Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast - Zero Proof Alcohol

Episode Date: August 28, 2026

About to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show, but first let's tell you about our good friends at the finest airport that ever was and ever will be. The San Bernardino International Airport. Especially when there's summer travel plans, it can get expensive at these airports. That's why you gotta go to this airport where parking is just five bucks a day. Plus you got those easy trips, San Francisco or Provo, Utah. Maybe you didn't plan anything this summer. See how easy it is. Don't be one of those people who has to pack your patience. Go to San Bernardino International Airport. Okay, enough shilling. Now it's time to get into a brand new episode of Klein Alley Show. J-Rock, Klein Alley Show.

We're wrong a lot of times. Every once in a while we're right. And when we're right, we do want to tell you that we're right because it happens so infrequently. But something, Allie, you and I both predicted is now proving to be a problem in society. So much so that 911 is being called because people are very upset when they get home and they realize that the alcohol they have purchased is alcohol-free. It's not big enough. The font that says there's no alcohol in this. We talked about putting those neon caps on the bottles like they used to do on the guns to prove they were squirt guns so people wouldn't keep getting shot by the cops.

I always used to take those orange little caps off and be like, it's real, damn it. I want this to look like a real weapon. I don't want to look like some pussy who's got a neon water gun. But apparently now people are calling. A guy recently just called the police. And there is audio, which we're trying to get right now. But this guy called the 911. This was after buying gin that he thought was alcohol-free.

Sorry, that he thought was regular gin. turned out to be alcohol-free. I think he even finished half the bottle and thought it was broken gin. He did, yeah. It wasn't working. So think about for a second how frustrated you have been.

You and I have both been duped before buying stuff that we thought was alcohol, that was alcohol-free. Oh, I bought an entire, I think I bought a bunch of Coronas. I basically bought a bunch of beer for a party. And then we were all drinking it and we were eating and blah, blah, blah.

Hours go by and everyone goes, huh, I'm not really feeling these beers. And then I realized that my cheap ass went over to a different freezer section that was less expensive than the other beers. So I was like, wow, what a steal. This is great. And it was zero proof. Right. And it's the case now with tequila.

It's the case with everything else. And even some of those tequila bottles, which you know are like fancy ass looking bottles. Sometimes the font is even in Spanish. I was real close before that epic pool party that people are still talking about. You're like, does Añejo mean alcohol free? I had a bottle in my cart, and it was alcohol-free, and luckily, the guy at the register, and I think maybe this is what they're training people to do now. Are you sure?

Yeah, because I was going to do self-checkout. They wouldn't let me do self-checkout because I had alcohol, which is still a stupid rule that they have, but they won't let you do self-checkout with alcohol to keep kids from buying it, so they sent me to the regular checkout, and the guy said, just so you know, this is alcohol-free, and I was like, it is? I'm like, oh, smash that on the floor. You threw all your groceries on the table. Get out of here.

Shut up. And he goes, yeah, he goes, a lot of people. he goes a lot of people are making this mistake because that bottle of tequila i pulled off of a shelf with a bunch of other bottles of tequila you should be able to get your money back no questions asked if you even if you open it and drink one yeah here's the 911 call from that guy that was upset about buying the alcohol-free gin what's the problem well i've just gone in there and they've got these miniature gordon gin with tonic it's in the alcohol section i'm going over the park because it's nice and cool and sitting in shade and i look at it it's zero alcohol and i

just brought it back he says you've already drank one and i said okay i'll pay for that one and can i exchange the other ones it cost me six pounds so he's upset because he drank one yeah then he was about to crack open the next and said it says zero alcohol and now he's pissed and he wants the police involved and could you do the same thing on the reverse could you chug a bottle of actual booze and then be like oopsies i need a refund i thought i was buying the alcohol free stuff and then you can drink for free you know what i thought was ridiculous too was i tried to buy i actually intentionally bought zero proof alcohol at trader joe's and they would not sell it to me because i didn't have id what and i was like what are we what are we doing here and they're like

yeah sorry we are still required to ask for id and i was like this is this is unbelievable what of did you have your kid with you um yes i think i did if you have enough things that prove you're probably above the age of 21 not that you can't have a kid under the age of 21 but if you have enough things that would indicate and you're buying alcohol free by choice that's like a responsible decision that's a decision that only adults make yeah exactly so the fact that he was like no you need to go put it back on the shelf so just a warning we've done this before but again as we are getting closer and closer to the endless summer kegger and that keg will have full alcohol And I know there's less and less people drinking these days.

And I think that they're even talking about making the alcohol warning stronger because they haven't been strong enough to let people know just how terrible it is for you. If you want booze and if you want to drink and if you want to throw back a few, you should not be confused and make the same mistake that people are now making more and more. And double check. And I would say, you know, they always say think before you drive or think before you drink or whatever. Then we need to go think before you buy the drinks to make sure that you're actually reading the labels properly. And we need a good PSA. Good PSA. So there you have it.

Just words of wisdom. Don't be like this guy. They call 911 when you buy your alcohol that has no alcohol. We are a Klein Alley show. We have tons. Well, you hear that? That's alcohol. That's gurgling up in my throat.

That's the gin, the real gin. That's real stuff right there, huh? That's 80 proof, baby. I paid for that. More show next.