Kump - 59 - Coach Kump

Episode Date: January 15, 2021

Ray unveils his new studio, talks about the need for an American monarchy, and reveals how he’d lead LeBron James back to the NBA finals. Sign up at patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your "I'm A Wine Princess, Bitch!" T Shirt, available for a limited time! https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump joining you from a new location, a new studio. If you're watching the video, you can see it. If you're at home, imagine it. It's nice. It's a nice thing. we got some changes to the show some changes to the slight changes of the format and you know visual if you're watching on YouTube it's a visually pleasing event it's not just me

mashed up against the it looked like a cell phone video of me being like I don't know jerked off in a Guantamo Bay or something it's like a torture I should just introduce Lucy oh hello everybody

I was going to introduce you, but she's on the video. You see, who is this? It's Lucy. Yeah. You want to let the mystery hang a little bit. Lucy's going to be producing the show now. It's a great, great setup. All new things coming.

So let's just, what's going on in the world right now? Well, we have a little thing going on in the government. It doesn't seem like a huge deal. Really, news from the government? Yeah. Is that anything happening in the government these days? No, of course, we have the historic days, it's an historic day. It's the second, the second impeachment of, was it, Donald J. Trump, Jr., is that, no.

Donald J. Is he a junior? Is he a junior? No, his son's a junior. Whatever. This guy was impeached twice. Today was the second one. We're a week out from the, you know, the scary events, I guess, of the capital siege, the insurrection.

I don't understand why people need to. have a take that's like kind of oh you know stop calling in a coup you know it was just a bunch of you know guys who hang out of dick sporting goods and talk about not seeing their kids anymore and then they just they just came to the cat like whatever it is fucking you know just is deadbeat dads and in cells yeah no no one's saying that this was the invasion of uh poland here um but you know it ain't right it's not something we should really i mean i don't know why people have to it's either got to be China, you know, launching an attack against Dave and Busters, or precious natural resources, or it's got to be, you know, like, isn't it bad enough?

Like, people died? People died. Right. Yeah. People seem to be missing at the very least that a few people die. Do we care of people die anymore, though? Is that really a thing? Oh, I don't think so.

I mean, I care. I don't want anyone to die. That being said, I don't feel like the national conscience. is really that wrapped up and, you know, losing a couple more people. It's unfortunate, but, you know, we got this pandemic and, uh, what was it COVID? It's called COVID, right?

Yes. Yeah. Uh, yeah. We have a vaccine and we're just handing out to like two people a day, apparently. So it's like no one's in a rush to save people. So it's interesting, you know, certain people, oh, it's, it's sad.

It's, but it's also like, it's an insurrection. You read this speech. He's just, It doesn't seem particularly well executed, but the intent was there, I think. So I think it's appropriate, I guess, to, it seems weird, though, they're going to try him afterwards, after he leaves, which is like an interesting development. Because, you know, they've impeached, he is impeached, but they can try him in the Senate, you know, in 2036, if they feel like it, I guess. Can we go back and, like, impeach other old presidents? I mean, this is cool.

Can we go back and get, like, Dick Cheney? Can we, you know, for shooting his friend with the, in the face? Can you even impeach your vice president? I'm sure you could. You can impeach anything. Anything with a whole, you can imagine. Anything with a whole. They can impeach judges.

You can impeach. I mean, they talk about impeaching Kavanaugh for drinking beer or whatever he did. I don't, you know, was it right? You're drinking beer. There was a lot of talk about beer. And, you know, for what's supposed to be a rape trial, they were asking them, weren't they asking them like, oh, you're a bud guy or a Natty Light? What's, you know, let me ask you.

What, you like, you know, when you tap a keg, are you able to spread out everywhere, or you're one of those guys who can just, you know, tap a keg really, what? Like, you didn't just something like nerd senator. We're just looking up to Brett Kavanaugh because he's just, like, you know, that guy can never tap a keg. Tapping a keg is something like, I'm never really, I don't know if I could pull it off. you know what I'm talking about Yeah I do know I don't think I've ever tried to do it

Yeah There's always been boys around doing it Yeah you just go when you're You're just handed beers And you have to you have to You just have to guess what's in the cup What else is in the cup But with that

You can impeach anything So can we go back And can we impeach William Howard Taft For you know Fucking that woman with the beer The Coke bottle right oh right yeah sure although it was fatty arbor that would be that would been great though

i mean imagine if if you know that's kind of what this is like is let's just say it was taft or that fatty arborrel was president either one um and he had done this now our president has fucked a woman to death with a coke bottle um i don't know if that's illegal because you know you who knows if it's intentional i mean like You know, like she seems to be into it, and then the bottle breaks. I don't know the story. It's a very controversial story back in the day. But the point is, I mean, could you say, but it's just a bad look.

You know, it's not great to have the commander-in-chief of what they keep calling the leader of the free world. I don't know if that was ever true, and especially, I mean, is he, is he the leader of the free world? I think Belgium is. or maybe, you know, Norway, Sweden, I don't know where we get off. Look, I love our country. I love the flag. I love hot dogs and, you know, big-titted blondes. I love it all.

I'm all in for America. But freedom's not really our gimmick. You know, we bomb shit. But whatever. This is a digression. The point is, what was I getting that? If Fatty Arbuckle. If Faddy or a Buckle was the leader of the free world,

does he, and he does this, does he get impeached? Should he get impeached? I say probably. Yeah, I would say definitely. I mean, I don't know if it's a high crime of Mr. Meeter. If you're, you know, if you're just having a little fun, well, you know, what, you know, I don't. See, I feel like once the bottle breaks, what happened before? What's unfortunate?

Look, it's unfortunate, but it's also like, it's one of those things where, yeah, it could be more complicated, but that doesn't matter. anymore right yeah that's a great point everything that happened before is now relevant that's a great point it's just like once the bottle breaks in the pussy we got to go home we got to go home it's just there's no if and their butts like it's just this this is no longer a ball game uh so yeah i think it's probably appropriate to impeach a guy when you know he's like hey why don't you go over there and see what happens i hope you guys don't you know hurt anybody help you're peaceful when the you Mike Prince, by the way, he's just, he works for Satan. He's stealing the election.

So I just want you to know that. But be peaceful. Go over there, but they're literally stealing this country from you. They're going to set up a socialist gulag. But just go over there and let him hear you. I mean, this is a, you know, paraphrase. I mean, I'm leaving out the part where he rips the gun out. And he starts pointing out to the crowd and himself.

Yeah, I don't know. It's not about politics. It's just a matter of a, we're all just a little, where to blame? for this we're to blame that's a problem yeah it's this country is like to blame for trump all right because it's not about whether you want to pay lower taxes you know you don't you don't want a fucking some kid with cancer getting a free ride or if you're uh or if your salary at goldman i get it i get i don't want my money going to pay for you know saving some dumb kid from a hotchkins some lymphoma who does but the point is uh yeah it's not it's not what else the republicans like

god the church church free market supposedly whatever i mean not getting abortions you know keep that keep that baby inside you imagine if you like if a distance of republican party was just you couldn't have the baby either like you had to keep it inside you forever i would i could get down with that i might you know start voting uh with the gop if they were like put a cork inside and now it becomes a sexist argument i'll put one in my ass too in my wife yeah but you know but i like the idea of just uh there's big posters the safest place for a baby is the womb yeah why we take it in there why are we taking it out yeah can we give the baby some kind of drug that like makes it less uh alive like less like he doesn't grow um

keep it a baby can you keep a baby a baby that's a moral question Can you have a baby and say, I'm going to make sure this baby stays a baby? Now, we can't do that yet, but I'm sure we can figure that out. We'll give us some kind of juice. Well, stillborns are babies forever. Well, in the devil's eyes, sure. There's Satan's little babies. Shame on you.

But, no, but like, you know, the point is, I'm not sure where the point was of why we're keeping these babies. Oh, yeah, but, you know, if the commitment of the Republican Party was such that, you know, you got corked that up. I'm not sure what the end game is there. But the point is it's not about any of that. We're not talking about Republican politics. That's for another show. That's for Ben Shapiro, you know, the argue with Dershowitz. No, Dershers on the Trump side.

Who's the guy from John Combs? Alan Combs. The guy from who? Hanian Combs. Remember that guy? Oh, yes. That reptile guy. He looked at a little lizard.

Yeah. And they're like, I think, you know, our taxes are okay. And then Hanity would just, like, throw a beer at his head. That was back when they really, like, wanted the people to reflect their roles physically. Yeah.

He was like he really, they really wanted, like, somebody who looks, like, the conservative's image of a Democrat. Yes. Yeah. Like, like, like, like, he was, like, he was kind of a fat, I don't know, he's not a fat guy,

but a fat version of, like, the guy, the 42-inch suit, is that an expression? Right. He's a Don Draper. I mean, you know, like, that kind of thing, like an old school 50s guy, just like, ah, and like, you know,

and Alan Combs looks like he's just, you know, some extra from a James Bond movie where, like, you know, he's just, like, shooting a machine gun into, like, a bunch of scientists. Like, you know, I don't know why he does that sometime, But sometimes James Bond just shoot scientists, and it's like, that's cool.

You can go into some lab and just start, like, I mean, you know, I'm sure they do. But he just, you know, we're just being on this guy's side. And, like, yeah, he's just shooting some guy who's a, what does a scientist do? They make stuff, weather, weather machines. The guy's making the weather machine. Right. He's shooting them. Why?

Anyway. But that's how that's who Combs is. But, yeah, that's for them. to talk about. But the point is, the point is, that we're too, this whole, like, Trump wasn't never, like, a good guy. He was always like, you know, shirking his, you know, responsibilities in New York with the contractors and the mob and the fucking, you know, he never paid people. I'm not getting to relitigate the Trump years. My point is, I think we made him a little bit this way. I think we, not me and you, perhaps, not, you know, you listening there, but, you know, but you have,

You do with someone else, the Bernie. You do with the fucking, you know, uh, Kaysich. Does he even, is Kaysich anyone's, uh, Bernie? John Kaysich? John Boehner. I mean, some of these guys, you have to be pretty desperate and low down to, my point is it's a cult of personality thing. Like, when you become so obsessed every moment with, like, the president and, you know,

it's just, I mean, he's on Twitter. Like, it's a reciprocal thing is my point. I'm not saying if, you know, if you stopped watching, watching them he would stop you know hitting babies i'm not saying you know you know but my point is we foster this kind of thing out of him and now this is you know so we're to blame i think we need a distraction i think we need a royal family in this country is the point i mean every other country you know every great country has one you know kingdom that's about it but uh and but But this seems- Oh, didn't you say there's a country?

I forget which country it was, but you were saying there's a country where they really love the king. Oh, Thailand really loved their king. I don't know if they love the idea of a king, but they love their king. He died a few years ago, I think. I don't know what he did. I mean, I don't know why, but if you went to Thailand, and I don't care, like, I don't want to slander the country, but it's known on some degree for sex tourism, right? Yeah, I think that's one of the- One of the, one of the, uh, attractions, you know, if you go out to a travel agent,

they would say, you know, and will you be seeing the, uh, the king or, or the other thing we do? Um, no, yeah, I love, that, that means great food. I love Thailand, but there is that stigma. I don't know if it's warranted. Uh, and I don't know if that's, you know, but if you go there for that, but it's my point, you can go there and, like, it's, that's cool. Um, but if you said something about the king, like, oh, the king kind of has a dumpy ass they would fucking as far as i know i'm told they would cut your

hand off not officially not like it's not like the government would do it like just the people were so in love with their king that they were just you know take out a saws-all and just start you know saws-all in your hand and uh yeah what did he do because you've got to that's got to be something pretty amazing if you leave behind a country still you know the pedophile capital who love the world and the people still love you. What if he just... What did he do? And I don't mean it's in any kind of disparaging way.

It shouldn't be. It's not... If you think that's on you. But what if he just sucked off everyone in the country? At least once? That would get me on his side. I mean, that would be great. I mean, has anyone ever sucked you off, like, for political favor?

No. I mean, like, you know, at best you, like, you know... What are we getting out of this gimmick? We're getting, you know, best case, if you're a Democrat, best case, you spend 10 years organizing. So you can say, you know, at the end of it, you can save 10% on your health insurance. You know what I mean? Like, these are incremental.

I guess if you're poor, or are you unfortunate, whatever, but some people get help. I don't know. But what if someone sucked you off? That's real. That's something you can kind of hold on to him. We go, that's, you can think about it. You see them on TV. You go, hey, why don't you vote for me?

Why don't you, you know, elect me to your Congress? And you go, hey, that's the guy who put my dick in his mouth. It wasn't bad, too. It was a pretty good blonde job. I feel like it would still end up turning into one of those, like, you know, only like a fractionally fulfilled promises where, like, he comes to, at the end of his term, he comes up and he says, look, we didn't get everything we wanted done, but I sucked off 2,000 people,

and that's 2,000 more people than we're sucked off before. I mean, that's the problem with America, because, you know, that's, that's a king. A king will suck you off. And that's what we need. A politician will, like, meander. and he'll talk a big game, but the king,

the majestic grace of a king, he will, you will be sucked off by a king. So I don't know. I mean, again, if you think that's somehow, like,

disparaging the king, that's on you. Because that's a great thing. That would be the greatest person I've ever heard of. Like, Jesus and, you know, but that guy first.

But yeah, I mean, the British have the, I think, it would be helpful. It's something to distract people from like constantly fixating because there's not much to be done. You know, we're like a, we were a country that's just completely, um, overbuilt at this point. You know, our economy is just built on a hundred year house of cards. The dollar is just an inflation. People are like, oh, aren't you, we're going to get

the Bitcoin, you're going to have to dollar. It's like, look, I'm not trying to, you're trying to a Bitcoin fight, but like nothing is going to, you can't unravel the economy. It's a, it's a, it's a rats nasty if you start taking it apart the world financial order will collapse and you know there's nothing to be done i mean we're going to do with the population the fucking health care system not everything there's no just give us a guy who you know maybe doesn't suck you off maybe that's you know we can't expect the king of thailand here but i'm going to get so many death threats of Thailand oh i don't i like him i don't know i mean you think they'll come here in the middle of a pandemic to kill me

I mean they love the king I mean I don't think it's I'm putting them down but who knows how they view him he was the king of our king would never suck you off you fat fucking perhaps but uh I'm you know but maybe a little bit something kind of I mean we have these

celebrities that's the thing we have the imagine you have who's the closest thing that we can we have jZ and biance right yeah they would have to be it and it was like you know the alternate thing would be like Kim and Kanye i guess but they're like kind of that's the only they're both there's two orbits point is imagine if one of them was like in charge of the country one of those pairings just you know it's just it's just crazy Kanye and Kim you know the uh the porn makeup lady whether they was the reality whatever I'm just saying, imagine if they were regal.

Like, if, you know, if you had to, like, I mean, we've been watching the crown, right? And, like, you know, it's not, it's fine. But, like, it's, they don't do anything in these constitutional monarchies. So you wouldn't have to, like, it's the thing. You wouldn't have to be like, imagine if Trump was just a king. And he could just tweet all day and, you know, just say, come to my hotel. I mean, now he's not going to happen because, you know, people view him as the guy who, whatever, the race riots and all that. But imagine if he was the, what do you call him?

The king. The king, yeah. I lost it for the guy who sucks you off. What's that word for a guy who sucks you off? The king. I feel like, you know, it would just be like, you know, and you have Obama, like, you know, trying to, you know, fucking get to hell. get to health companies to stop, you know, giving people cancer on purpose. And, like, he goes to the office every day, and he works on that.

And then Trump is just, you know, like, wearing a crown and, you know, having affairs. Whatever. I think it would be a useful – what do you think of this? Look, I think it's – I think it's – you're rounding something because then it's like – and you could still do the thing where they have audiences with each other. Like Obama and Trump have audiences with each other And Obama like, you know It's like he goes in

He's not really gonna He's not really expected to do anything Yeah Trump tells him But Trump can like say his peace Yes, yes They have this thing where like Every Tuesday

The king or the queen It's a queen in this show And this show for some reason The person who's actually over as a woman But you know It could be either I don't see the appeal Yeah

Frankly it's just you know I've had women stuff in off It's not that great Um, no, but like, you know, and the prime minister will go and they'll just brief the, uh, they'll brief you on the, the current events and the queen will go, oh, all right, well, you think that's a good idea? And they go, yeah, all right.

And like, you know, they don't solve it. Like, that's the perfect thing. They're not expected to even stop, like, the queen didn't stop Brexit. The queen didn't stop, uh, what else happened in Britain? You know, um. The Phantom of the Opera. Didn't stop that. Didn't stop, what else is?

Didn't they do something else crazy in the English recently? She didn't stop her son from fucking some. They didn't stop apartheid. I mean, it's like they, you know, they made a big, they had a whole episode about that. And it turned out like, they didn't do much. Well, they, you know, this is on them to stop apartheid, though?

Well, no, but it's like, you know. South Africa wasn't part of the Britain, the UK. Is it? No. I don't think it was. No, but they had the Commonwealth of Nations. No, yeah, but they signed the doc, I think. I mean, the point, Lucy's referring to is that the queen tried to one-time do something.

And the prime minister basically told her to fuck herself. Right. Which I think, you know, it's a nice demonstration of that. It doesn't even have to be that great. But they don't try to overthrow their country. Like, they'll try to leave the European Union. But no one's trying to get rid of, like, like, you know, you have people in Ireland, like, you know, who were like, we don't want, we were Irish.

Why are we in the UK? And they looked at like, you're crazy. Right. You know, it's just, because you have these, like, in-red psychopaths just having affairs and, like, just feeling bad for themselves. And, like, that, we could have that. And then we wouldn't have to have race riots. Yeah. I mean, I think it's, I, I mean.

So you, you seem to have a respect for the system. No. Does it come off that way? A little bit. I don't know. I mean, would you, you know, show respect? Like, if you were in the presence of a monarch, do you think, like, it would make you nervous?

If I got to meet the queen? Yeah. I mean, I would say hello. Hello, queen. Oh, you were asking if I would, like, do the whole, like, curtsy thing? Sure. No. Would you a man curtsy to the queen?

What men do? I think they do a little bow. Yeah, I'm not doing that. They do a little bow. I'm not bowing. The Obama's did a little bow. What? I think, yeah, there's, I was, I looked it up. Let me see this.

There was like a, yeah, so, okay, all right. So this says that Michelle Obama did not have to curtsy in the presence of the queen. Normally, British women do a small curtsy, and men bow their heads when meeting the queen. But since they're not subjects of the royal family, the Obamas were not expected to comply. But President Obama did bow slightly from the waist. Oh, that's like Japanese, right? That's a wrong kind of bow. Is it Japanese?

I think, well, Japan, they bow, don't they? There's a bow they do. I'm not going to do it, because I feel like it'll get banned off YouTube for appropriating cultures, but, you know, they bowed with each other. I'm not making this up. You ever heard of Japanese, the customer of bowing in Japan? Well, I know that they bow sometimes,

but I didn't know it was specifically from the waist. I think it's more of a waste bow as opposed to, I could be totally wrong here. seems more deferential to me i don't know why well what the fuck obama's doing there they told you like i was about to go off in a tirade about how i would never bow or curtsy or or suck off the queen that it goes it goes the other way you suck me but i'm not sucking like you know i'm not sucking off a king or queen that's what's what is that that's the but we're trying to get up wait but what we're doing now is sucking off the president like we're

sucking off politicians that we're trying to get away from that they need to be us off this is you know this is not like you're supposed to come to the people uh but apparently that's pretty reasonable you're not because i would never just do that i'm like i don't live in britain right uh and by bowing you sure uh and but well this is occurred i mean they the way they talk to people yeah on that show who like bow you're like they try to get hard with you right like some fucking some some pasty fucking douche with a mustache some pale white you know some guy who's been living in a

in a dumb waiter for 19 hours a day and then he comes to you and wow your head I would spit right in his mouth I swear to God I get so mad thinking about I fantasize about being rude to the queen you wouldn't call her your majesty why would I it's like it's I mean I would say queen

hello queen maybe I wouldn't mind you ever do that I would say hello Elizabeth. Would that go over, well? You call her Elizabeth? Lizzie, Lizzie. Uh, yeah, like, be the queen. Hello. Lizzie!

What? What is your name, right? I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But even that you're rolling your eyes already. I'm holding my eyes, and it's still the most insanely offensive thing

you could do to the queen, apparently. But I don't. care what are they going to do drove me in scotland the yard and the tower of london the tower of london no uh maybe uh they put me some CIA black sight and i'm just being fucked in the ass by a robot some robots fucking me in the ass gun i'm just i don't know how this happened i just i didn't want a curtsey to the queen uh so obama came out of nowhere and just decided to like start crying he would he start crying and oh i've never been you really think he debased himself by doing that i mean look just a little bow here's the thing i don't i don't like it in the obama the train of like you know

obama's a trait you know we had eight years of that uh and i feel like if let's just say it went down a different way people would go look he bowed for the queen why would he even but if it was the custom but he'd still give him shit uh i mean they told they told you they told you just told you not to and you decided they just said don't bad be weird like you know like that's kind of like when you go uh like your friend owns a business and then like uh and you go to their business they're they're supporting good store i don't know where i'm going with this but uh and then and like the employees like uh oh you what you want to do you want to organize the basketballs and then maybe clean up the golf t's and he's like yes do that and don't screw it up

this time and then you go there you having lunch with them you go pick them up and you go and you start going like well you like can i start you know doing the pool supplies and in the pool cues and he's like well you don't work here what you're doing so you're saying that obama bowing at the way is the equivalent of him offering to work at fakingham palace as a servant for free well it's kind of a thing her going like look you don't have to do this like you know you don't work here uh i pay this guy That's why I treat them like crap. Right.

And it's a thing we've established. But you don't have to, like, you know, why am I struggling to find sporting goods items? And they're cleaning golf teas now? What am I talking about? I don't know what happens to the sporting goods store. I mean, but whatever it is, I imagine. This is the worst analogy I could ever think of for anything ever. Doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, it's like, who is this guy, too? Who is he to him? Who? You're just some guy who comes in and asks to do stuff? No, no, no. I'm the friend of the guy who owns it, and we're just equals in friendship. He makes a lot more money than me, but we're equal friends. He's my oldest friend.

But he owns a sporting good store now, and he's doing very well. Right. And I go into his sporting goods store, because, yeah, I mean, of course I would just go to, we wouldn't meet for lunch. I would, you know, go and pick him up from his sporting good store. And I always say, hey, and let me get here a little early so I can kind of watch you interact with your employees. And just impress, you can impress me with how, you know, how big of a man you are, telling them to watch golf these. Yeah, but I think the logic, you know, is fine. It's flawless.

It's flawless logic. I mean, the point is, it would be weird. We would agree on that. It would be weird. I'm just saying Obama It's like What is he? He's trying to be Because he doesn't want to be the bad boy

Is that it probably He doesn't want to be Known as the guy who was You know whipping his dick out going look at this Look at this queen Look at this I mean you know I'm not saying you should do that I just think most people

I'm like you're not most people Right I feel like most people especially people of aspiration and ambition. You know, it's like they imagine this moment. Maybe if they're trying to become a world leader, like they imagine this moment where they meet someone important like the queen. And they're kind of, they're a little bit in awe. Like they're a little bit, like they want to do something to show,

like I recognize your position in the world. I recognize how influential and powerful you are. Okay. And then, you know. Okay. So you think I should be in this room with the queen? and I go, hey, you know, hey, Liz, I just want you to know,

I think you're great. I'm not sure what you had to do with the Beatles, for instance, but that's cool. I like, you know, a lot of the comedy and the BBC. Do you, did you order that? The comedies in the BBC? Like, peep show? No, I didn't order the comedies at the BBC.

You don't greenlight shows? That's not one of my duties, no. What about, um jaguar cars you got something to do with that jaguar cars those are cool right i've never been in one but they seem like nice cars did you like did you kind of at least like i don't think you designed it but you kind of said like hey that's a good color use that color as you're saying all of this two guards are just slowly ever so slowly walking up to you from behind oh yeah i'm just like you know i'm just asking what is it what have you put your name on besides a stamp

you didn't even make i'm just saying like you know even the shittiest politician has like you know oh look i just bill to um cork up women's bodies you know it was a was a the super what you call it the long abortion we know what's the opposite of abortion what's the opposite childbirth right whatever it's called the thing where we we sell women's like he's talking you This guy is talking you about how he sewed up. He made a law that you have to sew up the vagina, the cavity, and not with the baby out. And, like, it's a crate.

You're having beers with the guy, the VFW. And he's just telling you, I used to be a president. And I thought I got to have this law. And a lot of women died. Did not go well. But, like, at least, like, oh, you do, like, that's something. It's something we can talk about. It's a story.

We're at a bar. Imagine me at the, like, we were the queen in the bar. And then what? And then you didn't hug your son again? Oh, okay. Oh, so you're on, in your head, you're already like, this has worked great at your friends with her now. You're hanging out at a bar with her.

Well, unfortunately, yeah. I mean, I would rather not be. Because just nothing to, you know, we get to the bar. You know, I guess she asked to go to the bar and I was like, I felt bad. Like, I'm not a dick. I'm not going to be like, I'm not going to be rude, like, in a human way. You know, I'm like, no, I don't want to go to the bar with you. Right.

I'm just, you know, but, you know, so I go to the bar with the queen. And, you know, and she's just kind of sitting there. And I'm talking about my, you know, exploits. Yeah. Talking about how we built this new studio for the podcast. And she's thinking, oh, so it's great. And I'm just waiting for, like, you know, you're going to talk. Right.

You're going to talk. He's going to sit there and fucking, you know, think about how you, you know, when you went to the Congo that time, they were really nice to you. And then it was great. I was super, super friendly. And then my husband said something racist, but it didn't hit us. That's like that's like a story for them. Like you don't do anything.

Right. And I'm not saying it's like these people are sitting there ass, but like why can't the, imagine if the queen had to like work like undercover boss. You know, but like it's not undercover, but you just have to like, you know, like you go to Arby's and the queen's just there and people who work at our arby's just kind of yelling at her and they're going you fucking

bitch why don't you cook the roast beef right you fuck you you you suck you better suck us off well we're cooking roast beef because you don't know how to do it you're bad at this and then like it would just give her and she could tell me that story at the bar sure yeah he's making any sense no i mean i do think they should make the queen do those things yeah that does seem like a good I'm just saying, but, you know, a point is, like, why am I gonna, why am I going to, all your majesty? I mean, the bloodline's not even great. They're all ugly. They're all, I mean, that one guy, Prince Edward.

Andrew wasn't bad looking either. The guy, you know, Epstein's buddy. Edward's like a good looking guy. But I like Prince Edwards, you know, he was Charles's brother. And he's a, I like him. I would let him suck me off. But whatever. I don't know Charles suck me off too

It's just it's the it's like when Jesus washes the feet You know that's what this is Um So yeah I don't know the queen What do you think of the show Um It's just it feels like a lot of nothing A lot of the time

But it's like it's you know It's very dark It is It's like it's all very supposed to be dark And sober and gritty Right Um But it is

The entire thing feels amazingly low stakes. Yeah, like it's just kind of, she just lets her husband fuck around for the first 20 years, and then she kind of like gives him the stink guy sometimes and goes, you know, why do you go to your lunch club all the time? Like, he's a dork. Like, he goes to a lunch club. He's not like, it's not like he's fisting women all the time

in the middle of Piccadilly Square. You know, they tell body jokes. And he probably has sex a bunch of, you know, British whores or island, you know, native different countries, the crown rules and he's just going, I'm the king and, you know, takes out of his asshole, makes him look it, suck him, suck his asshole.

Whatever, I'm just saying, like, but, like, that's like, this is, there's nothing, imagine it was Kanye, and Kanye's just making beats, and he's just, you know, has his baby in one hand, he's holding one of his babies by the top of their skull, and he's, like, you know, MPC, 3,000 or whatever, and he's playing the beats,

And, like, you come into, like, the drone room to meet, to meet the King. And he's just doing that, like, call on a second, hold on a second. Shut up. And he's yelling at the baby. And then you go, yo, what do you need? And then you go, hey, like, King, Kanye. And you go, like, there's a fire. There's wildfires in L.A.

You're like, hey, me. I don't do that shit. And like, oh, yeah, you're right. And then he's, maybe he sucks you off. Either way, it's just like, it's having a. inflection point we can go I'm mad if something happens I don't know I'll listen to you that sucks anyway he's making beats I don't it's not flushed out no I mean I think you're right that is like Jay Z and Beyonce would be the more maybe inspiring pair right to be the king wing

but Kim and Kanye would be the more that would be the more American choice we have all these people anyway yeah like they just don't work like we have the TikTok people the demilios and And who else is big? Who's famous? Tell me. Phoebe Bridgers? I don't know who that is, but sure. Okay.

You have Phoebe Bridgers. Bridgers? I think it's Bridgers. Okay, sure. Who else? Is Tom Selleck still famous? Whatever. These people could, like, why is Tom Selleck not enough for us anymore?

At one point, Tom Selleck was enough to get us to keep us from, like, just rushing into the Capitol building. and just start hitting cops like in fire extinguishers and somehow his mojo left we need to put a crown on some of these people just make a royal family out of like you know

Bridgers this is a person Phoebe Bridgers I'm pretty sure it's Phoebe Bridgers see I don't think she could be royalty because I think she's a little too let me see like she's not you know she's like a little cutie pie what is this person from but she makes like emotional

you know folk pop or what i'm indie pop i'm after this episode i'm gonna look into this yeah i have a feeling she has like 10 000 fans and you're just like you're just giving me the most obscure i'm trying to find a queen here and you're like what about rilo kiley she's very popular i don't what about joanna newsome i'm talking about fame you see real powerful fame i don't think she could be queen but maybe like a little, maybe a little duchess. Yeah, she'll be a duchess, all right. I'm not trying to recreate the British crown here.

I'm trying to combine. Are we trying? Is the idea for Kim and Kanye to have a giant family that's royalty or do they have people who aren't in their biological family who are also royalty? I think you should have to retire into royalty from being famous.

I think you should have to like have accomplished something and then we trick you somehow because we'd want to do this job into being like that's the thing everyone, everyone used to want to be the president but then they realized oh it's a thankless thing

only a complete narcissist wants to do this because like at least half the country is going to hate you but if no one's going to hate you people would want like you have people with the ego like Trump but you told them and no one's going to hate you like I wonder if he really does

because he needs it he needs the approval so much and half the country's not bad like if you're a narcissist like the fact that half the country just fucking loves you and they hang on your every word and they and they invade the the capital building for you and they drink you know and they and they go your golf courses like you know slabs and they eat your awful turkey club it was disgusting anyway but the point is we went there once it was it was it was disgusting um but if you told him well the other half won't hate you i wonder if you wouldn't prefer that so my point is

give him that job anymore I mean I'm not saying we make him the king I'll be clear I'm not advocating for the for the coronation of Donald Trump I'm just saying it would have gone better I think it definitely would have been better than him being president I agree yeah

Kanye he's making beats regal beats I don't know what else is going on there's things in sports happening big day It was a very big day. I don't know how many of you guys are basketball. It just transcends basketball, I think.

James Hardin has been traded from the Houston Rockets to the Brooklyn Nets. The lovely Brooklyn Nets. Now he's teaming up with these big celebrities like Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving. It's a big news. It's bigger than the impeachment, honestly. Oh, I know him. I'm looking at him now.

What did you see him in TeamBot magazine? Which one, James Hardin? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you watched him choke at that time, probably. Oh, yeah, I did watch that with you. He's one of the best players out in the league. I've watched this guy meltdown worse than I meltdown

in the middle of a McDonald's because they don't have shakes, you know, when they am. I'm just saying, he's not, is it wrong for me, you know, a man of my accomplishments of my stature to be insulting an elite, you know, champion athlete? It was not champions at the point. I feel like it's palpable. Who would call him, who the fuck are you to say, James Hardin is?

You ever heard of basketball? No, I'm not a basketball boy. But the point is, you know, what I'm interested in it. I mean, is there the way, because he wanted to get out of Houston. He wanted to get out of the, you know, they weren't winning in there. He wants to win. He wants to team up like a super team with, like, Brian James did with Jain Wade and all these people.

So he's, you know, they wouldn't let him leave. So, you know what he did? What? This guy stole my whole thing. He got fat on purpose. This is amazing. It's amazing. He fucking gets, type in James Harden, fat.

See what comes up. It's not going to be on, we're not going to put on it. But I'm going to see what he looks like here. I mean, look, is he as fat as me? Probably not as fat as me. But he put on like 20 pounds. He got COVID. He's partying with rappers all around the country.

And like, just, just to get him in the fire room. that's what the NBA is now like you just want you you have to like get fat so your team will fire you I mean you got a picture there's a giant red arrow pointing directly at his stomach in this picture I mean for this is a guy who's like I mean you know basketball is a very athletic sport I think I can you know go out of a limit and say that and this guy is I mean he's still performing well I mean he's still doing for a fat guy doing pretty well um I don't I don't know if I admire it or I feel like it's just kind of this is kind of like when, you know, like Baldwin's wife, uh, pretending to be Spanish.

Oh, hilarious Baldwin. Yeah. I mean, I feel like, you know, I don't like the idea that athletes are like getting fat to get jobs. Like, why am I not in the Nets? Yeah, I'm already fat. Wait, how did being fat get him the job? Uh, because Houston didn't want to let him go. Houston was like, we have you for two more years.

Then, you know, Nets don't have anything when we want that bad. But he got fat. It wasn't just that he got fat. He's also talking a lot of shit. He's basically going around and going like this team. He had literally that press conference last night where he said something to the effect of that they didn't win. He go, what do you think of the team? Why don't you think you're one, James?

Because sports journalists or most obnoxious assholes. Why do you think was the problem when he didn't win the ball game? And he goes, we got a bad team. We got no chemistry. You know, we're just not good. We're not going to be good. It ain't working. It ain't working.

He basically said, I'm not even kidding. It really does sound like he's trying to become you. Yeah, I mean, I could have been, the Nets could have gotten me for a much smaller package of draft picks, is all I'm saying. Imagine me, should I be playing basketball on a professional level? Is this something we can kind of, like, you know,

I don't know what really the rules of the game. So that's one thing. And also, I have an ankle thing. where like even though I move pretty quick for my size, but like sometimes the angle will give out. So maybe that might kind of like, you know, I'd be doing fine for like 45 minutes of the game

and then, you know, my ankle will give out and then like, oh, and like, then this is ridiculous. I mean, I'm kidding. Yeah, sure. I figured. I wanted to give you breath. No, I didn't want to go from that. I'm just pretending. I'm just thinking about myself. To work this out. I mean, I could be a good.

coach. Why might I have the coach in the Nets? Imagine me with a clipboard, you're screaming at people. I'm gonna fucking if you don't get that ball in the goddamn hoop, I'm gonna go to the doctor, your wife knows and I'm gonna have, make him so her vagina shut

and have the baby will be in there. And like it and it'll motivate people. You think that's all, that's what coaching is basically? I mean the actors. Yelling and increasingly creative abusive ways. Yeah, I mean the ones to win.

yeah yeah sure not the bad coaches i don't think like you know um the coach that nix is doing that is threatening you know these these large men that's thing like they have to respect you and like lebron james is like six eight uh and i'm like what five nine isn't if i'm not constantly like you know promising to maim him you know yeah with weapons to like to put like you know I'm gonna go to your house

you invite me in your barb house for barbecue because why wouldn't you I'm your coach it's something you do you're having a big barbecue I'll be there but I'm gonna bring some poison poison people here you think that's what LeBron James responds to yeah that's what gets the best out of him yeah I'm gonna poison random people at your barbecue

you don't fucking play well tonight if you don't fucking do get you know defend the ball you don't defend the basket and also the balls in the other basket I'm a point next time we're doing I get I'm a poison random people at your house I'll be there and like you look may not even be people in your family maybe it's just you know other guys in this team it's that's how wild I am so I think it's in everyone's best interest uh if you if you just play well i mean am i wrong here like wouldn't wouldn't that get to him like he if i said to him yeah you don't fucking want can't fucking keep run faster or i'll hit you he's not got to buy that right but what if i was just like you know i'm gonna under false

pretences if you don't you know if you don't uh do this triangle offense thing i i'm planning I have a clipboard with X's nose. If you don't do this triangle office the way I want, I'm going to, under false pretense, is going to become the principal of your children's school. And I'm going to give him terrible grades. And then also poison some of the kids that they like. Not them.

Not them. Because that would just be, uh, that's too far. You think that goes, that would just kill his more ass. I'm not going to kill his kids. Right. That's like he, look, there's a certain plausibility. here like if i went like i'm gonna poison your wife at the barbecue well then like he's gonna not want to play for me anymore but if i did that and he so he knows that's a false threat but the fact

that i'm saying like hey i'm gonna poison random people people you know the guy you know your neighbor the guy who you know the godson to your child maybe that guy that's expendable lebron so he knows i might do that because he would still look lebron james wants to win so you think he's going to be like if we're on the verge of winning a you know no championship and like and i ended up poisoning the guy who's like godfrey i mean maybe he's really close with godfather but this is mailman if i if i poison his mailman uh he ain't going to like it right but he's not going to throw away a championship sure he's a winner all right he is a guy who likes to win but you know i do think you know he likes to win already poisoning the merit of the the credible threat of

poisoning the mailman is really just it's the extra thing that'll make him take it to the next level. It's a little oomph. You know, it's a little jolt. Because he likes the bailman. It's not some random mailman. Like he's like they probably look, think about it. I know it's a public service

thing. I know it's a like, you know, it's a government job. But I still feel like the post office when they send someone in LeBron's house, like, you know, he lives in a nice neighborhood. They're not sending their shitty mailman. They're sending a good, so he likes the guy he's a good mailman you know he's how you know schmooze and and get invited the parties

he's at the party so so so the tight rope you're walking here is finding people who are not really on paper important to lebron james's life they're not people he would sink into a depression if they died right but there are people who he would feel like that's too that that was a nice guy there people he would feel bad about taking that person's life away by right he's a good guy look if i try to do this with like you know um who's a bad guy Kevin Durant Kevin Durant wouldn't care right but LeBron James has a good heart um like Kevin Durant's on burner phone all day like pretending to be some kid from he pretends to be like 18 16 year old kid going I think Kevin Durant's pretty good actually you know what that

this guy had a whole controversy he just had a burner phone he would just be like arguing with like fans on Twitter about whether or not he was good oh my I think you should look at his rebound too is also impressive I mean you shouldn't know you know I don't think LeBron's good of a rebounder or a shooter that's amazing yeah um so you know that guy's not going to flinch if I kill if I you know poison his mailman right um but LeBron you know fundamentally doesn't want to die and that's going to get just it's just that edge we're not look it's like when you have a car a Porsche is it Porsche is a Porsche a Lamborgine a Lamborghini An Italian Lamborghini.

You have an Italian Lamborghini, and what do you put into it? What do you put in your Lamborghini? Premium. Premium. Exactly. You don't use the regular stuff. You use the good stuff. Because you get that little edge.

That's what the poison. That's the premium gasoline. That's what the poison the mailman is. It's the little edge, right? Yeah. That's to me at the kid's school, giving them bad grades. Maybe poison in them. There's a lot of poison.

I mean, a lot of this, I feel like, you know. It's the sneakiest way to kill people. Well, look, he's going to know it with me

because, you know, I've threatened it all the time. Poison's not really a very popular way to, you know, attack people, I feel like. Right.

You know, like, there's no serial killers that are just poison? Or not you're a serial killer person. Has anyone famously used poison? I think that's like, I think women killers tend to use poison.

I would, wouldn't they? There's some, some black widow. woman. I don't know. Oh, the Black Dahlia? I don't know that much about her.

I think they called her the Black Widow. I think she would kind of, she would poison people. People who, I think she would poison people who are already sick. Like, she'd take in people who are already sick. Well, I'm a man and I'm going to do it too. Whatever.

And you're going to do it to healthy kids, not, you know. Well, look, I don't, am I going to poison kids? I mean, you could say, you could say, oh, I've already said it all the time. I threaten to do it all the time to LeBron. So I would or wouldn't, if they do end up getting poison, I'm getting blamed.

But you can't prove it. And that's why it's a good method for, like, me. I mean, I just feel like if I could, what, I mean, is there a better way? Should I, should I be pulling a gun out? I mean, if I pull a gun out in the middle of a barbecue, it's a problem. I feel like any of these scenarios,

it's going to require LeBron James to have a feeling about you where it's like he's intimidated by you, but also inspired enough by you. He knows that you're doing something good enough for his game that he would never wrap. on you. Right. I got to deliver.

I got to also poison the other players' kids. You know, you can't just focus on LeBron's kids because everyone, you know, if I'm just getting his kids in the Crossairs, then, like, you know, but, you know, his, J.R. Smith is slacking off at the club. Right. I mean, we're not going to win a title. A team wins titles, you know, so, I mean, I probably need assistant coaches to handle them i mean this could be should i should i get an interview with some team i'm not expecting

to go then i mean that's i mean they hired steve nash who's like a famous MVP player but this is like rookie coach and they gave him the keys to the car of like never got a super team they could have gotten me and when steve nash is they're like oh i shoot i shoot the basket well look he's a different skill set shooting the basketball and like you know Forging documents to get a job as a principal, just get close to the people, you know, that you're, you know, your employees. I would call my employees, so you're my employees. I mean, that was just, I think I would make them mad.

I couldn't think of, players, that was it. I couldn't think of the word players, sort of thing. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I could drive in this situation. Yeah, I mean, look, the poisoning kids alone thing, maybe, but you combine that with the winning triangle, uh, strategy that you formulated and I think you have a winning formula I feel like it would take us a certain level um I think if I need if we're in the finals though yeah you know we get

we get through the regular season the playoffs um I might need to do a hostage thing in the finals I might need like because that's the thing like I was saying before LeBron's like well you I know you're not going to do this is not a good threat well he wants to feel that like anger he wants I'm saying hey I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna fucking you know get a tank and blow up your house he's like you know I wish I wish you could but you're not gonna do that so it's not working so I'm not gonna shoot the ball well but in the finals

it's the end of the season he might think like this motherfuckeruggers you know might do it now because it's like no games left like he'll go he's gonna win or go home that's the slogan for the playoffs winner go home right they say that winner go home so LeBron's just thinking like this guy So I'm just, and then I show him a picture of his, um, parents.

And they're just, you know, in a prison, uh, not prison, really got a, I don't know. Like, there's, there's a guy, the guy with them. And, you know, um, he's not going to hurt, I'm not going to hurt LeBron, but I might. Good. It's a thing. It's just, you've done crazy things before at this point. I mean, like, like, people in his orbit have been poisoned. Um, he doesn't know of it was me.

Could have been, could have been anyone. I mean, I make some, can you, you're producing the show, can you make some calls and get me an interview as a coach? Sure, yeah. All right. I feel like there's going to be a retrospective on your career in about 10 years, and there's going to be people out there going like, you know, a lot of people focus on the kid poisoning,

but the hostage thing, that was really his, the coup de grace. Yeah, because, you know, by seeing, like, I'll be saying, no one thought about the hostage thing, you know, going, I mean, I'll get the mayor of your town and I'll fucking, you know, I'll put her in a dunk tank full of piranhas. This is flamboy. It can't be this. It can't be gimmicks.

It needs to be more visceral. Like, your mailman. It's about the game, ultimately. Your mailman is going to, he's going to suffer before he dies. I prompt you that. You're a mailman. It ain't going to be quick. Yeah.

So it's on you whether or not you, you know, do this. I can't even think of a move. This is a joker. Do the alley-u per your mailman's going to have a long night and long-suffering night until he dies. Right. This isn't a comic book. No, there's not comic book.

This is a male man, a man with a pair of pliers and a willingness to draw this out. What do you're doing with the pliers? You thought about this? I mean, there's a lot. What does someone do with pliers? I just, I just picture, like, having a pair of, like,

needle-nose pliers, but not using the bruce, just stab him in the chest with it. And it's not sure. sharp enough to really, it'll hurt. Right. And, like, eventually it'll start tearing skin, but it's not really made for that. Right. So it just takes, that's why it takes so long to kill you, because just giving them a, you know,

100,000 bruises. I mean, eventually, it's just, if you keep hitting some with a pair of pliers, what, I mean, eventually they might, I guess they die, right? Like, yeah. You just chip away their skin over and over and over. Death by a thousand thrust. Yeah. I mean, I guess you're supposed to, like, you know,

dull stabs. You're supposed to pull their fingernails off or something is that the gimmick? Yeah, you know, you could do a bunch of stuff with pliers. You could pull the fingernails off. You could break their fingers probably. With the pliers? Yeah, probably. All right. I would think. You need a good pair of pliers.

There's not these cheap players. We have cheap pliers. Right, yeah. You can't be using these stuff you get off Amazon. Like this whole oh, I got a whole two box for ten dollars in the hand. It's all crap. You're not gonna you know, that's for building a house Not for, you know, not for pulling nails off.

Yeah, I don't know. I still feel like it would be better just to use the stamp people. Sure. Blunt, you know, blunt force flyer. Right. Yeah, so was there anything else we're going to touch on with that? Well, let's see. There's a James Harding got fat.

They're cyberpunk. Well, don't, don't say it like, like, like the gimmings. I brought a script here To be the way of the thing To be fair We didn't exactly end up going With the James Harden gained weight angle Fair enough

You're jumping off points Yeah I played cyberpunk I don't have much to say about it Yeah I don't know why I wrote Let's do the episode I'm going to talk about this video game I played

And then like a month ago Everyone hates it though The bugs It's got so many bugs Much like the apartment they used to live in Um, it's not really, it's not something to be a henny. I'm not doing like a funny hackage joke. I mean, I live in the apartment.

I have a lot of bugs and, you know, Matt Mice and lives in my shoes, whatever. The point is, uh, you know, it's just cyberpunk. It's, uh, I'm not to say. Yeah. I mean, we just, we just kind of, uh, we just talked about poisoning the children. Yeah. In the vicinity of LeBron J's. Yeah, well, not his kids.

Not his kids. And look, yeah. I mean, this is all about. just helping a great man get a little bit greater. Yeah. He'd appreciate that. That's all you ever wanted. I tried to give him a wine show.

I'm a wine princess bitch t-shirt. Yeah. I tweeted at him and he didn't respond. He's a wine guy. You know that. He has a show called the shop. The barbershop? The shop.

Oh, right. Yeah, I've not seen some of that. I guess they sit in a fake barbershop. I don't know what you're doing. And they drink wine. And they drink wine. And with other players, you know, people might think that were, athletes, but we're also rich guys

to drink wine. Now, tell me, you had that great moment in the finals last year where you got that basket. Wager, coach threatened to do, and then do, uh, to your wife. Now, did you get your mailman? You know, you get,

you got my accountant and he, he stabbed him with the pliers in the eye. Oh, that's great. And he swig wine and he didn't, but he didn't respond to me as the point. Um, I didn't, I haven't watch his show. I should watch his show maybe. I shouldn't disparaging him. I'm sure it's a great show. I just wanted him to, you know, be my best friend. He'll wear the shirt eventually. You think so?

Yeah, I think he'll do it. Well, you guys can get your shirts. Just go to the link will be below. They're still available. I'm not wearing one because I should get one. They're actually really good. Yeah, I've seen in person. They're actually great shirts. I've hinted that I want one. Oh, yeah, I should get you one. Yeah. Whatever. What do you order you a shirt? who are you the king of thailand um where can people you know you follow lucy at the steinbag on twitter sure yeah and uh what was up and you i was gonna say where can they follow you but i felt like that's i'm out of i'm out of place they're already here they're already

here they're here for they're already get where they want no i need twitter instagram at right comp you uh sign for the patreon again extra episode every week we're back we're back we're back we had to set up the studio and uh you know we're working the kinks out not kinks but just you know the new flow of the show but it's all it's all ready to go now so every week new episode uh every week uh patreon episode um you know other stuff who knows it's it's an endless it's an endless content uh what's the word i'm looking for Chocolate River I will constantly suck you off

with content is what I'm trying to say So have a great week Thanks so much I'm trying to song No. I don't know. Thank you.