to call and rage. 10 seconds, whatever's on your mind. This is like the earthquakes where those little ones will help prevent a big one. If you've got anything at all that you'd like to vent about, rant about, now's the time to call us.

800-520-1067. We'll get to that next on KROG. Think of this as free therapy because it is hot and it's going to get hotter. The official temperature today and for parts of Southern California is hot as balls, even though, you know, they won't say that on the official. Let's talk about the Doppler. But we all know what the Doppler is, Ali. It's balls. And it's balls hot outside.

And it's going to get hotter. And we're in the middle of this heat wave. It's going to go on for a while now. And Jake, of course, the nerd on the show, has reason why we should all understand why we are feeling more irritable. And people don't understand why it is, but there's just something about, there's actual science behind it. Was one of you doubting this yesterday? I was talking about this with somebody. They were like, no, that's not a thing.

Well, I think that the idea... None of us were listening. I tuned you out as well. Omar, were you listening to Jake? I was not, no. Okay, yeah, so... You were arguing with somebody about this? Maybe you were talking to yourself, Jake.

Maybe, I don't know. But high temperatures stress the body, alter brain chemistry, and disrupt sleep. And this phenomenon is called a hot weather effect or a heat hypothesis. A lot of people have this. They're suffering from it now. And I think the big part of what he said,

The only thing that I kind of tuned him out again there, I'll be honest. I say balls. I think the thing that he is talking about is when people are hot and they can't get sleep because they're up all night hot, then it translates the next day to them being grumpy and irritable. Oh, this was Vanessa yesterday because the night before, her AC wasn't working and she was up sweating and spraying herself in the face all night. It makes you grumpy, I get it. So then the next day, something that normally would fly under the radar is not something that's going to bother you, really starts to irk you. and then the next thing you know you're having a fist fight with the guy at the drive-thru.

You're just irritable. Everybody's on their period right now. That's what it feels like. Is that really happening though? I'm not on my period. Let's get to it. Don't worry about it. It's time now. Can you say something about a period? That's what I heard.

Don't worry about a period, Vance. Ten seconds of rage. We think if you rage for ten seconds and you let some of the air out of the balloon and you'll feel better instantly. It's a scientific study that Jake was telling us about. Sometimes that's all you need to do is let a little out. And I don't mind.

I'll even start, Allie, because, you know, they have all these rules that you can't have weed stores near schools and you can't have liquor stores near schools. They should make a rule that you cannot put a frozen yogurt place within 200 yards of a school. Dude, those places are chaos. It's not only chaos, but it forces, It should be treated the same way as a weed store.

I watch the parents scramble as they try to block their kid's view. And then all you need is one friend of a friend of a friend who's like, Ah, Charlie's going over there. Ice cream. And then you're screwed. You're right in there. You're right in the thick of the chaos. And I believe that that should be treated the same way we've treated these other places that can't be near schools, bars.

They do it on purpose. Of course they do. They're no dummies. Yeah, but they also know that it's one time someone says, Hey, let's get ice cream. And then the next day, it's on the brain again because it's 3 p.m. And, of course, yesterday you got ice cream. Might as well get it today.

Shut it down. People like me are too weak to say no. Put something near a school the kids don't like, like libraries. Okay? We can walk right by those. No problem. We don't want ice cream, okay? It's just tons of libraries.

There's more libraries. So many. Yeah, that's right. That's why they don't need another one on the outside. I'd like to rage, if I could, about something that just happened to me. I recently ordered a couch. Pretty excited about it. And I got a text from the company saying, good news, there's a status update on your order.

I'm saying, great, there's a link here about my delivery date. I think it's been moved up. I'm all excited. I click on the link, and then it just says order in progress. Order in progress? Yeah. That's not a status update. You're right.

That's not a delivery date. That's no information. I just clicked on something for no effing reason. Wait until you get your third or fourth status update that's still going to be order in progress. Because sometimes they'll do that. A week goes by. You go, here we go, another status update. Order in progress, which means nothing.

Don't text me about it. Martin on KROQ. You have 10 seconds to rage. Go ahead. Hey, man. First of all, I'm a delivery driver for Amazon, and damn, those vans get hot. They get steamy up in there. And then to top it off, you got all these shirts over here ordering packs and packs of water,

running them over there all the way up to their steps. I'm over here sweating balls like crazy and can't even drink a damn beer. All right. You can't even take a water. That's Martin. You're just cursed to bring water to other people while you're sweating your ass off. Remember, whoever rages the best will get themselves instant access to our endless summer kegger. And you'll cool off there as we were hanging out in Newport Beach at the Hyatt.

We say hi to Justine. It's time for 10 seconds of rage on K-Rock. Go ahead. Oh, boy. She's going to blow her opportunity. Justine, in three, two, one. Time wasted. We say hi now to Jordan.

You're on KROQ, 805-201-067, 10 seconds of rage. What's up? Yo, sweet biz, guys. But, man, this heat makes no sense at all. Everything is sticking to everything on me right now, dude. I'm driving the 405 south. Sun's in my face. AC's on.

I can't get anything off me, dude. I'm melting right now. Everything's sticking to everything. Yeah, I understand being upset about car AC. I feel like they are crapping out. They can't keep up. I agree for some reason. It doesn't work.

I think car ACs are getting weaker and weaker. They are. I had mine on for, like, 20 minutes, no change. Is that an electric car thing versus a gas car thing? I don't know, but it just seems like I even try and do the thing where I can put the A.C. on before I get in the car. It makes no difference. I think the electric car A.C. is whack. It's terrible.

It's not good, huh? That's what's going on. Yeah, I need some gas. Like monster truck A.C. That's what I want right there. I'm going to try to get one of those actual units just hanging out the window, one of those car windows. Or, and they don't know how to distribute it properly either, because if you put it all the way up to the max, then you just have one stream of freezing cold air in your eyeball

and you're hot everywhere else. Hey, Alexander, welcome to KROQ, 10 Seconds of Rage. What's up? Sweet dude, sweet dude. Yo, what is the deal with natural deodorant, bro? They all say apply once to feel fresh all day, but it's more like apply all day and you still keep the flow. Yep.

I'm in my car all day. Like, yo, you know, they got to fix that, or I'm probably going to switch to good old aluminum, you know? Yeah, I got the aluminum in my pits, baby. And I know it's probably not good for me, and I feel like I'll eventually be Iron Man or something. Yeah, but we haven't come up with an alternative. It just doesn't work. Tom's and all that other crap, and I know Johnny's big into one of these other ones that I think he pays like 20 bucks a stick for. This one's like the stick is like charcoal.

I don't know what it is. It's quote natural, but for some reason, there's certain people that are not cut out for natural. There's certain people that are aluminum people. And they rhyme with schmake. They need aluminum. I have natural musk. Well, you need to get some aluminum musk ASAP. The natural stuff doesn't work on you, James.

Wrap you in aluminum foil. Left side of Victoria, you're on KROQ. Hi, what's up? Hi, sweet David. 10 seconds of rage. So I live in Long Beach. I live in Long Beach, right? We got the power going out.

I can't take my dog out during the day because it's so hot, so I got to take him out at night. So meanwhile, he's running around the house, hot laps, going nuts. I got the kitten now freaking out with the windows open because we got no A.C. And I got the kitten trying to jump out the window. All right. It's nonstop chaos. Well, this is the problem.

All these people like to live by the ocean. Most of the year, they got a good situation going. And a lot of them say, we don't need A.C. They always say that. I don't need A.C. And then you had a week like this. You're like, I was wrong. Why?

Why don't I have an A.C.? I was wrong about that. And you know what else pisses me off? Is during the day, of course, it's hot as hell. You try to plan around by walking the dog or going out early or late at night. But then if you go out early, mosquitoes. If you go out late, mosquitoes. They're bookending all the great times to be outside.

I had two coyotes waiting for me this morning as I was getting in my car, leaving the place. I think all of nature is getting too hot, too. So they're just roaming, looking for anything. They're all ornery, too. They almost took me down today. Hey, what's up, Sam? Hey, what's up? Hey, so I drive a big rig all day, every day, stuck in traffic with no AC.

I'm tired of it. If it's bumper-to-bumper traffic, it wasn't enough. I have to deal with dripping sweat coming down my face, wiping it from my eyes, going through gears, people cutting me. I'm done with it. Shout out, lot lizards. I didn't realize lot lizards have to deal with so many sweaty truckers that don't have AC. That seems like the most important thing. They still got to do what they do, but they got to do it with sweaty balls.

We got to go over some of these calls we got. Hopefully, you feel a little bit better after raging over the airwaves of KROQ as we give you some Joe. It's called End of Beginning. It's on KROQ or Klein Alley Show. KROQ, Klein Alley Show. We have to move on to something more important involving Allie and her sex life. But let me just quickly say hi to Edwin, who's been waiting on the phone. He's all pent up with anger.

Hi, Edwin. How you doing? I'm doing all right, man. What can we do for you? Man, I work for a major chip company, and we work inside a warehouse. It's humid as F, and we've got to keep working. The managers are all nice and cozy inside with their AC on, and they keep expecting us to keep working just as hard.

What kind of chips do you make? What kind of chips? I mean, is it something I've eaten before? No, we package all the chips for our salespeople out there. They deliver them to 7-Elevens and everything. Oh, man, that's great. Does it rhyme with, like, burritos or onions? Yup, yup, yup.

Those are the ones. Those are good chips. I like those chips. So you're saying it's hot and humid on the floor, and you guys are down there, and all the big bosses are upstairs in their igloos. Yup, yup. And it's frustrating that you have to pack something delicious that you can't eat.

It's like torture. Bring some of those bags of chips with you. We'd love to see you at our Endless Summer Kegger. It's happening on September 3rd with Slightly Stupid, and we'd love to invite you, Edwin, as our guest, all right? Awesome, thank you. Yeah, hold on. If you could bring enough chips for $1,000, that'd be great. Thank you.

Allie is going to be single on Friday night. Well, technically. My wife's going to be out of town. it's my last weekend before the summer ends that I could potentially have a one night stand which is my funner summer challenge which I haven't been able to accomplish. I don't remember all of

the things we were supposed to accomplish this summer as a show but I know we made it a mission to have a funner summer because fun scores in society were at an all time low which is why I did pull the all nighter in Vegas. Wow, questionable. Not questionable. There was no proof really but that's okay. I sent it all to Johnny. I sent him every video of everything I did in Vegas.

I never saw anything. Well that's on him not putting it up i sent him all the air dropped all my footage of 2 a.m 4 a.m 6 a.m i was up all night in vegas not having a great time by the way you talked to some uh took mushrooms yeah but i took mushrooms in my atm card so that didn't go well for me but then uh i did through the pool party we had the backyard kickback whatever you want to call that worst that was not the worst it was a lot of fun so summer challenge except i did my things and uh i believe that vanessa went to a water park and she claimed she went camping because she lost power in Long Beach the other night, so that counts for her.

Omar, I don't know if you've had sex three times in one day yet. I have not. But you've got another week to make that happen. Well, Klein, you took that. I took that. I knocked that out of Omar's. Took that off Omar's list. Proud of myself. And then Allie here. And that's us to go camping

still. No! I camped already. I'm counting that. She technically did it. She's counting it. She did not technically. I had a flashlight. I had to turn on that. You're not accepting that, are you? I had a flashlight. Jake, by the way, He did get the drugs he has to take, mescaline, but he hasn't taken it yet. Because doing a new drug was something that he was assigned.

Allie, you were supposed to do a couple things. I forget what they were. No, I helped Vanessa with getting drunk at a water park. Water park, right. Yeah, and then the one thing I had to do was this one-night stand because I had landed on the keg party thing, but because my location is so far out, you volunteered to take that one, too. Well, and then we ended up turning into a party with the listeners,

which we're doing on the Friday or the Thursday before Labor Day. So anyway, the one thing Ali has to do is one-night stand. It just so happens, last weekend she can pull it off. Wife's out of town for two nights. We did have a conversation about threesomes, which didn't go too far. I tried to watch a sexy movie with her about having sex with another couple. Didn't necessarily pan out. Then we had a conversation about hall passes,

which she gave me a hall pass for any celebrity that is in the A to C range. A-list, B-list, and C-list celebrities. So we reached out to quite a few of them. Earlier this day, you got your first rejection from an A-lister. Hello, Allison. This is Morgan Freeman. But I'm sure you already knew that. I hear that you have a hall pass to sleep with me this weekend.

Unfortunately, I have eyeballs and just saw you, so it's a strong pass for me. Good luck. So that didn't go well. And then you heard a few moments ago, you know, a more modern-day celebrity, even though we would argue probably barely on the C-list, but this Kim Kardashian passed on you as well. Hello, Allison. This is Kim Kardashian.

I heard you picked me for your Celebrity Hall pass. Love that for you. Unfortunately, I've seen your acting reel and I don't think your acting skills are up to par for my next sex tape. Maybe take some community college acting classes and get back to me. Why don't you pass the bar and shut up? We found someone that we thought was in your wheelhouse because she's older than you

and probably you could get her because she's not as famous as she once was and she is gay. Hi, Allie. It's the world's second most hated lesbian, Ellen DeGeneres. Game recognizes game. I hear you have a hall pass to have sex with me. Sadly, I can't this weekend because I'm already scheduled to have sex with your wife. What?

She said you were cool with it. Looks like I'll be doing the tap, tap, tapping now. Hello? Is this thing on? Yeah, we heard you loud and clear. So, Ellen is also a pass. That surely got way less funny. She's my, yeah, she's...

Damn, does not get better with age. Terribly unfunny. That's unbelievable. I do believe the sex thing, though. Yeah, so that's a pass for her, too. Okay, so I've gotten no yeses. We did talk to Billie Eilish because of the connection through K-Rock. Hey, Allie.

It's Billie Eilish. I heard you picked me for your Celebrity Hall pass. I'm so flattered, for real. Unfortunately, I'm not taking on any more bad decisions at this time. I'll totally keep your resume on file in case anything opens up in the future, though. Okay, so she's also passing on you. Check that off the list, though. So that's where we're at now.

So we're at B's for Billie? Yeah, so that's what we got. I think, I don't know if this is real or not, but apparently Taylor Swift was contacted. Hey, girl, it's Taylor Swift. I heard you picked me for your celebrity hall pass. How cute. Unfortunately, I can't this weekend because I'm already scheduled to have sex with your wife. Oh, my God.

She said you were cool with it. What? Another person? Your wife's got to have a fun weekend. So, anyway, it's a lot of fun. Can she just take this funner summer challenge? She's having the fun of summer. Take a break.

We'll get back in a moment. We have news to get to. We have a brand-new hour of the show to get to. We'll help you live forever with an old people's secret and much more after this on KROQ. There are things happening in the world you should probably know about those things. So to break it all down, here she is with your ADD news,

Barbara Walrus. Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD news. Thanks, fine. It was inevitable. Move the tusks out of the way so we can hear you. Can you hear me okay? There we go.

There you are, loud and clear. We have a Grand Theft Auto leak. It makes sense. It's the highest anticipated video game release of all time. That's them. I'm sure. I'm glad we have a leak. They've been dangling this carrot in front of us for a decade.

So, yes, obviously, it has been a very delayed release. People are very anxious to see clips of it. There are a bunch of videos of gameplay that have been released. They are all over the Internet. It's obvious that somebody has a current copy of the game because there's the full clips of the full map, clips of the storyline, clips of the main character, Jason. He's driving around. He's beating up a truck driver. At one point, he uses a new drug called Zombix to heal himself.

So that's a feature that, of course, nobody knew about. Clips of him flying a plane. Jason flying a plane over L.A. This is all a week before Netflix. It's not L.A. Well, it's based on L.A., isn't it? It's a made-up town. Was it San Andreas?

Yeah, I think so. So Netflix was going to release a teaser video of GTA 6 gameplay in a week. so I don't even know if they're still going to release that but the name of the person or group that's releasing these is called CyberLeak there are QR codes on the clips asking for Bitcoin donations and the person or group

would also like a promise from Rockstar Games to release a physical copy of the game instead of a fully digital release so this is obviously somebody who is very invested in this game and has, it's not just money that they want, they have a passion for GTA and they want

a physical copy of the game to be released. So until they promise that, they're going to continue to release clips. You know, you find out about these jobs, and you wish you had known about these jobs when you decided what you wanted to do, but these video game testers, these are people that get hired and paid to... Yeah, we'll send you the game and just play it.

They send out these games, and they say, play it, and just play it for hours on end until you find any little weird glitch or any time you can't randomly pick up a beer and chug it, like, let us know so we can fix all these things, and then they just move on to the next one. I mean, that sounds like just an amazing job. Maybe the best job on the planet.

To be like, I should probably have sex with more of these prostitutes so that I can make sure that this is a seamless process. Gotta make sure this whole thing works properly. I mean, at this point, when you take this long to, this is what happened with Back to the, hold on, what was the movie that was terrible? Coming to America 2.

Is that the first one was so good and then they waited 30 years to release a sequel and then the expectations were where they were and that movie sucked. Yeah, and you know, I wonder if there needs to be one person to just be in the room and go, guys let's call it it's not good enough like like it's been this long just release it obvious no just let's not not release it at all like coming to america too you're saying it's not that maybe

after 30 years someone should be like all right you've worked on it enough obviously it's just not gonna be good so let's just call it i know this grand theft auto is gonna be great and we're all gonna get the you know excited about it again and then uh the problem is everything has been a giant string along, including the stupid thing on Netflix now. They've been teasing the teaser video for two weeks now on Netflix. I know. I don't really need a gameplay

teaser. The leaks are fun, but I don't need Netflix to be like, look at what you can do in three months. I want to discover that for myself. It's easier to actually hijack a helicopter in real life and bang a prostitute than it is to wait for it to do it virtually on the game. I know. People are going to start doing it.

I know. You know what? I've been waiting for GTA 6. It's not going to happen, So I guess I'm going to steal all these cars myself. When's it going to get released? When's the official? November. November. Yeah.

Good God. There was a time when it was impossible to find good van news. You and I know this, Klein. Every time somebody was in the van, they were either getting murdered, they were living in it, they were dealing drugs out of it, or they were luring children into it with candy. The first thing we learned is, the first lesson I believe I've ever been taught by anyone is avoid vans and van drivers. No good comes of vans. Well, vans are making a comeback.

Now in 2026, the soccer mom minivan is the thing to buy. The main reason is because SUVs have become incredibly unaffordable. Most of them start at $60,000 or $70,000 now as a base. But minivans start at like $40,000. And a lot of them have better gas mileage, they have more space, and they have more features. And a lot of commentary is going on about this online. And some people are commenting, I secretly take our minivan instead of my pickup truck to work a lot of times. That thing is bitchin'.

Listen, you guys all mocked me when I had to drive that forced minivan back from Arizona when my flight got canceled. Did you love it? And drove through that monsoon, that torrential downpour. I loved that. I felt like I was in my own spacecraft. I said the sliding doors make getting in and out so easy. There was nothing cool about it. Loading up dogs, kids.

Nothing cool about it from the outside. But on the inside, it felt amazing. It felt like I was driving a cubicle. Well, it's a more practical solution, but a lot of people don't like practical because it doesn't look as cool. Definitely did not look cool. And every time I'd stop to put gas in it, which was multiple times on that drive, I would go like, oh, my God, what loser parked at this pump? Oh, wait, that's me. But still, when I got inside of it, I said, this is amazing.

But people also, when homes became unaffordable and apartments, everyone was turning minivans into like tiny homes. And they were redoing them. I mean, some of those remodels, they're like thousands of dollars, tens of thousands of dollars to make a tricked out minivan. We're like one cool celebrity from driving a minivan very publicly away from everyone just jumping on that. Yeah, I feel like it'll be Pedro Pascal or something. Great. Get that man a minivan. Driving around with a minivan. Malls in a lot of ways have made a big comeback.

They're cool again, especially if you go to a mall in Southern California. It's crawling with people right now. Can't afford anything in the mall anymore, but it's fun to hang out. Now the food courts are starting to get interesting. A Cheez-It pop-up is opening in the Westfield Topanga Mall. It'll be there for the month of September. So take that pumpkin spice. There are a few menu items you can buy.

They'll have a Cheez-It cinnamon roll with Cheez-It flavored icing. So that's competition for Cinnabon. Then you have a Wagyu corn dog with Cheez-It cracker crusts. That's competition for hot dog on a stick. and they've got a Philly cheesesteak competition for your pants. These items do not sound good to me. Am I alone in this? The corndog sounds great.

A Philly cheesesteak I would love. A cinnamon roll with cheese icing, I don't know. Here's the thing. Is Cheez-Its the good one and Cheez-Nips are the bad one? Yeah, who loves Cheez-Nips? Cheez-Nips are the knockoff bad one. I always forget which one I like. One of them's good and one of them's trash.

You like the knockoff brand better than Cheez-Its? I think Cheez-Its is the one I like. That's the little squares, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think those are the good ones. whatever cheese nips they're the ones that need to

I don't think Cheez-Its needs to help they don't need to they don't need to reinvent themselves on top of a Cinnabon Cheez-Its are awesome and I think

they're a top five snack but I think Cheez-It is coming out with a lot of products I know they were doing collabs with like Taco Bell and stuff I would love to see

all this from Goldfish Crackers I think Goldfish Crackers are better than Cheez-Its and we can incorporate them into just as many foods they got enough going on Pepperidge Farm

has lost their way they need to get back with it it's like Pizza Hut and Domino's Like, one of them is doing all these collabs and staying in the conversation, and the other one wasn't. We get into a brand-new hour of the show in mere moments. This is the world-famous K-Rock.

All right, good morning. It's just after 10 o'clock on a, what is today, Tuesday? Tuesday. Man, it's going to be, once again, hot as balls today. Tomorrow, pretty much the rest of the week, there's your official K-Rock forecast. Lots to get into this hour. Hope you live forever with an old people's secret. and much more if you'd like to go to our Endless Summer Keg

or cool off in one final fun time this summer. We'll do it on September 3rd. We're heading to Newport Beach. Should be a little cooler there. Back Bay Amphitheater, Hyatt Regency was slightly stupid and the only way to get in is to win your way in and we'll make that happen for you again this hour and also be listening for the cheering of Chug, Chug, Chug Chance

to join us at the Kegger. This message, Allie, was awaiting us on the GO line. I'm going to be driving up to San Francisco roughly Thursday and so I'm going to have my girlfriend in the car. I'm going to essentially do the three-day challenge in that six-hour drive and play Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday's podcast for you guys, for her.

So this guy's attempting to force his girlfriend to check out the three-day challenge. We say if you have friends, family, enemies, exes, lovers, whatever, please convince them to listen to our show. Not one day. One day is very hateable. We're very hateable after one day, one listen.

But you need to get them trapped Like this guy He has trapped her in a car Stockholm Syndrome situation Three days So she has no other options Three days He's going to try to go ahead

And cram three days of listening Into one road trip And that would work And in that time She should make up her mind And by the way Three days of listening And you decide you hate us

That's great We can part ways And you can say I gave them a shot And they suck But we do believe That three days Is what is needed

To determine That this is the show for you But would you like him To do it the way he's doing it With just a chronologically three days, or would you rather give him three great days that we don't think work?

In fact, he's telling us, Allie. And hopefully we can knock that three-day challenge into a she's going to listen more often after that. So let's see if you guys can have two more good shows. We'll see. I mean, I'm always enjoying them.

Personally, my favorite. Only radio station I listen to, trust. Appreciate you. Thank you. We did. Talk to them anytime. You're a real one. Old OG Slaga right there. So all we need to do is put together another decent show. I think that's the dumb off, the beginning of the dumb off.

Oh, yeah. She's going to get a solid three days. Dominic Fike now. Old People's Secrets next on camera. Give you the gift of living forever. You know, the old people, as soon as you turn 100, 105, 107, 111, and congratulations. I believe we currently have a 117-year-old now living. Oldest woman on the planet Earth.

Always a woman. Always a woman living that old, living that long. And she has shared with us her secret. We've got a couple, I think for the first time ever in Old People's Secret Alley, we have twins. Twins that have both lived past 100. Conjoined or regular? I think they are connected. Cool.

We're going to have to see. They always have a long life expectancy. No, they're not connected. I was just told they're not connected. They're not connected. That would be crazy. But they are twins, and if they have an Old People's Secret as twins, I would imagine that's got to actually mean more than all these ones we're getting that are just rogue,

drink whiskey, eat hot dogs, whatever. And they can corroborate each other's story. They have to agree on something. So, for the first time ever, welcome to a twin edition of Old People's Secrets. From chicken brain to drinking rain, not getting laid, they call me the barmaid. They call me the barmaid. That's right. Let's live forever with Sweet Dibbets.

Sweet Dibbets. Time for some Old People's Secrets. Let's meet the old people this week. They are twins once again. What is their secret? If you want to live forever, you must do what the twins do. A magnificent milestone is approaching for a pair of identical twins from the Miami Valley. Mary Jean and Mary Alice turn 100 in just two days.

They have a lifetime of memories together that they share. 2 News anchor Lauren Wood took a trip to Tip City to visit with the twins. Where did she go to? I love that place. It's my favorite website. That's where the new GTA 6 is based on. That's right. It's all about, you can't say it on the radio. Took a trip to Tip City to visit with the twins. It's this week's Tell Me Good News.

All right, so this is their Tell Me Good News segment, and they're going to meet the twins. We were never separated, were we, Jean? No, never separated. So it's one guy and one girl. There's a guy and a girl? Oh, those are, nope, I'm sorry. Those are both women. Sorry about that.

They are identical twins. I feel like when you get old enough, eventually you just go back to gender new. But one of them, one of them. He's going to look like an old person. One of them, he sounds. We were never separated, were we, Jean? No, never separated. Twins?

So those are the twins, and that's their secret. Well, not their secret, but they explain that they've never been separated their whole lives. They still dress similar, too, which I think is a big thing when you're a parent of twins. Do you think that that's weird? Yes, once they pass the age of four. Twins dressing alike? Yes. Because my dad's a twin, and they never did that.

They're not even close. I don't even like families that wear matching shirts to Disneyland. I find that weird. So these twins are waking up and going, what floral shirt are we going to wear today? Hospital gown, you two? Hospital gown? Twins often describe their relationship as two bodies sharing one heart. Oh, they are conjoined.

Cool. I didn't realize that. Sharing a heart, too? That's cool. Still pumping. And that's never been more true than in the bond shared between Mary Jean Holzhauer and Mary Alice Haley. Growing up, they never left one another's side. As adults...

They can't. They're connected. Because their hips are one hip. As adults, distance left a gaping hole, but it didn't break the bond. I could tell when she was sick when I was in Prada. That's kind of, that's like crazy twin stuff. I could tell she was sick when I was in what? Water? She, something, hold on.

Enchilada. When I was in Prada. When I was in Prada. She was a frog. Ah, when I was in Enchilada. She could tell when her sister was sick. That's like a twin thing, I guess. That's like dogs. They can tell when you're terminal. Growing up, the twins describe it as a simpler time

without many of the modern conveniences. Good enough, we didn't have a TV. Oh, God, terrible. They just had to stare at each other and go, I think you're getting sick. I don't have a mirror, can you stand in front of me? I guess I'll get sick because I'm bored out of my mind. We just had radio, we didn't need...

Oh, no, listen to this. Oh, a radio mention. Shout out radio. Woo! Listen to this, how sad this is. We didn't have a TV, we just had radio. Oh, poor people. They're still around.

We didn't even have a bathroom in the house until I was about 15 years old. You see that? You didn't even have a bathroom, but you had a radio. Just don't forget about us, guys. It was more essential. We've been there for you since before you could take a dump inside your own house. But they had plenty of time for mischief. I think both of us together closed him up.

What is the worst thing that you think they did? Come on. God. I mean, back then, it'd be like stole a cow. It's trouble makers. A couple of troublemakers. Oh, okay. I think she said.

They played hooky a lot. They would sometimes switch places and- They played hookers a lot. Cool. So that's cool, huh? They played hooky a lot. They would sometimes switch places in class to fool their teachers, and that's not all. When we were dating, we switched boyfriends.

Whoa. Cool. That's edgy stuff. I mean, their names are almost the same, too. Imagine that. You hear this now, you're like, oh, my gosh. And I feel like the guys wouldn't be pissed about that either. No, it's a great prank.

Wouldn't you be like, great. A great prank. Oh, no, you switched. I can add another number to my list. On dates, we would switch boyfriends. Don't tell all the good secrets. If one of them was, like, real slutty and one of them was a prude, we'd be like, oh, no.

Let's switch again. Oh, no. The twins, 100 years, passed more quickly than they could have ever imagined. I don't feel any definite. Well, it was a surprise to me. I didn't think I would go that far. And their advice for the younger crowd? All right, go ahead, Allie.

Advice, secrets, it's all the same. What do you think they're going to say? God. Old people secrets, keeping track every week. It's a brand new one. What do you think is their advice? I think just have, just, I think they're going to play some kind of a game every day. I feel like they're like a brand new team.

Yeah. Brain teasers? Brain teasers. Jake, what do you say? I think we had to bleep that. All right. I don't know if that's allowed on the radio, but we'll let it slide for now. Omar, secret?

Yeah. I think they're going to say something generic like, don't take yourself too seriously in life. And finally, Vanessa, lock in your guess, Vanessa. Find yourself a best friend. So let's find out if anyone's right. This is the secret if you two want to live forever. Just be thankful that God gave you what you got. These two still have each other.

That God gave you what you got. And they have each other. It's a beautiful story. It's a blessing they don't take for granted. All right, well, there you have it. It's your feel-good moment this morning on KROQ. As you know, we're known for these. We do them quite regularly around here.

Live from Tip City. From Tip City, baby. Back in a moment, we have more show after this. KROQ, we are Klein Alley Show. quick things we need to get done with here. Someone did let us know that they are a female listener and they get incredibly turned on by one specific part of the show.

Oh, but who is it? Whenever Omar stutters, they claim that they have a strange arousal. A female listener. I don't even know what she looks like. This was a text we received followed up with a DM. This is from yesterday's show, so I

want to warn this one person who gets turned on by it. Here's Omar stuttering about the weather. Also, what did you say? how hot, well, how hot. That's just that he kind of caught himself. How hot, how hot, how hot. How hot is that listener? I'm going to say they're not, not, not, not.

Someone is very turned on by Omar's stutter, and this was him, of course, trying to get through the weather. Would you say how hot, well, how hot? He's just melted in the middle of that. That's the beginning of a joke. So there's that. And I don't know, because we're not a trendy show.

We're not trendsetters, Allie. but there's a trend that's happening right now where people are taking text message exchanges usually between groups of friends or you know husband wife boyfriend girlfriend and they're able to turn them into songs i actually i hate most internet trends yes and i and usually by the time i'm even catching up with them anyway they're gone but this one is there my wife has sent me a few of these are hilarious and a lot of times it is the idea that you know most of the texts especially in a relationship are pretty meaningless back and forth stop by the store pick up more bread whatever and then for someone to turn that into a pop punk anthem sounds kind

of cool yeah there's one that my wife sent me that was like a group of moms getting mad that someone brought oreos and their kids lunch to school and it was just the back and forth of like i don't think it's mindful to bring oreos when julia can't eat oreos and it's all in a in song form and people like to receive things in song form it's an easier way to get bad news so Well, Allie has attempted to see what it would sound like if she took the conversation that happens off the air. It's a glimpse into our group chat. It's a show thread. It's the chat that happens during the day when we're actually putting the show together.

And you'll notice that Omar is not a part of this group chat because he's left the group chat about seven times. Numerous times. I'm still in. I'm still in. You are? Yeah, he's back in. Yeah, I just don't contribute. He's on silent mode.

Only when necessary. Every once in a while, I'll see bubbles come from Omar. I'll be like, here we go, baby. And then they just disappear. Bubble boy. And there's nothing. And there's nothing. Here is our group thread in song form. This is a worldwide K-Rock exclusive right now.

a picture of brown UPS socks and says we up! Yo, those are for me. Jake sends an idea for next year's dumb off. No one responds! So that... That is... I love it when Jake contributes to the text thread because that means it's ending. Yeah, yeah, whenever

there's a topic and Jake chimes in, it's the end of that topic. I'm like, oh cool, I don't have to respond. So that, just, I'll give it to you one more time. And this is the first text that I started with was you thanking everyone for coming to the pool hang. And the only reason I did that is because not one of you Not one of you sent me

I let some time go by I let some time go by Oh my god You were so petty It was minutes Literally minutes Minutes We said thanks when we left

I let So we're supposed to send A follow up thanks I let hours go by You want a follow up thanks After the thanks I listed the freeway Minutes

I'm telling you Hours went by Not one thank you I think you're just sitting In your backyard going No one has sent me A thank you text About my weird cake

Weird cake It was an ice cream cake And my son nachos Hold the ice cream. So it starts with me saying to them, I didn't get a thank you, so I said, you guys, thank you for coming, which is ridiculous. You should thank us for coming. And so it starts with the thank you after the pool party. And then a parade of, yeah, that was great, text.

Right, and then it picks up randomly with Bucky's situation, a spotting of Bucky's. Yeah, because it'll go a long time without anybody contributing, and then it'll kind of pick up again. Now you'll understand. But notice the theme here, and I believe the name of this hit song is called No One Responds to Jake. Yeah, I don't like this thing. But this is every time Jake joins in on the group chat, No One Responds, and here it is again.

Clyde says, thanks for coming, guys. Great party, Vanessa. Thank you for hosting. Great spread. Johnny, solid spread, big vibes. Jake asks for photos of the event. No one responds. Ginger Justin, sore guy at D23 with a Bucky shirt.

I asked him if it was a gas station and he said, yes. Jake asked if he got audio. No one responds. Client posts a picture of brown UPS socks and says, we up. Yo, those are for me. Jake sends an idea for next year's Dumb Off. No one responds. There you have it.

God damn it. That is exclusive. Verbatim. All I had to do was copy paste. That is our actual text that happens off the air here at KROQ. We can do this more often. For putting up with us, we'd love to invite you to see this band right here. Slightly Stupid.

It will be at our Endless Summer Kegger, and you could be too if you call us right now at 805-201067. It's called Backseat Driving on KROQ. Slightly stupid on KROQ. It's called Backseat Driving, and you will hear that if you are at our Endless Summer Kegger, also known as the Clamslam. Our 20th caller at this exact moment puts us in Costa Mesa. Is this Evan? This is Evan.

Evan, you are the 20th caller, my friend. And congratulations. Fantastic. Hell yeah, let's party. We will see you at the Kegger. I don't know if you drink or if you're in recovery or whatever your situation is, but there's going to be tons of booze and food and hanging out. Slightly Stupid will be there, and now you will be there as well.

I'll be boozing for sure. All right, wonderful. We will have your beer taken care of. Hold on one second. I was going to say, you can hear his voice. Yeah, I know. I knew he did. I was just trying to get the benefit of the doubt.

Allie, I know we have to wrap up the show shortly with takeaways, and we'll get to that, But I just wanted to let you know that after talking to many celebrities throughout the entire show today and the afternoon yesterday to try to help you accomplish your fun or summer bucket list item, which is having sex with an A, B, or C lister. Having a one-night stand was technically the challenge, but yeah. I do have a pass, a hall pass. And if we can't get the celebrity by this Friday, you said you're going to go the rowboat path. Yeah, which I'm not looking forward to because I'm stooping to your level having sex with Grok. but I will have to try it because it'll be the only way I can cross it off the list.

Don't worry about it. We got you covered. Hello, Allie. It's your role model, Betty White. I'm up here in heaven and everyone is so boring. Nobody can match my freak. I will gladly be your celebrity hall pass. If you can find a way to get to me,

this is all yours. Oh, great. So all you got to do is go to heaven. I'll figure it out. You've got an old lady waiting for you. I would gladly have sex with Betty White. I know you would. I know you'd be thrilled.

We'll do some takeaways from today's show. A lot of things that we got into that you will potentially bring with you into the real world. The hot real world. And we will take your takeaways and put them on the radio next at 800-520-1067. Chili Peppers now wrap up the show next on KROQ. KROQ finally show. That'll pretty much do it for us. Were you expecting more?

Well, then that's your fault because your expectations should be in check. It's a free radio show. This is free. Completely free. Can you sell? So the quality should be, you know, if you paid a lot of money to listen to the show today, we would say, yeah, expect something. No, we're like Tubi, where you're like, well, that's that. Oh, yes.

They're giving me a weekend of Bernie's 2 again? All right, whatever. With commercials in the weirdest places. A mellow sentence. Let's just cut to commercials in the middle of a goddamn sentence. That's Tubi for you. Anyway, we're here for you today. We'll be back tomorrow, we think.

If you need us in the meantime, there's a GOAT line for you, 844-956-GOAT. Or you can leave your messages or DMs on the Instagram, Klein Alley Show. Also, we're on TikTok there. And you can find all of us individually, as a show, whatever the case may be. We appreciate it. Tomorrow, more tickets to Weezer. You'll have another chance also coming up in about an hour with Sluggo. And again at 3 and 6 with the great Kevin Ryder and Megan Holliday.

Miles the DJ, actually. What happened? Miles the DJ at Ryder is out. Ryder's out and Miles the DJ's in? Yeah, but Megan is in. It's a whole schedule thing, but I just wanted people to know Ryder's not in. Sorry. Miles and Megan.

Eminem. That's right. Are they together or are they dividing and conquering? I don't know if they'll do that. What's the email say? Megan in for Ryder. Miles in for Megan. That answers that question.

What? Nothing. Any notes? Takeaways from today's show. What do we got? 9 to 5. My takeaway is, unfortunately, Morgan Freeman has eyeballs. Yeah, it's too bad.

I don't know if Sally would have had a shot. That didn't work out. Let's see, 213 My Takeaways, Klein Alley Show, Embraced by Blobs. Hey, if that Rob the Blob guy is real deal, we will figure out a way. I don't care what it costs. We're going to get you a 762-pound guy. It's going to cost a lot. You don't care what it costs?

It's going to cost millions of dollars. No, it's not going to cost millions of dollars. You guys are out of your mind. I'm sure it's a tax write-off or something. What? You've got to get like a crane and a pulley system. Yes. Someone said you could use...

He's hired four people just to stand up. Someone said they move horses by hanging them off helicopters. We could do that with him and bring him in. Like Free Willy style? Yeah, he said he'll do it. So, Rob the Blob, if you're real, dude, prove you're real and we will get you to our kegger. How is he going to prove that he's real? One picture.

Proof of fact. Proof of fact. All right. 626, my takeaway is no one responds. 408, SoCal is on its period. 650, RIP, Allie's chair. 818, Allie's polyester. Two and three white Russians are the breakfast of champions.

And let's see. 909, my takeaway is happy birthday wheelchair. Hey, happy birthday wheelchair. Happy birthday wheelchair. Well said. And we'll be using that. That could be the new happy birthday salad. So get ready for that.

You're going to be hearing a lot more of that. Jake, you have a takeaway. Yeah. No one responds. Sorry, go ahead. No, Jake. Takeaway? I'm good.

No one responds. Vanessa, takeaway? Second-hand sending hasn't done a shotgun in a long time, but she will. Allie, takeaway? My takeaway is I now identify as gay plus. Gay plus plus. Omar, takeaway? Boring.

All right, that about sums it up. We'll do it again tomorrow. Try to do it better. If you need us in the meantime, use that goat line. If you damn well please. What's the number, Allie? 844-956-GOATS. You can find us there.

All right, that's it. Goodbye. Have a good one. Okay. Climbing Allie, it's just okay. All right, this episode of Klein Alley Show, the podcast has come to an end. But if you haven't heard the big news, we are now on YouTube. That's right.

Mr. Beast and us, the two most important things on YouTube. We're YouTube sluts now, and we're proud of it. You can watch the show. We recommend you do. In fact, it makes us look good to the bosses and the people who make decisions around here. So please, even if you don't want to see what we look like, and I don't blame you, if you could, go to KROQ's YouTube, subscribe, maybe even leave a comment or two under some of our videos, and you can watch us live every single morning on YouTube and watch the show after the fact when they upload it as a real big afterthought.

And, of course, you can always follow us on Instagram at Klein Alley Show and listen to the live show on the radio at KROQ 106.7 on the Odyssey app or probably a better app. God, what have you done?