Kump - 33 - Corona Kump

Episode Date: February 27, 2020

Ray inaugurates the new studio by discussing the pros and cons of dying of Coronavirus.

Firestone Complete AutoCare's epic savings event is the sign you need to stop putting off your car's maintenance. And you can save up to $100 on tires and services while you're at it. Don't wait, call Firestone Complete AutoCare for an appointment. Welcome to Kump. Hello, joining you from my new studio that I've built. If you're watching on YouTube, welcome. If you're listening, because we have video now. It's a new deal. So if you're one of those creeps who likes to watch, then you get to, you get Kump on video again. You get me ranting. You get me raving. If you're listening the normal way, the old way, the same way. you, you know, it still sounds better, doesn't it? I'm not in a closet anymore. Don't complain to me that, you know, you can go download the video if you want. Don't give me shit.

I'm giving you new things. I have padding on the walls. You might, I think you can see, if you're watching the video, you can see, I'm pointing to it now. Whatever, that's not important. I'm saying it's gotten professional, all right? A year ago, I was sitting in a closet while Lucy slept. And now I'm here. video and I have coronavirus probably we all probably have it we'll get to that in a minute

i'm going to dress the right after bat though if you're watching on video i haven't really decided what i'm going to do video wise right now i'm not looking at the camera now i am is this the angle we're going to have i don't know is the background going to be like this probably not it's a work in progress i don't think the white background maybe it's nice we'll see how it plays don't fucking jump down my throat right away I have this great mic stand, which is like, you know, it's a scissor mic stand. So I was just shoving the mic right in my mouth so I can have my hands free to shake around. This is the allure of video.

As you can see my fat stubby fingers, which have blood underneath. I'm scratching the psoriasis sore behind my calf, which I, did I mention last? I don't know if I got to it last week, but when I went to Toronto, which I, you know, talked about last week in the podcast, On the way there, they had to swab my psoriasis, I had it wrapped like some gauze in an ace bandage because it's a large patch. I think I did address this, but why not revisit it? And the TSA was afraid apparently that I was trying to hide something in my psoriasis patch. Should I put this on the video?

Probably not. I don't think the thumbnail on YouTube should be my psoriasis sore on the back of my leg and going, you want to watch this or you want to watch, you know, Ariana Grande, I don't know. I'm about to say, suggestive thing. She's a suggestive person. She's, she's a, I'm not that. I can't be able to like, oh, I'm a 15-year-old girl and watch me. Like, she's not 15, but that's her angle and good for her.

But, you know, I don't know if, like, I should, though, I'm not trying to compete with aurendi, but I don't have to move is to go full-on psoriasis wound on the thumbnail. That was my point. Like, I should give you, I should meet you, I don't even know if that's meeting you halfway, not showing you my wounds. Is that, is that halfway nowadays? For me, it is. That's why I have a problem with society and fitting in, I guess, because to me, meeting you

halfway is not immediately upon meeting you, showing you the bloody scab on the back of my calf. But look, that's what you signed up for. That's why you're here. if you're new to this welcome that didn't scare your way but if it did maybe it's not for you it's not all wound all about you know the ailments

I have with my body you know I don't gush for an hour about how I take an acid all the time I don't always take an acid and because my pancreate the gallbladder I think is what makes

whatever you would not need to take an acid for you're eating a tomato a tomato sauce and when you're young it's fine and this is great chicken parmesan and franchise and all this Italian stuff and eating red onions and nothing bother you at all and if I eat up if I drink a cup of coffee in the morning I need to take an acid so I think my gallbladder is dying it's just failing much like my parents did my parents they got their gallbladder is removed or at least one of them did I don't know They have a bunch of stuff that, you know, ailment-wise.

And I'm sure as I enter, you know, middle age, I'm going to die. Much like, I don't know. I used to say I don't want to end up like them. But I think more likely is that I will just die in middle. Like probably is their bodies, like some people, look, you can be a runner, you can be a fucking, do you need brand and just do the right thing and exercise. and your 40s and 50s could be a nice you're maturing,

you're accumulating with some wealth finally, maybe you're a doctor or a lawyer, but you live in a nice, you know, a Massapiqua or even better, but, you know,

some kind of, you know, a nice, maybe a great neck. You're coming into your own, you're coming into your money, and you live responsibly and you're not, and there's not things falling off your

body, which is not the care. Like, my opinion, I don't want to, you know, point the lens at them, but I think their bodies decay more than some people's, you know, which I used to go, I want to take better care of myself. And my goal was to, you know, maybe be one of those people who, I'll, I did jog for a while. I bring it up a lot, but for a year, I ran like five miles a day. I got into it hard and fast, and I was good.

And I should go back to it. We'll put a pen in that, though. So my point is, what's the goal now? I'm becoming more, I don't know, realistic in my goals, I guess, because the goal now is just to live into a state of decay because I feel like I'm just going to have a hard out in my 40s. It sounds terrible when I say it like that. Don't worry, it's not going to be a drug overdose or some kind of

tragic suicide. It's just going to be, you know, and you're going to see it coming. It's not going to be like, oh, he was fat, but we didn't know he's going to have a heart attack. No, it's going to be like things falling off me, like my skin just peeling. And I just don't stop drinking Diet Coke. I, like, I won't even scale back. I keep telling Lucy that I'm going to scale back to Diet Coke from two, two liters a day to one. And I won't do that. And I'll be just things falling like pus coming out of my eye and I'm going

you know I'll stop like I won't I won't stop she gets mad when we go to the corner store and the way home from work because you know I buy a couple two liters every night

and I'm not saying I'm going to drink those that night I'm just saying but like keep them in the fridge why not and she's like you have multiple two liters in the fridge and in fairness to me those have been opened which you my weight, look, this is going to sound wasteful.

I don't know, but the point is there's nothing better than a freshly opened 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke and spin in the fridge. That's as good as my life gets. And Lucy, my girlfriend, does not understand that. She's not, I mean, I love her, she accepts a lot about me, she takes me as I am. And, you know, she doesn't threaten to leave me because of it,

But she definitely doesn't seem to really get the rush that I get. She doesn't understand the rush I get when I just crack open a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke. I mean, look, you probably know. Because people out there don't drink multiple two-leaders of a diet, you know, or regular Coke, whenever you drink a day. You have soda and you probably will have a glass at a party or whatever. Maybe you felt sick or maybe you just drink it, but you don't go through it the way I do. So I'm sure you are more likely to have just like a bottle that's gone flat.

You leave you for a couple of weeks. You come back to it. It's not as good. You get that. It's just flatter. It doesn't taste as good. For me, that's like an hour, half an hour. Like I need the fresh bubbles.

You know, Tim is always saying he, if I accidentally give him a seltzer water instead of water, he'll get mad at me. Because he never drinks carbon in. water he hates it and like i can't relate because i can't drink regular water i know that seems like a that's something your body should crave this is part of the problem like am i to blame a fun you know ultimately yeah but like my body i mean people are alcoholics and they have it a birth they're prone to it if you if you like it's the kind of thing where if you have a drink if i have a drink i'm fine me a few more they won't I'm fine.

But some people, when they fucking get that drink in them, that first sip, it's just a switch goes off. And they're off to the races. And they've never felt as good as that first sip. You're always chasing that first sip. Which I can't relate with alcohol per se. But I get it. I get it with the Diet Coke.

And on the inverse, I don't get it with water, is the point. I don't want water. I think it's disgusting. I don't know why anyone would want a flat liquid. I mean, even orange juice has pulp, unless you're buying, like, just the most basic white bread orange juice out there. Orange juice has pulp. Why can't water have pulp at least?

Or just little bits of, I mean, I'll take chunks of fluoride. Just put chunks of, like, you know, asbestos or what's the more cardboard? I'll put cardboard in my water. I need some kind of texture. I can't relate to people who want this fucking silky liquid going down with no bubbles. I don't understand it.

I need bubbles. I need to feel alive. I need that rush. I don't have much going on physically in my life. I don't run anymore. I'm not particularly active. I'm kind of a slot. Maybe a slob.

Combined those. A slopped. Whatever. The point is, I need bubbles in my throat just to get some, to feel alive. And that's why I need a fresh 2-liter of Diet Coke. And don't tell me, look, is that fucked up? Is that wrong?

Sure. Am I going to die from that? Probably. But the point is, that's how God made me. That's how our Lord Jesus Christ designed me. Are you going to argue with the Lord Jesus Christ? I don't think so. I'm going to enjoy a sip here.

Can you see it? See, I poured it into a glass. Usually, I drink it straight from a 2-liter bottle. So you can't, if you're not watching on the video, I have a nice glass mug with a straw coming out because everything's professional now. I'm trying to scale things up here. And I can't have it.

I mean, if Diet Coke wants to provide me or some other cola company, we'll feel it out. Maybe Soda Stream. I know Soda Stream gets a bad rap. We talked about it last year when me and Lucy got a soda stream that people, it's run by Israel. and Israel hurts people. We know what Israel does.

I mean, you know, Bernie Sanders caught some flack for, uh, excuse me, talking about it. It's bubbles, those bubbles. Honestly, I'll be honest with you. I need it out of a two-liter. It's that funnel effect. I just drank a sip out of a straw in this glass mug, and it's classy, and it's nice, and it's a new comp. It's a new comp, but I need, it's the pressure of all, like, because you turn it upside down.

it's a tsunami effect of um it's not just that it's almost like you're drowning in diet coke and that's what i like about it it's the feeling that you're about to die possibly or just that you want to um and i need that i mean need that pressure i didn't realize it until now i'll take a sip just to keep me active enjoy how do you do this on solo they just not drink diet coke during a podcast Can you hear this? Silky smooth. You couldn't even hear that, I think. Which is, excuse me, hear that burp, maybe.

But the point is, I want you. If I was drinking a two-liter of Diet Coke, one-handed like a man, like a fucking gender-normative man. I'm sorry to be gender normative, but I don't think, you know, women or gender non-binary people would necessarily drink Diet Coke the way I do. It doesn't make it right or wrong.

And I could be wrong about that. I mean, whatever. Who cares? This is me. I should be my own gender. I probably could be. Why am I fighting? I mean, I don't fight the gender non-binary thing.

I defend it usually. But why don't I embrace it more? Because Kump should be a gender, perhaps. Or maybe not. I mean, I forget sometimes that it is my last name and there are other Kumps out there. But, you know, I should be a gender. Which, you know, Ray Kump should be a gender.

Even that is my fault. Whatever. Point is, Um, one day, like, you know, someone's going to be looking up like my dad and, you know, find me. I wonder if I've cost him business, uh, in his business life. I don't want to talk about what he does, but, uh, you know, I wonder if, uh, people, let's just say he was a, a mortician, which is weird. That, that's too close to my world. What, what would he be? He'd be, let's say he was a dentist. If you were going for a dentist, if you, like, were looking for Ray Compton,

dentist, which he's not, so don't worry about it. But let's just say he was. And you had to get a root canal. And you've, excuse me, and you found me this fat maniac just talking about how his teeth are rotting out of his mouth on a constant basis, spending thousands of dollars that he doesn't even have, just going into debt because he can't stop drinking Diet Coke. and, you know, getting implants. I mean, is, am I disgusting or would that sell? I mean, maybe they would help a dentist. We keep thinking in these old, like, oh, we got to buy products from hot people, hot

actors and hot actresses, and we have to, you got to be hot. You got, you know, we want, we want somebody in George Clooney type to sell us dental implants. But I think it's a, I don't know, because honestly, I don't want to see me on TV. but I feel like it'd be comforting for other people. I don't live in a state of comfort, you know? I can't be the gut gauge because I don't buy things I see on TV unless it's candy, which I probably, you know, or cereal, which I don't buy cereal anymore. But I did.

I used to yell at my mother in the supermarket when I was a child that I wanted Kaboom. But to be fair, I don't think they sold Kaboom on commercials. I think it was a circus-themed breakfast cereal with marshmallows. I remember how I can still almost taste it in my mouth my teeth are hurting actually I'm not even kidding I'm trying to think of Kaboom and I'm getting that cold feeling like a chalkboard effect in my teeth

that's how oh God it's visceral how much sugar is in Kaboom they still make it I don't know if it's the same formula I mean probably not like what they got do they change up the formula on rat poison no probably not so why kaboom So if you find Kaboom, I know I did see some years later, but that was also years ago. I mean, you know, there should be.

I mean, I should really get sponsored by them. But the point is, what was the point? We were doing pretty well with me not, you know, forgetting the thread, but that's going to happen still. The point is, would that help? would you would seeing me comfort you in a retail sense like oh this fat maniac i'm not that bad like i you know i just eat some hoagies a couple of times a week and like my teeth are bad but like seeing me would just like showing you my oh i'm gonna go wound during my mouth and like would that be helpful perhaps um dentist i cost my dad a lot money probably i mean

i can't imagine well who's looking who's googling people anyway now Like, we're past the age of Google in the sense of, like, you're, I'm going to Google. Like, I use Zoc Doc. This is an un, this sounds like something that should be a sponsorship, but it's not. I bet, you know, I'm lazy and I'm weird. And I can't even be bothered to, like, Google doctors and research who they are and, like, read reviews. I need an app. I don't know.

I don't know. But I need a app where I can just scan my insurance card from work. and then it has my insurance, and then I go, I need a scab doctor. I need a dentist. And it just points me to doctors near me. It knows my location. That's, excuse me, where we're at, where we can't even be bothered to, like, type in, dentist in Brooklyn or wherever you live. Dentist in Dubuque, Iowa.

Is that a place? Who cares? People in Dubuque probably do, and welcome. but I can't I can't be sifting through pages I need to have like point me there tell me it's good I mean the star I need star ratings

I mean people complain about social engineering in China the social you get like a rank the social ranking and yeah I mean I'm a libertarian at heart or whatever I mean it's a dirty word people really hate hearing libertarian I think at its core it's nice

I mean, but what are that? We can get into that later or another time. There's plenty of time to talk about the failed idealism or libertarianism. But the point is, I like liberty. I like freedom. I like the idea of it. But I also like the idea

of not having to like talk to someone, ever. I don't like people a lot. I mean, or maybe I just work in a weird place. I don't know. Most people I don't want to meet. I walk down the street, I don't want to, like, engage and learn your story. I don't want to listen to your podcast, typically, because that's what life is. It's just a series of podcasts that you don't listen to.

But in China, I don't know how it works over there, but they have this thing where you're, like, you're ranked by what you do and don't do and say and don't say. And some of that seems nice to me. It'd be like, oh, like, this guy is going to talk to me about the Bachelor or, you know, or, you know, fast food. I mean, it's one thing to rant about how fast food has rotted your... Like, if that was going to be the conversation, great. I mean, that's what I need. I want someone telling me how they have this weird feeling in their gut all the time.

And it actually feels better at first when they eat a triple cheeseburger thing from, you know, in and out or wherever Wendy's... What's that one? That's supposed to be good. is that Waterburger. I haven't had it. I don't know where they have them. They don't think they have them in New York.

But their triple burger looks phenomenal. And like, I can see getting into a pattern where, like, you actually, you ultimately feel worse, but at first you feel better because your body is, like, probably building up enough acid in your gut to, like, compensate for it, and, like, and just used to doing that. So when it's not there, you feel like a turd. And if that was the conversation. about fast food I'm in but so much of the time it's just relatively thin people but still kind of gross talking actually talking out or you know like wendies are Taco Bell or fucking

you know oh the eating out burger or the chicken sandwich of Popeyes I mean we covered this back when the chicken sandwich wars were rife and and hot it was a hot war but uh you know the chicken sandwich of Popeyes is good very good sandwich who gives a shit like go to a diner and get a fucking fried chicken sandwich on long island at least it's harder to get you know in in brooklyn and i mean that and a nice chicken cutlet sandwich i'm gonna say it's impossible but they have just a different type of chicken like a fried chicken cutlass it's not i don't need to hear some fucking loser guy who is making more money and is better looking and has a better body than me telling me about

which, you know, the fried chicken at fucking shake shack. Go read about, you know, like poison gas clouds in the Sudan that, you know, come from chemical weapons that were just, you know, let and expire.

Is that true? I just made that up. I'm sure it does happen, though. That's the thing. It's like we're living in a time where you could literally just wing it if you were just describing, like, if you were, like, running an NGO or a fucking, like, nonprofit, and you're like, well, what's your nonprofit? Well, you know, we take the batteries from pacemakers,

there's millions of pounds of batteries of pacemakers, and they're all in Peru and just, you know, and they crushed, they massed together with seaweed in the ocean, and then they roll onto, like a tsunami. It's a battery tsunami that rolls up. onto the shore and crushes children and I'm making this up and it's probably true I mean maybe it's in you know Chile instead of Peru

or you get a few details wrong but like anything you it's like inception we're living in the inception where like any horror you could imagine it just immediately oh no it's manifested someone's already done it

you're like I'm a hack for even like if you bring up like oh it's best which I mentioned before, you're a hack. That's 2001. That's why the Twin Towers got taken down. We're not worried about asbestos anymore. We dealt with the Twin Towers.

If you're not following, part of the theory of 9-11 is that, you know, the asbestos abatement cost, which would be like removal, because they used asbestos. I didn't even use to know what it was, so if you don't know, I'll just inform you probably incorrectly. But basically, asbestos is like it's a spray insulation. So you can, they will just spray it out of a hose and it's really efficient and it would just keep, I guess, fucking hot air in or out, who gives a ship.

And it gives you cancer, whatever. And to remove it, I think it was going to cost them a couple billion dollars because they're huge towers and it's, you know, whatever. So that's why they brought down the town. It's one part of it. I mean, who knows why? Like, you can't even commit anymore. Like, you don't know why they did that. You just know they probably did.

There's a plurality of reasons. There's a plurality of duplicitous motivations. So why do we get at 9-11 again? Asbestos. Horror, that's it. There was an inception of horror. And, yeah, I mean, you can just imagine it. So we'll just jump.

I don't know if I finished that thread. But case in point, we have coronavirus. And everyone is losing their minds about coronavirus. coronavirus, which you're all being kind of pussy's about it. I mean, honestly, just try to fuck up by coronavirus. Yeah, you might die from it. I'm not saying you won't die from it. What are you doing that's so great, first of all?

Are you going to cure cancer if you don't die from coronavirus? And maybe we should make a priority line for people who are going to cure cancer or make a really good hip-hop album or are going to like, you know, make a four-level cheeseburger or something you know some maybe someone's going to cure my scabs you even hear it that was me drinking die coke again so i need you to hear something so you know it's not just stopped i got i got to bring it too later in here but yeah it's the flu people die from the flu is it more lethal lethal than the flu i guess i mean i'm i even sure i mean i think i think a lot more people get the flu, which

might not be the case in a year. It'd be so fucking funny if in a year, like, half the population of the world is dead, and it's just still this video on YouTube of being on a, yeah, yeah, pussy! It won't happen. And good, I mean, I don't want

everyone to die, but it would be funny. That would be hilarious if I was just, like, if I was just strung up, like, just showing this in court. Because, like, you know, half the world is. It's like Avengers with an end game, the second and the latest, Avengers after Thanos wipes everyone out, half the people out. You know, everything collapsed and they were ready to fucking go. They're like, they're not going to have. I mean, honestly,

things stayed together more than they should have because in the real world, if the population died from, what's this called? Coronavirus. Yeah, I'd be in a kangaroo court if I'd, you know, for this video. They literally just have me. It'd be like fucking the, the, what do they call it was the reign of terror in the French Revolution and should be looking again if you're watching on YouTube sorry to people who aren't if you're watching on YouTube I sent most of this video so far not looking at the lens and we're going to see how it looks I mean I have a little screen I can't you know so I can't tell so I'm sorry it's this orienting but I don't like it's creepy if I have to look at a lens all the time we're going to rethink this angle

because I I can't be I mean it's like talking to a fucking, I mean, I'm a photographer by trade or I was for many years and not just with dead people. I mean, I've also weddings and barmits for as we talked about this. And the fact is it's creepy and disorienting to have to stare into a lens which I'll do if I have to. I'll do. If I'm

going to do that, I might as well be jerking off and making real money. Would people pay to watch me jerk off? I hope so, because I'm going to. Not in this video. Coronavirus. I mean, here's the deal. you might die.

It's probably old people and children and babies. You know, if you have a baby, be careful. Because, you know, I guess their immune systems suck. Maybe don't play in the dirt so much. Maybe don't eat food that was in your ass, which are babies. I guess babies' asses are probably pretty tight. Oh, God. I'm just saying, like, you know, my ass is not the tightest ass, is what I'm saying?

like I'm a man not middle age but you know I'm closer to that than I am to a baby and you know I'm just saying over time

you know I'm so I'm saying maybe a baby but that's the only reason a baby wouldn't shove food in his ass is all I'm saying like the fact is

like you've seen what they do when they think no one's looking they're just putting their hands everywhere they smell like garbage and then like yeah if if their fucking you know seal was broken

on their on their orifices, they'd be shoved, I guarantee you, they'd shove a French fry up there and then eat it. And it's disgusting. The only reason they can is probably because, like, thank God, you know, your ass doesn't really loosen up until your late 20s, unless you're doing, you know. If it does earlier, God bless, if it's your own choice, if it's not, I'm sorry.

But the point is, babies, because you would think your immune system is fresh. And like, they don't, you know, I guess they haven't accumulated the antibodies. Maybe that's more important and not the fact But they would, they would shove food in their ass And eat if they could And I don't trust babies I feel like, you know I mean, look, they're just filthy filth

I mean, because I remember as a kid How infrequently I wanted to wash my hands And how unparrined or I was I mean, now if I scratch my ass Through my pants, I wash my hands Before I eat anything. Like I'm like, yeah, and you're probably saying Good, I would too.

Yeah, we're in the same boat But I'm just saying like my ass is not permeating my shit my ass doesn't have shit in it which permeates through you know my dicky's work pants but I still if I scratch my on my behind I'm not talking my asshole just my cheeks

that's the kind of paranoia you need to fight coronavirus you can't have children just eating french fries that are in their own shit holes all right I mean so I'm sorry if they you know croak I don't know how to help them I mean if I can do anything let me know But my point is, I don't want to hear people in their 20s and 30s and 40s complaining about this virus, whining about it, wearing some masks. Like, what is that mask going to do?

Like, that doesn't do anything. I mean, someone can comment and tell me why I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure a generic man. I mean, look, I mean, why are all these, are they Asian in general, are they mostly Chinese? But for years they were wearing, but I think that's for smog, wasn't it? you see them wearing those masks when they travel a lot of Asian people in general way before this but I feel like that was smog

or just general like you know maybe the cold but like I don't think those things because I worked in the morgue and we had masks that were much they were more like surgical masks I guess or even tighter they were the ones you would see like

they'd kind of go like a cop straight around your mouth and nose and those things were kind of useless in a lot of ways the crime lab which was like they had a much bigger budget because they were affiliated

I don't know anything they weren't owned by the cops but you know they were connected to them and you look it's law and order in America we love it apparently so they got the bigger budget

they had the better toys and stuff so they had charcoal like charcoal activated masks or something which actually do work apparently apparently they do a real job but ours you know I was exposed as tuberculosis twice

and it takes Sipra which was like a heavy dose of CIPRO, which was a pretty heavy due to the antibiotic. Wipes your gut and flora and fauna out and you just get gassy as shit. But it's better than getting tuberculosis. Like a couple of kids had tuberculosis in their lungs. They didn't know until they cut them open. And then the doctor's like, well, you know, technically you're exposed. We can get your Cipro if you want.

I'm like, well, what do you think, doctor? and like, well, I really can't tell. I'm like, you know, what, tell you what to do. It's up to you. Like, why is it up to me? I didn't, you know, finish, you know, paralegal school. And you are a doctor. Like, these were actual doctors.

But, you know, whatever. I digress. I guess, you know, doctors don't want to give you advice unless you're paying them. They really don't. And it was a liability thing or just fuck you fatty. Just because we're coworkers doesn't mean you get to fucking. Because it wasn't like, yeah, I understand that party. If I said, hey, doctor, should I take Cipro while they're like, you know,

talking to, I don't know, Winston Churchill, or he's not, he's out live. Who's the other guy I'm thinking of? Kissinger. I don't know why I'm at a party with a doctor at Henry Kissinger, who's also a doctor, but there I am. And I said, hey, I'm worried about, you know, dying, but also the farts. And I'm trying to talk to this war criminal about patte. He's got a good pattee recipe that his wife makes, and you're talking to me about Cipro,

you fat fuck i get it but uh the point is i was exposed and uh those masks didn't do anything and they seem way more effective than the ones i see people wearing so i don't know what you're doing it's just i don't like like what do you call them i don't know it's like this fake security blankets that we all even people who aren't as cynical as me and people who like this show but like regular people if they thought about it for a second would realize this is a probably wrong. They're probably assuming their first instinct is like, oh, that wouldn't work. But they see people doing it

and they accept. I can't buy into that. I need to be convinced by a loud yelling man who's talking about reptiles and like, you know, ancient bloodlines you know, like that I need that kind of level of like

theatrics to buy into something that doesn't make sense. Because I can't like just take Chuck Scarborough's fucking word for it and I should wear a fucking a paper mask on an airplane and that's going to save my life from a virus. Mr. G

was he even, I don't know if you get in these references. These are, like, Channel 11 or Channel 7 in New York. Growing up, WPIX, these were like the local, you know, TV, the newsmen back when I, you know, I haven't watched God. I mean, I haven't watched network news in forever,

but let alone like local network lose. Ooh. That stuff is, that stuff is heavy. I, I I should really do a simulcast sometimes because those guys are real real warriors. They'll just tell you anything. They don't give a fuck. They'll just I mean, you're not going to see

who's that guy, Don Lemon. I don't think he would but like he doesn't have to like tell you about how to like not get like the flu on the subway. But like Chuck Scarborough would just be like, look, you buy a paper mask. Make sure the CDC told you to. And like he knows you're going to die. He doesn't care.

It's a real mercenary life being a local TV newsman, even in New York, where their local TV news is still, like, you know, bigger budget in many other places. Lovely Diet Coke. But point is, it's not going to help you. And who cares? Like, it's not that lethal. I mean, 2% of people are dying from it right now. And that's the beginning of this thing.

Now, look, some virologist, is that how you're saying? it might tell you know come on go well you know actually gets worse as you go along i don't think so i think the more we get used to it and the more you know the doctors understand it we get some vaccines we get some treatment people you don't maybe the mortality rate goes down even if it doesn't 2% i mean it's a pandemic all right if you die you die i don't i mean there's nothing we can this is not global warming we can't we can't do anything about this this is this is like trying to stop a meteorite. I mean, even now you could throw

a nuke at. Can we stop this? No, like there's really nothing we could we, you'd have to, I mean, it's already too late, but you would have had to of like, you can't blame the CDC, you can't blame even Trump. I mean, is Trump, Trump is going out there telling people in warm weather this will subside. Because, you know, it'll be like after the flu season. Which, there's a certain

dumb logic to it, which I understand what he's saying. and my instinct is like there might be some truth through it and the CDC is saying there's no you know you shouldn't take that but even by her your reputation was something like well he's overstating it or you can't

whatever I'm saying it's probably some truth to it because it doesn't make him right it's just like yeah probably maybe we got lucky doesn't mean but maybe not maybe it's complete bullshit but the point is that's dumb and is it hurting anything to say that

I don't know, because what could you do? Like, what could be done? How are we going to stop the spread of a virus like this, which lives? It's like swine flu, apparently, last I heard, which is, you know, a few days ago. But I was reading this article, it's apparently very much like swine flu, excuse me, swine flu. But the major difference I understand is that it will live outside the body for much longer, which makes, like that's why look AIDS

very lethal not as much as it used to be and I think you can now with prep you can look it's not a stigmatize AIDS in HIV but you know

I'm saying when it was spreading it was you know terrible to get but yeah it's hard to spread you know because once you're fucking or you know

trading needles and stuff because it won't live I think it won't live outside the body barely at all I think you know I could be wrong but I think it was exposed

to air you know dies pretty quickly And it's a lot of it. Even Ebola, when they talk about it, I mean, you also die quickly Ebola, so it's harder to, like, move around. This is not a high mortality rate. And so you're not dying right away. I mean, Ebola might actually last shorter, you know, it might die quicker outside the body, too. But you also, like, you know, people in New York, Ebola, it might be a different problem. I think most of the outbreaks have been in Africa, if not all. And, uh, you know in less dense areas and they're dying quickly um so like the spread like i'm saying these are right like this is not a judgment call either it's just a matter of like this is kind of the random casino of viruses and diseases and bacteria i mean i don't know the day i maybe when we start having you know people uh or the patreon episodes i'll have people you know i'm i'm about to say i'll have a virologist on i'll have some fucking doctor on like

Maybe I'll have a comic or like Russ Baker, maybe. Maybe I can't, look, perhaps I could get a virologist. I don't want to sell myself short, but I think it would be funny to have a virologist in the studio of me, and I'm just drinking my Diet Coke, and he's just like, why would he come? I'm not going to pay him. I guess I shouldn't just yell that.

I mean, like, typically don't pay guests, I don't think, but like, there's no reason to like, here's my guess. He's a doctor, and I'm not paying him. I'm a cheap fuck, and he's worth nothing. You shouldn't advertise the fact that you don't pay people. It's just a bad look, I guess. But my point is, it's a casino, and we've gotten pretty lucky in the past century. I mean, Spanish fluid thing and just influence it in general,

and I think it was called Spanish Fluid in the 20s. Wipe a lot of people out. Smallpox, wiped a lot of people out. I mean, Native Americans were decimated, not... I mean, look, we did horrible things, you know, as America, to the Native Americans, actively in full awareness. But that being said, I think most of the people by far who died was just because of our viruses.

And, like, at a certain point, but you look, smallpox blankets were a thing. But, like, you know, I think, I don't think at first, look, if we didn't do it on, accidentally, we would have done it on purpose. So I'm not excusing anything. But the fact is that, you know, viruses and diseases have the potential to wipe out, you know, this is, this is, we, we do for this. And I'm honestly relieved as, you know, as, as mild as it is, because, you know, this could have been, uh, something with a 20%, you know, goddamn mortality rate of 30. I mean, wipe out half the people.

Um, and it's just 2%. It's mostly old people and children, uh, which is a weird thing. It's like, you know, if you said, like, mostly elderly in some, like, you know, late middle age. Okay. But it's like, well, it'll be old people and infants. I mean, you couldn't have two polar opposite things. Like, it's like, one thing is like, well, you lived a good life and, uh, I mean, you can't even say it's the most awful thing. Because like, yeah, the baby is not aware. So like the baby's not like sitting there going, I mean, I feel pain, I think, right? No, babies feel pain. I'm not I'm not going to test the hypothesis, but babies feel pain. But, you know, they're not sitting there worried about dying, I don't think.

Because if they die, I don't want to say if a baby dies, they die. That sounds terrible. But my point is, but the parents, I mean, it's just the worst thing you could possibly imagine. You know, your infant dies of some dumb flu. And then, all people, I mean, look, whatever. I mean, old people die from, like, regular flu and fucking, what's the infants? But the point is, like, they die from, like, the cold.

Not all of it. It's funny. The people in the James Bakers of the world seem to live forever. And by forever, I mean, into the 90s. They don't seem to drop off at 70. It's just, is it the stuff they do, the blood sacrifices and the children? Or is it just not drinking Diet Coke and things of that nature? I mean, I got to imagine it's a lot to do with to not drink a Diet Coke. I don't know. I'm not in heroin. So that's a plus.

I'm not in heroin. So, I mean, I should stop drinking Diet Coke, but, you know, I'm not going to start heroin. So that's meat and halfway, I guess. Whatever, point back to flu. So it's going to spread. There's nothing you can do about it. And, like, what do you want people to do?

I mean, there's nothing to be done. Use more Purell, I guess. You know, make a vaccine. See if that works. You know, but just live your life with more vigor and visto. Is that visto? What gusto? I meant fucking Visto. I don't know. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, do you want to live your life with more gusto? Do you want to fucking grab the bull by the horns? Because most creative endeavors or even just following your dreams, starting a business, doing it, you know, learning to dance or learning a language. takes a lot of it. It's painful on some level. I mean, you know, it's not physically, but it's uncomfortable. And changing is one of the most uncomfortable things you can do. It's like, you know, it's why I'm probably a little, you know, pursue things. If you're driven insanely to pursue things, it's a lot more comfortable just to go home and watch the office on Netflix. So if we're facing mortality, maybe the best advice is just to go watch Netflix. And if that's what

you like enjoy it because I don't know if you can look if there's a if there's no if there's no afterlife then you're not going to look back and go oh I wish I mean maybe at the last minute you got in this moment we go I wish I tried to do stand-up comedy and I didn't have the guts to try and yeah maybe for a minute and hopefully you realize to have done that sounds because you know it's a fake thing but um I'm well you're gonna go fucking hang out a bunch of are rich kids in Brooklyn and pretend to not come from, you know, Uber wealth and then talk about whatever. Point is, I should have tried to be a doctor.

Something more solid. And, uh, yeah, for a minute, for a minute, it lasts. And then you die and whatever. There's nothing. So you're fine. But, uh, that's if there's no afterlife. If there is an afterlife, you think you're going to be in heaven wishing that you fucking, you know, oh, I should have fucking learned to.

do jigsaw puzzles better, or I sure learn to play the piano while you're experiencing eternal bliss. And if you're in hell, I think you're more worried about what's being crammed inside you while your fucking eyes are being melted, then, you know, oh, I really wish I learned a piano.

And also, this knife in my ass is really starting to sting. It's a little much, this knife that's shoved right to my ass. But I really wish I learned to do chopsticks. So, dum, dumb, dum, da-da-da-da-da-da, you know, that song, I wish I could play that in a piano, but also not have a large mace in my anus. A mace is that ball with the spikes on it from the Middle Ages. I feel like that might be shoved inside you. Whatever hell is, or maybe, you know, yeah, hell is just Netflix. You're scrolling that fucking home screen, just looking for anything that isn't the office.

And it's like, you know, what's the point? So, yeah, there's that. But what's the game? You're going to have a kid or not have a kid? It does. Nothing matters. Everything's fucked. We're going to die global warming anyway probably because the odds of us are actually, even

Bernie gets in or whatever. What are we going to do? We're going to fix it now? No. It's probably, I'm not pessimist. Let's try to fix it. Because look, it's, if you threw a fucking party in high school when your parents went away and you came home.

They came home, but you knew they were coming home in like 10 minutes. You woke up and hung over. You know, I had no way to clean this now. It'd still be better if you were trying, if they found you cleaning it, right? Then if you were just, you know, laying there in your own filth playing Xbox. So by the same logic, let's try to save the world as it falls apart. It's just a better way to go out. I mean, it'd be kind of hilarious if the world,

is the polar ice caps melted as we're just having we just cranked up the heaters and just driving around escalades and fucking Mustangs and we like just we just burned down the Tesla factory

and just accelerated it that'd be kind of fun but that's not the you know I mean I'd laugh at that but I think most people would agree it'd be better to you know try and fix it in the way out but we're not going to probably

you know look at what we're doing look around you I mean, if we only get Bernie in. If we only get Bernie, I mean, the fact that we crave a Messiah, the people who actually think it should get better, and don't get me this shit about like, oh, no, I wanted to get better, but I think people have personal freedom. Cool. Okay.

I mean, if you think the answer is to just, you know, leave it being laissez-faire at this point, I'm not saying it's not a valid theory for how to start a society. But, I mean, at this point, if you look into that and going, like, No, no, no. Just hands off. The problem is we're trying to help people too much. Hands off. Okay. I mean, that we'll agree to disagree. But Bernie, the reality is more like, you know, A, I mean, we'll get in this more

in the Patreon episode, maybe. Because I don't know if I talk about it yet. We'll plug it in a few minutes. But, you know, there'll be a, we're going to two a week now. So we'll get into the whole Bernie and costing all that, maybe on the Patreon. But, like, you know, and the complexity of that argument. But the reality is, even if it wasn't the cost issue, it's just a fact that, you know, we see, we need one guy.

This is the guy. We have Obama, too. And it'll happen after Bernie if he gets elected and doesn't do anything. And, like, he has integrity. Look, he has integrity. I'm not saying he does. But, like, the odds of anything happening and changing anything, come on. What are we, five?

we love a fucking Oliver Stone too he loves a fucking Messiah if only JFK hadn't been assassinated we still have Camelot and we still know that that guy who was his name Vance I think who was FDR's original vice president I think I brought him up a few times here

mostly in the context of his documentary because Oliver Stone as talented of a crazy filmmaker as he is is also just like he loves the Messiah figure so i feel like michael more does too or it's just a general thing there's no one no one's really pitch in like hey what if we all just do our part slowly and methodically it's all just like this guy will save it

but we'll get more into another time um the point is we should try to fix it in the way out but we're not going to and um i don't know wear a mask if you want if you think it's going to help if you think you know you can save yourself from the flu I mean maybe shave all the hair of your body that could help I think hair picks things up why not go full

like just um is alopecia I don't know but like shave your eyebrows shave your beard shave your head um stop having sex really if you were that worried about getting sick you would not be fucking you would not have hair

you wouldn't really leave your house very much so I don't want to hear this hysteria about you know another flu would do it's fine just

just be a person just try to enjoy life however you do if it's drugs I think the consensus is to try to get off of them I'm not like an addict or whatever. I mean, people who are in recovery will tell you get off of them.

And, you know, I'm not going to try and refute them. But most not going to tell you what to do. That's not for me to do. No one wants my advice on how to get off. I can't even stop drinking Diet Coke. It's not even addictive physically. So I don't know. Just go run five miles a day.

Figure out your life. But stop wearing a man. I don't know. I could be wrong. I mean, honestly, this is going to be used in a trial against me in one year's time because I was like, I don't know, I'll be the only, because I'll be saying that like, oh, you were spreading misinformation, like the mask would have helped and like, and my only defense will be like, I don't have that many listeners, not that many people listen to me and or take me seriously, but that won't matter because it'll be so, it will fall on deaf ears because so many people will have died.

contrary what I just told you for the past hour so many people have died that when they see the numbers that I have of my viewership they go

it's not that bad actually but they'll forget that a year earlier you know there's a lot more people on the earth so whatever no one's crying

for fat comp before he goes to the guillotine tell you that much so yeah that'll do it for today so it's a work in progress if you're again

if you're if you're tuning in on the YouTube I'm going to review this video. I'm going to see how the angle looks. I feel more natural not looking at the lens, but we'll figure that out and, you know, whatever. And if you're, so this will come out, it might come out today on Thursday.

We're going to shift to Saturday, though. That was the day. Days got more fluid over the past year. But, you know, we're going to, the schedule is, it's become more regular. I think it'll release it today. I've been doing Thursday the past few weeks but just fair warning

that the show will be transitioning back to Saturdays and then I believe the Patreon episode will come out Monday. I'm not sure of Monday morning or Monday night but that is the target I'm pretty sure that that seems to be the way to go.

So yeah, so go to my Patreon it'll be this week starting and we'll have tears I believe we'll have like a The $5 tier, you get the free extra episode, Patreon episode every week. And it might be some other tiers with some other cool perks. I'll figure that out shortly.

But yeah, so, you know, but it'll be some cool stuff. But definitely, there's an extra episode a week and there'll be video, probably not a video on the extra episode. people seem to do audio only on Patreon episodes I'll look into that though it's all fluid it's all changing it's all I'm not in a closet anymore I'm on video

we're getting Patreon going everything's happening so you know we'll figure it out but definitely go to the Patreon sign up I appreciate it you're all my favorite people we're all going to do this together what is this I'm not sure but uh all right

have a great week you know you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram Ray Kump also. Also check out Our Web is Disgusting with Lucy Steiner and myself. But yeah, okay. Have a great week. See you next week. Or I'll see you in a couple days on the Patreon.

I don't know.