Kump - 89 - Socket Kump

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

Ray and Lucie discuss rage about Ringfit, Ray's new invention, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your "I'm A Wine Princess, Bitch!" T Shirt, available for a limited time! https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello, and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. We are a studio in shambles. The screen is off now, right? Yeah. We all have a screen. first of all the first thing that happened is our back light not to break the fourth wall here

you know went out we ordered a new one today so it might be a little moodier than usual a little more of a noir comp episode uh that might be fitting for certain reasons um you feeling you feeling noir i feel a little noir yeah i feel a bit i feel a bit third man orson wells you know or some else from the 80s though just you know doing ads for snow peas and slowly collapsing into death and then our screen goes out the computer we use to run we shouldn't need a computer a whole computer to just have a picture on a monitor there's got if anyone knows of a like a device i can look it up on google as well but everyone happens and though you can comment uh just a little a little like you know digital, like, you know, card reader that displays through H-GMI.

That's all we need. We don't need to have a whole computer causing climate change just to show the logo of Kump. There's got to be a better way. Grinette Dumburg is going to have us executed if we keep using a whole computer to display a stupid image on a stupid monitor. Maybe we should get, like, a, you know, like, you know, like, some people, have like a nice like uh LED not LED what you call that we call it neon a sign we should get carved into wood and then stained with blood mm what do you think of that that would be nice that would be sexy right that would be vampire shit we could really do some numbers with that

and we use it if we use baby's blood then greta thunberg will give us a metal or something wait so because i'm not into that i'm i want to be clear but i want to approach this so i like gretta thundberg i mean i you know she's she would have me killed once if she you know got to uh power which you probably will in some level she's going to have me strung up and say, remember in the 2010s when Empress Corsio-Cortez talked about the cows and their farts? Look, I present to you the cump, the next level of climate change. The cump must be wiped out.

In a kind of summary of your sins. Yeah. So pictures of, you know, mountains of empty Dr. Preparcans. Yeah. I'd be like the Inquisition I'd be like I regret nothing I regret that I only have

but one mouth to drink diet Dr. Pepper um but yes so we need we need a device for that

so we're a little technically but we're here we're here I was going to do a little rhyming thing but that's not right uh hello it's uh

one second so you know another issue here so we have the noir aesthetic and our insides are noir yeah because we both we did the patreon earlier today this is our second episode of the day recording like content creators that we are and lucy has the great idea to get some Greek food. She said, I'm going to get some Greek food before we. Greek food. That's what I said it. Yeah.

She said, I'm going to get some great food before we did this episode. And I got a spinach pie. You got a spinach pie. I, I think we're fighting the clock here in regards to getting like food poisoning. Yeah. Like, you know, we're here for you now. But just know that as you're watching. Watching this, because it'll be, we'll already be in the throes of it by the time, well into the throes of it.

We'll be recovering perhaps by the time he's this episode from a, from a horrible night. Like that night when I was poisoned, uh, when I went to dinner with a certain journalist. Uh, and I ended up just, you know, evacuating through orifices in my bed. Fever dreams. Greek food. Uh, but. But, you know, it's fine. How do you feel right now?

We drank some Pepto-Bismol. Yeah, it doesn't seem to have the effect on me that it has on you. What? Peptibisble? Maybe I should just drink a whole bottle of it. I drink a whole bottle. I mean, my stomach's bigger than you, so I assume, but you don't need to. But yeah, I just chug it.

I don't do the little cop and go, oh, this is what they told me. A little thimble. I don't do the thimble. I chug peptobismal like I'm, like it's whiskey and I'm a drunk, right? I don't do it all the time. You know, it makes your, it makes your battle movements, like black. So, you know, it's disconcerting. You forget you took Pepto-Bismol.

And all of a sudden, you're like, do I have cancer? And then you're relieved. You go, yeah, I probably do. But that's not what this is. So, yeah. I mean, are you still feeling kind of? I'm not feeling great. Yeah.

We're not, we're not going to fight in the Olympics right now. Yeah. But we're fine. It's a terrible Greek place. I don't know why I always remember it being good. It was good. I used to get food from there all the time. I did get food poisoning there once, I think.

But that's also because I got two gyros. I put one in the fridge and I ate the second day and then I got sick. So who knows if that's my fault? I got sick from them last year too. So maybe they're a bad place. It's possible they're not good. It's tasty, but that's not worth getting food poisoning. You had food poisoning?

No. Really? Yeah, I've never had it. You had a stomach virus? Yeah. Same idea. I mean, I guess it could get worse. But in my experience...

Oh, wait, I have had food poisoning. You did? Yeah. So where did that happen? I was doing an open mic at the Village Lantern, and I had shrimp tacos. And I ended up. throwing up in Grand Central at the middle of Grand Central

Well like like on that like weird seal on the floor Like in a garbage can Yeah I threw up in a garbage can at Grand Central So you were just like you were enjoying your post open mic Stroll through a New York And then all of a sudden you just Well it was kind of rushing back I lived outside

I lived like a little bit outside of the city at the time So I would kind of like do a mic and then rush back to Grant Central to get to train. And so I just ended up throwing up in the middle of the Grand Central food court. Was it busy? In the garbage. Was it like a packed Grand Central?

It wasn't super, it was probably around like nine, but people were blow, people saw the show. People were there at nine. Yeah. Wait, so the garbage cans have lids, right?

Or they're not just like open cans, right? They're open cans with like, but it is, it's a little whole. hole oh so you're like peeking over this little hole like aiming into it you've got to really get in there wow that's exciting that's actually i've done that twice in grand central really thrown up what was the other thing i i was pretty sick i don't think this was food poisoning i think i was just i was just pretty sick the whole day yeah and i was as i was coming back i actually thought i was choking

for a second i thought you were choking what what yeah you were vomiting so hard you thought you choking? Yeah. Did you not feel like you were like going through the throes of vomiting? Well, you know how sometimes you get nauseous and you kind of feel like you're about to And someone chokes you? You know how sometimes you get nauseous and you kind of feel like you're about to throw up But you think like, but you kind of gird yourself against it.

Like it's like, sure. Yeah, I try that to hold it and vomit, but. Well, that's why? I did. And the vomit just got stuck on my throat. Oh, so when you thought you were choking, you knew it was vomit. I was like, I guess is, yeah. But you weren't like, oh, my God, why am I choking?

And then you realized there was vomit. Like, it was more like, like, oh, more fool me. I tried to stop this vomit, but now it's going to kill me. Yeah. You thought you were, did you, like, were you informed by, like, people like Kirk Cobain or like Hendricks or whoever who, like, choked him there. What I'm saying is like, in your head, like, did you not kind of like, did you have a lap and you kind of, like, am I going to die like them, not realizing they were passed out from drugs and alcohol and thinking you could just choke on your own vomit, like, standing up? Oh, look, I knew that I needed to get that vomit out of there.

Sure, but when you were afraid that you were going to, like, choke to death standing in Grand Central. I knew that choking on your own vomit was a risk. But not when you're standing up. Usually not when your conscience and standing up. I don't even think when you're, like, when you're face down, you can. you're like you fill the cavity in the floor with it but I mean but that's I'm sorry you you were afraid of that I think you would have been fine you would you would I started doing I started doing the choking sign really people

would see me you wanted people to the I'm like to vomit out of you well I really I was really I was I was it was the closest to choking that I had wait so let me I don't want to make a light of this so you first you feel like, oh, I got to vomit. Yeah. They go, I got to hold this down. Your body says no. You start to vomit involuntarily.

I start to what I think is vomit, but then nothing's coming out. Oh, so you would dry heave it. Well, no, no. I had stuff. I had vomit in my throat. Oh. And I was trying to like kind of heave over and get it out, but I wouldn't come out. Wait, you couldn't get the vomit out?

I couldn't get the vomit out. I never heard of this. Yeah. No, it was really weird. And I, and I started doing the choking stuff. and a guy actually came over and as soon as he came over to me I felt it coming up

and I vomited it now. So you were like, it went through this. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh. Pretty much. That's amazing. That's, that's got to be studied by scientists. Did you like go to a doctor afterwards to figure out, like, what?

I mean, I, no, I knew, I knew that I was just sick, but I was just like, why would, why, how long was it where, I've never, like, tried to, I mean, I've tried to vomit when I would go to White Castle at, like, 5 a.m., and they go, that was a bad move. I'm going to regret this later. Let me just deal with it now, and just, and then you're trying to, and sometimes you can't force yourself to vomit right away. But I've never, like, had vomit coming up and not, and not get out.

yeah no it was really strange what color was the vomit it was like brownish like normal vomit it was basically the color of what i had eaten what'd you eat sesame tofu ah but you don't think it was the food no i don't think it was food okay because i had been feeling kind of like lousy before that yeah you thought like i was i'll go get some sesame tofu you don't make me feel better yeah and uh bad move yeah All right, well, no Greek food for us for a while. I mean, look, I love Greek cuisine. It's not, but this particular place we go to, I don't know if we should go back.

No. I've had to be fair, I feel pretty much fine. But, you know, I don't like the idea that I have to worry every day. It's like playing Russian roulette every time we have a goddamn gyro. But, yeah, you know, in general, I, look, I have spinach pie. I don't know it was like a reasonable. healthy option maybe not in hindsight it didn't seem like it was healthy no but uh but we are we are trying we go in the gym every day in the mornings we're talking about that in the patreon and how

you know whatever we're getting to misadventures of the gym um and doing like you know local whatever but dieting well you want to hear my fucking training regime whatever point is i've been trying to get more active not just the gym we go the gym every morning I do the, I punch the bag, right? I do the treadmill. Yeah. But, you know, I want to be more active during the day. So what do I do?

I have a Nintendo Switch. I've been using it to play games, like Metroid Dread. I've been playing Zelda. But I said, what, screw. Why not use this to my advantage and get, you know, more active during the day? Not replacing the gym, but, like, you know, go on some adventures and move around the apartment. Yeah.

So, you know, I think we mentioned before, I have the Just Dance game, and I'm dancing along to this weird, you said you were scared by the avatar, right? Well, yeah, they're kind of like these ghosty guy. They're like, they're in like some kind of reggae fashion. Well, not always, it depends on the style of music. And, and.

Oh, you, the one you saw, it was some kind of like trip hoppy kind of. thing and the guy was in like you know with those like puffy jackets and they're like ghosts they have no faces well they're supposed to be you that's creepy yeah i mean look it's trying to capture your soul to give you soul so you can dance

you can't dance if your your soul can't dance or at least mine can i'm a stiff mayonnaise boy and i need to i need this phantom ghost to teach me to move to the weekend or whatever. So I have that.

And that gets you sweating a little bit. That gets you moving. And then I got another game. I had the return a tuxedo to the mall, whatever, you know, in Brooklyn. And there was a target there. So I stopped in. And I got something called RingFit Adventure. Now this, I think I had mentioned it earlier,

or maybe a different pot that I was, I thought this was a hula hoop at first. I thought this is the thing you kind of like just put over your body and you just kind of hoolahoop with it. That's not what it is. No.

It's a, it's a strange wheel that you kind of push in and you pull out. It's kind of, you were trying to do the peck thing with it. It's kind of hard. Yeah, but not for me, but you know,

for you, who's, you're a small person, I can push the wheel in. But here's, and it was going fun. Here's where we got into trouble. I got into trouble.

There's a leg strap. I know what you're thinking. Oh, what? The leg strap didn't fit in your fat leg, your fat comp. That's not the issue. I mean, it might be related, but they make a strap. It's adjustable in size. It fits over my leg.

The problem is it's asking you to calibrate the goddamn system. First, I got to take the wheel, rotate it like this, move all sorts of gyrations. That's fine. then it's like go run in place and i start running in place and it works and then it starts asking me to run faster and then at this point the the the the the strap starts falling down my knee and i keep trying to keep it up and it goes inside maybe yeah i'm sure if it was strapped to like a you know um raffiol nadal's leg it would have something harder to grip to and it wouldn't drift from when he ran, but it did.

And I started, how, how would you describe the situation? You, to put it mildly lost your tamper. I lost my mind. I started screaming at the top of my, and it wasn't planned, it wasn't to be funny, just invoking the video game to commit suicide. I was just, call out of yourself, tell of yourself. Call of yourself. I was so enraged.

I'm throwing this wheel I'm just fucking spitting I'm fucking I am just I got a workout just from how mad I got I was just every time I tried to adjust it it would just it would drift this thing is a menace

um yeah how did you feel I felt I mean look Were you scared Did you think I was going to like hit somebody Thank God we were alone in the apartment I just remember Because it's also like

The sort of light video game music Right That you would think it would go along with a fitness game It was sort of Do do do do do do do Do you Fuck you Just so

I haven't been that mad in a long time I mean just the rage Because maybe with the music There's the music going like just do this It's fine working and like you don't need the leg strap for everything that's what made me so mad it's like just forget give me an option to skip this part now you can do our cart things where you go like wheel then you pick something else and do something else with the wheel but that like

loses momentum give me an option to skip something if it comes over if i can't do with the strap because it's the whole thing you're supposed to be something i don't know they say it's an adventure i think i'm fighting dragons in this game or something that's true we didn't even get to the ring fit adventure i am so mad i i i want to i want to fucking push a wheel in with a wizard yelling at me and then no wizard you will not pass and i'm just pushing in a wheel and i'm pulling out the wheel and i'm spitting and i'm struggling and it wouldn't let me it's demoralizing but then i got more we were so excited we were you were very excited to show me the ring fit you came home i think you we were out drinking with friends yeah and you were like you

you came home and like oh what's this you were so excited you got the ring fit and it was like you're having a nice night you have a little buzz on probably yeah and i come home like it's not fucking working i got a ring fit but it ain't working oh the nice friday night vibes nice chill vibes this fucking cock's right so yeah so yeah so that's That's a fun, fun night. Do you think you'll try the ring fit adventure again? I'm going to have to. I mean, I might have to develop a new strap or like Velcro into my leg or maybe drill it into my leg.

I mean, what am I using my leg for anyway? If anyone out there knows how to drill into a bone, I would love to just drill right into my femur and have a little socket there. And that's not just for a ring fit. I would like to have little attachments from my body. you know like like a phone holder on my forearm that'd be kind of cool that would be how cool would that be i mean the gun hand is the ideal forever and that we're not going to arrest them we get the gun hands but short of that i feel like it should be possible in 2021 to just drill a hole right here and then put like a tripod mound or whatever or like a like a socket and i can put the accessories into

in my arm. I'm not talking about stupid smart stuff. I'm not talking about like microchip in my arm. But they're starting on microchip people. They're experimenting with that.

Why did we skip over putting sockets into our body? I'd love to have attachments. Like, why not sunglasses? Why not have little fucking things here, little brackets?

And then you put sunglasses on and they have to be on your ears. That'd be so much better. I got to like worry about my ear and then fogging. up and then that way you could kind of actually put like the glasses like further out like here right why would you want to put the glasses further out because sometimes they especially when you're wearing a mask to fog up right i guess that's true yeah and so i i could get an attachment right here's

maybe it's a pocket right here too it's a little less sightly but whatever oh we could oh speaking of masks yes you could have cheek holes i could have Cheek holes. Cheap sockets. Yes. I mean, after my mask drift, you know,

drifting down and sagging. And this would be amazing. Drill a bunch of holes in my face so I can attach accessories. What's so hard about this? Is anyone out there like a handyman? Can we have someone from task rapid? We had to go on task rapid and just find a guy who's like, I'm a general handyman.

Anything you need I can basically do. Okay, here's great. And we email them. I saw your ad General you can do anything with a handyman Label Jack of all trades Which is perfect for me because I got a jack for your trade

I need you It should be pretty routine for you You know, men of your skills Just to drill a series of holes into my face Femers Arms and Dick And these holes Holes need to be compliant with various regulatory, not regulatory.

Universal socket connectors. And which he'll know what that means. Right. You don't have to know. Don't worry about what universal socket. As a term, trust me, it's not. But like, I mean, all tripods have basically, there's two tripod bounds.

Like, you know what I mean? It's not like there's a thousand of them. As far as like the big screw that the head goes on to. You know, I'm not saying I want to mount the camera straight into my arm. I'm saying I can mount a tripod head onto my arm. And then the camera goes on that. So I still have a fluid head. I can be holding it like this.

This is exciting. I don't need to be cyberpunk. I just need to be like socket punk. Socket? Yeah. Sock and cump. Some socket cump. I mean, imagine if you could just put an attachment face onto me

with a different man's face sometimes. Wouldn't that be nice? Or you could be talking to me. You know, some of your family lives out. A lot of your family lives out of state, don't they? Or some of them. Sure, some of them do. Here's what we do.

We develop a new kind of LCD screen that goes over my face and you could do Zoom calls, but I'll wear the face mask, and then you could chat with this person, but it feels like you're talking to a person. What's wrong with this? No, nothing's wrong with it. You could, we could use it. We're not going to force people to get the holes.

No, I'm using the holes. I'm using all the holes. I'm saying it's like, no, I'm, for your benefit, I'll wear the, like, you, I'll be playing Nintendo and you go, babe, I need you, I'm going to be talking to my brother later. I need you to wear the rig so I can talk to him and feel more, you know, connected like it's talking, because you don't want to talk to a computer screen. where the computer screens attached to a body. So it would be like it would be your body and then the iPad with his face on it. I mean, I feel like you, look, that would be Gen 1.

But I feel like we'll develop a custom, like relatively face-shaped. At least an oval screen that will mount directly to my face. Yeah. So it won't be. So I wouldn't even, I wouldn't have to just say, oh, hi, great to talk to you. I could actually give my brother a hug. Yes. Yes.

And I'd be getting the hug. And he would be on his side with his girlfriend and she'd be wearing my face rig. Yes. Yeah. And then you could even, I could have an ear piece of my ear with him. And he'll like, yeah, it's not going to be every. I'm not going to say, he'll, he'll talk. But there can be options like, you know, give hug, say, ew, I don't want to hug you, whatever.

Right, right. I feel like it's maybe two. months until this is used for virtual child porn but virtual who wants what virtual child porn virtual so what was that mean there'll be some guy who's like who will create like a child rig for someone's face and guys will have their wives put on the child face rig okay is a child actually around No. Or is a fake child? I mean, look, if it was a real child, it would probably be illegal.

Oh, for sure. That would get outlawed pretty quick. I hope so. But if it was an imaginary child. Well, I don't know how the imaginary child. Someone's also like animating a child. Look, I'm not into any of this. I don't want my product use for that.

But if you're going to come in me and say, I'm sure nature didn't want the Holocaust, but here we are. But I don't know. all I'm going to say is like in that scenario I mean that sounds better than a kid actually being molested that's all I'm going to say look it surely surely is right so I feel like my invention still might have helped even though it's not what I wanted or intended or wanted I'm still a good man I mean what would happen though like I'm not going to say about you and me because that would be weird but hypothetically boyfriend and girlfriend

the girlfriend wants to talk to her brother not us right right and so he puts a special mask on and then again it's not us I'm not making this hypothetical and then how we were to be though if the boyfriend and girlfriend were having sex

like she's talking to her brother it would be really weird right it would be incredibly weird so weird yeah it was a bizarre thing I don't know who who's being violated more Everyone involved It's just

It's insane I don't know why I thought of that But I just thought Like what would happen If like you know Or like you're talking to your mom But you're having sex with someone

Right And why would you do that It's just a double Just again Even if it's just to like You know Multitask But still so bizarre

I don't know Yeah But wouldn't their mom Still be on the phone? Yeah Yeah, no, it's super awkward. Yeah. It's not at all cool.

It's not chill. Yeah. But I still feel strongly about my invention. I think it's a good invention. With the kind of attachments you think I can get. I mean, look, we happen to be boy and girlfriend, lovers. Yeah. I get a vibrator dildo thing with jig.

To strap on to where? Oh, on your fist. I mean, I have all these options. I have a socket on my knee, one of my femur. Yeah. That's why I have a socket on my dick. But also,

wait, you have a socket on your dick? I said that before. I want a socket to put my dick. Wouldn't that, wouldn't that be more trouble than it's worth, though? What do you mean?

I mean, just having a socket on your dick all the time? What if you got to hold a flashlight? I'm saying, like, sometimes you got something low when you want a flashlight. Like,

I'm like, I'm like, I said it's having to bend over and hold the flashlight. Oh, you, like, let's say you were, What about when you're, like, being, you know, when you're having, like, an intimate moment with yourself?

Uh-huh. Would your hand be scraping the socket all the time? It's like, uh, maybe the dick one will come of a cap, a skin cap. A skin type cap that'll hook into the socket. It'll be an accessory. You have to pay extra for it. But, uh, it's, it's like buying any kind of, like, you know, bracket, but this one's just a piece of skin type material that clicks into the,

into the socket. and then maybe you keep it on most of the time. And so when you're jerking that dick, it's just soft. Right. Soft as soft as you like it. And also about, you know, that being said, maybe, wait. So that's one option. But another option, socket right here.

Soccer there. Connecting and get connecting. I'm not scraping nothing. Right, right. You get it? You see in the pig? I'm trying. I'm trying not to say the words about, you know,

the socket is hooked up to my dick and my hand at the same time, but that's what I just, you know, but that's what I'm implying here. Right. And so you wouldn't need to scrape anything. I don't know. I mean, you can either go for the nice skin cover or you can go for the socket hand to dick thing.

Which do you prefer? Maybe a socket hand to dick. Why? Well, because the idea is you could have a device, right? How would the socket on the hands work? I mean, it's just like a mount. And like you'd have like a little so like to connect it to the dick because there are two female connectors, right?

Yeah. Even though it's my hand. It's two females. And then you get a little, a little nub that goes into one. And that nub hooks into that one. Yeah. You getting in that? Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah. No, like that's a solution. Like this is a mount, right? Yeah. This microphone's got a mount. And this thing mounts into it. Same idea. Right, yeah, that's true.

You can connect anything. It's like Lego. I'd love to, you know, and you can build stuff out of Lego. We'll sell kits. We'll sell a little like, you know, we'll have a little website that, you know, we'll have all sorts of little attachments and like generic pieces. You can come people. People, you're going to be shocked when you go on the Reddit for this company

that I make and see the ingenuity of people on the Internet and what they've developed with my system. It's going to be inspiring. Right. I mean, you can see autism patients or people with autism or Alzheimer's patients. They're going to put a little, I don't have an attachment for people with Alzheimer's with a fucking, just a little dossier of the people close to them. And it's going to hang right here.

So it'll be a little, they'll scream to their head, right? And it'll be a rod sticking out of their head. Right. And it'll be an angle. And they'll be basically an index card. They'll just be like red hair, blue eyes, daughter. Yes. Right, yeah.

Saving lives. It's a good system, yeah. Quality of life. Lots of reuniting of families with this. You, your father was an empty shell until I came around. He wasn't even your father anymore. I taught him how to be your father. I mean, honestly, we can go a step further because I was thinking just having like an index card,

maybe a chalkboard, like in the trumpet up the swan. That's great reference. But maybe it could be a little digital thing. so he can go, oh, that's like a picture. It'll come up. It'll have. This is a premium package. Only wealthier people with Alzheimer's can utilize this.

Sure. But there'll be a little camera on it, too, facial recognition. And my little device tells you that. Ah. So it's going to see your dumb daughter. They go, oh, that's my daughter. And then it's going to have options. Like, she likes to be hugged.

Or because you're not going to remember. This device is going to be telling me. It's like the movie Memento. It's just going to be telling you things. Right. He has the tattoos telling him what the stuff was, but didn't jog his memory. So this is what it's going to be. It's not going to cure Alzheimer's.

It's just going to be that this guy is going to be like, oh, that's girls with my daughter. Okay. And it's going to briefly, like, it's going to make Mission Impossible with Dossier. It's going to be like softball. Has a series of bad boyfriends who hit her. Now, what if, um, There are stages of Alzheimer's towards the end. I'm not aware of that.

Right. But go on. Where people go, where people, you know, forget how to chew their food and stuff. Okay, so there you go. So it'll, it'll, it'll, the camera will recognize various types of food, cereals, a hot dog, whatever. And it'll say, hey, here's how you do, here's how you chew this. It's going to have, it'll, there's a little screen, show a picture of like a model. Yeah, like, yeah.

this is honestly the greatest thing it's ever been invented this is going to make your father love you again or pretend to as far as you know he loves you he doesn't he doesn't he's know who you are but he's going to fake it i mean it's going to have to flash constantly every like how it was every every remember you have Alzheimer's like you're the problem like you forget that it's just going to be constantly the default screen just as you forget things so yeah can we sell this to the military

I think we can cool yeah we could send people with Alzheimer's into the military I would love to like you know just look everything's been taken away from you but there's still time to be a hero and this man we're going to

we're going to turn you into a bomb The military is going to bastardize this Instead of it being like daughter You know, like flowers It's going to be like kill this man Shoot him Point point like this Pull this trigger

This is how you pull a trigger Oh man We're already ruin Now it's a net negative Unless they're killing only the bad people Which Yeah The military is always doing huh

Oh he's just killing the bad guys Mm-hmm. Uh, any of the attachments you could think, Dr. Pepper attachment? For sure. Um, you could have a little, uh... I mean, honestly, wouldn't you love... You could have a little synth attachment. I would love that.

I mean, just have a scent coming out here. I mean, wouldn't you love to just have, like, right here? And I'm holding it. It was right back there. I mean, amazing. Right my shoulder. For those of listening. Now, now, sometimes, like,

Like with tattoos or whatever, there's a kind of like a socially acceptable amount of tattoos. Sure. And there's a place where it kind of goes too far. Yeah. Where do you think the sockets go too far? 11. In our future society. Anything more than 11.

Anything more than 11. You can have sockets everywhere. I won't, yeah, because you can get skin caps for all of them. It's not like a tattoo. You can get plushy little skin caps made out of rubber or like a skin like material. So they won't be too noticeable. So I don't want to put a little on the sockets But 11 attachments at a time

So you get over here Your moniker over here You're like Dr. Pepper on your shoulder Your Alzheimer's head bracket You know And like Eight other things But after that starts to get a little like

What are we doing here? What are you trying to prove? Right I mean your shoes Don't forget We'll try to monetize this because people bind into this system and then they forget like oh it's like when you go buy a car

you're like what kind of car I really need well don't forget you you need drive this amount I'm not a good salesman but the point is but for this I am because they're going to go how many sockets do I really need I mean you wear shoes don't you socket right there there's two sockets

right you wear pants I can be a socket is that where i mean wouldn't it be nice of the hot day instead of actually wearing pants just to have like things that cover what pants cover but you're like but the wind's coming in your asshole and he's getting ventilated it's nice it is that would be nice yeah and you would you do that how would you have otherwise like a cover for your ass and pose of your dick whatever you got down there that like was separate like you know that was out from your body you couldn't hold it up the brackets hold it up the sockets that's what does it i'm selling you on a lifestyle

you finally get some ventilation in your asshole i like that i love you i crave that but i love i love some ass i feel like it's more of a male problem in general but ventilated asshole yeah whatever it's just nice to have feel the wind on your ass yeah whatever throw me into the bus. I'm just saying, you know, I would get to wear skirts. Well, I mean, oh, you're right,

you get to wear skirts. Nothing. Well, I mean, but look, it's not a perfect world out there. And so, you know, some people don't feel uncomfortable wearing them.

One day we can all just wear skirts and feel comfortable in them. But not yet. And I will monetize that lack of acceptance with my bracket sock at the way. Oh, we have to spell.

We have to, we have to, Well, they do. They're just like... Pink. They're just pink. They're just pink. They give you breast cancer.

Like, maybe they're softer. Sure. They're like the pelts, the skin pelts are like a, like extra smooth. I mean, I got to be honest. You just gave me an idea because like, oh, the bends will be rougher. You know how you played guitar before? When you play guitar, what happens to your fingers? You get calloused.

Right. But, like, what happens if you don't play a little time? You lose your callus. Yeah. you get sockets on your fingers you put your callus tips on and then you're playing guitar that's great

yeah I'm mad and you can even you could even if you wanted to be like a tool like a loser but still give me money I'll sell your chord brackets so these are special ones and they like it mounts all five fingers at once I guess or maybe one in the middle of your hand

but it does the motion of a chord on the guitar so you can just literally not have to do anything this is like this is the greatest idea ever yeah it's going to cause a lot of bone cancer because we're drilling straight into the bone

and we don't really know we're doing if you hit marrow is that a problem I feel like it might be I feel like hitting bone in the first place is a problem you can I mean doctors screw things into bones all the time

but we're not doctors right so I don't know but at the end I mean, you've ever seen a surgery happen? I haven't really seen surgery in real life, but I've seen videos. A lot of times, they're just taking a mallet or a hammer

and smacking on goddamn pelvis or whatever. You ever see them put a fake... I'm not sure if they're just, if they're simply pummeling a pelvis. Have you ever seen them put a fake hip in? They're hammering it. I mean, I'm sure they're a little more precise than I would be,

but how precise can you be? This is how we get Dr. Death. This level of, of arrogance. Well, I'm not, you're going to be a doctor death. I am just attaching devices to bones. Yeah.

All right. Well, look, it's basically like plastics. It's no real, it's really no different than plastic surgery. Exactly. It has more utility. Yeah, it's plastic surgery for people who do things. Right?

Not for like people who just want to be seen looking like cats or whatever. All right. So, you know, this is, This is nice. This is good. I mean, like cats.

This is, I mean, speaking of brackets, this week's Batman, which is not, actually isn't a Batman. It's the same idea because I don't want to necessarily, if you see,

this is, this is Bain from the last night on earth Batman. He's a big boy. Which is the future, right? Yeah. And it's the one where we brought up on the show, you know,

a different episode when Batman, in the straight jacket. Uh-oh. There we go. Uh, you can see here, this is the, this is, this is a scarecrow. You, you get him separately. This is a builder figure. Does scarecrow have no legs?

Exactly. This is the future, all right? I'm trying to explain something. This is scarecrow. He has, like, a weird phantom and he's got this, like, you know, he's got a, an older erotic asphyxiation mascot, I guess this is. And, and, and this is, Bayne's just like a, in this version, there's a big glute.

It's kind of like Master Blaster from Mad Max. But you can see here, this is how he attaches to Bain. It's a peg in a hole, right? This is our bracket right here. And now he hooks on and he rides Bain around. Uh-oh. How am I getting him back on?

You should, I, I, here's the thing. This is a build-up. You have to buy all five figures in the set or four. And they come with the different pieces, like his legs and his arms and stuff. and then you, the bane, and you put the bane together. People hate this figure, because unlike all the other ones,

when you put it together, like, if I move him, if I try to articulate him at all, his legs will fall off. He's not really well designed. Yeah. But he looks cool. And he's a great example of our bracket system in motion.

That's another bracket system right there. Yeah. Your loved one loses their legs. You have a paraplegic. Here's what you do. What are you going to do? Rolling them. on a wheelchair dragging their useless legs saw those legs off put a bracket in their gut

with a bracket in your back you're now a couple again you go you go play paintball you go korean eat korean food the korean restaurant anything you want have sex with other people you know you can have sex with someone while their wipes on your back or vice versa yeah fantastic i mean it's great for cuckling you know it's I mean, it'll be amazing. Do we throw a baby? Put a baby in your back. Screw baby, Bjorn.

Right, yeah. You're never too young to have a bracket installed into your bones. That's the way I see it. People might say, oh, your bones will grow. Fine, every six months, we'll unscrew the bracket and put a drill a new hole in your bones. Whatever. It's just like shoes. Yeah.

Shoes get old. What are you going to do? uh what do you think of this you know separate from the bracket issue this is this bat this bane it's um it's really cool but bane is very big yeah he's very big in this one he's always a big guy he's got the vent on the ghostro is bane is the guy if you're not familiar he was in the dark night returns played by who was his name again i forget his name oh um ed musgrave uh tom hardy yeah tom hardy played him he's the guy in the comics he breaks batman's spine at one point and then some other guy takes over and becomes like a murdering machine uh and so batman

has come back and i'm not sure what he's i don't know he kills the guy but he's like you gotta stop being batman now because i'm too mean uh but this is a different version of bane it reminds me of us yeah a little bit i could see you riding around my back like this yeah that'd be great we should be a master blaster kind of you know team that'd be amazing right yeah and you could you could have all the metal spikes that you throw at people. And I'm just, my job is just running to people, using my weight as a battering ram.

And then you're doing the finesse stuff with the knives and the throwing stars and, you know, the shurikins and tampons. You know? Right. Strowing stuff of people. That's amazing. So what happens?

Does, is this actually a plot point in the comic books? Like does scarecrow? It's a very fuzzy. Seduced, Bain, or mind control him? Um, I kind of forget exactly how that works. I think he kind of controls him. Yeah, well, he's like a mind control kind of guy. Yeah.

But it's like a weird, like Batman wakes up in a mental asylum. And then the Omega Batman's running shit. It's a very weird comic last night on Earth. It's, it's cool art. It's kind of a cool. This is the same thing where Batman's walking around with Joker, his head in the jar. And Joker's talking to him. It's crazy shit.

You want me? You want to fact check the logic of this universe? Bizarre things are happening. Who, if you could pick one person from history to have their legs soared off and then mounted onto your back, who would it be? Helping you add, giving you advice, whatever. Maybe like Anne Frank. What? What?

I can't think of a worse answer than Aunt Frank. I mean, what is she doing for you? Well, she just be like, you know, she has a very, like, her diary. Anne Frank. It's very optimistic tone. I feel like she would remind me to look at the world with a sort of childlike innocence. First of all, you only think that because they cut all the sex stuff out of Anne Frank's diary, I think. I don't know about sex stuff, but like, you know, I think there were, I've heard that there was like sexual, not like smut.

All the better. My point is she was, she was a normal girl. She wasn't some optimist. They edited that thing, is my point. Well, look, and they edited stuff out. She probably said, like, this sucks living here and that. Like, fuck my life. Fuck this is awful.

Oh, I wish I could not do this. And you should. Like, you know, we shouldn't fetishize. some fake version of Anne Frank that the Anne Frank book publishing industrial complex. I don't. I'm just saying Anne Frank with all of her foibles, I would love to have strapped my back. I don't know what, look, I thought you were going to say something like Plato or like Descartes or, you know, Thomas Jefferson or, you look, someone like Harriet Tubman. Harry Tubman would be cool too

But I would feel kind of bad Stowing her legs off Yeah having her strapped by bad Well that's why Thomas Jefferson is like a better Because like yeah he had he had his faults But like he did enough bad things Yeah he saw his legs off Yeah right

I almost said Carl Pan's rant But I think I also answered him When they when you were talking about Who would I carry around with his head in a jar I mean this is even worse That one led to you getting killed by other people You're gonna mount call But like the first thing he does is slit your throat

are you talking about you pick it in the worst people i would pick oliver north who's oliver north he's the guy who went to jail for iran contra why him he just seems like it gets into adventures i mean imagine having lee harvey oswald sharp sharpshoes you're on your back um yeah i mean one of the Bush presidents One of the Bush presidents? Bush 1 or Bush 2 Why?

I don't know. I'm a president. You really want George W at your back? Maybe George H.W. But like George W. No, HW. Just doing his dumb paintings on your back? Using your back as an easel.

HW is doing watercrest sandwiches and it's just like boring. He's just not telling you about how he killed Kennedy because he's still a pro. But George. George W. But don't you remember he's the kind of guy you want to have a beer with?

Well, now you can. He's just have a beer. It's amazing. I'd love to just walk around with George W. Here's what I'd love to do. I want to do a comic book of me having George W. Bush mounted on my back, but here comes the depth and the subtext.

And we have to do a, we have to do a walking tour of Iraq and see his handiwork up close. And he can't turn away because he's mounted to my back. that's something that could be a story that could be a story this is uh do they did you imagine him learning his lesson in the end i don't know i would drown him in a trash can full of gasoline but not on purpose i was like i'll just i'll be so tired it's so hot in the rack and like i would fall back into like a trash candle gasoline which i assume for some reason

i had iraq just has open trash cans of gasoline like as if as if like Gasoline just comes down like rain. Anyway, he's not going to make it through the end. But I learn valuable lessons. Oh, good. And they inform me on my journeys. Yes. So we were talking, we'll move on, I guess.

Yeah. Do you have anyone else you want to potentially add to your back? Besides, you know, Hobocross victims? I don't know what. I mean, if you're, if you, he's like, oh, oh, I have one. I have a good one. Okay. Maybe like Ulysses S. Grant.

That would be a good one. Why Grant? Well, he's tough and he's also wise. I'm not how wisy. He was just a brawler. Well, he's a brawler, but he was also wise. I don't think he's a big drunk. He had the benefit of not being a complete, like, you know, gutless general.

And so he, like, you know, I mean, here's the thing. The union should have won from the beginning in the Civil War. They had all the reason. You know, the resources, all the soldiers, you know, the numbers. They never reason to win. And the ineptitude of all these Northern generals is why Lincoln hated them so much. He's like, can I get a goddamn general who fights? And stumbling in comes Grant, drunk off his ass.

But yeah, he wasn't afraid to get into a brawl. But I don't know if he was wise. Oh, oh, that's another good one. I would have Mary Todd Lincoln strapped to my book. back. I mean, a woman who lost four sons by the time she was dirty years old. And went insane. Yeah.

I would like to just have like a crazy lady strapped to my back wherever I went. And how would that benefit you? You're preaching and wailing. And then, okay, so in this scenario, I'm single, right? Sure. You will be single. I kind of imagine using her as sort of like an unwitting wing woman. We come into a place

And she's just ranting and raving And I kind of like look at a guy I think is cute And I kind of like look at him like Uh Like she's kind of crazy huh And it's kind of like I look good by comparison Interesting

But he has to take her Like she's coming home with him Wait so you can't unmount them from your back You can't like put them in a corner Well I'm not no no you can't Okay yeah sure She could stay. All right.

I mean, you're going to find a certain kind of guy. What happens if like, I mean, he's a problem. Some guys, the kind of guys who are going to go home

when you wit Mary Todd strapped you back, Mary Todd Lincoln. Yeah. Are going to end up, she's going to say something crazy. Because they're going to be madman themselves. They're going to slit her throat.

And now, for the rules of my scenario, you're walking around with dead Mary Lott, Lincoln's strapped you back, you know, the rest of eternity. It's not great. Look, it's not ideal. I don't know if I buy that they would slit her throat, but sure.

Choker. These are not good guys. They're going home with a woman who has Mary Todd Lincoln bolted to her back. These aren't like Rhodes Scholars or like, you know, Greenpeace captains. Well, I don't know. Abraham Lincoln fell in love with her. Not while she was mounted to some other chicks back. This is absurd.

You realize in my scenarios It wasn't it was never Yeah but in this scenario I'd also be like It wouldn't just be the look Like I would also When we could start talking I would be like

Yeah you know Like she was a great first lady You know Before she went insane I have a lot of respect for I want to just be throwing Mary Todd Lincoln under the bus I mean the kind of guys

Who were going to accept this Aren't going to know who Abraham Lincoln is This is this is false I mean you've picked a mad woman Who's going to be saying the N-word I don't think she's going to be saying She's a mania She's a crazy person

She's just going to be like saying it And I mean whatever I mean It's going to be so awkward Anyway Moving on This is a weird one I don't know

We were talking We were talking In the Patreon episode That we recorded earlier About Kyle Rittenhouse In his trial And I commented that he was You know

Kind of gotten a little fat You know A little fat Right And it got me thinking, like, I don't know how my mind went here. Because people were saying, like, some people thought he was, like, maybe the people he shot who attacked him thought he was an active shooter, right? Right.

And it all came into my head like a soup. And I wonder, I have a question to ask. Yeah. Do you ever think we'll have a mass shooter, a mass shooter situation, a mass shooter wearing a bikini? I assume like a woman Like a hot woman I'd be shocked if it hasn't already happened

I mean what do you mean I know that there are only a handful of female mass shooters out there Are there any? Yeah By themselves? I mean look I think it's like When you look at like the definition of mass shooting I'm talking about Columbine

I'm talking about like Sandy Hook or whatever Right I'm talking about real like going to a school Going to a crowd Mandalay Bay I'm not talking about like three people got shot in a drive-by. That's not a mass shooting.

Right. We all know what we're talking about. We're talking about the peculiar kind of thing that kind of, that pretty much started with Columbine and been going on for like 20 years or whatever. I'm not talking about like there happens to be like gang violence or, you know, this is a different thing. It's not good, you know, like a mass shooter. Yeah.

I mean, look, I like the idea of one. Yeah. But I feel like in reality it wouldn't be that cool. Like it would be like, it would be like an ugly. that crazy-eyed woman Right And a bikini What if she had a hot body

But not great face Like kind of a haggard face Like she was a girl who like wasn't treated well Because she was not a great face And that's not great You should And I'm not trying to justify Man's shoes like

Oh they always have a reason It's justified I'm just saying But but in her mind As twisted as it is She said I'm gonna flaunt my body As I do this and get shot in the end like they're going to see what they were missing do you imagine this happening at a school

like at a at a at the workplace like probably like a college yeah right okay yeah i mean look i don't want to inspire anyone to do it maybe if you had like a frat party and maybe it's like it's the fraternity where she was uh you know mocked oh god stop we should stop talking we're giving some of ideas though this is probably Don't shoot anyone in the bikini. Look, there's a storytelling. Of course it is. I'm so nervous about inspiring someone to do a mad shooting in the bikini.

I mean, look, I think there's a reason why women generally don't do, like, huge mass shooting. Because they're bad, bad aims? They can't aim well. Because they're scared. I think just men, this is something that, for whatever reason, it seems like men do. usually yeah no i agree it seems to be that seems to be the case i mean i just don't see her i could see a woman maybe hypothetically doing this i don't know where the bikini comes in i don't know where she starts thinking about i can't justify this question it just occurred to me and then

it dawned on me and i wanted to put it in the world um don't do this don't ever don't And if you have sort of an ugly face and sort of a hot body, don't do this. I'm going to go out to a limb here and say, don't do it at all ever, for any reason. Well, look, a girl with a hot face and a hot body isn't going to do it. Sure, regardless of what you're wearing, don't shoot people. Yeah. That's the come disclaimer. Don't go out and shoot somebody in bikini and then, like, tag us.

Here's the thing. Here's the thing. If you are a girl, woman, who has a fantastic body and, you know, not so. great face. Instead of shooting people, you get my bracket installed in your forehead, you put the screen, the oval thing, and you get a new face. Perfect. And you get different faces at a different day. Different days get different faces. More lives saved. You get a professional face and you get a slut face and you get a, you know, trying to get white feet up face. Yeah. All sorts of faces. So there's options for you. We're saving lives here. Yeah. Sockets. Sockets.

uh we've been watching a new show it's not new i guess but we watch this castlvania show which uh i enjoy you enjoy it's very gory i'm sure you've heard people say it's good it is good it's fun it's irreverent is it irreverent i don't know it's crazy and it's also it seems Like The Last of Us, they got a movie coming out, live action or a show. Yeah. Then he got the Mario thing. There was a controversy a couple weeks ago. With Chris Pratt, people mad that Chris Pratt's playing Mario.

Why are they mad about it? I think because he's not a voice actor. People fetishize voice actors. Yeah, but it's like, you never know who's a voice actor. I didn't think Bradley Cooper was a voice actor, but he did a great job on Rocket Raccoon. Yeah. I'm like, oh, you should have gotten the guy who did Telotubies to play Rocket Raccoon. I mean, honestly, there's no reason for him.

He didn't even sound like Bradley Cooper. Right. But he's good. Rocket Raccoon is great. That's an Avenger, the Guardians of the Galaxy, right? Yeah. So, but people got out, I don't know, they're mad because Chris Pratt is, everyone liked him at first because he was, now I hate him because he's got money. Yeah.

I don't know why you're fetishizing voice actor. A lot of them seem just that, like, you know, just because they're ugly doesn't mean they're better actors. You're not all ugly. Some of these voice actors are actually, you know, can look at people. I don't know why they didn't get into regular acting. Maybe they're bad at moving their arms.

But then, I, you know, another scenario, man. What kind of games do you think would make a good show or movie? Because they seem to be doing a lot of them. They should make a Bioshock movie They might be doing that That would be cool Bioshock is a cool game I was thinking more along the lines of Tetris

Like can we make Tetris into a movie It's just a guy But it's not like this stupid Pac-Man thing movie Or whatever This is just a guy in a prison With a bunch of blocks of those tests And it's just like They electrocute him every time

He doesn't get it right You gotta put the box in And so it's actually just a guy I playing a version of Tetris and being but not in real life, he's an actor. But like, you know, but it's called Tetris in the movie. No, we should just do this in real life.

No, that's mean. That's awful. That's harming people. You want to take everything to the 15th level. What else we could have a... What games did you like as a kid? Um, I mean, I liked, uh, you know, Ocarina of Time.

The Zelda game. Who should play Zelda? your mind or link oh maybe like that uh link oh link um i know if you should play zelda who who that girl with the uh zoie dashineau not zoie dash now she's just going like she's very pretty oh link oh i'm a awkward dog um that girl with the crazy bug eyes from the queen's gambit she should be Zelda. Sure. Give her every part, I guess. Who's playing, you know, who should play Link is Aaron Carter. Good dog. Is he still a relevant person? I don't think so, but No. Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber should play Link. Would anything make the internet meltdown

and like with people? That might start like all this whole about race or ACAB or, you know, Antifa versus the Proud Boys. What really would cause the Civil War is if you've got Justin were to play like that would really that i mean that would like the world on fire yeah and then uh gandorf would be uh jeff ross from curvy enthusiasm my god oh i can't believe links here jeff ross it would be a jeff garland jeff garland i'm sorry jeff garland jeff garland i can't believe here link Good, look at this. I'm, I'm getting, though. Rha.

I used to play a game called Burger Time. We had to, like, run over different ingredients on a burger and dropping them. Oh, I used to do that. Yeah. It's just about guys making

hamburgers in factory. Yeah. And then they fall in love of each other. Mm. Two guys. They were romantic burger. Factory love.

Yeah. Forbidden love. Just because, like, you guys, They have no dating policy. So it's for a living love. Any other games that would make good movies? Well, over the pandemic, I liked playing Among Us, but that's basically based on the thing.

Yeah. So it would have to be like Among Us, the movie, and it would be like the thing. I'm talking about. But with a little spaceman. I'm talking about like Marble Madness. Marble Madness was a great game. Yeah, make that into a marble That's where you kind of control the marble

As it went down as a labyrinth That's just the movie We literally just screencap someone playing marble marble Marble Maddis and we animate over it And pretend it's a movie We put some music Over it and you know And then we'll have you

With the end frank on your back Superimposed into some of it Yeah Revolutionary Awesome Anything else you want to add or shoot I'll wrap this up. Yeah.

We'll wrap this up. Yeah. Yeah, we got the Patreon. You can sign up for that. We get the link in the description. You get the extra episode every week. Five bucks. Great deal.

Everyone loves it. You can't go wrong. Yeah, follow me on Twitter, Instagram at Ray Kump. We'll see you again next week. We'll have a new light. Have a great week. Thank you.