Kump - 81 - Harley Kump

Episode Date: August 19, 2021

Ray and Lucie discuss Afghanistan, Bob Dylan, YA books and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your "I'm A Wine Princess, Bitch!" T Shirt, available for a limited time! https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello, Lucy. Hello. We're back. We're here Sunday for the Patreon. talking about Afghanistan We're going to talk a little more about Afghanistan It's a big topic

People want to be dumb here We had a nice conversation about Malawa And you know What she knew or didn't know Yeah definitely didn't know but sure Well you know I'm just I'm always skeptical of heroes I'm always skeptical of

People who Come out of nowhere Being shot in the face And uh you know the Christ-like, I guess they wouldn't take kindly the Christ-like figure. We discussed it, actually. Yeah, we discussed that.

Yeah, I mean, I don't think. But I don't think that she, I don't think she would care. I think she would be flattered at being called a Christ-like figure. Right, but not flattered by me saying she may be. But maybe not by the part where you said, you know, she planned her on shooting. I didn't say she planned it. I'm just saying, like, you know, it caused an effect. Maybe she knew the effect of her cause.

you know i'm just saying was that any different whatever i mean look jesus did it well yeah jesus knew but jesus was destined well he said he was i mean you know are we christian again

we're coming out saying that jesus are we pretending that he was you know we're fucking making grapes and wines and water and and healing the lepers do you think that he healed lepers that's what you're going with do you think that jesus planned

his own crucifixion? I mean, yes. Well, in a way, he did. He 100% did. Because he's God. That's what they tell you. In Catholic school, they did, you know, he tried to stop him. He's like, I got to do what I got to do, you meddling apostles.

You know, I know now, you know, God, why have you forsaken me? And then the guy next to him, the criminals, like, why ain't you let yourself off the cross and bring us with you? And he's like, and the other guy. guys like, hey, fool, you know, this is a great, this is the son of God, especially White Knight and Jesus. Yeah. You know, this is the son of God. He don't got to answer to you.

I'm like, just to fuck up. Why does the fact that he's the son of God, why does that mean he can't get the guys out of the cross? Exactly. Yeah. No, no, he can. He could have, he could have, like, he could have been like, yeah, you know, get these guys off, I'm going to die alone.

This is what the crucifixion would look like if it was a comment section. Yeah. be fair he let them die with him yeah no yeah he let them die though to be fair maybe it was because he was like fuck these guys they did bad things didn't they murder someone that's not the Christian MO is get people off and get people off and get people off

don't get people off but get people off yeah get people off that's why none the whole none thing with the uh what's that movie with Sean Penn. Doubt? No. Wait, no, that's Philip Seymour Hoffman. That's a pedophile movie.

This is the one where Dead Man Walking. It's a famous movie. I don't know this one. Dead Man walking? I don't know a dead man. He's on Death Row and... I've never heard this title even.

Really? No. It's a famous film from the 90s and Sharon Stone's a priest and I think they're sexual... Sharon Stone. Not Sharon. They don't let women be priests.

No, no, no. What? They don't let women be priests. You're right. we're a little off here um Susan Sarandon's a nun okay and uh the actress is wrong fair enough but she's a nun and she's trying to get you know

this guy to admit they did whatever he did probably robbed a piggly wiggily or murder the child whatever one of the two I don't think I ever saw a movie all the way through I've seen clips of it and uh it was a famous film I can't believe you've never seen heard of it. I know. Are you thinking of the green mile? No, I'm thinking of dead man walking.

Okay. The thing with a mouse? Yeah. Eliscuting a mouse? No, I'm not thinking of that. Hold on. I'm going to turn my mic up so I can hear myself louder. Nice.

I'm booming in my own head. Anyway, now I'm distracting myself. Jesus let those men die on the cross. much like Malala letters Maybe I'm just I'm speculating with you know Whatever we already crossed this bridge On the Patreon yeah I don't want to retread water

I'm not trying you know do an uh a feckless cash grab here Like you better sign up This is not it's not a follow up to the Patreon We're talking about Afghanistan What do you think about the Taliban as a woman I think they're great Do you? No, really.

Look, I said they're clearly, they don't like women very much. Well, they don't think you should educate them. Well, don't you, Lucy, have egg on your face. What? You can come up my... Sorry. Don't you, Lucy, have egg on your face. Why is that?

Because the Taliban have come forward and said they will respect women's rights. Really? Within the boundaries of Islam. Okay. Which, I mean... That could be fine. Who am I to say Islam doesn't respect women? I mean, I'm someone to say maybe the Taliban.

I don't know. When they say that, does they mean you got to wear the hats, but you can do other things? I don't think it's hats. I don't think it's a java hat. It's all hats to me. I mean, the hijab. Well, I look, I don't. The burqa.

I'm confused because the burqers one thing. The burqers like, I mean, am I going to be, is this offensive to say? I think the burqa is more associated It looks like fencing gear It's extreme Yeah It looks like you're going fencing in the Olympics I'm not going to say that there's no woman on earth

Who doesn't who chooses Who doesn't choose to wear the burqa But it's like But I think in general it's associated more with like You're being forced to wear that It's very white supremacist of you I'm kidding The hijab I feel like

It's more like Some women like wearing the hijab Is he a job just a headpiece stat like oh uh what's omar wears senator or congresswoman omar i don't think that's a hijab i think it's something else that's a kerchief kerchief it's not a kerchief that's a pocket square a head pocket square that's a match your uh your lapel your what they call that thing a boostier not boostie a what am i thinking of i don't know what's the what's the flower man wears Lapelle, I think

It's not a lapel, it's something else Anyway But I've first seen hijabs That I think like Look, look cute Look, a woman's cute She looks cute In the job

I mean, it could work That's fine Like I might choose to wear a job If it wasn't, you know Cultural appropriation You'll be You're gonna put you right in your ass Lucy

You're gonna get fucking You're gonna get from all sides I don't think Muslims want to see you wearing the job. No, I don't think you that you're supposed to just wear one for no reason. Because I were in the job as a man. If I went Muslim, could I wear in a job? You had to go Muslim and trans.

I don't think they have, they have, I mean, I don't want to speak from Muslims, but they have trans. Yeah. They allow it? I mean, Muslims anywhere? I'm sure. I don't know. I'm a student of the world.

I want to learn. I want to know everything. I want to find out what the Muslims. I don't think the Taliban is great. great with trans rights. I wouldn't venture to guess that the Taliban is very pronoun sensitive. I wouldn't venture to guess the Taliban allows trans athletes to play in sports that don't align with their chromosomal birth.

I would guess. Oh, no. We dropped. We'll get to her later. That's the figure. This is a problem. You picked this one. And there's a problem.

And we'll get to her later. Well, I thought it was on theme. No, it's fine. We've been watching the Harley Quinn show. Don't get to it now. We'll get to it later. Okay. It just fell over.

I'm just trying to blame you for things. Where's her hammer? It doesn't hold well. But we'll get to it later. Okay. She can't fight without her hammer. She can't see it without her glasses. So, yeah, I don't know if it's a Taliban.

Look, I don't know what the Taliban. what you want Taliban to be, but they've claimed, and I want to give them, I want to give them a chance that they're going to be nice to women. They're going to let women do their thing. They're going to let women be the boss bitches in,

in Kashmir. No, it's not Kashmir. No, officially supports boss girls. Yeah, Taliban allows boss girls are back in Kabul. There we go. That should hire me to come over and, like, just make wall, wall paintings, wall murals. Have they gotten into specifics?

Have they said, like, this is specifically how we're going to be nicer to women? Or allow more equality for women? I don't know. I didn't read that far. I don't think so. I think they said within the boundaries of Islam. To be fair, I think, you know, I think the Old Testament lets you stone women. So I don't know.

Look, your women don't have a great position when it comes to a lot of religions. You're in the passenger seat and a lot of religions. Catholicism is very woman-centric. They love Mary. They love Mary, but, you know, they don't let you fight. You know, you better give birth to that seed I put in you, uh, metaphorically. Yeah.

Uh, no, literally. Yeah. Yeah. Um, don't believe in abortion. Don't believe in abortion. Uh, you know, uh, the, you know, uh, woman's job is to take care of the man the man's job to take care of the woman i don't know you got allowed to beat your wife yeah i mean you can get away with it a lot i mean a lot of catholic

communities you can hit your wife i mean you've seen the godfather i mean the mafia were the one stopping you know the wife beating with tally shire not not the priests where did a bunch of priests stop uh you know tallia shire's uh uh you know who's talia shire She's fucking, you know, Pacino's sister. Tali is shy, you know, Rocky Balboa? Oh, okay. She's in the Godfather, you know that? Oh, right.

Yeah, now I remember. This is because you didn't take Alpha Brain. I got some Alpha Brain. We're not being sponsored by on it here, but I got some Alpha Brain because I wanted to contemplate Afghanistan. Yeah. And it's not bad. Well, I didn't want to get it all jittery before the show.

I told you it's not a jittery thing. It's not an Adderall. And now you don't know. of Talia Shire is, the mother of Jason Schwartzman. Oh. Yeah. And the sister of who? Francis Ford Coppola.

Oh, I was going to say Terry Shivo. Terry Shire was the sister of famous, invalid catatonic woman, Terry Shivo. The names just sound similar. They sound somewhat similar. Is that how sisters work? Do I have a brother named Bob Kemp? Is that how this works now? Terry Shivo is not the sister of Talia Shire.

Oh, okay. Well, educated, yes. Do you remember Terry Shivo? Oh, yeah. Brain dead woman, I mean, literally. Sure. And they wanted to keep her alive. I mean, I'm not speaking out of school here when I say Terry Shivo's brain was dead.

And I worked at the... No, I got to say, I said some, like a mini-year-old. documentary about Terry Schiavo recently where I was like I did understand the family's point of view I mean as dumb people like I understand their point of view more because it's like when you see the video of her she does kind of look alive

like it's like where she's going like ugh yeah like she looks like she's about to say something she looks like the Frankenstein monster yeah well it's part she acts like it at least I'm telling you I thought that she was just like in the you know with her maybe with her eyes open but just lying down I had a different point of view until I worked

famously at the morgue and we work the morgue you see people who are dead but in various states of death sometimes people come in after being in the like brain dead for a while like terry shyvo was and they take the brain out and it's like porridge it's like soup it's just slimy and just falling apart because i take a lot of pictures of brains and in the brain it's not it's not hard as a rock but it's it's got a firmness to it right it's like uh it's a gives give to it you don't want to press it you don't want to into the brain but these brains were like a bunch of like a like a like you have uh um what's something in dumplings what's the what's the word grits no no just just don't why was grits and dumplings

no what are you talking about uh chicken and dumpling chicken and dutts and dumplings where did you grow up the fucking like the south combined with like just you know brain dead people no chicken and dumplings and the dumplings and the dumplings are like a white gravy and it's very soft and kind of falls apart that's what the brain is like so i asked the doctor like oh just like what like terry shiva what's brain would have been like and they're like yeah like oh so there's no coming back from that and they're like no no like i mean there's no medicine that's going to like put your brain back together physically oh yeah you're not going to take a pill and all of a sudden your brain starts, like, getting hard again.

This is not a matter of, like, oh, she's asleep. Her brain is falling apart. It's rolling around in her head, like a guy, like, like Dunkeroo's, which you enjoyed earlier today. Yeah, they brought him back. Well, to the delis around us. They were around for last year I was eating Dunker Roos. I didn't see them ever before the last couple of days.

Did the bodega boy hit on you again? The bodega boy? No, he actually. seem like he actually seems a little salty when I come in now oh yeah he doesn't seem like he's like he likes me anymore well I'm very hard with him I'm very I'm very uh I'm not very friendly with him did you threaten them I didn't threaten them I just yeah but I think he kind of got the idea like this guy doesn't like me anymore never really did I mean he's so small what's he doing in the deli all day I don't know it's not his fault but I don't like

I don't like having to interact with a child laborer and and then like pretend like everything's fine like this is not fine we're not in a different culture yeah like you should be in school or like doing school sometimes it's not after school hours all day yeah it's all day it's all day it's like this can't be good and not just in the summer and i think those people have a good like situation they have a couple delis yeah it's not like oh we know we have to do this it just seems like i'm not trying to be i'm not trying to be culturally jingoistic or whatever but like it's also annoying I don't want to interact with kids

He's trying to like act like Oh yeah oh chief And look enough And he got braids in his hair Yeah I saw that they had braids for a day And it was like we don't They're trying to act tough with me

And try to act like we're I'm a grown man I don't want to interact with a child This is my child And even that I'll be very stern with him And you know Anyway So I think the Taliban

Might be turning over a new leaf Is the point Okay And again this is based on they said so they said so they said so do they think

I mean in Saudi Arabia they started letting women drive is there something like that where it's like they're going to let women unspecified I believe do they have cars in Afghanistan I don't think most people have them though

it's very rocky cars they have cars but it's a very rocky terrain um well i'm sure they have roads paved out i mean well i mean when you say paved i'm sure it's like you're being very liberal to repay there are roads there are i'm not saying there's no paved roads but i'm sure they're paved not the best and i'm saying what i'm trying to say is like life is hard in afghanistan having a car is hard enough for people who aren't doing well financially and then like you put on top of it like you're rolling over rocks all day yeah which Like dust is in the air.

I'm just saying. You know where this would be a great place for? What? Bike lanes. Lots of bike lanes. You might be, you might be real. We were talking on the Patreon about how Lucy's got a bike now.

And she's just recklessly driving around New York City and the bike. And are you saying you want to go to Kabul? Go to Kabul, pave out a bunch of bike lanes. So you want to hang out in Kabul for you, I'm saying? Yeah, sure. I'll go be the master of bike lanes in Kabul. No, I'm saying you. You're saying you want to live a cosmopolitan lifestyle in Kabul.

Yeah, sure. They're sophisticated. Do you think we should let the refugees in? Yeah, why not? Yeah, exactly. You want to, they're in a picture, though. You want these people living in your town? I want, I want to live in my town.

I hate everybody. Where I care? This kids are Afghanistan? I mean, wherever the kids are. What was the picture of? Did they have weapons? No, there was a thousand people in the C-130. Just like, you know, plain.

Oh. It was literally just people? Yeah. I mean, some racist congressman or something. I thought that it would be like, because sometimes they'll just take a picture. Yeah, they'll take a picture out of contacts

of just like people with guns or something. No, I'll find a picture. They're literally just showing tired immigrants. Let me see, Afghans in C1.30. What? The famous picture. clean i'm i'm the idiot writing c130 no one knows what that means there we go see

these people who work for the news don't write c130 in their articles that's why they're to come up it's obviously a c130 do you want yeah it's like these just look like they're refugees yeah like refugees like i mean i think it's fine let them in well i care there's no one who no one here is good look at the people working on twitter all day. Are these people great? Yeah. No.

What do I care of the Afghan persons here? They actually interpreted for the soldiers? Okay. Oh, some of them interpret it? Well, I think that's the logic is a lot of these people fleeing and the people who help to eat the soldiers. Yeah, that definitely love it. I mean, I think that is the critique of the Biden administration.

Because I think Biden's position is that Trump's at a timetable and I don't know. It was a short timetable for the deal he made. And he's like, I got two choices I could either extend it or just get us out of this war, which, you know, be going over 20 years. I'm sure he could extend it in a month, whatever. I mean, I'm not going to fall for that verbal trap. But, you know, I mean, did we ever leave properly anywhere?

Yeah, I mean, would have, what a month have stabilized the area? People were acting like we should have, like, got these people out. Like, yeah, we should have done a lot. We should have gotten it in the first place what we're talking about. But I don't know. I don't know. We're nitpicking here, I think. We left weapons behind.

They have, what are you going to fly over here and shoot us? Right. Maybe. I mean, we're pretending like they did 9-11. It wasn't Donald Rumsfeld on a plane. Why do you think he was on the Pentagon long? Because he jumped out of the plane that was the missile that was striking the Pentagon. They were just showing the weapons we left behind as like a cliffhanger for the next resource war.

We need a reason to go in. right why the whole thing about Iraq how do you know SMDs yeah we left them there oh you and people were literally saying well we put the weapons there in the first place

that's not a reason not to stop them from having them feels like it is though yeah feels like if you leave something behind that's a fair game yeah you know like don't these things

doesn't anything important have a self-destructed anymore you know when they when they fucking supposedly got bin Laden and anytime they like You know, when they go, when an helicopter goes down, when these special forces a mission, they destroy the helicopters.

Sure. Why are we just leaving behind weapons? I mean, we always do, don't we? I don't know. It depends. Uh, so you. It always is, like, some weapon that, like, and then 10 years later, they're attacking us with the weapon.

Yeah, but also, we have, like, the weapons are 20 years old at that point. We can't, we, we, we, we, well, by the time. That was really the less. of Iron Man. No, it wasn't. Who, maybe we should have featured on the show today.

We don't have an Iron Man figure, first of all. Yeah. Fine, I'll buy one if you want. But the point is, it's also a Batman-themed overarching thing.

Oh, okay. Second of all, second of all, the message of Iron Man. I mean, they kind of do something like that where it's like a Starg Industries is making weapons for the country for America, but then they,

end up in the hands of yeah no they sold them to those people what are you talking about no no they're making them ostensibly for the US military but then they get in the hands of these like terrorists

they're sound of the terrorists well the evil guy is but then the terrorists attack Tony Stark with them I don't know what world you live in that was completely an okay analogy no it was I don't know what world you live when you think weapons manufacturers that's why he stopped doing weapons

manufacture he didn't say hey we got to really shore up our weapons manufacturing and like stop giving them the terrorists he said we got to stop weapons manufacturing wait no no no i don't think you're getting the point i don't i'm not getting your point this happens in the first 20 minutes of iron man no they they they kid that they kid that tony stark yeah but they use like a weapon of his oh maybe to attack the caravan maybe they do they definitely do fine whatever i don't mean it's a point it's an irony it's a stark irony it's a marvel irony what stark art is great very cute very cute

so we're giving them the taliban we're gonna give them a maybe vote maybe i mean look i got to hear what the plan is i can't just say i can't just take we're gonna be better women let women be secretaries secretary yeah look in the 50s that was a progressive thing No, it wasn't. Bad men. No, no, the point isn't that it was progressive. I mean, at a certain point, women would not be allowed in the workplace, and then they were, I believe. No, no, women were always, this is a myth.

Women were always in the workplace in some menial job or another. Yeah, you know, like making coffees and, like, wearing skirts, going, hey. No, like in factories. They were working in factories. That's the only one during World War II when the men went away. No, no, they were doing this long before that. During the Industrial Revolution. Maybe in Soviet Russia.

They liked that they had little hands. They could do certain. tasks that's children the triangle shirtwaite's factory that was in china wasn't there a japan oh china town all right well fair enough we're gonna make the socialist podcast now i got never to i got remember every detail the triangles shirt factory fire anyway thank you for that should we get a little a little jingle for when lucy does her little uh propaganda I just don't understand why people think women weren't in the workplace.

I know they were. I'm being sarcastic. I'm being sarcastic. All right, fine. Should the Taliban, what do you want to do? You want me to be mechanics? No, I mean, like, voting. Probably, like, you know, having equal political rights.

Are women not to vote here? In America? I'm not even sure anymore. I mean. Yes, they just don't count. Okay. They just don't count them. All right.

Well, we'll look into that. Do you want me to talk to the Taliban for it? And most of the women are racist anyway, so it doesn't end up mattering. Or most of the women are racist? I'm kidding. Oh, yeah. Maybe half. No, definitely half.

I don't think half the population is racist. I think that's an oversimplification. You know, but then whatever, you can just agree with them. I don't think they're all racist. That's just, you know. Okay, well, I was exaggerating for a comedic effect, but whatever. I'm just like 40%. I'm kidding.

Anyway. Yeah. So we're team Taliban? Look, I have to hear them out first. What demands do you have for them? I would want them to stop killing women. Do they do that? Randomly.

Do they still do that? Yeah. Are we thinking about the old Taliban? Or arresting women. Are we thinking about the old Taliban? Well, I don't know what the new Taliban is. I mean, how long ago was Malala shot? 2012 that's kind of recent all right well i'll ask them about it are they going to keep shooting

little girls who say they want to get educated is that a deal breaker because i think that would be a big thing that feminism deal breaker would they be willing to meet with mulala i mean that just seems like inflammatory what do you mean that just seems like you're asking for like you know that's just seems like you know would uh would you want you know al gore to meet with hillary clinton Wait. But they publicly apologized to Malala. I mean, you're dying

on this Malala Hill. I mean, let's just move forward. Stop shoot. Look, we can get to stop shooting the next Malala. How much is the Taliban paying you? I'm just saying, I don't know if I was,

if I was negotiating on behalf of the U.S. government for women. The U.S. government for women. And it was like, I wouldn't make the deal breaker. You got to apologize to Malala. People, want to say face they don't want to apologize the first week in office yeah but they're saying they're the

one saying they're new and improved yeah but like you don't you don't like they they don't want when you're a company and you rebrand like when dominoes uh rebranded their pizza and said now we're delicious they didn't say we used to taste like horse shit and now we taste great they just say we taste great now new and improved you don't say but do they no it was it was grap But that's the point, it's PR. My point is, you don't, like, come out and go, we're not going to shoot. Like, you go, hey, we're not going to shoot a little girl

who wants to get educated, but you don't say, and we definitely did before. Well, sure, but they're not even saying the first part. They're not even saying the part where we're not going to shoot a little girl in the head. All right. Well, I'm saying you, I'm trying to get them to. But if you're demanding, they, like, meet with Malala and take pictures of Malala and she's showing them to the wound to the photographers.

That's a bad look. They don't want that the first week. Well, it's like, reparations. It's like when Bill Clinton went out and said, you don't actually have to do anything about it. But it's like when Bill Clinton or whatever went out and said, like, sorry for slavery. All right. But I mean, that was like a hundred years. But if the Taliban came out and said, sorry for shooting Malala. Fine, but that was 130 years later, to be fair. We never gave reparations. Yeah. I'm saying, why, why not even, they're not even doing the lip service.

I'm saying, because we don't even sure if they're going to stop shooting women. We're trying to get them. This is a problem. You think that's a problem. You think that's a lot of us is to the Gump podcast. They're influenced by it. I'd be willing to go over there and negotiate, but I feel like the problem with the left, and I don't want to slend you with part of the left. But, you know, was that okay?

Yeah, sure. Okay. Sometimes you ask for the moon when you just want a piece of cheese. I don't even know, but I don't even know what the Taliban is saying they're going to give. Well, we can ask them to stop shooting little girls, but I don't think we can ask them any of them. I can ask them. I have gravitas. But I don't think we can say, hey, by the way, can you stop shooting girls?

All right, sure. You're going to go over to Afghanistan. And be an ambassador for women's rights. You be the Taliban. Okay. Hello, Mr. Kump. Hi, how are you? Welcome to the Taliban.

Thanks for having me. By the way, love. This is great. This is great. This is great. Can we ask you for a couple considerations here? Could you stop shooting little girls who want to get educated? I don't know

That's a big ask That's a big ask All right Will this make it any easier Could you also apologize To Malala the girl you shot See it doesn't It's like I

I had a branch there I apologize to Malala If we don't have to stop shooting little girls Well that's the well I mean there you go Yeah There you go see you proved your own I wasn't even thinking of that angle I'll just go

All right we'll apologize to Malava And they'll keep shooting which one do you want You want an apology or you want the fucking Okay so ask a what I am, what the Taliban is willing to do. What are you willing to do to help women in these trying times? We're going to start a women's national basketball league. It's more than America does, I think.

Are you going to pay them a decent wage? Yeah. Yes, when we do. That'll be the only basketball league. Yeah, it's already women forward. I would buy tickets. Yeah. The Taliban could start attacking America on the basis of them not supporting their women's basketball

Like America. Yeah. Like physically or just like Talk shit about America. Look at you. You don't even pay Cheryl Stokes or Cheryl Sparks or Cheryl Sparks. You don't pay Cheryl Sparks a good wage. Just going to rush a lot of the women

And I don't know if it's still a little, at least a few years ago, the women in the offseason, WMA offseason, we go to Russia to play because Russia plays their women basketball players because it's big there. No, Russia, honestly, like Russia, the sports, a lot of women's things. They do. Do that?

I don't know. We'll move on. So let's hope for the bet. We'll follow up with the Taliban. You couldn't wait to get through it. You demanded it. Well, I suggested it. Well, you asked for it.

It's fine. I mean, I'm not bought the figure. I'm not against it. This week's Depression Batman figure is the one that only Harley Quinn. You bought this of your own accord. Yeah, I didn't buy it for. I mean, I thought you.

might like it, but, you know, I wanted a Harley Quinn anyway. Yeah. Do you want to talk about Harley Quinn? We've been watching the Harley Quinn show. It was a Harley Quinn cartoon on HBO Max, which I enjoy. I think it's very fun. What is that? Her ass is pointing around me now.

She's very suggestive. She's kicking. All right. Well, she's not kicking me. I'm not those little legs. Fun character. She kind of reminds me of you. Very aggressive.

Very, very, I mean, do you relate to Harley Quinn? I like Harley Quinn. I don't know if I relate to Harley Quinn, but I like her. What do you like about her? I think she's very tough and crazy, but she's very feminine. Yeah, she is feminine. She has breasts and she dances. But, you know, it's like she has feminine weaknesses.

Like, like, what, like, loving crazy men? Like, you know, like, how about the hell of man? Yeah. You know, it's like having this is a bad relationship in her past? You think Harley Quinn would do well in everything right now? I, maybe, I mean, like, look, she has all, like, the kind of, like, she covers up her body she does

it's still very form fitting you see her breasts and her ass yeah that's true probably they wouldn't go with the Taliban no but I think if she came over

and was like offered herself as a mascot maybe they would be they would like her a mask so that that's feminism to you a woman being a mascot for the Taliban all right so we

so what if Malala becomes the mascot for the Taliban does that be good for you so come back come back

I don't think Malala would be coming back to you here's what I got for you I talk about the Taliban yeah the shooting women thing they're gonna put a pen in that apologize to Malala that's a no go but I did make a deal with them a concession for women in Afghanistan

women's rights Malala can be the mascot of a Taliban sounds good all right you're her agent I think I can tell that to Malala well look she hasn't been doing much lately Maybe she would go for it. I mean, she could use the publicity, the exposure.

They could do a thing. They could do like a little circus axe where they shoot her in the head and it doesn't kill her. Wow. That's just dark. That could be, I mean, sure. Wow. She's always shooting her in the exact same wound. You are her agent.

Just to be clear, you represent Malala. I think that Malala, if I came to her with this offer, I think Malala would, she would let me sign. Oh, gosh, you're on spec. You're working on spec here. Yeah, I mean, look, this is a problem. She does have... I just sold this thinking you were her agent. She does have an agent.

They're going to fucking kill me. Technically already. They're going to kill me. It's really just a book agent. I think I could handle all the other stuff. The fake shootings? I'm a fake shooting agent. I'll be her public appearance agent.

Is what we calling it? The pantomime shootings? Jesus. So Harley, one uh she has a mallet uh it's hard to put it in her hands i have her posed when she's on the bookcase well no it's gonna be too hard bit no i'm gonna just show them out okay where it's it'll be a while to get in position where she's holding the mallet but like it's bad a balancing act just don't it takes a while i had to kind of put her hands up and like is the thing can we

can you just trust me is there no trust okay all right it is hard okay so we're just gonna This is not everything. This is just part of the show. Okay. I wanted to have them out. You hold them out. Okay. Enjoy it.

I'm going to move on. There's kids. I don't want to be. It's distracting me. Kids are going to school. I guess now, it seems early for kids to be in school. Are kids going to school now? No, don't they go back to school in September?

I would have thought so. I know different places, but like people are saying the kids are going to school. Maybe it's because of all the school they miss. Maybe, maybe everyone on Twitter's just lying. Maybe everyone on Twitter is a liar when they say, like, my son, my kid went to school wearing a mask, and the teacher made them take it off. It just seems like, it seems like a stress. I mean, maybe it happened. What, like an act of defiance?

I assume so. I mean, does the mask say, like, suck my cock? That'd be hilarious, just a mask with a cock inside of it. Yeah. Or just says, fuck you. No one ever answers that question. Does the mask have something obscene? Yeah.

I mean, I'm not trying to, I mean, that's not even that funny with that ankle. It's just like, but, uh, or like people like, you know, um, I was at the meet the teacher event last night and when someone was wearing a mask and someone else tried, a teacher was wearing a mask and the parent tried to rip it off. Huh. I guess that's true. I guess, I mean,

look, I could see that happening. In Austin, Texas, I think it was. I could see it happening. I mean, that's just like,

I mean, I don't, it does seem like a, I mean, it doesn't seem like a kind of thing you have to look out for. Fight back. Fight back.

I'm not saying to be a tough guy, but if someone goes to your face, we're just going, oh, I think my bad, pay him in the face. What are you doing? This,

like, everyone being a tough guy on Twitter, man up, a woman up. Get your pussy hard. You know? Fucking stick them with a pen. Do something. Was the idea, was the person ripping it off because they just didn't want to see masks?

No, they were trying to save their life. Well, yeah, I mean, I guess so. They thought they were Taliban. Well, Taliban doesn't wear that. They didn't know. No, I'm assuming they're anti, if it's real, it was a true story, they're anti-face mask people. Which is like it is what it is But if anyone's, you know

Anyone wants to pull that shit You get your fucking You get a dick in your eye That's my motto You don't agree No I mean look I'd probably If somebody's going for your face

You scratch them Yeah scratch them You have a scratch in your head Yeah You know why You want to tell them why Well I'm not proud of this

We were cuddling We were cuddling We were kind of cuddly. We were solidly cuddling. All right, maybe we were. But you don't want to admit to your audience? We cuddled all the time. I'm not sure at the moment we were cuddling, but okay.

So we were cuddling. And I was playing around. Yeah. And I gave you a raspberry. I don't know where. I don't know where, but, you know, I was like. And I jerked. My hand jerked.

And the weird thing is I had cut my fingernails recently, but I guess one was a little pointy. And I feel terrible. But that's what I'm just saying. Do it again. I was caressing your forehead. My point is my natural reaction, even when someone like Lucy gives me a raspberry. My natural bodily reaction, I'm not some, I'm not Joe Rogan. I'm not, uh, I'm not, uh, what?

You just say your hand squirmed a little bit and you accidentally scratched me. Right, because you're making it sound like you punched me in the face. Right, fair enough. I'm saying, I, but my body reacts to things that are coming at me. Someone comes at your face, take a mask, and you just go, oh God, no, don't take it. Oh God, no, don't take it. But you could jerk away from them. Yeah, and slap them.

I'm just saying, like, what are these? These stories sound kind of fake, and if they're not, they're even worse. What do you do if I want to, like, to grab your mask? Yeah, see? Yeah. For people who aren't watching on YouTube, she's smacking my hand away. Yeah. As simple as that.

Oh, ow, oh. Does that, no, because I overpower her? Sure. By that point, I'm like a felon. Yeah. I mean, at that point, I'm going to jail for sure. So, you know, I don't know. How do you feel?

Do you feel like kids should be allowed to wear masks? Well, yeah. I mean, look, they got to, but it's like, but I don't. No, of course, it was a silly question. Look, I do think I have heard stories about, like, really young kids where I'm like, look, I'm not sure if that's necessary. I'm not saying you're forced to wear them, should be allowed to work. Like, them not being able to, like, say hi to each other in the hallways and stuff and

schools. Like, that's kind of seen. No, no, there's plenty of stuff out there where it's like, you know, I'm not saying we force them all. I'm not sure what the right answer is, but they should be allowed to. Sure. Again, I don't know what these stories are true. There's a lot of shit on Twitter.

It's all just, this will all be fake. I mean, not COVID, but like the mask. Oh, so I was at the supermarket and sometimes fucked me in the ass of them. My mask was gone. You know? Right. You're saying people should fight back harder. I mean, not in the ass fucking part, but, you know,

like if some guy fucks you in the ass, just we can steal your mask. Then you feel like the, like the stupid jerk. Oh, he just fucked me in the ass to get my mask. You know? Sure. That's what happens when I leave the house. You go and fuck someone in the ass and steal their mask?

For my mask, come from where I get him? Um, they enjoyed it. That sounds terrible. I don't fuck people in the ass take their masks. No, I'm just saying other stories. We'll move on. Horatio Sands, where you got? No, you know what happened.

You knew what happened before me, apparently. I know the gist. I came to you, I was like, I got a juicy story for the podcast, and you were like, yeah, I already know that one. Well, tell me the juicy story from your point of view. Well, Horatio Sands. Well, I would have. I came to you with was, I've read a story about Horatio Sands grooming a 15-year-old girl. Right.

Apparently, I mean, I've heard he was bringing, I don't know what's true. I don't know if I should say on, I think he was taking up with parties and stuff. S&L parties. I think so. S&L after parties. I mean, I've heard things. I don't know. I mean, I can't speak.

Wait, let me guess what happened. All the SNL cast members were like, oh, shit, this is really bad. And they called the police. I think he did. I don't think so I don't know Should they have Would that have been good

That may have been preferable Yeah sure What if they said hey Would they say something effective Hey You got to calm down Can be bringing her here Yeah

Would that be good enough Don't be bringing her here What are you doing? Keep that shit on the down low This is getting too public Is that what you're trying to get that? They would keep doing this. They're going to find out about all of our 15-year-old girlfriends.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, yeah, so is he under arrest or something? Was he being sued? What's going on? I guess he's being sued. It seems like the thing that happens in a lot of these cases. Does he have any money? Is he like, is he homeless?

What's he done for the past 20 years? I don't know. And why does he stop cackling in the middle of sketch? I mean, that guy couldn't like do a sketch about laughing Jimmy Fallon's face. Him and Jimmy Fallon were two of the most annoying people on Ness and L when they were together. Yeah. I mean, it's because they were just. fucking laugh for no reason.

They weren't being funny. They were never being funny. And they were just cackling each other's faces, like a bunch of stone... Will Ferrell would genuinely make people laugh. Oh, yeah. Will Ferrell's genius. Yeah. Those two were just like high or something.

Yeah. Surprisingly. Yeah. I can't believe they would ever be drunk. Those two. And then afterwards the variation of Samson would make Jimmy Fallon laugh so hard. He strangle someone. Jimmy Fallon, the Milton Burrell of the 90s?

no um so yeah i i i mean does it surprise you or is your childhood no none of us surprised me i mean it's like never now it never surprised yeah but what like so let's just say pre me too when i said you hate ratio stands did x y and z would have i'm just kidding these guys couldn't be more of a dirt i mean even if he didn't do it somehow yeah i'm so like i'm like i don't I believe it. But, yeah, I'm not going to hold. I mean, I'm not the court of law. Yeah.

Who am I to judge? If DNA evidence proved a medicine, I would still believe it. I mean, why don't you bring Jimmy Calfallon and you'd laugh you're in a deposition? We have a situation here. Yeah. Another Me Too. Related.

Another Me Too story. This one, I don't know. say we told you so, but I think we told you so, right? We called it. Was that on Kump or our love is disgusting? I'm pretty sure it was back in our love is disgusting. Yeah. Me and Lucy have, for years now,

for years, fostered the idea spurious without any evidence based purely on instinct and more honestly just hoping it's true because it's funny to us. Yeah. that Bob Dylan was a pedophile.

We had a whole thing about, it was called pedophile Bob Dylan. Do you remember any of the lines? I'm blanking a little bit. Um, um, um, um,

um, what's it? Give me a Bob Dylan song. Oh, oh, we were doing one just the other, just today, actually.

Were we? It takes just like a woman. She makes love. Just like a woman. Just like a woman. Even though you're a child. But she's really a little boy. Shakespeare, he's in the alley.

Sucking off a kid. Did I mention that? I'm Shakespeare. And that's what I did. Oh, mama, could this really be in the end? I'm fucking all these children. And I'm never going to stop. I mean, look, at the time we had one more flushed out.

Yeah. We probably should have tried to remember some before we did this show. Yeah, I probably. I think I have a pretty good Bob Dylan impression. Yeah. So one impression I can still do. Yeah, it's good. Oh, Mama.

It's really be. it isn't that good but apparently he was good when we make him a pedophile yeah it worked the whole the combination of my mediocre impression with him fucking children it just it's nice um but yeah it's a woman who said she was 12 at the time so they groomed her and abused her in the Chelsea hotel

the the the iconic hotel Chelsea Really, the Chelsea Hotel. Yeah. I remember you well. It's a Chelsea Hotel. You were giving me head in an unmade bed. Do you know that? Is that Leonard Cohen?

Yeah. Is it more Bob Donnelly? I remember you well. The Chelsea Hotel. I was sucking a kid. Actually, that was a funny aspect. It was a funny thing about the article I read, but they were like. You know, it's like, they made sure to mention that the hotel was iconic.

He sucked off this girl. I think she was a girl, right? Like a teenage girl. 12-year-old, supposedly, yeah. Almost there, you almost had my seal of, what's the word there? Like, that kind of, what would that be if it was true? The seal of ambiguity. The seal of ambiguity.

Well, she was a teenager at least. No, not even. In fact, Ray, no, she wasn't. That would make it more ambiguous, but no, she was 12. All right, well, yeah. So a 12-year-old girl. Yeah. Yeah, it's no good.

I mean, it wouldn't be good as you're 13. At the iconic Hotel Chelsea. We're very sorry to reform you, the legendary singer Bob Dylan, sucked off child at the legendary. esteemed, I mean, steeped in history, iconic Chelsea Hotel. You're the victim. What was it like from Bob Dylan to be doing those things to you? Wow, you were in such an esteemed establishment.

Were you thinking to yourself, wow, yeah, something's happening here. But this is where Janice Joplin, was sucking off Leonard Cohen. Well, I was mostly looking for an opportunity to escape, you know, my abuser. Right, but did you notice, like, the curtains, the radiator? What was it like? Do you remember?

I didn't really stick out to me. Look, I know you didn't feel lucky, but did you feel lucky amongst pet of foul victims? Did you feel lucky that at least it was happening in the Chelsea Hotel? I mean, like, you know. It's, it's better than a bus station, right? All right. It can be a lot worse. It can be a hobo at a bus station.

It's Bob Dilling at the iconic Chelsea Hotel. No? I was, again, I was mostly focused on the abuse that was happening. Cut the camera. She's not helping. We'll write it up. We'll write it up. We'll write that for you.

Doing us no favors. I mean, honestly, she maybe should lean into it because it would help, I mean, apparently helps sell headlines. Wait, who should lean into it? The victim. That would help sell. I'm just saying if you're a victim and something happens to you in an iconic setting, maybe lean into that because, you know, it shouldn't be the focal point.

But that, you know, look, if you were raped by the Queen of England, it's a better story than getting raped by a bum. Maybe, maybe. Right? maybe right that's not the most important thing you were raped i guess it's pretty important of the sovereign of a major of a major national power raped you i guess that is kind of an important factor but whatever you get my point i think you know if you were raped at bucketham palace that would be a big story yeah that's huge yeah so yeah it gets more attention for the crime yeah so maybe she shouldn't

you maybe you playing the victim shouldn't be so cagey about maybe you should you should maybe you should say yeah look i did i did feel so afterwards. I mean, most of them, you know, clean out my wounds and, you know, I felt unclean. But it was a great lavender show. It really was nice stuff. I don't think it chose the hotel

was a nice place. No, I don't. I think it was like a flop house where people OD'd. Was it? Let me look it up. No, because I think people were famous by the time they lived there. Yeah, maybe you're right. But I feel like they were also ODing there.

Yeah, I mean, you could OD in a fancy place. What's it called a hotel? It's a hotel Chelsea, isn't it? Hotel Chelsea. It's technically called the Hotel Chelsea. I've been calling at the Hotel Chelsea. Have you? Yeah.

I've been called the Chelsea. Because it's a Chelsea Hotel. I remember me around. I think either one is fine. At the Chelsea Hotel. Building is still home to many who lived there before the change in policy. Oh. The home of numerous writers, musicians, artists, and actors of the Chelsea Hotel no longer

accepts new long-term residents. The building is still home to many who live there before the change in policy, Arthur C. Clark, who wrote 2001 of Space Odyssey, while staying in the Chelsea, and poet, Alan, is Alan Ginsburg alive? No. Alan Ginsberg, no, he's dead, okay. But I guess they stayed, I guess, whatever. Alan Ginsberg was a long-term policy, Dylan Thomas, Sid Vicious, and Nancy were there,

Arthur Miller wrote a short piece, the Chelsea effect. Okay, so maybe it wasn't a total flop house. I did watch a movie once. that's bad the place So Bob Dylan supposedly raped a girl there Yeah I mean Was she trying to escape or was she like

I mean it's always rape when it's a kid Yeah But he like yeah Well I think he like groomed her Yeah okay We said she was trying to escape But I just I just put some flare on it

I'm not really the victim Fair enough I just want to clear that up So that's Just like, oh, I'm out. And chill. Anyway, that's a fun story. We'll wrap this up soon.

I got one more thing I want to go over. Sure. I'm excited for this. It's a list of the 100. Since we're talking about kids. Yeah. It's the very kid-themed show from Malala to the girl, Harley Quinn was abused. A lot of abuse.

It's an abuse-themed show. How about it gets to this? it's a healing show I want to touch Harley Quinn Let me play with her Don't play too more Just hold her You already took her up a pet

Oh my God She's a gymnast Can you just leave her there? There Okay She's her stance There you go All right

This is the list I found online The 100 Best Young Adult Books of all time Um, are you fan of young adult books? I was when I was a young adult. What's some of your favorite young adult books? I loved, um, Charlotte's webb. Okay. Is that young adult?

I think so. Is that Y.A? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Um. I'm not sure what the difference between kids and young adult is. Yeah. Because Y A's become an industry.

Well, like the, what's that one with the bows and arrows? The Hunger Games. Yeah. And things like that. I don't know. Y A is like a whole thing. I like the lion, the witch in the wardrobe. See,

Yes, Lewis. Yes, the, the, the, the, Conkals of Narnia. Yeah, sure, sure. I like, I don't know if it's very PC anymore, but there are books called the Indian in the cupboard. Mm-hmm. And then there was the Indian,

the return of the Indians, they didn't call Native America in the cupboard. Otherwise, I would say that. What are we going to do? You know, but it was a little Indian. It made a movie out of this. Yeah. When you put him in the cupboard,

he comes alive. Like, you put Charlie Quinn in the cupboard, she comes alive. Jonathan Taylor Thomas, right? Was he? No, it wasn't John. I remember it wasn't him. You're totally wrong with that.

Okay, so that's what I liked as a kid. So we're going to go through this list and just see what we think of it. So 1868, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. So much about female adolescence has changed in the 19th century, yet little women indoors thanks to the timeless archetypes embodied by each of the sisters, blah, blah, blah. You like, well, we watched the movie. I wasn't a fan of it. I was never really

A big little women Person Like I saw I've seen different iterations of it Yeah Movie I don't think I ever read the book Right But it's like

It was always kind of like It always felt a little bit boring to me Sure I want to move on Yeah Number two I don't understand In particular order

But number two in this list Of young children of books And of Green Gables First installment of eight books About this I mean I've heard of it It seems boring again I don't care

uh 1943 a tree grows in brooklyn okay that's supposed to be pretty that's a daughter of first generation american she navigates a seemingly inscapable cycle of poverty that plagues return the century green interesting number four on this list of the greatest young adult books of all time and frank diary of young girl Am I wrong here? The great Y.A. author, Anne Frank. What? Well, I mean, I don't even know what the rest of this list is.

Featuring a whimsical villain named Hitler. I mean, is that Y.A? The chronicles of a young Jewish girl hiding from the Nazis? I mean, I know, I know there was some whimsical talk about, you know, trying to find food maybe or um boys did she talk about boys in it she does i think she does maybe i think there is a boy she talks about i think they cut out images of her talking about sex or wanting to have sex yeah in the whatever to sell better to the y a crowd she had an agent who was like look and we all have urges but uh we're trying to sell the kids

you can't be talking about you know dragging off whatever um um um no but I don't even know what is there what is there a ration I mean this just seems crazy to me yeah a book that shouldn't exist yeah on this list yeah and Frank's diary is also a miracle a document that places the in calculable atrocity of the holocaust in terms comprehensible to children even younger than Frank when she was when she wrote it yeah I don't I don't know that makes it a Y8 book no no it's a first it's a primary document I mean look Some of the other things in this list, Lord of the Flies. Okay.

Yeah. Killer Mockingbird, sure. From the mixed-up files of Mrs. Basilie Frankwell. Who's that? I don't know. It's a famous writer, that's when they go to the museum and hang out in the museum. Okay. Right.

Wizard of Vircio. Are you there, guys? Me, Margaret. Sure. The Diary of a woman killed by Paul Pot. I don't know. It just seems bizarre to me. This is Time Magazine.

I mean, is this isn't even a woke. thing, or is this just the crazy thing? Yeah, I mean, I guess it's because you're, I guess Catcher in the Rye. People usually read it. I wouldn't even say Catcher in the Rye as young adult. It shouldn't be. I mean, like, you probably should wait to give it to people because apparently makes you

kill people. Do they even mention that? In the 70 years since expelled prep school student, Holden Caulfield first rail against the world's superficiality, the character is growing to an icon for generations of readers, likewise to wrestle with looming adulthood. And murderers. Yeah. No mention to, I mean, it's not, it's not, it's

not just Lennon and Hinkley, right? They both have it? With Hinkley and the guy shot Lennon read it, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, he asked him to sign the copy of it before he shot him. Yeah, did Lennon do it?

I think he was gonna. I didn't, mate, I didn't write this, but oh my God, but heck! I thought this was the right now. What was, oh, it was, because it was that, the guy also, shot Reagan read it oh did he I didn't I think he might have too yeah I think we and uh what's the other one's name uh was I forget I forget Lenin Hinkley and no Hinkley

was the guy who shot Ray Lennon no Hinkley shot Reagan right and then Mark David Chapman oh right yeah anyway um yeah this list seems weird this list feels like like like like gaslighting to me right yeah the and frank thing is crazy yeah it's nuts anyway i mean i'm not sure it's like uh it's like i mean uh should she should she should she be in the hunger game sequels and frank just like wielding a menorah i don't know i'm pretty sure she's in space jam yeah she should be she a warner brother's property um they should put her in the harley queen uh cartoon yeah she'd fit in i feel bad for and frank i don't want people killed in the holocaust i don't know i mean i feel like that book should be more

like it shouldn't be next to indian the cupboard my point no no young adult is like is like a thing it's it's like it's a genre that people fitted and intentionally try to sell to yes it's not it's not what like anne frank was doing she wasn't doing a y a thing be the publisher yeah sure okay so what if i go to Afghanistan Okay And I go I'm in the Taliban I pretend to be a girl

And I let them kill me And I keep a record of them Butchering me How many Is that franchise I mean can we Get movie rights there Can I sell that

Can I sell that before I do it Can I sell that Live for 10 years off the money And then go get killed What are we looking at here I could give you a $3 million advance Done Cut me

Cut me up That's fun Yeah Anyway This has been a great podcast You got anything to plug Now you You can follow me on Twitter

Instagram at Ray Kump You can sign up for the Patreon For an extra episode every week The link is in the bio Oh wait I do have something to plug Yes You can also see another podcast about it called Al Bummer. It's on Giant Bomb.

What's it called? Al Bummer. Al Bummer. They changed your name? Yeah. Okay. Al Bummer. What does that mean?

We review albums. Oh, like Albumer. Yeah. You want to talk about what is? Well, it's basically, it used to be part of two minutes of late night, which is a show I'm involved with. But now we've expanded it. It's now instead of just heavy metal albums,

reviewing any album. that was universally panned for Giant Bomb. And it's comedy. Mm-hmm. So that sounds good. Go to Giantbomb.com for that. Yes. Giantbom.com to listen to Albumer.

We're featuring Lucy Steiner. The first episode is free on YouTube. Free on YouTube? Yeah. Can't beat that. So enjoy. Check that out. Have a great week.

Bye. Thank you.