Kump - 49 - Football Grand Daddy Supreme

Episode Date: September 27, 2020

Inspired by a recent football crime, Ray pitches his fall lineup of new television shows.  Sign up at patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week.

Hello and welcome to Kump. It's a big day. It's an exciting day. My apartment smells like burnt eggs. Just rotted eggs. burnt to her crisp it started that nice my uh happy birthday to lucy it's her birthday coming up and her family came over for a nice socially distance egg party is it come up we're gonna make you eggs they want to go to the botanical gardens which i don't know it's somewhere in the bronx

it's a nice thing you look at flowers fall flowers is that thing that's like fall foliage he's fucking watching a dandelion just turn green I don't know if you can look at flowers in the fall you can do whatever you want but is it thing she seemed to have fun she went without me but her brother and his girlfriend and her other brother they want to come over and make eggs

we're going to come make you breakfast you can sit there like a fat king with your girlfriend and you can eat eggs mixed with peppers and mushrooms and shut the fuck wear your mask and shut up pig

and I'm not taking that shit they didn't but I was waiting for it was waiting for someone to say hey fat fuck pig boy you know eat your eggs from the floor you know we're gonna make you and like I'm not taking shit from anybody you know me I mean

I'm always ready for that you're nice people they wouldn't do that but I'm just ready for someone to just throw like just dump the fucking like the cast iron skillet onto the floor and go fucking lick it up fat fuck pig boy and i would just lose my shit um you know it's like it's fine

it didn't happen i'm always ready for it one day it's gonna happen i'm gonna like you know i'm gonna pull some fat karate you know whatever that's you know just using your body weight and and that we go sit on me yeah maybe maybe i'll sit on you maybe i'll fucking get you wrapped up in a in a you know chunk a chunk hold well you know slip you make you slip in a floor I'll spit in the floor make you slip on it I'll sweat all over the floor you'll be struggling with me for a minute I'm hard to get down you're a big guy I'm hard to get down you know you jitsu sure but you know I'm sweating go out of shape and I'm just sweating all over the floor you don't realize it and I just push you on a slip and you slip me and crack your head

open and it's like you know now you're the egg boy that's what happens uh so you know but that it was a lovely breakfast um I don't know why I always resort to plot it it's like movie Ronan when he's always when like the movie starts

he's just walking around the back of the bar where he's meeting the people and he's just like it's slow it's methodical and then he comes around and then after the scene

when they get picked up in the van they were what are you doing the back lady I don't have a go in a room I can't find my way out of or know my way out of or do bring it over

that's reasonable but you know I'm like that I'm always like but instead of actually having a plan, I just, you know, anticipate, you know, the worst-case scenario and fantasize about acting out violently if appropriate.

It's a bizarre combination. But, you know, they left me with the eggs to clean. And it was a cast iron skillet. Well, they were frolicking in the garland, the gardens of Eden. In the Garden of Gephsemini, whatever the fucking Jesus died. Don't worry.

It's not a Jesus. Some people don't like that. I just talk about Jesus all the time. Well, you know, get over it. I'll talk about Jesus whenever I want. But I was just making a reverence to a garden I remember from the Bible. So don't worry. Not this time.

We'll have that battle later on. But the point is they were frowkin in the garden. And, yeah, I'm scra-it. This thing's hard to, like, clean. So it's like I'm fucking, I heat it up to try and get the belt. And it just starts smoking. I go out and smoke a cigarette and they come back. and it's just smoking up the apartment,

just burnt eggs, and I'm just fucking scraping like an animal. I think I got a clean, though. It's hard to clean, it's wonderful eggs, though. Thank you for the eggs. Lovely time.

I'll tell you who didn't have such a lovely time. I don't have many of you people are football fans, but are you a fan of legends? Are you a fan of a legend, a legendary man? if I tell you something that happened to a legendary man you're gonna be like who and what and where

what if I told you a legendary man has his baby stolen from him or grandbaby whatever Joe Montana the the San Francisco gunslinger the uh the quarterback of the Duke of quarterbacks the fucking 49er 69er the fucking man I mean I don't know much of I mean I watch football occasionally so I I know but I know I was named Joe Montana.

He's a big star. He's a big, he was a big deal back in the day. I think it's four Super Bowls. I think Brady, who's, you know, currently the most successful football boy, beat his records.

You know, he's that guy. Someone broke into his Malibu thing, his house, I guess. He's got house, Malibu. Probably has a nice life after he's like, you know,

one of these football, uh, football victories, these games. What are you, on matches or games the games right football games it's not match that'd be like soccer this is this is a man's sport not just some little kickball shit this is fucking you know this is joe montana he's not he doesn't do matches right he's a fucking full-blown anyways he's he's he's got a nice life now in

malibu and he's just you know probably just having sex of beautiful wives he has different wives different women um do escorts probably most rich men do I think I mean most rich athletes probably fucking on the side doesn't take away from his family

this is about this is about a man who fought for his family this story but you know doesn't mean he doesn't ever what's wrong with that I mean probably but the same thing of their marriage

is not your business doesn't take away from his family if his wife's cool him having some side escort action or even she's not like that's her business I mean, you can have her back if she wants to fight him. I don't know.

I'm not going to begrudge the man an escort. But the point is, he has a beautiful family, it seems like. You know, wonderful wife and kids, and he's living in Malibu on the beach probably with his fucking waves and the rocks. Some woman, some 49-year-old woman just wanders into his house and, like, grabs a baby. That's his grandson or daughter, I don't know which, and fucking just walks off of it. Like, you know, goes into a room and, like, you know, I guess they fight the cops there,

but he just went after her. And I guess he beat her with an intro of her life. I don't know. They're not saying that. But, I mean, what do you think? What's Captain Montana gonna do? If, uh, I mean, I'd love to be in that room. Just some football, old football boy, some James Conn looking.

Looks like James Conn in this picture I'm looking at. And he's just fucking, you know, you're gonna take my baby, my grandson, the gift of life, my legacy. You're gonna, you're gonna, fucking hold my legacy and go into the room, you strange woman, and he just fucking takes one of those gold footballs that they give him, and he just starts to shove

it in her asshole, and then he just drops a baby. Like, I'm going to shove this so far up your ass until this baby, you drop that baby, and then, because he can't, he knows he can't grab the baby. He's too strong to grab the baby, because he'll just rip his baby's hands off.

This is a dilemma. He, like, he's a man who walks around knowing he's, like, just a, you know, an elite specimen. athlete, you know, with very few peers. So he could easily crush his, you know, son's skull if he starts trying to grab the baby and pull it out of her hands. I mean, maybe you could snatch it, but she might have a good grip on his one little leg. And then she's holding, he just ripped it as like a wishbone.

So he has to, like, fucking, you know, shove this gold football into her ass. And then you have to drop it. So, you know, the baby's not, you know, in danger of being ripped apart. But he did it. You know, I guess she's going to go to, you know, Guantanamo probably. You don't fuck with legends. this country you don't fuck with football boys though you know you don't take their kids i know what this woman wanted i don't blame her because i was saying last week most kids are terrible um

and we need to really rule and then like all we get into eugenics thing now because i'm saying john montana's grandson is superior to the other no i'm not saying that i'm just saying like you hope i can see what the allure because this woman probably had a shit baby a baby who couldn't play football for anything like this beck and baby i try i keep i can give my three-year-old son this fucking football and he just keeps like you know he throws it like five feet and he just starts crying and shit himself and i try to make a man out of him and my friends tell me we don't do it anymore it's not gender neutral it's not gender you know respectful don't fucking force these things on people but i just want football boy and you know and then you see it's fucking you're driving and you see

you see you see probably see john montana with his grandkids at the dairy queen or the fucking the cold stone creamery perhaps just having the fucking time of his life feeding maraschino cherries to his little grandson right in the matter

just put your head back boy I'm gonna feed you marasino cherries until you almost choked to death and I'll save you so you feel the comfort of being saved by a legend that's what he said is a quote you see him say that like he just it sounds smug it sounds like oh we'll call himself a legend but like

I mean if you're a four year old little And, like, you know, your grandpa is just, you know, reinforcing you. I'm a legend, and I'm going to put you with a brink of death and then to get you back. It's, you know, it's got to be a captivating experience. You know, you get in the cherries, which is nice. Marrishio cherries, no, nothing to sneeze at. And then you get there to be saved by a football legend. So there's something wrong with what John Montana is doing in this situation.

It's, it's bizarre, perhaps, to you. But he knows he knows he knows he can hymuck this kid. Like, you know, me, if I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, what if I can't hide him? Like, there is no doubt. I mean, maybe the kid does die, but he'll never assume it would. He would never believe it. If it happened, he would just be beside himself and go, this could never happen. I'm a king.

I'm a fucking elite athletes just have his ability to just shut down doubt. So he would just let this kid just choke on cherries until it didn't save him. And, you know, she witnesses this because I'll never have that with my shit. shit son who doesn't play football who doesn't know how to be great and just resentful and she's just kind of like you know she just starts watching tapes of old 49ers games and watching joe montana going like that could be my i could be that guy and she starts she starts somehow if i get that baby and i'll also i'll be like john montana and maybe i'll be a football guy uh even only you know women play football or even women football leagues i mean i don't know it's i know it's very

physical game. I don't care if people do it anymore. Like if we don't want to do it, I don't care. I'll really get hurt. Like if they want play, let them. I'm sick of all the arguments. It's just like, when I'm play. Like if I mean, have a women's league, whatever, have a separate, put around the 49ers, have a high school girl playing the NFL. I don't care. I really just don't. Like it's like, oh, we're going to keep out this and that?

It's like, you know, there's toxic sludge in my bathtub right now that comes out of the faucet. you know we're the brink of just kind of completely I'm reading about fucking you know another hurricane could cause like all these fucking toxic plants where we store stuff

and just start leaking to the rivers and it's like I don't care if we let you know women in football but I'm just don't worry about but the point is but she you know she starts to fast you know imagine that she'll be uh she'll be

you know like a Joe Montana type person it'll be a baby will make her stronger so he sees this fucking so she starts following them around she probably follows him to the proctologist he leaves the kid outside like you know grandpa's got guys guys got his rectum checked for polyps you play your you play your fucking ipad switch your nintendo ipad and you fucking and you keep your head down you don't fucking talk to no one don't fucking tell anyone your jo montana's grandson don't don't talk about me don't fucking disrespect my game my legacy you're representing me in this productologist's office you know whatever he's stern you know

he's not it's not all maricino cherries but you know he's a good it's a good grandpa and you know she's following him um to the movies we're just taking them to like you know see cars and fucking he's what was it he's probably seen what's that movie with the christopher nolan movie he's taking his little baby to see christopher nolan movies why is that so bad he's going to see tenant he's just fucking trying to explain the plot of tenant this three-year-old boy you know you understand what you know what metaphor is you understand what the hero cycle is son this is this is metaphysical this is i want you to read joseph campbell after we get home and look the hero's journey and how we're going to talk about how it relates to this christopher nolan movie and uh the son

just you know probably just doesn't know what's going on but you know um but you know John Monta has a huge Christopher. He loves Dark Night and he loves Memento, that movie where he's going backwards or whatever. What was that? He keeps his memory every five seconds. It's a good movie. Um,

so whatever. So she's following him around to all these places, and she's like, I got to get this kid. I'm just going to walk in. Look, he's Malibu. He probably doesn't lock his doors. He's a loof, rich man. And he's just going to, like, you know,

I'm just going to grab this baby. And I'm just going to walk into another room to the house. and see what happens, which is like a plan. It's not a great plan. I would have taken the baby and just left the house. I mean, I wouldn't steal a baby. I don't believe in the transformative, you know, force of being a grandpa.

I don't think I can take, I don't think, I don't believe that, you know, you can just take the offspring of a legend to become a let. You know, you have to, no. Like, I'm not going to be a football star, but this woman clearly was treating his child like a talisman. So she fucking took the baby

and she went into, like, the den. And she's just kind of going, like, he's probably, I don't know what she, was she trying Like, like, like suck down? I don't mean suck, like, you know, dick's, or pussy's or anything. I'm talking about, like, suck the energy out of this kid somehow. Just let it absorb into her. And before she knew it, you know, Joe Montana just fucking clocks her. And who knows what happened in that room?

We don't know. The woman's in custody. She's got charged of kidnapping. I mean, you picked the wrong target. I mean, all the reasons you'd want to take Joe Montana's, grandson away from him all the reasons little benefits you see

I mean it's not a way but you think this guy's gonna let you some schmuck who's kid can't even throw a frisbee to like take his grandson he'll fucking I'm surprised he didn't just

rip her arms off and he's just you know I wonder what's like what's it like for a fucking guy who's like an elite athlete and afterwards he was kind of what did he do the investing things

if he own a quiz nose probably owns a couple things like a quiz knows or you know maybe maybe he owns a traitor joes or those franchises or those chains i don't know i don't know what like because they but they they they mean some people buy like car dealerships but i think he was too big he's got all those money i mean he's probably like one of these guys who goes on like comments and games you know the color commentator he thought he probably probably shows up the super bowl and like look at this fucking motley crew of football boys and like he starts spouting off

I would love to see a fucking, like, a current football player just attack him because, like, you probably would, you know, it's just, nothing against Joe Montana, but, like, you know, he is old. So, you know, that's the thing. They should make them keep playing until they're, like, on the brink of, like, paralyzation. And that sounds wrong. But, I mean, like, they're, the top stars.

I don't mean the, you know, the average professional athlete. I guess because football, I mean, now you're going to say Muhammad Ali, and he got, you know, too many concussions. And that's the downside of it. But I like the idea of how you have to cruelly take the title away from, you know, it's not enough to just be a while, you know, Michael Jordan was here, now LeBron's here. Like, Michael Jordan should have had to play long enough to where LeBron could have just beaten them and taken his rings and embarrassed him.

You know, when we reorganize society after the collapse, we'll probably do some. like that we'll keep sports but we'll just kind of build in a little more depraved a little more like just kind of it doesn't have to go to rome we don't have to have like lions in in the coliseum you know chewing the heads off people and shit and gladiators but just make sports a little more I mean give someone from knives maybe you know handicapped the thing give them weapons maybe not knives give them kind of blunt weapons um nothing that would damage you too hard how it's parched. But, you know, some way to get people to just,

I'm so sick of just seeing these guys who have his great lives and retire. Maybe Joe Montana should, like, he should be kind of broken and brittle. And, like, the fact that, you know, because the people, honestly, the people just want, they want to hear it, but they want to bring you down. They want to be able to go into your house

after you've achieved all these things and take your grandkids. And, like, Joe Montana is just taking care of them. himself and like goes to the spa every day like his massages and like have a personal trainer and he's reasonably fit and he's you know so no he's you can't they're loot proof you can't loot we need athletes you can loot and like you know lebron james when he retires and let's just say five years let's say five years i mean this guy is as a specimen amount specimens physically i mean he's just able to keep going to 35 now he's just playing it better than anyone so who knows when he stops when he stops he's still going to be a guy who can like keep his kids and get

kidnapped right fight people off but like over time he's going to become an older and older man and so maybe that's the thing maybe you just like you know we just kind of have to um speed up some of that process you know maybe he's not allowed to eat meat anymore and so he doesn't he can't get strong no meat no that soy protein shit you know makes your breast grow he would still take it to stay strong so no you don't have prep powder protein you can eat fish you can eat fish you can eat some chicken but these are regulations we put on you so you gradually get weaker and then the

people can come and like fight you don't they're you know I'm not saying we allow whole invasions lebron james house I'm just saying there's got to be some kind of system where someone can come up and challenge him challenge him to a one-on-one game of basketball and then you know it's very physical game where he's just I mean honestly and you know he'll win most of them but then they'll come the day when, like, you know, some young gun football boy comes or basketball boys shows up and like, you know, I'm going to take your, I want to take your Brentwood house.

I think it lives in the Brentwood, L.A. or whatever. Someone keeps hammering. If you hear hammering, disregard it, I guess. Someone's put in a pool in an indoor pool in their apartment or something. I don't know. I don't know what kind of work can be done in these places. What do you do? Are you hanging in a bunch of pictures, a bunch of pictures of Joe Montana, holding his grandson?

And that's not a bad idea. I mean, this is a day to celebrate grandpaws. I think it's National Daughter Day, but it's really, to me, it's, it's, you know, daddy, daddy grandpa day. So I don't know. Just, I, sports are a very unifying thing. So congratulations, Joe Montana on saving your grandson or daughter, whatever. Condolences to the person, the woman with the terrible football baby. I'm sorry, your kid let you down.

you try to make the best you know life gave you lemons you try to make lemonade you end up with piss that's what happens you know sometimes you try to make lemonade and you just drinking piss this is this is what you got you get some joe montana piss you know but you got beat by one of the best don't worry about that but we'll move on from joe montana a zookeeper was mulled by a gorilla and rushed to the hospital's i mean yeah i don't tell you about that the zookeeper was mold like you're not good i mean like that's the thing it's like it's like if you watch not everyone's it's like is it newsworthy i guess but when you're a zookeeper your job is to like not get killed by a gorilla while you're feeding them i guess the one thing you do i think

um so i feel bad for you but you know there's a certain level of uh i mean i guess shit happens i'm not trying to shit in the guy but like it's kind of the job the job is to not get mauled by a gorilla and you know you have to assume there and i think a lot of the times I don't know in this case, I don't know read the details. A lot of times people get familiar with them. They forget it's a wild animal that hates them. The gorilla doesn't want to be there. I don't know what a gorilla even thinks.

Is a gorilla conscious? Who knows? Maybe they can think everything, but they can't, like, you know, move their hands. So what's the point of anything? We can move their hands, but they can't build things. How smart is a gorilla? They're probably decently. They're smarter than a cat, right?

I'm just saying, if I was a gorilla, I would always be just be way, to like, you know, the zookeeper. He's probably bringing some shit meat. I'll watch you a steak. And then, you know, it's like some, some stopping shop steak. It's not a nice, dry-aged meat. Can't get him some dry-aged meat?

You give him some shit steak from fucking the key food. And he's like, you know, every day he's giving his key food, you think he makes for granted. And I'll just be waiting. The grills even eat beef or meat. They might be like herbivores rule. But they kill people, right? I don't even know why we're talking about this.

It's just a strange, I find strange that, you know, we're like zookeepers keep getting mold every couple of years and it's like, you know, stay further away from the gorilla. Don't you have, like, a fucking, like a stick that you just put the meat on? What are you doing when you're trying to, like, you're trying to do the thing when you're picking the bugs off the back of the gorilla? It's not your job. Did the female gorilla die? And so she couldn't groom the gorilla?

Like, I'm trying to imagine all the scenarios where I have to touch a gorilla. Oh, the gorilla's sick. The gorilla will deal with it. You know, just stick with some fucking Advil and put it in here just, here's your Advil and just, we're getting like a, like a, a, a bolo gun, I think it shoots the net, and just have it shoot pills at them. Like, you know, 100, 150 pills and, like, five of them all end up in his mouth. Well, you put, you throw a fish on him, he opens his mouth, and you throw pills.

Like, you don't need to, well, you want to be some fucking doctor who takes care of a, fucking takes care of a, a gorilla, you want, you think you're getting some prize, you you're waiting around for a documentary crew to come around so you can show them and you can grill a shake hands and you and you kiss and you hug and it's just some great thing you think you're you think you're you tell your family and look you look out and you hey you're you think your job's tough where you clean the shit out of the pipes but i have to feed a gorilla and that's real hard you know you think you think you're your business boy job you know where you could sell you know real estate is a stressful thing i could be killed by

guerrilla and you think and you are i mean like you're your hump um you're waiting around for that they want they want to you know if you oh i got into a love animals well that seems like a weird thing because animals don't want to be oh well they're you know actually the zoos keep them alive and like they're endangered like i don't know enough about zoology but like we've got zoos helping are we actually repopulating or we just keeping a couple left that seems like a problem we should like gorillas live in like give them a state What's the good... Give them Montana.

Yeah, honestly, it's like, you know, the rich people of this country are, like, or coalescing in Montana. They're building these huge compounds of private security, full of black water guys, you know, ex-Navy-sealed Delta guys, you know,

ex-Massad made, IDF guy, who knows? All sorts of French foreign legion. They're all just running around Montana protecting these private chefs who were, you know, they're not protecting the private chef. are sometimes when the private chef has to go out and get a big salmon because I'm talking

about the private chefs of the billionaires because it's a private chef they probably have these little they probably have like a little outlet stores in their little compounds they build massive things in Montana for and everything collapses you know we can go I should we should researches and go into it more next time or another time but we'll just take it at face value this is a real thing um so yeah I mean how do we stop that and we give that to the gorillas. We stop fucking around with zoos. And these fucking, you know,

these fucking, you know, wannabees fucking guys who are like, you know, what these guys? They think they're better than they are. What's the word here? They think that it's just trying to, they're trying to be heroes. They're trying to be fucking Joe Montana's feeding the guerrillas.

I mean, wait, you're fucking, you do a little dancing, you do a little TikTok dance? I mean, it's TikTok over? I don't know. I don't know. I know they banned it from the app store. but can you still download it? I have it on the phone. I should probably try it. I've never, you know, done a TikTok.

But, um, but I bet, you know, was this guy trying to do a little TikTok video with the gorilla? I love how I just don't actually read the article. I'm just looking at the top and just, you know, but that's what this is. I mean,

this might as well be a, maybe we can monetize this in some kind of Netflix show where it's just like, it's like a, it's just me trying to figure out what the news story is, but it always ends up,

you know, just being about Joe Montana and his grandson with the cherries. It's just because it's called Cherry Boy. No, Cherry Boy sounds terrible. Cherry Boy sounds like a fucking awful, like the name of a viral video that is like kind of, I don't even want to say,

but like very creepy. So no, we won't call it Cherry Boy. We'll call it, you know, we'll call it football Grandaddy Supreme. Yeah, football granddaddy Supreme. Football Grandaddy Supreme. Coming this.

fall, you know, a little leak a trailer on Netflix. And it's all just me somehow, I don't know. I mean, does this make any sense? I'll get some feedback, I'm sure, on this. But let me know if you think I should pitch football Daddy Supreme to Netflix. I can probably get a meeting. It would take some, you know, maneuvering. I could get my foot in the door.

I don't know if it would get past. But I think I could, like, get someone to perhaps talk to me, maybe under not the most honest circumstances. I mean, I have to lie and say, you know, say I'm someone I'm not, perhaps bring a, not a weapon, but just imply that I'm a guy who might have a weapon. Just kind of hint that, like, because you don't want to get caught even with a fake gun.

They'll just see you. So he's kind of kind of hint at it. You know, like, hey, I'm here to see, you know, John Luca Romero, the head of, you know, the head of development in Netflix, which is, you know, wherever the guy is and, you know, you have an appointment and he's like, you know, I don't think I have a gun.

And I go, what? And he used to go, oh, you have an appointment, sure, let's be, right home. And then you say that, you go, I don't think I have a gun. And at least it's seen your doubt in their head. Or you just kind of, what looks like a gun you could put in your pocket? You want the idea that, like, you know,

this guy's menacing, but you can't threaten them. And you can't fucking even have a, you can't say I have a gun. and you can't lie. You have to make them make the false assumption. It's a trick. But I'm saying, whatever. Football, once I'm in the room,

football granddaddy Supreme is going to be probably an uphill pitch. I mean, will they go for it? Well, you know, I'm just describing, but I have to set it up with this Joe Montana business and, like, you know, establish. Because, you know, Joe Montana was big in, like, the 80s in the early 90s.

in the early 90s They might not even remember who he is I mean he's a legend but you know You can't expect every person on Netflix To you know to get football I barely understand football So are they just gonna you know I mean that's why it's not called Joe Montana

You know adventures It's called football Granddaddy Supreme Because you know if I go in there Joe Montana adventure What the fuck is Joe Montana Is he an improv guy No he's a football What is it's a football guy

Who does pranks He's a football guy a football player who pranks people by beating them to death the loved ones to death in front of them and that wouldn't be a prank okay so is it a guy who like

maybe he delivers pizzas to people he like he shows up with the pizza and they go I didn't deliver pizza and he was I'm Joe Manhattan the football guy football boy you know and like I don't know they have a party

they have a nice party it's like and I'm like can you just listen to my pitch you're getting ahead of the pitch here like you know it's not a prank show it's a it's a it's a show where I read the news I look at news stories and it's like I just thing with the the zookeepers mauled by a gorilla and I just look at the fucking the top part the lead with the picture and I try to guess

what the story is about and then bring it and then after I'm done elaborating what the story would be I then try to tie it in with the recurring story of Joe Montana being a really good grandpa and protecting his kids from various women or men who try to take his grandkids away. I mean, it's a recurring, it basically puts Joe Montana in the role of kind of, it's like his grandkids are kind of coveted, you know, resources.

I don't know what show this would be like. I mean, I guess, like, is duct tails, or they always try and get those kids? I haven't seen duct tails in forever. but, I mean, uh, Inspector Gadget? No, I don't think they're, I don't know. I mean, I think there are some things where someone's always trying to get the kids, right? And this is the case.

So it'll have to be some kind of villain. Maybe the villain would be, um, I don't know. I mean, if I'm in the room with the nephew, with John Luca Romero and Netflix, and I'm done yelling at him for interrupting me, I'm explaining this pitch. I'm, I'm probably going to say the villain is, who would it be? Would it be, no, it wouldn't be the guerrilla zookeeper. Would it be the other football player? Who would be the best counterpoint?

Maybe there's some guy who's, like, trying to get the Montana kids to start a football team. It's Alon Musk, yeah, it'll be Lawn Musk. Al-Musk wants a football team, and he knows the, you know, he knows the way he's got to do. He's got to get, you know, he wants to clone Joe Montana, but he's trying to clone Joe Montana would break his feet. face. I'm sure he hates Elon Musk. Joe Montana's not driving around with some Tesla, like some

fucking dork, like some fucking he's a football, he probably drives around in a fucking tank or some Humvee with a turret. You know, you don't go from being the fucking king of football, like, you know, to driving an electric car. It's just not, I mean, he's a different generation.

And also he just, he read that story, which I brought up before, where Alon Musk tried to fucking you know, get the Italian government to let him, you know, use his weird pedophile submarine to, like, save those kids. And he's like, you know,

was it Italian? I forget who it was. But whoever it was, they wouldn't let Alon Musk use his submarine. And Joe Montana read that story, it goes, good for them. That guy's a real prick. I don't like, I don't like cut of his jib.

So this is, you know, this is the guy. So Alan Musk is just, you know, a disgusting person. Yeah, he's hateable. We've done rants on him before. We don't have to get into it. He's the villain.

Do they green light? Football Grandaddy Supreme? Is that what's called? I have to go back and listen now. It's a football granddaddy Supreme. Yeah, Football Grandaddy Supreme. Or this grandaddy football Supreme. It should include featuring Alon Musk.

Football Grandaday Supreme featuring Alon Musk as the villain. That's part of the title. As Alan Musk as the, scum okay football granddaddy supreme featuring a lon musk as the scum it's kind of weird that like joe montana is the star his name's not in it but we but we put a lot of musk's name but i mean when you say football grandaddy supreme who else is going to be is he going to be tom brady tom grady would never be in this fucking movie or the show he would never make the metal you know tom brady would let people like just probably he'd probably be you know what's it been

like 30 years since Joe Montana retired, 25. So, like, you know, let's just play Brady at the age of 60, sitting in his, you know, Miami apartment, who knows, his house, some other rich area, you know, maybe not Malibu. But there's all the nice places he can live. He'll live somewhere with his model, Giselle, wife. And then, you know, he's got grandkids. And they're sitting around and they're watching,

they're watching just the NCIS. And just, he's loving it. He's just enthralled with the, with the Navy, Navy crimes. He's enthralled. Tom Brady's just watching, we, the episode after episode where the Navy is just, you know, riddled with sex crimes and, like, fraud, and murder. And everyone in the Navy's just killing each other and raping each other and fucking each other.

And only this team with the got girl and the guy from the movie, uh, summer school, can stop these rapists, these Navy rapists. What is going off of the Navy? Why there's so many crimes in the Navy? Isn't it in NCIS, like a sequel to Jag, which I also never watched? Which, again, so many crimes.

I know, I'm sure, again, I'm sure there's Navy crimes, but maybe the Navy's doing more harm than good. If all these people are getting murdered and raped and sold into, you know, labor slave situations, You know, I don't know. I mean, what kind of crimes are happening? Because, I mean, I remember my dad would love this. And I feel like there's a whiff of like, there's almost like a conspiracy against the NTIAS guys.

And it's like, what force is fighting? Like, what, I get a guy who's like, you know, a general. Or I guess an admiral in the Navy. Did some kind of sex crime. And, you know, the summer school guy and the godgirl just going after, you know, and sticking it to him and then catch him and so he's a powerful guy maybe

but it seems like these organizations like spies who fight them who's fucking fighting the Navy the goddamn Navy sex crime murder police whatever you know I don't know what they it just seems odd

I mean it seems like a created conflict but Tom Brady loves it is the point and he just don't withdraw so he if you came into Don Brady's house and you're like and he's just watching NCIS

and like you just and like Mr. Brady and just wander in he's like oh this is a good part and it's just it's that it's that with goth girl Abby right Abby the goth girl she's like come look at my microscope

blah blah that's something you know he's like oh I love it when she does that I love it when she looks in her microscope and finds finds things and just whatever and he's just enthralled because he's I'm not saying he's a dumb guy he's smart in a lot of ways but you know

he doesn't like great TV he's gonna he's gonna really enjoy in c i s in his retirement so you can go hey i'm i'm here just take one of your grandkids you're like yeah take him take my grandkids he's literally says jazelle wrap up one of the kids give it this guy one less amount to feed my right and um you know because he's in my my he's cheap i'm saying um he loves his grandkids but like if you give him the opportunity to not have to feed a grandkid and it doesn't matter how rich he is he'll take it so that's the kind of the guy we're dealing with that's why you know that's why he's not football granddad he's

Supreme. Joe Montana is. So I think this gets greenlit. I think football Grand Day Supreme, featuring Alam Musk as the scum, is the new, there's no more false slate, I guess. False slate, what they call it? You know, spring sweeps, these TV terms.

I guess there is still TV. I'm picturing this goes in a streaming service, but maybe it goes to a network. This might be the kind of a high concept project that, like, NBC will want. because NBC's fighting the streaming services and fighting the general, you know, cable in general. There's a certain, you know, diffusion of entertainment

has happened over the past 30 years, I'll just say. And they need something big. You know, I don't think, does they have the mask singer? Is that them? It seems like Fox has a lot of those American Idol type things. Does NBC have the voice? I don't know. I mean, they're struggling, though.

They need another tent pole. And, you know, this fall, football, Grand A Supreme Featron Musk As the Scum It's like a It's an event viewing thing People will be talking about it

Because like you know It's just going to be very warm Joe Montana It's going to be like Joe Montana Is just fighting off All of Alan Musk's Hmm

Who will he employ ninjas Or just straight up like you know Guys like does he have electronic cars They try to run the kids over like half of all the episode was like you know a Tesla just driving through a school and killing 10 kids but Joe Montana like jumping in and just

he could have saved three kids but just saves one grand kid like it was so but you know it's something he saves you know he's not there to protect he's not a superhero he's football grandaday supreme so he just saves the kid and like all these and just may have murdered children

um that's the other thing it'll be a lot of it's a warm grandpa story but it's uh dark because a lot of people he's going to have to kind of terms with like in or you know keeping my grandkids safe but like i'm you know am i the problem because i'm just getting everyone's kids murdered because they want like i'm keeping my kids safe but you know i'm just letting maybe it'll be the arc maybe like by the end of season one he realizes i should also stop him you know killing uh other people's grandkids in the process of trying kill mine you know like it should be easy though i don't want to be a thing where like i want to be

clear joe montana could have done it the whole time he could have been saving the other kids it'd be very simple he's very quick you know whatever he's but like he's kind of it's him kind of softening his heart his athlete heart to like you know to think that other kids are worthy of being saved which might seem look it's a it's a complicated you know it's an anti-hero perhaps or like it's halfway between an anti-hero and a hero you know because he's a good guy but you know he's it's about and then when then through this show we'll teach people to kind to be more socialistic right like you know i'm not saying we get social but like hey maybe we maybe we stop but you know we stop fucking selling you know securitized uh piss like you know

whatever like you know stocks that are just you know the current edge of the economy i'm just we give a little bit back i'm not saying we go Maoist i'm not saying we go fucking Marxist it's not the point of football grand day supreme preacher and all the musk is the scum not the point of the show but you know soften up a little bit take take care of each other

you know it's a good message um I don't know is there TV anymore it must be I mean there has to be can we get Joe Montana on board is he too rich that's a problem

he might be like there might be a struggle to even get him on board because it's like um now he's because honestly he he's going on a boost his legend. Let's not even worry about that. You know, well, I'm going to tell them that we

have them before I go to the meeting. And we'll just come and lie. And then you know, we'll figure out afterwards. Maybe, maybe, we're the worst case. We just get some, we get Tom Brady and we tell him Mr. Montana. You know, despite everything I just said, scrap it, we'll go with Tom Brady. I don't care.

Like, you know, I have a show now. So, like, you know, I'm not, I don't have that much integrity. I'm not going to, like, well, you know, now he's not really a football. No, but the show becomes Tom Brady's just selling his kids to Alon Musk Um

Whatever I just want I want to show I want I want to be a powerful Showrunner So I don't care May make it Make it make it the guy from Who's another

I'm trying to think of one other football player Paul Marino From the Dolphins Make him solve Navy crimes I don't care You know make him be He's solving other Navy rapes He's taken down the admirals

this is you know we're in the meeting we don't think Joe Montana fuck it Don Marino is fucking shooting Navy admirals on a hunch

every episode starts kind of Colombo where you see the you see the crime get committed and then you watch how Colombo solves it this was kind of a backwards thing

it's not quite like that but the same idea we have a vignette so every episode starts the vignette with John Marino of the Dolphins fame the Miami Dolphins Old Don Marino

Just fucking puts a gun to the Navy Admiral's head You know And he in his football outfit Like he's squeezed into his actual original football outfit Like he probably doesn't He's probably gained a little weight Some way he's not the same guy So he's just kind of fat

He's not he's not a little gut But like it just looks like a fat gut Because he just squeezed that of it His helmet He just like fucking with a good I really want this show I mean how is this show we're not going to get Greenland

this is amazing so Don Marino who's like just old as shit in his football uniform and his helmet is just shooting a Navy Admiral in the back of the head like he's sitting in an easy chair

or something in his house and then you have to figure out you know in the rest of the episodes why you find out the Navy Admiral you know raped a big movie star whoever I don't know

I don't know what the Navy's into? I can't, I can't imagine how decades of crimes are able to like populate their show. In this universe, what is the Navy just the term for like, like, isn't Demolition Man or like every restaurant's Taco Bell? The movie Demolition Man was going to be Stallone and Wesley Snipes, like everything's Taco Bell. And like, in this movie, the Navy, every, like, every

business is Navy. So like, therefore, how can you have this many crimes? You're supposed to be fighting wars. And like, we don't even charge you with war crimes. time like they just shoot people whenever they want i mean that guy that guy got pardoned right the fucking ney gallager what his name was a fucking navy seal he's just like you know he did some stuff that was so crazy even other navy seals they're like this is kind of like we wanted to kill people like with carte blanche but this is what fucked up dude and they pardoned them like no no this is the navy seals are about it's just stabbing shooting pissing fucking kissing kissing hugging that's

the model of the navy it's just stabbing shooting killing pissing, hugging, kissing. It's, the Marines that have semperified, the Navy has that. So, yeah, I'm just saying, what was the point of that? The sheer amount of crimes the Navy has. It's just baffling.

It's a bizarre... I don't know. But Joe Montana is just softening them all. We lean into it. You know, we fucking, you know, Joe Montanagan just go on TV and just, you know,

in this show. Like, he'll buy ad space. He's a rich guy. He's a weird. It's a vigilante thing. He's not, he's not part of NCIS. He's NCIS Rogue.

We'll call NCIS Rogue. So if you don't buy football granddaddy Supreme featuring a lot of musk as the scum, you might be interested in alternative. Joe de Baggio. Don Marino. in NCIS Rogue and we'll get sued because we're not affiliated with NCIS but we're stealing

their idea but he's just some guy rich guy and the ex-athlet who's like I'm sick of these Navy guys getting away we're fucking murders and rapes and pissing just pissing all over us you know taking a little fucking his wife was like just killed by a random Navy um with other ranks they have lieutenants probably right some like the show the first episode starts with some lieutenant in the Navy just fucking showing up at Don Marino's like you know football Hall of Fame except in speech he goes you know hmm must be nice to be a football boy he goes yeah it's not bad we were in the Navy thank you for your service

and he's wife is right there oh I love a man in uniform and she's just being like kind of put that polite flirtiness like he just it's not no one he's not cucking like he's like he's like oh look at this he likes him and he just fucking shoots her like Navy rules runs out the door like I don't know what the Navy are just like this like the scounder of all like they're the ISIS of the military it seems like if you listen to you watch so whatever we'll lean into it and uh yeah so he's just on a vendetta he's going to get old but not not just getting he's not going to get revenge on every navy guy he's not like the whole

navy's not responsible but i'm going to stop the the navy criminals because that would be weird i mean that could be look i'm not opposed to the idea of we scrapped the nc i s thing and it's just joe um don marina know hunting navy guys fighting them but just because he hates the navy i mean that's an alternative idea where he's just we we scrapped the whole investigation thing i think i think you know i think investigation is a good structure people like the procedural structure of a show um even though what you know what sells him on it is is domerino just shooting navy admirals and maybe lieutenant sometimes and uh but it usually goes up to the admiral um every every episode almost

with a few exceptions will be them cracking some massive Navy-wide case with a lot of corruption because that also seems to be a thing I mean I only know enough about NCIS from my dad eating pretzels in the kitchen watching it enjoying it after a hard day of work and look he smart I'm not put my dad my dad just liked to live in a world where the Navy he liked to imagine a world where the Navy is just like Nazi Germany and ISIS and like you know cancer all just wrapped into one.

It's the omnipresent threat of our times is the Navy. To me, that seems like, you know, I never thought that was comforting or even enjoyable, but a guy like my dad, he's not a dumb guy, smart guy. But there's something about that. There's something about the Navy being the villain always. People just don't like the Navy, I guess. So, you look, it's the market.

The point is Don Marino's shooting admirals The cracking cases There's uncovering corruption All over the place Maybe he's helped by the Marine The Marines are part of the Navy, right? He's helped by the Army

The Army gives him weapons Because they have that rivalry, right? Army Navy, they play the football games And it's just like You think it's a friendly rivalry But like no, like this is in this universe The Army is literally like He'll just, you know, usually it's by himself

in his football uniform but sometimes he'll have like army rangers with him and he's just ordering them like to shoot like they go into a navy barracks and just shoot that barracks up i'm gonna go to the other one like the whole barracks yeah shoot it up and we need to distract them like this goal isn't to kill everyone in the navy but he has no problem cracking a few eggs um so you know this is this is a fun world this is this is something we've landed on to a fun idea he's Grandpa? No, Don Marino. I'm not. I'm merging the ideas now. And honestly, maybe we get both. Maybe in five years you're going to look on TV and just like you just, at one point you saw like one order or SVU, law and order criminal intent, one order, uh, other ones I think

maybe. And then it was NCIS extreme and it was CSI, CSI, CSI am, sees on New York, like, there'll be my football thing going on with all these various football, uh, crime fighters slash heroes you know you got the show um you get the show with joe montana got the show with domarino um you have to show with um who's another football guy i mean can i get a third one now i mean brady's in there we're kind of brady in this universe and it'll be like a mixed universe of shows and maybe a movie eventually and brady's going to be a villain but like maybe one of those villains

like in Dragon Bowlesy where like he becomes a friend maybe maybe Brady redeems himself also because that's the kind of thing all the guys you fight you end up being your buddies and then you fight bigger guys

this is an anime thing they do and it works really well um who's the refrigerator he's a guy from the 80s or whatever right that guy and he's just he'll make a cameo appearance I can't think of other football people

there's Montana there's Don Marino there's a Joe Nameth, right? They don't look the same to me. They don't just kind of a weird same old grandpa look. Maybe Joe Nameth is just Joe Nameth, pussy hunter.

It's just a show by him trying to find love in his older age. Joe Namath pussy hunter coming, you know, this fall. If you like the football Grandaddy Supreme and also like, you know, Joe Nameth Navy Murder Boy, you're going to love. If you love Don Marino

Navy Murder Boy You're gonna love Joe Namath Pussy Hunter About It's just him Basically him going on dates But he's like you know He reminds me of guys I worked with Older who were older

Who were like decent looking Like decent looking guys when they're young And they get older They're not terrible looking And I don't know if they were married They got divorced But you know They knew how to fuck pussy

Or just you know What's the word Not fun I'm not saying they were good and bad I don't know But they knew how to I mean, look, I don't use the term pussy hound myself. I don't, but it just applies to them.

Like, a guy like Joe Namath, but just, I mean, wasn't there a video of him just, like, grabbing that woman? It's a sideline reporter, like, I think he was drunk. I want to kiss you. And, like, you know, he used to walk around with fur coat, I think. I mean, he's a put, I can't give a more apt thing. Joe, name it, pussy. It was a jet, right?

The New York Jets. I don't know if they ever won. But Joe Namit Pussy Hunter, you know, that's going to, that'll eventually get, That'll be the tail end of it That's going to be the last one And the people are going to push back on it Because it's going to be a lot of graphic

Sex scenes in it Even though it's on that network TV It's going to be like I mean it's going to be blocked in a certain way Like you know shot where it's like But it's like just We don't see the tits and the pussy in the ass And the dick

But like you know It's like a soft core porn Or like we're just It's just the idea Like even if you don't see too much It's just a lot of him referring to like it'll be like a seven-minute sex scene which is long for a show

and some of it will be you know him I'm sorry I forgot to take my pill because he's an older guy I don't care how much of an athlete you are he's not keeping his rock hard dick all the time without some pills he's like 70 years old or older

but you know it's about a man in his twilight years um trading on his fame um fucking much younger women not in the 30s probably it's not gross i mean i'm just saying but you know it's not because i think that's the right thing it's just this this guy you know it's not about joan name maybe joan nameth eventually meets an older woman older woman you know he learns to find companionship with a woman his own age

maybe that's a point of the show but that'll come in season seven um maybe we'll introduce an older character who's like an invalid woman who like you know incontinent she shits all the time she's his neighbor um she's always like falling and like he's just disgusted with her he's just like every time he goes to the mail he sees her

she's just like really old like with a walker and she's just like trying to get to the mailbox and she's just slipping in her own piss just falling on the floor and he like he just like help he goes to help her up and he's like oh you smell like piss

he's like oh I'm sorry and I shouldn't have said that and you know it's okay and she's like but over time he learns to love her but in the course of that it takes a while he's just you know he's just showing up at bars with a Super Bowl ring if he has one if not he's probably got like a fucking other ring he's got jewels a be jeweled football that granddaddy much like Joe montana but a little more sleazy he's a sleazy joe montana uh because Joe montana i was saying before he could fuck assorts but i don't think Joe montana would show up at like the body barn which is a place

in Long Island, like a big outdoor, you know, just drunk fuck party place. Not fuck, you know. You know, people meet people to fuck people, you know. Or like the nutty Irishman. He showed up these bars. And he's just like, sees these younger women. And he's like, you know who I am.

And like, he carries around a fucking framed picture of himself, just posing with a football. It's not even him in the act. He's just posing with a football. That's me. I'm a driven of a pussy hunter. And, uh, he buys her expensive meals. he teaches her about classical music

not that he knows much but he's just like he's he's whining and dining and 69ing and fucking showing him classy things he's taking him to the the opera the New York Opera House the Paris I'll take you the Paris Opera House if you eat my ass I'll tell you that way

if you'll give me a blow job that I like I'll take you to an opera baby that's promise those things like that it's like you wouldn't think it would work but the guy's famous and he's offering you know spend a lot of money on you i'm not saying every woman there's a lot of misses and you know but he definitely is going to work sometimes why i mean why not like why not i take you know it's it's never creepy uh no's always creepy but it's never like you know unconsensual um he gets slapped

in the face a lot of times and you could you know he never hits him back he's a classy guy when after he you know offers to you know take a woman to the opera if she you know just just eats his shit out of his ass like a cherry pie. I don't know what that means. He says it. Eat him, eat the ass. Eat him a shit on my ass like a cherry pie.

And she slaps him. Like, he goes, I guess I deserve that. And he flicks or, you know, a gold coin or something. Something classy.

He goes, you know, no, no hard feelings, Tuts. And then he just goes around. I mean, is there a plot to this?

Is there a plot to Joe Namedman and Fussy Hunter? maybe I mean besides Here's the theme of the woman He's gonna learn to love It's just Woman who's like almost in a coma Decrepid

You know what you think of as I mean you think of as an elderly Woman just like he learns to love her over time But Maybe he's also Teaching karate or something Maybe he runs a karate dojo Well we'll get the Kobra Kai thing

Because it's popular show on Netflix So we'll tie in the fact He's also like Owns a Joe name it's football karate And it's just like What is that? It's just it doesn't matter

I'm a football star I can't like he learned karate In the 70s we'll say And like he's just And it's a fledgling business Because you know People don't really do He doesn't do the MMA thing

He you know That's that's pussy fight And this is real authentic Japanese karate taught by me Joe named pussy hunter Um But it makes enough money It's a lot of it's about marketing

The business Just like Cobra Kai We're gonna steal a lot of stuff From Cobra Kai And just a recreated in this in his football universe so yeah so to wrap up what we have you have a slave show is we have granddaddy football supreme featuring alon musk as the scum okay then we have uh don marino uh navy uh navy hunter don marino

murders the navy that's the show name or no it was n c i n c i yes uh extremers or nc i s football whatever we have that show and then we have the joe name it pussy hunter i mean one of these has to pass can i'm sick of seeing kissing booth movies all right we we have too many kissing boots there's not enough space on netflix for all these kissing boots just you have it's infinite give me a shot let's just you know people don't watch any the amount of garbage on come on this is you telling me there's not 50% of the shows on Netflix aren't worse than this

that somehow you would watch this I don't know who's running these companies you would watch this show this is a captivating television so you know the coming this spring we'll see I got to pitch this

I got to talk to people get into Netflix but thanks to listen to the show you can listen to the show you can listen to extra episodes if you sign for the Patreon. That's an extra episode every week. Five dollars, a good deal.

We had a great episode where I recounted The Long Island Serial Killer from when I worked at the morgue and then looking back on it. Fun, fun episode and much like that. Other stuff like that. It's great. It's a great deal. Five bucks to get at this point. It's a ton of back

episodes. So, you know, just enjoy yourself with more comp. It's just a great way to do it. You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Rake. Kump and the, you know, new episodes on Patreon come every Thursday, so either I'll see you Thursday or I'll see you, and look, sometimes it comes Friday, right? Whatever. You get them. Every week you get them. They're always there. But yeah, but whatever. Either way, I'll see you

soon. Have a great day. Thank you.