Kump - 62 - Stunt Kump

Episode Date: February 11, 2021

Ray and Lucie talk about a cyber attack in Florida, the oldest woman in Europe surviving covid, and Ray’s plan to make the news fun again. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your "I'm A Wine Princess, Bitch!" T Shirt, available for a limited time! https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. What is it, Tuesday night? We're coming to you late. Sorry, let you answer. What was it going to be? It is a Tuesday night. I was correct. Oh, wait.

Oh, no. Well, it's midnight. So it's past, it's Wednesday now. Happy New Year. What is going on? Whatever. Trying to sabotage the moment. I got myself turned.

I had momentum. You're trying to nitpick. It was Tuesday night. Well, okay. Off to a great start. Lucy, my ever present, omnipresent, is that a word? Producer?

I'm everywhere. always yeah you're a producer and co-host or whatever it doesn't matter we're not we're gonna label this in this day and age we're gonna have labels for this no more label we're gonna label this world not fine with that i don't need to label anything you could do what you want you be who you want i don't give a shit all right i'm the i'm the i'm the voice of a generation doesn't have one doesn't need ones and want one i'm just saying whatever it's fine that's nice people yeah that should be you say that but then when I want to experiment with puppy play you're like no way Jose yeah I mean you know what's a puppy gonna do in in a it's just he shouldn't

it's grooming you know I mean like you shouldn't you shouldn't do that with like you know it's a child puppy I'm not comfortable with that I'm kind of you know you want me to be a full grown adult puppy or dog just you know bearing bones and just slowly done dying, I could do that. Like, if a dog gets slowly dying, his best years behind him. You come home and he's just, you know, he's just there. It doesn't come running to you because he's kind of lost that, whatever that is, that spunk, that spirit.

But, you know, if you lay down next to him, you'll pet him, he'll just kind of moan. He probably has a liver problem. But, you know, you don't have the money to look into that. So it's just like, you know, what are you going to be? spent seven grand to get him a new liver i mean i love the thing but still a thing right i mean he's not i'm not envisioning being one of those households where i'm not a thing if i'm a dog you don't imagine it like if you had a dog that it would be like you'd be like he was my best friend like at his dog funeral yeah if if if i was owned by a child but you know a grown man who wants that

some guy some fucking lonely you know some lonely drifter some some guy like playing you know acoustic guitar on the side of a highway towards an oil field and he's just you know he's just trying to get by he's got his dog with him and that dog what is it what I want with that he's like you're my best friends like what is this yeah and you're like at what point in your situation did you say I think I'm ready to take care of a living thing I think I'm ready for dog we yeah like yeah why don't you eat the dog all right why don't you eat that dog get a little fucking protein and maybe you can you know i'm even saying get a job just to play a guitar better you actually learn to play play like three chords loser you know well you're a dog person though

you don't get it you don't get what i'm saying um what kind of dog do you think i would you be i think i'd be like a little uh you know maybe like a little dalmatian i could see myself that's even real fitting into a dalmatian role aren't there's just fake cartoon The screen went off. He just, you know, he did one job to keep the comp screen on. I need people to look at this podcast and see a screen. Why is it rebooting?

Oh, no. It's doing a software update. No one knows what you, this is. So welcome to. Can the people handle it? Well, welcome to, I don't know what. I don't know what show this is. This might be, is this two broke girls? Is there a way they can watch the software up?

date so they know how long it's going to be i don't know i don't it's fine just don't don't nothing we can do nothing we can do there's nothing we can do there's nothing to be done you're welcome you're uh this is very professional show well you know people people messaging me telling me when you type my name into patreon uh nothing comes up i'm being like really i'm being blacklisted of patreon but i try you on a different like i logged out and tried to log in i seem to get in i don't These people just don't know how to, are they putting the F at the end of my name? But there's a link on my Twitter, a link on my Instagram. You can go and just click directly.

It'll take you there. So just go to, there's a link in this episode. Just look at the link in the YouTube. You're getting shadow banned. For what? For saying, I don't want to be a dog. I mean, you know, the amount of, I mean, I doubted when they started banning, you know, quote unquote, quote, quote, quote, white supremacists and other people.

I mean, I'm sure everyone banned wasn't a full-on white supremacist. But, you know, there was a, that's where it started. Really, Alex Jones, I guess. And then, which he technically is, he isn't. Like, I don't think it's what his gimmick is. Yeah. People love these things together. There were probably, like, a couple of guys you got caught up in that who were just, like,

live tweeting Jordan Peterson's recovery. Yeah, yeah. Keep my room clean boss. Hope you get better soon. Don't, you know, I just got, you know, one day of the time. I got, you know, just, uh, being a champion of my own my own coliseum you know things are getting better with my dad they're not great they're not they're not as good as they're going to be but they're getting better my dad doesn't

respect me but he acknowledges that i'm there now uh he you know when he throws a bottle at my head he goes i wish i wish you were dead instead of just you completely disregarding me uh he wishes he wishes me that's an improvement mr peterson i hope you hope hope he'll hope he's and love finds you in the Kazakhstan prison wherever you are I don't know I mean it was that where is he was back Ukraine where was he? He was in Russia

He was in the big one Oh wow yeah that's just I don't know what that means I mean that I don't know like I'm not saying like oh I don't know what that means You must be a Russians I don't know what that means Good for him Good for you I what's the difference Yeah

Oh he doesn't like this yeah look someone's going to come around and talk to idiots and people and like at least he told nice bible stories yeah you know the fish and the you know jesus fed the loaves he was he broke down the lion king he was like a proto big joel in that way i don't know why you keep bringing up big joel you think we're going to start a you like when these crossover things was big joel hey could get shout out to big joel huh is that we're going to gonna do now hello big joel would you like to do crossover content explain what big joel is to these people he's a guy he's he's you know a little ironically a smaller guy who he wears like you know he wears kind

of kitschy sweaters and he talks about disney movies what i mean like like a gremlin's christmas sweater yeah something like you might wear something like that oh great and you and you just this is your guru this is who you like elite elide your yourself with in the in the coming wars the big joel channel it's like you know remember we you know this tuesday we have a lion king potluck and then we're also going to be sharpening spears for the for the arena we're all going to be broken down by YouTube fiefdoms that really is going to yeah yeah it's going to be a cum fiefdom and I'm prepping these people for it and you're bringing big joel we're trying to build alliances here you're right and you want

big Joel to talk about I don't even know what like Lilo and Stitch? I apologize What is this? Who's Lilo and Stitch? We're going to take over you too. I've never seen Lilo and Stitch. What is it? It's about, I think it takes place in Hawaii and it's about a little girl and her

and a rat and her little monster friend. He's just a monster. He's not like, usually these things are like koalas or like, you know, to have like a French Guinea rat or whatever. I feel like he was just like a vague, cute little monster. He may have been a koala. Oh, he's an alien, right? Yeah, that's right.

He's an alien. It's great. Comstine's still not up. Do we know what we're talking about today? Um, or is that all on the laptop? There's a, you know,

there's a bunch of things we could talk about. We have stored in this life. Do you want me to feed you something? It seems like I'm off the cuff 24-7, but I'm just, I'm just being fed lines by Lucy, the whole show. And now, uh, yeah, well,

what did you? You wanted to talk about the impeachment, you said. Well, that went on. Yeah, I mean, they started doing, you know, arguments, for impeachment I guess. Oh, they did.

Yeah, they started doing that. They didn't make arguments for, you know, like gun control. No. They weren't like, hey, let's overturn Roe v. Wade while we're here. You see, Ray, usually at an impeachment trial. The primary focus is impeachment. Sure. Whether to do one or not do one.

That does make sense. Yeah. So how did it go? Is he still president? Trump? Is he still president? Well, I guess it's like, what are they doing this for? It's so that he can't, he can't seek office again, right?

Can't seek office again? I guess they, look, some people want to, like, make some point, like, you shouldn't be able to compel people to storm the capital to overturn an election. I mean, I get it. I want to make a point. Yeah, sure. It's like, I mean, look, the idea that, like, that would be a point to be worth making, that's like really a 90s thing, maybe.

And even in the 90s, we wasted in the 90s, you know, going up to blow jobs. with Malagalewinsky. You know, so it's like, you know, when was the last time we've been plausible to, like, actually condemn someone overthrowing the government or trying to?

I mean, I think you could... I think you could probably do it in the night. You could probably do it in, like, the early 2000s. I don't know. We were faking our way into an Iraq war. That's true. I mean, the government, like,

in the 2000s, like, Trump, like, they overthrew the government, like six months after they got in. They've really had our balls in a... The government, The government overthrew itself for no reason six months in. Like, like, we already have the executive branch. Like, now we need more, we need a reason.

You could have just done this. We wouldn't have known the Patriot Act. Let's just blow up the Twin Towers anyway. Just do it. It's just, I mean, I'm not like making equivalencies. I mean, I don't know how I could be. Yeah. But point is, are we getting banned for a bring-up 9-11?

I don't know. In the shadow wars of YouTube. Do you get banned for that? I don't know. Oh, yeah, maybe for conspiracy. Who knows how they treat 9-11 conspiracies? Who knows? I mean, you know, probably by, you know, beheading you.

Yeah. Or whatever. And that's not just an anniversary for the guy who got behead. Look, not the, I mean, a bunch of them did, but that journalist. Oh, is it? Daniel Pearl. It was an anniversary? RIP.

Should I say that? RIP? Yeah, rest and peace. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to, I got nothing bad to say about the guy. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying, like, that was fake. That was totally real. He was just doing journalism, right? I think so.

I don't care if he was doing muck-breaking journalism. He shouldn't behead him. Yeah, I don't think he was doing mud. I'm just saying, like, I mean, nowadays, if people go on for the New York Times, it's like they probably would say something like that. Yeah, that's the thing. I don't think there's any journalism that's so bad

that the person should be killed for doing it. I mean, it's probably a few. I mean, I'm not trying to make a blanket statement, but I don't think he fell into the realm of, he wasn't like, he wasn't one of the guys, I was like, I imagine if he was one of the guys storming Princess Diana's car on a motorcycle. Oh, yeah. Trying to get an upskirt picture.

Wouldn't they get an obscure picture of her dead body? Oh, did they? I don't know. That could be something not making up, but I feel like they did. I feel like they were definitely getting pictures of the body. I think they rearranged her. Like, they did some despicable stuff, and they might have tried to get enough. I mean, that would have been, who would even wants that?

I don't even get upskirts in general. I think they're kind of not really. I mean, I don't want some shit. First of all, I don't mean. like upskirts like serptitious upskirts those are never cool never good but even the porn ones are like what is this? Yeah I mean typically

I'd be like yeah who like I feel that way like who wants that but like I feel like there is something weird psychological mechanism that makes the public like really want to see like because you want to spy on women like yeah they really want to see like destroyed women specifically destroyed women you're like destroyed

but well there is something about that with Britney Spears right people are doing a whole cultural reckoning on the treatment of Britney Spears. I think people are trying to help Britney Spears. No, but like, instead of shutting on a big joke, can we shout out like we're on team Brittany?

Oh, yeah, totally. I'm all for her creepy dad trying to like, you know, I don't care if she would spend all the money on gum. Who I care? Gives a shit. I mean,

like, well, you're going to waste it on a panda bear or something? Right. Some giraffe painted yellow, blue, they're all yellow, right? Painted green, pink pink pan.

That's probably more like a pink giraffe. 10 million dollars she's done that she's got eat dirt whatever yeah like I'm not gonna like that can happen let it run its course I'm not saying it would I'm not saying Britney would buy a 10 million dollar painted giraffe

and riding around Beverly Hills or wherever she lives fall off hurt her head probably have to you know I'm not saying anything is would definitely happen well this seems to be like a mistake a cycle that keeps happening with child stars where they're like you know it's like we make all these laws

like well it's like this kid can't possibly spend this money responsible. It needs to go to responsibly. It needs to go to somebody. And then the child star is like 90 years old and destitute. Have they ever not been ripped off? Panhandling on the street. Have they ever not been ripped off by their parents?

It happened to Mickey Rooney. Wasn't Mickey Rooney like had no money by the time he died? Who's Mickey Rooney? Right? He's like one of the biggest trials. But he was a big star in the old age. Are you talking about? Mickey Rooney was like a massive star.

Look, he was in a couple of, I think he was in a few things. But I don't think, wait, what you, no, he was like a celebrity. Mickey Rooney, yeah. No, but like not from, what were you saying he's famous from? He's famous from, like, movies from, like, the 40s, like, where he was a teenager. Like, where he was a kid. Okay, well, first of what I'm talking about kids. I'm talking about some teenager.

I heard some teenager, like Ansel Elgort or whatever. We're getting a sign back. Was Ansel Al Gore to a teenager? I've never heard of that. The baby driver. Oh. If you're the baby driver and you get ripped up. off by your parents i mean like i famously told my dad you know i'm gonna burn your house you know

down for eggs if he stole 10 million dollars from me you definitely burn it down i mean i buy a giraffe fucking take a big shit on his chest you think a giraffe shit in my dad's chest it would cave it in um well i'd figure out either way don't steal from me dad i don't think he was for the record my dad wouldn't steal from me but if he did So, I don't know, but look at Mickey Rooney now that you have your computer back. I don't think you're right. I think Mickey Rooney was a famous man for the day he died. He was, he wasn't, I mean, look, he was a huge star when he was young.

So, like, he was pretty famous. If he was destituted, it was because he was spending it all on canoles and hookers. This guy. Yeah, that guy. He's famous. Well, yeah, he was famous, but that's the point. That's the irony of it is that he was the grim irony of it. Is that he, like, had to, like, you know, beg people.

for money according to legend at least i'm confused i mean like i get it most of these people don't make it into stardom as a point you know sure whatever what you probably roney for brittany spears her dad's keeping her in a in some kind of like psychic cage right and i don't like it i mean i look we dispose of women in this culture and i'm sick of it you know yeah she's out there dressed like a school girl uh showing off her legs and then he's men and her fucking going, this is great, this is so sexy. Britney Spears, hot, hot, young team, great, great. And then as soon as, you know, her face starts to droop a little bit,

they're like, ah, let her go to a fucking mental asylum. Right, yeah. Let her sing. She could probably sing. I mean, she was on the voice, right? As a judge or one of those shows? Was she? Oh, maybe.

She was judging one of those shows of how, Harry Mandel's just fucking drinking Purell next to her. I thought that she had a big comeback, but maybe that was. I don't think she's like, you know, I mean, she had. an album, it's probably terrible. I'm out of the loop. It's probably a terrible album, let's be honest. Yeah. I'm not, look, no one's, like, keeps it together, especially nowadays.

Sure. When's the last time of the start? I mean, like, Bowie was hit. Bowie's, like, one of the greatest geniuses of all time, and his albums are hit and miss. I think Britney Spears is not going out of the park after 20 years in, like, in that movie room? Like, her dad, like, the guy from that movie room, like, they locked her up. Right.

But, you know, but she's, and she's, do you think she's just doing the dance in there? Yeah, it sounds like, it sounds like, Not that innocent. It sounds like it was pretty dark. But how do you feel about this? Like a content I need for singing that? I'm not that innocent. I think it's short enough.

I think you had just made it under the five seconds. I mean, that would be flattering if YouTube band or show from, I think it's the only from getting monetized. Maybe that money will go to Brittany. Maybe that money will go to Brittany. It'll help her. Maybe. I don't let Britney happen.

Not that innocent. That's for you, Brittany. Can we afford the royalties to that song? No, she's getting the money. She's going to monetize. they'll turn ads on for the episode even though i don't have ads on right now i don't think that's how that works it is pretty sure it is she could use the money i mean i'm just trying to help the girl out look they won't they won't uh it won't get

content copyright flag because of the length of it but it will because you sang it too beautifully thank you they're going to penalize you for singing that in a too lovely a fashion I mean, I am, uh, what, what happened? Is Trump, uh, is Trump like at the impeachment hearings? Um, I don't think he, I don't think he's attending them. I think he said some lawyers lawyers, lawyers. Because he fired the other ones, right? He had like four lawyers that he fired last, where they quit last week.

Because he wanted to make, so, he wanted the whole thing to be about how the election was rigged. And therefore, his actions, like, he wanted to defend, like, say, I'm not guilty of, I'm inciting the riot based on, and the whole thing would be that, because the right was justified which I think is a bold move I mean for a bold man like Trump it's an appropriately bold position but these lawyers wanted nothing to do with it

and they said no great if that was their argument what did they do that was that bad are you trying to steal the election let me ask you what was your ballot there's oh sorry go ahead go ahead I wasn't there is a great part

in the because one of the big events of the day was that this one senators. I don't know who he was, but he played a video trying to line up different events with Trump's speech, you know, different events. With the moon landing and the, like, times they are changing. Like the opening for the watchman. They're supposed to have Trump by shooting Kennedy and Trump's, like,

Trump's, like, Kent State. That would be great. Why don't they do that? Why don't they learn to like, you know, trumped and, like, beat him of his own weapons. Not that he would make montages, but, like, just something weird. Right. Just do something weird.

Make, like, a fuck, do a, do a interpretive dance based on how it made you feel. You know, to be, to be, when that guy tried to, like, you know, teabag you in the middle of the, you know, capital rotunda. Like, teabag bag rape. And I'll just, you know, aggressively teabagbag. Does that ever happened? It must. In the rotunda?

I mean, I'm not a rotunda, pretty. say but like that's a move amongst creepy aggressive rapy men probably that's an elite rapist move did the mongrels ever do that just like jump up like because they were athletes the you know gangas cons guys they just jump off their horses and they're like you're being teabbing they're like wrapped around you like you're like you're like you're standing up and their legs are wrapped around your head and you're just getting teabagged and that's just and he's no like it's just decimated and you'll come back from that that's the kind of thing like a historian would talk about And, like, and he would be like, look, clearly the human cost of this was horrible.

But you have to respect the soldier. Well, you're talking about Dan Carl. You're talking about Dan Carl. You're talking about Dan Carlin's fire. Well, shots fired. Dan Carlin's hardcore history. I mean, you have to understand. Put yourself in the position of a European soldier.

Of an acrobatic tea-bagging rapist. Well, he would be, no, his whole thing would be like, You're just some guy in Europe, some dunce, drinking your croissants, eating croissants. Drinking croissons. Whatever you do, drinking pea soup, and then you go out to, you know, maybe a musket, whatever, and then this fucking maniac comes to tea bags here. Crazy. I mean, I lost halfway through the commitment to, I mean, that guy knows how to stretch out

the, I think the angle would be, you have to understand to be a tea bag. agribat the amount of dedication you have to put into your training the flexibility combined with the pure strength what's your vertical uh what they call that your vertical jump right with your vert this guy's got a 15 inch vertical he's giving me teaback and everyone oh man they were i mean like that guy just wanted everyone to know i mean you can't look certain people look i like the guys there's a fun podcast those hardcore history podcast but he wanted everyone to really just know how athletic these murderers were really it really just felt like we were being underserved by how much we knew about the stamina of guys who like impaled babies

right anyway uh um but yeah so what was this montage they played for trump yeah so during this video they're they're showing like different footage of the cap You know, kind of juxtapose with Trump's, like, tweets and a speech. But there is one really funny part where it's like, it's like a close, it's an iPhone video that's a close up of one of these capital stormers. And he's just randomly flipping through some senators' files going, there's got to be something in this that we can nail those bastards with. Like he's like, he's, like, they hit audio?

Yeah, there's audio. What was it? Is there a security camera footage? No, it's just some guy. I think it's a guy just filming another guy with an iPhone. And he's just flipping through the files. There's got to be something we can nail these. These guys make Watergate seem like the fucking, you know,

the Pink Panther Heist or whatever. I mean, Jesus Christ. I imagine doing that just to get files. Like, I would never talk. I'm sure the Senate has files, like secret files. Like, there's the Intelligence Committee and those guys. And they have secret shit. But I got to imagine most of that stuff is, like,

the CIA doesn't give them the good stuff. I mean, like, these guys are so cynical, but they believe in, like, congressional oversight. Right. The point where, like, all this really good, juicy, toxic information is, like, actually in the, no one, don't give that to the Senate.

They give them bullshit. Don't you? Didn't you read 9-11 stuff? Like, yeah, no, is the yellow cake? It's terrible shit. Like, they lied to the Senate. That's the whole point. They were just a piece of paper.

Just titled How We Stole the Election. I mean, I don't. Look, no one's keeping the senators in the loop. If this was rigged, it was like, it's like getting rigged by, like, Chuck Schumer. That's a weird thing about this. It's like there's no consistency of realism about, like, it's fantasticism and then just, like, but it's all being, the strings are being pulled by Barney Frank. Is he still around?

Crazy Barney Frank. And Dennis Kucinich? I don't understand. Like, no, it's like, so I, like, Soros I get, because he's a, like, he's at least seen as a shadowy figure. Is he a shadowy problem? I mean, he's a billionaire. Why does he make his money off of fucking dental floss?

What is George Storries of finance here, right? Yeah, I think so. Or some sort of an investor. That I get, because I don't even know where the guy is barely. Oh, he's doing it. Blame Soros. That made sense, but blame Chuck Schumer. He's in his kintech cloth stealing the.

election. Right. With Soros, at least you're in, like, the general parameter. Like, it's like, okay, guys with that much money, they're generally up to something. Right. It's like, you know, sure. Sure. No, whatever. I mean, look, the Valley and Defer, like, I mean, look, I feel this, should I feel the same

way I do about soldiers? I don't mean that they're, but my soldiers, I'm like, look, they're like, we just die for your freedom. Like, I believe you believe that. Right. I mean, thank you. Thank you for trying. I don't think that's what was happening

when you, you know, invaded Sri Lanka, whatever the fuck. I mean, I don't want to say Afghanistan. I'm just repeating over and over, but it is an actual thing we did. Whatever. I'm just saying, like, you know, I guess I was skeptical of this compared,

but now it actually, it is perfect. Yeah, but look, do I give them more credit? Of course I give them my more credit. But should I have a little bit of my heart go, look, this guy is misguided. and he shouldn't have stormed the capital, but he wanted me to have a, he really wanted me to have a pure election.

Right. On federal election. I mean, that's not what was going on, but like, isn't that a nice instinct? Yeah. I mean, look, there's, during some of those wives. If I was a lawyer for one of those guys, that'd be me. That actually, it would be pretty good.

He got wrapped up in the, in the healing moment, but he believed, he watched, he watched Frank. caper movies as a kid he believes in things he's a dreamer we need dreamers yeah he took a shit on pelosi's desk and covered it in blood called her called her pig whore he's a dreamer he thought she was the devil what would you do to the devil would you give him a cookie case dismissed you're not allowed to say that the judge is yelling at me I was just I just yelled at, case dismissed.

And they would just probably barred me from being a lawyer anymore. Will I be just barred if I yelled that consistently? Case dismissed. He started slamming on your... As a defense attorney, I just yell case dismissed. He started slamming on your desk with your own gavel that you brought. What if I showed up wearing a judge's robe? I mean, you can probably buy one, right?

Or costume one at least. Or a judge's robe is kind of like police uniforms. where, like, you can get costume ones, but, like, they're kind of, at least technically has to be monitored. You can't just sell, like, can you just sell cop uniforms? No, right?

Maybe you can. I feel like there's some kind of, like, at least, like, law, like, you know. Cop uniforms might be one thing. I don't think there's a law against impersonating. I mean, maybe if you. A judge?

Maybe if you went really far away. There definitely is. But if you just casually walked around. As a cop, no, you can't impersonate a cop, no, you can't impersonate a cop, see. No, in a judge's robe. Well, though, he's, well, that's the different. I'm not saying try to sit in his seat.

Well, that's my, that's the point. This would be where the case rests on. Well, I'm being convicted of, you know, does it account just being, you know, impersonating the judge if I just, I'm clearly sitting in the lawyer's seat. Right. I'm sorry. Are you confused your honor? Do you think you're a defense attorney?

Do we have a problem here? Because you should know you're the judge. You should know that. When you respond to that? I don't think I think it would The more curious aspect of it to me Is like if you showed up like that and said nothing

Would he bring it up? Yes, of course he would This wasn't this wasn't set up I thought it was implied that like I wasn't coming and going Look at me my judge is a uniform This is a robe and I'm wearing it gonna be the fence attorney No no I clearly I don't know I could have bad

imagine you doing that i mean i'm not this a little on the nose i mean i see i would sit down and the judge would just be like what's going on here and i would you know and then start yelling at him like i wouldn't you know he would i would escalate you pretty quickly you know what but you got problem with what i'm wearing i mean you're you're such a good judge why you're you know threatened by me wearing a robe what's this robe what's this robe thing all about is it you part of the you're a little naughty. You're part of the secret sandals? What?

Secret symbols. The divinci numbers? You got the vinci numbers in your robe? What are you doing? Let me go. Let me go. Yeah. I don't know.

I mean, look, whatever. I mean, my cousin Vinnie, I mean, that guy was wearing, like, stupid, you know, suits, they let him be a lawyer. That's true. That movie is pretty accurate, they say. They say it's one of the most accurate legal films at all the time. Really?

Yeah. No, it's like if so, like it's first. That can't possibly be true. It's totally true. It's because of all the procedures they get right. They get most of it right, all the whole way. I don't know if he would like. Even the part where his girlfriend is like being called as a witness.

That's a little, like a stretch. Yeah. But even I did. I mean, the point she was making. But I mean, I don't think they would, uh, I'd be just the fact that the woman would know that much about cars is kind of stretch. Let's be honest. I work the way.

That was the biggest red herring of the film. Hey, I worked every summer and my dad's auto shop, did you? Did you? I'm not saying women can't, but she did. I like to imagine that it's like, look, no court in it. You're like, you're talking to a legal expert about it

and a real legal expert, and they're like, look, no court in the country would let a woman testify about cars. I'm not saying it's right, but it's just press the best acts, what's going to happen. In the perfect world, perhaps. Um, pottertronic air bags. Here, give her the Oscar.

She played a, she gave her the Austin. That's how unlikely it was. They gave her an Academy Award for that film because she convincedly played a woman who knew about hers. Uh, I'm a man of the people. So what, what happened? Um, you're here to keep us on track. Where are we, where are we in the whole? There were, to your point about, you know, misguided people.

There were people, like I did, I saw a couple of, eclipse or like a bird's eye of the crowd and there's people shouting all kinds of stuff but it's like you can hear a couple of people shouting to like the capital police officers they're like join us I weren't that far off in some cases yeah I don't know what's what was going on I mean some of them I don't know it's not part of the gimmick or that or the or the narrative oh well you know I did I remember like reading about it like it's saying where they're like Capitol police officers complicit in this. But then, like, you see some footage and, like,

those guys are kind of getting the shit kicked out. I don't think all of them. I think, at least, like, if anything, the command structure. Right. Or I don't know. I mean, again, this is not me. I'm not doing a deep dive on this, because why would I? It's just a fun romp.

I don't know. It just seems like there's no news anymore. Yeah. This is like, this is like the age of Biden. And we're like, you know, we're just, all we got is. Trump knew still. Right. I mean, they predicted this,

but I really thought they'd make more muck. Like, everyone was so geared up to be, you know, just talking nonstop 24-7. And then, you know, Biden comes in and it's just, you know, what's everyone doing? Where is everyone? Why aren't they muck-raking? Right.

I don't know. They've gotten quiet. They've got, they're still, like, corrupt shit happening, but they're just, it's all, the dials been turned back to, like, cover this in the most boring way possible. Maybe this is a perfect time for me to do stunts.

New stunts, dress up like a bird and go flying, you know, running around the Capitol for, I mean, how, think about that. One of those Spider-Men guys, you know, those guys who climb buildings. What? They're Spider-Men. They call them Spider-Men. It's what they deal with.

It's a known thing that the guys will, even if they're not dressed like Spider-Man, they'll go climbing, you know, the Empire State Building, and the news will be clear another Spider-Man roaming around. That's a code word for a guy climbing a building in New York City. But imagine if it was a capital rotunda. Amazing. That would be an amazing story.

I don't, I'm not an expert on these things. But something tells me people are not going to be in the mood for any kind of shenanigans. No, because I got, I get out there. What's he doing? Is he one of the bad guys, the assassins? Is he one of the fucking, is he on the Al-Qaeda's? And they're like, oh, no, he's climbing to the top. And I get to the top and I throw my flag.

Oh, no, it's the ISIS flag. No, it's just the McDonald's. Donald's flag or Or, you know, just a baba booey flag. I don't know. Or it's a big, a big dick. A big cartoon dick. I can do better than that.

What would it be? It would just be, maybe it just, like, it's the Kump logo. Yeah, it's a, sure. That actually looks more like the ISIS right there. People would just think this is like, honestly, like, we might accidentally become wrapped up in some fascist oversdress. No, Kump will definitely become.

I'm like a chapter of the K, the KKK. What? Don't say that. That's terrible. There was, there was, look, I don't, I think it'll get appropriated. I was on the verge of whimsy there, but you just threw it right over the edge. This is terrible. I'm saying, you're, I don't want that.

Oh, my God. It would be horrible. So you have to keep things in a whimsical, it's like a railroad car. I fell off the tightrope on that one. I fell off the tightrope on that one, babe. Don't say that word. I don't know. Or those letters.

No, I mean, it's fine. I disagree. I disagree. It'll become a chapter in that awful organization. But, you know, you're entitled to your opinion. It's fine. We're in a pluralistic society. So I'm just saying, like a stunt, like a nice, what if I...

A wholesome stunt. What if I ran around New York City to start... wrong skittles as hard as I can in people's face. There's a whole bag. But you got a bag of skittles. And they get sponsored by skittles, maybe. And then I don't know. I'm yelling, I got a gun.

See, now that sounds like an Antifa thing. They don't have skittles. They just knock over, like, you know, newspaper stands. They throw sweet treats at people. That's their whole thing. Oh, the milkshakes? Oh, you're right, actually. I'm throwing a whole, like, look, if I was throwing a handful of skittles at your head,

and we all eat them off the floor of pig. that's their move I'm I'm keeping them in the bags you get you know at the end of it you get to keep but you look at it like what the fuck that's nice you go I don't look at the sealed bag I mean it could be worse you know it's a tropical fruit I haven't had these in years uh skittles I don't I mean they're fine but they're a little sweet for my taste but uh if someone threw my head well if I just throwing skittles screaming I got a gun but you know but then you get skittles people think It's an active shooter, but it's just a Skiddleboy.

I'm just saying, people always would say during the Trump error that, like, oh, remember when this would be doze? It was just some goofy thing. But now we have fascism on the verge of fascism. Oh, sure. Let's bring it back. Let's bring. I'll get a boombox and just start, you know, doing dance parties in the middle of a police precinct. And it was, you know, I don't know.

Yeah. Me halfway here. Help me out here. Come on. Help me out here. It leaves me out of the dry here. I know. I'm not.

That's a terrible one. Please, please. It's not fun. Go break, dance for. I can't do any of this. I don't leave my house. I'm just like,

I need a wheelchair. I just roll around a wheelchair, like, you know, just, I don't know. Drinking beer. Drinking beer. Just being a pig. I don't know.

I got nothing in this. I don't know. You want to hear about the, being a drunk in a wheelchair that's my whole that's my stunt i'm a drunk in a wheelchair what's it mean i don't know are you are attacking people in wheelchairs probably not yeah sure um what's this you who are you showing me who is that guy it's a lady so fucking old it's a lady what the fuck is this this is the i wish we could show this right now the oldest person i'm sharing the I don't want to be mean.

But it looks like a fucking like silly potty. This is what you look like when you're 117 years old. I would know. I'm not. This is why you showing me as old person? Because they survived. They're the oldest person in Europe and she survived COVID. Oldest person in Europe.

Yeah. She's 117. You got to do the math, right? How long ago was World War II? Less than 112 years. Right? she clearly couldn't you I mean

what is she you know she's one of the five people who wasn't collaborating with the Nazis let's hope oh she survived COVID who didn't survive I mean I'm not trying to cast aspersions but I mean like there wasn't a lot of clean hands in the uh where country is she from

she just said Europe doesn't matter Southern France Oh yeah well one of the odds is she uh how so wait she's 117 so 100 years ago would have been uh 20 oh she was like 40 during she could totally have been like you know selling just buying you know stolen gold yeah old enough to know know better during what old enough for what uh yeah i don't know i mean she's just out there like you know I mean, this is a kind of, this is a plot of a movie where it's like, isn't this what happened

with Eichmann, Adolf Eichmann, the famed, uh, the famed, uh, Nazi inventor of the Holocaust. And then these were, Israel went to, the guy in Argentina, they brought them back. They hung them. Maybe, you know, I don't, I'm not got nothing to basis on it. Is there just a random old woman who, I guess, did she have COVID? I mean, look, you're right. Am I attacking a woman who had COVID? Is that what's happening here? Yeah, she survived COVID.

I just in my head thought like she didn't get COVID. I guess that's one way to survive COVID. So she had COVID. All right. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what to make of this now. So I'm just to be scared of COVID. I mean, I'm not saying don't be scared of COVID. This is like, this is why I get, I'm not the guy saying don't worry about COVID.

But like, stop acting like they're the biggest lunatics in the world. Right. I mean, yeah, there's a certain level of randomness you have to accept with this. But like, you know, we're not exactly. Like the amount of things we don't, we don't have nuance about. Why would be nuanced about COVID? 100 look at it she she survived uh an allied prison camp but she and now she survived covid 117 years young uh why why is this story like how long is the article what what's

to talk about like we put something in our lungs we drain the floor it out like how does this go on more than like two sentences she's a nun oh god so she's like a witness to everything she she was deep in it she's a i mean the heart the she was deep in the harsh it seems like the more more it seems to be a correlation with like oh we're finding out that the priest are bad and they did bad stuff and we're going to hopefully stop them and more and less and less nuns what's the connection there i think there's nothing there's nothing left for them to do right what were the nuns doing during that whole uh 50 hundred years of it seems to me that it's like if you were involved in the Catholic Church in Europe like during

World War II and you're an old person now and there aren't like dozens of children who like give speeches about you and cry about you right then you were a terrible person I mean the very least a child has to like look you could be you could be innocent but there's got to be like dozens of children who like are perplexed how you could be right right like how could she not know i did i really didn't i'm sorry i i i i know but how it's possible every single people no one they're all fucking me you you're the only one i was the only one i was the only one i'm fucking you yeah that's so crazy i know it's crazy i'm sorry if i was in your shoes i wouldn't believe me either but i'm just telling you it's true i i'm the only one she probably save kids

from the holocausts they come to another country and get fucked by priests oh god we're just making a lot of assumptions here wild wild assumptions about perhaps a lovely mazeltoff to her all right let's just get that out of the way we're happy that she's okay we don't you know none of this is is true probably if it if happens to be true that's just coincidence an educated guess maybe educated guess we're not the ones you know yeah no I'm just saying like you know if it turns out that she collaborated and then like you know this stuff I mean, like, I wouldn't be surprised, but I have no reason to believe. I have no reason to know that.

Just say. It's not true because we say it's true. If it's true, it's because there's lots of documentation about it that's being hidden. Oh, you guys are in the United States. It's only 25% of priests who fuck. Only a quarter of, okay. All right. It's only 33.6% of all active priests.

Everyone left to the child more than once. 60% have you included one one time. But it's not all of them. Again, these numbers are all, you know, highly spurious probably. But I mean, I just look, this is what we found. It's like when you find a rat in New York City, you know what that means? You find a rat in your kitchen? What's that mean?

He's got 10,000 rats in your wall. Just eating dicks, eating, they're cutting dicks off people, eating them in their walls. leaving half a dick in your wall you don't know what's going on i'm just saying like you know so oh you found this many priests and this many collaborators in a covert hospital how many um well you know glad she's okay i guess i mean what she did what is she still a nun no i think she that she's retired do you retire from being a nun i guess so because you know uh you in a certain age you can't pick a kid up They're small, but still, it's like, you know, they're frail, the spines curve and they can't, like, you would think they'd be able to pick up a, you know, 30-pound kid, but it's, it's, it's joints aren't what they used to be.

Uh, yeah, so is, is there, does she play bridge? What, like, you know. I think she, uh, what is his article? I never understand how art, why can't articles just be like the onion? Just the headline? Or, like, yeah, a paragraph. Like, what do I need? Like, they was to fill, like,

journals have to fill gaps. I mean, the worst case example is when they do, like, those little slideshow is to get you, like, click on more things. You know, you want to find out, it's always stuff that you kind of want to know, like, do you want to find out the sexual position that Bobby a vampire slayer likes in real life?

And it's like, I mean, I don't, it just sounds interesting. I got me curious And you click and you realize It's a slide show And like fuck this Was it Zergnet

There's a Zergnet things What is a what is the Pope like They're eating with mayonnaise This is why I don't do it Because these are not things I can't think of things I mean there are people Whose job it is to come up with these things

And mine would just be like You know Raspberrys mixed again I'm starting with the word raspberries I don't know what I'm doing here I can't be a journalist. Do you have one? You can get better than me?

Make a great click list. These skeletal remains will show you something amazing about the history of the human species. It's a little lame, but it's actually much better than mine. But you have to be like these skeletal, these skeletal remains will show you you'll be surprised which uh celebrity is uh also inside these skeletal remains which hot young teen celebrity is also a skeleton you think you're ever written by

serial killers if i was a serial killer i mean i would never be i don't respect i talk about it endlessly how i don't respect serial killers i don't you know covet them i don't want to be like them or be their friend but if i was one which i wouldn't be and it only be a serial killers or it was like Or serial killing, like, you know, Olympic athlete. I mean, I must say it because now Olympic athlete is going to, you know, attack and it's going to be going to blame me. But someone formidable. Whatever. Point is, if I was, I would just, I would make listicles about the people that killed.

How does he get this information? Yeah. I wonder what a guy from McDonald's is now a dumpster in your McDonald's. And you click it. I'm making a ton of my mom. money off these clicks. I get the check at the end of the month. I find that's one of like $100.

And I went viral. Right. So many people clicked my listicle. And like the people, they do it for no money. This gig economy, they call it. It's for the birds.

Fucking waste of all the time killing McDonald's boys. Fucking blame him the dumpster right next. I should have buried him somewhere better. But like McDonald's, I needed that headline in a dumpster near McDonald's. It sounds interesting. Right.

ties it together But yeah Now it seems lame because I'm realizing This McDonald's employee He heard a strange noise outside of his McDonald's Where he worked at And when he went outside something amazing happened Find out

Find out Find out which kind of sauce This McDonald's employee in a dumpster Didn't give a guy Without charging them extra Find out Find out which I'm trying to find out how many

Barbecue sauces this guy died over Why this guy died over? Find out Why this guy should have just fucking Kept his head down and giving someone a little sauce they wanted. Just fucking know.

Why didn't want to... Why got to be a problem? Oh, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't kill someone over sauce. No. Is that a good sauce? Sweet and sours is shit. Many of you.

got killed over sauce and it wasn't even good find out find out which sauce that turned out to be kind of mediocre this guy who died for to protect what you buy the sauce yourself does this make any sense yes I mean maybe I don't know but find out how how many times this guy said I'm going to call my manager for I fucking right through a rocket

I mean at a certain point I mean why have I not caught yet I was younger at this guy about sauce all day and then he ends up dead and like I'm still making

wisticles no one's at my door right the cops like not going to oh I got this is listicle what I learned about policing

underserved communities but killing multiple McDonald's workers. Oh, man, don't do this. Don't do it. It's not good. They don't deserve that. No.

No one does. At least of all, well, not least of all, but they don't. I mean, not least of all. I mean,

there's probably someone less deserving of, it's a weird thing to say. Least of all them. Well, the least of all, probably some, you know.

Baby with. With a fucking sword. Yeah. A baby with a sword. It has a hold of sword. It's really cool, right? right yeah it is cool i don't even like babies usually but this baby's kind of cool don't let anything bad happen to that baby i didn't have a baby killed someone that was sword yeah and there was

video of it i mean look why can't the internet ever make something good like a baby just killing someone with it didn't they do that actually i i i can't imagine they did there was something there was something there was something there was an adult i think but an adult killed someone with a sword that's very different from a baby killing someone because he was like 18 I think he was like a nerd

so he's basically a baby yeah no but it would be kind of cool as he a baby with his own sword and just stabbing people imagine that the case didn't get solved and that was just you know

the baby went around burglaring this episode's kind of weird it is pretty weird you know next topic Next topic You want to talk about this lie in the water thing

Let's just make this a gallery of horrors Yeah you were telling you refresh my memory What is this? There was a cyber attack in this Florida town Where a hacker hacked into a water treatment facility And basically I guess there's like a dial for like how much, you know, essentially lie you can put into the water. And I guess there's like a certain amount they use to like adjust the acidity.

But I guess the dial goes all the way up to like 10,000 parts per million, which is poison. Like beyond poisonous. Right. And this hacker managed to like turn it up to like 10,000 parts per million. Why are you assuming it's a hacker in Florida and not just like some like some drunk idiot in Florida who like stumbled into the water plant? kick kicked the fucking thing he thought there was a golden side of it you buy meth

just kicked a drink everything in Florida every trauma like this must be some woman's just splayed out dead in the street the cops like must be a hacker those hackers are really going going to town on us just fucking

just a bunch of people with their arms cut off by some El Salvador and fucking mom all these hackers cyber techs everywhere I'd say it wouldn't be a Salvador Maybe more Cuban I don't know

In the 80s they had a lot of Cuban violence Right Was cocaine cowboys Where was it Colombia? I can't keep track No it's Columbia maybe I don't know There's my you know

Florida in the 80s was very violent If you watch Netflix You know They tell you about it But apparently now it's all cyber attacks Yeah Because you know They apparently now

No one's fighting over cocaine They're just hooking up poison to dials for no reason. It's like, why does it go up that far? Why don't you just have a guy whose job it is to put the pellets of lye into the water? Why are we automating everything in this fucking country? What's the point of this? I mean, oh, we'll save, how much you pay that? The guy would get paid like $8 an hour anyway.

Like, I'm just working. At a certain point, it's just like it's not saving us money. Yeah, I mean, it's like, What is, like, the situation where you're like, well, look, we should be able to poison the water. Some fucking, the mayor of this dump town, his kids probably, like, you know, you got out of prison early on a web programming, you know, like, program. He's like, oh, if he goes to a community college with web programming, the judge will let him out early.

So he fucking designed the towns. Like, I can make a fucking program to, you know, put the blind in the water. What? Why would you do that? I don't know. Everything else has programs already. I mean, you already have a program for the stoplights. I don't want you making a stoplight program.

You're out of prison. You're prejudiced against prisoners. Whatever. You mentioned waiting here before you program the stoplights. You fuck you, dad. Anyway, why don't you, let you say, hey, here's something. Why don't you fucking make the poison, the poison dial for the water? give it a website

The mayor wanted to lock it on his phone I don't feel like I have to go to the fucking water plant To fucking put it I mean it's not like he'd be putting the pellets in right There's always some scumbag He didn't want to leave the dog track Because he's like oh like he had to like leave twice a day From the dog you know where they race dogs

And make dogs race each other until they die This guy was like Even though I'm here I'm accompanied On the town's dime I should be working But I'm just Betting on dogs

But I gotta leave twice a day To put pellets of lying to the water I wish someone just make a fucking Website Like a fucking And he was drinking with the mayor one day He was just dude The mayor was at the dog track

And it was like I wish I'm going to make a fucking pellet You know my son's got out of jail Maybe you can make a pellet website for you To put these poison pellets of the water And then someone inexplicably hacked it So it hacked the poison pellet machine The fuck is wrong with us

Why are we alive? I don't know, yeah How are we not all dead Under these circumstances The dumbest country in the world We should be eating poison I don't know. Did they find out who did it?

I don't think they found out who did it. Find the guy. I find the kids. I was going to fight with his dad. Right. The mayor was molesting. I don't know. I mean, these are all imaginary people, right?

I can say that. Sure, yeah. The mayor was molesting the pellet website boy who's his son. And he got back in him by like hitting the release poison button. I build a backdoor into my poison website. Why is it up to the internet? Why is everything on the fucking internet? What is this data?

What are they going to do with all this data? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know why that, I don't know why any part of that function is available to anyone. I don't know why, like, who, like, we buy, like, fucking pizza and fucking soda and don't, donuts and occasionally, like, stocks that, you know, don't make money. And, like, and what, who's, who's advertising? Who's getting all this money to advertise to me with data? Who's stealing my data?

What are you going to do with my data? Like, sell me fucking different pizza? What's the end game here? What is all of this? Like, it's like, oh, they're going to get all your day. Everyone's, like, everyone's all these fucking pocket going, they're stealing your fucking data off your phone. Like, what's it?

I mean, I got a fucking coupon for, like, you know, Dunkin' Donuts. What's the difference? What's anyone going to do? Like, take my identity? Who's going to want my identity? Sure. Fucking poison pellet boys are going to fucking... Yeah, maybe just like...

Maybe we should just start with, like, removing the kill-us-all button on some of our robots. And then we can figure out, like, how to keep people from selling your pizza. No, I think that's... I think that can wait. The likelihood of that happening twice is just, like, who's going to hack the poison?

button twice I mean people would talk about like fucking oh these hacker kids could get into the power grid like we'll take the power grid off the fucking internet like for some reason we decided that like all our technology has to play by like you know teen action movie rules if if someone can't just stumble into this randomly what's the fun what's like all the internet like you get you hack into the Pentagon Pentagon it's on the internet it's like some Cypranette thing it's like on different internet. Yeah.

You're not going to hack me. I guess you could find some way if you're like, you know, military power. But, uh, yeah, that kid, the fucking, you know, the prison kid with a poison pal, he's not hacking into the Pentagon. He doesn't even know it's different intranet and his docks and that. I don't know the fuck it is. I mean, he's just, he's fucking, he's, he's just trying to steal from the mayor, who's his dad. Um, I don't know what we're talking about here.

You've created an interesting backstory for a villain here. I'd love to find this kid and just, you know, put him back in jail. Now that guy deserves to be in jail. Yeah, look, not everyone, not everyone, not the Innocon's project doesn't need to help everyone. This kid just, we let this kid out and you fucking poison the water. It's enough. All right. This has been fun.

Yeah. Has it been coherent? I don't know. I'm sure some parts of it make sense. It's great as what you signed up for. This is why you come. I think this is a. classic cump this might be the best one ever yeah i mean the fact that i'm like sitting there

i don't know it's like people know this is this is this is this is your put we're gonna put bowls of cherries in your mouth and make you the king i'm gonna get all right um sign up for the patreon to get an extra episode every week if you can't type my name and just go to my twitter go to my instagram or go where you are now when you're the pie listening you're listening this you're watching it the links are there he's click it people keep messaging me i'm like i'm like thank you for messaging me I don't know what to say, though. Like, oh, yeah, really, they probably are trying to fuck me, aren't they? We should, we should band together.

Are you with me? Let's go, let's go fucking hack the mayor. I don't know. Yeah, how come none of you black cat hackers can help us out with this one? They'll probably, you, now we're going to get hacked. And you ask for black hat hackers do anything. You always the last person to ask a hacker publicly for something? Trump.

During, within 2016, like, well, the hackers release some documents. And that guy had four years of, of grief over it. Right. The one is black hat, stop as black hat hackers to do stuff with our podcast.

It's a problem. Anyway, you meant well. It's fine. Yeah. Yes, it's a sign for the Patreon. I get an extra episode

every week. It's great. I mean, really is great. It's great. Next week we should be back to Sundays. Whatever.

I mean, I mean, whatever, but I'm just saying, like, I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to sever my, like,

femoral artery and in, you know, contrition. Where can be able to find you? Oh, you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at the Steinbag. That's great. Yeah. Follower. See, fuck, follower.

And have a great week. We'll see you again Sunday. Yes. Enjoy. Thank you.