Kump - 43 - Kump Fights His Father

Episode Date: August 16, 2020

Ray talks about eating too many eggs, not moving back home, crossword puzzles at the end of the world and much more.

Hello and welcome to Kump. Welcome to all you on the podcast side, on the YouTube side. You know, some of you on YouTube side, and you might complain that the shot might be crooked maybe it's crooked now i don't don't come at me like i don't know how to frame a shot all right i was a photographer for years i photographed dead bodies i photographed weddings and bar mitzvahs and sweet 16s and all sorts of events i'm a trained uh visual artist uh i have a clamp the clamp is very you know i got one know if amazon i didn't you know i didn't try to cheap out it's but like 40 bucks um it's not

great it's weak i i i this is why i'm using the cell phone camera don't worry about what i'm using this is expensive camera i'm a hot shot um there's no no don't give me shit don't come at me being like oh why you know your video is only shot and so no it's shot of a 10 000 camera you think you better than me no but it's you know the reality is, I would try, you know, I got this clamp on YouTube and I thought I would put my, you know, I have a better camera than this and I thought I would put it on there. And it's weak. It's a weak clamp. Maybe on the Patreon, I'll show behind the scenes. You can see the other angle of what the clamps attached to. Is that exciting bonus content besides the extra episodes? You get to see a picture of the clamp. That's what the, that's, that's, that's, there's no more Oscar winning films. They're not, not being made. What do you think's happening?

They can't get people quarantined to make a porno, let alone, what are you, what are the best picture nominees going to look like this year? What do you, what do you think you're going to get? You're not getting Avenger movies anymore. You're not getting fast, furious movies. Vin Diesel and fucking, uh, the rock aren't going to, you know, go rubbing together. to different cars

rubbing each other in cars rubbing cars together I've never seen I saw the first one I worked in the movie theater I watched it piecemeal but I haven't seen the other ones I didn't mind it I mean I always hated

because I grew up in Long Island in a certain area where there was a famous drag strip slash fast food it had like the it's a street that was famous for dragstrip trip racing and the most amount of fast food outlets or what we call you know stores fast food

stores restaurants uh per square mile so that's that that's you can now you get a better picture of where i come from how i always fused together in my DNA um my mom and dad met after he crashed his uh transam uh while she you know she was uh eating a kiserito from taco bell god damn people why are people talking the whole way these fucking maniacs live in this building is they go into the hallway and have conversations it's like be quiet in the hallway whatever happened to being polite having a polite sense of like restraint you know i'm a maniac but whatever people are scumbags um yeah so no they my mom was eating in queserito and she said you know my dad

crashed his train, I am, and his dick was hanging out. She's like, that's a nice dick. You want to be my baby's father? He got his baby here. He needs a dad. And that's where my dad came from. And he became, you know, a stock car analyst. I don't know what he does.

The point is, what was the fucking point? What am I talking? Oh, the Vin Diesel movie. They're not going to get him anymore. You're not getting Vin Diesel movies anymore. It's going to be Vin Diesel. You know, the show is there's going to be Vendezel movie. diesel in his garage showing he was fucking, you know,

is a Porsche cayenne, that, you know, lame SUV. It's expensive, but, you know, he's like, this is a cup holder, and this is where I put my cocaine, and this is where I put my dick, uh, softening pills. He needs to, he's such a hard man, he needs to soften his dick so that his kids don't get weird idea. I'm not saying his kids are, right, fuck, I'm just saying, like, you know, but, you know, you don't want to be having a hard dick all the time

when you're trying to, like, you know, play patty cake with your kids. You know, I'm not saying that the lines get crazy. Why would you want that? But he's such a fucking testosterone-filled man, Ben Diesel. Those are a hard man that, you know, his dick is always hard. So he's got to soften his dick. You know, it's like, you know, nothing wrong with that. The other wrong with not one of a hard dick while you're fucking showing your kids' ghostbusters for the first time.

You know, that's, that's Rick Moranis. See, this is better than the lady ghostbusters. Dad, why's your dick hard? That'd be terrible. that no one wants that don't don't act like i'm weird for bringing it up i mean this is a this is a need certain men need to soften their dick okay not me because you know i just i don't have kids so you know i can just be hard all the time like a rock it's fine but you know um you're not getting vindiesel movies you're not getting you know it's he always even he's

he's his kyan he's guys you know that's the show that's gonna get just him in his garage Just fucking, you know, showing you He's like this pool, like, swimming things for his kids. This is where, it's just going to be really, like, our bar is going to be raised so low. He's going to be like, well, I got this fucking electric mower. I hemmed in the hauled for a while. It wasn't the money, but I wasn't sure if I wanted the electric with the battery

because he got to swap the battery. And you'd be watching this going, I used to watch cars fight each other. And this guy was on top of him. That's the world we're living. living in right so you know um but the point that you know you're not getting these movies anymore it's over um i think we got into this because the video camera so the point is i need a better clamp i know how i i the problem is this clamp is weak you all right and it's like you know it's just

hang you if you've never worked with clamps um or camera or tripods you know a shitty tripod you can't just precisely put it where you want you put it there and then it'll just kind of shift when you let go of it um yeah you pay for the gears you pay for the fucking lubricated ball bearings and the fucking precision movement that's what you're paying for and i don't have it right now and i'm used to i used to have nice things back when i was a professional photographer i used to have nice gear and i'd carry around a camera that was expensive and heavy and old men would call me go let me try your camera and we hold your camera and I would give it to him and go that's heavy that's a heavy it's like almost like you know a phallic kind of thing because it'd be a led I'd have a long lens

and it'd be like a 10 pound it'd be 10 pounds it'd be pretty heavy it was like when it was like one ds type cameras made of magnesium alloy and he's fucking middle age maybe like the scene from the graduate but the guys just holding my camera going oh I wouldn't want to carry that all night I think he was trying to fuck me and I probably showed a let him because they had money all right I wasn't above that One time of Russian I think she was Russian Polish maybe

The mother of the bride Definitely was flirting with me Hanging on me Trying to fuck me I was shy at the time I didn't go for it But she was pretty sexy She had and she had this long

She had one of those slit dresses Is that wrong to say I don't mean her slit Although it's interesting That's an interesting You know confluence of words Because in theory You know the slit

It makes it easier to get to the slit. But whatever. I mean, you still need to raise the dress up. It's probably not, you know, a huge element of it. But, uh, no, but she was definitely, but her son was like an Iraq war veteran. It was just fresh. It wasn't like Iraq.

This wasn't like Iraq in 2012. This was like back in, like, 08 or 07, right after the surge. So I'm getting, I don't need some guy fresh off the surge, fresh off the fucking, you know, retaking of Mosul coming at me because I fucked his mother after, you know, the night of his wedding. you know that's just not he might have been Marine I think he was a Marine

I don't need some fucking Semperify Marine coming at me because I put my fucking dick in his Russian mother on the night that he wed his wife that was just a Long Island thing you know they're not going to fight you know we went to a pool

uh we went to a hotel I guess he was staying at the hotel but we didn't really do pictures there but we went in between the church it was like a winter wedding and like so they wanted to go to the pool to take pictures which is bizarre to me but it didn't come out great but it was fine but this is not I mean the trick with wet you know these kind of thing you just get a background and you can blur

out it's a nice thing and you fucking you know you position people and you get some distance between them in the background but there's nothing nice in a pool like an indoor pool or hotel just a wall I mean you know they're not going to go taking a dump in the water that'd be a cool picture just with groom and the bride taking shits together they're in the pool that's what you want we can do that but i don't know whatever i mean we got plenty of pictures i i didn't give them a bad product but uh i think the detour to the pool was a huge people always just think the weird weirdest things will be like people think you get pictures in front of the water or these great things it's like it's just blue this doesn't come

out great it's like you know it's like you know especially we have like eight people it's like you're not going to see the water really i mean like it's dumb i mean if you if you go out in the rocks like i think a couple of the sag harbor uh well and take them to sack harbor their wedding was in you know sack harbor southampton sag harbor if you don't long island it's it's basically the hamptons it's like southampton uh right now it's where teddy roosevelt lived or something i don't know where are these old white men fucking plotted i don't know what do you think anything i was hanging out in sack harbor i never i never went there until i was like 23 years old for a wedding to shoot so i don't fucking know i'm not like hobnobbing in the hamptons

fucking you know eating shrimp and and cranberry sauce it's not what i do dipping the dip in the shrimp in the cocktail whatever cranberry cocktail sauce you can probably dip it in cranberries what what the fuck what tomato sauce is the only you dip you ketchup ketchup with chunks is the one thing you dip shrimp into it's a subtle thing You know, you go to a nice steakhouse They give you a cilantro cream sauce But I'm the shithead Because I say cranberry

I'm sure cranberry would be great Don't give me shit I don't want aggressive today I ate too many eggs I ate too many eggs Oh the point is a I guess we'll put a bullet In that point about the clamp

I'll get a better clamp I've been meaning to you It's just you know The Patreon doesn't have Those episodes on a video Because it's just you know Whatever It's not done I guess

and so I every week I'm like oh yeah this dumb clamp I keep forgetting a buy new clamp but I should get a new clamp one that holds its position better just like you know that old man held my camera want to suck me off or have him suck me off I don't know what the typical thing would be but uh what was I going to jump to now I was talking about oh hey I ate too any eggs I've been doing keto again for those you keep in track um it's a wonderful lustrous diet which has worked for me in the past and I feel great

I mean I've done for a week and I feel better so don't tell me I look fat still that's not the point all right it's not for you um I'm looking at this fucking shot and the goddamn thing it's too much side shot I'm not gonna change it now

but you know it's wider than it was last week I'd love to get a new clamp with a new you know ball head so I can just precisely tell where to go and doesn't just shake and like right now it just sags so i have to try and overshoot it and it hangs this is the clamp episode welcome anyway it's still great it's it's great it looks great i mean you can't complain this is quality entertainment this is way better than vin diesel in his garage telling you how he thinks about fucking you know putting some towels under the goddamn

garage door and and letting the exhaust go just because you know just he's getting his tits are starting to sag he's just inevitably getting older. I don't think he should kill himself. I don't. I think it's fine. I think, you know, it's fine when the older man, you know, descends into a middle-aged body, which is still kind of hard. I mean, suppose Stallone was, you know, ripped until God knows when. Just do steroids. Who cares? What are you saving your body for? Oh, my balls will shrivel up? Who gives a shit? What good are your balls doing? Are women sucking on your balls all day? You know, ball sucking is not as great as it. I mean, it's fine. The dick's where the sensitivity is, though, The dick is the better thing to get sucked.

So let your ball shrink and have a great body. And then you can lift things and, you know, you go running and you just look like a model. It's fucking nice. And you feel like a man who cares. Just fucking inject some steroids into your cock. Enjoy yourself. This is not a time to like start thinking about, you know, I want to see my grandkids. Your grandkids are going to be fucked up looking.

They're going to have birth defects. They're going to be drinking in shit water from the day. day they're born all right the formula is going to be poison it's going to be literally like the baby formula in 20 years or 10 years is just going to be fucking you know industrial runoff I mean they say that about fluoride they say I mean these are conspiracy-esque things but I'm pretty sure it's true that fluoride was you know started to be you I mean look I'm not saying it's not beneficial to your teeth but people complain about fluoride and they say that the uh fluoride you know the byproduct I mean, it's a natural thing.

It's an element, I believe. But it's a byproduct of some industrial chemical thing. I don't know. When they make rubber, who the fuck knows? I can't tell you. But the point is, al, it's fluoride, you know, let's just put in the water. This is good for your teeth. Well, it's good for anything else?

Who cares? Can I vouch for that? I don't know. I mean, I think I saw an Alex Jones documentary in 2008. I mean, no, it's the last thing we're going to complain about is the fluoride. I teach rotting away. I could do with more fluoride. I'm not complaining about fluoride.

But, you know, they're going to be putting a lot worse in. They're going to be putting, you know, just dog shit. And, which honestly, if it gets the dog shit off the streets of the city, I'd be fine with it. It's too much dog shit. So put it in the baby formula. I mean, it's not my choice. But it's like, you know, if you give me a, I don't have a baby, so I can't vote with my dollar. And no one's asking me.

No CEOs are coming to me going, can we do this right? Can we put dog shit in the baby formula? I'd say no. I would say no. I'm not out to poison your kids. But, you know, I'm just saying one nice side effect of that would be less dog shit perhaps on the street. It'd be kind of nice.

It would make my walks more. I'm trying to one more walks. I have to dodge this dog shit. It'd be nice. You know, and look at the bed. It's not even like, oh, babies have to die. No, it's not that. I'm not making a choice.

I'm not, I am endorsing not doing. this but you're going to do it anyway what are you going to tell you so um yeah the carbs uh these eggs there's too many eggs right i mean i mean i ate six eggs this morning which is a lot they're scrambled first of all i'm used to eating the jumbo eggs lucy buys the regular eggs um which they're probably not a big difference i was going well if they're not jumbo eggs or extra large eggs whatever. I mean, I don't know which one's bigger. You would think Jumbo would be bigger, but extra large might be bigger. Either way.

Yeah, because I'm not eating bread. Am I eating this? I'm trying, you know, the key is to not let yourself get to, you get you hungry and you start going, why not have a little pita bread with my, you know, terrible Greek food they got the other night? If you follow me on Twitter, you know, that was a real tweet. We got terrible Greek food because I've been doing the low carbol week. And, you know, there's a nice treat, spend a little extra money and get, you know, a nice Greek salad. I just love to get this.

It was a place in Long Island that, you know, had great Greek food. And, uh, oh, so I miss it. Greek Village and Comac. I don't know if it's still around. It was next to the, it was in the same basic shop, except there was a target. I don't mind endorsing them. It's great Greek food. And I would get the Greek salad with the sides of chicken gyro meat and Greek gyrote.

See, some people will prefer the chicken. gyro to be chunks of chicken no give me that weird pressed chicken it's so good that like it's on the same kind of spit as the lamb or whatever that's what I want it's delicious um and did you know it's a spit it cooks it you know apparently it's raw on the inside like the only outer layer cooks that's how it worked interesting uh I didn't know there for a long time but the point is I was hoping that we get something nice and we got the worst Greek fruit to have in my fucking life they sent a fucking beet salad beet and garbage salad with chickpeas

and I had to pick up the beats because I don't think you eat root vegetables and I had to pick up chickpeas disgusting all right I ended just getting so mad I got really pissy and I'm just eating the pork with the fucking yogurt sauce I want to kill myself I want to just fucking jump off a goddamn roof

just fucking oh so nothing worse than enjoying expecting a nice treat and getting shit. It's getting terrible Greek shit food. But the point is, you know, but, you know, if I was hungrier, I'd been eating chicken than I had cooked all day.

But if I had been hungry, I'd have been, like, give me some of that pita bread. Give me some of that, there's nothing better than dipping the pita bread into the fucking, uh, to Ziki. Oh, God. That's like drinking come to me.

Um. What was that noise? Something happened. Um. Why doesn't that, why don't we normalize that expression? It's like drinking cum. Just nice sunset, drinking cum, a nice sunset. I mean, I don't love drinking.

I mean, cum is not the least, drinking piss worse than drinking cum. Drinking shit, way worse than drinking cum. Sweat. I'd rather drink cum than sweat. I mean, my cum or anyone's come. I mean, I don't think you can get, like, diseases from drinking come. And this is not the cum episode, don't worry. But the point is, like, you know,

it's one of the cleaner-seeming things. It's kind of salty, right? I don't know. I don't drink a lot. I've tasted my cum. What I care? Can you imagine being a man who's, like, that doubtful of your manness that you find,

oh, you know, a taste of my cum. Yeah, you jerk, you're handling it all the time. Oh, I'm not going to taste it. Just be a man, drink your cum. Get off my back. So, anyway. But, yeah. So I'm trying to, like, you know, use a simple breakfast.

Yeah, I've been ordering meats. I cook the chicken thighs. They come out great. Cookies, you want a little treat? You want a little fucking cooked cake. You get chicken thighs. You put them on the goddamn, you know, some foil down the pan. Put the chicken thighs on.

Ror boneless chicken thighs. You do it with bones. I don't know if it affects the cooking time, perhaps, but it's boneless. If I can put some olive oil on it, they say olive oil, it's extra virgin olive oil. It's not the cooking, you know, maybe we use regular olive oil, but it's what we have, so I use it. It comes out great. You put, you know, all sorts of spices and rosemary on it. You cook it at $4.50 for 35 minutes.

Seems very hot and seems very short, but it comes out juicy and moist is delicious. So that's a tip for you. Enjoy that. Now, if I hadn't had that chicken, just shove it, it comes out and it's just juicy. I'm just shoving it. It's like, I'm just taking nibbles of it all day. nubble on his chicken, so I wasn't that hungry, but I would have eaten a pita. So that's what I was doing with the egg.

I'm trying to just, like, get my stomach full, so I don't go, like, you know, cheating throughout the day on my stupid carb diet, and that, and then I did take three antasses because I fucking, you know, I think six eggs every morning is just taking a number on me. It's probably too much. It's six, it's the placental fluid of, like, six baby chickens, which, I mean, I'm, I could probably, I mean, if you, if you factor me out, Is that the term, the mathematical term for factoring? If you factor my body at a baby chicken or a chicken embryo,

I should probably be eating 20 eggs. People go, oh, the chicken needs to have a whole 30 days. It weighs like an eighth of a pound. We're talking about. I'm a fucking, you know, I'm a heavy man. I'm a man of substance. I can eat a lot of embryo fluid. Don't get me wrong.

But still, I think it was too much in my stomach. It's just the stomach lining. Too much. Are people banging? People get mad. I don't go. fuck i will fucking lose my mind if people are banging at the goddamn wall me and lucy were watching jeopardy the other night and we were you know we were screaming

we were drunk and we were screaming at jeopardy um i think we were just really into this one girl who was kind of attractive who was a winning jeopardy and uh we just really got excited about her who just cheering her on and kissing and hugging and just this is fantastic and then people started banging on the goddamn floor i just start screaming at them. I was going to murder them. I was going to fucking break their fucking skulls open. I don't know. I was just nothing that clever. Just rage. Just pure rage.

Drunk Jeopardy rage. Because, you know, there's nothing worse than people just try and bang. Oh, you're making too much noise. Get lost. I just not, we're not roommates. You know, I'm not throwing a party. Those are parties in this Airbnb's in this goddamn place. I don't say shit. I mean, I yell sometimes at people in the hallway because they just, you know, be less

rude but if you're in your own place I'm not gonna go if you're fucking the guy across the hole until he moved out was fucking playing I don't know call of duty or outbreak or whatever those games are overlook overwatch who gives a shit having these fucking game parties grieving into a mic

and he uh I'm not gonna a certain point you want to just get over there with a hammer and just knocking his door with a hammer and he opens the door this hammer could be your fucking the dick that you suck how about that and he'll take him a minute because that's still That's not the most direct way of saying it, but he'll get it.

It's not sexual, right? It's not homophobic or sexual or rape. It's just a matter of, like, picture yourself sucking a hammer and you realize, oh, no, you're not sucking it. It's breaking your jaw. It takes a moment. It's a little Easter egg of threat, right? Be more whimsical with how you, you know, you can't just go and say, I'm going to kill you. Even though society's flung apart, you can't just go, oh, you know, um.

don't you know i'm gonna kill your kids no you have to say things like you have to act like the mob would the mafia wouldn't just say we're gonna kill your kids they would say like it'd be terrible if someone murdered your kid no it's still not it uh it would be um it would be terrible if i threw your kid in an oven no still not it um i don't know i mean how do they they make it look so easy it would be terrible if your kids kind of disease where they constantly had you know car batteries being thrown at their head

that's it that's how the mob would talk it'd be terrible if your kid developed a terrible illness from getting car batteries thrown at the skull that we got out of our scrapyards from the cars we boosted I'd be a great mob guy I really good at this table I'd be so good at the mom

um would they let we talked about this last week I feel like we talked about it last week perhaps about the the mafia would they let me in would they make me a made band I feel like they would if they heard my car battery line

they might and my idea for dog shit baby formula which I know I said the corporation wouldn't ask me but this is actually my new mob scam you gotta be an earner I think we covered that too that it's not about the honor and the prestige anymore

and it hasn't been for a long long time it's about who's an earner you know who who earns who brings in the money And my, you know, that guy who's always on every mob documentary, what's his name, Michael Franchasey. You know, I guess he ratted, he made, he made a deal. And, you know, he was a white collar mobster or whatever. I think his dad, his dad tried to whack him at one point.

And he's always going, like, you know, his gas scam. He did what they didn't pay, like, it was my genius gas scam, where he just didn't pay the gas tax. But whatever. I mean, it doesn't seem like that's brilliant. my point is that that would be my scam would be you know dog shit baby formula and you know who's gonna stop us federal government there is none they're just you know they're looting so we're just looting too and you know this is copyrighter you can't have his idea go go find your own mob scam but the point is um i didn't what is the point mob and the scams and the chickens um you know

But the diet's going on, I feel, I feel more spry. I feel more agile. You know, cooking meats. I can get more meat. Or order more meats in the store. But the eggs, too many eggs. Too many goddamn eggs. So we got there.

It's been raining. It's raining now. I put a towel on the door. But you go to the side door to, you know, when I was a poke cigarette on my porch, which overlooks a fucking exhaust pipe. My beautiful view. because I, you know, I broke my own, is this a story we're telling?

I broke the door. I don't know. I tripped coming out of the fucking apartment, and the door came off in my hands. And I guess the old tenant had these glass light bulbs. And they were like, just as a decoration, and they broke off and they got off the track and, you know, whatever. I'm just holding the door like a dick. So, you know, it's just, it's a rainy August. It doesn't matter.

It's not that important. The segue. So it is, you know, I'm a radio pro, old, old radio hat showing you the ropes here with, you know, nice, August, rainy August segue. People, you know, if you listen to the Patreon, I talked a little bit this week about working at the dead bird factory. Not a factory. It was a lab. It was a mosquito lab, but, you know, I used to pick up dead birds as part of my job. I had to go out with the fucking cooler

and put the dead bird into the cooler and bring it back because they can test it for AIDS or whatever but um or West Nile I guess um but someone on the Patreon asked me I guess I didn't know how to respond them

I mean it took me a while to figure out because it was a comment I guess there was a comment on the post but they wanted to know will I go back to work for the morgue because again if you're not following I used to photograph dead bodies to the morgue no i won't uh the power my life is over i don't need to go you know no go backwards all right no one wants

the fraser reboot no one wants the new dirty rock no one needs to me see me take i i did that i was i was great at it i took great pictures of dead bodies and decomposed bodies and and and hookers killed by serial killers i did all that you know now i'm on the new things i got new skills i don't talk about my job you know you keep keep some mystery I'm a man of mystery don't worry about what they do but I work for the mob selling a baby formula ideas maybe and maybe I do you know let that be uh like you know make your own mental picture but the point is but yes when I move back to my parents like no I mean I constantly talk about living I live with Lucy you know we have jobs I mean like I mean

I'm not moving back with my parents moving I'll break up with Lucy move back with my parents what do people think I am I mean I appreciate the support the people who support the show but it's like I'm not like a fuck I mean I'm not some troll who just you know the pandemic hit and now I'm just living at home

I mean if you have to move back home it's not my I'd love to move back home I mean I don't want to I don't want to move back home I hate I actually I threaten to set my dad's house on fire right before I moved out because I was cooking I was interesting good time because I was cooking eggs

and, you know, my mom got all, like, she had a new oven, and she got mad at me because she wanted, not mad, but she wasn't mad at first. She just wanted to show me how to cook eggs, but it was like 26. You know, it took me, like, you know, I say, yeah, I wasn't 18 when I moved out, and I probably should, yeah,

and honestly I regret, I don't regret it, but I was always conscious of it. You know, you can't move out, you can't move out, but, like, don't just, it's totally fine. No, be ashamed of it. I was ashamed of it. I wanted to get out.

You got a job with a morgue, and then I moved out. Um, the point is, though, but, like, one of the final straws was, like, I wouldn't even want to go back is, you know, like, all of my parents, but, you know, also, they're paying sometimes, you know, you don't need to be living with your parents as an adult if you can avoid it. All right. And the point is, you know, my mom wanted to show me how to cook eggs. Like, I'm 26, and I'm not going to cook eggs. something with the oven I'll figure it out and I'm like I wasn't relenting and then my dad came out and he's like shut up and listen to her

and I just flew off the handle because you know he was just taking her side without even knowing the deal and you know I guess you know he's her ride or die bitch so I get it but it enraged me and I started screaming at him

and I was like you know I'll fucking burn the house down and he's like you'll go to jail I'm like who cares you'll be dead um so the point is uh no i won't be moving back we you know we're perfectly you know we get along fine uh most of but you know and i don't want to get into that kind of dynamic again plus you know i'm doing okay i mean you know not great we're getting by you know there's a pandemic where we're all hunkering down and just trying to get by but i'm not going to go back so i can just threaten my father some more all right that's also been done you don't go

you have to go home again if you want to go threaten your dad you know maybe you didn't get a chance to threaten your dad maybe you always wish that you told your dad off that you fucking you know when he tried to you know back up your mother and you and you just let her show you how to cook eggs like that's the thing she didn't mean anything by it but I'm not going to get cucked out by my mother and let her show me how to cook eggs all right that's not going to happen I'm not just going to like sit there and take it even if I deserve it even if like every time I cooked eggs

I ruined a pan and I scraped off for non-stick coating I'm still not going to say to allow that to happen it's just a personality trait you know on the spectrum I guess I'm more of an alpha dog because I won't let my mommy show me how to cook eggs all right and my dad tries to chime in I threaten to burn the house down

so you know that's if that's not an alpha dog I don't know what is what you guys do you're getting laid you're fucking women you're fucking treating pussies like a like it's your it's your job to beat up pussy yeah well i tell my dad i'm a burn his house down so who's the real man who's the fucking who's the hot dog i think i'm the hot dog all right but uh yeah i'm not i'm not moving back there um but's fine we get along yeah i got a nothing but love for the parents and if you got to do it you got to do what you got to do um it's you know

excuse me I've been doing a lot of crossword puzzles lately I don't even know how I got back into it I think I had the app on the phone or I saw it for the New York Times crossword puzzle and I did it for at one point I got into it a little bit it's a it's a whole like first of all you don't understand there's a whole like hierarchy to the days because, you know, people think, first of all, people think the Sunday Times course proposal is the hardest. It's not the hardest, it's the biggest. But it's probably equivalent to a Wednesday, I think they say.

The hardest is Saturday. They give you really dumb clues. And if you're trying, you know, right now, I'm just working my way. I paid for the, I paid the subscription for the month. Because, you know, they get you. They fucking, look, sometimes it's worth it just to pay. So we get to try to find nickel and dime and try to find any shitty crossword puzzles online.

I mean, they've been doing this for a while, but it is enraging their clues sometimes. They'll just give you like a, like, they'll just say, oh, a house, F.R. And first of all, you don't know what that means for a while and you start getting them, oh, in French? I'm just a no French words now in Spanish. I mean, it's not like, oh, it's not like hello in SP in Spanish.

Oh, okay, fine. It's like, you know, uh, the thing you put your babe, dead baby into when it's burned. earned fr it's like well how would I know that and it's like an earned but I don't know how you say urn in French and then they'll combine two different things like two different like cross-section words you know what hard look I think part of the gimmick of a crossword puzzle is supposed to be that you know some of you're supposed to know what some of these things are ever even like because you know a lot of these things you'll know once you see a couple words letters I mean

it's the gimmick of it you know I mean some of them you know right off the bat you find the ones you know, and then you find, you know, it's like, oh, jostle, crossal, possil. But then, you know, you fill in the gaps. But some of these things you feel, once you see, like, you'll just get fed up and like reveal puzzle. And like, I would never fucking know that. It's like S-C-A-C-E for Ascento. That was one I just doing before.

What the fuck is that mean? Skatsosky? I don't know what, is that a word? It wasn't even a foreign word. I mean, I'm not, I have a good vocabulary. I don't know what kind of fucking, you know, Heritage Foundation, fucking, you know,

Project for New American Century scumbags, you have, you know, subscribing to your goddamn newspaper that are like just knowing these words because they went to fucking Oxford and Yale and they did date rapes and they tortured pledges and they made friends with future intelligence

operatives and dictators and they also learned what skacks, whatever the fuck means. all right no ones are used out i'm not reading finnigan's wake i'm not reading dumb james joyce books oh you know uh in odysseus uh at one point the car on the cactus is on their periods there's no periods in a sentence is that good writing it's not good writing all right yeah if you actually look into it finnigan finnigan's wake is actually considered like

did we talk about i mean i might talk about it whatever we'll talk about it again finnigan's wake because i remember some teacher telling me it was the hardest thing to read in the english at one point and I got up in the library I can't understand a goddamn thing in this I was like trying to be like well fuck you I can read it no it's it's gobbledy gook it's nonsense then you find out that like even his contemporaries

like Hemingway or whoever or Scott Fitzgerald I don't know I forget who he's friends with but they're all like hey idiot you're a good writer stop writing dog shit like this just to be a guy he's to be the guy who's fucking and he's like hey look at me I'm James Drew I'm too I'm too cool for the room I'm writing without periods

go fuck yourself um but those the kind of guys who you know i guess these things are catered to because i'm on the mondays i'm still getting these fucking bullshit words if you put it on a saturday it's one thing but a monday puzzle a fucking monday puzzle i don't understand i mean also these things are out of touch i'm i'm looking to the new ones why don't you put some fucking you know new references in there right make something relevant to the people it's like you know the world the fucking world country's falling apart the world's falling apart we're fucking invading, killing

and just, you know, hey, everything that's killing Flint, five words, water. How about that? Or like, you know, four letter thing for a thing you barter for food.

Baby. B, A, B, Y. Why isn't that the kind of what we're doing here? Why aren't we fucking, you know, computer turn back on. Uh-oh, now my screen is

gone with my notes my if you there's notes this thing you didn't think you'd be notes to this podcast but there's notes to keep me on track doesn't work but you know imagine you know you can go back to older episodes you want to see without notes it just goes into I mean I'm just yelling at fucking I was gonna say yelling at my dad I read I did that so you know it's tighter but we're still in the same universe um but his goddamn crossword puzzles are just enraging It's like, you know, irrelevant, you're aloof. But, you know, I get sick of playing chess. I play speed chess all day.

It gets frustrating and annoying. And these people, like, fucking, they'll do, like, I win most. I want to say I win most of the time. But I do pretty well. Whatever. I mean, I'm playing for years now, so it's like, no Bobby Fisher. But I'm not anti-Semitic. I'm feeling about it.

It's a great thing. If you want something of fun, look at Bobby Fisher on 9-11. one of the most fun things he's just getting like he's on some like what is it like Argentinian radio station or something he's just like this guy's like talking about the Twin Towers falling down and Bobby Fisher

the you know the famed chess champion who beat the Russians and Recovic comes on like Pablo this is a fucking great day the fucking United States will be squashed I mean it's hilarious

I mean there's that movie searching for Bobby Fisher and they act like the home it's a great it's a fun movie i should show it to lucy like a month ago and you know it's like it holds up it's a good movie it's like it kind of gets excited about chess and just the idea you know it's one of those movies is about winning i guess we're getting good at something but like keep in perspective but these

introludes about the movie because he's not in it it's just like he's a little kind of uh interloculars about bobby fisher and like and then he won and disappeared disappeared he didn't disappear you can easily track whether his his crazy life of like going to to tokyo and getting out for anti-Semitic demonstrations and like and then he sued like the fucking like they took his property and put it in the storage unit but he didn't pay so they like throw it out it's just a very it's a very sad life um yeah i'm not gonna say that you know geniuses all go crazy because some of them you know work for the pentagon and just you know learn how to kill people better um this idea that like oh great g i mean there's you know up and high where didn't go

crazy he just killed a bunch you know vernon ron brawn didn't go crazy he just you know, use Jewish slave labor to build this V10 rocket and then, you know, we co-opted them to, you know, take us to the moon. I mean, you know, the idea that it drives you mad. It's this kind of myth because, you know, what happens usually is, you know, you get co-opted by the government and they use your genius to create crazy derivatives, which, you know, melt down the financial institutions and to evade the, uh, nepped regulators like the uh where those guys it's it's such a basic thing who are the fucking

guys who investigate the stocks f e c c c c they suck who's going to join the cc who's getting into finance that's going to end like in learning this shit and then it's going to be like well i'm not going to make billions of dollars i'm going to work for the cc no it's stupid i mean like there's ways to regulate this shit but i mean like You got to find smarter ways to do it. And also not the fucking things where it's like, well, obviously no one's going to join this dumb organization. You got to regulate it like, look,

this is not a discussion for now. But the point is, uh, Bobby Fisher on 9-11, very fun. Troubled man. Uh, very anti-Semitic. But I play chess. And, uh, yeah, these people like, you know,

they win, like, they'll get a simple checkmate or whatever. They'll take a piece, they'll lay out, and they go, LOL, and they try it in your head. And it's enraging. I wish I could, I wish I could fucking track these people down. I wish I could track down these chess players. If anyone's a hacker, I mean, I shouldn't even say that. Even me asking that to the public is just, you know, but I just imagine getting one of these chess kids and just fucking just fucking hitting them.

Just fucking showing, hey, this is, get in the hammer, going, this is the dick suck hammer. You're not kids They're all adults You know I'm not kids But he's fucking Here's a hammer You

Nah This is not That menacing I don't know Like It seems more like I'm making To brush your teeth

These fucking Scumbags But I'm rambling now Just rambling about chess Anyway We'll move on But

The other thing You know Apparently There's a Kamala Kamala Harris, I believe it's Kamala Harris, which I always suppose Kamala Harris, but it's Kamala Harris.

First of all, I pegged Kamala. I didn't peg Kamala. I didn't peg Kamala. I don't. First of all, I wouldn't peg anybody. I have a dick. I don't need to peg someone. Someone pegs me. Second of all, there's not what I meant by peg, but I called Kamala Harris when I watched the, it was at a bar with Lucy and her friends.

We were watching the first Democratic debate over a year ago. I'm like, she's fucking good. She's just like, it's so insane that, like, there's no talent in politics. I know it's a fucking wasteland who'd want to do this. But still, I mean, the amount of people just trying to get, like, teaching jobs and just trying to get, like, fucking, you know, tenure in university and just, you know, who want to fucking work.

The man of people who just want a fucking job in sanitation, you think there'd be enough. There's no good jobs anymore. So, I mean, you get, you know, you make a few hundred grand years of president. you think you get someone better than the scumbags they fucking offer up most of the time i mean just a net they can't they just can't be human for a second they can't even fake it they're just like you know they came and they like it's one thing to be a crony but like you know whatever happened to just just just hiding it better but you know common

it just came out of human quality it just thought she was a good speaker a good order a good dynamic whatever i mean you know point is uh the fact that the left hates You know, look, she's a cop, I guess. They call her a cop. I mean, she's a DA. I don't know. It seems kind of racist to me because, you know, it's like, there might be a clobbercher of the DA.

They didn't bring that up. And then fucking, you know, she's a DA. You know, did she put, when her reason, I mean, I'm sure she did. And I'm sure she was aggressive. I don't know. It's also like she probably would have gotten fucking job lost if she didn't fucking do her job. You know, it's racism exists on all level.

So, you know, you kind of giving her, you know, maybe she's the devil. I don't know. I mean, I can't vouch for it completely, but it seems, point is, but apparently they're coming out, I thought she was a fine choice. I mean, I don't know what you expected, but they're coming out her with this fucking, a new birther fucking claim.

Some guy in Newsweek, who's claiming he wasn't doing it, I don't know, it's a level of just aloofness. There's got, I mean, there's too much content out there because this guy from Newsweek, who wrote his op-ed, and then if you, I guess it wasn't there before, but if you read it now, it's going, like, apparently this op-ed has been,

being used for jingoism. I'm bringing up here? What you have it right here? Editor is note this op-as being used by some of the tool to perpetrate racism and xenophobia. We apologize. The essay by John Eastman was intended to explore our minority legal argument by the definition of who was a natural-born citizen in the United States. But the many readers, the essay inevitably conveyed the ugly,

message of Senator Kamala Harris, a woman of color, and child of immigrants, but someone I'm not truly American. Now, I didn't read the entire thing. I mean, look, there's a debate, I guess, about, you know, her parents were Jamaican, one was Jamaican, one was something else, and, you know, it's all constitutionality. But the idea that you would make this fucking day and not, like, I call bullshit, but it's not the point of this discussion here. I'm just saying, but it is funny, the aloofness of, like, supposedly well-meaning liberals.

I don't know. It was, oh, we didn't bring it up for that reason. I mean, they really are just like These editors must just be scumbags Who just like, you know, they know they know the trolling They know that, I mean, they wrote the editors note Before they wrote the article You know, you know, like it's like they literally wrote that

I was an op-ed that fits this And then the guy's like, yeah, I guess Because you know, I'm just, I mean, you're paying $100 of op-ed So why not? I mean, it's too much what they make No one's getting paid anymore But the point, it's just crazy Like this burnt their shit

like we let them get away with the laziest plots in politics now we don't even like we don't i mean trump is a crazy dynamic figure but like short of him like the but the actual dreads plot threads like it's worse than an episode of dexter we're we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna we can't come up with a new fucking thing you can't come up with a new like these judge these Republican judges can't just be, you know, not just be like, you know, date raping abortion haters, you know, like, I'm saying you can't come up with a fucking better plot to the end of, you know, the country than this. I mean, some of it's fun.

I mean, Donald Trump's brother died. He had a brother. I mean, I didn't even know. So that's, you know, an interesting. It's almost like when they're writing the character and you go, who is this guy? Like, oh, like, when they'll have, like, fucking boost. shemmy come into those middle of sopranos it's like oh you never mentioned this guy before but i guess he's here and like he was a close your closest friend but you never brought him up you never went to

see him in prison i guess he wouldn't as a mob boss you know but they knew i mean they probably knew they were cousins and you could probably go see he cousin tony bendetto whatever his name was just saying this is what it feels like was his dead his dead brother i mean rip you know i don't wish any harm whatever the expression is which you the best uh hope you get to the afterlife intact, but it just seems like a strange plot device. And like this birther shit is, I mean, like, get a better angle. Like, this is, I mean, the reason the Republican part, I mean, remember how Trump cut through the Republican field?

Jeb Bush and fucking Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz? What are they going to do once he's gone? I mean, once he's done, I mean, that's the thing about it. It's the one hopeful thing, because you can't deny that he's whipping up, you know, white nationalism but it's also there's a certain i mean look there's a certain segment where they don't need to be whipped up creatively but he's able to do it in a way where like i don't know i don't know if it'll be repeatable i mean but then again maybe there will be maybe maybe trump is uh and he's got a strange error where you know maybe maybe you know

maybe you can't maybe you can't maybe fucking i mean his sons are fucking duds i mean one's fucking literally like you know half fucking you know he's like he's he's got a bucket and he's drinking flint water and the other one's just a fucking crony his daughter i mean like they act like his daughter some fucking whizkid i mean just can jerry kushner be a fucking you know more of a fucking mustache year creep you know he doesn't have a mustache i mean there's no one there's no one of talent in the whole fucking thing besides him and like i'm not saying he's great but i'm just saying like from a cynical point of view I don't know who's going to

What is fucking you know Is Jared gonna like You know make his attacks Like he's the member of the fucking famous speech With the rally When he's like talking about Who was it Like who was the guy

At HUD You know he hit his mother with a hammer And he's just going on all He kept saying He hit his mother with a hammer And it was just a great speech We'll go that one up It was a

Ben Carson When he's going to Ben Carson I mean, no one's going to pull this off I mean, these early rallies are crazy I mean, like, so a point is why is the goddamn point? What am I talking about? But yeah, I mean, point is

they need to find a, I'm not saying fix anything. You know, if you can, sure. If you can give Flint water that isn't poison, sure. It seems like you can't. And by can't, I mean, won't. But I mean, whatever.

I mean, I'm not going to mean a man that changes the world yet. I'll run for president one day. 2024, I'll run. All right. So if you don't fix it by then, fine. I'm just saying, in the meantime, I don't understand why you can't,

like get some fucking, you're friends with the McMan's, right? Get some WWE writers. I mean, I hate wrestling, but it's better than fucking another birther thing. Enough. Come up with something more creative. Come up with, like,

just lie and say she's like, you know, literally an alien. Say she's, I mean, they're coming out with these UFO things. You know, make that the thing. make say she's cute I don't know that she's part of the pedophile army I'm not I'm not approving any of this

but in this day you're going back to birtherism again it just seems lazy it's lazy hate and uh I don't know I don't think that should get away with it I think you know we just demand more I mean I stopped watching Dexter once

John Lutt guy was done you know the show was dumb to begin with but you know it was kind of compelling uh by season after season two was awful but then jimmy smith was really good and then uh but it was a dumb season but jimmy smith was great and like i kind of like it was he weirdly held it up and then the same thing happened in season four with john littgow was you know really you know he's great john and like i don't usually watch a show just for john litgow but you know it was kind of like

all right just kind of keep my attention but that falls yeah and that was done i was done after that so the point is um you can't just tolerate you can't just tolerate you can't just just keep watching Ozark and fucking narcos, it gets bad? I'll stop, I stop watching Intensive Anarchy the moment Danny Trejo was like a fucking CIA agent going,

hey, I, yes, we work for the CIA. And it's like, what is this? Like, they're recruiting the bikers? No, I tap that. Be willing to tap out on television or anything that gets crazy. All right? Enough. Hello, Lucy.

Say, come over here. Say hello to the people, but duck down to the camera. That's Lucy. Hello. You know, over for more love. It's disgusting and all that, you know, which is, uh, perhaps coming back soon. Right? Yeah.

Yeah, we're going to do it. We're going to do it again. Uh, so yeah. So, yeah, so just don't accept it. Don't accept the laziness. But, uh, yeah. So, this's been a great week. Uh, yeah, look.

you like this show that's great thank you for listening thank you for watching uh if you like we have the patreon available you go to rake uh patreon on the com slash ray comp uh you go on my twitter or instagram you can see it in the bio and we get an extra episode every thursday um people seem to like that very much so we're all just very excited about content and then you got the extra tier with the extra episodes if we want to spend a little more you get more episodes knows it coming very soon down the pipe and uh you know but every week we have you know we're just pumping them out it is just this is the comp mania you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at right comp but you probably already do and uh but yeah so you know

if i if you don't go to the patreon i'll see you next week but if you do otherwise i'll see you Thursday and uh thanks for listening have a great night Thank you.