Kump - 126 - Adult Happy Meal

Episode Date: October 9, 2022

Ray and Lucie discuss McDonald's Adult Happy Meals, awful trips to Italy, what do monks do?, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Right before, I mean literally seconds ago, you were, you were suggesting maybe we should do a pre-podcast prayer. Yeah. Okay. uh do you want to lead the prayer um i will reject it if it doesn't fit my standards i like to keep a separation of church and state on the comp podcast you seem to be going a different path a different uh you know

a non-secular path a path you're trying to get into heaven on the backs of this podcast well i was thinking i was just thinking like you know before we start podcast before we burn in hell and and suffer the fate of of all pleasure seekers small petty pleasures that lead us to the burning pits i just thought you know we're fussing around with the buttons before where they could it could get a little bit stressful and then uh that we dive right into the podcast and i thought as a pallet cleanser sure maybe a little prayer let's hear it let's hear this prayer i hope it's to up and not down okay well i didn't actually was that racist to say the devil's down Satan then hell is down why would that be racist don't know these days i'm trying to stay ahead of the curve uh go ahead okay i didn't actually

prepare a prayer so this is all coming out now uh dear lord of many heads and many voices uh are you trying to be dear christian god see i don't mind being offensive i'm the edgy guy dear christian god who looks over all of us and tells us about Jesus the man who is also God Hello Give us your guidance

Make us rich Make us powerful Hurt our enemies Hurt them hard That's how you pray If you're gonna pray do it right I'm like Bruce Willis in that movie The Seed where he's like

Where they have like I guess that was also a religiously complex movie Right was like was a terrorism movie I think it was pre-9-11 and I think it was a Muslim terrorist I think it was yeah well that's part of the problem

I'm not trying to say but I'm thinking it was a it was it was a civil rights issue in the movie right right and like you know because they were just kind of like you know it was like one Muslim blows up a bus and then it was like yeah we got to

you mosques that kind of thing Bruce Walts is like don't bring the army guy don't bring the army in wear a sword not a scalpel and then they bring him in anyway and he starts torturing muslim people and they get mad at him yeah and it's like i understand it's bad but he's like i told you i would do this yeah which i guess it's not a better i guess hitler also said that i told you i was going to do this why did you elect me he's like technically we didn't he's like that was a good move

It wasn't a good move. Well, it works. Yeah. So you're the one, you're the sword in this situation? I'm just saying, you know, if you're going to activate me to pray, I'm going to, I'm going to pray to hurt my enemies. Welcome to the show. Remember to subscribe to the show. It helps us.

It helps you. And it helps not just to create. Christian God. Subscribing helps all gods. You know, my prayers might go to Jesus, but my heart belongs to Islam and Confucianism. I think that sounds the right word for Confucianism, right? Confucianism, I think is just a guy. I think people who actually adhere to that.

Like, no, I don't remember the name. Sorry, I'm still a jerk, even though I'm pointing this out. I don't know what the actual proper name is. But it's like, no, that was a guru we had or whatever. They like them. They like Confucius. Right. I think.

He's a philosopher. He's like a Sacrote. I think he's important to them. Well, yeah, you could be important. I think they hold them in esteem. But they, I think, you know, whoever they are, because we get me, we don't know the name of it, the proper name. But whoever they are, they, they, they don't want to get rid of Confucius. But they, they, they like, don't, but don't call a religious confusion.

It's like, don't call our religion, you know, St. Augustism, whatever. I mean, St. Augustus is a big deal, right? In the Catholic Church. Right. But they don't name that church. St. Francis. Everyone loves St. Francis because they had the animals. St. Francis of Assisi, right?

Yeah. But it wasn't like, hey, so you weren't like St. Francis C C C's guys. And they're like, no. Well, I guess they would if they were Franciscan monks. They still wouldn't. Oh, what's your religion? Franciscans? No.

You would say I'm a Franciscan monk. You wouldn't say I worship at the feet of the squirrels. Like Francis of a Cici, who's just like hanging out with animals all day, every day what's his deal was he just Steve Irwin of Middle Ages he gets stabbed by the stingray because he was like hey look at me I love animals so

much drive me across the ocean little stingray oh look at him he loves animals he did he's a complex figure because he wasn't really he loved animals very much he was a big conservatory conservationist he definitely had sex with some of them right

I will not stand for that even though I don't know who knows but probably not i don't think you need like i think there's a lot of other things you get to before that but maybe i don't doubt it but i feel like he spent a lot of time around animals he did and honestly sex is important yeah like people tend to hang out where they can get laid that just seems that seems to be a pattern right like you know that's it's like it's like why ladies nice exist right right you know what like ladies what you've been to a ladies night?

I've stumbled into one. What? I'm drunk? Well, like, I never went anywhere. I don't think I ever went to a place specifically because it was ladies night, but I've gone to a place and been like, oh, it's ladies night. So what from your perspective is ladies' night? It's, you know, the bars want to bring in some ladies, and so they give them like half

off on drinks. And it's also nice for the men who are one of my... Must be nice. Must be nice. Well, it's also nice for the men, right? And maybe a college town who don't have a lot of money in their pocket, but they might want to buy a girl a drink as an overture. And they can, they can buy her a half price, half price drink.

Has it worked that way? I think so. You can point and go, I think the men had to like, wait, the ones the men's buy get half price also? I think if you're a lady, if it's a lady drinking the drink, then you get the discount. I think if a man's paying, if it's going on a man's, how would they work that out then? then ladies would just be buying beers and giving them the men. If it's a lady on the tab, she gets the price. Why would a woman do that?

Some random man comes up to you and goes, hey, can you go to the bar and ask for a drink, but really it's for me? But I want to get the discount, you think women are going to be like, oh, yeah. You're not using your imagination. Two drunk people having a time out on the town, right? Like me and you, we go out.

I go, hey, let's pretend not to be lovers. And we'll go into this bar, right? And we'll screw them over. And you're feeding me jacking coax and rumming cokes and vodka red bulls putting them in my fat gullet. I'm a pebblingon. I'm like that pelican and a thing. And he's pouring it some Disney thing or something probably.

Right? Mary Poppins. Yeah, was that little mermaid? Probably. The big bird with a big mouth. Just a trash can. Yeah. So, yeah.

So I think that's what we're going. happen a lot of the time. My point is, much like Ladies' Night, what have we going on this? I think I had a point to make. Help me. People go to Ladies' Night to get late. Before that. What were we saying? Something about San Francis. Right. So people, you know, so in that same idea, you know, if he was into that, he would hang out with animals all day. It's true. Like, you go to the forest if you're into that. Right. You don't go to Ladies' Night if you want to have, you know, get down with a squirrel or a bug. You think anyone's ever had sex of a bug?

I think people have done sexual things with bugs. I don't think you can really, I don't think that's possible to really penetrate a bug. Bunk can penetrate you, though. Yeah, that's true. You know, get inside you. Yeah. Cause a lot of problems.

Welcome to the show. Hello. So, you know, much love to the princess. Monks. Am I right in saying that? Yeah, no, I always thought they were very cool when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Franciscan monk. I wanted to be a Jesuit. Why? What a feel to you about Jesuits?

I don't know. They just seemed like they were warrior monks. I don't think they are though. I think there's nerds. But I think my grandpa might have been a Jesuit. Oh, really? Yeah. What does that mean? I've never understood. Well, no, he wasn't a jet. He was, he was schooled by the Jesuits. Seems like an obnoxious way of saying Christian.

No, they were Jesuit. It's a being Franciscan. He wasn't a Jesuit. He went to school. Yeah, but that has animals. What's the Jesuits gimmick? I don't think Franciscan monks are about animals. They're not veterinarians.

I think that was... I'm not even sure if that was even a real thing he did. I think they made that up. I think St. Francis was more about, like, you know, municipal taxes or something. I'm sure they have horse farms or something, but they live on. They don't. Well, look up Franciscan monks for me, then, please. Okay, I will.

I want to see. What these Franciscans are up to. Do Franciscan monks hang out with animals? Let's see what we got. Little dog is welcomed as Monastery's cutest new friar. They actually have little dog fries. We'll show it, but that's not, I'm not accepting that as like, you know, the standard. Look, they dress them in the habit and everything.

This is terrible. This is. Make it full screen. Okay. This is, this is, this is terrible. Look at this. What is that? An Irish terrier? That's great.

I don't like this at all. I don't like what the implication is. I don't think this proves your point. A Franciscan monastery in Cochabamba, Bolivia, recently announced that a furry pup named Carmelo has joined its sacred fold where he quickly distinguished himself as its cutest member. Oh, that's adorable. See, this is what I imagine when I imagine Franciscan monks.

Well, look, this is cute. And, like, you know, I hope this Carmelo actually can, you know, do something for New York. Let's just look up Franciscan monks and see what they're about. Okay. Very cute dog. That's great. That's great. Can you find me a Wikipedia article, something reliable?

Not some weird Instagram of some Franciscan monk who's lonely. And he's trying to show people a stupid dog. Look at the dog I paid three days. thousand dollars for a puppy mill he bought that from a puppy mill probably i don't know i was told once we talked about this once and uh apparently in other countries like in europe i guess or other places um not america they uh they don't have the puppy they they actually enforce the puppy mill rules so you can actually buy a puppy because i've read about this before in the past how like i hate i would love to be able to buy a dog

and not be a public meal. I'll pay more. I'm not rich, man. I felt this way when I had, you know, when I was like, I owed $10,000 to, you know, I don't want to talk about who, you know, criminals. And, uh, my point is, but I still felt this way.

And I'm not, I'm not a man of means. I would pay $10,000 for a dog. I save up for years before I ever bought a volunteer dog. Where were they called those? sacrifice dogs. Rescue dogs? Rescue dogs. Wait, you just need your dog to be perfect.

You just need them to be... I just don't want... No, no. Again, I don't say I wouldn't rescue a dog. If I found a dog worth rescuing, I would. But I don't like the idea of having this... I have to buy... Like, we live in New York City.

I don't think we should have to buy a traumatized dog. It just seems... It's a problem because the whole building is rescued this dog. It seems... selfish it seems like in in new york city uh i don't know it just seems like it seems like crazy what i rescued a cat in the past i'm not anti rescue you said something interesting just now

you said you would rescue a dog if you found a dog worth rescuing how would a dog demonstrate to you that it was worth rescuing show me that it was trying at least you know it's making the effort That is going to AA or whatever. Yeah, making the effort. It's like, you know, a little pause before it barks, like, you know? Like, you can't, like, it's, like, it's struggling to try not to the bark, but it's just like, yeah, like, all right, like, we can, we can work with that. But some dog who's just going to bark every time you look at it, enough, enough.

What if its trauma didn't, like, didn't manifest its aggression like that? What if it just, like, kind of coward and was a shy dog? Well, that's, that's fine. Yeah, like, deal with your problems on your own, and I'll try to, help you like that's fine like oh you're oh you're bottling it up i do that too well you're an eating problem you overeat that's fine we'll work we'll work on together but like just right right right right right right we see you is that what you wanted i see you i see you i know you're there now congratulations now what now what do you want food what you a little baby just don't think a little

baby you know a baby's one thing a baby is helpless but this dog is like years old yeah you know a baby's not going to do that forever a dog who knows the dog is like he's like he'll be 15 years old just going to meow man someone hit me once man someone put a cigarette out on me like i'm sorry i'm not putting the cigarettes on when are you going to figure out i'm not that guy you man's best friend but you can't tell a difference between me and the guy who puts cigarettes out on you. All I do is give you food and water and hug you and kiss you when you want it.

Little snuggles. But you still think I'm the guy who's just like, you know, throwing lighter fluid on you or something. I don't understand. How can I help this dog? I'm not the dog whisperer. Right.

You know, I would love to be. Give me those powers. Give me the magic whistle that makes you the dog whisper. Whatever, you know? Right. Enraging. Just trying to live my life here.

Just trying to be a good man. Anyway, oh, you found something with these dogs. Okay. What we got? So they work as chaplain. The Franciscan monks. They work as chaplains, ministers,

spiritual directors, whatever. They're called to live the gospel in everyday life and spread God's, and spread God's world. I think they made word to all living creatures. Many of the Franciscan

brothers have vocations such as doctors, lawyers, cobblers, tailors are musicians. So of all those various professions, that they're listening here. So let's just go over it again. I want to think of slowly. Many of the Franciscan brothers also have vocations, such as doctors, lawyers,

cobbler's, tailors. Now, what's the tailors? Is that someone who helps dogs? That is somebody who works and making clothing. Somebody who helps clothes, okay. Or musicians. Okay. Some of the doctors could be veterinarians.

And some of the veterinarians could be horse doctors. I don't think it's true. You call them a veterinarian. You're a veterinarian school, not doctor school. Right? Right. Now, I'm not saying it's any less than. I mean, veterinarians, but that's like saying, like, you know, a natural physicist is the same as a doctor.

Now, like, am I going to have a doctor? But, you know, I'm not talking about Ph.D. doctor. If astrophysicists ever said, call me doctor, I would start biting my hand. And then after that, I don't know. I would, and that's why I wouldn't want from a dog. Just the emotional equivalent of starting to bite your hands first before something else happens.

Right. Like, hey, I'm biting his hands, so I don't do something aggressive, but I'm not mad. This astrophysicist thinks he's like, oh, I'm a, call me doctor. You know? Oh, I want to, I have a PhD.

I don't care. I just don't. Do you care? No, I don't care. We don't care together. It's just like, like, I know it's not your fault that like someone confused doctor with that kind of doctor, right? That like you think that we care. We don't, society doesn't care you're a PhD.

I'm sorry. It doesn't. No. It's like you get certain value out of it. Maybe you don't. Famously, some of these PhD people get screwed and don't get money. Yeah. I don't like that.

But my solution is don't get a Ph.D. Read books on your own. You know? Yeah. I think when you started a PhD, you don't even guaranteed to get it. Right. Yeah, you're going.

Yeah, you can like a, you're trying for your PhD. No one's guaranteed. I get that. But I mean, you could be a really smart person. And if you're not like creative enough

or like you have an ingenious enough idea, you don't get to be a PhD. Right. So you get your money back? Like, no. Sorry. Did you invent some weird, catapult?

Oh! No, you didn't. So go back to being a master's and now you're at 100 grand or whatever PhDs cost. So I get it. I sympathize you people but society has a thing about doctors because they can save you.

Right. That's it. That's the only reason that's really held in the scene. We get that like, you know, but no one can't, no one goes, is there a medieval, you know, Renaissance expert on a plane here? Is anyone studying medieval Egypt? No.

It's doctors who can, you know, get the, get the cholesterol at your heart. Yeah. On a plane. They can, they have dainty fingers and they can pick the peanut that lodged in your, in your esophagus out. Yeah. So you stop choking. I would love to go on the plane and go, they were the doctor in this plane. Someone's like raised their hand.

I think I might have an arthritis. Can you take a look at that? What would happen if I did that? Well, what's another minor thing? I think I might have, what would you go over? I think I need a sleep study. I might have sleep apnea. So Franciscan monks kind of a disappointment.

Not great. I wish more of them. It seems, honestly, it seems a little wrong of them, that more of them don't have animal-related professions. Yeah, no, I mean, as a kid, you grow up. Just be a priest, them. Just be a priest You worship a guy

You part worship with some demigod Who's hanging out with animals all the time And you're going to You're not gonna You know do anything with animals Seems kind of silly I mean what are they Look up what is afraid

Like just look up Wikipedia I don't even know if he did anything with animals I think it's just something that they tell kids Because like kids just like puppies just write Franciscans what are you doing what do Franciscans do no just type Franciscans and look at Wikipedia it'll tell us hey go see click on it click on Wikipedia okay okay all right Franciscans are a group of related mendicant Christian religious orders the fuck is that man I don't know.

We're going down a rabbit hole now. This is... I haven't seen animals once come up here. No. Austerity, Jesus Christ. Street being in the streets. I'm a monk in the abbey, but I'm a freak in the sheets. Whatever they're trying to say here.

I'm sure if we went to Francis of a C.C. animals come up pretty quickly. I go. Let's try this. Was a mystic? A mystic? Wait, what? He was a mystic, Italian Catholic friar? What does that mean?

Wait, type mystic. What does that mean? And I know what it usually means. No, is any kind of ecstasy or altered state of consciousness which is given religious, wait, he was a mystic? He was like a wizard? I think all saints are mystics kind of, aren't they? We mean, you're all just like having like, you know, weird, you know, seances and trying

to talk to like, you know, pirates, dead pirates? Wasn't Joan of Arc always, like, talking to? herself because she's having conversations with God. Joe, the Vark was obviously, they made her a saint because she's like, you know, like, it sounds good, but like she's just some, like, some kind of skisphatic woman who's like fighting people. And it's like,

it's like, I mean, honestly, she's killed a lot of people, really. Saints don't usually kill people. Look, she's doing it for the church. I know, crusades, I get it, but I mean, just I watched her murder, like, a guy, he was just standing there. He was a soldier, but she just

just, like, put a knife in his face. all right yeah i mean if joan vark was like be out of fire if she was really a vessel for god then that means god hated the british at that point right british was she fighting the british

yeah wasn't as she was on the side of france and they were fighting the british i thought it was like one of those crusade there it makes sense actually yeah what the fuck yeah why are they fighting the british this is crazy welcome to the show um yeah there's uh speaking of

crazy things there's a problem at McDonald's there's a problem brewing am I right you are right they have this new thing they're called adult happy

explain you what an adult happy meal is well I'm not sure what an adult happy meal is but it looks like it's something kind of it's a nostalgia product put out by McDonald's it has a big Mac in it or chicken nuggets or 10 piece chicken nuggets

that's a good man chicken nuggets Is that kind of fries also? Yes. 10 nuggets and fries? Yeah. Hardy meal. And a toy and a toy and some kind of toy. Like so the adult happens is like a sex toy.

Yeah. It's some kind of, you know, it's some kind of a prolapse thing or like. Right. Some kind of jelly. Some kind of some kind of cream. I don't know. A bag of condoms. What's an adult happy meal?

Look at this article. This article is reading adult happy meal of stressing McDonald's employees out. What's going on here? I don't understand. This comes to this limited edition box. It says, I'm making some bigger.

So you want the new adult happy meal for McDonald's. Get in line, pal. No, seriously. Get in line. Because we're going to fuck you on the line. Get against the wall. Take those pants off.

Welcome to McDonald's. No, seriously, though. It might take a while to get it. The meals which come with toys designed by the streetwear company Cactus plants flea market. Who? Who are the cactus plant flea markets

have proven to be a hit, which is unfortunate for the McDonald's employees who are on the front lines. It looks like we may have a Rick and Morty Seshwan sauce debacle on our hands. Now, what they're referring to is years ago. The popular cartoon, Rick, Rickus and Morty, right?

Yeah. The Rick's Morty. They had an episode, but they were using the Seshwan sauce from Moulon the show or the movie. The cartoon Moulon. Right. Which you liked or didn't like, I forget. As a kid, I liked it, yeah. You loved the cartoon Moulon.

Yeah. Didn't you show me the movie Moulon? Well, I tried to show it to you, but you lost interest, which makes sense because you're an adult. man but right you know it's a but you like the movie you like the cartoon the cartoon is wonderful why didn't you show me the cartoon I did show you the cartoon I didn't watch the cartoon you what I was I was trying to show you that was a movie wasn't it the movie is a cartoon no they made a live action movie oh no I would never show you that okay all right so the point is they're promoting Mulan they had Sashuan sauce yeah it seems a bit I guess I don't know

I wasn't say racist. I messed up where Setschman saw is it. It's like a plum-based. Yeah, something like that. This was a big deal a couple years ago because everyone was like, Rick and Morty fans are all what? Incells, they would say or they would say they were toxic.

Toxic men. The show was very good for a couple, you know. I didn't like the last season. I didn't think it, but whatever. I didn't make a blog post about it because, you know, I got bigger problems like arthritis and the. Dogs.

Dogs. trying to get you to adopt them yeah exactly um what's my point oh because the men would come the white men would come apparently knocking on the macdonald's door and say give us a sechuan sauce please and they would say we don't have any and they were i don't know spit in the floor whatever they were apparently they were mean they would get mad so in much a similar way i guess this uh this this this whole situation's going on with the employees who reportedly stressed by the number of people who file in to get the limited supply of a happy meal toys, adult happy meal toys.

The workers are a quote, are begging customers to stop ordering adult happy meals. All right, this is like, we're going a little crazy here. I worked at McDonald's in the past. Yeah, you have a good perspective on this. I was there for the Toy Story 2 toys. That was a big, and then people would come in and they would get them. You know, it was a giant box full of toys and you throw it into the fucking. I don't understand because it says later in the article that they're happy when they ran out.

I thought maybe when it was happening that people were like, oh, well, like, you know, we don't have any. What are you mean? I need the green cactus plant flea market toy or I'm going to jump off a bridge while I'm on fire. But no, apparently they were happy when they ran out. So they're just stressed out by there being people at McDonald's. Right. That's the whole gimmick. Yeah.

you know people come to McDonald's and they people come McDonald's it wasn't the happy meal it would be something else right the only thing when you said when getting good at McDonald's is the only thing is getting quick I was there for six months about when I was 15 I turned 16 like a month before I quit

and uh you know a friend like you know I wore two months there's a couple months where I was able to work more hours and that's not why I just kind of just whatever I wanted to I wanted to sit around and watch anime and not and not you know I got really into anime

in kung fu movies. I was 16. And it changed my perspective on working to McDonald's. But the point is, it wasn't pretty, like, what do you want,

we're just cuddling people now. It's like, yes, I look, it's not a great, it's not a job you should do forever if you can avoid it. Right.

You know, but like, you know, but doesn't mean that it's like, oh, I'm so sorry you working McDonald's. And I don't think these are adults we're talking.

This isn't sound like adults, adults are super stressed up. They've seen this before. Right. They know what happy meals are. They've dealt with rushes. Yeah. Who are we coddling here?

Just like the, literally young people who work there? I don't think the 40-year-olds who work at McDonald's are freaking out about adult happy meals. Yeah, like, yeah, I definitely expected it to be more a story about people just being assholes, too. But it's like, but if it's just volume, it seems like, you know, it's like I haven't worked at McDonald's, but I've had like similar, like, customer service jobs. The point of a business. And it's just volume. It's just doing the same thing over and over. to break it to you but the point of a business is to make more money yeah that's just the way life

works you call me an ugly capitalist an ugly american a big demon a guy who should be killed right call me what you want but the point is that's just like you anywhere you work it's supposed to be busy if it's not busy start looking for another job think about that they probably will when I quit my manager McDonald's was like what are you going to do like like I'm I don't know, get a different job? What do you mean you're leaving? What? Where are you going to go?

I don't know. But yeah, so I don't know what to tell them. I mean, it really should be. What would you like to see an adult happy meal? Um, like as far as a toy. Yeah. You know, maybe like a little, uh, maybe a nostalgia toy. Like maybe a little miniature slinky.

Interesting. That can be cute in fun. Yeah, and you can give it to your kid also and they can choke on it. I would like, I mean, honestly, and the most practical thing, just put some amodium into the bag. Emodium?

Yeah, the diarrhea medicine. Put some peptobisball in there. You know, you give me 10 nuggets and fries and a big soda. Yeah, give me some, give me some Pepsi AC. Give me some heartburn medication. You know?

That's very practical. That would make me happy. I mean, you know, hydrate my colon. Give me something that makes my colon not feel like cardboard. Maybe like a little, like a mini functional anima kit. Yes. These are all things that would help me enjoy McDonald's. Because I like a quarter pounder.

Also put a quarter pound with cheese in there. I prefer, I prefer that to a Big Mac. I like the difference between a quarter pounder and a Big Mac. You really don't know? No, I only ever have the little cheeseburgers. Okay. Well, the Big Mac actually uses the same patties as the little cheese. cheese burgers. See, it's just a bigger version of that with a special sauce and lettuce, I guess.

I don't think it's tomato on there. The quarter pattern with cheese is a larger patty. They either whether they get a double quartar powder or a single, it's still a different patty. And I find it's just a tasteier, you know, patties. Maybe the surface area, a salt. I love the way it tastes with the fake cheese, with real cheese, wherever it is. Don't slander me. It might be real. It might be real. I just prefer it. No, I don't, you know, I try not to eat them very often because, you know, beyond trying to be healthy, they just don't feel good. Right.

In my opinion. Now, you know, it's not made for, I mean, it's made for young people or old people who were served in the war. You've been to McDonald's, me, McDonald's in the morning. It's just people, war veterans who wear their war hats, you know? Like, you know, I was on this submarine or whatever hat or like USS Enterprise with the pins. And they're eating a little hash brown. Yeah, yeah, a little hat. Usually they would have a hash brown and a coffee, a small coffee, that big one, small coffee and hash brown.

And they'd be sitting there, maybe with a friend, talk about all the men they kill together or whatever. I mean, God bless them. They did they're retired men. Remember that village? What do you mean? The one with the girl was the? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The one where the kids got in the way.

Oh, yeah. I mean, we already started shooting. When we're going to stop me, and they've already maimed at that point. I felt bad. Look, it's haunted me my entire life. I'm not a monster, but, you know, he picks up out of a hash brown.

What are you going to do? There should be an ad specifically for McDonald's breakfast. That's just two elderly veterans eating hash browns and talking about torturing Vietnamese women. And then the logo comes on. It's McDonald's, you did what you had to do. Uh-huh, ba-ba-ba-ba. I'm loving it.

Oh. McDonald's, that's all in the past now. McDonald's, we weren't looking. McDonald's, what are you omniscient? What could you have done? You were just following orders You just followed orders And so do we

Oh god Again I mean I do like me I think there's something nice at McDonald's I'm not here to trash him There's something very troubling about I would love despite what we just did If they were sponsored the show

Like as like a As some kind of like you know Branded deal I would live a brand deal with McDonald's Love me being a brand ambassador why not we'd love to start making some real money McDonald's and we feel like you could help and we can help you we can repair your image that we just you know um pretending like we couldn't but we can't we have other things we could say better things you know what I really like

I really I want a whole tiring about how a 1 quarter pound with cheese don't act like I can't be a brand ambassador you know yeah and I defended your adult happy meals why aren't you taking my calls. I mean, companies like McDonald should really open their minds to a grittier brand ambassador. I think things are, I think things are swinging the other way, and it's going to be a nice day for the Cump podcast. We're going to have McDonald's. We're going to have a bag of hammers.

We're going to have some kind of thing that, like, you know, just gruff men who yell a lot and people don't like, can buy. you know what is that what what what what the gruff men who people don't like buy nudie mags pens pens with you know women on them like we talked about oh yeah it was topless pens yeah yeah anyway uh moving on did you ever work at McDonald's I I never worked there now You work at any kind of like place like that, like a fast food place or like a... I worked at like a burger, you know, a pretty like fast-paced like burger place, but it wasn't a fast food place. You've never worked for a corporate place, have you really, like a big corporate, like chain.

Like a chain store of any kind. No, it's all kind of in local places. Yeah. You're kind of snobbed that way. You know, I'm a man of the people. I work, you know. Oh, wait, no. I worked at a deli in a stop and shop.

That was a chain. Okay, all right, that kind of. But you don't see commercials with Stopping Shop. I need a place where you see a commercial, like CVS, Walgreens. Yeah, never did that. Yeah, someplace that have the, you know, stop and shop is more of a regional thing. Right. Yeah.

You're not really a person in the Pete. You're kind of an elite. I work at Boutique delis in extravagant supermarkets. Boutique deli. Stop and shop is like a mid-range. It's not like a cheap supermarket. No. It's not expensive.

per se is at least moderate it wasn't like like shop right is a little bit less expensive people thought meat farms i did at least thought meat farms wasn't that nice but they have made amazing produce now meat farms i don't think goes beyond long island wait there's a place called meat farms yeah i think they might have got in that business actually i'm not sure i hope that's a disgusting name for a supermarket well as a kid you're like why we go into meat farms but uh i mean look up look at meat farms see if they're still around but meat farms has really tremendous produce uh very reasonable prices that's what you realize when you when you move out your own uh this is in long island yeah is it good one i think that might be it wait june tis meat farms i don't know uh hot pog that might be it look on

let me see the logo yeah it looks right yeah it's still around meat farms now on instacart this is like a blurry like it looks like something out of limitless What are you doing? It futs it around. This is the problem. It's all very, it's all very smooth until this happens. I'm sorry. It went a little haywire.

I'm trying to show. I get very eager to show people the meat farms situation. And that happens. What do you want to do? I hit the wrong button. There's a meat farm. Meat farms. meat farm super bad market that's great about i don't have much to say about this yeah i mean it's just

a place called meat farms and that's weird yeah they have really good produce why do we talk about this this is the name of a supermarket like you would come up with come to come to meat place we got meat we got we got we got meat and stuff meet meeting meat and meat and shit meat and greet Anyway What So what's got Is McDonald's going to stay open Yeah I think they'll make it

Okay Adult happy meal I mean this is a limited time thing anyway Right Um Was that Is it? They don't have meals

I don't know No I mean Google adult happy meal I'll see what it says If you don't mind Yeah I'm sorry you gave me It'll look like you want him to kill me.

Is there a wikipedia entry for adult happy meal? There is a limited supply. Of this, there's always a limit supply. I mean, like, you know, you can't, like, sue them for not having, you know, the frackerel rock toy. The collection will only be available during a limited time window. Right, but they change the toys. You're saying, okay, so it's only this. It's only this is this is just this green cap.

Cactus plant thing. Yeah, like, what is, what is the adult happy male toy? I don't know. No, I told you. It's that green cactus, you know, thing. Oh, that's gross. Does he's all happy male toy? Wait, hold on.

Let's bring this up. This thing. This is it. That's it. That's kind of a shitty toy. Yeah, it's not great. All right. Well, we'll move on.

Anyway. I read this article about how Pasta Tano, Italy is not great. It's this place on Instagram. It's an article. Let's give credit to Rebecca Jennings for writing his article. No, it's an article. We use the arm. We're talking about it.

I want to give credit to Rebecca Jennings. Okay, yeah. Credit to Rebecca. A good friend Rebecca Jennings, so I know for a long time. You know her? Yeah. What are you going to do about it? No, I don't know.

just because you can sort of go somewhere I'm going to show you to pick this whole point of this article is that positano Italy is a real real not great place I got you some of these pictures of just I mean honestly it looks like the kind of place

it looks good but maybe like because I could only find I was looking at pictures of it and I could only find these like specific lands exist on a cliff it looks like Brazilian favelas but like maybe a little like better put together

other than favel but like the same idea right like everything's built vertically along this cliff right um so i don't know but apparently it's not great uh if we look at the article how do we get to the article here we go it's telling me also let's read some of this is the instagram capital of the world is a terrible place to be apparently the last time i was wandering the stony this last this time last week i was wandering the stony streets of positano a small village on italy's amalfi coast potitano kind of sound like pasitano rest almost vertically on a steep cliffside almost zigzagging uh where local vendors sell sips of liman chollo liman cello and colorful ceramics there's making italy sound like it's just like a weird like

at a flea market yeah at the bottom there's a pebbly beach where if it's warm enough which it usually is you can swim in the clear turquoise waters of the thineering sea what that means the type the diarrhea sea positano is blessed with a mild Mediterranean climate and approximate to luxury and wealth is one of the most famous and majestic hotels in the world really i was home to one the most famous majestic hotels in the world and provided a backdrop for diane Lane's warren romance and under the Tuscan sun. All right, this is a famous place. Whatever.

So apparently all of Italy is just infested with people coming to Italy and people don't like it. Apparently Italy is just full of tourists full of fat Americans waddling around saying is that the Colosseum? Is that

where fucking spaghetti was invented? Is that where I go to charge my stupid iPhone? Well, they shit their pants and they pray to a Christian god You know It's just disgusting And also the Pope lives there You go to Florence

And it's just a nightmare And apparently everyone Post-COVID is going to Italy And just clogging it up I mean Italy if you don't remember It's where COVID started right Well no that is Wuhan China I mean the first thing we were aware of

It was Italy And everyone before we had COVID In New York Right Right It was Italy Italian people were singing in your apartments. Don't you remember that?

Right, right. Oh, what in the moon hits your eye like a big pizza buy? That's a Fauci. They were saying that from their windows? I was. Everyone else was banging their pants for the nurses. I was just singing that. Oh, so did they start that in Italy?

Was that like, did they start banging the pots in Italy for the nurses? I don't think so. I don't know. They were just singing because they were stuck in their house and they're Italian. They don't, you know, what do you want me to do? Do you remember? Why do you like what you don't remember this two years ago? I don't think I remember it before it started happening in the U.S.

Oh, you were just playing Angry Birds the whole time? You're sitting in the toilet playing Angry Birds while I'm watching the Italian news, worrying about our safety? Can you turn down Angry Birds in there? I'm trying to watch the News de Palma. The News Pommer-Jan. Yeah, so Italy has tourists, they're mad about it. No, I don't know. Everyone's mad.

This is what it is. But it's just like if you're not rich and you go places, it's not going to be great. Go to someone go to Finland. No one talks about Finland, right? Yeah, I hear, I also hear like Greenland, low key, or not Greenland, Iceland. Yeah, Reykivik is nice. Yeah. I mean, they have those hot springs, right?

Mm-hmm. Iceland was the place, right, where they went crazy during the mortgage crisis. They had, yeah, they had, it was, uh, Icelandic banks were like a big, am I right here? Look up, look up Iceland during mortgage crisis. I'm pretty sure it's one of the books I was talking. It's like, it's a big thing. Iceland during the mortgage crisis, make sure I'm right here. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Yeah, no, because everyone thinks they're very reasonable. But then, like, the banks just kind of, like, ripped everything. I don't know. Oh, okay. Well. Yeah, Iceland's recovery has become a myth wrapped in a legend inside a legend. It let its banks fail slash household debt, let its current. So it kind of, like, did all the things that, like.

Well, this is from 2015. I'm talking about the actual crisis. Oh, okay. When we had the crisis. Stop. Okay. Just stop. He's distracted me.

uh point is uh iceland is a nice place to go and you can go there and lose all your money if you want i don't care you to crump it go to sweden go i mean i don't go to italy and just let people like you know take dumps in your feet where do i care i bet if you go to the if you go to the vatican you probably won't have they end up with crap on your feet like human feces on your feet because people just like in that kind of environment you're like sitting on line for eight hours to see the pope people are just taking shit thread in your feet They just finally let it fall through their pants

You think they would do that Yes Catholics yes I grew up Catholic I know these people Yeah but right before meeting the Pope I mean they want to make sure They don't have them bother meeting the Pope Right you know look I don't understand Catholic guilt like

Even though you also grew up Catholic Maybe you do get it I think I get it You're about to see God's imprint tour on on earth That's the right word his man on the streets his Billy on the street

on the street on earth you're about to see God's Billy actor all right now you know you've been having this shit for hours because you went to the McDonald's in Pasatano before you came to Rome

right sure are you going to chance it that you don't shit in front of the Pope or are you going to take a dump on the guy behind you his foot does it have to be on his feet why can't it just be like

I mean you don't want him to move around you're just a mass thing it's just going to happen right i mean look maybe it won't land his feet but you're not exactly you know is it not you're a bombardier uh you know you're not a troubadour on a on a b 52 you know dropping the a bomb on fucking paris or whatever they did or irishima whatever you know do you think the pope let's say like it's going to come out where it comes out let's say you meet the pope i would love to meet the pope do you think hello padre hello Oh, Positano. Do you think the Pope and his consorts?

Pope, what's your favorite kind of spaghetti? Cakeo Pepe. Spaghetti. You mean, I thought you meant pasta. You said Keo pectate? Like the fucking, the real name of Pepsobismal? Cageo Pepe. Is that really a thing?

I'm not sure if that's how you pronounce. Is you saying Cacapepe? Like shit, shit piss? It's called, like Casio Pepe. Is that really a thing? Yeah. Look up, what the fuck is Casio Pepe? I think you're saying Cacapepe.

It's a rare pepe with holding shit. I'm not exactly sure how you pronounce it, but it's, but it's, uh. All right, it's the thing. I'm only putting on screens people see is the thing. All right, fair enough. But do you think like it's the kind of thing where the Pope, do you think it's sort of like the trial abuse scandal where the Pope and his consort's kind of what they got

why is this coming up we're talking about spaghetti what's going on the child abuse scandal do you think that they know that people are shitting on the feet of their fellow compatriots oh good point so that the Pope can be spared you know someone shitting in his

presence or somebody even just using the bathroom look I think what's more appropriate is like envisioning someone asking the Vatican you know the Vatican and interestingness I think we don't care about it. Like the fact is like we need to look. I'm going to be like the Pope.

Hello, my fellow Catholics of the world. Oh, father. Tell us, please speak emphatically. Oh, I'm going to speak the emphatic, the rigid tones, the Pascianos, you know. I want to, this is going to be a big deal. I want to address something that people worry about for. a long time it involved something that we helped cover up we didn't deal with we let it keep happening right you know what i'm talking about yeah it hurt a lot of people a lot of people's

innocence was taken away yeah yeah horribly i can't believe you're going to address this this is crazy and they're and and they were bleeding from the ass uh and of course i'm talking about getting, you know, people shitting on each other's feet while they wait to see me. Don't do that anymore. It's terrible. It's really, it's just hold it in.

God wants you to hold it in. People have said, why don't we build more bathrooms? No. No. That would just be disgusting. Then the vacuum would just smell like shit all day. You're going to have people

who aren't even Catholic coming and just using the bathroom. Right. Yeah. Just gross people. Presbyterians. Lutherans. you know how bad would smell

would smell worse than it was on the floor like I guarantee it so I'll see you later well you don't look satisfied was there something else you want me to address Padre but what don't don't you think that the Lord

doesn't want us to make a shit on the feet of the people oh so you're happy to talk about this this topic is fine with you just you're confused about my response yeah you don't want me to talk about anything else that's the Catholic church no I think this is really the important issue that needs to be addressed fair enough all right uh what's your favorite kind of spaghetti bam I like uh pasta linguini I'll see you later um we should go somewhere nice where should we go I mean I don't know I guess we got to figure out what it was let's go

Lancaster, Pennsylvania. What's in Lancaster, Pennsylvania? Google it. And let's see. I think you know. You must know what's in Lancaster. What comes up? Oh, yeah.

Ooh. No, this is Amish people. What is this? They have a car and kids and a thing. Where are the Amish people? That's the Dorni Parks and Lancaster? We offer unique stores of Lancaster. We offer unique stores of Lancaster of Lancaster of Lancaster Amish country by Scooter.

Wait, that's a Dorney Park or Domi Park? I mean, Hershey Park is close to it. None of you say Amish people, do they? Well, it's top of 15 things to do in Lancaster, the Amish farm and house. I mean, I don't know. That seems crazy. Something called Dutch Wonderland. That sounds Amish.

I've been there. Yeah. I don't remember. I don't remember. I mean, I remember going to Hurststst. Park. I don't remember what Dush Wendland it was all about. Dush Wendland. I mean, honestly, Lancaster's all about the Amish. That's their gimmicks. You have the good and plenty, the planet fancy. There's delicious restaurants where you get

shoe fly pie and you get the, the Amish corn, the Amish fried chicken, which is a little browner, you know? You're getting very wide-eyed, disgusting. I didn't know that you had such affection for Amish food. I don't. It's good. I mean, look, if you went to an Italian restaurant, how much time as a kid and never again, you'd be like, Italian food's great.

But you've had chicken parm at least once a year, right? Right. I haven't had Amish food in decades, but it's really good. So I'm talking about it. Like, I'm fond of it. You know, you can't go in an Amish restaurant.

What have we started at an Amish restaurant? Oh, yeah. Like Amish, maybe some, like Amish German fusion? No, Amish. What do you want? Sourcrowout? Sourcrow, hand pies.

we'd be like an empanana no like an amish hand pie what's the hand pie i just imagine them as having hand pies would it be similar in that banana well only in that there's dough or jama or jamaican or jamaican beef patty i've a picture it being more like a miniature uh like shepherds pie or uh oh so single serving pie yeah but still got the same kind of makeup yeah or chicken pie pie you had shoe fly pie no what's that it's been las look up shoe fly pie he's got molasses in it shoe fly pie is it dessert no it's it's molasses beef talking about it's dessert is it shoe fly pie no that's a savory meal right is it is it called shoe fly because flies like the taste of molasses and they'll just get they'll just get all over your pie well now you ask

go scroll and find out that was green I don't know what am I the man who knows everything about pies pie epitomology. According to Stevens, the unusual name of shoes. Oh, yeah, no, this is gross. I was absolutely right. The unusual name of shoe fly pie came from the fact that pools of sweet, sticky molasses sometimes formed on the surface of the pie while it was cooling, inevitably attracting flies.

So you're just eating a piece of pie that's just covered in fly legs. No, because in the name, you shoe the fly away. All right? only you're some lazy Amish woman who doesn't sue the fly. And don't, don't at me, all right? The Amish don't go for like different genitals. The women make the pies, I think.

I don't think a lot of men bake pies in Amish culture. I'm not wrong. Go talk to them if you can. If you can find them, if you can find them on Twitter, go ask them. But don't give me shit just because I, you know, assume the woman baked the goddamn shoefly pie. I'm not a bad person.

anyway anyway welcome to the show um you want to get one yeah we'll probably get one on the internet somehow see if you can find one then to buy okay no seriously now yeah yeah we're gonna see can you buy i google this can i buy omish food online no that's you fly pie we'll try that afterwards. Because I don't really care about a shoe fly pie. It's good. Grocery shop with that. No. I'm a general store

online. Really? Interesting. Bulk foods. The Amish country store. We can get Amish foods in bulk. All right. Well, this might be the stuff they serve us. You don't want to do that. You want to do the stuff they serve people. I don't know if they actually eat Amish food. Right. You know, it's kind of like if you go to Italy, they're eating like urchin.

Sure. Or like spicy. any eggs. I'm sure they eat a fair amount of pasta there, too. I don't think pasta is big in Italy. Google the Italians eat pasta. I'm obsessed with Google. The Italians eat pasta. Yeah, about 25% of Italians eat pasta every day, every single day.

Wow. Well, only 2% of Americans fess up to eating pasta daily. That's a great way of phrasing it. Yeah, I think it's more than 2%. But we know the truth. These fat pigs are shoveling spaghetti down there, down their gullets. You show me only 2% of America, everyone in America, only 2% of them eat spaghetti every day.

I mean, spaghetti is whatever, but I love a good chef boy or D. like ravioli with the beef and, oh, yeah, beef ravioli. That's nice. Americans are probably just, they, Americans probably just don't understand what even counts as pasta. Yeah, they like, they think, what do you mean? They're just like, well, I add some, they probably don't get, if they eat Chef Boyer D,

they're probably not counting it as pasta. I think those people assume that's the only pasta. I think a lot of you who wouldn't count that don't know what actual spaghetti is. What I mean? This spaghetti. Well, it's a can. Why isn't there a spaghetti in a can?

Is, uh... I can tell which one of our visions is more insulting. I don't know. Welcome to America. Let's go. We're going to go. Cump show is going to be in Positano, Italy, for the live show coming soon.

Sound off in the comments, if you would go to a live Cump show, a live comp podcast in Positano, Italy, where we're going to have an all-inclusive deal. It's only going to be seven grand. That might not be enough. Right? Seven grand per ticket?

Yeah. Look at plane tickets to Positano, Italy. I won't put this on the screen, but go to travel, like, you know, one of those travel sites. Okay, I guess that works. Yeah. Positano, yeah. I want prices, though.

Yeah, these are prices. From 8.35, that round trip or that one way? Still, that's not, we can make a profit of that. So we'll charge you seven grand. We'll give you a real bad flight. We'll feed you some chef boy here, Dean, and some, we'll give you an adult happy. We'll get sued by McDonald's because we'll call an adult happy meal,

but we'll just be chotchkes. Yeah. Just crap we found on Amazon. We're just, we're not going to get a venue. We're just going to do it on a rock on the rocky beach of Pasatano. Yeah. You can eat some cold chef boy or D.

The pebbly beach. Yeah. Enjoy. Welcome to the show. Thanks so much for tuning in. It's a lot fun. It's a fun episode. Yeah.

If you like this show, which I think you might, you're here at the end of it you might as well like it you might as well like it you get more comp if you go to patreon dot com slash ray comp we're going to make a graphic for this

in the future but for now just listen to me talk the links in the description you get an extra episode every week for five bucks a month that's a pretty good deal pretty good it's a better deal than our trip deposit on all right so you go over that and do that

and otherwise uh thanks so much for tuning in and we'll see you we'll see you on the patreon middle of the week otherwise we'll see you next week have a great week Thank you.