Kump - 149 - Tina Turner's Castle

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

Ray and Lucie discuss Tina Turner, stolen Ruby Slippers, Hot Pocket vengeance, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Today on Kump, we have social media sickness, mushroom coffins, hot pocket vendettas, and much more. Stay tuned. Hello and welcome to Kump! hello lucy you think i was a little too it was a particularly angry intro yeah it was i got are you feeling are you feeling hot i'm coming in hot tina turner has died and i have to i'm chan i'm is it wrong to channel her is that appropriation are you channeling her i'm trying to channel this cold river keep on burning the hell goes cold river keep up i don't know the words uh Same Proud Mary is in a tourniquet.

What is it? Children don't got no earnings. Because they're poor. I don't know how to get, but what are the words that song? Pramary keeps on burning? Well, now I can't remember them. I don't know that song all the time.

Prat Mary keeps on burning. Is that really it? That makes it as much sense as anything I said. the great legend I mean rolling down the river rolling on the river rolling on a lazy river reference like when you go to like a water park and you're rolling down the lazy river this is not to disparage the queen of rock and roll I love her but she's a queen of I mean she's tremendous I think she was a queen of rock and roll even I would have thought it was more like funk or soul I don't know

it's great whatever this is great I if you ask me who's the queen of rock and roll I'm like, I don't know, Joan Jett, I love rock and roll. She's a princess of rock and roll at best. She never, but when did Tina Turner ever sing a song about rock and roll? That's true, yeah, that's, yeah. She never sang a song where the subject was rock. I feel like she was bigger than rock and roll, Tina Turner. Boy, that, I wouldn't have thought that was rock and roll,

but I am an ignorant man lost in the wasteland, I mean, of our youth. Primary is an intern She was great What did she die of? She died of complications Oh no I mean she's 80 she was 83 I didn't know she was that old

People I was talking to people before As like Tina Turner is dead Like well she was old Like I mean look it's fine But they're all upset and it's like She lived in like a castle in Switzerland or something Oh I didn't know that Somewhere some other kind of

That's a respectable age to die at it. Yeah, no, I mean, if I make an 83, people are going to lose a lot of money on, you know, over under bets or whatever. Good for her. You should be, when did you hit 80, you could just be celebrated. Like, you know, there's no, I mean, I don't know. Right, there shouldn't be a wave of, I can't believe this happened. Oh, no, Tina Turner. I mean, look, it's it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, I mean, some, someone, you know, someone, you know, why I'm, why I'm, why I'm avoiding saying it. It's, it's, it's, I mean, this sounds, this feels awful. She just died today. Why are we doing this?

It's a good argument, actually, against the theory that people get, you know, people, huge musicians get killed for the royalties or whatever. Well, I mean, she was living in, where we find that where she lived. Because I know, I've heard that she was living in, like, somewhere, like, crazy plays in the Alps or something. Which is maybe why. She was, you know, she's like, you ain't got me. Like, you got, like, you got Prince. Oh, Zurich, Switzerland.

I was right. Yeah. She had, like, a castle. Switzerland or something well deserved by the way that's great honestly not enough not enough superstars do that just got a castle somewhere yeah I don't know if it's a castle it might just been like a nice house not enough not enough struggling musicians get castles in Switzerland why didn't Kirk Cobain just buy a castle in Switzerland you know maybe wouldn't have uh start playing rush a roulette with a shotgun that's terrible

Tina Turner and a husband bought Switzerland home before death Oh, she had a husband. Good for her. Erwin Bach. That's a suspicious name. Is it? I mean, you don't like classical music. Bach is a esteemed name.

Is he related to the box? I know, but it's weird for a normal person to be called Irwin Bach. Are you, are you related to the concerto box? You know? The concerto box? Well, he wrote a number of concertos. Was he known for his concertos? I believe he was.

Or cello suites and G? what is that what puts a concerto about don't do this don't don't don't you look you I know more about classical music than you and you and your and your and your tactic is to try to like demonstrate how little I do know and it's not going to work I'm not going to play these games with you all right I'm not going to like you know let you uh somehow like make yourself feel better about refusing to learn who Beethoven is I like oh what and what makes the uh what makes a sweet what's the cello sweet it's a something on cello it's all i know in the key of g played by yo-yo ma by bach oh but what's the fugue i don't know where the fugue is

you're you're totally right i was totally trying to redirect yeah boiling water's turning going going down a rib going on a water trip As far as I know, Roland on the River is a story about, I never actually confirmed this, but I'm pretty sure it's a story about, like, a kind of hard on their luck person who, like, gets a ride

on this, like, a fancy riverboat and scams a bunch of rich people. I know a little bit from the Creedon's Clearwater version, Clearwater revival, only because they sing it slower. And it was like, something on I know on the river boat queen, something.

I don't know what that means. But I never saw the good side of a city till I hitched her ride on the riverboat. Right. Yeah, I don't, none of this. I don't want to sing it in case we get. Purple dinosaurs dancing. Like, it doesn't matter. So how much of music is just random words?

I'm a Tyrannosaurus Rex rolling. So, you know, rest in power. Kenan Turner. Dead at 83 in the castle. in switzerland what where where should our castle be um i i feel like madagascar is underused i you want me to live amongst the the i mean i don't know much about madagascar because i'm ignorant but isn't that whole i never saw the cartoon isn't all about i know they make a cutesy but they're cutesy versions of like violent animals right yeah prehistoric

animals, I think. Oh, it takes place in prehistoric. I think. Okay, I thought it was supposed to be based on the modern day. I'm like, there's too many animals

in this, in the Madagascar, I don't know what modern-day Madagascar looks like. Do people live in Madagascar? I'm sure some people do. But it's just like,

you know, if we're trying to paint a magical castle, more than 21 million people. Well, that's a lot of people. Well, it's a big place, isn't it?

It is big, yeah. That's the biggest island of Africa. I know that from Jeopardy. Yeah. They like to bring that up a lot. You want to build a cat. So you want, you want us to go build a castle in Africa.

I don't know what you know about optics, but it's not much. Two narrative well podcasters with meager income in the United States attended to build a castle in Africa funneling money from fake charities. I mean Well, you added on the fake charities part I didn't say that scam cancer kids You're gonna castle in Madagascar I'm just saying it feels like

I feel like it's that's where it's going I'm very intuitive I'm a good judge of people Including us And I feel like that's the only way We're getting a castle in Africa Is by doing a fake live aid With a farm aid

Live Aid was the big one right Live Aid was a big one Yeah we're like let's all give money in Africa Yeah, and then all of a sudden it's just like, why you, what's this fat castle? What were the castle? What would you call the castle? It used to have a name. Honestly, that's calling it, calling it the fat castle.

Is that bad? Calling it the castle fat. The castle fat. Yeah. Should it be called like the D.A. Castle fat? Like the castle fat. Yeah. Yeah.

But just fat, not pH. The castle fat. And we one of those things that people always assume it's a one. word and then they realize, oh, it's actually just the castle. The castle phop. I'm thinking it. Where can we put it besides Africa? Just because it's just going to look bad.

Maybe New Zealand. That's a good one. We can build it like a Tolkien-esque. I don't think our money is going to go to that for New Zealand. This is not the post-war America. We can't just, you know, have a meager podcast and, you know, build an everything. empire in the developing, in the redeveloping world, if we bombed everything.

What about, what about right on like the straight of Gibraltar? Where's that? I don't know. That connects Europe and Africa, right? What's your obsession with Africa? We can build it on the Europe. You really just, like, I just like having the idea of having a- Who are you, Cecil Rhodes?

I just like the idea of having a castle on a strait somewhere. What about the Bering Street that connects Russia and America? That could work. I feel like that's under, we can. afford that maybe it's mostly ice it's like it's you know there's there's snow 11 and a half months out of the year and you know we might get killed by a bear yeah that will drive the real estate price down yeah and we'd be and we'd be considered traders well it's the bearing straight it's not we're not in russia yet we'll be suspected traders we'd or at least we'd be viewed as anti- ukraine

yeah i mean Alaska's up there too that's true I think it's Alaska but it connects Alaska and Russia state you think everyone was in Russia's a traitor I mean sorry everyone was Alaska the trader yeah kind of wow you think the you think the grizzly man had it coming they got remember Timothy with Timothy Treadwell oh well that guy definitely had it no matter how you slice it but you watch you like you heard you remember that documentary if you don't remember grizzly man it was the Werner Herzog documentary about the man who hung out with bears and then eventually they killed I had the audio, he's listening to it.

The scene where he's listening to the audio and you see his reaction. He's like, don't show anybody to this ever. Never show this to anybody. This is horrible, except my documentary one. He's talking to his girlfriend, or wait, no, she got killed too, right? I don't know, the family or someone.

Maybe the girlfriend. He's telling someone in his creepy German accent never showed us to anyone. Even though I'm very much teasing the subject right now. Right. My documentary. privacy in this case is very important but I'm going to include this scene

and me listening to it I mean I really I love Vernon Hurts like I love listen to Vernon Hurts like talk but is there any like I feel like he has this real image of like a truth teller and I feel like he's not probably

I've always felt like that's like a little unerned like it's it's he's interesting yeah I think even more as like a like an elevated weirdo than yeah that's fair somebody who's really like you know telling it like it is cold river keep on well i've lost it actually good oh man like the guy from casablanca peter lorry

cold really keep on hearing uh where were we alaska do you think the grisly man was a spy you think you're using you think he was using bears dead drops the russian agents yeah he was hiding guns in those bears guns he was doing guns that gun smuggling so you think he was he was like making bear swallow like so his his guns in their mouth he's just shouting

wrackled rivals others wrote that was his contribution like the russians didn't want secrets from him or like you know like nuclear secrets or like strategic info as a bear's gonna as a bear's gonna eat it gonna eat a note what you put it you know i mean it's gonna digest it the cia is always developed i mean the arms of technical services i read the whole book just about that thing and i forget it was called but it was a decent book and like you know like they we talked the other week about the heart

attack gun and we that's right yeah they all sorts of stuff i'm sure they would develop like a weird gelatin capsule that you put like a node into you're still and you shove in the bear's mouth but you think that they know we're gonna put a gelatin Russia, I'm also rescribed in Russia, aren't we? So they don't have that over there. They just, just put Vaseline on the gun. Put it in there.

Shabbling up these guns. Loeb up the guns. Shove it in the mouth or the ass. I don't know why they're from Norway now. Yeah. Can we monetize how bad my impressions are? Or my accents? I mean, I think it's like the horseshoe theory or something.

Yeah. That's not how it's a horse shoe. your theory that's not very welcome to the show proud river keep on rip Tina Turner RIP I highly recommend her scene watching her scene but watching the whole thing but in that that Rolling Stones documentary give me shelter well she doesn't she's not the woman to give me shelter is she no I'm pretty sure it's her and give me shelter she does a performance in it oh but she's on no in the song give me shelter with the rolling stones she's at the woman from give me shelter.

No, no, from the documentary, give me shelter. Okay. They love, they, give me, give me, I don't know what give me shelter means, but they overused that term. Like, it's just like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like a little devil's called everything stay where to heaven.

The documentary stay where to heaven, the album's there to heaven, the song say where to have, enough. Stop saying give me shelter. Well, I think give me shelter in the context with, what's it called, the, that, that, that woodstock that went horribly, that, at Altamont.

At Altamont. It wasn't Woodstock. But it was, call every concert or Woodstock? Yeah, you know that Woodstock where Beethoven performed. But it was supposed to be like another Woodstock, wasn't it? Altamont, it's a festival.

I mean, there's a Monterey Music Festival. There's a South by Southwest. There's a ballouza, the Willis Fair. There's all sorts of festival. Oz Fest. You know, the West. Yeah. Oswoodstock.

But the people who brought you a woodstock, another woodstock in the future. But yeah, like, Ultima, like, it kind of makes sense because it's like, give me shelter, give me shelter from all these hell's angels stabbing people. I mean, when I see the hell's angel coming at me with a knife, the last thing I'm thinking of is shelter. Like, get me away from the knife guy. Yeah, that would be giving you a shelter of a sort. No one says shelter me from these bullets.

Shelter me from these knives. Shelter me from these bikers. that's not a term that's not how shelter works anyway and it's also it's also that you know it's about murder being just a shot away well that you're talking about the song in this case it's it's about it's a stab away all right but look I'm reason I'm I'm so hard about this is because I'm hard about it's that I'll be hard on you about it's just like because if someone didn't know any better and now you're saying this they'd be oh wait that teenager is the one singing and give me the song it was like me I can see

see how they would think that if I had it's not I can see how they would think that if I hadn't specified the documentary but you it was all very muddled my mind and I was going to say thanks to the stones for naming everything give me shelter before you started naming everything Woodstock so you know well done anyway so where else is going how are you doing this week I'm doing pretty good. Did you want to talk about anything that happened to you over the weekend? Well, why? Are you setting me up for something?

No, nothing really happened. Did you want to talk about something that happened to you? No. Anyway. Oh, you mean my bad, where you're trying to set me up to talk about my bachelor's rat party? I get. I mean, we didn't discuss it, but I just thought it might be, maybe, I don't know how much you want to say it, but I don't think I think that rock has happened.

No, no, it wasn't. It was pretty low key, but it was a lot of fun. You sent me a picture of a bunch of crystal. So, dildos at one point? We just stumbled on those. It wasn't, we weren't, we weren't being hacked and, like, surrounding ourselves with dick-shaped, well, to some extent, maybe we were dick-shaped objects, but, but we did stumble into this crystal shop.

Women always claim they don't care about it until, like, because, like, every chance they get to, like, have, like, a dick-shaped chicken McNugget, they'll, like, they'll lose their minds. How turns on do you get by, like, just, bathroom drawings. I guess women's room probably don't have as much. No. There's always Dick's drawing on bathrooms.

Yeah. But you would think there would be more based on how much dick stuff there is at a bachelor's party. Yeah, you would think women would be drawing and then we're like, oh, well done. Thank you. Love it.

But yeah, we stumbled into a crystal shop. There were some dick-shaped crystals. I sent you a picture of them. They weren't full size. They were miniature. Right. Disappointed. I didn't buy any crystals because I refused to buy

crystals. Well, you're not Marianne Williamson. You're not running for president. Maybe that's your problem. Maybe that's the answer to this podcast, having people more crystals around. Hey, I support Marianne Williamson. Why not?

Revolution based in love, baby. Sure. I'm in. I'm in. Let's get her on. It would be funny if it's like we brought her in and it was like, lose a big supporter of yours. Like all I did was ask her about crystals.

But we like it. Then we like the crystals. That's her favorite thing about you. She's like, well, not really to answer. crystals why not are your distance you're flip-flopping on the crystal issue i i don't even know why you're here we want to know how to heal ourselves um anyway but no okay uh but yeah it was good we we uh i was telling you that we watched a compilation of uh exotic bird dances at one point am i even sure what you were referring to there i think i assumed you were like tripping

when you told me that i don't know what that means um you you you So explain this. We didn't discuss this, really. What exotic bird, where did you find the exotic bird dance? Well, I, I, we, we, somehow we started talking about birds. What? We, we had taken some mushroom chocolates. Sure.

And, uh, be mindful of the kids who were watching. This is a family-friendly show. Nothing, nothing, nothing more adult than gun hands. And, and talking about rape all the time. Well, he didn't have to say it. But we started talking about birds and how much we like them, I guess. You've never told me how much you like birds. We've talked about a mutual affectionate for birds.

That's not true. I've talked about pigeons in an affectionate way. You've talked about wanting to have sex with a bird. What? Yeah, I mean. No, I just said it would be majestic. I didn't say I want to. Anyway, go on.

Is that what came up? You were like, I think, how's it going right? Well, mostly good. He did kind of bring up, you know, sex with a bird in a weird way. He said, you know. You think you're just a launch point for everything, don't you? I mean, yes. I should be.

I'm your bride. No, we watch some. They're actually a lot of fun to watch. Oh, we're going to watch them? I mean, I'll show you just some of them, yeah. This is going to be weird. I mean, just like they're just kind of like courtship dances. Oh, here they are.

oh just mute it i just i'll just mute it yeah what we have here and this this is very fun to watch whoever made this weird and wonderful bird dances can you skip to something that's not the word it's just oh well it creates okay here we go there's a birds dancing so we're seeing oh well these birds are they look like girls and they're jumping around this is the honestly I don't understand what I'm looking I thought I thought birds flew what are they doing that they're just kind of hopping around a tree this is bizarre yeah they're they're doing some of them do coordinated dances some of them the guy will just kind of dance for the girl this is proof that God doesn't you know

now he's biting some smaller bird what is this he's basically he's like twerking here he's biting her he's red cap mannequin this is like a little Michael Jackson oh wow this is actually kind of cool yeah I feel like they're dead birds and someone's just kind of moving them up and down the tree on like slides

yeah this does like this one does look kind of fake right yeah no this is all very this is all very much like dead taxidermied birds that's not really happening I don't believe it's for a second I mean honestly like like I don't go for flat earth but like this is the kind of thing where I go

now you think this is real that we're moving on I'm not going to be a party to this so you had just tripped out watching bird dancing no it's good I mean it's the alternative for me yeah were you worried about

everyone's just discussing my finances oh how much money is he making enough can he buy you a house no can you can he support a family probably not anyway uh we'll move on from that that was that congratulations on your on your on this life event that you take a part in it's like it's like a it's like an adult bat mitzvah yeah yeah not at all but thanks for agreeing with me honestly it beat like it beat my uh you know quote unquote sweet 16 that was that wasn't

you know. Did you have a big Sweet 16? No. What was? It was just a bunch of you watching trauma films in the basement? I had to like, for some reason they decided since it was like 16, like we, I should be, rather than like hanging out with my friends or whatever, I should like sit in a circle with a bunch of, um, like old friends of parents.

What? And like, they'll like give me, get, and I just watch them get progressively drunker. Wait, that was your Sweet 16 party? That was my sweet 16 party. It was crazy. It was a crazy idea. Wait, that's not, wait, what? Yeah.

That isn't no way. Wait, hold on a second. They were like, this is a special one, so we should just do, like, I don't know what, but somehow the logic was that it was special, so it should be that instead of. Your friends. Instead of my friends. That was crazy. This sounds like something like the deleted scenes of eyes wide shut or something.

Was everyone wearing masks? Everyone was sitting, you were sitting in a circle of your parents' friends. yeah and they were just getting drunk would they give you were they shower on you or gifts at least there were there were some gifts yeah but like what god I don't even remember we have like a penguin mask put this on a penguin what the hell yeah yeah it was crazy parents are weird um parents be weird parents be weird yeah we'll get more later of that um so we have this story we're gonna start we're gonna move on to

unless you have any more weird traumatic events to you describe if you want to Jesus Man is indicted in the theft of a Wizard of Oz Ruby slippers worn by Judy Garland I believe I mentioned this even Not this but like that like

I'm pretty sure I'm assuming it's from the Smithsonian Because the Smithsonian has all sorts of You know which is like this The whole complex of museums in Washington D.C. Smithsonian Institute and they have an airspace museum but like the OG one is like just a bunch of like I guess Americana like just they have like Archie Bunker's chair they might have DeLorean from maybe not it's probably Universal Studios but like that kind

of thing might be there you know like think about like they'll have like the ruby slippers I think I'm pretty sure I saw the ruby slippers there so like let's see if I'm right about that so these are the ruby slippers not as impressive they're kind of disgusting they're kind of gross yeah if you're a foot fetish just like you know our friend Tarantino, who we've never met. They look like they're caked in shit. All right. I mean, you know, it's a little true.

I mean, like, they're probably impressed. They look good in the movie. Jeez. I mean. I just say, I've heard, like, I've heard, I wonder if this is some kind of, there's some ugly story behind. I mean, this is how you'd be if you were, like, a detective on, like, Lauren Horner, the rest of you, and like, you came and like,

these are, someone stole these. They look like, they're kicked in shit. It's like, someone was murdered. Can you relax? it's not even that nice it's like okay but look the motivation for stealing them is there they're probably worth millions of dollars

I wouldn't wear these a man's been indicted by a grand jury on charges of stealing a pair of ruby slippers a pair worn by Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz federal prosecutors in North Dakota say the shoes were stolen in 05

and recovered in the 2018 sting operate wait where were they stolen from um i could just warn i saw him at the smithsonian institute am i saying that part was the missonian institute was it when you were a kid yeah maybe it was before they were shown they were on loan to the judy garland museum in the late actor's hometown oh so they probably were they got loan there uh in late actors hometown

when someone climbed through a window and broke the display case can you imagine like you know you're the judy garland museum and i'm assuming the smithsonian lends you Like, you know, like, well, these are, you know, can we, we are in a Judy Garland Museum. Maybe we could have these for a bit. We can, we can lend them to the hell of us out here. And they're like, I mean, I don't know. I mean, these are pretty, these are pretty important. I don't, you know.

Well, you say they're important, but you just have them next to Archie Bunker's dumb chair. He's like, pretty racist. Let's be honest. You say it's a satirical character, whatever. Look, the fact is that there's a lot of smaller museums around the country that call them themselves are that. It's more of a security issue for us. referring to the Civil War Museum in New Orleans.

That's really just the Confederate Museum. I take offense to that. That has Jefferson Davies Crown of Thorns. It would be great if you walked into the Judy Garland Museum, and there's just one little display gaze with like a little assigned picture of Judy Garland. rest of it is just confederate propaganda too. Like, every small museum is just, I mean, I assume most people know it, but, you know, we went to New Orleans back in, you know, this Christmas time. And we went, you know, next to the World War II Museum.

Like, literally, it looks like an old church. It's like the Civil War Museum. Like, I'll pop in here. And it's literally just like Confederate guns, Confederate, like, flags. And like, and just so, and also just just, just arranged with absolutely no care. It's just like, it's just a pile of dead men's stuff. clothes. Am I remembering this wrong?

Didn't they have Song of the South on DVD for some reason? Oh, yeah, for sale. Yeah, like, it's just like, it's just like racist or like retail. Hey, you can't get this in a Best Buy, can you? Welcome to the Civil War Museum. It's probably they're called the War of Northern Aggression Museum. Anyway, that's not what we're talking about today. We're talking about the Julie Garland Museum who blundered.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. God, imagine, that must have been embarrassing. That must have been, I mean, the slippers are on the hurt said she and the museum staff were a little bit speechless that someone had been charged nearly two decades. I mean, it seems like an inside job, in my opinion. I don't want to slander them, but like, we're a little speechless because we're the ones you stole.

Hey, we're, honestly, is there a museum or like, hey, do they get a call? Like, hey, we're the Judy Garland Museum? And they're like, what do you mean? Why? Why? And it's like, why would that, why would everyone need that? Anyway, can we borrow the ruby slippers? Like someone climbs in a bathroom that night and takes them?

There was a, there's something that here that says law enforcement offered a quarter of a million early in the case, which means that the slippers must have been worth at least a million. Yeah, Arizona put up one million in 2015. So, yeah, like probably way more than that. I mean, what would you, if you look, if you had a hundred, million dollars how much would you pay for the ruby slippers maybe like two million you pay two million yeah what would you pay 40 grand I mean I don't want them that bad you actually you actually give up two percent of your that

word for the ruby slippers what would you do with them I put them in a display case in my home maybe like in the same room I imagine them kind of like decorating like maybe a little bowling alley room what next to our next to our no one leave i'm looking right now the Halloween decoration we still have up from Halloween it's just like I'm corny it just says no one isn't written in blood no one leaves as a meat cleaver and then you guys display cases of ruby slippers I'd love to I'd love to buy the ruby slippers and then and then just like throw them in a dirty shoe organizer you just have them like it would be kind of funny like you have like uh you know like people

i guess it's not a rich i associate people being rich but it's not it's just people being normal and having shoes in their front closet when you walk into a house and it's just like people have like a mudroom or something yeah it's kind of ruby slivers in a mudroom yeah it's like you know it's like oh yeah and someone like oh you know because sometimes you'll see like families and like oh if you need a bathing suit you have or you need a pair of shoes like take you know take these to the beach if you know someone if someone in your family has a house you know the beach he's like oh like go to dinner yeah where are these fucking things these ruby slippers um i mean do you do you feel like there's bad uh mojo or whatever with the ruby slippers why because of how abused judy garland was

i was she abuse you know the pills oh because it was she a pill addiction person why would that mean that the shoes she wore were haunted look you don't some addictions come from hauntings i don't really believe in ghosts but if you do i would assume that like you know i would just i mean i would blame my addictions on ghosts yeah actually that's a yeah it's a good move what would you say if i just told you lucy lucy every day if ghost feeds me a pizza oh my god you're like what wait you mean like force feeds you a pizza a whole pizza do you know what do you know why the ghost is doing that I think they work for Papa Jones.

Wait, you mean they did? Like in their life, they worked for Papa Johns or they currently work for Papa John's? I'm clear. Maybe both. It looks at the guy from Papa Johns, but I think he's still alive. Maybe it's his father. Anyway, he's just feeding me. It's not even the good.

It's like, it's just the meat lovers, which you think sounds good, but it's just very salty. Greasy, yeah. It's greasy. Yeah. It's a good gutbuster. Yeah. anyway that's tough ghosts the road to the missing slippers began when a man told his shoes insurer in 2017 that he could help get we could help get them back this is like this is like there will be

is that movie no country for old men like i can get back i'm a fixer i can get back a shoe like he goes the insurance company like how much do they the insurance company pay they're hiring some pinkerton after a nearly year-long investigation, the FBI nabbed the shoes in Minneapolis. Wait, so this guy came to them to the insurance company so he can get them back. But then it says, after a nearly year-long investigation, the FBI nab the shoes.

So it sounded like this guy didn't even like, this guy seemed like a Yahoo. Right. They hired some yachts who probably shot a man in the process of trying to get these shoes back. Like it's a David Lynch film or something. And the FBI got like, well, what's going on? The shoes are still messing.

I'll just deal with this. The Fadnebbed the ship, Minneapolis at the time, the Bureau said no one had been arrested. So where do they nab the shoes from? Let's keep reading, I guess. On Wednesday, a summons was issued from Martin, an initial court appearance was set for June 1st,

and it will be via video. Why, COVID's over. Still doing video things. The shoes are famously associated with one of the iconic lines, Wizard of Oz. But the whole movie, really. Yeah.

There's no place like home. This story sucks. Really. They really should have, you know. When they were stolen slippers were on loan from Hollywood memorabilia collector, Michael Shaw, who received an insurance payment seven years after the theft. I'm not going to say anything there, but, you know, I'd look at that guy.

It seems like there are many, many possibilities for a inside job. You imagine, like, the abused production designer or whatever who made those shoes? Oh, yeah. I don't know why they're assuming. The golden age of Hollywood, you're probably making a lot of money. Because, I mean, how would you fence the ruby slippers

if we did steal them? I would find a crack head and give them to give me crack. Is that how it works? I don't know how fences work. I think you got to try and get them to, like, you've got to try and sell them to someone outside of the country.

Okay. So like a Saudi, a Saudi Emir. Yeah, some of those guys like movies. So you're a, first bet we get we'll get some plane tickets to Riyadh are you going to wear a burger or whatever to like yeah look for the for the sake of the sale what yeah sure so you'll use a base yourself uh that's good to know because we can make a lot of money here i mean what what do you think we can get Riyadh i feel like we can we can we can get them

to overpay in Riyadh oh yeah 20 million yeah you just find one of these guys who's like you know kind of obsessed with Hollywood right i feel like some of them are Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of these Saudis, these, like, Saudi princes and, you know, Saudi royals, they're just obsess with Rudy Ireland. Well, some of them, well, some of them will fund movies and stuff. Sure. The same thing. Do you want to produce Apocalypse now or buy the Ruby slippers? Same thing.

Anyway, this is a crazy story. Or maybe, honestly, maybe Putin would buy them. I mean, that would be, do you think that would humanize Putin? If Vladimir Putin, the president of Russia, the man who everyone's trying to hate, came out. And he's like, look, this war is still going. I'm not stopping the war, but check out of these kicks. He's wearing the ruby slippers. I mean.

He starts tapping them together. I mean, they probably wouldn't fit them. And so here's going to, on top of that, it's obvious that they've, like, taking them apart and sewing them together with, like, you know, brink. like pieces of patent leather or whatever to make it bigger to fit his foot. Imagine if Putin came out in the ruby slippers and started tapping them together and saying there's no place like Dombas. There's no place like Dombas.

I think he would win the hearts of the American people. I think he would become the American president. I think we would like amend the Constitution. I'm not saying that's a good thing. I just feel like, you know, who could top that? Ronda Sanders is going to beat him? Yeah. no way no way sorry Ron

speaking of that he had a little kerfuffle I guess huh yeah what happened with him and you were telling me about this I don't know I saw the headline where he apparently his he announced his campaign on Twitter and the whole thing went to Haywire oh wow you get an article on that or yeah what was this one of the Sanchez Twitter glitches and echoes

and melting the servers crashed to Santa's campaign campaign launch on Twitter. I mean, is this a thing where, like, so many people were into DeSantis that it crashed, like it melted the servers, or is it just because Twitter's not really? Yeah, that could be like one of two things. Well, it says like 500,000.

That doesn't seem like a ton. No. Didn't Tucker Carlson get watched for like $30 million? I mean, I wasn't known at once, I guess. I don't know. Twitter's live stream event with Florida. Governor Ron DeSantis crashed and was delayed on Wednesday as hundreds of thousands of users logged

on to hear DeSantis announce his bid for the White House. The sound from the live stream event, which was held on Twitter spaces and hosted by owner Elon Musk and tech entrepreneur David Sacks cut in and out in the first minutes after starting.

Well, we've got so many people here that we are kind of melting the servers, Sacks said at one point. Well, that's a really great thing from a tech CEO. Right. This is like, what is this? Like, AOL live?

It also just kind of seems like a low rent place to announce your campaign. Like, it's like it just inherently, like sure i mean you could you would definitely if he had announced if he had done some kind of like fox news exclusive press conference he would definitely get more viewers than 500,000 if i was going to be president of the united states was going to run which i should um i would do it on is that show the chew still around the chew oh yeah was a bunch of like women who like or some of them are cooks and some one were just like wasn't wasn't the talk is what i'm thinking

of the view no views too you know i'm not going to on the view we have bad blood but the chew i feel like it was a bunch of women like rachel ray and like some other fat some fat women and like there's making mayonnaise sandwiches or something um yeah but i was announced on that because then you know it's like this tv it's built for this oh man you look you know you can get a nice little little fucking snack while you're announcing ronda sand is announcing his presidential bit on the chew and then and then making a tuna pasta casserole oh yeah

deep fried tuna casserole we take the two of the casserole and just deep fried the whole thing I'm sure it exists it's just like a calzone but disgusting let's be president let's do it

that's be president I don't know I mean Ron this guy can't catch a break it seems like I mean it's not that he's I mean he doesn't seem to be like going have much goodwill anyway

right but it seems like he's just I saw a video of him And he's just yelling, he's not yelling at people, but he doesn't seem like a people person. Yeah. He seems like kind of like his only thing is just, you know, really, really going after those gay kids. Yeah.

No, if you don't like gay kids, he's your guy. He's your guy, but like there's pretty much nothing else. Or Disney. He's really, he's like the anti-Disney campaign guy. Right. But that's mostly over gay stuff too, right? Yeah, originally. But then you think Disney's going to like put him in like finding Nemo 4 or whatever?

He's going to be like a, what's a bad fish? Like a puffer fish? Oh, he's going to have to, because of his feud with Disney, he's going to have to be in some DreamWorks fish movie. Oh, right. Where they'll actually superimpose his face on the fish. Right, but I try to undercut him by calling like, you know, sad, said the puff fish or Ron the puff fish.

And it's just an obvious reference to him. And even though it's like, it's finding Nemo, you think they wouldn't do this, the fish gets raped in the middle of the movie. And they're like, and Disney's just like, well, no, it's just nothing to do with Ron. of santa's but like well either way why is there why is this finding nemo movie have a rape in it it's like well you know some some fish don't know what you know they stick their nose where it doesn't belong the fish have noses shut up um anyway good luck good luck you're wrong i guess or not

whatever i don't care i'm moving to switzerland i'm gonna try to move in the ternard's house you know that'd be nice what what's the so um um The Surgeon General, this is a interesting thing. The Surgeon General has come off. It's good that we have a Surgeon General. Yeah. Because honestly, it's like a Cadarian in a Coal Mine. You know, they're able to kind of break through the noise

and let people give people warnings about things that could affect them well before anyone else would be aware and before it does any damage. Yeah. So it's good. the surgeon general has an advisory about social media might have effects on the youth's mental health the mental health of youths um really great time it's great it's great i mean this is good timing to get to it like uh just just a few years after uh buzzfeed pointed it out well like you know i mean how long ago was those documentaries like we know with there's like there's massive

documentaries about this and also like literally the world's become a hell for the Yeah. I mean, we were just destroyed the minds of an entire generation. And this is like if, like, the surgeon general warned about, like, lung cancer like yesterday. Right. You know, like, thanks. But what are they saying? So today, this is a few days ago, United States Surgeon General Vivek Murphy released a new Surgeon General's advisory on social media and youth mental health.

well social media may offer some benefits they're ample like getting laid I don't know yeah like if you just want to be fucking constantly I was like well Tinder and Grindr are they social media we're like not really alright well then there's no benefit

um do those count like does people count Tinder in social media I think so I think they do that's stupid that's not no There are ample indicators that social media may also pose a risk of harm to the mental health and well-being of children and adolescence. Social media used by young people is nearly universal with up to 95% of young people ages 13 to 17 reporting using a social media platform and more than a third saying they use social media almost constantly.

So it's good. I mean, but it's good that they're getting to it before it became like, you know, really ubiquitous. Right. This is, who is the search in general now? like Zuckerberg? What is this? What's their prescriptions? Just go in the Metaverse?

The Metaverse is where it's at. So they release some tips for, you know, policymakers, technology companies, but also for parents and teens. So their advice for parents was parents and caregivers can make plans in their household, such as establishing tech-free zones and better foster in-person relationships.

Teach kids about responsible online behavior and model that behavior and report problematic content and activity. To who? Report it to who. Also, like, talk to your kids more. Kids don't want to talk to their dumb caregiver. Yeah. I love how it's like, you need to establish a tech-free zone and like, really, really, meanwhile, there are all these viral videos of just like a teacher takes a phone away and the kid just knocks them out. Yeah, you have to outlaw this shit.

Yeah. Uh, or though, but like, you just, hey, just talk to your. brain-dead teenage kid about who's already been poised. They've already had their mind shot by the time they're a teen. What are you talking about? You should also create heroin free zones.

Yeah. No, no heroin at the dinner table. I'd love that. I'd love to get away from heroin for a minute. It's too much around. All right, is a surgeon general's a moron. We've established that. This is just so dumb.

And then there's also children and adolescents can adopt. healthy practices, like limiting time on platforms. This is something kids are great at doing, just moderating their behavior. Blocking unwanted content. Being careful about sharing personal information and reaching out if they are a friend need help or see harassment or abuse on the platform. Reach out to who?

Some guy in a chat room? What are you talking about? This is so fucking dumb. If you notice that you're bullying the fat kid over social media, just pointed out to your parents. Look, you can bully the fat kid, but in moderation. Yeah. Look, if you're harassing a kid because his mom is dead, you know, just throwing it down a little bit.

If you ever notice yourself driving a classmate to suicide, tell an adult. Yeah. I love social media. So this is helpful. Speaking of death. Yeah. I don't know what to say. This is so much crazy.

don't know it would be um again we have we have to get these topics the mushroom oh yeah this is how i want to this is what i want by the way i'm putting this in my will speaking of uh corpses which we weren't we have uh sustainable till death there was part and 45 what mushroom coffin a last bet last bet am i crazy was this headline like we read this headline sustainable death no wait sustainable till death do us part okay and 45 days beyond and 45 days beyond mushroom coffin a last best wish for some was this written by like an a i that had a virus like what is this anyway uh some idiot so there's this start growing giant mushrooms to bury your imagine imagine like your dad dies and you just shove them inside of like a

friggin portabella yeah shoving in the ground like what is this for those seeking to live in the most sustainable way there is now an afterlife too a dutch intrepid inventor is where the dutch are like brutal people let's not forget that right they're the ones it's the congo right that's the belgians but the dutch did some shit but you know if the belgrooms can do it then the dutch probably have their own the dutch they had the whole dutch east india company they were doing shit they're just you know dancing around doing yodeling or whatever they're creeps A Dutch intrepid inventor

is now growing coffins by putting Mycelium The root structure of mushrooms Together with hemp fiber And a special mold that in a week Turns into what could be basically Compared to the looks of an unpainted Egyptian sarcophagus

Oh exactly what I said when I see a mushroom That could be a unpainted sarcophagus Fucking ghoul Yeah And while traditional wooden coffins come from trees that can take decades to grow and years to break down in the soil, the mushroom versions bio degrades and delivers the remains to nature in barely a month and a half. But who cares? Like what is the, it's not like it's like oil where it's like leaking into like the soil. It's like, oh, this tree's taking a while to break down.

So what? You know, I- So the maggots aren't eating it quick enough? Who cares? You know, I do worry about that sometimes, though. Why? It's the one thing that I, because I always think, like, maybe I want to be cremated, but I worry about that, too, because I worry that, like, okay, so let's say that there is some, like, little part of consciousness that continues after death or gets maybe some version of reincarnation. Sure.

If you're in, like, a coffin that's not, like, decomposing, it might, it might, you know, keep your brain matter from getting into the soil. Well, you're afraid you won't be turned to a rat quick enough? Yeah. I want to be a rat I want to be a cat sure I want to be a horse you love to be a horse I'm just trying to get to horse

what if you became a horse and you was in but then you came a race horse and they were just like riding you oh no yeah you hate to run imagine imagine if you were a horse and you were like certain guys

were like putting you into harnesses and making you uh you know have sex with them well that wouldn't be good But what if I was a therapy horse? What is that? Sometimes people use horses for therapy.

That's just a lie. It's a tax game. I was on a plane the other day, and I'm sure everyone's talking about it. But you see, like, these people, it's this therapy dog. It's just a lie. Yeah. It's a big golden retriever. Yeah.

Who was that therapy for? Taking something, making something. Oh, you have the shit now? Oh, great. My depression's gone. How is that? Oh, eat your alpo. Now I don't care of my.

wife was murdered you know right that works oh my dogs licking my hand glad my kid didn't who cares if my kid found my gun they can start remember stargate was nothing when didn't happen when we started the kid found his gun and shot himself or something oh oh right yeah yeah with a kurt russell yeah he's like he's like a special forces captain or something oh is that that's the one where he's putting the gun in his mouth the beginning right I think so yeah but didn't the kid find his gun oh maybe or am I just miss remembering that maybe maybe he was cancer I'm just assuming that he could found this gun I was assume any time a kid died they assume they

found a gun um anyway uh what do you think about this do you what do you want to do do you want to be burned you want to be burned I want I want to do like a thing where like I mean here's the thing if I'm if we get to a point where I'm like on my deathbed get me a wheelchair okay and i'm gonna need your help but i want you to take me to the rock and roll hall of fame or the guitar hotel in my enemy one of those two places and i want you to cover me in lighter fluid and set me on fire on my wheelchair i would just love to be like a spectacle like that and just wheel me down the hill you know like it's never seen in like some movie like Just roll you right through the women who rock exhibit in the in the in the rock and roll hall of fan

Yeah or maybe that weird that weird mall at ground zero in New York City. Oh, yeah There's that extravagant mole they built that just has like Prada and like Versace and like an Apple store Like it's the cheapest thing there is an Apple store. It's just like just wheel me through there on fire That would be the most fun. yeah how would you uh would you want to be put in the mushroom i yeah i kind of want to be put in a mushroom really so you so you can become a someone's you know some breathing breathing horse yeah this gets pumped in some machine it turns into glue oh god i mean why do you get turned into the glue like these horses are going to turn into

glue is that by your logic until some kid makes like a stupid like macaroni sculpture with whatever they call macaroni art with the glue you're not going to your soul's trapped in the in a bottle forever that's right yeah this this this is this this is the down make the glue out of the hooves right i don't know i thought the whole soul became glue yeah whatever product your your body gets turned into that's where your soul is trapped i want to be turned to lube that would be fun oh yeah helping people that is yeah that is charitable yeah i'm with our whole religion around that Like it reincarnated into lube. Anyway, moving on.

So we covered that. With the last pot, this story might not disappoint us. This one seems kind of fun. Man shot roommate after accusing him of eating the last hot pocket, police say, which I feel is relatable. Because I mean, like, look,

you hot pockets are inherently disappointing. But not, but you, you, forget that immediately like when you're actually eating a hot pocket it ain't that great yeah but there's nothing that sounds better than a hot pocket and I mean if this is the kind of thing where like you know I'm sure if he had if he could if he was like if you gave this guy a hot pocket immediately after the murder the guy he's like oh man I just killed the guy over this but I mean that moment where you're like with that meatball a marinerer hot pockets right and like where is it where is it where is it

I totally get it. What happened? Oh, Kentucky. Okay. Surprising. A man in Kentucky's largest city. That's an interesting detail to include. Is facing criminal charges after allegedly shooting his roommate over a dispute over a hot pocket.

Clifton Williams, 64. A 64-year-old man, Jesus. Wow. You think you get, you get. Yeah, I'm imagining, like, college age. Sure. Sort of like maybe, I don't know, maybe there is, like, sort of like, you know, there's only so many groceries they can...

Yeah. I had the munchies, you know? Yeah. So I guess he can get his old ban, sure. The rest of the assault charges. Wait, so he didn't kill him. Did he kill him? Oh, you shot him.

Okay. Fair enough. After he accused his roommate of eating their last hot pocket and attacked him, shooting him in the buttocks. How does that happen? According to the police, Williams started throwing tiles at the man. Where do you get tiles? He's like ripping tiles off the buttes.

floor after he realized the last microwaveable turnover was gone first of all the turnover what they think a hot pocket is I don't think you call a hot pocket a turnover yeah well it's it's yeah I feel like it's it's just yeah hey AP I'm trying to come up with I got I got a message for the AP you can go to hell yeah trying to call who who like who these are feet people working for the AP some guy like a three piece suit and like the gold pocket chain writing on a fucking typewriter the turnover shut Christ

It's some of these people are on bath salts by the way They have tiles Anyway He then shot him and tried to escape The TV station reported Williams is prohibited From contacting the victim

Who has taken Who is taken to U of L hospital And treated for non-life-threatening injuries That's crazy His bond was set at 7500 What do you think? You want to bail this guy out? Yeah let's bail him out

I'll get him on the show We can cover that What would What kind of microwavable food would you shoot someone over? What would I have to eat for you to kill me? I know you like your, I'm trying to think what you like. I mean, I like Elio's Pizza. We do, but we don't ever, we never eat that.

That's true. I don't think we've ever had that. I have fond memories of Elyo's pizza, mostly from when I was a dumb child because it's, you know, not good. But it's great. No, you, but it's great. I've never once seen you eat. When's the last time you ate in Elyers pizza? I want to say I have eaten one.

You want to say? I really want to say recently. I want to say in the last three years. I've been with you longer than that. I've never seen you eat Elyers pizza. I feel like I may have gotten it on a whim once. So when I go away to Los Angeles or wherever, you know, for the weekend or we, you know, do business. Because I'm a businessman.

man on business to make deals yeah to make deals you're just scurrying around eating hop eating fucking ilios pizzas I think I would judge you like for eating ilio's pizza don't you don't you remember coming home one time where I was like I got I did something I got an ilio's pizza do you want one like and you were like you kind of disgusted but maybe yeah I don't know I just maybe it was a dream maybe it was a beautiful dream yeah look it's possible that I just don't remember you randomly eating you know me going like oh hey hey you be coming home from the airport and you go and I did something and then you going like anyway you want to eel your pizza I'm like okay so you didn't you didn't cheat on me okay

sure give me give me the crappy frozen pizza thank you what about you what would you what frozen treat would you uh tap you as a pudding love it I mean I'm not saying I kill you over it but I mean there's freezable tapioca pudding oh so it's got to be free it's got be like a grave well that was my rule right it's got to go from freezer to microwave I'm trying to think of the best thing I ever had in a microwave maybe there's white castle hamburgers I mean there's Jesus Christ my bloody body lying on the floor over a white castle cheese

No, I just shook you in the ass. I mean, what is good in the microwave, if I'm trying to think? Yeah, I mean. Cuisine? I mean, I don't know. Yeah. There aren't many things that are. Hot Pocket really, hot pocket really is the enigma.

Because it's like, it, it, is, it's, it's, it's, it's supposed to flaky crust. But they're always just soggy when you, I mean, I'm sure. Yeah, it's all a lie, but yeah. The promise of it. It's like, it's like, it's like an empenest. not on a pizza mixed together you're right you're right that i mean the genius of hot pockets really is like the the amnesia it induces yeah yeah it tastes a chemical toilet and it's just yeah it's just not the best thing it's just not my so yeah i mean i mean i might put

this in my wedding vows i wouldn't shoot you over anything from my garage and that's the that's a testament to my love oh yeah anyway uh you can't i guess apparently you can't say the same for me but it's fine. No, no, ditto. Sure. Thanks for tuning in. If you like Kump, which of course you do, and you like, would like some more of it,

good news. You can sign up for our Patreon at patreon.com slash Ray Kump. You get an extra episode every week for five bucks a month. That's a better deal in the hot pocket or any other microwave, Elios, whatever. Take your Elyos money.

I'm not trying to get money for that your kid's mouth, but I'm trying to make the Elyos money. You take that, you buy the comp, they don't like Kump, better don't show it to your kids uh otherwise uh thank you know as much for tuning in either way and uh we'll see you next week have a great week