Kump - 32 - Canadian Kump

Episode Date: February 20, 2020

Ray discusses Canada, Dentists at the Morgue, Port Authority, food poisoning, and Bloomberg.

The Conjuring Last Rites On September 5th I come down here with you in your house. Array! Array! Array! Array! Array!

The conjuring, last rites. Only in theater, September 5th, where it are. Hello and welcome to Kump. People have been reaching out to me from last week. Really, not much. Not many people care that much about my teeth. I don't care.

I don't need your sympathy. It's fine. but I'm not, I'm going to make it seem like just some outpouring. That's not what we are. But they've been asking about my teeth, a couple people. First of all, if you haven't listened, listen to the last week to hear the whole saga of my rotted teeth and replacement. But I posted the thing on the picture on Instagram, promoting an episode my x-ray.

And people are asking if it's fungus in my mouth. It's not fungus. It's a root canal. I'm sorry you don't know how to read an x-ray. I did x-rays for years on dead people. I think if for granted, you know, I don't interpret an x-ray, I guess, because it wasn't fungus. It wasn't some, you know, a live worm in my mouth. That's just what a root canal looks like.

I'm not a dentist. I'm not going to explain to you. I used to have, I don't think I mentioned yet, but we used to have these dentists at the morgue. I think, and they were kind of running a scam, I think. Because they had their own dental x-ray equipment, which we didn't really use. If you've been to a dentist, you know, it's not. thing that goes up to your mouth and they put the fucking guard on it and like you know then they yeah x-ray from the side and i mean maybe i used it a couple times they're trying it doesn't

matter it's not important no i didn't i'll go this is interesting i'm remembering things now this is good is jogging morgue memory um so basically yeah because then they were the whole crew of dentists and i don't know they get stipend they had an office uh they wanted a bigger office That's not important right now. But that plays into me because they ended up trying to take part of our office. The whole thing with the morgue sidebar, the whole thing with the morgue was dueling, like, resources,

but not in, like, any cool, like, budgetary way. But, like, they would just have budgets and, like, we had crazy budgets for some. We had endowments. Like, there was, like, an infrared camera at the morgue, which we never used. There was an underwater camera. it was like an expensive one

like a really good like I used to sell these things I kind of knew it wasn't it was it was worth at least five grand which is you know in county money means nothing they don't care

it'll drop out like a fucking like a blip the fucking the infrared camera is probably like eight grand because these things are like you know I mean in theory you could just fucking rip the

rip the fucking protective sensor or filter off of any digital solar or you should this used to be the case and you know you could fucking take infrared but for some reason we had this $8,000 fruji thing I think it was with all these filters and none of us knew how to use it I mean we were all very underqualified probably I mean we I did a good job um kept the straight the pictures you know if I was thinking picture of your wound it was a straight picture we cleaned it up we didn't let any blood and shit onto the picture it was cleaned you know

That's the counterintuitive thing. I've talked about it before, but, like, it's not just taking pictures of the dead and the mutilated and it has to be clean. We can't have your shit running down the fucking table while we're taking a picture of your lacerated artery. It has to be clean for the people in the court and the people on, you know,

the doctors will be looking at this in theory later on. I think a lot of this was a big waste of time and no one will ever look at these pictures probably in a lot of cases. But, you know, these might end up in court. So as far as clean, yeah, I mean, we did that. But I don't even going to do this. We're branching off quickly.

But the point is, yeah, we had these dentists there. And I don't know. I mean, they came in once a week. They seemed to just kind of like eat bagels. We'll get bagels and eat them in the break room. And like a little fucking click. and they wouldn't really do anything I mean I'm sure there was stuff they would do

but occasionally call them when there was like someone who got bit because that's what they were good for really was biting in theory you would use them to like ID a decop

or decomposed body because they think about IDing it's an important thing to do apparently the whole thing where you pull the sheet back of the fucking dead kid in front of the parents he goes, this is your dead kid? This is the kid who died

trying to fucking swim in a peanut butter dildo I don't swim in a peanut butter dildo swim with the peanut, put a peanut butter dildo up his ass and just me talking to the parents and they're like, what are you talking about? I don't know, is this your kid? Like, yes. All right, the other stuff don't worry about

because I'm just guessing. I would just guess why your kids did. Like, you know, did your kid die from fucking having sex with an alligator? Did he, was he abducted by the Illuminati? Like, whatever. Like, you know, pizza hut. Anything. But, you know, the point is this didn't happen.

This is what would happen if you had, if the movies were real and I was the guy there. But that's not what happened because we didn't fucking, you know, do it in person unless they really, really wanted to. They were fucking, you know, I would take ID pictures, you know, and then they would show them to them. And there was a whole controversy. We went over this in previous episodes about how the funeral directors got mad at us because we'd Photoshop the faces. It wasn't my decision.

The doctors just didn't want crying people. Point is, but then there's also, you know, there's different ways to ID. There's a, there's a, you can do x-rays on the spine even. You know, people look at dental records. And that's one thing you can do. But like, you know, and you see that movie sometimes. Oh, yeah, the, some guy died,

look up to crash and the do is like dental x-rays and it's like oh okay but uh apparently you can do do anything pretty much the vertebrae you know like a chest x-ray and like yeah look at the spacing of the vertebrae and i don't know how accurate it is but for them maybe it's like 80% accurate but they're like what's the difference we work for the county i don't know i'm i don't want to disparage the doctors i worked but i think they were good they were probably it probably wasn't 80 but what do i care what do i know we'll mean These people, some of them were crazy. Some of them had the brain cancer multiple times.

I don't know. Does that make you bad? It doesn't make it bad, but doesn't make you bad. I don't want to disparage the people with brain cancer and giant tumors in their heads. I'm sure there's no overlap of time when you had a tumor or not, whatever. So, yeah. The point is dentists, they didn't really feel. fuck around that much but I would do end up

they didn't want to call them because I guess they were they charged too much I think it was all big like they would basically charge the county every time they got used and like the county was trying to cut budgets so they're like fuck this they wouldn't we want to like spend the money so I

would end up doing these weird dental x-rays and I would have to basically take the machine that wasn't really made for dental and I have to like so I have to find ways of positioning their heads and putting things into their mouth to kind of prop up certain teeth. It took forever. But I got, yeah, I got decent at reading dental x-rays. I don't know what they said. I don't know what was

on them. I don't know what, like, oh, this is a cavity or this is a worm or this is a fucking I'm basically like, hey doc, you like the teeth. And they were like, yes. And that was it. I was like a fucking like a slob, like a quasi-modo type who would, you know, I was like an x-ray troll. Ray company x-ray troll. And, you know, I was fine. I didn't want to make it my life's work,

but I was able to prop up your mouths and, you know, just kind of display the teeth. So the point is, it wasn't fungus. It was just teeth. It was just my, it was a root canal. Whatever. So is it better? I wish I could say that later, because I end up going back to the dentist. we'll leave that because that's the fucking thing

did I get it resolved was that nervous I mean no let's just talk about it because the point I had to go to Toronto in between and there was a nervousness about whether or not I'd make my goddamn dental thing but what do you think what will I be talking to you now

if my teeth were just riding out of my mouth no the point is a dentist they put the cap back on remember the crown fell off my tooth so they put that back on and it fell off again four hours later because peanut butter

apparently you can't eat peanut butter with the crown so I had to get this like cement that you know you fucking they sell it in the CVS you know we'll go to Toronto first

so we'll put a pin in that and the whole fucking dentist thing because here's the thing so I'm fucking Tim calls me I think Friday last minute let's go do a live podcast in Toronto So don't, you know, we don't want to tell me.

It was a surprise and it was nice. It was great. Great. So I'm, okay, all right, cool. So Saturday morning, I'm fucking, I get in the goddamn Uber to go to the Port Authority. Because, you know, apparently the only thing goes to Newark is fucking, I mean, it only goes to Toronto's fucking Newark Airport, which is not that far. But, I mean, like, it's a $100 Uber for some reason, even though it's like a 25-minute drive. But, so I have to get to, you know, am I going to spend $100? why bother you know i i know what i'm doing

i got time of playing this out so i'm gonna fucking get an uber and uh the poor authority and uh take it to uh what you might call it there's a bus that goes out of poor authority you go straight to new work and it's like you know 15 bucks so we'll do that so i get in the fucking thing and it's just taking forever just to get out of my little area of brooklyn and the guys and the guy fucking says to me he's one telling the story the guy says to me I'm telling where I'm going and he's like oh if you give me a tip I'll take you straight to Newark and I'm like oh okay so like what kind of like well because I'm paying already 35 the thing to Newark is 100 so I'm like all right what we're paying like 30 40 and he's like

oh well you still have to uh pay you know it was a stop and you'll have to like you know enter newark in so I'm still paying 100 why am I tipping you then what is this I understand this is not on this When did we lose This whole thread On life Like if I'm tipping you

What are people What are you expecting this tip for? People want tips for everything now Like just for taking the ride How about like You're getting your payment The tip is supposed to be Hey fuck Uber

We'll do this on the fucking side All right You give me 50 bucks They don't hear nothing And we just call the day that's a tip ride scenario that's how this works you don't fucking

no you still gotta pay a hundred to Uber and that's just the tip that's just to make me feel nice to make me feel pretty no that's not like what are we doing here

like the coffee I gotta tip 30% on every transaction now it's just a tax tipping just a giant tax on everything now I got tip the guy at the fucking post office

I got tip you when you fucking give me a proctal exam a rectal prostate actually it's not bad we should call it a proctal anyway

what is like I should I tip my dentist I pay him six grand but should I tip them more should give me an extra 20% get another grand that's for you doc that's for you

make sure you don't sell my teeth on the internet or whatever I mean it's just got a troll so I said no I mean, like, this guy was nice, but fuck him. What do you think this is? Like, should I tip my fucking priest

every time he fucks me? What are we doing? Anyway, so I get the porous already. On the way, I'm reading these horror stories about the airport express. Apparently, this bus comes once every, like, four hours, even if it's supposed to come every 20 minutes. You know, if you read the reviews,

people are like, I started here waiting for two hours and I took an Uber for $200, and it's like, this is a nightmare, why did I do this? Why did I plan this? And, of course, I'm reading the reviews literally two minutes after I bought the tickets like I bought the tickets like on the fucking phone and like let me look this up and see

the reviews are and like they're terrible and it's like oh this is great so I'm expecting to actually have to Uber to Newark anyway like I'm looking at the prices I look at the lift because you can't check while you're in the Uber you can't check the Uber price I look at the lift price because the lift is

why is lift always off I mean it's not this I mentioned before I don't know look you're going to hear some things that are repeated that's just the way this is things overlap they connect it's like fucking Jurassic Park with those fractal you know drawings it's all chaos theory point is I look at lift and it's like fucking what 50 bucks 60 bucks I'm like you know what I can't be dealing with a stress like it's not it ain't easy money in the being it's not like oh whatever but like I'll just fuck it I'll just eat it

it's fine it's like a shit it's like eating a fucking hoagie when you get a hoagie it's a wrong hoagies like you order a fucking uh like a sausage and pepper hero and it's like sausage an egg and i don't want this i'm like you know sometimes the egg just makes you want to throw up even though i like eggs but like it makes you it's not always what you want but you eat it anyway once the hoagie's in your hand i'm not like i'm not i'll complain i'll yell i'll fucking get on the phone to this is not like if you leave something out but i mean at the end of the one i'm going to wait and not get my hoagie i'm not going to make a scene and so i'll just shan eat a fucking egg hokey um

was what why yeah so the point there's Uber is where so like I was ready to do that because you know I was fucking cut in this short it was like you know whatever point so uh I get I get the Port Authority what is the

poor authority I don't have you ever been there I don't know if I've been from New York those who weren't from New York poor authority is basically where all the buses come in and out of it's a large you wouldn't necessarily like see it from the outside

this way it looks like just a big building it's got a statue of Ralph Cramden from the honeymooners in front which I guess is it's nice I mean it's cute I guess

I mean it's not the only in Philadelphia they have you know Rocky which is sadder because there's less you know victory there like it's like at least in New York, it's like, no, this is New York City.

It's like, we have other things. And then there's Ralph Cameron statue. Philly, it's like, they have alert. I mean, I think of the Liberty Bell. It's not much. They should really figure that out. And then, you know, in New Orleans, they have that statue of the guy from Confederacy of Dunces,

which some guy tried to rob me in front of when I was there. He kept going to, let me take a picture of you in your cell phone. And like, look, maybe he was a nice guy. but, you know, in my mind, he was trying to rob me and he probably was. I mean, what am I going to? Why do I need, I don't need a picture with the statue. What kind of fucking degenerate, just virgin creep do you think I am?

Like, I'm just like some going around taking a solo trip in New Orleans and I need pictures with statues. I mean, just kill me. I'd rather you fucking just, you know, don't try and mug me. Try and murder me. Take my wallet after you put a bullet in my head or a knife in my neck. or, you know, a rock to my ear. However you want to kill me, and then fuck me, do that first.

Don't fucking try to, like, you know, ease your way into a robbery. Just fucking don't do the thing where you, like, here, let me take a picture and then run away. No, murder me. Kill me with a gun. If that's what you think I am. Anyway, um, poetry is weird. It's like, it's, it's, I mean, buses aren't a bad way to travel. you're crammed but no more crammed than an airplane

a lot of the time and they smell and they suck but whatever I mean they're relatively cheap but there's a it's one of those spots where like the homeless hang out but like they're very aggressive like they're much more aggressive than like the homeless people you tend to see in this city like homeless in New York City aren't usually like trying to fight you or try to shake you down like they'll ask for money

they'll usually stay seated and try to guilt you that seems to be the overall and I'm trying to think I think that really is the move like the guilt is the big currency amongst homeless in regards to you

like you try to try to get money the people on the street like a lot of it's just like you know you have a sign it's written on cardboard I get why you write it on cardboard with a Sharpie but I mean you already have a Sharpie

that's like lines will get laminated. You get a nice printed sign, laminated. Like, here's the deal. I was fucking, you know, shot and killed and came back to life as a homeless man. And please give me money, whatever it would be. I would get creative with it. Like, you know, my dog, uh, bit me one night and gave me superpowers. But the superpowers, you know, forced me to, like, you know, lose my sense of smell. And so I lost my job at the strawberry orchard. Um, where is it the smell guy? Um, and they tried to fight crime, but I wasn't good of fighting. And so now I'm just, you know, I'm riddled with cancer.

Please give me some money. Like, if you saw all that, I feel like overwhelmed. I used to be a salesman in cameras, and I was good at it. I mean, and I was good to people. I gave me the right cameras. But I didn't plan this, but I realized that sometimes I was overwhelming people of information in a good way, I think. Is there a good way to do that?

But whatever. Like, I was, like, rattling off details. And look, at least from my... perspective I was right. So you can't say I was lying. I think I was right. I researched stuff pretty well. I was giving them the fucking whole spiel, but I'm talking about, look, look, you know, if you want to shoot low light, you're going to need a fucking sensor's a little bit bigger. They'll tell you the megapixels and this and that, but they're actually, the more the megapixels are, more, more megapixels you have, they'll swallow, they have to

be to fit in the same size sensor. Therefore, they're a little smaller pixels and they're absorbed light less efficiently. And so actually, if you're not going to be utilizing the higher resolution for larger prints, you might be better off using this, this is my point. You see how it's like your eyes are rolling over? That's how I would be and that's how I'd be as a homeless guy.

I would just be like, just railing information to people. Just like look, I fucking had his girlfriend and she used to, she would take money from me and I would try to get her off heroin, so I gave her some bleach because I thought it would be good, it would clear her out, but I didn't realize bleach was poison. So

now she ends up, it's terrible, but she She didn't die. We were talking to the hospital. And you'd be like, whatever. Just here's some money. Leave me alone. Like, that's the whole thing. It's just like, use...

Like, if you have one leg, use that. Because that's a good advantage. My advantage is being able to, like, rattle things off kind of rapidly, but kind of in a way that sickens you and makes you just want to end. I feel like that's the move. So that's how I would be.

But that is the currency. Is these fucking people... you know, they try to, you know, they try to make you feel bad, which is, like, the way to go. And, like, if you go on the subways, a lot of it's like that, a lot of it's saying, like, hey, you know, I'm going to have a drug and try to get some food. They'll ask for food. A lot of times, maybe they'll take it and want it, but, like, I think they just kind of pick up, they learn over the years, you know, the arguments, they hear the arguments. And then people go, you know, why, I don't want you buying alcohol. So, like, you know, I'll take your food.

So, like, you don't think it's your style call. Person, I don't give a fucking high. I mean, we get a job at Goldman Sachs if I fucking give you a maybe. I don't know. I mean, I can't fix society, but, like, you know, I'm not going to get someone off heroin in an hour. I'm not that good. Like, so if you Jones and for a fix, I mean, like, long term stop heroin, I guess. But, I mean, what are we going to me to do?

Stop the guy? Just make him go to get some detail. for a while. So make him fucking detox. What's the word? What's the word I'm thinking of? When you get the tremors,

you know, when you fucking, when you, withdraw. Make him withdraw. You want me to make this homeless guy withdraw for an hour? Is that what you want?

No. So here. I just give him heroin. Point is, but they come on with sympathy or whatever. They come on with like a fucking

story. I mean, there is one guy who actually has, little laminated cards because he was apparently burned with acid. Is that the real story? Here's the thing. Are these people

all like benignly homeless? No, probably most of the drug addicts or mentally ill. But these people who are in the train probably, you know, they're not homeless. It doesn't mean they're not homeless. They don't have to lead with the drug addicts shit

to not be homeless. So, I don't know. I mean, or some of them, I get the feeling sometimes, some of them are. But whatever, it's a hustle. And you spend your whole day in a subway. I mean, I'm not doing to do that. I mean, if I found out they were making $100 grand a year,

I'd be a little annoyed, I guess, just because, like, you know, I could probably do that job. I could probably pass for homeless. Too fat. I mean, you think I'm too fat, but it's plenty of fat homeless guys. You know, so maybe I should do this. We'll see. We'll see how this whole company goes.

the whole podcast, the expansion that's coming soon. We'll see how it pans out. If people don't go on board, maybe I'll become a subway drifter who just, you know, with a placard. I'll learn from these people. I'll get a placard. I'll get a fucking...

But this guy who got burned from the point is, you know, he's got like a laminated, printed thing because, I mean, he can barely talk and he probably just got sick of trying to explain. He might be for real. He probably was burned with acid. And it's just like, people like, what happened?

I was booed. Oh, well. What? Boo. And he's just like, it just became frustrating. You got fucking yes. No. And he's just like, let me get a card printed with the Kinkos.

And they made some horrifying, you know, probably the craziest thing they ever printed there. Well, no, who knows? They probably print, like, child abduction manuals for fucking Epstein. You know, they probably, well, I guess, I guess I got like Epstein would probably invest in a color printer of his own. a nice, you know, they call them a four-color press, a CMYK printer. If you're not familiar with the printing technology, but doesn't matter, is there CMYK is the thing, it's a type of ink processor versus, I think versus RGB, it doesn't really, cyan, yellow, magenta, what is it?

I forget, I'm going to feel stupid probably. It doesn't matter. I used to do photography. I dabbled in, like, high-level printing. you know i'm a i'm a worldly guy i've got a lot of experiences right i didn't just start out of the bat just yelling into a mic about you know how i should rob people on the train all right i used to be issued weddings i used to be allowed into people's homes in the mornings with the bride and we photograph for getting ready and we and it's all very nice and everyone's just sweating

and just people always had salami out and know why people always have salami at when they're getting ready for a wedding Like, don't put cured meats out. This is a Long Island thing, but people have cured meats out in the morning. Like, orange juice, maybe a bagel. What are you doing? But the point is, I was allowed into their homes. I was a valued member of the team. So I was always a social outcast, is my point.

But, so that's what the whole situation. I've just explained homelessness in New York. But at poor authority, everything's out the window. These people are much more aggressive. I don't know if this is like the open mics of homelessness. I don't know, you know, but they do not like you. They want things from you and they're willing to tell you. They're very, like, if you come in there smoking a cigarette

and the guy asks you for a cigarette and, you know, it was my last one date, what do you mean? Show me the box. Show me the box. fucking go, like, let me see your pockets, and they'll fucking go, and they'll fucking go, and they'll fucking scorn you and they'll fucking spit, like they'll spit on you sometimes. They swarm right on you when you come into them.

Like, I, I feel like it's kind of thing where it's like, you know, some guys are like saying cunt in an open mic and everyone's like, you got to chill out. You got, like, if you even want to say that eventually, you got to ease into that and set it up and like learn how to fucking bob and weave. You can't just be going. I want, like, guys just do rape jokes and fucking, like, no, dude. I hope my ex-girlfriend gets cancer and a tits and no one likes it.

And he's like, oh, what happened? You guys? What? You fucking just, you guys are all soft Brooklyn scumbags? It's like, well, I mean, they are, but you just talk about raping her ex-girlfriends. Like, stop. And that's how it is. I think there's some like guru who around poor authority who's like watching these guys and comes up. Here's what he did wrong. You're threatened to stab that guy because he wouldn't give you a cigarette. That's not the move, right? Because other people see that. And now you get no money. So you got a fucking play it chill or play it cool like poor like I mean which makes it

as poor stories where traditionally I think a lot of people come into the city not like ideally probably but you know if you take a bus to somewhere is I do it and I'm sure there's plenty of people these aren't the rich kids you know these aren't the fucking kids who are gentrifying

but the the runaways and the fucking the well-meaning adult film you know probably if I've rewatched Midnight Cowboys there's been a while one of my favorite movies, but he probably comes in the Port Authority.

Now I'm thinking about it. I think it is. I mean, I've seen the movies since I've been to Port Authority, but, you know, it's, that probably is what happens

because he's a guy who's coming to be a Gigolo. And he meets Ratsor Rizzo. Yeah, these guys aren't hanging out of fucking, you know, the Delta Terminal, JFK. You know,

they're fucking hanging on the bus station. So, yeah, so I get the Portoity. The point is, but Portatory is a weird place. They're very aggressive. And every time you come in at a poor authority, like, look, you're either rushing or you're coming back

from an eight-hour bus ride, and you just got shit. You got a fucking, like, because no one's shitting on a bus. I mean, you shouldn't shit on a plane either, probably. That's gross. But, yeah, you just, there's a poor authority. You're always just like, you know, some guys are starting to fucking cut your throat, and you're just, like, have a rock in your colon.

It's no good. So I get the poor authority. I luck out. I go to the information guy. He tells me, like, where is this airport express? He tells me it's off to the side on 41st Street. It's just sitting there. Now, someone is frustrated when you get on this woman.

She was been on, because this is part of the horror story. You get on and you're waiting. You're waiting forever. You don't know why you're waiting. You're like, why the fuck are we waiting? Let's just go to the Jersey. And she seemed like that because I was on the bus for about a minute. She was getting frustrated, and she just stormed off.

I guess they'd go get an Uber. And they left three minutes later. So it's probably, I mean, maybe they didn't spite her. But I got lucky, as my point, and the bus went straight to Newark. And it was pretty painless getting, well, let's get to Newark. It's pretty painless getting on the plane. We get there. Toronto's fine.

I mean, was I a little nervous? No, why wouldn't they let me into the country? There's no reason to, you know what I mean? I get there and it was my first time leaving the country though so I was like, you know, cool

my passport I had a passport because my mom wanted to go to Cuba with me in all places a few years ago but that fell through because it's Trump I don't know

it fell through because the fucking long-term Trump because now he can't go I think or it's really hard but there was a hurricane a really bad one

and our trip was to be like a week or two later I'm not going to be the fat me and my mom are the fat couple of white people just going like hey where are the good Cubano sandwiches some guys just sitting there like fucking trying to like put his kid's leg back on his body and I'm like I heard

is it Swiss cheese and ham I'm not a big fan of Swiss cheese maybe we could put some cheddar but it's like a panini right and the kids just like the kid's dead but like the dad just can't accept it so he's just shoving a leg into his dead kids like

leg socket and I'm like now the pickle is supposed to be what makes the sandwich taste so good right it's these different pickles they have and the mother is just crying so hard she's pissing herself she doesn't even know and I'm not going to judge her for that

and I'm just like what's the drink do I get do I get the coke the coke with the real sugar was that Mexico. That's, I didn't want that. I didn't want that scenario. So we skipped Cuba, but I still have the passport.

Got through no problem. And you get there. The whole time I was in the airport, I'm hearing, you know, the fire alarm is in first stage. Please be prepared to make an evacuation of the airport the entire time. And no one's panicking. So it's just, this is Canada. The Canada's just very, we're always kind of mildly on alert.

the place might blow up we don't know and you know disconcerting whatever I get there it's not that cold Toronto is it's no different

it's America I mean I guess if you're going to Winnipeg I don't know Quebec well I'll see more of Canada it seems very similar is it cleaner

I mean I don't know if it's cleaner probably cleaner it's got the same kind of shit it's fine I mean I couldn't get a medium rare hamburger I guess Canadians

are fucking rolled her eyes, another fat fuck American, and all he has to do is complain about not having raw meat in his fat mouth but it's true. I, you know, I went in my room to get some lunch, some room service,

I asked for a fucking, I was hamburger on a menu, I fucking go, let me get this medium rare please. They go, they don't say we don't do medium rare. They go, oh, we only do well done, which is just like, what do you want? Well done. I mean, some people I know in America,

don't want to wear medium rare, especially at certain places. I mean, I've been eating medium rare forever, never had a problem. I mean, I might have gotten poisoned at one time. And one time I got food poisoning with Tim and Russ Baker at that restaurant in the Lower East Side. I think that was a hamburger. I probably ordered medium rare. So maybe one time I got sick from that because I definitely, I think I got some shit in my bed that night. Bad food poisoning.

But in general, I don't get sick. And people, but people in America will be like, oh, I'll get medium. And it's like, all right. But medium, like, but well done. Not even medium well. Well done. It's just a charred burger.

I mean, I don't know. If you don't like meat, you don't like meat. But there's no, I mean, my dad likes burnt meat. I don't get it. The whole point is to be juicy and red like a fucking organ, like a pussy or a dick or whatever, an asshole. I mean, anything's juicy if you cook you right. And, you know, beef, medium rare. If, you know, an asshole you want, I don't know.

just rare not medium rare and the dick you want well done but uh the point is juicy is what you want they won't make it apparently they're very paranoid in Canada about getting E. coli good for them so the burger was you know fine it wasn't as gross as I thought it would be

but it's pretty gross I mean what are you doing I mean just I should say I show them a picture of me I was she said can I have it can I have me and it was a yes you fat fuck you fat fucking dog. Apparently, they'll do it.

There'll be private chefs in Canada who have their own places. We're like that private show. I'm like, you know, not part of chain stores. And they'll do like the sly work. It's like a fucking, it's like prohibition with the goddamn, what they call it, speakisies with a goddamn medium rare hamburger.

But look, it's one thing you have a speakeasy when you're fucking getting your dick sucked by a whore while you're fucking drinking some whiskey. This is why I was missing. but does I say horse I say prostitute I'm in a nice way

but you know I was trying to you know a focus sense of you know in a dirty night out with the mayor you and the mayor

are getting your knob slobbed by some hookas and you fucking drinking some goddamn bathtub whiskey and like this is the 20s

right this is great it doesn't work the same way with fucking hamburger I'm sorry it's just not as cool it's not like

what you're gonna let some fucking you know hooker eat your asshole while you're eating a fucking you know medium rare I mean it's I tried I guess I mean I'm I'm gonna rule it out I mean I would think that like you know you wouldn't necessarily want this different sensations uh do I want like a tongue in my ass while I'm eating the hamburger maybe it's nice I mean you don't necessarily want like because of an ass tonguing it's probably like you know a little bit of massagey and ticklish I've eaten plenty of ass I've eaten plenty of ass I don't know every time I'm

ass eaten and that's fine I'm not trying to get my ass eaten but if a hooker is eating it while I'm fucking again I'll try it I mean it's almost like you're eating a different ass although eating ass is not like eating a hamburger I got to try it now I got I got I got fucking we got to set it up we got to do like a fucking like a giveaway we'll do like this should be like a shock shock thing you know the old ONA opening Anthony show I should get like a fucking prostitute and a listener and like you know we'll record it

and they used to be like that 50 gallon drum challenge and put women into 50 gallon drums and put stuff in it I always thought it was weird I never liked that them I was never never understood like sex on the radio

but I guess we could have this could be the first comp promotion it could be like the sex for Sam thing at Saints Pass when they got fired where I'm just like broadcasting with someone getting their ass eating while they're eating a medium wear hamburger

in the middle of uh time square let's do in time square why not um yeah so stay tuned for that maybe we'll do like a whole raffle um

am i in canada yeah i'm in canada so i mean there were hamburgers whatever um that's the most memorable part of the trip the live podcast was fun thanks to everyone who came out you guys are great great meeting all you people go back to the hotel eat some terrible wraps and then I don't even go to sleep

at that point it's like 2 o'clock and like my plane is at 715 right so you get to the airport they say by like 515 and for an international flight they say get there you know another hour early

so like 415 you want to get there which is I'm not going to like you know risk I'm trying to see the alarm on the airport on the hotel alarm clock and it's just coming off like boom boom boom I'm not risking this shit so I fucking get to the airport now I shower I do my thing

I don't leave right away I get there about an hour and 45 minutes like 545 or so I don't know 530 and it's fine though because you get through TSA and then you know customs is on the other end because I really went through this. You get in the airport and customs

is on the other end. For some reason, in the Toronto airport, you go through customs on the way to America. I had no idea. So, like, because that's why I get there three hours early? Why does it take longer? It's security on both ends.

No, it's the cuck. Motherfucker. This is so enraging. So I get my stuff through, like, the fucking TSA equivalent, whatever they call it. And then the entire, like, fucking gym auditorium. multi-stages of like snakes wrapped around these talking lines line after line

like I was on this one for an hour and a half I mean it's just and I hear that this is because they have family they don't have President's Day over there because I guess they have it the king and yeah I get Prime Minister or whatever they don't know President's Day but they have something called Family Day happens to fall on the same day this is like that pagan shit when it's like oh Christmas is the same as the Feast of Dionysus and it's like, what are we even doing? Why don't we all just jerk off in a pool? Why are we having all these different shit?

They're going to know, this is the... It's all about marketing. All these, all, everything in your life is about, like, making you feel like you figure something out. Oh, no, because Jesus actually, you know, I said the most important commandments love each other. And it's like, you're doing the same thing that people who worship a pig man,

a fucking whatever a guy who just drinks wine and fucks you know I mean the Greek gods were like fucking their own children and shit and like we share and then some of those people

are saints like when they make the saints they're just a Roman gods the saints are just a replacement for these pagan gods so you're not doing anything but they're family day over there and apparently family day

is a big video vacation thing. So whatever. So I'm in line for like an hour and a half. I get to the guy of customs at the end. Was a woman? I think it was a little woman. And she's like, what are you doing in Canada? I was just doing a live podcast. All right, go ahead. Why did any of this need to happen? I did my passport scan an hour and a half earlier when I first got into the big auditorium room and they take my word for it. They didn't say, what podcast? They didn't say like, you know, what are you guys talking about, just, and not that she would care, but like, you know,

probably based on, like, if I start going, uh, you know, like, MMA and chicks, well, she'd probably believe that, but, you know, like, if I sort of rambling, maybe she's like, I talk to this other guy, and if I start going, no, what are we talking about, you know, burning down a barn full of pigs, if you sound like you know what you're talking about is my point, well, you know, you're burning I'm not a barn full of pigs is creepy, but the fact that you talk about it very fluently, oh, this guy probably was podcasting. They took my word for it, so I just wasted an hour and a half, is my point, because, like, you didn't know what would like work.

I could, like, if you're trying to do something nefarious, just say you did a live podcast, I guess, because, like, you know, I'm frustrated. I almost missed my plane. This airport's huge. I'm working for an, like, the point is, like, I, so I'm not, I haven't slept getting this airplane, uneventful. These airplanes are small, like, other kind of, but whatever. So I basically get home, go to the dentist.

Now, my two, the cap that's falling off, explained to him, like, hey, like, you know, can you glue this back on? And like, oh, this is a temporary, they always pull this shit. It's a temporary cap. I don't know how long it will last, how long you have for. I'm like, I don't know, five years. Well, that's longer than I would thought. Yeah, isn't it? Well, isn't it funny how it lasts longer than the week that you only usually last two,

weeks. Really, it lasted five years and I'm a slob and I fucking eat like a pig and I don't brush my teeth that well. So maybe don't act so, don't pretend to act surprise when this thing didn't last more than two weeks, all right? We both know what you're doing here. It's a piece of fucking, I don't even know what this porcelain? No. Porcelain. Is that possible? Am I being an idiot? I might as well say Zorovsky Crystal. My crap is Mary Zorovsky Crystal. That's why. No. So the point is, uh,

I'll give it a shot. Yeah, you do that, Doc. He puts it on, uh, with some, you know, temp, whatever the thing is. It's like epoxy. Just mixing it together. And, uh,

you see, yeah, he gets it back on. And it's nice. It feels good. He cuts that bushy, uh, what should I call it?

Uh, the stitches. The stuff he used for stitches. Sutures or whatever out of my goddamn gums. So everything's perfect. I leave. I got my, you know, tea cleaned by a hygienist. And the, she'll be getting a water pick. So maybe I'll get a water pick.

And I get home, I'm eating some peanut butter later on. And, uh, not like, not in a hard way. I'm just kind of, you know, just peanut butter in an on a spoon, sucking it down, like a fucking slug. And, uh, somehow it knocks my two, my cap off again. This, this medically bonded fucking cap is knocked off by some fucking slimy, peanut butter. So I don't know. I mean, I got some fucking dental cement, which I try to get in Canada, by the way. I try to get the dental cement, the temporary dental cement at the what was the drugstore was called? There's some weird name, like Chotchkes or something for

their fucking dental store. I'm not a dental store. They're a drugstore. And the pharmacist said, we haven't sucked that in years. No one wants that. This is it dangerous? And she goes, no but like that way where maybe it is but whatever I got back to America and it works fine I basically put it on

there's two different ones the one with the tube when you squeeze it out that's garbage you want the one where it's a little fucking jar a little plastic jar and you open it up

and you shove and you need a little scraper a little ball plastic pick with a ball at the end and it's just putty and you shove that into your cap

and yeah it seems to have worked good I mean, it's been on since Sunday. So I'm feeling good. So, yeah. What else are you going on? The weird thing is, I've got to mention this. So I have this psoriasia scab on the back of my leg. And I had it in an ace bandage.

Basically, so I put some, because it's hard to, I could go to dermatologists again get this fucking oint. that I got and they'll fucking cover it and use it goes away but I'm just lazy so I fucking I just cover it in some gauze and an ace bandage and I'm walking through the airport and uh what is this I'm like I fucking trying to get like you know look at it I'm like it's just a psorias scab you want to take the bandage they start fucking swabbing it with a plastic pick like I'm fucking trying to hide an explosive in my goddamn wound these people I don't, I just don't, what do you think is happening here?

What do you, like, what is the move? Like, are people just hiding bombs in, like, thin layers of bandages? I, I mean, look, I guess I shouldn't complain. I do look like a problem. If I saw me, I would fucking do everything I could. If you showed me a fucking picture of my fucking, if I was missing an arm, I'd probably just fucking try to cut into my, the stump. I would take a knife and just cut into the stump of Ray Kump.

and fucking just let's see what was inside because I'd assume that I was hiding like a fucking, you know, was a C4 or something. He said, I don't blame them. Video of the men. You know, a video went viral last week of a guy pushing

this woman's fucking headset on a plane. Like she was leaning. She was reclining. He couldn't recline. He was in the last seat. And she was like in, so basically he's got his fist out

and he's pushing. it, like kind of rocking it up and down over and over again. And he had this look in his face like he was going to, like, you know, raped the queen or something terrible, really just do something vicious. And look, the guy was a creep, but the level of outpouring against this guy, this bitch, what are you doing reclining? No one needs to recline. I had a guy trying to recline on me.

Thankfully, you know, my knees are just stronger and I was able to hold it up. Look, I'm not trying to do it to be a dick, but it's like my legs are there. I'm sorry I don't fit as well as. into your seat. My legs are there. So it's like, you know, it is what it is. You don't need to recline. And this guy was in a room in front of me was a fucking emergency aisle. So we had tons of leg room. So like, you know, it's like, it's, this chick was just trying to, this bitch was just trying to be selfish. That's the day. No one's a hero here. This guy's a dick. You know, to the extent, like, you know, if your normal course of your, your leg is to keep the seat

up, fine. And, you know, and by virtue of that, if that's, you know, kind of, you know, like, is not going to stay still. So there can be some rocking going on there. To me, that's cost doing a bit. You try to recline? Well, you know, my leg's here. So it's cost of doing business. I'm not going to, like, move my leg for you to recline. Fuck you. But, uh, you shouldn't proactively rock this shit. But that being said, these people are all just self-absorbed assholes. I don't recline. Like, someone does to me on a different flight. I could recline. I'm not going to recline because, like, I'm not going to make myself the burden on these other people. You know what?

I'm not going to transfer the burden, but no one has any compunction about that. It's not about wanting some utopia. It's about just having self-respect. Now, you're going to say, Ray, you're going to talk about having self-respect. You're a disgusting animal, and you sound like a fucking, you know, you sound like you were drugged with, like, rotted fruit fermented, and, like, you know, and you're just rambling. And, like, you have self-respect. Sort of.

To a certain extent I do, yes. and this is one of the manifestations of it. It's just, you know, just don't be a problem. Just fucking be low-key. And so this bitch, did she deserve it? What's deserved got to do with it? You start being a selfish pig. You know, things aren't going to go your way all the time.

Sorry. So, like, is he an asshole? Of course he's an asshole. But, like, you don't get to complain, in my opinion. If, like, why did you just not recline? You have to be a fucking, you have to be a fucking, you have to go too much as back. You're the Queen of England.

England? Like, you know, it's, it's when people go into a fucking impoverished country and they get stabbed to death and they go, you know, and they could try to buy Chachkes and go to the resort and like, did you deserve it? I'm not going to say he deserved it, but I mean, I'm not going to feel that bad either. It's just, it is what it is, you know, what do you want me to tell you? We didn't get to Bloomberg. I meant to get the Bloomberg. maybe I'll do an addendum episode maybe we'll get on next week but the debate happened last night

we'll cover it a little super quickly but this guy I don't know I mean look he's buying his way people say he's buying his way in I don't get that 100% I mean is he buying it by putting himself on the airwaves sure

but that's been going on for decades I mean years or whatever I mean I think that this is he did a lot worse than I don't know to be. I mean, apparently he's like molested a lot of people, which you never heard about back in the day. I mean, I'm

sure there was, you know, this part of the whole national it's weird though. I mean, I grew up in New York because I'm going to say, like, oh, the vetting that happens when you're president, but maybe they should vet you for, like, rape and assault when you're mayor also. Maybe it should come up more. Like, why does you get a pass for

it? Why, like, why did it take the presidency for someone to go, did you rape someone? Did you trust him a lot? Are there no candidates running for mayor because like is the problem there's no other candidates that are going to bring it up during the debate maybe they should have maybe he's like I know you're just like the

the comptroller Larry but maybe when you were going up against Bloomberg you should have brought up that he like has a bunch of NDAs and because like they were just hitting them with they were like hey why don't you fucking uh have any NDAs he got like who is like oh no I'm not going to talk about this he's like

why don't you release these women from their NDAs he's like oh they don't they wouldn't want that they don't care they'll get an NDA because like you know and they're but they're saying they're women don't care are you going to commit to releasing

these women from the NDA on stage and he's just going he's being very polite oh no that's not what they'd want he's very smarting I don't think he's going to win if he wins

the Democrat Party deserves whatever they get I mean there is no hope for America like if he's able by just buying ad buys to just get these people to vote for him, the democracy

doesn't work. That's the thing. It's like it's not like, oh, we have to stop Bloomberg. If we don't stop Bloomberg, this doesn't work. We don't deserve anything better. We don't deserve to self-govern. It is what it is. Like, yeah, we should fight him, but

I can't get that excited about, like, trying to stop people from, like, jumping into a volcano. It's like, do what you got to do, kid. If you want to vote for this crazy, creepy billionaire, probably rapists but we can't tell because he won't release the NDA's guy

that's the American story that's the fucking American dream like this isn't this is not about I mean Thomas Jefferson had slaves I mean Hamilton was killed by Burr because of there's no great story here

it's all a bunch of horses shit you know we did the eugenics we fucking had slavery we fucking we funded Third Reich before we before we attacked them pretty much every war we fought was for money and imperialism

this is the this is the most american thing is bloomberg just buying his way in i mean there's a guy williams william jennings bryant who was uh i don't probably a senator or congressperson back in the day congressman he was a populist uh i don't there's been years since i read about this so i remember all the details but he was uh you probably heard his name he's kind of ubiquitous in american politics in the turn to the century era that the era of the robber barons as he would call him i think he's the guy who coined the term robber baron um because he was basically after

rockefeller and carnegie and vanderbilt were making all that money he was a guy that came in and was like look these guys are basically buying the country and we got like busted trusts and like you know did a whole antitrust thing he was gaining traction he was a guy who was uh he wasn't fucking around. He was a real Bernie of his day. Real Bernie Sanders and people seemed to love him. And then Rockefeller and Carnegie, who famously hated

each other, got together and so we got we got, we got, we got, we got something about this guy. We got fucking, was it Rockefeller Morgan? They also fucking hated each other supposedly.

But whatever. The rich people came together and said, look, this William's Jennings, Bryant, motherfucker. group, you gotta go. We got fucking ICE this guy. So he's funded fucking, you know, campaigns against them. So my point is, it's not new. And like, who's ever heard of William Jones

Bryant? I mean, a bunch of people, but not as president and not, you know, most school kids don't know who he is. So they won. The rich guys won. This isn't new. Which is to me, we can't make it better, but I'm just saying we probably won't. Maybe we will. Go for Bernie. Vote for Bernie

because what else are you voting for? Like, you know me? I mean, my heart's in like an argo-capulism, I guess. It's not going to... We're not going to make that work. Come on. All you guys out there who, like, believe in libertarianism and all this is like, look, you're not wrong. You just...

We're never going to... We're not going to make that work, though. Like, that's not us. Look around you. Like, that's not us. That's not... We're never going to get any... We can barely get just like...

we can barely get mad about fake wars. We barely get mad about Epstein. You know, people just, like, it took Epstein to finally get people to wake out of any kind of slumber. And even then, it's like, but they immediately lose their minds and go QAnon.

So, I don't know what to tell you. Like, there's no rational discourse. There's no, like, oh, maybe we'll, like, start using gold again. Like, going back on a gold standard, which we never really had. but we'll go back on a gold standard and now

it's not going to work the moment it costs anyone any jobs it's going to get rid of it and then they're not going to vote for it in the first place but if they did I mean it wouldn't even last is the point

so just vote for Bernie because what's the fuck what do you you're voting for I mean if you love Trump I guess I don't want to tell you I mean he's not going to do anything good for you but if you like them that's just your business

but if you have any but I don't understand understand, though, like, the argument, well, Bernie might not do. Of course, he might not do it. Of course, he gets in, and there's no, like, support for him in Congress. Of course, it's a huge possibility. Yeah, the left is not really, or the Bernie left is not really talking about that much. Maybe nothing gets done.

But, you know, you got to try. Even if it's not your thing. Like, the fact that you're, like, being any, unless you really just, like, like, like being a fan for corporations. I mean, because I'm not against, like, I don't believe that billionaire shouldn't exist necessarily. Like, tax them the way they should be taxed. If they happen to exist still, then, yeah, that's good. But, like, I don't get, like, it's not about redistribution of wealth to me. It's just, like, pay what we determine your fair share is, a reasonable share.

But it's not, they shouldn't be getting away where they get away with. But it doesn't mean it shouldn't have a lot of money. Like, Jeff Bezos should have a lot of money. He made my life easier. And we have a debate about, you know, the ethics or whatever of closing down smaller businesses and all that. It's a valid thing. But my point is, like, but in our system, he should have a lot of money.

Now, you say he should have some less because he should have paid a lot more taxes. Fine, but, like, they're going to still going to have a lot of money. And that's the way it should work. I mean, otherwise, we'll get this for another day. We have a whole debate about capitalism. But I still believe in capitalism. It's not what we have now. That's the thing.

It's like, people love to go, oh, I'm not a Stalinist. This is a socialist. All right, well, this isn't capitalism. This is corporate cronyism run amok. So it is what it is. It's not getting to get better, probably. Don't hold your breath.

Just enjoy the ride. All right. So thanks for listening. This has been another week. This is back on a regular schedule. This is nice. This might be the last episode. that we do without video

I'm not sure we have a situation now where we're like got a little extra room maybe and we'll look videos come video is coming

the extra Patreon episode is coming it might be next week it might be the next week we'll be next episode and then you'll have a Patreon in the middle of that week that's my

ideal plan if not the week after but you know whatever there'll be another regular episode before that so don't worry but uh but yeah new things are coming for comp it's exciting so uh yeah check it out uh listen to our love is disgusting me and lucy steiner uh we should be recording a new episode tonight

so we'll be out probably tomorrow and uh yeah enjoy checking out on twitter and instagram at ray comp have a great week Thank you.