Kump - 125 - Elon Peterson's Butter Board

Episode Date: October 2, 2022

Ray and Lucie discuss Jordan Peterson's latest cry, Tik Tock's new Butter Board trend, Elon Musk's text dump, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Hello and welcome to come. Hello. What a spicy new intro. You like the intro? Yeah. It's exciting, right? It's a little collection of some of our greatest get. visual gags um what do you what do you what do you what do you think of the choices should they

have included um well i think i i i encourage the choice of brittkin yeah and uh and you also had some finance boy in there it was a finance boy i would like something where i'm like hang gliding or like spulunking or doing something more you know i feel like it's just to be talking a lot and you talking a lot did you be something where i'm fighting off like an assailant you know like we're just someone who's like trying to harm us and i'm stopping it whether it's real or not i mean like we make our own truth now this is this is post uh post fact america where i could just when we have the equipment now i could we could hire a guy uh as an actor to dress up in like you know in a in a what did you call the clip spicy the intro we'll have

wear a spicy pair of panty hose and try to, you know, break in the apartment. And I'm, I'm just like, you know, putting a, like, my, my mouth, you know. I was thinking, just get away. There'll be a mess in here. I was thinking. Get away. There'll be a mess in here. There should be.

When you get in here, there'll be a mess for you to find. If you don't stop knocking in the door. There should be at least one image of you wielding a hammer. Yeah. Well, there was a story about a woman who, uh, We'll get to that in a minute. I don't think we put that in the rundown, but there was a hammer story.

You know, we'll come to that in a minute. Before we move on, I want to remind everyone to subscribe to the show, right? It helps the show. It helps you. You'll be a better person. You'll be, you'll impress your kids. Your kids will want to know who you are.

They won't be sitting there going like, you know, I know you're like, you raised me. But I was thinking about, like, you know, getting into, like, a real estate scam where I, like, leverage your house, right? Where I, like, take your mortgage and I get to do a reverse mortgage. You know what reverse mortgages? Yeah. It's, they usually use it to, like, defraud elderly people who are on the verge of dying. And, but, you know, if you, like, you know, it's the kind of thing that, like, kids do to their parents.

Right. Don't be one of those parents, you know, subscribe to the show. you kids don't know don't care who you are right now stay relevant in their eyes and in their minds there was a hammer story a hammer story

there was some kind of hammer story regarding I don't know the woman had killed her landlord really yes with a hammer with a hammer I don't know the details of

can you can you try to Google that real quick woman hammer landlord this is you know you said hammered just for all this to all the light and the light so what's going on here woman kills ex-landlord with hammer after he confronted her about forged checks yeah that's a look if you got someone forged checks on you it's probably always risky to confront them about best to just do nothing and take the loss uh because Because someone who's forging checks, they're like a rat. You know, they'll just, you know, it could have been a hammer.

It could have been a ball of cheese. I guess the ball of cheese wouldn't have hurt you, though. A cheese, a razor blades in the cheese. A little rat, like, chewing on a piece of cheese. That's the thing. If you're like a rat, if you're a rat check forger, having a big ball of cheese with like a razor blades hidden in it, it's perfect because you can be gnawing on the cheese.

And then, you know, when they, when someone confronts you, about the checks you forged, you just, you know where the razor blades are. Right. Draw it at them. It's a weapon and food. Yeah.

But anyway, is there more of this story or we? I can read some of it. A Massachusetts woman allegedly beat her former landlord to death with a hammer. She looks kind of tiny too. I mean,

that's kind of impressive. Yeah. The hammer leverages gravity. Yeah. And wrapped his body in a curtain. Wow, this is a strong woman. Isn't it really hard to wrap up?

Well, he might have been a very small man. He might have been a little person or, you know, just short and frail. Sure. So she wrapped his body in a curtain after he found out she was forging checks in his name and had stolen over $40,000. Wow. Zhu Fangki, 43 of Newton, was arrested and arraigned on a murder charge Wednesday in connection with the death of her former landlord, Leonard Garber, 65. the middle sex uh so yeah it seems weird like i mean i guess the news has to do it but it seems weird for us to be saying their names i'm not blaming you it's more like why does the news like why do

some articles don't need names right why do i need their names like he's dead like you know make sure not to not to like you know forge checks in that neighborhood someone's already doing it yeah yeah just call her just call her uh hammer check hammer I don't care

hammer check I'm done with this enough exploiting people uh yeah no like this is a this is a death obviously we feel but don't don't say that because it's a YouTube algorithm

we'll pick up on you saying that I've been trying to avoid saying graphic things Why do you encourage us to start with a hammer murder story and just came up I'm just trying to get by This is the world we live in now It's just it's just constant like

You know How many minutes in are we talking about that? Right How many minutes in did you mention That you were Your uterus fell out Don't mention your uterus fell out They're not going to monetize you

You want your kids to eat? Your kids eat monetization all right that's how they live that's how they breathe there's not then you know and you know I can't say what they don't because it won't monetize I can't say that's how they die right they just did you know your kids have to look I wish we didn't have kids me too yeah well we're too since we're talking about this already yeah I feel like there was a time when a woman

who murdered this effectively would get a nickname. How is the Affleck duck going to be posted next to that? This woman, a woman was a very effective murderer. Affleck! I just feel like she would get a nickname at one point. Yeah, I understand. You know, it's like, it's like, you know,

what's a big massacre? The Maillai massacre? Right. Yeah. Speaking of the Myelai massacre, and just cuts till they go and like, you know, you like, come to the ground round. Come to the ground round. We got burgers and shakes.

Don't worry about what you just saw. We can't be held accountable. We're the ground round. We don't know what this fat idiot is saying. Sorry. Should we move on? No, it's fine. She would get him a nickname,

like the black widow or something. Well, yeah. Would she get a name? In the MCU? Or hammer. So you're saying this woman should be in the MCU? I mean, she might as well. The MCU or M-C-U, as some people say.

I don't think he's any longer very good. So maybe we should get criminals and put them into Marvel movies. That would be a fresh take. It would be a bold choice. Who's a recent criminal? Well, there was another guy who beheaded his landlord. Okay. It could just be a bunch of landlord killers.

He can be cat in America. I guess she can The Hammer Girl can be Well you're making a black widow Some fat guy can be the Hulk Some guy who like You know got fat and ate himself Into a coma

When you wake somebody could be the Hulk This is a new MCU It's just people who've hurt people If only themselves Yeah Yeah No something Isn't that thing with the Hulk

Where it's like I don't I'm never not angry whatever that's my secret that's my secret little potion I'm never nodded I'm always angry I'm always eating cake and just he's just eating like the worst cake he's eating like some like some like it's just like one of those like cakes that look like something

but it's just like a really like a strange child from like an old Christian cartoon you know it was tiny eyes and he's just eating that he's the Hulk Welcome to the show Moving on I guess

We went and saw a movie yesterday We did We went and saw this movie Not because well at least for me You pitched it as like it might be good for the show We can talk about it in the show Can we mentioned it recently We were talking about a couple episodes ago

This film This what was it This one Don't worry darling This is a film Starring Chris Pine and who got the girlwig directed it

Olivia Wilde directed it Olivia Wilde directed it And it's got a lot controversy going It's basically a Stefford Wives Whatever type of movie right? Yeah yeah definitely very in the vein of Stefford Wives very much

In the ripping off of Steppard Wives And ripping off of Blue Velvet in my opinion And not even really modernizing it Like the Stefford Wives is about the exact same time period Yeah. No, like make everything in the 50s. It's like the laziest. And it's not just, you know,

Greta Gerwig doing this. It's just like in general, uh, everyone likes to go to the 1950s and like make it like, oh, things are not what they seem. Yeah, no,

we were doing MK Ultra. Why don't you talk about that? Why don't you talk about, you know, Operation Paperclip. Not like, oh, the men make the women make meatloaf.

What a horror. Like, I'm not saying, saying, yeah, you shouldn't have to make meatloaf. Look, I'm sure I could be at a horror when you're forced to make meatloaf. Look. But it's... Horror?

It's problematic. I'm sure it wears on you. How bad is making meatloaf? You're putting your hand in meat and you're squeezing it. It's nice. Don't you like you? People like baking, right? I like baking.

People say baking is very therapeutic and calming. Yeah. Well, meatloaf. is just, you know, meat baking, right? You're kneading the meatloaf. Look, if you're a housewife in the 50s and you can't, like, that meatloat, needing that meatloaf is like the only calm you get in the day

when you're dumb kids or yelling about what's on cowboy bills show or like the girls like, you know, I want an easy bake heroin addict, whatever, easy-bake heroin. The girl's trying to go trans and you have to dopper. In the 50s, you would. Yeah. None of this let them, you know, whatever.

You know, that doesn't exist in the 50s. You know, something like it gets in the 50s? Angry Birds. What a hell. It's horrific. What he did is, I'm just saying it's just, like, let's include the fact that we were throwing soldiers into, like, you know, LSD trips and then they jumped off the Empire State Building.

Yeah. That's exciting. That's dynamic filmmaking. Yeah. Moving on from. this tirade. But this movie is, I got controversy because of one, Jordan Peterson. I know, we keep bringing them up.

He's a ubiquitous figure in America. Yeah, that's part two of the controversy. We talked about part one where she was kind of trying to play both sides of the fence with Shaila Buff and Florence Pugh. Right. She basically, she sold out Florence Pugh like a little rat. She threw her right under the bus. Because Shia LaBuff was like, you know, I don't know.

Hollywood just seems like a real. A real weird purgatory now. It doesn't seem funny. The rat pack's dead. Uh, you know, River Phoenix is dead. His brother's alive. You know, whatever. Cool.

Good. Yeah. I mean, I'm not, I want, yeah, I'm, I'm a happy for him. But, you know, what, I mean, it's just Olivia Wilde and Florence Pugh and, and what's his name, Shaila Buff? Harry Stiles. Harry Stiles. These people are all, what, what happened to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, uh, what's his name. to the guy from Terminator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger? Yeah. He was nice. He's still around. That was a movie star. That was, I look at Arnold Schwarzenegger ripping some guy,

some bikers clothes off and burning him on a griddle in the back of a bar. I can't do that, I said. I look at Harry Styles. Yeah, he's like better looking to me,

but I can do that. I can like do a little tap dance. You don't think that, that Florence Pugh and don't worry darling crushing an egg and realizing there's no yoke in it Don't spoil it. It's as exciting as Terminator. Every movie should be Terminator or very least Terminator too.

I would love to see Harry Stiles try to stop Arnold Schwarzenegger from biting his face. You know, that would be a movie. What happened to spectacle? Everything's in the MCU now. If you want to watch like, you know, two criminals, you know, like fight over a pineapple, You have to watch Marvel movies

Like a child You know I'm on adult movies Anyway But yeah He's a Chris Pines In this film also He's playing Jordan Peterson

Yeah Not literally But like But an unprecedented move Olivia a while Admitted She based his character On Jordan Peterson

This is a That's us I screw that up But it says Still Chris Pine This is him that's him that's her vision of jordan peterson it's uh he looks like a villain in like the

the the the rocketeer looks like he's on zeppelin right now he's just leading like he's leading the american like nazi party and a zeppelin war against the capital he looks like he's screaming about voting machines uh it's also it's so it's strange to me that she would uh would be so like forward about being like this guy as Jordan Peterson because in the movie he's like he's like the least eventful villain I've seen in any movie he does he does nothing yeah he's a big nothing he makes a speech and then that and that's it this movie's about I don't know what that like some should we should we not I don't spoil it right what I mean it just seems like people don't do that I guess not we would get we were getting troubled we told what if we just said

there will be spoilers it'll be spoilers it'll be a spoiler where you find out someone's an in-sell. This whole time someone's been an in-cell, and Jordan Peterson is just like, you know, it's just teaching him how to fucking clean his room. But, yeah, I mean, Olivia Wilde definitely overestimates how scary dancing is. There's a lot of scary dance scenes in this movie.

Yeah. Where it's like the Rockettes, but they have weird face paint on. Yeah, it's like Dumbo kind of when you fix that, like, LSD trip. Yeah. Interesting. I don't know I didn't think it resembled George it was kind of bugby the whole time but they knew she based on them usually don't say that you say no we're inspired by a bunch

of sources you know I actually based a lot of this on Alexander the great whatever you say stuff like that even though it's obviously a hit piece against what you view as in cells right I don't know if Pearson's really into she she claimed you that king of the in cells or something Right. Which I don't know if Jordan Peterson sitting around going like, now I remember the Beckies are the ones who won't have sex with you.

I don't know if he, I guess he's more of an insult than like Sylvia Plath was. But whatever. But the movie, I didn't think it was great. But there was some more, there was some controversy, right? There was some, it's in the news.

Yeah, well, it got back to Jordan Peterson. They told him. Who, you know, had an interesting response. to it. And if this was cynical, I got to hand it to him because, like, this is, I think this definitely makes him come off like better, but... Okay. What's watch some of this?

I have to. I want to ask you just quickly, the film director, Olivia Wilde, has a new movie out, which she says is based on you, this insane man, this pseudo intellectual hero to the in-cell community, insal being these weirdo, loner men. Is there anyone more useless than what's his name again?

Pierce Morgan? Pierce Morgan is such a moron. These are men who like steal apples. They're newsies. What is this? A weird old loner men. Okay. I mean, I guess that's true.

Yeah. I guess it is a loner move to drive a truck and do a crowd of people. Was that an insult thing? That was an insult. Yeah. These are men who don't have sex. Interesting. Who are despicable in many ways.

Is that you? Are you the intellectual hero to these people? Sure. Why not? You know? Well, I mean, look, this is, to be fair, this is a rhetorical over I've seen him use before, where it's like, do you worship at the dark Lord's feet?

Do you drink the blood of price of the enemies of Satan? Yeah. Sure. Why not? You know, if you're going to say that about me, what am I going to do? Deny it? Make any case against it? No. Make any attempt to defend myself in good faith.

I'm going to make you look like a dumb woman. People have been after me for a long time by, because I've been speaking to disaffected young men. You know, what a terrible thing to do that is. What are you saying to them? You give them condoms and cherry-covers? What is he doing? I thought the margin lies we're supposed to have a voice. It's making emotional.

How do you not, how do you go out of your way to make a satire of this man? Yeah. And your best thing you can do is have Chris Pine who's sitting there drinking an old-fashioned. Right. And doing a little shake, little dance. Yeah, like Chris Pine. dressed as a big band leader like yeah this guy's constantly sobbing on the air talking about how he's a he's a he's a voice he's a voice of sexless men and all you can do is have him just like you know

crisp stupid captain kirk yeah just like be vaguely bad like this sucks yeah like i was we were talking about this before too i was like this is such like jordan peterson regardless of what you think about him is such a distinct human being yeah and his like public image and it's like i've never seen like why there's no like as good s andl impression of him right like it doesn't make its way into like any kind of like good like specific cultural satire who do you think that's good who should have played him um in the annals of nestssson who would have been the best peterson i have a good idea in my head what's your idea kevin neelan oh yes i don't know you just have some gray hair on kevin neelan he's already almost

there or Chris Farley Chris Farley. I think it would be great. Except Chris Farley and like David Spade you could play his daughter. Yeah. I don't know. Is there more to this? Is it keep going crazier? I mean, you know

Let's see. Yeah, let's play it. Well, God, you know. What is it goes crazy? How demoralized people are and certainly many young men are in that category. And you get these casual insults, these in cells. What do they mean?

It's like, well, these men, they don't know how to make themselves attractive to women who are very picky and good for them. Women, like, be picky. That's your gift, man. Demand high standards from your men. Fair enough. But all these men who are alienated, it's like they're lonesome. He can't, like, he's kind of stuck in the middle

because he's always telling men to, like, get their act together. Right. And then he's like, and then basically with the insults is kind of like, well, the women are too picky. Yeah. It's like, no, why aren't these insults fighting dragons? Right. What's the, what would fighting the dragon look like today? It's almost like taking a disaffected young man who might be severely depressed and giving him as a sole piece of advice, slay the dragon, isn't actually going to make him less lonely or disaffected.

I think my mom's the dragon. I think of my mom's the trick. I mean, but what is he like? Oh. I think he does come off. I think one of his best like public talents and like public speaking is is being able to be vulnerable. Yeah.

Because it's like this makes Olivia Wilde look pretty bad, I think. Yeah. I mean, to who though? To anyone, I mean, does it matter? Who's actually admitting? Yeah, that's a good point. Like to who? Who besides?

us defends this man do we defend him i mean i feel like we mostly make fun of him yeah but look it's only so much i can do but i i'm not gonna let olivia wild take cheap shots of him and like call it like a great piece of filmmaking yeah it just feels like the kind like the thing that like an out of touch person would think about jordan peters like where it's like it's you just heard like little scraps in the news right and like and you're just trying to put together like a criticism of him right uh you know Jordan Peterson

shouldn't uh shouldn't uh shouldn't shouldn't invade louse yeah what to do and everyone piles abuse on them when she said that Olivia Wild it stung you didn't it

that's all by that time you know as far as as critiques go that was kind of low level I mean once I got painted as red skull you know magical super

well he's on the same he's on the same page he's gonna be in the MCU also he's gonna be fighting she's painting me as red that's his that's his go-to like that's his go-to tyrant

like red skull I guess he doesn't want to say when she painted me as Hitler yeah but uh super nazi that was kind of the end of the insults

there's no place past that. So when Olivia Wilde made those comments, the first thing I did was go look at the preview for a movie, which I quite liked. I thought I would go see that movie probably, and perhaps I will. It didn't really bother me.

What's he mean perhaps he will? Is that like, wouldn't he call himself a cuck for doing that? I guess it's his way of looking magnanimous. But it just looks weak. It looks like, I might still give it, I might still go because I have no self-respect.

Yeah. I cry on camera. I was just thinking cameraman must hate him. He just, like, he just swings his torso around. That's interesting, yeah. Yeah, I have to stay in his box here, see? And I can't, I can't do it. Well, I guess I could move more.

I talked about it right away, and we were able to respond to it with some degree of humor, which then people completely misunderstood. I said, I hope that, you know, that if I had to be played by someone, I think Chris Wilde, is that? Chris Wild. A man, and so that seems.

Wow. This is a stupid Pierce Morgan. Who is it? Chris Wild? Uh-huh. Yeah. That's it. Chris Wild plays you. Who's playing me?

Hemingway? Uh-huh. I think Charles Hemingway. Wait, wait, is it Charles? No, Ernest. But he's saying Charles. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. You know, and then I said something like, I hope he gets my, my, uh, fashion style choice right when he plays me. And it was a joke. All that was a joke. I mean, you've been so. control today. I think this is good, right?

Yeah. Yeah, we've milked this. This cat. We've milked this cat far enough. Look, we don't recommend it. No, it's a film. It was, it wasn't very good. I would love to see an MCU film that really, like, goes after Jordan Peterson.

Like, they make him, like, they make him a, like, a giant cat who has a, who has a sack. This giant, he's got this sack of, like, he's got this sack of, like, he's, he's a sack of, like, little pencils and cookies that he throws at men. Why don't you do some harm? Chaos. Give some chaos to the world. And he throws cookies after me. Why don't you hurt a woman, throw the cookies a cookie and a pencil?

Is he, would he be the main antagonist for the landlord slayers? Yes, yeah. They had to fight Jordan Peterson who's just giving pencils to the guys who hate women. he's a he's a little eraser as a treat you know these little prizes

and he's just he's just he's just motivating people because like don't tell me no one's going to do it for that people do people

people people do stuff for virtual tokens online they'll certainly hurt women for pencils something like that we don't need

a lot of CG in this movie the CG and these movies aren't good anymore yeah everyone talks about that so you get rid

the CG at the end of the day it's just good and easy So what if it's a pencil? It's a pencil and an eraser and a guy who hates women versus just violent criminals of hammers who've been deputized by the government. Why don't we should run Hollywood. Yeah.

Why don't we? I don't know because it's just not a fair world. Because we're lazy. Yeah, and also we're lazy. We just sit around eating torches all day, Mexican sandwiches. delicious Mexican sandwiches instead of trying to shape the industry. We had a sandwich recently. That was a, that was a Vietnamese pancake sandwich.

It was delicious. Yeah, it was with duck. I don't know. What are you going to say? Describe food in the show. I'm trying to explain why we don't rent Hollywood. I don't want people knowing by my secret sandwiches. Anyway, don't ever bring up a sandwich in the show that I eat.

I'll lose my friggin' mind. Moving on. Trevor Noah. Who's he? New host of the day. Well, now old host. Soon to be old host of the Daily Show. Oh, the one, the Kilbourne show.

Yeah, the show famously that was hosted by Craig Kilbourne. So what happens? This guy, Trevor Noah, he's from South, South Africa, originally. Yeah. And he just doesn't, he wants to get out of America again. I mean, I don't know. He might be sticking around in America. He's leaving the show after seven years.

I guess he doesn't have to leave. I don't know why he seems to be a pretty easy job. You sit there and make cheap shots at like, you know, Mitch McConnell. Which I'm like, again, I'm not defending Mr. McConnell. But, you know, you don't see me, don't see me spending a whole day going like, doesn't he look like a bug? Whatever. I've never watched this daily show, so I don't know.

But I assume that's what they do. So what's going on? Why is this man leaving? It was kind of vague, but I guess in his farewell address, he was saying that he wants to travel more and do different things and learn languages. Learn languages for what? I guess just because I guess it's just cool to know a different language. I guess it doesn't have to be any particular reason. So what, he can say, get this poor Creighton away from my cabana.

in in portuguese get this family away from my giant cooler on the beach where i keep all my giant hams i just picture i'm going to the poor countries eating giant hams like he's like he looks he's like a guy who like he was like i wanted to come to a poor country and like you know how like eskabar used to like and like mob guys used to go and like bring turkeys to people and thanksgiving right i want him to like go to the poor countries with like bags of turkey trucks of turkeys and then just like stop in like a village or a really poor village and another truck pulls up and he just he just he's just unloading the truck and putting the turkeys on another truck and then he drive away so when things are getting a nice turkey and then they get nothing that's how I picture this in there going down um are people upset that he's the people know the show is still on what is going on here um I mean I've I've seen uh I was looking at the YouTube comments underneath his video saying he was leaving and there did seem to be some people on there who like started watching the show with him as the host and uh i guess they they like him

but i you know oh okay i don't but what dude what what do you mean like are people upset i think they i think some people are upset no i mean there didn't seem to be an uproar does there no what are they the uproar about he can't voluntarily leave well when john stewart left i'm sorry i'm breaking a bit i do know who john stew i mean we went after him like a month ago isn't we on the show i don't think we went after i'm just saying we spent the whole episode i spent the whole episode like you know taking a shot at them i didn't think anytime we talk about anything you just you just remember it as us viciously going after i'm trying to get in the radio war with these people or youtube war you know this is old school we're trying we're trying to start fuse um anyway john

Stewart people when he left he was like this is an end of an hour this is the guy who invented politics or whatever they think he did he invented he invented he invented being a prick he just happy man you were really a kreg kilbourne loyalist i mean it was a there was a fun i mean i saw the Craig kilbourne daily show that the one year it was on i was like this is perfect and then they brought john stewart in the guy from big daddy but whatever but look that being says you know when he left people did seem to like that big daddy energy and like now no one seems to care about the Trevor Noah um yeah well the further you get away from adam sandler's orbit the less people care about you i think yeah Trevor Noah really should be in like the wedding singer

too straight to DVD where he just plays the uh i don't know the siebu shemi part who is stevie I mean, these are some drunk? Yeah. Yeah, just have Trevor Noah star and some happy Madison slop. Who cares? What is your greatest memory of the Trevor Noah Daily Show? Geez. I remember, oh, my biggest Trevor Noah Daily Show related memory is being on the subway

and seeing a big subway poster for the Daily Show with Trevor Noah. And it had a, it had a, it had featured a bunch of quotes from people who were from the John Stewart Classic Daily Show, like John Oliver and, you know, Sam B and all these folks. And it was funny because all of the quotes were stuff like, he has giant shoes to fill. This is going to be difficult for him. I give him all the support in the world, like really hope it works out. Like there was nothing that was just like hilarious, like instant hit, you know, it was like. I mean, was that the gag though, maybe? it wasn't I don't think it was explicit enough to be a gag

really like it was like it was just at what point you did not scrap the billboard idea it's like John Oliver's like I don't know I guess he's better than a walking corp you're like look we got to put something on the side of this bus the only people who are watching this show are people who go in your buses all right so we can't just not fill this space can you imagine

can you imagine watching a show when you weren't stuck on a bus. Yeah. They just pipe the show into a bus. Yeah. Imagine me home. It should be filmed on a bus. They should,

they should, he should be a bus. It should be hosted by a bus. It should be like Ben Bailey's cash cab, but instead you just get bad jokes. Instead of money. Do you have any, Trevor Noah,

a daily show memories? Um, trying to think. I'm trying to think if he ever, if he ever maced me on the street. Yeah. I don't remember. I don't think he did.

No, I have no memories. You've been maced by most political comedians, so that's... Yeah, most. I mean, look, usually I'm yelling something at them. I'm like, you're like nuance. Or like, you know, get the facts first. I'm shaking like a fruit of them. Like a cum quad or, you know, like a pineapple.

You know, I'm walking around with a menacing fruit shaking. Get out of the fruit. fact you're righting your mouth and like one of their guards usually bum rushes me and it's fine like whatever there's a new trend out

I want people to know about this I don't think we can stay silent there's a new TikTok is where the world is right that's kind of how the world operates whatever TikTok says that's a new trend like there's no more celebrities

there's no more everything's been flattened right no one cares what the who the president's having sex with or giving pills to you know it's not Camelot no one cares who's a hosting this night show it's all about TikTok and there's a new trend that you found what I didn't even know you go on TikTok by the way are you just screen the internet while I'm not looking well it was it was it looked up in my feed this new trend and And, you know, it caught my eye because I have a relationship with this food product that it involves. Well, that's, you're unique in that way. It's very uncommon.

I have a relationship with food. So this is the new trend. It is called butterboards. That is a whole stick of butter. Yeah. And it's smeared on a charcutory board. And it's surrounded by bread. And it's dressed with, like, stuff.

It looks like there's a little bit of honey here. There's a red onion. There's taking butter, putting it on a cutting board. Yeah. And then they're covering it with all sorts of junk. So it's just butter with, like, crap in it. I think it's great. Who?

All right, so, like, what kind of, first of all, is this whipped butter or unwipped? I guess it could be either one, but this looks like it might be unwipped. So who, what country is this taking place in? This is, this is the USA, basically. This happens here. Yeah. Do we have a video? We have a video, or let's look at this TikTok.

How does this work? Spiral food trend. And before someone gets all bent out of shape because of the large amount of butter on a board, just relax. It's meant to be shared just like you would a charcutory board. On mine, I added flaky salt,

lemon zest, crispy garlic that I sauteed in olive oil. So don't get out of hand here. I'm not eating all this butter. I'm sharing with my babies. My babies are eating something in this butter, aren't you? You know some woman's just getting dumped by some guy who, like, said he was into big women, but then, you know, so what's the problem here? I don't know you like big women, but like, you know, he meant like, you know, something else. He didn't mean someone who just eats butter, a cutting board full of butter straight to her face.

No, like this is delusional. Like, it's like, the idea that people aren't just going to be housing entire sticks of butter with this method is crazy. why not just eat it's already in a stick butter why not just eat the stick you're spreading it out you're putting paprika on it and you're calling it like charcutorie

this is gross it's a fun bougie way to enjoy bread and butter 10 out of 10 the viral butterboard but using plant-based butter I topped this one with flaky salt fizz nectarines marcona almonds and a drizzle of honey which you can omit if you're vegan I served it with crackers and it was super

wait vegans only honey that seems really dumb sorry vegans but like our bees really animals? I guess they think I've heard that like maybe like the process of making honey kills a lot of bees.

Bees a lot of McCauley Culkins and my girl. Also I think some vegans just don't that's true. I think a lot of like vegans just don't believe in stealing the fluids of animals. I mean that's the only thing to enjoy getting life. Yeah.

Super delicious but I'm a real butter girl through and through so I give it an 8 out of 10. Is that her on a Tinder profile? I'm a real butter girl, 10 out of 10. I mean, this girl, I mean, what does she post on her or on her, like, you know, anti-men forums? Like, I gotta know. Where is it, where is the current place

where women go to Kvetch about men? I think there's a bunch of different subreddits. And she's on, like, she's on like, R slash scoundrels. And she's saying, you know, this guy, I told I was up front on Bumble. I said, I'm a butter girl. And he must have, he said, like, later on, I found that he thought I meant, like, you know, some kind of, like, sexy thing.

Like, you know, ooh, I'm smooth like butter or, like, I'm sexy like butter. But no, I eat a lot of butter. I think about three tubs. My tubs, I just mean those little, you know, breakstone butters. I don't mean, like, a big giant tub. Just three of those things. Yeah. A day.

Sometimes I'll just take all. I'll melt down some just kind of like the kind of butter you get to put on your popcorn at a movie theater. Yeah. And I'll just put it in a bowl and eat it like soup. And, you know, I was very upfront with that. Right. But he, he rejected me. He said, and my ass smelled.

Can you believe that? He said, I'm sorry, but your ass stinks like rotten butter. Because I can't. And he was probably right, because I can't really keep things inside me anymore. It just slide out. down the bottom hole if you know what I mean ladies if you know what I'm hinting at

my bottom hole just leaked though I eat is butter with raisins mixed in we should maybe we I wonder if we could make that a TikTok trend just a butter soup like you know you just throw some

it's just melted butter you throw some lentils in there I want to do that's great I want to take that one step further I want to do like an impossible jokers. What was that show called? Impractical jokers. Yeah, that thing. There was something in the Nass style.

But like we get people who are on dialysis and we convince them that this is the new dialysis. It's just pumping butter into your inside you through your blood, right? And then like, you know, it's like, and they call them butter kidneys. And here's a twist. It's not a prank show. We just do it. And then we see what happens But we are filming it

Like they think it's a prank show And then and then you're like Wait, you're actually hooking this up Don't worry, don't worry, it's not actually And it's like, ah, what is that? Don't worry about it. Shut up. It's a live mic.

We're laughing you up for the interview. And then, but they were actually arguing We'll probably go to jail for this. Because they're going to actually, we're going to see, we're going to have cameras rolling as people who normally have dialysis get butter. and we see what happens

Jesus Again Why are we not working For the industry? I'll never know I can't sell Gillette razors Because I want to put butter Inside people

Against their will You're telling me I can't You're telling me The Gillette razor company Has a problem with that That's where they draw the line Hey can we lower the price Of this metal

These little bits of metal no they're 50 bucks each and if you try to shop if you'll behead you will be behind this glass and goes me me me you know

but no but but God forbid some some lunatic tries to like tell people to buy our product while shoving butter into people sick of him

I'm sick of the hypocrisy of Hollywood I can sell products Should we just start approaching potential advertisers And kind of like getting Start getting aggressive with them Aggressive how Hey Gillette Who do you?

I don't know who you think you're dealing with I mean I don't know I've never listened to your show I don't don't try and snowball me here Uh Here's a situation Would you like to tell me about your show And then we can decide if it's a good fit

We are We're an aggressive We have this new thing When we shove butter into people What wait Sorry shove butter into people Yeah it's a prank show But it's not

Well look we love prank shows I mean how does this butter prank So we tell it's a prank show But then we really put butter into them Dialysis victims Oh Jesus I mean you just you just Forcibly insert butter into people

Well we start it starts out Not forcefully It's just a prank show That goes wrong Does anyone I mean, has anyone gotten seriously injured? Yeah. I feel really bad.

What you want me to do about it? I'm like, Jesus Christ, I can't bring him back in the death. He's not Lazarus. He's some guy who ate buttered and threw his blood. I mean, did you not know that doing that was going to kill them? I wasn't sure. What hell are you? You, the right hand of God?

Get out of here. You make razors. Yeah, and he'll kill them to some of the erasers. Well, we invest heavily in it. What do we worry about monetizing? Oh, we're going to be getting monitored? Just attacking random brands. Look, Gillette invests heavily into anti-suicide messaging and advertising.

Because we know that sometimes people kill themselves. with raisers. Stop saying that. We can't eat my eyes on. It seems that your show, this butter dialysis show, has, you know, just intentionally done harm. Not so much intentionally.

It's just a little bit. We were hoping for the best. It just, it didn't, it didn't. We were hoping that, like, somehow it worked. Anyway. Can you just get us, can you just give us like 200, a week?

No, Jolette would get hammered if they advertise the show. I mean, do you have any family-friendly pranks that we could? What if we find bald people and we, and we glue rats to her head

with industrial glue? The kind of glue you use to put missiles back together. I don't know. Yeah, that could be kind of funny. We might put it in a ad there. All right, cool. It's going to kill people.

They're going to die. It'll melt through their skin. I don't know. Oh. I don't know what prank. I honestly don't know what pranks are. Yeah. Like,

what were the, I can't think of a single prank. What were the prank? Give me an example of a prank. Um, I guess a prank would be, you know, if you,

uh, let's say somebody is in a deli. Yeah. And, uh, they order a sandwich. Okay. And then the guy,

you know, gives them. Put a gun in their mouth. You go here. It's, Say goodbye Say hello The Grim Reaper, you bitch

I might not know what pranks are either Because I'm really trying to think Like they ask for turkey And you give them ham Honestly, I feel like Your thing would get more trouble Yeah Because people don't like ham

Like they've got God tells them not to eat ham Jewish people Muslim people A lot of people Yeah So, like, you would get canceled before me. I would end up in the MCU.

Mm-hmm. It was wrong dialysis, man. Or whatever they call me. Right. Yeah. Anyway. So there's an asteroid? What's this asteroid thing you got?

We hit an asteroid with a spacecraft. Ugh. crap. What are we doing this for? Well, we were figuring out. Dramatic images show space spacecraft collision with an asteroid. This is it? This is a video?

Is there a video? Yeah, this is some images of... What happens? Who's talking is my new... No, get rid of this. Enough. What happens? You explained to me.

The media doesn't work. Tell me what happened. So the DART mission made history this week when it successfully slammed into an asteroid. and that was a mission i thought it was like push the asteroid well i think that's the success of it it pushed the asteroid did it push it um i thought they said by by hitting it what are these morons do what happened at nassas they used to like do things that like mattered now just throwing like they just throwing old scud missiles that like didn't that they originally like tried to drop on iraq i just throwing them out a weird asteroid like it's

like it's an Atari game I mean well this could save the planet potentially as a space as a spacecraft for NASA's double asteroid redirection test neared its target Monday

images streamed back to Earth at the rate of one per second of the asteroid dimorphis is that how you pronounce it? This is the worst story in the world dimorphus this sucks so much

go ahead which orbits you don't think space is interesting no I mean I do I just don't think this is interesting yeah demorphos which had never been seen before turned to be egg shaped

and covered in boulders the rocky asteroid had surprised scientists who were eager to study images captured by dart before crash and a blaze of glory this just sounds like they're like giving up

NASA it sounds like you know didn't they like you should like they went to the moon Or they faked one of those two. They either faked it, which is insane, or they went. And that were like tossing things that rocks. Well, look, if an asteroid was heading for Earth, we could use this to make sure it only...

Who's we? Well, you know, human beings. I'm not going to live to see this. I'm going to be putting some camp. I guess. So did they push it or not? They push it so it either doesn't hit Earth or maybe just hits, you know. That's the plan.

Did it work? It seems like it worked. It seems like it shouldn't it say like, shouldn't there be data? Wouldn't an article used to say like, yes. And, you know, Bob McKipsey from NASA said that, you know, the rock was pushed six parsecs on the left or some crap. You know? They just said, yeah, look. They did what we wanted to do.

NASA did a thing, and then they liked it. That's all the article is. No one gives me, I want data, raw data. How much did you move it? Yeah. They may have moved like a tiny bit, like a, like the amount of like a size of a penny. A penny's worth of inches. You're not impressed.

Even if they succeeded in moving at a penny worth. No. You're not, you're not impressed. Unless that penny's word, like, you know how these, these scientists pretend they know things. like we don't understand that that little bit over you know now it's of course and and there's lie look nothing's hit the world

for a long time and so if I was an asteroid sign I was just lie no it's not going to hit it's funny because if it does what you got to arrest me you know yeah I just lie about that I would just be like no the sunflares the solar flares from from

from Pierce Morgan or Jordan Peter the insults do it you know Anything else here? Researchers estimate it'll take about two months. Oh, here it is. Researchers have to be able to take about two months to determine whether Dart was successful.

See, it wasn't successful. They didn't know. Well, I guess it might have been. You're telling me, oh, yeah. It's like, researchers will estimate to take about two months to determine whether Dart were successful. Lucy hears, yeah, it's all good.

It's all done. No, there's all more tests. They actually... Shut it down. They actually moved it. that is heading right for Earth now. Yeah. I think it's great.

President Lucy. Um, well, that's great. I mean, I, I do worry a lot by asteroids and, uh, meteors and, you know, which I, and you know who doesn't? Who? Credit Dunberg. She thinks that, you know, it's all my fault.

And it's all your fault that, you know, we're, we're just pigs who, uh, use too much hairspray, right? We're just pigs who eat too much butter. and she doesn't care if a rock hits a child I mean how old is she now she's got to be like 18 right I don't mean any weird I'm saying she's like I should be an adult now right what it seems like she had this big splash

when she was 12 and what is she done since I mean now that she's an adult ish age right maybe she's six down though shouldn't she be like you know running an army somewhere right 19 she's 19 how is that true Greta Dunberg the child is 19

Is that her now? Yeah I think that's a picture of her That's a picture of her now Why is she look so young She looks small Well probably the most Like the most used images of her Were when she was like younger

And doing speeches That's what she was yelling at Why is she not silent On this whole asteroid thing she's a 19 year old activist and she's just sitting there going like she's not helping yeah but like do people really need i mean does anyone not want to try and knock asteroids off track i mean i think look i'm just saying if that's the problem that we have to deal with why why do i care why is this kid yelling me about like hydrocarbons

or whatever why why is she getting old you know you're the devil you fat you fat and you eat butter D. You know, like, she's at the UN just, like, all these sovereign leaders. She's like, you're trash. You're all rat, dirty trash. I'm from the Dutch Netherlands or whatever. Where is she from? She's, uh, yeah, where is she from?

Glasgow? Sweden. She's sweet. You know what? We know me making Sweden? Fish. What are they doing? What's big in Sweden?

I think Stockholm. I think at my. be a fishing weren't they like the peace loving nature of the world but as soon as they got like two immigrants

like they became like super racist yeah well yeah I think they are pretty like closed off not anymore though they got a bunch of immigrants a few years ago

right when the whole thing refugee crisis happened and then they went hard right or something but apparently Greta Dunberg like

I wish to plant more trees you pigs anyway wonderful wonderful uh before we leave today we have uh is there a better way to say this no enemy of the show we have legit we do have a legit enemy uh alon musk and he's back in the news because apparently there's texts someone's someone's released texts that he's uh into yeah like how do they how do these like text dumps happen it's always like oh there's we got a bunch of these people's texts, like, look at, look at how weird they are, but they never, like,

how did it, how did, how did it actually happen? Don't tell me about it. Tell me the little details. Yesterday, the world, you had to look inside Elon Musk's phone. The Tesla and SpaceX CEO is currently in litigation with Twitter and trying to back out of his deal to buy the platform and take it private. As part of the discovery process related to this lawsuit, oh, okay, Delaware's court of, a court of chancery released hundreds of text messages and emails sent to and from Musk.

the 151 page redacted document is a remarkable voyeuristic record of a few months in the life of the world's richest and most overexposed man and a rare unvarnished glimpse into the overlapping worlds of Silicon Valley media and politics are you going to be in these texts I mean look I don't know if he if he managed to not delete the text that I did send to numbers I was told was him maybe even if you'll see him going like I know I know I know what you did with your dick I said these things hoping fishing expeditions I know what you did with your dick I know what you did with the hammer I know what you did

you know to those to those indigenous people and just hoping he he says something like what are you going to do about it that that island nation no longer has can have kids

because I sterilized everyone as I'm hoping for right but I don't I I might have been given the wrong number What else we got here? The texts are juicy? The texts are juicy, but not because they're lurid, particularly offensive, or offer some scandalous Muskie and master plan.

Quite the opposite. What is so illuminating about the Musk messages is how unimpressive, unimaginative, and psychophantic the powerful men in Musk's contacts appear to be. Whoever said there are no bad ideas in brainstorming, never had access to Elon Musk's phone. well it seems to be a little bit like i mean look i'm not an offender of allan musk i never have been quite the opposite yeah i would never take any shit from the atlantic who are these people the atlantic what is the atlantic it's like new new yorker but just about but like the whole ocean

it's like we're the new yorker okay it's like you just write about new york not really it's kind of a high brow faux highbrow you know stupid it's well it's a poor guy's version of what rich guy talks about you know uh what you guys do oh atlantic yeah we we we totally like it's like billy joel oyster bay fisherman obviously like it's like blue collar talk no no we're very high we're very pretentious like we're we're trying to like you know what is their gimmick why do they exist yeah who is the atlantic is a whole ocean what they talking about yeah where are they from Look up the Atlantic.

I mean, we might have a new enemy on the show. Just Google, just Wikipedia this. I wonder who these people. I can't imagine being the richest man in the world. I'm like, oh, no, the Atlantic has my text. So the Atlantic, oh, okay, it was founded in 1857 in Boston. Barack Obama owns it? Oh, no, he's just on a cover.

It's just the cover, but Obama owns the Atlantic. I guess he does have the Netflix deal or whatever, so he could be into media. I guess he could own the Atlantic if he wanted to. I mean, honestly, it's just the dumbest name. What is the, let's get to the bottom. Scroll down. Okay, the Atlantic.

Sorry, I'm taking over. The Atlantic is an American magazine and multi-platform publisher. It features articles, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was founded in 1857 in Boston as the Atlantic Monthly, a literary and cultural magazine that published leading writers commentary on education, the abolition of slavery

and other major political issues of that time. Wait, wait, wait, wait. That's your description to the magazine. Well, they talked about things. Like, well, when slavery got abolished, they mentioned it. Okay, I mean, pro or con?

Oh, both. Some people are happy, some weren't. What are what I did it? It's the Atlantic. It's a big ocean. It's a big ocean. There are a lot of opinions in that ocean. You think Monthly Amarit Almanac was this is a...

Oh, it was co-founded by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Who was he? I know it was a poet of some sort. He did like Walden Pond, right? No. That's Henry David Thoreau. Oh, right. Yeah.

Using your logic, the Atlantic is owned by Mark David Chapman. She's anyone with three names. Emerson, I always get those two mixed up. I'm not sure what Emerson's deal was. Let's look him up. Now I want to know. Who went by his middle name, Waldo?

Yeah, the transcendentalist move, and he was a big part of that. What does that mean? Like, I'm a tree. I can be a tree if I feel like it. Look at this guy. Look at this. He looks like Groot from the, from the Avengers movies. Anyway.

Anyway. So, Alam Musk, before we go, I mean, did he's text say anything? Does he sell people that he's the, uh, he's going to like, you know, dump, pump and dump stocks? Yeah, I mean, they just kind of gave it away that it's not really scandalous. So I'm not even sure what the point of writing an article about this. sucks we we we we our reporters have secured a trove of a recipes he downloaded from epicurious dot com we got you there's no standard anymore of like yeah like there's this there's been this text dump and we're going to talk about it because we think there's some public interest related

stuff in here right now it's just like we got a dump like look look what's in here there's like there's no like standard of like it has to be be like you know something the public can like benefit from knowing it's like when you buy cards um the trading cards you buy the whole box but you don't know what's in there and i'm i'm trying to get like a don't madingly card the only guy's a bunch of you know i don't know mooky wilson's because there's no guarantee it's like i knew a guy who used to play poker with in long island who would buy entire spools of of scratch off tickets and he said that every scratch off real or whatever is like guaranteed to have a certain amount of winners so he would buy entire spools of scratch off tickets so he's

you can always break even. I don't think that's true. I mean, I don't think he became rich. If that was true, he would have become rich. If there's no losses, I think he's still playing poker in some backyard and, you know, Londonhurst or something. I'm just saying that's,

I don't want people going in doing that. But that's what it sounds like. Right. It's something a homeless guy or a guy in a version of homelessness going like, I got a bunch of texts. Can you give me a sandwich for that? Maybe I guess.

I like a nice ham sandwich. If I give you a bunch of medical records from the, what's the kid's name, Mr. Missileplex or whatever? Mr. Missile. Anyway. Mr. Beast. Maybe that's a Mr. Beast. Is Mr. Beast related to Elon Musk?

No, I mean, but he's a big guy. Should we, should we get a bunch of text about Mr. Beast and send him to Harper's Monthly? The Mr. Beast, so what's the verse? Is he the stuff like that from Tesla or what's going on? I don't think so. I don't think he'll...

So who cares? Yeah. This is not a story. The Atlantic is just mucking around like muck breakers. Anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. Remember, you can get an extra episode of Kump every week for only five bucks a month by going to our Patreon. The link is in the description. It's pretty good, right?

Yeah. Thanks so much for tuning in. Have a great week and we'll see you soon. Thank you.