Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Vanessa's Water Park

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Summer is the funnest season of the year, and we can all agree to that. And fun scores are at an all-time low, which is why we started this Funner Summer Challenge

to guarantee that we would help you have a funner summer and force each other to have some forced fun. And that all started at a water park this weekend with Vanessa. If you would like to experience all them feels, all them lazy river feels, well, you can win yourself into water parks every hour this morning and all day long at KROQ all week long, starting at 9 a.m. in about an hour. We get you in, four packs of tickets, and then I'll be through all of the water parks in Southern California. It's time for us to recap

Funner Summer. Oh, yeah. Ripping the bong. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's Funner Summer. And, uh... Check done. On the list, on Vanessa's Forced Fun list was Drunk at a Water Park, and that happened

this past weekend. i have not been to a water park in probably 15 years and it hit i had we had a great time we got there and of course as soon as we walked in they had people checking ids of course vanessa was definitely carded because she's three foot six and we we did it up we went to the cabana and the pool guy came said i'm here to take your order and we we were like trying to get vanessa to get shots right away, but she decided to go with two high noons.

Oh. Which, they hit you. Like, they sneak in. They do. Yeah. Even the guy that was taking our order was like, that's it?

You're just doing two high noons? That's a high noon. But Vanessa... It's like a hard sell. Hard sell. Vanessa is so little, though. Yeah.

And I couldn't tell because I saw some picture you guys posted on the socials. Was that one of those monster-sized cans? No, it's a regular-sized can. It was a regular-sized. I know, but she was

I was holding two of them, and it looked like Edward Fortyhands. Yeah, because sometimes when you go to a stadium, you can get one of those, like, giant, like, tall boy high noons. I thought maybe that's what she was holding based on just how big they looked in her little hands. No, she was just holding regular high noons. Like an optical illusion. Yeah. She slammed one pretty quick. My friends were so jealous.

They were like, man, she can get this drunk off of two drinks? Yeah. It's pretty impressive. Yeah, but that was the challenge was drunk at a water park. So we have some different... But also, Vanessa is always kind of drunk. Do you know what I mean? She's on the verge.

She's always just kind of, like, drunk on life. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and she was feeling it already because you've talked to her on days where Columbia's playing. Oh, my God. She already is on kind of a level. Yeah, so we got her pre-Columbia match, too, which was exciting. So this is some of Vanessa at the water park. All right, drunk at a water park.

Check mark. Founder Summer Challenge. I can't chug. She's like, I can't chug. Slowly sipping her drink. She was trying. It was really funny because she threw out that big, like, wall of foam. She should have put it in a baby bottle.

Then she could have chugged it. Yeah, I know. Well, she did eat exactly the same things that my four-year-old ate. Yeah, Allie said that Vanessa was stealing Dippin' Dots from her kid. No, I said, okay, it's time for my kid to have his Dippin' Dots because we promised him that we would get him Dippin' Dots. And then Vanessa was like, ooh, Dippin' Dots. And I was like, would you like one? And she was like, cookies and cream flavor, please.

Yeah, so her diet at the water park was a combination of, if you've ever been with a child anywhere, it was chicken tenders and Dippin' Dots. Well, he split, yeah, my kid and Vanessa split the chicken tenders and fries, and they each got a Dippin' Dots. But the difference was that within a half an hour of being there, Vanessa had already left her bathroom in the phone, or left her phone in the bathroom and had been turned in to guest services. Oh, really? So she had to go retrieve her phone. This is funner summer, and clearly drunk at a water park is one of the most fun things you can do. All right, two drinks in. How are you feeling, Vanessa? I'm feeling like I can tell lots of people.

You went on the Lazy River? I think we were not doing the thing. They were not doing one thing. So Vanessa had an issue with the Lazy River there. Yeah, so after about a drink and a half, we decided to Lazy River it. And when you go to the Lazy River, there are some people that are just walking, some people are swimming, and a lot of people have those little inner tubes. So we said, well, where do you get the inner tubes? They said, well, as soon as someone's done with one, then they'll give it to you.

You know, when someone's done, you take it. The biggest problem with this plan is no one's ever done with one. Yeah. Because that's the idea. So Vanessa was on a mission to find four inner tubes. Oh, good luck. And I did. But there were two dads standing, like, looking like they were going to grab some.

But they weren't, like, you know, they weren't, like, on a mission. But I was. She was taking them right in front. So I just took them away from them. They didn't reach for it. So I was like, buddy, you got to be aggressive. I was joking. I know that area she's talking about, the Lazy River.

Like there's a little pull-off. Yeah, and you're waiting. It's just like waiting for someone to finish their meal at a restaurant where that table's yours, but they're just ordering coffee. And you're like, why would you order coffee? Get up. And the Lazy River, you see them float towards the time, and they can keep going around. There's no, so you could keep going around and around. Oh, yeah, you could do a bunch of laps.

We did a lot of laps. And so sometimes you're looking, and I think this person looks like maybe they're going to get out. They've got to take a dump, right? And then they just keep on going. Oh, that was my tube. I lost it. And they, and there are people sometimes that will, as you know, they will try to do two tubes per one person. Yeah, but they had people that were locking that down.

Oh, they shut it down. Yeah, because there can only be, yeah, you can't take more than one too. But even if a kid was like getting off of it for a second, Vanessa was like. And she took it off the kid, took it from the kid. I did ask, I was like, you're done? Okay. You're done now. Are you done?

Are you done? Are you done? It's like that person who's, are you leaving? Are you leaving? We have a parking space. She wasn't asking, she was telling. Yeah, you're done. But I just got in this lady.

I know, and then she would give one to us and be like, watch that tube, I'm going to go get more. And so we were like the keeper of the tubes, and then a kid would come up and be like, can I have a tube? And we were like, yeah, here. And she was like, why did you give it to him? And we're like, but he's got children. I just took it from that kid five minutes ago. And then she's right. She was talking to these two dads who were also patiently waiting for tubes.

And she starts going, you have to be aggressive, okay? You can't just wait for one to float in your direction. Sorry, I've had a drink. she's starting to feel it now and as you know she says one of her favorite famous lines around the show is i'm not drunk but i'm feeling it so at this point she's feeling it i also think that in the lazy river they do have lifeguards that usually sit there usually they're the worst of the lifeguards because there's not that much you have to do in the lazy river no they really did have to keep people in check but i think they should throw people out that are not lazy enough

because there are some people that try to actually do swimming in the lazy river. Oh, I was swimming in there. Oh, what? I hate people like you. Well, I spent probably two hours on the lazy river because when I got there, I realized I can't go on any of these rides. Oh, yeah, you can't do water slides because you're pregnant. Yeah, and a lot of the water slides there are crazy.

Do they have those big signs? It's like no pregnant people, no diarrhea people? Now I have to pay attention to those signs. Me and Jake can't go on anything at the water park. You know, Jake just sitting in the parking lot of the water park, all pregnant and diarrhea-ed. I was, like, just pruning in the lazy river. The only other thing I did was the wave pool, and that was intense. Yeah.

I can't believe, you mean, you just go out there, and it's all calm, and you don't think there's anything happening, and then they do this big, and then everything starts just, like, oh, my God, it was insane. If I had not figured out how to stand up, I got knocked off my feet right away, and I was like. Vanessa, you won't do the lazy river, right? Because the time you almost drown in the ocean. I mean, the wave pool. You wouldn't do the wave pool, would you? No, I didn't.

I was like, I'm trying to be like chill and drunk, not like drama. Yeah, dude. That was something where if I was in the ocean, I would have been swept away. That was an intense experience. Fun, though. Here's more of Vanessa drunk at the water park. One of her funner summer challenges. All right, you have completed your summer.

I did it. I did it. Check. How do you feel? I feel good. Lacey River. That's where it's at. And now you're going to go see.

Colombia versus Portugal. Go Colombia. Yeah. And I can't nap, so I'm going to take a nice coffee right now. She was pretty tired by the end of it. She was like sitting in a cabana, like almost falling asleep by the time it was time for her to leave. Hey, look, if you take. You see the full gambit.

In like a two-hour period, you see the person sober, drunk, then tired, then hungover, then ready to drive home. All week long, starting in less than an hour, about an hour, we get you four packs of tickets to Wild Rivers, Knott, Soak City, and Six Flags Hurricane Harbor. So if you would like to be drunk at a water park this summer to guarantee yourself a funner summer, we will make that happen for you all day and all week long. Vanessa, congratulations. Yes. You've done it. We will get into this quick break. We're back in a moment with your news.

And when we return, we have that to get to and then stuff to give you as well. We should mention Monster Jam tickets at Crypto.com in your future. That and much more after this.