Kump - 130 - When Doves Cry

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Ray and Lucie argue about doves at their wedding, a steak house incident, not going viral, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Hello and welcome to comp. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Hi. How are you doing? I'm doing good. I've been doing a bunch of wedding planning this week. Sure.

of stepping on my wedding planning. What do you mean? I mean, I didn't realize this wedding was going to be a fight. I didn't realize that marrying you was going to be a battle. I don't understand. A pitched battle. I didn't realize I would have to claw and nail like a little rat just to get my little piece of the wedding pie. I want you to be involved in the planning.

Apparently you don't. apparently you'd like for me to go hide in the bathroom while you and you're made of honor and all your female relatives plot against me and undermine me I look I don't is this about what is what is I can't tell what this is about but I'm assuming it's about uh it's about your your plan with the dubs oh you think you think it might have something to do with the dubs And how you have put those plans asunder. Look, most of the time... Weddings at doves, wait, doves at weddings, either are ubiquitous.

I don't know if doves at weddings are ubiquitous. I know they're used sometimes. It's a classical tradition. It's a magnificent gesture on my part to supply doves for people to see, for your family to gawk at, to go. to go, just go slack jaw. Oh, look at the doves. Look, wrangling doves, it could be very complicated.

There are all kinds of animal cruelty laws of all. I put my own spin on it, by the way. Yeah. A lot of people, they seem to like to do the thing with the dubs where they, where they, you know, where do they do? They released them, like, like hacks. Yeah, as the, as the, as the. bread and groomer having their send-off.

Right. That's what I thought you were talking about initially. But it's so much crazier than that. I don't think it's crazy. I just would like to have a dove. Now, look, I might have used the word stapled, but that's not what I meant. All right.

I think you used the word glued. All right. Look, I mean, how would you? People use crazy glue in the fields of battle, right? People use crazy glue to heal wounded soldiers, I think. All right? So why can't? Wait, wait, how do you think they use crazy glue to heal wounded soldiers?

They use it to glue up the wound. To glue their skin together? Yes. When their face has been slashed open by shrapnel? I mean, why don't you look it up if you're going to be so high and mighty about it? If you're going to be such a little brat. look up crazy glue soldiers and then we'll see how that factors into my dubs super glue served as a tissue adhesive which effectively saved wounded soldiers

from bleeding to death you so you you're saying you would prefer they bled to death i don't i'm not sure what you're what your argument is well look okay maybe in desperate that war is often desperate but but yeah and so are weddings i don't think generally they use crazy glue to all i want to do is have a dove glue to my shoulder and so it can flap majestically as i say my wedding vows and i say my wedding cheers and i say my wedding promises first of all that seems distracting it seems like people would be distracted from the vows because they'd be looking at the struggling bird that would that would clearly be in pain what pain trying to what pain glue heels we've established that glue heels you're what you're describing is really as is a shoulder

glue trap but for a dove instead of a rat i don't think that's true i don't think it's a trap i think i think that look that glue traps work with rats they they they tear their their uh their bottom halves off trying to escape i wouldn't let it do that I would do something afterwards that melted the glue, okay? That dissolved the glue, some kind of vinegar mixture. In the middle of your vow, you can't guarantee that in the middle of your vows, the dove isn't going to separate from its feet, and then it's going to be flapping around all bloody.

And then it's going to just fall on the floor in front of you dead. You think a dove. And then that's what's going to define your vows to me. You think a dove has the torsing power. Is that the word? The torque? You think a dove? a flightless dove has the torque to fly its own legs off its own feet

dove feet are very small and doves are and doves are kind of strong have you ever fought a dove when have you fought a dove have you ever fought a dove i've i i guarantee you i could fight a dove if i if a dove was trying to hurt you is a dove that i bring tries to hurt you i'll stop it you know what if the dove was trying to bite you. I'm the one. Wait, wait. Now the dove might try to bite me. It'll try. But that's why it's glued to my, you know. Where are you getting these dubs from? I have people all over this country. These can't be quality dubs. I don't think of curator.

What do you think? What do you think? I don't think a curator of quality dubs would allow one of his dubs to be to be crazy glued to a groomed shoulder. I don't think you know anything about dubs. I think you're, I think you're talking out of your behind. uh these doves i have people all over this country who are willing for money to deal me doves to dub me deals all right to and look all i'm saying is it will look if you said to me well won't want to take a dump on your shoulder while i'm putting a ring on your dumb finger and i say maybe my finger's done don't i'm calling my finger dumb don't don't act like i'm abusing

i'm saying is that that was your concern i would say yes but I have a pocket square for my suit that would put on my shoulder, all right? But you seem to think that a dove is going to rip its own legs off to get away from me. That's how you view me. That's the cave. I am the cage that holds a dove in your mind. I just don't think that any bird, the birds are famously fond of flying free. I don't think any bird is going to respond well to being detained.

What about doves as a funeral? Do you think they want to be there? But they do it. I've been to many funerals or I've seen them in movies when you have a loved one die and you get a wooden cage of dubs and you let them go with a funeral. It's a lovely thing.

It's almost as beautiful as a wedding. And you say, that's our boy. You know, you say like, our boy died in a helicopter escape from a prison he tried his friend trying to land a helicopter or in the prison and they both perished you know and he go

but now these doves our boys and these doves his soul is in the doves right I plan for like if we ever have kids I plan for their funerals I don't know why is that weird I mean I if God forbid something happened to our offspring I want to send them off majestically.

See, in my experience, when a child dies, generally the funeral is just really sad and, you know, the parents are in mourning. So they're not necessarily in, you know, interested in planning these elaborate dove theatrics. They're just sad that their child is dead. I just want to honor my boy. I want him to know he didn't die for nothing.

And when he died, he died, and now he has a bird soul. And you just want to step all over that and plan your little, you know, crudipays, canapes, and your, and your special cocktails that you plan with you and your, and your, and your, and your hands. But you don't want to, you don't want to let me take part. You wouldn't let me play the nine-inch nails. No. And now you won't let me have the dubs.

I think I, look, I think I suggested a great compromise for the nine-inch nails thing. It's a little bit too, look, the factory sounds of nine-inch nails, I don't think are great for a first dance. Factory sounds? Are you implying to they're like, this is like Lou Reed's metal machine music? It's called industrial music. It doesn't mean it's actually made in the factory. But I suggested having a cellist play a little rendition of we're in this together now

as the wedding party is being filtered down the aisle. I reluctantly accepted your insult. Denegrating compromise and and the things I get is is constant clawback on my dubs I wanted everyone to have I wanted the entire wedding party to be wrangling these birds and playing with them I wanted them to treat these birds as if they were blowing bubbles like we've like you know sometimes people will have bubbles and you hand them out of the wedding I wanted that to be dubs I wanted them to do not people that would just be blue How much would a thousand doves cost?

Look it up. It can't be. Look it up. It can't be. How much would a thousand doves cost? Let's see. Is there an answer? Typically the price is $150 to $350 for a pair of doves.

Can we get to fund me going? I think our fans. would love to see, I mean, and we'll share a video of it. Well, we, when, it's, you know, it's a, you, you, you make an investment and then you get, you get a nice little video. This could, this could go viral. We could be the couple that goes viral with the dubs. I, I could have three dubs on me.

You could have two. Your tire, your dress can be surrounded in dubs. Look, another flaw in your logic here. I want, number, number one, these dubs, if the guy was going to allow us to glue them to ourselves would definitely be the $150 dobs, not the $350 dobs. All right, well, cool. We don't know. So it's cheaper.

We don't know what kind of temperaments and what kind of personalities, $150 doves have. We need the doves to fly through a fuck. A thousand of them could maybe do some serious damage to our guests. I mean, look, we'll glue down their nails or something. We'll wrap them and felt, you know, and leather. We'll get leather straps and wrap them out of their little claws. I do need some of them to fly through a fire at one point. Or preferably out of a fire, but that might be dangerous.

But I'm thinking maybe we retrofer the trash can and we have the doves inside the trash can. Then there's a metal grate with something that we pull out. And then the fire goes on top. So they're flying through a fire, but it looks like they're flying out of a fire. But it's an illusion. it's a it's a it's a it's a slight of hand so basically you want our wedding to be a dove massacre you want it to be a mass murder of dub we can cover them we can cover them in that flame retardant gel

I mean not all of them just the ones that need to fly through fire doves on their own are beautiful I think the idea of a dove doused in flame retardant gel though that's no longer a beautiful dub you won't tell a difference it's like a grease that you're just turning doves into like greasy pigeons for the sake of setting them on fire. You think when faced with the spectacle of majestic doves flying through flame, people are going to be nitpicking,

oh, it looks a little greasy. That dove looks a little slick for my taste. Maybe I won't approve this marriage. No, they're going to be staring into the sun as the doves fly into the sun. people are going to be so enamored the only risk is that your relatives will stare into the sun as the doves fly away and burn out their cornees all right i don't know what's wrong with i would never burn a dove i love that i'm a friend of doves no but you take you take a dove that you view is so beautiful that it could be the reincarnation of your own

son's soul well that's that's crazy glue it to your shoulder that's years from now i'm not going to be talking about my future son at the wedding my wedding my wedding Vows will not reference our future son's death. I don't know what you're getting on you're mixing things up. That's the funeral. That's not we haven't even talked about just the possibility that it starts

shitting on you. I addressed that. You know why? Because I addressed that before you even thought of it. I've already planned this out and you just want to naysay. So you bypass that completely because you know I've planned for that. You know I've planned for, you know, I have

multiple, I've bought two suits and I've cut fabric from the second suit and I placed it on my shoulder so I can just rip off pieces of fabric as they go. Oh, as if a magician was fiddling with a coin. All right?

And you, but you're just trying to find ways around this, ways that you can just circumvent my happiness. Let me have the doves. I want you to be happy. What colors do you want at the wedding? What colors do I want? What do you want?

What color doves? They're typically white. No, no, color schemes. You think you can replace my dubs with color pattern? Oh, we'll have napkins that are fuchsia. Hope Ray's happy. Didn't get his dubs. Sick of it.

Unreal. What if we had like dove centerpieces? Put it in a little, like a dove in a large jar with holes poked in the. and it was on and there was one on each table so there's a dove cage on each table yeah now we're taught so we're live dubs

yeah you're not gonna you're not trying to pawn off some fake paper napkins some origami dubs on me no maybe can I all right can I lift up a

a cage of dugs of dubs and as and as I as the priest or whoever asked me like do you take this woman to me I shake the cage of dubs at you

I say this is my love in dove form and I eat a dove I put a dove in my mouth I don't actually eat it I'm not going to chew it what would happen if you're going to be a whole dove in your mouth what would happen you tell me what would happen I don't think you can fit a whole dove in your mouth Google it well if that's if that's the way you're going to play this you might be sorely in person you want me to Google can you fit a whole

dove in your mouth what happens if you put a dove in your mouth What? I'm batting like at least 500 on these Googles. What happens if you put a dove in your mouth? Yes. What do we have here? I can't see. What's it say?

Your question is so insane that the internet doesn't recognize it. You know what that makes me? It doesn't recognize its legitimacy. You know what that makes me? What? A visionary. glue is safe glue is safe

how about this that's Google animal cruelty laws regarding regarding doves fine this is at least at least we're now we're trying to figure it out and we're not just dismissing this out of hand what do you what do you Google New York

what does it say what we have here New York man it doesn't seem like they're already like notable laws now let's do me that now do me this favor okay Google thumbs at wedding and see how majestic it looks beautiful it make this full screen make this full screen now make this page full screen okay look at look at all this majesty everyone can see now for all the internet and YouTube to see your you're Your plans to circumvent me are like ashes in your mouth.

Look at these doves. Look at this. Make this bigger. Look at these couple. Look at this couple. Hold on. Stop, stop, stop. Hold on.

I have to take us off. We're just just look at that couple. They are just in love. And they're both, you know what's interesting there? They're both playing with the dove. Here's another couple. holding the dove. Beautiful.

Holding doves, playing with them, rearranging the doves. Here's a couple with a lot of doves. Look at this. That's got to be, I think they have probably five doves there.

I can't believe you don't want me to be happy. I can't believe it. Enough for the doves. You know, so this is going to, look, I have a feeling this is going to be a problem all the way up until the wedding.

I am not going to relent. I will not be one of those men who doesn't, get the wedding he wants look one dove if we were saying one dove one dove or two doves like one love that we could do that we could afford a couple of doves all right i just feel like if you do what you want to do with the doves i can't end up in prison so i can glue one to my shoulder and you glue one to yours no no why all right what if what if the the the wedding part where look we're look we're going to I don't put a pen in this, but I'm not relenting.

I am not. Anyway, welcome to the show. How are you doing otherwise? Otherwise, yeah, pretty good. That's great. We have a lot of things to talk about today, namely, my, see, I need to go viral here. That's part of the thing here. Part of the thing is I want to go viral, you know?

because that look I've been on Twitter we talk about my Twitter so backstead we're going to look at a little backstory here my Alan Musk is taken over we all know right it's all it's all now now everyone everyone said you know when he took over he's like comedy is now legal on Twitter he's taking over Twitter to be clear not the world just Twitter right comedy is now legal on Twitter he said alluding to I guess the fact that you can come on now

and just and just say you're like you know you don't have to worry about the woke police or the or the dove police like Lucy you know people like Lucy coming on saying why are you writing doves and that's my impression I'm so mad still but now

apparently people have been impersonated Alon Musk They just check these blue checks Which I'm not one of I've got 52.1 or 2000 well 52.2 maybe 2.1 Enough that you think I'd be a verified man

And I'm not We talk about us on our Patreon Which you can sign up for if you want It's $5 a month for Just some great content We had a great episode Where we talked about The battle between Stephen King

And Alan Musk And how I'm not verified So I don't give a day But the point is What's my point? I'm losing my train of thought now I'm so mad about the doves He's people have these blue check marks have been revolting

These people who were verified And people like Kathy Griffin Have changed their names to Roland Musk on Twitter And he's fed up And he's going crazy And he's saying no more impersonating Yeah He said if anyone's impersonating people on Twitter

you get permanently suspended and she kept going now she's gone she's off Twitter she's off Twitter so in response I in an attempt to go viral I made it well I thought was a nice little tweet it's this one here this is by Twitter instead of saying comedy is now legal on Twitter because to be fair people are saying oh I thought comedy was legal on Twitter and in response it's just kicking her off of things and other people off. I wrote a picture of Snoopy and said comedy is now a beagle on Twitter. And I'm getting barely anything on this tweet. Um, yeah, look, it's, it's a cute tweet.

It's, it's against form for me. I'm not usually a Snoopy advocate, but I still feel like this is, uh, this is why we need the doves, because I'm trying my artist to go viral on this damn site. I feel like I've been throttled. This thing, this thing's got like 40 lights from an hour ago or something. This should be good, viable. This is the kind of content that, like, we refuse to do normally. And, like, you know, but it's why we're not successful.

You know, this is what should be. I give it the college try, and no one likes my stupid tweet. I'm just mad about it. Do you think this is Elon Musk shadow banning you? It might be a shadow ban. It might be a throttling. I'm not seeing the engagement I used to when I tweet about, like, you know, hurting my dad or whatever. Whatever I normally tweet about.

What's that now? It's got 52 likes. I mean, that's not great. That deserves more. This is a tweet for the family. This should. This is why we, this is why I need to make a spectacle of myself for our wedding.

Yeah. We're becoming irrelevant. We're too saccharine. You know, we're two, we're two milk toast. Wait. What? The tweets to milk toast.

Yeah. We're not milk toast. No, we're not. That's our problem. that's my point we need to go viral in some kind of we need to find a metal ground between the beagle tweet and talking about hurting her dad all the time what if i tweet um um i think my foot my i think i have gang green that's that go viral i think my foot's got a wound on it let's try it out you've had tweets do you've had tweets do you

very well and obviously you have a pretty big following on Twitter but you haven't really you haven't really gone viral yet right I've never had more than like 10,000 or 20 000 likes on tweet I've never gone full of our you have here I'm tweeting it right now my I think of my foot has a wound on it pretty worried die. I mean, this won't do well. I think my fear has a wound on it. Pretty worried.

Hope I don't. Oh, I hope I don't do. Hope I don't die. Let's see how this does. You can follow along at home. It's the beauty of Twitter. Can we show this now? We'll just refresh.

Here we go. So here's the tweet I just tweeted. If you're watching. uh i think my foot has a wound on it pretty worried hope i don't die let's see what we get we'll come back we'll come back later in the show perhaps at the end of the show we'll do a review we'll see uh but anyway so that's that's where my heads at i'm just worried about my my potential shout there we got one like there right on our way to fame and glory so uh speaking of this you have a story here uh that you um prepared to show me uh i

i've just clicked on it and it says don't you love the yankees this is not this is not working that's an ad there we go no this is the wrong this is this isn't the right one where's the no i want the i want the one about the uh the parents that you put the parents the children that went viral that's going to be a great segue this is all going to to hell just google what you found it le you i don't know Oh, do you remember the story? The doves messed it up. You had some story about parents going viral and then hating their children.

There we go. Why was it coming up? Oh, it got inverted the two stories. Okay, here we go. Their children went viral. Now they wish they could wipe them from the internet. I've always been curious about how this turned out for parents who like use, you know, do TikTok content or Instagram content with their kids.

Sure. You're talking about like people who like what, turn their children to marry their puppets? Like, there's this one video that I always thought was really cute called the Peanut Butter Baby video. What? Where I think we may have been, I think we may have talked about it on the podcast before.

You were very skeptical. Yeah, last time I remember talking about it with you, you were very skeptical of this woman. Right. But it was like a viral video that showed a woman, uh, basically asking her toddler age son to show her what he did in the kitchen. And then he takes her to the,

kitchen and an infant baby is like covered in peanut butter and he's playing in the peanut butter this sounds your test and and uh you know they're both and both the kids are laughing and it's you know and it's cute it's cute family content okay peanut butter baby classic example of this but uh like i always wondered like if if parents ever like regret using their kids for content like that i guess they do what if i took our children before we'll get back to the story in a second because I'm dying to know what happens to the mother of the peanut butter baby well I don't think she's featured in this one that's just an example of a famous right child what if we got our baby to steal people's tweets what if we convinced everyone that our baby

was a joke thief oh yeah he we bring our baby to comedy clubs uh with a notepad and then we and we tweet in his name. Little baby A little baby Theodore. Little baby Theodore and yeah he'll have like a Twitter account Right And he's nasty, he's a nasty baby

Where he just, yeah he just He just screenshots people's tweets And retweets the screenshots Yeah and he goes Snooze, it's very cute because he's a baby And he goes He'll put some tweet about like the queen Passing and he'll say

snooze you know something like that that'll be that'll be his catchphrase snooze and then a little poop emoji and that'll be a little baby theater does and we'll and we will viciously the gimmick really comes to the play when people

because people just think it's like a fake account yeah because people who pretend to be babies on Twitter right yeah but when people go after little baby theater we will viciously defend him we will we will make threats we will threaten to set ourselves on fire

we will say we are the parents of little baby Theodore how dare you and then we'll flesh weapons pictures of weapons and we'll make all these we'll probably get banned a lot yeah because we'll be making overt threats and then every once in a while maybe on a little baby Theodore's account yeah a video will get posted that's just little baby like a real baby a little baby theater right in sunglasses right and just kind of drooling on himself

and a song about like haters is playing in the background We think our baby's sick. Yeah. And then out of the blue, I'm going to come out and say, I'm the father of little baby, Degador, and I want to come out and say, I think my son is a rotten rat. My little baby is a thief.

I don't support what his mother is allowing with you. Yeah. You'll be the one I'm after. I mention the doves. I'll mention the vicious way you deny me, whatever. I mean, I don't want to dwell on that. But, yeah, I mean, I just want to monetize every bit of me, including my offspring. Will this work?

I feel like this would have worked 10 years ago. Oh, for sure. It would have worked 10 years ago. Now it's questionable. We always come to the party too late. That's our problem. A little baby Theodore. So what's this story?

What's this great story we have? During the early months of the coronavirus pandemic. I just, let's screw this up. Cody, Elise, started posting what she described as, quote, normal mom quarantine content on TikTok. Cody, Cody. Why does every site do this? Stop putting, oh my God.

A cosmetic tattoo artist said she really wasn't on social media before then, so she barely had any followers because her videos weren't getting many views. Well, that's kind of how it works. Yeah. I have no followers because no one looks at what I do. welcome to the internet she felt it quote wasn't a big deal

to have a public account to showcase her family's life during lockdown with many of the videos featuring her and their daughters dancing around the house but you decided to use that hack which we don't have we actually have to be funny

or argue or argue about you know argue in front of our fans about doves you know showcase our pain but you're just like look at my family

we're inside now this is a baby this is an inherently cute thing look at this baby but the overwhelming response to one of cody ells's first viral videos convinced her what's it can quote convinced i don't like journalism anymore convince her to take her kids offline entirely all right how is this news i mean do you should we cover war should we cover famine should we cover the water in flint No, let's talk about this woman who stopped posting her kids online. This is not a story. The video started with Cody L.

Tony's and five-year-old daughter. She swapped places with Cody Ellis to the beat of the music. This is like they're discussing a TikTok video. Like it's the damselpruder film. What is this? Back into the left. Back to the left. This is insane.

I remember the one of the top. I don't want to keep reading. this story who who this is like what you would read in 1984 like in the book like this is what the journal they don't really show what the journalism is for the most part i guess they have those screens that like i feel like right after like our war with your age is going well and then it's like and little baby cody is off the internet this is like with the children of men baby Diego has died oh no not baby Diego the uh the kinetic pace of the of the horrish twerking is a memento moray, reminding all of us that we could perish at any moment.

Jesus, what is this your having way? Children don't know about the internet. What kind of statement is this? Children don't know about the internet, says Sarah Adams, a creator who runs a TikTok account. Mom unshorted, which posts videos about the ethics of parents' content that revolves around children. What? So you have the people, you know, just, just for, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just,

sending their you know videos of their children out in the world and then this woke scold or whatever Sarah Adams going like I'm going to start a channel which post videos about the ethics of what TikTok is dancing I thought can you do ethics on TikTok um no I don't think so we have failed this is just proof that we're not any good we how how How have we not gotten, how is someone not writing a report on us? This is why the doves need to be. I don't want to keep going back to it. But look, it backfired on her.

Eventually all these people started commenting about how one of her kids was uglier than the other one. And now she's on NBC News website. You know, and like people go, hey, don't look at my, don't look at my TikTok. Oh, I took my kids off. And all they're doing is go into the site. We'll take baby theater off of the internet for a day just to get a story going. You know, hey, baby, Theodore, take, take, take five, you know, uh, I, I don't understand why we're not viral.

Let's go. Let's look at my tweet. What we have now? Refresh this. Can we refresh this? Where do we at now? To, just remind you, I think my food has a wound on it, pretty worried, hope I don't die. Ten likes.

anyway this is this is a problem i've been throttled this is your rival what will i someone get someone help us someone get in contact with us and tell us how to be famous we need more engagement we need a publicist we do need a publicist if someone wants to reach out if you know if you do any publicist work you tell us what we're doing wrong Um, anyway, uh, speaking of that, um, and maybe this is what we're doing wrong. Here's our next story we're going to talk about. Uh, a woman was stabbed in the roof, Chris steakhouse.

Wait, this is not the right one. These tabs got all screwed up. Here we go. Woman accused of, oh, it's in New York City. Oh, yeah. Well, that's not good. That's where we live. Woman accused of stabbing tourists inside New York City steak.

house piercing his lung acting in self-defense parent claim sweetest person you'd want to meet well that can't be true look yeah it might have been self-defense but you can't be the

sweetest person you ever meet and stab someone and self-de- it's just not really you either like look the Swedish person you ever met would be like oh my God I've been I've been attacked right now I stab myself in self-defense yeah the sweetest person you go

Well, I mean, I just have a feeling the sweetest person you've ever met would say, oh, my God, I'm being hurt physically in some way. Yeah, the sweetest person you've ever met wouldn't have the instinct to go for the essential organs like that. Did she go for the essential organs? She went for the lung. Oh, that's right. So here we're going to go.

A woman accused of stabbing, let's just, oh, screw this, here we go. A woman accused of stabbing a tourist inside a posh, midtown Manhattan Steakhouse, piercing his lung tells cops she didn't remember the attack. I mean, if you're blacking out and stabbing people, you don't sound like the sweetest person ever. I mean, not the sweetest. She's the sweetest person ever. She just flies into a blind rage for time to time.

If you whistle at her, she'll pull that knife out. I mean, to be fair, was this a steak knife, or was this her knife? Well, I assume it was one of the table knives. Okay. Well, it seems, look, you pierced along, though. uh total cops it isn't actually an interesting question of whether whether it was a steak knife or or a butter knife because if she got to the lung with a butter knife she was very angry

yeah i mean that's that's more of a i don't know you could do that uh her parents who is her she doesn't remember the attack and her parents hold the only knew she's only defending herself if they're being punched she was punched i don't know if you're allowed to stab someone in the lungs if they punch you but maybe i mean that's that's for a grand jury i guess Joe, Joan Thompson was celebrating her 41st birthday with her cousin by visiting Ruth Chris Steakhouse on West 51st Street for the first time Friday night, but not the last. The 24-year-old victim, eating with his wife as part of a large party,

another table, and the stranger of the Thompson needed surgery after he was stabbed in the back in the attack. Wait, hold on. How do you stab someone in the back when they're punching you? I don't know. Seems hard. Croft Maga. But.

Prosecutor said was partially captured on video. So I guess this is the knife. So it does seem kind of like a butter knife. Yeah. It doesn't seem like one of those nice steak knives that gave you to the steakhouse. It seems kind of like half and half. Yeah. It's a little serrated.

It's pointier than a typical butter. It's not butter knife. But it doesn't seem like a steak knife. Hmm. Police said Thompson flew into a range Friday night after the victim's wife made snide remarks about the service and the waitstaff. Wait, so, yeah, okay. So he's, he's getting mad, like, he's going on like, where's my steak?

Right. Right. Where's this, uh, where's this delicious, uh, beef steak that I ordered? I ordered a beef steak. Where is it, man? So in his narrative, his, uh, complaining about the weight and staff, this woman was basically, basically stabbed a guy to defend the honor of the weight staff at Ruth, Chris steakhouse.

Again, not the movie. you would expect from the sweetest person you'd ever know. A decent, look, a slightly violent but well-meaning person, perhaps. Right. An unstable maniac, perhaps.

But, you know, not the sweetest person. Let's see. Video taken by another patron showed Thompson standing on a chair or bench, gripping the steak knife and shouting. assistant district attorney Samantha McCarthy said during Thompson's arraignment Saturday in Manhattan criminal court she can be seen repeatedly plunging the knife

downward repeatedly and the blade connected from the sweetest person in the world look how this how this person they're sweet don't get me wrong you couldn't ask for a sweeter woman but she did just repeatedly plunge a knife into my lungs and the blade connected with the victim once okay so she's plunging the knife downward and just wildly throw a knife and then just like occasionally it's long she's the sweetest version of the world but once she starts stabbing she's not going to stop no she's a she's a whirling dervish uh but thompson's father claimed his daughter was punch in the face and harassed as the mayhem broke out around her based on what his daughter and his cousin told him all right well

look you understand that he was punching me uh maybe that happened that way what do i know i'm not flying on the wall I feel like this lady is probably a little bit of a daddy's girl. Daddy. Daddy, you understand. This daddy thinks his daughter can do no wrong. Sweetie. She's, I mean, she made me a paper machet necktie once. I mean, I wore it to work one day.

You know, not the whole day. I took a picture at work. They showed her later. She loved it. And then I was fired from work. It was just, it's totally, you know, I was working at like Goldman Sachs. whatever um she stabbed his man in the one that's exactly how it started chris staples these people left your table to come to my daughter's table to start harassing him for

i mean he's very confident in the fact he's also 84 this dad the dad chris carlo staples was 84 said sunday uh he put his hands on her which is what is what i was told i don't know i'm like you're you're doing sir you have any you have any you have any anything to say about it? In fact, your daughter stabbed this man. I'm told that he put his hand on her. I don't know. Very sweet girl. So you have witnesses in video surveillance

versus an 84-year-old guy going like, hey, he sends your son until the day he digs a wife. You've dotted your daughter for the rest of her life. My daughter told him quotes, we're not here to fight. We came here to have dinner.

My daughter got the worst of it And she's the victim protecting herself. I mean, I guess so. I mean, he failed to protect himself, which is why he got stabbed in the lung. Yeah. The woman approached Thompson threatened her saying, I'm going to bust your nose.

She said, I'm going to bust your lungs. No, that's not. I mean, though. If she's protecting herself, why is she in jail and they're not in jail, the mother said, that's cruel to me. That would be cruel. That does sound cruel.

Yeah. Why don't we get away with things like this? I mean, we don't stab people, but I mean, like, I just feel like if this person can stab someone at a Ruth Chris Steakhouse, why can't my tweet go viral? Can you imagine any family member of yours giving you the benefit of the doubt like this? If you were arrested for me. Not if they were standing there while I was crucified like Jesus Christ.

They would say, he must have provoked them. Not if they were saying this is a hate crime of violence against your boy, they would still say he must have done something. uh no i'll never know that kind of love because the dubs we're gonna have the doves thank you the whole yard could be you heard it here you heard it here i browbeat her into it uh okay

so what's happening now with the story uh thompson fled but police were able to identify from the table reservation so she fled but she also fled the scene the sweetest woman in the world didn't you know didn't think to like stick around for cops the sweetest women in the world just sprinting full speed out of ruth crisp stables i have wards blouse covered in blood the sweetest woman you ever see i had a bench warrant hearing uh she told police the she remembered being in the restaurant and getting him an argument but didn't remember just stabing itself i mean i look did you stab this man i don't know i stab a lot of people

where roof chris you say maybe perhaps i mean i don't know i don't know i stabbed I think I ate dinner, like. I go a lot of steakhouses, and I stab a lot of men right in the lungs. It doesn't seem like my ammo. I'll be honest with you. I can't say you're a liar, sir. But Thompson acknowledged she was the woman in the video,

and it appeared to show her stabbing the victim. No, it does look like me, and I am stabbing it, man. The victim, who police said is, hails from Milford, Massachusetts, was released from New York Presbyterian Hospital. She said she spoke to the daughter Oh his daughter's in Rikers That's where the sweetest people in the world go That's this could be a little children's book

The sweetest girl in the world In her visit the Rikers Island I mean What gang is the sweetest girl in the world Going to join? You have to join it I mean Yeah It's a rough place

I'm not making light Rikers Island's a rough place Really rough Especially if you're that sweet Yeah She said Mommy, I didn't mean to do it, but I was scared. Mommy, I didn't mean you stabbed him.

That, a 41-year-old woman saying, Mommy, is really, is really the mark of a fucking crazy person. Did you stab a man at Rupertris Stakeaps? Mommy, I'm scared. She's very scared. I don't think they should have taken him to their Rikers. I'm furious that she's

Rikers. I mean, she belongs in a prison, but not Rikers. The family is still trying to pull together enough money to get released on Bonds Sunday. How much is the bond? I mean, it just sounds like a, I mean, I don't want money to shame people. That's not my role here. Thompson is a mother of two young children and a Costco supervisor.

Look, don't, I want to put it to, I like dining at Costco myself. We don't know that. I love their pizza. I love their chicken bakes. I love your hot dogs. Don't ever cross a supervisor at Costco. You are more likely than not to get standing along. I speak from experience.

Josie's not a violent person whatsoever. Her mother said, what? I mean, these are good parents. These are parents I need. This is, again, like an 80-something-year-old mother of a 41-year-old woman. She's the sweetest person you want to meet, and I'm not just saying that because I'm her mother. Everybody who meets my baby says she's a beautiful person.

What about the guy she stabbed? Interesting. well that's the world and my tweet let's see now let's refresh this 14 likes this is an affront okay this is a a front to my honor the repeat i think my wound has a foot has a wound on it pretty worried hope i won't die 14 like that's a throttling that's a shadow ban this is this How do we deal with this? Just burn my foot off, maybe. Maybe what if I do that?

What if I just put my foot in a pot of boiling water? Right. And they show a picture. You tweet that out. Yeah. No one did anything. No one protected with a Ray. So you want to get a some kind of law pass that says all threats of self-harm tweeted must go viral.

That will put me in a business. Oh, I'll go viral. Yes. That would be the opposite. It doesn't make me rich. I really have a... I think I might have a monopoly on tweeting self-harm. Yeah, I mean...

Speaking of such... Well, I don't know if it's the same thing, but speaking of weird tweets, um, Aaron Carter, uh, the musical star, uh,

the lovely boy has passed. And RIP, seriously. This is, uh, were you a fans of Aaron Carter growing up? Um, I wouldn't say I was an Aaron Carter fan, but he was ubiquitous. Aaron Carter was ubiquitous. He was a Disney boy, right?

Um, I, I probably, yeah. Yeah. But I do remember, like, the thing that sticks in my mind most is that he is, was his cover of I Want Candy. Oh, the song was I want candy. Right, okay. This big song. Uh, was that on his first album at age nine, Aaron's party? It may have been.

Interesting. Uh, I didn't know much about him. I think I was too old, but the singer and actor who briefly became a teenage succession in the early 2000s and was known for his hit song, I Want Candy.

Yes, there you go. You were right. Was found dead, unfortunately. Let's see. In the early, let's see, that's the wrong button I hit. I was found dead in Salaire's home

in Southern. God damn. No. There we go. Seamless technology. I'm sorry. Aaron Carter, the singer and actor briefly came with Heath and Kennedy, was found out instead of his home in Southern California.

He was 34. Taylor Hegelson, a representative for big umbrella and entertainment management company, confirmed Mr. Carter's death but declined the climate of the cause. This is sad. I'm not sure what, you know, happened. I think he's been a troubled guy for a while. Now, there was a tweet he made that some people are making hay off on Twitter. don't know uh but this is the tweet uh it's he him uh on november 3rd which is what last uh what was that

last uh thursday three days ago yo connier let's talk man to man um but now does anyone have any speculation about what he wanted to talk about him i have no idea some people i mean talk to him about i have no idea uh what he what what what what what what what what what do you think Aaron Carter would want to talk to Kanye about? Do you think he had ideas for shoes? Maybe Aaron Carter could, like, make a shoe company with him? Well, Todd's man-to-man seems more like, hey, we have, there's a confrontation that has to happen. Yeah, I don't think that Kanye was really on the same page.

Google, for me, Kanye and Aaron Carter and see what comes up. It might just be that tweet. I don't know what their, what the connection is. but uh it would seem like what do you see anything any of these let me you know are you seeing anything um well there's erin carter's and erin carter's eerie final tweet against conier has conspiracy theorists we'll bring this up so speculating whether whether people we don't want to circulate conspiracies or anything no uh what what people is it is it are they were they in a feud oh okay so apparently i I guess he,

Garen Carter responded to Kanye West wearing a White Lives Matter hoodie. Oh, that's timely. I mean, that's, what's that? Two weeks after? Look. All I'll say, look, I don't know what to make of it. So he, he, he,

I'm just going to say this about this tweet. It doesn't seem like the tweet of a guy who's not about to die. No. It seemed like, he's got a Joker picture. It's, it's haunting. Yeah. Kanye is kind of like the Joker now.

Kanye's Tonyi's totally. in the world into a wild place Kyrie Irving's doing crazy things these internet parents are taking their kids off the internet I'm doing things with doves

and I'm tweeting about wounds on my foot things are going wild all right should we reach out of the Kanye and start a sneaker company he's lost billions on the sneaker deal I don't

think we should be associated with them i don't think they'll help us but what if we could bring him back into the fold and also you know but a better better a better version of con yeah like the dubs yes what if we glue dubs to coney's shoulders what if that changes everything i don't care what he's saying while he's you know being interviewed uh what kind of crazy rancy goes on if he's got a couple doves on each shoulder i think i think two dubs on each and they're just going it'll take the edge off yeah i we should start maybe maybe fame's not in the in the in the cards for us but maybe we can become consultants for famous people and use these ideas basically we'll call it the dove the dove agency it'll be sued by dove candy bars or whatever dove chocolate and dove soap but whatever

that'll be good publicity and we'll just basically Basically, but everything, we'll just, we find creative ways to use doves to get you, to get your, your, to uncancel you. Right. You know? Yeah, because any, anything you're saying, get some doves. People could say like, oh, you know, that was a little anti-Semitic, but wow, look at those beautiful dubs. Yes. And those doves are a symbol of hope.

The doves are a symbol of joy. I mean, it'll be me saying that. as I'm being, as various lobbying groups and victims advocate groups are screaming at me on live television. But I'm saying, they're a symbol of love and joy. You're taking blood money. I'm taking, I have dictators. I have murderers on the payroll.

I think these are the only people who will deal with me. And I'm the only person who will deal with them. I mean, this is going to be a mess. Imagine anything that you said, we could take. tailor a dub video as a direct response to it. So, like, maybe a great video for Kanye would be... Wait, wait, wait, just think about what you just said? Yeah.

But he'll be saying that in response to, like, a journalist saying, how do you live with yourself? Yeah. I think a great video idea for Kanye would be Kanye standing, kind of a plain, you know, set up. Yeah. Standing in a nice suit, though. Right.

And he's holding... You can see he's holding something in his hands. Oh, people are anticipating what this is, yeah. What is he up to? I'm Kanye West, and here's what I really think about Jews. And then he releases the dove into the air. Wow. And you can make of it what you want.

That could be, look, people are accuses of whitewashing, I guess, or of, like, you know, whatever the money laundering version of, like, you know, PR is. Right. um will we get paid i i think it's impossible that we wouldn't get rich off of this yeah i mean people and then well i think we can we can parlay this into event planning the dove agency we're the dove the dove group welcome to the dove group yeah and we'll have this like i mean can we get a line of credit somehow so i want i want like a midtown manhattan office Which is not where talent agencies or whatever this is then they be, right?

Or is it. Maybe it is. I have nothing about this business. I want there to be doves flying everywhere. Again, much like in our loft office or whatever. They'll be glass. It'll be like the Matrix. I don't know what I'm saying the Matrix.

But there's a scene when they shoot into the glass, whatever. There will be like a second glass wall. Yes. And dubs will fly inside that. Yeah. It'll only be about like, you know, it's only wide enough for like a dove. People will get mad about that They will protest us

But that will get attention Occasionally you will see a pretty You know a frustrated dove Smashing itself against the glass Look here's a reality Dubs die all the time It's not my fault So but do do

That should be our company slow Dubs die all the time Dove group But you know Doves die all the time You're going to see if you come to our offices You're not more likely to not to see it dead dove because we're like we can't i mean look we can't just have people inside the second glass

partition all day why picking up the dead doves right it'll ruin the illusion it'll ruin the majesty you've got you've got to scramble a few dubs to make a dove event maybe we can get some kind of weird great that'll slide open and and and and the dead doves to fall through right because i mean it's going to take the sting off if it's just if it's just dead dove after dead dove that's not that's not what we're trying to put across um i mean we're going to have to what's our dove budget we're going to go bankrupt buying dubs yeah can we can we can we find a way that i mean is there any way to get dubs to breed a lot have a lot of sex of each other we're going to need a lot of dubs and i feel like we just if we can just get them to like

mate inside of our office we can put a bunch inside the glass dove to Yeah. We can just dump a bunch of oysters in there, like once a week. You're thinking, I know that in some circles, people say oysters. It's an aphrodisiac. It might be. I've heard that. I'm not sure that extends to dubs.

Now, well, it might. And it might not. And also, it would make our office smell like oysters. But. I mean, we can look, we can also, like, we're doubling down on the price here, on the cost. but what if you come to the dove group and you look you sit down for a meeting we serve you fresh oysters oh yeah so it's like well it smells like oysters in here funny you mention that and we have it was like dome those metal dome things and we lift it up and it's like help yourself it's like how long

has been sitting there a while they're good they don't they don't spoil immediately maybe we get like a refrigerated they'll be on ice yeah what am i talking about they'll be on ice yeah it'll be seeping because, you know, we're not going to just change it out of every meaning. So it'll be kind of dripping and the ice will be melting. But like, but I have to explain to people. Look, I get what you're saying is melting. If it's still cooling the oysters. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be any ice left.

All right? Don't you understand thermodynamics? All right. Don't be a brat. You've come to the dove group. This is not why you came to talk about oysters and ice. It's just something nice we do for you. If you don't want to eat it, don't eat it.

No, skin enough my back. serve to the next guy, right? These people. And, like, maybe, maybe, I'll turn to you and I'll say, maybe they're not right for the dove group. Yeah, I mean, look, look, this is why we have these meetings. We want to know if we gel, if we mesh, if we're going to work well together.

And I'll take them with the oysters. I'll just suck it there. See, I mean, am I sick? Am I sick? Not everyone is brave enough to work with the dove group. Yeah. I mean, this is, this is, this is a. gesture of bravery that I'm serving oysters in my in my hot office it's very hot in here

by the way why's it so hot in here it's 90 degrees we don't we don't pay for air conditioning but that's all the more reason to eat the oysters because if it's if it's this hot and the ice is still half solid yeah the oysters are definitely being chilled we're never going to be famous we're never going to make these ideas are genius I don't even care about wealth and popularity I just I mean I just I lament I sit in bed and I lament

that these ideas will go to go to waste I'm not making enough imprints on the world anyway Should we check it on your tweet One more time before we go We're going to check it on the tweet Let's see how it's doing Make this full screen so we can

what we have here what will be at now was the second read that what's it say you're refreshing okay I guess it was refreshed 16 likes 16 likes

well thanks for tuning in if you enjoy this show you can follow us on Patreon or sign up for the Patreon whatever you can follow me on Twitter sign up for the Patreon. The Patreon, you get an extra episode every week for $5 a month.

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What do you think of this? And I respond while I'm playing games. Yeah. And you respond. And it's nice. It's nice. So you can do it. that if you want and if you just like this you can just stick around me i'm happy to have you

here thanks so much for being here and uh you know have a great day thanks for tuning in i can hit the button