Kump - 119 - Crime and Crudités

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

Ray and Lucie discuss Fauci, Dr. Oz, Putin, and much more.  Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week!  Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Hello and welcome to Komp. Hello. How about, Lucy? Hi. How are you? I'm good. Do I have glitter on my shirt? Glitter or no.

Look at my shirt and tell me, I was crawling around the floor looking for documents today. What documents? Official document. I'm not going to get into it on a national podcast. Secret documents? An international podcast. We have fans all over the country, the world, Europe, Asia.

Is Asia Minor a thing? Yeah, I think it's... What is Asia Minor? Anatolia. It's a very specific place. I think we do have fans in Anatolia. So I'm not, you know, we have a wide berth. I'm not going to tell everyone which documents I'm looking for,

which may have been misplaced. Leads me open to attack. Okay, so don't, don't, you know, don't put me in that position. Welcome to the show. It's exciting time, exciting day. We want to give a shout out before we go on. To those of you who have Netflix, and those of you who don't subscribe get onto netflix good friend of the show good friend of me good

friend of you lucy uh dear friend tim dylan stop saying friend i'm just kidding you're not my friend no no you're just a piece of trash i'm just i'm just saying the word you're saying the word friend a lot well what you want me to say a man i know a man i met years ago who's now in the news Tim Nillan Go watch his special on Netflix A Real Hero It's a great comedy Special stand-up comedy

Really funny Yeah, it's really funny It's some nice music In the back in front of it That was great music Who did that music? I was wondering who's that artist Who made the music?

Who's that mysterious artist? You know. Some back on what you don't know It was me You're always undermining me I did the music Yeah it was it set a great tone for the special I agree and I think Tim carried most of the special but uh the music there

didn't hurt so you know I got credit at the end the credits come after most people like that credit use of me you have to stick around and like do that thing where you like exit out of the of the next program you know if you want to watch the full credits which they don't make it easy to watch the full credits on Netflix they don't care about minor creators they only care about the big hot dogs not the little hot dogs so go check to that out it was yeah definitely how do you feel about do you think uh what where do you where do you think it goes from here your music career i'm basically dj call it though i'm basically like you know i'll probably end up doing some government work you know some like pro or or anti-covid events right um

you know, I'm like DJ DJ Mouse heads, is that his name? Yeah. Danger Mouse. Danger Mouse. Yeah, DJ Danger Mouse. Right, that's the guy with the mouse head. Mm-hmm. I'm DJ Mouse Head.

And I'm going to do rallies where they, we just kind of go, get your vaccine. Wow. Wow. But then, you know, they pop into a club and I beat the. And I'm like, no vaccines allowed. Blah, boom, bum, bum, bum, don't wear a mask.

I'm just kind of cover both sides. Because it's all about music now. Musicians ought to be accountable. Musicians are comedians, right? Musicians can just be like, it's all about that muley and the, in the, in the, in the, in the, in the, in the, and the, and the sex and the candy. I'm a little, I'm personally a little bit disgusted. With me?

That, no, no, that I'm a little bit disgusted that the Chemical Brothers haven't reached out yet. Well, you know, like, special just dropped this morning. They're over in England, so, you know, they're probably on the lay. And also, the song's not that good compared to them. They're classless. To be fair, to bring the fourth wall, I'm not as good as the chemical brothers. They're not going to recruit me. Let's take us one step at the time.

But anyway, moving on from that. So, you know, enjoy that special. Also, if you want to check things out, you can check out, I've started finally a Twitch stream. you go to Twitch It's at Ray Kump Do we have a clip we can play of I streamed a game called

Stray Can we play a little bit of this Lucy? Oh sure This game called Stray Where you play as a cat And a post apocalyptic Man you're you're dipping your toes And everything

I'm getting the multimedia thing going Right I want to be a mogul who just Yeah I might I might do you know Some kind of only fans thing where i'm just you know sitting there and you're watching me in my apartment and i'm like you know i'm just i'm just i'm very paranoid because i know i'm being watched

you're looking for you're looking for the stream looking for it just just type in just just go scroll down i don't tweet that much anyway i'm gonna you know but the twitch thing it doesn't sound that great we found it just just scroll down because it doesn't say we're not going to play the whole thing because it sounds like I am in some kind of a Iranian hostage situation what's the matter? You want to send you to a link? Yeah. All right.

We don't have to play it. It's just thinking too long. I'll just sing you the song I wanted to say. Go to Twitch. Go to At Ray Comp and I'll play you the song I sang impromptu. Cat Simulator. Cat see you later.

That's a little T. so stop booking it up okay stop looking it up but it was a cute game with a bunch of stray cats we spent too long on no one cares let's get into the meat what's happened this week play the roulette game you pick a topic off top of your head that you know we talked about wait what fouchy

and Anthony fouchy did something what uh yeah he did do something he uh he was he's back in the news who is anthony fauchy again explained for the new folks new to america invented invented uh famously we discovered covid yeah in Wuhan China right yes he claims he wasn't who knows he was like the he was like the he was like the uh fake sexual mascot for the COVID pandemic right people were uh You was that, but 18 months ago, people were just kind of like, there were Fauci sexuals they were calling themselves. Yeah.

They were. Oh, no, they're Cuomo-sexuals. Well, they were quaggots. There was Cuomo-sexuals, and there was Fauci, what, like Fauci, Fouchi-Ga-Fa-Capers. You know, Fouchers. Yeah. And he was a guy. He claims that he is the inventor of science.

He claims that he is the inventor of disease studies. he he what did he do with AIDS he cured AIDS he's been 25 30 years on AIDS yeah he didn't cure it though no no interesting so what's going on with him so he's you pointed me to this video of him describing something that he calls the Fauci effect interesting let's play some of this clip it's called the Fauci effect which is sort of like you know as trust me I don't get excited about that I mean it's nice but I mean

people go to medical school now people are interested in science not because of me because people most people don't know me who I am my friends know me my wife knows me but people don't know me it's what I symbolize and what I symbolize

in a so he's like look it's not really about me it's more me as a Christ figure. Yeah, right, exactly. It's like me as the messianic Christ on the cross, being crucified. But it's not about me.

It's about what my sacrifice represents. It's about what my, you know, my aura. It's about how I inspire the people. Right. It's about, yeah. This guy's such a scumbag. I can't stop thinking. about him just, like, in the Wuhan lab.

Right. And, like, just clumsily, like, it's a, not even like it's a nefarious thing, just clumsily, like, stumbling into a vat of the COVID-19 virus. You think, do you? Here's a question I have for you, let's see. Which of these things is more likely that Fauci was working on maybe gain of function research, maybe trying to stop the disease, whatever. Yeah.

And he clumsily, like, with his forearm, knocked it, like, part of, like, something into something else. Or, alternatively, that he was carrying a bunch of COVID and, like, full frontal, like, launched himself into a trip. Like, because he saw some woman in the lab. We didn't even have big tits. Right. Just some woman who we wanted to court sexually. And he's like, oh, golly. And he just, like, launched himself like Jerry Lewis.

Yeah. And that's why COVID is a pandemic. Which of those makes more sense to you? Yeah. I could definitely see the second one. It's both. Both happened. It both happened somehow at the same time.

The first one happened. It was a close call. Right. Yeah. It didn't get out of the lab that time. And then he did the other one. And then the third thing happened. is that he just fucking put it in the mail and mailed it to the mass square garden

imagine he just mailed it to the massas he was she was trying to send a fan letter the fucking carmelo anthony even though he's not in the nix anymore he said at two carmelano anthony care of mass and square garden but accidentally sent covid he's um god i hate him what what don't you like about him i just don't like how he was so like I just don't like how willing he was to just always weigh in on stuff I feel like part of the mark of a serious

scientist is like look I'm not just going to like run my mouth about politics like I have a job and like I remember just tuning in and I just remember seeing clips of him on the news just like casually talking about like the nature of fascism like it's like you know it's like fascism versus democracy it's like

why don't you just stay in the lab be a weirdo his uncle's probably just some rat who was leading like put in jail Yeah What What uh Do you think he'll do that

Like a TV show at some point Oh yeah Fouchy's court Yeah He's just hearing like you know Cases about like you know People stealing through this fentanyl From a trailer park

Yeah He goes you got fouched Is there more of this clip Let's see Of the normalization of untruths And lies and all the things you're seeing going on in society from January 6th to everything else that goes on,

people are craving for consistency, for integrity, for truth, and for people caring about people. People are craving the consistency of my balls. That's what he's saying. He thinks he's a real Don Juan, doesn't he? Do you think he's due for a scandal? Oh, God, I hope so. Now, to be clear, I don't, this is not an indication.

I hope someone falsely accused. Yeah. I mean, he's done his job. Well, I wouldn't say well. No. He's, uh, he over, look, the best you can say is he overshot his wad. Right. He didn't sell the vaccines in the good way.

Um, he didn't sell himself in a good way. Do you think he made a mistake going on the try guys in hindsight? Look, that actually might be the one savvy thing he ever did was going on the try guys. I think if he was going to go on to try guys, he should have done, like, the We Eat Everything at Olive Garden type video with him. And they should have made him. And he goes, this is the, this is the rigatoni, mashed potato mozzarella sticks. Eat one. And he's, like, throwing up in a bucket.

Yeah. He's spitting it out into a bucket. Yeah, and they make him dress up like Mario. So, eat this piggy. And he goes, all right, now tell us something the fact about your Vax. Tell us about your vaccine. They may wear a Mario costume with the ass cut out. Is that like a finish thing?

Yeah. Maybe. This is just because it's humiliating. Oh, they cut the ass out. Yeah. All right. I kind of thought you were like, were saying they bought one like that like already had to cut out. I'm like, well, who would sell that?

But yeah, you could cut the ass that I have anything. That's true. True. Very true. Okay. All right. Well, I got, I hate how he's just, like, I hate how he's grabbing his foot. Yeah.

I hate how he's crossing his leg. He's so happy to be a fouch. To be on camera. He's definitely going to have, like, a Dr. Oz type show. Oh, yeah. I'd be shocked if that doesn't matter. Well, Dr. I bring up the Dr. Oz video that he did. Dr. Oz, what is he in Pennsylvania somewhere?

He's in, like, like, Cole Scuddle, Pennsylvania or somewhere. like where is he running for um yeah what is he's running for comptroller of the mine like what he's in some kind of weird like fucking like uh like scranton type place like was he running for governor what he or is he running for senate i feel like he's running to be like the guy like the the the the the the the foreman of the mine some coal mine dr ross really should be the guy who goes to like al a what's i'm blank in here um al al al a woman coal Appalachia

yeah he's your app like the app like to fucking you know what's that town the documentary Harlan County representing the coal mine company and go well look we we're not going to blow the top

of this mountain off we're going to bring jobs to our to Appalachia we're going to bring jobs Appalachia. We're going to bring prosperity. We're going to bring a river of gold in the place of coal.

We're going to bring Jesus back to these mines and these mountains and these hollers. We're going to take the coal scuttle and we're going to replace it with streams of rice crispy treats. And it's all, you know, it's

the whole shit, right? Because that's not what happens. But he's just, that's the a vibe he gets like he can like he has the vibe of a guy who could scam people who've already been like poisoned by like a real like a school scuttle is i believe the scuttle is what like the runoff when you have a coal mine you have to like kind of pour water to like filter out like the call from something else and the scuttle's like the runoff huh yeah and so like and it ends up poisoning the water supply and dr ross is such an obviour

like you know schemer that like those people go like oh look he's got all his teeth and i'm not blaming them they're being poisoned for not having teeth right these these people in the mountains and the hollers and the and the what else the the valleys and the and the valleys and the and the hollers yeah i mean it's a holler basically right there's different hollers yeah anyway go what he's running for you find this video um so So Fauci, is the one where Dr. Oz says Fauci should be fired? No, there's a video where he's in a supermarket. Fauci and Dr. Oz had a run in a supermarket?

No, there's no Fauci. Oh, okay. We're moving on from Fauci. Okay. I know you hate Fauci, but your vendetta against Fauci is only going to be in parcels. All right? We can't just do everything in Fauci. Okay.

There you go. Dr. Oz mocked over Wegner's groceries. Yes, play this clip. what is this rotten tomatoes dot com there should be better videos yeah i got yeah anyway but dr oz i mean

apparently uh he used to work with opra right he like she recruited him this guy is uh out of control you hate dr oz i i don't even know I hate them ever since he brought Isaiahe berries into the mix

Issaid berries aren't a real thing They're fake They're basically blueberries They don't cure cancer I believe I mean I'm gonna be sued by the Asseye berry consortium But you found anything Nothing is coming up?

No it is Okay Have you ever had an IACA berry? Yes They're good Whatever Don't don't don't don't don't You go vote for, you know, the Cole Scuddle.

The champion of Cole Scuddle. I thought of some grocery shopping. I'm at Wegners. And my wife wants some vegetables for Crudette, right? So here's a broccoli. That's two bucks. There's some asparagus. That's $4.

First of all, what kind of cuck are you? You know, you're running as a Republican. You got to, no Republican can relate to A, you're crudeate. All right? be that you're doing what your wife tells you to do you know what happened the republican party that they're listening just because like wait he's friends with trump or something and they're just going to be like oh he listens to his wife cool like if Trump likes him no one wants that look there's a reason we have two parties right and people are screwing it up it's not about what you

believe or you don't believe some people just want to be like you know alpha yeah you know and some people want to be like oh sure and like and like I'm not trying to be a dick here I mean look at some people blur the line but like you know I'm just saying the Republican guys like it used to just be they had the same pot for 30 years we had the same policies right I've seen with friends of all of them they're all voting for like you know the wars and like but like you know if you if you if you if you listen to your wife you vote Democrat and if you tell it their own goddamn crudetet, you're a vote Republican. That was how it worked.

That's what Trump ruined, right? You might like him, but he upset the balance. And now you got your vote, now you're voting for a guy who's buying crudetee for his wife. You like that? You enjoy that? Does that make you feel like a man? All right. Now he's buying broccoli.

Let's see what else is he's buying? Yeah, carrots. He's got asparagus? First of all, asparagus does not go in a crudit. What does he doesn't even know what crudet is? Asparagus is not going to crudet. Sparagus? What are you dipping asparagus in the dressing?

That's like, yeah. Everyone's going to smell your piss from a mile away. Yeah. No, honestly, though. Honestly, you didn't never serve asparagus to your guests. Really? You barely, I'm barely okay with that. Is that true?

Because honestly, I was on an asparagus kick. recently and I'll still eat some more you know but it does make your urine smell something like it's very sharp look maybe you serve it to your guess I mean I'm at the I mean it depends on it depends on your house if you have one of those bathrooms that's right in the living room which is you know it's hard yeah then you don't buy it because you people are going to smell you piss and think you're dirty dirty they're not going to realize all the asparagus is not going to make the connection they're going to think that you just like you didn't wipe your ass properly now your piss is running through your shit you know yeah but why are you serve why are why are why are these people serving their

guests raw asparagus because because this is a rich man this is a wealthy man who's pretending that he would ever shop at wagner's that's the other thing right this guy this guy like eats like virgin meat you know he's like he's eating like fucking like you know beluga caviar and like you know uh the the womb of a, of a, of a, of a, of a, of a, of a, of a, a womb of a teenage mother. That's what his crew to take, he's a, he's that shopping waggments. Yeah. This lunatic, oh, here's, here's, here's some, uh, here's some Brussels sprouts for my crudite. Not Brussels sprout.

What am I thinking of? Here's some, no, just sprouts, right? Yeah. Those loose sprouts. Oh, yeah, just white sprouts. He's just like, here, just dip these into ranch dressing. We're Americans, aren't we? Disgusting.

Animal. There's $10 of vegetables there And then we need some guacamole You need pre-made guacamole I know What kind of slob is buying pre-made guacamole For a nice crew of the day This is repulsive

He's buying like whole carrots too He's not buying like the baby carrots that you just put in One Pre-made guacamole is always more expensive First of all And second of all it sucks It tastes sour It's like you always like

It's too smooth There's no chunk. There's no chocolate in it. It's got no flavor. No. And also, this guy's never eating guacamole. This guy eats like, you know, I don't know, like some kind of almond paste that was like that came out of the intestines of a four-year-old prince.

And like, you know, and like, you know, Qualampur or some shit. Which that way, I must say he's wearing a front. These are exotic treats he finds on the dark web. It's gone. dollars more and she loves salsa yeah there's salsa there generic weird

I mean look I don't get on the bad side of Wegner's and saying their sauces I mean maybe that's great salsa I mean I typically just buy like the sauces in the jar no

I like sauce sauce is not really crudeate who's dipping like fred asparagus into the salsa what is he doing I mean all you need a little ranch dressing for crudette right yeah no that's a good point

you don't you guacamole Yeah. Who's dipping other vegetables into guacamole? You dip chips in the guacamole. Yeah. This guy's out of control. Here, let's go for the bug for his big punchline.

Salsa. Guys, that's $20 for croutherty, and this doesn't include the tequila. I mean, that's outrageous. We got Joe Biden to thank for this. That's his big thing. We got Joe Biden. Now, who, he's just burying on. That's not even counted as tequila.

So he's just having, like, it's weird. many levels now no one's like you're having if you're gonna serve like drinks crudette it's weird right have some chips have some chips and salsa right but whatever but you're not drinks just tequila yeah i mean he's not about is he making margaritas or is he just serving like straight up tequila and no other liquor not even beer he's not wine like you're having a nice party for friends and, like, we're going to make some crudite, which, like, is, like, poor people classy, right? Like, crudeate is not nice. Right, yeah.

It's, like, it's, like, classy for, like, your grandma. A fine meat and cheese board would be more like what a rich. Oh, God, what do they call that? What's that? A charcutory board. Oh, yeah. Fine meats and cheeses, some buffalo mozzarella. We had some nice buffalo mozzarella this weekend, didn't we?

Yeah, that was good mozzarella. That was good from the Hampton, the Hampton Island. Wait, no, it's... The Hamptons. But whatever. That is a nice fresh buffalo mozzarella. But not at Dr. Rod's house. He's going to make you eat wilted asparagus

dipped into a pint of a fucking shitty quackamole. And then, like, a drink warm tequila probably. This guy's a monster. What's wrong with him? Thanks, Joe. He's just lecturing me about, you know,

Joe Biden made his tequila a little more expensive. Like, aren't you a billionaire or something? Didn't you make $200 million of Nazi e-scams? Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, he's, what is he? I could have, I could have cured this, I could have cured my wife's cancer with this crew today, but now I can, and I have Joe Biden to thank for it.

Is he dead? Is she dead? No. Oh, okay. No, I was just referencing the fact that he says foods cure cancer. Oh, yeah. Hey, look, this is great. This is this is a cure cancer?

This could care, you know, if you run out of a kid with your car, I mean, this is going to help him. Please look up, just look up his kid. Like, what is he, just right? What is Dr. Oz running for? Senate in Pennsylvania. Wow. So he's going to be the skull, the skull, the cold, the coal senator, huh? Mm-hmm.

The black lung seminar. Whoa. You know, good luck. I guess, are those coming soon? I think Liz Cheney's up for her primary. Right? Right, yeah. Yeah, I saw something about that.

People, I mean, Republicans have turned on her. Oh, she turned on them, I guess. I mean, well, Trump. Who knows? But now the Republicans are agreeing. They're like, oh, Democrats call her father a war criminal in there, and they're saying she's good, which is like, you know, fair point.

Their father was kind of a war criminal. Yeah. I mean, look, I guess you could are. Does she also have a robot heart? I am. Does she also have a robot heart? Does that like follow in the bloodline? Or did he get it after he made her?

Yeah, I mean, I could see both sides of that. Like, on the one hand, I totally respect, like, the position of, like, don't trust any of these people. Right. But I guess she's not technically responsible for her father's decision. Can we get Lexington? Fried, is it Friedman or Friedman? Probably Friedman, right? Yeah.

Do we get Lex Friedman on the show? Friedman? I don't know. I sometimes it feels like it's spelled Fridman, but maybe not. But can we get this Lex Friedman guy in the show? It seems like a very nice guy. He's a robotics guy, I think.

He can tell, maybe he can help us to understand if she has a robot hard or not. He would know a robot if he saw it, even if it was just part of a person. Yeah, no, he probably could, yeah. He's like an MIT guy. Right. And he could like unlock this for us, right?

He could read her body language. Yeah, he's like a body language expert for robots. We should get him to, like, for that. And we should really hold him to that, only talk about robots. He likes to talk about podcasts and we can, like, you know, we don't want to do that. We want to talk about robot people who may or may not be robots. Because I think that's a true. No one's really talking about that.

We have enough robotic technology, enough. robot dogs out there and the robot gorillas or the robot werewolves literal robot monsters yeah Boston dynamics and you know and Syracuse dynamics and uh Poughkeepsie dynamics all these dynamics right and but no one's look I mean you would think if you could think about for a second a hundred years from now if you if I said let's say we're 100 years in the future and like you know now we have to guess who may or may not be a robot right like like you're a sci-fi movie you'd be like oh yeah that makes sense right like robots blend in like terminators in the future but when does that start i say it's already started i think we should be

on the forefront of calling people out not as like you know we're not going up to trans people or illegal aliens or undocumented people or homeless people right who may or may not be homeless that kind of secret homeless that's not our bag right our bag is who may or may not be a robot that's that the cump show is now the that's a foreground of slandering people as robots or at least cyborgs yeah right sure that should be our gimmick going forward i like that thank you so you know we have to make we have to make a logo we'll call it robot watch comp comp's robot watch and we're going to be the watchdog podcast of who may or may not be some kind of cyborg enhanced um demon or angel some robots are good some robots can help it's a good terminator and the bad terminator right the gooey ones he's a trick the ones that are gooey you know they slide through prison bars those are bad ones you know the shape shifting robots but the ones who just have like gears and like you know sprockets inside they typically are better robots the nicer robots so they'll defend

children Liz Cheney good robot or bad robot you know she's kind of like she seems neutral robot she seems like you know i she seems to be sticking to her guns and she seems to be have a person of principle but also apparently a betrayer of party i don't know it depends how you look at it you know it depends on it depends what's more important to you um integrity or party i i guess integrity no no no not anymore Not anymore. I mean, she's trying to play the integrity game now. Yeah.

What is that? Because no, I don't believe anyone actually has integrity. Here's the thing. Like, she learned from her dad. Like, it may be a good, like, did Trump do, you know, did Trump blow up cyberdine systems? The Trump, you know, create a Terminator? Maybe on January 6th, with a January 6th Trump's Skynet that didn't work, perhaps. But I don't think it was changed.

Cheney saw an angle, right? These people see angles. Yeah, for sure. That doesn't mean that what she's doing is wrong, right? Right. It doesn't mean that, like, you know, but like, let's not pretend that she's like, you know, Christ on the cross. No, like, if anything, she probably just recognizes that it's like, look, Democrats are, a lot of Democrats are basically Republicans.

Yeah. And, you know, and, and, like, a family, like the Cheney family probably doesn't like, they probably find, like, Marjorie Taylor Green types, like this tasteful. Oh, yeah. So it's like, yeah, like, might as well just, like, basically become a Democrat. She's a lesbys. It's probably like, ugh. Like, it's going to be hard for me to be, like, a full-on, you know.

Sure. Whatever this is. Yeah. So she, but like my point is, what's our point? But I don't know if she's like, is she good, she bad? She, that's why. It's hard to do these days. It's hard to, like, talk about power.

Because I don't want to be like, oh, we're Republicans. were Democrats oh you know give us health care give us God I don't want to play that game I found a better game she's a robot okay she's a goddamn cyborg and the world's got to know all right the world we have to like do something maybe we just shine some kind of infrared light at her you know like you know and then like and you'll see her roll like the red eyes pop out like this is like this is better than a reptilian thing Because the reptilian thing is like, it sounds anti-Semitic. Perhaps it is.

You know, the whole David-Ik thing. It's got that stink on it. Right. There's nothing anti-Semitic about robots. She's just a robot. Yeah. Her dad has a robot heart. And like, and guys like, I've seen guys on Rogan, all these science guys who talk about epigenetics, right?

That like, you know, even if you, like, because you would think like, oh, my genes, like, I have a, like, if you have a gene for alcoholism right that just comes from your genes and your kids have it but you could become an alcoholic and then that transmits into your genes after like you know you genes that maybe your genes aren't like permanent you can that what you do in life affects what your genes will be that's my understanding of epigenetics right the same thing might be true of robots but you get a robot piece inside you and then you you you come you get robot come you get robot come, and then you make a robot baby. You know, you should found the field of epigenetic robotics.

Right. And, you know, and then you'll be the leading expert in it automatically. If anyone out there knows Lex Friedman, please, please reach out because I think he would be a great guest to have to discuss this. I think he'd find it fascinating. I don't think I know more about robotics and Lex Friedman, but, I mean, like, I do feel like he would, like, You know, but he would, he's finding this novel and interesting. And, like, I don't think it's something he's thought of yet, even though he knows more in general. But this is my thing.

And he's going to love it. Can you get him? Yeah. You get him on the phone now? Do we have that capability? Uh, but not yet. Okay. Well, that's fine.

We'll do it next week, baby. All right. So moving on. Right? Moving on. We didn't miss anything here. I don't think so. This is a cliffhanger, okay?

This is an ongoing investigation. We have another new segment in the show. Do you remember what we called it? Oh, I remember. Oh. It's called comp moves. Comp moves. We should do a song.

You know that song Night Moves by Bob Seeger? Waiting on some comp moves. If I make a cover song, they won't, like, copyright thing right? We'll have to make it just different enough. Waiting on some comp moves. Comp moves. Woo! this segment is about topics we find in the news i think we've done this before but we haven't

you know really marshaled the energy of this like of having its own segment because we've we've we've we've often seen things in the news and said like wait that's something i would do you know uh and so and just bear with i think you know when we do this first one i think you'll get the hang of it so why don't you tell me the first for the inaugural cut move segment what's this story so this man is being hailed as this is a man in Lebanon Lebanon great country I like I mean I never been there but I like the idea of yeah sure and he's being hailed as a hero because he held up a bank demanding his own money right I guess that Lebanon I guess Lebanese banks there are some they don't

give you money you put your money in there and you're like you got you motherfucker we got you okay so he house him a bank I'll just start reading this. Yeah. A man who held multiple people hostage inside a Beirut bank in an attempt to get access to his own savings was hailed as a hero in Lebanon, which is suffering from its worst economic crisis in modern history.

Okay, so I guess the banks are holding on to people's money now because they're in an economic crisis. That's a dirty pool if I say something myself. I wonder what I would do in the situation. Go on. Well, you might get an insight into that here. But Sam Al-Shik Hussein. a 42-year-old food delivery driver held up to 10 people hostage during a seven-hour standoff last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.

He entered the federal bank with a shotgun and a canister of gasoline, fired three warning shots, locked himself in with several bank employees and customers. Now, hold on. It doesn't, I mean, I don't know if this sounds like me. I'm not sure why you said this is a count move. Wait for it. Okay. Locked himself in with several bank employees. and customers and threatened to set himself on fire unless he said he was allowed to withdraw his savings which hold on and wait for it wait for it which he said he needed to pay his father's medical bills

look my father had need an appendectomy I'm going to I'm going to like myself i'm gonna put i'm gonna fucking set myself a blaze it's gonna be a massacre on me i'm gonna be nothing but ash my father has corns on his feet you it's hard to walk look i don't know what the odds are in us getting lex frickman but friedman fridman sorry frickman not frickman Fridman, Lex Fridman. But we should, I, I would, I will, I will climb some mountains to try and get this guy. Well, I want to talk to this guy. Is he free?

I mean, like, you know, is he like, you know, not in jail? We don't know. Maybe he let himself on fire. We haven't finished the store. Fair enough. I mean, look, best case he's in a Lebanese jail, but I would love to get him. Maybe we get a jailhouse thing going. Yeah.

I don't know. Like Oz. Like, apparently in Oz, we want, we've been watching HBO. is Oz, which I watched as it aired. Do we mention this on the show yet? I think we might have mentioned it on the show. It's not a good show. Let's just be honest.

It's really very terrible. And people just, I mean, the amount of people in Oz, which takes place in a prison, right? In a maximum security prison in upstate New York, I guess. The amount of people who sneak guns into this prison just seems unreasonable. Yeah. From a narrative point of view. And the casual way in which the staff just kind of goes like, oh, man, someone died?

Oh, he was shot with a gun? I mean, at one point the warden goes, they have his argument about something. He goes, all right, well, that's out of the way. Now I'm going to figure out how the hell a gun got into my prison. Now, that's after, like, the fourth gun death in this prison. He finally says something about, like, you know what I mean? At that point, I think he barely even, like, figures it out, right? Yeah.

I mean, I think it turns out in that particular case, the guy was drinking out of like a fifth of vodka or something under his desk. Right. The guy has a reception. Yeah. And he's like, he was drunk. Right. Whatever. But the point is, so in that scenario, I feel like we could get in there.

Yeah. But I'm not sure about an actual Lebanese person. Yeah, I'm not sure. It might be tough. Anyway, exciting. Do you have something else to go? Did you want to hear about the conclusion? Oh, there is a conclusion.

I think so. Like many people from Lebanon, Hussein has been unable to access his life savings because of the strict limits the government put on withdrawals of foreign currency assets, effectively freezing them, when the economic crisis started in 2019. He had some, wow, this guy is a good saver. He had some $200,000 trapped in the bank. Like U.S. dollars? Yeah, it looks like it. Wow. He probably should have invested that somewhere.

He probably should have bought some real estate in like Manhattan or something. More like, you know, one island. It doesn't say whether he's in prison now. I'm pretty sure he is. Yeah. I don't think Lebanon's just like, all right, fair play. Yeah. I'm going to sit myself on fire.

Don't do that. Well, just, just, all right, you just go. Here's your money. I'm sorry, fair enough. Anyway, we'll move on. What is going on? What have you heard about this new Game of Thrones show? Oh, we've seen trailers for it.

Is it, I mean, is it, is it, it's out? It's coming out. Okay. Now, are you excited? You like Game of Thrones, right? You famously like the ending. No. Look, I liked, you got me into the show

Before the last season came out And we watched We watched the last season together And, you know, mutual bar. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was horrific. But now this is going to be about

The old guys, right? Matt Smith from the, from the Crown Who played, who did he play? Prince Edward. Who is the old guy? Prince Philip. Yeah. He's Doctor Who?

The weird-looking. guy yeah he's playing one on the dragon men the men are funny dragons and uh right well this show is about like the reign of the mad king is that a i don't think so i think it takes like 200 years ago oh okay i mean what what what do you want to see if we watch this what do you want to see do you want to see do they have sex with dragons is that the whole gimmick are these dragon like is that how they made did they like is that how they like dominated the dragons By fucking them? Yes.

It's hard for me to imagine a dragon, like they are in that show, letting itself be fucked. What if, what if it, what if they went inside the dragon, sexually? Like, you know what I mean? Kind of like in that, in that, in that, the boys, when the guy gets really small and he, like, you know, goes inside the guy's penis. But, like, spoiler alert. But, you know, but like, men are, you know, people are small in the dragon. So in theory you could do, not the penis, but like, maybe inside the asshole. Sure.

Well, look, I'm sure that. I'm sure that a dragon's asshole is big enough for a miniature human. Look, they've already ruined the show. I think they should listen to me. I think what the show should be is that like instead of it being they fly in top of the dragons, they fly by getting inside the dragon's asshole. And they, and they grab like, you know, I don't know, whatever's inside. There's just parts of the legs that connect, you know, from from the inside, the joints.

And then it's kind of like Power Rangers where they go inside the mecks, the mecks. right yeah but they're inside of the dragon's asshole and they're like flopping around in there and they're spitting and they're throwing up i mean honestly it could be great because they'd be vomiting the whole time we would smell terrible because they're just like what does the dragon eat anything you know dragon will eat rocks it'll eat wood it'll eat you know like a whole goat doesn't care it's got to smell it's got a reek inside there so how would this i mean why would they be going into the dragon this way and the control of it it. Oh, that's how you control the dragon.

Yes. Yeah, okay. That's, like, it's kind of like, I mean, the secrets got lost to history, and that's why they no longer controlled the dragons in the beginning of Game of Thrones. Right. And then, you know, stupid DeNaris Targaryens, like, flying on top of it like an idiot. But she would have won that. That's the thing,

she keeps getting, like, you know, like, you know, losing the battles, but because she's not doing it the right way. Because, like, when you're inside the dragon's asshole, you're feeling the vibrations you're getting you you're getting you feel like you would have seen a spear attack attack you you know right right can we get some can we get these people on the line you want to be the this is how you would approach being a showrunner for game for the new game of throne show yes and so a dragon like it would be like you would say give me a dragon name

come up with one um uh uh jordan Jordan Come to me And then whatever the catchphrase is Apakadabra And then the dragon would Like Like right over you

And then just kind of like Come down on top of you And you go right into his asshole Why is this not Maybe can we get Lexerbbing on this too? I thought you only wanted him talking about robots I thought you wanted to hold his feet to the fire on that feel like this is kind of like a robot.

We're basically using the dragons as a, like a Gundam thing. You know, like a mech, like an anime Gundam. You know? Yeah, sure. I don't know if that's the same as a robot, but yeah. The Gundam is a robot. I feel like it's like it's... You don't think a mech's a robot?

Yeah, but a dragon is organic. Right, but we're basically using it as a robot. I mean, look, it's just going to be something we're going to drive. at him like later in the show once we gave him some crudet and some nice you know uh what's the other thing you'd like to talk about a charcutorie yeah yeah be nice sure in anyway uh well what else is going where else do we talk about uh you you had something about um Putin bragging about weapons yeah it looks like uh you know Putin's been obviously he's kind of like a cornered rat right now is he he's uh you know there's a lot of

pressure on him is Zelensky not winning the war oh you always say he is he's winning the war well i don't know if he's winning the war per se but it but it's like but you know a lot of countries have been severing ties slowly with right not china though china's kind of help them uh yeah not china uh but they're also kind of you know not liked by a lot of people famously but he's but yeah he's been uh he's been bragging about the quality of russian weapons okay saying there are years and even you know even decades uh ahead of his rivals really um do you think that's true do you think he's poshers here i don't want to speak without you know a school here let's hear what he has to say um yeah so he promoted cutting

edge weapons for foreign allies. He's kind of... He's talking about axes? Yeah. Cutting edge weapons? We have really sharp axes. We can cut down trees. We can fell a tree pretty quickly in his army.

This is weird. It sounds like he's kind of being almost like a door-to-door salesman. Like he's saying like, like this is like Putin promoted cutting-edge Russian weapons to foreign allies and said he was ready to sell small arms, artillery, armored vehicles and drones. your generals have already done that on the black market that's why you're losing the war because they're selling the oil from these like cruise missiles or whatever the fuck they're selling your ammunition oh we're ready to sell yeah we know you sell these things

god damn why is he talking about selling who's he selling it too who's the market for buying these weapons Fouchy? I just imagined him on like one of those like late night like Oh, QBC? Commercials. Oh, right. Come on down to Vladimir Putin to crazy Putin's weapons shop.

I should be defending my country. This is insane. Come buy this Missinger missile. Uh, yeah, let me see if I could find an actual quo from him. I'm very drunk right now This is the quote from him We are talking about high-positioned weapons And robotics, combat systems

Based on new physical principles Like catap, for instance, catapults Catapults Many of them are years, perhaps even decades ahead of their foreign counterparts Have you heard of Trebouchet? Trebusier Yeah

What I don't know what that is Trebouchet is I believe the thing that Look at it up I believe it's the thing That fire or that Belista Trebosha is like a catapult basically Right

Oh yeah Yeah And the Belista is the thing That fires like an old school Like spear type missile More of a spear than a missile I used to watch a lot of These like YouTube channels

Where like guys describe You know ancient weapons And whether or not like Braveheart is accurate Ah, yeah, oh, yeah, there were trebushes in Braveheart? Maybe. I don't know if it's all a blur. I mean, most of these things aren't accurate.

Scientific American has an article about building a mini trebushet. Really? Should we, should we, are we doing this? Yeah. What do we need popsicle sticks or, like, actual, like, wood? It looks like popsicle sticks, but we could use, uh... Or you could, it's kind of, like, interpolate the... We shouldn't talk about this on the show.

No. no it's uh we'll make a popsicle steak trebusha sure but um yeah so Putin what what do you think his angle this year yeah i mean i don't know i i think that maybe he does just want to sell weapons but uh right but also i guess it uh this is a bad look if he was trying to like if the ukraine war was a giant commercial to sell russian weapons it's not going well It's not a good infomercial. He needs a big win. He did take control of that nuclear power plant, right?

But I mean, if your whole gimmick is like, you know, come by my, you know, weird, like, what's his big, what do you think his big thing is? What's this big, like, number one, like, selling item on QVC late night? If you look at the Russia, the Ukraine War, what did they do right? I guess just. Like a bag of garbage, you can throw with the enemy and distract them? I guess just like, can you mark it just like the, just, you know, like war crimes? Like, can you just market the willingness to get more crimes? Look, that's what he should be selling, a book of like, how, how do, how do, uh, how to, how to do evil.

Yeah. How to do evil things. How to hurt civilians. yeah like kind of you could format it like one of those like screenwriting books right sure like save the cat oh yeah like and you know and look to be fair i mean you know are we sure Putin's wrong should we have no he's not a good guy um what what would be the first like if you i don't because he's probably got a 14 step plan but if you're a three step plan for

Putin based on what you've seen what is step one i would say that um you can't just go like drop like you know uh throw like a traveling at an old woman that's just not going to work right it's not going to sell yeah um well maybe you could uh i don't know i think i think that maybe he could do with a like softening his image a little bit okay he could could do like an exercise video first yeah like he could uh you know uh maybe maybe okay so he he knows he does systemic wrestling right is that kind of weird wrestling they do in like it's it seems very effective um when they wrestle each other it might be another term for it sabo or something doesn't matter fedor did it phaedro of milienko he does a video where he gets all

like babushka woman and he fights them in the ring he's grapples with them but it's all in the interest of exercise but he's just like he's doing ground and pounds he's doing like and he says these are like chemical weapons experts from ukraine but they're just old women but you know but whatever but i'm saying but at least he but he's having fun with them they're not having fun but he's having fun with them he's making jokes he's like you know he's doing like who's on first as he's like hitting different women something he should have an all yeah he should surround himself with like an all woman like cabinet.

He should have Putin's divas. These are not people he hits. He should, that's a good move. We've moved on from, I don't know, he's talking crazy. I think what we realize is there is no answer here to this whole, like, I'm going to sell weapons thing. Stop, we need to be Putin's PR. You stop this whole, I'm going to sell weapons move.

Get this out of here. All right. Sick of it. What we call him Putin's, Putin's pretties? Yeah. Putin's purtis. Putin's a Spanish thing, right? Putin's, what's a P?

Putin's princesses. Putin's princesses. There's a bunch of hot ladies, hot Russian ladies who are dressing like business suits, like they're on the apprentice or something, right? But like, you know, with the skirts, though, not the suits. I want the business suits with the skirts. And they just walk around with old school calculators

and pencils in their ear and wears those nice black glasses that are sexy. And they're just where and they're, these are my potent princesses. And we're calculating a new war on Ukraine. And they go, Natalia. And they cuss in Natalia and she's got her chest hanging out. And she's in there and someone spraying her water in your chest. And she's, and she's just jabbering about like, I don't know, like artillery, artillery angles.

Yeah. Who knows? It doesn't matter. But it's going to, people are going to like it. I have an all-woman cabinet. I mean, how would you respond to it? Have you saw a bunch of women? Look, I mean, it's the kind of thing where it's not the most important thing to me,

but I do think, you know, seeing women in government is nice. Sure. If it's all women, it does kind of tell you he's not like, this can't be a country where they just kill all the women. Right. Yeah, exactly. We don't know that. We don't know that.

Probably the opposite is true. They're hurting no women. Not in this country. We have the most. running the war yeah you know and uh maybe they wear bikini like maybe there's like their version of the pentagon they won't wear bikinis and they get the mud bath and they're like you know but there's like but they're but they're strategizing right you know yeah turn it into sex yeah that's what it's sexy it's bikinis but there's there's also blazers oh yeah bikini blazer a combination

yeah you're saying like so they're wearing so forget the mud for a second I'm not that in the mud wrestling I like a nice bikini without the mud all right but you're saying they have a bikini but a blazer maybe maybe maybe the bikini top is almost like a cute little half half blazer like it's like so you could still I like this yeah this is when we're winning the war yeah honestly this is this is balancing fantastic and so but they have been they have bikini bottoms like yeah so sexy yeah this is this is full-on thongs for the bottoms oh it's hot yeah but not those big not those big hip-hugging thongs like a nice The nice, just a nice thong.

Yeah. And, you know, Russian women are beautiful women. Oh, they're fantasticly gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right, so yeah. And then we're going to, now these women know anything about war. Not a lick, right?

Optional. Some of them are like. Some of them have seen war. Some of them. Yeah. Their husbands and fathers have died in the war. Right. Yes.

Okay. Aren't we always saying we want, we want the people involved in these to decisions who will uh you know yeah face the consequences of i agree all right so and will what is the plan here is i want to be able to tell Putin like are they going to win the war for him or is this just a distraction we they pitch a reality show for american television i like it that is so undeniably successful that the u.s. has to back them the u.s. is giving it the Kardashians yeah like 20 i remember when the catharsians first started people a lot more people are like fuck these people.

Some girl on a sex tape, and we're going to watch their show? And now they're the biggest thing in the world. Yeah, now people talk about them with like reverence. No, people call them geniuses. Yeah. It's like, it's a little, I mean, look, because whatever, sure, they're geniuses because they're the first ones to realize that we're, we've collapsed into nothing. Fair enough.

But that point is, jump on the train. This is how Russia gets back. back in and we prevent World War III while we're at it. This is the whole thing. This is the whole capitalism. You know, if we have markets that people don't fight each other, right? That's the whole plan. But they're not getting it right because there's not any Russian business.

Because what are we buying from Russia? Caviar, not enough people like caviar. It's not enough to go around. And we make our own vodka, I guess. I don't know. I think Russian vodka might be better. Who knows? This show will save lives.

It will prevent wars. What are we going to call it, Putin's princesses? Putin's princesses. The pretty princesses of Putin's Russia. Yeah, no, no, totally. Yeah, every reality show name needs an of. Yeah. Or it's classic for it to have it, this of this.

The pretty princesses of Putin's Russia. Shouldn't it be a war thing? No, well, I think the first season can be about them trying to end the war in Ukraine. No, but shouldn't their name be a war like? the uh the uh the the no anyway so what's the plot of the first season

I think the first season is is Putin needs to find slumber party they're trying to get they're trying to throw a nice surprise party for Putin right that would humanize but the first episode is the first episode

is that the princesses the princesses want to throw a surprise a surprise slumber party birthday party for Putin with all them and Putin and so they're all scheming around and they're hopping around like bunnies trying to hide from Putin while they're getting

cakes and they're getting what else they get pin the tail on the donkey so they can play that with them yeah things like that fun stuff and then ends with a big pillow fight scene yeah in the middle of it's like there's a whole thing where he like he's like burning someone with a vat of like anthrax

and like he almost discovers the party and they're like oh yeah yeah he's burning someone with anthrax and in the background one of the princesses is like carrying a cake trying to be yeah and trying to be discreet right and she and he turns around for a second and she has to hide behind a column yes yeah yes and you see a little ass hanging out but he doesn't notice it's just there like he's wearing a little like funny thing on the back of her ass just to allude to the whole playboy thing even though it doesn't make any canon it's not canon in the show yeah anyway I like it.

Can we get... Lex Friedman is Russian, right? Maybe he can also help us with this. Yeah. Look, I really feel like... He could be our fixer. I really feel like this show would benefit from some kind of Lex Friedman alliance.

Yeah. Really... This is long overdue. We'll reach out. But we have a lot of good ideas here. So you're seeing... I think in this show, we've introduced a lot of new comp content.

Yeah. You're going to see the comp Twitch. You're going to see the Kump moves. Kump moves? The robot watch. And now we're going to somehow end the war with Kump's, you know, Kump presents the pretty princesses of Putin's Russia coming soon. So, you know, there's a lot going on.

You know what else is going on? What? The Kump Patreon. Oh. If you like this show, a lot of you do. You're watching it, aren't you? You know what you can do? If you want more Kump.

All you got to do, five bucks a month. It's your four episodes. Wait. An episode every week. Another episode every week. An extra episode every week is a worst picture around my life. Extra episodes every week for five bucks a month. Great deal.

All right? I knew as soon as you were being coy about it that I was going to fall apart. Yes. And, yeah, and check out Tim's Netflix special. Check out Tim's Netflix special. A Real Hero on Netflix is available now. Go watch that. Thanks so much for tuning in.

Have a great week. Thank you.