Kump - 139 - Romantic Bird Statues

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Ray and Lucie discuss Valentine's Day, George Santos, and much more Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Today on com, we're talking about George Santos, Rihanna, sad girls, and much more. Stay tuned. Hello and welcome to come. hello lucy so how you doing i'm doing pretty good it's a big day tomorrow yes it is well today it's releasing you know it's going to be releasing tomorrow but we might as well talk as if it is valentine's day you're excited happy valentine's day happy valentine's day the day of all saints or whatever the day of is this the day of the war started well of the wars oh i don't know i I don't know.

There was a St. Valentine who did he lead some kind of bloody battle? Well, he robbed a pharmacy. The massacre of the Valentine's. He robbed a bunch of Oxycontin from a pharmacy in Rhode Island. It's an exciting day. And this is always the case. I have these amazing ideas at the wrong time. I have an idea for branding Valentine's Day would come,

but it has to be for the next year. Okay. But it follows on the tail of last week. Was it last week when we were talking about birds? How majestic it would be. Yeah, when you talked about birds. To touch one. And your obsession with them.

Well, I'm just saying, I don't want to, whatever. We all know where I stand. I don't want to be with a bird physically or whatever. romantically sexually anything but it would look it would just be the height of majesty with that so here's what my idea you're in a relationship with a woman or a man or whatever a non-descript person a rando a blob an amorphous entity doesn't matter whoever that person is we create a statue of that person making love to a bird it's it'll be like a like a nice pewter is pewter expensive some kind of metal

picture this you're you're you're dating a guy um he's you know he's some finance guy he doesn't you're not sure if he's uh if he's right for you but he makes a lot of money but you don't know if he's got uh love in his heart and you and you know this guy he's just a provider but he's not a companion and you're thinking about breaking up with him but you know you're waiting for valentine's day to be over and but on valentine's day he shows up with a statue of you i guess in your case being mounted by a bird um you know like it'll be i i guess you're on you're facing each other it's not a bird who's doing from behind and you think this would preserve the relationship you think it would last long

I mean, wouldn't that, look, that's not the move of a shallow, soulless money-grubbing man, is it? I mean, first of all, it's an expensive-looking statue. Yeah. And you're beautifully rendered in it. And it's definitely not an investment opportunity because. Who would buy this? Yeah. It's just a randomly commissioned statue.

I mean, look, my goal is to make them museum quality pieces. And I would offer them to museums constantly. And they're going to put a restraining order right against me because I'm going to be trying to offload these in museums. How visible is the, how visible is the penetration in these statues? And also how realistic. Is there, is there an abstract concept of play? It's not close up of the penetration.

You know, it's your whole bodies. Because I could see like a kind of modern statue where it's just kind of like a swirl of limbs and feathers, kind of like the embrace that they just unveiled in Boston. Well, it's got your legs in a kind of, you're up in the air, and it's holding them with his talons. And it's kind of just, no, it's kind of, I don't know what you call that position per se. But it's not like, it's not like a, it doesn't look like you're hugging a bird. But you are facing the bird.

I feel like you may have stumbled onto something brilliant, but it'll not be used the way you intend for it to be used. How would it possibly be used in any other way? well i recently with the growing cynicism of our culture sure uh there's there's been kind of an effort to monetize like breakups and stuff really like there are a little like valentine's day things where you can make go somewhere and like name a roach after your ex like that kind of thing wow what happened to just uh just kind of capitalizing on people's bitterness what happened to just taking all this money taking half his money because you felt like dating the plumber right Good old days, huh?

And now you got, now you got, like, name a pickle after your, your, uh, abusive boyfriend. Some guy, some guy was like, you know, you finally got, like, you finally moved out of state because he, and he, he still, he still calls you, he gets your number somehow. Why is, why you just, like, get a, get a manure, a bag of manure and then name it, name it Bob.

That'll teach him. When he comes to, when you come to, when you come to, with the knife that's you yeah that's how I think of you you the manure really you got them anyway what you think these will be X things you think someone will I think someone will do this as an elaborate way of humiliating their X is to because I feel like that's more of a humiliation than an honor I a giant a giant statue of you being it's gonna look like a like an assault being basically being assaulted look anytime a person intimate in an intimate way look anytime a person and an animal are making love it it could be

interpreted as an assault sure because you know but it's it's hard to imagine because of the power imbalance well I mean I the birds run the world what power imbalance well somebody does I mean it's like it's either either the bird is assaulting you or you're you're assaulting the bird you feel like you do you feel like you're in them you feel like you're on the on the on the lower end of the imbalance with birds you really feel like birds have the upper hand on you well maybe not now but um these aren't the eagles from the lower of the rings or you know what about again I a bald eagle is still not like it's it's not bigger than you look not to rehash the argument we've already had but like I I think that if it's if it's me and a sparrow

yeah I have I'm on the upper side of the power is this big like a size of a hand yeah that's how would they even make love to you that's that's weird well that's what at my point I could it couldn't people it could only be force people will mistake that for just a statue of you new being the nude and you I have like a I have a sparrow just covering your genitals that's that's that's that's just awkward but like if you're talking about a vulture or yeah bald eagle that that could that could do some damage actually that you you bald eagle you spread eagle he's just happy valentine's day

i mean if someone handed me a statue of me i i would be touched i would be moved i would you know i would seduce that person back no matter what the statue depicted i mean look if it's depicted like you know uh hate crimes i don't think that would be good yeah i'm not i'm not i'm not i'm on record as being against hate crimes

um but otherwise yeah sex crimes no no say you know any kind of crime i don't mind like if it made me a statue of me like you know poisoning a well or something i don't do that but i mean like it's kind of funny oh here's a here's a here's a here's a portrait of you uh profiteering off war and it's like i don't do that but it's kind of funny but you know no one wants to see themselves see on like doing a sex crime on a statue yeah what if it was a statue of you as a little boy as an Eagle Scout and was like 18 I mean oh right yeah I forget I forget how old

Eagles yeah I did it right in the border I mean I wasn't a five like a 10 year old Eagles what was you when you were 18 and you were an Eagle Scout what and do what but it's just showing you it but it's showing you like really messing something up what would you would you imagine me messing up I don't know just like do making it you just made making a shitty tent oh when i cut my finger open when i was making a shelter yeah it's you with your finger cut open that'd be cool your worst moment as an eagle scout i think that'd be really cool immortalized yeah that'd be amazing make me can you pay for a statue to be made of me cutting my finger open just pouring blood into the dirt like a man i guess that would be intense

yeah yeah what i don't know why are you never on board with my million dollar ideas i'm trying to make, I'm trying to, you know, make generational wealth for our family. Look, I have no doubt that a statue is flattering. Yeah. I mean, people used to make commission statues to the people they adored all the time. But like, uh, I mean, I mean, a select few in history. I don't think random peasants were having statues. Yes.

Yeah. You know, people who own palazzo's in Italy would have, you know, Michelangelo, I guess, mega or some lesser sculptor draw their dick on a statue or whatever carve it out of ivory i guess yeah look maybe you're right maybe if the renaissance had like kept going eventually bird sex statues would have been well i can't i can't invent the the statue of david has already been invented all right can we i'm trying to find a niche and yours like being so negative it's like yeah i wish i came up with you know the tesla car or like or the ukraine war i i didn't have these ideas okay i didn't invent the board a biot club wherever it's called like it is called that that wasn't me

this is all i have is birds and people making love this is the idea i have this is you get one idea in life yeah fair you don't seem convinced um so that's what you're gonna that's what you're getting me for valentine's day then it's too late now I mean I get I could make a painting maybe of you and a sparrow I would like that actually aren't sparrows is like you know like like the rats of the of the sea or the sky um no sparrows are beautiful I hate I'm not I mean I think sparrow should be if like if birds became humans like if we somehow like in a hundred years if we look back in this time can you believe we treated birds like they

weren't sentient you know basically human beings whatever uh if that's if that was the world we ended up living in i would uh i would put sparrows in jail look at this little baby boy that's a sparrow hold on this is odd that's not i thought sparras were black like you know i think some sparrows are black like the whole weren't they the birds from game of thrones that's a cute bird all right we can live i guess i think that thing couldn't make love to you it's like we're just go inside you what we're doing uh welcome to the show anyway so what's going on you uh alerted me there's this guy um the state of the union was last tuesday i guess right yes and we there was a guy he's been in the media we all know who he is we haven't talked about him on the show really this george

santos yeah we're playing catch up on this i i kind of assumed the story was over like i thought he was a guy who lied about stuff i didn't even bother looking into it he lied on his resume we'll get into the facts in a second uh apparently it's still going um and you just discovered him like like a couple days ago yeah i'm enamored with him well i've been seeing people i've been you know I keep missing the stories about him. Sure. The major stories about George Santos. But,

how he, uh, saved a bunch of, uh, people from the vaccine from, you know, a vaccine riot. Oh,

he did? See, this guy sounds great. I don't know what people. I would claim that. I would, like, I saved a bunch of people in a vaccine. I wouldn't say 9-11.

You know, I wouldn't be like, oh, people, whoever died 9-11. Whether I just be like, there was a, I was a middle part of,

because it's vague. I was part of a vaccine riot. I saved people you know it's like yeah and I also started the riot anyway go but yeah I think this guy's gonna shake things up in Washington I mean sure I think I think he's a I think he's a real go-getter more than a facts on this guy because I honestly he's like I didn't let's bring this up okay George Santos he looks like the guy from the office um another horrible no good very bad week for George Santos that's a clever headline I mean is it that's from the book yeah Alexander the no good very bad

day he seems like he's having fun though he doesn't seem like he's that panic well why look here what are the facts of this i mean what the primary like the original like this guy lied like this is this about the new stuff or is this about what you did this article um this is about i'm sure it goes into a little bit of backstory i think it's about the most recent things that are happening okay but this guy lied like he lied to get into congress he's an openly gay Hispanic man he claimed to be jewish you said he lied about being jewish you said he lied about being Jewish lied about I guess the college you went to okay and um a bunch of other stuff he maybe he maybe lied about one of his relatives being in 9-11 look if you don't

blame people for being for lying about having someone in 9-11 die uh here's the thing it's your fault um because you like he you know you know if someone if someone to say to me hey my my dad died 9-11 i would say that's rough dude Uh, dad's died every day. That sucks. That's what really? That's all you would say? Well,

like Carrie died nine, like the people who died in 9-11, it's tragic, but like, you think we've put too much stock and being a 9-11 victim. Being a 9-11 victim, I just,

people are going to, you know, get mad at me, but it's like, what did they do that I should be happy you're related to them? Like, they didn't,

like, they didn't like save the day. It was a bad day. It ended really poorly. Well, I imagine like when somebody, you know, hears that story from a politician, they think this guy's really going to make sure that another 9-11 doesn't happen

because, you know, he's got an emotional connection to it. So he really doesn't want another 9-11 to have. He seems to be really into 9-11. So I think he might, you know, he might be more likely to make a new 9-11. Just so another one of his relatives would die in it. Yeah, I mean, it's like I don't, I'm not the one to talk about 9-11.

You think I'm going to let 9-11? Like, if someone's going to be responsible for another 9-11. It's not going to be the guy who doesn't give a shit about 9-11. Yeah. You know? That's true because there just seem to be a lot of people who just aren't comfortable without 9-11s. Yeah.

No, they want, they want, you know, I mean, what is the pitch? Hey, my, uh, my uncle Larry, um, he died on the toilet right before the plane hit the tower, um, so let me represent you in Congress. Right. Like, what's the difference? What, I mean, if you told me, you're, you're. dad was like um the guy robbed a bank and killed two people that oh all right this is like you know he's not just like he's not some uh lazy guy like you know that's

that might be genetic the lazy like they're not being lazy you know oh your dad like maybe maybe you're a go-getter that's what you imagine but you imagine someone who died in nine 11 just a real a real lazy bones i just imagine nothing is the point it's just like it's this is not it's being the 9-11 part of the day they like most most of the people just got blown up right or they were trying to get out there's nothing of no like oh like it wasn't like you know right before the building collapsed they'd all like kind of made some you know mural out of like dead bodies and like and it was it was it was a beaking for all time you know oh remember when they made that human corpse mural as they were all dying

which i'm not saying that would be useful but right you know i can't think of anything they could do mean like people try to save sure but as a whole what does it mean what if somebody's dad was the guy who like uh was one of those who the planes in the tower yeah i mean that would that would that would be interesting well okay what if somebody mohammedata's son like wants to run for her congress i'm not like that what would the pitch there be uh i'm not my dad i'm not hey i'm not i'm not i'm not i'm not My, I'm also named Mahmahana Tha, but I'm not the one in Fluber Plain. I don't, the funny thing that it probably would work with some American voters. Like, just be like, because they just be like, ah, you know, it's like you can't put the sins of the father on the son.

Yeah, but what are his other qualifications? Yeah, but you can't blame him for what his father did. But that's like, that's the same idea, basically. It's like, it's like, it's like, yeah, you can blame him, but you're not, you know, I'm not demonstrating why we should. And neither is the 9-11 thing. Yeah. It's exactly the same thing. You might, you might as will be saying your Muhammad-Data's son.

it's worth exactly as much yeah and like honestly less because i would vote i mean look because again i'm not voting for the guy who did it but would i vote for a son to have curiosity perhaps probably because that would be interesting i mean what are the odds he's going to do with two you know what are the odds that he's going to use a congressional seed to fly a plane into a building I mean, that would be impressive. I mean, you know. Imagine having, imagine, like, being a terrorist and getting that much power in a, in the government that's your enemy. Right.

And then just flying a plane into a plane. I mean, it does kind of beat the whole, like, the Israelis had the guy, Eli Cohen, who, like, was a spy for them. And, like, he, a long time. And he ended up becoming, like, the Syrian, I mean, he went to Syria. I think he became the defense minister. like that's insane right like he was all that high up but like yeah it did nothing beats just flying a plane to him yeah interesting um i feel the same way i mean but yeah this is why you you know you have steve ranzanzini you have pete holmes i guess i guess those aren't the same thing

i guess pt home's dad did die not be don't p david p davison who cares sorry bro anyway so whatever i don't but i don't really blame george when you create an economy of people caring about 9-11 whatnot i'm not gonna blame a guy for saying it's the easiest thing in the world to say yeah and prove he what they weren't you know juliani you know abandoned the search so we could find a river river of gold bullion under tower seven that's true so we don't know if c ranzanzini's uh man he was in that whatever was to be or P. Holmes. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you can't say it's the worst lie told around 9-11. I could have died 9-11. There aren't, like, great records. I mean, they do read those names

every year. You should run for Congress as Ray Kump, the 9-11 ghost. Oh, my God. That could be amazing. Like, literally call my, I identify as a ghost. We can make this work. I you like who's saying how have someone you can't tell me I can identify as a ghost yeah no no that would be rude right I mean like what was there's no scientific data well there's no scientific data for ghosts yeah we all know they're there yeah and I'm one of them ever since 9-11 I've been one ghost is a feeling right I'm pretty sure I'm dead I'm one of those ghosts that can touch things though that'll be your campaign slogan I'm pretty

sure i'm dead rake up 2020 24 i'm pretty sure i'm dead ghost is a feeling ghost is a feeling uh yeah anyway so what what else do he lie about can we let me actually read the first couple of lines from this because i would like your response to this sentiment okay because he got voted in in long island oh right long island oh right yeah i've heard that um that seems right and so this article opens with some long island voters we're responding to the whole controversy. Like that? With my bag sandwich.

This is what to have grown onions on, but they didn't have a regular rungons. I'm going to pay good money for this. Michael Glickman, a 45-year-old independent voter from Long Island, did not mince his words. There's his parents' basement, though. He's just waiting from the die.

Go on. Did not mince his words when asked to deliver his verdict on Mr. Santos. Quote, the community has never been in the spotlight for the idiocy of people who represent us. That's not, there's a lot of things you could hear when a Long Island man doesn't mince his words and it's not that sentence. You wouldn't be able to publish a Long Island man not mincing his words.

Let's be clear about that. This guy is like, this guy's from Long Island the way I'm from, Tahitian. Mr. Glickman said. It's a national embarrassment. The embarrassment began two months ago in the New York Times investigation into Mr. Santos

revealed that the narrative of his life provided to voters was largely made up. That included lies about his faith, college degrees, and work experience. Oh, right, he also lied about working at Goldman Sachs. That's a weird thing It is weird. I guess he wasn't running as a populist. No, but it's just weird like it's like they're pretty, there's a lot of them in the government. Like remember like back like in the

Obama, whatever or Bush? Like they'll, he's called government sacks for a while because like, you know, like Hank Paulson was like all the guys, all the people in the treasury are from government. There's not like, I don't know, I guess it doesn't matter, but it's just like this is not like some mom and pop up like. Right. Why are you like, whatever it just seems like they're a weird thing to lie about like they're just they're very public company those they're not afraid of saying no you isn't right yeah right yeah whatever uh since then there have been a flood of further allegations the 34 year old has been accused of sexual misconduct by a former member of his staff

of falsely claiming his mother perished in the attacks on uh September 11th 2000 oh his mother yeah that's bold that's a tough one to lie about the mother like that's pretty easy to look into. Is she still alive? Is she still alive? You know what? I'm not sure. That would be funny. I mean, even if she's dead, I feel like it would be pretty easy to like confirm that. Whether or not that was true. Oh, sure. No, I just think it'd be funny. Like a direct relative like that. Yeah. But yeah. No, of course. Yeah. I'd be like she's still alive. I mean, I, yeah. I mean, so what was, do you have, like, do you have pictures of the towers on his campaign literature?

like it was mom like superimposed in the sky as you're burning like goodbye mom we love much love to my mother who died in South Tower 9-11 I couldn't help but I can help but now as a mayor of as a mayor of hempstead or whatever I am the uh the horrifying uh iconic image of the guy who left to his death rather than like be engulfed in the flames or whatever it's just he just photoshopped his mom it's not like you didn't shadow or anything just full color right it's like her jumping into a pool at one point yeah a swimsuit that's my mom jumping on the top tower why is she in a swimsuit she worked at um she was a spokesperson product model she was in a follow shoot that thing

product model for mature women swimwear in the twin towers they did a lot of mature fellow shoot they just blow past it like so he lied about his school he lied about um so he is jewish or he isn't um and in a lying about his jewish heritage so he means he is jewish no i don't well okay let's put this way i don't think i don't think generally the media would give you shit for not saying you're jewish i don't think it's something you have to disclose i think he lied about being Jewish. But then why are they calling it his Jewish heritage? It's not like a weird way to phrase it then.

It is weird because I guess they don't want to outright say he's not Jewish, but like, but it looks like it looks like he's not Jewish. It does seem like a weird thing to fact check. Yeah. Like if someone calls himself Jewish, just, you know, all right, I guess you're Jewish. I don't go around trying to make, you know who did that? You know who made big effort to like figure out who was Jews and who wasn't Jews? Nazis.

Yeah. True. And IBM. True. It might not be worth it. It might not be worth the extra gotcha on that one. IBM is big worth it too. Yeah.

They helped them. Sure. We want you to invent a computer to figure out people are Jewish. And they're like, yeah, all right. This isn't related to your whole like, we're going to kill people thing, is it? No, no. We're making a dating site. It would be great if that was like the Republic.

Like the Democrats are criticizing him for, for all. the lying about his resume and the republicans are like yeah and he didn't say he was jewish people have a right to know so what's oh he also is apparently accused of stealing money he fundraised for a dying dog that's a good idea yeah all right i mean look these are these are all good scams there's a bunch of look i i don't know what people thought was going to happen when they when they turn the country into into insane asylum you know it's like every day like we have just people who want to turn this into the 1800s on one side and you got people and you got people friggin trying like you know just get rid of just get rid of

police and like you know and raise taxes on the other side yeah no you have yahoo's on all on all sides you got you know you had trump who else you got you got the Taylor green you have AOC doing her weird stuff you have a I'm just saying like it's it's it's a what's the word I'm looking for it's like it's like a it's like a it's like a paramecium I'm not sure it's like one of those cells reproduce oh this is just like the alien in life yeah it's just getting worse and crazier and weirder yeah why would I mean no one like Trump didn't release his tax returns like eight years and like I mean now he's still like I'm in jail doesn't matter this guy seems you know what this guy

Sandoz seems like to me a hero he seems like a little he seems like a little rascal yeah it's not like he lied about like running over seem like what is his agenda other than just to lie and he in Congress look he was like some schlub who's just like why do I just lie and become a politician he did yeah that's what's really what's going on you have a bunch of people going around you have this was Kristen cinnamon in her boots being an idiot you have Taylor green you have the boberts I mean people are just no one's acting many class you know that no one's no one's acting like they like this isn't like the old days when like you had to go to Yale

and like you know sacrifice like some some guy from Dartmouth or whatever during like a blood a blood thing I imagine that you know all that kind of you know if that's all now it's just you know just fucking feel change your LinkedIn information and you mean Congress um well him and Mitt Romney had a little bit of a clash really well that's but is that guy still like alive Mitt Romney he looks pretty old in this video he's definitely getting up there what is what's what's what's Romney doing State of the Union since Republicans took control of the House, President Biden called on both parties to work together. But judging from the fireworks, they've got a long way to go.

And this moment is getting a lot of attention. It's when Mitt Romney confronted truth-challenged Congressman George Santos and called him an embarrassment. We're now learning exactly what Senator Mitt Romney told George Santos at the State of the Union address. And it got really nasty. You ought to be embarrassed, scolded Romney. The embattled New York congressman and admitted compulsive liar says Romney called him an ass, and he fired back, you're a bigger blank. He shouldn't have been there.

He's a sick puppy. How does that work? So I guess he wasn't saying ass then. No. Like blanked ass. It's like, hey, you're an ass. And you're an even bigger like, Emmer or something? And I don't know.

I assume he said like you're an even bigger dick. Right. Oh, okay. I mean, that's just a weird way to respond. I mean, I usually have been like, how has that ranch your family owns? Oh, right. Like, well, that's nothing to do with it.

What's it called? You know, that ranch with that name? That's the N-word thing I just called. I just, that's why I called you that. If you're not familiar, it came out during one of those failed campaigns that his family owned. I don't know.

I don't know if it turned out that, like, they just changed the name after they sold it or something. I mean, look, I don't think the Romney's christened it. They might. And we're at Rand. I don't know. I think it was one of those things where it probably belonged.

It was probably an old man. But they should, I mean, look, it still doesn't, they still should have changed it once they were able to. I think so. But, you know, my point is a. But they do seem like the kind of like rich idiots that would be like, well, obviously the history is bleak, but, you know, you have to preserve the. It's still history as a strip mine, like some, you know, like something like in Liberia, some mountain in Liberia. It's true.

We're born the Coltan out of the goddamn mountain. What is Coltan? It's a computer part, right? It goes into computers, I think. I think so, yeah. It must be great. We should have some Coltan. Yeah.

Get some Coltan to shove it in this computer. Show up my nose. Okay. he shouldn't be he shouldn't be there afterwards Romney told reporters he took exception to Santos standing right in the aisle greeting everyone like he was the prom king given the fact that he's under ethics investigation he should be sitting in the back road and saying quiet Santos is hitting back today I'm never good a weird thing to hey you see just you should be uh until we prove you're guilty you should just sit right why is he still there why is the Congress have no like ability to like police itself I guess he's like he was elected by the people and that's like supposedly sacred even though you know it's not true don't cares really but like yeah I guess no one can like just tell a representative they can't be around is he wearing one of those like snake pins yeah it's a don't tread on me that's not way no one envisioned

George Santos when they came up with that this guy just fucking how did this how did he get elected even with the people believing the lies like I don't I mean look he's a he's a crazy he's a gay 9-11 he's the gay heir of a 9-11 death right yeah what you call that 9-11 death error I guess that it all adds up to something kind of princely like

I mean it really it really is a Goldman Sachs 9-11 is it princely it's like you know my mom died my mom died in a fire before the and Montresace in her collapse. Wow, it's like Queen Elizabeth.

It's like Camelot all over again. This is the new Camelot. She's your Guinevere. What? Clever versus his wife has a moment. Whatever. It's beautiful. It would be great if like we somehow, the media and everybody somehow acclimated to George

Santos and he actually became one of the more popular politicians in Congress. I think he should be. And a new Camelot myth started to rise up. It would be amazing. Honestly, I, I, think they don't like this because they for some reason don't that here's why they want to get rid of george santo's not because he lied they all lie we all know they all lie it's not even that's it's because he's so open about it that people are going to get the idea they can do this and i don't

know why uh there's like that's not that big a deal so what so let's some guy who owns like a who you know sells kitty pools um and like and stolen christmas trees uh you know being the congress for a couple you know it's like is that what do you think they're going to vote for health care yeah you know what are you protecting it's fine you have a few yahoo's knocking around they're not going to like change the tax code some guy who fucking orders a hungry man every morning a foot long hungry man hero at a bertha's deli right it is funny to see some of like one of the refrains i've seen i don't know if it's in this video but like one of the refrains i've seen it from at least a couple of different politicians

Like trying to narrativeize this. It's like, it's like, look, this is not the same. What he's doing, it's not the same as just like having a few exaggerations. Like it's like they are kind of trying to like weirdly soft pedal the fact that everybody, like it's like they're, it's like they're anticipating the criticism that like you guys all lie to. And so they're trying to be like, yeah, look, we exaggerate. Look, this is not the same as Bill Clinton, uh, shoving cigar and Lewinsky's Stinkold during the Camp David of course. All right? This is, this is much worse.

And sorry, Monica, I mean, it's not your fault. You know, I, I'm not, like, I didn't even think wrong. But, yeah, I'm just going to say, look, Monica Gwinsky is a princess. And she, and I think enough people, none of people point that out. And so, but I had to say stinkhole. But, you know, but nothing personal. Love you, Monica.

We love you. The comp show. I'm not in love with her. Just saying. We'll give you one of those bird statutes if you want. We'll get you consent first. Come on, come. we should get Lewinsky on come we should yeah she did the Tom green show didn't she

yeah yeah I think she do ours I mean what's a different we're like we'll just tell her what Tom Green we're we're producers to do Tom Green show and then when she gets here you know that was a lie you don't want to do the show what she's gonna say no maybe but she's coming over our partner we care I didn't get out and support is to spend time with her right but maybe the worst case she comes in she gets a little upset we all right then scram yeah nothing no no no skin off our back right does that mean is that cold with me no no i mean i mean i think we wasted this woman's time it's calculating we wasted this poor woman's time it's shark like it's the mentality you need to

adapt more i'm sick i have morals well watching this this this beautiful buzzer george george santo's rides to the top why not me going to shut up and go to the back of the room and I think it's reprehensible that the senator would say such a thing to me in the demeaning way he said bad manners was the order of the night in fact America has never seen anything like it this may have been the rowdiest state of the union in history Republicans at points jeering and heckling at the president hardline Republicans yelled at the president I didn't watch this one maybe I should have this seems crazy yeah why she dressed up like a she's like she looks like the I don't even know I was gonna make some joke about some

Batman villain but whatever green called him a liar all right you can't even hear her saying like yeah she is screaming liar but like you know it seems to be you know whatever it's like I thought she yelled that while I was like quiet right I heard this happened oh he was he was saying something like and my boat my boy beau uh made love in the burn pit no he died in the burn pit in Vietnam I thought it was that kind of yeah he's always talking about burn pits right um like when it kind of like when it happened to Obama when somebody shouted like that was kind of like oh somebody did that to him yeah it was like quiet and somebody was like With Michelle.

It was I don't want to speculate. You think he had, I don't want to speculate. You think, you think he had side action? I don't know. Maybe he lied about just not eating the pickles. I hate the pickles.

Where are the pickles? Do you eat them? No. And she found him in his personal trash can. You know I love pickles. And he's not allowed to have pickles? But like he just, like she's, she's mad that he didn't.

order someone to buy more pickles he just ate some pickles and threw you know and didn't replace them and like this is the way my i'm picturing michelle gets home for a hard day of telling kids to eat you know stop being you know getting fat from school lunches or wherever she did right right when she just went around telling fat kids they were readily you look at look at how fat you were want your stuff let's tell him bad nobody's gonna want you like this eat this broccoli what you mean tater tots you sicken me. Look at this budgy little fucking kid.

And we gotta do something about this. Whatever. My point, I, like, I first assumed that she'd be, he'd call him a liar because he cheated on her,

but maybe he was a pickle. There's all I was saying. Maybe just pickles involved. Whatever. My point is, you got me derailed here, that she's a lot yelling liar, but like it seems like everyone's yelling something.

Kind of weird. Yeah, there's a lot of yelling. What is this? Her cream coat with its fluffy fur, caller is getting a lot of attention with social media wits comparing her to cruella de ville i mean i was distracted by marjorie taylor green's jacket oh my god it looked like she was this he was this pill addict i would i would i would rather live in a bunker with margaret taylor green and watch an episode of view and my puppy also dressed to impress

is cinnamon arizona senator christin cinema she wore that's cinema cinnamon A bright yellow figure hugging. See, I'm saying, how is George Santos worse than these people? They're just clowns. Look at this dress. I gotta say I do kind of like, you know what? I'm torn because I don't like these people at all. Right.

But this is kind of a fashion trend I was hoping would start to happen with female politicians. Well, this is this yellow thing? No, just like elaborate dresses and stuff. Oh, yeah. Like, yeah, turn it into the gala. Yeah, you'll see how they were a weird dress with the... I, for a long time, I wanted. women and female politicians to move away from the pantsuit and start like embracing the weird like

feminine outfits that are out there sure i kind of like this but like it's like but you know she's bad what if a what if uh what if christman cinnamon came in wearing a dress and it was just pictures of guys naked guys from abu grabe would you would you think that was glamorous that would be very fashion forward i mean i should make that for it would be bold the pictures are on google image i can we Can we collaborate with a dressmaker? This is going to come off like we're trying to make a political statement, though. And I'm not, I'm not trying to say anything. I just think it would be, I think it would be, like, provocative.

Right. No, no, it's, it's, it's, I'm not trying to stop, like, torture. Yeah, it's supposed to be fashion. Yeah, yeah, this is like, oh, this is a statement about, hey, hey, hey, that's not what this is this is fluff. No, it's like we're, you're talking about doing it the way, like, Valenciago would do it almost, like it. But we're not pedophile. We're not trying to say anything. We're just using explosive imagery.

I mean, I wasn't, I was hoping not to, like, sense of little messages to pedophiles, but, like, you know, so avoid that part of the Belenziaga thing, but I guess, in the sense of spectacle, sure. Yeah. Hey, look at this court document. We all, we all know what this document, huh?

We've all spent a lot of time purring, a screen, we're pouring over this document. You know, I didn't know what the document was in the Valenciaga. You know why? Why? Because I'm not pedophile. Anyway.

that's true yeah you don't want it too much of a shorthand with uh but they are legal literature regarding child porn no of course but yeah but they are going to get an attention oh my gosh so you know um yeah what what dress would you come up with um i would do maybe like kind of uh a wire frame like an elaborate wire frame where it's like one of those like a giant ball gown kind of okay and it would be like bright pink and then you know maybe there's a maybe there's like kind of like tennis balls on it okay i would do like a thing where there would also be wires but it'd be the kind of wires that you'd see like in a bomb and uh yeah it would just be that it would look like have a bomb might be a maybe a reasonable I don't know I don't know who made who made that dress

it's like some guy in the dark web anyway uh just keep going what else happened this night evening gown with giant ruffle sleeves wow she really stood out in a sea of dark suits her outfit was mocked in memes who wore it better Kristen cinema or Tweedy bird nice burn yeah Bernie Sanders also stood out, but for an entirely different reason. It was raped. Eighty-one-year-old sender up. He was being raped.

He was held down by George Santos. He's jerked off against his will by George Santos. Oh, that's the thing. He is accused of like, uh, try to seduce an intern, I guess. I think he just said to only, hey, I have a grinder account. You have a grinder account? And it's like, what's that mean? Look, that's inappropriate.

Yeah. I guess it's inappropriate I mean he just what if he said I have a you know I have an Apple news account would that be inappropriate no I don't think that I have Disney I have I don't think that's the same thing I have Disney plus what do you have a Disney plus inappropriate all of a sudden I'm a sexual off I'm calling it whatever um we're allowed to have abs lucy appear to be the only wearing a mask last night. And many couldn't help but notice Speaker Kevin McCarthy sitting behind the president with a scow on his face.

And a brouhaha erupted when the first lady appeared to kiss the second gentleman on the lips. From this angle, it sure looked like Doug Emhoff, the Veep's husband, locked lips with dog... It doesn't. It looks like a middle-aged man is kissing his grandmother. I mean yeah that's clearly just an awkward you caught each other on the lips thing I mean she looks but it would be I mean it would be great if it turned out they were you do like you do I cut the shit do you do you do you think that they uh these two should have sex that they should yeah for the country I think it would add a level of chaos to the country's politics that we could maybe start to rebuild from

Yeah. What would happen if it turned out of Dung-Emhoff did simulated amputee acts with Jill Biden? Like he basically made her tuck her legs behind her and then like pretend that she had like no legs under the shin or whatever. Like they were cut over the knees. At that point, I mean, look, you're in, you're the second man in what must be at least partially a marriage of convenience to a politically powerful. woman why Kamala's got going on no I'm not saying that there you think Doug is the one who's like I wish I wasn't married to Kamala Harris he's his name is Doug I'm sure there's some level of but I just assume that's always the case in politics sure I think some people like to at that point

why not just go and have sex with an amputee um because that wouldn't because it's a simulated amputee fetish I mean because you know who not a real amputee fetish I don't know She was just there like they were at a Christmas party and like these days they were they were they were flirting and he was he was chubbing a bunch of cheese in his mouth and she like I've kind of turned on. I imagine and they won't you know they kind of scurried off the bedroom together and then like but like he tends to like that. I don't think you like he also probably does have sex with people who and that's fine in theory. Right. You know as long as you know you don't. So he's not one of these guys who needs an amputee but he needs it. he does need well no he does okay oh he'd be a real one yeah he'll sell up for jill biden sometimes okay he'll tuck her legs back yeah no he'll make do anyway dr jill biden you be the judge it wasn't all raucous discord there were moments of gravitas join us tonight are the parents of tyree nichols the president introducing the parents of tyree nickel wait the guy just brutally murdered is that

Is that Gravitas? I guess it's Gravitas because Joe Biden didn't fuck up the introduction too much. I don't know if you used the word gravitas refer to like something that's like horrific and tragic. And the Gravitas when he brought up as his man was murdering. Yeah. I know Gravitas was like charisma almost or like maybe not. I think gravitas could be like you're lending presidential gravitas to a death. It just seems like a weird word for that.

I just think they have a low bar for Joe Biden's performance at this point. He probably got his name wrong. If we watched the other clip. Pice, tire, tire, whatever, I want to search the man's name. But, you know, Biden doesn't speak well. Young man brutally beaten by cops in Memphis. I guess he didn't have gravitas in that sentence. Yeah, I mean, I, yeah.

Anyway, this is, we have to move on. We have to talk about a few other things. this was one hell of a state of the union though that was that's that's so crazy uh it turns out riana um tricked everyone is that is that what i'm hearing right she she tricked the super bowl yeah she what she performed in the super bowl last night right yes did people know she was going to be pregnant i don't think so the the super bowl people didn't know tom brady didn't know i guess he was involved i don't think so yeah um do they have grounds to sue her are you allowed to just be pregnant and what happened did she just show up and like show her from her belly

i guess it would make yeah she's lied about being pregnant so she didn't get fired from the super bowl i mean that's possible i mean i i i i got imagine that they like talk you know they they see you they don't they do like sound tests and stuff yeah no no i yeah i think they knew i think they knew she was pregnant and they still put her on TV yeah crazy why is this a story um because it's a really I guess just a very glamorous way to reveal that you're pregnant yeah how you know how I'd reveal that I was pregnant how I would get a bird and I would always have birds with you I'm trying to brand myself as the bird boy bird and I would replace his mouth with like human teeth that's horrible

it'll be a dead bird and I would like I would take I would pay you I would get like yeah so you have a human mouth and I would write I would write I would dress them up like a stalk we have a human mouth I carry his dead bird with a human mouth and he would just be wearing a shirt it's a boy oh god i would take i would take out like a public access uh time slot and just tell people i'm pregnant a local father as a come up with a creative way to tell the world to know the world that he is pregnant yeah that was i mean ask you a question i guess uh how did you uh what is the significance of birds in your life and and how did you and how did

you think of this unique way of telling the world that you're going to be having a baby well i think people should make love the birds but that's not what this is about um i just had this dead bird lying around and uh so i i i talked to a taxidermist and uh asked him if he got real weird uh told me to get out of his shop and so i just i just kind of took a hammered to the bird whatever i'm not going to get into the details but like i it was dead already i didn't hurt the bird okay got it yeah so are you excited for your baby uh oh it's fucking whatever um kind of over it i wish i didn't make such a big deal about it's um i mean i'll take care of it and shit i'm not gonna like throw it away i can't i can't throw the way right no i'm pretty sure that would be child murder yeah well i won't do that not a murderer

So, yeah, if I go back in time, I probably wouldn't have done public access it. I don't know why I did it. I think I was kind of high. How far along are you? Oh, I'm not pregnant. Oh. My wife is.

Oh, okay. Got it. You got to ask nowadays, you know. What do you mean? What are you getting it? You're trying to imply that I have ovaries or something? Oh, I don't know. I just didn't want to assume.

Oh, because they wouldn't know who I am. I guess I like, okay, I thought they were saying that like people, I could have a baby somehow. That's, they throw us around so much. Yeah. I mean, I'm all for, uh, people are not knowing if you're, if you can have, if you have a uterus or not. That's fine.

It's on their business, you know, but, uh, the way they talk about, well, a man can have a baby, it really must get men's hopes up. Right. You know, like I feel bad for the men who've always wanted to have a baby. Like that would be junior. and they're not that bright and the hear all this dialogue with trans and stuff where like they don't understand that people just saying like at some point a person a woman who went with a one biological woman right whether you whatever a

you're gonna say woman what you know what i'm getting at that person is now a man and and so like no one put a uterus into someone who couldn't have one yeah right you think there's a lot of disappointed men yes who didn't misinterpret because they're being very vague about it they're making this seem like banking have babies too and I'm like well that's you see the problem no one's thinking about the not so bright men who want to have babies in their bodies and like and they think this is like you know I'm guarantee you a bunch of went to the doctor and they're like give me a uterus what percent if there was a way

to like basically you know implant a uterus yeah in a biologically male body yes and and give a biological male by the way we're canceled by the way for saying all that The ability to have, you know, get pregnant and give birth. What percentage would do it? What percentage do you think? 40% of men, you think? I'm doing less than half. Not quite half.

It wouldn't be half. I'm not crazy. 40%. You think, would you try it? Would you be in the 40%? Mm-hmm. It's a hell of it. Yeah.

Why not? The way, I don't know. I'll have you fucking hold a gun to my head. That won't be, you know, you want baby, but you better fucking take. me to legoland if you want a baby now I don't have to do that baby on my own you've leverages done I've got my own uterus scram just like hey go find Lewinsky and scram no I'm kidding I wouldn't kick you out thank you but you know but don't try

don't try to you know hold me hostage well what number did you should be like 10% would think it would be almost no none of them you're crazy men would love to have a baby inside them i mean like in a way that women do that ends up weird you know i think i think grow a baby i only have a you know i don't mean like put a baby inside them i mean like you know have a uterus and grow one just because just because of men seem like more a little bit more hesitant on the baby front in general because they don't have it because it's not inside them yeah Ben love things that are inside them. It's a fact.

You know, they love nachos. They love, you know, bones, blood and piss and shit. Why not a baby? Take a shit every day. Why can I have a baby? That's the ironclad lodger. I don't care. We have one more thing to get to.

We have this story about sad girls. and uh do you read the article i'm not familiar the cdc is so the cdc is now researching sad teen girls and how sad they are yeah i thought they were trying to like you know cure disease now look it seems like they are just i don't know why they're saying sadness instead of just depression because it seems like that's more what this is about is the cdc really supposed to be doing this i i don't i don't you think this is just an excuse for some ced scientist to talk to teenagers? I mean, well, that doesn't not cross my mind.

I mean, I think, but I think of the CDC, I think of, like, AIDS, you know, the hanta virus or like, you know, COVID, I guess. Right. People in labs, like the movie outbreak. I guess they're also, I guess diseases are also diseases of the mind. So I guess they could, but we made this thing to deal with diseases, right? Like, why, like, there's a reason because, you know, we need the kind of thing that like private companies aren't necessarily going to do i don't know

you you want the government doing something bad aids you have a CDC but then they came along you're like hey what about diseases of mine no one said like well that doesn't seem like really why we invented this department so like even though technically you could say it's part of it it's probably shouldn't be like a government or maybe you should i don't know what can they or the people who like who inject bleach into age patients whatever that's not like it's not how you curate whatever they do I'm saying the cells they don't they test stuff in labs yeah well yeah they those guys aren't gonna cure depression those different science yeah I guess it's different scientists there doesn't have the point in the article though I guess I feel like I

I guess if the CDC wasn't keeping track of it there'd be some parents group that was like you know we don't want to talk to our kids you talk to them oh they just keep track oh it's right they just kind of keep track of stuff right yeah they're actually like trying to solve it in the lab no They'll bring, like, a teen girl into, like, the lab from my outbreak and going, like, put her into a clean, clean, like, and it was a has-man seat or whatever. And taking her phone away and saying, why are you sad? What's this? What's the, what? Read some of this to me.

What's the gist here? Sexual attacks and other traumatic experiences have led to an unprecedented level of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts among America's young women. I'm in. Wait, wait, wait, the article is that, wait, what? The headline of the article, the gist the article is that teen girls are sad, basically. The headline says sadness. I don't think that's ever been the way. Why isn't, why isn't the headline wave of sexual assaults against teen girls? Yeah, of course they're sad about it. Yeah, like PTSD depression. No, I've seen like three headlines about this and they're all just like teen girls are sad. I thought, like it's like people what this is crazy it's like an article about depression and suicide and

they're just like they're just they're no it's a crazy way to survive but the first line of the article is like because like sexual attacks and other traumatic experiences have led to it's not even burying the lead at all like they know what it is right yeah our teenage girls are suffering through an overwhelming wave this isn't funny no no I mean it's why are we doing a comedy show I don't know. They tricked us. It's sad is what it is. I don't want to end our Valentine's Day episode talking about these poor girls who are in this.

Of course, they're sad. Yeah. Stop making them, stop victimizing them. What is this? These articles are just making it sound like they like listening to the cure. I mean, this is what journalism is. More teen girls becoming cure fans. I know.

It's like, Morrissey stock is up. uh this is what being a journalist is so i can't get that man of george santos like whatever you know no one no one's doing their job yeah except me i'm coming up with the ideas for birds right i'm i'm doing a great job a year a year from now you'd be holding a statue of you yourself uh being just physically seduced by a lovely um falcon i'm not doing the crow i don't care that you like you can count on me that's all i can say um any closing thoughts that's a lovely sentiment thank you any closing thoughts um on this valentine's day i hope that you're with somebody who makes you feel like a bird right having having sex with a human lady in perpetuity

forever that's what that means right nice uh if you love this show which you know speaking of valentine's day if you love this show you love comp uh you can get more you get the extra episode every week just got patreon.com slash right comp you pay five bucks a month you get an extra episode every week it's amazing so you can do that and links in the description uh otherwise uh we'll see you next week have a great week Thank you.