Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - We Take the DMV test

Episode Date: July 24, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you got to go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. I'm the normal person.

We have to do something to ruin our day so that hopefully you can enjoy at our expense. One of us will be forced to go to the DMV and sit there for up to five hours. Actually, Omar said there's maybe nine questions. So if someone were to get every question wrong, they could be there for nine hours at the DMV and to do nothing. And by the way, I think he would start going crazy. I think he'd be like that 127 hours movie. 970 wanted to text us and let us know. I am a DMV tech, and you do need a reason to be inside.

Oh, we have a reason. And you said you can always give the reason of needing new plates, but then say never mind when your number is called. Do you even say that, or you just don't get up and go to the window? They just record themselves. You don't get up. Yeah, I think we're going to have to. Whoever's there for that long is going to have to prove it.

By the way, the DMV has had an interesting run. We're doing this now because there was this big cheating scandal earlier this week that a lot of people have to retake the test. 11,000 people, I think, have to retake the test or else they're going to lose their license. This happened not too long ago, Allie, as well. At least five people now, DMV workers, are facing federal charges after being

accused in a recent bribery scandal. Listen to this. Federal prosecutors say those employees were accepting thousands of dollars in payoffs to approve licenses for unqualified drivers. Oh, not good. You don't have to go very far in anywhere in Southern California to realize most people on the road are unqualified

I'm going to bribe one of them if I could take a nap in their office or something. Yeah. The employees were working at the DMV offices in Torrance and Lincoln Park. So, you know, a lot of people are suggesting which DMV we go to if we have to pay our punishment. Someone says that the greatest DMV is the Newhall one because it's always empty and there's air conditioning. That's where Johnny claims he failed his test three different times. No, I passed the driving test there. I took the written test in Pacoima.

And you failed that one three times. I failed that three times. Yeah, that was tough. I passed the Dena DMV since there's a side entrance. You can just walk in the side entrance. You don't have to go through the checking in process. So thank you. Everyone's very helpful with our punishments.

We appreciate it. Got it. We'll figure it out. Omar's got the questions ready. It's time for us to take the driving test, the on-air portion of it, which is the written quiz question. Everyone keep track of your own score. And Omar says some of these are multiple choice and some of these are just write down the answer. So everyone's got their paper out and pen out.

All right, Omar. No cheating. Whenever you're ready. What should you do if your vehicle starts to skid on a slippery road? Oh, no. What should you do if your vehicle starts to skid on a slippery road? Is this multiple choice, this one, or no? This one is not multiple choice.

If it is multiple choice, I will give you the multiple choice, you jackass. Thank you. Thank you. I think Klein should be Dr. Point. No, that's a question. Point off, Klein. Okay, I've got my answer. Got it?

What do you do? The first question is what do you do? when you start to skid? On a slippery road. Did you pick this one because you think skid marks are funny? Maybe. Okay.

Omar went through hundreds of questions to give us this collection. This is a sampling of what we would have to get right if we wanted to get our driver's license. All right, next question. Hold on, hold on. I think we're going to answer.

I think we're going to go one at a time. We'll answer as we go? Okay. Yep, yep, all right. Vanessa, what did you write? Everyone has their answers penned down. Everyone pens down. What did you write, Vanessa?

I wrote, slow down, release gas, and move to the right. All right. I'm pretty sure that's not right. Why are we laughing? You don't know what you guys put.

Johnny, Johnny, what did you write? I know what I put. What did you write, Johnny? I put you take your foot off the brake and the gas, first of all. The brake and the gas? Yeah. Well, you can't pump the brakes

because then that's how you hydroplane and that's how you spin out of control and hit the divider. Okay, so you say take foot off brake and gas. Yeah, just coast. Just let it take you. Just let it take you and just steer. That's it.

Okay. Allie? I believe you keep the steering wheel straight and slowly pump the brakes. Slowly pump the brakes. Jake, what did you write? Turn into the skid and, yeah, make sure to not slam on the brakes, but, like, gently hit the brakes. Yeah, I wrote, I think. Turn into the skid.

Yeah, that's what I wrote. I think you're supposed to steer towards the skid, I believe. I wrote that as well. I wrote steer towards the skid and slowly pump the brakes. I think if you turn the steering wheel, you start getting crazy town. I think that's the whole plan. That's how you get control of the car again. I think I remember that.

I remember that from the last time I even thought about that was... God, these really traumatize us for life, huh? Were any of us right? Some of you were partially right. Nobody was fully right. Oh, great. Oh, my God. What is the answer?

The answer, and this is one of those tricky ones that there's another question, I believe, on the DMV questionnaire that is similar to this. The answer to this particular question is take off your foot, take your foot off the accelerator and steer in the direction you want the vehicle to go. Aha, I said release gas, so I get it. Well, you said pull over to the right, which is not what you said. Release gas and move to the right. But the part that everybody got wrong was you have to steer in the direction you want the vehicle to go. So I think this is one of these questions that they put in here because I think if ice is involved, then it's steer into it. If you're on an icy road.

Oh, man. It's DMV, man. They get you every time. What is going on? Bastards! So I guess, no. So we're all down one. You're all down one.

We're all down one. So that's one. And me and Clyde got it right. No, you didn't. And me too. No, you didn't. No, you didn't say to steer into the screen. Yeah, we're all wrong.

We all technically are one hour now. This is adding to our total. We're not all at an hour. Got a question. Well, if whoever... We're all equally... Right. We're all equally wrong at this point.

What happens if we all get all of them wrong? That's what we're going to do in the show from the DMV one day. All right, here we go. The next one. What is the minimum following distance you should maintain behind another vehicle? Oh, crap. What is the minimum following distance you should maintain behind another vehicle? Oh, okay.

Minimum following distance. Can we ask a follow-up? Like, are you looking for? I don't know I'm looking at the answer Can you ask follow ups on the written test? No And that's where all these questions go

You have all these follow ups And you can't ask any of them Minimum following distance Are we going metric? Or are we going the metric system? Are we talking about like on the freeway? On the streets? The question just says

What is the minimum following distance This is why everyone fails Because they get in their heads That's why people have to cheat That's why you had to cheat. Metaglasses can answer this. All right. All right.

I'm ready. I'm ready. Me too. Ready. Johnny, what did you write? I put 25 feet. All right. Sounds plausible.

What did you write, Allie? I wrote a car's length. One car's length. Jake, what did you write? Jake, don't make the noises. You don't know the answer. I think I do. Why are you making the noises?

You're not the judge. I should be. If you continue this, you're the automatic loser. Yeah, you're going to go to the DMV, which will probably be an upgrade for you anyway. I put five seconds behind the car. Time. Vanessa? I put one car distance.

I think that's right. I think it's a car thing. I thought it was like three seconds or three cars length. Whatever's. How are you supposed to figure that out as you're driving? I don't know. No one knows. Three seconds?

How are you supposed to know seconds? But I think that's the way they do it at the DMV. It's stupid like that. How do you measure seconds? Yeah, exactly. How do you measure seconds? I really don't know. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.

Yeah, but from the car in front of you, so you're just supposed to pick a marker and be like... So, Klein, what's your answer? Three cars lengths or three seconds? Three cars lengths is so many. No, no, no, you got to pick one or the other. Yeah, three cars lengths. Okay. That's so much space.

Yeah, that's a lot of space. That's like a mattress. I think you're supposed to be... That's like nobody, what are you going to do in traffic? I thought you're supposed to be a car's length for every 10 miles you're driving behind a car. So if you're going 30, three cars lengths. Right, okay. That's what I thought.

I don't know anymore, apparently. You're all wrong, but Jake is the closest. Damn it. What's the answer? At least three seconds. I said that. Seconds? How do you measure seconds?

I said seconds. You did. He said three seconds, or he went with three truck slings or whatever. God damn it. Okay. So that means that we've all gotten two wrong, which is two hours at the DMV if we lose. All right. Moving on.

Can you legally use a handheld cell phone while driving in California? This is a multiple choice. A, no. B, yes. C, if the call is important. D, only if you're driving a Class C vehicle. Oh, no. F you, Dean.

I don't know what that means. This one's easy. Class C vehicle. It's got to be no. It's just got to be no. No, because this is where they get you, because Class C may mean. What's Class C? That's commercial license.

That's motorcycles. No, that's. Man, we should just revoke her license, dude. Vanessa, you should not be driving. Wow. We're taking the DMV quiz because apparently there's a big cheating scandal. It's got to be. All right.

Everyone's got their answers? Yeah. It's no. Well, Vanessa, what did you put? I put no. Yeah. Jake? Yeah, no.

Johnny? No. How? No. What did you put? You're doing commercial tea driver's license. I put no. I put no.

A, no. But now I'm thinking it's D. Which one is it? It is no. Yeah. Hey, God. That's the one you look back on and you're like, yes! Yeah!

I'm trying to throw me off with the D. All right, moving on. We are retaking the driving test now to see. Well, losers got to sit at the DMV for hours, up to two hours right now at the DMV. All right. What should you do when entering a freeway? Is that multiple choice? Okay, this one is.

Sorry, sorry. This one is multiple choice. Sorry about that. A, adjust your speed to match the freeway traffic and merge when it's safe. B, come to a stop and wait to merge until an opening. C, look for an opening that is at least three cars in length and speed into the opening. Or D, use blinker to inch in slowly. Oh, my God.

They're all right. Oh, man. How are they all right? They're all so different. They're all right based on which freeway you're trying to get into. Facts. Oh, yeah. The one in Pasadena?

I've done every single thing he just said as well. I've done those things. In traffic, you might have to inch. All right. What did everyone put? Yeah, I'm ready. Omar, was there D? Was there four answers?

Yes. D was use blinker to inch in slowly. I didn't say D. I was just wondering. Oh, okay. That's not your answer. No. My answer is C.

I put A. I put A. I put A also. The answer is A. Wait, what was C? C was look for an opening that is at least three cars in length and speed up into the opening. She would never get on the plane. All right, Vanessa, that's, you know, up to three.

She's like, I guess I'll try the next one. Three hours. There's so much space. Vanessa, you're now currently losing with a score of three wrong. So what's happening? I need to see it in front of me. I'm not a person that listens and gets the answer. I have to see it and then I'll guess.

And then I'll get the wrong answer. By the way, a couple of people wanted to point out Class C is a regular driver's license. You've done that. I thought it was just a commercial license. It's what you all have. Yeah. Not commercial, Allie. Just regular.

It's a regular driver's license. Sorry, car. It's just a regular ass license. Holy crap, says 917. None of you should have driver's licenses. Here we go with the next one. When driving in fog, what headlights should you use? Oh, God.

Fog. The amount of fog questions on this crap. Fog. Oh, my God. It affects so little of my driving. I can count, of all the times I've driven, fog less than 0.01%. Has affected me zero times. And it's cool.

It's like you're driving through a bong hit. It's a trick question, too, because we're in L.A. It's never foggy down here. That's not true. There are mornings, especially coming through the canyon, where I am in heavy fog. Yeah, if you live near the beach. Twice a year, but it happens. Okay.

This is multiple choice? It is not. Damn. When driving in fog, what headlights should you use? All right. All right, everyone write down their answer. Pens down? Yes.

Your pens down? Yeah. Hold on. Hold on. I'm spelling. Okay, I'm ready. All right. Vanessa, you get to go first.

Okay. Low. Low lights. What is that? Low lights. The low ones. Low lights. My car has that.

Your car doesn't have that? What did you put, Jake? Yeah, it's normal headlights. Low lights. Normal? What is normal? Just your normal headlights. Just make sure you don't use your brights.

I wrote low beams. Yeah, the fog lights. There's literally fog lights. A lot of cars don't have fog lights. Oh, interesting. Those little orange ones. Huh? You mean like a blinker?

No. The ones on the side of the headlights. Yes. There's headlights. Those are called fog lights. If you're doing it at night, you can't use those. There's low beam and then there's high beam. And I thought low beam is what I put.

What did you put, Allie? I put fog lights. Yeah. My car has that too. There are fog lights. Oh, my. What's the answer? Because if you put the headlights, it can make it too bright and then you can't see.

The answer from the DMV is low beam headlights. Low beam, baby. I remember that. I remember that from my actual driving test. I think we're all saying the same thing. No, you said fog. You said fog lights. But like in our cars, there's a mode that says fog lights, which is low beams.

According to the DMV, that's a trick. It's a trick button in your car. I'm going to give us the right answer. It's not a trick button. I put on, it says fog lights, which I guess would be a low beam headlight. That's different. I didn't get that wrong. It is called fog lights.

Allie got that wrong. I'm not taking this, guys. I did not get that wrong. No, I'm not. If you were going to go to the DMV and you would have written fog lights and the answer is no beam headlights, you would have got wrong.

There's multiple choice on every DMV question. Well, you picked the wrong choice. No, I didn't. Fog lights is... I'm not taking that as a wrong... It's like you cheat on Allie Knows the News. So, Vanessa, you're tied with Allie. No, I'm not.

No, you're not. I'm seriously no. I go with a lot of crap I didn't get this wrong So you guys can go F off Can someone ask Are fog lights the same as low beam Can someone ask that question

Hey Siri Are low beams the same as fog lights This doesn't involve you Low beam headlights And fog lights differ in terms of configuration Thank you Don't listen to her The text line is overwhelming.

They are different. Low beams and fog lights are two different types of lights. I'm sorry. I got it wrong, too, because I was with Allie on that one, and my car's got the exact same configuration, just like hers. So I understand where she's coming from. So now we have a three-way tie for the bottom. It's Allie, Vanessa, and Johnny in the bottom.

All right, Omar, we have two more questions. Two more questions. Okay, this one's multiple choice here. What should you do before backing up? A. Back up over you so we can stop this. That's right on again, Allie. That's five hours now in the DMV. All right.

A. Look at backup camera only. Wait, wait, wait. Start over. A. Look at backup camera only. Wait, wait. Just read the initial question. Okay, the question. What should you do before backing up?

A. Look at backup camera only. B. Check behind your vehicle and look over your shoulder to make sure the path is clear. C, hand signal out driver's side window, or D, look left and right, then proceed. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. What are you backing up for? It doesn't matter. Driveway? It doesn't matter.

It just says what should you do before backing up. And a backup camera is an option, you're saying? That's the first one. A, look up backup camera only. Okay, and go through the answer one more time. Okay, that was A. B is check behind your vehicle and look over your shoulder to make sure the path is clear. C. Hand signal out driver's side window

Or D. Look left and right Then proceed Klein is doing the hand signal I was trying to figure out what hand signal You would do to say you're backing up Yeah, you would do that in a Whole Foods parking lot I've never seen that, but I know that there is A stupid hand signal question I've gotten wrong before

Alright, so what did you put down? I only put down B Because there's When he said the coast is clear I feel like the DMV loves using that stupid When the coast is clear, they love that verbiage Da-da-da-da-da. When the coaster's clear.

Yeah, I put B, too. Me, too. I put B. I put B, too. What is the answer? The answer is B. Yeah. You guys all got that one right.

Last question. Okay, last one. Here we go. Last question. I thought we were doing 10. Nope. So what if there's a three-way tie? What are we going to do?

All three of you got to go. No, we don't. Rock, paper, scissors. No. I'm not doing rock, paper, scissors to see who sits at the DMV. We'll do rock, paper, fog lights, Allie. No. And there are people on the text line saying that we're right.

Sure. Go ahead. What should you do when approaching a pedestrian in a marked or unmarked crosswalk? If they're hot, you go. Flash the high beams. Yeah, that's right. If you have a hooga horn, you use that. You use your hooga horn, clearly.

Wait, that is not a multiple choice. It is not, no. What should you do when approaching a pedestrian in a marked or unmarked crosswalk? unmarked, which means there's just jaywalking. You flip, you give them the finger, but the DMV wouldn't say that. It's like, alright.

Jake, have their answer? Yes. Jake, what'd you write? Ezra, stop. Stop. Why are you putting your hands up in the air like you're going to arrest me? I'm putting my pen down and not changing my answer.

Okay. So you yield the right-of-way to the pedestrian. Yield the right-of-way. I feel like that's the verbiage they like. Yep. What does yield mean? Slow down or stop? It can mean stop.

It can mean slow down. Yeah. Coming to a full stop would be, that could cause a problem, cause an accident. You yield, yield to ye. So you don't stop. You approach the pedestrians. You yield them the right, they get the. Yeah.

That's what I put too. I put you slow down and you give them the right-of-way. Vanessa, what'd you put? I know in real life you run over them. Slow down, stop, and let them go because pedestrians get the right of way. Yeah. So you said slow down, stop, and then let them go? Well, obviously, like, I'm seeing them.

Oh, snap, let me slow down, let me stop so I don't kill them. So does the DMV think that the answer is, oh, snap, slow down? Oh, snap. Slow down, stop, and the pedestrian gets the right of way. Jake, what'd you put, Jake? I already said I said stop. Allie? Yeah, I put stop and allow the pedestrian to pass.

Omar? The answer is slow down and yield the right-of-way to the pedestrian. OMG! I got it right! Wow! No, no, no. Whoever said stop is not right. And I said slow down. Yield can mean stop. I said slow down. I didn't say stop.

Yield means whatever. You said yourself, yield means yield. It could mean stop. It could mean slow down. Yield. Yes. Yield. I understand you're saying yield. Right. It could mean slow or stop.

But I don't think... Read the answer, Omar. No, but when you yield the right-of-way, like in one of those wacky turnabouts, you don't slow down necessarily. Yeah, because yield means more. It doesn't mean slow only. It doesn't mean stop only. Yield is yield. I'm going to throw out that question.

That's because Allie's going to lose it, and I don't want her to lose it. Okay, so you want me to just go to another one? One more question. This is really it. We're way behind. All right, here we go. How far before a turn should you signal? Not a multiple choice

Is this a seconds thing? Alright, here we go How far before a turn should you signal? Alright, I'm ready What is it, Jake? You can't tell us if it's inches, yards, feet Miles I'll tell you, it's feet

God, why did you have to I don't know this What were you going to put, Vanessa? I don't know, let me think let me think this is before you signal no one even signals anymore I feel like this is

an outdated question but I know that it's numbers I hate numbers I have a guess no I'm trying to do the math the math

you just wrote the same I think it's half that. You draw a card. Vanessa, what'd you put? Okay. I'm going to say 100 feet. That's so funny. I put that down too.

I did too. I put 50. What's the answer? The answer is 100 feet. Yes! Jake is now entered. The bottom. And that is a wrong answer.

That would be Jake's third wrong answer as well. So now we have a three-way tie. Four-way tie. Yeah, four-way tie for last. I have one last question here, too. This is the only other question I have. Let's go ahead. We have to do it. We have to. What should you do

if you hear a siren from an emergency vehicle? What do you do when you hear a siren from an emergency vehicle? Oh, wow. Oh, my God. I mean, this one. Guys, the cheating scandal of the DMV has led us to this.

The loser of this quiz will have to go to the DMV and spend four hours. That will be the number, because assume they'll get one more wrong. Four hours at the DMV for no reason, which is the worst punishment we've ever had on the show. Okay, I'm ready. Again, what should you do if you hear a siren from an emergency vehicle? Jake, you want to go first? No. I'm telling you, when you're at the bottom, it really affects you.

Okay, let me tell you. Move to the right side and let the emergency people go. Move, stop, to the right side. Move, stop? Yeah, like you move to the right and then you stop. You stay there. Emergency people go. Okay.

Johnny, what'd you put? Well, I knew you had to be very specific, so kind of like Vanessa, first you slow, then you blinker to the right, and then you pull off to the right, and then you let all emergency vehicles pass safely as you are standing still, and then you take off. Then you take off. Jesus. Big lord. Allie, what did you put? I just put pull to the side of the road. Pull to the side of the road.

No blinker? You have to pull to the side of the road. Yeah. safely move to the right and allow the emergency vehicle to pass. Yeah, but if they're coming and you're in the left-hand lane, you're going to screw everything up

by getting all the way over to the right-hand side. I think if it's an emergency, you just need to pull over. Pick whichever side is closest, what do you think? All right. Jake? Yeah, I wrote slow down signal and pull over. You just have to pull over immediately. Yeah, just slow down signal.

Is anyone wrong, Omar, definitely? Definitely people are wrong here. Damn. Whoa. Are multiple people wrong? Yes. What are we going to do here, guys? We have to go.

What is the right answer? The right answer is you have to pull over to the right edge of the road and stop until the emergency vehicles pass. That sounds like my answer. I said. You said right as well. Yeah. Whoa. I got it.

Allie and Jake did not get that right. I said pull over. Damn. He said pull over. He didn't say which side. That's the only side. Allie and Jake. Four hours in the DMV.

No, we're not doing this together. Together, Allie. No, we're not doing it together. There's one loser. It's just Allie. There's one loser. We're not both sitting there. Let's find out who the loser is next break, yeah?

No, no. Let's keep this going. We're so over. Yeah, we do need to go. This is crazy. We got to take a break. I don't know what was resolved here, but we should not be driving.