Kump - 87 - Speed Kump

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

Ray and Lucie discuss speed running, Facebook Meta, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your "I'm A Wine Princess, Bitch!" T Shirt, available for a limited time! https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. We're recording this. It'll come out Monday, but it's recorded on Halloween on the eve of all souls. all hallowed witches spooky spooky day we haven't had one kid come here what's going why are no kids we got candy i got candy to give these kids they don't come into the apartments i tried to set up a series of signs of uh you know just saying hey is candy available i don't understand why they don't

under 18 only under 18 only kids will come into the apartments it could be a smorgas forg for who for the kids oh yeah you just get you just one door knock knock knock knock knock one door knock you out drag in you know some kids dressed up as a Pikachu all of a sudden he's a someone's playing peekaboo uh that does just a double treat then molestation you mean it's horrible uh but also you know a good point um yeah it's exciting It's an exciting day, it's an exciting week. I just watched a video that made me really annoyed. I don't want to give the guy credit.

It was about Metroid Dread. I'm beating Metroid Dred now 100% on both regular and then hard mode. I'm a gamer boy again. I'm going to do speed runs. I've been talking on Patreon. I've perhaps doing a Twitch. I might transform into a gaming slash podcaster. What do you think of that?

What do you think of me doing speed runs, doing speed, just fucking get, you know, just, yeah. Can we do speed runs with that Lion King game? I mean, we could. We could. I mean, it looks like a horrible game. I've only said. No, it's great. You're swinging from the little, from the little rocks.

You're talking about the S&ES Lion King game. Yeah. I'm talking about Metroid dread. One of the majestic. pre-emphant return to glory for the Metroid franchise, and you want to play some shitty Lion King game from the 90s where you're playing some Cuck Lion. People do competitive screen rights of the Lion King game.

I showed you to you, and they look like buffoons. Even within that community of speed running for charity, when I used to watch these videos, what are those games done quick, whatever, it's a fun channel. They do charity speed run events, and look, these are not people that are going to hang out with. speed runners i don't know they might molest you they might or just be awkward i don't maybe not i don't know if they have the confidence to molest maybe not i don't know i'm just saying like they they might you know

get really into um you know sail or moon and tell you about that all day i'm saying though even amongst these people who weren't necessarily the alphas i i respect their skills but even amongst those people the lying king gamers were not were not the cream of the crop they did they were They were fucking up, left and right. They couldn't even get their own thing going. That's because it's so hard. It's deceptively difficult. No one respects the game enough to take it.

Except for these clowns, you go, I can't speed run Super Metroid like the big boys. I'll try shitty Simba, the cuck line, who let his daddy die. The Lion King game might be harder than Metro. Why didn't Simba save as? Don't step on that. I said the Lion King game might be harder than Metroid. Yeah, I believe that. Have you ever tried to do a speed run of that?

I mean, it's just, there's no intricacy to it. How are you going to sequence break on the Lion King? Metroids aren't in this, I mean, the new Metroid is relatively hard and challenging. But there's not a bunch of the games are so hard, but the speed running aspect, because there's so many nooks and crannies to it. You can get in, you can sequence break, you can get the speed spark before you get the goddamn screw attack or whatever. And then you skip a step, and then you beat the giant moth without. without needing to get the plasma beam. You understand what I'm talking about here?

Yeah, but in the Lion King game, you have to... Let your dad die? Is that a sequence break? You have to jump from Buffalo to Buffalo, or Antelope to Antelope during the Stampede. People aren't going to get into a legitimate expanding of our media thing here. And you swing from coconut.

You want me to birth my Twitter, my Twitch stream with stupid Lion King. What's next? little pony uh i killed my mother why not why couldn't simba save his daddy he's a lion yeah i mean he was a cub at the time well cuck right that's true i mean it's not exactly chad uh or chad's good i always forget which one which one of the chads the in-sell stuff am i mixing up genres here Scar was a Chad, yeah.

Scar was a Chad. So what was Simba? And Simba was an Intel. Okay. Simba don't fuck. No, I won't be playing Lion King. You can play that in your Twitch stream. People can't handle the Metroid action.

They come see Lucy playing Lion King. They need a challenge. Jumping on hippos. They want you a fucking idiots. But this guy was shouldn't say, I'm not going to spend $60 bucks on Metroid dread because this is a 2D game. I'm used to playing Hollow Night

or like Axiom Verge. I spend 20 bucks on those. This is a polished game, an engineered game with sequence breaks and intricacies and graphics that are, oh, it's 2D. So is your mom's tits. Their mom's tits or 2D?

I don't know. I'm trying to get 2D. Is that too aggressive? Well, I just think that their mom's tits would be 3D, right? It's flat. Oh, yeah They get them?

You got them Yes I don't know I just get mad about that sometimes But but Metroid online It's not going to be the whole show We're not a gaming show Yet

Yeah I mean you can sound off in the comments What games you want us to play We could play Ninja Turtles The NS game We could play Someone on the Patreon today

They said they wanted me to play Dark Souls Are you familiar with Dark Souls? I'm not It's notoriously hard games, these Dark Soul games, where you fight, you're a knight and you fight monsters, and the boss battles are very unforgiven, much like the U.S. Congress. Are you trying to save a princess? I don't think so. I think you're some kind of resurrected medieval night.

It's very dark and gloomy. Do you have a little girl who follows you around? No, you don't know the games you like. Lucy's obsessive playing the last of us where a little girl follows around a big man. But no, there's a little girl in Dark Souls. You would nerf Dark Souls, wouldn't you? Dark Souls gets a lot of attention because people get mad every few years

because they won't add an easy mode to Dark Souls. Now, I never played the Souls games. As they're, well, the Soulsborn games, as they're called, because it's a blood-borne. But do you think that you think games should always have an easy mode? No, I mean, that sounds, that's kind of pathetic that anyone would even admit to an easy mode. Wow.

Now, I like playing on Easy. mode sometimes sure because you can just get a bunch of stuff and then go and then go berserk okay yeah you know and last of us you can get a bunch of molotovs a bunch of nail bombs and then just go crazy yeah on those hunters and you're just burning people alive yeah do you like your way it sounds when they burn alive i do like you would love red dead redemption we could burn a horse alive oh yeah i was just setting horses on fire i would never hurt a horse i was hurting them so many in a video game i mean Look, it gives you dishonor points. It doesn't let you thrive as a...

Like, it doesn't treat you like a good man for hurting your horse, but I didn't care. Do you get dishonor points for killing a horse? Oh, yeah. Even if you're, like, in a battle... I like that. Like, typically, if you kill a person and you get away with it,

you get honor taking... But if you're part of like a mission or something and you're shooting people, like if they shoot you, but if you shoot their horse, you get dishonor. Even if the guy... The person knows give you dishonor, but shooting a horse does. so you go like you think you go you shoot a horse and the guy will fall off it's true and I do it

you also said that you killed the clan members I did you find clan members you can shoot them did the clan members just start attacking you I mean you're all about you if you if you really suck at the game I guess they might but I mean I they had most of them dead by the time they knew it was going on it was a real mass shooting situation so yeah these are kind of you know we'll play dark souls we'll play red dead And you can watch me kill the horses. This is going to end up in trouble, aren't me? Oh, yeah.

I'm going to be screaming as a, you know, sending these while I shoot a horse. Then someone's going to post that when I get SNL. I'm going to get SNL. I'm going to say, hey, Lauren Michaels, your boy here is shooting horses and lighten them on fire. And I'm going to get in, I'm being deep shit. So, yeah.

This guy was sounding off on that. I don't even show this guy's video because F him. but uh f him fuck him what is this f him i'm already censored myself for twitch um but you know play metro dreads fantastic game i've gone through all the other metroids uh in the past week

i play betcher zero mission it's great fun we have you comment about that no no i should play a lion king it sounds like great fun i should play lion king not as fun as a lion king game but sure we're gonna have a lot and not as difficult i'm gonna do

A head-on-head battle with you, and we're going to play Lion King, and I'm going to beat you. We could do this little split screen. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to set this up. I'm going to do it for charity, and charity is to be called Money Given the Kump. Um, I love all these, like, broke-ass, like, you know, uh, Speed Runner kids, like, giving money to charity. Just buy, buy some food.

It's because they're all skinny and, like, go out, buy some protein, weight protein powder. Why are you giving only your money to charity? Let Bill Gates solve the world's problems, you know? Speaking of tech people who murder theoretically, Facebook has gone through. So I'm hearing a lot of buzz about Facebook in the past couple weeks. They're doing something new. Yeah.

This is some kind of meta. They've changed their name to Facebook meta. It's now Facebook meta. I'm not totally clear. Can we get, I have some ideas, but can you look up with, just so we have a starting point? Because I, I was barely aware of it until today. I think other people might be in the dark, too. So can we just get like a brief?

A little explainer. Well, not just a video, like Google what Facebook, what is Facebook matter? Well, this is, Mark Zuckerberg's talking about it. Right, but I don't want to, well, okay, let's bring in the Zuck then. I've been thinking a lot about our identity as we begin this next chapter. Facebook is one of the most used products in the history of the world It is an iconic social media brand

But increasingly It just doesn't encompass Everything that we do Instagram Bullying children Now Horizon Nazare and more Alternate elections Getting Muslims killed in Myanmar

Racism Will always be an important focus for us But right now Our brand is so tightly linked to one product, that it can't possibly represent everything that we're doing today, let alone in the future. Over time, I hope that we are seen as a Metaverse company. And I want to anchor our work and our identity on what we are building towards. What is the Metaverse?

We just announced that we are making a fundamental change to our company. We're now looking at and reporting on our business as two different segments. One for our family of apps, and one for our work on future platforms. What are you talking about? It is time for us. What's a metaverse? Is this a thing where you have like an NFT on your virtual wall? And then you bring children to your house?

Well, it's, uh, it's virtual reality. They're getting into virtual reality now, Facebook. Wait, so, so I'm going to have, I'm going to have, like, people like saying, like, posting FBI crime statistics on my wall, like, my literal, like, kitchen, my kitchen wall. I'm going to eat eggs. Someone's going to be like, you know, here's the fucking, here's the murder rates per demographic. I'm like, I don't want this. Who do you think commits all the court?

Shut up. Now when Hillary Clinton is doing, you know, satanic rituals and AM, she'll actually be doing them like in front of it. It's like she's there. Wow. Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to be in the shower and then some guy's going to be telling me, show me a picture of some kid that Hillary had murdered. Yeah.

I think I'm in the shower This is a metaverse I'm trying to wash my ass here Um But what so is this when we go underground And once the air gets poisoned Um this is going to be like I assume maybe it works with Oculus or something

Stop advertising for Mark Zuckerberg here I mean It seems like a very Promising venture For all Americans Am I going to have to like We're an Oculus to, like, buy bread?

I just want to... You get virtual bread now. Yeah, but how am I going to... I mean, look, for me, it's fine. I should eat less bread, but, like, how are people going to eat? Do I have to, like... When I call seamless, do I have to, like, now see them?

It's like, when I want to order a pizza. Is it going to be, like, I'm in the pizza shop? And then it's going to be watching them piss all over my pizza. It's going to be less, like, eating and more like an eating experience. Like, an eating... That's what Stalin told people. It's what Stalin and Mao. hold everyone it's the experience of not eating not eating just be just as rewarding as eating

koolock um who what what no you go on did you do the colocks were like landowners right i think they were the they were the they were the the farmers who had a surplus i guess and like Stalin was like we got killed these guys yeah and then uh i don't know they went after the friends of the cullocks that's what i heard from jordan pearson And then... As I was cleaning my room to his audio book. Well, isn't that fucking guy's book? A book.

Solzhenitsyn. Yeah. I mean, you know, sure. Like, that fraud. Yeah. Like, that guy who spent, like, he probably just, like, he probably spent one day in, like, in lockup for being drunk and he actually was in the gulag. Well, apparently they, I may have mentioned this before, but it's like, they brought

it that at some point the Soviet Union set out his ex-wife. His ex-wife started doing press. saying like this guy's full of shit. Yeah. And so it's hard to tell who to believe in that case. Probably not the Soviet Union. Then again, like, you believe America. I have less inclination to believe Stalin.

I mean, as cynical as I'm in front of B, he's like, hey, this guy's saying they're bad. And then Stalin's saying he's not so much. Hey, so get that whore wife is out there and shut him up. We're talking about the guy who wrote Gulat Archipelago For people who don't know Solzhenitskin A great work of fantasy

Yeah It's the Hunger Games part four The real Hunger Games I guess we'll go on with this Sure Okay Is there more? Yeah

To adopt a new company brand To encompass everything That we do To reflect who we are And what we hope to be build, I am proud to announce that starting today, our company is now meta. Okay, so they've, our mission remains the same. Can we bring this logo up on the screen?

It looks like a pair of tits. Yeah. It's supposed to be like an infinity symbol. It's too wobbly to be an infinity symbol. Yeah, it's like it's just tits. Now, I find it interesting. Look, they've been called out by this woman who went to Congress a couple weeks ago. and she was saying that, like, she, what was she saying?

The whistleblower. The whistleblower. So what was her point that she was the one, like, was she telling Congress that she was bullying people online and like, but now she feels bad? Because she kept talking about kids. I was threatening all those women with rape and they didn't stop me. No, I think she was saying that they could have done more with like the election, the 2016 election or something.

Done more, what, get Hillary, to get Hillary elected. Well, that's not right. They could have done more to rig it in Hillary's favor. Yeah. But apparently, but look, she's made them look bad. She kept saying how, like, Kay's getting abused on Instagram. We're calling them fat.

We're calling them foreign. We're doing all sorts of shit. And then they look bad. So they changed their name to Meta. Now, we watched a documentary a couple weeks ago. This reminds me of. Do you remember? Which documentary?

The one about the malice of the palace. Oh, right. If you don't familiar with the Malice, the palace, it was, it was an 04? I think it was 2004 or 5. It was a game between the Indiana Pacers and the Troy Pistons that, amongst other people, Ron Artex. I think he was the main instigator, probably, started punching fans. It was a fight between players that ended up becoming a fight between players and fans.

And it was a dark stain on the NBA. And in response to all the bad press he was getting, you know, Ron Artax had a lot of. troubled issues. I'm not here who's on run our test. I love the guy. But he changed his name to what? Do you remember?

What? Meadow World Peace. Oh, right. So they're taking a page of Meta World Peace's book. Facebook is doing a meta. They're doing a R&R test. They've punched the fans. They've gotten into the crowd.

They've started throwing trash cans at the fan or the fans throwing trash cans at them. No, the fans were throwing trash cans at them. No, the fans were throwing trash cans. with them right but they uh but they were just beating the fan yeah i mean a fan like was like like well just this fat like little fat italian kid is like you know posturing himself at me a seven foot you know athlete so uh i got to defend myself i just leveling the guy well but the thing is i kind of agree with them on that one because don't fucking don't don't just don't posture at a seven

foot guy the guy was barely posturing he wasn't like he's never he like he was at a stance he was trying to be a tough guy. Look, he was trying to be a tough. Look, I am not, I think everyone involved. You can't just be like, oh, I threatened the seven foot guy and he hit me. It's like, yeah. I'm saying this. I'm trying to be, I'm trying to be a little reasonable. I think if you raise your hands to an athlete, you should be killed by the athlete. Don't get me wrong. If you actually raise your hand, these people should all be in jail, all these fans. Yeah. That being said, when you're a guy with the build of metal, if the whole crowd's on top of you, like zombie lands, that go in town.

So you just think the rule is like every, you have to look at everyone as a woman. Like, it's like every... Look, that's a great way of putting it. Yeah. Because that guy, that guy is worse. I mean, that guy had less of a shot than you have against me.

Right. Yeah. Maybe not. But I mean, you know, I'm just saying, I'm not here to vilify guys like madden. But like, you didn't have to hit him that hard. Like at one point where like, the other guy, Stephen Jackson,

see some guy throw a beer, a beer in the guy's face and so he's just fucking I mean the hardest punch I've seen on video in a while it was such a hard punch and he just dropped this guy so I mean reasonable I'm saying a little reasonable

but that whatever but Facebook is taking the page out of matter right piece is rule book or playbook and uh because that's what Facebook is just picking on your kids Facebook is turning your kids into a little

advertisements, little, what you call it? Content. Content farms, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, I don't know. I mean, what, do you feel excited about this? I am very excited.

I can't wait to get by on meta. I wonder if meta will meta follow the same rules of like, remember when Facebook first started and you could only get on it if you got an invite? Barely. Yeah, but like maybe meta goes by the same rules. Yeah, perhaps. Perhaps you have to be invited to offer your kids up to be treated like, like, hey, like, remember those rules? Am I hot apps?

Yeah. It would be like, is my kid fat app? Is my kid, does my kid deserve to be shot app? You know, that's what it's doing on for here. Is there any other video we had? There is. This one has a young woman and a leather jacket who's telling him it. But this is part of a video that's almost an hour and a half long.

Right. That explains it. But this is him talking to some lady who works for Facebook meta. Don't gender people. A lot of people are going to step into the metaverse for the first time. It already has some of the most fully built-out digital goods, and the most active creator and developer communities, and major platforms like Epic are working to build out the Metaverse starting with gaming.

For our part, we're heavily investing in building a healthy VR and AR ecosystem. So the game studios can keep building and gaming creators can keep creating. Now, Deb from our studios team is joining me. Deb, do you want to take us through some of the exciting games in the pipeline for Quest? Absolutely. Over the years, we've had the opportunity to work with incredible developers, like Vertigo games. I've never heard of Virgo. Arizona Sunshine.

I love Arizona Sunshine. That game basically got me and my friends through the first future. Arizona Sunshine? That's awesome. That's awesome. She's so excited that him and his friends sat around in your underwear

playing Arizona Sunshine. What is? Do you know what Arizona Sunshend? It's a bullshit mobile game probably, like fucking stupid Farmville. And words for friends. This motherfucker wants to like mortgage the future of the world's like social currency

on like bullshit free-to-play games? I'm talking about Metroid Dred here and Red Dead Red. I mean, people play games already. They talk to each other while they're playing games. We don't need to like, you know, allow Mark Zuckerberg

to turn our children into like fucking, you know, fat jokes on the internet so that we can play mobile games together. This is absurd. Keep going a little bit. If you enjoyed that, Mark, I think you'll be excited that we're partnering with Vertigo

on five more great games from deep silver and others we'll share more about this lineup five more what else is coming the metaverse is constantly evolving so one of the most important aspects will be live service games that launch updates and new downloadable content regularly like echo VR beat saber onward pistol whip and more we're focused on this a lot pause this i mean this is look the reality is if you follow anything about gaming the past few live service games is live services is a problem

because like when you buy the new Madden or the new FIFA uh you don't just have the game you gotta like pay for players you got to pay for updates like you know when you buy the Star Wars battlefront shit like I don't play that but like you know but they they

they try it's a live service and like we're gonna keep updating it and you're paying out the ass for it you're paying subscription fees and season passes but at least their actual game Right. At least they're games people want to play. No one wants to play.

What was that? Like Bobby's barbecue game? What were the fuckies are called? Pistol whip. And like, and beat saber. You're not excited for pistol whip? I'm not excited for pistol whip.

I mean, the level of like, they're talking about VR. I mean, the immersive experience of a thing like Red Dead Redemption where I can burn a horse of death. Can I burn a horse of death and beat saber?

I want to burn horses. Can I shoot people and throw them in the alligator? pits that's what you can do in video games now and they're talking about beat saber this is this is insane this is this is a guy who's just like is he it's even a human being what is the purpose of facebook anymore this used to be a thing where you fucked wait really well like yeah ever a thing where you fucked i mean not on facebook but like you met women on face you know people

hooked up off the ass that was the whole point of Facebook you could like see find people in your class and fuck them oh yeah you're a teacher I mean but no but there was a whole it was a hook like it was a quasi hookup app that's why the whole in relationship

status thing was a thing right and everyone should stop using that I think but this is it's become I mean I've never imagined the future would be this boring this fucking nerds allow I mean can you at least He's hire a guy who, like, doesn't look like, you know, a skeleton's fucking undertaker.

Yeah. He looks at the guy who, like, when you go to bury your mom in a funeral home, he's like, you know, you're really not going to spend the money for an oak casket? Come on. He looks like the corpse after they put the makeup on. Yes. Still not quite human. Yeah. He looks like a guy who, you know, if you were a necrophilac, he wouldn't fuck him because he didn't even seem like a person.

Because necrophiliacs don't fuck mannequins, right? No, no. And he wouldn't fuck Zuckerberg. They want a real meaty dead woman. Yeah, or ban. Yeah. And he's neither. So I don't know.

I mean, I'm not very excited about this. I think it's a... I don't know. I mean, do you think we should live in the Metaverse? Why not? We should try it. I mean, you know, we're talking about moving to England. We're talking about moving all these places.

why not try living in the Metaverse? Okay, so like, why not just live in the equivalent of like Altavista Circa, circa 1998? Yeah, we can live in London one of the world's great cities or live in a fucking web browser from the 90s. What do you mean? What if we lived in London but spent most of our time in the Metaverse? All right, so we live in London.

I feel like this is going to be big in London. So we're going to live in London in like some flop house. Everyone's shooting heroin. And we're going to be in the corner with our, Oculus rifts just doing what you know farming strawberries

in Farmville yeah I mean what about this excites you well I like the idea of everybody has their little

avatar I could be a horse you want to be a horse yeah I just hook I just talk for 10 minutes about having to burn horses and you're gonna show

well they accidentally set you on fire with a Molotov accidentally well I mean I just thought you were a horse how does that happen accidentally

because I willfully give it to a horse. I feel like you're just bet, you're just bet, you know, dude. Laying the groundwork? Yeah, you're just laying down an alibi for when you do, you intentionally burn me in my horse avatar.

You know I have a pension to burn horses. And then you go galloping around in our shared Mettiverse in a Metaverse mansion. I mean, people, there's literally, on people on NFT Twitter, NFT Twitter are like, I don't think it was a joke even. They're like, how can we disable the right-click

save on these NFT? because people are buying little jpegs uh nfts you've familiar with this yeah and then and then and other people just saving them non fungal tokens there's a picture you buy a picture and there's a fucking stupid picture and you and he's spending 10 million dollars for it digital art yeah this is this is this is not a brave new world this is the last desperate scam before it'll collapses this is like the last like hey, why don't you why just put this fucking, you know, what do you call it?

Put this fucking, uh, blindfold on and we'll just put you in the Metaverse. I mean, while they're raping you and fucking you and taking your shit. While you're dealing with your fucking horse in Meta, meta, on meta.com. Yeah. What the fuck is called? I think it's still going to be Facebook, but it's

part of the meta. It's going to be part of the meta universe. I mean, people were freaking out about Bill Gates and his vaccine stuff. How are we not losing our minds over this? This is the end of, if we allow this to happen, I mean, it'll probably just be a slow decline anyway, but this is worse than anything.

This stupid, I mean, if he teamed up with rock star games and said, we're going to, you're going to live in Grand Death Door to World, at least those guys have a hype beast in GTA 5 and like cool blimps. And you can do cool stuff. These games are like shitty, like, cell phone games. Yeah. How am I supposed to submit to a cell phone game company? I mean, even living it among us would be cool.

No, that's really, that's a cell phone game. Yeah, but it's one of the better ones. It's a bunch of pixel art. Or telltale. That company's defunct, babe. The company's gone out of business. The Clementine Walking Dead game. That company has gone out of business.

Well, Facebook could bring it back. I mean, I don't understand. You want to trust your digital. soul to a company that can't even profit off of, like, valuable IP. Like, we had to walk in dead and Batman and something else, too. And we couldn't even keep our company going. But here, trust my digital consciousness to these people. I'm going to live in your Metaverse?

Yeah. There's insanity. You might as well live in a walking dead telltale game. You might as well, like, just go live in a crackhead's brain. I would live in a crackhead's brain. No, you wouldn't stop saying that. You always say that. It's just, I don't know.

It's a brief new world out there. I mean, what do you, what are the perks of this? I mean, look, I don't know, honestly. It seems bad. You're just like, you're just like it as digital. No, I mean, I don't like it. Look, I'm trying to play devil's advocate here, but it sounds horrible to me. They're going to steal.

I'm trying to look on the bright side. But, you know, if you want to tear down the facade, yeah, this is probably going to kill us somehow. Oh, yeah. I guess we'll move on. We'll do this week's Batman, which isn't a Batman, but since this is Halloween, I brought another Joker out. This is the White Knight Joker.

Why is his gun so long? I forget if this one came with the figure or not. I think it did. That's Joker's fun long gun. I think he first had it in the first Batman movie And he just give it to him sometimes Even when he doesn't deserve it It's a comically long gone

It doesn't really fit even in this story so much The story is I mentioned before I had the White Night Batman on One of the first figures I showed Is that the Joker actually becomes sane And he decides to go after Batman Through like almost like the wire

Like he's basically accusing Batman of a of cruelty and what's the word what the cops do but he's doing what the cops do so he's going what the cops he's pursuing him he's investigating listen to me what the cops do abuse uh what's the word excessive force oh okay yes uh so is he doing this sincerely or is it like yes well no i don't know in the beginning batman shoves a bunch of pills down his throat um which arguably is not a great thing to do and then he decides to get even by like going straight

now the figure actually comes with a not white face too but I'd like this one because it's the joke it's just some white guy it's the Joker but uh eventually he forms a his own police task force to go after criminals and Batman

and then Batman goes to war with them um so I don't know was it confusing Wait, but why So the police The Joker comes out and says I'm sane now And the police just immediately

Let him have a task force There was a few pages in between I forget exactly what happened Is Gordon in charge of the police? Gordon's not in love with this But you know I think he has cancer in this one Okay

And his daughter And Nightwing You know, because back girl, they joined the GTO, the Gotham test. They join Joker's police force? You know, it gets to the point. He starts getting the public on the side. And Batman just keeps doing things that just, you know, he's just, he's not helping his own case. Okay.

And so Batman, it's been a while since I read it. He only has to look. And so they go, hey, Batman's out of control. Well, there's a whole person who can handle this is this person who's behind multiple terrorist attacks. Well, he's got a past. He's definitely got a past. Yeah.

I mean, there's a subplot or a through plot where, uh, basically there's, um, like a slum area of Gotham where Batman, like in the beginning, he's just driving the Batmobile over his houses in his fucking, uh, in his neighborhood where, like, you know, poor people live and then underprivileged people. And that's part of the, you know, and they're just, and Joker discovers there's a, uh, a Batman fund a billion dollar a year fund to pay for everything Batman ruins but by the end of the story you realize Bruce Wayne was paying for that right but that they all say that so you're like oh like Batman's cost in the city a billion dollars a year by just fucking chasing criminals around

how does it's helping anything and then he goes and he he he runs for mayor or something but then then they then Harley Quinn uh there's two Harley Quinn's and then the new Harley I'm I'm forgetting that. I don't exactly have it went. But there was two Harley Quinn's, and then the old Harley Quinn becomes the Neo-Joker. And so he's, Batman, him have to join forces. To defeat Harley Quinn?

Yes. Ah. And she had a gang. And it turns out Batman was paying people all along. Huh. By paying the, paying his own bills. Even though he, like, he'd blow up a school to catch the Joker and go, but he'd pay for it.

You know? Like, oh, okay. And these kids, he'll give them laptops, do remote. I mean, now everyone does remote learning, but these kids are bitching because they do remote learning. He does a Scotts-Tots thing. Yeah, Scott's Tots thing. You get a free battery.

Do you mean, I didn't I get, I bought the hard copies you could read it, but you never read it. No. No, you've tried to get me into comic books. I haven't really. I mean, you read Sandman. You read Sandman. I have been reading some Sandman.

I have been reading some Sandman. I have, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I, you read them, you, really, you want to read Neil Gaiman's, the sand, what does the sandman about? It's about, um, the, it's about, um, the, it's about, like, stories, kind of surrounding him. And there's one, actually, there's one really, cool one called 24-hour diner where the god of dreaming which is different than the god of sleep of course comes into a diner and casts a spell on all these like diner patrons and it gets raped them and it gets well kind of really yeah no it gets really gory oh wow yeah that could be fun and at the end batman rapes him with his own with his own dick that's i mean that's a problem Neil Gaiman's Sandman. You don't have a good conclusion like Batman coming in

and force-feeding people pills. Yeah. I mean, what was it? Do you think this is, could you not see yourself living in a world where the Joker was a cop? Was that fraud to you? I just think the entire time I would be like,

how is this the solution to anything? Well, that's not a lot of people talking about the cops these days. Right. I mean, yeah. I look, I think. Oh, you're a murderer. You're a murderer. Yeah.

People call the cops murderers now. I'm not saying that's the case per se, but... Look, the cops have a lot of problems. I don't see how... Your liberal friends are the ones that you basically treat the cops like a Joker anyway. Look, the cops... You're leftist friends.

I don't think replacing all the cops with jokers would make things... I think it would probably make things worse. Because I'm also not convinced that, like, the Joker isn't racist. Like, he'd probably still be, like, doing racist shit. I mean, when he isn't doing...

I've never heard him say the M word ever. Plants to catch Batman. Never seen Joker say the N-word. Well, look, a lot of racists won't nowadays because it's a, you know, they use dog whistles. I've never seen it. The Joker doesn't dog whistle. I mean, maybe you can probably show me some examples

of the Joker, you know, going on Tara Carlson and like, you know, talking about demographics. Yeah. And what that mean? But usually he's just stabbing people hitting them crow bars and cutting their faces off. Yeah. I don't know.

I mean, maybe he gets stuff. done maybe maybe maybe he could get his universal health care well like he's like a juliani he cleans the streets i mean you kill him i'm not i would not vote for juliani now but i mean he cleaned up the streets real thing he cleaned the streets up i've heard i have heard that he cleaned up the streets um i mean people look i i i don't necessarily think he uh it was all him but i mean you got to think this guy has something to do with it maybe yeah look that he just happened to become mayor the exact moment that like crash I just stopped happening.

I have heard tales. I mean, you can argue the policies weren't worked it. You can argue that, but you can't argue it didn't work, right? Like, it's just, you can, but I'm just saying it's like, it's, people want to go, well, this was like, don't overreach. All right. Well, like, then we dial it back, right? I don't know.

I'm just, I want a Joker to be the mayor. Why do you think, why do you think he'd be a good mayor? He's got a funny face. He laughs when he's killing people. then Batman would probably come around more often That's true You know, you get to see Batman in the sky Yeah, who's what kind of nerd is going to be like

Yeah, I'll vote over the Joker because You know, I'm tired of wasting money When you get to see Batman all the time Probably some nerd who's like You know Batman killed his mama mistake Yeah Because he was trying to catch the penguin He fucking shot a battering right through his mom's lung

That does happen sometimes Remember that batarang thing I showed you? Yeah That wins you lung that's his kid's mom crying like a little little beta boy

little beta boy he's got a dead mom well look if his mom got killed by the beta ring the battering the battering the batterang

jail the jail baiterang if he got killed by the batterang then okay fair enough well I mean think about how often Batman goes

I just felt like the idea of a fiscal conservative who's against Batman sure I mean who were the physical conservatives again that just somebody who's like oh it's

costing us a billion dollars yeah that's a good point i mean like you know how much is a predator drone cost yeah that much probably get some predator drones uh some pilot today got uh kicked off like i don't know what happens so some pilot have you heard of let's go brandon no let's go brandon this pilot on i think southwest got on the indrecom and i guess when they were getting off the plane and he said let's go brandon which what try to guess what that means oh let's go brandon yeah i i've heard of this but i have no idea what it means guess um use your powers of guessing let's say okay maybe brandon is like um a hunter who who killed uh an antelope what and then he was when he was posing with the

Antelope for social media, and he got canceled. And so you think this movement of, let's go, Brandon, is to support the antelope hunter? Yeah. Well, I guess it's a fair enough guess. It actually means fuck Joe Biden. Oh. But I like your version better. We're just supporting big game hunters.

Does antelope count, though, is big game hunting? No, I don't think so. Hey, I got an ant, I mean, antelope. Maybe there were some endangered species of antelope. Imagine killing a lion, but it was just the dumbest lion ever. Yeah. Simba from the Lion King with shit lion

No, apparently it's this thing where it was a race Where someone I was just fucking fine I don't know There were at some race And and and and And uh

were they saying fuck Joe Biden And they were saying Oh let's go I think it was like they were saying Fuck Joe Biden Like people were chanting it And uh The commentator on the news was like

This is oh they're saying Oh they're saying they're saying let's go Brandon because that's the one who got won the race yeah uh and so that's become a meme now I guess we're a verbal meme so people just right you know I don't know why though and this day and age why do you need to hide it right just say fuck Joe Biden yeah I mean how much about pussy do you have to be in this day and age they're not just like no one's everyone has ever been more divisive has ever been more toxic and then people are still like you're the murkid or whoever the fuck and you're like like we're just like we're

Shakespeare, who was the guy who wrote Shakespeare was. Yeah, or those Christians who came up with the 12 days of Christmas. What? Wasn't the 12 days of Christmas some Catholic shit? Like, it was some kind of... Christmas song.

Like, Catholic, like, it was illegal to be Catholic, and so they came up... I hope it's the Christmas song. Yeah, but they were probably some other kind of Christianity was in vogue. When was this? What was... And the 12 days of Christmas, they're supposed to represent, like,

Some Catholic shit. I don't know. Well, now Google this because now I can't think about anything else. Google for me. What the hell are you talking? I mean, was there a time? You talk about like in Protestant England in like the 1600s? Like I'm king, I'm King William and Mary or whatever.

And it's like, oh, you'd be better, you better be Episcopalian. And like, whoa, I got six dozen pheasants. Oh, shit, I was right. I thought I completely, I thought this is, I thought I was going to be. I thought you fucked up. I thought I fucked up, but. That's a cluison.

Okay, the 12 days of Christmas, this is from, this is from Facebook meta news. I don't know. Facebook meta news? Oh, no, this is from ABC. It has like sort of a Facebook meta type symbol.

These guys own tits. There's three tits. Okay. Third tits is the Holy Spirit. The 12 days of Christmas usually interpreted to be a countdown to Christmas Day by marketers I don't know what the fuck that means

may have been in fact a secret teaching tool for Catholics during the 18th and 19th century while the original songwriter is unknown the English version first appeared in a children's book in 1780 blah blah blah blah blah the carol was a secret catechism for Catholics in England when Catholicism was persecuted during the war of religions from Henry the 8th to 1829.

Okay. How did that golden eggs or whatever the fuck fit into this? Yeah, I don't know. Six golden, what are these golden rings? You've got five golden rings. What's that, the Olympics? Maybe there's some fucking...

Oh, okay. According to Miss Neal, I don't know who the fuck that is, each item in the 12 Days of Christmas song was a metaphor for a Bible story. This is the dumbest rule. I don't want to be Catholic anymore.

I don't think it makes sense. On the first day of, okay, for example, on the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree, symbolizing God, true love,

and Jesus Christ, the partridge. Oh, fuck, did. What? How does that work? That's like when you take an English class and I'm trying to tell you that, like, you know, I was in a film class,

And I told, I got so mad because people were just making shit up, right? These symbolism and stuff. And I was like, meet me in St. Louis about Japanese internment camps. And they praised me for it. And this is the same thing. This is the same thing with people just, just bullshit professors. Oh, this is about the Garden of Eden with an apple. Like, what?

The pheasant. Yeah, I don't know. This doesn't make really make sense to me, but somebody did say it. There's a picture of the pope with a dove with some dumb woman. so the dumb kid Why does the Pope have kids Oh apparently the fucking Pope He acknowledges this

The Pope's a dumb asshole He releases a dove because the two turtle doves Represent the Old and New Testament No it doesn't It doesn't I don't your Pope is meaning to just make up or shit This is what he does I mean like I'm all for him saying gay people

Don't go to hell anymore or whatever he said But like you can't just make up dumb shit like this like i should be the pope you know i do if i was the pope what would you do i'd make a metaverse a christian metaverse and i make you buy pope nftes i just take the money and go i beat the do they ever do like a tour of the pope's house you mean the vatican yeah where he lives the vatican yeah but do you get to see like his bedroom i don't know if you see his bedroom i doubt you see his bedroom you mean the vat i mean uh we're already doing this once you just have into Google can I can I can I tour the pope's bedroom yeah let's see where

does he have those holes in his bed like he does in that chair with like when they test his balls you're talking about wait what when you become pope there's a chair you have to sit in yeah there's a hole in it people thought it was the shit into but it was actually why would you have to shit into a hole you don't but last it would be a hole in the chair but the reality what the reality is that they want to make sure the Pope has balls so someone tucks under there and checks there's balls there because at one point I forget when

some woman got her self-elected Pope ah you're not listening to Google and you're not even listening to my story so okay so they go under there and they grab his balls and they make sure they're real balls are you what okay is that true

I'm telling you what yes is true You're not paying attention to me Pause to Google me for a second Okay I'm sorry I'm trying to find the Pope's bedroom I understand but I mean I'm trying to have a conversation Here's a podcast I'm talking to your ear

While you're looking at the Pope's fucking stupid You know some some Cotty sleeps on next to a great plug-in It doesn't seem like it's that great It's just a bedroom Yeah Yeah I mean wait wait why do you want to the Pope's bedroom

You think he talks to God at night I don't know I just wanted to See, like, do they, do they set him up? Do they do it up, or does he have to just sleep in some shitty bed? He can sleep wherever he wants. He probably, look, whatever they're showing you is fake anyway. He probably, he probably sleeps somewhere like 40 miles from the Vatican that's got a bunch of fucking sex going on.

This Pope fucks, I guarantee it. Yeah. I don't care. I mean, like, everyone in Vatican City fucks. It's like an open secret. The whole thing's one big orgy. I was just fucking sucking. some like head cardinal had like

One of those documentaries Alex Gibney Docs had like The one of the main cardinals in charge of like The Piety or whatever the fuck was like He ran like a gay nightclub Oh wow I mean I don't care it was gay It was just like like a sex club

That sounds fun It does sound fun I mean you probably shouldn't be doing it as a cardinal I mean look you probably shouldn't be doing it And then telling gay people they're going to hell What's what I'm saying you probably shouldn't be Yeah I'm telling people they have to like you know come inside your wife every five seconds.

What's the going to do the hell? You know what I mean? Like, you're just dumping loads into a sink. Now, but if they change their policy on it. Well, then, yeah, if you look at the Catholic church stops being the Catholic church, and then whatever, you know, pansexual night club you want. Then it might be the coolest religion ever. I mean, I guess, yeah.

And they started openly doing the sex parties. Without children, obviously. I was going to say, what were they start openly fucking kids? Yeah, I mean. And that wouldn't be good. That's one of their main gimmicks. That's true. Is hypocrisy the biggest problem, really?

Anyway. I have this article here very quickly. Pete Buttigieg dressed up one of his new children as a, or both of them, I guess, as a traffic cone. And he called it a twin infrastructure. Jesus Christ. I mean, does this not seem like a CIA guy just like buying kids on the black market? Like doing like Facebook follow-ops Bug, like his address is traffic

I'm getting out of a transportation secretary I didn't I didn't I didn't kill that Seth Rich Oh, that's terrible You think Buttigieg shot Seth Rich? That's the guy right with Clinton Oh yeah Yeah Imagine for his Buttigieg

And remember before he shot I was like, You're in for structure That's this fucking M. No Wait, so, oh, so he does have twins and they're both traffic cones? Well, they adopted, don't you remember? Last week we talked about the paid family leave stuff.

Oh, right. And he got flak for taking six weeks or whatever off of the transportation department to dress up his new adopted children as props on the internet. I mean, look, it's, I guess it's. It's not, I don't like taking cheap chop. because, like, oh, he's a liberal or Democrat, whatever. I like taking cheap shots because he's not obviously CIA shill. He was like, you know, trying to worm his way into politics,

much like George A. Shubb your Bush, but he's just not as a... Maybe it's just a different time. Man, maybe Bush wasn't any more charismatic. I feel like Bush wouldn't have done that. Bush wouldn't, like he would have said, hey, why don't you dress up your kids of Travico and Bush would have been like, eh. No.

I'm going to eat a mayonnaise, sand. I'm going to sleep. So, yeah, I don't know. You vote for him famously, right? A Buttigieg? Oh, yeah. I'm a Buttigieg girl. What was his big policy?

Do you remember? Do you have anything? No, no. He was a shill. Like, he was the guy who was obviously, like he was young enough that he seemed more progressive than the rest. His whole thing was unelectable, right? Yeah.

Even though Joe Biden won. Right. Yeah, that's true. I know Joe Biden's a crazy man, right? And he's not that fun anymore. And, you know, he's fucked everything up for everyone, apparently. I'm not taking his side. But who called this originally?

I did. Because crazy Joe Biden used to go on and just yell at people all the time and yell about shotguns and his friend corn pop. And I called Biden. I call Trump. I have my finger on the... I should be one of these guys on CNN or Fox News or anything. I mean, the next election is going to be.

wherever I say this. Probably. But I think also what fucked over Buttigieg was I think like him and Klobuchar kind of pissed on each other. Well, she was hitting. They literally pissed on each other? And they both, you know,

they took shots at each other and then nobody looked great. She was throwing staplers of people. That's true. I mean, she literally, she would throw like, she would eat salad with a fucking hair comb and then throw a stapler at an intern.

Yeah, she was crazy. I mean, and this guy's supposed to be a CIA plant, and he doesn't know a state seer-clear of Kulbuchar? Hey, how about you don't engage a psychopath eating with a comb? She's on an airplane, eating with a comb, and he's trying to pick her fight with her. It's like picking the fight with a crazy homeless person. She's just standing at the podium telling stories about her gambling addict father.

Oh, really? I don't know. Something about gang. She told some fucking gambling advice. My dad gambled my virginity away. Wait, what? That was West Virginia. It was bad.

Yeah, so. 2024, Brudgege. Let's do it. Yeah. I have another thing going on here. Megan Markle, who, you know,

she's kind of an enemy of the show. I guess she's not an enemy. We're not going to do anything to her, but we don't like her on the show. We hear her and Harry are a bunch of carpet baggers from across the pond. I'm getting sick of her.

And apparently she's getting her nose in our politics again, the star of suits. She's a, Megan Merkel surprises non-profit workers with Starbucks gift cards to help fight for paid leave. Wait, what? I'll repeat that. Megan Markle surprises nonprofit workers with Starbucks gift cards to help fight for paid leave.

The kind gesture comes as Megan Markle wrote an open letter to Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. This is people. Magazine. People Magazine is trying to pull it over. Look, we'll break the fourth wall. I don't care that much about Megan Martin. Whatever. She seems like a fucking fraud and her husband seems like a fraud. That being said, it's these articles like People Magazine. Why is People Magazine trying to put her over is my biggest problem. Right. The kind gesture comes after Megan Merkel wrote an open letter to Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer

advocating for paid family medical leave, which you mentioned last week in the show. But like, I don't know. Starbucks gift cards have like $80,000 on them? $25. I don't know how this helps. Provides gift cards for employees with nonprofit, which is working to win. All right.

So there's a nonprofit trying to get paid family leave and Begen and Markle gave employees of the nonprofit gift cards. I don't know how this helps. I mean, there's a boost morale for them. Okay. How is this like a headline on, I'm not saying people magazine should be, you know, the, what's the Russian magazine that everyone loves? The daily, the daily sickle?

What? Wait, what are they, what's the communist Russian newspaper they used to have? Um, I don't know. All right, well, it would have been a great reference then. But, uh, I'm not saying that this should be, the people magazine is the paper of record. But like, what is people magazine owned by the crown? The crown doesn't like her. What is this contingent?

This is like Game of Thrones. I guarantee you, there was a third party. Look, there's America government, right? American power. Then there's the royal British crown. Then there's something else going on that's trying to get Megan Markle and Harry to worm their way into America.

It's not a British crown. Unless it's an op. Unless the queen got together with Megan says, you know what everyone would believe? I'm a fucking racist. So here's what we're going to. going to do, Megan. We're going to send you over there. We're going to pretend like I called you the, whatever word. I'm not even going to say it. I mean, I was not going to say that. I'm going to say,

but I'm going to say for that way, all things for this. But yeah, but we're going to pretend like we abused you, like we were racist, and you're going to go undercover like you departed and get into America. Possible. I guess that's possible. You know, and Harry's brother's in on it, it's a whole big scam. Short of that, is France doing this. Australia. I mean, pick a country. Iraq, trying to get even.

Afghanistan. Are they backed by Afghanistan? Harry and Megan? I don't know. I just don't know. Who wrote this? Glenn Garner. Sounds like a fake name.

Yeah. I mean, this came out like... This was written by Osama bin Laden. Udane, who say is the Hussein? Whatever. It's just a bizarre thing because we did this episode a week ago, right? And I didn't have much to say about it. Yeah.

But I was just ranted. I mean, I ranted about Megan a little bit and her trying to infiltrate. And now this is from today. So a week has gone by. and they're trying to keep his story alive with Starbucks gift cards I brought this up as kind of a joke of running gag

but I'm starting to think that this is like a this is a thing she is the real Manchurian candidate she is going to shoot someone in the head I guarantee it I guarantee you Megan Merkel is going to drink the blood of some American power broker

and then take the American drone back she's going to sit in a drone of skulls. And Harry's just going to be sitting there with a chain around his neck. And Archie. Archie, our country is going to be changed.

The name is going to be called Archie Well. Archie Well, the country. Stupid kid. So anyway. About paranoid this episode. Yeah. I'm spreading paranoid. It's Halloween.

I'm very scared. This was a spooky episode. It was a spooky episode. It was a spooky episode for all the wrong reasons. So this was fun. Yeah. Anything you want to bring up? No.

Okay. So, well, we got the page, we had the Patreon this weekend, the Cumpthump episode. So if you tune in, the Patreon, we talked about some fun stuff on the, we did a horror episode for the comp dump tier. Yeah, a lot of content. We did all the Halloween episodes, the, uh, the horror movies. This is a lot of fun. So if you want, the links in the bio, you can sign up. If not, we'll see you next week and enjoy it.

Have a great week.