Kump - 112 - Depp and Heard Forever

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

Ray and Lucie discuss the Johnny Depp Amber Herd verdict, the End of Me Too, the Obi Wan Kenobi controversy, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your Kump Hand merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Hi. How are you? I'm good. This damn stand. We need to, I'm going to take a stand for new stands.

It's a big day, right? They just get a drill. I own a drill, all right? I mean, I don't know what you're trying to. You think because of this new, this verdict, you have to keep me in check. You're worried that the men of the world are finally standing up to the yoke that is women and that you need to, you know, like throw a few jabs in right off the bat just to kind of just to keep it from just the landslide of men. It was a helpful suggestion.

well you didn't i mean it was a little get a drill i have a drill you've seen me use the drill this is not going to work are you you you're not going to bring amber heard back i'm going to drill your fingers off well just like it's just like just like anti amber is she going to become a what you call like a joan of arc to you women look i am a little sad that me too is officially over it's officially oh that's a wrap folks we uh you know you had a good run uh for what five years all women were believed all of them without without exception men were held accountable carte blanche yeah accountability were with the women the women get the car blotch a couple of serial rapists went to jail

but sure one got out yeah pretty after one got out almost immediately we're the worst man in the I've got, well, maybe not, but bad guy. I think the real question is, was Me Too ever really alive to begin with? It was a thing, look, I mean. Much like the abortion debate. I was a little confused about, because, look, Sophia, if just for a frame of reference, like it's earlier today, Johnny Depp, mostly pretty much, pretty much won his case against his ex-wife, Amber Heard.

I think he was suing her for $50 million. She was kind of suing for $100. he was awarded 10 million plus five impunitive but they can't do five because of cap in Virginia or whatever so it's like that becomes 350K so he gets 10 grand plus 350K and then she gets 2 million because his lawyer says something about her I'm not sure if that pays that if the lawyer pays that that's got to suck if the lawyer had I'm Johnny Depp's lawyer I mean I guess he's paying a lot yeah I was going to say is that all the money he's making from this i don't know what lawyers probably not i mean probably more yeah those lawyers probably get a lot i mean is he going to get a lot of work i mean i'm worried about the lawyer is he going

camille well she was part of his i mean i think the main guy was a was with a guy fittingly he had a woman i just know i was trying to look up highlights of the trial i noticed he had a woman and she was interrogating amber i think that was probably on purpose i'm not a legal expert even though i did have a paralegal mind i was going to say you you have a paralegal mind if we were suing some woman yeah um whether it was you know warranted sue or not i would have you interrogate or understand oh yeah that's always the strategy so here's the deal so so amber heard you know so she's got she's basically bankrupt i i only know that because people were gloating that she was bankrupt yeah on twitter i don't know look this case is funny not funny but you know it's a it's a strange case

I pulled up an article that seems to go into depth about, like, what our net worth would be now. Okay. Ooh, already. Yeah. This seems, it's so perverse. This whole, I mean, I get it, celebrity trials have been around for 30, 40 years now, but this one just seems, it's so much going on right now. Right. And so, even in the realm of legality, like Roe v. Wade and whatever, like, and like, and then you have, like, does the Amber Heard trial?

But it matters because the Me Too movement's over. Don't forget that. Yeah, right. But what about this net worth? Okay, so several reports list her net worth as being in the region of $8 million. Right, but that's what she stands to lose. But one report has it as low as $2.5 million. Well, she's fucked.

Then she's really fucked. That does not bode well for Ms. Hurd. She better get into Pineapple Express 3 or 2. Hopefully the Aquaman's or, she's in those aquamans. I feel like she's going to end up in a lot of, like, low, budget slashers. Ooh, that could be nice for you. You like those.

Where the twist is that she's the killer or something. Oh. Like the, I didn't want to spoil it even when I'm like the movie. But there's a movie like that. Yeah. Very popular movie. Right? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there is. Gone girl. I mean, it's been 10 years. Gone girl's one of them. High tension is another. A great French. Well, he spoiled that, I didn't see that one. So anyway, back to the herd.

Yeah, look. to try, I mean, I didn't, here's the thing. I mean, people are going, like, you would, because there's a meta-narrative, I guess, of Johnny Depp, definitely does see, I did notice that a lot of it was anti-amber. And I don't mean that necessarily in a pejorative, but like, people seem to be on Johnny's side. Then I did see some editorials and stuff where it was like, well, actually Johnny's paying a team of experts or whatever, you know, crack video uploaders to like upload all these clips and stuff. Does he have a Russian troll farm?

I think he basically, that's kind of the implication. Like some version of a troll farm is working for the Jack Sparrow. And Jack Sparrow is just, it's a pirate ship of uploaders. And that basically that's why, you know, all the negative press and there's certain, you know, what you might call liberal media blogs. We're going to her as a victim. And look, you probably, I think a lot of people seem to think that, you know, they're neither one of them. seem uh i mean he's just drugged out of his mind all the time yeah and uh doesn't make him an abuser but doesn't make you a good boyfriend either i think uh but you know like no i mean like

it does seem like from the preponderance of people talking about it that she definitely lied a lot yeah um i just don't feel yeah i think the big hammer was that like she most likely photoshop these photos. They showed the side by side and it was like, they were pretty different. Okay, yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know, yeah. I'm totally open to her being the villain.

I mean, I'm not like trying to like debunk it. It's just, this one strikes me strange in the sense that like there's never been more availability of like you can just watch it on you, but I have to watch eight hours of footage now. I feel like more than usual because there are such polarized viewpoints here on the trial. I mean, not that OJ was, you know, middle of the road.

Oh, yeah, and some of it is pure hypocrisy. Like, if Amber Heard were, like, snickering with her lawyer while Johnny Depp testified, right. People would be all over her. And that's basically what Johnny Depp was doing the whole trial. Yeah, he was doing little quips. He was doing a little, like, oh, 100 Thompson. If she had, if there was evidence that she was just drunk all the time, that would totally be used against her.

I mean, there wasn't, I know, I know I've seen montages. that were offered to me to watch, which I didn't. But there was like, oh, look all these times that Amber was goofing off in court or some shit. Or I think of the UK trial she was. Here's a thing. I mean, they're both rich. They're both in the Aquaman movies together or no. He's not in the Aquaman.

Johnny Depp isn't an Aquaman. He's in the Gilbert Grape franchise. I think that was probably at the root of a lot of their struggles. He wanted to be the Aquaman. Look, this is, her accusations have kept him. from realizing his vision of the what's eaten Gilbert Grape cinematic universe and like that's when DeCaprio was going to come back for it and that fat mother I mean it's terrible to say but that fat woman's probably dead now

yeah she's a very big woman in the movie they burned her in the house spoiler alert but you know they burned her dead body in the house because she was too big to get out yeah and I have a feeling that the actress was also burned in the house tragically alive wanted Amber Hurd to get gained 450 pounds to play the new fat mother in the extended universe of what's eating Gilbert Great and she was selfish and said no yeah yeah as was her wifely duty to do so I mean you know that's just uh I mean who's who's offering her better what who is she an aquaman like the the dolphin what does she do there she's she is she a sword a swordfish what they call those things

is a swordfish yeah sort fish yeah that and I will look that'd be such a aquaman is such a dumb name for a water-based superhero i would call myself the swordfish now i know there was that movie swordfish with john travolta and they're in their hackers and whatever but that aquaman predates all that right so swordfish is where it's at anyway yeah but yeah i mean it feel like you know you'd have to watch eight hours of this trial to like you know no for sure but i don't here's the problem i don't see how it really fits the meta-narrative like me too was over and I'm not I'm not champion yeah I'm not championing that me too should stay forever I'm not even sure me too represents anymore in most people's minds I thought it was like a thing

that happened a couple years ago and then now we're trying to like listen to women yeah and then charlie rose got fired I mean he's it seems like he was showing people his dick yeah so it's like you know should he have been fired from showing people his dick perhaps not maybe not now is that what's going on look if anything like me too has just been over for a while because it lost steam and didn't know what direction it was going in anymore. Right. But like it's like. When they went to have to pour his ease and sorry just because he, you know, kind of, you know,

tried to get a woman to blow him in his apartment. And use the claw, whatever that is. He has a little claw technique. You know, that story was, it wasn't flattering. And it's not the, again, not the best boyfriend. Yeah. But, you know, it didn't seem in the same level of a Weinstein or Spacey. yeah but like but what is the basis for like

connecting it like yes of course it takes steam out of a movement when people lie about things sure so Amber heard you could argue if me too was still going at full steam she takes some of the steam out of it one thing I did kind of realize because I did tweet about it one point what is rape legal now well we'll get to that in a second and maybe but no like

to be fair I kind of forgot that this did kind of start what like in 2016 and uh i guess for a while i mean i just kind of it all sounds so crazy at the time to me even like the the finger chopping has already come out by the time i heard about it yeah and i was like who knows what's going on there and like yeah johnny debt just seems like a drug addict no offense but yeah i'm just like i don't necessarily i wasn't connected i didn't care if johnny deb like you know whatever don't brosco's a good movie but like yeah Like, what do I know? But I guess people did take her at face value for a while.

And now it's like, and that's why it's kind of, because like, look, it's kind of like if Alyssa Malano turned out to be lying about Weinstein. Right. And then, like, it's that kind of thing, I guess. I just never registered this case that strongly on the Me Too charts. It felt more like, it felt more crazy from the jump. Right. So I guess there's that.

I guess that was never. the big steam case by that time it was you know yeah by the time i heard about it i was like these are two maniacs who get drunk and abuse each other probably right and they cuddle afterwards and then she fights his dick yeah and then they're on the phone like i love you and i want you to be the dolphin you gotta be no i want to be the move but yeah so i mean i don't know i i get harvey we asked this does he get released

I think this does set a legal precedent for that I mean he's got to be sitting there going Johnny Depp exonerated or you know won his case Bill Cosby just fucking Kaiser Soscied his way out of jail right imagine Bill Cosby came to the Johnny Depp trial

I'm here to support Mr. Depp this is a victory for Bill Cosby You know, I mean, like, does, does Louis get to come back? I mean, it's kind of back, but like, not really, you know, but does he get to have, like, do we, do we get to Louis, Louie, Louie, Louie back in the FX show? Yeah. Which I think you stopped doing anyway.

He definitely lost stuff. I'm not sure what I can't point to season two of Horace and Pete. I like these things. I mean, I would like to see them. Yeah, I'm just asking. I depression watch Horace and Pete all the time. You know, I wake up in a middle of night. you're watching Horace and Pete,

it's just always the episode where, like, he finds out he's like, you know, lost his, he's, the medication that keeps T. Boo Shemi out of the mental institution has gotten, like, you know, what do they call it? Like, what do they call it?

We called. You know, it turns out gave some people like kidney spots. He's like, I don't care. I'm going to be insane. Give me, I'll give me the thing better. I'm just, why are you awake? It's very emotional.

Why are you awake? And you just. Such a compelling story. You hiss at me. I'm watching Louis. Uh, I mean, yeah, it's all a very, what bugs me is just people accepting narratives. Yeah. Like, I don't care if you think Amber Hurd's a pig or if you think Johnny Depp is a souse or louse.

Yeah. It's just like, this is the end of me too. Is it like when one guy writes a fucking headline for like Forbes? Yeah. And like, this is the end of me too. Oh, yeah. And the guy, at least the one, the headline I saw, I was like a Douglas. Murray thing like Douglas Murray

the the like shitty Christopher Hitchens of our time there's like hack who's just always like who's always just like warning people about that the West is going to like crumble under Islam tomorrow the Wild West

yeah the Wild West West is going to join is becoming an Iranian chic whatever I imagine like thinking that the Western civilization still has like it going on Yeah He's gonna go somewhere

Whatever dude Get on board But yeah Like this is the guy Who's saying B2 is over Like it's And by the way Again two years too late

Right So we go back To not believe in women Right Charlie Rose gets his show back Which is nice I mean Look he shouldn't have shown

His dick But I mean he'd be He interviews You know well I like it when he talks To like you know Donald Rumsfeld And they have a nice

Courteous Did you Rumsfeld die I forget He did right Donald Rumsfeld? I believe he died this year or last year. Well, I can't interview him anymore. That's what Me Too robbed us.

Another Donald Rumsfeld Charlie Rhodes interview. So good reasons me too. Shame. But, yeah. Anything else I want to add? I mean, before your gag order comes through as a woman. Because it's over, maybe. No more men do this.

more uh white man that's just white people yeah no more white men now you're back in the shoe it's white people me too's over i have to i have to raise 14 children in the shoe again yes there's no more straight cis shish that you say it's that white men it's just cis shit white people um well you lose you lost a notch on your on your card yeah who not really it's been it's been a meager run it's better than it was i guess i mean i'm not saying the world is i mean if you don't have money no one gives it shit probably right i mean look i'm sure there were some guys out there who got caught up in like a you know a similar situation in janey depth who couldn't afford to like you know defend themselves

in the same way like kevin spacey um and like and like or too afraid to like you know no but seriously there's probably guys out there who might have like you know but it's just hard to like yes of course women lie sometimes yeah look of course they do if anything the precedent here and i don't even really think it sets this precedent maybe more just in the public consciousness it sets this precedent yeah like there are people who say if you can't prove that somebody raped you you should be penalized and it's like my thing is like there's a difference between not being able to to definitively prove something as hard to prove as rape. Right. And like being proven

to have lied about it. No, of course. Yeah. 100. No. Without saying my implication I thought maybe not. Was that like I understand that like the whole legal system vis-a-vis rape is very, very not good. Yeah. It's just not, and I don't know what the answer is.

But it's no longer believing women. So back to the drawing board. Um, anyway, other controversies, uh, we, there's a whole thing going on with, um, this new Disney show in the Star Wars, uh, cinematic, whatever, uh, called Obi-Wan Kenobi. Uh, yes. And there's an actress. Do you know her name, by the way?

It is Moses. Moses something, right? You don't really need a last name when your name is Moses. I mean, I would just, yeah. I mean, I'm Moses now. Can you part to see? Moses, I'll part your head. Moses Ingram.

Moses Ingram. So Moses Ingram plays an inquisitor on the new Obi-Wan Kenobi show. Now, I wanted to get very clear off the bat that I didn't give two shits about Obi-1-Kin-Nobie show. This is not something I was excited for or was even the contendant to really watch. I mean, I figured maybe if I was, you know, if I had colon surgery, you know, and it had Disney Plus in the hospital, you know, maybe. Um, but hearing about, you know, the stuff I, because basically there's these accusations that come out that, uh, similar to what happened, you know, they say it happened to the Force, The Last Jedi with Kelly Marie Tran, whatever name was, that, you know, they were being racist to another, uh, woman of color and the Star Wars thing. Right. And that, uh, Laura Dern, too. Wasn't that a similar?

I mean, she was a bad character. Well, that's a thing. Like, these are bad characters. Yeah. Well, it's, yeah. So basically, the problem is the characters you like are battle. Also, Star Wars is bad. Also, Star Wars fans are bad. I don't mean, look, they are, these things are racist. You know, we'll get to that. But also just if you like Star Wars, it's kind of like, it's not a great start.

I can't, I guess, like, it's like, I want, I don't know. Sometimes I try to like Star Wars for some reason. Yeah, like Empire Strikes Back is cool. I think you don't even go that far. And I get, that's fine. No, it's cool. Like when he's like, when Harrison Ford, he's like, I love you. He's like, I know.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like a cool swashbuckling. We all get, I don't have to, you know, go too far in that. I'm just saying there's a lot of sand landscapes. That's not, in the original Star Wars? Recently. Oh, yeah, no, they keep going back to the sand. It's very monitoring.

It makes me want to take a nap. Where are the stars? Where are the stars? That's not Sand Wars. But, yeah, I wanted to check it out because I wanted to see, you know, because, like, Laura Dern, like, you know, people I call that sexist or Kelly Marie Trin. I really talk about Mary Trin.

Now, here's the thing. I do think people probably did get out of line with her. Yeah. And, you know, some of them probably were racist because it's the internet. Right. But I think, you know, the character did, in my opinion, suck. And so did Laura Dern's character. So I wanted to see what was going on.

So we watched it this morning, the first episode of Obi-1-Kenobe. And I can confirm this, what's Moses Storm? Wait. Moses-Zingram. Moses-Zingram. That Moose Storm was a comedian, I think. Moses Ingram is not great in this show

and it couldn't matter less because this is one of the worst pieces of garbage of a show I've ever seen let alone a Star Wars show I mean it's just she's actually one of the better people in it and she's not doing great and I don't think it's probably not her fault too much because everyone's pretty bad in it

but like she's not rising above the material too much but it couldn't be of a worse I can't understand anyone singling her out there's two Inquisitors next door The bald guy and then the other weird looking guy Are such worse actors Yeah than this than her And she's also not doing great

The guy who's supposed to be like the scariest one In the first scene comes in and does like a really weak Like you know almost like inglorious bastards You said to me Where it's like the Jedi You know it's like he could at any minute say the Jews Like it's like it's the Jedi squirrel worm around in the shadows and hunting the Jedi takes patience and it's like uh but it's all

so lame you said it's like there's nothing intimidating about it and then like the minute they see a Jedi and try to capture them they turn into the keystone cops yeah so you said to me as it was going on like always the the the christoph waltz of the dark side yeah and i'm like and i literally wasn't even trying to be dick i'm like what you talking about right because like it didn't even it was so bad yeah that like it didn't even register that it could be even though like in hindsight no that was a great analogy yeah he was doing but like so far removed right i mean the this jenni who's the the the handicapped guy from good time you know one of one of the saffty brothers who this is look the saffey brothers you know they did uncut jams did a good time

very talented you know young directors and filmmakers and i'm i'm sure the pitch was like you know want to be in this like i've always i've always loved star wars i got to be in it you're a talented guy you have taste you've seen what this franchise has become why are you still doing like stop being part of this right stop co-signing is garbage um but yeah he like runs away and like throws a curtain and then stops he like inquisitoris i don't know so not to summarize the show i mean it's very the directions are very uninspired and i mean like i don't usually be a think about that like i'm like it's oh's that's that's not what it's for but just the flat wide show shot, like, just really just didn't feel like anything compelling.

Somehow Ewan McGregor isn't, isn't good in it? Like, he's never been good as Obi-won Canobi. He sucked in the prequels. Honestly, the only thing he's good in is train spiling, too. I feel like you and McGregor is generally good. In what? I mean, I'm thinking about it. I like Ewaner.

I think of him fondly. Yeah. But, like, excuse me. I was looking through his list. And, like, you know, besides the train spiling films, nothing, you know, he's in Black Hawk down, but he's not really a big part. Um, he's done a bunch of weird, like, rom-comy things. He didn't that Boslurman, was he Mulan Rouge or something?

Um, yeah, he was Mulan Rouge. He was good in that. I'm sure. All right, he's fine. But he's not the kind of guy. He's not what I think of. I think of Mark Renton from train spotting, right? Right.

And we'll get to that in the minute. But, uh, like, he's just, like, he's fine. Like, that was that movie, like, the ghost writer he was in. There was, he's good in that. But he's a guy that's been milking the heroin movie for 20, 30 years. Mm-hmm. And they keep getting. giving them these franchises and he just sits there like, duh.

And so I don't like it when people play the race card inappropriately if I say you want to put it. Or like jump right to race every time. No, I get it when people get fatigued by that to a certain extent. But like it's honestly like the most reasonable explanation in my opinion. Yeah. Because it's like I can't imagine how you single this one actor's out. Right. When like, yeah, she's not doing great.

And everyone's doing not everyone's doing worse, but a lot of people are doing worse. and the people doing better aren't are barely better right um some people accusing of speaking of bonnics i mean that's just like you know she's just it was a little her cadence felt a little uh acronistic that's the white word anachronistic yeah but like we were talking about this before it's like it's like there aren't a lot of like british people didn't exist doesn't exist in this world well sure and then people have british accents no granted uh so that's look i mean the biggest thing with her she's like trying to intimidate people and just not intimidating, just not being like a,

I don't know, the writing's terrible. Right. But no, I mean, you can't pull the not racist card if you're like, that's the thing, only pull the race card. Well, don't pull the not racist card if you have no valid reason for this. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, if you want people to stop bringing it up,

pick a hill to die on. And then a lot of these people just didn't seem, we looked at, I'm not going to repeat these posts, but a lot of them were racists. They were pretty racist. I mean, one person, like, said, like, you're, was it, the threat? Oh, your, your, your days are numbers.

Your days are numbers. And I watched a guy on Twitter just literally, like, that's not a threat. Where's a direct threat there? There's no, like, pulling, like, you know, someone from Twitter's not going to show up and, like, you know, whatever. It's got to be in the streets, violent.

Like, all right. I don't know. It's also, like, look, for people who don't want to, like, get bogged down in race, They're sure diverting to, like, race-based criticisms a lot. Yeah, look, you're a diversity higher. Like, it's like, yeah, look, maybe, but it's like, ultimately that, that's a criticism that has nothing to do with her performance. Right, yeah.

Look, look, just say, look, Kelly Marie Tran was just, like, a really annoying character. And, like, I never thought to, like, ever message anyone on Twitter or go after him. I'm like, oh, this kind of sucks. Right. Like, her character didn't even think to blame the actress. I'm like, you know, this seems kind of like you're annoying, but like, this, whatever. Like, I mean, I can't imagine tweeting in anything. Hey, hey, you and McGregor, you're not as good as you were when you were shooting dope with a dead baby.

I like you better when you were shooting dope and you're, and the baby next to you, and it was dead. And I mean, you know, whatever. Yeah. So, yeah, we solved that one. It's a not a good show. So don't watch Star Wars anymore. I don't understand why anyone does. I mean, the Mandalorian is cute.

Don't message the people in Star Wars. I mean, if you want to message me a little kiss, a polite kiss, that's fine. It's not fine. Well, no, polite, like if you say, if you write in a message, what you tell me? Messaging people in Star Wars. Hold on.

Me too is over. I get to speak. My point isn't about me too. My point is that messaging people in Star Wars things is immoral because it just encourages people to make more Star Wars things. Well, that's fair. But if I wanted to address my, if I send a message to you and McGregor saying,

and literally the text says, a polite kiss on the hand to you, good sir. That's fine. Don't tell me that's not fine. Hey, me too is over for women, not men. So no, you can't message you and McGregor a little kiss. What if I just, if I offer you a polite little kiss? That's fine. Okay.

That's going to the new magic words. as opposed to me to wherever. I just offered her to kidnap her and take her kids. I just offered it. It wasn't a threat. Speaking of you and McGregor, we're going to watch this last night. And then I've been trying to get you to watch train spiling one, the first one, because I wanted you to watch train spiling two, which I...

Rewatch it. Yeah, I've seen it a few times. Right. Well, yeah, I mean, but you insist that you had to watch it again before we watch train spiling too. Yeah. Which I've seen once in the theater, but I wanted to watch it again. So anyway, we were going to watch Obi-Won Canobie, and I was like, let's just watch Trainspotting.

And we did. And, yeah, it's a great film. I like Trainspotting. And a couple funny, interesting things. You had an interesting story about train spotting, because we, there was a, we know there's a sex scene he has with Kelly McDonald. Right. And I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot about this one. We were talking about, like, sex scenes and movies.

Yeah. And you brought up a little story about sex and trains or. Oh, about the not so sexy scene. The scene where he shits himself. Tell us your story. So I did once end up in a kind of college hookup situation. Yes. And sometimes during college hookups, like it's like, you know, the pretense, you have a pretense, you know, like you're hanging out.

Right. It's like, yeah. For us, we were talking about train spotting. It comes up and you light up. Yeah. I got her. And you pounce. Hook in the mouth.

It's just like a fish. I think I suggested it, but okay. That we go, that we watch train spotting together. All right, but he, but he, how long did you talk about train spotting before you departed that, like, initial location? Um, I don't know. That's a very strange question. A while, though? Maybe a few minutes.

All right. I'm just saying he probably, probably was very excited that you had something to talk about. That's all I was getting. Yeah, I get it. You pounce on him sexually. I'm just saying. You're the aggressor. I was just making the point that he was probably relieved.

I understand me too is over. But sometimes women do decide to have sex. No, I wasn't as I was just saying he was probably relieved that there was some bond. He was actually kind of a shy boy. Oh, exactly. This is my point. You're making my point and arguing with me. So anyway, that's our pretense.

In our Puritan society, that's our pretense. Sure. And we go and we, to one of our dorm, it may have been his dorm. We start watching train sports, sporting. Train sporting. We start watching train spotting. He's probably thinking to himself, I can't believe him about to pull off train spotting.

He's amazing. And she's doing all the work. And so, you know, we start, you know, making out. Yeah. Feeling each other up. Ooh. And we're about five minutes into the movie. You know, our plan isn't to pay attention to the movie, obviously.

But you got to have to, pretense. You can't just. Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah. What I had forgotten, and I had watched the movie before, but I had kind of forgotten how visceral it was, especially in the beginning, right? Like, in the first five minutes,

this guy, like, sticks some opium up his ass, and then immediately has to shit himself. Opium suppositories. Yeah. And, like, and he's narrating the whole thing. So you can't even, like, it's not like your eyes are averted. Right. So we end up kind of, like,

trying to hook up through this whole monologue. about shitting yourself heroin makes you constipated the heroin for my last hit was where I know often the suppositories you have to melt I have no longer constipated I've seen this movie a bunch yeah that that's what you hear and he's trying to fucking get in yeah under the undercarriage you know it's like there's there's fucking the sound of him diving into a toilet yeah uh you know I'm gagging, just the sounds of, the visceral sounds of human gagging around filth. I came so fast. No, we couldn't do it.

So how did that manifest, if you don't mind me? Like, did it feel like a mutual thing? Did you acknowledge it to each other? Oh, I totally felt like a mutual thing. Yeah. Did you acknowledge it to each other at all? No. So you were literally at the heavy petting stage.

Yeah. Over the, over the breast, if I can ask? No, no. under over the breast yeah over the shirt i mean breast like no inside the muscle i mean he wasn't just rubbing your your shoulder no yeah no no there's there is a tit i'm saying once you get attention i'm i'm no way am i trying to say it like once you're there it's all you know it's all good to go well you would think so usually well it's a good indication i mean yeah you never want to give you know men the right you know maybe maybe maybe not me too's over but

I would have said before that like just because she's letting you touch her, you know, Brad doesn't mean you're going to fuck, but like, you know, now who knows? Me too's over. But yeah, my point is you guys were kind of committed sexually in your head and then just hearing that and you just kind of both chilled out. Yeah, I mean, like I was real. I mean, I knew that subjectively I was not into it. Yeah. I think at some point I felt the under his undercarriage. There wasn't much going on there. Really?

And like, and it was just kind of like, it just... I don't know if I'd lose wood just because some guy was in the toilet. Well, you worked at a morgue. Even before that. I mean, I've seen the guy in a toilet wouldn't make... Especially, like, if a woman's there with me, like, trying to get at my undercare. I don't know. I mean, you know, maybe.

I mean, I'm not saying it would excite me, but that seems like it, whatever. I silently put my clothes on and left to no protest. I'm pretty sure I could stay hard through watching a man's shit. Like literally, like a video of a man's shitting. If I, not, not because I'm watching it. You know, I'm just saying like, if I had to, if I was being tortured. And you're like, you're going to get soft. North Koreans had me in like telling me you get soft.

Like, well, no, I'll just watch this and stay hard. You know? Right, yeah. I'm sure you could. I'm just trying to be, I'm just trying to demonstrate my prowess over this other man. no you do you are you do have even though we're engaged and like you haven't seen this guy in like 15 years probably yeah

I'm still competitive yeah look even if I listening to the train spotting monologue made me lose it it would be nice to know that you would I just be ready to go on and I would say doesn't matter as hard whatever you want lady because me too at that point would have been going on right

yeah me too that was over anyway so that's a fun story yeah did you so you guys did you even get to the part where he sput throws his shit on the parents? Or that, you were wrapped up by then. We didn't.

I mean, yeah, that definitely would have put a cap on it. Sure. That would, that mean. Look, it's a visceral. It's not the most, like, gory movie you'll ever see, but it's like, but it's visceral. Like. No, look, look, it's gross. Yeah.

There's also a very visceral scene that we were, you know, have a little discussion about with. So, you know, I mean, I'm just going to spoil it, but they're the baby that you've seen the early part of the movie and you're like even then you're like well it's cute but it's in a heroin den so that's not great yeah and uh yeah predict kind of predictably i always say predictably it dies yeah and uh it prompted the discussion about i mean should we just go straight to what it was or like do you remember how it got to where oh yeah because because you know we were looking at this you know they did did a good makeup job making this baby look very painfully dead yeah

no i wouldn't want that baby and i would be if that was my baby and like it was an your baby yeah i saw that i would just give it up for adoption yeah no i mean i can't go back to being your dad though it's gross but uh so i was i was asking you i was like it's basically implied that like like this baby died of neglect right like it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't think i don't think they like threw it like a volleyball at each other right and then like didn't remember and they woke up for their heroin binge and they're like oh what do we play volleyball i remember playing volleyball yeah it's not acid yeah but it's like you know nobody like smothered it or anything right yeah but i was like you know that's actually like but i was saying like that's

actually worse because like that means like it's super prolonged suffering like you know and i brought up that like sometimes in like global history and like times of famine right women would like mercy kill their infants like if they weren't like producing milk if they wasn't a lot of food around and like i get it i'm not trying to judge anyone because i'm not obviously not in their shoes right starving to death but uh but this prompted a probe of whether or not you can feed a newborn baby things other than milk right well because like it just seems odd to me because even though i'm not judging it strikes me it like it must be an odd moment to like smother your baby because you don't have food for it but then presumably you're alive so you're eating food to stay alive right yeah and

that food goes to the baby i i guess you died and they both die i get that logic yeah but this still must be a weird thing going on like I'm this neutral grain bar it can't feed both of us let's be honest they're very the smaller than they look on TV yeah well it's like think about what's around during a famine it's like maybe the occasional potato right that's half rotten you're not going to feed the baby the baby's not going to eat the potato and I contend that this I definitely contend that you could feed a baby a potato now not like I'm not saying you take a potato and you shove it in a baby's mouth and you but gum it until it softens it makes a little mashed potato in his mouth.

That's not what I'm saying. But I think that you could take potato and whatever people puree in the famine place. You know, I don't think they have a quees in the art, you know, a blender. But, you know, whatever. People have mortars and pestles, right? Yeah. And they make it a little potato. They grind the potato up and they pour water over it and dilute it.

Yeah. And then you feed some of this potato water. Potato water. Okay. I mean, look, this is not going to be a great baby once you're all said and done. Yeah. It's going to have issues. vitamin deficiencies, maybe a weird head.

I don't know what happens when you feed a baby potatoes, but like, you know, I'm just saying, like, but I think it would stay alive for a while. Right, yeah. I mean, look, maybe. Maybe watery potato smoothie would keep a baby alive potentially. Yeah. I think the baby would be,

I think that there would be a sort of underlying resentment because it doesn't know that there's a famine. Well, it doesn't know anything. and you're not going to tell it. Yeah. Well, you do tell it. Look, I mean, they'll be, look, it's the same way when, like, you don't, you know, oh, you didn't let me eat your tit or whatever.

Breastfeed. Right. You didn't let me eat your tooth. You know, people get fussy about that when they found that they weren't breastfed or, like, whatever, or they wasn't hugged enough. I mean, I said it's not going to be, you know, this baby is not going to be Colin Powell. Right. I mean, you did raise this.

I mean, Colin Powell was a great, was a great military career. He was raised on potatoes? No, I'm just saying, no, you're not going to be Colin Powell. He was a West Point graduate. I know he had that issue with the Iraq War, but I mean, he was a West Point graduate. You're not getting into West Point probably if you ate potato water as a baby. I could be wrong. I'm not biologist.

I mean, we were talking about on the comp dump how Teddy Roosevelt was a sickly kid. Sure. Maybe, maybe your kid could grow up to be a rough rider. Maybe, but if you're missing, it was a rich family who had a sickly kid. Yeah, that's true. He just had bad genes. He was just a fucked up kid. And they were like, look, whatever you can do, doctor.

It's like, I can give it, you know, injections and stuff. It's still going to be a weird creep. He's going to invade Mexico for no reason. But he'll be alive. Yeah, your kid's going to be a weird creep, definitely. Yeah, I mean, I guess you should try to feed a potato water. I'd rather have a potato water baby than a rough rider baby

That's so He's so obnoxious I mean you did raise the question I think it's a legitimate question Of whether in a famine When you mercy kill your baby Yeah What happens after right

Do you eat it? Well yeah I mean it begs It begs the question Do you eat it? I mean if it's that bad That you would not I mean honestly Did anyone consider

You're killing a whole baby right maybe that's bad right that's not like you're already in a position where you're killing your baby maybe try cutting your baby's leg off and feeding him and feeding him and someone the bike meat oh jeez well I'm just saying like I don't know how it works

but I mean look I'm I'm the butcher oh I'm Paul Pot over here I'm I'm Ho Chi whoever I'm Massa Tung who else Stalin because I just instead of killing a baby Just you know

Took its flag and fed it to him Yeah It's not pervert It's better It's better than your thing I know it seems more perverse Look it's not my thing I'm not saying that's all do this

You know In the 21st century Right When we're you know In our hybrid cars That's all just Mercy kill our infants Just eating babies and Teslas

Yeah Okay I mean I agree it's not your thing. But do you think that, you know, back to the previous question, short of that, I guess that's too taboo for the potential cannibals in the room, but do you eat the baby then? Don't feed the babies, don't meat, but we're going to eat it?

This seems crazy. I mean, look, it's the kind of thing where a starving family might do it and then just hope that, you know, they're just like, hey, let's just hope this is lost to history. And it probably will be. I mean, at that point, don't you just kill yourselves? Like, in a nice way. I'm just, I guess if you have a bunch of other kids, it used to be probably, and maybe still is in other parts of the world, that, like, you know, babies don't get guaranteed.

Yeah. You know, and so if you may, I think it was probably a truism. I'm not sure how much, you know, accurate on being. But that, yeah, if you make, if you make it to, like, what's after toddler before, before puberty? Just a kid. Yeah, an adolescent. It's a five-year-old an adolescent? No.

Whatever five. I feel like if you made it to five in like the 1700s, you were like over the hump. Right, yeah. And so they have a bunch of over-the-hump kids. And I'm like, look, we rolled the dice again. And because your mom and I like the hump, even though it's the middle of the, it's kind of the quiet place argument. Like, why are you having babies? Like, because we like humping.

Yeah. So. But yeah, there was nobody coming around taking the baby's foot. at a certain point in human history well you're talking about getting caught i'm just talking about you know how you feel about it yeah no one's gonna catch you in this scenario um that's not why we don't do it yeah right yeah hopefully look i would but i mean they have the footprint on file so we'd be fucked but um but yeah i mean and you kind of go look this one didn't make it i guess that's the way you look at it but uh because otherwise i would be just be like you know

we're going to kill her a baby and then what just live that seems crazy i mean maybe just let it like a fucking kangaroo eat it or something i mean i'm just like look this baby's gonna die let the lion what's a predator for us bears uh yeah let the bear eat it i got to be the one killing my baby the baby's barely gonna feel it he'll bite in one bite let the bear do it who's killing your kids crazy yeah this is just i mean it's not i mean i i feel for you throw some prayers if you had to but i just i would just jump into a rock pit yeah i'm a good daddy uh how do you on that crazy uh moving on i spent a long time convincing people i don't want to kill my baby

too long speaking of shows uh we did all we're not going to have been too much time on this probably but we did watch stranger things uh over the you know with saturday or whatever the new stranger things and again this is not when uh it just happened beyond and we checked it out it was fine um decent show i think it was better than last season that's all i'll say as far as plot um it was good i enjoyed it but uh one thing i were going to bring up that i found interesting was, you know, some of these kids, and people have brought this up, they've aged at different rates

and with different results. Yeah. Some of these kids still look, you know, cute or whatever. Forget, you know, I'm not going to say attractive because I'm not, you know, creep. Yeah. And they're kids.

You know, would never kill my baby and we'd never mess around with kids. But, you know, they're cute looking kids. And some of them haven't aged that well. No, no, they haven't. And. Well, it's always when you, when you cast,

really young kids for a show that's going to go on for a while. Yeah. You're always rolling the dice. Yeah, no, this is a ticking time bomb. And then they spend three years between seasons for some reason so they can build a better, you know, Russian monster or whatever. Right. And I just think they've, I don't want to spoil anything, but they've done a good job of bifurcating

the ugly kids, what we call the sea squad, sea team. Just, like, keeping them busy off screen. Yeah, like, they're all kind of grouped together in their own thing, and they just, in that way, and they, and if you watch the episodes, we haven't checked in with those guys in a while. What happened there? And who cares are ugly? And so, kudos to Netflix.

I think, you know, they don't need to, I mean, they're really tamping down. I read they're not going to be doing more Irishman movies. And when I saw the headline, like, they were going to make another Irishman. but it was just more like they're not going to make vanity projects or whatever because they lost like half their stock price they can't keep making all this garbage like like Scorsese is the Irishman yeah I mean that was a Netflix movie yeah about okay so they lost money on that but it's not like a vanity price I don't know who knows how the accounting works I mean is there is anything profitable for Netflix but like they're hemorrhaging money now right right and so they're sticking with the hits the things that I just think that I'm going to give a guy $200 million to make some you know weird movie about like fucking jimmy hoffa right no one needs you know it's a decent movie but my point is they don't have time to be putting these ugly kids in front and center yeah move it's like move them to the back uh so kudos netflix for that smart move you have any

thoughts on stranger things yeah i mean look i think it's it's you liked it right i enjoyed it yeah no it's fine i mean we don't need to maybe we should maybe we should we should spread these out into the world we should do reviews yeah you know and then like people would find us and then like yeah oh these guys they have a good sense of you they made some quip about this about the dusting kid with the teeth and it was kind of funny these are funny guys and then we start talking about killing our baby you got if you can't feed a potato you might as well kill it and this is this is not what I signed up for uh anyway uh apparently I guess it was the Masters, some tournament

where Tiger Woods played golf. That's anonymous. There was a guy, there's a meme going around. They call him, what do they call him? One second. No phone guy. And here's this picture. I'm going to bring this picture up.

You can see, you see this Lucy? This is Tiger Woods. I don't know where he's at, what hole he's at. It doesn't matter. But it's a picture, and everyone in a picture, is using their phone, like filming him or photographing him and looking through their phone at him.

And except for this one guy on the left who is holding a Mikkelope Ultra. And he just seems to be watching. He's just enjoying it. He's in the moment. Yeah, he's living his life. He's in the moment. He's just like, this is Tiger Woods.

I hope I'm, I'm from a little kiss. Hopefully he accepts, whatever he's thinking. And it became, I mean, meme and now he has been signed I'm not sure what this means by Michaela Bulture this just this guy just this guy who was just holding a

Mick Ultra and now he's signed by a beer company and I'm furious because I'm this is right up my alley right I mean I this guy's not doing shit he's probably just drunk his shit in telling him in the morning he's just he probably like dropped his phone in the river and like some goose took it

and he's just sitting there going on I told my wife, I pick up the kids, but I lost my keys. And who cares? And they sponsored them. I would be such a better ambassador for the Mickelope Ultra brand, I think. Because I'm a keto boy. It's a keto beer, I think. It's low in carbs, they say.

Right. I would be going out there. I'm not going to be sitting there watching Tiger Woods. I'd be walking up Tiger Woods. I'll get a sip of this. This is Mick Ultra. Myclobe. Your mistake is...

You got too many carbs in your ass, Tiger. That's why you can't recuperate. Your mistake is you think this is a matter of worth or charisma. Yeah. They just want to take this guy and Photoshop them into different places.

You know, it's going to be him holding a mechalob at the crucifixion of Christ. I'll show up at the Capitol building. On January 6th, of your 223 and just with a bunch of Michaelo Boulter and I'll say, here's the here's the new

what do they call it the capital thing? The insurrection. Why don't you insurect? Why don't you insert this beer into you about? I'm dressed like Uncle Sam or Ben Franklin. And I'm just screaming,

Micola Bultra. I'm not going. I got a gun. I got a gun. I got a gun. I got a gun. I got a knife. Screaming.

You've been to the White House, like outside the White House, and like to the gates. It's pretty far from the building. But I was to go to the White House gates. We're a sack of Mickelope Ultra, and you can be filming me for viral content. Right.

And I'll be screaming, Joe Biden! I got some Mickelow vulture for you. You're sort of a bitch. And they started screaming about laptops. Where's that laptop? Probably in the Mickelow Ulcer building. Yeah.

I mean, I'll just show up. Where else can I show up? See, I think what they're... I'm trying to pitch myself to the nickel of people. I think the vibe they're going for is like living life to the fullest, not just being a terrorist. Well, I'm describing... Being a psychological terrorist. I'm describing something a notch or two down from, I mean, terror.

Come on. I'm just a patriot. Where else I mean, can I show up? What's not in D.C.? Should I show up to the... What's a... religious thing you do Catholic you could go on the haj

I don't think that they don't drink beer I love well I got a St. Pat's Cathedral yeah or the Vatican I show up with the valley and I just throw his Pope I mean I'll be the viral content boy from the global this guy's not doing shit

yeah who's gonna remember him in five years don't remember me I'll show up it's fucking movie premieres and throw Michelob Ultra people, I'll just, I'll do the thing when you shake the beer up. I'll just, going to pay Grand Paltrow. He's your goop. Mickelope Ultra.

Bar-a-moly! Yeah, but see, that's why he's perfect, because Mickelope Ultra is the forgettable man's beer. It's just, it's, that's what, they love this guy. I mean, you're too much of a force for mechalob. Maybe for Budweiser, that would be fine.

No, but Micalob Ultra wants to play with the big boys. This is, this is, this is, the problem here you're thinking small you're thinking you like you're in madman and you get the account and you and he's like well we're just a local airline and don draper's drunk and he's like i'm going to make it international i ever tell you about the prostitute i grew up with and they fed me m&ms and he gets fired but the point is you think small i think big like don't draper right right I mean, what if I show up, who's, like, what's an event? Think of an event that could be at.

You could be at a funeral. A funeral, sure. What's a famous funeral? JFK's funeral. That happened years ago. You could be at. Who's like, we need to play the predicting game. It's like betting, like sports betting.

Who is going to die? We have to figure out who's going to die soon. old like Betty White Imagine if I could have been at Betty White's funeral and just Megalobaltra here So what would you say

At let's say I don't have a better slogan It's just Mikoavaltra here It gives you wings How do you think How would Mickelobaltra factor in

to say Ruth Bader Ginsburg's funeral I see Start giving a eulogy this woman was a trailblazer she was a brilliant legal mind she's going to lose us row she retired

now I got mickleob ultra in the mind all I can think about is cold mickleau bolter without the carbs because she's going to lose us roevy weight I'm not I'm not good at jingles I guess

I think I think this is compelling if I heard this being yelled at the funeral I'd be like let's just try mcglobaltra you know like you know i i enjoy red bull occasionally and i watch formula i watched formula one for years and even before there was a red bull team they sponsored the sauber f1 team like i'm like what is this exotic drink in the early outs in the year 2000 year 2000 i mean they had it 711 but i was always a little afraid to try it back then i'm like what is this this red bull is this legal is that 711 but then they see the racers

same thing i'm like i'm like the formula one racers but i'm at funeral i'm just yelling about tasty mcgolo bulture with that with the carbs and i'm the keto boy um i just want a company to sponsor me yeah why can i get a brand deal well that's a good i mean it could be a good strategy like like i remember for a long time red bull went with the angle of like suggest kind of implying that uh you know it'll make you horny right it'll make that what gives you wings it's supposed to be about yeah like a lot of the early commercials were just like you know they're suggestive sexually if anything it's probably like caffeine is a vasso constrictor it's going to make you less like all things being equal less likely probably

but they went with that you could you could go with the angle of michelope ultra makes you insane ricklob ultra well you feed to your kids all right if you keep a few cans i know your wife first trying to side of trouble she's going to try and smother that kid because she doesn't think you can eat potatoes

so just feed her up at the pass and have these warm cans of migelob ultra lying around so you look bitch

me too is over and I'm out letting you kill my kid and you pop a can of miglob ultra and you pour in your baby's mouth and you go there who needs a tit now

Johnny Depp yeah This is my pitch in the Madison Avenue meeting. Look, I'd buy it. I'm not sure why, but that's the whole thing with advertising. It's subconscious, right? Is that kind of subconscious? Or whatever, I mean, look, I mean, what would happen if you fed a baby beer like that?

I mean, it's not great. They say in the womb it gets fetal alcohol syndrome. Yeah. So it's probably like a lesser version of that, right? Or worse. Maybe worse, because maybe you absorb somebody. alcohol before it goes into the baby it doesn't seem to be good for babies but it's better than being smashed in the head by a hammer or like beaten by a bear i feel if i found out 10 years

later like oh you were the guy he's not going to last forever and someone comes up to me goes you were the one who uh was on tv in those weird situations you know promoting mippalo michelope ultra telling us to feed our kids in a worst case scenario i think yes me like you know my i did that you know we got stuck in the in the woods in the cabin the landslide and they fed my baby the beer they have micklea boulter and they got handicapped didn't didn't do well you know what i'd say what better than better than better than better than not i don't know i literally just want i couldn't even say better than not being dead or something i just i'm so bad i'm so bad i'm just getting on my knees i'm sorry i'm sorry they gave me

ten thousand dollars a year i thought it was worth it um and then you'd have to and then you'd have to apologize on behalf of mecalope aldra they would not and that could be his own own commercial well look i mean i would apologize on behalf but not on their airwaves or their social media channels because they would, years ago, they've already written me off. Like, I become a liability. But I would definitely, I would, I would just start ambushing

Mickelope Ultra events, which I'm not even sure what those are. Right. But like I would show up at the corporate headquarters and just the band to be heard. I don't, look, just sponsor me. What else could we do if it wasn't Miklob Ultra? Some kind of gum?

Like Dentine ice, maybe? I think you would be a great spokesperson for dentine ice. I tease the or he's falling out. It's not a serial idea. Maybe a brand of hammers. I mean, that's the thing. There's no brand for, I mean, I'm not going to be the Bob Vila of, like, you know, hammers. I need a beer.

Well, look, it's all in how you brand it. You could totally make a, who makes hammers? I don't know, craftsmen by Sears. Sears. Sears could come out with a. specialized self-defense hammer and you could show all the different ways that you could use the hammer on an attacker you know what speaking of that before we go uh i watched this clip i don't even know where i could find it at this point but it's off the cuff here but i watched this clip

where this guy was claiming that hammers uh kill more people um in america every year than guns do and it didn't sound right and to his credit it looked like the guy from max serious about enough it was and he was like i don't that's not true and the guys like look it up google it and he did and it wasn't true but and he said i or someone's in the comments i think the stat they're talking about is that hammers kill more people in air 15s which is still incredibly i i didn't know so many people knew how to use hammers for weapons yeah and we talk about a lot in this show i mean if you're new to the show it's come up a bunch you know how i'm sensible i mean i feel like i've been promoting this thing now it's just violence

I thought it was promoting kind of a quirky idea like yeah like the girl in the raid had hammers yeah and like you know it's fun to go well what are you going to do like I'm a contractor right in get away cop but like yeah it's a two-sided weapon or something kind of cool about it in a I don't know

anime kind of way but now I'm looking back I feel like was I just like was I do any equivalent of going you know it's a great way to kill people butterfly nice I guess it's the same people do do it I thought it's more quirky. It would be great.

We looked at the stats and it's like a month after the premiere of the Kump podcast, Hammer-related murders just soared in the U.S. Oh, no. I mean, look, if that was true, we'd be doing a lot better here.

All right? I would love to have that much region. Unless we have the most weirdly devoted fan base. We do technically have the numbers that if like half of our listeners like did do it. Then like somehow it was,

know, that would be insane. Imagine having that much pull to get, like, to, like, jump a category in, and, and, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, and, in, in, and, in, and, in, and, in, and, in, and, in, enough, you know, listeners to get, like, you know, actual, like, you know, uh, ads and stuff on, whatever. Yeah. Just saying. That, that would be the tragic story of our life.

Yeah. So, whatever. I still think the hammer is a sensible tool. for self-defense of course look if someone's trying to kill you know kill your baby because it won't eat potatoes yeah I mean use the hammer were you're not use the hammer

I'm I'm my mom I'm just saying I you know I would have been a little more cautious perhaps maybe not you know what I like it's goddamn switchblades all right thanks so much for tuning in you got anything you want to promote um

check out the cump Patreon check out the comp Patreon on. You get an extra episode of Kump every week. It's only five bucks a month. It's a very good deal, I think. People seem to love it. So I always check that out if I read. Links in the description. If you sign for that, we'll see you in a couple days. Otherwise, we'll see you next week. Have a great week. Thank you.