Kump - 67 - Jar of Kump

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

Ray and Lucie talk about Ray's healthy fear of the outside world, his new frozen food obsession, and how they would handle being a teacher.

Hello and welcome to Kump. We're back. It is, I don't know, sometime on a Sunday night. Target has screwed me. I, well, I, I use Target to, uh, the delivery app. You pay an exorbitant amount of money in my opinion to, to get things delivered from Target. I tip these people well, uh, these people who actually bring the items.

We got to spend $10 as a fee to this weird company that organizes these people. Whatever. It's an Uber for people who scrounge around Target get money. stuff that's why i i just find people and just giving them i'll give i was giving that money but i for no reason today i ordered we went for a nice walk uh around the neighborhood i'm a walking machine i just walk now and uh i said i'll just i'll order this my my stuff from target and i kept getting messages like i'll be back you know right the time we get back i can get messages we're going to have to push it back an hour

we're going to push your order back an hour an hour an hour and eventually we're canceling it so I have not gotten my items from Target every every message saying we're going to push it back an hour with a dagger in your heart I am enraged I don't know what to do I had a lot of stuff coming

my sodas nice rolls to accompany my frozen foods Did you get any more frozen food? I don't get any more Don't start with that I'm not get any more frozen food

I'm going to say you're getting a little obsessive about it Look for a long time I would order chicken fresh chicken chicken thighs chicken legs chicken breasts and what that wasn't that wasn't an insinuation no it wasn't it didn't feel like suggestive it

just felt like you turned to me going like you can relate to that right well you have i mean you have breast sure yeah i don't think of chicken breasts your breast or vice versa i don't know where that's coming from look i'm not the world's am i not the world's greatest feminist i thought i might be uh and it would go bad because we wouldn't eat it because we forget it's in the fridge and it spoils and it goes rotten and just then we're eating rancid chicken and we're getting food poisoning and i've solved that problem by just buying frozen food i have frozen meat i have frozen sides frozen vegetables even everything goes in the air fryer problem solved i'm living like a king dinner's ready in 15 minutes

And it's perfect. And all you do is go, we don't have enough room in the freezer. I don't say the freezer has its limits. We hadn't used the freezer since we moved in barely. Just to keep ice cubes for our whiskey. Well, basically, yeah, well, we didn't use it because it's a weak door. So it would swing open in the middle of the night. Well, who fixed that?

Can I eat this fish? Can I eat this fish? Is it going to kill me now? What fish? It was a big mystery. The fish is fine. I eat the fish patties. You,

you, I'm taking your word for it that the, the salmon burgers that I bought went bad. You said it didn't smell good. I said, throw it out. That's how I roll. I don't,

I don't sit around going, let's just, you know, figure out a, you know, a risk reward scenario. And like, how much did it cost?

Let's prorate this. I said throw it out. Like a king. Like a dirty, like a dumpster king. And you're just, and you can't stop talking about, why is there so much frozen food? But you like the bean and rice and bean burrito, don't you? I did.

I really enjoyed that. You put that in the air fryer. You're eating a burrito in like 15 minutes. Yeah, that's true. You like that, uh, you like those black bean patty burgers. Enjoy that. You have that in a nice treat and I don't see you complaining. But, oh, where are we going to fit it all?

We'll make it fit We're like Noah's Ark over here I need you to support me I mean this needs to I might go vegan Really? I don't know I'm eating these garden burgers I mean most of I have the bubble burgers

But then I eat those And I kind of feel like I eat a burger But I eat a garden burger Some kind of vegetable Soy mangled disc.

Yeah. And I just feel like I ate nothing. It's filling, but like I might be a, I might be an herbivore. Maybe it's why, maybe it's all my problems. I'm not, I should be a, at least a veggie. Why is no vegetarian anymore? It's always vegan shit. I want cheese on my, on my vegetable burger.

Look, I'll be honest. I think that like, I, I've, I've been vegan before. I've been vegetarian before. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if it's what you need, like, to feel like, like, I feel like you, you've done keto for extraordinary amounts of time. It shows.

It paid off. Are you just, are you just calling me a pig? No. I don't know if you need to be a vegetarian. Just stop being such a fat, slothed pig. Just a gluttonous fucking animal. Yeah. I'm just saying it seems.

Eat some meat in moderation, you whore pig. I'm saying I'm being vulnerable here. I'm saying maybe my toxic masculine mentality has been fueled by, you know, Bubba burgers, Bubba burgers. I finally said it right. Bub burgers. Yeah. Bub burger.

It's the type of burger you get in the freezer section and you put in the air fryer and it's fine. It's not that good. I'm not saying. It's like, you know, And honestly, these garden burgers, I'm eating them. They taste like McDonald's burgers. I'm feeling like a McDonald's.

I don't know if they're going to, like, sue me for slander or put a bullet in my fat head. But I don't know. Maybe they're putting some rice into the patties. Sure. I don't know. No, I could see it being like, you know, 25% that. But, you know, just because it's cheaper, I would assume. Yeah.

Than the dog food that he usually use. and my dog really mean dog I mean would dog be bad meat Probably not Probably was So gay me I would assume it depends on the dog Is eating your own shit

I think anything could Dogs eat your own shit right I think anything could be a good meat If it's if it's raised to be plump or something Well sure but no one's doing that And when people try to do that We slander them And we call them

I mean I look I think you know the stigma of anyone who eats dog especially in his new climate right i don't even want to say it but there's a lot of stigma it's stereotypes i don't even know if we're true or not but it might come from somewhere and if they do eat dog it's fine i don't think it's a probably why why would that be especially if there's a food shortage in certain places why are we going after people who are eating dog if they do eat dog let them Yeah. Embrace it.

Yeah. We wheel up. We embrace everything in the world. Every whim everyone has. I'm all about it. Oh, this is. I'm this now. Okay.

I don't mean trans or anything like that. I'm going about like, I'm a, you know, just this weird, flighty, whatever. I don't even want, what can I attack safely without being? I'm just saying, why is the last bastion people who, like, who are already maybe and he needs some food and we're like, don't kill the dog. Like, I'm just, I love dogs, but they don't like dogs and they're going to eat the dog. Sure. I don't know.

It just seems like don't accuse people of eating dogs. Sure. But if they do want to, let them eat the dog. I don't know if anyone wants to. You don't know who I'm talking about. But based on context, we can assume it's the Germans. I'm just saying. Yeah, I think that's fair.

Let people eat the dogs or just set all the animals free. Unless, let them do what they want to. Right, so I can get, I can get fucking killed by a walrus. No, we're not, we're not, how about we set the people free first? How about we fucking empty some of these prisons of people who just smoke a little journey? Oh, no, put the walrus in the pasture and let it fight the fat man. this is a whole series of choices that are out of sequence

it's no good let the people go why do you assume that if we liberated walruses they would immediately start fighting men because they could tell I don't respect them and they would just vibe off that and they come after me and they have those tusks right nah don't like it

Hey, Walrus, you ain't going to, no one's letting you out. No one's, no one, I was looking at the wall for some reason. I'm looking at the camera now. No one's letting you out of the cage, Walrus. Are you in a cage? I'm going to let people out of prison first. Private prisons, let's close them down. I don't know Obama closed them down.

Why are there still private prisons? I'm not putting it all on him, but I'm just saying, I think you just had federal something. Wouldn't, but I didn't know that worked. But I think it was mostly Clinton, right? Where the private prisons came into play a lot Well, I mean, then it was Bush Well, Bush did, yeah, Bush definitely did things too. Look, I mean, we can't just go around going

Clinton was responsible for everyone Everyone was on board Everyone liked it, everyone was like Clinton's the bad But you can't blame everything on Clinton Everyone's like Clinton did this to the crime bill And he did and that, but you can't We were all like, blowjub city, yeah, our economy's good. We got a tech bubble.

It's never going to burst yet. Excuse me. And then we had this retroactive assault on Clinton. Look, I get it, that guy showed his dick to 1,500 women. Stop it. I'm just saying, but everyone, you attack everyone. Are you talking about Anthony Wiener? No, Clinton.

Oh, he showed his, he showed his dick to 1,500 people? I mean, 8 or 10? Oh, man. A lot. That is a lot. 10's more than it should be, so don't give him shit because I said 1,500. All right, I'm using clever hyperbole or whatever have you. I'm just saying when everyone's like,

this guy has a great economy, we miss Bill Clinton. and then we realized, oh, this prison thing was a, you know, a tragedy of humanity, look inward. You know, go after everyone who was celebrating the great man Clinton, right? Sure. Oh, Bill Clinton was the problem. Yeah, I don't remember you, you know, going after the crime mill back. Shut up. Let's fix it.

you can't just shit on Hillary and Bill all day. This is interesting because some people would be like, look, you villainize the person who had the power, not the people who supported them generally. And then other people are like, no, no, Trump supporters are just as guilty as for supporting Trump. And you're saying, yeah, and then also the other half are all that.

So I just put everybody in America. Well, I don't know what this is like, this is the thing when people were like, what are we going to do, Trump supporters, I mean, are we going to accept them with open arms back into the polite fold? What are you going to kill him? Right. What's your alternative to anything?

Like, I'm not saying you should, but you guys are talking as if, like, should we not pit him with the pitchfork in the face? Should we not put him in the bottomless pit? Like, there's no thing where it's like, we're going to, it's just like, oh, should we, should these people be allowed to, to what, live? I don't know what, like, I'm not saying that, like, things should be excused or not. It is sort of suggestive where it's like, it has the tone of like, I was like, should we, should we maybe kill them and people are like, no. There was like, okay, I was just, I mean, I was asking. Yeah, I mean, I would respect the question at least more than like, sure these people be allowed to just go back to being people.

Yeah, I don't know. Well, what, what's the, what other ideas you have? What's the alternative to that? Are we spitballing here? What are you got? Do we turn them into birds? Do we have the technology to turn them into pigeons? Because maybe I'm not saying we'll do that, but

is that something we might want to vote on? I don't know. But no, it's just like these open-ended questions. See, say to me, put everyone in the case. No, I'm like, Bill Clinton is not under, uh, I mean, the whole time everyone shitted on Clinton, do it. But that being said, like, there's no one's broached it. Should we arrest them?

No, I'm saying that. So what are you saying? Yeah. Well, arrest them? No, no, I'm just saying you can't, yeah, you should. First of all, I'm really talking about the entire political apparatus that support them. And yeah, everyone was on board. So how about we go, how about we try to pretend like this is a republic or whatever we call it?

A confederated democracy? What is this shit? A constitutional, uh, fucking dystopia. Is that what the founders intended? Just a fucking, a meat, a meat grinding walrus cock of a, of a political system. A bifurcated dick. I don't know. I don't know.

I'm just, I don't know how we got into Clinton here. I was talking about frozen food, I thought. And becoming a vegetarian. Yeah. So the question I'm asking is, should Ray come just be allowed to get away with stuffing the freezer full of frozen food? You love, you love it when I put the frozen cherries in your mouth. Can he be accepted back into the fold after doing that? Look, I admit that, you know, we had trouble fitting some of the frozen food.

The plant-based nuggets and the plant-based sauce. Which is called Morning Star, which is like a term for the devil, I thought. Isn't Morning Star Lucifer? I believe Lucifer is the morning star. The fallen angel who turned into the devil. But we, but they also make our plant-based sausage. What's going on? The morning star.

Oh, you're right. I think that is true. Yes. That's got to be a secret message. Yes. To just suck our sausage. Dick. Suck our fake sausage dicks.

The devil's every, look, I don't know. I mean, I love the idea. Who's that guy that you're always talking about? He was like the Satanist who's supposedly in charge of everything? Let's not. We all know.

The people who want to know, no. Let's not court more. We're fine. I'm just saying, we don't need to get into that. The naming more names. The names have been men. We don't need to bring.

That's not what we moved away from all that. I'm just saying Satan, satanic pedophiles, like, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, yeah, I don't know. It's a good point because the Catholic Church are famous Satanists. I mean, what are we doing? The Boy Scouts of America, famous Satanists. I don't know. I mean, I think it's weird.

I think it's weird that the plant-based sausage has the name of the devil. But, like, if you're asking me, who am I afraid is going to fuck my kid? Yeah, them, a little bit them. But, like, also, you know, everyone that works in a theme park or church or, uh, I, I know that. I wonder if the Boy Scouts have a ton of a, this is enough, right? I never got touched or anything up as an Eagle Scout. I don't know anyone. Or maybe I do.

You know, that's how it works. I was an older boy. Maybe I knew plenty. sure no one told me no one confided in you no who would if you had that secret would you would you tell me a little fat ray ray ray well i'm wearing my fucking no fear beanie thing yeah it was i call it b it was like you remember no fear the brand no fear i don't know what it represents but there's a single i think it started out with like an extreme sport thing I had plenty of fear.

I was afraid of fucking, you know, you know, being attracted to men and saying prayers to myself, you know, neuronically as a kid. That's probably what you would have done if a kid told you they were molested. Right. You'd been like, get on your knees and pray with me.

But just repeat your no venus with me. Also, based on that other thing you told me about, maybe you would have just been like, you probably would have just, maybe you would have brought the kid home and just, just, I'm not, what are you talking about them? You're not molested him.

Guilted your parents into like, into letting him live there. Oh, yeah. This kid has been molested. Yeah. Take him. He's yours now. I wash my hands of this.

I'll see you at dinner. Yeah, I tried. I mean, I don't want to slander people here. But yeah, I might have been a little eager to bring every stray, you know, person,

socioeconomic person in my life to live with us. And that was rebuffed. And in hindsight, yeah it wasn't a bad rebuffing sure i don't know if in hindsight i would have taken uh look not you can't just let everyone live with you it's not the but if a kid was being molested yeah maybe maybe i'm like hey why don't you come over here they don't molest me i mean i can't make any problem i'm pretty sure they won't molest you because they don't molest me i'm being totally

objective here i mean if i being subjective they definitely won't but like you wouldn't have thought that priest would molest you. Sure. And he did. So, like, I'm just being abstractly objective here going, I dealt with him. They're good people, in my opinion. But, you know, but they haven't,

they haven't demonstrated, you know, a willingness to do that. Because you can't, that's the interview. You can't just be like, well, they're my parents. They won't molest them. I mean, you can use that in your head. But, like, you know, it's just, I'm trying to be rational here.

I'm trying to be a logical person here. So I'm not going to just be like, I guarantee you won't get molested. There's a good chance he won't. But, I mean, he's only, because the worst thing in the world, the worst thing in the world is to make that promise to a young child, even if you're a young child, then you're a young child to make a promise for another young child. You definitely won't.

It's going to be totally fun. And then he does. It would never happen. I know it would never happen. Like, I'm not insinuating, but just, just, but you have to be very careful with the trust of a child, even if you're a child. Even if you're a fellow child, just don't, don't abuse.

the trust of victims so you don't ever just like imagine me a cop of being like don't worry we're going to catch your rapist we're going to shoot him in the balls we got this and then he like raped you again you imagine that I mean how how how how shattering would that be sure terrible so like you would never want to promise to catch the guy no but to be you know to be fair if you said hey, if you even said to a kid in that situation, your chances are 50-50 here, that's still better than the other place where it's 100%

right? I guess. Yeah. No, well, he's living the church. I mean, that's the thing, though, it's like I thought we were assuming the church molest of him. Oh, sure, yeah. Come live with me. No, my parents didn't molest me. Well, come with you. Your parents let this happen. Your parents, my parents

will keep you in a cage. You'll never get touched. I mean, this is like the two, when we're growing up, this is the 20th century. I mean, maybe at some point in history, there were just like little church rat children running around and they lived in churches. Oh, sure. In the belfry. I don't know. I don't like calling them rats just because they got molested.

No, not because they got molested because they live in the belfry. Ah, right. Okay. Okay. I'm only thinking of them cruelly because they were, they probably were born into poverty. They're probably pickpockets. all kids are pickpockets that's my theory um but yeah i mean sausage-based plants um your mind has gone to some plant-based sausage i mean you said you want to get

do you still have some thoughts on morning star what do you still have some thoughts on morning store i mean basically when i just said though i imagine a sausage-based plant that would be even better i mean i'll throw my veganism away I think that would still technically be vegan, though. I mean, I don't know. If you splice sausage into a piece of asparagus somehow, like genetically. Could you rewrite? I mean, they do that, right?

They use, don't they use beef hormones inside tomatoes? Yeah. I'm not thinking of beefsteak tomatoes. That's not what I'm talking about. But isn't there a thing with Monsanto where, like, they're putting HGH into the carrots or something? Probably. I don't know. It's a brave new world out there.

I'm starting to eat plants. I'm like a bronthosaurus, perhaps. I don't know. Yeah. It's fun. Your mind has gone to some dark places today. Has it? Yeah.

It is. I've noticed today when we were walking. Right. Oh, sure. That you're pretty much, you're constantly prepared for violent things to happen. Well, I'm very protective of you. Thank you. And myself.

and uh yeah no but like you look you are a like a like a focusing beam so i can feel like i just feel even more focused about like here's what i do if this guy tries to hit word girl tries to hit you uh you know in this case it was a girl well look these these these look when i say this don't get the impression that i wasn't look i'm not saying i couldn't be intimidated by a woman but these You know, petite, uh, young women who have no business intimidating me. Sure. I just wasn't G.I. Jane or Jane Lynch or whatever, you know, it wasn't one in the England from, from Abu Ghrabe fame, you know,

with the one with the butt pyramids and the thumbs up while she's torturing people. Yeah. I mean, I'm not intimidated by her either, but, you know, the same. Yeah, she's actually pretty petite. yeah no i mean i wouldn't let her put you know strip me and but you look i'm not trying to make them feel bad they got guns to their heads and you know these soldiers and i'm not trying to say like that was me i would have fucking done a karate kick i'm just saying objectively she doesn't intimidate i'm sure part of the humiliation was that all things being equal you know they let lindy england

fucking you know after they tied them up and stuff and i'm not saying women can't do that but it's not just cigarette smoking fucking little rat imagine we were canceled on the crowd of being a being sexist because you don't really afraid of winning england sexist against torturers yeah i'm just saying you know strength in numbers or whatever the fuck but if i saw lind England in the street i'm out like being like don't put me a naked pyramid no i'm like i'm just going to be like don't put me a naked pyramid bitch if you don't even fucking think about it don't even try i know you're a deal you just want you Yeah, torture.

Should I see bitch? You can call her. I think you could, I think you should be able to call her a bit. You bitch. I can only speak for myself, but I think they're going to clip that and play it over and over. Are you calling her a bit? No woman should be called a bitch by this fat brontosaurus. You're going to be the origin for her rehabilitation in society.

She's going to come out and do interviews about how you were mean to her. This is like dialectics. This is like Marxism or something What's my point? Oh, so the, but yeah, but I, if I'm putting myself in your head, girls who might be intimidating to you or could be, because you don't know karate or whatever, you don't, you weren't a high school wrestler.

Look, all I'm, you, you were in place in high school. Yeah, the theater kid. Yeah, you were a theater kid. Yeah, do the camera. They love that. That's just so good at that. So I'm just saying. and they were walking perpendicular to us

and the crosswalk of the street and it just occurred to me and it was very vivid that this girl to be clear this little blonde girl of a skateboard would just kind of palm punch you

and then I just envision as you was skating by yeah but just to be a brat but it hurt you to be clear it was not like a five year old like pushing you and I'm kicking a five year old in the head it's not what this is it would hurt you and then i thought like should i hurt

i mean i don't even want to say it but like should i should i retaliate physically against the skater girl to protect you yeah to protect me i was saying like look i don't need some clip of me going should i punch the woman that's not what i'm asking yeah sure but i was but i was like look i think in that situation it's such a bizarre situation that I don't think anyone would blame you for retaliating. Yeah. Like, I would probably go, I mean, I'm not going to start kicking her, like, you know, like fucking De Niro in the Irishman, like that CG De Niro.

It's fucking, or he wasn't CG as a problem. He was just, 80-year-old man just, you can't see my legs, but I'm just going to stomping on the guy, like an 80-year-old man would. He was supposed to be 20. I wouldn't be doing that. I just, I would just react and like, you know, just, I'm not going to say what I would say. It's too fraught out there, and I would never hit a woman.

But, yeah. And I don't think people would blame me for what you're thinking of, but like, but my thing was more just that you would think that. Well, I'm just, that you would think that would happen. I'm always, I'm always like, well, this guy comes at me. And then I do I gouge it in the eyes? I mean, this is not the way of a seasoned, fighter thinks like a tough guy from boston who fights all the time they're like you know they scrap

i think he's indicative of a guy who's you know not willing to get you know molested by priest for instance but isn't necessarily the best fighter to go i just don't count him in the eyes i don't know i mean like but he's getting close of a big guy he getting close with you tapping your hand is a signal no okay like stop talking about gouging I'm just saying you getting close I start biting you It's like it's just like You can't just push me away

If you know Jiu-Jitsu I'm sure just moves against fat men Like here's what you do against a fat man Who's trying to bite you A simple windmill motion And then you Into his fat You start jiggling it

And he'll just come And then you fall down And fall asleep And you kick him Until he's dead When he's weak and satisfying that's when you strike like a panther

I'm just look it was interesting to me to see in action because you know I have my own there was no action no just the thought process because like I is like because you ask you about it in the moment I was like I have I feel like I'm a relatively anxious person I have anxieties like I worry about like buses

hitting me and that's why I feel like you'll seize up in a fight and all this stuff but Um, but one thing I've never viewed to be a threat is like vigilante skater girls. All right. Well, look, I mean, look, I modulate. It's not a plausible threat. I also thought about just two men in front of the deli or bodega, whatever it's called. Uh, but I didn't bother asking you if I should.

Of course. I'm just saying that one I asked your opinion on because like, should I do anything here? Should I let you get smacked for the skater girl? As a feminist. Look, it might be my responsibility to. retaliate against the skater girl i'm not going to let her keep hitting you what do you think how how much do you think i just endure until like until i started fighting back physically what if you what if you were flailing around and getting hit what if you would if you were just

nice look i would what if you didn't even put your hands up but you were like nah don't hit me but like your hands were on your sides look i might react that way if if a man was attacking me You need to put your hand at your sides? No, no, not to, but I might be frazzled enough to not fight back. Okay. But like, but a woman, come on, come on. Should I get a woman to attack you to try and, like, let's test your capabilities? I'm going to, I'm going to try to handle that one on my own.

Well, maybe we'll arrange something. Yeah. We'll get, I'll get a woman. Don't stick a random woman on it. You know, random woman, a woman who has restraint, who's a trained fighter, who knows how and not, he's not going to start biting, kicking you like I would. If you were a man. Who's willing to leap from a, from behind a curtain and start beating me?

Or maybe I'm going to roll up on a skateboard. You know, like, look, play the fear part. The thing I'm afraid of. She's on wheels. And then she starts rolling away. And then I can't catch her because she's on a skateboard. I can't catch you. You don't want me to get this woman.

I don't want you to hire. I'm just saying it's kind of like a certification. A professional fighter to attack you. I mean, I'm not going to get like, I'm not going to get like Ronda Rousey, but maybe some second year, you know, uh, karate students. Would she still just, would she still palm me? Yeah, I'll tell her what she's like karate kick me. I'll tell her what to do.

The point of her being trained is that she's not like just some wild card that she is that she follows a, a traditional martial art regimen and, and she had a sense who, I can hold accountable If she does go wild on you I'll just go to that sensei And I'll just shoot myself in front of this dojo And I'll shut it down

I'm just saying Imagine You're taking a kid to be a karate dojo And like you know There's just like that fat The stain On the floor What's going to happen here

And then some other parent whispers That's where the fat guy shot himself You know, like, should I not bring my kid here? Like, look, I wouldn't start out here. My kid likes it here. I tried to get him to go, there's Tiger Shalman's. But he likes it here. But, yeah, no, I wouldn't.

I would leave now. Go to Tiger Shulmans. Don't go, don't make the mistake I made and stay in the doja with a fat man killed himself. And that's, that's a, just sense he's on notice. Sure. Don't, don't, if I hire you or one of your students, keep them in line. Accountability is important. You don't think the sense they might ask, why are you soliciting my students for strange?

I'm going to go to the sensei and arrange it. I'm not going to like go to the student and go, hey, don't listen to your sense. I'm your sense. I got a new training module for you. We're going to hit this girl on the street. when you're a skateboard I don't skateboard well you gotta learn

a ninja learns I don't do ninjasu is that is a thing I didn't know that I thought it just meant anyone could be a ninja no it's a whole

other martial law okay well you're just skateboard hit my girlfriend uh you have a very pink panther approach to stuff's offense never seen that movie

he has the pink panther has his friend and attack him when he walks through the door. Oh. To hone his racist character friend. His friend's racist? No, no. I mean, he has Richard Spencer come out and attack him.

It's the guy from this is England. Peter Sellers is like, Peter Sellers just hanging around the house and then Nathan Damagu from identity of Europe. Richard Spencer's friend just comes out and attacks him. That doesn't seem like it makes any sense. Hmm. Um,

yeah, it doesn't. Okay. I mean, I've seen bits of the thing of answer. Yeah. I think he's out of his Cato. He comes out and he can't.

Let's not bring up the racist. I honestly got what you were going for. And I was trying to gloss over. Let's not bring up the tired racism of the past. Fair enough. Leave it. Leave it where it lie. um you've been showing i've seen the movie 20 times i know exactly what's up well um you've been showing me some

action movies recently that's been fun you're making it sound like i'm showing you porno you're showing me some dirty films yeah i mean look you you surprisingly have a gap in your uh film watching repertoire. Yeah, you just haven't seen a lot of action movie, especially like 90s, action movies. 90s thrillers. Yeah, we watched Intrigue thrillers. We watched in the line of fire with Clint Eastwood.

That was fun. Who famously talks to a chair, an empty chair. But he was great. Look, there was a time when Clint Eastwood was phenomenal. You know, Unforgiven and that, I'm not on fire. John Malcovich is in it. Solid movies. Right?

What else did we watch? Oh, we saw a clear and press. danger? Yeah, slower than you thought. What did you expect that at Clairinibus in danger? Did you think he's going to be like missiles and shooting? I thought it was going to be, yeah, lots of, lots of explosions. Okay.

I thought it was going to be, you know why? Because I thought it was supposed to be like the John Krasinski thing. No, no, it's not anti-Venezueling propaganda. Tom Clancy, when he was alive, would just make these, I mean, you could call him like, you know, war propaganda. I guess, because, you know, he's just like, look at his F-16. We! You know how fast an F-16 can go?

And he kind of glosses over, like, we use this to shoot children part. Or whatever. I mean, I don't think F-16s are typically used to gun-down children. But in this movie, they did. They were. Coincidentally enough. I didn't read the book. I read 100 October when I was in the eighth grade.

It was a surprisingly good, I mean, that's a good book. It was a good book. You know, I liked it. I don't know if it holds up to my, you know, standards today. I don't know if it's as good as Proust, you know, Marcel Proust. Nowadays, it's got to be Proust or nothing. I mean, look, when you've read the first,

when you've listened to the first two hours of remembrance of remembrance of things past, uh, unaudible, you can't go back to Clancy. You can. Well, you, you're just letting me, you let me sink.

He letting that sing to the fact. Me, like, as if I'm just sincerely bragging about it. I mean, it is good though. Marcel, he's considered one of the best, like, one of the finest authors in literature. And I get it. Because even translated from French, it's very, very, something very endearing about it. You know, he's just some French guy. Oh, this Madeline cookie.

And I grew up in a fucking and this girl and this woman and the old lady and my mom's friend. And I remember being a little kid and wanting my mom to tuck me in. And it's like the kind of shit I would just vomit and shit, if I heard. But it's told very nicely. Yeah. You were moved by the cookies. I'm just like, I just am admiring. There's something about the prose.

And if you don't know what prose is, it's just the words. Well, you know what you may. The way it's written. You know what you may have been responding to you? What? The use of the five senses. You can bring this up. But you claim you disobe.

by i hate the five cents it wasn't the five senses five cents the five senses are a hack all right this is like fucking creative writing in like freshman year of high school oh i walked home from the dusty school smelled of all them leaves and the sky had a crisp robinson robin's egg you robin's egg blue color and then I heard the sound of shut the fuck up just tell me the story

what are you doing oh you know what this whorehouse smells like probably come I mean what this fucking look you wouldn't like it you wouldn't like something you definitely would would hate something with the sentence the hor house smelled like come

I mean, oh, God, that might be something That's something that I might write The Whorehouse smells like, come What did you think was happening here? Here's our hero. He's the guy in the whorehouse. Look, I just immediately think of a teacher Going, not enough senses.

I mean, I know, I think anyone giving rules Here's the thing. Teachers are failed. Look. I don't mean all of them, but the kind of guy who would miss you, it's just an invitation to misuse. Like, teach children better.

Give them better. Don't, look, I get the. If you were grading a paper and a kid was describing what his home looked or smelled like. Well, give me a paragraph. I'll close my eyes and listen. I walked into my tiny house My tiny house

Bad writing And smelled the musk of the carpet Underneath my feet Musk isn't even a real thing I heard I heard mother calling I walked up the stairs And felt them creak beneath my feet

Look here's the thing If you heard mother calling Well you just ignored it because like I'm not saying you never talk about senses of course of course I heard mother call on and I said yeah yeah hold up a sec like you know it's just part of the plot but you don't have to take off boxes like like like so many fingers on the hand all right you know it's like I smelled the musk musk is a made-up thing you don't mean anything musk as far as I can tell it means like the way something smells your musk was my

musk just your smell just say my smell I smelled my dad because I knew what he smelled like or just be or be descriptive like you know like I'm just saying like it's also it's so hacked to like use the like if you're going to say use the five senses don't say what the sense is don't say you heard like the click clack of my dad's balls against his leg filled me with the smell of putrid robin's egg blue whatever something i'm just saying that's a good writing you you you you cut words out if you were grading a kid's paper and they were trying to like fit the five senses in there somehow spell them you just write up for the entire paper and bright red just tell the

fucking story really what your story had nothing going on just now i don't know what the fuck it's about you got home and there was musk and then you heard you heard your mom yelling. She's being raped in the other room and I'm just doing nothing. I'm just walking around and smelling musk. It's being raped over there. What is the story? To be fair, I don't think I was making great use of the five senses.

I'm just saying, like, explain to me, is the five cents of something you're supposed to be, like, using all of them all the time? It's insane. I don't even answer to that. It's insanity. It's like, Use the senses that are appropriate to the moment.

Like right now, I'm not smelling anything. That's true. I'm not smelling anything either. Smell is a very, here's the thing. Teachers may not understand science the way I do. Smell is a very, you get used to it. You adapt to it very quickly. So it's a very, it's based on variance.

so if the smell's not changing you ain't smell if you're in the whorehouse all day you ain't smelling to come sweetheart all right so like what this narrator's just being like I've been smelling come all day impossible do you stop smelling the cum so like what are you doing here

it just it just feels like a freshman in high school trying to impress me would come we're in writing not with you know yeah sure or jar i don't know i mean like i'm sure there's probably some freshmen in high school out there go look at this jar i'm like i look first of all i don't want to see anyone's but also you're a minor get out of here what nothing to do with it is it it has to be against the law somehow to look at a jar

of a kid's calm it should be i mean i mean like look i don't know if i'm describing a strange situation like this is like what happens if a girl tricks you into rape but like no i'm just like that doesn't happen and so like maybe Maybe this is an area where, like, the freshman in high school brings, the tricks of me to looking at his jar is a complete, you know, made up problem. But I'm just, but now you've got me on edge going, like, what if he does show me a jar? I'm like, what is that man? Oh, no. So, I mean, but I don't know.

Yeah, I feel like in that moment, if you were living that moment, you'd be legally obligated to grab the jar of come from him and throw it out of window. I'm not touching his come. What? That's your, that's your answer? No, and, like, destroy it. Throw it out of wood. Your answer is to just throw a jar. And what if the come ends up on you?

But this is the crazy. Oh, don't throw it on you. The craziest thing I've ever heard of you. I'm just going to, like, seize this kid. Come in assault. No, not assault the kid. Just take the jar. I mean, what?

I'm the fucking, I'm fucking Jackie Chan in some drunken master movie. I'm just going to take the jar. I'm fucking the Ninja Turtle and the second Ninja Turtle movie with the bells and the mannequin. I'm just going to grab a jar and not touch him at all. And also don't throw it at yourself, throw it away from both of you. There's a lot of variables at play. What if the kid starts resisting, I'm grabbing his kids come down and just resisting and

like all of a sudden it's all this is like, I just picture the judge reading this out from a ticker tape. This is like some court reporter reading this back. Insanity. You're a best scenario with, I mean, well, I'm already admitted. This is probably a fallacious problem to begin with. But your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, are, your,

there's just seize the kid and, like, grab this jar from him. And then you, so you, you're, you know, you're not when possess. of this case jar. I'm not the temptation of it. I threw it out a window. So you took a jar I can't say this from a child and you just destroy it

and you scattered it to the wind. What window? I don't know if there was a window. So the school cart yard is filled with come which might belong to a minor. Like insanity. Well, where's the right? place for you don't deal with that's not your problem you call you call the authorities

you're just kids got a jar come deal with this you're not paid teachers are supposedly underpaid so why are you volunteering to like commit like police action and like and then i don't know like spread his drug which you only maybe it's anthrax come i'm assuming in this scenario this is like a weird trouble you shouldn't even look you i don't understand because the whole idea is like i don't want to see this kid's kind of i don't want to be i this is crazy but in this scenario it's being shown to you against your will yeah so i i run out of the classroom that's what i do you'd run i'd be like i'm getting the fuck out of here this is a problem i don't know like this i'm gonna be missing i mean i i i feel this podcast is going to be misinterpreted but that's

not going to help the kid i don't he's showing me a job what did i'm trying to stay out of prison The fuck is this? Oh, okay. I was imagining you were a teacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a teacher. What's wrong with you? Who are you, Mr. Miyagi?

You're fucking, you, some other mentor? Oh, I'll get through this dangerous minds. What are you talking about? If anything weird happens, if a kid, you run away. You don't fucking, you don't try and, like,

destroy their jar. of bodily fluids? What is going on? I'm telling you, seriously, if this ever comes up, don't do what you just described. That's just right for problems. I don't even know.

Honestly, even being the most generous to you, I don't know how that looks good. Oh, so thank you for doing the appropriate thing, Ms. Steiner, and grabbing the jar from the child and throwing it out the window into the school recess courtyard. That's exactly what we were trained to do. I'm sure of it. The fuck is going on.

No one will be on your side. Best case I'm telling. All of this to say. Best case I'm showing up going like, look, she meant well. I told her not to do it was in the past, but all of us to say, maybe teachers' jobs are a little bit harder

than we're giving them credit for. You're making it harder and yourself. Because I, I don't, I don't know what a teacher would do in this situation, but I'm sure it's better than what I would do. But this is, again, this is, I've already established this is most likely, what is it the men always complain that like, what, what, would have a frame for rape? Right.

Which I'm sure it has happened. Sure. But it's like, it's a red herring, generally. Yeah. I would think so. Yeah. And this is also that. I don't think a lot of.

This is a very fun red hair. It's stressful as hell to me. The idea, I'm afraid now. What are you going to do if a bad apple kid tries to wrap you up in some kind of legal problem? Sure. In my mind, in this scenario, the kid wasn't even trying to do that. It's more just like they're troubled and they don't have a good sense of boundaries. So they're bringing in like that.

But you do? I mean, you're just... So I'm trying to shock. a sense of boundaries into them. I don't know. I think you need to. I need someone who needs to shock some boundaries into you. That'll teach them.

Look. That'll, is there, is there. I don't know. What? I take the drove comfort from him. Don't say it. Don't stop saying it out loud. I throw it out of the window and then I turn.

around it, I'd hand him a book. It'd say, read this instead. Oh, like, when the teachers it to me when I was reading the Buddhist book. Oh, have you ever told that story? I don't know. I was, like, I was being obnoxious in Catholic school one day and reading a book about Buddhism, which I'm not saying, but it's kind of like,

I'll be honest with you. It wasn't because I was a Buddhist. Some guy had a Buddhism book. Maybe he was in the Buddhism. I'm like, yeah, let me peruse this. I'm just reading the Buddhist book conspicuously while I was supposed to be doing work, I think. And this teacher, Maybe we're studying long. It was like fifth grade.

And teacher comes up, but it's kind of a hack and a move. Teacher comes over goes, it has to be a Bible. It goes, why don't you try this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been reading this to me for fucking

eight years at this point. I mean, I'm not saying it's, I'm not saying the Buddhism is better than it. But, you know, I think I've read the Bible a little bit. Let me dabble. Whatever.

He just thought that he was having a really big moment. He thought that was like him sitting backwards in a chair going like, let's rap. Right. You ever do drugs? And he grabs my jar of Come and throws out the window.

I immediately knew my place. And then he goes. I learned boundaries that day. And then he goes, you know who was the greatest rapper, Shakespeare. What? Oh, okay. After he destroys my giraffe com. After he destroys your drug.

Wow. I feel like I feel like I wouldn't even, like, no matter what he said for a good two minutes I just be sitting there like staring at my comel over the fucking school this is bad I shouldn't have brought the jar but now it's all over the place

I'm this is a problem what does this even mean what is life all about and he's just talking like almost like an echo oh shakes Shakespeare you should might come out of the window what are you talking about

why do you just let me read Buddhism um uh yeah so we were talking about the five senses right yeah yeah well yeah i think it's hack i think it's a hack move hack writing uh what do you think of the five senses um well honestly i could take him or leave him well uh uh i mean do you think i could just live off plants I'm sure you could

I feel good after eating a garden burger but I don't know I mean I'm not trying to make a big deal about it like well I feel so much I'm not trying to be the obnoxious new vegetarian you're not a vegetarian at all we just ate at McDonald's hamburger well I needed the coffee drink and then you want to get some cheese whatever it was just there

I don't know but I'm just incorporating the process I don't like eating so much salad or, like, vegetables, but when someone's going to grind them into a meat patty, I used to be the opposite of this. I used to hate the idea of making a, like, like, look, you want to eat vegetables, but why are you making a fake burger?

But they're kind of good. I kind of get it. And, like, I didn't try them yet, but the plant-based chicken nuggets, I mean, it sounds insane. Even if it's good, like, plant-based, I got plant-based chicken-style patties. I really, I mean, this freezer is full of plant-based...

processed foods that probably have, like, just, I don't know, I mean, not poison, but red, red, red, yellow number five dies, probably have poison, sure. Probably made out of Mountain Dew and old rice. I mean, whatever. Look, I think you could, you seem like you're a kind of a, you seem like you like meat. You're a meat boy. I like me. I like bloody meat.

I like a nice steak. I posted steaks on my Instagram. Yeah. And also spatch cock turkeys. the people said wasn't Spatchcock, but whatever. I like me. Yeah. But I'm sure you could.

You could become a plant boy. I'm just saying for a while. I mean, nothing's forever. I mean, I'm going to, you know, I could eat steak on the Fourth of July. Is that steak day? Look, I mean, I'm on record not being the most patriotic guy in the world. I think patriotism is a little like, you know, it's just,

do you believe in this country? What are you talking about? Like, we're just people. like if someone's going to attack us yeah let's go out i'm going to be like maybe we shouldn't you know fucking dumb petro invasions on their country or like you know rigged their elections hey maybe next time we'll rig their elections they won't pack but but i'm also going to be like well i'm not going to let him kill us you know there's a balance here i know what side i mean i'm not saying there should be but in lieu of a war

like how about we don't focus on sides and we just you know eat a steak you look for the like i'll eat a steak i'm sorry i'm if you start taking a sixth amendment seriously maybe i'll fucking you know draw a firecracker into the you know liberty bell whatever the fuck people do yeah that's what we need we need like an official an official food of fourth of july i need hamburgers and hot dogs i guess so but i mean a nice bloody steak like an inside out dick maybe everyone should eat on fourth of july should eat beef borgianian That's your Bastille Day meal

Lucy on Bastille Day That's how patriotic we are We celebrate French holidays But Lucy's Claims to be part French So, you know On Bastille Day last year She made a delicious beef bourguignon

You also made it for Christmas too Yeah, yeah Christmas Eve Yeah She loves it's the only thing you know that I make I'm kidding No it's delicious It's tender It's almost true

Look, it's not really a summer meal. That's true. It's like a stewed crock pot beef stew. It's not really something you have while you're fucking, you know, you're pulling the wedgy out, your swimsuit ass, and you're, and you come out of, if you come out of a pool, let me just ladle some fucking beef bourguignon into my... This heavy stew is right out.

And then you go play with a sparkler. Yeah, but we could do. Look, we can go buy a house in the middle of fucking Tennessee and have a whole July party and serve. Everyone has a big crock of stew. What do you think of that? No, yeah. And no jars have come aloud.

And no senses. No senses. You want to write about this? You fucking leave the senses out of it. Fucking just tell me how it. The only sense you got his taste. How's the stew taste? And also has it has a feeling of gut.

But I don't care how it smells. Oh, it's. smelled like what stew i mean if it smelled like rotten shit then yeah say that if it smelled like stew i could probably guess that probably don't need you to tell me that you know you'll go hey a cop walked by and he had a gun yeah i know he's a cop it's not bingland the judge came by who's wearing his robe right no oh there's stew and a smelled like beef yeah we know what they smell like like novelty's a thing right like fucking just selective descriptions of thing sure how did we this whole what if somebody was writing as a judge

right they're writing a character who is a judge yeah and they were like the like the robe felt breezy around judge robin's body today so you're using a third person of narrator to describe how the breezy feeling of a fuck like it seems like a weird a weird is no one going to call out the the weird perspective problems and in the fucking this is an amnition narrator they know how the robe feels and and the and the omniscient around judge robin's body look if he's look here's the thing if the judge's going like this rope feels breezy around my body can't believe I got a fuck fucking adjudicate while I got this breeze going on that's one thing

what's this about but like some fucking omniscient narrators going like if all the things this judge got going so breezy around his body I don't care if someone left a window open in the courtroom who gives a fuck why you're gonna let this guy go or not you let this not white guy get go you're going to put not white guy into prison while you have a breeze going on focus on the facts this guy's innocent And you're fucking, you're trying to sit in a private prison

because you get a kickback. But it was breezy. He does a shit. You know, like, don't tell me, you know, the judge came in. He was wearing his robe. Tell me if he wasn't wearing his robe. You know, the judge came in. And the weird thing was he was wearing a fucking Gap t-shirt.

A T-shirt from the fucking Gap. Crazyest shit I ever seen in my life. And he just started banging his gavel on his dick. that's writing that's how you write a book all right it seems fun but I don't know what the hell we talked

It was crazy It was a blur The whole thing's been a blur You can follow us Where can people find you You can find me on Twitter or Instagram At the Steinbag

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You get an extra episode every week. People are loving it. People are just raving to me about saying, this is so great. And I'm like, I'm glad you like it. If you want to go for the cump dump here, you get a video episode, extra video episode every month. Yeah, look, these are all options you have. It's great. People like more comp. If you don't want more comp, you don't have to get more comp. It's just, this is America. And for now, you don't have to. And it won't be me forcing you if it does happen. But I'm just saying, uh, the 4th July stew is coming. Um, yeah. It's just great.

This is, I think, our new time every week. This is our new time. So enjoy it. We're back on schedule now. Even if you didn't see it, this is our schedule. We're going to do this. This is all great. Have a great week.