Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - We Play Roulettuce

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. If you're not watching along on YouTube, you should be right now.

It's K. Rock with your Klein Alley Show. And I think in the history of dumb ideas we've had as a show, this would go near the top, Allie, I would agree. Which is top five dumb idea or no? Nowhere near. Are you talking about the general idea of roulette-us or the fact that we've duct taped the bags of lettuce to the wheel? Roulette-us is a great name and everyone enjoys that. I like roulette-us. The fact that Johnny's system of taping the bags of lettuce to the wheel took him as long as it did.

And I have a feeling when we spin the wheel for the first time, all of these bags of lettuce are going to fall off. We have an extra one here we couldn't even fit on the wheel. This is the Ultimate Caesar Salad Kit. Of course, these are all from Taylor Farms. Taylor Farms is at the center of this giant lettuce recall that has been affecting people that are getting the Cyplo-Sori-Ass or whatever that thing is called where everyone's having explosive ass. And we've turned it into a fun game now. where we will all be... It's not fun.

Yeah, who is this fun for again? Well, it'll be a fun wait and see for us today, I guess. I don't need this. It's a real choose-your-own-adventure. I mean, Jake, you're going to probably be on the toilet most of the day today anyway. How will we know if she gets affected by this? We won't know. There's going to be no difference, or it's just going to be super, super bad.

On the roll lettuce wheel, we have a couple of different options here. The avocado ranch chop from Taylor Farms. The maple bourbon bacon. They have a maple bourbon bacon salad? Man, I wish I'd known about that. I do now. Now you can take it home. Mediterranean crunch, Allie.

Lame, lame. There's Jake's favorite, the Asian savory and green cabbage. It's an Asian chopped salad. It's like Burbajan. It's the Burbajan blend. You have Burbajan salad? And then the ultimate Caesar salad kit, which I have here, Allie, which we couldn't get. Classic Caesar.

Here's the good thing about the roulette wheel, is that when you spin it... Please, tell me the good thing about the roulette wheel. We're all waiting. Well, we have this intro. No more lettuce for now. Oh, wow. So we have that. That's exciting.

Pulled out all the stops on that one. Yep, we sure did. Okay. And if you spin it and it doesn't land on lettuce, you don't have to actually eat any of the Taylor Farms recalled lettuce. But if it does, then you immediately will rip that bag off the wheel. I think the bacon one is worth getting sick. I actually agree. I mean, there's a little bacon, bourbon bacon crumbles in there.

Oh, probably delicious. Now, we're just not paying attention to the names that are underneath the lettuce? No, those are insignificant. Okay. That was for fun or something. So each person who spins the wheel, it's going to be their turn. Yep, you spin it, and if it lands on lettuce, that's your lettuce you're eating. So I just want to see, Allie, if you give the spin.

This doesn't count, but I want to see how it spins. All right, if you're feeling most of the lettuce could fall off right now. Whoa, that's pretty impressive-looking. I taped it really good. Man, Ali, if- All right, that was my turn. Oh, hold on. It was?

No, wait a minute. What's happening? Ali's pubes. Ali's pubes. Get the pubes. That'll be a whole new case of cycles. Oh, it's my worst. Johnny, I think you need to take this bag of the ultimate Caesar and place it right there.

Actually, what's crazy, Klein, is the one you're holding, the lady at the store was marking that one down to reduced price because nobody was buying it. Well, I would imagine no one's buying any of this stuff now. I don't think anyone is even eating lettuce right now. I think people aren't even buying it at the store, period. Yeah, people are taking a... Did you not hear this guy, Allie? No more lettuce for now.

All right, that's what the guy's saying. People are completely avoiding lettuce at all costs. So throw that one on the wheel as well by the... That should weight the wheel properly. And then, Jake, we're going to let you spin first, dude. Great. Well, because... You have the most unhealthy ass of all of us.

So let's just start with you. A healthy ass. This will affect your life the least. Do you want me to come in there? Yeah, wait until Johnny puts this last one on. That last bag. That's the ultimate Caesar blend. It's just a mess.

The whole wheel is falling apart. The best part is every single person that's walking by the studio right now is looking in here and going, they are a bunch of idiots. Like, you can see their lips. They go, they are just a bunch of idiots. So we've got the wheel of recalled lettuce now. We've got a budget. it and uh and as you can see this is a real problem if you're unfamiliar with what's happening

in the world this sums it up jessica mallard is still recovering from a three-week bout with cyclosporiasis i'm really really weak i lay down a lot like i'm uh this morning i struggled getting up she believes she was infected after eating bag salad from taylor farms landing her in the hospital for 10 days so what we have now is five different bags of salad from taylor farms no more lettuce for now right now i'm gonna veer away from it despite a false positive in testing the fda is now confident in its traceback investigation to iceberg lettuce grown by taylor farms in central mexico so here's what we got here we got five bags of taylor farms lettuce we are calling this stupid bit real lettuce and uh jake is going to go ahead and give the wheel a spin ali's just

adding her pubes to it as well which is uh jake as you know you have you're a magnet for ali's pubes the previous time we've done the wheel. So, go ahead, and Jake, you understand that you're excited, though. You love free food at work, right? That I do like, but I'm not excited about this or the possibilities of this. I already have a condition. Right. I don't need extra

conditions. And I don't need all these pubes again, either. Well, there we go. It's on the wheel now. Great. So, here we go. If you're not watching on YouTube, this will be worth checking out. It's time for Roulette-us. No more lettuce. For now. Oh! Oh!

I didn't get anything, right? I mean, technically... I think this is going to be a real mess. All right. Technically, Jake, you are so close to landing on the Mediterranean Crunch. Yeah, but I didn't land on it, so I'm free. Give it another spin, though. I think the wheel is weighted in a way that it's going to be hard for it to land on the end.

Give it like a real spin. There we go. Look at this go. The rillettish wheel is spinning around right now. I'm not. No. See, it's going to land in the same place. All right.

Yeah, the wheel is weighted wrong. Let's go. Once again, whatever it lands on is what you will eat. Whatever it lands on is landed on. I'm not doing any. Yeah, see, it's going to be the same. It's between Mediterranean and avocado ranch. Well, Jackie, Jake, you get your pick then, Jake.

All right, I'm taking the avocado ranch. All right. Avocado ranch. Jake's taking the avocado ranch. Just trying to pry it off. Don't mess up my tape job. Now that's off the board. See if the boss wants to come in here and spin the roulette wheel.

He seems excited about this bit. Oh, no, no. All right, go ahead. All right. Jake, go ahead. Al, you want to spin it for me? Sure. I'll let you spin it for me.

This is my spin. Whatever. Wow. This is not going to. Oh, here we go. This is all the different recalled lettuces. Oh, nice. I got a nice open patch of the wheel.

That's good. I don't have to worry about that. You can't put the wheel out of cubes. That's disgusting. Mediterranean crunch. I think I was close. I hate to take this. If I'm deciding between Mediterranean crunch bag salad or Asian, I hate to do this.

I'm going to take the Asian. Okay. Jake, do you want to trade? That's what Jake said. Jake, do you want swatches? No, I want to stick with my avocado ranch. All right. He's like the worst white elephant.

It is the absolute worst. Are you going to swap me with diarrhea salad? And Vanessa, you can come in here and spin the wheel next. Thank you, Johnny. That's mine. I'll take the Asian. Thank you. We didn't think about what happens when we have to take these off the wheel.

No, we didn't think about anything. Allie, we gave up when we came up with roulettes, all right? And finally now. Give a sec to the names. That's right. Jessica Mallard is still recovering from... Relax, Jessica Mallard. You're going to be okay.

All right, Vanessa, whenever you're ready now. You have three different bags of lettuces from Pale Ale Farms. Round and round it goes. Where it stops, no one knows. This is roulette. Oh, we know where it's going to start. Ultimate Caesar, Vanessa. Oh, Mediterranean Crunch.

It's got cubes. And my man is puked. Vanessa, it's Ali. Almost. Oh! All right, you have to decide between Ali's pubes and Mediterranean Crunch. What am I supposed to do with the pubes? If I choose pubes, why would you choose pubes?

That's what you're asking. You're a pube mustache, pube stache. Yeah, pube stache. You're asking between pubes and a Mediterranean crunch? Go for the pubes. I just want to know, what do I do with the pubes? Pubes! What do you do?

If you pick pubes, we'll tell you what you do with them. You have to sprinkle them on the side. All right, I would need a minute to go to the bathroom. I wasn't prepared for this. You've been preparing for months, Allie. I'll do Mediterranean. What? Mediterranean.

That's not even... That's not even one of them. All right, that's off the wheel now. All right, so now we've... Oh, Allie ripped it. This is making me sad. What is making you sad? Sad names?

This is the saddest thing we've ever done. There's your bag of lettuce. Enjoy it. All right. And that means there's only two left. Allie, you're pregnant, so you don't have to participate. Yes. Because...

My mouth is puke. I want to trade one of these. So I guess everyone... Which one do you... Jake, we all have our bag. Either of them. Cheers. Johnny, which one do you want?

Take one of the ones that's left. I don't think the wheel's going to matter. I just need a fork to start digging in. Let me spin. Let me spin. All right. Roulettes. Here we go, baby.

Watch the line on pubes. I wish I didn't spin them. Oh, fall down, fall down, fall down. Come on. Oh. And it landed on... Johnny, once again, you'll have the choice between maple, bacon, bourbon, bagged salad from Taylor Farms

or the Caesar blend, which was recently being... All right, I'll take maple bourbon bacon. All right, that's off the board. Everyone grab your forks. Again, Caesar is the reject. And then this is

where the fun begins. So... The fun hasn't begun yet? Well, no. Now we're going to start eating the salad. This is all the rejected salad, so now we're going to dig in.

What a fitting song to get into now. It's Runaway. Lincoln Park. On K-Rod. As we dig in. And Allie, if you want to feel

not left out there we go jake you ready you're opening with a pen cheers bro oh cheers least of my worries first bite's going down are you putting the dressing on yeah no dressing you're just raw dogging it you can taste the simple service