Kump - 73 - Kump Cuts

Episode Date: May 13, 2021

Ray and Lucie talk about Royal charity, Bill and Melinda Gates' tragic divorce, and have a fun discussion about animals! Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your "I'm A Wine Princess, Bitch!" T Shirt, available for a limited time! https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. People have been clamoring. You know, I'm sorry. We had a Patreon last week, but Lucy had to go visit family. We didn't have to, what you wanted to. Yeah.

And we were going to record. And then you thought, what doesn't matter? There was a mix-up in the dates. And then we didn't get a chance to record. I'm sorry. If I could cut my wrist on camera, I think that would demonitize the episode, though.

Actually, these episodes aren't monetized. That's a bad excuse. I should start monetizing so I have a reason for not cutting my wrist on camera. People want it. Yeah, they want you to do it.

They want to see blood. They want to see what else comes out with the blood. Honey mustard Honey mustard Where you were in somewhere in the New Jersey area Yeah I was in Jersey How was it was it nice It was good

I had a lot of fun Yeah I'm glad you had fun I was wallowing in my own Filt and despair Trying to open up containers With a butter knife Stabbing myself

Doesn't matter When I came home I was like It was like I left it pretty messy Yeah, I mean, it wasn't the fucking, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I was. Right. When I left. Uh, yeah, I was, I was, I was just, I just looked around the apartment. I was like, oh, baby. I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not a, I'm not a, I have my, my, I have my foibles. Uh, so welcome back to the show. Uh, uh, you're sporting a new haircut. Where'd you get that haircut from? I got it from the barber Ray Kump.

Oh, for me? Yeah. Interesting story, huh? Ray gave me a haircut. Yeah, I mean, I spent your hair, you might, people on my nose have gotten a lot longer in recent months. Yeah, I was getting longer than it should have gotten. As you pointed out, I'm not a horse girl. You're not a horse girl, all right?

We know plenty of horse girls. You're not one of them, all right? You're not some, you know, you're not, what do they call them in England, the House of Lords? You're not one of them. You're not one of the masters of fiat currency. So your hair doesn't need to be that goddamn long. I'm not even one of the people they do charity for. No.

If they sell me, they'd be like, get out of here. Street rat. Street rat. We can't put you on the stage after Jerry Lewis. You're a street rat. And they start spraying you with acid. How do you spray acid? You know, wouldn't ask the cut through the war of the gun?

I'm picturing you're shooting with a word of acid, but then I don't know. I should really learn. It wouldn't be very projectile. Like, the acid would just start dripping on your hands and it would melt the plastic gun and then your hand would melt. A lead-lined bucket of acid. And we dose you with it. Get out of here. Stick to the classic.

People think I'm just about guns. I'm just about gun hands and gun attachments. But I also have buckets of acid in my head. And I'll pour people of bleach. I'll hit you a bleat, not you, but my enemies. Anyway, your hair got too long. It got too long.

People may have been able to, if they know about hair, may have been able to spot it in the last video episode where I'm just like, uh, like it's like my hair is terrible, it looks terrible.

Well, it was knotted up. It was all not up. I spent hours trying to unknot your hair. I don't know how this happens. You had like literally an alien growing in the back of your head pulling on your head. Eventually I just started cutting it off randomly.

because of frustration, it actually looks pretty good. It's like a Kronenberg monster. It is like Kronenberg. It's like a videotrome, but your hair. Yeah. And eventually you just cut it out with like regular scissors. I'm sorry I didn't bring my barber scissors. I'm sorry they didn't fucking, you know, I'm out of a doubt fucking sussoon.

Sussoon boy. You know, uh, I'm, it was a war, it was a war, what you call those things? A battlefield, uh, haircut. All right. I'll get it and shave your head. I like it. You look at it and shave your head. I like it too.

I think it's cute. Yeah. So, you know, you're welcome. Thank you. Yeah. I, you had a big, you had kind of a coming to Jesus moment over the weekend while you were gone. I think, you know, or running away from Jesus moment, whatever.

The illustrious, the, what I'm not boosting up there? The enemy. of the show. I can't believe we took you this long to not, I can't believe you were in Doge, even though it's promoted by my enemy. Alon Musk, the scum. Elon Musk, as soon as I saw my cousin, I'm, I'm also set the stage. She was on SNL this weekend. Yes. No one knows that. It was much anticipated. You know, everyone was really excited to see where the A.D. Bryant and Kate McKinnon could cook up with the master of, uh, of cackles, you know, is he actually autistic?

Probably not. Why is he getting a way of calling himself autistic? You're just an asshole. In three weeks, Kate McKinnon is going to make a joke about him, and there's going to be a PR release, there's going to be a press release where he says, Elon Musk very heard about jokes about his Asperger's. Yeah, whatever. I mean, Kate McKinning, you know, no, I mean, I think it's great that instead of actually,

like, you know, having any balls in that show, they just won them on. I don't know who wrote the stupid, uh, Jen, Jen, Gen Z Hospital Sketch that was it I only watched the first sketch I mean that show is horrendous Yeah And these people like

I don't even know why It's not relevant I feel like we're playing into You know Lord Michael's hands Even by talking about it Probably But there's a reason we're bringing it up But just her

Just the least funny thing I've ever seen in my goddamn life Kate McKin is talented And she's just checked out No she looks like Her and Keenan Thompson They look like they're putting on a play in a Soviet gulag about Stalin, about how great Stalin is.

Someone's fucking got their, you know, a brick on a fishing line over their child's face and it's going to drop it from 100 feet in the bottom. That's what I would do about the Soviet gulag guy. And they're all doing sketches. They're in their fucking 30s or whatever. And they're doing weird out of touch sketches about Gen Z. Yeah, like just the idea you can do it at all, but like it's just a waste. And it was all just like, it just seemed racist.

even like these are the woke people like everything's woke but these are the racist people I don't understand why can't you just do woke right if you're going to be woke right I don't want to be woke but you know whatever it's like why can you just be cool and like yeah some stuff's fucked up we'll fix it is that being oh and then just do genzy but all you're doing is just like really racist sounding like fucking impressions right these people are backwards crazy that's the point of story the point of story is that lucy was was that up to her ass and Doge coin. Yeah.

And she was in two... Look, I made some good money. You made money. He helped you because by realizing what kind of a lunatic you were dealing with. Yeah, no. I was watching it like a, you know, I was watching it with my cousins. And like my cousin, I'm glad my cousin reminded me he was on because as soon as I saw his monologue, I was like, I should probably take my money out.

Yeah. I mean, look, I was always saying this is a guy who put a submarine that was snatching children. And you got mad when the Italians or whoever wouldn't let them use it. We're Spanish. No, he just has gadgets. And he wants to, he's Professor Gadget or whatever the guy's named. Inspector Scumbent. Inspector Gadget.

And he's just like, like, I don't mind, like, the thing that's offensive to me about that is I don't mind the novelty of just like, of raising awareness about Asperger's or whatever. But it's just like, I know people with Asperger's. They're usually funnier than that. And it's like, this guy is literally, like, the way his Asperger's is operating is that he wants to snatch children in a perilous situation with a submarine, knowing that, like, they'll probably die. Yeah. And I'm not saying he wants to necessarily fuck him. He might just want to break him on and go, hey, do you got to see me an Iron Man too with my cameo appearance? Fuck you.

I was done with you. I don't know anything about electric cars, but I've heard, and I'm willing to believe, but I can't prove. this but these cars don't even like the carbon footprint is uh is worse than the regular car right at least how Prius at least worse than a Prius I mean these batteries and who knows how they work they're probably gonna kill everyone two guys are guys didn't two guys just die jerking each other off in the back of one of these things environmentalists are the most eluded people on earth they'll follow this fucking robot Jesus straight into a fucking I don't know, child orgy in a submarine.

It's terrible. Stop it. It's crazy. But I'm the villain. Can I have a gun hand? How is that work? Right. Really.

People judge you for your gun hand. People misunderstand you. I'm the Mega Man. He's a Dr. Wiley. You don't get that reference because you never played Mega Man. This has been an ongoing thing. We got her boys. What?

We got them. Chicks suck. We should We're going to start a segment In the show called Chicks suck Chicks suck Hey you ever play Mega Man Lucy

Uh no not Chicks suck Suck Suck my gunman Um But you got that You got out of the doge I got out of the doge

Um Yeah No We're gonna You're gonna be inundated On the comment section now By lunatics Who uh

Pair Like look You end in You're into fucking Bitcoin, you into Doge. Whatever. I never seen investors who were like so badly wanted you to invest. Right. Like, what do you don't want to invest?

That's called, that's called a bubble. Right. Hey, don't say anything bad. Usually you want people to say bad. So you're right to price then and get more of it. No, this is how weird and dystopian it's gotten that it's like, that it's like ultra rich people like Elon Musk who pay no taxes. Like they basically gift the pores with a bubble with like a mini bubble.

Here's a bubble. here's some here's some extra chaos maybe some of you can like you know to play with this chaos ball and get a few extra pretenders sneakers or you know maybe a boat

some people probably got a boat some people did well that's like my bubbles I've been money yeah that's not the point good for you and probably other people talking to me right

people talk to me people who made money real money in the bubble ain't talk to my fat dumb mega man watching ass all right I'm not friends of, you know, financiers or lucky people, all right? None of these people, you know, talk to me. And that's going to be their undoing because I have all the answers.

Right. So you're out of Doge? I am, I'm done with Doche for the moment. Right. You should buy Pizza Hut. Oh, yeah. I'm going all in on Pizza Hut. I love Pizza Hut.

Detroit-style Pizza Hut. Do they have Detroit Pizza Pizza Pizza Hut? I got into a Detroit Pizza Pizza Hut. for a couple days there. There's a place right here it does Detroit-style pizza now. It's delicious. But now I'm back on the key.

That's a life I want for us. I just want us to hawk pizza. Yeah, why can't someone get those people on the goddamn phone? You're a producer. Get the pizza place to give me a fucking crouton or something. A fucking garlic not for Christ's sake.

And I'll boost their goddamn business. I got thousands of people watching. You can't spare a fucking pie? What am I trying to do in here? I'm not asking for a fucking, I'm not asking to live in a mansion. I'm not asking to be transported to Austin, Texas in a local parade

like Caesar crossing the Rubicon. That's not what I want. I just want a little 8 by 10 Detroit pizza from this fucking pizza place which charges so much fucking money for the cheese and the cross and the caramelizing. It's all fucking good. That's why I have to go on keto again

because I'm fucking eating a pizza. I'm fucking dipping lettuce into ranch dress and going, this is the same. This is kind of like pizza. This is my pizza. I'm diseased. Yeah, so that's, you know, my other nemesis, I guess you'd say. We have two recurring nemesis on this show. We have Alon Mousk, the scum, the submarine boy.

And we have, in a general abstract way, less of a nemesis, more of an, I feel like I give it to them They give it to me back and forth The Royal Family of England Oh sure, yeah Great Britain And they're What do you call?

What do you call the ones we're talking about now? Are they still part of the royal family? Are they, Are they expats of the Royals? Megan Merkel Or Markle? Megan Markle. Megan Markle.

Megan Merkel, I say. Is the royal family our enemy or is she our enemy? Both. I mean, I'm not, I said some, I said some things about the queen. She might take him in stride. I think it's fine.

I mean, I would talk, I, I've established how I would talk to the queen. I think it's respectful. I feel like she would, uh, call me a brute and try to throw her, you know, her, her, what they call those eggs they eat? Oh, the scotch eggs? Not the scotch egg. She doesn't eat scott. That's, that's fucking working class food, I think.

Uh, I think, imagine Megan Markle's just downing scotch egg. She's, I have a. baby on the way. Someone please pay for my security for my family. No, they, you know, they fucking,

they, that whole thing really was, like, when she first, like, got engaged and stuff, I was like, oh,

that's cool. She has a working class dad and stuff. That's nice. This is, this is truly what happens when you let an American into the royal family. Of any strife. I mean, it could have been,

you know, the daughter of, uh, George Washington. Was she someone? What are we doing? You're playing, I'm playing topsy derby over here.

I'm playing. This is why you, you're not going to be the Queen of England. No, I've had, don't let me. What happens here? No, it's, it's insane. You bring over someone who's like been on TV and it's a Hollywood starlet. Right. She's on an episode of Fringe, which we enjoyed.

I've never seen suits. I'm sure it's Emmy Award winning or whatever. Right. What is this suits about lawyers who fuck? Yeah, I think so. Why don't just call it lawyers who fuck? Lawyers who suck each other's dicks when they fucking fight the poor. we fight the poor

and we fuck each other in the ass right in the dicks in the mouths jurisprudence I was thinking about something similar today where I was thinking about the Gulaa archipelago

because like I read some of that The Gulaqar archipelago by Soljianitzen And I was like I read some of I'm not going to pretend like I read all of it Yeah

I skimmed it myself a little bit It's well written I read some of it I was just thinking that old book should have just been called. It wasn't just about the Jews.

Like, it was just like, you think it's just, I know, like, the whole thing is just him going, like, I think you know this, I know you think, I know you think this is all about the Jews, but it's really a much more complex. They want everyone who disagrees with them in prison. I don't know who you talking about. What? What do you mean? The Soviets.

No one there was a Soviet only after the Jews. I don't know. I think maybe they did for a while. I think that's why he had to clear it up. Really? Because I don't, I mean, there were Soviet Jews, but I didn't think the Soviets were killing. Is that with that thing? Well, he's got this thing where he's trying.

I mean, look, he probably like wrote this while he was like up on night after being raped for the millionth time in prison. I mean, sure. If he's telling the truth at all. If he's done of the truth. He might be full of shit. I love this whole Gulagrappelago.

Hey, the ghoulogs is whatever you wanted to be. It's like you could be a closet one night and a fucking Siberian work camp to next. What are you talking about? Someone kept you in a closet? Wasn't even a Russian army? Were you just, were you just for some weird sex swap? People are just fucking you along the Siberian, Trans-Siberian Highway.

I got a from Siberia to Minsk all the way. Thick of my ass. Come to my mouth. I don't know. Anyway, it was a good book. It was fine. Look, was it life-changing? Like, maybe a little bit.

Well, how was that connected to the USA's suits, though? I was saying Megamarkle is kind of like a. That's a stretch. How did you get there? I don't know. She's definitely not. No. Even if she is a fraud.

No, I mean, they named their, Megan Merkel named her charity Archiewell. But the kid's name is Archie and their charity named Archie well. It sounds like a fake cookie. Like a snack well. So what did they do? They, their kids' birthday came up. Archie's little birthday, the first birthday, I believe,

maybe the second, I don't keep tracking this dumb baby. And it's a dumb baby. I don't give it a fuck, all right? What, I'm going to fucking pretend

like it's not going to turn to a shit, rich kid? Shut up. I'm sick of this Royals. You never know when your kid's going to turn. They're all shit.

Look at these fucking, there was a story the other day where they're like the fucking night when we talked about on Patreon. That kid is going to stab them both in the back

to get back into the palace. That's what he's going to do. Oh, yeah. It'd be smart. Yeah. It'd be smart. But we talk about this on the Patreon and the fucking Harpest.

The Harpest was telling a story about, like, for the fucking William and the other one's marriage. This is a royal podcast right now. That's a royal podcast. But I was a great joke because, like, William said, oh, if the Harpist wasn't here, I'd have to have Harry play the harp. And that's when he decided to go marry that poor.

Before he's on USA Network on USA, he went home and looked at suits and goes, I'm going to fuck that girl and get an archie out of her. Anyway, the point of the story is going crazy. The point of the story is that the baby is a year old or two years old, and they got it a gift. Now, these people have money. These people live next to Oprah Winfrey.

They have money. And what they gave their child at the age of one is a donation of 200 beanies to children in need. Little knit hat beanie. you're raising your child to hate you why all I hear about is we need to protect our family and you're giving him a bullshit gift card like oh donations been made in your honor

you fucking dumb baby just give him a fucking teddy bear you can't give him a teddy bear you can't give him a goddamn smurf a goddamn what's new what what they have in that digimons is that uh or telobbies what the kids fuck with now what like little uh tickle tickle tickle guantanamo elmo whatever the fuck

guantanamo elmo i don't know i'm just saying i'm sure there's something besides first of all why don't you buy these people a goddamn house all right you have money you give them a beanie no they're giving them a fucking beanie this is what they're doing the kids that people are going to get the beanie

they'll be going to be like, thanks. They're going to try to get the kid to wear the beanie. He already likes his poor person beanie. He's not going to wear it. You're creating a problem for 100 parents. They can afford a beanie. What they can't afford is their Warner Bell or their power bill or any of the bills. Can you imagine some representative of the royal family coming to you or worse, Oprah Winfrey?

No, this is literally them. It's like Megan Markle showing up at their door and being like. Oh, sorry. But they come up ahead of time And they tell you Hey Oprah's henchman And they come and go

Hey see you know You've been selected The royal family Has decided You're a family in need Oh Okay Well you mean

That's a little insulting But I guess We're gonna get something nice at They want to help you out Yeah yeah Yeah they want to help you out Don't know We're not just here to ridicule you

We're going to help you out Well that's nice That's actually I mean not All right Self image aside I, you know, okay, I mean, you're going to give me something for my family. So we get a little trip, we can pay for our fucking, you know, water bill for the year?

Well, we got here. What am I looking at? What's the scratch? You, my friend. You're the mom. You're the poor. Yeah, thanks. No, I really appreciate that we could, I hate to admit it, but we could really use the help.

Thank you. You really could use the help, couldn't you? Because you're not a good mother. Well. You're not a good provider. I wouldn't say that. You can't provide for your family in need. So inherently, you can't provide for your family.

Look, it's like she's just silencing the phone. They're going to give us something. They're going to give us something. Just hold on. Don't take the phone from me yet. Her husband is just waiting to grab the phone and call them all cunts. You didn't make the right choices when you were younger. And therefore, you're in the position where you could use the helping hands of a young

couple who used to be royal who hangs out with Oprah Winfrey. And here's what we're going to give you. You ready? Are you ready for this? We're going to make up for your mistakes. Okay. For your child, your child in need, who you can't provide for. Here's a beanie.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha people. Just buy a fucking house for two people. Yeah. Just buy a house for two people. Don't be like this is Because you know they're probably fucking Like overly expensive beanies Oh yeah

They're probably like cashmere beanies It's like here's the thing First of all It's a beanie for a baby right The people who have a baby for a year Or less And you decide they're ready Well they can't provide them a beanie

So you give them a beanie All right It's May It's not even winter Babies grow pretty quickly that beanie's not going to fit by the time it gets cold is a beanie for someone in Greenland or in China where it's winter

is that how it works or Australia is winter somewhere in the world it's winter is that we're giving the beanies to this is the most insulting gift ever here's a bean you can't even use get out of a fucking long you in grace one of those babies when Archie is walking around one day right when he's walking around

like trying to live his gilded life, right? One of those babies, right? One of those grown babies who like heard their mother told them that Prince Archie gave them a beanie. Is he going to be a prince though? I don't think he's going to be a prince.

Whatever, but they were going to call him a prince because they're idiot. Lord Archie of, Lord Archie of Brentwood. Lord Archie gave you that like the mother told him like Lord Archie gave you this beanie and that kid's going to grow. up he's going to shoot himself in the face he's going to shoot himself in the face through the

beanie and say here archie here's your fucking beanie boy i'm your beanie baby shot in the face and you know but to be fair you were saying why don't you buy my house they can't didn't you hear them on the open interview all they talked about was that their royal family was going to cut us off from secure they weren't going to pay for security they need millions of dollars to pay the black water so they're going to have war criminals shoot people who try to get an autograph from them that's very important to these people is very important to that they need they need guys who they need to have a bidding war with guys who are otherwise would be like working for the cartel or or defending fucking you know uh wain la pierre from getting shot at i don't know what these

people do are these families in the united states or england i don't know They're going to give to England? I mean, I'm sure they have poor feeling. It's not winter in England. Wimbledon, look, all I know is Wimbledon is in June. And that's a summer tennis thing. So I know they don't have a reverse season thing. They're on the same seasons of us.

So you can't get me that way. I said maybe they're given to Australia, but that would be dumb. Either way, there's a bunch of Anglophile drug addicts running around. And 20 years going, like, this beanie was from Prince Archie. And they're going, Prince Archie, you gave him this beanie, and the Blackwater operative shoots him in the face. Hang it go down. Hang on.

Here's a gun. Here's a gun. Yeah, so I wish the Royal Family well or whatever. It's a wonderful gift. No, I'm just jealous. I wish I would be able to get a. royal beanie. You're right. That is such a good point though. Nobody, none of the people that are giving it to will ever be able to wear this be. Yeah. It's just, it's just something

like a target for one of their guards to shoot at. Um, so yeah, who's that? Uh, and other rich people news, we're becoming a real sassy show, huh? It's very sassy. A real gossip, but a bunch of hens. We're catty. We're all catty. with my cat impression or my catty impression. I have a cat. I don't know what that is. Epstein, not Epstein. I meant Gates.

Close enough. Yeah. Bill Gates. So the ongoing saga, Bill Gates and Melinda Gates are getting divorced. The ugliest couple in history. Yeah, yeah. Terrible looking couple. I mean, really worst couple of people.

I thought the Linda Gates was an all right looking one. I look at it. What are you doing? Why are you divorced in this guy? guy now you had to get fucking i mean maybe about being sex this year no no no i think that's you're hitting on a reality which is that someone as rich as bill gates probably like he fucks prostitutes we fucked i told you he was fucking last week he was fucking uh on the on the on you go with his contract when he got married that he wait one week a year he'd go to the visit his ex-girlfriend

yeah at a lake house and they would walk on the beach and dune buggy and of course there's there's scratch and that's my new thing you guys are going to scratch some scrote later if she knows about that the thing she doesn't know about her horrifying

well yeah well you're telling me she's all upset because well she wanted to have a private island so basically Melinda Gates

girlfriend I feel you she's a monster she decided she announced that she needs to get away during the divorce, which many women do, right, during, when they're going through. When they're being beaten.

When they're going through a divorce, they need to get away. When you're bad, women like, you go to women's shelter, right? Do a badder women's shelter. Maybe some, maybe for some women, that's what they prefer. You think Bill Gates hits her? That shouldn't be funny, but it isn't inherently funny. For some reason, because they're rich. Not just that they're rich.

He's Bill Gates. Yeah. Imagine Bill Gates is, like, he's, oh, well, I think she's bigger than that. him. She's like a bigger skeleton than him. He's like, rages out, but he probably does, he probably does have like nerd rage, impotent nerd rage.

Grab his little pecker. Right. And I'm like, why don't you suck this? And he slips on the floor, like a goon. But yeah, so, yeah. So look, some ladies might prefer to go to a women's shelter during their divorce.

Melinda Gates prefers to go to an entire island. Right. Just for her. She's getting a private island to escape the media during her time of healing. I can't imagine how many people want a picture of Melinda Gates. I'm not trying to be sexist, but come on. I think a file photo will suffice.

No one's in going, let's get a fucking bikini picture, stupid Melinda. Let's get an upskirts shot of her take out the trash. Right. No, that was literally just she wanted an article out there. that says, I have an island. Right. I haven't. I still can get an island.

Which is interesting because I was reading that she was really mad because of his Epstein connections because he, like, she, she didn't want him to fucking, uh. Is this true? Yeah. Like he, well, it's been known that he was on fuckjet one. Well, yeah. That's different one. But whatever the Epstein plane was.

Sure. Epstein's plane. I guess we call it. There's a different one called fuck jet one, Air Force Air Force Air Fuck One, but that's a different guy, Ron Swankle or something. I don't know. But anyway, so if I'm very odd, I think she madly, she won't, he, he won't fuck the kids that she gets. Like, hey, I can get your kids.

Why you got to go to Jeffrey? Why are you got to go to that? Oh, Mr. Microsoft. Mr. fucking vaccination in the world. Vaccine. Well, pass it. It's fine. Why can't you, oh, you got to fuck the kids in Tampa Bay.

Florida of the island Why don't you I got an island right here Yeah this is what she complains about To her girlfriends Whoever they are right She's just like She he thinks Jislane's kids

Are so much hotter Than the ones I pick out for him I'll show him But you know I bet Ftsey got way I mean like she got real dumb She would get like weird Disabled kids She'd just get kids who are like

Fucking The kind of kids who get beanies From you know Megan and Harry He's like I don't want these poor kids that need royal family beanie. I want to want to die them.

She's presenting them to him. Like, you could help this child in need by having sex with that. And he just looking at, oh, God. It's the kind of thing where it's like, like, I want to, I picture it's a different scenario where she's like, I want to buy you an iPad. And he's like, I'll buy my own tablet.

It's fine. No, I'm not buy you a tablet. I'm going to buy you a tablet. for her. And she picks up the dumbest, she picks on an Amazon Kindle Fire. And he's just kind of going, like,

you know I run a tech company, right? Like, this is, and that's how we feel about the kid she picks. I mean, it's a kid, yeah. I'm one of the richest guys in the world,

though. It's not, it's not just a kid at this point. I don't want to just any kid. But, um, Again, we don't know. We can't, no, whatever.

I'm not even going to disclaim this, all right? You know, I mean, whatever. This guy's a lunatic. No, yeah, both these people are monsters. They're lunatics. Terrible people. She is a monster. I like Steve Bomber,

who wants you to know she has an island where she doesn't fuck it. Right. The only good guy in this whole situation is Steve Bomber, the old CEO of Microsoft. One of the after Bill Gates. He was a big bald guy. You know, Steve Bomber? He owns the guy.

the clippers now you like clippers but he was the CEO there's a movie called pirate the ciller colin valley where he's like the narrator because he was like the drug he was basically the fucking in the movie he's like the fucking uh john balushi character at animal house when they were in old harvard and he's probably raping people i don't but i'm just saying like you know why don't get get see if bomb or the fucking give us a vaccine oh sure yeah i would like that maybe kawai leon give me the vaccine you know some of these clipper stars lou i mean lou williams is gone. How are you people watch basketball?

I don't know. They could call it bomb juice. Bomb juice? I think that would be a good name for it. Instead of calling it like the AstraZeneca vaccine or whatever. You call it bomb juice. You just call it bomb juice. Okay.

I don't know what the branding is, but okay. It's a bomber. Oh, okay. Bomber juice. I literally saying like it's the bomb. Well, that's the pun. I guess so. Yeah, bomb juice.

Bombcom. And you got a second. out of C. Bomber's dick. Whatever. It's fine. It's fun. Why are you bringing Bill Gates? Look, if it was a conspiracy, why would you get Bill Gates to be ahead of it?

Wouldn't he pay, like, asking Coutcher to do it? Hey, dude, I'm getting this vaccine. It's sick. I'm just saying, like, you know, like, I don't believe what you want. I don't believe in these particular conspiracies.

I'm vaccinated. Those are Lucy, whatever. But, like, that's the thing. Like, he knows, he's got a nose. he's a fucking weird creep like yeah you you get mad damon and you go like hey i'm mad damon he take this fucking shot and stick in you right give me give me give me oh give him just saying i like to imagine of coming up to a go up to a kid with polio like threatening him

into silence about these side effects of the vaccine i can't breathe shut up shut up the background. Oh, speaking of which. Yeah, about Damon. So, Matt, yeah, well, I, I know this comes from the vault of weird people magazine featured on my iPhone stories, a whole new world. So basically, Matt Damon, for some reason, was on, is this Hoda? Hoda and the whore?

Hoda. What is this show? I don't know. What, what's the show? Oh, oh, on today. Oh, okay. Today show that Hold on the Hooker. Yeah.

So he's on. They bring Matt Damon onto this show. I just wanted to highlight these fucking hens. These fucking disgusting drunk hens. So they bring him on because apparently something to do with Matt. I mean, Ben and I feel like Matt Damon haven't talked in 50 years. Right. We need to talk about something.

Yeah. Very important topic. Your friend Ben Affleck. And a little thing we call Benefer. how do you like them apples How do you like them apples Can I suck your vaccine dick Oh they quoted his movie

Go back They quoted his movie that he was in But of course these shows are awful But that's not what we're bringing this up M apples There's not enough liquor in the world For you to get me to say something about that He's trying to be charming.

I don't care. I'm on Matt Damon Stan. Right, yeah. No, he's on a morning show. He's trying to brush it off in a charming way. They're trying to bring up the Benderford shit. The B, the Bette and I fucking Jennifer Lopez might start fucking again. He's an alcoholic.

Why are you two alcoholics cackling about this other alcoholic maybe going back to fuck some girl he fucking screwed over who left him because he was an alcoholic? Right. What is he going to say? What is he going to say? Jennifer Gardner is a scheming gun in real life. Israel is bombing the guys of stripping. They're bombing them back. And we're talking about my fucking Benifer.

Yeah. They keep going. They keep going with this shit. They won't by Matt Damon. They're making a story up. I know. I know that wasn't even planned. It's just I got like this thing on a piece of stick them here.

Let's see. Maybe that'll work. This is awful. We should have a video for this. That's fine. To Australia. How did you even know that that Benefer was a thing again? possibly maybe i just heard you guys i was sitting here waiting he's saying are you just made this up

first time i heard about it and what did you think i didn't i yeah that's a fascinating story these are just like cackling vapid like it's it's just so crazy children are being concussion bomb to death all throughout the night right and the guys are i don't know where the guys are I'm not trying to wax political about Israel v. Palestine down here. But I just feel like maybe we shouldn't. I don't know, whatever. I just, I don't really have a story. Ray come to Israeli nationalist.

These cousins are out of control. We can stop it. I mean, no, it's just like, it's like, you see that those things on sometimes. And when everyone's playing along, it's kind of like, it's you know you kind of it just washes over you like a terrible tide but when someone is like authentic it's like trying to be a human being for like a second you realize how evil at all oh yeah no look this is the problem I've been kind of out of the loop because I just decided as a filter all this stuff I've had my life 15 years ago whatever and like this iPhone this cursed iPhone

has brought it all back to me I'm seeing the world the way like people see it now and it's just disturbing me yeah um no it's like i hope they get back together though the jennifer's jennifer the jennifer lopez yeah jello won't you obey rod them they just fucking get they hit some home runs they get in the whole thing gives a shit give me a beanie no because like you know mad david's like he's like watching his friend i'm i don't have any like real sympathy for them i don't know them but it's like but it's like you know that he's like watching, like Ben Affleck is always in the, in the tabloids looking depressed.

Like, you know, he knows his friend is depressed and he's just trying to like take the, like he has, he's like, he's bad, you know, whatever, he's being Batman. He chose to do that with his life, whatever. I mean, you know, bad, he's not a bad Batman. He's not a bad Batman. He's not a great Batman. I was watching some old Batman today. So the 1940s Batman, they were just saying really nice, he thinks about the Asians.

Like Tony Hinscliffe writes Batman. what oh shit oh right that but he didn't because it wasn't alive then so it was like a 1940 serial but they were very i didn't want to repeat it but it was just very we talked about the internment camps which were ongoing at the time and like the righteous internment you're like what anyway that was a different bat he's not that bad that bad that was a worst batman that was a much worse bad man that bad man wasn't nice at all no no no Tony Hinchcliff would love that bad man I don't know what's going on in this world. I mean, I don't know, people want me to comment.

It's not true. No one wants me to comment. But the fact is like, you want me to comment? I don't know what to say. Like, yeah, it's just terrible. I think he's not a good guy. Honestly, this is the first time I've heard of him. I'm not trying to be obnoxious.

That, when I showed you before? This is the first time I've heard of him. Yeah, he's, I think, killed Tony, whatever the fuck. Yeah, it was like, I would hear about him. I never really saw him on TV. I met him once vague, like trying to help him with the computer thing. Was it backstage somewhere or something? You tried to help him with the computer?

Well, this guy couldn't fix his, get his fucking clips on through his phone. And Tim's like, and yeah, you know computers, I couldn't help him. But he seemed like, I mean,

I wasn't going like, I wasn't going like, oh, I hope I can help this guy. Like, he seemed like an asshole, whatever. I mean,

I don't like most people anywhere. Somebody would go, oh, I spotted the races in them. Whatever. I have no fucking interest in this. This is not like my war with the Lee or Bill Burr. What are there?

They're comedians on Twitter. right now who like who fucked him or something going like i had no idea i don't think anyone's defending him yeah but no no i mean i mean acting overly shocked about it i mean people are just look i think it's it's it's bad enough that you can't even go like why you make a big deal of it but it's pretty bad but it's also like that's not pretend like richard spencer doesn't exist like he's actually worse than rich spencer he's worse than rich spencer he's worse than rich spencer i never heard rich Spencer say those things. I mean, you know, I'm not saying he doesn't think those things.

I don't know. I don't know. Who knows what the overlap is? This is the whole thing of free. I want free speech, but can anyone, can anyone do free speech that isn't racist? I'm trying to shit on Bill Gates and the Queen. Can we just keep? I don't know.

Right. We're trying to pick at least some people who might have, like, some unfair control over people in the world. Whatever. I mean, this is nothing anti-tony. It's not whatever. This is good for you. I only brought up a little joke about Batman, and I tied it into current events. I'm not trying to make a fucking thing.

I'm not trying to start a podcast and we're with Kill Tony. I love to. He's probably. I don't think he's going to have a drug addict. I don't think he's got how much of a podcast I have a war with. That's the point. We keep picking fights with people who already can't. We need to have big fights of people who aren't canceled.

I'm like sitting here going to go and going after Delia. What am I doing? No, it's fine. I want to start a podcast war with Louis CK. I want to force him. He's not a podcast. He doesn't know what a podcast is. I want to force him back into podcast.

I want him back into podcasting. You want to have a war of Louis so bad. You made up the fact that he was on a podcast last episode. You just like, you just fucking flip. Oh, you can miss me to start talking about Louie's new, like a new podcast appearance of Merrin. It's them 10 years ago. People have messaged me like, where's Louis and Marin? Like, this is this new thing?

Like, no, we made it up. Oh, my God. No, it's okay. You didn't do it on purpose. I'm in a story of rumor that Louis C.K. was molested and make him defend himself. Sure. I think he was molested. I don't think those things were only things a person who was molested would do.

If he did a press conference saying he wasn't molested, I wouldn't believe. Babe, babe, babe, you're producing the show. Go with God. Okay. Do it. Get us some fucking sponsors. Whatever takes together sponsors, babe. I don't care anymore.

Oh, I fucking lied about this. Go ahead. Makes those blackmail people. You have my blessing. Anyway. Anyway, we'll move on from, I don't know what we're talking about. Oh, the private island, right. You know, Russia, I was reading another story,

is trying to clone 3,000-year-old soldiers. You hear about this? Who am I, my Letterman? You hear about this? You hear about these Russians for a clone 300-year-old? Hey, Paul, you heard about this? Fuck, someone just shoot me in the face. Don't do it.

Don't steal Zee We stick. Don't steal her stick. She's the new David Letterman. Oh, yeah. You want to explain Zee? Zeeway? I actually like her show. I think it's fun. Okay. But like, I've never seen it. But Variety did a, did a very, like, all of these, like, magazines and stuff do very self-serving articles, reviewing shows. Like, it's just, like,

I'm going to compare it to David Letterman. I'm going to compare her to everyone. Who, why isn't someone compare me to, like, fucking, you know, uh, who's that fat guy? Dom Deloise. I was going to say John Panette. John Panette. Come on, babe. Dom Delewe, I feel like I get some Dom Delewee's action going. Let me start the remake of Fatso. You see Fatso? No.

It's a great movie. We should watch it. Yeah. Review Fatso. Stop eating so much fucking bread. One of the scenes in the movie. This episode's a little crazy. I just want someone to like do a self-serving like a academic review of Kump and just say with all the grace and swagger of John Panette saying, announcing that.

he's still hungry The podcast It's as if John Panette's heart attack was stretched out Over 40 episodes of a podcast Is chest constructing with every scream

Every bluster Every misspoken word Every mumbled fucking guttural noise Every lisp You can feel The arteries tightening and that's what and then it just ends because whoever's writing it killed themselves

because they couldn't keep going yeah less suicide this episode oh yeah uh so russia is trying to clone an old army of i think Siberian warriors or something they have these i think it's one these these buried statue armies they're trying to clone people the article and reading is like good luck with that and you got to mean snarky about it but uh i don't is a good idea. I mean, whoever made these people, I don't know what Russia's

trying to do. Because, like, yeah, imagine you're the Mongols. Is it the Mongrels? The Mongrels? Well, I think it's the Mongols. Mongols. Oh, the Mongols.

Yeah. So what is Mongol? Mongols are the word Mongols? So they're the Mongolians. They're the, the guys are the horses who would fucking... Yeah, I think they're the... I think they're the...

I think they're the Mongols. I'm not the... The Mongols. Right, the Mongolians. Okay. So the Mongols were great at killing. I'm not saying the good people. Apparently they killed. It was Dan Harman, Harmon's, not Dan Carlin. Dan Carlin's hardcore history. They're also, you know, spear children in the ass. But who does? I remember listening to this thing on Genghis Khan. And it was just being like, it opened with like,

in 50 years where people talk about the benefits of Hitler. And I'm like, they're talking about it right now. He said that? Yeah. He was like, oh, because like, yeah. they're going to eventually like you talk about Hitler like he's a bad guy for 50 years you won't what is this whistle thinking one day you know Hitler was fun look what the Mongols did come on what we're doing here let's listen to hear the guy out the mombles were bad too don't give Hitler so much problems yeah I don't know what Dan Carl is one of those guys who is if something came out I wouldn't be surprised fucking about fucking around history for 20 years just making

these weird, long podcast, torturing people. The only reason went out. Sorry, please yell at you. Scream in it. No, I'm glad you did. There we go. There we go. Technology at work.

You got to look at a beautiful landscape for a moment. We need to make the background in case it goes out. Not important. Post-show meeting. But I don't know if you want the Mongols. Mongols to be Like what are they going to put them in that fucking fire jet Are you going to strap a Mongol to a drone

They're going to be the A team Yeah I was going to help like yeah like Who's fighting on horses Who's using bows and arrows? They're not like better at using rifles Not better at like controlling like predator drones Like what are they going to do? Like oh do they're going to go in a tank

What's the benefit of these people? Right. Yeah I'm sure in hand-to-hand combat Which never happens anymore like the artillery shelves, right? I'm not a combat boy, all right? I'm not the guy who knows all of war. But I feel like, you know, a lot of it has nothing to do with spears.

You only know the basics, the basic thing. I get the gist. Like, you kill the person who's trying to kill you. I didn't do. I would. And society must evolve to accommodate gun hands. Yeah, look, I mean, that's the thing. What's a fucking Mongol warrior going to do against my gun hands?

shoot me on an arrow I blast you blast you and I'm not saying and you're more impressive but like I'm sorry the years have given me a gun hand

they were probably like a lot shorter than us that's true too and they ate and they didn't have toilets that's one thing the Oracle pointed out

they didn't even have toilets like they were basically inferring up like these guys shit in the woods you start giving them toilet paper they'll fucking be pussies they'll pus out fucking as soon as they're wiping their ass

so I don't know maybe that's true. I know I'd be cranky if I wasn't wipe my ass. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, I'd be cranky and aggressive. I just never wipe. I mean, I sure they had a way to wipe their ass, right? I mean, the ancient world wasn't just walking around with shit in their ass all day. They had ways of cleaning their ass. It wasn't just toilet paper, though. These leaves, I don't know.

But yeah, like, what are they going to use them for? Are they all just going to gang up on pussy riot and beat the shit out of those girls? They're just beating up dissidents When you show up When you show up In some dude in the fucking 3,000-year-old armor is fucking Making you drink a fucking

What's that poison they give him? Like iodine poison Whatever the poison is they use It's like some with an L right Oh, right I don't know I don't know Bizapim

We'll give the American another wash and try to figure it out. It's a fucking, some guy's armor shows up to, like, do the Michael Clayton thing to you. And, like, remember Michael Clayton? And they inject them with the fucking thing. Oh, yeah. Carry him out in the bathroom. That's just two guys in fucking, like, Trojan, Trojan war outfits.

Guys like Elon Musk, like, look at the way they do it in, like, Russia and China. And they're like, if only. Yeah, I feel like I don't want to betray my country, but I feel like Putin just hire me. Yeah. Like, you know, Vladiv, Vladimir. Come on. We got to get a missile here. I'd love to get paid by China.

Well, he's Russia, you know. I know, but I'd love to get paid by China. There are new emerging access, access, right? China, Russia. I don't know. Or maybe Russia's nice to us, so I don't know. They're not. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. They let Jordan Peterson go get therapy. They did. And they allowed fucking Edward Snowden, who I guess screwed us technically on a national level. Oh, is Russia good now? This will be a game show we have. Is Russia good?

Is Russia good today? Much like our upcoming What Religions are dogs? Oh, yeah. We're going to do that. That'll be on the Patreon, I think. Yeah. Because we're going to riff that one. And I'm going to go bad.

We're relying on that topic heavily. Yeah. What religion are dogs? What religion are dogs? They like, I had a verse for it, didn't I? Oh, they'd like to retrieve. But what do they? believe what religion are dogs?

My religion are dogs. I mean, it might be hilarious or it might be a patriot, my badass. I knew we knew it all time you're adult content. People, they're going to be accusing us of bestiality. I wish. I don't wish. I mean, to be fair, I mean, if I was a guy who wanted to be a bestiality guy, I'm not like such a fucking cuck that couldn't make that happen, but I don't want to.

right yeah I'm defending the fact that I could be doing the BCLD if I wanted to I don't know but imagine imagine I can't imagine having sex with an animal right like I can't

I can't relate to it I don't condone it I think it's disgusting I think it's terrible but can you imagine wanting desperately to do it and being too afraid that's like

imagine living in fear like I want to make love to a sheep but oh what would happen that's that's got to be a hedge a hedge trip no i mean i feel like one thing about people who want to fuck sheep is they they they go and fuck a sheep well that's the thing is like there is on record so many people who do but there's got to be some people who are too afraid to fuck a sheep yeah like what would my family think of me if i fucked a sheep yeah and like that's just

got to be uh that's got to be a weird cross-section of psyches right there like a burning urge to and look and look if this was about children that'd be a noble thing right like there are some pedophiles who never fucking anything like yeah good for you you're a good egg

yeah you want to don't know why you do but you didn't so that's good for you nice you should still you know lock them up and poke him with sticks experiment on them

whatever I don't know I mean I'm not whatever I mean I'm not just dread I'm not a semester Stallone villain But I'm just saying I don't think I'm saying anything crazy here I'm just saying though But if it's a sheep I don't know

Maybe I just look There by the grace of God go Fuck that Because God's not that I'm keeping me from fucking a sheep I decided on the fucking sheep I decided oh but the grace of God Imagine saying that sincerely Damn it but the grace of God go out

Right If not for the glory of God I'd be fucking this sheep in the ass Yeah, no, like believe, believe whatever the fuck you want. I don't care. But it's like, but. God's God the only thing keeping you from fucking a sheep? But why is God the only thing keeping you from fucking a sheep?

There's got to be more. Like doing heroin and fucking a sheep at the same time. Oh, that's got to be nice. Look, I don't want a fucking sheep. But if you, look, I'm just saying if you were into that, if you already had the desire to fucking sheep, imagine doing it on heroin. I wouldn't do anything for me because I just be like, I don't, you know, just be like, I just be like, I'm on heroin.

I'm ruining it by fucking sheep. But there are guys, if you want to fucking sheep, oh, man, it'd be double good. Oh, yeah. But for me, ruin it. Like, it's funny how life goes. Because, like, you know, I would sit there and go, like, well, it ruins the heroin for me. And I don't even like heroin or the idea of heroin. But, like, if I did, like, heroin, and then you go, hey, want to fuck a sheep?

Well, no, it's going to ruin my heroin. But there are some people who go, like, well, that's just two good things. double nice double nice time do you think that um i mean look in your heart of hearts yeah i'm trying to get you canceled again but in your heart of hearts do you think that fucking animals should be legal no yeah me neither legal you're saying yeah no me neither but i can't somehow i can't justify that morally but i know it should be illegal look it's just we i just know it should be like if you're fucking animals you're just not good i don't feel you's not good for anything else like society like we can't allow that i understand morally like why not

well they can't consent right you shouldn't like well they can't consent you probably shouldn't fuck something that inherently can't consent yeah probably not it's the last thing we can't do to animals i mean if all the things we do to animals uh at least at least those people never knocked the screen off. There we go. There we go. Thank you. I've all the things you do, animals,

I see the logic of that. What's happening over there? I don't know. Just stop jiggling the cord. I'm not jiggling. We're trying to run a fucking media empire here. You're not going to my Kumpel will go off. All right.

That's fine. Keep going. We're only a few minutes left. This is very distracting, babe. Well, this is, the laptop is doing this. I think, well, just click the thing. So as I was saying, what was I saying? I'm saying something about fucking animals, right?

Yes, you are. What was the point? You're playing games on the screen and you're trying to, like, find a cut to, like, you know, slice up so you can put it onto YouTube. Ray Stammers while he tries to, you know, defend animal speciesity. It's not what's happening. No, I guess you could make the argument If you were someone who wanted the fucking animals probably

That like, oh, well, we put them in the Purdue chicken factory And we treat them like and we torture them And we prod them and we do this Why can't I put my dick in a little? And I get that on a certain frequency But it's more like, hey, no, we shouldn't torture the animals It doesn't mean that like I would torture them anyway Why can't torture them my dick?

Like that doesn't make you sense. think about it it's not good it's kind of good for society shouldn't it's i just feel like it's kind of if we start allowing you to fucking animals then what what's next we you know um you fuck more animals well all we'll do is fucking animals they're just going to fuck so many animals that it's like the meats the meat's not going to be no good yeah i don't want come in my steak right somehow a man's going to give a sheep aides and then it's going to spread to the other sheep that's i mean that's that's that's supposedly i don't know if that's true anymore but there's going around over theory going around for years

that's some guy I fucked a monkey or something right and somebody I fuck the pangolin I don't know uh it's just you know it's just look I'm not saying I'm not saying we sort of fucking Anthony Fauge was in the Wuhan lab just fucking pangolins back and forth I mean look I'm not looking to get anyone in trouble I'm not looking to like start a fucking McCarthy commission

uh you know the and catch people but we can't legalize it Right. I don't think we should, like, we should interrogate animal fuckers and make us tell them who the other animal fuckers are. Well, we have to. We catch them doing it. We go, well, who else is doing this? But we shouldn't make it a, like, it shouldn't be like a fucking. We don't need a commission for this. Right. In the normal course of police action, if we happen upon a bestiality ring, yeah, let's run down some weeds.

But we shouldn't start. It's like, we don't give Jake or Hoover the keys to the. the country go like stamped us out like you know like we need to go that far yeah we needn't go that far you know that you heard the story we know about the boots right that uh the farmers would wear boots that he's like fucking they put the sheep on the on the fucking ledge of a cliff and uh and they were in these boots that were spikes they were spiking to the ground and then sheep would back into them because they're afraid of the fucking going going over a cliff.

Yeah, this is not great. There's all sorts of shit. It's not just some good thing where it's like, I love this sheep. They're just coming up with weird things. I like how you want to be to be horrified, but I was just a little impressed by the inventiveness of it.

Human ingenuity comes out in strange ways. I get it. You know, don't fuck a sheep. I'm not going to fuck a sheep. Look, if you're a, woman and you get like a strap on to fuck a sheep you're the worst of them all that's well i mean it's be i don't know if a sheep cares but it's not cool i guess you're not the worst of the mall because the deal i guess

you can't give them like how are you getting off and hurting the sheep or controlling the sheep it's all it's not this is good is this a good podcast episode or is a bad podcast i have no idea but that usually means it's great yeah all right well uh where can people find you Oh, you can follow me on Twitter at Lucy underscore Rohan. Where can they find you? On Twitter or Instagram at Ray Kump. And, yeah, we're going to do the Patreon later tonight or tomorrow.

So it's all, everything's realigning. It's all back where it should be. See you next week. Thank you. There we go.