Kump - 123 - A Mermaid Story

Episode Date: September 18, 2022

Ray and Lucie discuss Batman Day, The Little Mermaid, The Emmy's, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. How are you? You haven't say hello to me? What? Oh, I didn't say I didn't give you a hello? You said, how are you?

I'm sorry Very unorthodox Have I worn this shirt On the show before? I think I have I think so But I had to wear it again Do you know why?

I do Why don't you tell everyone Today is National Batman Day National Batman Day And how could The only show Approved by

No No one approved us I don't know if we're allowed to talk about Batman honestly we might be getting sued i don't really know how like youtube and podcasts i i think we're allowed to talk about them we've done it a lot yeah but i mean i i i'm always expecting dc or whoever owns batman now uh 711 perhaps the 711 own batman is that like like you know i mean yeah i mean i i think that uh if man that would be you think they're gonna sue you for wearing a Batman

If 7-Eleven owns Batman, they will. Why if 7-Eleven owns Batman, do you have a feud with 7-Eleven? No, I'm actually, I should be like the spokesman for 7-Eleven. But I just, look, I'm just saying we're in an age of interchangeable brands and icons and, you know,

what if the slurpy style? You know, it's very sugary. I mean, I love the slurpee, but it's got a lot of sugar. And what if, you know, Michael Bloomberg gets back into power in New York City and says, no more slurpees.

There's too much sugar. you're too fat right so they have to like well what are we going to be now we always have the slurpy how about as as a as a franchise we buy Batman and then we have Batman drinks and Batman you know massages and then we just get super aggressive about about about cracking down on people who yes use the Batman logo if 7-11 showed out the billions and billions of dollars it need to buy and purchase Batman as an entity as an idea you're going to have to recoup your investment you can only sell so many Batman themed slurpees or like whatever they you know they can't have slurpees it's just a goop it's a group made of like primarily

like whatever the foundation of a what are erasers made out of um good question I'm not rubber you're a form of rubber I think so I'm just saying seven long would have my half to like have like a weird rendered like rubber drink that people only buy because it's Batman themed but that you can only sell so many of those so you'll have to come after a come podcast to like you know recoup your investment are you following along here do you think that would you think that would be better than just continuing to do what anyone who owned Batman would do you know sell the rights for movies and whatnot we're not buying the rights we're just Me and you were just talking about.

They'll allow Robert Patterson to be to Batman. Well, they'll employ them. They'll own the rights. Right. I'm saying, but like right now, D.C. is not like, you're looking at me like I'm crazy. You're looking at me like I'm an insane person. It seems like there's their money right there is Robert Pattinson Batman. Like, I think that, I think that if 7-Eleven somehow came to own the rights to Batman.

Yeah. I don't think their first thought would be, oh, my God, we're fucked. We have to figure out how to not lose. money on Batman. I think they would go holy shit this is crazy 7-11 is going to be huge I think I dare to digress or

differ or say you're wrong but I do believe if they bat bought like because they price all that into the price right it's all factor then like the fact that you can like you know that Batman movie's going to make a billion dollars let's just say that's in the price of the

purchasing the rights to Batman right right the overall rights so like they're gonna be like holy shit we just spent like five billion dollars it does nothing for us from like oh you're like we're gonna sell some of this rubber drink and like what else whose idea was this who everyone in the boardroom is quiet and like it's like we got how are we gonna finance this this fat guy though no one's gonna say like in the first time but there's gonna be a policy where like we got to start like cracking down on people talking like

they'll have a thing where like that cump podcast they got to pay a hundred bucks a month to talk about which I would I have I have the $100 I mean it's not like easy but like you know this podcast has money transit signed for our Patreon

by the way to help finance you know a slush fund in case you know 711 buys Batman but you know we have an extra episode every week for five bucks a month it's a pretty good deal so we had to pay the money we would but I'm saying 7-Ele would force us.

It sounds like the kind of thing that you would just do if you were the CEO of 7-Eleven. I don't know why you think that the CEO of 7-Eleven is a better man than me. That's what you're trying to. You're engaged to marry me, yet you think that the CEO of 7-Eleven, which I love, is a better man than me? It's like a more dignified man,

is a man who would be less likely to rip you off? I just think he probably likes Batman less than you. And wouldn't allow, just wouldn't allow his company to buy the right, to buy Batman, to buy a Batman they couldn't afford. Batman condoms, Batman, Batman Band-Aids, Batman Pepto-Bismol. They're like their own Pepto-Bismol. You know, no one wants to buy store brand shit because it makes you look poor. What if your store brand was Batman?

And I don't mean like a Batman tube. It's branded Batman. Like it's official Batman. Our default gummy bears. are just Batman's license. You know what I mean? It's like everything's a bat. I would only shop at 7-Eleven.

I would only eat things from 7-Eleven. Right. I love, I mean, I like Batman a lot. I don't love them. I do. I mean, whatever. I'm just saying, like, I don't like to think of myself

with some guy who would go to 7-Eleven. But I would. I would be around. I'd be unseemless, which has 7-Eleven. I'd be like, I'd be drunk. And I'd be like, why not just get a Batman, you know, thong? Right.

And, like, and just see what happens. See how my life goes after that. Even after they sued you, you would continue buying their Batman products? I mean, I wouldn't tell them that. I wouldn't broadcast it to the world that I'm still doing it. But yeah, probably. I probably would. You just happen, just like every obvious, no, Red Bull's not paying me,

but you've seen this Red Bull can in my hands. I'm trying not to advertise for them. But the same way, you would, like, see me drinking a rubber drink with a Batman, I don't know, like Batman crunchies in it. made out of, I don't know, was styropyrofen or whatever. I just imagine like the lawyers

for 7-Eleven while your suit is being tried them just like presenting the entire contents of your garbage and it's all just Batman slurpees from 7-Eleven. I got a trick up my sleeve

for that purpose. Yeah. Because you know what happened if they ever sued me? What? I immediately set myself on fire. I just burn my body to death. Just burn myself to death.

Gasoline. I would just empty a portable generator onto my body and let it match. So they'll never have a satisfaction of doing that. Good luck. Good luck, 7-Eleven. Which I love. I mean, again, we don't need to be enemies. We can be like best friends.

I can live with you at 7-Eleven. If you let me live in a 7-Eleven, maybe we can put our studio in the back of a 7-Eleven that could be fun that could be great that could be like old school letterman when he was on 1230 night remember it would be like we just have to show

and then people would be coming in constantly going like it's this bathroom back here and like some drunk guy and we're like no but come sit down is anyone who listens to this show affiliated with 7-11 they could like maybe because this sounds great

imagine doing like a late night talk show but like your guests are just people who filter in from a 7-Eleven. Did you ever go to 7-Eleven when you were younger? Of course, all the time. Who was outside of a 7-Eleven? And so don't tell me home. I'm not making it go on. Actually, the weirdest interaction I ever had with a cop was because of my,

because of how much I loved going to 7-Eleven as a kid. Oh, that's where you were on your way to? Did you want to tell the story? Yeah, sure. I mean, it's not a traumatic thing or anything. It was just weird. But like, actually, my friends and I in high school, school, we had this thing.

It sounds pretty stupid in retrospect, but it was like, but it was, it was, it was like every Tuesday night for a while at like 2 a.m., we would go, we would sneak out of our houses and go to 7-Eleven. Well, that just seems, how old were you? I don't know, like, 15 or something. That sounds very dangerous. If I, if you were my 15-year-old daughter, I would just scream at you. so you derby going to 7-11 do you know the kind of people who go to 7-11 it's not all 15-year-old girls

it's not it's not all 15-year-old girls it's mostly not that anyway go on so so but i feel like any discerning parent wouldn't even believe that their 15-year-old was going to 7-11 it was just like you're going to do drugs but like but right it really was a 7-11 thing well what would you You wouldn't do, you wouldn't smoke any, you wouldn't do any drugs at 7-Eleven? What would you do? We would go to 7-Eleven, get some treats. Yeah. And hang out outside of 7-Eleven.

There's no, no good can come of a bunch of young girls being outside. Who do you think, do you not think you get, did you not get approached by men? Did you not? But look, part of, not really. Really? Would you grow up a bubble? It wasn't like, you know, it was a small town and like, and, and, and, you know, it was a small town. and like, and people weren't really out, you know, trolling for, even if they would be trolling for pussy.

They weren't out trolling for pussy on a weeknight at 2 a.m. I'm not worried about the guys out trolling for, I'm worried the weird drifters who happen to be getting, you know, like a cheeseburger big bite at 2 a.m. Who, who, who's minor, whoever minor in minors, if you know what I mean. Oh, you know what? Come to think of it. I think we had, we did have one interaction with a drift. I'll bet I think there's a guy who was like a I think we did end up talking to some old man yes who was driving a truck and he told us about how he's just going to go sleep in his truck now

wow but uh hell of a story but uh so anyway well happy happy national beth no what we're happy you know what i hear about the cop thing uh there is like it's a one night while i'm going on the, I'm going to Tuesday night at 7-Eleven. Yeah. Weekly. See you next seven. See it. Is it Tuesday night?

Yes. Did you guys call it that? Like see you next Tuesday? I mean, we may have said that unconsciously, but not knowing what was funny about it. See what? But, you wouldn't say cunt? No. Okay.

Like, cunt, whatever. Go ahead. But, uh, there was a. but so as I was going as I was traveling there on foot sure there was a cop pulled up next to me right and started like just talking to me like weirdly gently I assumed that I was going to be in trouble right that he's going to be like what the hell are you doing out here like nobody's nobody's on the streets sure at this hour and uh but he was actually just weirdly like uh like quiet and gentle and he was like I know this story I don't know this story I don't

he was like and it was like clear that he thought I was some runaway or something of course he was like he was like are you okay and I was like I was like yeah yeah I'm fine and he was like all things considered he was like yeah and he was like yeah well you know you have a nice smile but but there's a sadness in your eyes he said that do you doubt him you're on your way 7-Eleven at 2 a.A.m. on Tuesday. Was there not a sadness in your eyes? I think he probably was spot on. I don't think so. You know what?

I don't think there was a sadness in my eyes. Because I love Tuesday night at 7-Eleven. Okay. Fair enough. So look, when I'm depressed, I like a lot of things that aren't healthy. It doesn't mean that I'm like, but I'm still depressed and I'm skipping, I'm not skipping on my weight or like, you know, shove a full pizza down my throat. I'm like, oh, I can't believe I'm about to do this.

And so I picture you. can't believe it's another Tuesday at 7.11 at 2 a.m. Can't believe it. Just can't believe it. I mean, is this really better than being asleep? I can't see how, but I just can't will myself

to not cause myself pain. But I guess it's possible you were actually happy and you were skipping and the cop was crazy. It's possible. That cop was out of his mind. I think you were telling me this. So this is a different story than when you...

I have another cop story. Oh, right. Yeah. No, I do have a... The different thing. Sign for our Patriot. Maybe one day we'll talk about... Worst tease ever.

Maybe. Maybe you give us some money. Maybe we'll tell you. I don't know. So, yeah, anyway, happy National Batman Day. Maybe we should... We're going to do... We're going to break out.

I've gotten a few new Batman figures. We've shown some on the show. Maybe we'll break some out. maybe it'll be a month of Batman maybe we'll never talk about him again anyway I got something else to show this pen this pen here

I'm gonna bring this pen up how we do this you were very excited to talk about this pen this pen this is a close up of the pen it's not alive I this is a pen I got um how we bring this thing I just don't work there we go

this is a pen I got on the way well okay I was drunk and I went on eBay that's the long and short of it I was drunk and I was on eBay and for some reason I thought of Indian Echo Caverns which is a place I went to as a child it's near Hershey Pennsylvania as you can see

on the text and the thing okay so let's go back to one it's a pen with rocks I bought it I was drunk it's a cat You've been to how caverns? No.

Neither have I. It's a place you go where it has caverns. And I just, I brought this up because I want you to give me an intervention. Look. I got to stop buying things when I'm drunk. This is a strange purchase. It's really strange. You regularly ask me to do an intervention over these things.

Yeah. I mean, look, I'll bring it up again. You have a tendency to get defensive, but I always do them. Look, it's got little rocks. It's got, you know, like, uh, it's, it's, got they move you can see when you don't really move that much they move a little bit they move the tiniest bit that i have ever seen a moving thing in a pen they probably move more when uh they barely move this is probably 20 years old i don't i don't i don't write with pens i don't collect pens i might

have used to collect pens i don't really remember that fondly displaced indian echo caverns uh i think i had a different pen that i might have been thinking about when i might have been thinking about I was drunk where like when you tilted it the people would be people and they'd be traveling through the cavern and that was cooler kind of like a naked lady pen right I was about to say if you had gotten a naked lady pen

yeah I would just be a weird pervert it would be so it would make so much more sense to me why because I'm like some guy weird creep who needs to look up late why no no because a naked lady pen is funny no it's not I feel like there was a time when it was maybe

genuinely sexy in the internet age I feel like it's just funny for all right all right put the pen down we have to unpack that you think there was a time

long ago perhaps when a naked lady pen was sexy we're like when we talk about those pens when you tilt them much like there's water in them like you know the the bikini would go away and you thought that was a time when that was like a guy would show it to another guy and go

stop you get you are you are you trying to get me turned on because you are no I just think there was a more innocent time in America when maybe a 13 year old boy this stumbling across a naked lady pen would look at it for a while why would the 13 year old boy stumble upon naked lady pen what are you envisioning what kind of households he brought up in some weird crackpot dad or maybe like a friend of his shows a friend of his stumbled on it and shows it to him at school i'll be i'll be i'll be the mother you be you be the father okay oh you finally come home to me yeah what are you talking about you finally home huh great like welcome home well what are you on about you know what your son did today what he found something you found something of yours right okay

What was it? You don't know? Are you playing dumb? He didn't find the gun, did he? What gun? Are you going to kill yourself? I swear, you selfish pig. He found your naked lady pen.

Oh, okay. You son of the bitch! You back! I can't believe it! Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I think there probably was a time in America

where someone could plausibly get turned on by a naked lady pen. I'm shocked that you even find that to be a controversial statement. To imagine you as a man in Mad Men, for instance. I just picture you never get out of bed because of your pen. You, what do you think men are? You think there's the time when men were able to, like, you know,

well, this is pretty great. Look at this naked lady pen. It's not like a real perfect. I mean, didn't people used to look at, like, the blurious, like, pictures of naked ladies through, like, didgeridoo's or whatever they have? I don't know what the did we do is. I mean, it sounds racist, but whatever.

It might be. But I used to watch, you know, pornography that was on, like, you know, premium cable, whatever, pay-per-view. Squiggle porn. Squiggle porn, yes. How is a naked lady pen less legitimate than squiggle porn? It's a pen. You're tilting it. You're going, duh.

Well, I imagine you wouldn't keep tilting it back and forth. You would just leave it on the naked part. Oh, it's a life hack you got there. It's a great hack. I picture you going, Oh, you, you whippersnappers, you don't know anything. Why don't you leave her tilted to one side? That way, she's always naked.

And they throw rocks at you and like Clockwork Orange. Yeah. It's a sad day. I don't know why my old man from Clockwood orange sounds like Jimmy Stewart. It's an old day. They just beat me to death while they're watching porn on their VR heads. Fun times. I can't wait for the future.

Moving on. Right? We covered the pen. The pen, I don't know. Anyway, this is that. Naked lady pen or no. This is a disgusting pen and I hate it. You didn't say, you've said none of this until now.

You really hate this pen? I hate that. It's, it's, it is the worst pen like that. Like it's like, first of all, okay, I see the value in going to a place and even maybe after you've gone getting a novelty pen from that place. Yeah. This pen, first of all, half of it looks like a dentist's office pen. There's nothing fun about half of the pen. And the other half has like the tiniest, most pathetic rocks in it that I've ever.

ever seen and they barely float around. I think you deserve a better pen. These rocks are very pretty. They have like, there's a, there's a quartz, there's a tiger's eye. I think this is a, I used to go to the nature company all the time and I would get stuff like this. I would, I would collect rocks that I bought a store. You don't understand.

I would collect, like, I would buy these, like, I would buy these, like, You know what the nature company is? No. It was a store that was at the mall and you would like buy rocks or magnets or like little stupid compasses. It's a place where like kids can go in and like their parents will buy them a little thing. It's five bucks to shut them up.

But I got some really purple rocks. I think they have rain sticks. You know what a rain stick is? You would like tilt. Oh yeah. Yeah. All that kind of stuff. Rain sticks are fun.

Um. A rain stick pen. that'd be great that could be good that could be really good actually so i i don't i mean look people can see you're acting like you you think we have new technology on this show and you don't think people can see this but i i purposely did a close up and you can't see the bottom of the pen but you can see the rocks people know how full of it you are these are these are pretty rocks half of these some of the rocks are pretty yeah most of these look like dirty rocks that you would find on the Jersey shore.

Why do you hate everything I try to love? What is this? This is what I have. This is what happens when I stage in intervention. It's a good point. I'm really good at not being intervened on. I agree with that. Moving on.

I'm keeping the pen. Okay. So you just have to adapt to a life with a pen full of rocks. Moving on. What do we got going on this week? What do we have going on? We have, there was the Emmys last week, right? Yeah.

What happened at the Emmys? As far as I know, only like two things happen at the Emmys, and they're the things that you've shown me, very out of context. Right. But, you know, the whole, there was the whole Jimmy Kimmel thing. Well, Jimmy Kimmel is in trouble because he laid on the ground while the woman who created Abbott Elementary was getting her Emmy. Quinta Bronson.

Quintor Bronson. I'll take you, okay. I mean, I'm sure it's a good show. I hope I'm right about that. I hope so too. Otherwise, 7-Eleven's going to put his out of business. Yeah. And he will.

7-Eleven also owns the rights to Quinta Brown. Look, they couldn't get. I don't mean, look, far be from me to say that, no, I'm not even going to go there. They don't. They do that. Anyway. But they, but they, whatever. Point is, who dragged him onto the stage?

Willorn that? yeah okay what is willan end up to isn't he like doing a show where he will build legos we watched a little bit of that show yeah he um he uh it really looks like they they just keep him like locked in a basement cage sure between episodes of the show i mean he that he whatever what was the gimmick um so the gimmick was i mean we get they was the gimmick that like willanette was like i'm gonna I hate black Will Arnett hates black people so much that he's just going to drag a white guy

into the middle of his speech Is that what people are saying? People seem to be mad at Jimmy Kim on him I do look I think obviously This will show Again it's Will Arnett talking Will Arnett is saying that this will show

The black people What I think And by dragging Jimmy Kimmel And it's like You know stick that You pipe and smoke it or something He was basically saying, you will not replace us. Oh, he's a really one of those guys.

Yeah. He's a great. He's a, he's a, he's a, he's, was he, was he at Charlottesville? Probably, probably led Charlottesville. I don't think that's true. I, I, I, I, I, I don't think, I don't think that will Arnett. I watched some of the footage and I didn't see him there. I think he was busy doing arrest of development season five or whatever.

Yeah, and Murderville. Murderville was, it was all right. I like Murderville. You know what? I like Murderville and I don't think that Will Arnett is a horrible bigot. I don't either. Yeah. I don't know what he's not, but I don't think he is.

So why is everyone mad? I don't know why no one's mad. Actually, but it is, it's weird. It's weird that nobody's mad at Will Arnette, but people are mad at Jimmy Kim. Well, because Jimmy Kimmel is not paralyzed. So he could have stopped himself from being dragged. He was definitely complete. I mean, are you under the impression that like Will Ornette dragged him against his will

in the middle of speech. I think, okay, here's what I think happened. I think, you know what, theory. Yeah. Will Arnette set Jimmy Kimmel up. I think that Will Arnett at some point, like as Quinn of Bronson was taking the statue, yeah, was responsible for dragging Jimmy Kimmel back off the stage.

I think he didn't do it. And he just left him there to look dead and racist. Oh, because Jimmy Kimmel was sticking to the bit. Yeah. Yeah, good point. So Will Arnette. Who do you think is going to win this fight? People who are against racism or Willardette?

Who's going to win? To me, it seems like a dead heap. I'm not sure. You know, it's like Willowna, he was, he's got some great charisma. Oh, yeah. And a deep, a deep, a deep, a deep, a deep, a deep, what's that? Wait, hold on further. Wow.

Wow. All right. Belargan has a deep voice. I was, okay, I was going to take issue with, like, you know, just your, oh, yeah, which is like a little, like a little much. And then you go, and then I see saying deep voice. I don't know if you were going to say voice. You start saying deep sugary something. Yeah.

A deep sugary voice is what I was going to say. That's not, that's, I don't like this. I'm getting another pen. I'm buying another pen and we'll see, you know, we'll fight about it. Yeah, anyway, so Emmys The Avin Elementary won some awards, huh? Good for them. Lots of awards, yeah.

The Succession win, Annie? I don't know. People say it did. I don't really care. One day I'd like to get an Emmy for this show, which is not on TV. But until I do, I won't really care. Speaking of controversy surrounding race and other people are racist or not, there's another thing right yes this is this is new there is a uh oh cue this bag up to the

it's a new thing there's a new thing out there it is you've heard of these re these live action disney remakes oh yeah these uh well what they have they had the lion king they had uh batman no the lego movie what they what's what is what i'm thinking of Mulan. Mulan, Aladdin. Are any of these well-received? A lot of them seem poorly received. I think the only one that did an absolutely bomb was Mulan.

Oh, really? I think that was the only one people kind of like. I don't know. Maybe. Doesn't matter. Point is, there's a new one. And it's, I never thought the Little Mermaid was a racially divisive story, but Disney found a way to do that. So there's this, uh, has this work.

Okay. We're gonna, this here is the footage of the, oh, let's bring us up. Of a little mermaid trailer. This is the little mermaid trailer. Now, uh, right, you can see, there's oceans. And you're hearing kind of a little melody of part of the, there's a melody, I don't know, it's copyrighted, but part of their world. Sure.

Right. It's turtles. Uh, it's more water. this is a very busy ocean it's too much stuff going on there should be more blue space in this ocean little gosh and then here's a mermaid oh here's a mermaid everyone knows and loves and what what's going to happen is she is she non-binary is she um is she is she some kind of you know religious zealot on the other uh wait or waiting for it i'm like a radio jock trying to hit the post here and uh it turns out she's black and people are are

People are actually upset or is it just like, or is this just a thing? I like how you're trying to. Here we go, pause it on. I feel like you're trying to enter the headspace of like a white racist viewing this in a way, like where it's like somebody going, oh, what's this? Oh, I'm seeing her tail. Oh, look at that beautiful tuft of red hair that just flew through the ocean. And then she emerges and they go, holy shit.

Oh, no, it's a pretty black woman. Yeah, look. Yeah, I mean. I don't think, like, look, I don't think everyone, some people complain a lot about this. As far as you know, are people actually complaining? Okay, so, yeah, I was going to say, like, it's one of those things where, for all I know they are. Wait, if they get a lot of, this. This is how I picture with Disney going, wait till they get a load of this.

We're going to do something that no one asked for. We're going to make a live action version of that stupid. Well, I liked it when it came out. Cartoon with the talking crab and the talking flounder and the seagull. And we're going to do it all on live action. And we're going to shove it right in their face. And she's black. And it's just, it's going to cause a stink.

It's going to be like Last Temptation of Christ. People are going to protest. and then it's just going to be like they're trying to make it socially relevant so like the minute so as soon as she like emerges from the ocean yeah and the Prince Caesar he just starts shooting at her

right what oh the cop like it's still like a white prince but he's just really racist wow that's we don't know that we don't know I don't mind that you're a fish

look I don't know This country club is whites only. I don't know that that's... I can't say it's not the plot of the movie. Yeah. I mean, I'd be very surprised, but, um... Uh, well, I guess when he meets her, she isn't a fish, too. She's a, she has legs and everything because she's lost her voice.

Oh, right. So, what does the plot? Remind everyone what the plot of Little Mermaid is. Um, you have a little mermaid. And her father is basically king of the Mermaids. Right. And, uh, you know, know, and she meets this octopus woman named Ursula, who's the best part of the story.

Sure. And she offers to... What's that song? She says, I just want to be king. I can't make to be king. Right? Oh. I believe that's from a different feature, but...

Okay. But she offers her to give her legs and, like, you know, basically make her look like a human being. and let her breathe on land in exchange for her voice. And so then she goes on land and she meets the prince. But she's got no voice. I don't want to speak at a school here. I don't want to be the guy who's just like minimizing people inadvertently. But is like the little mermaid, like an icon, iconic film for the trans community.

Well. Because it's a transformation. I don't mean like, I don't mean they're literally fish or they're not human. But like, you know, whatever she, but she like, she like, she like, she, like, she, like, she, like, little certain thing. She's like, I'm really a mermaid, but now I'm a person.

You know, there's got to be something there you can latch on to. I mean, to be inspired by. You might have something there because I actually have heard that Ursula was kind of

based on, I'm forgetting her name, but, oh, Divine, that Ursula was based on Divine who was like. From the, what's his name? From John Waters' movies. Right.

With a hairspray or? Hair spray. Yeah, I think she was in Pink Flamingo. Right, Pink Flamingos. Yeah. um cool uh again my so who knows it might be it's a dirty five year old cartoon a dirty old cartoon i don't like i wish i i i wish we a girl of trans we can you can see already in the episode we've got new technology we're utilizing and the next step of our revolution is going to be

having to like get angry about these things more i guess because this show is going to start making money so we got to figure out how this makes us angry about this stupid cartoon made by a corporation that has a checker passed, in my opinion. But they're also very litigious, so I say it's my opinion. Yeah. And, uh, God, man. Yeah. Imagine Disney suing us.

But whatever. This is all about getting sued. I mean, his website, episode, whatever. Point is, uh, I'm going to, I want to vomit. I want to vomit. Or this is amazing. Yeah, or honestly even... This is empowering to people.

Children of color can look at this and say, I can be a fish. And then give it all the way to not be a fish. And then for a man. Right. It's like, it's like, isn't there a, isn't she like an awful female character? The Little Mermaid? Yes. well no

A little mermaid is brave No she isn't she like For a man Agrees to have her fucking vocal cords cut out Well I think that's more If I remember correctly By a seagull who talks But it might not be the seagull

Maybe it was the crab The crab Or is Ursula do it No Ursula is the one who takes her voice Oh she steals it? No no she trades it Right For legs

So she trades an octopus her whole voice to an octopus so that she can like hook up with some like you know ditsy prince well i think it's also she wants to she wants she's an anthropologist of sorts she wants to explore the land and see how people live i don't think she really did that did she no i mean she spends most of the time trying to try to suck that prince's dick yeah but uh but you know she could have She could have been an apropologist. If we had a daughter. If the times were different.

If we had a daughter, I would say, look, first of all, I would say, stop going to 7-Eleven on Tuesday nights and 2 a.m. Please, I don't care what your mother did. It's a more dangerous time now. Second of all, don't watch this mermaid crap. I know it's empowering the black people, but it's also not empowering to women. You know?

That's what we're, I think we're out of it. You cut a fine cord there. I think we're at an interesting cultural impasse now because I think it's good. I think there's a lot of black people in media now, but more than they used to be, right? And we're finally at a point now where black people can be probably, it's problematic, you know, like they can, it's also problematic portrayals. Right. I guess it's always been that. But I mean.

Well, here's, here's what, here's what, here's what makes me angry about this. Not really, but... No, get angry. Don't bury the lead. But there is like this consistent, just kind of erasing of stuff that's happened before. To me, the best, the best Disney princess,

possibly ever. But definitely one of the first like black Disney princesses. Yeah. Brandy Cinderella. Brandy Cinderella. We have us, we're going to bring this up here. Okay, so. Brandy Cinderella was phenomenal.

I loved Brandy Cinderella. I've never seen this. I watched it multiple times as a kid. So we got Brandy here. We got a... Winnie Houston? I mean, she was great pipes. Very godmother.

I don't mean the crack pipes. I mean, Rubble cords. Was that hacky? Sorry. It happened natural. I didn't set this up. I'm sorry.

Jason Alexander. Well, that's the thing. It had a great black cast and it also had and Jason Alexander and it had some great whites in it too Jason Alexander was very good You got I think that's Bernadette Peters So this movie was made in what like 2020, 2020 21 something yeah No it wasn't it? No it wasn't impossible she used to have been dead for decades, right? Oh, right I was making it I was no it has not I was making a point that no this movie was made 20 years ago years ago.

Yeah. In the 90s, maybe? Right. Yeah. Yes. In the swing of 90s. I was setting you up for a swing and he just punched the bowl. Anyway, you like this, this thing.

To me, this is what we should strive for. Because also, Brandy was actually famous, or I don't know who there's other. Hugely famous. Yeah. Choose the boy as my girl, which we can't sing because that would be copyright restriction. Mm. And none of the race has made any sense. And I love that about it, actually.

Yeah. It was, it was a Whoopi Goldberg and this white guy whose name I always forget. And their son was Asian. Yeah. And he was the prince. Look, it's like, I get that like people get upset about that. It's like, I don't, look, I don't think everything should be, have to be, like, I don't think every white character should have to be swapped out.

No. I think there's, you know, I think they overdo it in general. And they just do, you know, but I have to, I had no problem when like, you know, same old Jackson was, was, was, was, was with Nick Fury. Right. You know, Samo Jackson's awesome Yeah, put them in there, sure It's a great fit

I don't care Like I just Elvis Bond Sure, why not Springer Bell's Bond, cool Like, you know I don't know what my point is Oh, but some people get upset Because like oh but like

Why is her mother and father white And she's black Which I don't know in this movie That's the case, who cares And I say There's a talking duck in this movie There's a seagull Who possesses

is sentience, who can problem solve like a velocirapture, right? Like, I don't care. These are dumb things. No, yeah. I also think you're empowering for the same reason. Like, I don't think children should be empowered by a movie where crab spoke. And like, and a crab and a flounder are best friends. And flounder is just named flounder, the laziest name in the world.

It's a dumb character. Yeah, there's a. Yeah, that's the thing. Like, it's like, I think maybe that's partially subconsciously, unless they are just purely racist, which is possible. Sure. Like, it's like, I feel like they are kind of responding to you. There's this weird dedication to realism in the trailers. Right.

Like where it's like all the graphics are like so crazy good. Yeah. And grounded. Wasn't everything in the Lion King where like this is the moment, like, I throw a meme where like the moment Simba's dad dies. He's just like, duh. Oh, oh, because he's an animal. Right. animals are faces that make like emotional things typically yeah i mean you might see a spider like a

jumping spider and think it's cute but it's just a dumb creature with big eyes this is another place where brandy cinderella excels yeah because the entire because that's how a live action i think disney film should work it's camp nothing really looks real like it looks like an elaborate high school play like it looks like someone's you know trying to buy like ecstasy and you know right off stage um yeah i don't know who who's who's the guy there that guy looks familiar in the

we'll bring this back up who's that guy next to brandy who's the prince um i forget i forget who that is a man of agent descent yeah correct he looks he could be somebody i don't know but i don't want to get the who cares again um does does this the movie

where the tape the silverware talks No, that's Beauty and the Beast. That also had a live action remake. Beauty, right, with the girl from Harry Potter, who wasn't a turf or whatever. Yeah. Right. Emma Watson. The other girl was the one who wrote it, woman, I guess.

It's not just that like she's a woman. It's just like, what, a 60-year-old woman? That girl who wrote the Harry Potter books. I'm not apologizing for that We also have here There's other What is this? I found this

Inadvertently This is the Pinocchio Thing Who is that? I don't know I thought I was showing you before the show This clip

This is from the Pinocchio trailer And I thought it was Tinkerbell But then you informed me That Tinkerbell is Not part of Pinocchio Tinkerbell's from Peter Pan Right. This maybe is this, is this, uh...

I don't know. But I was gonna do a gotcha and say, well, we already had a black tinkerbell and no one was mad, but apparently not. So I just, it was a, it was a moment of being an idiot, I guess, or not knowing Disney. Mm-hmm.

That's one that, I just thought it was, you know, word, it's still a character. Yeah. Whatever, no one got mad about this. This movie once straight to DVD, I guess, or Disney Plus. But whatever. Again, I can't keep track of,

of every Disney movie you know I can't keep like I can't be like oh they're remaking they're doing a live action um as it's work I was what I was watching this YouTuber who is like uh talking about he's one of these folks who like he doesn't he didn't seem particularly racist to me or anything we were we're all looking for beefs by the way YouTube beefs yeah we're open to suggestions very open we're very into the idea of of just uh yeah but uh this guy was so invested in the mermaid trailer and going like and just going like this looks like it sucks it's terrible and just for the record like you know like a lot of people they didn't

have issues we didn't have this is like a this is like a 40 year old man going like we didn't know we didn't have issues with moana we had no issue with that like i would love to see When Milana tried to fight the Zeng, the Ting Dynasty, I had no problem. I had a little, I took a little umbrance with the idea of with the portrayal of the Trebuchets when they were scaling. I mean, were there trebushes in Milan? Do you know what Trebusier is? No. It's like a giant, you might call it a catapult.

It's the thing that shoots. Oh, right. Yes. Yeah. I did know that at some point. I had an issue with the Trebushes. I thought she was a fine young woman. Fine princess.

We love Muana. It was just like we love Moana. I would love to see more Disney films. Milana. I think you said Mulan. Moana, yeah. What's Moana?

About. The Hawaiian one with the with with Lee. That's Lilo and Stitch, right? Yeah, that was a. Why? Some, some culture, island culture. Okay. But, uh, but, that seems very.

Look, it's amazing. This is an important. Powering movie. Look, I picture you with the, the PR, like, exact for like this thing or like, and then you have the like,

whatever the version of the up front are for like, whatever you have like the press conference. You're like, uh, continuing the tradition of, of cultural, uh, what,

what would be? Awareness. Awareness and just embracing cultures. We have Bwana, which is, uh, um, uplifting and power and story about some island

culture. I'm told it's an island culture, which just sounds very cute. It sounds like a very cute culture. Right? It's very charming. Some island. I don't know.

It's one of those island things. I think it's very important that we, you know, we highlights the internal stories of these, of whatever island we're talking about. These randos. Anyway. But this guy was also like, he was like, he was like, I would love, he was like, I would love to see more Disney films that are about, you know, African folklore and stuff. It's just like, you're 40, you're 40. I don't need to see a Disney film about anything.

Now, you say to me, oh, but Disney bought Marvel. Well, they're all bad now. Marvel's terrible. Yeah. But also, whatever. We're talking about, no one's talking about the fact that they own TriStar and. entertainment and like in the and like et whatever was who knows you know that your trice entertainment was yeah yeah i remember try star wasn't that disney i believe it was owned by

disney there's other things owned by disney we're talking about people who like micky mouse and goofy and and and these things and uh you know i talk about like duct tales but i don't sit around watching duck tales i'll be like i remember that that show as a kid that was a fun show duct tales but i don't like sit around going like, babe, let's smoke some, you know, mescaline and watch season two of ducktails. No, I say let's watch Gilmore Girls or, you know, let's watch Cobra Kai, things that adults watch.

So whatever. The point is, who is this point? That's a good point. I'm like scolding this guy. It's like, you're 40, stop watching Disney princess movies and start watching Cobra Kai. I mean, that's back. Do we, do we know anyone on Cobra Cye?

We don't, right? We don't know anyone in the entertainment business, really. No. I don't know what I'm specifying a certain show. Do we? Are we friends with Ralph Machio? I can't remember. Is Ralph Macho hanging out of 7-Elevens on Tuesday night at 2 a.m.?

We didn't finish the new season. It's whatever. You talk about it. I can't bring me. I don't know why I brought it up. I have nothing to say. I continue to watch it. Well, I run out of the gym.

Should we be surprised that Cobra Kai, the show that was made as a, I don't know, continuation of the karate trilogy from the 80s, didn't stay good. Is that surprising in the day and age? I mean, after January 6th, no matter what side of it, you were on, after, you know, what else happened to floods? There's floods somewhere, right? after those floods and after that island culture had that problem

whatever it was should we be surprised that Cobra Kai is getting a little derivative and the writing's not sharp it shouldn't come as a shock but it does and even though the last two seasons

I weren't watchable to me even though I did watch them because we were on an airplane what is our life why is this our life why can't we just not watch these things. I don't know. We should really go to a doctor or perhaps some other thing. What are doctors who aren't doctors? Like a psychiatrist? Baby. What hole are we trying

to fill by watching Cobra Cuy? Maybe we should just get really into crystals. Like Marianne, what's your name? Williamson. Marion Williamson. Can you bring up a picture of Aaron Williamson with a Crystals? Just Google that for me. Marianne Williamson with crystals. I said, I did that, sorry. She was a candidate in the Democratic primaries, right? Yes. And she was anti-war.

She was anti-a-a-law. She was good. Did you write with crystals? Oh. Right with crystals. I don't want her at a debate. I will, because the thing is, she sounds very reasonable. And then, you know, the problem is, you don't.

All of these are Photoshop. I don't think she does P. I don't think she does photo apps with crystals. Just bring her a picture over then. We can show the people so they know. Find a nice picture. But she, apparently she's into crystals.

This is her. This is Marianne Williamson. Here we go. Next to a Smokey the Bear ad, I guess. So can she help us? Can this woman help us? With what? Not watching garbage TV and, you know, not hating our lives.

She does seem like a pretty happy person. She doesn't seem like she would watch Cobra Kai on a Wednesday night. No, I don't think she would. I think she would read a book about crystals. Look, look, I could stand to know a few more things about crystals. I've got a pen full of these, you know. Yeah, that's true. Look at this pen I have.

Look, I'll bring it back up. This pen, you can see in some of this, there's things that look like crystals. Yeah, a little bit. I'm not better than Mary Ann Williams is my point. You are one step removed. I really should think about changing my life. What would crystals do for me? Some people say, look, I think that the claims about them range from that they elevate your mood to that they cure

cancer. Google Benefits of Crystals. I want to see what this is. I want to know everything. What we got. What crystals can do for your health. Yeah, but I want to hear about this. Crystals are pretty mystical and they capture the imagination.

Okay. I feel like we're, I already feel like we're in good hands on this article. I'm intrigued. I mean, what do I have to do? I shove it at my ass. They just might be the one most popular trend in alternative medicine. All right, crystal history, crystal lore,

whatever. I think like baseball players have crystals around their necks. A lot of them. Oh, sorry. Like baseball players. Yeah. Like picture Yohan Sespas.

Is that his name, Yohan? Yeah, Cespitas. Whatever his name was. Don Madgley. Joe DiMaggio. Just name of baseball players. A-Rod. Crystals.

I think Derek Jeter might have had a crystal. Really? I think it was... Well... I'm saying, how does it work, though? So... Like, when someone comes up to me and says, like, hey, like, you know, they try to rape me or something. Do I, like, use the crystals as a weapon?

Like, how does this work? So, okay, so the first thing they list is something I could help with is mental health disorders. Okay. So what happens? Crystals are sometimes called on to support mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. So he waved the crystal of me and says, don't tell anyone I reaped you. And that's, like, you know, how does it help me? They have this, look, they have this sentence.

And then there's this big, great out area that just says there is no scientific proof that crystals have any significant effect on energy, emotions, or mental health. I am done with proof. I am done with evidence. I am done with all this stuff. I didn't spend three years inside to care about proof, okay? I want experiences. And I want, you know, I don't care if it's a crystal that I put inside me. If it's a crystal I use as some kind of like, how do I use it to meet women, for instance?

I have you. But, you know, and I love you. We're getting married. But like, if I want, if I was a younger man, how would he use a crystal to meet a woman? I would not use it as a weapon. I'm going to just make that very clear. I mean, you could use the crystal. If you used a crystal as part of like a magic trick.

Interesting. What? Like a magic trick from magic tricks to pick up chicks. Okay. Which is a book I've been reading. Wait, what? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this true?

I, look, you were away one day. And I decided. that I was going to try and learn a couple of magic tricks. And I was looking on the internet for little basic magic tricks that you could use. And in searching YouTube videos, I came across a YouTube video by the author of magic tricks to pick up chicks. And it seemed like the tricks he was doing were kind of cool. And so. Andrew Tate?

So I bought a Kindle, I bought a Kindle copy of Magic tricks to pick up chicks. okay and uh you haven't shown me how long ago is this this was like a couple of weeks ago and you haven't shown me one trick well i haven't mastered any of them yet i want them to be down solid i don't want there to be any chance that i'll reveal the card tricks are they coin tricks what are they mostly coin tricks okay so far it seems like coin tricks are where they recommend you start i don't want to be a negative influence in your life i don't want to be a guy who says no i don't want to be a they say her but you're an accomplished woman with many talents that you utilize professionally right you're not some ditsy person who like does one thing no you have talent right and multiple talents

you're telling me you couldn't learn a single coin trick in weeks it takes a lot of dexterity to do it perfectly i don't mean i could get it i could do it for you and it would be like 80% like 80% chance it it thrills and impresses you but there's a 20% chance that that something goes wrong and I reveal the trick which I would never want to do when performing a magic trick for someone I think about it this way all right think of this way think of my point of view you come up to me there's two scenarios you one scenarios you come up to me and go hey I got surprised to you I want to show you something it's a little it's not perfect but I want to show you and you and you show me this magic trick there's a few kinks and you go yeah I'm

I've been working on this for a few days. I go, oh, okay, it's pretty cool. Keep it, keep out of it. And, like, yeah, I'm not as impressed as it could be, right? Scenario, too, you come up and you show me a pretty flawlessly executed coin trick. And you tell me, I'm like, wow. And you go, yeah, I've been working on it for eight months. I'm not telling you about it.

How am I supposed to react to that? That you've been secretly toiling in the bathroom. practicing coin tricks for months for months on end what am I supposed to take away from that the deception the dishonesty the weirdness of it all how am I supposed to come back from that thank God just came up randomly on the show oh it's like that would have been a traumatizing event for me to be honest with you when I brought it up it'd be like having an affair Not as bad, but like, I'd be as blindsided, but not, but it wouldn't be, it would just be like, oh, that's weird, but like, but that initial, like, sudden, what else don't I know would go through my head? If you, if you, if you, imagine you just call off our engagement because I've been cheating on you with in-cell magic.

But just doing that. What happened? She betrayed me. I found out she's been going 7-Eleven on Tuesday nights, 2 a.m. Every week, just practicing magic, eating cheeseburger big bites. What was that coach for? Nothing. She didn't eating cheeseburger big bites and doing coin tricks.

Well, look, the reality is I lost, I got distracted from practicing the coin trick. I was practicing pretty early on. And then I just started reading magic tricks to pick up chicks. And do. Is that like Playboy for the articles? Like, what are you talking about? And looking at all the different tricks in it. And I got to say some of them are really cool,

but totally not the kind of thing you want to do when you're trying to pick up a girl. Like some of these tricks are crazy because like there are some of them are like these elaborate like tricks that require, like he does this one levitation trick. Yeah. That requires a contraption that's basically like a knife that's tied.

around your wrist. So it's like, so. I guess it's doing double duty for the guy. Imagine doing this levitation trick for a girl. She goes like, oh my God, that's so cool. And you bring her home and take off your, and you're about to make love. And you take off your shirt and there's a knife bound to your wrist. No, it would be weird.

Do you, let me ask you a question, though. Count me a point of order, I guess I'd say. Do you see yourself having that trick done to you And being so turned on That you go home with him and bed him that night No Okay well it seems like you that that's the implication of your statement Well I'm saying I say as a man I would be like

This is a way to get numbers She's never gonna see the knife on the mine But you're like screw this I have to I have to be you have to be inside You have to be inside me you have to be inside me Get in the car that's amazing get in the car

that coin trick what is it like the corner's here oh you have dirty ears look at what I found your ear get in the car we're going to my house but I'm just saying

that's the best case scenario that this book is clearly selling I think look and it's planned for these guys is to have weapons planted on their body it's not great to be fair I don't think anyone

but you envisioned that it was an immediate like let's have sex I do see the weirdness of it And like And the potential risk of like To me it's more like What if the guy is not that girl

I'm writing a book And now this yutz Forgetts to tie the knife down And he just cuts this woman's throat That's more what I see But you know Look I mean I can't fix every problem in the world That's great

So you're gonna be a magician now Oh look it's it was a flight of fancy Very fancy Top hat get it interesting well thanks so much for tuning everyone this has been great you have anything you want to say or talk

you're going to plug your magic website um read magic tricks if you want to learn magic i wouldn't recommend it for me i don't want to show endorsing the book look i'm just saying you have another single trick yet everything in its right place i wouldn't use it to pick up chicks but if you just want to learn magic magic tricks to pick up chicks has some interesting tricks well there's a great endorsement by someone who doesn't know magic

So it's obviously a great book. Check out our Patreon. It's the company show Patreon. It's an extra episode every month for five bucks a month. But I think it's a pretty fair deal. That's a good deal, honestly, a great deal. And, you know, links in the description. Go check that out.

You know, like and subscribe. Follow us on social media. Have a great week. Okay. Enjoy. Thank you.