Kump - 48 - Kump's Butler

Episode Date: September 20, 2020

Ray fantasizes about a broken near future and nominates himself for the Supreme Court. Sign up at patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week.

Hello and welcome to Kump. It's exciting time. It's exciting. I guess RIP first, to Ruth Bayer Ginsburg. She did a good job. She was a real, true American hero. She fought in multiple wars before becoming a judge.

I believe she was part of the French Foreign Legion. She might have been a, I don't know if you call her a terrorist, but, you know, she was part of a militant wing of the South African. I don't even know what they are. I don't know. I wanted to riff about South African mercenary terrorists, I don't have the knowledge base. So, you know, but she, you know, she, I don't think she was really a combat veteran.

But, you know, she, she did her part. She fucking did stuff. I didn't see the documentary. I didn't see it. I'm told she's a feminist icon. I know she's a woman. So that's like a first step, I guess. I mean, I don't think Kavanaugh is burning bras.

Probably just burning women. I mean, I could see Brett Kavanaugh, like, I mean, even if those charges, those rape allegations, were false. Like, well, you know, for the sake of argument, I could still see him, like, lighting a woman on fire as a prank. Does that make me some kind of libtar? Maybe. But I just, I mean, I get that sense from him. I get the sense that he would just, like, throw, like, a Molotov cocktail, but in, like, a fucking one of those jars they use for moonshine he seems like a like a like the smartest guy

in his town coal mining town west virginia but i guess he's rich right he's a rich kid probably but he seems like the fucking the lawyer who's also the mechanic who doesn't know how to fix your car like you bring you bring you're fucking stupid Hyundai alontra to him and he just like ruins your starter while he's trying to fucking do like you know a break alignment and then he's also like studying at nights to be a lawyer and sometimes he just you know throws um what what they call apple pie moonshine it's a big thing right they put these flavors in it i don't know if you i don't know if the woman can taste to flavor apple pie when he's lighting them on fire but you know that that that's the vibe for i i don't i don't call him a feminist icon i'm not going to literally

accuse him of, you know, putting ads on Craigslist saying, you know, a legal buddy, you know, let's study for the law exams. And then when you show up to the fucking local law library, you know, he's just fucking got like a super soaker full of gasoline. And then he just throws a one of those, like, you know, those stick light things for the barbecue at you. And he says, like, and he screams something like, too bad. you know, unlucky to be a woman or so he's not clever.

He wouldn't say something like fun. He wouldn't say something like, women stink. He would just, he would just scream, women stink and he lights a woman on fire. This is terrible, but I mean, this is where we're at now. I'm a reflection of the times. I mean, you think I'm the harbinger? You think I made this mess?

I'm sorry that we have a Supreme Court justice who lights women on fire in law libraries. but you know I didn't I didn't fucking go back in time and like you know realign the timeline my time machine

would not be used for that you know if anything I would just go steal butter I want to try raw butter and never had an unpasteurized butter and that's where my priorities are I wouldn't fuck with anything either

you know because if I go back and like you know stop Kavanaugh from lighting women on fire what's going to happen I mean what are the butterfly effects but I can go steal butter from someone's kitchen in, like, the 1850s, I'm not going to, like, bother, like, meeting the Founding Fathers.

I'm not going to, you know, I mean, I would like to see Native Americans, maybe, but they wouldn't, they wouldn't like me. They wouldn't get anything about me. They would, they would think I'm too fat, and they would, like, yeah, I'm not in tune with the land. I'm not trying to be, you know, but, like, back dead. Whenever they were the last, I mean, and when we came here, we fucked shit up, and, like, you gave them smallpox,

sometimes inadvertently, sometimes inadvertently, but at some point, you know, I don't know when the height of the native, the various Native American tribes were, but I'd like to go back there and see, you know, just see it in action, because it sounds great. We really, yeah, we fucked them. It sucks. But again, I don't think they would kill me, per se. I'm not, you know, implying that they're not, you know, nice people, but, you know, I would

kill. If I was, like, a dude, like a ripped dude who fucking just hunts with a spear or, you're an arrow and shit and like i have like all these cool names uh i know what the stars are and i saw me just waddling down with my fat ankles just like you know eating a fucking hot pocket that i just like had in my pocket um that's ironic i guess a hot pot whatever that's not what this is a fucking ziggie cartoon point is i'm just eating processed foods and asking where i can get some diet coke and i they would just kind of kind of kill me slowly, not like tortured.

They were just kind of like, hey, this is, this is not going to work. And they were just, you know, put a rock on my face. And I would be struggling. And that would be that. And then they would have my time machine. And then maybe they come back here and they take over our timeline. I mean, this is fantastical. I mean, it's probably disrespectful to even imply that Native Americans could have that option.

Like, you know, imagine if they could go back. Yeah, imagine if they didn't. genocide us well you know okay fair i'm not you know i'm not trying to be a fucking you know sorry but the point is ginsberg she did some stuff i mean i i just i don't know why everyone loves her um the left hates her or doesn't like you know i think they just don't think she did anything she's a corporate per who do you think's getting on the supreme court though you think it's going to be fucking ed bigley junior and uh i don't know some fucking that the that lawyer from the movie Spotlight?

Remember the other spotlight? It was a Stanley Tucci's like, I guess he, you know, I mean, he might have went to, you know, he might have been successful lawyer. I don't know. He's a lawyer who's like, dresses and seems like cheap suits. I'm not putting the guy down.

I'm saying he's a low-key lawyer. He's not what he's fucking blue blood, Harvard law, let's go fucking sign, you know, make a contract for Exxon, get, you know, get paid and get some hookers. He's helping kids who get raped. and he doesn't dress well, and he's eaten and have a Tupperware.

And, um, what am I talking about? Oh, yeah, so I mean, those, you, that guy's not going to get in the Supreme Court.

He should be, I guess. I mean, I don't know if he's a constitutional lawyer, whatever, who is. But, uh,

yeah, so, I mean, like, you know, you're not going to get, like, someone who's anti-system.

The system's not going to nominate someone anti, I mean, you can't even get a fucking, you barely got an AOC and, uh, Alon Omar. Are you going to get, you know, they're going to nominate the, you know, my lawyer, my fat lawyer who told me, uh, I got me, I don't want to get into it.

I had a fat lawyer at one point, and he was good. He was really good, but he, uh, he's just screaming at me a lot. I had some, you know, car, car issues, traffic issues. It's a friend of a family, kind of, I don't know, get into it. Um, there's not about my law riddled past, all right? We're talking about constitutional law here. And I'm saying is Ginsburg's problem. fine. She probably did a good job, as much you're going to get. I don't know who you think

you're going to get. But she's dead, and they're going to replace very soon. We're having new justice very soon. They're going to nominate them within a few days, where Trump is, I guess. They're going to fast track this goddamn hearing, and I guess after the election they're going to have it, which is not soon enough from me. And that's the problem. Because, you know, oh we might have a new blah blah in fucking december i need to save these babies now i'm really to saving babies now because that's what it's all about three i mean we have a real shot i mean i can't even fake but we have you know roe v wait right we're going to overturn this shit uh which i think it's great i think it's great to just fucking because we need all hands on deck we have a lot

horror in store and he's baby look what's what are these babies doing dying in the fucking planned parenthood you know garbage you know disposal whatever the fucking i don't know how abortions work i'm you know but like this is the horror time this is this is we're ramping up climate change uh civil unrest just you know the police state barreling down uh the complete collapse of the political order and you don't get out easy you don't get to fucking just go into a vacuum tube uh apparently we're we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna preserve you we need you we need someone to occupy these goddamn prisons these these poor profit private prisons you're not gonna fill themselves all right

and uh you know it really is you have to think about the lost revenue for private prisons for you know all these abortions that happen it's you know it's it's it's it's it's it's it's It's a tragedy. The, you know, they could be, they could be 5%, 10%? I don't know. Like, this could be the new thing. The new next app, Amazon's quaint. Amazon's done.

I got a fucking bug zapper off Amazon a week after I got it. Not even a week, three days. If I can kill two fucking flies. And then all of a sudden, it's just, you know, it's not zapping anymore. The light doesn't go on. That's who we're giving. in the future, too. No, private prisons are the new Amazon, and they're going to, and they're going to need these babies. Some of them will be guards, I guess, you know, we have a lot more babies

coming around because, you know, we're just going to get rid of abortion, and all these babies or some of them go into prison, some of them become the guards, maybe some will be designated as clowns, jester's, traveling, what do you call those guys? It's minstrels back in the old, like in the Crusades or whatever, the Middle Ages. You know, like this, they'll give them code names, you know, A4, 22, 61B. You are now a jester, he's your mandolin, and go to the Detroit and, you know, try to cheer people up. You know, the chemical fires are raging. Brett Kavanaugh is just burning women from the, from the capital.

I don't even know why he's in the capital. He, you know, the Supreme Court's a different building, but he's on a retirement. Honda just throwing, you know, little chemical bombs at like female staffers leaving, you know, leaving the, uh, leaving the Congress for the day. And he's just, uh, it's all hands on deck. So, you know, just cheer people up, give people a little bit of joy. You know, uh, I know, you know, wasn't your plan, but, uh, it's excited. Look, I mean, it's great.

But, uh, for me, I mean, I honestly is kind of fucked with that we were, uh, it's not even going to like end abortion so I don't even know what these people are getting at like it's not really going to it's like it's just go back to the states if they do overturn it I don't have even politically realistic it would be it's all so bizarre that you know looking at I mean how much can you love a baby that isn't yours I mean babies are cute I get it they have like feet and they have hands like oh I have feet and hands it's like a little me um and that's where it is you know what my I'm not going to play with your baby?

Am I going to fucking, you know, oh, let's have a fucking, let's, you know, McDonald's party with random babies. I'm going to hang out. No. Because, you know,

I'm a normal person. I'm like, yeah, babies are cute, but whatever. But like, where is, like,

is this love that you need to, like, keep every baby alive that, like, you know, isn't even a baby yet. Maybe it is. I don't know what to tell you.

Am I a doctor? Yes, but not that kind of doctor. So, maybe make babies less cute people will stop fucking you know caring about abortions and then you know we can get back to like trying to get some health care can we make babies ugly that's part of the problem if babies weren't so goddamn cute no one would be trying to save them i mean can you imagine can you imagine the idea that like people are good like you know the idea that you would save a baby

just because of you know it's right it's like no one's doing that we're all just like destroying the planet and like robbing each other fraud um burning women if you're cavanaugh you know whatever like no one's doing the right thing so like what are these people it's because they're cute it's because they like their fucking oh the tosy woesies and the fucking hair and the but you know if we if we just gave these babies hair lips if you ever if you're someone out there of a hair lip i'm sorry i don't think it's that bad but you know apparently it sets you back i'm not trying to other anyone but just or make them ugly in general mash their face together somehow and like you know

can you put like a vice around their face in the womb to make them ugly um because no one's trying to save ugly people and you know it's just a reality you know as much as you pretend i'm gonna fucking hide garbage in the elevator the side note i hear so much now our apartment's right next to the elevator and people just congregate out there and they fucking, I mean, when I go out to the elevator, I'm quiet, I'm respectful, it's a whole way. These people are just laughing and kissing, giving each other fucking spit roasts, fucking, you know, just molesting each other. And it's like, you know, why don't you wait until you get into your apartment or get into the elevator? So I'm going to hide garbage in there.

I'm going to go into the fucking roof of the elevator, and I'm going to put rotten, you know, chicken and fucking, you know, my own feces, maybe. I don't know. I mean, I take the elevator, too, but, you know, it's what they call that, Corrilla War, we didn't burn everything down like the Russians or whatever scorched dirt yeah my shit is scorched dirt anyway so yeah point is

we got you I don't know can you put a fucking syringe into the mother that just you know makes the kid have like the nose just kind splits in half um and like full like you know kind of

his nose is where his ear would be um I don't know I don't know what's ugly. I mean, whatever, can we destroy the concept of cute babies? Because I might even say I want to kill them. I don't, like, I'm not like the most fervent. Like, I grew up in a pro-life household.

I get it. There's a complication here. But, you know, like, we need to deal with these fucking pits of, like, I mean, literally California is just split into that, like, you know, with this earthquake this land is just fucking split in half and like now it's susceptible to climate change I don't even know what that means or are the pits of lava going to come up where the earthquake was but we got to save these babies that no one wants because they're cute because they fucking because you know when you put them on a toy horse and they and they and they yell and they'll

they'll ride a like one out of a million will ride a pig someone will have a pet pig and you'll see a pet pig or maybe a dog, it's more common. But, I mean, honestly, if they rode pet pigs, then we could talk, because that's actually cool. I'd love to have my baby riding, like, a pop-belly pig. And I also have a gun.

I think the baby should have a gun to protect itself, and also, you know, just to... I don't want to hear anything from them later on. Like, oh, why did you leave me with that babysitter? Why did you fucking, you know, why didn't you feed me that day why didn't you change my diaper hey you had a gun why don't you do something with it you know give it like you know two weeks in give him a gun let them you know

teach you like a rattle connection right like you you build a rattle into the trigger and you just you know leaving the problem is are they going to shoot themselves give them give a bulletproof face mask is there exist i mean babies are so dumb you know they you know what's it like life can support itself at like six weeks or something life can't support itself with like 15 months 18 what how old's a baby before can if you fucking not die if you leave it up there like it's it's not a whatever i'm just saying so i i think it would solve a lot of problems to give it a gun but it's probably going to shoot itself because it's dumb because babies are dumb um can't even handle you know a knife i mean honestly a gun's one thing but you you if baby just like i can see a

maybe just fucking start biting a knife by the blade and like what are you doing that's not food does it look like anything else you eat maybe you just put anything at your mouth there's worst things i mean i don't know you know it is fervor to save them while we're just bombing other countries um blowing up pakistanii weddings with drone strikes you know just just putting people in fucking camps um whatever you know the list goes on i'm just saying we're not good people so why we protect of all the countries to like care about the unborn it's like it's a noble i'm not trying to shit on the idea that you it just seems like a misalignment and maybe it's because you like watching babies ride popplea pigs and uh it's your fault but they might um expand the court

that's what a new thing is now because originally i think they wanted to do the domination before the election but you know these some of these senators are like more politically vulnerable so they're like hey McConnell you reptile you lizard I mean even these like not I don't know how everyone

doesn't just burn Mitch McConnell a lot like to see if he like is a lizard not a reptilian not this one of David Ike things he's just literally is a lizard he's like a little fucking gecko and it's shocking like I've never seen a guy so willing to

be hated um so so like self comfortable with like just being like a troll i mean like a troll like a fucking little like under the bridge like you know he's just he's just this caricature i mean this can't be by accident right i mean you have it's maniac trump you have Biden's just rotting away his brain um i mean Hillary Clinton even if you want to go back it's just you know a political I mean a political mess let's just say that

you know are they Clinton body count is that real whatever but you know like but it's a mess

right uh the level of talent is just not existent I mean I mean that's not that's an understatement and it almost like

when you see a guy like McConnell it's like this is this is all can't be acts like this has got to be there to fucking like just they want to get robert They want robots They want

Like those little Osamov guys from Honda Or like that weird Merck That the King of Bonnors were walking around with That huge rubble cop Not the actual robocop But like the ED209 looking motherfucker And the first robocop And the one he's fighting

That's what it looked like He's walking around some trade show It was this machine gun fucking robot That's what they want those people Like the elites want A political class populated by robots or maybe robot clone hybrids um and this is not fantastic i don't know proof it but the the only the most compelling proof and the only proof is that this is like can this all

just be random like why would you work at random maybe this crazy is my point so it seems like they want us to just kind of like it's going to we're going to come to a point in the next few years when you know with the mountain dew fires and the cheetos you know the whole incident where the Cheetos gave cancer to, you know, the entire, the whole state of Texas, everyone's dead. Everyone's dead in Texas because Cheetos, like, you know, accidentally used arsenic. I don't know. Like, that's the kind of stuff we're getting that.

It's like, oh, we had a leak, an arsenic leak. Why do you have arsenic at all? And it's like, well, we don't know. Like, that's the kind of shit we get. Like, it might sound kind of blue, but, like, think about it. It's like, it wouldn't even be that, like, oh, like, it's never even the explanation of like, yeah, no, we fucked up. We fucking, you know, we put too much MSG.

I don't know. The Cheetos are going to kill you, as a point. And we're going to, you know, and the mountain dude is going to burn you. And the babies are going to be ugly. And it has to be too many of them. And we're just going to finally say, hey, can we get a, we know you have robots. We know you're fucking around with robots. Like, just make the robot.

Or like, they'll offer it. And we'll be like, yes, this, this. Like, because, you know, it's not even just the craziness. This is, like, the constant pulling away from any semblance of, of, I mean, I don't like, it's not about moderacy. It's not about centristism. It's about, like, half these people here, have these people here. And we're all just content to be like, fuck you and fuck you. And, like, yeah, I don't want to be a moderate.

I think, you know, I think health care is great. And I think I should be able to, you know, hunt people, you know, like a libertarian, but also health care. um i should be able like hunt the pizza guy and like if i can attack him and kill him and take his pizza it's free i don't know like i haven't talked this out but my point is i'm not just an altruistic i'm not one of these guys who pretend in the left who pretends to just oh yeah we just want everyone to have help care and like pay for their house it's like yeah we want that but we also want like you know gun the everyone just got a gun holster in their mask you see these things these gun mask gun holsters and we'll just

roaming around and we'll just you get to shoot people's butlers I'd love to shoot a butler one day. I mean now innocent butler I'm not going to go some fucking fancy place and find some but I'd love to be in a situation where some smug

fucking not even British some transatlantic fake accent motherfucking butler tries to run some game on me and I can fucking shoot a butler like shoot them and then the cops coming and I show him the evidence

that this guy was a poisoning old women I mean I I know people fantasize about other things like you know taking down some corrupt mayor or some shit butlers are a thing that's haunted me for I would just let me

I would love nothing more because you know they're judging you and me especially oh your shirt's untucked you fucking you smell like you smell like pissed a little bit because he didn't fucking, you know, pull your pants all the way down when you're pissed this morning. And what are you doing in this house? You don't belong here. No one invited you. And like, you know, you're roaming through a, you have a gun. You're holding his family house. Smug. Smug, smug Butler saying all these things. I mean, they're just,

very exclusive. Um, as a diversion. I mean, whatever. The point of that is to say, yeah, we're going to have a little bit of both in the ideal world. But we don't want that. We just pulling away going to get nothing we're going to get nothing you're going to vote for a guy who's like hey i'm going to blame immigrants and give you jobs and like he didn't right like you mean he gave some he got some air conditioning jobs but then also like i mean i think you can blame a lot of this covert economy on him i mean is that controversial uh i don't know i don't know did every country have to do what we're doing i mean i don't want to argue but the point is uh how does jobs doing right And what did fucking Obama do?

He's drone striking fucking, what should I call it? Twice in an episode, mentioned in Pakistan. I mean, I should be bigger in Pakistan. I'm fucking still talking about it. I mean, I'm not, I don't expect them to be thanking me. Like, oh, thank you, fat idiot for, like, pointing out your government's mess. You know, just blowing up our weddings. But, you know, a little recognition.

It shouldn't be nice. I mean, whatever. I mean, that's not why I do it. But Obama. yeah i mean try to give health care i guess but you know pretty crazy shitty shitty better what you have but better than nothing but this is my point is like they give you nothing you all this fucking all this agitation you get nothing so why not just get the robots and the robots will like anything else anything that's a thing is a trick they'll still take orders

from jeff bezos or you know the raw childs or you know the duponts you know all these rich people they'll have codes um but it'll be an illusion like you know that's what we had for a long time um at least since post war i mean world i mean you go back to you know to the wilson area even i mean there's a lot of levels of you know fake control i mean you could go to the beginning of the country but the point is we we had an illusion most i mean some people were disenfranchised it's not like they're not disenfranchised now right we still have a you know it's not gotten better so don't give me that i mean give me that but whatever point is like the illusion kind of worked and that's what the robots will be the robots will fucking you know

they'll they'll they'll have american flags and we're all you know every day they'll they'll do something cute they'll do like backflips um they'll do like somersaults and like the subway like you know tunnels um or like the stations right they'll be they'll be like cop slash busker slash polo politicians. Yeah, sometimes they're going to mash you, like, if you, you know, um, hop a turn style, they crush your skull with, you know, your robot hand. You know, it's, it's like a gyro mechanism, which is not, I mean, look, this is not going to be good. I'm predicting something. I'm not endorsing it. I'm not saying we should have, I'm saying, I'm trying to warn you people, but like, it's, this is my point. These robots are going to seem like a good

idea. And like, I'm, it's just the only alternative we're going to have and we're going to go with it, or maybe clones. Maybe weird, like, bald clones that, like, are, you know, asexual, that's the word, or unsexual. They'll be eunuchs. There'll be a mound there. And they'll be our Supreme Court justices, maybe. I don't know. I mean, like, I just don't see politicians really getting it done anymore.

I don't see the system getting anything. I mean, they'll get, what's going to happen when you get this job? Are we going to overturn, me, are we even going to overturn or over you, Wade? That's good. I mean, at what point, you're going to have, like, you know, how many justices are you going to have conservative? I mean, Trump's gotten three in his first term. So let's just say it works out for them.

If they don't overturn, like, what are these people going to do, these Catholics or whoever, like, these pro-life people? Are they finally going to realize that, like, oh, the Republican Party, really, that was a weird, because that's the thing. They've been promising for years about abortion shit, which I don't really think with much hope insight. I don't think people first saw Trump. I guess it's all

luck, right? Like, you know, they have the federalist society. They set up in the 80s or 70s to train these judges. Which was, you know, I'm not saying I like the move, but it's a smart move. I mean, that's one thing they do. They the right knows how to

like lay seeds for stuff, I guess. It feels sinister. It feels like an evil plan, but whatever. I mean, it's fine. You know, for the sake of argument, I'm saying is, uh, what was I saying? The conservative judge is

I completely lost my trant-thar here. The point is, um, what the fuck? This is a, dude, well, the point, you know, they're going to expand the court. We'll move on. I just completely lost trant thought there.

You know, you got, I wonder how frustrating it is really when you're you're listening and you're like I just I just heard you saying something how can you forget entirely what you were saying two seconds ago I don't know please help me please you know send me uh your support um I might have brain I don't want a joke about having brain cancer but yeah whatever there's probably something wrong with me I can't be healthy I can't be like you know maybe maybe I'm a robot or clone I don't know but the point is they're going to expand the court possibly. That's one in the moves they're talking about. They're going to... I mean, I don't know how concrete this could be, but they tried this. FDR at one point was threatening to load the court up. I forget why he didn't, but whatever.

It was a game of chicken, kind of, and he was going to load up the court, and the last second they decided it was going to look bad. But you can't blame... Look, they're going to shouldn't the Democrats are doing it if they do it? You can't blame them. I mean, you literally, like, said, you know, years ago we're not gonna nominate this guy uh we're like you know give him a hearing and now you're

gonna fucking it's just it's like it's even for me to say it's hypocrisy i feel like i don't want to it's like it's so gross to me like the oh this is terrible what they're doing i have a weird thing where i don't like to say you know i may have a typical make a typical point is my point like you know to be the guy yelling the same thing going yes it's really hypocrisy and fucking, you know, this is, Trump is crazy and he's not, he's not qualified, he's not good. I mean, it's not wrong to say that, but I don't, you know, so my point is, uh, yeah, it's just, you know, tuchay if, you know, if, if, if you like this shit. I mean, no, I'm saying, these conservatives guys, I'm saying, like, too shay to, like,

because I honestly, like, it's like, at this point, you look how brokenness is. why would you not like just play it like this like you see what works you've seen especially seeing trump works i mean McConnell was pulling the shit before trump but you see how unaccountable everyone is like how you know no one gets called on anything you get called on it but like it's another one happens i mean yeah maybe rogerstone goes to jail for a day and it gets you know out but like what what's your comeuppance there is none for god of mccano for these senators like the idea like this idea that we have that we're going to catch people in the act like this whole thing with trump and like i mean you would every five seconds people are going like oh the what about the

fucking tax returns what about this well what if it comes out he's a russian name it could come out that he's like putin's brother like no one's going to care i mean they'll care but like even the people who care will stop caring two days in they'll tweet about it but i mean you know people should be lighting themselves on fire for how crazy everything's become. And no one. So my point is, like, how mad can you get at McConnell? It's a scumbag move, but he's a scumbag.

He's a player. He's a fucking, he's a dirty dog. But, you know, when you're in a broken system, you're going to play fair? I mean, the Democrats, so finally, you know, it's good for them. They're going to nut up a little bit. And they're talking about, you know,

just fucking we can expect. expand the court. We'll get two more judges. I don't know why you're stopping it, too. I mean, that's the, that seems to be like the number. We'll get two more judges. Fuck you. Get 20. And I don't even want Democrats. I mean, I think we should just expand the entire notion of Supreme Court. I should be on the Supreme Court. Why am I not on the Supreme Court? I mean, can anyone answer that? I am, I have a paralegal degree almost, which is an associate's degree which is two years

I think I whatever I'm almost there I have to go back and get like one thing but I got the basic of the law that was my point I get the gist of it I understand the ins and like I don't know every single fucking stupid writ

and every like you know I can't cite every hot shot case but I get the gist you tell me like hey this oil company poisoned this community by, let's just say, pumping gasoline into the school. They just pumped it into the school for fun and, like, you know, will, and like, they're suing now. Not for fun.

They need to store the gas for some reason. They ran out of oil tanks, so they're storing the gas in the school. and then a bunch of kids died they drowned in the gasoline and then the fumes killed a lot of other kids and now they're suing and it comes to the Supreme Court and I'm just as good as anyone else

just give me my money come on give me some fucking stock these guys don't get stocks I want some stocks why is it like what so you go to law school and you clerk for somebody you clerk for Rehnquist and this and that and so like all of a sudden you're like

you're entitled to when do we get some griff I want some grift I want like I want I want to fucking get some quick pro quo. Like, you know, I'll look the other way while you make a gasoline pool out of a fucking, you know, high school. I'm fine with it. I can play, I can play ball. You know, put me on the board of some company and I'll show up and I'll like, you know, I won't make it too much.

It'll be weird. It'll be like, you know, I'll show up to board meetings and threaten, you know, threaten people, bite people. what kind of company would it be? Would it be like a, some kind of publishing company? Why am I in a board? No, it would be like a medical technology company. They developed the needles that diabetics used to, like, test your blood. I'm on the board, and, you know, we're doing really well

because we're overcharge the insurance companies, and it's great. And I'm just sitting there, like, trying to, I don't even know. I'm probably just be questioning everyone. Like, because these people are probably required. And I'm just showing up into their board meeting and I'm just going to be like talking shit and going like, look at you, you're rich kid and like, you know, you're fucking, you know, you work a hard day in your life like me. I'm a man. I'm a man's hands get dirty. And they just fucking start punching me with your bare, like they have like their fists. It's not a normal punch. They put like the bottom of their fists. The bomb, you know, they just are clubbing me with their fists. old men like 85 year old men women and they'll demonstrate why they're you know they should be leading these corporations

because I'll get my ass kicked because they're going to knock my teeth out but a point is like I want an opportunity is the point you know to get onto one of these boards and the way you do that is to get on the Supreme Court to get some fucking stocks to get some you know it's their move why am I not running for office and mayor maybe Supreme Court

I need to get some notoriety I should probably run for president first, right? Speaking of that, why can't Trump just nominate himself? I look this up, you can. The president can nominate himself. In this case, I think it's probably a good move. Because, you know, look, he pulled a long shot out in 2016,

so it's always possible, but he is not looking good. I mean, I get it, you know, if you go, Biden does not inspire a lot of confidence on, you know, the other side. So it's definitely sort of a crap shoot. But if I was Trump, I would take the conservative bet. I'd go to Biden and be like, hey, look, I'll throw the election. You nominate me to Supreme Court. We both get fucked.

We go get paid. And then we have Trump for forever. I mean, that's what we need. We really, this idea, the problem with Trump is that we have this kind of idea that we're going to get rid of them. You know, maybe this time, maybe next time in four years. then does he leave i don't know it's he's the horror but you the horror needs to be permanent so put him on supreme court and he could just it's also like a thing where he would just

shine there more because like the president needs to do like stuff more like he's kind of a weird i guess he accomplishes something he does do a lot of pardons for his uh friends and you know guys who worked for him two years ago um but you know and supreme court he can kind of just kind of, they'll just kind of give him, he'll be part of the system. The Nike, he'll be sitting there and, like, you know, tweeting while some, while hearing some case, and then, you know, eating a, eating a cheese, a cheese sandwich? No, he, what's he, cheese, McDonald's, whatever, point.

He'll eat, it doesn't matter. Point is, um, it'll be fun, because it'll get people engage, like, his tweets are great. He's, they're not, like, great morally. but, like, you know, he's dynamic, so he'll just be, like, tweeting about how these, you know, um, poisoned citizens, uh, are losers and like, you know, that would be, I mean, imagine, can you imagine a less impartial judge than Trump is my point? Like, the, he will get rid of the illusion that these judges are actually, like, objective, which is nice. I mean, that's what's driving everyone crazy. Is this notion that we, like, we live in the, like, we live in a, like,

like a free, fair society, and it's all going to work out. Just, like, give people the certainty. Like, in Russia, I feel like, you know, like, no one's getting rid of Putin. And the people seem happier. And I'm basing that on absolutely nothing. I don't know. But I feel like they would be. I feel like when I meet Russians, they're generally, you know, fine.

And, you know, Snowden seems to like it there. Maybe he doesn't. Again, I don't know. I'm speaking out of my ass to a point that is, you know, staggering. But I still believe it. I think, you know, it's the ambiguity. It's the hope is that's killing us. You see, I mean, that, I won't blame Obama for something.

Blame him for the poster with the hope. There you go. His old came around. I love Obama. I mean, honestly, he was great. I mean, I don't know what he, I mean, the health care shit, it's something. Like, that's just this thing. It's so crazy.

What are we even, like, Like, what is even going to be on the agenda if we get, like, because I can't think of what, what is Biden's thing? He's going to fucking put some, he's going to put some toilet paper into the Grand Canyon to try and sop up the oil or stop, you know, he's going to fucking pour some, get a few soda streams, those, you know,

cellcer makers and try to put up the wildfires. Like, is he have any hope anyway? Like, what if we get rid of Trump? It's still going to be a burning mess. And I agree. Like, you still have a vote. Because, you know, you have to just do it i don't know don't what am you going to listen to me i mean i i believe

you should vote be going to listen to me is that really is that where you're at in your life that like you weren't going to vote but uh you know they they wanted me to run an ad here on this fucking podcast for free which is crazy yeah i'm getting decent number you know they could be they could be giving me ads they're not this fucking anchor this fucking you know hosting service but it's like Oh, I got some ads finally to, you know, to read. And it's like, oh, these are zero CPM. This is, you know, inside baseball. But the point of to tell people to vote.

So I'm going to, you guys don't, you know, give me any fucking ad. But you want me to, not me not even getting the money. You want me to bother them. Like, if you get bothered with an ad or I finally get ads, it's not so much, you know, it's like, yeah, you got bothered, but I made some money. And it's like, you know, you're happy for me. But, like, you know, you want me for no money to bother my people? I'm not going to do that to them for no money.

Oh, I'm going to tell, you got rock to vote, get out to vote. You know where you are. Democracy can't start with a podcast. Just, you know, just pick something. I mean, you go, you go to a Chinese place, and you pick something. You go to a fucking, get some sushi, you pick a roll. Pick a president. Who cares?

Oh, this represents my values. Look at, the world is burning. like we just just vote for Biden vote for Trump I mean I'm not telling you who to vote for I'm just saying like it is inconvenient they really should make it more convenient they should put a website because it honestly is just kind of like depressing when you go to vote you would think it'd be fun but it's kind of just um it's in a school so it's in a school I hate that I hate going into a school gym um it reminds me at the time I told that you know kid was going to show up at his house and shoot myself on his front lawn that was then that kid

was trying like you know bully me or whatever was in gym class what he was even saying like cump you're so fat maybe oh he's probably says something like cump you're so fat and i just started screaming into his face i'm going to shoot myself on your i'm going to go to your house i'm going to shoot myself in your front lawn and you know that was in the locker room but you know it basically reminds me to gym i guess uh it should be a happy memory but you know i don't know I didn't like gym class in high school. I mean, I was in a lacrosse team, kind of. I ran five miles a day later on.

I'm not being one of those good. I was bullied in gym class. It was just kind of a, not a point, but I hate, you know, it's just, it's inconvenient. I get it. And do it if you want, and if you don't, I don't, look, it ain't getting better. It's not where you come for hope.

We're going to get robots. We're going to get, um, You know, Kavanaugh, and maybe Gorsuch. Kavanaugh is right now teaching Gorsuch how to set women on fire. And it's not religious, but it's going to be. Like, they're going to, it's going to kind of take off. Like, you know, they're going to, like, because the Supreme Court's kind of like the priests of the land, right? In the future apocalypse, they're going to be part of the elite.

So eventually, Kavanaugh is going to have his own crew of fucking, you know, weird cronies who used to be GOP staffers who just, you know, They just roam around burning virgins or something. It's bad. I mean, you know, Justice Roberts, not that bad of a guy. He just likes to cut, you know, children's feet off. Like, he's a decent, reasonable person. He's not going to kill kids, but he cuts their feet off. This is their roles in the future two years.

Midterms, midterms 2022, our Supreme Court justices will be warlords. It's all going out the window because all similar. of fair play is done and you know honestly if I was a Supreme Court justice I would just I would literally do I would set up a kind of fiefdom and like make people buy my vote and I get you know you're gonna try and impeach me but like you know I would you got to the companies right you got to get to the fucking private prison companies you got to the fucking exons and the mobiles and the and the amazons and you give them deals you you you know you get you get these cases and You go, no, like, you know, we don't care that you set kids on fire.

It's fine. And it's all fun. And then they gave me a tank. And I ride around a tank. And, you know, it's called the word justice is written on the side. It's nice. And it's like, you know, I'm just blowing up water towers. That's the thing of a tank.

What are you going to do with a tank? What is the point of a tank? I don't really, I mean, the only point seems to be fighting other tanks. They shoot people. They have these rockets. I know nothing about warfare. I don't know how tanks are used. Everyone's like, oh, yeah, it keeps you safe.

I guess you fire, like, you know, shells, right? I don't know. I don't know if a tank's a right move from me. Maybe, like, a little Worley Bird helicopter. Am I too fat for a Whirley Bird helicopter? I would love to write about it. You know, there's little, like, bubble helicopters. I would love to just fucking have that.

Some butler that I fucking, you know, made. I fucking charged with a crime that he didn't commit. and then I, you know, pressured him, you know, my Supreme Court powers to be my, you know, Worley Bird helicopter pilot. We're just flying around. I don't know what we do. We just, you know, probably just steal shit. If I just, you know, like go to shoplift from Target

and then just put it all in a worldly bird right away. It'll get boring after a while. Like, that's the thing. It all seems so great now crazy. It's all, oh, Trump. he's a maniac and oh McConnell and oh Biden and like and the and the riots and this and it's burning it's all going to get old we're all just going to be roaming around like you know desensitized to like mass death pestilence and plagues we're all just going to be kind of just bored um because you need

some structure right you need it's like when you know when you're off from school for a day it's fantastic you're off school for a week it starts to get all i mean not anymore i mean i'd love to be off from work for a year i would just fucking do not i would just literally never shower and like eat dog food but you know but you get generally speak most people don't want to do that uh i'm resilient i'm you know i'm a resourceful i can i can take it but you're people are gonna get bored and you know you saw it with the covid right you saw the fucking the rubber band watch what happens when people get bored of burning everything when they get bored of the chaos in why They get bored of fucking, me flying around my worldly bird, just throwing furbies of people.

But from a height where it's like, you know, I don't know. Does it hurt people or not? Like, it's furry. Maybe, can you kill someone with a furby from a world? Like, you'll know, you'll see that going like, this motherfucker doesn't even know if he's killing people. Like, that's just crazy. That's going to be the future. Nothing does that make sense.

it's all going to be I mean I don't even know what's going on like some mountain dude is going to sell us soda at a certain point we're just moving money around like is it just like to keep us occupied like no they're in the nice places

the rich people have you know Newport Rhode Island Beverly Hill whatever the fuck these natural Cicona whatever Arizona they have these places

so they just need to keep us running in a hamster wheel you know, trying to dodge Ray Kump's Worley Bird Furbys Um He's also pissing out of the helicopter For some reason

That seems like he just got piss Uh, it doesn't seem malicious But he, you know, he's also He's eating a pizza-wise pissing That's what you're going to witness And it's going to keep you distracted From the, you know, just people just enjoying sailing, I guess I mean, you know, we drove around me and 10 one time

Uh, that long ago on one of those Patreon episodes The Sands Point well, these rich people, you know, big men. He's like the West Egg or the Gatsby houses, right, in Long Island. And I'm sending out, is this, is the Iraq war really worth, is this worth the Iraq war? Like, at a certain point, like, how much do you like sailing and might choose? And, fucking, I mean, I guess you get a lot of horrors and you fucking,

the helicopters are fun. I mean, it just seems like it's, you think there'd be more. You think that, you know, like, this would be for aliens or, some kind of weird metaphysical crusade i don't know but it's just so people can eat shrimp uh eat lobster rolls you know good good ones but you know it's still but at the end of the day a lobster roll still mayonnaise and it's fucking on a hot dog bun like this doesn't seem worth you know all this all you know this doesn't seem worth ray cumps you know worldly bird of terror um doesn't seem worth having cavana just you know burning uh

The kid from, you know, Kimmy Gibbler from Full House for, you know, he might kill her. Anyway, everyone's fair game. Like, so I'm just saying. None of it seems worried. What's it all for? What's it all for? I don't know. It's a bizarre time.

I mean, at least the Roman Empire, you were like, you know, they're putting, feeding people the lions. And that seems exciting. I'm not saying we should do that. But it does seem. I guess there is a, I mean, if you think about it, like putting people into private prisons after you lobbied to get certain, like, being a lobby has got to be like a trip like that, right? Like, you know, you fucking lobby to raise the minimum eight, whether the marijuana laws to get the fucking, I mean, I don't know which laws get you where.

The point is, you know, you're raising laws just to get people to go to prison more. and it's got to be a rush I can't I mean the worst thing you can't imagine is like someone's lobbying to get more people arrested to put in prison so their corporation

can make more money and if they told you no it's just a job just a job I mean imagine that hey you have to living it's like I leave you know

that that's what we're facing it's just that you know it probably is the truth though like you know no one's even enjoying it it's only like three real sadists out there. But most these people are just, you know,

they're just trying to get enough money for some fucking, you know, boat house in Maine or some shit. They're trying, you know, they want to go to the Hamptons. The Hamptons weren't even that nice. Yeah, they're big buildings. Go live in Dollywood, the Dalli Parkin with the tits and everything.

It's like, who cares? Like, this prestige. It's like it just seems like, it seems like we're all late to the game. Like, yeah, we're not, When you're rich now, I mean, it's nice, but you're not going to live in, like, it's not like when you live in these, like, old European castles. I mean, I guess there are still good houses, but I guess, I don't know, I feel like, if you were rich in the 1800s, like, raw childs, that was a certain thing. That was cool.

It was like, you're basically, like, royalty. Now it's just like, you're just border skiing probably, or fucking, you know, what do you do? Is eating crudette? That's, that's what they're doing. this is why I am in the station I am in life because what are the rich elites of the world do do they eat crudate like a fat pig I because I don't even because I don't like eating vegetables I assume that it's something for the elites that they eat carrot sticks dipped in ranch dressing I should be put down I should be burned alive with Kavanaugh's moonshine

but this is all you got and if you don't believe that you're probably right but you know i'm something i'm something here i'm a voice in the wilderness i'm like john the baptist and i'm just gonna you know this is i just want 30 supreme court justes 30 of them some are plumbers some are fucking you know some get gets the kid of jopolde get you know get you know get me and and we don't you know give us all like you know a hundred grand in bribes You know, I'm not going to be a millionaire. Give me 100 grand, and I'll fucking, I'll help torch the country. But, you know, I guess I think, share it around a little.

Like, it's all fake money anyway. Let me get some. And I'll fucking, I'll declare, I'll make the, whatever, the, the, um, the arguments, the Supreme Court arguments, what was the opposing, what do they call that stuff? When you lose opposition, right? The opposing, the, uh, whatever. I'll write the hearing, the opinion, that's it, the opinion, that Delaware is not a state anymore. I'll just do it.

I don't care if. Is Delaware even a place? What do I know? Just give me enough money to buy a milkshake machine, you know, one of the ones they have in the, you know, actual, you know, diners and stuff. I mean, I'm doing keto, but not going to be doing that forever. So, I mean, I'll take the, you know, a milkshake machine. I'm a really bird helicopter. I want 10,000 Furbys, don't ask why.

And I'll just, yeah, I'll declare. Italians have, you know, they're allowed to be, um, they have to pay a tax dollar of, I don't know, I can't think, you know. Oh, yeah, should on Italians? I love Italians. But so, really, I'll do it.

I'll be corrupt, to my point. I'll be a corrupt boy. I'll sell everyone out Just let me get a little bit You know, I got an air friar this week It's great It changed my life I'm just cooking steak in it now

Shrimp Chicken And it's like a hundred bucks about A little over And if something like that could change my life Think about what a whirlie bird helicopter can do And a goddamn milkshake machine I'm just making milk chickens

A whirling bird And I'm you know showing up at the Supreme Court and, you know, we're all just laughing. We're all just laughing at the end of the day. And Ruth Gainesburg, her body is like in a glass case and we're all just like, you know, we salute. And, you know, it's the new era.

It's a new time. This is the future. We don't need nine people anymore. Nine people's not enough. We need dozens. And no one, two guys who went to law school and the rest of us get some fucking get some fighters in there so the Supreme Court needs some fucking bruisers they need some fucking you know a guy of a gun a baby with a gun if a baby if a baby

takes the gun right like if we finally if we find a baby that doesn't just punk out and like shoot itself uh or shoot its dad like just takes the gun and like goes and like uses it that that baby's on the Supreme Court like I just want a baby that like can has to wear with all to shoot uh the mailman and then I'll be like then I'll be pro life like oh babies are work you know making a fuss about because they shot the man I'm not against mailman but you know I'm like but you know shooting your dad seems like an accident I don't believe it you know maybe I need I need proof that like I need a random killing from a baby before I'm like this baby's got potential this baby is the uh you know it's the best baby it's the best baby it's the best baby it's the best baby it's the best baby

Thank you so much for listening. This has been great and chaotic and weird and fun. You love it. So shout out to the Patreon and follow. Oh, my new catchphrase before we forget. Forget about it. And if you want context for that, you can listen on the Patreon. Maybe I'll explain it one day.

But, you know, the last episode was very fruitful. We got a lot of great ideas, new characters, new catchphrases. And I don't have to explain it right now. But you can sign up there. You can go to my book. bio, or in the description here, uh, every Thursday, uh, Thursday slash Friday morning. Potentially, you know, you get a extra episode, $5 a month, four episodes or five, an episode a week, an episode a week for $5 a month.

You know, that's just not that crazy. Come on. Uh, so you can check that out there. Um, so if you're into that, I'll see you Thursday and, uh, otherwise I'll see you next week. Thank you.