Kump - 77 - Sport Kump

Episode Date: July 13, 2021

Ray embraces the world of Sport, and finds violence along the way. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your "I'm A Wine Princess, Bitch!" T Shirt, available for a limited time! https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump back in New York, went on some traveling to Kump back in New York, went on some traveling to different state let's not get into it it doesn't matter the state wasn't then impressed it was fine it was a fun time

we did go the farmer's market yesterday me and Lucy and that's something of a revelation something of a dark revelation

I don't know if you've been to a farmer's market in New York in you know in Brooklyn which is where I am but it's um

you start asking questions and you start getting strange answers you start trying to chat people up and ask them about because i'm i don't care about like farmers all right like i'm not gonna i'm not trying to you know pull the veil back here and you know uh say something controversial but like that's your job that's i'm a butcher we all we're all part of the food chain i cut the meat you grow the root of Vegas you know we're all we're all getting wet it's all fine but you know i'm not sitting going oh the farmers are the goddamn they unite the center of america it's i don't hate farmers i'm fine with them but i'm not going to pretend to be mystified because you can grow a green bean all right you all have our jobs we all have our skills oh you made uh you know

corn okay I can make a I can make you know the bone of a calf or a cow empty of meat by carving and also a podcast so you know I'm not going to mean oh you put a fucking seed in the ground all of a sudden you know you're Johnny apple seed but that being said I was trying to be polite I'm trying to be engaged I'm out of farmers market I mean, I'm envisioning just bountiful crops when I get there. You know, the land of milk and honey, if you will. And we got, you know, we woke up late. The farmer's market's only open until two.

What happened to sun up and sundown? You open until 2 p.m. first of all, first strike against you. We had to get an Uber to the park instead of walking there, whatever. But the point is, so we got an Uber, we got dropped off. this park and everyone's cooking their meats and their lobsters in the park like it's like it's like a bacchanal is that thing in a roman feast every you know kids parties of lobsters and pulled pork like smokers of meat i mean this just seems a little why don't you make a hot dog first of all you know you kids having a party at the park you make a hamburger you make a hot dog

You make a, you, we can bring a deep fryer, make a corn dog, corn dogs. That's, that, that, that just seems extravagance. You know, you, you're not foodie. You're just eating a lobster where he doesn't belong. Lobsters don't belong in parks. You know, stop showboating. You know, you got, you got a multitude of people. You got one table, it's probably eating, you know, paint chips,

because they can't afford food for their little, little novenos, whatever you call children in your culture. and uh and then you're eating like you're supposed to 20 something 30 somethings young professionals in Brooklyn just shoving lobster in your face and you're bearded kind of not that fat but just you know your greasy face you're fat what with you're metaphorically fat face even your face should be fatter you're just a pig why don't you give us lobsters to the chill why don't you eat some paint chips and give that lobster to a child how about that but you don't you work in an advertising firm and you live in brooklyn and you're

shoving lobster into your fat mouth with and and the putting the ribs that you put in the smoker how about how about you you show some class show some dignity you know a doggy monster but anyway we got dropped so we had to like run the gauntlet through these uh things as we're walking on the sidewalk to get to the farmer's market and uh yeah we get there and these you know i start lucy makes her way to the to the fruit and veg uh i have started keto again uh so you can all shut up about that but uh so my point is i i'll i'll peruse i start turkey stand now turkey's not really a great keto meat uh it's not fatty enough you want i you know i'm not you know don't take your nutrition advice from me but you want fatier meat to eat less

protein and more fat i don't know so a point is but turkey i mean i like turkey but it's not i don't think it's a keto meat but i got some keto thighs so maybe that counteracts it the thigh is a fat of your piece of meat and i asked the guy and he look a nice guy i mean you know where's your farm and he's like oh we were from jersey and like south of princeton i'm like that's fine he's came from jersey we were in jersey i had secrets out of the new jersey and uh and you should go fishing in this spot he's trying to tell me fishing spots and i'm just thinking about how this guy wants to get me to go fish and then he'll find me and just you know shoot me with a sniper rifle probably because he's just he had like a neck tattoo and the you know whatever he seemed like a like a

like a met guy maybe not an attic but a dealer and he was just you know but he was nice he was nice the best one of the lot um but then you know i'm asking some other guy i'm buying some fresh eggs the brown eggs you know fresh eggs i used to have a friend who had emus on his in his backyard he had long backyard and he had emus in there but that's not where the eggs came from he also had a chicken coop but he had emus and goats um i don't know why i mean he's that was a dentist but um his dad like to collect you know ventriloquist dummies and have emus and that's fine that's You know, that's your cross the bear. I'm not going to judge them.

Does it seem weird? I'm past it. I'm over it. You know, you think about it. But the best eggs I ever had in my life where these brown eggs he gave me one time. I was staying over the house. The mom gives me these brown eggs to take home. And I came in my pants when they ate those eggs.

I wasn't old enough. I don't know. I don't know if I actually came, whatever. It doesn't matter. You know, I don't even know if I was sexually active at that point. with my you know master i probably was i mean not active but i mean like even just it doesn't matter point is uh great eggs so i was like i got to get these brown eggs i'm like where are you guys from where's the what's the farm well the farm is upstate new york uh and i thought it's a weird way

to answer like oh okay he's like yeah the guy brings it down the union square and uh deaf farmer's market and then we sell these eggs we you know from him you know and like so you're just buying at a different farmers market i thought i was buying from farmers highly disturbing uh because these guys all seem like weird douche like yeah douche farmers guys who just kind of uh there's a certain vibe they don't seem like salt or the earth farmers but they seem like guys who would start a co-op farm in the middle of detroit and grow uh you know grow uh you know beats out of the what used to be you know the coffin of a of a murder child in the middle of Detroit you know we're using child victims and murder victims the robocop victims to grow our root vegetables um that's

you know so i could buy that but he's just telling me he's just buying from some guy in union square it's like well why why do you sell me a pocketbook while you're at it like a stereo a box of stereo equipment with a brick inside what are we doing i mean and then Some of them take, you know, cards or debit cards, but then Luzi wanted to buy some peaches, and they made her buy wooden tokens. And then you get cash back for the tokens for the difference in price. It's just, I don't like it. I got some really good salami, though. There was a salami stand that had like a soap rsala type.

It was nice. It was very soft. But they put this waxy, weird coding on the outside. I don't like that chalky. Got my hands. little gooey but you're not buying from the people these people are just going to like italian uh you know purveyors or whatever we call those places like gourmet we went to one in jersey on the way back it was it was fantastic we got some cheese and

parsley sausage ring and uh nice breads before it was on keats or shut up and uh whatever we got you know we got some bacon ioles and the in the stuff you know the we were took there by someone they took us to the Italian this place makes the best sandwiches and they're good good sandwiches but I feel like this is the kind of place

these farmers markets just going to these places and buying up like you know their vegetables and their meats and their salamis and they're going and pass them off as farmers markets pass them off his farm fresh

meats and cheeses and I'm a butcher so I know what I'm looking at anyway so that was kind of a letdown and then it was fine I mean there's a lot of me was great. So the Haitian

president's dead. I don't know what to tell you about that. I'm not too familiar with the he's murdered. Assassinated by a group of people. A bunch of people are in jail. I don't know much about the de- I was right. It came on my phone. It's funny how we don't

we don't make a big fuss about that. It's Haitian president knowing you know, let's just focus on Biden's infrastructure plan or the horse cock we're talking about these days but you know RIP to the president of Haiti which is the best your family wish Haiti the best

Haiti's had a bad run of it as of late past decade or so a lot of hurricanes natural disasters so let's hope I mean it'd be nice you know we got Haitian Batman maybe like a Batman can clean up Haiti I know it's not it's not the most

popular idea to promote vigilanteism And is saying the third world Like offensive now I mean I get If I was in a third world I'd be offended If someone's like you're a third world

We don't allow money You know you're part of the third world Who's the second world Russia Why is it even why All right so basically as far as I know The Soviet Union was the second world Maybe even Russia

And then the first world was America It just seems like loaded off the bat So when like the Soviet Union collapse Can't we promote If I was in like Haiti, I'd be like, oh, so we're a second world now, right? Why are we still third world? It seems, it just seems like an arbitrary ranking. I mean, I'm sure there's like, you know, this is a hierarchy in a third.

Why not have 10 worlds? And that way you can have a competition. It seems, it seems a little, I mean, I'm not trying to go, you know, do the go woke and go broke thing. But I do think, like, it just seems maybe we can have like seven worlds. and that way and Haiti might still be in the boat they're very poor kind of they've just bad luck you know people go oh corrupt governments yeah sure I mean who put them there

not always us I mean you know we didn't help and you know we hurt probably I know Mike left John took a lot of heat for being kind of was he correct I think he was I don't want I don't know if it was something I was so I had some people I knew who were Haitian who told me about stuff I don't know if it came from them or if it came from the news I don't know if white cleft John is clean the news but I heard things that he's just you know the whole run for president but I like the

Fuji so I'm not talking I don't want to be talking you know smack or whatever but the RIP um let's get the Haitian Batman that's my contribution um a guy I mean is not a lot tall are there a lot tall buildings in Haiti could could the Haitian Batman grapple hook around the same way I don't know these logistics he might have to ride a motorcycle or moped um with dirt bike even just because they're more nimble i think to the motorcycle i know batman typically rides a motorcycle but you know i think there's a lot of crowded like port of prince is probably pretty crowded so maybe he wants to get a dirt bike and he can go weaving in out of traffic and then smash some guy in the face because he you know he did whatever

hurt some hit a kid i mean people he will hit kids everywhere people uh you know do things to kids everywhere. You know, start with that. I'm not telling you, you know, to, to paralyze every pickpocket, you see. People are trying to get by. But no one should be hurting the kid. So Haitian Batman can start there and then we'll, you know, we'll get a lady to land. I mean, they're going to want, I understand. Everyone's probably going to want him to be Haitian. So maybe White Club John could be the Haitian Batman. He's got money, right? Because Batman needs have money uh i'm not you know there are other Haitians who have money but yeah i'm not familiar i don't have their whole roster but maybe yeah white love john's the kind of guy he's a playboy

you know the fujis have great hits it can be a great take on batman and then he beats up pedophiles in Haiti and maybe you know does some earthquake awareness some relief get the water clean i think the water's the problem who knows um i'm not international relations major just go yes so thank you for tuning in uh the shirt people you know

why you always wear a sweatshirt uh you can have air conditioning first of all so I can I can wear a sweatshirt inside but I'm wearing a nice shirt's a button shirt it's a summer shirt uh it's a new cump look so enjoy that you know if you

if you think you have ideas for me for cool you know if you want me to wear a freaking Michael Jordan jersey. You want me to wear some kind of kingly garment? You know, we can do a poll in the comments.

Maybe I'll do a merch drop of like, you know, just bootleg Michael Jordan, like Air Jordans and like stuff. That'd be fun. We'll get this out of the way. We do our Batman's to, you know, my depression Batman's

every week. And this is the Arkham Asylum Batman from the video game. He's a cool. looking Batman. I haven't played Arkham Asylum yet. I'm playing Arkham Origins because my PS4 broke

as everyone knows. And the only thing they had, I still have a PS3 which I bought to play some game, which I don't think I even played. But I never had a PS3 when it was around. But I bought PS3 to play some game when I was into video games for two

weeks, much like I'm into Batman now. I just, you know, I get these manic, so whatever. So I'm playing Arkham Origins because only had in the PS3 online store But same idea Same idea So this is a

He's got You know In the game You're fighting The penguin Who's like British He's a British penguin Who

You know In the movie He's like a weird penguin creature But I think he's just a guy Who's short Who's supposed to be like The mob guy In the Batman universe

It seems like penguins The mob guy Even though they have mob guys They have the Falcone Character Right and the guy who, you know, Tom Wilkinson played and the Batman begins. You all think, because you're Bruce Wayne, you go to Harvard,

or you're going to come here and take my clams. Your clams, you can get fucked. And then he pulls a gun out. I could shoot you right here, and the judge would help me fuck him out. Because I run the judges, because I'm the head of a mafia. And Bruce Wayne, you know, swap his coat with a homeless guy. and uh you know got out of the way

the homeless guy I think was the guy from snatched the guy boris anyway but I like Tom Wilkinson so this is a good game you're playing I love as much to say about it as other ones it's not as crazy um you're doing stuff you get to beat up people I mean most of the game

is spent beating up crowds of men who here's the thing you assume they're all criminals and when you and you're right like but they're just crowds of men and you kind of you're traipsing around the city with your grappling hook and you have bigger missions on the hand but you know it's like grand death dollar though but instead of like random people there's only criminals and it'll just be wandering all gathered on a rooftop but the way

you play you just come like what if it's a quinceaniera i mean it could easily be a cantoniera and i'm just brutalizing men and i feel guilty even though they always turn to be criminals but it's conditioning people to brutalize Quintanierras or bar mitzvahs or Sweet 16s or other adult team parties, anniversary parties. Any gathering of, when you see more than one

man in the time, you know, this game is conditioning you to be like, well, you just got I'm trying to get the word out about this Haitian Batman and the Batman video game is not helping because it's just making it seem like, well, that's just you know, people, the counterargument with the Haitian Batman is, well, you know, well, you know, What if there's a nice gathering of men playing dominoes, for instance, on the street corner?

Would the Haitian Batman just start beating them up and breaking their limbs and punching them in the dick in the face? And I would go, no, why would that happen? You're a bad faith actor. You're making a bad faith argument. But yeah, you're playing this game and you go, maybe, maybe. Because, you know, that seems to be the way the Batman video game envisions Batman. But he's a fun guy. he's got a nice little

He's got pointy edges He's got this It seems unfair You're putting these hooks here You know I'm sure I'm you know What if you have to save a baby

You know Batman's got these gauntlets What if you're picking up a kid And then some other kids Pulling at your leg From a fire The Batman's helping out In a fire

And he's just like what And then he just Babies got You know Face slashed These didn't be retractable Perhaps I should really

I have ideas for Batman comics. If anyone knows people in the comic industry, I got ideas. And we can work something out. But I could write for these people. I got great, great things. So we'll move on to the theme of the day. Because today is a great day of sport, it turns out.

For me, at least. I have a sports guy. My main thing is, tends to be basketball. but you know I look here's the thing so this morning was it starts out with the Wimbledon men's championship of tennis um Wimbledon is the great English English tennis tournament right I got into tennis years ago but didn't stay into it I don't watch it every year I got into it when I was living alone in my first apartment, working at the morgue.

And on my days off, for a few weeks, I watched all of Wimbledon. I watched it. I had the Xbox 360 at the time, and their TV, they were like ESPN app, was, had this picture and picture thing, which was cool.

So I could watch two, maybe three, for some reason, tennis matches at once. um i got i again manically into it i got you know i got the video games against the batman's i was in tennis i was watching every goddamn match and uh you know they stop because when we watch tennis for 10 years and keep track of it i watched formula one for years you know formula one people watch it now because i got that net net netflix show where you like inside

formula one i was watching it when i was getting at 7 a m every day when it was on like speed vision and it was esoteric and no one knew what happened no one knew what the inside of a Formula One paddock looked like where they're shoving weird dildos into the drivers to like hydrate them properly

I mean it's that it's a pen if you don't know about Formula One it's the pinnacle of motorsport is the highest echelon of technology in auto racing and they do I can't rule out the fact they would shove a dildo into a driver

to hydrate them in a very particular way not sexually don't get weird but you know it's and people watch you can watch that on Netflix but I didn't have that I got bored with that one because like a lot of sports you know the money gets involved and then you uh it gets boring it gets a little stale because you know the top the same people always keep winning the same teams uh I got sick of watching Mercedes um no one's bringing up the fact that you know the Germans and the Nazis that that's fine that's all And they killed people at LeMond in the 60s.

That's why, or 59. There was a LeMond race, the 24-hour LeMond in France. Don't tell me it's Le Mans. It's LeMond, I think. And, you know, there was a Mercedes car that went, like, spiraling into the crowd, killed a bunch of people. And they didn't, like, race as Mercedes for decades. But then they come back and they start dominating, you know, Formula One.

And it got boring. so um where's my point oh so i'm watching tennis i'm watching i mean but yeah i was why the is a weird thing they say about sports that uh they bring people together they keep having these stupid commercials and they go sports bring people together some variation on that but they really work well for the lonely because anyone can watch a sport anyone can sit around you don't have to have friends no one has to touch your dick or pussy like I'm saying like you can be a person who's repulsive

and like no one will touch you sexually and you can still get a thrill out of sports sports is that should be the selling point for sports not that they teach you team building not do they teach you camaraderie or like determination or hurting people

that it teaches it's there it's the only thing you got if you got nothing else you got this you can get drunk and watch this and feel excited what you're going to do you're going to watch the gilmore girls you're going to rewatch star track next generation six times in a row you need content and sports is perennial content it's exciting you don't know what's going to happen um it's just out there it's fun now if There's more than just Wimbledon. This is a whole day of sport, it seems like. Because I guess we have Wimbledon. We have the Euro, which I watched just recently.

And what I'm about to watch once this podcast is over is the NBA Finals game three. All right, so we'll get to all of them. But, you know, it's sometimes nice to forecast. so but it's it's they're all there if you've been left by your wife if your kids think you're a drunk if your boss is threatening to fire you if you don't jerk them off what you should you should tell someone but you know I'm just saying when life is like don't kill yourself watch baseball that's my model to people I mean it's not look this isn't great this is not like the pen it's not your like you know your best life your best life didn't happen i'm sorry

a lot of people don't have their best life happen it doesn't make you a bad person you could watch football americana where that's football soccer whatever i call it football why don't we call it american football and football soccer is a terrible name i mean it's just weird because it's been around forever and we're calling i don't like it i'm not advocating for soccer or for football or European football whatever you want to call it football

F-U-T is when you want to Spanish I spelled F-U-T-B-O-L which is great It's got a great flair to it but like I don't like it And we'll get into why When we get to the Euro

portion of this conversation But still it just seems arrogant and weird To call it to call our football football We could just call it like you know I mean it's better Because you use your hands Well I'll get to that

I've still not been contacted, by the way, by the, the Diet Coke people in the aftermath, though. Who, who was it, Ronaldo? Remember a couple weeks ago? We were talking about Ronaldo, and he, and he, get this, get this, this is my version of it. I go, because here's what, here's me, you know, oh, water, get rid of this.

Bring me to Dr. Pepper. or Diet Coke in this case I mean whoever wants to pay me you're gonna get it you can get you can get me advocating your product in in favor of water that's not going to kill me

so but yeah it's just you could be you know oh I haven't seen my daughter in 20 years I think she became a stripper and then got stabbed but then when's the school and now she's doing good I don't want to disparage sex workers

But you know I'm envisioning a person who didn't want a strip And there are those people So all you sex positive people Like stop pretending like everyone in the industry Especially that industry is doing it Because they're super sex positive A lot of people

You know, we're doing it because they don't have a lot of options And it's the best option Just like being a waiter It kind of sucks But you know Or a bartender's not great You know always It can be great

stop pretending like everyone who's stripping wants to be stripping it's like it's it's capitalism we do it doesn't mean yeah I'm I don't know what side of this I'm on but just I'm just sick of this like everyone's like stop just buried in the sex where why you say the girl got stabbed because she's a stripper she was a stripper she was a stripper and she got stabbed then she went to college and got a degree and that one of those crap degrees doesn't pay money okay and she's doing good but she won't talk to you because you're drunk was the point

and uh but you can still watch the NBA finals they put it on regular TV even you know uh which is nice you know you can tell that's how important sports are because they sell the rights right they sell uh

all the rights to these you know you want to watch the NBA playoffs for instance they're on ESPN or TNT uh you want to watch I mean I have a couple games on a Sunday um you want to watch baseball a lot of it's on i mean it's not always on local stuff but the final stuff

is always on not tennis but you know other sports actually you know what the wimbledon final maybe it was on a bc i didn't even check the point is it's exciting people need this release and the people who need it most are the people who can't afford ESPN classics or ESPN regular or ESPN plus or disney plus all right they know what they're doing because that your daughter she still has a you know the scar from getting stabbed because this guy it wasn't even happened at the strip club and you're saying on that sex positive it happened at McDonald's she you know she was actually you know trying to steal some guys like McMuffin she thought she was getting cute and uh look when I say she's trying she thought was getting cute

I don't think she deserved for that to be clear but I'm just saying she was just she had plenty of money she was she was a stripper who made a ton of money in this scenario but she just for a thrill took the wrong guy's English muffin McMuffin Off of it you know She tried to do a slight of hand trick And all of a sudden she's like he

He was a bad you know The one percenter maybe or one of these Criminal bikers he stabbed her He was drunk He wanted that English muffin And she took it So who's got to egg on their face Point is

She still has a scar But she won't talk to you But you can get some excitement that your life. You can enjoy LeBron James. Not this year. He's out. You can enjoy, and you can't enjoy tennis. I don't think. I don't think

the tennis finals were on network TV. They should be, though. They should really put them on network TV. Because people need that release. And there's something nice about watching Wimbledon. It's on the grass. There was an Italian Baritini

fighting Novak Djokovic. Now, Djokovic was a guy who I was watching back in my heyday of watching tennis. Novak Djokovic, the Serbian. They call him the Joker sometimes. He calls himself Spider-Man. It sounds like stuff I would do, but he's much more fit.

Maybe because he stopped eating gluten. See, I don't talk about it anymore, but I remember back in like 2012 when I was watching, he made a big fuss about the fact that he was always floating around the top 10, top five guys, but like never taken on. the head, you know, like Federer and Adal. But he stopped eating gluten and all of a sudden he was dominating tennis and good for him.

And he was fighting the Italian baritini. And I look, whatever, I watched it, I watched the semifinals on Friday, on a whim. I was off work and I watched the semifinals. And it was nice. There's something like wimbled in with the grass. It's kind of, you know, pleasing. There's an IBM commercial about being in an English garden We have all these sensors

We have 15 cameras on the center court We have a dozen sensors We have a bomb in the roof And we hide them all To preserve our original ideal Tennis, a game of tennis And an English garden And I thought that was nice

We shot a kid and we hid the body To preserve our ideal Of tennis and English garden There was a rape that occurred center court and we hit it where ibn we can do that and we did it not because we support rape don't get cute but we do like to preserve our ideal tennis and english garden it's nice we know we're half a baby's body we're not going to tell you you know why tennis on english garden we killed Kennedy

Tennis and English Garden Tennis Garden Tennis Garden That should be my response to everything If I was in If the Senate was asking me About any kind of murders That I didn't, you know, did or didn't know about

Sir I reluctantly invoke my right To preserve the ideal of tennis and English Garden Um But yeah I got to hand them. It's nice And, uh, you know

So it's whatever They were playing, and this guy was supposed to get smoked by Jokevich, and he lost the Italian by the Baratini. Very good-looking guy, very nice eyebrows. I got to say, I was even showing Lucy. How good-looking this guy is. I don't know why, but, you know, I did. And I was rooting for him in the way you root for, you know, I'm not a Djokovic fan. I'm a Raffin Nadal, the Spanish guy.

I like him. Or Federer. Joakovich is you know you got to respect them but he's a little too angry he seems like to bite your face or something but you know Novak won and the Italians lost it was a big day for Italian sport because they had a Euro Cup after that and uh you know it's funny Kate Middleton the princess of England

is that her name the Duchess of Sussex the Duchess of Wales or whatever she is is she the princess of whales because the anna was princess of whales right or no I know the husband is the prince of whale her dad her father-in-law I don't know

I really focus on the um the diasporic was that offensive I don't know the family that left the Harry and the Megan I don't know much about the other excuse me the other half of that you know apparently they put

they buried the hatchet side note they buried their their grudge and they unveiled a statue of Princess Diana I think talking to kids of AIDS or something which is very nice she famously hugged and kissed AIDS patients I didn't give a fuck she was just like you know you have AIDS I'm gonna give you a kiss little kisses and hope I don't get AIDS but I don't care if I do and then she crashed her car into the English Channel or whatever happened I don't know if she died.

You know, the BBC flew a helicopter into her car or whatever. Some people think the Mossad was involved. You know, we can have a roundtable discussion. The point is the statue wasn't about the BBC and the Mossad, you know, flying missiles into the back of her, you know, BMW. It was about her kissing and Huguenay's patients, which I think isn't a nice in children. It was a nice thing. So they buried a hatchet. But Harry was not Wimbledon.

But Prince, the brother, his wife was, Kate Middleton. And she gave, you know, a trophy to Djokovic. And then she had to hightail it across England to Wembley Stadium for the England versus Italy of the Euro Cup. You know, I still don't know what year. I guess the Euro Cup is the World Cup for Europe. but Europe is also in the World Cup. It's frustrating.

It's, you know, it's people get really into it. I will say, I prefer the Euro Cup for one reason. Because stupid young people in, like, New York City, don't pretend like the Euro as much, it was much. I remember walking on the streets doing open mics in New York City, Manhattan and just, you know, during the World Cup, but I don't know if it was the last World Cup, but the one before,

I don't know, was there he were four years? Probably two World Cups ago. And, uh, just, young people pretending to like soccer or football or whatever. It's just stop. You're just not, like it because you think it's cute.

They rip off the whites drive through there. Da, da, da, da, da. That, that, that, that, da. And, like, everyone's, oh, it's great because everyone just loves their country. You all hate nationalism until it's soccer, until it's football. And all of a sudden, you know, the same people who are, you know, who, who, who were getting, you know, in Sweden trying to, like, you know, get immigrant, the Somalian immigrants out of Sweden were the ones are the ones who are the biggest football. I mean, the soccer hooligans were the football hooligans in England, they weren't like social workers.

these are the people you just spare it these are the people probably voting for Brexit um just the but it's the young hipster's going we love the World Cup nah nah oh what's the last Champions League

match you watched or La Liga or any or you know I think it's the Spanish League or Fosa Italiano is that a thing what would you watch that oh I only watch the World Cup you're a child

you're doing sports wrong I know I say, I watch the Wimbledon final, but I'm not like, wait, I don't only, like, if I only watch tennis in the Olympics, kind of moron when I'd be. Oh, Olympic tennis is really the best tennis. You're an idiot. It's the same people with less, they care less about it. Jokovic, cool thing what he did today, there's Roger Federer, who's been going since 03. I think he's won his first major in 03.

Then Raf and Adal came a few years later as this guy nipping at his heels and his rival, right? He's younger. I'm not sure how much younger, but his main rival. And then Djokovic came later, and there was always like kind of a Federer was ahead, and then he was going to retire, kind of like Tom Brady. Point is, today, how it all worked out, they're all still playing. They're all still competitive, I think, and Djokovic tied the three of them for 20 grand slams each. So it was a very competitive time in tennis.

It's probably, they're going to call it the Golden Age of Tennis. And, you know, so Novak is actually going for what they call the calendar slam. Because these are grand slam tournaments, just four of them, right? It's four grand slams. It starts out with the Australian Open, the French Open. Australian opens on hard court, French opens on clay, Wimbledon's on grass, and then the U.S. Open is also hardcore. And so if you get all four in a row,

so it's limited once in the open error in 67 it'll be a big deal I think some people have gotten I mean there's plenty of people who've won all four but not in the same year there's those sort of thing if you win like the first two

or second two and then the first two the next year but that's not the calendar one all right so it's a big deal and he just won Wimbledon after winning the first two so he's like he's won away on top of that I'm getting to something here don't worry it's interesting

on top we don't bring it around on top of that i guess this is only having every four years there is the golden slam the gold slam if you win if you do all that and you win the big gold medal i don't know anyone's ever done that so there's to be a big deal right and you know how much jokovic who might end up being the goat the greatest of all time in tennis cares about that he said he's 50-50 about going because he doesn't like the crowd not being there because they got rid of all the crowds in Tokyo because Tokyo was raging with COVID apparently but they're going to keep the games going and just not have crowds I don't care because the Olympics is the most corrupting in the

world so allegedly also the most litigious thing in the world probably so there you go you're going to get me iOC is not going to get me and iOC is not going to get me but the point is the Olympics. Even Jokovic is like he's on the verge of doing something super historic and this would make it extra historic and he doesn't

give, and he only cares about it right now he's got plenty of money, hundreds of millions of dollars probably. He's got 20 grand slams. He's tied for the best of all time. I mean, they're all blowing Pete Sampras. Pete Sampers had 14 majors. That's how little he cares about the Olympics

is my point. And you, Pete, are out there going world cup world cup but same thing it's like play the best people it's like the Olympics you take all these professionals and you're spreading out the talent to go back to their home countries i mean there's already a few soccer leagues but this idea i'm just saying i don't like the world cup i don't hate it i know uh i don't like soccer also or whatever I mean, I'm not the only one. I saw Mr. Bill Burr tweet about this. He tweeted that,

he just only tweet was, God, this is boring or something like that. And people were going after him, when you don't understand. And usually, look, if you don't know Bill Burr, he's the helicopter pilot, a famous helicopter pilot.

And he gets a lot of controversy for it. And people were going after him, oh, what is it like American? You don't, like, American sports where they take breaks every two minutes. And they can, first of all, here's the thing no one likes it

in America not because they have better sports we have basketball you're just like you're just not gonna beat basketball with soccer

you're doing one with your hands and one with your feet you can do a lot more with your hands you can do with your feet that's what makes it better I mean to finesse the Kyrie Irving

well I'm not even a big Kyrie Irving fan but he's remarkable or Kevin Durant the man who you know fights with 14 year olds on Twitter but he's still a remarkable player and he does remarkable things of his hands

and I haven't seen one thing in watching this soccer and I've watched Maradonna of soccer he's the best but yeah I can't get into this like I'm not saying use your hand I know you can't it's in the rules you can't use your hands I get it but it's what makes it less

interest also I can't like it just seems random you're watching it they go back and they go forward they go back and they forth and it's so hard to shoot to score that it almost becomes random I know it's not random, but kind of it is. Like, you're all kind of, you're just waiting for that moment when, like, you know, your little trick works and the goalies doing a different thing.

But like, you know, the best guys, yeah, I guess, I'm just saying Kevin Durantz gets goals all the time. LeBron James gets goals all the time. So it's a competition of how consistently you can do it, how dynamically you can make the plays. but these guys are just like randomly oh whatever point is they were going after mr bill bird helicopter pilot and i'm not going to back him up uh per se i think he was you know mostly right uh but that's you know so i mean as far as uh i like to i prefer to the world cup because no one pretends to like this not not even not even the helicopter pilot bill burr but uh they do show a lot of nail-biting stuff people are very into it they're very nationalistic it's

It's kind of like Washington, Nuremberg rallies. It's very kind of creepy, but they're biting their nails. I think they're biting their nails on the sideline. I just feel like, you know, why don't, I wish I could be there. I know it's going to make sound like a broken record, maybe not. But I would love for them to cut to me, and I just have a gun on my mouth. I'm just going, oh, this is so tense. This is, I hope, you know, I'm asking of soccer, how tense you can be.

It's so tense because you don't know what any of it is. use your hands you might be able to kind of just whatever this is the same old culture divide I'm not going to retread the hands versus feet debate but my point is no it's all random and so I'm just going to be

sitting there with a gun in my mouth it might go off because who knows if I get a score if I get a goal I might shoot myself not on purpose but you know I put the gun on my mouth on purpose but to make a point but now I'm dead

because the goal surprised me. But if it's basketball, you're expecting goals to happen, right? So it's nice. Yeah, it's also like, who are these people? That's the other thing about it. Like, you're watching these people as an American. This is why the World Cup thing.

You know who, do you know who these people are? Because you got to get into a sport. You pick aside first, but then you got to, like, learn, like, you know, that'll carry you for the first few games, but then you sort of like the team. pick a team at random but you got to get to know them but these people who are acting in a bar you're getting drunk trying to impress some girl uh and they're trying to seem worldly and they're

pretending like they give a shit about this player or that player don't know who they are i guarantee you if one of these soccer players these football players broke into your house while you're eating supper with your wife and your and your young son and he had a gun again the guns brought back into the situation but you broke into your house you're eating beef strogan off that your lovely wife made you because of your birthday and your favorite food is beef strogan off uh i mean she doesn't do it well she makes it with the the campbell's condensed cream of mushroom soup and it's not very good it's on egg noodles and some and some ground beef and she buys a 99% or 97% whatever uh no fat The trick is you want a little fat in your ground beef.

You don't want to buy the 99% fat free. But she does because she thinks it's how it's better. It's not. She's confused it. She does a premium stuff. But you love her. She's your wife. She's not a good cook.

It's probably cheating on you, but you still love her. And she made your beef strogan off. And you're sitting there enjoying it or enjoying the idea of it, at least. And the most famous soccer player in the world, breaks into your home with a gun it shoots that lovely wife yours in the face she's dead and then kidnaps your son you wouldn't even know he's a soccer player

you go who is this man who is this man who is attacking me this is horrible my wife is dead the beef's strogan off uh is ruined that's the least of my problems but still it was my birthday and she's dead and my son has been stolen from me and you have no idea that he was the most famous soccer player in the world. Now, I guarantee you if LeBron James or Keith Hernandez or, you know, Tom Brady

broke into your house and just started beating your wife to death or your son did that or you start shoving a plate of beef strogan off in your face and eat this pig boy while like fuck your wife consensually because me me and her are having an affair and I'm going to kill you you know what you'd say you wouldn't before you said this is awful oh my god I can't believe you just told me this right before you murdered me what's going to happen to my son what how long have you been planning this before you say any of that you're going to say oh my god you're Tom Brady and that's a difference you need to recognize these people before you can like really you know get that extra thing out of sports that's important but people think you can just

this is america i'm rooting for america that's i mean maybe the u.s hockey team that's because we were in the cold war and we were all like you know we all thought russia was going to nuke us so we you know he said we said you know maybe these hockey boys can help us out that's you know that's the one exception you get the mur that's why was the muracle on ice because there's a miracle anyone gave his shit okay But, you know, if I sent you the captain of the English soccer team from today, and you're beating you the death, force-feeding you strogan off, you just go, this is terrible, random, every man.

A man on the street is beating him to death. You wouldn't even have the where, you wouldn't know who he was. What do you, he would go, I've been fucking your wife for years, and now I'm going to kill you and raise your son. and you know what you'd say oh okay well what you do you make a good living are you a plumber i mean i i prefer to live but i'd like to know my son be taken care of do you work in construction at least maybe maybe hback and he go i'm i'm a i'm a millionaire soccer player and you go huh i never were to guess that i never were to known and it's impossible for me to you know

that's what you'd say that'd be the scenario so don't come at me acting like trying to convince me to watch soccer I tried it was a penalty kick the English guys they missed three of their penalties at the end it went to the like that's their sudden death or whatever

because they each scored a goal each the English scored in the first two minutes I think and the Italian scored much much later and that's the game and then again I'm not disparaging the sport but don't tell me But again, stop calling us soccer too Which call it football

I call American football You know, big boy bowl Call it called big bucksum boy bowl Big men play this game At least if we, you know, kill you And take your wife Consensually You'll know who we are

This is the name Perhaps You know, if you're sitting there drinking shots Yeah, I knew this guy He used to like, you know When he worked potato Brad. He was just a very lonely guy and he would, you know, he was a

rider. He would help, like, he wouldn't even drive his own truck. And he watched sport. He would go to the bar and watch baseball and drink shots and eat wings. You think he's going to, he needs to know who these people are. I know in the Premier League, but I mean, it's fine. But my point is stop, it's not about like, don't watch soccer, to be clear. It's about don't pretend

you like the World Cup when you don't don't. Don't pretend you like soccer when you don't. It doesn't make your worldly to like something that half the world likes. It just makes you a putts for pretending to you know, that you're more you know, you're more international

than me even though I came up with Haitian Batman. But you know, then we do also, so that that's over. Italy won that. They lost Wimbledon but they won the Euro. And then we have you know basketball later uh the bucks are playing the sons which is nice uh yeah i like basketball i'm a big lebron james fan i know we talked about me coaching him in the earlier episode

um by threatening to kidnap his children i something to be a great motivation uh in this episode we have uh whether the sons and the sons the sons get chris paul he's a great player he's old i mean remember him because he's been around forever he's an angry guy he's a fierce um the bucks got you know the greek freak they call him he's yannes and to the kenten the kupo i can say that right uh yeah i mean i i don't have as much to say back because i just enjoy basketball that's how it works see that's how you organize society you don't have a fucking thing where like have to be you have explain to people. Soccer in America

seems to exist just so you can explain it to people. Like, oh, no, you all understand. Like, this is the Gimlet round where we add time. Like, that's the thing in soccer. They add time. They think it's impressive.

Like, it would be, look, if the sport was exciting, the fact that you, like, run around more without stopping for commercials or whatever would be impressive. But you don't, so it's not. or wait whatever it's not so you don't whatever I'm saying

the point is uh you know what about hockey is fun hockey is actually exciting it has the same problem of randomness uh where i can't really tell you know what's gonna like basketball guy comes down the the court he's holding the he's got a point guard

and he's like he got guys guarding each each other where every guy's got guy guard them and your ideas like get around them right and like you're gonna score a lot of points it's not to something that's so hard to do that like it just completely that's the thing people go oh basketball is the last person holding it well if it's a good game it is but a lot of times you know you don't have that hello someone just walked in they're not going on the mic because don't worry about it where'd you get a blue shirt from where'd that shirt come from you bought a shirt and

put it on see she's not people think what happened or she's here she's she's off she's came back and working on projects and she brought a shirt i'm that that's going to draw me off now you came back of a different shirt than you left with what is the implications of that what does that mean okay so to summarize uh you can't look things are getting worse in this country People are going to, you know, start shooting each other in a face more often. They're going to start maiming your children. You know, the odds are you're going to have a kid at some point in your life and it's going to die. From toxic air, from eating McDonald's, from choking on, you know, just weird water that I, look, I might end up promoting this water if the other company wants to, you know, promote my beverage thing on the show.

But there's water out there that has chicken bones in it. don't ask me why but you know it's some it's a gimmick but you know what a kid drinks that you might die and so that's your kid and he's dead the point is there's a lot of heartbreak in the world there's a lot of you know misery ahead for you global warming uh covids new covids COVID's 4 COVID 12 COVID 22 you're gonna need to fall back on the sports that's really the only option you have what are you going to find jesus is jesus gonna you know he's not going to excite you i mean if look he's just thinking about jesus he's fine tell him who you killed tell him who you know was robbed that's what he's there for and he'll tell you you you go to heaven but you know if you're going on one of those churches

where they're exciting then they're just taking your money that's what sports are for to excite you to titillate you but you know you're gonna need a real one you you you you you you're you're You need a sport where you could tell the guy who killed you, who took your wife after he killed you, you knew who he was, right? We went over this. Basketball, that's a good one. Tennis is nice.

Tennis is great. If you want to be more highfalutin, watch tennis. If you want to be more international, watch tennis. Oh, only rich people play tennis. Most of these kids are probably rich in soccer. I don't know. Most of that, maybe not. are rich people are soccer players rich when their kids the ones you go i'm asking you

nod up or down are soccer players rich when they're kids probably she says yes i don't know i mean they go to soccer camps i think i think i think of these i think of these soccer tournaments i don't see poor people doing that all the time um you know if hay i was going to teach kids to play tennis. I have a worldview here, right? It's not I'm not saying like, oh, watch tennis and soccer's for the slobs.

I'm just saying you're not better than me because you pretend they're like the World Cup. How is it so hard to understand? Anyway. Let's go over this Haitian Presidents' Guild, the farmer's market. Let me sure.

You can't do much. Yeah, we covered all the topics here. I really do want to expand on this idea, though, of me. I mean, like, if I show up at the stadium with a gun in my mouth, a very tense moment, they'll have to cut to me, right? And then maybe I can promote the podcast. If I have a gun in my mouth, but I'm just going, I'm just so tense. This is so, and they'll put me in the jumbo trying to go,

oh, my God, this fat man's going to shoot himself. And I'll go, no, I'm not, I'm just tense. I'm just tense from the sport. But, you know, they're still going to be scared. but I'll be wearing a podcast t-shirt That's not a bad idea I think I might

You know implement that Um I was a soccer camp A lacrosse camp one I played the cross in high school They fell asleep It was the Gates brothers And they were the

I think they were like the goats Of the cross at the time Maybe still are And I fell asleep During their seven I didn't want to go I already quit lacrosse, but my, uh, like my grandparents, like, we're going to send you, your brother wants to go and like, I got set, and like, it's like, it's like, it's like, thanks.

How about you just, like, this is the kind of, this is the kind of thing I can, the privilege I came from. It's just like, it served nothing. A little bit of privilege that we got. I wasn't a rich kid or anything, but like, it was one thing. The one thing he sent me to was one thing I hated. They didn't want to do and never did it again. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying.

I didn't want to go. My brother looked lacrosse. I fell asleep with the Gates brothers talk to me, not Bill Gates. They weren't trying to teach me vaccines. Whatever. Yeah, so thanks for listening. It's been great.

Patreon, uh, links in the bio. Got catch up on that. Don't worry. It's all coming. Uh, so talk to you guys soon. Uh, have a great week.

Enjoy.