Kump - 116 - The Consigliere

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

Ray and Lucie talk about Anne Frank, Joe Biden's Saudi Arabia trip, Ray's issues with The Godfather, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your Kump Hand merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Hi. What's so funny? Your hello was really guttural today. I'm a guttural man. I have a guttural view of the world.

you know i'm a very visceral creature i like what's that thing that octopus around the world is that anti-semitism or is that the new world order wait i think that is an anti-semitic thing yeah it might be but like that's how i feel about well is that wrong is that wrong what they said i don't i don't think i think that's just a new world order thing no that's there's a there's a the whole Sajara David over it and everything. Jeez. The octopus looks... Should we start over?

No. I think you should have to live with this. I mean, the octopus is kind of cute. I mean, I don't... We shouldn't be drawing attention to, you know, anti... The octopus could be a Rocco's modern life character. Well, it's not. It's part of the anti-Semitic, you know, conspiracy theory that fueled the Holocaust.

I don't know. We're going to demonetize this episode. strapping oh let's get out of that you're afraid that people going to like find your laptop at the coffee shop and go no i just appreciate the artwork we're not even going to show it on the i'm not putting it on the video i think it's wrong to spread spread those things uh welcome to the show this is over a redo we start we we have false start with this because uh i was trying to do the episode yesterday yesterday and I felt like it wasn't sharp and then I realized once we stopped that my lungs hurt and I was coming down with something and I was telling you this and you I mean you you

kind of described you kind of implied that you had that you had felt a lump in your lung area well look I said something like I had a lump in my lung or felt something in my lung but that's not like you don't feel a lump in your lung I just had like a wound like you when you get a respiratory infection. So I wisely took a nap and drank some plain celtzer. And now I'm fine. I treated myself

to the Godfather. I watched the Godfather for the first time in many years. And then this morning I watched all of Godfather too. And I got to say I'm not impressed. I'm not going to

say it's like dog shit. like it's like a shit movie I would hope that you wouldn't say that two of the most respected movies of all time are dog shit they're not mediocre even but they're not I don't think they're great

I don't understand I don't like a wild take but like why is moving you tell me what about the godfather off top of your head why is the godfather a great film well I think there's just it's great storytelling

uh you know Michael Corleone is a gris a well a very well constructed character Um, you know, the, it, it arguably invented the whole, like, cinematic kind of mythology of the mob that, you know. There was some mafia movies before, and then it was Jim Cagney. And he's like, oh, you do what you're doing wet. Oh, you're doing you where. Right.

Oh, you're dirty wet. I mean, like, uh, yeah, but it was kind of cartoonish before. Like, I, here's what I think. I think it's supposed to be this fucking tale of stupid Pacino's character who I love. I love him in a dog day afternoon. I love him in Serpico.

But in this movie, he's sitting there going, I'm a Marine boy. Hell, it's not. What, you can kill a cop, a dirty cop who steals and gets in the drug trade. That would be a good story, wouldn't it, Robert DeVall?

It might be, yeah. I mean, like, this guy becomes the deep killer the fucking the deep the the 40 chess of the italian americans you know just they're playing both sides and i'm you know dung in here and getting abortions here all over the place doesn't make any sense like it's let me rephrase it's as if like he's just it's like when you're watching like a show a movie right or like jack bower on 24 he's just like whipping out his gun and shooting people like it's nothing right right but like there's no but like oh he like there's no

build to it like breaking bad's a goofy show to me but at least there's a build to it at least he's like gradually getting into it but the godfather he's just like smart from the beginning he's smart yeah he's a he's a savant i don't like it i think he should gradually learn to like get me yeah he shoots the guy in the italian restaurant well while they're eating spaghetti like pigs like two pigs eating veiling spaghetti but it doesn't make any i don't know the guy father too was like oh he kills fredo he's so such a bad guy but like what's he really doing what's he really doing he's his brother tried to kill him and he uh comes back over the top i mean you didn't you weren't moved by uh marlin brando's performance and one that nothing for me he dies in the

garden and his grandkids trying to water him he's trying to trick his grandson the thing he's got vampire mouth because he's got like an orange in his mouth and uh you know it's a little littonio i'm sorry and he croaks and the kid doesn't believe him because he just tried to trick him and think he was a vampire i haven't it did inspire me the i i want to make remake these movies and play and play the main characters just play all of them some of them a selection of them peter cellar's style yeah well he's not like every character but he's like four or five of them yeah you know and I'm just like hey why did you get me uh you used to be my Italian wife or girlfriend yeah you'd be the consigliary I guess I mean I'm the consigliary yeah I'm sure that makes sense but but

I'm the consigliary it's called yeah make a movie called the consigliary that's not enough doesn't I guess enough attention I'm just I'm just the guy giving advice you you do hey why don't you try uh why don't you clean your ball with charcoal it actually exfoliates the balls and then Don is just like what I'm trying to whack this guy you should you should eat some antioxidants what you should eat more fiber when you die everything about doing keto keto no no but like uh You'd be the consigliary. You beat them off your wife.

And I'm just like, you know, hey, when you go out of the store, can you get me some of cheese is, the parmesan cheese? Yes, consigneur, yeah. And the parmesan cheese and the provolone cheese and the nice hard salamis. This is what you think these people do. They make an extended grocery list. Oh, and those capers, the good capers from down. in Tuscany.

Okay, those are expensive, but I get, okay, I'll pick it out. We're in the mafia. We can afford it. This is Godfather for, I guess, but Godfather we booted. But it evolves, right? Like, uh, this is how you do gradiation, by the way.

You don't just show up ready to, like, assassinate six people at once. That's all he does in the Godfather. He just, like, has, like, why don't we just whack everyone at once? Oh, genius. Oh, genius. He's whacked everyone.

it wants. That's the whole plot of the godfather. It's like, oh, how do we figure out the war and like, you know, negotiate and like trick people. It's like, what if we just whack everyone all at once? The christening, but then we kill Banzini at the steps. And then the other guy in the rolling door and the other guy at the barbershop. the other guy in that building

in the elevator all at once genius stupid film back to my film you want something more grounded just something it's actually a plot

just a two hour movie of a guy asking his wife to pick up to pick up salami and cheese pick up that nice salami with the peppers and the onions side of it

pick up those peppers you know peppers I like yeah yeah I got it That's going on the list. You know what? The Capacola ham. Gabagua, yeah. Capacola.

Also, there's Dutch cookies that I like. See if they have the Dutch cookies. I don't think we've ever eaten Dutch cookies. I love Dutch cookies. Also, what about that Spanish, that Spanish jelly bread? All right. Now you're just making things up. I've had Spanish jellybread once.

It was delicious. Also, give me some, can you give me water meat? Water meat? Water meat? What do you mean? Can me that water meat to the life. I don't know. It's like, you know, the flounders and the salmon.

Wait, you're talking about fish? Sea. Sea, Consigliari. look it could be a really look it it could be groundbreaking i think this is this is the new model for the mafia the sopranos did their thing i'm going to do my thing it's just going to be a lot you know um what else is good Italy give me some tuna fish the tuna fish is amazing in it i mean honestly if you go to Italy can you get a tuna fish sandwich

what the fuck are these people doing. Why did you make, why we make a mafia film at the time they were doing how odd COVID? I think, like, I think we should make this film of yours. It's called the consigliary. It's called the conigliary. I also think that we should make it just a doll of you. A doll? A doll, like a, like it was like Woody from Toy Story. What's it say? I think people would like a Ray doll. Do you say stuff? I don't know, you pull a string or you squeeze it squeeze it like fart i should i just dump shit all over the place

you shut yourself and you say i've got a lump on my lung yeah i mean would people buy this i think they would how we build a doll how do we get this made is there's early a look up go fun like look up custom doll makers i think our dolls should just be made out of meat that's not dolls, it's just meat. What are we talking about? These different kinds of meat. But like lacquered.

All right, let's check out one of these Etsy custom doll makers. These are all like children's dolls. Oh, that's weird. Oh, they just make a doll that looks like you. That's freakish. That's what you were trying to do. Yeah, but just random people. Oh, yeah.

No, not major media celebrities like me. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's a wild take, but I think, you know, the Gothbaugh. just had no, I don't know, I'm supposed to be like, oh, his wife had an abortion. Oh, he killed Fraydon. I feel nothing. Yeah.

No, I understand. Like, yeah, you just couldn't. Like, you're a hard, you're a person who's hard to move. I guess. You know, with art. Yeah. Which is why it's so fucking weird. Like the, the, like, torrent of emotion you experience when we were watching short circuit.

Short circuit, too. Short circuit, too. Don't, don't, don't try to friggin, bring this up. And then the fame, they go, I'm going to start crying over Steve Gutenberg, all right? And Ali Sheedy. All right. But we watched Short Circuit 2. We watched Short Circuit 2.

We watched both of them. I was moved by Short Circuit 2. Yes. Yeah. I forget what part was it when you started crying? Because they thought, so Short Circuit is a story of a military robot who gets struck by lightning and becomes alive. Yes. And he changes his name to Johnny 5.

Yeah. Hello, I'm Johnny Five. Look, he's a fun character, and he's zany. He, they try to sell him on the black market in stores, the Charter's Good 2. Michael McKeon, the guy who played Lenny or Squiggy, I don't remember which. And they, they, these art critics, they, he ends up in a park next to a bunch of sculptures or in some gallery.

And these art critics say he's, oh, look at him, he's repulsive. And then he goes to a church. to confess to a priest to look for guidance spiritual guidance and his priest treats him like a machine like an animal and just get out of here you you don't have a soul he thinks someone's spying on him and I'm sorry I started crying yeah no you know you uh yeah you started crying is this I feel like this has to be some kind of window into your psyche somehow like where it's what I think I'm a machine maybe you feel or maybe when you were younger you felt alienated I mean some Sometimes, you know. Who doesn't feel alienated from time and time? Why don't we play the trailer for Short Circuit, too? I feel like you're getting, we're getting the head of, you know, you're trying to like, you know, make me in some basket case.

But, you know, if you're sort of a trailer, I think, you know, it would be, it'll help explain. I'm not just crying over, you know, uh, yeah, I guess that one, I guess. This is the urban city. Some are calling it a pot melting with people. But not all these pots here are people. Human porcupines. Smile.

What is that? What is what? Okay, well, this is not really conveying. This is the movie. This is not the right. That got some tears out of you. Wait, hold on. Go to the next one.

This is not the right trailer. This one is just a... This seems like a normal trailer from the 80s. No, it's too narrated. It's narrated by the actor. Those are never good. It's narrated by the racist actor, Fisher Stevens. Some say he's nuts.

There we go. Some say he's bolts. Some say he's bolts. He's America's most electric leading man. Mercy and home. He's the all new Johnny five. Just look at these items. Increased memory 500 megabytes online.

I'd come with a utility back. D dozens of gadgets for outdoor living. Lots of green pea stickers and even my own Nike swoosh. Now he's back and Haywired for laughs in his newest motion picture adventure, short circuit too. It's all the time. Keep your eye on the red card. Get away with me.

Get it by the money. So keep your. All right. Well, look, they're not going to show the emotional parts in the trailer. They're not going to look. The music, the soft piano music. Yeah, it's a funny. You act like you don't get, you didn't get turned on at the end.

when they're playing that song when they play that song when they beat at a certain point in the movie they beat him after death yes and and brutalize him and battery fluid that looks very much like blood kind of spraying out we discussed this i think early earlier episode because i tried to get you to watch you this a long time ago not a year ago sure and you but i made the mistake of i i i don't think it was a mistake if we watched short circuit one it didn't move me at all right yeah but we hadn't seen short circuit one yet and so when you first see johnny five in in the movie you start losing your mind you're like what is this uh because like it starts out with a bunch of little robots this nice little scene where like little like toys that fisher stevens is building or just roaming around

the shopping center i thought look the movie gives you the impression especially if you haven't seen one it gives you the impression that it's going to be about fisher stevens chasing around all these little robots. You told me he's chasing a round little robots? Yeah, like they're going to start, you know, doing their own thing. Oh. And, you know, and then big fat Johnny comes spilling out of the box. And I'm like, I don't know who this is.

I have no attachment to this robot. But it was like five minutes into the film. You do get an attachment to the little robots because you see them wandering around the mall in the beginning. Look at the women's skirts. Yeah. Do it upskirts. Yeah.

I built these road messages websets Um So anyway Yeah so short short circuit I loved it I think short circuit too It's phenomenal

Um I'm sorry that you know I think the godfather is just drivel It is I mean the godfather is like very much like Do do Okay Motion Killing and it's just

Kinglier Short Zucker 2 is unique All right You know it's a story of of man and machine coming to life, fighting the odds for love and money. Yeah, I mean, it is, it is crazy how, like, Johnny, look, Johnny Five is cute.

Yeah. It took me a minute to get on board with him, but it does seem like those big round eyes pretty much make anything. Look, that's why you put anime to thing because people, you know, anime could be like, you know, just two rats fucking each other, but you put big round eyes on it's a Disney movie.

You know, that's what, that's a ratatoo. Ratatoo, he's about a rat cooking food for people to make his eyes big. I mean, if you saw Ratatoui in real life, you'd cut him with a knife. You'd butcher him like the fat calf of Rome. And I, whatever. Sailor V. So, you know, I'm waiting for the Godfather takes now. Oh, comp, you're so dumb.

Godfather won is the best movie. Apocalypse that was so much better. Yeah, I agree with that And short circuit two Look, short circuit two is very charming I don't know if it's as good as the godfather That's your white privilege talking Aunt Frank

That's the story This is a segue I'm doing That's a good one Thank you Thank you And Frank has been labeled as a white Privileged terrorist or something Yeah

On Twitter She's been exposed for the slob that she is for not doing the eight seconds three eight minutes chant yeah she didn't retweet the i can't breathe thing she didn't retweet george floyd whatever what you're supposed to do yeah to get uh to get street cred but what they look is it does anne frank have white privilege is that a fact was that just something people shooting them out i mean it's possible i mean what you know did the and frank ever do anything for black people that's a good question black people We're suffering at the time.

That's true. It's not like we invented black problems 20 years after the Holocaust. So, I mean, like, you know, does her diary, first of all, does her diary just start with the Holocaust? Well, I think it starts when her family's moved to Amsterdam or something. I think that's where she was. I know very little about this person. You know what? I don't know if I've ever read the full diary.

I've read it as a kid. I remember reading some of it at least. I definitely was told to read it. And I read some, I think I read it like, they give us you on summer vacation. Here, go read about the Holocaust. You're eight or ten, whatever. And also I read Jurassic World for some reason.

The second Jurassic Park book. Wait, really? Yeah. Well, I think I had to pick a book baby and they let me pick one, so I picked Jurassic World. That's a good beach read. I didn't go to the beach at that point in my life.

I don't like reading on the beach. It's sand. I'm just worried about it. sunburned I need a nice fucking cocoon I need to be fucking drunk um anyway point is um what um you need to be drunk to read yeah yeah I need to be drunk to buy books I read very little anymore I need to be like pretty drunk and then like I'll start reading a book and then just never finish it you know I find that I actually have a higher emotional response to books when I've smoked weed.

Sure. I remember, and also just random things. Like, I remember one time we were laying in bed. I was reading this article that was essentially, like, this writer complaining because I guess Terry Gilliam had been canceled or something. Really? Yeah, I forget what for, but it was like, but the writer was saying like, this is like so unfair.

The cancel culture being directed at Terry Gilliam is really unfair. And I actually started to tear up a little bit. and I'm not sure why. It just made me very emotional. Is Terry Gilliam? I just started thinking about how old Terry Gilliam is. And like for some reason for me, that translated into him being vulnerable. Wow.

You know, this is old Jimmy Seville. Very old man. Most of a lot of children. I guess he's vulnerable. Those kids took advantage of him. Yeah. By point being, though. What are we talking about?

And Frank. So the pig. Well, come on. I mean, look. She's just, she has blinders on because I don't know. I mean, who, who is worse than Anne Frank? Is anyone worse than Frank? No, I don't know.

I don't even know what this is about. I just brought in Frank. I don't think she had a right privilege. I think she did. I think it was negated by the brutal Holocaust. I think so. I think she should maybe get a pass on the white privilege thing, especially since I was seeing some of people's arguments for her having white privilege.

And one person was saying, like, yeah, like white minorities had it hard. But like if you were a Jew, you could pretend not to be, you can't pretend not to be black in America. And it's like, okay, like that would be, you would have some point if the Nazis didn't like. Put a lot of effort into finding out who was Jewish. As evidenced by Anne Frank, you couldn't pretend. not be Jewish they got her I mean you could say having in the attic was privilege right like having an addict to hide in because like you know name americans on the trail of tears did not have addicts right I bet they would have loved the attic to hide in that's true so that's there's a lot of things

you can do with an attic sure you can you know uh like what you can turn it into a spare bedroom I guess it's not storage I mean or you can hide yourself and your family there when uh bunch of people are trying to kill you you think it's probably smell terrible i'm saying they didn't have like a bad like a big bathroom they didn't have a big bathroom in the attic i don't imagine it probably he's probably have a pot the shit in well i'm just thinking logistically it's another level of like you know i'd assume they were allowed to use the bathroom if you were hiding jews in your attic would you not let them use the bathroom but they didn't stay in the attic the whole time They didn't stay in the attic the whole time.

But I assume sometimes they use the bathroom. They would just come down and use the bathroom? You almost seem like offended by this. Offended? I mean, were they just roaming the house most of the time? Well, I think they were mostly just living. I think the attic was a place that you, you know, you probably tried to stay in there a lot.

I think mostly you just, you retreated there. But I mean, I don't know. Maybe I'm underestimating it. I assume you could maybe come down and use a bathroom or get a ham sandwich. I, ham sandwich. What? They're Jewish. Oh, right.

Yeah. Something other than a ham sandwich. Well, that's, I don't know. It's soy ham sandwich. I don't know how the Holocaust works. I'm sorry. We're going to move on. Okay.

Before we get into real trouble. Okay, one question before we move on from this. Yes. Do you think we should remake the diary of Anne Frank and have it feature a black child? Have you not done this yet? As Anne Frank. Have you not done that yet? I don't think so. Just make a new cover and like, yeah, make it black.

Yeah. Maybe there could be a black Anne Frank in the consicliary. Yeah, so this is the back cover of the consigniator. Like the blurb of the description. The consigliary of the most powerful consigial area of all the mafia and a black Anne Frank must join forces to what we're going to do. to stop white privilege to stop white privilege yeah and take over the mob and bring back the mafia yeah water water me you know so i i was about to like do a thing but then realize i was like

i sometimes confused aunt frank with helen keller i feel like i used to do that because there's a whole thing where she's like wah uh water wait what wasn't there that thing i used to confuse them just because they're two like little girls in history but like but but you're specifically confusing her based on the water thing no I was about to no no no I was about to do a thing where it was like what I'm meat but I realized that was Helen Keller I think what I'm me um like me a scene in the movie maybe I should just have Alan Keller in this movie yeah maybe the most powerful consigliary and all the mafia and Helen Keller must join forces.

Black Helen Keller. Black Helen Keller, yes. She's deaf, dumb, blind, and black in America. And then we can stop, like, we can fight racism. Yeah. Together. Using her. What, I mean, I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, look, it's great. Look, we're moving on. You have, we've stumbled on some article that seems, very intriguing. It was just, it was the title? The title is, why do so many men

have no real friends? This is a real cell phone. Is it written by a man? It's written by a man about a man. It seems to just be about this one guy who doesn't have friends. And it's getting expanded out to all men.

Yeah, I do have some friends. Yeah, you famously have some friends. Sure. Yeah. Famously? Yeah. Go on. So where does this article in?

It's in the Times of a London newspaper. The Times of London. Matt Dickens was choosing a best man for his wedding, but he realized he had nobody to ask. We need a conversation about why men don't have a mate they can talk to. This feels like, this has a feeling of a guy who, like, realizes he's gay, like,

like after, like, you know, on his, wedding night or something. Right. Or like a woman who realized she's pregnant, like, you know, as she's given birth. Like a man, and I realized I had no friends. Like, wait something. Max Dickens is a nice bloke. It's so weird that they took a picture of him for this article.

Yeah, this is creepy. It's just him, like, asking for people. It's weird how much this guy wants his full identity out there. I think this guy is just gay. No, I'm not trying to do a gay pathing thing here. Like, and his friends are, like, homophobic, or his friends. His friends are like gay friends And like he's trying to hide this woman

That he's like he's straight Oh you know that would make sense Cause I mean it's not a gay panic It's just it's the only thing it makes any sense It's like we're like or that he's like a serial killer Yeah Or like you know Or he's a you know I don't know

Gay or a serial killer Through a game show I don't have any friends Because the moment I get close to them I fucking eat them all You fucking or fuck and eat them all Fuck and eat them all Wow that's incredible

Max Dickens is a nice bloke He's chatty and outgoing and has decent manners What he doesn't have Or at least didn't until recently Is any genitalia At whatsoever He doesn't even have an anus Oh sorry go on

What he doesn't have is any real friends I didn't realize I was lonely Says Dickens 34 But then in 2019 I wanted to propose to my girlfriend And found I had nobody to ask to be my best man he went through his contacts and realized with a sinking feeling that he had lots of work colleagues and acquaintances but like many other men i no longer had any close male friends

and i thought how did this happen oh wait no longer yeah so he had friends this is this is a thing all right so now he's just making i used to have a joke about heroin at i got famously uh at west cape may new jersey was was like you know uh scorned off the stage or we're going to call it get off get off Because I told, I mean, I told this joke about, well, I started off with this joke about heroin addicts. And then punchline was like, you know, it was basically like, oh, like, you know, it sucks, you know, giving up your life for heroin. But like, I don't see, or like, you know,

we should all these people who are on heroin, but I don't see anyone else making new friends in their 30s. Which is, yeah, it's not amazing. But, you know, I'm not serious. I didn't become a stand-up man. So, you know, like, don't, whatever. Point is, uh, the, I, The idea of, like, finding new friends, sure.

But, like, they made it seem like he had never had friends. Right. No, what we've all, like, like, I used to have a lot more friends and you know what happened? I stopped being friends with them. Who gives us shit? You don't need to be friends forever. You're friends for a while and you stopped. Who gives a fuck?

It's like, oh, I go, why am I not friends with this guy Pete anymore? I'll give her shit. Like, whatever. We're friends. If I saw him now, I like, how are you doing? Right. but we're gonna like fucking we're gonna like you know eat tomato soup together once a year you know fucking share blood i'm gonna share i'm gonna share moments with like who gives it

whatever go on he's not the only one a 2019 you gov survey found that one and five men have no close friends twice the proportion for women one in five men have no close friends what do they i mean i guess so unless I mean, of all the people answering UGov surveys, maybe that's true. That is, it's probably a What kind of lonely fuck answers a UGov

What is a UGov survey, by the way? This is old British shit. They just sit around eating their fish and chips And like not having friends They just take Who answers a survey? I've never answered a survey in my fucking life I don't even answer like fucking like, you know

But doctor asks me like you know How's your wife doing? I go, shut up. Like, would when we get married and it happens how's your wife doing? Shut your mouth pig you're in a coma

um but yeah you're right there's a tainted pool of people who answer surveys of course there is what's more of this article a similar poll by by Movember Foundation these are weird places taking it honestly

I pressured you into like buying this article yeah from like but I'm not realize we shouldn't be reading British articles. They're just, it's a world apart. But go ahead. Wait, this is a strange. Okay, this is strange. Isn't Movember the thing? Is it Movember? The one with the mustaches and the, about a testicular cancer?

Yeah. Of course it can be lonely. They're doing a mustache shit. Yeah. Go on. Read this. Please. A similar poll by the Movember Foundation put it at one man in three. And when Close was defined as someone they could talk to you about health or money worries that rose to one and two what okay i think like the i think the the standards were closer a little look one and well only one in six men uh had a man and they could fucking jerk off in a botanic way

only one seven had a man who they could ask to cook water meat for them only one and eight i would have a friend who were comfortable performing minor surgery on them this does make any sense would you be this guy's best man I would fucking if you asked you I'd report him to like all the sex offendery things

the sex offender Megan's Law list Megan's Law.com all the Megan's Law shit I would just report I would I would just look at him garbage creep doesn't deserve friends

moving on so Biden's in Saudi Arabia yes he's gotcha la mbs mbs that's his name wait is that mbs is it well it's mohammed

bin salman it's been Muhammad bin water meat why is this guy why is this guy naming himself after like mortgage back securities it's like a bond movie whatever

oh get it bond movie yeah yeah yeah so I should be killed clever um very British joke I don't have

friends uh people are mad i mean first of all i saw not where people are upset because he wasn't greeted with a sword dance apparently trump was greeted with a dance of a hundred swords i mean isn't that something wouldn't isn't that the u.s would would nix maybe like don't send your don't send your weirdo sword dancers to come at at the president with swords they take the blades out don't you know anything so what they're just like holding the butts of the swords No, I mean, like the blades are not sharp. They, like, they do it all the time. You think they just allow the Saudi government?

A dull blade can still stab. I mean, it could hit, it could, it could hit you. We, dobley can still stab? Yeah. No, I mean. You can stab with a dull blade. What do you think stabbing is? You know, demonstrate stabbing to me.

Like, when you go like, hmm. I, all right, yeah. I guess you're right. Yeah. But they didn't do it for them. And then MBS gave him a fist bump And people are very upset But they're also upset that Biden's meeting with him at all

Because of Khashoggi Yeah, I don't know what people How long are we gonna, I mean, look Are we gonna start a war over Khashoggi or not? Because we talk about this nothing longer, right? The whole Khashoki thing. Yeah. I mean, this guy was beaten and stabbed

And chopped up into a bunch of pieces. But, you know, what was just do about it? not have Phil Mickelson on the tour I mean you know I don't whatever I mean also speaking of Saturday right Phil Mickelson's getting a lot of attention on the tour this weekend which we also talked to mean the gambling man right

right because he uh joined the Saudi that Saudi thing the Saudi uh live live live life tour whatever live golf what did he have to do for that he just has to golf right just has to golf he gets 200 million bucks he doesn't have to

suck off people i don't know think so what if he had to wear a burqa i don't think of them wear burghers yeah but like just just to like put a little insult on it they made the american golfers wear where where burqas who does does the Saudis but also it comes with more money yeah oh how much how much money would you envision i get to wear a burqa um a hundred million yeah of course it's very hot but i mean it's 100 million bucks yeah oh you're that guy who wore a burker once and made a hundred million bucks oh fuck you it's like i would just pay to have that person beaten fair enough yeah see see how it works uh but no but so Biden what is Biden doing there anyway he's like fucking drooling and eating pudding cups well he's talking to MBS about you know

diplomacy stuff I think he did bring up a shogi I think he did say like hey I think you kill them and then MBS was like well maybe I did really you know I think it like I think the idea is I'll be Biden and you be, uh, Kishogu, uh, I mean, you'll be MBS. Okay. Uh, hello. Uh, president Biden. Hello. Welcome to America.

This is, you're in Saudi Arabia, sir. Right. Uh, I think you killed corn pop. No, I killed Kishoggi. Who's Kishoggi? God damn. you got me I didn't

I didn't even know what you were talking about you could just move on my Biden was just drooling but he's a good man he also was getting questions about Hunter Biden who's also

going you know the questions are running wild that he was smoking crack with hookers yeah I mean isn't that the same that's kind of like but it keeps amping up

there's more crack more hookers I don't know. I mean, what? Do you think, you think Joe Biden never smoked crack with Hunter?

Look, I think, I don't, I don't know. I can't see him. You think Joe Biden killed his own son, Bo? I mean,

is that where you're getting that? Like, that he accidentally, that him and Hunter smoke. Imagine that was on the laptop, a video of Hunter and Joe smoking crack and then killing Bo? in like a train robbery kind of thing.

Like they're like, here's why fans us about. This is like the perfect McGuffin. Okay. It's like what's in this case in Pulp Fiction? What's in the case in Ruinan? So in my, in my perfect world,

the 100 Biden laptop has a video of basically a GoPro kind of thing. Like they're wearing. Maybe maybe Bo's wearing it. And they're all getting together to rob a train together. The same train that, I know he's talking about taking from Delaware to Washington. Remember that? Yeah, sure.

The Aseller or whatever. Yeah. So they're robbing the Acella train together. One last romp for the boys. And Hunter and Joe were just smoking crack pipes together. And you see, and they offered a Bo. And Bo goes, no, he shakes his head. He's wearing a GoPro and shakes his head.

And then they get so, what do you think are fucking better than us? and they start just fucking stabbing him and then like and then you see him falling like well you would see him falling the camera starts descending as he's being stabbed and then as they pull a knife out of his chest you see the knife coming out

yeah this is an amazing film that I'm envisioning sure and and then the last thing you've seen the video is like Biden going oh this is a fucking crack robbery crack pipes and waving the gun around with a knife

but even after being stabbed but still like my last dying wish is that you run for president dad is that the story? That's the story Joe Biden made up. Oh God. His story Joe Biden made up about his son's death was that his dying wish was that it was that Joe Biden run for president. Oh, imagine if Biden was actually the greatest villain.

Now I'm pictured him. Now it's now no one. Maybe he still is like a, yeah, still the. GoPro and you see Biden just like after he's robbed and pillage his train and you see murdering people in the background he comes back into the foreground's his GoPro video and he's like what's that bow what's that my little corn boy you want me to be a president that's your dying wish he's long dead he's just screaming and starts spitting on the son he's puppeting his son's deadhead he's squeezing it together he literally he rips the GoPro off

of his head at this point and now he's holding it like this and he's puffing in so he can see Beau's face finally and he realized I was his bow the whole time and he's like oh and that's what

that's what we lost when Joe Biden became senile yeah by a shotgun by a double barrel shotgun yes so these January 6 hearings they keep

coming they keep on coming and they won't stop coming look i'm going to drink more red bull what what's happening now the secret service is involved now right look did not they did they didn't get to the thing because it was the big thing last week was that um the crazy the big band ban ban was going to testify right uh yeah yeah steven they haven't even gotten to that now week has got mine it's a new bomb show and now the secret service is apparently involved that like they made the director the assistant director of the secret service was made like deputy chief of staff and that like uh pence the vice president wouldn't get in the car and Biden had to like pick his own security detail I don't know if any this is true but the new narrative is that

the secret service is basically like a corrupt pratorian guard of roman error ilk or the Roman Empire The Pretorian Guard turns on it some Defend You're a fallen king Yeah I mean Well haven't This has been around

About you know This has been known about the Secret Service for a while right Like don't they Taw boys Yeah I mean don't they just like you know Do drugs and buy horrors Well this is a new development Yeah typically they just bang horrors in Brazil And then and you

You know, and get venereal, I mean, the Secret Service has more venereal diseases than the venereal disease hospital. And, uh, good one. Thank you. That's, that's a lot of diseases. And that, you know, they basically just fuck horrors and, um, kill the president. Right. No, but like, I, I actually watched a documentary once. It was on TV.

It was, you know, because there's a lot of different conspiracy theories about what happened to Kennedy. But this one I watch was basically that the Secret Service got too drunk the night before. And they were just, you know, what's the word? And they were the unit that was following the, you know, the famous car on the, on Dealey Highway or whatever it was, the Dallas Expressway, whatever, they accidentally. like shot him or he was shot maybe he was shot by oswald but then like in a panic they shot him in the back of the head and that's why

it was just a bed it was a bed blunder oh man I could actually buy that yeah I mean this guy made this guy that's what's responsible for the whole like magic bullet thing right they just marked them like an accident yeah I mean that doesn't that sounds so likely

I mean so like this is just a legacy of them right I mean, Jackie Onassis, she was cute. What's she, though? Um, look, she, by contemporary standards that are a little bit over-perfected, maybe she was flawed looking, but... Kind of a grotto gross pig, huh? Yeah, let me just pull up Jackie O. Yeah, like, maybe some people would, I don't know.

Oh, she's cute. She's no man anymore. It looks like a wolf man. Anyway Well, look, presidential wives Can't be too hot I mean, Jill Biden's pretty Big up Jill Biden

Dr. Jill Biden Bring her up, bring her up Famously not the mother of Hunter She's pretty smoking out She looks great Yeah, but look, but she's old Jill Biden young, type that in I'll put that too young

Oh man, look at her She's not that great Joe Biden looks like a creep. What do you think Joe Biden would be doing during the whole train robbery? I don't know. Just like a... So in my, in my fantasy... What is she doing?

In my fantasy, she... I mean, you don't see it. You don't see her pussy or nothing. But she pulls a pack of cigarettes. I have a fish that have a pussy. And start smoking them. Just like a, like a, like a femme fatale. that's what a femme fatale does in your mind

just disgusting things with their with their posies it's just like a pocket what I'm like a soft pack of cigarettes not a hard pack I feel like a femme fatale is usually more like sophisticated and slick and like you know one step ahead of you oh you know it's like I don't think they're known for using their pussies as dirty pockets for their filthy cigarettes

All right. Maybe she pulls a crack bite of that evidence. Whatever. Is that femme fatale enough for you? No. Back to the Secret Service. What's going on with them? What's going on with that? Well, I guess they're accused of deleting all these text messages.

Right. Bring the, okay. That's where we're, bring this up. Please. Okay, January 6th panel issue subpoenaed to Secret Service. and hunt for text messages. All right. So we're trying to figure out.

We're trying to figure out what they, like, so what text messages would they have sent, like, like, sausage emoji? They said a lot of eggplants. What the, whoa. Well, that's the real sausage emoji. No, that's, that's an eggplant. What are you talking about the real sauce?

What do you mean? What did you mean by sausage? You meant just, like, get some sausages. No, it's a dick. No, the. eggplant is the dick all the time i thought all right uh maybe the sausage can be the dick i don't have like a racial connotation to it though oh really oh does it well italians you know in those italian movies and those mafia films you know they call them people like not everything revolves around the

italians and what they otherwise uh you know i don't nothing would make sense i can't get involved in this all right we we started off the episodes of very dicey subjects and we keep prodding along Or dicingness. Okay, so the House Committee investigating the attack on the United States Capitol issued a subpoena to the Secret Service late Friday seeking text messages from January 5th and January 6th that were said to have been erased as well as any after-action reports. What? In a statement, the committee's chairman, Representative Benny Thompson, Democrat of Mississippi,

said the panel was seeking records from any and all divisions. of the Secret Service pertaining or relating in any way to the events of January 6th. Okay, yeah, I mean, I don't know, like, what they're actually saying. So basically the Secret Service was, um... I know what they think isn't the text messages.

Do you think the Secret Service was, uh, fucking Jill Biden? Maybe. Just having sex with them. I mean, I don't... Who cares? Is that one of the privileges of the First Lady? Well, she wasn't even First Lady at the time. uh i don't know what this is i'm getting kind of i mean honestly i'm getting i know it's not i don't

believe it's a coup i just don't care there's too many how many hearings do you need that well that's the thing i kind of feel like i don't know maybe it would arguably maybe it would be dishonest or something to do this but i just feel like it would be good for the morale of the country if it was like a day and they just said like look you people didn't even get close to overturning the election we killed one of you and we're glad we did like it's like get lost pig pig girl dead pig girl

um yeah just going through the photos of that dead lady going like look at this pig this fucking animal she thought she was going to take over America fucking America was the best military in the world you're going to take us over this fucking pig shit

um it wouldn't be the truth maybe, but like, you know, it's like Batman. Sometimes people deserve better than the truth. Sometimes they deserve something to believe in. You think Batman was part of January 6? Imagine if Batman had been part of January 6. Imagine if, like, he helped.

Do you think, do you think everyone who was there on January 6 plus Batman gets it done? I think maybe it does. Yeah. Oh, definitely. He's just fucking, instead of that pig trying to get through the door, it's just him just diving through it.

the batarang and and then he just and he comes Mike Pence I don't know I don't know what's supposed to happen That should be

a Batman stories I'm him him getting hooked into doing January 6 shit Hmm And then he has to go Before the committee He has to go

And drink piss Batman just drink a gallon of piss Uh Moving on what else is going on in this world Godfather and Frank You know We're watching this show girls

This 15 year old show girls For the first time Well you've seen it before Yeah I saw it years ago And You seem curious about watching it Look I mean I heard it was fine You know I've always found

Lydia Dunham kind of annoying Yeah Yeah the whole world does Right. And I was intuitively understood that she, I mean, because she had that thing where she was like, talking about the football player, not want to fuck her as if it was like his fault, that she was like a repugnant person. Yeah. So I never liked Leon Dunham. The show is better written than I thought it would be. But I hate it.

I don't know why you don't. Because it's a show called girls. And it's just the most repugnant characters I've ever seen in my life. I mean, how do you defend this? How do you defend? I mean, she's just showing her off her dumb body all the time, which is like not that fat or anything, but it just seems like,

I think maybe it's the fact she's flaunting it. From normal angles, at least back then, I think she's gained some weight since then. But like back then, it's like from normal angles, she doesn't look bad. She does, but it shouldn't be that bad. But for some reason it is. But she's kind of compulsive about just like putting the camera up her asshole.

Because she thinks she's like guarding, like this is her guarding against. criticism well I've already taken shots of myself they were way worse Steven says in the show at one point you can't shoot on me because I already shit at myself

and like bitch you know we can and then you got fucking nepotism girls you got fucking David Mammoth's daughter oh yeah David Mammott's daughter you got that other fucking British girl who's repugnant and just like the worst type of junkie junkies are fine

but like she's just an awful person I don't know So I Look This is in aid of nothing But I had to bring it up It's been on my mind I had to talk about girls

I mean you have a defense Because it's more It's look He's the thing It's all these things It's whatever But then you call it girls Like it's like

If you made a show about pedophiles I called it boys You don't like how universal The title I don't like universal titles I like specific titles Like the consigliari Alan Kelly Lerie

I'm Alan Keller in the Consiglier. No, that's fair. Look, it's a... I think it's supposed to be maybe about... I don't know, arrested development, kind of these entitled... With Jason Bateman?

Yeah. The Jason Bateman show? Yeah. But, like, you know, the concept. Are they a shared universe? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's the same universe.

Okay. It's about braddy rich girls. Right. Yeah, it's about entitled braddy rich girls. Right. I do think that some of like the hatred of it came from. I understand people just watching it and being like, what the fuck is this? Why am I seeing this fat girl's ass every two seconds and turning it off?

Right. But like I feel like some of the initial criticism of it came from women who were exactly like that. Yes. So I was always just kind of like, eh, like you're kind of, you're just seeing yourself in this and that's why you hate it. but like uh but no i understand the visceral just disgust that some people feel when they watch it that's fair it's a fair point yeah before we forget we want to promote uh august 7th i'm going to be doing a live podcast with tim dilling at the hamptons uh at the west hampton performing art center the west henton pack august 7th you go to timdillon colony.com you get tickets for that is lena done

i'm going to be there i'm trying to get her there and uh You know, the rat, I'm going to tell her rat daddy needs you. Rat daddy needs baby girl. Sorry, would you be upset by calling Lena Delum the baby girl? A little bit. Rat daddy needs a baby girl. I get it. Look.

And I feed your cheese. I chewed, I baby bird some cheese into her. What if I were, what have you found me? And I was just like chewing up like Limburg cheese and spitting into Lena Dom's pussy. I feel like that should be the episode of the show Like that's something that could happen on girls Yeah You know

It's just like smut Just dirty Badly written smut Yeah So yeah Is there any other topics We're going to talk about inflation on the Patreon Yeah

We're making the inflation episode What would you say I would say, um, look, I'm very sorry for your loss. Look, don't be, uh, but you have to understand the profession that your husband was in. Yes. He was a rat. Oh, shit. Who are you working for?

I was about to explain to you that you had to like balance the diplomatic needs. But like, who you were, who are you working for in this area? You work for the Saudi government? I just imagine coming up to her and I'm in a burqa but nobody's actually told me I need to wear it I'm just like

look bitch keep your mouth shut go on with your original thing I wanted to set the stage I'm wearing a burqa but I'm also just wearing like a huge diamond chain over it I'm Kishoggi's wife

yeah hello hello Mrs. Koshogi is very it's a non honor to meet you thank you i hear that you're very upset about your husband's death i mean yeah obviously his tragic death which was accidental excuse me he was cut up in the it was an overdose right he died of an overdose he was doing a bunch of heroin no he was really murdered

by the Saudi government well you know you understood cut up into pieces you understood that your husband was a journalist yes yeah a k a rat what a k a A little rat, bitch. He said he was a rat because he was a journalist? Or is he ratting on people? His job was rat. His job title was rat. And, and, uh...

Please leave. You can make a lot of money. Why are you here? If you just keep your fucking mouth shut, you could make a lot of money like me. What? First of all, who's paying you? Who are you? How much money do you have?

Where did you get it? What were you in this scenario? I got a lot of money. Crown Prince. daddy gave me a lot of money and he's just a squeak of the crown prince yeah you're like i mean you're just the fucking you could be too so like forget your dead husband i'm trying to understand this crazy scenario you've been built up so you're just kind of this weird like hustler chick who hangs out with the crown prince yeah and like does his like and foreboding like you know

stress i'm his disruptor he calls me as disruptor because i'm i'm always you know i know all the women you know all the women yeah and i just met me and i just and i just and i and i I just walk around telling him, like, you know, if your husband was killed by the Crown Prince, you know, keep your lips. What the fuck you're talking about? It's crazy. You can make a lot of money. How do you know? You didn't know any of them with it.

You can make a lot. Wait, so you just ruptured. Is he going to pay? Is he going to pay? You know, he's definitely not going to pay you if you keep making noise. Fair point. All right. This has been the crazy one.

wild time uh you guys didn't promote hey go see uh the show august 7th west hampton pack uh performing art center check it out and listen to the patreon well you got patreon you know it's great people love it you pay five bucks a month you get an extra episode every week uh you sign up patreon.com slash ray comp it's in the description uh yeah so we'll see soon if you're on the patreon Otherwise, we'll see you next week. Have a great week.