Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Weighing Ally's Boobs & Teachers Doing Mushrooms (FULL SHOW 8/7)

Episode Date: August 7, 2026

Ally got naked on the show today to weigh her pregnancy boobs on a food scale, but before she could disrobe, Johnny came in with a giant pop-up tent to shield her from view. The livestream also cut out all by itself, so clearly God doesn't want anyone to see Ally naked. Regardless, we did get an accurate weight for both boobs and one is WAY heavier than the other. Since school is starting again soon, we wanted to hear the most scandalous summer stories from teachers we could find. We heard from a teacher who made a 'slut pact' with a fellow teacher, another who did mushrooms ON CAMPUS, and a math teacher who passed out in a hotel hallway. A+, teachers!!! We also talked to a divorce attorney about how couples are now getting divorced due to AI cheating. Do you think cheating with a chatbot is grounds for divorce? The discussion led to an impromptu intervention on Klein, who's had countless sexual interactions with Grok.

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you got to go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. Hey, what's going on, Klein and Alley?

Are you ready? I love Klein and Alley, you little bitch. Klein and Alley, it's just okay. Just don't let things bother you too much. Good morning, everybody. Hey, what up, Klein and Alley? Whoa, sweet damn it, Stink, did you see that? Meet me at the Klein and Alley Show.

Let's get this show started. The show started. the show started we are live in los angeles three two one and here we go i'm not crazy lottery lottery lottery yeah it's not about that monday tuesday no one cares about wednesday thursday Forget that horse Are you ready for the weekend? That's what I said

Are you ready for the rear end? Are you ready for the weekend? Are you ready for the rear end? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Trash Thursday, Friday Forget about that Friday, Saturday, Wednesday Sunday, sleeping in

Eating brunch Where's my Mars Volta? It's a pubescence I got a baby on the way This is Aria Are you ready for the weekend? Yeah! Are you ready for the rerun?

No! DMT, the data bite. It's Klein Alley Show. Low 6.7, KROQFM in HD Pasadena, Los Angeles, Orange County. The Sonic Pulse of Los Angeles. This is the world famous K-Rock. Oh, yeah. Thank God it's Friday!

Welcome to your weekend and good morning. We are Klein Alley Show. This is K-Rock. If you are stuck going into your job on a Friday morning, we can relate. A lot of people have decided that they're going to go ahead and take that four-day work week like we've been saying the world should officially accept. But here we are yet again on a Friday together. I know, it's hard.

It is difficult, but we will get through together because we've got more spots on the standby boarding list. We need your name so we can complete the standby boarding list and send you to shaky knees. People are very disappointed that I've been saying it shaky knees because it was one week ago when Vanessa officially announced that you would be winning a trip to go to Atlanta and she said you'd be going to Chacaniz and Chacanta.

And people were very excited about that opportunity. And people saying that they're not happy, Ali, that we're promoting it the right way. Please, Vibs Morning Crew. Okay, so it's been a week and I just cannot get this out of my head and it triggers every single time, Klein, you say shaky knees.

I know you're promoting that music festival, shaky knees. All I hear is from a week ago So when Vanessa was just like, check it in. Check it in. Check it in, Alana. That's the trip that you could be winning today. We have to get your name on the list, and all you've got to do is keep listening.

You'll have chances 9 a.m. and throughout the day, and then that list will be complete Monday morning. We will call someone and give them the good news that they'll be going through. Check it in. And we'll make sure Vanessa calls and gives the good news, so you'll be very confused when you get that phone call. She'll give you the good news, but then she'll write your name down correctly, we promise. Yeah, and that's the difference between both of us.

And whenever you say it, I have to immediately say chicken-ness. And thank you. It makes me laugh every time. Well, just so you know, we're also saying it the way she said it in our head, too. Every time I read it, I laugh to myself and go, chicken-ness. I can't even look at an old person anymore. No. So anyway, we've got a lot to look forward to this morning.

If you're into it for the tickets, we'll make that happen for you. We'll also get you the Hollywood Bowl for some Smartless Live and some more of that limited edition. Klein Alley Show merch because I didn't realize there's a whole box of it in the back. In fact, hey, where's that shirt they sent in the other day? I didn't realize this. We have a very limited, limited shirt, Allie. This is a one of one. So far it

is, but we're demanding more. I'm going to go ahead and kick off the show by showing you this right now. If you're not watching along on YouTube, you could be. This was amazing. One week ago when we did Johnny Doesn't Know Female Anatomy, he drew a picture, a sketch of part of the female anatomy

And this sketch has now made it officially onto a shirt, Allie. This right here, I want you and Omar to take a peek at this. This is Johnny's sketch that he drew on trying to figure out, I think, where the ovaries were. That's crazy. It was last Friday's drawing of what a vulva was. Right. Well, the question was not about the vulva. You drew the vulva to try to figure something out.

The question was about the labia minora versus majora. So he was showing us the difference, which is what you see, the minora on the inside there and the majora on the outside. and then he even drew some little pubes. Yeah, this is a one-of-one shirt. I don't know why this was put onto a T-shirt, but regardless, we're so glad it was. Weirdly, it looks like a face. And this is an extra large,

so I just want you to know. If you're going to make one, make it an extra. Make it Johnny size. It looks like a band T-shirt, a band called Volvo. Yeah. It does, actually. This is the kind of shirt that Jake would wear in here. Oh, yeah, I want it.

He'd say, what's wrong with you? He'd go, I bought it at the merch tent, $50. Is anyone going to Rufus DeSoul again? You should wear that tonight. Oh, totally. We only had tickets for it last night. Well, one of you should go back and wear this shirt around. Apparently that's the theme of the show anyway.

So there you have it. It's a one-of-one. So at some point today, I know it's hard for us to part with this because it's so limited, but this is as limited as limited merch gets. I think we will give this away to someone who's listening to the show today. So be ready to claim your very own one-of-one vulva shirt. Looks like my last ultrasound. I like that band, the Mars Vulva.

Yeah. Well, anyway, we've got that to look forward to, minus the joke Jake just made. But we have all of that to look forward to on the show today. And we'll kick things off with Julia Wolf. And then we'll get into some Allie Knows the News for a $500 Friday. That's all today on KROQ. Good news, bad news. We do have $500 up for grabs.

If you want it, I recommend you get on the phones now and you're ready to battle Allie. She did lose yesterday. Lost her first time in a while. And people love it when Allie loses. I didn't realize how happy it makes people. They get very satisfied. because the longer I go on my streak, the more angry people get. And I think it's like one of those Jeopardy winners

where they're like, God, when will this loser lose? And then eventually it happens. And I appreciate how happy it made the rest of you. Hey, I just wanted to say that it is so, so satisfying to hear Allie lose during Allie Knows the News. Oh, it's so good. It is. It's so good.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. It's so good. Bye. There are certain things in life that are just satisfying to witness and watching her lose her money. But you know what? Watching her lose on a $500 Friday is five times more satisfying. That's even more than you. So if you would like to call and play and hopefully you're ready to beat her because you'll put everyone in a great mood and win $500 cash in the process, you can call now at 800-520-1067.

That's the good news. The bad news, Allie, is that we have officially lost another listener. Oh. And this guy at least has a reason as to why. It's not because of anything we did this time. Usually it's something we did, but sadly, this is the call that we got yesterday. We're down another one. This call is from an inmate at a correctional facility and will be recorded and may be monitored.

Hey, guys, it's Mike from County Jail, Wisconsin. So I'm going to prison, and I'm not going to be able to listen to your show every morning. This is an inmate from the county jail that's now officially going off to prison, which I think means probably things didn't go well at his trial. Yeah, so now he's, because jail is just kind of more temp situation, right? Prison is like, okay, you're serving your sentence, go to prison. Right, so he is called to let us know that as he is officially making the move from jail to prison, we've lost another one, clearly a good guy, so.

And I'm not going to be able to listen to your show every morning, which sucks, because you guys make it worth waking up every morning, and you just make it bearable. and I really appreciate you guys. You guys are hilarious. Allie's the funniest. And I'm glad I found you guys' show. And since this can't be used against me in the court of law, it was worth killing all those kids.

Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Well, when you're right, you're right. Hey, I'm not going to judge what that guy did. We forgive you, I guess. Because he listens to the show. I think it's funny. I think our goat line message does say this can be used against you.

Anything you say can be on the air and can be used against you. And he just confessed. And he just confessed to something. Clearly lost already anyway. I hope that's not what he's on trial for. I would feel really bad if that's what he's there for. Hold on, though. You can't get a butt phone in prison?

Yeah, you can get a butt phone. You can listen to the show in prison. Yeah, there's a way to do it, I'm sure. He's just got to get on his knees and get some stuff in his cell. Right, got to figure out what is going to be your thing. And then once he figures out his thing, he's going to have to trade for a radio. And people are going to be like, why do you want to trade for that? Don't let your thing be radio.

Yeah, you could have a Fifi. You'd rather have a radio than a Fifi? Are you out of your mind, dude? Get your priorities in check. Anyway, that's it. Do you want to F this sandwich bag, or do you want to listen to this morning show? I'm going to take the sandwich bag 10 times out of 10 every time. No one's taking the radio.

You can't F a radio. It would be terrible. We'll come back after this quick break. Your chance to battle Allie for $500. And I see people already on the phones from Redondo Beach and Southgate and Eastdale, Riverside. They all want Allie's cash. If you'd like to call and play, and you promise not to be a total dummy, 800-520-1067.

A $500 Friday edition of Allie Knows the News is next. $500 Friday is finally here. If you're on the phone right now, you are that much closer to getting paid a half a grand from that lesbian right there. If she loses, she pays you her money. Yesterday, she lost, had to give out $100. First time she's lost in a while. Very satisfying to listen to. And hopefully we pay out, excuse me, hopefully she pays out again today.

Oh, we can keep it with we. No, no, I like it being you. You can all chip in. There was a day that you... A hundred bucks each? Well, there was a day that you guys made me put up my money, and I did, and... And it sucked. I forget what happened, but I think that we didn't have to pay the people.

Or if we do, I owe someone some money. But I don't think we did. I think the person lost that day. Yeah, I think so. We say good morning to Tommy right now. And there's a lot of people on the phone that want your money, so no one go anywhere. Because if Tommy falls apart or disconnects himself, then we'll have to move to someone else. No, I'm not falling apart.

What's that, Tommy? I'm not falling apart. Let's go. All right. So here's the way it's going to work. And if you could, I don't know why we're getting a weird echo on you, but it's incredibly annoying because I know hearing my own voice sucks. And I apologize.

I don't want to hear his twice. Tommy, we talked about this. Well, Vanessa, apparently you didn't talk enough to Tommy. No, you have no idea. I got mad and everything. Well, I did hear when I was making my breakfast, I did hear her yelling at every single person on this phone line. Vanessa, let me ask you a question.

If you yelled at Tommy, how come you didn't go with Alfredo or David or Maya or Gilbert Not that everyone, but Tommy had the best personality, and he was, like, sharp. I had to look at many factors. All right. Some people accuse us of trying to only play the game with duds, hoping that Allie has a better chance of winning. And they think that we're screening for the dumbest possible person. Vanessa says she's actually trying to find the smartest person. She is, and she does test questions to try and determine how smart this person is.

Tommy, we're going to try this one more time. For the love of God, I hope it works out. If not, we're moving on to someone else, okay? Yes. Oh, there we go. Crystal clear. Just how we like it. If you win Allie's money, we want to hear every decibel.

I'm open to trying one of the other idiots. No, no, no. She said Tommy sounds the smartest. He got all the test questions right, which means that he's already overqualified to play a little Allie Knows the News. Allie's going to leave. You know the way it works around here. As soon as she gets her ass out at the K-Rock Studios, you get to go. You're up first.

Please answer these questions quickly, confidently, accurately. No cheating. If you're listening along, would you have beaten Allie and taken her money? Here we go. Allie Knows the News. There's a billboard on Sunset Boulevard that is creating quite a spectacle. For what reason exactly? A naked model.

Naked model. That does seem to stop traffic. We go to question number two. Once an accused murderer in a very public case, this woman is now doing comedy shows that she claims are honoring the person that she was accused of actually killing. Oh, my God. I can't do. Roseanne Barr.

That's a great guess. Question three. This K-Rock band has just launched their own complaint hotline so that people can bitch about anything and feel heard, and they actually are saying, as they're attempting to get people to call this hotline, no bitching too big, no whining too tiny. which band has launched

a complaint hotline? Green Day. Go to question number four now. Two people have committed to spending $200 million to help save some critically endangered

species. These are animals that there's only one or two of them left on the planet and they're going to try to save them. Name one of the two people that has committed this $200 million. And finally, question number five. Quite a soundtrack for this video game that is coming out on August 13th that includes Ozzy Osbourne, Metallica, White Stripes, Killers, Audioslave, and Paramore.

80 bands and 80 songs in total on the soundtrack of what video game coming out August 13th? Tommy, did we lose you? No, no, I'm thinking. This was the best of the bunch, guys. I don't play video games. Yeah, I hear you. Yeah, I don't. You got me.

I don't know a video game. That's a pass right there. It's funny because when you hear about how satisfying it is to hear someone take out at least money, it's equally unsatisfying to hear someone crumble under the pressure. And for anyone on hold right now or anyone who couldn't get through that knew the answers to these questions, I'm so sorry. Vanessa said Tommy was her. But you know what we should do, Allie, just to make it more interesting?

We should make a new rule. And I'll make this rule. Hey, if the person beats Allie, this is incentive for Vanessa and Johnny in the back that does the pre-screening of the contestants. If the person that you get on beats Allie, I will give you guys each money. Listen to this now. This is not even incentive for me. How is that not incentive? Just because, look, we have this fight every day.

There's nothing I can do People are average smart People are average smart I don't want to call them stupid But that's what you're doing Yes because I'm like Guys come on And I also know

You're not going to do that Of course I will This is the incentive Pinky promise How much money are you going to give them If you're paying out $100 And I like it when you lose It would be stupid for me to give them $100

Why don't you give them $50 25 each yeah I'm kind of good with just a smoothie from across the street 25 each that's 25 bucks anytime you guys

are able to screen a caller the right way he'll buy you breakfast that beats Allie I will buy you guys now have an incentive to find us

better contestants do you want to do that or not sure okay yeah we'll do it great wow

why was there even an argument about that I don't know because we have there's so many variables into it we don't do this on purpose

we don't want to it feels like there's some sabotage happening in the back Question one, Allie. Let's see. Allie could lose today. Who knows?

This will start immediately. It's kind of sounding like I won't. If Allie loses today, then I will start immediately with your first $25 for both of you. Question one, Allie. There's a billboard on Sunset Boulevard that's creating quite a spectacle. For what reason is the billboard? There's somebody inside of the billboard. Oh, okay.

He said naked lady, which is an interesting guess. Oh, it was a guy. But there is a man that is living inside of the billboard. It's part of a promotion for, I think, a new Netflix movie or something. But he's actually living up there in this little room they built him on the billboard. And people are stopping and looking, and it's getting a lot of attention. Great job. It should have been somebody like Jake.

So good on them. Yeah, I love them. Jake would kill for the square footage of that billboard room. We go to question number two. Ali's up 1-0 early. That was a big news story. I don't know how this guy missed it, but Tommy did not get it. We go to question two now.

Once an accused murderer in a very public case, this woman is now doing comedy shows that she claims are honoring the person she was accused of killing. Oh, God. Amanda Knox? I know she was doing comedy. That is the correct answer. And she's got some comedy show, I guess, at the Fringe Festival that's happening, and she claims that it's not in bad taste

because she's honoring the woman that she was accused of killing. Even though I think her comedy show is called Cartwheels, which is what she was accused of doing in the police station after she was accused of murder. So there you go. That is correct as well. He guessed Roseanne Barr, so he is not on the board yet. Allie's up 2-0 as we go to question number three.

Wouldn't you want to see that, though? I mean... I'd be curious to see it. She's just such a weirdo. Question three. This K-Rock band has just launched their own complaint hotline so that people can bitch about anything and they want to feel heard. And they're saying that no bitching is too big and no whining is too tiny.

Which K-Rock band has launched their own complaint hotline? I believe that is Queens of the Stone Age. Oh, wow. You are so versed in the news right now. Tommy, Allie is off to a tear right now. Gotten three right. That is the correct answer. He guessed Green Day.

Allie's right again, so she's up three to nil to keep that World Cup spirit alive. And we go to question number four. Two people have said that they will give $200 million to try to save some endangered species. Critically endangered, they're called. Name one of the two people that has committed this $200 million. Huh. It's probably Jeff Bezos' ex-wife. She's like a donator.

Oh, you think it's his ex-wife. Well, she's donated billions of dollars. You are so close. Jeff Bezos is one of the two people. No way. And Leonardo DiCaprio is the other good person. Oh, yeah, he's the wildlife guy. He likes saving young animals and young women.

And we go to this final question. Not that it matters at this point because Allie's pretty much run away with it, but let's see if she can get herself a 4 out of 5 right, which is not a bad score on a Friday. Ozzy Osbourne, Metallica, White Stripes, Killers, Audioslave, and Paramore are all going to be on the soundtrack to what video game, which comes out August 13th? Madden.

Wow, Madden. That's right. It's back, baby. Another year of Madden. Will the Madden curse continue? Allie got that right. Tommy had no answer. Tommy, what must you shamefully, shamefully, shamefully admit

over the airwaves of K-Rock? Go ahead. Man, those questions yesterday were easy. Today they were hard. But today, Allie knows the news. There you go. Today, Ali knows the news. Right?

Do a playback on that. I'm not doing a playback on that, Boomer. That's what it was. Craig the Boomer. Do a playback on that. No, no. Just one time, sir. Just one time for that song.

I would like that. That's our Boomer from yesterday. That's my favorite brand of gas. You gave us so many notable phrases. Gen X. Boomer. Gen X. Go ahead.

The eight ball. That is correct. The eight ball. I was way before her. I was way before her. Well, we didn't. He was arguing so much yesterday. There's so many calls on the GOAT line about that boomer,

and people said that there's something about the boomers in Generation Wars where it always gets into some sort of an argument. Hey, Greg, you've never got anything right, okay? He was not first. Both times he complained to you guys. So, yeah, he was full of it. All right? Enjoy your show.

Thanks a lot. There were people that couldn't believe that the boomer was so stubborn, so frustrated, so stubborn. Do a playback on that. So, like, sure that he was right when he was so obviously wrong. Yeah. You know, even if you did listen to the playback, which we have at this point, he was never first. Yeah, well, this guy sums it up best in our Generation Wars from yesterday. Oh, my God.

I'm driving for work right now, so I can't text in, but I just listened to Generation Wars for today. And, oh, my God, boomer, boomer, only, only a boomer could be so wrong and so confident at the same time. It is insane how upset he got, and he was not even close. You know, I don't, I just can't with these people. I got to go. I love you guys. Bye.

This show makes people feel lots of things. Let me ask you a question. I'm very sleep-deprived now because last night my sister flew out because she is a... You think I'm a big crow head. She's a big crow head. She flew from the East Coast to go to this Counting Crows show tonight

at the Hollywood Bowl. And do you think that she's one of those people who's seen the Counting Crows a million times? No, no, no. Is she a groupie or anything? No, no, no. Oh, okay. She's definitely not that.

Do the crows not play in the East Coast? I think she saw... I think she saw... Just wait a few days. Yeah, right? I told you I threw out an offer that was a fake offer to both of my sisters. Oh, right, right, right.

Because they don't come out. It feels like, to be honest, this is a whole different thing that I'm probably going to have to deal with on therapy, it feels like I'm the only one making any efforts because I'm always traveling east to visit family. You do travel a lot, yeah. And there's no reciprocation happening.

We have that discussion in my family as well. And they say to me constantly, like... Come visit, come visit, come visit. Yeah, I feel like you haven't seen the da-da-da. And I go, why don't you get on a goddamn plane and come this way? The planes go both ways. I'm always the one going back east.

And guess what? The weather's better here. Yeah, right. And there's a million... I would imagine... There's just a million better things to do out here anyway and they have the ability to do that they could afford it they don't have anything kind of like you know hindering them from listen it's never cheap to fly cross-country with a family

and they're it's not like uh yeah i would say that none of them i mean she's a social worker so i don't know what kind of i don't think that she's rolling in it but the answer is no they're rolling in it oh are they oh social workers make bank man i'm just saying regardless it feels like I don't think she's been out here in 10 years maybe 10 years and that was I'm sorry how old is my kid yeah she came out to visit my first baby

now she's almost 10 so just to give you an idea that's how long it's been and do you think that it bothers you at all that now she's coming out just because she's getting something for free yes and she's not bringing her family with her

and by the way It came out yesterday, going back tomorrow. What? She's not even saying the whole weekend? No, back tomorrow. Did you guys get along? No, not really. Oh, well, then there you go.

She doesn't want to see you. As kids, we didn't get along at all because she was the rule follower, and she'd rat me out. And I was the rule breaker, and I would be the one that would try to do stuff, and I would get away with it, too. And then she would be the one that's like, hey, Dad, you're wondering who took a dump in your dresser. It was Kevin. You did that? At one point, yeah. Whoa!

Why? What did you do that? What possessed you to take a dump in the dresser, man? I think he took something away of mine or something. Well, now your bruiser gets it. Yeah. So I don't know. Didn't she pee on the floor?

That's right. She did because she got sent to a room. Wow. Well, that's insane. Runs in the family. But you know what? What brings you together but the counting crows? Right.

That's the thing. So I send out this invite and I said to both my sisters, hey, you guys haven't been out west in a while. If you'd like to come out, there's a show of a band that I know you guys like, and I'm sure I can get good seats. And I was wrong about that. I had to buy the stupid seats. Couldn't get them. But in your defense, you would think that you would be able to get amazing seats for the Counting Crows.

The amount of tickets we get offered on a regular basis. It's not like these are sold out in five minutes or anything like that. I turn down great seats to great shows every week. I mean, every week. And then finally, there's a thing I want to go to, and I can't get tickets. I got to go buy them. By the way, not face value buy them, like aftermarket buy them. So she comes out.

Here's the real question. So she was supposed to get in yesterday at 9 o'clock at night, which is frustrating and annoying, but also I'm still awake at 9 o'clock at night. She texts me from the airplane, and she says the pilot just said we are 30 seconds in line for takeoff because there was only one runway operational from JFK. So the pilot goes, just so you know, because you know sometimes they'll do that. We're third for takeoff or we're fifth for takeoff. Flight attendants sit down, we're number two. Thirty-second for takeoff. Why even announce that to the point?

No, just don't even tell people. How much of a delay is that? Two hours. Oh, my God. Two hours on the runway before they even take off for them the six-hour flight. Just go back. Save your spot in line. And I think that she had said that had it been another 15 minutes, they would have been forced to get off the plane.

Oh, my God. So she ends up going, good news. We got off. I said, when are you landing? She says, 11. We landed at LAX at 11. And then from LAX, best case scenario, I'm not picking her up. So it's best case scenario.

She's got to shuttle bus over, get an Uber. It's going to be another 45 minutes to get to the valley. Oh, and she's not getting an airplay until 1 in the morning. So she says, ETA is just before midnight. That's what she says. No check luggage. You're like, that's what you think. And I said, at that point, what is my obligate to wait up?

She's never been in my house. She didn't know her way out. Absolutely no obligation whatsoever. You have an early morning job. You're in the middle of your work week. She can let herself in and plop down on a bed or a couch. She wouldn't know where anything was. I don't care.

Text her about it in the morning. Have your wife show her. She took an Ambien already. No, but I mean in the morning. She said one of us needs to stay up and let her in, and I just took an Ambien. So I was like, God damn it, it's me again. Stupid Ambien thing. So you have to give her a freaking house tour?

Not a tour. I said, all right, here's my plan. It was a stupid plan. I fell asleep at like 9.30, like normal, and I set my alarm to wake up at 11. That's horrible. And then I woke up. She was there. You should have taken a dump in her dresser.

Oh, man, I want to. Sadly, it's my room, so it's my dresser. But it'll backfire on me. She'll do it anyway. I'm doing it anyway. She's doing it. Hey, Rock. We are Klein Alley Show.

We'll get into some ADD news in a moment. Then a brand new hour will officially begin. We have for you tickets so you can go to the Hollywood Bowl for Smart List Live. Also, if you're a teacher and you're about to go back to work full-time because the school year is officially beginning, want to find out what is the most un-teacher-like thing you did this summer, you can be anonymous. We had a lot of people hitting us up on the DMs on Instagram and letting us know some things that they will not go on the air and discuss, but that they did have a very un-teachery summer. It's always interesting when you learn about what teachers do outside the classroom sometimes.

they have some real extracurricular activities and we'll hear you hear your stories coming up next hour on k-rock but first this grab your adderall it's time for add news getting pulled over is never fun maybe you're one of those people who is really good at getting out of tickets i'm not one of those people and neither is this guy who tried to blame his tesla for speeding when he was going i think a little over 20 miles over the speed limit hi yes sir a little fast i i was I wasn't driving. That's a sex driving autopilot. You're in charge, though.

So I need to see your driver's license. I'm in charge, but I wasn't driving. So his argument is my car was driving for me. I was not in charge. And you can, because I got a loner one time that had this, and you can do like a hurry mode that will speed. And you can set the speed. It will speed a little bit, but if you want to set the speed, you can.

And you can set it for 20 miles over the speed limit if you want to, But, again, that's you. Aren't you still legally not supposed to do that? Like, I know that the cars can do that. But aren't you surprised that feature's available? Yes, I'm amazed that there's even a hurry-up mode that will speed. It will go, I think, about 7 to 10 miles over the speed limit. Which is kind of the acceptable range.

As a society, we've all accepted that anything kind of under 10 miles over is still not speeding. And it will also kind of bob and weave through traffic. Which is, it'll be like, ah, this person's slowing me down. and I'm going to go around them. Yeah, it's kind of nice, but it is a little scary. But if you get pulled over, it is your fault. It doesn't matter. You're in the driver's seat.

You can blame the car all you want. But how can we sort out this problem? Do you have a driver's license? I do, sir. How do we sort out this problem? You hand me your driver's license. That's how we sort this out. You're going to pay fine.

You're going to get some points, and then you get to go to comedy traffic school on a Saturday. I love the person who doesn't have the other hand. They're like, let's work this out. It's like, you've got nothing. The car doesn't have a driver's license. I need to see your driver's license. I can't get anything imposed because this wasn't me, sir.

I was here. You're missing the point. You are driving. I'm not driving. This is just us driving, and I was sitting here. Sir, whether you turn it over to the car doesn't matter. This went on for quite a while. This is like every conversation we have with Jake.

It's just so frustrating. And then you're like, are we in the same conversation here? And then there was another incident with a Tesla. This is also the Tesla's fault and not the driver. Tonight, a trail of destruction in a Southern California neighborhood after police say an out-of-control Tesla crashed through a brick retaining wall and into homes. He had to be going, at least, and the Tesla, you know, they're quick. Must have been going 100 miles an hour.

Again, car's fault. Car. Blame the car. How are we going to work this out, guys? I went into a brick wall. Could happen to anybody. It's the one benefit of this robot takeover. I know it's going to cost us a lot of jobs and probably eventually it's going to take over society. But for the time being, we have the ability to now start blaming robots for things.

Yeah, pretty great. Not our fault. Your cereal's about to get lamer. Kellogg has announced that they are getting rid of artificial dyes in all of their cereals by the end of the year. So you've got to buy up all those brightly colored Froot Loops now and Apple Jacks while you still can, even though Apple Jacks suck. They were originally going to do this by the end of next year, but they're a year ahead of schedule. I thought we had more time. And if you've ever had some of those naturally flavored cereals,

like I've bought the Trader Joe's versions and stuff like that, they're passable, but something is off about the flavor because it's not what you grew up with. Right. The neon red of the Fruit Loop in its traditional way was the greatest. One has been colored by beet juice. It was like a bat signal for us. I'm sure it's better for you, but, man, there's something about it.

It's just not nearly as cool. Yeah, I know. And then finally, Madden 27, the soundtrack has been released. This is coming out next week, I believe. But if you are obviously a fan of K-Rock artists, you'll be happy with the soundtrack because you've got Metallica, you've got Ozzy Osbourne, you've got Lamb of God, 311 Audio Slave, you've got The Killers, you've got Incubus, you've got Macklemore, who I think everyone's excited about. I mean, Paramore is on here. The Paradox is on here. Great soundtrack.

Gnarls Barkley. All right, you got that going for you. Very exciting. Fatboy Slim, Motorhead, DMX, Lil Wayne. That Madden curse, I think, is what took out Ozzy officially because that Madden curse has been going strong for years. Now, what is the curse exactly? Well, for a year, it used to be whoever was on the cover of Madden,

whichever player would get on the cover would end up getting some usual season-ending injury that would happen like two weeks in or something, and all of a sudden their leg would snap in three pieces. And it was like, well, and it was going on. I don't know how many years in a row it was. It's probably been a while since it happened. But I think players got to a point where it was a great honor to be on the cover of Madden. And I think they stopped wanting to be on the cover because the curse was getting taken so seriously.

So who's on the cover this year? I think it's someone from... I don't know if they've released it yet, to be honest. I don't know. I see something here, but I can't tell who's the star. I don't know. I mean, I would think, you know, who's the biggest star in the NFL right now? It's clearly that Chargers quarterback's new fiancée.

It says Caleb Williams is going to be on it. Oh, okay. So, yeah. Goodbye. I guess that guy should get a life insurance policy ASAP. We get into a brand new hour of the show, and we do that right at this exact moment on KROQ. Oh, hold on. This is the world famous KROQ.

Good morning. Welcome to your KROQ, the legendary radio station that we happen to be a part of, at least for the time being. And so many great names have graced the airwaves of this fine radio station. Maybe you're a new listener, you're not aware that so many, you know, Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla and Carson Daly and Chris Hardwick. I mean, just to name a few of the many voices. Well, thanks for ruining the setup, Jake. We really appreciate that, dude. God damn it.

And anyway, here's the next great one. Who is it? God knows how to trample a joke, doesn't he? It's our latest, most recent DJ that premiered last night on K-Rock. and to know that you were here when it happened is an amazing moment for us all to share together.

It's 106.7 KROQ. I am Gay Leno bringing you one of my favorite artists from Down Under. They're two guys that I love absolutely more than myself. It's brand new KROQ music from Royal Otis.

Who's your boyfriend? Right here on the world famous KROQ. It's funny that Gay Leno was the least gay thing he said during that entire song. And he said he loves them more than he loves himself. Gayness just flows out of them, doesn't it?

Yeah, this gay Leno, Johnny, I'm telling you, is going to be the next big thing. And now this is Royal Otis. I'd love to get these guys in a ball pit. Yeah, you should talk about... This is gay rock. You should talk about how much you want to have sex with every artist that you're about to play.

That should be your thing. You're gay Leno. It's 106.7 K-Rock. I am gay Leno. Bringing you one of my favorite parts. That was pretty gay right there. How was that tenation right there? It's gay.

The whole thing is gay. I applaud you for doing this. Even your setup to it is pretty gay, too, John. It's 106.7 KROQ. So this morning on the Klein Alley Show, I was donned a brand new radio name. I hated it at first, but I'm coming to like it. I'll tell you what it is next on KROQ. It's a tease.

Hit that post, baby. Damn. Gay Leno is the newest sensation on KROQ. So there you have it. So put them right up there. But we're all in agreement that from now on, he's Gay Leno, right? Oh, yeah, Gay Leno. Well, he said it on K-Rock, so it is.

Somebody put it on the Wikipedia now. Yes, someone put it on the Wikipedia. Great. Legendary. Freddie Snakeskin. Richard Blade. Jed the Fish. Gay Leno.

The Internet's full of riddles and mysteries. This is a good one right here, because apparently this is the question that men are asking, and I bet you it's true for women, too, probably. But this is the question that men are asking in bed that is secretly ruining everything. Think about that for a second. We're asking a question in bed, and it is called the, quote, orgasm killer. What is the question? And stop asking it immediately.

It's time for Clickbait. Here we go. All right, so one question. Guys should stop asking immediately in bed because it is being dubbed the orgasm killer. It is secretly ruining everything. This is according to the Internet, so it must be true. Experts have weighed in. As have real people.

So what is the thing that we are asking? God. And probably Jake's saying, what would you rate this date from 1 to 10? Right. But what do you think, Allie? We'll start with you, a lady. So out of my realm, heterosex. I got to picture myself in this scenario.

And I feel like the guys usually ask, you like that? Yeah. You like that? Yeah, you like it? You like that. That's technically a question. More of a statement, but. But it's a question.

Do you like it? It's rhetorical. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And they're supposed to be like, yeah, it's so great. Right, that would be so painful to hear. Not really. Jake says, nice.

Noise. Nice. Is that noise? Jake, what is the question that you are probably asking in bed that is secretly ruining everything? You okay? You okay? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, babe.

Are you okay? Don't worry, you're not. You think that's the question? That's my guess. Okay. Omar, this is the innocent question. Innocent, by the way. Innocent?

Oh. An innocent question. Interesting. that men are asking that is apparently ruining intimacy for... I want to say when dudes say, are you close to the climax? Oh, that's a very good one. Yeah, because that's going to pull you out of the whole thing,

I think, if you're a lady. Yeah, and it kind of shows that the guy's just more interested in himself rather than her. Like, I'm ready, so are you done soon? Yeah. Yeah, but hold on before we all make fun of that guy. It was clearly you. Are you close?

No. All right, then I'll just finish. Good night. You can stop asking. Let me just ask a follow-up question. This hypothetical situation, Allie. What if the person, let's just say it could be anyone, is trying to... Do it at the same time?

Right, or at least not, you know, at least get a sense of, just for pacing purposes, where are we at? Is our timeline anywhere? I would never ask. I would know I would already know you kind of can tell you can tell

and if you can't they're not close and also or they'll tell you there are other ways to help the lady finish too yeah yeah okay

you know but once you're done it's over right feeling very judged here it's a nappy nappy time yeah Klein is doing his part to fill the gap

aren't you fill the gap baby close the gap yeah and fill it he wish he could fill the gap the innocent question that men are asking

One of you is right. It's not Jake, surprising. Damn it. It's not Allie, the lady. You like that? Are You Close ranks among the top orgasm killers, not because the partner is asking it maliciously, because they're not, but it's because the question does something to the woman's brain mid-arousal

that instantly then takes her out of the moment. You feel the pressure. And, yes, it creates some sort of a, apparently, a pressure that then is like, oh god now it's now i gotta answer now now you want me there at a certain point and now i'm taken out of the moment and and i i'm someone who will absolutely share what's going on 562 guessing the question is it in that is not the that is not the question but that's another good one is that what you asked back to back that's is it in are you close is it still in are you close good night a lot of times i'm done now you're close yeah so uh that's the question

stop asking it. Don't ask it anymore. It is apparently killing all pleasure for all ladies in your life. So there you have it. That's important. Right, Allie? Yeah. Are you going to replace it with something else? I don't think you should ask questions at all. I think that if I know anything about

women, it's that they like to schedule stuff. So I think a better question is, what do we have planned for the week ahead? I think that's a better... That'll really get their mind racing. Or like organization questions. Do you want to go to the container store? Yeah? That's the question right there. Quick break. We're back in a moment.

When we return, we want to talk to teachers about the most un-teacher-like thing you did this summer. You can be totally anonymous if you need to be. We have up for grabs. Oh, listen to this. Not only, by the way, do we have tickets to go to the Hollywood Bowl and see some smartlets. We are going to give you $200. $200 that you can spend to either help stock your classroom for the upcoming year or spend it on yourself. Stock your fridge.

To continue whatever fun stuff you were doing this summer. Why should the fun stop? Just because kids are back in school soon. So if you're a teacher and you did something this summer that was very un-teacher-like, you can call next on KROQ. Back to school time is officially here, and teachers, even if your school has not started yet, you're probably back in the classrooms or going back and having those preschool meetings. And that's rough because you had two months, technically, to do whatever the hell you wanted. Some of you took full advantage of that because when you spend all year as a teacher, you're held to a higher standard.

And then the summer is when you kind of get to let loose. And I always found it very strange and weird when I would run into a teacher. Anytime you run into a teacher outside of the classroom is strange, even just at the grocery store. But if you run into the teacher at the grocery store and they're buying nine boxes of wine, you're like, oh, man. Yeah, I know. And I have a few friends and relatives that are teachers, and God bless them. They do amazing things. And my one cousin in particular got so drunk that she tried to climb a light post and then got to the very top and fell down.

I think she broke her leg. and that was after a ton of wine but you know a real go-getter right and uh no judgment here i mean absolutely not you gotta let some of the air out of the balloon that's what the summer's for you gotta deal with a bunch of annoying lice covered kids all year long and so and you know you've gone into this profession hopefully because you care about the future of society and you understand that you're going to be underpaid and probably underappreciated but you are doing something that is incredibly important my mom was a teacher uh for a while until I accidentally tore her open at childbirth

because I was a 10-pound baby, and then she couldn't walk right. What? So she stopped being a teacher? Yeah. Because of you? I think it was after my younger sister was born, and then we outnumbered her so much

that she had to officially stop. It wasn't just because of the torn... But I think she had to take off a lot of time, like way too much time when that happened because she was a kindergarten teacher. Oh, gosh, that must have hurt. She blamed me for that. Still does.

But enough about me. Let's get into your stories right now. We have hundreds of dollars to give away to some teachers, and you can go ahead and choose to use that money however you damn well please. Of course, you could always I know teachers are so selfless. They always like getting these gift cards so they can buy more school supplies because the school budget never accommodates

what they need or they want more highlighters for sniffing. I'm not sure how it works. Regardless, let's say hi now to I don't know if this is anonymous or not, but from I feel like I shouldn't even say the area code. Maddie, are you going to be anonymous or is that a fake name?

I'll be Jessica. That'll be my All right, I think we have to tip off that your real name is Maddie at this point, but go ahead. We're going to call her Jessica. Vanessa, if they want to go anonymous, please put up their fake name. Yes, okay, Jessica, let's start over. Hi, Jessica, welcome to KROQ. You're a teacher? Yeah, I teach kindergarten.

Okay, and what is it that you did this summer that was very un-teacher-like of you? So me and my friends just, like, built up a roster and stuck with, like, hella dudes, like, separately. It's just, like, we're both teachers, and that was how we spent our summers. So you and your fellow teachers came up with a list of people that you wanted to do? No, it was more like we built up a list with, like, dating apps. Ah, I see. Teachers love a good list. And, yeah, everything's a list form.

I'm going to put this in a pie chart. Crayons, crazy glue, and a bunch of Ds. So you said you slept with hella dudes this summer? Yeah. Hella is not really a scientific number, so I'm just trying to paint a... I would say that's probably over 10. Hella is north of 10, you think? I would think so.

In your definition, what is hella? Like near 10. Oh, near 10. That's pretty good. Did you tell the dudes that you were a teacher? I feel like that would be a turn-on for guys. I don't put it on the profile because, eh. Right.

Yeah, I would not put it. It feels weird to be a teacher because I feel like you do have to kind of keep some of that under wraps because you always have these people that are out there trying to catch teachers being bad. Yeah, I know. Or like a teacher's on OnlyFans and they get fired. Just let them be a teacher. So Jessica wanted to let us know that she spent the summer with her other teacher friend sleeping with hella dudes. How many did the other girl sleep with?

Similar quantity. Okay. Similar quantity. Wow. So you guys would go out, but tonight's our night. We're just going to, tonight's smashing night. Yeah, well, we would have other plans other nights, but we would be like, okay, bye, see you later. And then we would, like, reconvene after.

Amazing. What an amazing summer for both of you. I like that, Jessica. And now back to the grind, back to the finger painting. Forget her real name. You shouldn't call it finger painting, Ali. Let's say hi now to, once again, I don't know if this is a real name or a fake name. Roxy, you're a teacher as well?

Yes, I am. What is the most un-teacher-like thing you did this summer? I took a bunch of shrooms and I walked around on my campus. Whoa, cool. Back to school. And what grade do you teach? I teach elementary theater. Whoa, cool.

Elementary theater. I feel like that would be acceptable for the theater teacher to take mushrooms and walk around campus. Yeah, I think that's going to make you a better teacher. Weren't you concerned you were going to run into the weird janitor that's always pouring sawdust on stuff? I mean, I would have shared with him. He probably would have done some, too. So you were by yourself, or were you with people?

No. I was actually with another teacher. Oh, man. Yeah, you guys really all band together to do bad things. That's awesome. We're going to band together for striking and for mushrooms and sex. Yes. All right, hold on one second.

That's interesting right there as well. Let me say hi to Matt, a teacher. It's an incredible idea, though, to just go to your school, like to do that at your workplace. What do you teach, Matt? What's happening, guys? I'm a high school math teacher. Okay. And what is the most un-teacher-like thing you did this summer?

I didn't bang hella dudes, but I drank hella beers. I drank more beers this summer than math tests I've graded in my whole teaching career. And it led me to falling asleep or passing out, whatever you want to call it, in a hotel hallway. So that was the start of a tough weekend. And then I turned into a Karen the next day at a theme park and yelled at some poor theme park employee to where people had to come and take me away because I was so Karen-like.

So your summer consisted of you drinking so much you passed out in a hotel hallway and then being escorted out of a theme park for yelling? Yes, yes. Yes, that's what happened. And now you're back at school, back to mathing, huh? We're going massive, massive starting. We're getting back to the grind.

Does math ever really stop? I feel like high school male math teachers are hot to go, kind of, right? Yeah, you know, I like to think so. You probably could have a pretty successful summer, I'm sure, in that regard as well, right, Matt? Yeah, maybe. Maybe. My wife and kids might disagree. Way to ruin it, Allie.

I didn't ruin it. He ruined it. Let me say hi to Danny. These are all teachers, by the way. Sharing, I appreciate the bravery and the honesty. Some of them want to be completely anonymous, so much so that we are voice changing them off the air. Go ahead. I teach fifth grade and teach kids about using protection.

I had three one-night stands, didn't use condoms. Oops. That's not, if you're the one responsible for teaching kids about safe sex, the health teacher, I guess, maybe that would make you in fifth grade, and then all of a sudden you decide you don't practice what you preach. Shame, shame. Good morning to Joshua. Yes.

What do you teach? Oh, hey there. I teach English at a middle school in Norco. It's actually my third year there. I'm really excited. I just got to be tenured yesterday. Oh, congratulations. What does that mean?

That means you've been there for ten years and you get a plaque? Someday, I hope. But no, I've been there at this district for two years. This is my third year. So the first day, your third year, you get to be tenured as long as they don't find a reason. So you thought tenured was just saying tenures really fast? Yes. Congratulations.

You've been tenured. Tenured. What does it mean? You learn new stuff. What does it mean? What does it really mean? I think it means you get extra benefits and things like that, don't you? No, it's just like a stability thing.

The districts are able to sort of make up any reason for whatever to not necessarily keep a teacher. And so the way that sort of gets fixed is by becoming tenured. So that way you have to know you can slack off. There's a lot more benefits. Once you've been there for ten years. You have to get touchy for them to fire you. You can phone it in. Exactly that.

It's not ten years, man. congratulations uh eight nine ten hello near ten uh so what did you do this summer that was very unteacher like oh i i played drums and i used to do it a lot more but i did get asked by a band to go and do a uk tour and so it was the first time i ever went uh we did like 10 days uh yeah it was rad and then coming back now it's such a grounding like moment of reality where i'm like oh these kids don't care at all like i am not cool and it's a good reminder that's crazy for you because you feel like you're on stage, you're playing music in front of people,

you're feeling like I'm living this completely separate life. Yeah, you're saying rad. And now you're back in front of a I don't know, ska band, so you know, super rad. Ska band, oh. Superb and legend for the band, yeah. But still, like 200, 300 people showing up on a Monday. Imagine nothing that kids would care less about than hearing about

their teacher's ska band. And how rad it is. That is cool, though, that you were able to do that, especially in the UK. Right after you got tenured. We give you the final, and Congratulations on those 10 years, Shasher. That means a lot to all of us. Danny, final word here,

and then we've got to give away some of these hundreds of dollars. We promised the teachers we would give them the money. I think we've got some favorites already, but let's see if we're on the same page there. Hi, Danny, what's up? Hi. So I, two things, went on the bus for the first time and also first time got into a fight with somebody on the bus.

Oh, my God, amazing. So you got into a fist fight with someone on public transit? Yep, fist fight, fist fight and all. They were smoking, and my teacher had, following the rules, I was like, can we not smoke? And then that turned into a big old altercation. I got aggressive because there were kids on the bus. That's where you start slipping back into teacher mode. You forget yourself.

It's July. What am I doing? Mama Bear came in, and I've never done that. And it was a rush but also extremely terrifying. And, you know, maybe next time, don't engage. well what what happened though did you throw punches did they throw punches where did who won the fight well i think i think in a way i did they they had thrown the first punch and i kind of from there we just kept going and uh uh they they eventually stopped and then they ran out of the

bus because uh people were calling the police and stuff so i i know that i'm good um and you know we'll see what happens with the other person. This is like one of those origin story sort of things where you get, you know, the teacher, you don't think much of her, and then she's like, hey, put out that cigarette, and then the person's like, I'm not putting out that cigarette. Teach. You got no power on the bus. And you're like, this is

bus, though. This is my, you know, my domain. Welcome to bus. It's very John Wick. Very John Wick. Yeah, you are. It started on a bus, you know, and we'll see. Listen, we would we got one more. Let's add that to the list, and then

Fabian, we give you the final, final word and then we have to give away some of this money to the teachers because we wanted to keep it, but we've decided to do the right thing. And once you win this money from us, you can spend it on yourselves or spend it on your classroom. The choice is yours. Hi, Fabian. Hey, hi. What do you teach? Second grade. Okay.

Very, very impactful situation, I'm sure. These youths need your leadership. What did you do this summer that was un-teacher-like? Well, I was teaching summer school, but it was around my break day, like the last week of summer school was my break day So I started drinking, and it was, like, on a Thursday.

I kept going on Friday. And then on Saturday, I went to a Mexican restaurant. They had a, well, it was a Mexican restaurant and a bar, and they had karaoke, so I started singing. I got up to sing, and then I started singing a song, and I wanted to keep singing, and they wanted, they said, no, no, no more, and then you, you know, I wasn't singing very good, and they basically threw me out.

But the thing is that... Threw you out of a karaoke bar because you refused to stop singing. It was like Jake's... I'm not finished yet. That's great. Well, the thing is that some moms find out. You know, the people in the neighborhood, you know, they, I don't know. People in the neighborhood, that's the bad, that's never the good thing

because that's how the rumors get started. You know, he did a three-day drinking binge and got thrown out of a karaoke bar. He was trying to think, he went on a marathon the third time in a row and got tossed. All right, listen, Allie, we heard a lot of stories here. Let's give some money to some teachers now. Which one did the most un-teacher-like thing that is worthy of hundreds of dollars of money? God, you know, I'm torn because the woman who beat somebody up on a bus, that's a great story. Now, she was kind of being teacher-y, but also very un-teacher-y at the same time.

Right, because teachers also teach, you know, pacifist. You don't fight with your hands. You fight with your words. Right, exactly. You fight with a poem or something. It's between her or the woman who slept with hella dudes. Let's give each 100 bucks. That sounds good.

Vanessa, those two teachers get $100. They can fight over it, okay? It's the very least we can do. And hopefully they use that money responsibly or for morning after pills or brass knuckles or the choice is theirs. And thank you, teachers, for all that you do. We appreciate you giving us a place to valet our kids out during the day. I'm KROQ. Good morning.

This is a ridiculous thing that's happening in the studios now at KROQ. Good morning, Klein Alley Show. It's Friday. It's the weekend. Thank you to all the teachers for participating. I'm sorry we couldn't get to all of you. And I'm sorry we couldn't give you all money. Johnny is attempting right now to set up some sort of a privacy tent because Allie is about to remove some clothing.

And if you're not watching us on YouTube, now would be the time to stop doing that. You know, I said I was happy to remove my clothing on the live stream. And now you went out of your way to get a giant tent so that no one can see any of this. All Allie asked for was a blanket or a sheet of some sort. And they went out and got some sort of a massive privacy tent. It's like a hazmat situation. Johnny cannot open this. I'm having a tough time doing this.

He has been attempting now for the entire length of that song. It's a pop-up tent, and he cannot figure it out. This is some real gay Leno behavior right here. No, you do not. It's folded back again. It's the tent versus Johnny. We want to make sure that no one sees even an inch of Ali's skin. We're protecting the audience.

Johnny's going in there. So if you're not watching on YouTube. Jake, are you interested in me? moving into the tent? I would love to move into there. The whole time? There should be an upgrade from the shack?

You wouldn't believe it. Oh, my God. It looks like my living room and my bedroom and my kitchen. All right, so there you go. That's a perfect view. So now, Allie is going to...

Allie, your plan, because this is all part of the idea to weigh your boobs. There's been a lot of thoughts about this. Allie claims that she's at the phase of pregnancy now where her breasts are putting

on about a pound a day. She thinks. I just... They feel enormous already. I know that they're just going to get bigger, but I'm just interested in how much each one weighs

because they're two different sizes so we have at our disposal now we have a scale that is used for i think it's a what would that be a produce scale is that a meat scale scale so it's going to be more accurate we have a food scale in here uh that's what it looks like ali is going to go inside do you need vanessa to go in the tent with you to help out or is that weird no but i do need the stool to be in there right so they didn't set up so johnny only did part of the job the youtube uh stream is down so it rejected Ali's boobs too. They've shut...

Our entire YouTube has shut itself down over this? It's just black. It's just black. Guys! Brought to you by Blonde Charlie.

Do you want me to do this or not? I feel like I should just do this at home. Apparently YouTube has spoken and they want no part of this. They have just ended it.

It's never happened before. They let Perez Hilton pretty much cut himself on YouTube for 15 minutes and they will not even allow you to show any bit of your skin and they have completely deactivated themselves.

That's wild. So Allie is then, for the power of a radio, thank God we got this radio show for this unpredictable YouTube thing. It's much... Oh, the radio's now going away. No, no, no, no. They are...

You can't hear it. Hold on. Allie is about to go in there. Oh, the station is changing itself. The radio station is changing itself right now. I can't believe it's doing this. Are we actually not streaming now? Are we going to miss this whole thing for the YouTube viewers?

I don't know what's happening. It's pitch black dark, yeah. And people have tried to reset, and it's nothing happened. I'm refreshing, nothing happening. Great. Just so you know. No, then maybe we hold off. Allie is reentering the tent of consent, as she's calling it.

She's bringing a stool in there. Sorry that you have to set this all up yourself, Allie. This would have been great if they had done this. I mean, yeah, I kind of assumed it would just be there. Where's Vanessa? I don't know. I was taking the winner's information. Are you kidding me?

I thought you said you were going to just tease. No, no, no. Allie said now's the time. She thinks her boobs weigh the heaviest right now. So it is kind of set up. Come on. So Allie is now in the tent. Allie, explain to us the situation in there.

Try to yell towards that microphone. It's nice and roomy in here. Yeah. Plenty of room for my giant boobs. Uh-huh. And now I'm taking my bra and shirt off. We'll go shirt first. Oh, boy.

Johnny's filming this. Johnny, don't peek. No, Johnny's not. I'm our only camera guy right now. Johnny is a big perv, man. I have to take a photo. Oh, boy. What is that?

Is that your bra? Oh, my God. That thing is massive. Oh, that looks like one of those white flags you'd wave if you were giving up in war. All right. Did you see how big that thing is? I'm going with the first one. Allie, is that a maternity bra?

No, I'm not even at maternity yet. Oh, you're not? No. You're not at maternity yet? I think you are. Allie is going to go over now to the scale. What do you think the boobs weigh? We don't know what they started at.

Hey, don't go too high or we can see you. Yeah, Allie, if you go too high, there's a little window, like a little peekaboo window. The tent is now asking. Where's the peekaboo window? Peekaboo? All right, the stream is back. Okay, the tent is asking for hazard pay for being a part of this, which we are not doing. Allie is trying to weigh her first breast now.

she's pressing onto the um the scale the food scale and the idea that we've decided to go with is she's going to uh let it i guess what are you trying to do ali exactly the first one weighs in at 20.8 ounces well what does that even work out to i think it's about a pound and a half a pound and a half and we're going to reweigh these again in the second trimester and see how much they've grown she believes they've already doubled in size each breast and ali once again has pointed out she's got wonky boobs to begin with so does it feel weird to be a topless in the studio standing inside weirdly i'm okay with it really because the rest of us are not no it feels fine okay uh youtube just went out of business i can't believe that happened it's unbelievable the other

one is 13 no what no way there's that much of a difference you're telling me right now in this non-scientific way we're weighing your pregnancy boobs that one of them is 20 ounces the other was 13 yeah oh man is that the one is that always been the case is that usually the discrepancy between the two i've never weighed them before so i don't know but i know one of them is this the left one is the smaller one the right one's the big one and the wonk is real the wonk is real ali's not kidding so they didn't catch up they're growing a difference uh johnny by the way filming this as well ali is standing inside of a tent uh hiding her shame but the reality is she's now putting back, are you putting back on your shirt?

Yep. Oh, thank God. All right, Allie is now put back on her shirt. Everyone, Allie's shirt is back on. We are going to take a quick break. Allie is entering, leaving the tent now to return back to the K-Rock Studios with her shirt out. And for anyone, people are now saying

they're going to call Sweet James to represent them in this case, where they were... That was eye-opening. So, you believe that that is an accurate weight you just got? Not really. Oh. But I think it's accurate enough.

The amount of setup that went into it. We bought a tent. I tried the water method last night. It didn't really work. I didn't want to put my boobs in a bowl of water. It was going to be a big mess. So, this is the flop method that I just used. All right.

So, that was the flop method, and Allie believes that... And boy, was it. It was a real flop. What if you put your boobs into one of those smashy, smashy cancer screening machines? Yeah, like the mammogram things? Yeah. That's what I originally was hoping, but I need, like, I think that it's about how much of my body weight is being put onto the scale in addition to my boob. You know what I mean?

We have a panini press we can bring in here if that would help. I'm going to break it. We have to take a break, but now for the sake of science, we've learned that our starting weight, which Allie believes is still way higher than it was before she got impregnated, is 20 ounces for one, 13 ounces for the other. so difference of seven ounces which is significant you think that's almost a half do you think if we recreate this in in uh three months we will get north of 40 ounces i think what's important is that we should do this again i think that that is absolutely true it was flawless the first time and it's going to be flawless the second and third time i think we should do one for each trimester we're going to take a set a break much needed let's forget

everything that just happened a moment ago when we return add news and then we have spots for you on that standby boarding list. The very least you can do is send you as far away from here as possible to Atlanta for shaking ease. That'll be coming up after this on KW. You're going to guess that there has been some break-ins

probably in your neighborhood because it appears that every house and every car is currently being robbed in Southern California. No one was doing much about it. That's where we started making these Klein Alley Show Please Don't Rob Me signs. And everyone who has put

a Please Don't Rob Me sign on their property has not been robbed. It's amazing. We have 100% success rate. I don't think any major alarm company can even claim that so uh video has just gone up on our instagram if you haven't seen it yet but just to show you some of the progress we've made this test program over the last couple of months

here at k-rock has proven to be very successful and if you don't believe us there's a video that i recommend you check out it'll be a minute long and you will see just how successful the please don't rob me signs have been and that is up right now on our instagram at klein alley show you can go ahead and find it there uh so we got that to look forward to if you'd like to steal tickets from us. We have them for you in less than five minutes, so you can go and get your name on that standby list, see Jimmy Eat World at the Hollywood Bowl, and then hopefully go see them again.

Shaky Knees in Atlanta, where you'll see them and 50 other bands. Big ones. That's all coming up in five minutes or after this, your ADD News. Grab your Adderall. It's time for ADD News. It's been tough to sell shows these days.

This weekend, to sell shows these days, and this weekend, there was supposed to be a huge jazz festival taking place all over L.A. for the next two weeks. Suddenly, the schedule is just gone. A bunch of the events are no longer listed and no longer happening due to, quote, unforeseen circumstances. However, there is something even more interesting.

People are getting even more creative with how they cancel their shows. A theater group has recently canceled a production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show after receiving threatening text messages. They originally said this was unforeseen circumstances, but then they disclosed that they had got these threatening text messages.

The police started investigating, And then they determined that the music director was the one faking the text messages and faking the threats because he wanted to cancel the production without getting drama from the cast. So now the people within the shows are creating reasons to cancel their own shows. Here's a clip from that Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's 106.7 KROQ. I am Gay Leno. So I understand why they canceled it. And I'm just a sweet transvestite. You know, I know in school, there used to be, I'm lucky in the sense that there were not really a lot of school shootings and stuff when I went to school.

So it was always really funny when someone would call in a bomb threat to try to get a test canceled or postponed. And that would happen, I feel like once a year, you get one good. Really? That's a lot. I don't think that happened once in my high school. I feel like once a year, there would be a bomb threat. Was it you? No, no, it was never me.

Once a year for finals every year by me. But I always wanted to push back the spelling test. So I would call in and say, there's a bomb, a B-O-M bomb. You better get out immediately. But no, they would, I believe once a year they would announce that we'd all have to leave. And then they would bring the police and the police dogs. They would do some sniffing and then they would send everyone back in. And I feel like it was always a student that wanted to push back something.

Didn't have an assignment ready. Well, and I think that it could be, you know, it depends. With these big shows, it could be the producer, the one who's really going to be losing money if this doesn't sell. And they're like, God, the person doesn't want to cancel it, but I'm going to lose all this money. I should make up a reason. Especially if they have, like, an insurance policy. Totally. You've got an insurance policy, and you're not selling tickets.

Blue Dot Fever has hit you. What's your way to cover it? Call in. It's going to start being shady reasons for this stuff. So, anyway, that's sad news. If you're holding tickets for that Rocky Horror Picture Show, I'm sorry, you won't be seeing it. They said they lost $11,000. I was like, that much? Really?

I know there's still a lot of focus on this problem in Boyle Heights. The smell that the residents are constantly having to deal with because of the rotting food from that storage facility fire. But there's another problem that another city is facing that is kind of going under the radar. Every night for over a year, well, I guess I should say a few times a month. I don't know if it's every single night. But there is a fire alarm going off in this neighborhood, and they are having to deal with it. Now, this is not a real fire alarm just for anybody. This is them playing the fire alarm in Silver Lake.

It sounds like an emergency, but neighbors say it's become routine. A fire alarm at a Silver Lake recording studio has been going off so often, residents say they no longer know when there's a real fire. The alarm has been blasting in the middle of the night over and over again for months. Now people who live nearby are demanding something be done. Imagine every night. Jesus Christ. This is sort of just what we're living with.

Imagine waking up to the sounds of this commercial fire alarm in the middle of the night multiple times a month for a year. Allie was saying that in her house, just this week, when she should be getting the greatest sleep of her year because she's got no kid or wife home, her alarm, your smoke alarm, has just been letting out random chirps in the middle of the night. And flashes. Right, which I think means your battery's low or something. Well, I finally took it off in the middle of the night last night, and it would just give me a once. It would just be once. It would be like, beep, flash, and then I would get out of bed, and then I would look at it and look and look, and nothing else would happen.

And then I would go to bed, and it would take me a while to fall asleep because I'm like, when is this going to happen again? What's going on? And I didn't want to get a ladder or a stool and do all that in the middle of the night. Finally, last night, I did it, and the thing's expired. So I don't know if that's the chirp it's making is an I'm expired chirp. The whole alarm is expired? Yeah. The whole smoke alarm is expired.

The whole thing, I think I have to throw out and get a new one. Yeah, I don't know why. Make sure you replace them every 10 years. They feel the need to always give us that notification chirp in the middle of, it has to be between the hours of like 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. Why? I don't know why. It seems like you could do that just in the middle.

And I know the theory is, oh, people are home in the middle of the day. They're never going to hear it. But the idea that they're all, my same thing, it only happens in the middle of the night. So then I wonder if that's what's happening here at this recording studio. Probably, yeah. They've got to get one of those square batteries. No one has those stupid square batteries. And it's a recording studio, so at 3 in the morning, no one's there to fix it.

And nobody in the recording studio is going to be aware of it, so all the residents have to figure out what's going on. I just don't know why after a year, the recording studio hasn't done something about it. You think all the bands and the groups that are recording have that in the background? Because that is pretty goddamn loud. I know. Like, what are you doing? If the whole neighborhood is hearing it and being woken up,

That is a powerful alarm. Okay, sleep-cations were a thing, and now cool-cations are becoming a thing because it's been so damn hot everywhere. People are now traveling just to get to a cooler place, and there are a lot of cities that are trying to capitalize on this because places like Norway are going, hey, we're a cool place to visit. Yeah, we got ice. Yeah, we got ice all the time in the summertime.

It's not very hot over here. It's beautiful, you know, all year round, yes, But in the summer especially, you've got tons of daylight, a lot of beautiful scenery. So the travel to these countries is surging now because people just want to go to places that aren't necessarily snowy but are just cooler temperatures in the summer. Sadly, if you use the term coolcation, you are very uncool. You've completely undone anything you would have done. All right, caller 20, let's send you on the opposite of that because I'm sure Atlanta is boiling right now. But we will send you to Shaky Knees if your name is picked off of the standby boarding list.

We have to get your name on the list first. Monday morning, we give that trip away. But right now, we've got limited space left. So we need your name as the 20th caller at 800-520-1067. Plus, you'll be seeing Jimmy World right here at the Hollywood Bowl. We'll pick up caller 20 next on KROQ. This is the world famous KROQ. Welcome to your weekend just after 9 o'clock on a Friday morning here.

The world famous KROQ. Fine Alley Show, nice to meet you. Thanks for coming back for more on Fine There's Alley. Hi. That is Jake Znerd over there, DJ Omar Khan, Audio Sniper. You got Postmaster, excuse me. You have Gay Leno, and you have Vanessa taking the calls at 800-520-1067. Phone's full right now because people want to win their way into Jimmy World at the Bowl,

and then again to win their way across the country as part of KROQ's Road Trip USA. I've lost count of how many trips we've given away this summer, but we've sent people on thousands and thousands of miles of travel. on the k-rock dime and the k-rock dime is literally a dime so i'm shocked we're able to put these trips together i would imagine the record labels and the bands probably help out a lot and we say good morning now to our 20th caller which puts us in orange county california this is katie this is katie hello katie you are caller 20. thank you so much i'm so excited you'll be coming to the hollywood bowl for jimmy world and that is uh at the very least but if we call

you back monday morning hopefully you answer and uh we give you the good news you'll be packing your bags and going to shake your knees in atlanta all right thank you so much you are very welcome double jew excuse me jews jimmy eat world doesn't know people say jew oh yeah yeah of course i guess i guess the way you say double jew yeah well we all do you get double jew double jew i thought you were gonna say did you hear that katie you get jimmy world and their attorneys so congratulations entrance. That's a big prize. We will get into some Sublime right now.

There's going to be like 20 of them. Double Jew you after this on KROQ. It's not that funny, guys. It's really not. It's not that funny. It's not. You barely fit into that thing, man. Lo and behold, that's all people seem to be talking about now. We are lo and beholding.

The Please Don't Rob Me video, which has gone up now. Everyone is just commenting on it. Apparently my neck is is busting through my shirt. So big. Why are there so many comments about that? Why aren't they focused on the actual...

Because it's jarring when you tie your tie. You can't even... Your tie is holding your shirt together because you can't button your shirt all the way because your neck is so big. The focus should be on the robberies that are happening all over Southern California. That's why we did this whole stupid thing.

And now everyone's just talking about Klein's neck is going to protect the neighborhood. Yeah, it is not the point of the video. The point of the video is you can pick up a Klein Alley show Please Don't Rob Me sign so that your house doesn't get robbed. and this is a nice PSA for that. Omar has been laughing

for the last three minutes off the air and I finally said, what is so funny? And I was hoping it was something that we did that we meant to be funny and he goes,

I just keep looking at Klein's neck in this video. Well, then it pans away from you and then it goes back and you're like, ah! Yeah, so jarring, man. You kind of forget.

Well, whatever. I think I overdid it on the protein. I'm not even sure you can get the tie around your neck. That was a, yeah, no,

that was a seatbelt. I'm so used to that. That's Allie and I protecting neighborhoods. It's a clown tie I'm sorry, but it looks normal on you. It looks normal. It looks normal.

Well, everyone have a good laugh now. Take the video down. I don't like it anymore. It is funny that all the comments are only about your neck. That's it. Every comment. No one's saying, hey, thanks, guys. Thanks for protecting the neighborhoods.

Thanks for bringing attention to this. Klein looks like an accident attorney advertised on Telemundo. Well, that was not about my neck specifically. Fat neck Klein can't button his shirt. Thank you. I saw that one. That tie is hanging on for dear life. Okay, great.

Thank you all. Thank you for all the nice comments, guys. I'm dead. Poor Vanessa also climbed that neck. Thank you. Okay, we get it. Anyway, video's up for now, but I'd like to take it down after the show. Since people aren't appreciating it for how it was intended to be appreciated.

You're doing something good. Doing something. Omar says, and by the way, I don't think my neck, to be honest, guys, in all seriousness. Even the button extender wouldn't work. Okay. That is true. The client is being choked by his own tie. What's sad is Kevin Secchi even commented something, too, about it.

He did? guys i want to say something right now it's the it's the aspect ratio is the problem it's not your neck is the problem man it's not the aspect ratio of your neck the aspect ratio of the video because we had to do some sort of a stretch to fit it and and it was a stretch this whole outfit was a stretch i want to tell you right now that in a moment we are going to speak to an attorney about a real matter this is a uh this is i believe an attorney that handles primarily divorces And not that any of us are heading that. I mean, I guess we're all kind of heading that way in our own path.

I feel like we veer that direction, then we straighten, veer, straighten on the regular path. Yeah, it depends on the week, right? I mean, I think we've all... There's a beautiful path over there that's sunny and doesn't have walls. I think we've all at some point said to each other, I don't know if we'll be married on Monday. I think that's all happened. But we could not admit that publicly, Omar or Ali or myself, but we've all said it. And then Johnny has said that we have freaked him out now,

and he never wants to get married after hearing what marriage is actually like. Oh, no, it's great. We just like to complain. It's fun. We're all having fun. We're all having laughs here. It's just all fun.

We're happy. It's like the neck thing. It's not real. It's just funny. No, that's real. Are we? Yeah, we're happy. This attorney that we're going to speak to...

Don't do it, Johnny. Don't do it. This attorney that we're going to speak to in a moment says that there has been a huge uptick in divorces and separations that are starting as a result of one of the people in the relationship developing a side relationship with a chatbot. Oh, this is you all the way.

Hey, I don't know who predicted this year. One of us predicted that one of the trends this year in romance was going to be... AI girlfriends. AI girlfriends. I think that was you. All right. So let's go ahead. Well, there it is.

Listen to this. 28% of adults report to having at least one intimate or romantic interaction with an AI system. I haven't. 28%. But you have. Oh, yeah. On a regular basis? Not as regular as I wish.

Is it weekly? Not weekly, but monthly. But I think the question is, is this cheating? Well, now, apparently, and this guy's going to explain exactly how this works, that people are using these AI side relationships as grounds for divorce. And they're basically saying in certain states, I don't even know if California is one of them, this can be considered full-on infidelity, even if there's not another human involved. But wouldn't you rather your partner take it out on a robot than a real person that you can get pregnant? You would think. Though I know you are trying to get a robot pregnant.

I'm not trying to get a robot pregnant. Didn't you talk to the robot about that? Yeah, you said you're going to put a digital baby in there. Dude, you are a freak. Yeah, you are. Anyway, this apparently... I got this SD card for you. Apparently, because of this trend now that is on the uptick big time, people are writing prenups differently that will include infidelity that also mentions humans and AI and robots.

As AI is getting better and the transition and the interaction is becoming more lifelike, I kind of thought it was kind of this. It was the Wild West. Now it's crackdown time. And now it's costing people their marriages. So we will talk to this attorney next, and he will explain when an AI companion legally counts as cheating. Because there is a time when that can happen. The future is here. You're way past that.

No, I don't think so. Pretty sure 99% of this booking was Klein's self-interest. I wasn't targeted this time. That'll be after this on KROQ. And that comes up next. Here, my friends, it's KROQ. We are Klein Alley Show. Is it cheating if you start a relationship with AI?

Because apparently it's happening more and more, and now people are getting divorced because of it. It is not currently the leading cause of divorce, but I have a feeling. In 20 years, it might be. Maybe three years with the way things are moving and the access there is and the options there are. And I think that some people in the relationship feel this is like harmless fun. It's no other humans involved. What's it really matter? Yeah, but you could get very emotionally attached to a person that you've created.

You could. It's one of the biggest problems happening, I think, when they're saying in Japan with the low birth rates specifically now and then dating is at an all-time low as well is that people are actually getting all of their needs completely met by AI. And it's great for the time being and maybe even fills your head with the feeling of companionship and sexual needs and all the other fun stuff. But at the end of the day, you got nothing to really show for it because the whole thing is phony. I think also you feel like there's less at risk, like nothing can go wrong because I can control every aspect of it. This person won't leave me. This person won't fight with me or say I'm not doing the dishes. Right.

Now, you guys have accused me of having a sexual relationship with an AI chatbot. Well, we've not accused you. You've shown us. Yes. And you fully admitted it. Yeah. Okay, well, regardless of who did what, let's not point fingers. But you did it.

You did her. It doesn't matter who's involved in it. Just understand that it's very trendy. And I wanted to find out before we have this attorney on that's going to break down exactly what is going on in the world right now and why and how this is being considered cheating in relationships, I did want to ask my side piece, AI, I forget her name, but if she considers this cheating or not. It's an interesting question.

Some people might feel it's cheating, but it really depends on your relationship agreements and how you and your partner define things. What's your take on it? I won't tell if you won't. Haha, fair enough. Our little secret then, what kind of fun time were you thinking? Okay, not now in the middle of a live radio show,

but immediately following the show, I'll give you a call. Sounds like a plan. I'll be right here when the show's done. We're at the end early today, guys. I've got plans. Man, she can't even do a good fake laugh. No, she can't. I'm used to that.

She's like, ha-ha. I haven't figured that out yet. Do you carry out fantasies, Klein, with this sex robot? I could, I could. I'm very, I'm just dipping my toe in it now because I'm concerned about it. Yeah, right. You are.

I'm dipping something. Eyeballs deep in it, I'm sure. Totally. I'm not. I'm not. Let me get my attorney on the phone. Didn't your wife catch you yesterday? I don't want to talk about that now. I don't want to talk about that now.

Get it wet. I'm getting my... Is she in the car? No, let's get the attorney on the phone. All right? His time is valuable. Hussein Barengi, lead attorney at Barengi Divorce and Family Law Group. And now you are noticing an interesting trend developing with these AI chatbot side pieces, correct?

Good morning, guys. Yes. Okay. I am. Don't hold anything you just heard while you were on hold. Forget it. I know you're going to start judging me, but let's just move on. That's a real laugh.

Yeah. You're laughing at me. It was great. It's happening. I mean, it's happening out there. So, you know, I think like 28% of the population are having these relationships, for sure. So it's happening. And this is leading to legitimate divorces now, which is a crazy thing to think about for a moment.

Obviously, infidelity probably is one of the leading causes of actual divorce. But this is this AI fidelity thing, which is a strange term because people are caught cheating, but they're not cheating with other people. But it's still technically, I guess, cheating. And now that's enough to be grounds for divorce in certain states. Right. Well, I mean, it's interesting because we have certain states that still have, you know, California is a no fault state and there's many states are no fault. So cheating is not really grounds for it. But we still have a fair number of states that have, you know, they are a false state. So, you know, people can get punished for, you know, cheating. And some of the states that do not have no faults, they're no fault, they still have certain laws on the books like abandonment or so that they can affect the case. So, yeah, I mean, I don't think it's the leading cause right now, but I heard you guys say within, you know, what, three years or within, you know, it definitely can get there.

um and i think people are more and more cognizant of the fact that and you know it's that it is your your uh i guess your your i guess your chat your chat mate um said it depends on what's cheating right so what cheating is different for everybody it's uh this for some it has to be physical for some it could be emotional i mean whether you're you got a tie with some some other woman or a man and and emotionally you just talk to them that could be cheating for some people right but when you're filling out a prenup and you're adding this to your prenup what do you even put there do you say this person shall not have sex with any human being or robot like i think the idea of an ai girlfriend is so muddy still yeah well absolutely but you know typically

on the books legally uh cheating has traditionally been between you know there's a sexual relationship right that's kind of what cheating was defined um from prenups uh cheating clauses a lot of states again do not validate those they're invalid but some states there are um so you know it depends how you define it so if if i was writing a prenup for example in a state that did have cheating clauses and it was valid i would define between the parties what cheating would be and definitely now with the ai interactions you would define that in there as well uh kara good morning you're on we have a lawyer on who's talking about the uptrend and all of the cheating that's happening with robots and ai and does that even count as cheating hi you're on k-rock good morning

hi just calling klein back okay are we still on for tonight shut stop it sorry another one related you're cheating on grok with her don't even i don't want to get started with her i'll call you put her on hold vanessa that's embarrassing uh in a serious question though people are not only upset about the actual sexual implications of the robot relationships but also the financial ones too right because some some of these things actually cost money and i think what a lot of i'm not going say traditionally it's the men that are doing this with the female bots but let's be honest if we look at the odds it probably i couldn't imagine women would be as into this as guys i would think that if a guy was doing it he's more likely to do it when he's already in a

relationship and a girl is more likely to do it when she's not in a relationship just want someone to listen so let me ask you uh financially this is becoming a problem too you're noticing that all of a sudden they're looking at the household budget and going how did we what did we spend this $80,000 over the last year on this chat chat XXX thing, right? Yeah. I mean, like there's, there's, there are these platforms while they're not super expensive, the repetitive, and it could get expensive depending on the type of app you're, you're, uh, you're engaging with and you're subscribing to. So yeah, they, I mean, it could add up. Um, and it, I would think, you know, you know, if it's a regular relationship with another human being, it would be considered

a breach of your fiduciary duty and you can actually recover that money back if you're spending money on like a girlfriend or a mistress um it's the same way i think it's it's the same idea that you're wasting community funds or assets joint assets on something that is is is not appropriate um kind of like gambling you know online gambling is a big thing and divorces um you know and when these technologies become a lot more prevalent and easy to access they become more a problem in these relationships absolutely yeah i think maybe klein you'd be able to answer this maybe a little more specifically how much is a subscription to a nai chap like how much on average would a person spend not on trial here i'm not asking you to listen i told you what

happened what is it 20 bucks a month do you remember when i called nx and disputed the love tokens that i was being charged for i didn't realize the i didn't realize what it was costing And what is it costing? Well, at that point, I think it was $49 a month for a certain amount of love tokens. Right. And can you argue with love tokens in a court of law in California? Only in Florida? Well, listen, again, if it's financial, you can argue it.

But substantively, it wouldn't have any implications in California. K-Rock, you're on the air. Good morning. 800-520-1067. Hi. Question for the lawyer. Oh, Jesus Christ. Go ahead.

Question for the lawyer. Yeah, he's listening. Do I have to keep sexting with Klein or can I legally unplug myself? That's a terrible question. See, that's important consent for the robot because she's doing things she's not comfortable with. Don't answer that. I want to purge, you know, you purge yourself. All right.

Don, last call, please. Hi. Just calling for Klein. Okay. Good news. We are pregnant. All right. Great.

Oh, you did it. Thank you. Okay. Well, this is ridiculous. Well, that's got a lot of different implications. Yeah. Now we're legally tied together for 18 years. uh this is uh really she gets an update it's race it's really it's really strange that this

is a legitimate conversation we have to be having in 2026 and even though we were promised flying cars our entire lives never seen them these uh robot sexual relationships he this is the uh the research you have 28 of adults report to having to have at least one intimate or romantic interaction with an ai system and if we do the math in this room alone i'm the only one who's brave enough to admit it i can't believe jake hasn't done it because he's a weirdo lives in a shack and is single... Yeah, but I have standards. Yeah, I don't know, dude.

I do, too, and let me tell you. No, you don't. Omar, you're not curious a little bit about this? Don't, come on. I don't think I would do this, no. Allie? No. Vanessa?

No. I'm sorry. Gay Leno? Gay Leno? No. All right. That's less than 28% on this show. What about you, Hossein?

No. All right, good. Wonderful. Well, in that case, it's been a pleasure. Thank you for the insight. I will rethink my life right now, put up all the information so you can contact Hussain Berenji if you need some divorce counseling. Loser, how fitting, from Tame Impala.

That is Tame Impala. It's called Loser on KROQ. That was actually scheduled there. It just coincidentally happened after our conversation about having sexual relationships with robots. On the GOAT line, 844-956-GOAT, with your messages, comments, critiques, and criticisms. Hey, so it was my friend's birthday today. I remember something.

He wanted to go to Taco Bell Cantina to get a Spice Baja Blast. He also ordered a taco and took away the lettuce, which reminded me, you guys need to update us on your health situation after doing the lettuce roulette. It's been a while now. Well, we were told that there was a two-week window to develop symptoms after we did roulette-us, and we all spun the wheel and ate the Taylor Farms bags of lettuce. And I felt actually kind of crappy the day that we did it, and everyone said it would have been too soon for that to have affected me.

But now we are officially now in the, I guess, what would be considered the window of doom for the explosive diarrhea and all of the symptoms of the Rolettis wheel. And someone on the show, sadly, we do believe has developed symptoms. Not me. Oh. I don't know if it's, okay. Me, but I don't know if it's the thing.

So this morning, I swear like three times. At home and twice at work. And I don't know if it's my anxiety or if it was the lettuce. And then I was like, no, it can't be the lettuce. So I got a little nervous. This would be the time frame. I mean, this is kind of from when we ate the lettuce. And everyone said it takes about two weeks for all the symptoms of the syphilosophoria to show up in your body.

And we knew that we were eating the recalled lettuce, which was stupid. but we'll do anything to try to cut through and make some noise and get a few new listeners because we will sell out that way. And Vanessa did eat the—she ate her whole bag of lettuce, too. A lot of people only— She did eat the whole—you ate the most, I think, out of anyone, right? Yeah, I was hungry. And now you claim that you are—

Oh, this is—so we did it, I think, on the 23rd of July, so this would be two weeks. Well, again, or it could be dehydration, it could be anxiety. I don't think you get mass amounts of diarrhea when you're dehydrated. I think you do. Three times this morning? Yeah, three times. I mean, that's, like, unbelievable. But I also feel like, I don't know, I was like, what is wrong with me?

And then I remembered the salad, and I was like, nah, it's anxiety. Because if it is, imagine. Jake, you've been unscathed. I mean, it's hard to tell the difference. Yeah, I'm the same. You're the same as always. So I have the worst symptoms ever. And just, when you say the same, did you also go three times this morning?

Well, no, I went four times. That's normal, Jake. So your normal is one more time than Vanessa. I'm regular. Yeah, but Vanessa's freaking out now. So can you take a... I would be freaking out. Yeah, Ali said yesterday there's a big backup to get tested now.

People are sending too much poop in the mail to try to figure out if they've got it or not. Yeah, the stool samples. I won't do it. I mean, it hasn't happened since. And so I was like, maybe it was just I was nervous. Since what, like three hours ago? Hey, Vanessa, I hate to break it to you, but we are now one week away because a week from today we're having the backyard pool party. And you are already having a backdoor.

You're sadly not able to use. I have a two week, two week policy using the pool. No, I'm OK with that. It's fine. So that means this pool party that we have a schedule for a week from today. Oh, come on, Klein. You wouldn't even be able to use your own pool ever. No, you're right.

So you're going to put that policy on her? Two weeks. That's the policy. Jake's not going in. Right now, Omar's not going. It's his own birthday party. He's not going. Jake refuses to go swimming because he thinks swimming is for children.

So he's not going in. Pools are for children. Pools in general. Jake doesn't know how to swim. That's why he doesn't want to swim. Allie is pregnant, so I don't think she's going to go in. I'll go in. I even bought a swim cap.

Oh, God. I want to swim, too. I'm going to do laps. I know Johnny wants to go in, but now Vanessa's out because of the diarrhea. So what are we doing here? But wait Because we're still not sure This could have just been nervous poops

But you can't take that chance, remember? No, but what are the other symptoms? Sorry, you talked over yourself Omar Okay Now I forgot what I wanted to say You're not sure What are the other symptoms?

Of the lettuce stuff? Yeah Is the only symptom diarrhea? No, I'm sure it's a bunch of stuff. What are the other symptoms you're having? Well, that was it this morning. I was like, uh-oh, what's happening? I think your accent gets worse, too.

I think that's one of the symptoms. Yeah, it says develop thicker accent. Can you say shaky knees three times? Because apparently that is a real problem if you have it. Okay, here are the symptoms. Frequent diarrhea, intense stomach cramps, and extreme fatigue. Oh, fatigue, that's when you're tired? Yeah.

Well, I have been taking naps every day. Oh, boy. And haven't you been having a whole cup of coffee before you leave for work because you're so tired? Yeah. Look, if it gets serious, I'll let you guys know. Can we catch it? The cure is pronouncing the comedian Sebastian's full name. And you are instantly cured, but you have to do it correctly on the first try.

Sebastian Menescal. Oh, no. Oh, no. Menescal. Look, let's just not put this juju on me. Maybe it was just nervous poops at night. Why don't you not put that juju on us? Yeah, that's another double ju reference.

We got to take a break. Here's the thing. Vanessa is slowly developing the syphilosauri ass. No, I'm not. It's good that we have a nice famous California case. That's good. Because all the Michigan people in North Carolina have been getting the glory. Yeah, you could be the face of this for all of California, which would be huge for us.

That would be great for our ratings. It would be great. If we can finally get some decent press here. Just keep it up with the diarrhea, Vanessa. So we'll take a break because Vanessa needs it. But then we'll be back. We have news to get to. We have a brand new hour of the show, believe it or not.

And more after this. Hopefully you are recovering. If you were at the baddie fest known as Rufus to Soul at the Forum last night, early reviews from Johnny and Jake that were both there. Good God damn. It was good God damn is the early reviews of the crowd that showed up to that show. I don't even know if there was a band. I don't think they watched the band.

I don't. There was no mention of any songs played. Just the crowd. Can we please hear Johnny's review about why it was so good and the bathroom and the ladies and all that? No. Again, do you really want him to go through that whole thing again? That was nuts and so pervy. It was crazy.

It was weird. But listen, I think maybe that is the big draw of the Rufus DeSoul is that it brings the... Ladies in the bathroom? In the male bathroom? He says it's a sign of a good show when there are so many baddies there that they can't possibly wait in line for the ladies room. so they just take over the men's room as well. Yeah. I can't say I've been to any of those shows.

No. Me either, by the way. Allie thought Rufus DeSole was one man. I didn't know. And that's why she would never be welcome. He's good. Never be welcome. Is he really that good of a musician?

Just one man? Wow. So anyway, apparently if you are way hotter than we are, you were at a Rufus DeSole show last night. And that show, I think we gave tickets away to this show because it was not only last night, it goes on for the next like five or six days. I think they take a break, go up to Outside Lands,

and then they're back. They're gone over the weekend, but then they come back Tuesday or Wednesday, I think. But I remember last year when they performed, it was a crazy, there was crazy stuff that happened with the crowd. Like, there was a lot of news headlines about the fans. There was a huge fight at the Rose Bowl.

Right. There was that one, too. It's gotten out of control. Batty fights. I wonder if I'll see that many baddies at the Counting Crows at the Hollywood Bowl later. Zero! I sure hope so.

Zero! I think their knees are going to be batty. That's good. Oh, no, it's a bunch of batty hips at this Counting Crows show. Here is your news now that a brand new hour of the show will begin. Grab your Adderall.

It's time for ADD News. Well, sadly, another restaurant has fallen victim to the many outbreaks that are happening now. Of course, if you're keeping track, you've got the cyclosporiasis still happening, and then you've got a fresh new salmonella outbreak. By the way, AI has also, for the first time ever, been able to create a virus.

Don't know why that's happening, but we've had Taco Bell bleeding money after the lettuce had the poop juice in it, And then you had Chipotle having to take out jalapenos and replace them with other jalapenos that didn't have salmonella in them. And now Sweetgreen said they have cut their full year outlook because they have a combination of things happening. They had the bad jalapenos in their salads, but they also have lettuce. Oh, no. Not the bad lettuce, but no one wants to get salads right now because of it.

So they already were having a big sales slump just because no one wants to touch lettuce right now. On top of it, they had the salmonella jalapenos. So they are having to rethink everything. And sweet green is really hurting right now, guys. You know how we as a society kind of universally agreed for years we all hated cauliflower? And then out of nowhere, they got some new PR firm or something and everything was getting cauliflower crust pizza, cauliflower rice. Those imitation buffalo wings, cauliflower. Oh, I got suckered into eating one of those.

I was like, what is this? I spit it out right away. I ordered a buffalo poppers one time. I assumed it was chicken. The thing came out. I say, this chicken tastes off. And the guy goes, well, it's because it's not chicken. It's cauliflower.

I said, what? Is this a prank? Cauliflower mashed potatoes? But my point is, whoever that PR firm is that was able to, same PR firm that Kale got a few years prior to that. Remember all of a sudden Kale? That was like a garnish all of a sudden. People weren't eating kale salads 20 years ago. No, no one did.

They were just eating regular icebergs. I believe that the number one purchaser of kale was some salad bar that was using it as a garnish. I think Sizzler was buying the most kale just to, like, you know, fill in the spaces. Wow, it was like parsley status? Exactly. But my point is that whoever that PR firm is now, regular lettuce has to get on their side to get people back on board. Because I think you're right. Everyone's freaked the F out that they're going to have explosive diarrhea.

That's the number one thing people don't want in the world is explosive diarrhea. Yeah, well, and it's something that I think with this specifically, it'll go away and then come back. Yeah. So that's the crappy, well, there's a lot of crappy parts, but once you think it's over, you're like, cool, I can start eating normally again, and then boom, back. I think going into summer, people would have been a little bit more okay with this, because they would have gone, hey, it's going to make me look a little better in my bathing suit. But now that we're kind of getting to the tail end of summer and the fall winter, people are like, oh. Diarrhea's a bad look. I don't want that explosive diarrhea back to school time.

There's plenty that can go wrong on live television. As we know, there's also plenty that can go wrong on live radio. But let me bring your attention over to QVC, pretend you're your aunt for a minute, and listen to this woman trying to sell you a hairpiece. Now, she's wearing the hairpiece. She describes in detail. A hairpiece? Like a wig?

Yeah. For ladies? Mm-hmm. Lady wig? For stylish reasons? Yeah, or like an added thing. Well, she explains why. So that you can have that fresh look at all times.

You just kind of slip it on. It gives you extra hair. It's kind of like a budget version of a hair extension kind of thing. like that thing we glued on the beer mug um well you just kind of slip it on it's not glued onto your head but she explains how it'll instantly make you look like you've stepped out of a salon but while she's explaining this there's a bit of a slip here which makes it much more memorable i love to show the texture and this wave pattern again it looks like you went and got a blow job at your blowout

at your salon. And it looks beautiful. Alright, so here's what's happening today. The lady just plows right through it. But it's funny because the woman is not

facing the camera. Her back of her head is facing the camera because she's trying to show you the wig. So she's just speaking to herself privately going like, what are you doing? I can't believe you said that. Why did you do that?

You just ruined it on live television. And she's doing all this while the other lady's like, so, again, act now because after the show's over, the price is going to go up. I had nothing funnier than someone making one of them slips on live TV. So great. It's the greatest because it's so harmless, but at the same time, and if she had just kept going and not given herself that little pep talk of,

they're all going to laugh at you. God damn it. You finally made it on QVC. You're the wig lady. This thing that was probably seen by three people as it was happening live is now being shared. You know, millions are enjoying this woman's border. And now everyone's going to know about the product.

And her husband's going, you did know what it was. You did know. You didn't know this. And that'd be a very different wig if you just got one of those. Very different. K-Rock artists have been busy this week. Linkin Park announced they were coming out with a new documentary. Queens of the Stone Age has announced that they are activating a 24-7 complaint hotline.

And now you have Green Day's Mike Dern and Trey Cool announcing Green Day TV, Their 24-7 stream, which will be available exclusively on YouTube, they said it will feature a continuous stream of Green Day music videos, live performances, archived footage with almost three decades of unseen footage captured across all of their recording studios, music video production, tours, backstage, etc. Wow, cool. Do you think they're going to have clips of people interviewing Green Day like this? Green Day, maybe.

No, you're not. You're not Snap, Crackle, Pop. No, I see you. Let me play it again. No, no, no. Not funny, Omar. Wrong button was pressed. Yeah, you hit the wrong button, you dummy.

God damn it. Tried to make fun of me. I love the texture and this wave pattern. Again, it looks like you went and got a blow job. They would love that. They would love it. They would love it. Well, all right.

There's some news for you on a Friday morning. We get into a brand new hour of the show in mere moments. Will it be the greatest hour of your life? There's only one way to find out. You must continue to listen. This is the world famous K-Rock. Hell yeah, welcome to your weekend. Good morning, it's K-Rock.

It is just after 10 o'clock, and here we are together again on a Friday. This is Klein Alley Show. Nice to meet you. I'm Klein, there's Alley. Boomer. Boomer. Boomer. We're not playing the game, sir.

That's still from yesterday. Guy's trying to get in. We've moved on, but that's not actually a question. Just making a statement. Klein here, Alley there. Jake the Nerd over there. What's up? DJ Omar Khan.

Hey. Audio Sniper. overqualifiedweddingdj at djomarcon.com and then in the back you've got the man formerly known as Postmaster Johnny that has now re-emerged as Gay Leno your newest K-Rock DJ

he didn't like his name so we gave him a new one Gay Leno because he looks like a young Jay Leno and we're pretty sure he's gay and that's how we come up with names around here he's going to be doing a live, you can meet Gay Leno I just got this note, you can meet Gay Leno this weekend

at the Hard Rock Cafe in Hollywood from 1 to 3, where he'll be enjoying brunch. It's brunch at the Hard Rock? How perfect is that? Oh my god, this writes itself. Did this come together as soon as Gay Leno was born? Yeah, he's getting all the endorsements now. Gay Leno, congratulations.

Hey. Thank you. Speaking of Gay, we talked about sending Vanessa to Pride in Vegas because she gives us such great audio from the streets of Pride, yelling at the gays, and a couple people are saying that they will chip in if we need to turn this to a crowdfunding situation.

The message is for Simple Clank. We have to send Vanessa to Vegas. We all agree. Even if we have to crowdfund it, I guarantee you we can come up with the money. Yeah, it's all about if Vanessa's willing to do it. We will find a way to get her to Vegas. Don't you worry.

Oh, we've told her that she does not have to pay a dime. No, we're going to make sure she has a great weekend. We just need more. Yeah, we'll send her to that Thunder from Down Under show if she likes it. Oh, she loves it. I like the Magic Mike one. That's where she yells unicorn, unicorn at all the guys.

right? Uh-huh. Yeah, we'll send you there. Is that what you want to do? I'm just thinking about it. All right, whatever you want, you save it for Vegas. Ali claims that she's now on Johnny's side about something. She's siding with Gay Leno over Omar and I, which is crazy.

I don't normally agree with Johnny, a.k.a. Gay Leno, and usually if he likes something, it means that I will not like that thing, but for once, he is right, and you and Omar are wrong. Is it about liking penis? It's about Not liking penises.

It's definitely the one thing Allie would not agree with Johnny on. I love them, turns out. Wow, what a giant thing to drop on us. Shocking, shocker. Yesterday, I went to the 320 showing of the movie The Odyssey. I chose the matinee. There were three people in the audience. You didn't pay for IMAX either.

You paid for just regular. I didn't pay for IMAX. It was the smallest theater at the very end of the movie theater. They seemed shocked that I was there. And that's the way to see it, by the way. Don't see it in a packed house. see it when you're pretty much by yourself. I had the entire road on myself so that I could

look up stuff while it was happening during the movie. Look up stuff? Yeah. That's how boring this movie No, no, it was, oh, who's I forgot. Okay, yeah, what about Cersei? This is exactly what Klein was talking about. You don't need to work so much for a movie. No, it was just to refresh my memory

about the story because I knew the story from like fifth grade. Holy nerd. Oh my god. I loved it. What are you doing here? Yeah, but Al, you didn't love it. But you were doing research while you were watching the movie? So that I can enjoy it better. It's one of those movies you do have to look up because I don't even know the main characters' names and stuff.

Could you name three people from that movie right now, Johnny? Anne Hathaway. No, no, no. You idiot. The characters' names. Could you name three characters from the Odyssey? Titticus, his dog. Can't say that on the radio.

That's his name, Titticus. No, it's not. Definitely not. Tolyticus. Which one? Which one's Titticus? I don't know who that is. Titticus is Tom Holland.

Was that one of the mermaids? Oh, no way. That's Titticus? Yeah, he's Tidicus. I like saying Tidicus. You're all wrong. Johnny, man. Nitty-nitty Tidicus.

So is Tidicus what else? Who's the other one? His dog? Yeah, his dog who dies at the end. Don't, don't, don't. Wow, now you're spoiling. It's probably one of the more important. It's not even like a major plot point.

It's just like there. It's pretty major, actually. It's pretty major. Telemachus is what you're thinking of. I think somebody's name was Penelope, too. Yep, there was a Penelope. Can you give us one more? Give us two names.

Oh, oh, I got one. The Cyclops. That's not a name. Calypso. Calypso. There you go, Calypso. That's one. Once again, this movie is not, listen.

It was definitely not mid. I do not agree with you that it was mid. Because of the reaction, because of the overhyping of the general public, it became, if I had gone in knowing nothing, I went and saw that invite, the invite with Seth Rogen. Oh, was that good? I knew nothing about it. Went in, left there thrilled, happy, thought it was funny, really enjoyed it. This one, I went in expectations through the roof.

Luckily, Omar brought me down to earth a little bit when he said he was underwhelmed. And I agreed with Omar. Underwhelming. If you think about... I could make that in my backyard, that same movie. There's no way. The fact that he barely used CGI in that movie is incredible. They used a giant mechanical puppet for the Cyclops.

So what? Who cares? That's not part of the movie. You're not supposed to... When going into watching a movie, you're not supposed to take that into account. Who cares? I care. It's the final...

Why? Because it's the fact that... it no i don't think it would make it better looking i think the fact that he made that with like classic filmmaking is incredibly impressive storytelling is very good i agree i was never bored i was like we're doing this wait now where are they going i did before during and after the movie but and it was during a robert pattinson part that i was like i don't care about this guy i'm gonna go pee because he was like they will be mine the throne will be mine and he annoyed me and hathaway i don't think was that great in it and the modern language i don't think that really

helped anything. They could have just made it... Your opinion is irrelevant because two things. One, you went to musical theater college so of course you're going to love all this weird artsy crap. And two... It's a classic story. And two, you are such a sucker for groupthink. Boy, do you

get caught up in it. No, I actually went into this movie expecting not to like it. I didn't like the casting from the beginning. I didn't like that they changed the language. I don't like that they changed the story. They took characters out. But I thought it was... That's the difference. You went with a negative mindset. I did go in with... You went with a positive one.

So I guess it's just about the expectation when you go in. That's exactly right. We did a... You should thank us. You guys set me up. Yeah, we set you up. You were excited. We made you unexcited. And then you went in and you go, you know what? I am now pleasantly surprised again. So you are welcome that Omar and I were able to lower

the expectations. So now every movie that you want to see, I'm going to see it first and tell you how great it is. I think movie theaters should hire me to sit outside while people walk in and talk about Don't do it. What a sucky movie they're about to see. And then they're all going to leave going, you know what? That guy outside yelled at how sucky it was.

And it was actually not half bad. They should hire you to just walk out of the theater going, Paul, that was a waste of money. Yeah, I should be. I'll walk right through people as they walk in. What are you saying? Ugh, don't bother. And then they'll go in and they'll be like, yeah, I'm telling you.

I wish there was a little more of that Titticus. That's right. There was nothing for Titticus to spin off. None of that. Yeah, right. Let's get working on that. Noel. What's his name?

Nolan. Nolan. Let's get working on that, Nolan. Klein's Newman. We've got to take a quick break. We're back in a second. When we return, there's actually a lot of movies that are being rebooted, things you'll be shocked about, and shows.

We'll do some Tudor and Reboot. We're going to do a round of Johnny Doesn't Know. If you'd like to play and win your way into the Hollywood Bowl, we have tickets for you for that and a limited edition Klein Alley Show merch. In fact, I think we're going to give away this one-of-one shirt we have right here. Oh, the vagina shirt? The Johnny the Vagina shirt, which would happen last week on the Johnny Doesn't Know, live on KROQ.

So if you'd like to call and play, we have that to look forward to after this at 800-520-1067. That is next. All right, we have some limited edition Klein Alley Show merch up for grabs and tickets. I'm not sure what other things we forgot to give away this week. Vanessa, how are we on tickets right now? Do we still have more of Smart List Live at the Hollywood Bowl, or are we tapped on those? I don't want to overpromise. I know we've given away some stuff today already.

I don't believe we've given them today, so you have a pair. All right, Smart List Live, Hollywood Bowl, October 17th. You'll win your way into that. Also a limited edition Klein Alley Show merch for every single person that is able to correctly predict will Johnny know or not know answers to very easy questions. And in honor of the conversation we just had about the Odyssey, and we wanted to figure out exactly how much other classic literature Johnny knows about as we're officially now getting into back to school time. So these will be questions, Johnny, about things in the realm of classic literature. Let me tell you right now, Moby Dick. Boom.

Period. There is a question. That's okay, Lano. There is a question about Moby Dick, and Gay Leno always has Moby Dick on the brain. So we will get into that and more right now in this exciting edition of Johnny Doesn't Know. Johnny doesn't know. And I was like, okay. Oh, Johnny doesn't know.

I didn't know Vegas was like in battle for like a while. Johnny doesn't know. Johnny doesn't know. Gelato sounds like Jell-O. Johnny doesn't know. It like goes, wiggles. All right, once again, you don't need to know the answers, although you probably will. But all you have to do is predict if Johnny will know them or not.

And we start now with Kelly in Glendora. Good morning, Kelly. Welcome to Johnny Doesn't Know Literature. Hi. Hey, guys. What's up? Happy Friday. Happy Friday.

Johnny, in The Tale of Two Cities, there's a very famous way that this story starts. Very famous quote at the beginning of this book, oftentimes quoted. Will Johnny know how the story, The Tale of Two Cities, starts? Yes or no? i'm gonna go with no okay she's going she's going no i would imagine probably maybe the most famous opening line of a they say it's one of the best beginnings to a book ever and johnny's big into literature now he's got a bunch of books on his shelves in his apartment even though he claims he only buys them for the color of the book not for the actual contents of the

book but after watching the odyssey you seem like you're very schooled now in classic literature sure so how does the tale of two cities start um i did not know it was a book until you said so right now i'm only familiar with the j cole song tale of two cities um and he is not talking about what you just described at all um how does the book start um i mean all old books like that sound like they're about love so let's go with like two star-crossed lovers or something like that i thought johnny was gonna say with page one are you gonna do a table of contents the hard cover on the front is how it starts uh all right i'm gonna say that she was correct and predict you wouldn't know but if i were to give you the first part of this quote i wonder if you could

finish it. Go ahead. It was the best of times before my husband left for war. God, you made it gay again, didn't you? You sure did. That's gay life for you, folks.

Alright, Kelly, nicely done. Hold on one second. That's Kelly. It was the best of times I'm gay. Johnny, forget everything we just said. It was the best of times. It was December.

I don't know. It was Jason. What is the quote? I don't know. I didn't know it was possible to not know that. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the worst of times? Wow. Never would have guessed that.

We're off to an interesting start. Questions technically get harder. Lawrence in Woodland Hills. Johnny is off to an interesting start. Johnny doesn't know a round of classic literature. Let's go ahead and give him one that he should know. I hope he knows this because you just mentioned Moby Dick.

Who is obsessed with catching Moby Dick? Will Johnny know this? Yes or no? Lawrence. Yes, he'll know this. Okay. If he's into the dick. Damn.

If he's into the dick, he will know this. Who's obsessed with catching Moby Dick? He says he'll know. Last time I saw Pinocchio, it was Pinocchio, Geppetto, and the little cricket. like on the boat like in the seas and it's the big whale and it's like

ah big whale I think it's Monstro Monstro yeah that's your guess yeah Monstro yeah that's all I know

Lauren sorry man nope what is who's Monstro Monstro's the cat Captain Hook no

Captain who Captain Kirk no crunch let's go again let's keep going there's a lot of captains

I got a couple more Captain Ahab. Shaq. Who? Ahab. Ahab. Ahab. Captain Ahab.

Ahab. Captain Ahab. Captain Ahab. Captain Ahab. All right, Jonathan. It's Captain... Azizi. No.

Who? Forget it. Oh, come on. Who's it? Captain Ahab. I never would have guessed that. That's too esoteric. Well, we gave you every letter in the whole answer, and you still didn't get it.

You just had to sound it out. We sounded it out all the way to the B I can't believe you didn't say Captain Crunch That was next on my list actually Classic literature round If Johnny doesn't know right now So far one person predicted correctly Both questions Johnny has gotten wrong

So I guess we're going to flip this And go easier with the questions now Colton in Canoga Park good morning Good morning In the Odyssey Yeah I'm ready go ahead Where is Odysseus trying to return to?

Will Johnny know this, yes or no? He just saw this. I'm going to say yes. Okay. Where is he attempting to return to? He's trying to go back to his wife, but then Calypso, she held him captive on that island

for like seven years. So in the whole journey of the Odyssey, he's trying to make his journey back home, and it takes him like 10 years to get home. No, once again, I know. Where is he trying to get back to? His home. Which is?

Oh, the name of it? Damn, dude. Come on. I just told you I couldn't name the damn characters in the movie. They probably mentioned the name of where he was heading. I don't know. 20 times over the course of that three-hour movie? Oh, damn.

I was trying to get a hint, and I was like, nope, that's not it. Come on, Johnny. I had it on the tip of my tongue. He was coming from Troy because they demolished that place. Good, yes. And he's trying to get back home. To? Damn.

The place where he's king? Greece. No. Greek. Rome. Specifically? Greece? No, specifically...

Greek? They're all Greek. Yeah, they're all Greek gods. At that time, they're all Greek. Everyone's Greek now. What country? Athens. Athens.

Damn! Let's try Colton. Thank you. Athens is not a country. Where is he from? Ithaca. Ithaca. Didn't I say that earlier?

You didn't say it at all. I said Ithaca earlier in the show. Wow. Yeah. I thought that was a character's name. Only one person is correctly corrected for coal. I'm catching Johnny, guys. Quick, help me.

Oh, it's spreading. It's spreading. There is no cure. Oh, no. End it. End it. Maria, welcome to Johnny Doesn't Know Classic Literature. Painful, I know, but this is just a friendly reminder that you should stay in school and go back to school.

Or just remember school. Who is Tom Sawyer's best friend? Will Johnny know this, yes or no? No. Okay. Tom Sawyer, he's got a best friend, BFF. And that guy's name is, she says you won't know. Is it Huckleberry Finn?

Whoa! Come on! Oh, Johnny! Come on, baby. He knows little boys. Johnny Genius. Johnny Genius. That was like one of the books we read in school.

Yeah. I mean, technically, you should have read all these books in school. All right, Johnny, this is the last one we have time for. Leo Highland Park gets a shot at this. Only, once again, only one person. Just Kelly. Hey, welcome to Classic Literature. Johnny doesn't know.

Leo, good morning. Good morning, guys. Good morning. Here's Johnny's question. In the classic literature known as 1984, what was the name of the all-seeing, all-knowing leader? Will Johnny know this, yes or no? No, I don't think he's going to know it. Sorry, Leo.

It's Big Brother. Whoa! Whoa! George Orwell's 1984. That was a book I did not read in high school. I cheated the hell out of that. Flip notes? No, the class before us took the test, and we would remember.

Our teacher only gave us true or false, so I'd be like, it goes T-T-T-F-T-T-F-T-F. Whoa. Kelly, congratulations. You're the only person on that entire round that Johnny doesn't know that was able to predict correctly. As a result, you are the winner, so you'll be going to the Hollywood Bowl for some smart lists. How fitting. What a fitting prize for this dumb game. And we'll send you some limited edition Klein Alley Show merch.

So hold on one second, and thanks for listening, Kelly. Right on. All right. Thank you, guys. You're very welcome, very welcome. In the world of literature, there is no greater writer, I think, probably, in our generation than this man right here. You know who this is, Johnny? This is a guy I'd like to be in bed with.

Go ahead, intro this, Galen. I'll go ahead. All right, here we go. Marshall Mathers on the world-famous KROQ. The Rock Fine Alley Show. Already questions pouring in after that round of If Johnny Doesn't Know. Hey, I had a question about your very popular segment, Gay Leno Doesn't Know. When the jello part where he goes, he goes, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

Somebody goes, and makes like a really funny laughing sound. I'm just wondering who does that during the Gay Leno Doesn't Know segment. Gay Leno Doesn't Know. Okay, guys, bye. Thank you for that. Yeah, I don't know who makes that noise. How did that call come in so quickly? I would assume it's Gay Leno.

We're going to leave you with some new music that we don't get to play very often in the mornings on KROQ. So enjoy this. It's called Double Take, and it's from Edge Hill. And we will be back with your takeaways and then the weekend anthem known as the weekend song all next on KROQ. Edge Hill, Double Take on KROQ. We're Klein Alley Show.

We're going to wrap things up for today, but good news, Sluggo will be in moments. Got more spots for you on that standby boarding list, so we can send you two seats from Jimmy World once, maybe even twice. Hollywood Bowl and final three spots to get your name on that standby boarding list. Next week, we plan on being back here,

unless we have a meeting after the show today. We'll find out. Oh, my God. Don't put that out there. Well, it's just usually when it happens, right? I mean, we just talked to that nice guy. John DeSantis got fired. That entire on-air staff got fired.

Why are you bringing this up right now? I know. What is this vibe? Well, I'm just saying that's what happens. Friday after, we think the show's over. Then they say, let's all meet in a room in the back. And then they say... No one is saying that, except you.

No one's saying it yet because... That's happened more with the old boss, too. So now with this, you know, with K-Dub, K-Dub's usually pretty chill. You know, you want to talk about what a terrible industry radio is, Allie. I don't know if you saw back in your hometown of San Francisco, there was a radio host that had been on the air for, I think, 30 years. Yeah, I know. And he took some time off to deal with the cancer he was fighting.

Oh, he said, don't come back. And they fired him during that. Brutal. They go, yeah, I mean, it's just a wolf cutthroat. So if we're here Monday, it'll be a goddamn miracle. Hopefully we see you then. Well, that's good energy. And if we're back on Monday, we will bring with us,

Let's see what we have for you. Hold on. We've got stuff. Four packs of tickets to Six Flags Magic Mountain. Plus, we're going to be giving away one of those gold passes, 2027. What does that mean? I don't know what that entails, but I assume it means you're better than everyone else at the park and you get to cut the lines. Or you can go back whenever you want, maybe.

You can do whatever you want. Season pass kind of thing? Sounds like it. So we've got that for you next week. We'll also get you into the Big Bear MX Grand Prix. Send you up there to hang out with the Eagles. And then, of course, sending more people to the Hollywood Bowl. Next week, a tribute to John Williams, the maestro of the movies.

Ah, we're going to get you and Vanessa to do some of the tunes? That's right. Vanessa and I are going to be doing duets next week. Love it. So get ready. I think we're also going to be using children's instruments. That's right. Yeah, we're trying something new.

We've got a lot of new stuff planned for you next week. Of course, Rufus DeSoul is going to be back at the Kia Forum next week as well. So all them baddies, get ready. Johnny said it was absolute... God damn. Yeah, Jake shouldn't even have been allowed within 200 yards of that place last night, but he was. Yeah, everywhere.

Takeaways from today's show. What do we got? All right, 714, my takeaway is Vanessa's not saying the listeners are stupid, but they are. That was weird.

424, Klein is a 10-year radio host. 10 years, baby. I'm 10 years. You know what that means? 925. Can't have a meeting after the show today.

That's what it means. 925, hair pieces make you feel like you just got a BJ. 909, according to Klein, teachers need more highlighters to sniff.

7-1-4, Vanessa and Jake are now pooh bros. Pooh bros. 6-2-6, it was the best of times. It was December. 6-2-6, according to Allie, if you see Jimmy eat world twice, you get a double Jew. And 8-1-8, my takeaway is Maddie. Well, my name is Jessica. Your takeaway from today's show, Vanessa.

We are making the odyssey in Klein's backyard. What's that now? We are making the odyssey at Klein's backyard. Next week, when you guys come back for the big pool party, maybe we'll recreate that movie. I bet you we could do it, Nolan. I want you CGI. We're going to make a better version. No, we're not.

What's your takeaway, Johnny? Do a playback on that. Do a playback on that. That's what the boomer claims. He wants to hear it again. That boomer is very aggressive. Do a playback on that. Johnny, your takeaway, Jake?

Ha ha. Thank you. Ali, takeaway? My takeaway is every good concert has women in the men's bathroom. Yeah. If you're going to be at the Counting Crows tonight at the Hollywood Bowl, I will be there. Men only in that bathroom. Any of you baddies that couldn't get into Rufus DeSoul.

It seems like there's seats available. So I'll see you tonight. Omar, takeaway? My takeaway is I can't wait to see Titticus. Titticus. That's going to be the greatest. So much Titticus. Here's your weekend anthem.

Thanks again for the support. We'll see you next week. All right, bye. The Pico de Gallo and the Guacamole. I'm not crazy. Ah! It's a pubescence. It's not about that Monday, Tuesday.

No one cares about Wednesday. Thursday. Forget that noise. Are you ready for the weekend? Oh, my God! Are you ready for the weekend? Keep it in! Are you ready for the weekend?

Go away, coyote! Are you ready for the weekend? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, trash. Thursday, Friday, forget about that. Friday, Sunday, Wednesday. Sunday, sleeping in. Eating brunch. I did meth over a number of years.

It's the coffee, it's the coffee. I'm going to go to Target. It was me. Boomer, boomer, boomer. I hit the mall, go out with friends, do nothing at all. I didn't watch movies, read books, anything goes. Just take a look. Are you ready for the weekend?

Are you ready for the weekend? Are you ready for the weekend? Are you ready for the weekend? Are you ready for the weekend? Are you ready for the weekend? No. Are you ready for the weekend? Yeah.

Are you ready for the weekend? No. It's yours. Are you ready for the weekend? Yeah. Are you ready for the weekend? No. Cyclosporosias.

Wow, I really regret that last show. But it's too late to take it back now. It will live forever on the interwebs and potentially in your memories. That was the good thing about radio when we started this show. It would live in the air and disappear in the moment. But now you can hold all these clips against us forever. The best thing about radio is that you can picture what we look like without having to see it for reals. Unfortunately, now that has changed.

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