Kump - 29 - Kump Living in Fear

Episode Date: December 3, 2019

Ray explores the darker side of his new Keto Lifestyle, and the darker side of his basement, and comes face to face with his fear of supermarkets. 

The Conjuring Last Rites On September 5th I come down here in your house Array! Array! Array! Array! Array!

The conjuring Last Rites, only in theater, September 5th, where it are. Hello and welcome to Kump. It's been a while. I'm in a new location. I no longer have a closet to record in. So now I'm in an even more awkward position.

I'm in the lounge of my, the basement lounge of my new building, which is, it reminds me of, I think we've talked about Katie Beers on the show. If you're from Long Island, you know Katie Beers. She's the victim who went to Spaceplex. Actually, if we went to Spaceplex, I think we've covered this before on the show, but we might have some new listeners. But her family friend was supposed to bring it to her an arcade. I was just to go to that arcade the same day, but she went missing. They thought she went missing from the arcade, and she ended up in a dungeon. We found this that months later, but we all thought that they took her from the spaceplex,

but really, there was my soda. This is in the morning. I need my soda. But, yeah, so he built a basement dungeon for this girl, and that's where he put, he never took her to the spaceplex, and that's what this feels like. They had pictures of the dungeon drawn. They drew them out in the papers. And she was chained to a wall and was fed salami and had Nintendo, which is, you know, I probably would, I'm not saying I want to get molested.

But, you know, it seems like, I had Nintendo. I shouldn't, I shouldn't try to put myself in the place of a molestation victim early in the morning. So he probably wasn't, you know, most kids had Nintendo. I don't think, you know, that was an incentive. I don't even think it was super Nintendo. And like that was around then. Like he probably has a fucking Atari 2,600, just making her play Pong while he fucked her. It's terrible.

I feel bad for her. She's doing okay, I think. She's really a book or something. Awful. But that's how, it is what this place feels like. It feels like, I mean, it's got like a pool table, but like one of the legs is missing. And it replaced it with like foam plate and napkins. Like the, not the leg, the foot.

There's like a foot. And it seems like something you could easily. just go online and like there's a plaque with the name of the pool table on the fucking pool table with the company name you could probably call that company and be like hey can get a new foot and they give it to you um but they haven't done that it's been months at least this way probably years um and then i try playing pool on it anyway because like whatever you know i'm not good pool player my stroke sucks so why not fucking um try you know just fucking improve my stroke and then there's holes in the bottom

of the thing. So when you get a fucking pool ball in there, it'll just fall out. They're chasing it like an asshole, bending over. It's probably, again, it's probably some kind of trick where like, you know, when I did it, nothing happened, but I feel like certain times because it's a weird folding closet where the oil

burners are, and I feel like the guy who'll come out, and when you bend over, he'll try to fuck you. Like, you'll go, you'll bend over, like, to pick up the pool bowl, hopefully you're alone from his perspective maybe because I wasn't alone I think Lucy was with me that time

but if I wasn't there someone who came out of the closet and fucked me in the ass and that would have been well depends I mean maybe it feels good I'm not gonna rule it out but you don't want to fuck me

you know just say so and we'll work it out but you know don't fucking don't fucking you know rig some pool table to drop balls and I got to pick them up and you're going to fuck me I'm wearing pants anyway

I mean, I don't even know with the bending. This is, I didn't call it this torture system. The food table works. That's nice. I don't know what kind of guy would even like be persuaded by Lucy being there. Because, you know, Lucy's not a huge person or even a big person. She's a small person. You know, if I was a pool ball rapist, I would feel like, you know, if that guy should not be, if I just push her and keep.

Like, I picture a scenario where she, I'm being raped and she's just like trying to stop, but he's just going like, what are you going to do about it? She'd probably get a knife. She's a good girl, but you know, these are the things I worry about, or just think about. I'm not worried. If it happens, it happens. But it's a strange lounge of a bug

zapper, because every time I've been in here, there's just fucking bugs. It's a thing they put in the basement. It's like a big room. If it's echoy, we'll figure it out. I mean, it's the first I'm recording down here. We'll see. at any minute anyone can come in

I don't think they will no one's ever in this lounge it's a nice couch nice L couch and a foosball there's TVs hooked up to the wall but there's like bean bag chairs in the floor

this place is like if a it's what you like if you were trying to set up like a child care center in like a war like if you were in Iraq but not like

not like in the American soldier in Iraq or like a contractor who but just like if this was like wartime iraq and like the republican this is like republican guards uh like daycare center like no one's in here they got a shitty pool table doesn't work you know uday and who say you know probably out there like abusing your parents and they put you down here um and you just fucking it's bugs and there's fucking you know a pool table doesn't work or this beanbag chair is like this is great you and like there's TVs and it's like i guess you hook up to you have there's a

fucking Amazon Fire Stick or some shit you can put your Netflix in but like I don't know where you would say they're so far from the couch I mean I don't know who would come down here

I guess they're like for parties I should throw I should throw a live podcast down here I think that'd be bad I don't want people knowing the building that come and fuck me upstairs not my fans you wouldn't do that

I shouldn't be worried about that but I'm constantly concerned that people are trying to you know assault me um Yeah, I mean, I woke up this morning pretty relieved. So I've been doing keto. You know, it's been a while since we talked, but I feel like, you know, we haven't done one since I've been doing.

You probably listen to me on Tim, Dylan show. You've heard that I'm doing keto. And it's going good overall. I piss onto the strips. They turn purple. It's fantastic. I'm losing weight. I don't know how much.

Don't ask me how I don't weigh myself. You know, that's just when we have a scale. Too big the important, even most... I have to buy, like, someone dust, like, fat person's scale. It's made for fat people, and that's just depressing. That's the thing about when you lose weight. You don't know. When you first start, you just had a point of abject, like, depression.

Not in the whole life, but when you think... That's the thing. You don't think about being fat. You just fucking, like, you put it aside, and you fucking, you know, you kind of have, like, a cognitive distance. It's the last thing you want is just some fucking fat person's scale. Gale. It's just called like, like, just the guy who sells the tea was just like fucking disgusted. You buy it at Target or something, but even they didn't have it at target.

They'd have it at some fucking weird like fitness store. If like go with the Long Island on some fucking strip mall where they sell like teacher supplies. Those are the weird stores. Like work, where they call those places? Work supply. We buy like not Carhart. You can buy car hard at Bob stores, but you buy these fucking like those fluorescent vests and the fucking and, like, they have to certain dickies. You can buy dickies at Walmart, but not these dickies. They're, like, different dickies that, like, you know, it's where you go when you work out as a nurse and you buy your scrubs, I guess.

But, like, you know, and then it's a teacher supply stores where you buy those little fucking inspirational posters and the alphabet fucking cardboard things that go on the wall, things like that. They probably have, like, a fat fitness store where you can just buy, like, oversized yoga pants and, like, fucking a dildo that, like, fucking get some of the gunk out you're at like a fucking enema but it's like you know but see I get a regular person

uses an enema but a fat person has to use like a fucking something like dildo and like something harder or something I mean you basically have to fuck your ass because you have so much compacted uh you know gully bears and stuff up there whatever you know it's not important

but the point is uh I don't have a scale but I've been doing keto and the other night I realized I realized see I've done keto a few times before it always works if you do it right you know it's just this isn't rocket science but I never realized that one of my favorite foods

chili Rianos if I'm saying that correctly hey old if I have Mexican fans who think I'm abusing I'm not saying it right you know you come at me on Twitter say you know you're a virgin jingoist I don't care I mean Rienios Relyne if you spell it's spelled like Rellenos

R-E-L-N-O-S or maybe one R-E-L-N-O-S so i'm not i'm not some turg going give me treli relinos no it's like relinios or something i think the latin languages tend to make that o s like yelts like rilinios right i mean whatever so i'm i realized like it's basically i never do tomatoes with keto for a long time i mean i still don't get why it's a fruit's got seeds it's it's tasty it shouldn't be keto but uh apparently it is So you can basically get, like, you know, relatively low-carb tomato sauce or, I mean, I'm not even using that. But, you know, when you get it on, when you get it on fucking takeout, like, you can basically eat chili rhenios, I think. It hasn't, it hasn't a fucked up my pissing, you know, the pissing on the strips.

It still goes purple. We're like, you know, light purple. It varies. But the point is, uh, I tried making it myself. I got a fucking recipe for keto chili raleanos. fucking casserole I guess and I made

I couldn't find whole green chilies at the supermarket I live in you know Bushwick which is you know I think in Hispanic neighborhood

I think there's a lot Hispanic people here I mean there's a lot you know Hispanic restaurants and people seem to speak Spanish plenty so you think they have more

stuff than you know when you live in Long Island but I guess there was whole green chilies really are kind of an Americanized thing and some kind of horseshit like Tex-Mex thing because I thought

it's one of those things maybe look out because they have Serrano peppers and jalapeno peppers and maybe we call them chilies but they're Serrano peppers. I mean I figured I'm looking at for a while I couldn't find whole green chilies. So like that's probably these serrano peppers. So I open up these goddamn peppers

later and they fucking cut out my slice them, put them a nice cutting board. Um, and they're like seeds in there. Like, you know, if you, I've been around the block, the seeds are where the hot is, right? It's what it's spices. So I fucking wash out these goddamn peppers and I fucking, you know, um, make the goddamn casserole. I fucking, you know, it's a layer of peppers, a layer of jack cheese, a layer of pepper,

a layer of mozzarella cheese, a lot of cheese. I mean, it's a little, maybe a little too much cheese. But, um, and then you beat three eggs and heavy cream together. and that's like the weird flanny thing. It's too eggy. I mean, as I was eating, it was too eggy. I know it was a little spicy. I washed out the seeds.

I fucking wake up, this is the point of the story. I wake up at 4 a.m. just like nervous and anxious. And I, like, when I was a kid, maybe, oh, this might be on a breakthrough here. The lights might turn off soon. I might have to turn the lights. These lights are on a timer.

I feel like, yeah, I don't know who would be down here hanging out. on 15 minutes spurts. That's how you know it's not made for hanging out because these lights are made to turn off so it's almost like 15 minutes and then you get fucked

by the man in the closet but anyway so I might have to stop at the second to turn the lights back on. But yeah so I wake up in an anxious I wake up scared basically

like a scared child hoping I would be spooned by Lucy but she was asleep so I was just nervously and I forgot it's been so long since I felt this way and I didn't even know what it was I mean I've been drinking too and you start getting reflective

you start thinking about your choices the bad choices you've made what kind of mediocre fat person you are that you're a slaw all these bad thoughts never suicide I'm not a suicidal guy but you know and I realize

oh it's just these pep you know it might be the peppers it might be these fucking that I fuck up with the peppers but you know at that point, it's kind of like knowing that you're depressed. It doesn't really help that much because you're still just anxious and you're nervous. Oh, the lights turned off.

Hold on. Wait. Can I pause this? Hold on a second. I'm sitting in the dark. Maybe I should just sit in the dark. I'll just sit in the dark. So you're sitting there, you know, in the fucking, the peppers.

And this is so creepy. Now I'm sitting in a lot. If someone walks in, I'm just some fucking guy talking about, like, that my nervous, like, even shitting it. We're not doing that a shitting part of the story. We're just me describing, like, you know, I was cramped and nervous. I was cramped. And I'm just like, they're going to fucking, I'm going to be the creep. Um, but whatever. This is, I used to be in the closet now I'm here. If it's too echoy, we'll figure it out later, but whatever. Um, so yeah, I'm just laying there. I think I've managed to fall back

of sleep and they wake up and, uh, it, it's, it burned. Um, um, I mean, I'm a grown man And you're probably grown people I don't have to tell you what it's like To burn when you shit But whatever It came out the other side And I realized it was the peppers

Like for real Like oh it was the peppers It's fine I have nothing to be depressed about I'm a beautiful angel I'm a beautiful person But then so But this carried through the rest of the day

I mean I defied fucking pains all day And what did I do last night I made more chillerianios But I used different pei I went to Whole Foods to try and find the green chilies because I don't want to feel nervous anymore. I don't want to be all like, you know, an anxious, nervous, you know, just like constantly living.

Because that's how you become like a fucking neurotic mess is by constantly eating hot peppers and waking up in a panic and fucking, you know, just blaming society for the fact that you can't just stop being a pig, all right? I guarantee you half of depression is because people just go to these Tex-Mex joints. Everyone's all the pressed and fat. Stop eating peppers. Peppers, they're made to, you know,

maybe put a couple jalapeno slices on nacho. You know, a plate of nachos. Not every nacho. You know, not everything needs to be spicy. Why are we eating all this spicy food? I mean, South American, you know, Mexican, they do it. I mean, they get used to it. But, I mean, are those, is that, like,

I'm not saying, like, you know, they're better or worse than us, but like, just because they, do it doesn't mean that you know you're not fat but they also have their own problems i mean i'm saying but we have a lot of weird issues in this country because we he's a problem we don't work like people in other you know countries and they work in uh farming which we used to do when we were farmers we could eat jalapinos and you just shit in the field what's the difference but now we're just cooped up in cubicles and felt we're fucking you know open office plans cubicles are one thing

because you get fart and no one really can you know looking in the eye and tell you that you're farting. They probably know, they probably know what corner cubicle the smell tends to come from. But, you know, it's like a state out of mind.

If they, if no one, because people don't have the balls to confront you when you fart in an office. If you have a cubicle, I mean, most people don't.

If you had the balls to do that, you'd probably rise to management and not being a cubicle anymore. So you're just one of these grunts living with a fat turd who fucking farts because he's too many goddamn peppers. And that's,

but an open office is probably, that's probably why they made open offices. It's right. I sit in an open office. So it's just like, you know, everyone just kind of knows and they can, they look at you and they scorn you. But yeah, so I try, I went to a couple different plate. No one has

whole green chilies. But they have diced whole green chilies, but that's not what you want. You want, you know, not dice, diced green chilies, not diced whole green chilies. But you want the whole green ones. I managed to find chopped ones, which worked out fine because you got to chop them anyway. So I got to chop them

anyway. So I got the chopped whole green. But it took forever. I went to one supermarket. Then went to Whole Foods and Whole Foods is a nightmare, by the way. We talk about Whole Foods. So I'm waiting. I'm on a waiting list to be delivered food from Whole Foods.

Amazon delivery service. Someone at work was doing it. They described and I'm immediately thinking, rotissory chickens being delivered to me three times a day. You know, it sounds nice. I mean, I'll fucking, I don't know if they have a limit. fucking some i'm sick of

seamless all i get is fucking chinese ribs i mean this is why i'm doing the chiler unions in the first place because like the only take out i get i get it all the time is chinese ribs with no sauce now i know what you're thinking like they're still kind of red they have they still have some initial sauce on it

maybe but you know trial and error with the piss strips they work uh you know it burns off i don't know i'm not a fucking nutritionist you love everyone loves to give a fat man advice on fucking dieting as if like well trust me most fat people you know have dieted

before they've probably lost weight and gained it don't fucking give me like i know more than you like you're just some fucking skinny fuck who doesn't you know uh have to worry about it maybe you want to lose five or 10 pounds get your fucking abs correct but you know you don't don't give me your advice because you you you played football in high school so you fucking and you you you know fucking lifted some weights i fucking you know i've lost and gained you know your entire body six times over. Excuse me. Sitting in the dark. You're the only light.

I had the light of the bug light, which is nice. I'm being lit by a bug light. So, yeah. So, I mean, these Chinese ribs and look, they're nice. When you first get it, it's like, oh, this is a great diet. It becomes nauseating. It becomes a goddamn, like, chore or to chew through these ribs and like you're just tearing through you get sick of it

i mean you get sick of eating or taste of chicken is nice but like it's just greasy you just want a piece of i don't want bread i just want like be able to not eat this i mean i'm i don't crave bread or sweets much i mean i would like a nice piece of pita bread and a gyro i mean gyros are i will always crave a gyro but i mean it's fine but you're trying to find alternatives and uh you can cook them Look, cooking chicken at home. I cook fucking drumsticks. Perfect. I'll eat that every day, whatever.

But when you're out and you're, you know, you're trying to get something like, I should prepare, what, you tell me you tell me I should prepare food and bring it to work? Sure. Yeah. I should also not have been fat in the first place, right? We're working with what we got. I'm a little bit of a mess. So, um, what's my point?

I fucking go to Whole Foods. And this, oh, so I'm on the Amazon waiting list, right? So I haven't gotten yet. So I show up at the Whole Foods. I mean, it's just saturated with people. It's like a fucking debt camp. But instead of killing you for your, you know, based on your race and gender and sexual orientation,

they just sell you food. So it's not a look at that camp, but there's a lot of people. And, you know, I go downstairs. I fucking try to find my chilies. They have chopped green chilies, but they're organic. So like three bucks a can instead of $1.50, whatever. I mean, I guess this means no one should. Or is organic more or less likely to have human shit in it.

I'm not really sure. But I get my two little cans. I mean, it's chaos there. It's chaos of goddamn Whole Foods. You go back up the escalator because everything's in the basement. Not everything, most of it's in the basement. Upstairs, they have like a meat carving bar where you can meet people. And why don't, I mean, it's not really that.

It's just a place where they serve. Why don't I do that? I can make them, because people in this stupid city are so bad of finding love. You know, the one. Perg, I guess, of stand-up comedies. You can find people who are kind of on your same wavelength. And it's not me and Lucy and Matt. We're also maniacs.

But what the point is, like, most people don't have that. They go home. They do their stupid job. They go home and they fucking, uh, never, you know, I can make a meat bar. I can make a bar where people carve meat together. But like, you don't, you can't bring couples. Like, no couples. I mean, you probably get shut down by, you know, the mayor because you got a lot to do that

probably. But, um, people, pretend to be a couple. I mean, it'd be good for swingers because, you know, you just pretend not to be a couple. And then, you know, by the time the seduction happens, and it's like, well, it's another guy here or another girl here. And you're like, why not? Just stick, both stick hands of me. That's what I would say. You know, two guys and I'm saying, I'm saying if I was looking for a girl and two guys just wanted to stick hands in me, like, I mean, it depends. If I found a girl, yeah, you know, next time guys. But, you know, at 1 a.m., you know, it's at 1 a.m. You know, it's

1 a.m. in the bar, you may make different choices. So at, you know, 1 a.m. if I'm at the meat slicing bar and these two guys have just been, you know, slicing up some venison with me, like, hey, let's stick our hands in you. All right. Sure, let me feel something. So we should make the bar. It'd be bar you slice meat, you know, with strangers and then you just talk over it. And then it's still booze because, you know, no one's going to be like slight, you know, you imagine sober people slicing meat together just so, see a pass that we go to that bar ooh be fun

be fun times just can you just serve coke not right it's not legal so you can't but I mean imagine instead of a bar you just have coke and then maybe like some like water down beer fun times uh so meat slicing bar what's my point

oh they have that slice the point is everything's in the basement so you go down in the basement and you're seeing these fucking it's it's bizarre it's these people just carrying like their, it's the prime people. People who work for the prime

delivery service. And it's just like a small woman like pushing and pulling the same time two different carts full of bags of prime if it's got to go around. Because it's fucking places like it's like a supermarket in Long Island or wherever where you're from. But like

on a Sunday afternoon or Saturday afternoon when it's really busy when my mom used always want to go. I hate supermarkets. markets, all right? I, growing up, I feel like I spent a quarter of my life in a supermarket. I can't even explain to you the feeling I get when I go into, I hate it. I mean, I would go in there my mom, she would do the big shopping, but I mean, she would just go around what felt like hours, would felt like fucking hours just picking out yams or fucking, you know, hostess whatever the fuck I don't know why I finally became a man and started doing my own food shopping

I'm in I get the things I need I go out I don't know what she was doing was she having an affair inside the supermarket I mean I would spend as much time as I could in that aisle with the comic books and the toys or shitty toys but still there's something to look at so maybe she was like off with the butcher I don't know I mean I'm not trying to disparage my mother Good for her if she was. But, I mean, I don't know what was taking so goddamn long. It enrages me. I mean, now you see I'm getting more amped up.

I'm getting a little more fierce. I should think about supermarkets every time I record the podcast. You know, we're getting back in the groove of it. So maybe that'll be my new mantra is thinking about a fucking stop and shop every time I fucking before I hit record. Because I fucking hate these places. They fucking bring out a pressure on my brain. And can I go in there? I just fucking.

I go straight to the eye. I fucking, it's easy as shit. I don't know what these people are doing. It's baffling to me. So I'm in Whole Foods and these people are just like wandering around. I don't understand people in the city in general. I don't understand. What is it like in Wyoming where you're from?

Do you not come from a place where you should like, is it like five people in the town? And so like you're never in anyone's way. So you don't even know what that's like. you're not even looking behind you you stop in the middle of nothing not even like oh there's some fucking yeast I need to buy

no it's just like in the middle of the open area which is pretty clogged up and you just stop to just I don't know like just fucking think you're just thinking about how your husband's probably cheating on you or your wife's gonna murder you I mean I guess I guess people just

like fucking living scared lives in supermarkets but it's enraging And this woman, I mean, I hate it enough, but this woman's pushing two carts amongst all these people. And it's probably, you know, more versions of her. It just got me thinking, like, this is the future. Because, like, I won't be using it.

I won't be in this situation soon as soon as Amazon gives me this fucking, you know. I mean, they probably do it just to, like, get exclusiveness. Or maybe they only have to hire more people like her. I don't know why I'm waiting. I mean, I feel like I've bought enough crap off Amazon. They should fucking bump me to the head of the line, but whatever. But that's the thing. I'm not going to be doing anything.

I'm not going to be in this situation. I'm going to be just fucking clicking things on a phone and they're going to bring me my groceries. And that's the future. It's because she is living in hell. This is the world, like, for me, this is the worst thing you could possibly, like if you, if you offered me this job, I would take the job just so I could afford a gun to shoot myself in the face.

That's how much I hate this job. I would never do it. I mean, I would do it for that period of time. I mean, it probably doesn't pay that well, so it would take a while to save up money for a gun. I mean, not that expensive. You can still get a gun on a sports story or whatever. I mean, you know, I've got drunk once, whatever. I mean, all the more reason we should have some regulation because, you know, I was on Applebee's

and we were like, hey, you won't buy a shotgun and we just went through a sports story. I mean, the guy probably was like, should I say something? But his boss probably, it's probably that kind of thing where it's like, well, he was drunk. Oh, how drunk was he? Like, you know, like, you have to be, like, so drunk that it's like you're, you're berating people or, I don't know, I can't imagine. Point is, I did it. So I'm not speaking on as turn here. I'm, I'm technically, you know, I love guns.

You know, people act like, you know, I'm not one of these guys going to regulate. I mean, do whatever you want. What am I talking about the fact that, you know, if I, if I was asked to do this job, I'd shoot myself. And I might have a suicide guy. I guess I could just not take the job. But, yeah, that's going to be. me the future is people like her are just living in the most abject hell you could think of and then we're all just sitting in our apartments just fucking watching the office again we're just

watching the episode of the office where stringer bells there and he's the new boss and we're just waiting for this person to wade through hell you she's literally waiting through like a kiddie pool of dead children I guess um whatever hell is for you maybe for you hell is lemon cakes you hate lemon cakes it doesn't matter she's to me it's a supermarket and she's just but i'm not like rich that's the thing like my job is better than that but it's like you know it probably won't exist in a year everything is going bad so the future will all be us like trading hells we're going to be trading different versions of hell for me like oh i really don't want to be the supermarket but like i worked in a morgue and i cleaned human shit

out of dead people's asses, and, you know, I didn't love that part of it, but I, it's fine, whatever. So, like, and for other people wouldn't want it. Some people wouldn't want to clean the shit out of a dead person's ass. So, I mean, and, like, that's their hell. So we're just trading hells to each other. It's like baseball cards. Like, some people have to, like, you know, uh, shoot, uh, you know, small animals that we don't even need just to, you know, prove a point. because that's going to be the future is just like we have to like

the future is going to be so bad we have to reestablish our dominance in nature and it's going to be like bunnies that like are trying to like you need to shoot them

just so like other bunnies you know tell the bears that you know these guys are still they still not fucking around because you know global warming

everyone's going to be kind pressed to get away from the coasts I guess and it's going to be a mass migration of animals and they're going to they're going to try and reassert themselves. It's kind of like when you get to a new, what's it like?

Yeah, it's like when your boss dies, I guess. And all the fucking schmucks in the cubicles will try to vie for his position. Or maybe he just leaves the company. Why is everything death? But yeah, that's what's going to happen to this country. It's going to be over the next I guess 30 years. Unless you're one of these people who thinks global warming is not going to exist. Maybe it won't. I mean, it seems to clearly be happening. And all the sides of state. is, but there's also maybe technology will save it. I mean, Bill Gates just built this fucking, yeah, if it's the first time you're listening,

this thing tends to fucking bifurcate this podcast and fork, just forks in the road. We'll get back to the Whole Foods in a second. But people talk about global warming. And look, it's really happening. Did we cause it? Yeah, most likely. If not, we, look, even if we didn't cause it,

like on a fundamental level. well no I was going to say if we didn't cause it maybe like we could still you know reduce our output but you know

if we're not the ones causing it why would that matter but that's what they're trying to get it's really when you grow up in this country and you think like

oh the CIA they're doing bad shit but they're doing it like to balance like you know some kind of greater good for America that's the big

the big twist at least in my life mentally with like you know they're evil you know they do bad things and not doing it for like some great good but it is kind of the business of like of living like um it's almost like you know well if we don't do this and you know people run out of oil it'll be chaos and streets and just maintaining or it's like all right i guess and then you realize at a certain point oh they're literally just doing it for

like you know united fruit or like for BP oil well it's just literally on behalf it's just so one guy can make more money and it's just that's what this fucking a little warming should it is, but the point is, either way, there's the idea that you can just tunnel out the other side of it, not by, like, reducing because, look, the conspiracy

theories seem to revolve around, which you could buy this part of it, that revolve around the idea that it's all just an elaborate ruse to, like, try to, like, get the third world to not industrialize, or not to industrialize.

Which I guess, I don't if it's the third world. It's still a developing nation because it's just so big. That's, you know, I mean, some people, is the most wealthy nation in the world? I don't know. We probably still are, but who knows how that works? It's all fake. But yeah, so, like, you know, it's just they're kind of like trying to stifle the developing world, which, like, I'm not saying they wouldn't do that. They definitely would do that. And maybe they're, maybe they're exploiting that. Who knows? But the point is, there's a tendency to try to de-technal logic. That's not word, but it's de-escalate technology and output and carbon output. But then he's

idea you could burrow, bro, bro, sorry, I mumble, burrow out the other side. Because Bill Gates just fucking, I mean, he didn't build it. He's one of the early founders of this fucking, um, this company that makes solar panels that, uh, use AI. So like with mirrors and they're going to melt concrete with it. I don't know. The point is it's going to help global warming. And so Bill Gates, this scumbagger made Microsoft and, you know, the antitrust. He won his antitrust case, I guess, but it's only because Bush got in office, I think,

and then started Iraq War. So they just call it Iraq War, like it's a fucking video. Iraq War, coming to you in 2003. That'd be fun. We should just call war. We shouldn't say the Iraq War. It's called Iraq War. So I don't know.

What's my point? Whole Foods. So we're going to be trading hells to each other. but I tried to fucking get into I tried to get in there I tried to get into I did get in there mumbling

I'm sitting in the dark surrounded by a bug light and a broken pool table this is bizarre I'm getting used to it we're gonna grow together so don't worry this podcast is probably about 45

we'll go longer soon I'm getting the cobwebs off don't fucking this is not like a natural thing rambling to yourself for an hour, you know, give me a break. So, Whole Foods. The thing is, I definitely didn't want to repeat the night before,

the fucking, the confusion, and I would just, look, the anxiety, I felt like a child. When I was a kid, I used to fucking get really anxious, and I would pray a lot, like, compulsively pray. I would say like I would have weird thoughts I guess sexual thoughts maybe as a kid and you're ashamed it because it's Catholic I grew up very Catholic and so you have sexual thoughts and you immediately start saying prayers to you know trying like I guess counteract at the God so you start saying how a father hail Mary the glory be other ones there's other ones to say Michael's prayer compulsively over and over again and that was that was basically my childhood like neurotically, I mean, I was also playing with action figures.

It's not like I was just, you know, I wasn't some monk. But like that, I feel like that was, at least that's, that's most of what I remember is just being erratically afraid of God. And that's what the peppers did. The peppers brought me back to that kind of, like, oh, look at that tit. And then just repeating the, the Hail Mary, whatever the fuck. Like, hell Mary, full of grace, the Lord's would be. Because you looked at the tit or you fucking thought you may want to fuck your teacher.

sure. I don't know. Hold on. Someone's coming in. Someone's in the bathroom, I think. To the bathroom here, and people use it because their roommates are using the bathroom. Yeah, someone's pissing. They didn't turn the lights on.

It's going to be awkward. They see me sitting in the dark. So I'm just sitting here alone. hopefully they just leave yes they're gone yeah because there's a bathroom down here that you could use when you're when you come down

to have your little parties with a broken pool table and the working food bowl table and the bug light you know you're throwing a sweet 16 party down here I don't know but it's a bathroom for those people It's not a very nice bathroom, but, you know, so we have like a room. Me and Lucy have one room and we have a roommate.

And, you know, she'll spend a lot of time in the bathroom. It's weird. Like she doesn't, we basically have full reign of the living space, which I don't know if she likes, but she never uses it. And like, we're just not going to not use it. And it's become a very, I can't say in people who don't assert themselves because, like, I'm not going to like at this point in my life try to include you. and I guess it is the benefit of being a couple

is that even though we're pretty chill I mean I don't seem very chill but Lucy's there I think Lucy takes the edge off of me Lucy's very nice so it's like overall I think we're true I try to be nice so I think it comes off like

neutral at least but you know even still it's like we're a couple so we overpower people and it's nice but I mean she does use the bathroom a lot like an hour of the time like multiple times a day so I'll come down here to piss or shit

or just, you know, think about things. That's what that person was doing. So apologies for the whispering, but you know, look, at the end of the day, I'm not doing anything wrong. No one's going to say, well, they'll say hey, what's going on? Why in the dark? I was doing the podcast and lights went off and they want to stop. I guess it makes

sense, but like nothing feels like it makes sense in the moment. Things are always like watching a TV show. Like, you know, we watch some old sitcom or some weird dumb movie where someone catches, like some contrived horse shit where the fucking guy is like massaging his co-worker

because she just got in a car accident but then his girlfriend comes and he's like, why would you do that? I mean, I guess that would be weird. They were more contriving that because you still shouldn't be massaging a hot-tetted coworker even if she did, you know, run over a raccoon or something.

Whatever, whatever to fucking, maybe maybe she's found her dad was in 9-11. That was more of the shit. It would be like, my dad just died in 9-11, and then you hugged a girl, and then your girlfriend comes, and it's like, what are you doing, cheating on me? And then no one just explains things. Like, in this case, I would just explain, like, hey, I'm just doing a podcast, and the lights went off and didn't want to stop. And they'd have to go, okay. I mean, I looked the way I look and they sound the way I sound.

So it wouldn't be great. It wouldn't just be like, you know, if I was, you know, let's just say the guy from Boy Meets World, Ben Savage, I guess, or whatever show, whatever. show you think of. If I was a protagonist of a sitcom, I'd be an affable, good-looking guy. I'm like, hey, this is what happened? They'd be like, oh, that's fine. So what's your podcast about? Me, it's more just like, they'd still

like scurry away. Like, all right. And then probably like report me to the building manager and he'd be like, well, technically he did nothing wrong, but we'll keep her eye on him. You know, we'll you know, don't worry. We're not, we're not, you know, it'll be like it does sound weird, but we can't

get him yet. But if he does anything, we're watching them. And I wouldn't do anything because I'm doing nothing wrong. But that's how they view me because they think I'm shifting. I just look shifting. So what are we talking about before the lights went off? I don't know. But they never explained themselves in those shows. There's always just like contrivance after contrivance and then they have to like set up some scenario where like they like they contrive a scenario where like they end up berating that person who's dad died in 9-11. They end up like just so the, the, the, the, The girlfriend feels good.

It's like, you know, he arranges a date with that girl, you know, he has to have a certain date. And then he tells his girlfriend that, like, you know, to come in this restaurant. And, like, you know, just anytime it perfectly, so he's just telling her, like, you know, your dad probably planned. He was probably in the second tower planting bombs, Operation Vigilant Guardian, you dumb whore. And then the girlfriend walks in, like, oh, you do love me. Like, yeah, fuck that pig. Her dad deserve a dime that. 11 and then the sitcom would end.

But they don't do, you know, that's, that's, instead just saying, hey, her dad died 9-11, um, whatever. They never just explained things. Um, so I got these goddamn chilies. And, uh, I guess this is like a solid, this whole episode is just weird like detours, but the overall saga is the chili Rie anios and me being scared by, uh, panic, by panic, my panic, my scared gut. um so these are regular i mean as far as i know they're whole green chilies they're not fucking

serrano peppers so i go home lucy's out at some fucking writing event where she doesn't matter where she was she wasn't home uh she's bettering herself i'm just sitting there like cooking food drinking whiskey and um i make the new you know chileria anios but they are so they want me to put egg, three eggs, and a fucking heavy cream. And I made this before we condensed milk. Did I repeat this before I forget, but I don't think so. I think I was held loosey about it. But there was condensed milk in the old recipe that made years ago, which is really good.

But it had a lot of sugar in it. So I didn't get the condensed milk. I used the heavy cream. I didn't like the egg, though. It felt it tasted like an almond or frittata. So I just left out the egg, but used heavy cream. I probably used too much heavy cream. Or maybe I shouldn't have used any.

at all, but I figured if, you know, it probably gives it a little bit of like flanny texture or whatever the fuck it is. And I took it out of the oven and it's soupy. Now, it's delicious. This is what Chileanians. Did it alone and it even taste like chlary anios? This tastes like chlary anios,

but it was a little soupy. And I probably shouldn't have eaten. They're not eating all of it, but I did eat all of it. I mean, I offered some to Lucy, and she was just immediately, like, what are you doing? Like, you know, or do you use the same pep? Like, no, that's a different pepper. She didn't believe me.

She asked me three times. Because she started scared I was. I got scared. And I was like, tell her about the morning. And she was like, oh, so sad, baby. But then, like, think about it. I mean, it's one thing to be like, oh, it's so sad, baby, and kind of cute that you were scared because he ate peppers and anxious. But then, like, the next day, I'm just doing it again. I'm just fucking eating pepper. I'm just, I'm going to be so scared tonight. And she's just like, why am I with you? You know, that's just, it's immediately. It's like that. People will forgive you one transgression. Like, like that. But it's like being an alcoholic, I guess, or whatever. I mean, I guess people forgive alcoholics, but they don't forgive people who just keep eating peppers and getting fatter and more scared every night. It's just not something you, who would want to live like that? But no, they were like, they were whole green chilies, but honestly there was a lot of cream in it. I think it was too much cream. And it was very rich. It was tasty. But as soon as I was done, I got now, because that's the thing, I got legitimately like pepper anxious from

the food the night before, but now in this situation, I'm just fucking anxious that I'm going to get scared. Did I eat too much? I'm trying, I'm looking for an acids. Um, scurry. I have an asses buried in different bags or other different cabinets. Um, yeah, because you're eating these fucking ribs and shit. You eat on meat. You need an acid. I'm not a young guy anymore, but, you know, my gallbladder is probably, I got to give it a break. I mean, I don't know how bodies work, but I got very nervous. I mean, I was trying to find lactate. I couldn't find any.

I mean, it was basically like a milk soup with peppers and cheese. I really should just start eating salads again. I don't know. So I woke up this morning. I feel fine. You know, but I was, it's the compound. It's kind of like, I guess if you were, were in 9-11, you'd be scared. If you were in the Kennedy assassination as one of the guys who

shot Kennedy besides Oswald, you'd be scared at CIA was going to murder you, which they did. I'm sure they all had legitimate scares. But, you know, if you were in one of these, you know, shooting, Parkland shooting, you're scared, but then you wake up with residual fear. That's what I had. I had residual fear of this pepper ass that I had. I mean, I just don't eat a lot of peppers anymore. I mean, if you, if you, you shouldn't be, I got. I interview people, maybe. Maybe with Patreon, we'll do some interview episodes. I want to interview people who eat spicy food all the time and see, can I just eat more spicy food? But I still, I'll have hot sauce. But I mean, it's like, I want to do a study. Maybe, why can't I get these

scientists like Joe Rogan gets? I mean, that's a, that's not really a question. It's, there's obvious. And they wouldn't, you know, talk to me. But I'd love to, like, just talk to them and, like, just ask them like you know if there is anyone ever tried to do a correlation of like overeating peppers and suicide rates or like you know or molestations maybe maybe people are acting out because of it maybe they're raping people maybe they're murdering kidnapping people i mean i'm not saying pepper it's just the overeating of peppers and the effect it has on the gut because it made me scared and uh i don't get scared of anything i mean to a fault like you know i mean i i don't I used to be, I used to tell me, I used to, like, fucking prayers,

just compulsive prayers, because then I would do, they would get really nervous because, like, I'd be a fucking kid, like, I wouldn't do my homework and then Sunday night, I'm in bed, I'm just really, you know, nervous. And it's eventually just clicked. I stopped giving shit at all. And, you know, I would do well on tests, not do any work in class and, you know, get like a D.

So I'm not some, I'm not, it's not good world hunting or whatever version of that where the guy's successful. It's just like, you know, classical failed potential kind of thing. So point is, but I don't care. So the fact that I was scared, there was a strange feeling. Yeah, so I guess it's the first episode back. I'll be doing this regularly. That's sure what day.

We're going to hash us all out. And we're going to try this in Patreon stuff. We're going to look, I'm here, all right? Some people have been asking for it. Probably a lot more people haven't been asking for it. But, you know, will I do it in the basement again? Yeah, probably. Where else I'm going to do it in my bed?

Maybe. We'll figure it out. You can follow me. You know, you also, we have a new episode of our love is disgusting that came in a couple days ago. So check that out. Much more coherent, probably. But that's not, look, I would have assumed everyone liked the lover's disgusting more than this because this is crazy.

He's rambling. But people seem to like it. So enjoy it. But if you like also coherent stuff on top of this, our love is disgusting it's me and lucy steiner you can follow me at ray cump on twitter and instagram uh you can sign for a patreon um it's on my twitter um i don't have the names in front i should i keep reading i'll read the names but thank you to all my patreon subscribers we'll do something for you guys we'll figure that i feel bad you know i've been gone for a bit but you guys

have been loyal and i'm going to reward that loyalty so uh have a great week or maybe even a few days. Maybe I'll do a new one soon. Maybe, you know, I got more in the chamber maybe. We'll see, but I'm coming back soon.