Kump - 90 - Thank Kump

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

Ray and Lucie discuss their recent trip, historical documents, turkey shortages, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your Kump Hand merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Hello. Hi. You're going to say hello with me? You're saying hello to them, not to me? It's a communal hello.

No, I want my own hello. Okay. Excuse me. I'll keep that in mind. What's that mean? For the future. Oh, I thought it was like, you're going to bury that deep down and use the resentment against me. We're back.

It's a Thanksgiving episode. Give thanks, not resentment. Yeah. Don't come at me with a knife, please. Not tomorrow or today. This is coming out, you know, Thanksgiving night before, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day of. So just for you to enjoy with your family. family, more likely if you're alone.

If you've got nobody on Thanksgiving, you have us for the hour. And you can keep playing us over and over while you eat. What are the burritos? What are alone people eating on Thanksgiving? Probably like a nice mac and cheese. Like a craft mac and cheese? Yeah. Maybe one of those Annie's vegans ones.

Oh, sure. The ones you like, the ones I'm pretty me about, because they don't have the processed cheese I like. They make actual powder. I mean, don't like a, don't diners do kind of like a Thanksgiving spread? These are people who might not feel comfortable going out into the sunlight in the diner. That's true. People who listen to us.

That's why we love you. It's also why, you know, but the world fears you. That's fine. But enjoy. We're back in the studio. we've got uh the signs working again what you did was they fall yeah i'm helping batman do you fall i'm curious yeah he fell i hate we'll get to this later but i'm not not a big fit uh we have a sign uh people say it couldn't be done you were telling me i had to keep using a whole

computer and if greta thunberg wants to you you know come in and uh honor kill me as you put it last week i think uh for for wasting the energy of a whole computer so be it but i found a box a little box and all it does is play pictures and that's what it does and we don't have to have a laptop here the show is evolving lights back we're bright last week was pretty moody this is a holiday so enjoy everyone uh we were traveling that's why we're a little late while we're doing on thanksgiving because we were uh traveling across the country uh to where were we were in richmond The city of Richmond. What would you say is the most conspicuous fact about Richmond, Virginia?

Well, it does have a history. Of being the state capital. Of Virginia. That's one. And then also another capital. What was that? You know, known as the seat of the Confederacy. The seat of the Confederacy.

So this is where Jefferson Davies. Is that his name or Davis? It's Davis. I like calling Davies if it sounds cuter. Maybe in the South. I could see them in the South calling him Davies. I miss the Davies. Hey, Mr. Davies.

You got to shoot people on behalf of slavery. What's it up to? It's like that guy from Gone Baby Gone. Is it a party? We were in the seat of the Confederacy for a few days. You know, I'm not crazy about it as a city. If you happen to live there, okay? I'm not going to fight you about it, but, you know, we had a fine time.

We were visiting people. Yeah. But a little strange of a place. You know, it didn't seem to be much southern charm in the city of Richmond. No, you kept unfavorably comparing it to New Orleans. It does not compare well to New Orleans. I admit, you know, my travel experience is a bit limited. I haven't been to the whole south.

I know New Orleans is a unique city. but this is not as good. It's Richmond. In New Orleans, are like where people really were people like kind of the stereotypical southern guys? You get off the plane

and it's just sweetie and how are you all doing? And just warm feelings and warm air in the middle of December and just lovely, everyone's drinking and having a good time.

Yeah, there's some people who might try to stab you sometimes. You know, but overall, it's a very, so there was a, there was a statue of the guy from Confederacy of Dunces, and someone tried to get me to take a picture. I was wandering around by myself one night, and this guy, I was looking at the statue going, I read that book. Yeah. To myself, I wasn't screaming that out. I read that book. And this guy, you know, tried to get me to, I'll take your picture, give me your phone.

And, you know, I don't really, I don't need a picture of me. was the stat was that it's not worth it he's probably going to take it i mean if he didn't take it then he's just a creep right just then we have to hang out and eat gumbo together you're my gumbo buddy i mean i love it's a friendly culture but i don't need a night friend eating gumbo yeah but uh no you know the bignets the jazz music giving the blues music uh the cemeteries were better everything was better so nicholas cage's tomb in new orleans who what what who did we see we saw Edgar Allan Poe's mom's tomb not as good and oh oh let's talk about Edgar Allen right mom's tomb yes because we were in this you know famous cemetery the St.

John's Church St. John's Church or something the one where Patrick Henry went you know give me liberty or give me death I didn't want to look dumb by the way but I was I forget who Patrick Henry was he wasn't a big figure I don't know a lot about him yeah and give me liberty or give me that. He's just some drunk who like, you know, while Jefferson, whoever else was like, was doing stuff, he just kind of blurted that out probably. Was he like, is the thing that he would, was he killed after that speech? Probably. He was, I, he was just some guy who like blurted that out during like, you know, their Virginia conference or whatever. It would be great. He was like, give me liberty and give me death. And then the guards start walking towards him. And he's like,

wait, wait, wait, I'll suck your dick. I'll suck your dick. I'll suck your dick. amazing but we saw a bunch of grave graves it wasn't look we've been to the besides your world these we've both been to say what's that one trinity church in uh in the lower manhattan and who's there like Alexander Hamilton yeah uh was Madison there maybe I forget just there some big players there yeah but uh in this one there was who it It was some lawyer. Some lawyer. Some priest.

And then Edgar Allan Poe's mom. And her gravestone. Yes. Right. Was kind of interesting. Do you remember what the thing? I know what we're getting that, but do you remember actually what it said?

So it had a portrait of Edgar Allan Poe's mother. Edgar Allan Poe had it commissioned. Right. And it had a portrait of Edgar Allan Poe's mother. and next to her right is the raven from Edgar Allan Poe's poem the raven he worked in a reference to his dumb poem

he worked in a reference to his own poem on his mother's gravestone I mean I don't know much about Poe but he seems like a douchebag yeah that seems like a I mean I guess maybe his mother maybe it was a dig at his mother or just like you know because you know who who raises a man

who makes such macab imajic macabre macabre macabre i don't know i feel like a guy who writes that way is a real mama's boy that's true she probably fucked her yeah yeah sucking on her tits he probably didn't get along with his dad because his dad didn't understand him because he's writing stupid like you know books about ravens yeah where you write that i'm writing about the raven come chop wood you little i'm like yeah he's like i like mommy yeah his dad just hit him with a axe handle and then like all of his poems a lot of his stuff was about like dead women dead beautiful women yeah

look he was probably a murderer they were all mommy look you probably all these guys probably killed a prostitute at least once if not on purpose by accident but you know i mean there was no there was no like you know constable so no police back then i mean not really not effective yeah i mean i bet to george washington jefferson oh yeah all these guys definitely grant Oh, sure. Drunk General Grant? Yeah. He probably, a few whores probably went to,

he got thrown out with the whiskey bottles. The, got thrown out with the empties. And it's sad. RIP whores. But yeah, so that was fun. I mean, the one thing about the cemetery that I did like, and you would think I might be a little embarrassed about this, a little cringe, not at all.

This is something that, like, you know, we were with a couple people. And I saw a gift shop. I said, do you think they have those old fake historical documents there? Yeah. And you probably. And you know what I'm talking about, right? Mm-hmm. You know, you saw them on school trips, those little declarations and the thing.

I went crazy in there. I went straight in. It was a Sunday. and I just went straight to the back and I got all this treasure I'm not nostalgic about anything but I got all this treasure because these are my

I used to love these as a kid it's not even nostalgia I just I still love them they're fake this is oh this is the women's declaration we'll get to this later I guess I don't even know what that what is a woman's declaration of independent what is that it's actually very that's in keeping with the history

we'll get to it later yeah But I love these These I don't remember as much I don't like to know why they I mean I just wore all the ones they had This is the Declaration of Independence That is nice And look how old that looks

Hold it up for the camera Show it this is I love this crap It just fills me This is the Bill of Rights I like that's actually probably A better way to do it But I remember these envelopes as a kid

And I would go to like a dinosaur museum Or wherever Or the Walt Whitman house Or the mystic seaport and I would buy these little things and I would look at it and I would just, I used to have

what was interesting, there was one of these that had those facts there's one that was called like Lincoln and Kennedy facts and all that crap like you know Kennedy's secretary whose name was Lincoln Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy right and like but they made it

on all time parchment which I wish they had they didn't have that but I always sounded so bizarre and like and I don't I gotta say it does seem more fun to read it this way Yeah, this is the Bill of Rights. This is what, I guess, all you gun guys love, right? This is, uh, how do you read?

I don't know this is a bill of, okay, this is so hard to read. Resolved by the Senate and the how, where are the articles? The second, no law varying the compensation for, I, I'm trying to read the Second Amendment. Is this the fucking... What is this? This is supposed to be a Bill of Rights. Can you read the Second Amendment?

Can you read the Second Amendment of this? I think this has the articles on it. No, that's the introduction, I think. This is just an introduction? I wanted to highlight the gun thing and put it on my wall. But I wanted to, like, take it like a fountain pen and write the hand thing, the gun hand. You know? And by the way, you know, sidebar, because we are talking about that, I'll remind you later,

you can get your gunhand comp t-shirts now on the website. You'll see the description in the bottom of either on YouTube or the podcast. We have comp hand gun-hand t-shirts. It's got a gun on it. You've got to love it. I wanted to do a tie-in with the gun hand. What are you looking at there? I think these are the articles.

I don't want articles. I want the Bill of Rights. I want a second amendment This is crap Fuck this I don't love What is this thing I was so excited to do this this segment

This fucking stupid dot I can't even read this shit What is How do you open this garbage I'm gonna fucking kill myself Like Batman's holding up the Constitution Yeah well you know Not usually what he does

Is it Who is this a picture Oh this is a this is Patrick Henry with the give me liberty or give me death the battle sir is not to the strong alone it is to the vigilant the active the brave

besides sir we have no election if we were based enough to desire it is now this is garbage fuck this so why I buy his crap sick of this the proceedings of the Virginia convention in the town of Richmond

And this is why these people, these people just, you know, like slaveholding psychopaths say John's church. This is all crap. Never meet, never do it, never have nostalgia. Oh, this is cool. I got original 13 original states paper money. What do you hope? What do you got there? Is that another bill of rights?

There's another bill of rights. Read me the goddamn second amendment, will you? Can you read it? All right. Okay, this is Article the second. No law. Crap. I'm thinking of that.

Give me that. You can't read it. And we're not even opening the women's one. Garbage, garbage. I'm so disappointed. This might be promising. The guy that we are. So we have 13 original states paper money.

okay this is cool is this cool is this fun let's see why do they make this crap i'm such a sucker this is a two shillins and six pence uh half a crown so you would give this to a to a prostitute and she would lick your asshole but was it paper like this wasn't it like gold uh a lot of times there was gold yeah no well i mean there were bank notes there were bank notes back then i mean There was a history of different attempts of banknotes. But you're right. Why am I buying this crap? I could have bought a pair of headphones, cheap headphones,

with a amount of whatever. That second was a big waste of time. I picture this is unraveling maps and finding secrets and just feeling like history was right in front of us on Thanksgiving Day. We find a bill of right that's never existed. before. Oh, that we weren't told about.

The right to suck. The right to suck. I invoke, sir, my right, my, my, my 28th Amendment right to suck my own dick. But yeah, I mean, look, the town, that's the high, that was like a highlight of our trip, right? It was going to a cemetery where no one interesting was buried. I don't know if that was the highlight. What was that? What would you say the highlight was?

The weird sculpture garden was nice. There was a museum there. There was a guy who was a black sculptor. Contemporary, right? Yeah. And he, uh... He did these statues inspired by, like, Confederate statues. But he just made him black guys.

Yeah. It's kind of cool. Like riding a horse. Look, yeah, it was nice. Nice, dad. It was a good book. I don't know if the people of Richmond, like, got... I guess they got the message, right?

Like, like, I'm not... Are these people even aware? Like, like, I'm not... Is this something? little tea lost on them is my point like this is stone it's like stonewall jackson but he's black right do they even like pick up on that or they just like walking around eating pirate booty it's also like at least it's like it's like a nice it's like a nicely done

statue at least not a bunch of fucking vagina plates like the ones i saw but i went to the brooklyn museum yeah i've seen those vagina plates twice now look i don't know do i tell you about those no you didn't tell us about the brooklyn museum vagina plates there is like this I've seen it twice in my life. It's like this R.P. It's called the dinner party. And it's supposed to be like famous women throughout history. And you're imagining a dinner party with a bunch of them.

It's like this big triangle with different plates. And they're all these Georgia O'Keefe like flower vaginas. Yeah. And the plates. Wait, is this like a bunch of fleshlights sitting around like a dinner table? Yeah, like like porcelain fleshlights. And all the little fucking plates have like placers. with a different woman's name on it from history.

But it's weird, too, because it's like, it's like on one side, you'll have, like, Elizabeth I first or, like, Cleopatra. And the other side, you'll have, like, Margaret Sanger. You're fucking, like, Susan B. Anthony sitting next to Harriet Tubman. Yeah, me, Cleopatra.

Which would be awkward. Like. It was Cleopatra. I mean, I guess she was the Queens. That's why. But they don't, they know what her vagina look like? Do they, like, take Mark Anthony's dick and, like, just kind of put a mold around it?

I don't. How do they, like, what is her vagina? Vigina. to look like i mean yeah i mean it's a i'm asking you saw you saw cleopatra's pussy what was what was the uh was it was a big meaty one or is it like more of a flowery petite you know a little slit i think there are a lot of gold themes it was like gold and black or something i'm asking about the shape not the color or the finish oh they were all pretty meaty oh really yeah none of them were like um none of them were dainty vaginas so this is all everyone just got big roast beef they've got big rose beef

They've got big rose beef, labias, and big giant clits. I mean, this is, this is Brooklyn. Yeah. We have to get out of here. There's nothing in between big, meaty labias of people who've been dead for 2,000 years and the seat of the Confederacy, which is unimpressive graves. We were taking to the museum where, like, all the famous Confederates weren't even. Like, we were told, like, oh, there's another one that's got, like, you know, like Jefferson

Davis and Stonewall Jackson, I guess. all these guys and Jackson's like secretary was there. But we went to the one where Edgar Allan Poe's mother. What a waste of time. Patrick Henry. Why is this thing on the slow away too? So yeah. I mean, was there anything else about the before we left?

Because I mean, the Airbnb, we say that. We ended up, we were going to do an episode. We did a Patreon episode on the road. and we were going to do one in the Airbnb and we screwed up we didn't realize we were there we left like Monday night and we planned on doing it during the day on Monday and then we had to scramble because we like at 10 20 a.m. we realized they had to check out of the Airbnb at 11 so we had to go over to the what was it called the King Hotel not the King Hotel the Quirk Hotel the Quirk Hotel a very odd place but okay so we're checking out by the way very interesting thing happened on the

on the checkout first it was on top of a music shop right this Airbnb yeah so these weird guy I mean whatever they're a fine guy no they were weird kind of creeps uh we had to go in through the music shop and use their elevator and like the whole building was like an mcester painting it was like weirdly like you know just corridors yeah uh the goddamn couch was like you know a skeleton skeleton graveyard yeah it was a better that couch was a better graveyard than the one in the cemetery. And we go down through the shop to check out and give him the key. And I don't know.

Maybe it's just because I got a big sour puss or I don't know why. I'm a big mope. But we're leaving. Like we said, I'm pretty sure we said thank you. Like it was. Yeah. We want from me. Yeah.

But this guy starts fumbling around to let us out of the door. They weren't even open yet. And he goes like, really sorry if you were offended by anyone south of the Mason-Dixon line. like a real clammy and like just like you point there's zero confidence spineless guy and then he goes we're all dirt bags and I just I mean I should have just let that sit and said oh yeah he should just let him sit in that I mean I didn't do that much better for him though I just said because he's like he said something about Brooklyn he's like I was like yeah we're we're all dirt

bags too no I just like yes I was Brooklyn and I didn't I didn't refute the fact that he's a dirt pig right I was just like yes So is Brooklyn. But, yeah, I hate that guy. And just a weird. Do you think he wanted us to like gush about like, oh, no, everyone here is so polite. It's crazy. No, all you slave-owning psychopaths are charming as hell.

No, I mean, this is not like, I mean, there's nothing going on. All the stores seem like they have blacked out windows and they were shut down. I mean, I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad. It's a pandemic. I'm sure it hurts the retail sector. But there was nothing going on. We went to, I mean, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we had to leave and go to the, to the Quirk Hotel, uh, which was inspired, I guess, by, like, uh, the aesthetics of, like, the Grand Budapest Hotel or something. It was, like, it was like, it had a lot of, like, little, little animal designs on it.

Yeah. Like, in a, like, yeah, you, you pointed it out. It was a good observation. It was, like, it was inspired by, like, Wes Anderson or something. Yeah, inspired by, except for the content or the service or any of the, I mean, like, the grand, the grand, I mean, like, the grand, the grand, I mean, like, the grand, the grand, I mean, it. best hotels about a hotel where like they cater to your every whim right and this place didn't even have like Netflix couldn't stream it is this is a shitty room we're just trying to take a nap while we well we listen to Ahmaud Arbery's uh the Amad Arbery trial oh god going out of the background that's all we

could get we were is it's an Marrador who couldn't even record the podcast because the light didn't work yeah uh they didn't have like I mean they had carib in the lobby to buy as a snack you like I never even seen care I've heard of it it's like it's like a natural chocolate it's disgusting i don't know look i'm not trying to get into a war with the uh quirk hotel um i don't like i mean that's what they go for down there it's like it's just like a masquerade ball for like people who are living like a halfway house you know just people who like you know are just getting over like an oxycotton addiction and they can't quite you know go like an actual debutante ball which you i guess do in the salad

right right so like this is like almost like one of those like it's like it's like a christian singles mixer but with like but fancy that's my description in the hotel i should i should want to yell we should make her own hotel that actually is like the grand budapest hotel how great would that be you had a little bell boy sure let's put it in the mountain super easy uh how many how many uh would it be as big or you think it's just having like a house now having like the same style of like hotel where it's like it's inspired by that yeah but actually do it do it to the nines you know sure i mean i only cost like a billion dollars for sure why we also just invent a pharmaceutical company all around it just we also make new oxycontin and

we also build an airplane right we could have like a sauna but it's in the style of like those turkish baths i don't think you realize i don't think you realize what a great idea this is a great idea i mean look we should also like recreate the great the great wall of china and like brick for brick in her hotel yeah it's a flight of fancy lucy i'm all for like imagining things but like that was a big hotel how i mean we can barely no but ours would be like a mini version of that how small like a duplex like the size of the quirk hotel okay all right but we just we just rub people we rub them down you come in and we start rubbing your shoulders, rubbing your, uh, your belly.

We don't touch your pussy your dick first or your tits. Yeah. Until you ask us to. Right. But we have a little sign that says we won't because we start rubbing, we look, we're risking a lawsuit here by even rubbing you back. But it's not sexual, but you know,

you know how these days are, but we'll risk it. And then, but we put, so the first thing you do, you come in, we start rubbing you. Rub, rub, rub. And then you see a sign says,

we won't rub your, pussy dick or tits unless you ask what about the asshole or asshole or asshole you're right pussy dick tits or asshole unless you ask or no until you ask yeah just you want we want we want to invite because we know you will well look yeah if you write unless then you know people are going to ham and haul like what's that mean is they're going to charge me until it's like it's like you're going to do it eventually right suggestive you know it puts it in there in between their ears and we cover them

with jellies raspberry jellies and preserves you know they don't know any better these fucking people that especially down there you start rubbing orange rambolade and some fat woman she'll think it's like you know a delicacy yeah so I'm just rubbing orange marmalade on a big fat woman

on one of those scooters and we're welcome to the what we're going to call it the slob hotel welcome to the slob and what would be we could do it like slob but have a little what are you called the kind of the German accent on the O

okay the till day or the umlaught on the O and it doesn't change the pronunciation is just there to make it seem fancier sure it's still slob right slob what kind of room service what we have at the slob what we serve what's like we have a relatively short menu it's

not like you can get pancakes at 2 a.m. first of all it's all day it's all day okay what's the thing because yeah this whole COVID thing we couldn't even get we were designed to getting crappy room service and we couldn't even get to 5 p.m. it was like 11 a.m. at that point. So we're going to do all day. Belgian waffle you had a Belgian waffle. You had a Belgian waffle all day. What's the gimmick? This is not just listing food. It's a savory Belgian waffle.

What does that mean? It's got meat on it. It's got meat. It's got, can you, it's got pureed beef, uh, coating the outside of it. Yeah. That's not bad. Okay. What else?

Lollipops, a plate of lollipops. Um, but it's just tootsy rolls. It's not like, it's just tosy pops. It's not some fancy, like, cake. pop it's just a plate a paper plate full of tuxie pops and it's $25 um what else can we serve what kind of cake we could have i feel like you need something like a layered for a fancy hotel like this right like it could be sort of my shepherd's pie dessert shepherd's pie so it's a shepherd's pie but like it's got cool whip and potato mashed potato and beef uh uh

and ice cream. That could work. Could that work? I was thinking like a layered, like jelly rainbow cake. So it's like different kinds of jellies. Yeah. And in a sort of a vanilla cake, like it's like, you know, one layer of the jelly will be like raspberry. The next one will be like orange slice flavored.

You know, I call it? What? The, the, I don't know what we call it, the sanitary napkin. Yeah. The maxi pad, the maxi pad cake. It's cute, but it's cute. It is cute. These are cute things.

Yeah. Is there a more clever way to say that? I don't think so. The dirty rag. I can't think of it. We'll call it a dirty rag. The dirty rag cake. And it's just, uh, on the rag.

And I don't have a slice of on the rag cake. And it's just look, because what you just, Describe to me sounds like a, you know, bloody maxi pad with wings. So, yeah, I mean, we could do this and the bell hop will just have a gun. Yeah. Like an oozy. Can we, I mean, yeah, no, he's got to be an oozy. He'll walk around for them just to make you feel safe.

And, uh, I, this can work. I mean, people can stay here. It's not going to be fancy. I mean, it's going to be, it's going to feel like, uh, almost like a prison. because we're going to be we're not going to let you leave until i mean it's basically going to be a thing where we lock you in and then like you come in for the night but we lock you in the room we don't let you leave the room and then like four days later we let you out but we charge you for the four days you know yeah if you get any trouble you get a newsie in the face

from uh from cloud claude claude claude the german the german butcher turned gunslinger yeah and then we went to tarrants the the restaurant yeah we were told it was a tourist trap we talked about this in the page we were we were discussing this in ad nausea on the page rank because we thought it was named parents at first which we thought it was an interesting name for a bar uh turns out it's terence and uh it was the best meal we had there not that great but it was fine but it was the best meal we had and uh i'm pretty sure the waitress still i had Tourette's um Because at one point, like, they had some, we ordered, like, they had, I swear people had bread,

the garlicy kind of breadloaf. Look good. And I was like, oh, can we get some bread? And she's like, yeah, sure, no problem. Yeah, it looks good. Looks good. I started blurting things out and stumb stammering. Looks good.

I mean, I'm not going to them, same thing. It looks good. And then it was like, you know, got no diet coke. Like, just mumbling everywhere. And then like, you know, but that was nice to me. I think it was it The only other know I have about Richmond is a pregnant woman contemplating a bolt scooter

Oh yeah there were there were bolt scooters everywhere Yeah it's just sort of pregnant woman just staring at Like the instructions for like 10 minutes And I'm like as we're walking down the street And just just like I'm saying don't do it Like you're pregnant And you seem confused And then she got on it and drove away

And I don't know I mean, it's a strange city. I mean, you don't smoke cigarettes in the city of Richmond unless you want everyone to ask you for one. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's a tobacco capital, I'm told, but no one's got any cigarettes. I'm just an easy mark for cigarettes. And that's it. That really, I really.

The Richmond in a nutshell. That was not an exciting story, and neither was the city. It was fun. It was fine. What did you, uh, you happy to be home? I am. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, I'm glad.

to be home. Should we discuss this Batman? Yeah. This is what I've been waiting for. I just opened this one up because we need to keep this flow of Batman stuff going. This one's been in, I've had this one for months. I didn't feel compelled to open them. This is the Justice League

Ben Affleck Batman. Oh. I didn't notice that he had a Ben Affleck face. Yeah, it's not the most, I guess it's a fine representation. The suit, I'm not crazy about. It's got a lot of silver in it. he's got his eyes he's got the goggles on there's a variant that has the goggles on top of his head where you can see his eyes which i think is even dumber uh but i guess he's he's staring through

a bunch of sonar or whatever or he's just he's just his eyes get sensitive i mean what do you do you think what do you think of ben afflock as the batman i don't like it yeah what would your biggest problem with it. There's something about Ben Affleck. On paper, I understand why he was chosen to be Batman. Yeah. Like, he seems like he would be a good Batman.

But there's something about him that's just a little bit too, like, like, depressed, but not in an intense way. Well, part of that might be because I was reading about this day. When they filmed the Weeden cut of Justice League, he was, like, they shot old his footage if you watch a Snyder cut on on HBO or whatever it's like a totally different movie and they shot this film and then Josh Justin your boy from the man who made Buffy

right yeah and he did he do he did things to women perhaps he did apparently he pressured I mean I think he tried to pressure one of the girls to get an abortion getting an abortion or something well he made an abortion of a film scolded her for a rose tattoo or something

I mean who hasn't just pleaded with you know a woman to just abort a baby that isn't yours I mean, I see a pregnant woman. I'm just like, kill it. Kill it. Kill it. You're not going to be a good mother. I just screams at women every time I see him.

How are you going to raise a kid? It's expensive. I'm just like, I'm the opposite of those church people. I walk around for placard to like OBGYN's going to kill your baby. But yeah, he came back. He ends up reshooting the most of the movie. At that point, you know, when it happened, for my, I want to, you know, get into a slander situation. I think Benaflox started drinking again.

Ah. And so he was, that, that's the problem. He's all like, puffy and, you know, maybe, well, I mean, I like drinking. I'm not judging the guy, but maybe he was in, he was into the Guinness or whatever he's into. Yeah, but even, even before this, like when he was in Goodwill hunting and stuff. It's not that he's not charming or whatever, but it's like, there is something, bad where it's like he's always like he always could play

like more of a more on the spectrum of sulky right like it's like it's which I guess should be good for Batman but it's more like regular guy sulky Batman should just be the most Christian Bale had the intensity of a guy who uh you know

allegedly threw an old woman down the stairs I'm not wearing hockey pads I can't see I can't see Benafoxena everything was just like I'm rich literally said that one point which is your I'm rich I'm rich There's a joke, but still stupid. I'm not wearing hockey pads.

I'm not wearing hockey pads. Get out of you, penguin. You don't want you. I really, you pointed out, like for years, I thought that line was, I'm not wearing hockey. I'm not wearing hockey pants. Oh, yeah, we're watching the turks night. You thought it was hockey pants. We might have brought this up before.

I watched a movie so many times. What do you, would you think hockey pants are? I don't know. I sort of, I basically imagined hockey pads. Right. But I was just like, oh, I guess they were called hockey pants. You're like, you're like, it's just, it's like, it's like when a football, you think a football helmet's like a football pants. Pulling your football pants is just a helmet.

Crazy. Crazy things you say sometimes. But no, I just, it's, I don't think he was a great Batman. He didn't have the exception. He didn't feel like he was a guy who would just, you know, true. Like, he didn't feel, he felt like he wouldn't train with, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, he wouldn't, he wouldn't, you know, I don't see him fighting ninjas and, uh, jumping through. He's, like, I just picture him, like, I just picture Batman going outside the back cave to pick up the ice, Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Yeah.

Then they drop off. Like, you see those paparazzi photos. Yeah, you just, like, imagine him taking a bunch of days off from being, from his Batman job. Yeah. Like, I just don't feel like going to Batman job today. Even now, he's just like these pictures he has with J-Lo, and he's just, like, putting his finger in her ass on a yacht. And, like, I'm not saying anything better about Jaila's got great ass.

But, like, it just seems to, it's something about the whole situation seems depressing. Wait, are they back together or something? Well, they were, at least. I mean, you were unaware of that completely. Yeah. They got back together. They were posting pictures on the internet.

Like, like, then and now, it's the same thing. He's, like, playing for her ass back then. He's playing for her ass now. How is he playing for her ass now? How is he playing with her ass? She's in there. She's like a bikini or whatever. And she's like, you know,

she's a sun bathing on the yacht next to him. And she's like face down. And he's just kind of like literally, it's his ass. He's just like, like kind of just touching it. The way like a little boy would. I'm not shitting on it.

There's nothing. Touching an ass is great. And J-Lo's is known for asses. Right? Yeah. She's one of the top. quality asses and she's getting older but still you ain't gonna turn that ass down no it shouldn't be a depressing thing but he makes it seem that way that's my point and and so it's like you know

i'm not crazy about his batman um i don't want him to die i don't want him to die of COVID or be shot by you know alec Baldwin or anything right um I mean Matt you think who who could be I mean we got Robert Patterson's going to be the Batman yeah that seems like it could be good I don't know if it's going to do very well. Probably will. I mean, he's turned into an interesting actor. I didn't like Twilight, but I like good times. Yeah.

Or good time. And this could be good. But he seems like a weird, he like, you know, there's a story where, like, some woman was stalking him. And he, uh, just, like, he was lonely. And he just said, I'll, let's go get some to eat. And he just whined about his life. And she never talked to him again. That is, that's a great way of getting rid of a stalking.

I don't know, he's probably just like, you know, he's probably just like not the best guy to be around. Right. Like he's just probably like, I don't, that doesn't inspire me to like have a beer with Robert Patterson. You know, he's probably like just some, if a stalker doesn't want to hang out with him. Right. Do you think, you know, who was in that movie with them? The guy, the guy from Tenant. That guy probably hated him.

Robert Patterson's probably just sitting around. Remember we watched Tenant? Yeah. I forget the guy's name, but he probably hated Robert Patterson. Maybe, yeah. Anyway, so. I think that Timothy Shalame,

it should be the bad man. Oh, my God. That's the other thing. We watched Dune. Was not a big fan of Dune. I don't, look, I watched it.

I watched the David Lynch one back in the day. I don't get, it's a big sticking point. I don't be being nipicky. I'll make it quick because not everyone's watched Dune or Red Dune, but it's about his family that goes to the desert planet.

House of Trades. House of Trades. because they're going to mine Spice, right? Yeah. There's other clan or house already was there. Yeah. And they got rich for 80 years. And the whole thing's like a loop-de-loop,

like a bait-and-switch to get, you know, to get at people. And I said, why don't they just go kill them on his own planet? Oh, he's too powerful. If you control the Spice for 80 years and get all the money, how do you not have a better army? Yeah. And no one could answer to that. I cannot enjoy things, is my point.

Yeah, but isn't it sort of like, doesn't it maybe graft on to like how, you know, like the U.S. has a really powerful military. But when we go, you know, into the mountains in Afghanistan, things get complicated. No, because we, no, because we don't kill people.

These people, the Harkonians would have killed, just like Caesar and the way we used to. Well, they would just murder everyone. All right. I'm just saying, like, you know, we go there. we make fake wars up where we have to be like oh you like we were here to like to build a bridge or the you know to remove this evil dictator he's you know he's a socialist whatever and then we

can't just go like carpet bomb the entire country at once right we do enough damage but like we can't just be like killing everyone like in japan they you know they attacked us in theory yeah i mean probably there's theories about that but i'm i'm not committing to him but let's just say let's just say japan attacks us uh and so you have a reason oh okay now we can use a nuclear bomb right and people debate that but we did and uh a lot of people died right yeah but you can't do that when your whole thing is like we're trying to give you food right you can't nuke people when you're pretending to give them food it doesn't work yeah yeah so um you might not you might enjoy doing though i mean timothy shallame has some weird sexual tension with his own mother i think oh yeah they're

just part where they're like they're they're undressing they're they're getting changed into their uh you know desert suits their piss suits the suits that make them drink piss yeah it's no seriously it's like yeah suits that recycle their piss yeah and and sweat or whatever but mostly pissed yeah and uh shit probably i mean there's water and shit right and probably the precious water i mean it's look unless you got really dry shits you can suck some water out of shit so they're drinking their own shit yeah and these are the people like this is the messiah the great messiah the great what they call them the azac cataracts or whatever is the man who drinks these shit will come and free us from the desert worms or like ride the desert whatever but anyway they're like they're changing

into their piss suits and there's this weird moment where it's like it's what you would film when you're trying to, when you're trying to imply sexual tension between two characters. Right. The mother's getting undressed and she's kind of looking over her shoulder. His bony body. Coily. Yeah. At Timothy Shalameh's, yeah, fragile body.

Right. And who knows, maybe they will fuck. I would love that. Very French. It would be like, murmur of the heart. You ever see that? No. It's about a sickly boy who's still probably, you know, got a little bit stronger bill to Chalame.

But a sickly boy, none of the less. and he goes through a resort or some sort of, you know, sanatorium, whatever they do it? I don't know, he fucks his mother. That's what, I mean, it takes the whole movie to happen. But, you know, it happens. It's very, it predates this porn hub crap by decades. Louis-Mau.

It's just funny. It's funny how, like, quickly you gave up on setting the scene. It's true because it's one of those movies, the French know how to meander. Yeah. And I, like, of all the things, all the, all the truncations, all the synopsies that could, could happen potentially, which would be hard. Of all people, is, I, am I going to do justice trying to paraphrase a meandering French film? I can barely even say, I couldn't get through that sentence without mumbling.

And then they go and hang out and there's just really, really sexual tension. And then there's just, you know, they say quah. No, no. They fuck. that's what people want uh we'll move on to the day at hand it's thanksgiving lucy uh there is a turkey shortage uh going on we have uh hopefully have our turkey we've talked about picking up our turkey and what happens if if it's not ready yeah we're going to find out uh tomorrow morning uh we i might

be in jail by the time it's theirs because you know i'm gonna flip my shit if there's no turkey but uh a lot of people can't get them a lot of people are stuck and the news is is putting out there to like you know alternatives uh for turkey uh didn't you see one oh yeah yeah the new york times had uh i've been kind of flirting with the idea of making there's a beef wellington a beef yeah yeah sure you're you like that french pastry stuff yeah I think it's British, but whatever, you know. Right, it is. But you make a good beef bourguignon.

Yes. And I feel similar. A name. But yeah, anyway, I saw a recipe at the New York Times for a vegetarian Wellington. Yeah. That's made with mushrooms. It's the beef Wellington crust, the puff pastry, but just stuff full of greasy, watery mushrooms.

I don't know why. The New York Times feels compelled to, like, hand out op-eds to, like, white nationalists or just, like, ex-dictators. I'm not saying, like, I don't mean, like, Republicans or, like, people, but they'll just go out of their way to, like, find people who, like, they'll get an op-ed from Augustus Pinochet or some shit. and just to fragment people to drive a wedge I mean these are people who like co-opted the Iraq war and this is my problem you can do a vegan

Thanksgiving meal yeah you can perhaps do a vegan Wellington that sounds the mushroom and replacement for beef are you out of your mind I like mushrooms they don't have the firm texture than you need to replace beef.

It's soft. It's too chewy. It gives too much. Yeah, and also, the crazy thing about it is part of Beef Wellington. They also advocated for wiping out the Palestinians in this article. They was sort of a for and against. The pro column was make a mega vegetarian beef Wellington. Yeah.

The con column. was, instead, let's kill all the Palestinians. But, like, the weird thing is, the normal beef Wellington comes with a layer of a sort of mushroom patte. Is that true? Yeah. All right.

I've only had an apple beast. It's a layer that goes over the beef. And between the beef and the puff pastry. Okay. So it's like, are you just making a fucking puff pastry mushroom patte and then mushroom patty? and then mushrooms on top of that? They're an organization of gaslighting rapists.

Okay? This is an organization that is basically trying to keep a perpetual tension in America. To keep a class warfare, to keep a legitimate class warfare from happening by driving class wedges. And this is one of their fronts. Their food is atrocious. They pan anything. that any real person would like.

They only like food that's like molecularly gastronomy, whatever the hell it's called. You know, foam, foam sand, rice, foam rice, whatever. Foam rice turkey. Make a foam rice turkey.

Put in your immersion circulator. They don't like potatoes. They don't like meat. These people are not even anarchists. They're like, they're subjugus. some they're they're royalists right they're they they want to bring us back to the crown of england yeah so i don't i don't endorse that disgusting uh what do you but people can't get turkeys

what what what would you what if we couldn't give a turkey and we didn't plan ahead because we planned we planned we planned a month ahead right what could we what i mean what would you do i would do you could have a nice roast chicken well no you get roast chickens You can't get chickens either? I talked to my dad. He can't get a roast chicken. Okay. You have to think outside of the box.

This is end times. Okay. What if I took a bunch of hot dogs and I mashed them together? I just like got like a baking pan. And I just kind of rolled on them for like 10 minutes. And I mashed into a bowl, put it in the oven, baked it for half an hour, and mashed it more flattened it. into a kind of meatloaf.

That would be great. It wouldn't be bad. It's still a hot dog. I'm talking about beef hot dogs. I'm not talking about like the shitty, you know, store brand ones, but Hebrew National. Right. I mean, delicious hot dogs.

If I serve that Thanksgiving, you're going to open your mouth and say something besides this is delicious. What are you going to say to me? Right. Who is going to say anything to me? What about like a, what about like cornish hens? I mean, those things are like, there's no meat on those. Well, a cornish hen each.

Why don't you just get chicken wings while you're out of it? Why don't you just get chicken feet while you're at it? Cornish game hen. This is a fucking tiny little thing. You got pick bones. The bones go in your throat. You're eating stuffing. And you got a cornish game hen bone.

And it goes to the wad of stuffing because you're eating like a pig. Yeah. It's all mashed together. I like to mash my food together. gravy and cranberries and potatoes is one big slop with my fork and then I got a chicken bone in my throat

are you out of your mind? No not doing that maybe what about like duck lorange okay I mean now we're talking can you can we get some where would you get duck

they don't have that supermarkets usually do they I'm sure you could get a duck What does that mean You go to a butcher If I wanted a duck I'd go to Chinatown Because we happen to be in proximity To China down

They seem to have ducks around But I don't know where you get duck otherwise Who the fuck's got ducks hanging around No one eat duck No one eat duck What about a dog I'm not saying Like someone's

pet or or a dog maybe you go to the pound okay you go to a kill shelter all right you say look you're pretending to be someone to kill shelter um hello hey how are you good are you interested in adopting a dog let's cut the shit here let's let's talk about happy Thanksgiving by the way happy Thanksgiving uh I think you've watched the news probably you've seen there's just a shortage of turkeys a crisis of turkeys going on. You know that's true. Don't tell me you don't know. Yeah, yeah. My family is having trouble getting a church. Right, right. Well, I don't know what you're having trouble

because here's, here's what I'm proposing to you. I was like, I can't get duck. I mean, I'm not, I'm living near Chinatown. Okay. Or no anyone who's got duck. Yeah, I wouldn't know where to get I try. I can't, there's not enough hot dogs to make my mashed hot dog thing. Mashed hot dog thing? Don't worry about.

I would like to get your mediest dog. my mediest daughter i wouldn't do it on the other day the year i'm not creep okay but look it's a important meal for my family my son is thinking about committing suicide oh god daughter's threatening to move away um maybe you should be a there i don't think thanksgiving dinner is going to solve your family we need to bond we need to have revelry and and and good tidings so so we need to bond over a meal, but just like we were when we were happy before my wife started being so

judgmental and having sex of all these men and rubbing in my face, just setting a bad example for my kids, right, just the mailman, the UPS guy, my brother, just my boss. That is a lot of people. My dad, my son, that's why he's so fucked up, maybe. So he's bond over me. Your son? I think so. She hasn't admitted to it, but...

Well, I hope she's in prison, right? I mean, I'm trying to get her sting operation going, but I can't do it if my son kills himself before it happens. Right, right, right. I need him alive to catch her. Okay? And part of that is having a nice meal where I can get this bitch dead to rights. Okay, fair enough.

All right, so we need a nice entree. Okay. I wouldn't do it any other day of the year. I wouldn't do if there wasn't a shortage. I need to cook and eat a dog. Look, I'm sure there are a lot of options out there. We can't just sell dogs for me. You're a kill shelter.

You're going to kill it anyway. What's the difference if I honor this dog by skinning its fur off, shaving it down, use the potato peeler to rip off its skin, bleaching it, putting it into an evasive bleach, burning it, and then skinning it. Bleach. I got to wash it. I mean, it could have COVID. Wouldn't it be an edible after you douse it and bleat?

Then you wash it. You wash it off with them. You bleach it and then you use soap and water. This is not rocket science. You know, I'm a smart man. Look. The thing about a kill shelter is, first of all, we try our best to not have to kill any of the dog.

We failed. But we also, when we were at capacity and we have to put a dog down, we try to do it in the most humane way possible. I'll put a bullet right in its head. It's not going to feel it. What do you think? I wasn't going to skin it with a potato peel while it was alive. First of all, I'm not sure it's sanitary to eat an animal you shot in the head.

I'm not eating the head, though. The bullet goes in the head. My mouth goes on the breast thing. What parts of the dog are you intending to eat? Somewhere in the belly. The meat off the arms, the legs, the ass. You don't eat head. You read a cow's head?

Don't be silly. No, you don't. A lot of people, some cultures serve the tongue. Well, I'm not going to shoot it in the mouth. I'm going to shoot in the brain. Okay. Does your family know that you're planning to serve them dog? Look.

Does your molested trial know this? That you're planning to serve them dog for Thanksgiving dinner? No, I didn't tell the subjects of my sting operation something that might want to make them not come to dinner. No. All right. Have you ever done law enforcement work? No, I work at a kill shelter

I'm a history enthusiast And I work as a best buy You're a history enthusiast. Yes And I work at the best buy Do you ever buy those little scrolls that look like The real scrolls from the next to you're not worth it Don't do it

You're only setting yourself up for trouble Just like my son said it was involved for trouble By allowing his mother to molestim Um So we're We got to, look, we got to save my son or just catch her. He might kill himself anyway. Right.

I don't know what's going to happen. Look, instead of feeding your son dog, do you think it might be better to get him into therapy, maybe do a family therapy thing? There will be time for that, hopefully. But after, look, if she gets away with this, she'll just molest the other kids that she has with the other men who are fucking her. You should get pregnant with my dad's baby and she'll have sex with that. That's probably true.

A lot of these people are repeat offenders. Yes. I have to stop her with my own intuition skill. Like I'm a detective, you know, by, you know, by choice. You mean your job is as a detective? No, we're at the best buy. Okay. But I can figure this out.

I can crack this case. Okay. I mean, I live in the same house. I mean, I'm pretty sure I've heard it happen. um you've heard you've heard it happen instead of instead of stopping it you decided to you decided to design an elaborate sting operation on thanksgiving where you serve everyone dog for some reason

i thought i had suspicions but i thought no how will serving dog help the sting operation i i i will be clear i didn't know what was going on but like in hindsight i think i heard it i thought it was something else i thought there was like rats in the hallway but then i saw some of i when i when i got up out the bed i saw them he were scurrying out of the room and i said it's scurring yeah so i thought me oh she's that's incriminating yeah right so i wish i had i had thought of it earlier and stormed in and stopped it but now but now i have the chance to love them into a false sense of security or her i guess uh not my son but her and uh so

I need a meal. I need a meal to serve them. So they feel jovial. They feel holidayish. And then maybe she makes a pass at my son. I dinner. And I got her. I got a debt to rights.

Why don't you just serve? I'm going to slap some cuffs right on her. Do you have sides planned? Like a green bean casserole. I have mac and cheese. I have rice Krispies. I have a bowl of spearmint. You know, the minty buy, I got a bunch of those packages of spearmint.

That's a main nice salad. Okay. The Europe section. I was going to suggest that you just do a sides Thanksgiving, just sides, but you clearly haven't arranged a lot of great sides. She'll know I'm onto her. Right. She'll know that, you know, my, my claws are coming in, the clause of the law. Look.

look um we have we have a fat dachshund i could give you a fat dachshund that could never that could put that i could put that i can put it in my air fryer that could be nice you might have to cut it in half and do one half at a time but look i'm gonna put it i'm gonna run it over it's pretty fat i'm gonna run it over with my lawnmower first and just kind of get it cut flatten it out yeah just kind of get a cut up just kind of you know chopped tenderized yeah And then I'm going to shoot in the head after the lawnmower. Can you just shoot it in the head first? I don't want it to be afraid when they shoot it.

I mean, it will be way more afraid. They say you don't want to eat an animal that knows it's about to die. Right. Because the fear affects the meat. And you think it will know it's about to die less and you run it over with a lawnmower. Well, I feel like if I killed it right away, sure but I'm going to be running over with a lawnmower for a while it's a dull blade and it's just going to be kind of confused and uh but after a while he's not going to kill me

who shot me in the head and it's going to be like all right I guess it's just you know and then and all of a sudden they shoot it was a surprise look fair enough uh the dachson's yours thank you happy Thanksgiving happy Thanksgiving So you excited for tomorrow? I am. Are we going to, do you want to give things you're thankful for? Or is that something we should do with the dinner table? I don't know.

Is that something your family does? Not really. I mean, we just kind of, they were just asked, there was like, for some reason, they always let me say the prayer. Really? Even though I would always just be like, dear, I mean, I don't know what I was getting at even. I was being a wise ass. Oh, you did it.

You did an ironic. And it wasn't quite. I just be like, he's the thing I was good on a certain level. I was able to listen to me. I was going to set you out. Okay. How about we, in honor of Thanksgiving. Yeah.

It would close out the podcast today with a sample of a Ray Kump, Thanksgiving prayer. Dear God, please bless this usurped, unending bounty. You are the life. force the magistrate of all that is bountiful and solid, the source of all pain and joy. We kneel before your grace, sucking in your aura and remembrance of our journey to be killed and risen again murdered and come back to life in the kingdom of heaven uh amen uh yes that's beautiful thank you uh you wanted that to be the ending i don't know i thought it would be a nice i was going to tell the story we don't have to i was going to tell the story i was shamed by eating

cheeses by my uncle go ahead it was thanksgiving go ahead One Thanksgiving when I was a little boy, after the Thanksgiving meal, they had some cheeses in my grandma's house in a bowl, like more for like appetizer or whatever, like Nosh. They call it gnaw. Yeah. And after dinner, I started eating cheeses while I was sitting on the couch. And my uncle was looking at me going, my uncle was my dad. My uncle was actually going like, no, don't like, give me that kind of like waving his hand under his neck going like, don't do that. Like, stop, stop.

And I was like, I was like, what? Buzz off. I didn't say that, but that was my body language. Like, piss off. I mean, Jesus. And my dad just goes, you fucking pig!

You little pig, stop eating the cheeses. I guess it's not a great story. No, I'm not sad about it. I'm sorry. What kind of piggy's cheeses after Thanksgiving dinner?

I don't know. I've snacked after Thanksgiving dinner. Not right after one. We're still at the table and you just sneak away to eat cheese. Like a little fucking moron. I should make a sketch where I'm doing that I'm just being yelled at by old men

Yeah So that was a great episode I want you all to enjoy your holidays Your Thanksgiving holiday We got Black Friday coming up You know what that means Merch drop time You can get your

I mentioned before The Kump Hand T-shirts It's a gun hand I always talk about. I've drawn this image. There might be an image up here. Otherwise, follow the link. I'll post an image here over the video.

It's a gun hand. You've seen it. It's a hand with a gun finger. No one's going to, people are going to see one in the street. And they're going to think you're like some kind of a sneaker kid, some, some hipsters, what do they call those guys? Hypeast? Because it's a bespoke shirt. It's intriguing.

Women will have. sex review it's provocative it's provocative so follow the link in the description to get your gun hand we call it a comp hand just we don't want to bonfire to think i'm like you know no yeah anything guns are a sensitive topic yes um and your finger is sensitive sensitive finger trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger why can i speak trigger can i use that potato peel to shave my tongue down maybe So we'll be back regular time next week. Follow the link for the Patreon. If you want to get an extra episode every week,

you got anything you want to plug? Oh, oh, the podcast that I do for Giant Bomb, Albummer, is now not behind a paywall. So you can check it out for free. That's for not. Where do they find it? Giantbomb. Dot forum.

I'm not sure. Giantbomb.com. It's on YouTube. Yeah. You have to go to Giant Bomb. So Google Giant Bomb for now. Next time we'll have a better description. But it's a phenomenal thing they do.

It is. I'm pumping it up. Yeah. It's great. Lucy's hilarious on it. We reviewed Fieldy Dreams. Fieldy Dreams from Corn is the solo album last time. It's very weird.

That sounds great. That sounds phenomenal. So go check out Lucy in that. It's great. And yeah. We'll see you guys soon. Have a great week.