Kump - 45 - Content is Kump

Episode Date: August 30, 2020

Ray explores the bright side of the dark side of the content dystopia. 

Welcome to Komp, before we begin, before the content starts, I want to remind you all to smash that, to subscribe, to subscribe. buttons or smash it sick of you guys not you have to smash well sign up notifications send them to uh your your email address get phone notifications

smash it this is where I need a graphic guy I mean I need to do this people have been telling me I need to put these fucking call to actions on my videos on my YouTube videos um we have to fucking

this is this This is the new world we live in, all right? It's not enough for you to enjoy this. You need to smash that subscribe button, all right? I know you think it's a click. It's a smash. Feel like a man. All right?

Hit it. Hit it like it's your dad telling you that you can't have sex in his bed. He's going to work and you want to have your girlfriend over who works. You met her at the fucking. the Costco and you helped her carry her jugs of mayonnaise to her car and she was you know she was very weak built fat but weak a fat but weak woman who you helped carry mayonnaise to her car has agreed to be your girlfriend and good for you but your dad doesn't respect you enough to let you have sex with her in his bed what's the problem he's you you're at work dad

you're at your job where you do i don't know what you do i you've never really opened up to me and i don't know what you exactly it has something to do with are you an accountant or some kind of insurance actuarial guy or the same thing i i don't know i'm too focused on my mayonnaise girlfriend right all right and i want to have sex with her i want to please her not just because i got to get off i've i've lived long enough with loneliness that i can you know i can get myself off pretty damn easily. It's not even a thing anymore. I can come and less than, as long as if you give me all day, if you go to, when you usually, when you go to work, I'm doing it all day, but I could also do it very quickly. I can just crank it. I know which video is to

watch. And they say, it's like, it's like, it's like, sometimes you want to smoke pot. Sometimes you want to shoot heroin right into your veins and I can do either. But it's the loneliness, dad. It's the loneliness. And this, this fucking woman who's, uh, You know, she's a little older. She's, she's in her 50s, and she's been through the ringer. You know, she's been in marriages that didn't, you know, value her. I want to show her that I value her. I want to please her.

I want her to get off. And I want to show her the ways of physical love and mouth-fucking, my mouth-fucking, her, you know, her, you know, junk, her gunk. whatever for pussy i didn't want to say i felt crude saying pussy but it's a pussy we all agree it's a pussy and you know there's no reason i can't go down my man and his girlfriend dad what's the deal and he he won't relent and so you just want to smash his fucking smug probably an insurance accountant face just fucking smash it like that subscribe button go ahead and like while you're out give me a like your dad doesn't want you get let you get your dad doesn't want you to like me your oppressive dad who fucking resents the fact that you live

at home doesn't want you to like this podcast doesn't want he's against comp right you get that you understand that he is a he is the obstacle in your life not me i'm trying to help you i'm trying to give you the tools you need to break through this this sexual barrier that your dad's for you. You need to like and support you need I need someone out there who's familiar with graphics motion graphics computer graphics to make me a little click icon I need a click I need so I need to be it's not enough to say subscribe on my content I need someone to show a diagram in a little corner and a little little little fucking mouse pointer and a click noise and then you subscribe so that I need you, because I don't trust you to know what even that means.

We will read the word subscribe. There's whatever that symbol is that looks like the word. You don't know what it means. You thought it was some kind of Roman numeral. Did that one in the episode number? No, those are the letters and words. It just doesn't, you see that shape in my new graphic that some computer kids going to invent from me? That's what you click.

Click it. And that way you get notifications every time I post. it doesn't matter that at the same time every week you need to know exactly when all right this is very important this is the new age we live

this is the gig economy the gig economy what am I doing the gig economy all right it's not this is not the old days with Walter Kronkut

how do you say his name the guy who announced Kennedy was dead he didn't have to fucking they had other people shill for him he would just be like I'm the guy who fucking

oh Henry Kissinger is a bombing a child factory, a factory that makes children, but also is run by children. That's probably not good, but I'm a pretty objective news guy. And then just go to commercial, and it would be tied or Dow Chemical

or whoever, just, you know, just forcing you to, like, absorb their shitty content, which I don't give you. You don't have any of that with the new YouTube age. YouTube, you don't get any of these shitty fucking, like, oh, you're going to trick me into using soap? Oh, I don't need soap.

What do you think of shit directly into my underpants? No, hot water will suffice, thank you. I don't need your soap-down chemical. I'll just put it in my sink and just, you know, the hot water will make it, you know, it kills germs. You want me to buy soap? And that's that we live in a better age. now but you do have to be the trade-off is that i have to talk to you like you're a rabid doll

you're like you're like some person who was raised by well i mean they always say raised by wolves i mean are the wolves really are the wolves giving the baby meat or they why why why why why aren't your wolves killing the child this has ever happened i think it was raised by wolves the the wolves are so dumb. Well, it was like a pretty smart I thought. They confused babies for wolf babies. And then like, they play pretty rough too. Don't they?

Wouldn't the baby even mauled? Just in a playful, like the way kittens, you know, play with each? I don't know. My point is, but that thing is what I have to teach the click. Is there a lack of dignity to it? Maybe, but that's the world we live in now. That's what we're doing, okay? You want to go on, you want to watch a tutorial on YouTube about how,

fucking build a carburetor for a car you'll never own i don't know there's just people out there just posting very interesting stuff it's very esoteric and like you know but they still know how to ask you to smash you got to smash it's not enough to click you got to because you have to feel empowered you're choosing walter croncrite crick crick crick crat skit skibbock he's not he's he's not around anymore and he he wouldn't fucking teach you how to build a car these guys will teach you that build a car they'll teach you how to i mean they used to probably teach you to build bombs so they stopped fucking allowing that in youtube because of the uh you know gal corporate i guess but uh you can learn you can learn to be an accountant like your dad and that how imagine that

you could show up to your dad's probably insurance company and you're in a you're a cheap suit it's still your first day you haven't gotten paid yet but you stole it from a thrift store do that and you know just you know you'll have vice and like you know ticks and my you know some guy died in it um who cares you know this is this is fucking guerrilla warfare against your dad just show up and say hey i i went on youtube and i learned to be an accountant and all i had to do was we talk to, like I'm a goddamn, I don't know what the proper terminology is anymore. Someone who's been, you know, had a fucking screwdriver shoved into the back of his skull. And I did.

I smashed and I clicked and now I got the knowledge. It's a tradeoff. You can't have dignity and knowledge. You can't have dignity and entertainment. All right? That's not what we're about anymore. We're about just, like, embroidered. Grace the fact that you're a number.

You're a number, this podcast is a number, you know, a number of clicks, number of likes. You're one of them. You're part of the process, all right? You're part of, and you can see it. You didn't know how many people were watching Alf when you watched Alf. You assumed other people did. But now you can see it. You can click it and the number goes up by one.

I did that. That's all we have anymore. That's all it's left. is to be part of this back-and-forth thing we call entertainment. It's just chaos. People yelling at each other, screaming about who did what on, I don't even know what they are, Vanderpumps. Which race did the Vanderpumps try to eradicate this week?

Which hedge fund did, you know, someone suck off someone from? I don't know. I don't know what happens in Vanderpump. Is it Beverly Hills, California somewhere? I don't know who these people are. I don't keep track. You know, I wonder sometimes, are these, do we give too much credit to the people,

like if, you know, the Federal Reserve was signed, you know, the meeting on Zickle Island that created the Federal Reserve, which is a conspiracy theory, but also, you know, it's pretty well documented that these guys got together. And, you know, the lieutenants of fucking rock,

Feller, Morgan, all these guys. And then, like, Jacob, uh, I forget their ice room to name their names. Is it Astor? Jacob Astor? I don't know. Uh, point is, you know,

would J.P. Morgan just be fucking getting sucked off by a fucking a guy who were, or, you know, a two, a man and woman uh, together, two people who worked at, you know, the fucking, uh, the gap. And there's a drama this week.

We, we, yeah, this is, this is, this is, we're worried about how it's ruining our society, but maybe we won't value the rich anymore. It's nice, right? It's a nice thing that we, everyone's taken down a peg. You don't have to feel like they have it any better than you, even though they do.

The fact that you're watching them is giving them billions of dollars or millions. The billions come from Amazon and things like that and bullshit stock scams. But the point is you're part of it. You're a voyeur. You're watching. It's fun. You know, you, I mean, this is, you don't need to go to fucking, um,

you know, these protest sites. You don't need to. But, you know, you can just fucking, you're already a part of the process by smashing the subscribe button. It's there for you. So if anyone knows how to, I don't know how you make graphics. If you put them into a, you have to get some kind of Unix system, some kind of cobalt programming language um but i'd love to be able to have a little fucking diagram of a of a house and it's just

you know i mean it really should be we're getting to a point now where they're going to merge content and go fund me's and it's no longer i think it's already debased enough that like it's very nice when you see someone getting a go fund me that works like hey i need this surgery i'm not covered and like yeah i need like $15,000 like oh shit I don't have 15 grand like this could be me and then like sometimes you see

it within a matter of you know within a day they get it it's like this is great this is a great thing but it's also a level of debasement you know sometimes like

hey like my kid is like his arm is you know it's not connected to his body it came out separate and then the doctors they can put it back on and it'll work they said

because he's young but now you have to they have to show you pictures of their kid whose arms just like here's him and here's his arm and it looks kind of rotten i mean i think i'm looking i go i don't think you can put that back on and arm looks like it's like i used to work on more we all know this and like i've seen decomposed arms that arm is green and their skin is slimy off of it and like i i think the doctor tell you this because i think how you know you can't just put deep what they call necrotic flesh back into

the body it'll spread like gangrene and they assure me no a doctor says fine you fat fuck shut your mouth you're not helping if you're not helping you're hurting be part of the solution so i keep my mouth shut when most these things come up i i don't critique the tact i want this kid to have a better arm i want him to have a functional arm i don't agree with the tactics per se but i'm also not on the side there are people out there who don't want him to have a better arm who don't want him to be able to play baseball of his daddy. There's creeps out there who want this. I don't want to be aligned with them.

And so I just keep my mouth shut. Because, you know, maybe it'll work. Where do I know? Maybe it'll work. Are you seeing an analogy here? Maybe you are. It's not that fucking thickly veiled. Point is, I don't necessarily agree for everything,

but I let it happen. I can stop it anyway. But, you know, I'm not going to be the flying the ointment going, well, I'm just going to worry. I mean, whatever. Give the guy, give him 15 grand see if it works. But the point is,

you shouldn't have, they shouldn't have to ask. They shouldn't have to showcase his grotted arm to the fucking public and go, look at this. Look how disgusting my son's arm is. Look at a piece of shit my son has for an arm. What a raw deal he's been given.

Look at him. I'm pathetic. He can't even play baseball of his daddy. I think I love him less than they should. It's hurting my body. ability to love my son that he can't play baseball with me because I'm a really big baseball fan even though it seems like a like a lame way to interact and no one really seems to like but no but I do I love it I fucking there's nothing better there's no better way to get to know

this thing that you know it came out of your wife or maybe you know maybe this thing you adopted let's be inclusive there's no better way to get to know this fucking armless fucking ooh it's rough but i want to get to know them but i need to play baseball with them it's a pre-reck it's it's a it's a non it's a deal breaker and you have to and you have to fucking like just put this on this point no one can have anything to themselves anymore there's no more dignity there's no more like the point is not to be like they shouldn't go on go fund me of course there's the only option they have my point is just why are we in the system where they have to tell you that like You know, they say you're always going to love your kids.

But, you know, you see the world and, you know, not everyone does. Maybe I'm one of those people. And you have to admit that. Your deepest, darkest, you can't even just wait for, like, you know, it to figure itself out. Maybe by the time he's five, you like him. No, you have to admit right away. Look, I know it's new. I know I should give it a shot.

But I'm telling you, I'm definitely not going to love this kid if he doesn't have an arm, which is not a good thing to do. Like, no, that's not, I'm not saying it's like it's an objective truth. like you shouldn't love your kid. You should love your kid with that arm. But this guy in question really loves baseball. I don't know what to tell you. I can't fix all the world's problems.

So he has to go and fucking, and that's going to be the new model for YouTube. Is that you go to the con, because that's the thing, I could make graphics all day. I could show, I could have a fucking, a little robot boy graphic,

and he's jumping around, and he's distracting you, and like, I'm trying to talk about geopolitics, and he's just, like a fucking this weird robot with a dick and he's just like ah it's just spewing fluids all over the place going subscribe subscribe smash me and like you know like a lot of all these content creators do but like how do i know you're going to do it what really what this should be a thing is like

you should be i should be able to not give you content until you until you click it until you click subscribe because god forbid you watch one video if you watch one video you watch one video you might as well not watch any all right i need to be able to monetize every aspect of this every fucking moment if if you're not paying attention you know to my ad read for uh a chemical uh pregnancy castration uh which i don't know what that means but like i don't have to know they just give me copy i go i'm you sure this is the right thing it seems you're combining two products here no it's a chemical pregnancy castration and i have to read these words And it's just like, hey, does your wife ever have a baby, but you want the baby to be sterilized, but not her?

And I have to pretend like it's common. We've all been in this situation when our wife is pregnant pregnant, and we want the baby to come out sterile. But you know, but you don't, you might want another baby who isn't sterile. So you just want to sterilize the baby. We've all been there. We've all been in that this is the most common problem ever, and someone's finally given us an answer. And they sell them, they sell you this product. and it probably is just a jar of, you know, like,

those chemicals used to develop pictures. Remember in the movie The Master when Joaquin Phoenix is like, one of those old-school drunks who's using, like, you know, weird industrial chemicals. Was it like depression ever? I know depression ever. People would find, when they outlawed booze, they find new ways to get drunk, and so they use, like, these weird chemicals. And that's what this is.

This is just extra, like the chemicals. they use like you know they stop making polaroids film but there's like some component but they still have a surplus of it so they just say it's going to sterilize a child when you want they they have you have to create demand in advertising right anyone can say hey here's mcdonald look at these fucking hamburgers you eat one you fat fuck anyone can do that a true marketer knows how to um create the man where never existed uh you know Edward Bernays he fucking, the father of

public relations who worked the, you know, the seminal classic propaganda. You know, he, he fucking, women aren't smoking cigarettes. So he fucking, he made some fucking parade for women's suffrage or something and go, you know,

and he called him like liberty or like, you know, fuck men cigarettes or like, you know, matriarchy, some shit. They made a thing, torches, something, freedom tortures or some shit. and men don't want them to smoke and they just it's we're simple people so the point is he created a demand which is what this chemical question

so that's what you know but if you're not paying attention to that what good is it I need you to so what we need to fuse together is a system where I can like you know I have a photograph of your child this is your armless child this is your armless child if you want him to have an arm, you're going to need to click that button right now. It'll be a little, I'll be holding the green screen.

Because eventually the computers will know everything. They'll fucking, like, what do you think Facebook is, you know, collecting all this data for? So it'll be a cool little template where I'll just, like,

you know, YouTube, because I'm part of the creator's program, probably, whatever. It's like, this isn't in the future. It doesn't exist yet, but they'll ship me a little green screen card. And then I'll be able to go

and hold it up, and it'll fill in whatever. fill in a picture of, you know, of your mayonnaise wife or your manny's girlfriend at this point. You haven't, you know, your dad, she might be your wife. Your dad would let you fuck her once in a while, but, you know, but he hasn't because you haven't clicked to subscribe. You haven't smashed yet, right?

So the point is, it needs to be kind of a hostage situation. Now, I'm not saying we threatened the kid, but like, you know, maybe we, maybe the algorithm will fuse it with GoFund me. So it'll, I'll hold up a green card. And the programs will automatically find a go fund me that this guy is part of or his wife is part of his friends, whatever, like, you know, people you care about. Everyone's got someone they care about, and that's how they can hurt you. That's how they can get to you.

It's the people you love. So they find a go fund me that you are sympathetic to and they go, this kid's not getting cured of cancer or armlessness or getting castrated or whatever it is until you smash the subscribe button. Can't get it. And again, the content's not going to start. we're not gonna we're not fucking around here anymore this is not a fucking free for all you know we gave you the free stuff for 15 years you've been watching youtube videos for long enough

without paying the piper and now we're getting ours all right the content creators we're not dumb all right and we're not playing dumb anymore and we've got you by the voles because we're gonna watch fucking brad pitt uh just taking a shit on fucking tbs that's the new show is this Brad Pitt takes a shit while he reads the fucking a barometer and tells you the fucking air pressure in Cincinnati that's what they're doing now it's giving you know they're just giving people a camera they're shipping them a camera probably cost five grand they're not even giving me like it's not even like a film crew just ship ship Brad Pitt a five thousand dollar camera which seems like a lot but really

in production world isn't it'll be off it'll be you'll notice the difference right away it won't look like uh like fresh off the boat the eddie wang sitcom bang i don't know i'm not trying to mispronance the name yang any so anyone i don't know point is what else is on tv i don't know it won't look like ozark it won't look like uh the kissing boot part two apparently part three is already filmed i don't know why i know that i saw a fucking link by kissing i i never watched the kissing boot um if i did there should be a thing where like if i do trying to watch kissing boots.

I get put under some kind of, you know, algorithm. And then there's a second one that came out. Oh, there's more movies about teenagers selling kisses. This, okay. Look, look, there may be a very lucrative field in teenagers selling kisses. I thought we were trying to stop that. But, like, is the implication that as long as they're selling it to other teenagers, that's fine.

You know, no, let them sell their kisses to age-appropriate people. But otherwise, this is ghoulish. I thought we were probably This is not priming them to sell kisses to other You know to only fans Are we priming them to be only fans girls Which is nothing wrong with that I'm not trying to sex shame anyone

If you're an if you're an appropriate age adult Doing sex work That's fine You know nothing wrong I watch I've watched plenty of porn So watch some porn You know time to time It's the thing

I mean everyone I mean some people may not be I mean, we all love to pretend like everyone watches porn. Maybe it's a better who don't, and it's like, you know, and we could just not watch it, and we're just being lazy. I mean, it's kind of thing like everyone steals some of the children's charity. And, like, you know, you just feel good about yourself. It's like, everyone lets this kid die of starvation instead of giving him a hamburger.

When you're eating a hamburger as a child, I mean, I guess in this scenario, I'm envisioning a situation where a child is on a brink of death inside of a five guys, you know, burger joint. and I'm just saying, no, extra pickles and mayonnaise and mustard and this kid's like, looking at me, like, oh, let me guess it. And I'm like, look, there's peanuts over there.

Why don't you eat the peanuts? That's a fair question. You know what I mean? Like, if he's not going to help himself, I should, I don't know. Put him on the Go on me, I guess. The point is, I don't, I don't, you know,

but there's a kissing booth three on Netflix. coming out so don't worry if that's something that you need to get through the pandemic another kissing booth movie it's there for you it's it's it's comforting and it's warm and we're all going to be fine it's more more look i'm sure there's a lot ins and outs of of running a kissing boot which i presume is for some kind of high school you know we have to we have to buy an extinct animal to like you know be our mascot because we used to have a we used to literally just have like humans in servitude as our mascots and then we realize that's wrong we realized we're part of the problem so now we're going to get this whale um which you know I don't it's some kind of whale

I mean I'm not biologist but they tell me it's it's it's pretty much gone but we're going to use this but you need to buy a new flag with the whale on it but um so we're going to sell little kisses to each other. I mean, this is the kind of thing, how does the American economy work? That's what if, honestly, is this an allegory for the economy for, like, you know, we're all just in a service economy now. And I get, like, economics are abstracted and, like, capitalism allows for, like, you know, scale and division of labor and not everyone has to farm their own shit. And I get it. And, like, you know, it's international. But if we're all just servicing each other, like, what are we giving to, like, what are we giving to, like, what are we giving

to anyone else besides missiles. I mean, the missiles are a lot. We're spending a lot of money. But it's kind of the same way. Hey, if we're just selling kisses to each other, little kisses, and how are we making money? And you find out some horrible thing, like, well, there's one girl, we got actually

a big influx because it's one, well, who gave her that money? And it's like, oh, and that's immediately inappropriate. And it's kind of a thing, like, that's when you find out, like, well, how are we making money in America? Oh, yeah, well, we just gave a, you know, uh, Syrian, you know, rebels, uh,

massive, massive arms while also opposing them and funding ISIS and, you know, we did 9-11 and go, oh, that's horrible. It's horrible. It's hard. Oh, that's how we're able to survive. This is, this is horrific. This is just like that movie Kissing Boot. You know, we should have learned from Kissing Boot that we shouldn't have, we should have questioned why we're able to all be in the service economy.

So, I don't know. I mean, you know, we historically don't seem to learn our lessons. It's hard to learn from, I mean, those who do, you know, don't do history. repeat themselves and you know it's because why would that you know it seems like pretty intuitive why would you even have to have a saying about that

because it isn't intuitive because we just keep we keep making kissing movies over and over so yeah so the point is we need to you know hold content by hostage now and just you know you can't just be a fan of something you have to be a monetized fan it's time for my Patreon and I mean that

sign for my Patreon if you don't want to do the $5 for an extra episode every It's every week, and you get in a great episode, and it's just fucking content, more content. You love it. It's not bad. Like, if it was bad, it wouldn't work. It's good. And if you don't want that, you give me, don't have a doubt, we'll make a tear, I'll make a tear for a dollar.

You can give me a dollar, you can be a part of it. You just want to be a part of it, don't you? You want to be a part of this thing that's cump. You're a cump boy, or cump girl, or comp, you know, non-binary, which is fine. you know it doesn't matter it's like you honestly what it's why it's it's it's bad for a boy or girl or whatever none of it's it's all horseshit or it's not you know it's horse shit because i don't care because i don't have to but if you if you're been told you can't be what you want then you care so it's one man's one man's thing that he don't care about the person's you know it's the

whole thing because you take something away from someone that becomes very important i don't know how psychology works the point is we need to hold content by the balls I mean, I mean, these only fans stuff Should people have to You know Be on only fans And so like They're not porn stars per se

I don't understand it myself I like porn I like the The trun Not that's the transactional element They're good That's my thing of porn I don't want to understand

Like occasionally I like the amateur stuff It's fine Um But you know Like something with fun Like a whimsical like the bang bus You know where they, you know, they pretend to find a woman who's walking down the street,

you know, hey, what are you doing, you know, ride, and it's all the whole, they're going forever, I mean, it's not like I watch whole episodes all the time, but you used to watch. And, like, there was a time in the 2000s where there was, when the internet got good quality, and there seemed to be a weird, it was a weird fusion of, like, people say sometimes, like, oh, porn used to have stories, but the stories are horseshit probably. And, like, they weren't fun to watch. But there was a level of, like, you know, with this mid-2000s porn, that's still kind of somewhat prevalent. I mean, but like, you know, that, you know, there'd be a kind of understanding, well, no, this is a porn star, but she's pretending not to be.

But it's also kind of, but she's pretending not to be in the process of her character as someone who knows she's being filmed for porn. It's very meta. I mean, it's very abstract, if you think about it. But the point, but the nice thing is that, you know, someone's still operating the camera and they know where to put it and to make the fucking, when someone's getting fucked, you know, it's like the angle with the ass and the slapping. It's just very, it's pride. They don't have, you know, but when you're watching. these like, you know, amateur, these, these cams, these webcam things. I don't know.

It's something, it's like when you watch a movie, it doesn't have any cuts in it. It's like that movie, the Sam Mendez made, 1911 or 1914, 1917, came out this year, or last year, about World War I. You know, Stamendez makes some good movies, and Roger Deacon shot it. He's a great cinematographer. I thought the movie, even though it actually wasn't filmed in one take, but they kind of had to shoot it in a way where it was all one content. continuous take. And everyone's marveling at it. And I watched it.

And I'm going here as a re... And my takeaway was, there's a reason films have cuts, right? There's a reason we have different angles because what you, you know, the limitations you... I mean, look, I can envision possibly... I mean, there's movies like Rope, which, you know, Hitchcock did back in the day where he hit the same thing, hid the cuts. So it felt like one long movie. And I don't usually love Hitchcock. It was like one of his better movies. Still probably isn't that. Like, I don't... I think the gimmick is outweighed by the fact that you know i i just cut in on the guy and see his reaction well that's not realistic yeah but i'm not watching this uh no you know i'm i'm watching porn for the uh i don't want oh you feel like you're in the room so i feel like i'm in

a room or someone they're just like i'm dressed and they're not and like you know they're just they're just kind of asking me i mean that'd be a terrible i mean honestly the experience you get in a lot of these things would be terrible if it was real life but you're sitting there with a woman, you know, can be very, let's just say she's very beautiful, and she's like, and, like, you know, a weird negligent isn't quite that, you know, it's just, it's fine. And she's just kind of like, you know, you're saying stuff, you're saying, you're so fucking beautiful. You watch these chat.

What happens in the chat? You're so fucking beautiful. Oh, thank you so much, why don't you want a private show? And, like, that's not human. That's not a way. Like, look, when I tell my mayonnaise girlfriend, when you tell yours, you know, it's not me, it's your manning's going to, when you tell her she says, I think you're great too, and you helped me carry mayonnaise at one time. And I wish your dad would let us

have sex. This is a dialogue that happens. But, you know, these things, when you're like, it's just these fucking sycophantic men who are too afraid to carry mayonnaise, who are too afraid to go out to Costco and just help someone, help a woman who seems sad. Now, the problem is a lot of these guys are, you know, they're pretty far gone, and they'll end up, like, helping some woman who doesn't need help. Some woman with her husband or kids, let me get that mayonnaise for you that's not for you you have to learn boundaries all right you have to learn to like you know feel things out and not just you know impose yourself into a family you know if these guys have their way they'll just you know they'll just you know they'll show up to dinner and be like

and they're like at dinner eating you know with the mayonnaise jar they're like like the family were reluctantly like they'll be too nice let me help with that mayonnaise and like the guy should be the guy doesn't want to be too toxicly masculine the dad so he's like he's hesitant he's like i don't want to say anything because this is me i don't be am i being a territorial guy am i being possessive of my wife by letting this guy walk up to my wife and children and carry jugs like industrial jugs of mayonnaise to our minivan i probably shouldn't say no that would be wrong with me that'd be toxic masculinity so i let he lets it happen and and he goes oh this is great maybe i should come over for dinner with you and your family so i can

try to, you know, I, you know, and he's pretty deliberate about it. You know, I think now, like, I'd like to be, you know, with, you know, your wife. Always say, she's a woman. I think I want to be with you. Like, well, this is bizarre. They're all too nice. You know, and this is fine, you know, but, like, thank you. But, no, he, but we don't need the whole dialogue.

He cut, too. He's at dinner, and he's just there with your kids, and you're sitting there going, like, why is this guy going to leave? And he just keeps bringing up the mayonnaise thing going, remember when he helped you care of that mayonnaise? Oh, great. Crazy times, huh? That's what I...

So, you don't want to be that guy, as a point. But you need to kind of fucking meet people. You have to go get a hobby. I always tell you to get a hobby, and, you know, and you meet someone at the hobby.

Be a woodworker, and then you go a woodworking expos, and you can meet a woman who's into woodworking, or just go to a fucking town fair. COVID, you know, I get it. But, you know, once it's over. I mean, they might still happen. Those stupid fairs, I used to go for my mom,

these craft fairs, they'll be around like a lake, a little... I mean, there's a little tiny lake in the little island in Babylon town hall. The town of Babylon. There was like a... These have a little fair around there where, like, all these little craft people. I mean, you know, she'd buy, like, little dolls and, like, you know, scarecrow dolls and whatever the fuck. You know, weird Amish-looking dolls.

I don't know what to tell you. You'd be colored sand. That's where I got my two legit to quit card. It was a license to chill. My license to chill card, which was a Pepsi thing. You know, there was a thing. Pepsi used to have a credit card that didn't actually work, but it was just your license to chill.

It was a marketing thing. And I've got to tell you, as a little kid, it was the greatest thing in the world. Just the idea that I have this card is my credit card. Oh, my God. It's just some dumb... You're just a fucking advertising. Shut up, you fucking bitch.

It's not just an advertisement. This is the licensed to chill card, which I am licensed to chill. And you know, why? Because I earned it. Because they had a take... That's how you got your license to chill card. Is that you would have to...

sit down and do a taste test and they'll give you a cup unmarked Coke and Pepsi and you'd have to drink one of it and tell them which one was a Coke which one was a Pepsi and I got it right and they gave me a car and you would think

well everyone's going to get it right they want you to feel like you know Pepsi because no one can tell a difference it tastes the same and they know it's a little different I mean people like to probably tell you they can tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi I drink it interchangeably

it's not like I couldn't tell you the difference but it's like whatever it seems like a weird thing. I mean, even for me who drinks a ton of soda, it's a weird hill to die on. It's a weird point of pride to get fixated on the fact that I can, I can tell which thing is rotting my teeth more.

And it just tastes like, kind of, it's just tastes like, like caffeine. It's all it is to me. It just tastes like a, like a bland. It's just, it tastes like I'm not drinking water, which I subconsciously want. You know, it just, it's like, oh, it's just cold. Anyway, point is,

they give you the card. Now, you would think they just give you the card. But they, I saw people not get it right and they didn't get a card. And then you have to go around the back. Point is, I love this fucking thing. The next, they changed the next year to they got a habit card, which was the same thing with a little credit card. I think I forget, I think I had to just show on my license to chill card

because I was already one of them, right? Point is, this is what happens at a little fair. And you can meet people at these fairs, is my point. You can go and, like, you know, show, you don't have to take part in the Pepsi challenge but you can you know you do

you know you build a little table that your dad thought sucked your dad said this is you know why don't you fucking go back to school to be a fucking you know osteopath or they're a horse she he wants you know it's like you don't want that

you want to build tables you know you're not getting my room to fuck in no matter what you do but you know I'm also not I'm not supportive of your craft but you still believe

believe in it. And so you go with this fair and you're selling them for a reasonable price. Hey, charge more. People love the fact when they can see that you made it, not IKEA, they like, this is another benefit. You get some money. But also, women will be like, oh, that's very nice. And again, not every woman. You don't want to have a tent with your woodworking stuff. And the woman comes up and goes,

every time a woman says, this is very nice, go, would you like to have sex with me? I want to fuck you so hard. Oh, you're so beautiful. no don't do that but you know maybe strike up a conversation you know see if you can kind of find a mutual you know maybe she's got a copy of uh you know a das capitol and you can talk about talk about you know how you both want to overthrow uh private property and you know how martin people don't really get how marks is you're not just about the economics but about reasons of a kind of weird utopian thing and like yeah and yeah and chat about that and then you can fucking you know you get the fucking later. You know, the fucking always comes later. Unless, you know, certain people

got these fucking, the beautiful bodies and the dicks and the pussies, they can fuck on demand. But, you know, it's, but it's not some, but that's the exception. You know, so for most of us, it's great. You got to fuck later. First, talk about marks and then show your woodworking, and then you fuck later if she wants to. This is my point. So I'm saying, it's like, you know, this is the thing with Only fans. You have these people who fucking, you know, But they don't do, they don't take these steps to, like to meet women or to learn to talk to them. So they get into a, you know, fucking situation where they're just like, I, I just want this sort of talk to me. And like, you know, this is great.

I love you. And it's like, it's fine. I mean, like, these guys are, you need to marshal this because they're not going to, look, I could, I could get in shape. You could learn to read. But we don't. So the point is, like, you know, we don't know what we have to do, but we don't do it. So this guy could learn to not be some kind of maniac, but he's going to keep being a maniac. So better he's got some kind of thing to do

Where he's giving you little digital tokens they paid for And like, you know And then you're showing him your tits Whatever, it's harmless It's mostly harmless But uh, so I'm all for it And then the economy's falling apart So why not?

Um, but then Bella Thorne comes along Who I don't even know who this woman is Bella Thorne Um And it seems to be a common refrain, you know It seems like she's once famous But when you start reading these tweets about what happened with only fans, there's also a thing of enough people don't know who she is, where it's a somewhat common refrain.

I mean, am I out of a loop? She's an actress of some sort. I'm going to move the mic. We're going to do this in real time because, you know, at one point, I remember looking it up. I didn't think I recognized anything. Can you see my head still? You got to make sure to see my head.

It's not just no. This is a video podcast, too, and it's very important. You won't smash that subscribe button unless you see my head. So we're going to look at Bell, because what happens? happened is very interesting so who is this fucking the dog drawn where she was in the duff which is 2015 i don't know what the fuck that she was in blended she was in midnight was a movie with adam sandler and drew barramore were um they they just take their fucking they both cut each their arms like one arm off each and they like grind it down i mean not they're they

it's called blended but like they get an industrial like like you know cement mixer they mix their arms together and they drink it like it's come um with a scream the tv series measure of revenge the mass singer robot she's in robot chicken i guess she plays jean gray the x-men and you know that i get there's tons of things on here and i have never alvin and shit amongst the road trip road chip i'm sorry the road chip marvel avengers academy the video game so i mean this this is like you can just be there's a whole class of people out there who you would think like

she's a journeyman actor I mean it sounds ironic but you know she's a person you wouldn't know who Bell Thorne is I don't think I mean I can't recognize any of these movies let alone who she'd play in them but apparently that's a weird disconnect between the adult entertainment world

and this quote unquote like legitimate artist world because you know I know like you know plenty of porn stars are I would glad you know effortlessly named you and they're great they're really good at their job um i'm not gonna rattle them off now just seems you know i'm trying to be a classy guy

not that's not classy to watch porn but it's a weird thing it's look you know analyze the psychosis of it all if you want to but the point is she being part of just you know she's in these horseshit things and you know how many people are even watching but she goes on to only fans and immediately the first day gets a million dollars and in the supposedly legitimate money that's how much People want to see some random ch—I mean, the people in porn now are amazing, and it happened for a long time. I mean, the amateur thing is very common now, but, like, you could see something most beautiful and, like, fucking sickeningly, like, hot, but also kind of, you know, not attainable, but, like, you know, like, down to, like, girl next door, whatever one call it shit. Like, stunning people.

People are hotter than fucking read a hayward, like, it's crazy. It's almost like, what is going on? in the world where it's like, shouldn't these people at least be able to marry a rich guy? I mean, I mean, like, you think they would get married by like fucking crazy rich billionaires and like in, from around the world. But they're just in porn.

You can watch them. But for some reason, you know, the girl who plays the friend in some show you watched on Netflix about like, you know, a family trying to like scam the, you know, scam, uh, do like slip and fall scams in like a Wendy's or, or, or, whatever, you know, and then Walmart

and they just go around doing slipping fault. And I'll see, this just shows out so much better than most of the things out there. I should make this show. But whatever. The girl who plays like the cashier, like, she always spends the nose to them and it's kind of, it's not a big part, but like to see her naked, apparently, some kind

of great thing. It's like, it's an insane thing. It has to do with some kind of, like, this must be a crazy programming they do. Because who cares? She's no one near as, like, objective. Everyone likes what they like but i mean like you know if we're going to go by objective you know beauty standards or whatever hot bods i mean you know there's a reason of the the ass girls of instagram do what they do because they all got these asses and people like it and you know you don't see and sometimes

guys like the girl with the weird asses inside out or whatever but the point is but predominantly it's the big ass with the small whatever it's a thing and so it's you know tell me it's oh i'm just my fucking no you like her because you fucking you live in this world where you watch weird Netflix shows, like the kissing boot, and the slip and fall show, and all of a sudden, and you want to see, and now you, like, you want to live in this world and have a little love, have a little, have a little love affair with the girl, the cashier, the Walmart, that you still was on a slip and fall show. It's, that that's what's going on.

It must be, because who cares otherwise? Who gives a shit about, I don't, I, you look at her, she's fine. Why is this girl getting a million dollars and the other people get nothing? And, like, what these girls are doing is showing you the tits? it's all about like oh because I know she knew if I look at Riley Reed yeah she's a porn star

you know of course you know she won't know who I am you know you go to the convention to meet her too that's a weird it's a strange thing they're selling you this like

intimacy but in a way it's not all intimate it's kind of like it's like when you go a bad strip club and I talked recently I think about going New Orleans strip clubs

and like the woman there were just I don't know what it is I mean I don't know why the different factors but, like, just much better at, like, you know, making you just, they dance better, I guess, and they just have this way of, they don't have contempt for you. You got the ones in New York, sometimes they feel they have a contempt for you, or whatever.

I'm not looking for you to, like, not have contempt for me, but, like, you know, whatever. It's an intangible thing. And that's what these things always feel like. It's just feel like, ugh, what are we doing here? The women, I have no disrespect for them. It's just, to me, I've never understood, like, buy a token, and I'll take my pants, you know, I'll show you my panties. if you pay a dollar

I'll show you my panties if you pay $5 I'll fucking open my underwear drawer you can see more like it's like a fucking unending thing of like you know and eventually you can watch you're like

with a dildo maybe I don't know but the point is Bella Thorne got on here and they so she she made a million dollars for a day and that was legitimate apparently but then she did some thing where now it's like you can kind of there's all sorts of features I guess and she did a thing where she

basically put out to her only fans people is an extra thing and it's like uh i think it was like $200 was it 50 i forget it might be 50 but it was a nude picture so like if you want this nude picture it's just much money it's 50 bucks maybe and uh so a ton of people bought it like a ton of people like i mean a lot of people like i don't know what the numbers are but um and then it turned out she wasn't nude it was a lingerie picture which i don't look it's it's it's It's commendable that, like, if you're coming on to Only Vans as this supposedly famous woman. Your whole gimmick is like, I'm the girl from the background of the show that you sometimes saw your dad watching, and I'm a star. I'm going to come on this, you know, sex worker's site, we ever want to call it, and use my cachet as it is, and now I'm going to, like, play scams with you.

It's kind of cool on that level. Not cool, and we'll get to why it's not cool. But it's kind of fun that, like, she's a sociopath. She's just a maniac. She's just like, I'm going on this fucking thing. I'm going to all these fucking disgusting men, pugging their pecks, pulling their puds, whatever, just shutting things in their ass while they watch me fucking dance.

These disgusting, I'm going to take them for a ride. And she's, like, sitting there with her boyfriend, her hot European Duke boyfriend who plays polo. And he's just, you know, he's got his fucking chest, you know, and he's, fuck, watch me cuck these men. And, like, and she sends her a lingerie picture. And they lost their shit. But, you know, because people who do, like, you know,

only, you think, oh, what's the big deal? But, you know, when you're living in the only fans, you know, economy and you're, you're a buyer, that's like fucking, that's like getting a brick in a stereo box. Yeah, that's no good. You really, and I mean, honestly, it's like, if you think about the kind of people who would, I don't know if it's the best idea for, like, the pool of men who were very active on Only fans, be like, look, am I slandering? I don't know, but like, are these people you really

want, you know, to give them ammunition to go, this piss whore fucking, just get, you think she's better than me? She thinks she's going to fucking just play. I mean, I'm just imagining, like, the worst-case scenario, like, immediately. So it seemed, it's not a thing, but, you know, she's brazen.

And, uh, but so Only fans, they had to give, we gave a refund policy. And, uh, so they lost a ton of money, because they had, there's a transaction cost, credit cards and all that, which they had to eat and you know so I think they lost millions of dollars

so now all the legitimate people who were making their living paying for their kids medical bills you know trying to raise the money to get their arm back that brought his arm back in the kid's body or fucking you know because they lowered the

he's what they did they fucking lowered the amount you can get in a tip you know you can be able to tip up you know as much you wanted now it's capped like 50 bucks but some people are like I sometimes when I want to fucking sell someone

a picture of me sucking dick it's got to be 200 because you know it's 60 bucks then they take their percentage is 40 and then it's fucking the taxes like 30 bucks 30 bucks ain't enough for me to show you show you me sucking dick that ain't enough i mean that's fair i mean it's a weird it's a complex society we have a lot of problems i mean who's to say what is it's all very subjective i guess but i have no problem with someone saying hey if i'm going to show you me sucking dick it's got to be more than 30 because i mean 30 bucks is like you know on Seameless, it's like a sandwich and a bag of chips sometimes. I mean, I might even exaggerate. And you order, if you order the cheeseburger and fries, then maybe like an extra, an onion rings, I mean, that would be 35 in some of these plays, in New York, at least, I don't know where you're going from.

I'm just saying, things are expensive lately. Seamless has raised their prices. I don't want to get into that, but, like, you know, you're paying a lot for the, but you guys don't want to keep these, I'm doing the right thing, keeping these restaurants alive. So it's a balancing act.

But, you know, but I don't blame her when she's like, I'm not going to show you me. I mean, some people might not. care she cares and like i got to get more money but they're capping that money um so it's a problem it's a problem you know we're living in the good economy we can't have brad pitt coming in and like you know john crefluski right the cia plant jim from the office he did he had this show right he had a show where he uh it was called good news i think and it was he was in a suit it was over and they have a cardboard fucking desk or something he's all very kitchy um which is cute and it's fun he's a fun

guy he's jim he does the pranks i mean i like you look i watch a lot of the office over and over again it's a weirdly uh calming show um which might be immediately it might be a cia thing or you know fucking mk ultra thing because everything else these guys are part of i mean look he made the fucking movie with the monsters the noise which is good it was like basically a movie of fucking last of us or whatever um quiet place but like he's like he's like he's jack ryan in the fucking tom clancy movies he was in the benghazi thing the 13 days movie this guy always seems to play cops and see how you guys just fucking and he's been these 13 days could i mean i don't see it seems like you know uh zero dark dirty but like

they saw it go hey is there any way we can make this more polar like just more of a lot like just because zero dark dirty at least it doesn't feel like we want to feel like propaganda like zero dark dirty going like is this really what happens he's heightened And it's all lies, but it's like, this doesn't feel enough like we're fucking you. So can we make a movie about Benghazi? I mean, there's a kind of scene. Does it cut back to Hillary?

Just fucking every few minutes going like, why you keep calling me? I said let them die. And don't, you know, emails, put them all. And then you go, like, there's some guys with an AOL shirt. Like, I'm going to, like, put them all on my personal Blackberry these emails.

And it's just, it's all very, I mean, that's what it should be. um because people want it people want people don't want subtlety they don't want the wire anymore they don't want the americans they want a show with the from the creators of kissing booth about uh starring starring um you know clare dain's featuring as a fourth lead beller thorn but she'll somehow she's still a star uh it's about just you know just Hillary just fucking putting emails and then you know scolding uh bill about fucking kids

and Epstein's Island but in the way that like Tim Taylor's wife on Home Improvement would like scold him for like working on his hot rod instead of cleaning the bathroom

that's what we're dealing with that's the entertainment landscape so the point is but yeah and this Tom Clancy movie he's in or show he's just like I mean the first season was like stupid

but whatever then like the promos are all like a nuclear Venezuela you'll know in a mushroom class like that's like the level of like what you're doing there's like you know it's one thing to you can debate Venezuela and whatever the fuck about economics and this and that it definitely

this is this could be more of a fucking uh op or whatever you're going to call it what's he's doing he's doing fucking uh there's a term for that but point is um but this is the guy who made the good news show is my point that's what you know Jim from the office that's a prank he's doing I'm in the kind I know a lot of you people or have been spent years doing these YouTube shows

and building up an audience and we're gonna make kind of you make content and you tell people to smash and if they like you I'm gonna come I'm gonna swoop in I'm gonna fucking make a show

propaganda show I have Steve Carell call it and I have probably Rain Wilson and played Dwight and probably Stanley calls and everyone's just like and you're all and we're all just kissing and hugging

and we're all just fucking smash and subscribe and loving it and just putting some fucking rodid arm on on Phyllis' kids fucking put them on his back. We got more rioted arms than we know what to do with.

Just put connecting them fucking random children. This is great. And they sell it to fucking NBC or whatever. I think it doesn't matter. They sold it. And, you know, it's just a fuck you. It's like the gig economy, it's not enough for them. You know, Brad Pitt can't, you know, he can't let you be him.

Like, you know, YouTube stars are making tons of money. You got the Paul brothers, you know, and you got to, the fucking, you know, they're running crazy in Hollywood, and good for them. But, like, you know, a guy like Brad Pitt was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, but, you know, what movies were you in? You know, he's trying to protect that. Like, I'm going after Bell Thorne because I don't know who she,

maybe I'm part of the problem because maybe I'm being like Brad Pitt where I'm trying to take, you know, and being like John Krafiluski, I'm trying to take all the money for that on their behalf, you know, like, I'm not going to, but the point is, um, what is the point? point is smash a subscribe button I mean that really is the only point is just be part of it is a strange world we're living in it's very great

you're part of it now you're like you get to make the story you get to make the until some random extra from you know who was on two episodes of Fringe I was watching Fringe we were watching Fringe with Lucy and in the second season

first episode like this kind of character comes in And she looks kind of familiar. And whatever. I mean, I'd seen the show years ago, and I forgot about it. And then I realized that the credit, you said credit, Megan Markle, oh, shit, Megan Martin, and like, you know, it's whatever, she's fine. I don't know. It doesn't matter.

The point is, uh, that, that's what this is like. It's like, Megan Markle, oh, you were like that person that's on fringe 15 years ago, and you're the princess, which is good. This is a lovely story. But, like, it seems like they're selecting people, like Bella Thorne. How, like, I don't know. Who is, you? the people who work for Disney

You know The Disney Kids Club You know Britney Spears And fucking wasn't Aguilera Also on And so in Timberlake They're all part of the kids club

They say they are I watched that as a kid I don't remember any of them I don't remember anyone on it But the point is like You told me that guy's gonna be a star It's like what? I mean you remember who used to be a star

Who was a star as a kid Like Michael Jackson Have you heard Like watch the Jackson listen to the Jackson 5 recently and refresh your memory just like your mind like me i personally i'm a guy who like goes like look he had to be fucking doing with these kids i mean i i i'm open minded but i mean like no one it's just i'm not going but come on i mean i want to go and i don't think i've talked about before but like i have no uh there's nothing about like you know

equivocating here but you watched him um like the jackson five and you're you're in awe. A, I mean, if anyone was doing, but, like, the fact that a kid could just have this much talent is just, like, it's almost like, you almost believe in a higher power.

It's like, this can't just be, I mean, look, I hear you abuse cases, you know, whatever, but like, you, look, plenty of kids get abused. They don't turn out, this doesn't come out when you beat your kids normally, you know, so I don't know what,

I don't know how to explain this. And that's what used to be. That used to be the fucking, you know, the story. It was like, oh, that kid's going to be a star. But then you watch Justin Timberlake on this. I don't think anyone thought that. No offense, the guy's fine. You know, he's a fine man. I don't mind Justin

Timberley. I don't mind Britney Spears. But like, there's a certain it's almost like pasteurized milk. When you eat the raw cheese, cheese that, you know, isn't pasteurized. You get to really take, now I went to one time

to my car. Not to my car. In my car. disgusting car on low island to a cheese shop it was it was in patchhog it was a relatively new cheese shop uh well you know growing up there wasn't a lot of cheese chops around in low island but there was a it's kind of a trendy cheese shop and i've heard about how raw milk and raw cheese just the flavors just so it's like fundamentally different so i go down and i i show up uh in my car just full of garbage and i get out of the car and i go inside i want raw milk cheese and i think the only when they had was this blue cheese.

I don't think I like blue cheese, but, you know, but I need, I need, I need, I need raw milk. So if I can go, I buy, you know, it's $20, you know, it was $20, you know, it was $20,000 every time I buy cheese? Probably not, but the way I looked at it was like, this is an experience, like, to have an experience for $20. So I bought the cheese. And I go to my dirty car, full of garbage.

Taco Bell wrappers, McDonald, whatever, pizza boxes. And I just, I started biting this cheese, and it's disgusting. to me I mean I see the boldness of the flavor but it's gross and I'm not sure what the analogy is here but that's what we we're avoiding we're avoiding maybe maybe that's the thing maybe we're getting to a point now where if we gave people a Jackson 5 it would they would be disgusted with that much talent you know that when you show someone the depths of how great humanity can achieve they just shut down so maybe you know and you

won't want to live in your little you know YouTube hole so don't don't question it just smash that like and subscribe button everything will be fine you'll be with your manned his girlfriend one day one day should be a man his wife you know man these kids and your dad will never see them you'll never let him see them because he he tried to prevent them he tried to prevent them coming to the world so thank you very much um yeah so you know this is go on patreon and sign up if you want to be part of it part of the whole fucking thing you know you get an extra episode a week five dollars you don't want to do that give me uh donate a dollar that money will go to my my teat i'll get new teat so that's nice right it's nice every

thursday you get a new episode and i get a new teat um right what else do they fucking make you do they make you um like they make you like subscribe rate and review go on iTunes and rate and read and tell everyone how great this is and be salesman for me you know tell them why I've changed your life tell them how you were going to do horrible things when you're not I don't know whatever it is whatever comes to mind that you can you know make people need it's just it's got because everyone out there is just it's a competition for who can be the guru for who it's no more like you're not just watching alpha anymore you're not just watching Harry and the Henderson's.

It's who is your new, what's below a god above a person? That guy. I'm a John the Baptist guy. Maybe I'll be Jesus one day. But that's what it is. So that's why I want you to convey in these reviews. And, you know, it's a rate and review.

And, you know, Google Adsense. I don't know what that means. Carfax. But, you know, if you can put me on Carfax, you're a soldier in the comp army Carfax So it's great So thanks so much for being a part of this

You're a crucial member You know who I'm talking to it right now You know who you are You matter You matter Okay Have a good day Thank you.