Kump - 31 - A Kump Without a Tooth

Episode Date: February 13, 2020

Ray recounts his recent dental woes, and digs into his misspent youth to try to find the cause.

Firestone Complete AutoCare's epic savings event is the sign you need to stop putting off your car's maintenance. And you can save up to $100 on tires and services while you're at it. Don't wait, call Firestone Complete AutoCare for an appointment. Hello, welcome to Kump. Could you hear me whistle just now? Is that the last thing I need is to have any more impediment on my speech. But I've gone through an ordeal this week, and there might be some whistling. You might hear it.

It's hard to say. It's the first recording I've done since it's happened. And we might be in for a few months of slight whistling on certain. syllables, which is, yeah, I really should be put down. I'm like an old dog who, like, gets cancer and then, like, it heals. The vet tells you, like, oh, you know, we're going to need, like, 15 grand to do surgery and this shit dog that you don't even like. And some people pay it, but not for these dogs.

He's like, why don't we just do the right thing and kill this dog? And you're like, I can't afford it. No, you can't? You can't afford it, can you? and the fucking vet just, you know, he probably gets, that's the only reason he took the job and spent six years in vet school or whatever. I mean, you would think it's to save animals,

but it's the only real way to safely kill animals also. So I'm not saying it's all vets, but anyway. But yeah, like, and you just don't do it. And then I'm the dog who, like, oh, he got better. And then why did you get better? And then when he finally die, you find out just because, like, a bunch of fat hardened around the cancer and created a cancer pocket and stuff,

leaked out of it and it caused it like yeah i i probably smelled the dog smelled the dog not me i'm the dog it's all terrible just fart smelled like disease because they were they were just leaking it there was fart string or fart stream this fart path uh just cancer shit you know um because like yeah that's why a fart smell because they passed through shit well if they were passing through cancer i mean one of the worst things i ever smelled the morgue was someone who had died of uterine cancer an old woman and um right to take a picture of a uterus on like a uh a board it was like you know a copy stand type of picture um and i thought it was covered in human shit like it was like it was brown it was like diarrhea it was just but it was just dead blood cells apparently i'm like is this

shit did she shit on her uterus somehow and no it's not no one can do that um not yet but uh in this case it was just dead blood cells they ended up finding one that was weird tumors in the ovaries with the hair and the put, not the teeth. There's a thing with the teeth, which is actually apropos, but the teeth in the fucking, uh, inside of a tumor that used to be a person, I don't think it was one of these. I think it's just one of these tumors that has hair and pus in it, which is, excuse me.

See, I'm, I'm like a cancerous dog. So that's, you know, uh, I imagine if you were, you know, passing air through that, it would smell. So why not, you know, is that whistle there? Do we get our first whistle or, or is it the 15th? I can't even tell. Lucy said she couldn't hear it last night. She might just be nice.

Maybe she's just buying her time until she smothers me in my sleep and puts me out of both of our misery. Now, we love each other, but, you know, I'm a burden. Yeah, so, I mean, as we got into this tangent, exact, oh, dog, I'm like a dog, and then I get better and, you know, I die eventually. But, no, so, all right. you probably, to recap who I am in my teeth, which is, you know, maybe probably the focal point of what we're doing here today is the goddamn, I think I've told this story multiple times on

Tim Dillon's Go to Hell podcast. I used to have a joke on my act about it. I mean, I probably told on this podcast, I probably repeat stories, but this is, you know, it leads right into the topic at hand. Is that, you know, I never taking particularly good care of my teeth. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of cavities. I'm just remembering that. Now, I only had a couple cavities growing up. Like, I remember thinking, I, God damn, I have like strong, naturally strong teeth. Because some kids are out there just, like, their mouth full of metal. Just like retainers and fucking fillings.

And they would be telling me how they have 15 cavities on the left side of their mouth. And I'm just like, what are you just, you know, bobbing for apples and your mom's asshole? Like, what is this that's, you know, neither here or there. But the point is, like, you know, I wasn't always a rot-tooth kid, you know, but I'm not sure where it started. I definitely had a couple of cavities, but I believe, I mean, I drink a lot of soda, and that started probably, like, real heavy in high school. Like, I sound like someone who's talking about drug addiction. Like, yeah, I try a pot here or that, but, you know, freshman year I really got into LSD. No, it's like, I was kind of a dork, you know what I mean?

Look, I threatened to kill people myself in high school. I mean, I started to kill myself, two people as an act of aggression. So my point is I'm not some big bitch, you know, push over. Like, you know, oh, I'm so sad. But, you know, I was a weird kid, probably. And I drank a lot of soda. A lot of diet, Dr. Pepper, a diet of Coke when it came up. And they say it's bad for your teeth.

And it might be. I did shit on that idea for a long time throughout my 20s. I'd be like, hey, idiot. I drink so much soda. I drink two lire bottles to the head twice a day, which is true. I might even exaggerate. And, like, it's diet soda. I mean, it might be bad for, you know, cancer-wise, again, with that, uh, aspartane.

I guess that's not, I mean, we give the rats cancer. All right. You give rats, I mean, rats are probably just shit creatures. They get anything from anything. That's why they're good, like, disease carriers. Because, like, they'll probably get, like, fucking, the first, when we get a disease from Mars that comes over on some fucking water drop,

but it used to be a, like, homeless guys fucking sneeze. I got frozen in time for billions of years. Some homeless marsh and some fucking rats going to just fucking eat it when it comes on a meteorite. So I don't know if the cancer thing, maybe it is. People are so convinced by it. I don't know. I mean, I like it.

I like Diet Dr. Pepper. I like Diet Diet Coke. I'm sorry. It's my one indulgence of many. Excuse me. And actually I have a bottle of diet. It is about 7 in the morning. I have a bottle of Diet Pepsi at the morning.

And it's not a show about Diet Pepsi. We're getting back to the point in a second. But this just illustrate the point that, you know, it's like, I think it's the frosphorus. The frat, is it a frog? Let me look at the fucking everyone in front of me. You have carbonated water, caramel color, aspartame, you have phosphoric acid.

I think that's the fucking thing. The phosphoric acid or whatever the fuck. Life giving is diet, Pepsi. Amazing. I drink in the morning. People give me shit. Like, why are you drinking the morning? It's like, I don't know where these designations came from.

You know, coffee makes you a shit. So, I don't know if everyone has the same shitting experience as me. Again, we're getting back to the teeth. But this is all connected, I guess. is that, you know, you fucking have to, you know, I get up in the morning. I have shit from the day before. You want to shit, right? So it's like if you can drink a nice drink and, like, get it out of you.

Cool. Like, get it out. But, like, because Corby does that. It's a fucking expectorant or whatever or a diuretic. It fucking forces water into your colon, which hydrates the shit that's in there because the shit's in there is probably dry, I guess. I don't know. Imagine me the scientists studying that.

You could have been, like, fucking curing disease or finding new rocks. And then it's just like, no, I don't want to, like, someone had to document the process of, like, coffee pumping water into a colon and hydrating dry shit. I mean, we can't just assume that's the case. Someone did that. And it's good for them. So I drink soda in the morning.

I think it's fine. I don't understand me. I've been doing it for years. I don't understand these people. I can't do it. Like, what? You have to, like, warm up your throat. Oh, what happens later on?

It's bubbly. When you burp, when you drink a bunch of Diet Coke in the morning and then you burp, it does something in your brain. It releases like a... It's like a... It's like cracking your knuckles in your brain. It's nice. And I still get...

It's the only benefit I get. The caffeine is long ago, I think, had very little effect anymore. I'm so... Just steeped in it. Like, I'm... There's that whistling. There's the hint of that whistling right there.

You can almost get to it. Whist. steeped in it, seeps in it. But it'll come. I'm sure, as I keep going for a while, I'll either warm up

and you won't hear it at all anymore or it'll become a complete whistle. I mean, is that a list at that point? Do I have, people say I don't have a list, I have something. My job,

I think I just don't, who knows, like people, still sometimes, you know, is asked, but they've kind of subsided on commenting on how I speak.

I'm not sure I'm chipping my jaw just the enunciation that I do I could probably stress my mouth and just work out my jaw muscles more and I don't know why I learned to speak the way I did is this better but you're hearing me now

and I'm stressing out my jaw muscles it probably sounds weird but it's probably clearer anyway yeah so the point is I drank a lot of soda and I probably ride out my teeth over the years

and the most notable story I have is back in what was it about 12 years ago, 10 years ago I was working at the potato bread warehouse I was working a graveyard shift at the potato bread warehouse midnight to 8 shift I would basically take the the big tractor trailers would come

with this potato bread they'd bring it down on pallets and I would break it down into orders for the different you know the box truck route drivers to like come pick up around 4 a.m. And so, um,

actually I always say it was on my lunch break. I was actually, it was about 9 o'clock before my shift, which was a very weird. It does something very weird with time, uh, when you work that kind of shift. I mean,

I guess over the years you get used to it, but I didn't stay that long. I was in there for like six to eight months before. And then I got the mortgage job eventually while I was there. But, um, yeah. But I was in, Everything was kind of a blur, because you would never get to sleep at the right time,

and you never wake up at the right time. And, like, I remember being around 9 o'clock. I think my, I was still living my parents, and I think they'd gotten Taco Bell. Or did I buy Taco Bell? This is not a point of story. Point that I was eating a bean burrito, a soft bean burrito. Not some fucking grilled soft thing with, like, chunks of fritos that might have gotten hard. No, just a bean burrito, just soupy beans and cheese.

I bite into this fucking thing. And I feel something hard. I'm like, what the fuck is hard in this bean burrito? That's how soft it is that, like, why is anything crumbling in here? And I fucking pull it out of my hook. I want to break my tooth on it. Ironic, because it is my fucking, and my tooth is, like, broken apart into, like, three pieces. And I'm holding it in my hand and it's a mix of bean.

Like, how do you fucking this happen? I guess I just have rotten teeth and most diet Coke. That's the only guess I could have. because at one point I was a strong tooth boy so that night it didn't bro break it like half of it's still there it's jagging it's pointy it's like razor sharp and I didn't even realize it but it was like

running against my tongue all night because you know we'll get more about tongue stuff soon because this is fucking driving me that's right fucking now but like fucking oh I can't wait to get to this but fucking yeah this fucking my tongue is crazy's things anything in your mouth your tongue wants to fucking

graze or mine does if you have a tongue doesn't move oh my god that's that me look i envy you uh i can't relate to you um i just want to touch everything in my tongue it's in my mouth i mean it's just the fucking nature of it and so all night this fucking thing is just cutting into my tongue and by five o'clock when i start talking to these fucking route drivers and my managers that start coming in for the day at the warehouse and i'm realizing i'm kind of talk on It's like, this thing is fucking create a wound on my tongue. They're like, this is not sustainable. And what do you do?

You can't, like, bandage your tongue, and you can't fucking, like, how do you even prevent this from happening? So I go out on a root with my friend drives a potato bread root, and I meet up with them. We do it. After my shift, though, sometimes, you know, help out. Then we go get a beer and burger or something. So I'm on their route with them at a supermarket. I'm like, I can't take it.

Fuck this. I go. And while he's packing out. I go and buy a fucking metal nail file from the fucking, what do you call it, the beauty aisle in the supermarket. And I fucking get this metal nail file. I go out to the truck and it's got one of those big side view mirrors, you know, those big rectangular side views that hang off the side. And I fucking just view, I fucking file down my goddamn jagged, pointy end of my tooth. And people, like, I tell me the last story.

And I didn't even think it was that impressive at first. I was like, yeah, it's just like, you know, what you do. I mean, impressive is probably the world. I don't think people are impressed when they hear it. It's like, I don't think it was that impressive. We don't either. It's, but it's remarkably creepy or disgusting. I don't know what box you put me in.

I think it's just fucking self-sufficient. I think it's like, why am I going to go with dentists? Because I don't have dental insurance. I'm like, what, what are we doing here? I was fucking working a potato bread warehouse. And part time I was doing like bar mitzvah. pictures or something. I wasn't covered dentally. I don't

anything I had health insurance at this point. And so I'm going to go to a dentist and pay, I mean, honestly, what would have been? A few hundred bucks. I couldn't have before it. I mean, it's kind of my money now. I look back, well, there's a couple hundred bucks. And maybe I could. I mean, I wasn't even paying for it

apart. But, you know, you think about living, even when you're living at home, like, I had fucking really high car insurance. We can take some stuff all the time. And I think it was still being payments in that car. So, you know, it's like, you know, you get yourself behind the eight ball. It's like, you know, I relate. So I couldn't spend $300 or $200 to get my tooth pulled. I don't really don't want to bother. I don't like looking things up. I don't like researching like,

you know, oh, maybe I have cancer. I should look into this. I mean, I did go, I thought I had ball cancer at one point and I probably told this story too. And I thought, you know, I ended up fucking going to the urologist and the fucking, they got me a son. They go to urologist first. No, I went a sonogram first. They gave me a sonogram on my balls and put jelly on it and rubbed a bond on it and then ended up being swollen balls. But the point is, I did, I guess

I was nervous about ball cancer, but nothing else because I wasn't good at researching or finding these things. I'm like, I might as well just file this down in the fucking parking lot of a supermarket. The back parking lot, by the, where the trucks go, all right? I wasn't hanging out with like housewives

who were just fucking packing their English muffins in the back of a fucking, you know, a sportage. And it's like, and I'm just like, hello, ma'am, and I'm just fucking filing my gun. No, I mean, this is where, you know, men or, you know, is there women? I mean, there could be, but mostly men. The drivers are mostly men. And they're, you know, crude growth. They're not the worst people in the world. They have jobs. They're good dudes. But, I mean, you know, they don't, they're not going to bat an eye at me fucking, you know, filing down a tooth. Yeah, you know, I got better things to worry about. Um, so, you know, I mean, it's fine. And I filed that. And it works. It's

stops the, it stops the bleeding, if you will. Or actually literally stopped the bleeding because my tongue was bleeding. You know, I was eloquent enough. I need to cap it off. Point is, so that's what we're at. That's the kind of fucking, and eventually, you know, I got the job of the county for the graphic autopsies. They got dental insurance. So I had that tooth, I guess, pulled and a bridge put in. I don't know. I've had a couple root canals, a bunch of cavities filled. You know, A good dentist at that point.

And that was about, the last time I worked with a count, was it, like five years ago, about, yeah, five or six. Haven't been there with dentists since. Is it a prior? I mean, look, do I make enough? Here's the day. I mean, most people make enough money that they could move money around and go to a dentist.

But, like, do you have money? It's like, no, like, could I not, like, could I, like, scrimp and save? sure but like who wants to who wants to look you live this life once what do you want you want perfect teat and not eat the same thing from seamless every night you want instead eat some rice and you know make some rice and beans like me and lucy were doing last year when we're saving some makes it actually delicious i should that's the thing you people in this country look we should all have universal health care i guess we should all have dental care and all this

But we can also just, these people who go, it's so hard. The life's supposed to be hard. And look, you can't equalize it completely. It's going to be harder for people. I have a lot easier than a lot of people. I have a lot harder than a lot of people. And it's like, you know, I'm not complaining. I've been, I get shitty jobs.

But the point is, there's a level of just whining. Legitimate complaining can bleed into whining pretty rapidly. And the problem is the people, the vocal majority that you hear that annoys you is often the people who aren't in the most need of health care, for instance. You know, well, you might get annoyed by these Bernie. I mean, yeah, no, the Bernie types or even a warrant type. I mean, this is just the general, the sense of like, you hear a middle class white kid

whining about health care. It's like, yeah, right. The boomers had better than me. Yeah, it was a scam. It went bad. Like, what do we can't recreate the scam just so it's equal for you? But then there's people who's like legit are like, you know, in bad change. and poverty and the cycle of poverty.

Yeah, those people, it's hard. Like, put those people out front, all right? You know, like, have those people be your fucking, your army of tweets. Because I can't hear from some guy who fucking, you know, did a fucking master's in, like, fucking aquatic healing or some shit. And then everybody's like, I can't get a job.

And now I have a fucking club foot or something. What is a club foot? Or I have a hang nail. That's, well, hangings are probably painful, so I'm sure he wants to deal with it, but maybe it shouldn't have gotten the aquatic healing degree. I mean, what are you, healing whales? We don't even know. He doesn't know.

He was drunk for most of it. But the point is, you know, I had dental insurance. I don't now. I probably could have dealt with this sooner. I mean, reality is I do have some dental coverage now, which, you know, spoiler alert. Ain't that great. But, you know, I didn't know until this week and when it came to a head. So the reality is I could have dealt with this.

I thought I had better coverage. And I could have dealt with this a year ago and I didn't. So I don't think anyone's surprised. No one looks at me and says like, oh, we thought you had your shit together more. We thought you're like a banker, right? No. That garbage bag is like, uh, It's a fashion garbage bag, right?

No, no one's safe. I live in a... I don't live in a garbage bag anymore or wear... I think I've worn it a couple sometimes. You know, it's a poncho, which I still probably would sometimes. I mean, like, who cares?

You want to get me wet all day? Or just save some faces in front of a stranger? I'll wear a fucking garbage bag if I need to. But, you know, I try not to. I try to have an umbrella on me. You know, I'm making... I'm making effort to be a person. So, yes, I've had this pain

Before the pain even, I had this fucking tooth Which was, how do you put it? I knew it was probably rotten When I would feel it in my mouth With my tongue, for instance There was something weird It almost felt like it had rotted in half Much like that other toot

that I had been describing which I filed down which literally broke in half which didn't feel quite like that but it's hard to like I don't have the mirrors that they have in there and I can't do the fucking the dream mirrors with the fuck on the stick and look in my mouth but it felt like there was just this weird

like if you kind of went around the curve of my one of my molars on the top that you could get into it like into the inside like there was a fucking like a weird little cave that you'd find like fucking video game like Zelda or something and like oh and he was your treasure and it's just like arrows or rupee whatever or just you know here's a piece of fucking steak that you ate two weeks ago because that's what it became I don't know I've heard the term food pocket I don't know

if this is what they're referring to but we'll call it a food pocket um because it seems to you know it was just clucked in there and it would just be kind of uncomfortable if it got jammed up with food not incredibly painful but just like yeah you don't you don't want that you don't want this fucking clog of, you know, food in your tooth. So I started to carry around floss for a while, which, um, I think people are pretty grossed out if you're at work and you just pull out floss and start flossing your teeth with it. Um, people don't love it. It didn't stop me from doing it.

Uh, I try to be discreet about it. But, you know, I eat at my desk. They don't have a great, you know, place to eat where I work. So I eat at my desk. Uh, if you didn't want me flossing after. to eat. Maybe you should have had a place for me to eat. I guess I still would be grossing out the people eating in the eating area while I flossed. But I mean, yeah, I, you know, accommodate me more or I just can't be held accountable. That's the thing. At a certain point in age, you start

realizing, you know, nothing's being done to accommodate me. And you go, oh, you're a white man. Like, yes, true. But I mean, I have flossing needs. And they're not being accommodated. I'll accept a privilege on a lot of fronts but no one's accepted my flossing needs and so it's like you know am I going to be the only one not whining I mean I guess I don't whine about it I just do it so you know whatever

and I'm held accountable for it by people not liking me most people like me I don't know maybe I alienate people I don't go off on a tangent I only alienity accidentally I feel like I just kind of don't

I just hurt myself by not you know, I'm schmoozing people more. I could do it. I do do it. But, uh, I don't have a problem with the balance I've struck from the most part. I would want to be a fucking, I mean, there's a certain level of like just, look, if you're going to get a house in Malibu or, you know, fucking Beverly Hills, you know, yeah, the dignity can wait. And you can fucking, you can be a fucking sur. But I'm not going to fucking be a servile peg for an extra three grand a year. Fuck you. Um, what do we talk about? Floss? So, You know, eventually I transitioned to these picks, which I preferred,

because it has, like, the fucking little stick of, like, of the flossy rope on the end, which is not great. It's like a fork, but the other end of it's a pointy piece of plastic. And I think we're getting a whistling here. I've heard it in the last sentence, too. It's just, a piece of plastic. It's fucking, it's, look, we're in this for a couple months at least. I'll try to not whistle, you know.

I'm not going to apologize. I mean, this is what it is. This is, this is, you sign in for comedy. this is what you get. This is the real deal. You're getting a fucking, you know, these aren't just stories. This is happening in real time to me. So this pick, I would carry

around with me a bunch of them. You buy them a pack for like three bucks. It's run on for months. Is that an alarm? That's my alarm. That's my laundry alarm. I'm doing laundry while I'm multitasking here. It's a great. So I carry these picks around.

And, I mean, I would go with nice restaurants with Tim, for instance, or Lucy. I mean, I fucking, and just pick my teeth. I was at Nobu. I never told Tim this. I did it pretty discreetly. But I was at Nobu, sitting at the fucking, the bar at, you know, Nobu Malibu, picking my teeth with this fucking toothpick, this fucking food pocket tooth hole. I'm just sitting there trying to jam this very nice sushi out of this hole,

so there's rotten there. and no one knows because they got pretty discreet maybe they did but they have to think about a nice place like that they don't know who you are i mean i'm sure they were aware that it's possible that could be just as you know much of a louse as i look like just much of a fucking bum but uh you know dinner's getting paid for i'm often shocked that we're not we're not asked to pay up front more often you know like you know the show the cash at least but uh but we're not and you know it's what it is. So they don't know if I'm just like some fucking rich guy's son

maybe I mean app that like you know does things to your ass. There's a fucking little pod that you put in your ass and then like you can vibrate or maybe clean your ass. Ooh, is that an idea? Should I cut this out of the episode? Is there a pod you could put in your

ass that would have water that you could clean throughout the day to get the inner ass clean? I mean the problem is would you shit it out then? Would you have to install it into your is there a bone back there? Like, what's, I don't know, the sternums on top.

The persinium or the, what's that bone? Could you bolt a pod anywhere in the ass area that would clean it out from the inside with a smartphone app? Don't know. And I'll say now, I'll get on it. Actually, I'll try. Anyone out of an app developer who wants to work?

Because this is a timestamp. This is going up, and you have a pretty good proof that you download it and listen to it. And I'll come after and sue you. So let's just do it the right thing. If you're an app developer, you want to develop this with me, we'll work on it together. You know, you will split it or whatever. We'll license the idea. Let's get these.

Why not? I mean, who cares if it works? I should don't say that. We shouldn't say that because that could get as a lawsuit. We're going to have to say in court at some point. We thought it would work. I thought, I'm actually going to throw you under the bus, maybe. I thought this guy who listened to my podcast, who agreed to develop the app with me and the pod,

was competent. I didn't realize that he was, you know, a degenerate gambler who barely knew how to use, you know, Microsoft Word or whatever these pre-app software was. I mean, I don't know. The pod seemed legit to me. I'm sorry they died. I'm sorry they died. You know, look, what was a kid that young doing?

Why is his ass dirty? You shouldn't have a kid that young who needs to worry that much about his ass being clean. That shouldn't be, that's something to worry about when he had dirties. And it's like, oh, my body's falling apart. And I have to, like, you know, like, I can't be held accountable

because some kid used a luxury boutique item. I didn't sell it to the kid. So that would be the core transcript. Would that be a criminal thing or just a liability? I mean, I don't know. I feel like I wouldn't go to jail for that. I mean, look, don't let your kids use weird, you know, cleaning objects. If you're a kid, don't even bother.

Just use soap and water and go in the shower. Because if I die from, no one's fucking putting that guy, you know, the guy who made that product in jail, something I died of. No one's going to be like, put a picture of me up or video. You see the fucking rainmaker where they had to, like, do a deposition. I think they aired in court later.

of the guy because he was about to die and they all came through his house in the front yard and like this guy is just like dying and he's like they poison me with the product or it was a health insurance thing so they didn't give me health insurance and I'd play it later. They'll be playing me

a fucking fucking video of me on some projection screen, Jesus Christ and yeah I'm just whistling look I just thought I could get my asshole clean if I use this pod and now and like I'm dead at that point, but I'm like, I don't have much

longer to go. I've got sepsis in my ass, and I just want to say this is wrong. This is an injustice. And they would just all dismiss the case. Do you want that? Do you really need to, like, bother a businessman over me? Come on. So what are we talking about?

Cleaning, pods, getting shit clean. Where was this detour? This is the fucking, you know, I need someone to track what I'm saying. you know in real time so I can go where did and like and you need to like fucking do like a slide rule or a fucking you know graphing calculator so you know where these tangents went off of but basically so I had this food pocket I'm in nobu right I'm in nobu I mean a lot of places

I'm always picking the fucking things out of this fucking tooth and I'm probably realizing that eventually I got to deal with this but it really didn't hurt um and over time you eventually start to like you know I'm digging around round in there, in that weird food pocket. Maybe it's getting bigger. I don't know. And I'm going to have to hit it from the back. It's just like, ooh, is that sexy? Hit it from the back. I don't know.

Is that an old sex term? So I'm hitting it from the back and like the up on the side and like fucking, yeah, maybe he's getting it's a point you couldn't really see in the mirror. So it's like eventually you start getting kind of like, oh, my head on a nerve ending? I mean, I feel like a nerve ending would hurt more, but it started to hurt a little bit. like really be like oh this is sensitive and then cold things became sensitive and look these are all kind of standard issue tooth ailments you know pain or you know sensitivity of coal but the point is this is riding over time and this week finally came to a head and

um i started getting like legitimate pain like dropping pain uh regardless of what's going on inside attitude. And, um, yeah, so I basically resolve, I make an appointment, uh, with a dentist on an app and for Sunday. And, um, you know, I started, I wash that whiskey a bit over the weekend while I'm waiting. You know, it's, it's starting to get really, you know, painful, I'm rubbing fucking weird jelly on my gums. Not jelly. What do you call that shit? Cancancers? Ambosol, whatever you know these so anyway I go to the dentist on a Sunday afternoon and I basically tell what I got this pain I don't know you know they go look x-rayed me it's kind of thing where it's like I used to worry that like I wasn't be able to explain things properly like

even as a kid like you go to fucking you know get a haircut I don't want to tell them like now it's like yeah just trim the top three I don't know it's kind of thing with what do you tell a dentist it's like this one of those cases where you think like oh I tell a dentist and you start talking and like we get it we're gonna x-ray you

like look I don't understand exactly what I'm not I don't know the terminology but I got this fucking pool pocket and this fucking

causing this it's not always pain but it's just come through now it's pain and like can you we don't want

to decipher your spit uh this is not you know we're not we're not fucking you know you're not talisman

just shut up and sit down you fat fuck and we put them goddamn apparatus in your mouth I mean, what did they do before x-rays? I mean, I bet they wish they could just x-ray me to, like, irradiate me, like, fucking, what do you call that?

I don't know, but I might, I used to do a lot of x-rays on dead of people. I wasn't, well, technically, I guess I was allowed to. I mean, I think we found out the reason we were, because I wasn't, like, a licensed radiologist, but the thing was, like, the rule that said you had to be a licensed radiologist was, like, you can't x-ray a person unless you're licensed radiologist. And, like, well, not, and they were not. And they were like, well, they're not people. They're dead.

And I was like, all right. Slipery slope, if you ask me, but, you know, whatever. So I did a lot of x-rays. I mean, there was in a separate room. I don't know. Did I get, maybe. Maybe I got some effects from it. Who knows?

I'm not going to vouch for anything in my life. Nah, it's fine. Like, those guys drink, there's guys in Vietnam drinking Agent Orange, apparently. It's like a stunt towards, like, to weigh, like. to waylay people's fears. Like, you know, if you're not familiar, you should be. But Agent Orange was a defolient,

I believe made by Dow Chemical. And it would give you a lot of people with fucking cancer and shit, pilots and stuff. But apparently the pilots were like, I don't know if it was a PR thing or it was just like a news conference. I was like, oh, you're fucking scared to this?

And he's like, fuck you. And he starts drinking. I think very easily, my dad told me this story. You could have very easily been just drinking high sea and told you. was age and on. I don't know. Who would? Yeah. Look. Yeah. I mean, I always thought it was dumb, but it's just don't really how dumb to believe that is. Because, I mean,

my dad's not a, he's not a dumb guy. I mean, he might have some blinders on certain issues, in my opinion, but he's not a dumb guy at all. And to repeat that to me. Amazing. Oh, these guys were just drinking. Who, what pilot? Even in the, the 70s weren't in 1920s. Even in the 20s, who's just going to start drinking crude oil? Who's going to be like, oh, who made this Dow chemical? I'm sure it's fine. It kills plants. It can't.

Like, we knew fertilize or pesticides were a problem, right? We may not realize how bad of a problem, but like, I don't think farmers were just drinking the pesticide going like, it's basically water with a little bit of poison. It's fine. Like, it's, and pilots aren't idiots. I mean, if you told me some fucking, you know. guy who just got done bay and having a child, you know, accidentally, he grabbed the fucking Agent Orange that has some scientist's hands and he goes, no, no, no, he starts guzzling it, sure,

and did he get cancer right away? No, probably not right away, but, uh, yeah, I don't say any pilot drinking, like, who the fuck is drinking? You can drain a bomb? I mean, I guess some guys would drain bombs of their gasoline to make, like, moonshine, like in the movie The Master, uh, he's doing with, like, the fucking torpedo fuel, whatever, and later on, further chemicals. But I don't think that most pilots, unless you're a degenerary alcoholic, is drinking fucking Agent Orange.

And all the more, who, I don't remember right at the tangent start. So I mean, the doctors, and, uh, they're fucking, um, they x-rayed me. And look, they're telling me it's bad.

It's bad, we're in bad shape here. You got, like, these two rotted up things here. you got these two on the bottom and you're going to need the pull them and replace them recommend with implants. I'm like implants. There's a pricey, right? I had good coverage with the county

and probably some of the best dental coverage you could get, I'm imagining. I mean, and there's still limits. I mean, a lot of it is that like you completely paid for. This is why you take a county job, by the way. I had a pretty decent salary as a more photographer or whatever but that's more i think because like the guy who started that job was like the chiefs this is like 40 years ago but like it was all put like i just

lucked into it because most county jobs don't pay that well on salary but like you fucking get really good benefits and the pension stuff um and my i wasn't getting paid like a cop but you know was getting paid decent money and uh and the benefits are great um it doesn't matter why people say people are crazy for leaving the account it's like you know whatever like it's a good gig if you can get it I don't know why it's sustainable

it probably isn't it's by everyone every year to keep taking stuff away but you know the point is even then they only had one that was great insurance and only one implant was covered is the reason I'm bringing this up

it was like I remember that I never got one there remember them saying like you can even get one implant for your whole life that's how much these things aren't covered or even great coverage, like, all right, we'll give you a one for life. Which is, like, what are the odds are you going to need one implant?

I guess if someone, like, knocks out one tooth of a ball peen hammer because you owe a money. You probably need, like, a bullpen hammer and a fucking, like, a pick or whatever to, like, focus the blow. And even then, I wonder if you would get, the whole idea here is to, like, knock out someone's tooth without knocking any other teeth. So you'll only need one implant.

That might work. if you're if you're if you're if you you probably have to do it correctly because I can very much see breaking three teeth when you're trying to break one teeth um someone owes you money um so not only it's like I don't know what are the options here and they're like we can't do like a bridge or whatever because I had a couple bridges and like look here's the thing with the bridge they're gonna fucking file down the tooth in front and the tooth in back and uh and like so you're wearing down good teeth and it's just not really a great idea

and I'm like, what? Who gives us shit? Who gives us shit? This is fucking... Look at me. Look at my teeth. They're rotten. I got Diet Coke just like causing structural damage to all my teeth and you're like, don't file down

the pressure's good to. File it down. It's fine. We're not even sure if we can and his whole rigamarole. And then eventually I find out, well like, because look, the whole things for two teeth to get the implants done it's going to be at six grand it should be seven grand but they're going to throw in the fucking um the extraction i guess and it's like yeah me i'm like well no i can't do that well is it the primary thing the cost yes the cost i don't know what

you think i may i don't know who's out there like fucking uh able to drop six k and i even care um I mean, I've had bad credit my whole life, that's the thing. Like, people out there have credit cards. I've had bad credit since my early early 20s because I thought it was making a movie, an independent movie,

and they took out two cards. I wasn't able to get a huge, like, $50,000 in debt. I think it was like four or five grand between two cards. I bought a bunch of camera gear and stuff for the movie. It didn't work out. And I burnt it out.

And then, you know, I wasn't able to keep up with the payments because it was like a car insurance. all that stuff. And so I just never fixed it and which is good because I mean knowing me if I had if someone gave me 50k in credit I'd be responsible for six months maybe and then get the press one day and then just buy a fucking a fucking a jet ski or a fucking just a big popcorn machine that let it sell a movie theater. Something that would be ridiculous. I buy a stump grinder or something or a fucking you know a bobsled.

Just out of depression. I don't get depressed, really. But, like, I'll just get, like, annoyed and, like, dehydrated and make a purchase. I mean, everyone gets depressed, but I don't suffer from depression, I don't think. I mean, if I do, no. I mean, like, because I'm not that tough. I'm not tough enough as far as, like, putting up with shit. But, you know, you ever know what someone's feeling.

But you imagine if someone was, like, really just, like, oh, I kill myself. And then, like, it was just, like, the most, like, benign, like, yeah, yeah, I'm kind of. in a bad mood. But no, I don't assume that. But it'd be kind of funny. People just have different tolerance for how said they were. I don't think that's the case. A lot of people killed themselves. Not enough people focus on

the same. How he's going to selfish? Fuck you. You know, does this kid? Or he's got a kid. All right. Does this kid want to kill himself? So he's better off than the guy. Why is, you know, he's immediately ahead of the curve. He doesn't want to kill himself.

The kid should fucking, you know, should have been nicer to the dad maybe maybe been a little more patient with the dad not cried as much this is terrible but you know I'm just saying like you know he'll probably feel the own guilt that I drive my dad to suicide by asking him too many times for a fucking you know

what the kids like telotubbies I don't know I don't know what's new with kids when they like a fucking a Ray Skywalker action figure and the dad's like I guess I should just fucking end it and he does and the kids like you know

whatever and yeah you are the we're all the blame in a lot of ways for everything you know oh it's not your fault yeah it's all kind of your fault what is it's it's no i mean it's the thing it's like there's no there's no arbiter at the end of this judging who's you know did you drive your dad to kill himself over asking for a toy yeah maybe maybe not maybe in the future don't ask as much for the toy you'll learn from these things you know your dad's a little dead because of you not completely it's also you know his wife or whatever He's job. So many tangents.

But yeah, so I can't pay that. And I have bad credit. So, but the thing is, I have been building up my credit for the past year. You know, slowly. It's just these things kind of going for your record after a while. And got a couple small cards. You're paying off the bills. So the guy's like, has your credit.

And I'm like, yeah, you're the numbers. He's going to know, bad. I'm like, oh. And he's like, you can do this fucking medical credit thing. You know, we'll just fucking, we can do it right. We do the work today, and you fucking get the fucking thing. And it's just like, I don't want to put, I just, I'm just getting decent care. I'm going to fucking dump 6K into a credit thing.

And he's like, oh, we'll just give you $3.50, it'll be $3.50 a month. It's like, it's not like unmanageable money completely to, like, everyone. But it's like, it's a lot of, like, that's all the best of nuts. I don't know. I'm sick of nuts. I'm not so my whole life. And I pay rent. It's not, it ain't cheap in New York. So I really didn't want to do it

And I'm trying to talk to this guy Can we do like a fucking bridge? Can we do it? And he's like, well the bridge will be five grand Like what? How did the bridge five grand? Like But the point of telling the story

Did I get sold? I don't know. I mean Because basically what you know I ended up here. See if you can approve it. They get approved. And I go for it.

And I don't know. I mean, should I have a proof? I still don't know if I got God. I mean, at the end of the day, I mean, I've been talking to people because they were telling how my root canals were also failed or whatever, and apparently root canals are a big fucking thing. Apparently root canals are a conspiracy theory in their own thing, because they're basically, I mean, I think it's a little overstated from when I've gathered so far. So my friend was like at work was like, think about it, it's the only thing where they leave

something dead inside you, which is probably true. tend to leave dead things inside you. Usually if PCU goes dead, they call it necrotic, I believe. And it's, they get it out of you. I mean, it's a big thing is getting out of you. Get the bullet out, get this out, you know, whatever. Like, they don't, you don't want to leave foreign objects in you. You don't want to leave dead things in you.

You know, I got cut dead, you know, if that's what gangrene is, right? Or there's a variation of that where, like, it's basically necrotic tissue and they got cut it off. The tooth, though, is a little bit unique in the body. thing. The tooth is like a weird mineral substance. So maybe a root can, I'm sure they overdo it. Because the thing is, like, they leave it in there. In theory, they clean out all the rot and it's a dead tooth that's just there. It's like, all right. But, you know, most dentists or, I'm not going to say they're mostly suck, but, you know, they're not always the, there's a lot of variation, like in any job. And it's also like, you know, I remember as a

photographer, the stuff I did the first year. And I wait a while. I worked at a camera store, and I saw a lot of people do really bad work and screw people over and I never wanted to be that guy I always took it very seriously and I took a pride in that and even then when I first started you don't know what you're doing per cent

like look I'm not gonna like it wasn't I was good enough where you're not gonna like not have a picture be exposed and like you're gonna get portraits but you're not posing them as nice as you could and some of them look awkward especially with groups and like you're not wrangling people together

and you're not used to the process or like, you know, you don't always get with table shots or maybe you miss certain pairings of people. Oh, you didn't get a picture of me of Van June. Oh, no, now she's dead. Things like that. Things you learn from experience. And I'm sure the same thing's true with dental shit, is my point. So these people, you know, maybe, you know,

over the years, you know, you get some people who are fucking, you know, just earnest. They mean well, but they're fucking, maybe they're a little bit hungover. Or maybe there's their first year Or maybe their wife is fucking fucking some guy And she won't show him the tape Because he really likes that kind of thing

He's just frustrated and hard He's fucking Maybe he's fucking Who knows There's a lot of reasons why a root canal can go bad It may look And I think it look is a conspiracy Sure but more in like the scammy kind of way

I don't think it's like a fucking You know A big medical cover It's more just like Look we have dentists There's only so much work they're going to do that's a thing it's like

you have a fucking field of people came out of nowhere at one point that's your when they started but so now

we have dentists and it's like well how do they fucking how's it work that like you know you didn't have this before

like how does it pop up did they meet the man oh the invisible hand to the market and like you know what happens

if you have if you know it takes like four or five years to go to go to dental school

so like you know how does it work out that like in any given area like some guy that you know we don't have too many dentists and like maybe you do maybe it's why they oversell root canals i mean maybe you're sitting around not getting enough business so some guy comes in some fast slab like me maybe you know you upsell them on the

fucking implants maybe maybe you upsell them on the fucking um whatever point is i i these are and look when you work in sales that's always part of the game is upselling and fucking you know hey sell them accessories i mean sell them fucking this sell them I'm that. And I always try to keep a bad. You know, look, you try to make money, but, you know, I never try to sell people things that I didn't think the best thing for them. But, you know, that's also a sucker move.

I have a, I don't know what my conscience is. I don't want to brag about a conscience that I'm, you know, the great guy. But, you know, I did have a little more, I felt, you know, who's getting hurt, though? That's the thing with this country. This country's all about don't get God. That's, you know, if you get God, it's on you. And it, I have. compassion. I have more compassion

than a lot. But if we're going to fucking hold everyone's hands, there's got to be a line where you stop holding people's hands. Because like the level of like, what's the expression? Caviot M. Tour, is that the one? I think it is. Buyer beware.

That's kind of like, they would throw that around as a fucking, buyer beware and like, you know, it's just kind of something you should lose them you're supposed to accept. It gets overused. Like when you're fucking, you know, fleecing the pension fund of a bunch of teachers, who've never even heard of a mortgage-backed security or credit to full swap

or why their pension is tied to it and they're like, hey, buyer, but where? We didn't really buy it. And it's like you have this fucking financial planner who's fucking getting or is they call them or a pension manager or whatever those guys are who they can only invest in these funds and then they're getting courted by fucking Goldman Sachs

and yeah, I get it. But that being so, we just, I don't, look, it can't all be socialism. I can't all be the other things. I don't know why it is it more just like, hey, just break, we want, we want, We want Bernie in a universal health care and socialism. It's like, yeah, it sounds nice.

We can't even get regulation. We can't even get people to stop, like, you know, completely fleecing the entire economy. We're going to get, like, maybe. Maybe inspires people. We'll talk more another time about it. I'm all for them. I just don't, I think people are just under, under, people crave a messiah, which is, is that ironic because he's Jewish?

I don't know. But he's a messianic figure, just like Obama was. and I mean, even Kennedy was, especially in hindsight, I think Kennedy did some nice things but even if you listen to like Oliver Stone talking about Kennedy,

the way he, like, and it's the same way he talked about that dude who was like FDR's VP who was advanced, I think his name was maybe. The last name might have been advanced or maybe not. But like these people are always like, oh, if only they weren't killed

or in the other case, you know, pushed that politically, things would have been so different. People love the, what if, you know, fork in the road scenario about politics. And it's like, if Kennedy didn't, I don't know, not much different. I mean, certain things, certain things probably would have been different because, you know, why else kill him? And he'll just piss people off. But the point is, Obama got done when he got

done and he got a lot of got a race. And, you know, oh, he wasn't as much integrity as Bernie. Maybe not. Maybe he's just more realist. I mean, who knows? Why are we getting into politics? The point is, sometimes people got to get got. You can't hold their hands. And like, even me, maybe I overpaid on these implants. So I should be fucking protected. I don't feel like I should be protected. I mean, maybe I should, maybe it's just my weird man pride or whatever.

I feel like, you know, if I did get, you know, worked over by these fucking dentists, that maybe I had a comment. But the point is, I agree to this fucking thing reluctantly. Because I got to stop smoking cigarettes anyway. And I realized, I mean, that's, is that my alarm? I realized that, you know, it's going to work out to be around the same price anyway. So it's annoying, but it's only 18 months of that. So it is what it is.

I didn't know, though. They fucking pulled these tooth out. And now I, for the past week, I mean, have to go back on Sunday. They fucking have, I mean, I have this gap in my teeth, which is going to stay there for three months, because they have to fucking heal. Like the rods are in there, not the actual teeth part. Those are called the crowns, I guess, which are different than the other crowns, which you could have.

And they shove that in there and it's going to heal. But it's also like they fucking is a stitch. And like a big stitch, like a knotted up fucking stitch rope in between my teeth, just like a fucking like a balloon knot, like a fucking the end of a fucking hot dog. Like, but made of, you know, whatever stitch materials made of. It's just annoying. It's fucking, I mean, I wonder if that's where the rustle's coming from or the gap. I don't know.

I still have other teeth that need to get fucking fixed, too. Two on the bottom, which I don't know. We'll cross that bridge when we get there, I guess. But also, because, you know, so this one side of my mouth, it's fucking, you know, you're not going to be chewing on that on this fucking empty tooth section of your mouth. You know, chew on the other side. So I start chewing on the other side. I think yesterday

I fucking was biting into a protein bar that was eating while watching TV and I shot I probably shouldn't I should have realized how much resistance

I was getting honestly I was trying to use my front teeth a little bit to chew but it was a little tough but I forgot I forgot there was a crown

on the other side which I didn't think I knew they could come off I didn't think there were that because it's been years since I even remember there was a crown there, and I eat stuff. I must have just always

eat in the other side of my mouth, though, because of that, because it was weaker, and I ripped the crown off. And, like, I don't know if I cracked it off, or if it's kind of popped off, but, uh, that comes off, and that's gross. And so I clean my mouth, I clean this thing. The thing smells, by the way.

It's like, is this where all my any kind of, I don't think I always have bad breath, we usually have bad breath, but this thing, I mean, I try to wash as much as I could. I'm going to have to show it to them when I get to the dentist on Sunday, be like, hey, can you just put this back on permanently or give me one of those

they have those gel things they could put on for a month or two that like fucking you know hardened into a crown just do that because the thing underneath is very sensitive is that a nub I don't even know what's going on my mouth anymore I've been drinking Diet Coke for years decades

and I can't say I thought it'd be dead by now I'm not that like aggressive or cool I probably should should have known better because I probably could you should realize maybe I thought I'd be rich by now that's probably that's probably more what's going to my head I'm just gonna fucking make some movie and um or just getting to porn you're shooting porn not I mean maybe whatever both be one of those guys who makes porn that's POV I mean some of those guys they don't they're not great looking

guys and they have like pop bellies and the dicks are deep but sometimes the dicks aren't even good if you have a good dick it's fine like yeah because it's well you're like dick you want a good dick when you watch it porn you want to watch them you know fucking pigtail

little baby dick fucking a woman I can't understand that unless you like unless it's a specific Jesus my mouth fetish or fucking like

you know like shame based little dick and I'm not saying you should be ashamed of having a little dick but you know I don't know I mean like

oh well if I have a little dick yeah I watch dicks are bigger than mine so I don't tell you um but I thought I had more money so I probably was in the back of subconsciously just like putting off

the drinking less soda and probably shouldn't have been smoking I don't know what to tell you um it is what it is I'm not going to bitch about it now and if you know it's what you get good credit for again I don't look

yeah it would be nice if I could have bought like a fucking crystal necklace uh to wear around with my new credit card which I haven't gotten but no I got I have a fucking tooth now I think my dental work it's like it's just replacing

what should be there already they should at least fucking give me like functionality you should like be able to bite into more things that'd be nice that sucks anyway so that's the story of how I got over by fucking

you know the whistling I don't know you're telling me if you hear it a lot or don't tell me it's fine I mean it's gonna be what it's gonna be but yeah I mean I'm happy to be back here and yes this is maybe a little over a week but we're back onto a more regular schedule I believe we'll do

after the next one well now it's on the next episode if that's the case but the Patreon is going to be starting up soon as far as like having we're going to do two episodes a week I got to figure out which days and all that but yeah this is going good thank you for tuning in

should listen to also to our love is disgusting I think we're a little behind and release in that but we have a couple episodes in the can we might release them as a double

or just scrap the one from whatever we'll have a new one coming out in a day or two so enjoy that go follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Ray Kump

thanks for tuning in have a great week I don't know.