Kump - 143 - This Isn't Real

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

Ray and Lucie discuss Trump's impending arrest, the Tok Tok hearings, Ted Lasso at the White House, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Today on Kump, we have Trump on the Lamb, TikTok on trial, and Ted Lasser invades the Ukraine. Stay tuned. Hello and welcome to Kump. hello lucy i noticed while the intro was playing you were doing shadow boxing a little bit are you training to fight me to entrap me once we're married into a violent uh situation where i have to defend myself and then i'm i'm treated like i'm a a battering wife and i have never i'm a babb i'm a battering man he's a battering man welcome to your house we're gonna get the amount of time welcome to the show how are you good I do think you should start you should get into

boxing really I think I think I'd be good at it you think I'd be you think I should I should go the root of Jake Jake Floyd or Jake Paul yeah yeah Jake Mayweather Jake Jake Jake Wade and his brother the illustrious slogan maybe maybe I should I who should I fight um my dad perhaps I'll fight my dad I mean that's what would be like I think that would be the best story that's what the people want that's what I want and now care what my dad wants that's what's what's been ramping up for years look you it's a rivalry he wouldn't let me cook eggs and now I'm gonna make eggs out of his ass is that is that intimidating

do you think we could get your dad to respond to your challenge like like in a short video he wouldn't want to he's a private man but uh could i trick him perhaps could we uh do a home invasion maybe yes uh there's a lot of options content is king do not forget we worship at the altar of the almighty content speaking of which uh how about you subscribe to this show see a little graphic here we got a graphic and it's telling you to subscribe so now you got to do it click goodbye button it'll notify you when we're in the hospital it'll notify you we've been shot uh these are all important things what if i get an infection on my foot you want to know youtube will tell you so that's

why you click you also you know when the podcast comes out they'll tell you that too um you can go on you also subscribe to the patreon and then you get an extra episode every week for like five bucks a month so that's nice but if you just want to find out when my foot's falling off subscribe just on YouTube what what's so funny you think my foot won't fall off no I think it I feel you will if you if you keep doing your crop maga on my foot Lucy's just Lucy's a very violent woman though and I don't like it I know some men would say that's really hot I think it's terrible I think it's a problem most men would think a violent woman was a dream sure you're I think it's a nightmare I'm

afraid for my life uh mazeltoff though well welcome welcome to the world of violence i guess this is why we need men's rights yes it's why we need men's fights um speaking of which um completely unrelated unrelated actually uh we have a man who's uh hiding he's hiding out as far as i know he's on the lamb as i said in the intro he's he is as we speak possibly in a safe house Possibly in Dunkin' Donuts. At one point he was the president. Some people think he still is the president.

A lot of people in New York City seem to get picked up by the police after committing crimes at some kind of chain. At one point, I think we, I'm pretty sure at one point we talked about a story about a guy who got picked up by the cops at a Chipotle after putting a woman in a suitcase. Oh, right. The famous guacamole suitcase. murders and so you think duck and duncan donuts would be trump's i mean i didn't mention i mean i think i think that would be great i think it would be because here's the thing

they put this apb out last friday right uh as we speak it was uh we heard about on fox news they're saying that trump's going to be arrested in new york city they're negotiating with the secret service because you can't just bring this man into central booking like a common He's a ex-president of America, you know, you got to treat him with some, he's got Secret Service details, he's got golfing buddies, they all have to be accommodated at the police store. Does a Secret Service have to fight the police? I think that should be, first of all, it's a great point.

They have to negotiate, by hoping negotiations have something to the effect of, you know, if we can, you know, and they'll be, you know, it's kind of gangs in New York. It's like, you know, what are the weapons? It's like brick bats and teeth. It's like pistols, no pistols. Good. Very good. And they'll fight each other for the honor of Trump or the denigration of Trump.

What more likely will happen is a secret service, we'll pick them up like a baby and carry him into the police headquarters. And they'll just, you know, and they'll just, you know, fingerprint his little toes and in the fingers. and I guess we'll get a mugshot but this is the thing we don't know when we were told this would happen I've been walking around the city all week

expecting to you know Trump came on after Fox News broke this news Trump came on I guess truth social on on Saturday and said I expect to be arrested on Thursday and I'm like I don't I think he was asking people to come protest with them which you know that usually goes well

and I got you know and I think he said I think his exact words were protest protest right um you know get is that camera he's like he's like is that guy with the horns still available he was he was very effective someone shouldn't Pelosi's desk like she doesn't have a desk anymore what are we going to do it is funny that it's like I mean maybe points about hypocrisy is boring at this point sure but in this in the game there's no such thing as apocry in America. Yeah. But it's like...

You know who isn't a hypocrite? Suckers. Cloud school. But it is funny that it's like, you know, like Democrats will say, you know, the most milk toast shit about like, you know, we need to make room for peaceful protests.

Sure. But it's like they'll be accused of like encouraging protesters. Yeah. But Trump literally goes, Protest, protest, protest. I mean, that's his right. Look, it is his right. What's the point of cultivating a flock of eager beavers,

or whatever you want to call these people, of Maga Boys and Duncan and his Duncan Donuts crew of guys he hangs out with and he discuss World War II? What's the point of fostering these relationships if you can't call on them to, you know, make some waves, to, you know, to get shot at the Capitol, whatever, to have fun. You hypocrites, I mean, get your own little private army of people. Look, my problem is not even with the little Maga Boys.

Yeah. I think the Maga Boys have the right to come out and touch Trump. Touch them? Get blessed. Sure. Like. I would love to get some blessings from Trump. But I worry about you because you work in the city.

Yeah, but they're probably not going to be. gonna bother me why would they bother me well because you're a libertard and we put you're you're a walking target that's why I've been saying all week and you still haven't gotten one you need a MAGA hat Lucy needs a MAGA hats please sound off in the comments and try to convince Lucy she needs a MAGA hat I feel like if I wear the MAGA hat they're gonna be able to see through it and then it will just be insulting because I'm like I'm like appropriating their culture well that's a fair point you have to sell it by you know screaming just

scream health care for none or something i don't know uh throw that baby in the fire and then jump in the cab this is just to create some separation right this is like in basketball when when some when coby would you know rip coby and he would like cross over guys and they would call breaking the ankles right you just you just you just try to get a moment of separation so you can dart past them that's what this maga hat is this maga hat's your equivalent of Kobe brian's years of basketball skill you put on the maga hat you scream burn all art and then you're jumping through a cab and then um you know and you'll be safe you can't be proud there's no there's no liberals in a foxhole remember that we're all maga now um

yeah i don't care i don't want you using this this krav maga stuff you've been practicing you know in in the mirror uh thinking you can take fight fight a bunch of proud boys No, I would do the opposite. Are you in Tifa? No, I would be nice. Did you sneak out at night and go and go break things? I would be nice and I would be cordial. I have a mini fantasy about like being on a subway and some MAGA person gets on.

And I somehow I help them get on the subway car even though people don't really do that. They're grown men. But it's like, what are you talking about? Is it a MAGA man in a wheelchair? and then like and then after helping them they're like oh like maybe this the people liberals here aren't that bad

so you think you're gonna I don't understand I don't understand like is it's like a bridge gap does he have like the the crutches like like a like a paralyzed man and you're help maybe he's an old man I don't know okay so you're helping some old maga man onto the subway

who could get on how are you going to help him you're going to pick him up at his wheelchair I'll just hold the doors open until, you know, until he's able to get himself in. Oh, you really, you really have a weird, I mean, I just, I mean, look, maybe if you. I have experience now after helping that old man cross the street. Maybe if you threw a jacket, your jacket on the street, like in one of those old tiny movies and you got some of these proud boys like, you know, step on your jacket, then that would get the messages for us. Yeah, but then I'm just going to, if they, if a woman, if a tiny woman like me threw down my, like, my nice leather jacket on. a puddle and the maga boys were just like oh thank you and stepped on it i think i would

resent them even more than i yeah i understand that's why you shouldn't play this game what you need to do is put in a maga hat for a moment scream please inspect my ovaries or something like that and then you know and then jump into the back of a of a livery cab you like you speak the language say uh you know uh um something about zelenzinski's you know denigrate zelensky you know something something they like i do kind of hate Zelensky right scream the something's going on at the border look into it and just run away i don't like what's going on the border and just you know and then run

i don't want you engaging with people like you know trying to like you know seduce them you know i don't want you eating like spaghetti with what's you know sharing a string of spaghetti was a for the Mega Man a la Lady in a Tramp You know Just no way Like you know that that's overshould

I'm not going to go out of my way to connect with them But it's just it's just one of those little Slightly self-aggrandizing fantasies that crosses your mind This is the problem with your people Like it's just like Your people You're liberal people It's like you

This is the kind of thing you know That guys into the Iraq war I mean also the trillions of dollars they stole But you know But also the idea of like you know We'll be met with garlands of roses. You're basically Rumsfeld right now. Weirdly.

And I don't know how to feel about this. I'm trying to protect you. Will you let me protect you? Will you let me help you? Look, I just don't know if, like, if betraying everything, I believe and pretending to be a MAGA is the way to, is the way to get a favorable result.

But we're not, we're not, we're not, what do you think this is? Like, I'm asking you to go, like, you know uh to go run for congress under under like the uh build a wall party thing i'm just telling you just to scream out like uh drain the swamp and then jump onto a bus okay maybe i can do that yeah can you drain the swamp is a pretty bipartisan idea sure yeah whatever gives the shit bipartisan everything's dead lucy nothing grows here anymore what do you think you're doing we don't build anything we let the chinese do it for us speaking of which our favorite app the app which we built our we made our bones on oh i guess we should should we no this is fun

there is a cum tic-tok there is no i don't want to promote it i mean we we just put clips of the show on i should do more tic-toks did we have an idea recently where i like i scream at old people perhaps on tic-tok i had an idea for a tic-tok where i just kind of fight old people on the street and i scream i'm gonna get you your house is on fire your son is dead it's things like that and then um and then when wearing like a weird like maybe a gorilla suit or like a or dressed up like well as i dress up as mario brothers can i dress up as king cooper that'll be that's a TikTok how about address it was King Cooper and the elderly people I see I scream

your son is dead he's died in the war and then it ends but then TikTok there you go anyway that is under fire this app that we love what's going to explain to me a little bit what's going on is the CEO of TikTok is under trial in Congress the CEO of TikTok is testifying

before Congress. Because Congress is trying to ban TikTok now. Yeah, Biden wants to force him to either sell or basically or through TikTok will be banned. So they want to, they want, because it's not like China per se owns TikTok, right? No. It's not like Z is the founder.

Z is not the Elon Musk of China along on top of being. I don't think he developed the model. Okay. But they, but they're accused from, a long time now of being spies of tick to basically the chinese intelligence service is basically tic-tok and that you know so instead of like the bay of pigs they do nurses dancing during covid right and instead of like assassinating or doing a coup on most of they're ran they do that whole like bump bump bump dance where the girls wearing like clothes and they're not that's that's their

equivalent of a coup right yeah so and the u.s government's not what is Biden think TikTok is by the way you know Biden doesn't know what it is I feel like probably somebody's shown it to him yeah but he doesn't understand well that's a short skirt what is happening what is what am I what am I yeah you think he's shorts go you think he's into adult women that's a stretch yeah um let's take a look at this um so now he's testifying before Congress and and uh they're giving him all kinds of shit giving him all kinds of guff this guy he's just the CEO he's let's take a look at the favorite punching bag of these congress people interesting all right

we're gonna take a look at this from the guardian why are we watching a british telecast of the american congress i'll never know mr show i'd like to direct your attention to the screen for a short video if you don't mind what is this what are we watching it's the dumbest animated gun graphic it's it's it's an animated pick i guess of a glock i guess such a stupid gun who is talking to him like one of the one of the congress people um yeah this is that they're showing him this So it says me ASF at the House Energy and Commerce Committee on 323. Is that today's date? Yeah.

That's a couple days ago, right? No, that's today. Okay. So I guess it's a threat. I guess they're, I guess it's like I'm just shooting off this, this crazy gun. Yeah. Okay. Mr. Show, that video was posted 41 days ago.

As you can see, it is captioned me as F. at the house energy and commerce committee on march 23rd of this year this video was posted before this hearing was publicly noticed i think that's a very interesting point to raise no does she mean like no one notices what they do or she mean like actually like put on like filed i guess before it was like official before it was reported in the news how did you know about this it's like i don't know this is on the schedule for weeks lady oh we didn't put it on our website until a few days ago. Yeah, but you know, it's like, how does the Chinese find out?

How do these spies know about this? And how do they have time to make this elaborate Marvel movie-esque? Yeah, like... Gun, gun threat. Yeah, I guess, is that relevant because, like, is the idea that Xi Jinping posted this? I don't know. This is opposed by Xi Jinping.

Let's go away. I don't go back to see. House Energy and Commerce Committee. it is capped mr. show so the g is a g is a g or z g oh it's a the first name it's spelled it's spelled x i know what's a spell but i'm saying you pronounce the g she yeah she okay this is she's personal burner account who both of this i funny i funny dozer there was this name i funny rat for dozer this is Is this to you?

No, does you see a hand on the gun? You see a gun that's fused or a hand? And it's not me. That's how you figure that out. 41 days ago. In Commerce Committee on March 23rd of this year, this video was posted before this hearing was publicly noticed. I think that's a very interesting point to raise.

But more concerning is the fact that it names this chairwoman by name. Your own community got, you got your public people. what do you are like i mean i get that it's like no one wants a gun uh no one wants an adobe flash animation of a gun cocking back and forth i guess uh with their name on the post it's not it's unsettling i guess but i don't know what he's when you're in the shit and that flash animation gun is in your face you're staring down the barrel of a macro macro media file

what do you think you're going to do The guidelines state that you have a firm stance against enabling violence on or off TikTok. We do not allow people to use our platform to threaten or incite violence or to promote violent extremist organizations, individuals or acts. When there is a threat to public safety or an account is used to promote or glorify off platform violence, we ban the account. Now, is this like they're enforcer, this lady? She seems like a real bruiser. She seems like, I don't know. I mean, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your take on this lady?

She's a little, uh, she looks like a, she's a little thick. She's like a Midwestern kind of, which is from Iowa, it says. Yeah, she's an Iowa girl, corn fed. She's got a nice right hook, probably. Do you think she's, uh, it's like, it's like they got together beforehand and they were like, let's stick our most American woman on them. Why you said you don't like violence? Let's give him a taste.

She looks like a style park character. She's like Janice. This video is from this brando. Yeah, jazz with blonde roots. Why is that gun on TikTok and not pointing up my head while you're fucking me? Been up for 41 days. It is a direct threat to the chairwoman of this committee, the people in this room.

Wait, wait, is it a direct threat? I mean, it's, look, it's ominous. I'm not going to, I'm not trying to play dumb here. I mean, like, but it's really a direct threat. Is there such a thing as, I don't know if you can argue it's too dumb to be a threat? Yeah. But it's like, but it feels too dumb to be a legitimate threat. Right.

Like, it. But you know, it's like. And yet it's still remains. I get it. They have to take it seriously. They're in the government. Sure. But, uh, everything but the government seriously.

platform and you expect us to believe that you are capable of maintaining the data security privacy and security of 150 million Americans where you can't even protect the people in this room what you can't even protect and guarantee the safety of the U.S. Congress how can you keep spies off TikTok I mean I guess it's true I mean it seems a little bit backwards it's like you you know how how do you if you can't physically guarantee our safety at all times then how are we supposed to believe that you can write the same flaccid safety policy that every other app writes you didn't even bring me a bucket of ribs but you think you can keep spies off

TikTok where my ribs I'm hungry I think that is a blatant display of how vulnerable people who use TikTok are you couldn't take action after 41 days when a clear threat a very violent threat to the chairwoman of this committee and the members of this committee was posted on your platform you damn well know that you cannot protect the data and security of this committee or the 150 million users of your app because it is an extension of the CCP and with that I yield back Wait, the communist party of China? I don't think that's the reason.

I mean, what do you think is happening on Twitter? Yeah, I mean, look, it probably is kind of, I mean, TikTok is probably a tool of the CCP. Of course, sure. I mean, of course it would be. Like, that goes about saying, I feel like. Yeah. Like, nothing goes on in China without Z, I'm sorry,

Xi getting the taste. But, you know, like this idea that, like, you know, look, you can't even, I don't think the reason the fact that, as a tool to CCP, I don't think it's like, hey, here's our grand plan. We're going to get this social media app run by China, us, you know, into Western hands. Hundreds of millions of kids and adults will use it, and then we'll get, well, our interviews will make a little gun, macromedia flash.

Right, yeah, no, yeah, that's the thing. It's just missing the point about how they're using it as a tool. It's like, yeah, it's like, it's data, obviously, but it's like the secondary thing. isn't making little scary animated gun videos. The secondary thing is just driving American people insane. Like it's driving them insane. Example two. Here's a picture of Pelosi as a witch.

You know, if someone photoshop Pelosi under the bewitched animation from that show. You can't protect us. Can I respond? Yeah. She's like, she don't give a fuck. Look at her face. She's like, can I respond?

She's like, if you need to. I'm hungry she's putting her mic on wait what why is the guardian we're gonna move on wait hold on chair an extension of the CCP and with that I yield back can I respond chair no we're gonna move on what this is a kangaroo court yeah I know it's not a trial for real but this is great so that's it can't respond no we're gonna all right why am I here we have another one here

this is Mr. Chu now he is he a Chinese national or is he American Chinese American he says it in this clip I think like he says his kids are in his family is in Singapore

okay so maybe he lives in Singapore okay so he's not but whatever he's not yeah but I think his nationality is Chinese No, I'm sure, yeah. Yeah. Oh, like, he's a Chinese. Okay, yeah.

I think. It doesn't matter. I mean, I don't know. Our approach is to give differentiated experiences for different age groups and let the parents have these conversations with their children to decide what's best for their family. So you think that there is a sufficient safety mechanism for an eight-year-old to be able to access TikTok? An eight-year-old's experience on TikTok will be so highly restricted that every single piece of content he or she will see will be vetted by common sense. sense of a third-party child safety expert and the the what does tic-tac look like for eight-year-olds I mean what even if it is restricted it's still just drag queens yeah it's all drag queen it's just

it's just a constant flood of drag queen tell them they tell them stories they read the mouse in the cookie book I don't know I mean like I mean honestly like this is this is of course it's ingenuous but it's like also every website in the world yeah sure it's like what if they say they're not eight years old. Well, if they don't read it or eight. 80 will not be able to post, and the ADO will not be able to see any personalized feed and zero advertising in that experience.

Don't give you a kid a phone. Yeah. So I believe, yes, it is the appropriate experience for an ADO. Well, then why don't you let your eight-year-old child on TikTok? How are you going to, I want to know how your app is going to raise my kid. Is it going to raise it right? Well, I want to go to the ladies' night at Taco Tip-Tip. Tammies, and he ate a bucket of tacos.

What is my kid going to be doing on your app? Seeing this news articles, I would like to address that. My kids live in Singapore, and in Singapore, we do not have the under-13 experience. Mr. Shoe, my husband and I are polyamorous, okay, and we go on a lot of, we go on a lot of date nights without each other. You know what that means? We like to stick things inside each other. We like to go out on the same nights with different people, and then we stick some stuff inside of ourselves. And we just want to know what our kids are going to be watching while we're doing that.

How can you guarantee their safety while we're getting off? Tell me, Chu. If they lived here in the United States, I'll let them use the under 13 experience. Okay, so you're saying it's because of the country you live in doesn't have the same mechanisms. Is there a reason you don't have those same mechanisms everywhere? In principle, we want to provide, you know, a good experience for our users in general. we don't we don't want to monetize from people who are under 13 in the US we are Copa compliant and as part of that we would deem as a I want to get this

specifics right I want we would deem as a particular the type of audience mix audience app make you want to make sure that that's right and as a result of that we have to provide an experience to our under 13 users in this country as well is he basically saying like well your country forces us to provide content these children we don't want to we actually have a rule in other countries that we don't allow anyone under 13 but you forced us to yeah apparently we're like legally obligated to sell six year old sex toys here we thought it was pretty weird but uh um yeah but you guys seem but you're

congress you're congress i'm not country i know you think i'm congress but you're my time is expired thank you i yield back what is any of this he yields back chair recognizes gentleman from utah mr curtis There's one more of these lady yields back yield to the lady from Arizona Who is this live picture? Thank you madam chair Mr. Chu, do you agree that the Chinese government has persecuted the weger just turn that uh just get that real camera one on just get the close off the last one uh actually that might be a good one to listen to after okay um yeah okay okay

who is this lady by the way how does tic-tok rather how do you convince how does tic-tok rather how does tic-tok rather how do you convince uh the congress of the united states is that smoking Amongst other things. I mean, it's, it's, I mean, why she sounds and looks like way, and her demeanor is such of a, of the girl they were interviewing in JFK who witnessed, like, Jack Ruby gets shot or whatever. These are dangerous people. You don't know.

I'm going to be killed. She worked in Jack Ruby's club. Amongst other things, it's probably smoking, yeah. That there can be a clean break. Why would the Chinese government sidestep their national law, including Article 7, Article 10, in terms of user data? Congressman, thank you for the question. I'm glad you asked this. As I said in the opening statement, our plan is to move American data to be stored on American soil by the American company. I understand that. But you're sidestepping. or i haven't read anything where no service is going to be in chinatown uh in terms of a ticot

how you can actually say and you spoke in your opening statement about a firewall relative to the data but the chinese government has that data well how can you of course they have the data anyone has the data we're talking about we have the data everyone's got the data What is this data, by the way? I mean, honestly, I'm not, I'm not against it, but what are they using? Are they, are they? Yeah, that's why I kind of think the data is secondary to just, like, giving people an app that's, uh, so poisonous to the mind.

That's just pure schizophrenia. Yeah. That's the main point, I think. Right. They're not stealing, like, you know, they're not, like, they're not trying to get, like, the data from sluts and fat kids, you know? They don't care. They just want to make us

They just want to make us weak Dance fat boy dance Oh you want my data Oh thank you yeah sure Dors some garbage You're gonna make missile profiles For fucking you know like Little little body who's doing the

What are they doing is the The other macarina is it What they did the Dougie Yeah whatever whatever they're doing now What's the current daniel you don't know the Dances? I don't know the current dance craze We're fucked promise that that will move into the United States of America and be protected here

Congresswoman I have seen no evidence that the Chinese government has access to that data they have never asked us we have not provided well you know what I've asked that I find that actually preposterous I have they don't ask us for it because we know we just they have like a back door entrance they just come in they never asked us for it they put a gun through my head I just dana to him. Look, then, I have seen no evidence of this happening. And in order to assure everybody here and all our users, our commitment is to move their data into the United States to be stored.

Can you imagine anything of like, look, I get, I don't doubt that this is being that China is used this for something. Look at the ludicrous, I mean, you watch these TikTok videos of these kids who pretend they're in the Holocaust. Yeah. And like, just dancing like idiots and like, you know. just taking their, people taking their clothes off, acting like imbeciles, fighting.

And it's like, but we're worried about our privacy. It just seems a little much. I don't understand. I don't see the connection of privacy to any of this. On American soil, buy an American company. Overseen by American personnel. Mr. Jew, my kid might be trans. How is this app going to help them figure that out?

I don't know where they come. could. Perhaps they could get some educational videos off, you know, other users. I just wanted them to figure out of their trans using the app, but also I don't want them, you know, I don't want them watching any pedophiles. I don't understand the connection. Well, I'm, uh... Mam, are you drunk? You seem drunk.

The risk will be similar to any government going to an American company asking for data. Okay. so that's i don't know what to make any of that testimony that you're about to give a subject i don't know what to make any of that is that one is that one anything good i don't know what what what's our takeaway from this no i mean like look it's they should just ban yeah why not look i i used it like i was i remember when i was still uh you know getting high off of social media yeah i was still in the juice i was like uh you're subscribed to o j I was pretty, yeah, I was pretty confident that, like, no, like, they shouldn't ban it.

It's like, obviously there's issues with it, but, you know, the answer can't be to, like, repress a whole social media app. But now it's, like, having some distance from it. I'm like, yeah, no, they should totally just ban it. I want them to ban it for this one reason alone. I don't want to dance. Okay? So it is a huge platform, and those people got to go somewhere, right? so I can either learn to dance and shake my booty

or we could just shut this down you know Atlas shrug style you know the villains of like the villains of Atlas shrugged just shut it down and and then all those people can come migrate to the Cump podcast where we don't dance take it or leave it bitch TikTok's over oh no are those are those

billionaire TikTok dancers going to form a colony in the sky like the people is that what they do is that what you think that was you think it was like a Miyazaki film yeah I don't know no that's how I imagine they were just in the mountains of Colorado they weren't they there was a little valley that was secretly hidden from any you know they weren't they weren't they weren't like they did them a sky city be more whimsical if it was in the sky you know this was Laputa Castle in the sky by I oh Miyazaki maybe Ine

Ranch shouldn't be so you know maybe your work shouldn't be so easy to improve on just accidentally like that this is a great time from our new podcast uh comp on rand it's uh we we analyze another iron rand book every week uh how many how many weeks we get out of that two maybe three i think she wrote some i read one and you've read the other yeah i read the good one um anyway so tick talk is uh is that why trump's being arrested for tic talk yeah i'm i'm sure tick tock probably has something he's probably got his got his hands and tic-tac somehow hands and something uh anyway what's going on here we have uh all right so this is interesting earlier in the week uh president biden posted a uh i don't know it came from his

account it was a tweet and they had the word believe written on it which i guess is from this show called Ted Lassau, which we watched the first season of, and it was fine, it was cute. It was about, what is Ted Lassow? Ted Lassow was about a man who abandons his family to go coach soccer in Europe,

even though he's not a soccer coach. Yeah. Something like that. And then we started watching season two. It got horrific, so we stopped watching it, and now season three is upon us, apparently. And it's being promoted. You know how it's being promoted?

Guess how it's being promoted? um maybe a tick maybe a string of ted lasso tic tic tics i'm sure you're doing that but guess what else um uh maybe like uh uh esbn commercials because he's a perhaps uh there's a new marketing scheme out there i don't know if you're aware of it billboards are done if you want to promote your show now you got to get into the white house we think of that can we get cump in the white house well look at this we got the cast of ted lasso check this out let us go now to the white house press briefing where press secretary koreen jean pierre is holding the daily press briefing but it's a little bit different today as you can see she is joined by

the cast of ted lasso the show on apple tv plus they're going to talk about mental health eventually after some yucs this guy seems to not really I mean, even he's like, he's like, eventually they're going to talk about it. I guess. I don't know why I'm reporting on a bunch of fictional characters being at the White House press briefing room. Take a loss. Listen. The existence of the believe banners that we're seeing around that you all may be seeing around.

Once you tweeted out, what the fuck you taught? I mean, I know it's a joke, but still, like, it doesn't even play. White House Complex today. It is an honor. It is truly an honor to have Coach Lassow here with us today. That's not his name. He's not. he's he's not real this is so this is look i think Biden sometimes i did think he got a bad rap

sometimes i mean i think he has dementia um because you know he's like 100 years old and uh you know he has some ideas a little cockamamie he smells kids a lot that's weird you know but i think sometimes people just want to like he's the worst president ever i'm like i don't know the inflation some of it may be is full some of it's not i mean it's this is very complicated what that like we're we're we're look we have banks collapsing banks are collapsing and you have the white house press briefing room has fictional characters and it's promoting an apple tv show and it's just gross how how into it she is she's like this she's obviously a fan girl she's a she's a lasso light she's a lasso uh whatever she's a lasso lantern yes

I'm a serious note, though, because this is actually... You shouldn't look. Can we get a wide shot of this? Very serious for the reasons that they all hear Jason and his castmates. Oh, right. We have to have some bullshit reason why I'm fangirling. I guess mental health, because they talk about it in the show and the project made it better. I'm trying to skip ahead.

I want to hear a wide. He's a wide shop. So, I mean... It's just so weird how many of them there are. Like, if it was just... Jason Sudecis, it would feel a little less bizarre. Here's the thing. Jason DeGis has been on SNL, right?

He's been on a couple good movies. I like him. I think he's a funny actor, right? In general, he's not exactly De Niro. He's not exactly Pacino or Leo de Caprio. She should, she's the White House press secretary. She shouldn't be fan girling this hard for Jason Sadekis and a bunch of no names. Yeah.

This is not the cast of Frazier. no this is insane they're gonna like this is the kind whenever i see something like this where it's just like it just doesn't make any sense and it's like they're acting like it's for this important i'm just like what are they going to do to us right what's going to happen this is uh anyway a palestine ohio not doing well the vaccines really are poison aren't they so anyway Pfizer had a little announcement we wanted to make while we're doing this uh see your loved ones soon sorry it's just so I mean what was let's let's let's go back I skip the heads of the white shot so here's the Dakis I'm sorry mr. Lassow

talking a second thank you thank you yeah I did I truly did not know it was going to be this one when on the way here Not until we're out here. Yeah, I couldn't imagine. I don't know why we're in the press briefing room. It's weird enough that we're meeting the president, but I don't know what we're supposed to say in the reporters. She's calling me my character.

This feels really weird. To be honest, this feels a little Soviet. Yeah. Honestly, I'm an actor. I'm promoting my show, but I am an American, and this feels really, really dirty. Extremely inappropriate. Yeah.

But I'm not going to, I'm also a good corporate boy, so. And so thank you for taking an interest, and I know you're here for bigger reasons than us. But I just want to say that on behalf of myself, everyone here with me today and the numerous other folks that it takes to make. How great would it be if he just took out a gun. He budge-wired himself. Mendel L. is very important. I've neglected it. so ted lasso it is sincerely an honor to visit the white house and i have the opportunity to speak

to the president and to the first lady about the importance of mental health um what are you going to say the man look i understand you're an actor you're playing this character here's the thing i don't i want to break the fourth wall here i'm going to put myself on camera for a second i want to break the fourth wall actors don't write their lines they don't write their stories Why the hell is the cast of Ted Lassow? I mean, look, I think Jason Zadakis is a funny guy, right? I think he's probably, you know, he's a comedic actor. He's an improv actor, I guess.

He's got his chops. I'm sure more than some other people he might have, like, you know, a little bit more things to say on the fly, perhaps. He can bullshit his way through. What insight could this man possibly have about mental health beyond, I'm a good, maybe he's depressed a lot? I mean, he did have that whole, hey, Like, my wife, you know, is banging Harry Stiles or whatever.

It would be great if he just launched into, like, a 12-minute monologue about when my wife started having sex with Harry Stiles, I hit a low point emotionally that I have not recovered from. I was threatening the nanny. She doesn't think I should have my kids. I don't know who she is to say that. She's a nanny, you know, I'm Jason Sondakis. I'm the guy who is in a, what was I, wedding crashers? What's his big claim to fame? What's he been in?

He's been some funny stuff. He's in horrible bosses. Right, yeah. With Kevin Spacey. That's right. I went to see, Don't worry, darling, five times in the theater.

I didn't think it's very good. All five times I made a scene. Use a lot of misogynistic and homophobic slurs. Oh, man. This is just, I mean, the most bizarre. So, like, no matter who you are, no matter where you live,

no matter who you voted for we all probably I assume we all know someone who has or I've been that someone ourselves actually that's struggled that's felt isolated is he doing it for better help yeah this is like how we do a better help I feel isolated therapy just go to the website close your eyes and go to the website there's something beautiful about how like they're talking about mental health in a situation that's like totally designed to fuck with the population's mental health. It's like mental health, the mental illness, the inability to distinguish fantasy from reality.

Anyway, I'm Mr. Lassow. I'm in front of the White House press corps. And no one else is talking. Why would they? But I mean, I mean, honestly, the lady who plays his boss, I mean, she's just sitting there like, she has nothing. She doesn't, I mean, she's just hoping no one to ask her to talk. This is like, what, she's like, 60?

And she's just, like, for their first acting gig. I'm sure she's on something over there. It's probably EastEnders over in Britain. It's felt anxious that has felt alone, right? And it's actually one of the many things that, believe it or not, that we all have in common as human beings, right? Fucker my wife is also something we have in common, apparently, as human beings, everyone but me.

Everyone with me is, fuck of our wife. so um you what's this what's this kid's song what's harry styles do what's this what's what's the song he does um do you don't name a harry style song i don't know if i can name a single harry style song that jokes i didn't think it was very good water watermelon sugar is that really a song I think so Wow Jason Sadega's lost his wife

to a guy singing about watermelon sugar that's right he's gonna teach she's gonna teach us about mental health get

let's help let's help him that means that it's something that we can all you know and should talk about

with one another and we're feeling that way and it's ironic because for years she was telling me that I wasn't enough of a man

and that I should man up and then and now she's you know fucking this kid in a dress You should explain me Hey, I love trans people

I love trans people I love I love I don't think you should be having sex with my wife You know It's just it's a distinction When we recognize that In someone feeling that way So please you know

We encourage everyone And this big theme of the show It's like to check in with your you know This is also the thing that ruined the show by the way The show was kind of cute for the first season It was charming enough It wasn't like hilarious Oh as soon as they brought in that horrible therapist

And he's just breaking down down because he ab- I mean the whole plot as far as I remember is that like because look Ted Lassow as far as I remember starts out with him like they hire him it's kind of like to producers they hire him she like she inherits the team from her ex-husband lady in red and then and she hires this guy Ted Lassow who's like a college or high school football like American football to be their soccer coach for some reason and then like you know but real reasons they want to sabotage the team because you know the ex-husband loves the team so

So the point is, this guy is not a soccer coach. He knows he's not. A lot of season two seems to him be him breaking down because his family doesn't want to come to England with him. You went to England for this massive opportunity to coach a team that you have a sport you don't even coach. What, again, you should be depressed. You should leave England.

This is, I mean, this is like a dead, this is a story of a deadbeat dad. Yeah. Your neighbor, your coworker, your friends, your family. whoever was found my way and ask how they're doing and listen sincerely you know I mean you all ask questions for a living but you also listen for a living so you know who am I preaching to the choir that is okay and look and while look you got to admit though he has some charm he's he's saying nothing and he should

be bombing any but he's able to keep it afloat I mean saying nothing saying nothing absolutely now while it's easier said than done I we also have to know that we shouldn't be afraid to ask for help ourselves. And that does take a lot, especially when it's something that has such a negative stigma to it, such as mental health. And it doesn't need to be that way. And if you can ask for that help from a professional, fantastic. If it needs to be a loved one, equally as good. Some guy who's fucking your wife. Just do not, if you're me, don't ask your wife for that emotional support. Because she will tell you that

go out. She won't, she'll start banging the kid who sings about watermelon sugar, whatever what I mean, can you believe that? Imagine that? What was that about? I mean, I saw him in that, your dress. Like, if he, you know, if he was able to, you know, pull it off, I would almost understand it. But, you know, he just looked like a little boy being humiliated by his mother to me. I guess that's sexy now.

I'll wear it your dress. If that's what you want. You never asked me to. In a lot of ways. Olivia. need to let that pressure that that pressure valve release uh the president's working on and is in his own team although his team is real our team is make-believe uh i don't think i don't know that despite the people at fifa and ea will tell you we are actually a make-believe team but

why are you here what is this this is literally this is like this is what happens right before we drop a bomb i mean like the bomb yeah this is like i mean i'm looking on my shoulder every day this week like what you know someone's going to jab me with something this is a problem they're working very hard to make sure that the that you know that option is available they're going to come out tomorrow and the agriculture department's going to make an announcement like so wheat is gone we lost wheat what do you mean we lost wheat it's just gone what about barley that you know all of all the wheat type things rye uh sultana brand it's all done how this happened i don't know ted lasso watch that lasso

to as many Americans as possible. Now, look, I know in this town, a lot of folks don't always agree, right, and don't always feel heard, seen, listen to, yes? But I truly believe that we should all do our best to help take care of each other. That's my own personal belief. I think that's something that everybody up here on stage believes in that's things we talked about in the writer's room, and we talk about in the editing room and everything in between. Yeah, Bernie Sanders and Marjorie Taylor Green, why don't you suck each other off just a little bit?

for mental health you just want to emulate you know these make-belief folks that we all play at aFC richmond and the way they take care of one what what if see are you bringing another fictional place again okay cool uh should we be writing this down why are you telling us to the press i mean i get i get one to have like a little like fanfare thing where like biden meets these people and like you know it's just like oh i'm a big fan i mean is biden even a fan the show though I mean, they show him Ted Lassow instead of like, you know, intelligence briefings? Are they supposed to be showing him like, you know, like, oh, you know, Russia is encircling the Ukraine, you know, Dumbosk, and then it's just like a episode of Ted Lassau where he's crying and eating peanut butter with his finger? I mean, I don't understand this at all.

Did the cast of Ted Lassow try to defect to another country and got caught? And then this is what, and now this is what the government's making them do? This doesn't make an affection video. This looks like... Before they send them all to a labor camp. This looks just like when they parade like a Soviet spy who's come over. Right. So we're going to be general.

That is the wish fulfillment of the show. Aside from me playing coach. America is the greatest country. It's freedom and plentiful. All the grain. We have all the grain here. I love it. I love America.

And these guys being professional. footballers you know that's like you know that's that's that's a big part of the show is he keeps like honestly he keeps it is uncomfortable as he is he keeps emphasizing like so this isn't real uh now i the i can't help but take this opportunity to take a shot of harry styles you think a shot of that scumbag who's raising my children i mean are they still together me i think they're done right i think they're done yeah he doesn't know that he's not there emotionally yet at least one question so please yeah ah wait hold on here decorum right that was the word we were using decorum uh yes sir a familiar face hi

trent crin fake journalist yes sir yes uh trent nice to see how do you feel about kansas city being one of the named hosting city oh so now they have they have the actual now they have the fake the journalist from the show asking quite this isn't this is this is the end of America I mean forget COVID forget uh um war I mean people are afraid of that TikTok people are afraid of TikTok oh this is disgusting this is insane this is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen take place in the white this is like this is the Cuban missile crisis if we lost to the uh 2026 wild cup Ooh, here I was hoping for a softball.

Okay, you know what? I'm very excited. Truth be told, yeah, Kansas City is going to be one of these teams. I mean, I love this town. Look at their dumb faces. They have nothing, no one wrote anything for them. Look at all these journalists and they're just eating it up. Oh, and look, there is one guy who fought them.

Should we go to that, I guess, before we go? So the view, let's check this out. because the hens is the view i mean it's one good one i guess but they they have this clip because they're basically one of the guy i guess before the happening's on that we saw there was a little bit of a ruckus in the in the press briefing room yesterday the cast of ted lasso paid a visit to the white house to talk about the serious issue of mental health but the press conference was interesting there's something about the way this is every time someone tries to sell this thing I'm just like the cast did last I guess they were over there for hands of hell

about the serious issue of mental like it's like the the weird them trying to do that crazy of a turn in one sentence look the cat you mean the writers or the the cast uh I don't know the characters actually they're pretending to be in character for about half of it the guy who plays the mean guy on the show was telling Biden about you know schizophrenia erupted by the notoriously combative reporter from Today News Africa, Simon Ativa. Take a look. We're not doing this.

We're not doing this. We're not doing this. We're not doing this from across the room. So the audio, you can't really hear him that well, but he's saying, you've been discriminating against me and discriminating against some people in the briefing room. You've been discriminating against some people in the briefing room.

And I'm saying that this is US. This is not China. This is not Russia. Yes, it is. Are you seeing what's happened? letter start this is not russia this is not russia what are you doing just the fact that other reporters are going like no let her do it we want ted lasso shut up this is our big thing we love this it's so funny because he's saying this is not russia what are you doing you're making a mockery

of the first amendment but he's not saying it about what he should be i mean i guess he's not being picked on and he you know they he's like an african reporter i wonder if this is this is literally what he's saying applies to the meta level too you're making a mockery the first amendment i mean i would if i guess this guy is kind of like it's pretty like outspoken in general but it's like just watching this in isolation like make him the president yeah you could imagine that it's like the meta thing is the kind of the last straw here like it's like you haven't called on me in fucking months and now you're doing this like fake ted lasso play Oh, man.

Okay. What you are doing, you are making a monkey of the first of America. It's been seven months. You've not called on me. People yelling decorum. That's what he was referring to before. You blow off my messages. I'm saying that's not right.

That's not right. Be fair, what is his messages? Yeah, what is he texting her? You up? Hey, you up? You didn't tell me if it was big or not. You didn't tell me if it looked nice. I sent you all these pictures.

I've seen that does not right. Welcome, guys. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the press briefing room. Okay. We're trying to silence on people. I mean, I'm good for this guy for putting a little wrenching. I mean, I would have kept screaming.

He's not right. Sir, let it go. So they have these. I mean, this may be one of the reasons, because he does this all the time. This may be one of the reason she doesn't call on him because he can be. combat but is he a troll or is he does he I don't know what was Ted dancing a troll when he did blackface at your birthday party I mean like I love Ted dancing I mean I'm glad he's I'm glad he still has a career but I mean like weren't they like just

laughing she's laughing her ass off while like Ted dancer was doing blackface in her birthday party or whatever was years ago I mean I don't know a point about being ignored at the briefings now I know she doesn't decide who sits there, but she does decide who to call on. I don't think that's a serious guy. In 2013, he wrote an open letter on his blog to Nigerian actors saying that a topless scene she was in was offensive because, quote, you are really not attractive, unquote.

Yeah, whatever. What she looked like. I don't know. I mean, look, he's not a serious journalist. He ran to Tucker Carlson right after this, so that tells you where he's at. I mean, these women just like, look, I'm not like a Tucker Carlson fan, but like, is that they really just that comfortable? He went to Tucker Carlson. He's a not a person.

He's going to comment that the sexism ran rampant in that interview because I watched it back and he starts to say, she doesn't have to marry me or have babies with me or do it. And I'm like, what does that have to do with anything? This is a professional woman and you are. Is she, she's talking, she's calling Jason Zedakis as fictional character's name. I mean, you shouldn't object to by women, but the. Press Secretary shouldn't be calling a fictional character. There's no reason that the press secretary should be ignoring a journalist,

serious or not, so that she can give fuck eyes to Jason Sadacus. No, no, Mr. Lasso. To Mr. Lassow. Literally filibustering. And then call out an imaginary journalist to ask him a question. No, this can't be on. I don't even, I don't care if he did send her a picture of his dick. Like, this guy is totally in the right.

This, look, this, this combination of videos, the one we watch it and then this view, forget the 9-11 documentaries, forget the JFK documentaries. This is proof of whatever that is supposed to be. This is proof of whatever you want, basically. Something that someone's, you know. 9-11, vaccines, JFK. This basically proves everything. Lizard people, whatever.

This conference, where people were coming to speak about mental health. so she's like legitimizing it she he's filibustering a conference of people coming to speak at mental health where actors are coming to talk to them not not people they're not people how about here's the that's why it's so weird how about you get some actual mental health professionals to talk to the president about his mental health that's an idea yeah like no this is what usual this is what is what is supposed to usually happen like they'll bring in a board boring person right from some part of the CDC that works on mental health sure not saying that they're like the most trustworthy people in America or whatever but

it's like it's like it's like you know had a career studying it and then he has his little binder and he answers questions from the real journalists in the room no I'm saying bring somebody to give Biden a cat scan what is going on this country anyway things are going great here we're having a great great time in america uh we're all going to be okay because nothing's real and nothing matters and the world's fine so uh thanks so much for tuning in thank you uh again if you like the show you can subscribe you know on youtube please uh or on your podcast after you get notifications and if you like it which i think you will like you do you can subscribe to go to our patreon it's patreon. patreon.com slash ray cump

episode every week for five bucks a month if you like it i think that's great it's a great deal and we talk about mental health it's nice uh otherwise uh thanks for tuning in and we'll see you next week have a great week