Kump - 56 - The Duke of Kump

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

Ray imagines his digital Thanksgiving, and thinks nostalgically about an old salesman. Get your "I'm A Wine Princess, Bitch!" T Shirt, available for a limited time! https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Sign up at patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week!

Hello, welcome to Kump, coming to you late for my, uh, unavoidable. Still have his mouth thing going on I went to the dentist It was uh You know Every time I try I get I get the head I think I'm gonna A break free of this

The shackles of The workers The workers plate His tongue is My tongue is normally just sticking into You know my teeth And just making noises Mumbling

But now it's you know I get a sore On my tongue It's fine um it keeps blowing up it's in addition to the i got this gap toot because i had to get a tooth pulled last week um look it's all going to work out you're going to see me in a year i'm going to be covered in teeth i'm going to be just you know uh wearing teeth it's neckliss i'm buying alligator teeth and just shove them in my throat uh it's a whole new world that's i mean you know you

have people want to be robots people want to merge with computers i'm going to merge with an alligator and maybe a slot, like a tree slot. So, someone can pick me up on the side of the road, throw me in a garbage can, whatever. It was a famous video of a tree slot. I like it. Go, just look up a tree slot on road. Or is it a tree slot?

I don't know. It's a slot. It's a famous slot video. The guy picks it. I'm not going to, what is this fucking, you know, Tash.0? No, all right? Just do it on your own time. Tim let it be known.

I heard that I got a promotion. Things are going to be hectic next to, like a temporary promotion. It's not like a, but, you know, the next few, the month or so is going to be pretty busy. I'll still be here. Am I getting more money? I mean, I'm allowed to take home the tripe from the butcher shop, basically. I have to lock up at night and sweep, you know, like basically close the shop up. But he's allowed me to take the tripe.

home the uh is that tribe even it's just the stuff you you know the pig there's the guts of the pig I get to eat it um everyone knows I'm a butcher by trade um

I don't cut open live animals I made a joke about that once and people start freaking out they're all dead I cut up dead animals um that's my trade I'm not going there apparently some guy had a video of uh I don't know

someone responded to what tweet I made saying he saw a video of a guy who was cutting the liver off a cow and the cooking it while the cow was still alive not great maybe maybe relax on that we're going to be cow soon you know right we're going to be um the livestock for uh the elites of this world as a climate change cloud Oh, so I'm going to be drunk. Climate change closes in and, uh, ever more viruses, pervader, uh, vitamin D is not going to cure what comes next. So, you know, maybe you might get you off COVID, but you need, uh, you might need to drink bleach, uh, just to get, just to die from it.

Because they ain't going to be pretty, whatever we're going to guess. Let me, uh, I don't know, like a bug flu. I guess they're all bug flus, malaria, right? It's mosquitoes, but this will be a centipede. Imagine a centipede, like a fucking, I mean, they have cicadas kind of every 17 years. They say it's every, whatever, years, but maybe because I was a kid, I just remember it differently, because there was a year when I was a kid, probably like eight or nine, when they were everywhere. There was just cicadas, but also, like, you know, like that, you know, they had another cycle or two since then.

They go, this is a year of cicadas, it's like it doesn't seem like it, but I'm also not hanging out in front of trees, just, meeting people like I did as a kid you know you'd be outside more you'd be climbing i don't have I climbed a lot of trees but I was in front of trees talking to people getting no uh other kids getting beat up or threatening to kill people you know myself whatever I mean uh you see nature more as a kid uh you experienced in the natural world uh if you're lucky I guess I mean my you know shit backyard that had a tree of always dropping berries I mean, why do you have these, like, I don't, we didn't plant the trees, but there was, like, these apple trees that just dropped these awful apples,

um, terrible apples that we never ate. They never grew, I mean, I don't know if they could grow proper apples. It was like, there were these crab apples, and I was like, when you walk around in the backyard, he's in this fucking applesauce over the place, and these weird berries. Who wants these berries? These were the birds? Sick of it.

Um, yeah, I don't, people going, oh, I wish I was a kid again. Why? You can fucking step in berries? Is that, is that, you're nostalgic for berries? I don't understand nostalgia. I never have. You know, I used to, I had some cool toys, and I read some books, and, you know, I had

whimsical experiences as a child, but, you know, I'm fine. I need to go back. Oh, if only my, I go back to a time where my knees didn't hurt. Just, just cut your knee off. Stop whining. I don't know who these people are. Remember the member of the 90s? What were you just?

Who are you fucking? Are you fucking the girl from Dairy Queen? Who cares? Go, you know, what is it, American Beauty? It's a movie about a pedophile, and he's like, oh, I'm smoking weed now. I quit my job. I'm a pedophile.

Like, I don't understand this instinct to go back to, like, your dumb youth. Youth. I'm mumbling today. Thanksgiving's coming up. That's something I look forward to. That's something to keep you, your spirits up.

I mean, it's coinciding with a lovely COVID resurgence. We're back in the thick of it. We're back in the minute. You know, this is why I didn't record over the week. It was worse. You can, you can see my tongue just getting in the way. I feel it. I'm very cognizant of it.

I'm like a monk who's like meditating and super focused, but like in a bad way. You think monks just like, they talk about how, oh, you learn to just, you know, focus on one, the breadth of a bird. You can hear a bird breathing. I was like, why don't you mow your lawn? I do, like, how is that? What's this helping? At the end of the day, what do you actually see when you're in, when you get that, you know, tranquil and enlightened? What are you really getting to?

Are you learning to play the piano better? You learn to, you know, you're getting good at World of Warcraft? What's the end game? That's my point. Hold on a second. Welcome to come. Now the show begins for real. yeah i don't know the point is i'm super focused on the tongue it's permeating everything um but you have

thanksgiving coming up i don't know uh we're gonna be alone right that's that's the gimmick we're not allowed to see our families who cares i mean last time i uh saw my family i got drunk I pissed myself a little bit, but I didn't tell anybody. No one knew. And I got to have a fight about abortion, I think, or something with my mom or my brother. And, you know, we had some biscuits and we exchanged gifts. We went home. It was Christmas.

But yeah, the same thing. We got any of turkey and some stuffing. I mean, can't you just get a bar of soap and just cut it into something? Start carving soap. Ah, God damn it. things really acting up now but yeah why don't I just learn to carve like scrimshaw in a bar of soap

and uh you know it's a hobby you can do that Jesus Christ um no but you know we might have a virtual Thanksgiving to keep my parents alive in me

um which will be fun I guess I'll just be sitting there with a bowl of mashed cauliflower because, you know, I'm not really able to eat solid foods that easily with this. I mean, I guess I have this, because I have this bridge on the other side of my mouth

that's come loose. So, like, it always falls out when I chew. Like, an old man. So, I mean, you know, I guess I could just take that bridge out for a while and eat some turkey in front of my mom and just, you know, tell her it's like, it's just as good as yours.

I don't need you. you serve your purpose it's over like you know i bet you'd love to show love for your family by cooking a nice meal at 3 a.m just letting roast making a nice roast but you can't the the pandemic has robbed you of uh of all of your um motherly uh duties you can't you can't kiss my forehead and make me say my novenas or, you know, you're done. I'm just going to be carving this turkey in front of her just saying like, did you ever get this buttery?

Look at that buttery my turkey is, Mom. You never, yours is always dry. Look how good. I'm just being, like, I'm not even wearing pants, which is not sexual, it's just why would I wear pants in front of my parents? And, you know, we'll still get into a fight. I'll get really drunk.

and I might send my mom emails during dinner with, like, you know, cool gifts. They like gifts. You know, they're boomers or whatever. They love those documents full of memes. So I'll send them, like, divisive political content. Do that. Have a virtual Thanksgiving and just keep the fight going.

People are talking about, like, oh, now that Biden's won. Are the Democrats going to hold, like, Trump people accountable? Or are they going to, you know, we have to come together. We can't be divided. What are you talking about? I mean, I'm not saying, really, what, on the whole, are you talking about? I don't understand it's, it's the country's as divided as ever, right? Are they asking for, I mean, they're not even admitting that Biden won.

And if they, even if they were, they're not asking for forgiveness. what are you going to do put them in jail there's nothing to be done like you just hate each other oh we got to come together all right i mean make abortion illegal in some states is that what you want to do i mean i don't i'm saying i don't know what you want what do you think you're going to do make maga hats illegal tell people they can't go on reddit i mean what is even the debate like i don't understand i'm i'm the first guy to say stop being so device up stop arguing with people stop acting like you know we're all enemies but like oh are we gonna be better are we gonna um be the

better man whatever we're gonna stand up and and show up like there's nothing to be done it's like they hate you you hate them you're fucking you like Mars bars and and the peanut boys that's not what I meant I meant to say Hershey I think I'm having a stroke who are the peanut boys that would be a great candy company oh fuck yeah I'm realizing that's actually really good I should make a candy

can I make can't first let's get out of the way I extended the wine princess I'm a wine princess bitch t-shirts you can still get them don't you know worry I'm not looking to like you know

I'm not the Supreme store so it's there but in the next moving on to the next money-making venture, which won't make any money. But whatever, but the next idea is the peanut boys candy line. Can I make candy the same way I can make shirts? Like, I tell some confectionery guy,

hey, here's what I want to do. You make it to order. It's chocolate with a raspberry donuts and a fucking bowl of cinnamon, and you swirl it together. and sell it by the pound I'll put it on my website and when I get an order you fucking fill it

you put that cinnamon in a bowl full of milk and you shove a bunch of chocolate bars in that and you call it the peanut boys and we'll sell up a $20 a bag who's doing this? Is this a service? I mean there's nothing

you're going to do you're going to go to the M&M store yeah going to the M&M store it's over this is what you get I mean you need to We need to become the retail of the 21st century. We have to, like, you know, Jay C. Penny's is over. Macy's is over. We, you have the peanut boys.

And it's me. Uh, the wine, the wine bitch boy, peanut boys. I mean, I'm just, now I'm getting, I'm getting nostalgic for a childhood I never had. Thinking about the, like, it's not even, it's not even peanut boys candy. It's the peanut boys can't. It's like the peanut boys presents white chocolate. chocolate and it's just and like you know um i know what you're thinking like is a penis boys maybe i don't know it's juvenile it's for kids no actually they can't handle it see

you you think it's a meme you know it's like a something kids would like oh like this dumb kid only dumb kids would laugh at it but you know i market that the kids it's just the peanut boys it's not a fucking weird penis thing it just happens you know i mumbles so it sounds like that but uh Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's all I got so far. A bowl of cinnamon, milk, and we sell it. You're going to have to sell your foot soon, all right?

So don't judge me for getting into the candy game. Let's see if I just start a little coughing fit again. Yeah, it's a little rough today. It's a little choppy. You know, what do you want me to do? You want me to not podcast? Because on that, did that. I was like, where's the cum?

I go, I don't know. I can't fill your. life every week forever there's going to be weeks where I have to wait a day because someone slashed me in the tongue the muggers do that well if I was a mugger I would just slash me look I guess first if they gave you the wallet you know slash them right that's like the best of gentleman's code of muggers court fell out as I was saying you know is that karma if I brought the gentleman's gentleman you're not supposed to bring up the gentleman code of muggers it's like the it's like a it's like

you know it's the name an organization that shall be not be named kind of shit anyway but you know if people didn't give me their milk and cookies and bags of bread when they asked for it with a knife in my hand i slashed their tongue people slash faces but you know um yeah because you slash them on the face they're not going out again they they feel ashamed But I would slash you in the tongue go, I'll be back for the rest, and then I would run away. I don't know who I'd be mugging. I guess people in, like, you know, a rich suburb. You know, people feel safe in the suburb as well.

I would just hang out in the suburbs in front of the 7-Eleven. I'd be shot immediately. I mean, I'd be like the guy at dairy barn in my town who got shot. You know, everywhere can be unsafe if you were from me. Um, be, there used to be guys hanging out at 7-Ele of the whole time. Where was their gimmick? I guess it's just, you know, guys who drive red roots and, like, they just try, like, you know, is that their way of, uh, kind of pissing on, you know, you might go and hang out with

someone's office, talk about sports. They go to 7-Eleven and they talk to their buddies who don't like them, you know, the clerks who, like, put up with them because they, you know, they're good customers and they're fine, but, like, and they're bored anyway. They didn't really like them. Just white, cut, working class stiffs, just trying to make a connection at 4 a.m. This reminds me at the time, I've told many times, when I had that, you know, thinking my teeth years ago where I had to follow my tooth down. But the night before that, the tooth was going into the side of my tongue, and this is kind of how it's felt.

So you get, you get, you get, like, this is nostalgia. We were nostalgic for the time when I broke my tooth off being, I being breathed. from Taco Bell, so there's nostalgia for you. But yeah, I mean, you know, what's, I don't know what family is for people. I love my family, and they're great. My brother's great, dude. Parents are fine. They're great.

But what do you get? Are you feeling the warm embrace? Oh, I want to go home and eat my mom's meatloaf, let her rub my feet and tell me I'm a good boy. if I can't do that, maybe I should die COVID. It's like, what? Play a video game. You know, if I can get drunk, watching basketball. It won't be basketball, I guess, this year,

because it's not starting until Christmas or that week. But, you know, watch some football. Watch a movie. I watch a movie War Games. Watched that last night. It's my movie. Yeah. What do you think they're trying to try to put this into a?

they're trying to get us to stop living outside I don't think they care I think they they basically wonder you wonder what the good you know

I used to think that they wanted to wait until AI was good enough to like be farmers like robot farmers and then they just kill us all I don't know maybe they go live in Abu Dhabi maybe they live in Milan and the

Monaco, San Marino, and they don't care about America. I found hard to believe they want to, like, stop me from fucking let my mom rub my feet while I eat her turkey meatloaf. It seems like more than they, like, you're putting too much care. It's that whole thing of, like, when you think, when you break up with someone and you think they're fucking, and you're just wondering if they're like, you know, uh, you know, telling everyone about how your dick looks weird and then you puked on them once and, uh, you're always shitting yourself in bed and, uh, and you never, you're never, never hard and that you cried a lot. Um, and then you realize one day, oh, they, they moved on. Then I, that's the way I feel about the elites. They've moved on. They're not telling, you know,

they're not trying to kill you. You know, the vaccine's there just to fucking, it's probably full Is it poison? I mean, look, water is poison in America. We talk, yeah, it's probably, everything's poison. The water literally is, is killing people. Of course, the vaccines are going to be fucking safe. I mean, you know, this is just what it is. I mean, it's probably safer than high-fructose corn syrup.

I mean, look, statistically, probably. Yeah, some people might get maimed. You might grow wings, and start, you know, it might become, like, uh, switch religions. Maybe you take the vaccine,

and it's not one, you know, one way street, but yeah, Muslims become Jewish, Christians become Hindus. It's just, you know, and then,

uh, also, you know, your, your, your, guts fall out, you know,

of your ass. Um, hemorrhatic fever. I don't know. Like, everyone's so, like, you know,

you're eating ring things and Doritos. It's all like, they're probably just shoving that into a blender, mixing it with some vitamin D. And then they go, here, inject it into your blood. And, uh, it's called it a day.

I mean, the FDA is going to approve it no matter of what as long as it, you know, has enough mountain dew in it. You know, the whole thing where it's, you know,

a hot dog can have a legal amount of rat shit that can be in a hot dog because I guess like it's just impossible to have a hot dog factory without rats shitting in the hot dogs doesn't seem right it seems like you could do it without having rat shit but we just accept that

so I mean it is what it is um if you have to go out and see your family I'm not see your family I'm not hanging out with you why don't we care oh we're gonna keep this going newsflash we're gonna keep it going until this vaccine thing whatever

we're gonna keep it going so stop bitching about the people who ruin it It's like It's like complaining about like you know Oh You know we did we you know You know How we fix the political problem in this country

The corruption We gotta get money out of politics Are you literally a functionally Handicapped like What are you saying Get money That's a whole You know how you

You know how you win the world series You'd be the best team Like what? Yes You just get money out of power So it's like yeah Oh well you know It's just kind of

a it's a fate day plume or whatever I don't know what the expression is non the plume that's not it um fate day complete that's it right I have I always have it five you know like I can give an eloquent speech

to a to world leaders but like I have to first say like I'm sorry my grandpa was in the Vermock and uh you know I smell a little bit then I'll say something really profound and they'll quote me

but um you have to get through me just kind of you know excreating sweat and piss um I'm like a catberry egg in that respect I guess nothing of a cabberry egg but that's not it what's good in the middle and bad on the outside not a cadbury egg

I mean the chocolate's fine it's not mean you might like the cream inside but uh it's not exactly a ball of piss with a diamond inside that would be that would be here but that doesn't exist um if you can get a bowl of a piece of a diamond inside, you're golden.

So, yeah. So there we lie. You said, you know, what are you going to talk? You're going to talk about the election? You're going to say, you know, depending on who you are, you're going to go, those Democrats ripped us off again, just like John Daly and the Kennedy boys. or are you going to be, you know, Democrats go, I can't believe Mr. Joe, Mr. Teeth himself fucking pulled this.

This is great. Your leftist cousin's going to be sitting there going like, I don't understand why you don't just, you know, read Trotsky. I'm like, did Trotsky even, right? He probably did. I don't, like, who reads Trotsky? Maybe I should. I mean, he's the war guy, right?

He was a guy who fought. he was like the I get confused about who was the Bolsheviks and who was the red coats and the white coats was the whites and the reds I should learn more about Russian history but yeah

some nerd cousins like I'm actually like Trotsky to shop you used to be that like you know communist or whatever social like hardcore socialist but like I think this a vow the Soviets

They do a lot Still like oh the Soviets weren't actually Kind of okay I mean nothing's Nothing's actually anything Like you know There's no Nothing you know

Where is the actual Whatever I'm here to litigate communism But you know But they Lately they seem to be going Back to the Soviets Like they like Trotsky and London

Which I'm sure they I'm sure they were noble men of dignified pursuits I got whatever I mean I don't understand the fetish of like

hey we want health care and like work you know help people and fucking you know stop being racist but also like I mean they were just

they were dirty balls they were corrupt guys I mean like that's the thing everyone's everyone is just a fucking crook um

a scammer grifter you know like no one that's the biggest scam of it all is like I'm not trying to tell you to be a cynic there's something in between being a cynic uh who like cares about nothing and being a fucking sucker

who like buys in you know buy in you you keep everyone in arms distance and you just go look this is what it is oh I can't believe elected Biden he's not going to do anything for the left it's like when does the government done anything for you? You know,

Obama gave us a marginal improvement for some people. Maybe a big one for some. I don't know. If you're a pre-existing... Who am I? The healthcare boy? I'm just saying.

But like, you know, in my lifetime, all I remember is war and, like, them lowering interest rates and then causing housing markets to, like, you know, boom and then bust. Stock market, you know, bubble.

They make asset bubbles. That's what they do. They make bubbles. You know, they pass some, like, social thing that will help some people probably. But it's very hard to tell as the average person if it does help people. It's like it's easy to kind of all get lost in the mix. And then you just see fucking, you know, we're just bombing people every day. It's just so, like, I'm saying it's like, oh, we got Biden before.

What's he going to do? It's probably a similar thing that everything's going to do. It's going to get, he's going to suck. a robot's dick you know what do you want to do you want you thought he was going to be the he was talking about corn pop and like mumbling through him he's that he sounds like worse than me right now uh for most of this thing and now you think he's you know um I mean go go get simbats for run for president simbaugh could probably win why doesn't he run charismatic guy um very funny I mean simbad doesn't give enough credit for how funny he is uh and

was and is i mean his movies are great you know house with um have his guest with phil hartman great movie um he's great in cone heads um the kid and play movies i think he's in the kid in play movies he was great uh i don't know what happened i mean he's still around i don't know why people seem to saver on him a little bit he made he wore a flamboyant clothes but he was it wasn't my favorite comics he was great um haven't enough for president like I'm saying get how was Bernie

your only guy a guy who was like 80 and like you know looked at politics and said look you got a lot of people who in this country who vote for conservative Republicans who were religious and

uh want to restrict abortion rights for instance and I have a puritanical worldview that's about half the people and the other half of the people want to vote for slightly less

rigid economic policies and still, you know, we're going to war and I'm going to, you know, what's he do? I'm going to be a socialist. I mean, it's a noble thing, but this is all, like,

get sent bad. You got to, I like, I like Bernie, but it's like, you know, This is, you put all your chips in the basket of a guy who looked at a political system and said, I'm going to be the one thing no one wants. And, like, you know, a lot of you like them. Why didn't he win that? I'm saying the dick move.

I'm saying it's like the young people didn't come out for him or not. I mean, I'm sure you did, wherever you are, if you're one of them. I, I would have voted for him. I'm just saying, but I'm saying, you know, I was like, you couldn't. that's who you get someone who has some goddamn not just old man contrarian charisma Bernie had the charisma of a guy like playing against type right

like he's a curmudgeon uh he's not really one I mean he's look I think he's a great guy and it'd be nice that we live in the world where he could win or live in the world we did win I'm not saying he can't win but let's be honest you pick the guy

to be the, you didn't even pick them, honestly. That's the thing. Of all these people who want things that Bernie wants, he was the best. And that's saying something, that none of you fuckers can, like, you know, put on a suit and, like, not seem like, you know, you're selling a car.

And other people can just kind of not, you know, like, you all act, like, every politician on the left who's Democrat who's not Bernie, just feels to me like there's so much, the guy Duke at PC Richards who sold me a DVD player I brought a copy of the Matrix in my friend told me to

my first DVD player back in 2000 I was a birthday I got some birthday money I went down to PC Richards and my friend was really into home theater he was like a guy in high school who like I think he received money there was a thing back then

I didn't have it but like because like home theater was like a pre a thing right like a premium thing and he'll still have home theaters but like it was that time when it was still niche so it was like kind of like the stereo thing which is like you know

some people have them but like it's not there's that overlap of time where like there's the people who are really into it and there's people who like yeah I have money and like the you know

but just like now you go the best buy you buy a nice TV um you got the money to do it doesn't make you a cinephile but it was a thing back then So they had these, like, fucking weird controllers with, like, a touchscreen. I guess people figured they wanted to have an iPad before an iPad that, like, had, like, you know,

15 different, controlled 15 different devices. So he would program these complex remotes for people, and he saved enough money to buy his own modest home theater in his, like, bedroom. It was cool. I mean, it was, like, a few thousand. And he told me, like, he didn't think, at the end of the day, the night. the knowledge he has I don't need I'm just like

oh I want to make sure to buy the best DVD player Duke was right in the end I'm gonna tell you what Duke did but Duke was probably right because I'm in there he's like I'll get a DVD and I'd have a DVD player yet

so I have a copy of the Matrix I love the Matrix back then still a fine movie I brought into PC radio and play it on the screens so you can see look I know a thing or two about video

and critical displays and you know reference monitor you know I'm I'm pretty good at depth I mean I'm not just a butcher and I'm saying it's idiot even for him what are you going to see in you can go to PC Richards

where none of the TVs are even like I mean it's not even calibrated when you calibrate a TV like that it's not even a calibrate it's not really calibrate but I'm saying no one's even done the thing with the color bars and like made sure it look nice I mean they're not even really addressing the cap they're jacking the contract

dressed up in most cases just to make it seem brighter if they're doing that and you're going to go there um what do you think they have the DVD players all hooked up to TVs you can what are you doing like what what I don't even know what the plan was and see how they look I mean it probably the least variable thing is going to be the DVD player probably what you think it's going to you know I'll make sure you got you know it's good you can see Matrix, Matrix Neo's fucking, you know, Cod cock, his dick, you can see his dick a little bit with, uh, when he's fighting Agent Smith in the bathroom. And if you can't see his dick, you got the wrong DVD player.

Tell you that much, my friend. By going there with my DVD, I was like high school, senior in high school probably, something like that. I go in at PC Richards and Duke, uh, I guess he was Italian, maybe Irish. I hate that kind of, he was aging, an aging club boy. probably he seemed like a guy who like the fuck um he's the everyone likes to fuck well he like he's a fuck guy um but he was like probably 45 and he was like you know he looked like a little ex football player not you know professional or even college but like a guy who probably played

in high school just had that air about him and uh you know shirt was you know slightly on button more it should be you know he just it's a man you know an italian man you know broad-shouldered kind a barrel of chest, but also kind of fat. And everybody looking at you looking and I'm like, I'm looking for a DVD. Oh, DVD player. Yeah, we got a DVD. And I'm like, yeah, I wanted to, you know, I brought this DVD with me. And I wanted to, this is a Matrix if you're seeing it.

And like, oh, the Matrix, I don't think, no. Anyway, I want to test it out and see, you know, see if I like the quality of the DVD players, which I think I was ever saying, and I realized how dumb it was. Even then I knew, like, this doesn't make sense. No one does this. he's not going to let me like you look that's no way to do this year look all these DVD players are going to give you great quality video great quality audio and like you know he had a ring on

like a college ring or something and I mean look I was also a slightly you know meek I don't know I mean I had moments of aggression but uh I probably would just not take shit from Duke now if he says to me now like hey I'm looking at a chest out some DVD players. If you're not going to let me do that, I'll go, nobody beats the whiz. You washed up old Irish guy, I don't know, Italian man, whatever. I mean, you're a plumber. Why am I saying plumber? I like plumbers. He was a guy working PC Richards. I'm making a plumber. Plumbers are like, you know, they do well for themselves. You can be well as a salesman,

too. I have the salesman for a while. I saw what stuff. I'm shitting on people, but Duke didn't seem like he was accomplished in anything. He didn't seem like a great salesman. He was like a weird-looking version of Jack Lemon and Glenn Gary. Just, uh, maybe, you know, maybe more like Alan Arkin. Just kind of frustrated and Gestapo tactics. Anyway. So I didn't, you know, I just bought the DVD, the CVC.

It worked fine. I mean, what are we doing here? We're going to test out the DVD player. This isn't the stuff. I'm being nostalgic right now. I'm thinking about my youth. I used to go into PC Richards and copy the Matrix

Can I watch this here? Can I watch The Matrix and see if it looks good? I'm trying to hear your picture. I mean, the guy who told me to do this, you know, that's the thing. You're into home theater at that point. A couple years later, wouldn't matter. But, like, you know, when you're in high school

and you're into home theater in, like, 99, or whatever it was, 2000, it's like, you know, it's something to brag about, I guess. It's like a B in the AV club or something When in the 70s Um But like looking back I can't even picture what he was expecting me to see

For like scan lines Like like Moray Um You know color bleat I don't think a DVD I mean maybe if you're using component cables versus like you know Uh

irregular RGB cables Or you know Before HDMI was even DVI might have been around I'm saying this conversation wasn't had though He didn't tell me to make sure you get DVI connection just to make sure it looks good like i don't think it's digital i mean it's for the most part i mean it's either got for a rest of scanner it doesn't is either you know in doing an interlaced

interpolation or it doesn't i mean whatever these things happen like i'm going to look at my naked eye and uncalibrated tv in the middle of a fucking you know in the middle of an italian sex party at p c richards and i'm going to make a critical decision don't listen to people don't listen to people who tell you how to buy things just buy just go and buy something if you're the kind of person does the research yourself that's fine but never listen to people like my dad loves to you know i i tend to buy mostly on a whim unless there's something you know there's certain things i buy critically but i don't waste my life researching every drill i buy yeah but we want to drill so we can put up some shell like weird little shelf things i went on amazon i give it was

25 bucks black and i remember enough to go i was 18 vault let the end it's fine i'm gonna go research was the best under-30-dollar drill to fuck just live your life now if you're gonna go buy a nice drill you do a lot of stuff around the house you you're a part-time tradesman i used to have a nice attachy drill it was like 200 bucks it wasn't the greatest thing ever but you know it was comparable to a Milwaukee or uh maybe not you know uh not healthy i had hilty jigsaw but um got that cheap i think those things are cheap though you get you know hilties kind of brand where it's like oh it was prestigious, sure, it was, you know, it's good. But, like, the jigsaw, I think is something

he's, like, sell for, like, 50 bucks. And then, like, some furniture places going out of business. I mean, my friend, um, I thought I was getting a great deal with, like, $35. There's a fine deal.

I mean, these people are, like, are, like, losing their livelihood. And I'm just going, well, they're healthy, huh? This is, I'll be a guy who owns it healthy. It's pretty good. Is it a good jigsaw? Yes, fine.

Can you just pay me your, buy your don't. I'm about to kill my. myself my dream of being a furniture salesman so that you build her it's over my wife's divorcing me my kid uh is threatening to drunk drive um if i don't get back together with his mother see he tells tells me if i don't if you don't you know i love my mother and i love i want to be happy and if you don't uh you know come back home do the right thing and give girl to give her kisses and wash her dishes. I'm going to go drunk drive into a school.

I'm trying to tell the kid, like, she's leaving me. She's fucking, the butcher. He's fucking Raycom's boss, the butcher. And he doesn't know who Raycombe is. But the kid's inconsolable. The kids, whatever. So that's who I got ailty jigsaw from. What was the point of that?

Oh, yes, you research, whatever. You research, you know, live your life. Don't go into PC Richards, asking them if you can, you know, test after devices. If you want to go online and, like, look into different specs, make sure everything's, you know, the way, you're the super user. You're going to squeeze every drop of lemonade out of this lemonade. So I need the best, the best rotary saw. The money can buy for under $50.

I need to get a good deal. It's like you spend your whole life getting deals. Just, you know, just buy that. Go with that. What's that store? That, uh, I don't take care of things that well. I mean, I'm getting better about it. But, like, you know, that's part of the thing.

If you're, I mean, my dad would have, like, the same ruler for 50 years. Literally has, like, there'll be stuff on his desk. There's, like, you know, 40 years, 30 years old, a pen or a pen or, a, you know, a calculator, whatever. I break shit, I lose shit. You know, when CDs were still... I flock to MP3 players because, like, I would always scratch CDs.

I just throw in my backpack. They just fall over the place. Pretzel crumbs all over the CDs. Scratch them up. They're useless. So, I mean, you know, I get that's nice. I have nice things.

I have a nice drill. You know, look, this is a great drill. It feels solid in your hands and it's torque. And it'll never let me down. But even those things, you know, The batteries, if I was that the batteries, you know, like, you know, I guess, for the most part, you can get replaced with batteries. But, like, you know, they're expensive. I'm saying, like, oh, that was always a thing, too.

It's like, you spend a nice drill, and the batteries go bad, and you go back to the sewer, get new batteries, and it's like, like, you know, almost the price of a drill unless they get you. You know, so it was, I think, implied obsolescence, or? Excuse me. but yeah so um happy on PC Richards DVD players

um excuse I mean what are we gonna we're gonna get together with our families we're gonna just show you know just have our iPads

excuse me Jesus Christ Yeah, it's a little rough to You know, I'm not 100% But I'm still here You gotta keep doing That's the other lesson you can learn You know

So what if you can't be the best The best Republican The best male man You can't You can't be the best salesman The PC Richards Because Duke keeps winning the sales awards Because he has that confident

Swagger Every time a fat kid comes in He tries to watch The Matrix He tells him to fucking scratch Fuck you Buy this DVD player I'll fuck your mouth And

But don't quit You know I'm here Because if I didn't Then it becomes a thing So I stay I come My tongue is just falling apart right now

It's shredded I can barely speak but I'm here. Just show up. That's half the bowels show up. So, yeah, just, what are we going to do?

We're going to have a lot. Yeah, it'll be, look, you remember Thanksgiving's? It's for children. It's all for, this is all for children.

You're adults. Like, who gives it, like, I can't even remember Thanksgiving that wasn't, like, when I was five or six. One time,

after Thanksgiving dinner, uh, there was a bowl of cheeses on the living room coffee table and I just eaten Thanksgiving dinner but I just started eating cheeses and my uncle turned around my father's brother and he looked at me he nod and he said no like don't do that

and I was like I'm like you know I was like I didn't say I was like ignored him basically but my head it was like scratch off you fucking dumb brother with my dad I'm eating cheeses and my dad eventually turned around and he laid into me I don't remember exactly what we was yelling

yeah fuck I don't be a pig you're eating the cheeses after you had the dinner now you're eating the cheese it's like a pig you god damn you're a pig and uh yeah I felt bad by myself um I remember that Thanksgiving and you go oh they're traumatizing who gives a shit

it's just something that happened disconnect from yourself stop worrying about why you're you know, you didn't, you didn't make it to Harvard. Oh, I could have been, no, you, you, you're doing fine, all right? Just, uh, so my point is, like, you know, oh, what, we can't get together. You're going to have a little robot Thanksgiving. You're going to get together with a bunch of computers and you're going to sit there and go,

oh, we're all, and it's going to be weird, but so is Thanksgiving. You're going to get drunk and you're going to have a little virtual Thanksgiving. and then for the rest of 20 years you're going to talk about it. That's where Thanksgiving is. It's the thing that you go to where no one stops bringing up the thing that everyone remembers and everyone always talks about. It's going to be, that's what you're missing this year. If it was there, it went next year when you're there,

it's going to be them talking about this year. Remember when we all got together and we had to, excuse me, Jesus Christ, I'm still here. you can't say i didn't show up uh we all got together and we and we had the sit around with laptops and eat and eat stuffing in front of each other in webcams and they'll be saying it for decades that's the quality of conversation you get on thanksgiving just drunk family members just going on about the same stories over and over came and tell them well or is my family just kind of lame maybe maybe you have some great uncle who like just you know drove a truck

and killed hookers and got away with it, which, again, doesn't impress me. I love to be in that family. Just what I tell that guy off. Like, oh, he bragging on a killer. Why don't you kill a man? And I'd say, you know, I'm just saying, well, you know, I'm getting in trouble.

I'm going to get in trouble with everyone because I'm implying that, you know, killing a man's more impressive. But, yeah, come on, why are you picking the people who no one seems to care about? I made this point before. And I would, you know, so, yeah, I'm sure your grandpa brags. about killing hookers. Mine wouldn't get away with it.

I wouldn't let him get away with that. But the point is maybe you've got some great drunks in your family. They just, you know, that's fight. They pull out knives. They stab each other. Then they hug and they kiss.

Yeah, maybe, like I'm saying, maybe I'm not, maybe you're missing more than I think you are. Maybe you are looking forward to like seeing your dad and, and his brother are just kissing and hugging. And, you know, your dad,

shows up to your house with your uncle and he's like we're together now what you're lovers he's taking his own brother who's his lover in his 60s they're born in the 60s and you know that's what you could have seen just an incredible and you go good look most incest is like you know actually predatory you know people show like incest porn is like a big genre but reality most of it's just you know parents raping their kids and uncles raping it whatever you know I mean it's It's never, it's not usually like, you know, a brother and sister who just fall in love. That's the gimmick they try to sell you in porn, but, but that's why it would be funny if it's just, you know, a guy, it's two 60-year-old men or brothers just get together and go, now we're, now we're making love.

Now we're, maybe fucking get married if that's legal. It's not. They joke around it, but they know. They know their purpose is no good. It shouldn't matter, I guess, right? It should. It's murky. Because, you know, I was going to say because they can't get pregnant,

but that's not the only reason you don't have incest or have laws against it. It's not like, you know. But, I mean, who's taking the same thing with Andrew? They're twin brothers. They're like a year apart. But, I mean, you know, neither one was the dominant. This is not, you know, a situation where one guy's got the power. They just both like flying their, you know, they really got into drones five years ago.

flying their drones around Long Island and they started, you know, flying drones together and they just, you know, and then they started jerking each other all just, you know, the past of time when they're fishing and doesn't start sucking and now

they start, you know, whatever, now they're in love. But they can tell you about that over a webcam. It's probably better in front of a webcam. They're probably feel more open. You're going to see people be a lot more open. They're going to get drunk. They're going to feel. feel like they're uh they're you know when you when you're around people uh you know

the party where you know these is psychologically you're a little more structured structure I just wrap this up soon falling apart but uh you know people are you going to hear a lot of people getting confessional they're going to be crying they'll be confessing to crimes they committed money laundering your mother's going to tell you that you know she's been poisoning you for years but she you know she fucked up she's not very good she's you know she's not the kind of like she's basically put a bunch of you always like shit yourself you know shit a lot when you came home because she was just putting like castor oil and uh kind of rotted eggs how bad the eggs rot you get food poisoning me could i'm saying she she she's just inept

your mother she doesn't know how to poison you but she tried uh what else what trump tweets biden one but won't concede i wasn't talking really about trump this i just caught my eye it happened yesterday trump tweets biden won but won't concede election or stop fundraise

and confused don't be money he's raising us to fund his legal challenges did he tweet biden I believe Trump did Let's see the tweet Trump says Biden won He only one of the eyes of the fake news media I can see nothing

Well that's not him saying he won He only won I don't know It's like Look this guy's giving you the biggest softballs in the world Can you not screw Like just I mean look

The guy's all the goodwill he had. The goodwill of not being Bush, for instance, not starting wars. Whatever. I mean, it's kind of interesting to see him just pisses away now. I don't know. I mean, this is, what's you doing in there?

What am I going to follow? We should talk about how... It's bad. What are you going to tell you? It's weird. I think he should say something different than I'm never going to leave but you know I'm not the president I can't put myself in his shoes maybe he's doing the right thing um he's not but you know

I'm just saying people are open people are open to I mean am I going to be in there am I am I a cop I mean if you ask me to sign the thing saying she's trembling yeah I'll sign there is a certain level of what we're going to do I'm going to throw a brick to become a fireman and threaten to kill myself if Trump doesn't you know look while he's firemen you know maybe I should have been a fireman you know someone of social status who could say hey

I'm a 9-11 hero on 9-11 I people you know I was a fireman and I and I laughed I laughed when I saw the plane hit the building But I still I'm like oh look at that Look at those New Yorkers They get what they deserve

But then I felt I realized oh firemen are going to get hurt So I have to go and help them So I put aside my differences And I just you know whatever That's how I view farming If you're telling me if firemen A better that they didn't laugh

When the plane hit the tower Could very well be right But I was you know A bunch of firemen threatened to kill me one. So you want me to, you know, just start fucking getting on my knees and praising. I mean, look, here's what it is. I'm not sitting here saying we should out with a fireman, but, you know, I'm not going to also like, you know, I'm not just going to, you know, raise the white flag. So it's been fun. So this was a good, uh, as good as it was going to get today. It was a little

rough, it was fun. Um, the Patreon people, they know. You got one. You got one. You got one. You coming maybe tomorrow um everything got pushed the whole you know love is disgusting it's still we're still do it Jesus Christ my tongue we're still doing it we're going to do this weekend but then you know my mount happened okay so uh I'm not screwing anyone you're actually getting you're getting great things um you're all are we gonna have an episode before Thanksgiving yeah we are so maybe maybe we'll do a comp Thanksgiving we could all eat turkey with me uh that's the thing maybe i'll make a turkey and you can you can all we can all get together it'll be like an hour special those youtube things where you can um pay to get in because

i'm not helping you through the holidays about getting my hand in your pockets that's i guess you don't pay to get in right you pay to ask questions people want me to do with live chat you're a couple live chat for people in the pandemic um a teacher how to you know boil an egg cook all your favorite pies I never baked the pie but actually baked spinach pie once came out really good so yeah so we'll announce that next week

perhaps perhaps we'll do that fun stuff go get your t-shirt get your peanut boys candy hopefully coming soon Patreon it's available links in the bio and all that

extra episode every week it's great. It's just everything's great. Just enjoy yourselves. Enjoy it. Say how to Duke for me. Hope Duke's, hope Duke's ended up COVID.

You could have. That's nice. You realize what matters, Duke. I mean, I'm laughing, I'm kissing, and hugging, I'm thinking about, I don't care about the past, but if Duke died, I'll feel bad.

So, you know, keep Duke in your thoughts. All right. Have a great day. Thank you.