Kump - 91 - OMIKUMP

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Ray and Lucie discuss the new variant, The Beatles Doc, Jesus and the Devil and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your Kump Hand merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Hi. I'm still a little sick. I got some, I think I've passed the, It came up on the Patreon, if you're curious. It's not from last week.

But I got sick from eating too much Thanksgiving leftovers. Somehow the indigestion has transferred to my respiratory system. I felt weak. I felt, I mean, that's part of why, you know, you were also tired and weak yesterday. That's why we didn't do it yesterday. the point is I don't think it's COVID though because I can still smell

the unwashed pots from the Thanksgiving leftovers and they reek from the kitchen I got to clean those but I don't think it's part of his Omicron variant Is Omicron or Omicron? Omicron

Decepticon Neutron Bomb Ceylon. What are we going to do about this variant? We got to do something. Light me on fire, will you? It's going to take a few matches. You've got to have to get some greasy rags.

Use the leftover. I bought too much gravy for Thanksgiving. We know this. I was ridiculed on Thanksgiving because I brought too much gravy, which apparently is a problem, which apparently is some kind of, like al-Qaeda-esque subversion of democracy of American foreign policy to bring too much turkey gravy to a Thanksgiving meal.

We ended up with about four quarts of gravy. Look, I have never prepared. I mean, look, I love gravy. Do you? I didn't see you take much. I do. I love it. And I could have used it.

Honestly, even if you didn't like using it that much on this one day to back me up, to have my back to be my, what does Dolly Parton say? What does Dolly Parton say? Are you thinking of the other country singer, Stan Byer, Man? Probably. Yeah. Who is that? I forget. Llewell and Luella.

Llella. What is Llewellyn Luella say? Stand by your man and you, and I'm not saying you sold me out to be carved up and fed to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, you can't, it's, you can't, the thing is it spoils the magic of the gravy if you put too much on. The magic of the, you need a dash of gravy on everything except the cranberry sauce. No, no. Do you want me to put gravy on the cranberry sauce? Yes. Would that have made you happy?

Yes. here's what the gravy is the gravy is like that movie when you when you when Keanu Reeves the magical man in the matrix

the man who is the Trinity one yeah Trinity man when he touches the am I thinking of the right movie when he touches the Matrix and it absorbs him and then the major

the digital water covers his arm and he says I'm the Matrix man stand back i control this that's what it is it's the it's the stuff that connects it's the ather it is the fluid it is the come of god right it's the it's the whole it's it spreads amongst all the little nooks and crannies and it's what binds us you're sure you're not thinking of minority report maybe is that what happens when i're thinking the precogs yeah the fluid that the precocks float in.

I'm not thinking of the weird water bath. No, I think of the reverse waterboarding of like, you know, albino women. That's not what I was thinking. That's not appetizing. I'm talking about the digital matrix. The king of kings inside the cyberverse. All right. So what does that translate to?

How do you think that's? It takes the turkey and the stuffing and the mashed potatoes and then you put it all in a spoon. there's gravy on there and it just it feels safe it feels like no one's going to yell at you no one's going to hurt you little way no one's going to and if they do you lash out because you you have the strength of a thousand a thousand men digital men digital matrix men and yeah you tell your dad no dad you shut your mouth you're too loud You stand by your men. I'm sorry I let you down with the gravy.

It's fine. I just thought, what a nice treat. Look, I just thought of anything, it's a nice treat. We can all have a little gravy left over and we can put it on whatever we want. Well, apparently it was too much. Apparently, I was the big fat piece of shit for bringing four quarts of gravy. I mean, I don't know. I remember when my mom would cook Thanksgiving, sometimes we'd run on a gravy.

And we go, Mother is. They're more gravy, and she said, I'm sorry. And she burst into tears. I mean, probably, I don't know. We just said no. I can't remember. But we wanted more gravy. And I don't know.

It's the first time I've bought the, I mean, I didn't cook this gravy. There's a lot of tales of you running out to get more thing. Gravy, little KFC buns. I didn't buy KFC. No, I went out to get chicken. I went to a chicken shop in the middle of green point to get, I got biscuits. because we forgot Someone forgot to bring the grand's biscuits

I wanted to have a chance of What was this chicken shop you went to? We've been We went there We were both we were both drunk What was the chicken shop? We've been there I don't think I've ever been to somewhere

Where it was exclusively about chicken It was like it was literally called Like chicken to Bobo Or something Chicken a go-go or some shit like that I don't remember I don't remember this at all I remember being with you there drunk after something.

Okay, well, then you put me in a bind because I can't attest it because maybe, who knows? I was drunk, too. I'm not saying you were like drunk. I'm like, let's get you in a chicken shop. Let's get Little Lucy to the chicken shop and get some food in their belly before the alcohol takes hold. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying we were both drunk. And I said, but I think it was after we saw that movie where the little Jack, little Jack sings.

Little Jack Bill's a house These things are all made up Little Jack Bill's a house Jack Bill's a house Oh the house that Jack Bill's Yes Who made that? Great Lars von Trier movie

Lars Van Trier The maker of the The dumbasses Right The idiots The stupits What's the movie he made Lars Runtrier made a movie

Called like the Dummies or the dog Right Or Dogville Dogville maybe But they're all walking around like dogs. I don't know where you got the idiots from that. I think it's based on the idiot, right, Dostoevsky? Oh, maybe.

Everyone thinks I'm a big schmuck, but I got it. I'm quoting Dafzeefsky. Look. How do you say it? Dogsy. How do you say his name? Dogfuskyfsky. Dog fucker-exky.

Look, if you want, you know, if the time should come that we have a big wedding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it'll be a great wedding. Then we can give out quarts of gravy as, as, now you're mocking me. Now you're mocking me. Wedding gifts.

Now you're mocking me. I would be completely okay with that. You think I want that? I kind of want it. You might as well say, hey, we can take a photo of your fat asshole and distribute it to everyone who comes to the wedding. Are you happy now? Are you happy?

I brought turkey gravy to Thanksgiving dinner. I don't want to hand out as a wedding favorite gravy. How does that make me feel? Yeah, you're pig. You're happy. On the happiest day of your life, you can give people a tub of gravy. There you go. Same thing is what you're saying.

That's basically what you're saying, dumbass. You're basically implying that the only a maniac who would do such a thing as that would bring four quarts of gravy to Thanksgiving. What I mean is, like, I think. that bringing four quarts of gravy to Thanksgiving is the kind of thing where maybe you get a little gentle ribbing oh that's a lot of that's a lot of gravy you know but ultimately it's a nice thing where everybody can have their own quart of gravy and they can and they can do with what what they will well we I I could think of a lot of situations where I would want a little bit of gravy well I was headed I was handed three to half courts of

gravy to take home with me so apparently no they gave you all four courts of gravy to It was a lot of gravy. That's insanity. Yeah. I would want to keep at least a court of gravy. Well, maybe you should have vocalized that when we had the chance. Maybe you should have said, why don't you keep some of this delicious gravy? Instead of just letting.

I know what? I think I'm going to defend myself here. I think I did say something like that. I think I did say you can put gravy on a lot of things. I think I did say something like that. that is that is that is the that's equivocate that's the baker down the street from auschwitz going like you know uh nice day out huh the weather's not bad as you're watching helpless Jews being shoved into camps and going yes weather isn't bad that's what you did

but i love you um speaking happy Thanksgiving thank you thank you happy Thanksgiving thank you but yeah go ahead you mentioned a printed out asshole you're you're printed out asshole as a wedding gift yeah and I just I just remembered that you saw me looking at what I was leaving for work today I saw you looking at the very high a weirdly high definition picture of a man's asshole it wasn't a high definition looks I tweet things and sometimes people when you stare into the darkness the darkness stares back as some Nietzsche guy said Was Nietzsche say that?

I don't know. Or was it, Lord Blackwell? Doesn't matter. Lord Acton. Point is, you know that expression. Yeah. Those who fight monsters should be careful

they don't become monsters because when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. And sometimes it's an asshole. I tweeted something and someone just replied you with a picture of an asshole. What do you want me to do? I was like staring at it confused

and you come by. You're like, are you looking at a man's asshole? I came by to give you a little kiss. Yeah. On your way to work. Yeah. Thank you. And then you,

all right. So, since you're bringing it up now, do you, did you not believe it? Did you not believe my explanation? Oh, no,

I totally believed it. Okay. Because it feels like you were brewing and resentment all day going like, is this motherfucker looking at a man's asshole? Ha ha ha. I'm like I'm like calling all my girlfriends going like I got this motherfucker looking at a man's asshole I'm like girl look if I if I was what would be so wrong with that nothing I mean no we're in monogamous relationship so it shouldn't be staring at men's asshole you look at porn I mean sometimes today I was like on sigarnie weaver an alien with their panties right because someone posted on Twitter and was like yeah that was a hot scene she looked good but no I wasn't looking at the man's asshole for pleasure

I just I was looking at going like what is this and then you come by to give me a kid you ever figure out why someone sent you a picture of their asshole I look people I appreciate people enjoy the Twitter right like was that a because I know sometimes a lot of times comedians complain about people on Twitter trying to tag their jokes

what happens all the time make them funnier was this somebody's version of trying to tag a joke you made on Twitter yeah I mean in some form or other I believe it was in that spirit of trying to join in trying to you know thinking this was like oh and a back in the in the mid 2000s and it's just like you know

it's Patrice and Norton and Colin Quinn just going back and forth dishing and taking it's something that happened a lot during those days what is that something that would happen a lot during those days like uh what but people like I don't know I'm sending a picture of their ass

no I'm totally no you're missing the point I'm talking about like just dishing lines, roasting each other, going back and forth, metaphorically. Oh, okay. You got it, got it, got it. We were just talking about taking jokes. Oh, sure, yeah.

Okay. No, no. No, I don't think Patrice would photograph his asshole and give it to Colin Quinn. I'm saying, they took his tough crowd. It's like, I throw out of the lines into the Twitterverse and they come back with a picture of an asshole and we're both, we're just slapping five,

going, this is everything. This is happening. So that's what it is, I believe. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I think we need to find out who this person is. I mean, people send stuff all the time. Not pictures usually, but.

I mean, I'm going to kill him. Are you, you're really obsessed with this asshole. I mean, I forgot about this. You're just, I mean, you got to get back on Twitter. I don't blame you. You got to get back on Twitter. So you can, you can come after these people. Yeah.

Because I don't want to, I don't, I don't know how it helps me to get into a public Twitter feud going, this, but did, like, what quote tweet, his response going, this is what this motherfucker did to me. You think you're going to get over sending me a picture of an asshole? If I was on Twitter and I saw that guy's asshole, I could, I could reply to it. Give me your address right now. I demand you give me your address. I'm coming to kill you. Because I'm going to come to kill you. How would you kill the guy?

you shoot him in the asshole no i wouldn't want it to be that poetic i would probably just like i'd probably just you know stabby stabby wow and in the face or the chest yeah i mean whatever was available if his asshole was the first thing that showed up at the door sure you know i would i would he sees he coming he would stab that he sees he coming he like he knew he knew he put two two together and he goes, oh, she's here. Well, I'll give her a taste of her own medicine. Well, here's that asshole again. And then it's just a knife goes into it.

And you go, here, get pregnant with this. And you start stamping him in the ass. Ha, ha. Yeah. Cool. Thank you. I mean, I don't think it's necessary. Well, I need to defend your honor.

I mean, the instinct is nice. I wish she had some of that instinct on Thanksgiving. Yeah, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm overcompensating. now with the asshole guy. Look, as long as it compensate, it's fine. I don't mind over compensation.

Because I know the emotions there. Some people get mad about over compensation. As long as it comes out somewhere, I'm fine with it. I just need to love. I need to know you love me. So, you know, it's like that thing in casino

when like, you know, when Pesci is stabbing the guy over the pen and De Niro's kind of like, well, I just trying to figure out what the guy was saying and he stabs him. Bullshit. That's not friend. That's not a friend's,

react that was my friend doing that i go my friend really loves me yeah stabbing a guy with a pen could he called me a jerk off or something it is nice i wish i had a friend that great uh yeah so welcome this variant huh yeah excited about the omicron variant it's uh it's uh it's a it's big news i mean isn't it that bad i've heard it's mild they're saying that it's Somewhat mild, but also, look, there is, Biden got on TV today. President Biden. Now, I'm not one of these people who like to disrespect the president. People say Biden's not doing a great job.

I don't know. He seems to be getting stuff past. You mean, I like when he gets past, but he seems to be a relatively effective guy. People are saying he's like, has dementia. I don't think he has dementia. but this motherfucker is so goddamn old he is the oldest man's ever lived

he is just like the cryptkeeper he is so fucking old he's so he's so slow his skin is so dry we were when we were in Richmond we were watching a little bit of a speech

in the hotel and it made me want to kill myself his skin is so dry doesn't anyone have like a is that post-moorizer his skin for a man that old like his skin is it's like it's smooth in a way that like in the way that burnt skin

is smooth you think they burn them when it's healed oh my god do you think they kind of found some way to do like a flash fry his face so like to keep it from like just to kind of give it a uniform book so doesn't have like leopard spots and shit and lesions they just kind of they have like a five they have some kind of like liquid nitrogen they have liquid nitrogen and they

like just dunk his face in through like five seconds and just kind of it's like that kind of thing where it's so cold it burns yeah and the whole layer of skin peels off yeah it's kind of like a face smooth and a and a stimulant and it all rolled into one yeah um that makes that that comforts me a little bit to know that because this doesn't seem right that man this whole is doing any look he's just oh god i mean trump was out of shape and he he had the weirdest faces right his head always looked weird and i know some of it was probably just weird why they go lenses biden's in relatively like he's got a trim look and he's and he's kind of not dapper but like you know he looks like a like a like a professional old man but he's like but it's like it's like

staring at cement it's a concrete his skin it's troubling it's really terrible i don't i well i might prefer just the weird like you know uh silly putty of trump at this point um it's hard to tell what's worse i do find for some reason i mean trump was obviously a maniac obviously like he wasn't he wasn't the most calm guy and it had a prolific liar But there is something for some reason less trustworthy about Biden when you see him. Oh, yeah, because he's just so talking so slow. Look, we're going to, we're going to deal with the variant. And we might have to have locked down.

I remember he said. It's just, it's just like that's how fast he was talking. Yeah. It's just like, I just can't trust that you're like, like, someone like that. I could take you hostage with a glass of water. Hey, you want some water? Oh, I love some water. All right, well, go tell everyone we got a new variant.

Oh, I'm so thirsty. I'm so goddamn thirsty. Please just give me some water. He's got a little hamster cage, like, bottle, right, right his face. Give you give him a little drop. Oh, yes. Yeah, more, more. You'll get more.

Now tell everyone is a new lockdown. Okay, okay. I mean, yeah, I don't know. Look, it's. it's shocking it's shocking how i mean we saw in and look i mean in the in the in the what do you call it the campaign we saw something it wasn't this bad but you started to see him losing it a bit the corn pop speech sure and uh just mumbling stammering a lot and even look they had they staged that thing with the with the kid with the stutter and he's like oh i got a stutter they lied about that

probably they probably rigged that whole thing where like this whole Biden never had a stutter yeah did he ever have a stutter this is a guy who I used to love before I knew anything about his politics years ago decades ago because he was just a madman he was just going rant and he was like he was just a liberal ranter he was like the he was the guy before um Anthony weiner because Andy I mean he wasn't no it wasn't as angry the Andy Weiner at his prime but you remember Anthony Wieners go Anybody la blah blah Right

We got to get I don't care Women We don't have abortions But he wasn't that crazy But he was kind of the guy He would take you the task And he'd wear like the

I think he'd have like suspenders sometimes And he was like Yeah it was probably 60 at that point Or whatever 55 Right But I don't remember a goddamn moment He ever stuttered No me neither

And now they They drag this kid out This fucking then you're gonna Oh Oh, he's like pat in his head. Oh, I don't want them tell you you're dumb because I'm a stutter or two. I give us. I stutter all the time.

You motherfucker. Your brain is turning to mush. You don't have a stutter? Look, it's possible that Biden, I look, I don't, I don't even, I'll go so far as to say I don't think Biden is a pedophile. No, I don't think he just, I think he's just like, I think he's like his brain. You know those tests that you take? We have to shove us like a square into a square.

it's something to do with that it's something to do with his brain has lost that his brain has lost the concept of spatial reality and he has to touch the kid because it's like it's like it's like those kids who have like a mental problem where they don't like you know they don't understand like they're not the center of the universe type of thing right and there's a you know I'm talking about is the thing is the childhood development you're talking about what no autism kid no I'm not saying he's autistic I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm I'm saying, like, he has to, for some reason, touch someone to talk to them. Right, right. It says he can't, like, you and I are looking at each other. We know we're there. You know why? But, you know, it's like, you know why I don't think he's a pedophile? Because.

He's too tired. After he got caught. He's too tired of rape a kid. After he got caught in the controversy for, like, for touching kids all the time. He didn't stop touching the kids. Oh, yeah. Like, there was no, like, there was no change in his behavior. I mean, maybe he's just a real.

prolific but I mean it's like look look I am how God made me look they want you like I mean in your scenario they come to Biden because here's like Biden kind of came out of the woodworks to save it I mean from his point of view I think as a public service I don't think he wanted to be president I think he I think you know the liberals were all like Trump we got to stop Trump and we couldn't feel the goddamn candidate that was decent they were afraid of Bernie Sanders right right they bring Biden they wheel Biden now and you go look we need you to you know take one for the team come back all right I'm not going to stop fucking kiss fair enough all right well we'll spit it somehow all right it's also like he does he was

there's a whole thing with smelling women's hair which makes me think like I don't know maybe it isn't sexual maybe it's just something he does weird creep he's just a weird I mean, he's a corn pop speech It's crazy and like I mean, in some ways he's weird than Trump Because Trump stuff was actually compelling Right? Like it was actually like fun It was pure mania

But you're like, oh, this is seductive Biden's stuff just makes no sense Biden is just kind of out there Like just kind of smack his lips together Very thirsty And the smelling hair none of it's not none of it's like cool

none of it reminds you Sinatra I mean Trump doesn't remind you Sinatra but anyway but the what's it called again

the strain the Armacron what is it what does it do to you what does it like Fauci I don't know you maybe have it

how do you feel I don't think I have it because I can smell I can smell how bad the apartment smells so I don't think I have the COVID variant maybe that's its curse

now what is that you keep your smell oh you shit myself whole the time they can smell it yeah nice it height maybe this one heightens your smell it has a mutated protein strain uh or hook where they call it

it's a hook spike spike spike spike spike protein spike oh man they all have protein spikes now they all always had spike you Don't you remember the protein spike? Where does it spike you?

Right in the dick. Right in the taint. The dick pussy or ass. I mean, I don't know. Is Omicron really the O for like this stuff? Is Omicron the Greek O? I only want to hear about new strains if they like make your eyes bleed or something. Or if they do something that the other ones don't do.

Well, I think it's one's more contagious, they say. But it's what, but it's not as bad. right right but it's more contagious perhaps i don't know i know i know i know south african people are getting very upset because uh people calling it like the south african strain and they're like look we are really good at this now because like you know we got all those aids and stuff around us and malaria so we got really good at like you know disease stuff so we're the ones who sequence this excuse me who like i who discovered this dream we didn't come from us Stop calling the South African variant.

And we're like, yeah, cool, cool, cool. So we're going to like shut off travel to South Africa. They stop doing it. Because of the apartheid strain. The Mandela curse. Mandela's revenge. But yeah, I don't know what it does. I mean, are you ready for another lockdown?

Are you going to resist? I would. what was like it just means bars are closed or whatever uh you got to stay home you got to stay home do you actually have you could walk around you can walk around sure you can go to the deli i don't like deli's ever closed i mean they were frowned upon i think of the heyday of covid if you were i mean we didn't leave the house for a while that's true and uh i didn't mind i know you were a little i mean that's just what that's what i do anyway is not leave the house uh are we going to going to, are we going to, I mean, do you think there'll be another capital storming?

I mean, look, I think we're going to get that either way. Sure, because that just seems like fun. Because now people know you can do it. Right. Yeah, I've never been like, look, my thing was like, it's never been that big a deal in the grand scheme. Like, yeah, it's a coup, but it's not, right? Like, it's kind of a coup, but, like, it's, but, come on.

But, like, at the end of the day, you got to say you can't do it. You have, like, that's the thing. You can't just be. allowed to do it. Otherwise, I'll do it. Well, I think there's going to be probably like one more big one. Really?

But then it's going to be like bloody. Like they're going to like they're going to start shooting people. Well, that sounds depressing. Mine was more fun. What do you think is going to happen? I don't know. People just try to store the capital again.

Because it's like, I don't know. It seems like the kind of thing somebody would repeat. Yeah. Like no one really looked good doing it though. Like people don't seem proud of they do it. No. No one's really bragging about it. I think because it's like FBI is going after them and put a lot of them in jail.

But I don't see a lot of people, even before that went down, I don't think people were really like, this is, I guess they did take pictures. I don't know. It didn't come off like really cool. I mean, I could see them when they get out of jail just kind of going around. You know, you imagine that whole getting the band back together sequence. Oh, wow. We need the moose head guy, whatever.

We need the guy shitting on Pelosi's desk. We need some Long Island comics. And that woman who got shot and killed is like... They pull out of the morgue. They toss her body in the pap building. She's like, I'm out of the game, boys. It's just one of the guys, like, moving her dead mouth going, I'm out of the game.

They don't have a big laugh. A little comic relief. This got dark. Wow. Imagine if they were right. and we're saying this. Imagine if those people were in the right, it turned down. Oh, yeah, like 50 years from down.

These are the people who tried to save American democracy. Yeah, and that's how it's, and then we're just sitting there going, like, joking about her dead body. Awful. We're awful people, potentially. Wow. I guess before we move on to other things,

so the verdict on the over-crow variant, we don't have much information. We don't have much information because we didn't read about it at all. They showed a picture of the protein spike. I don't know what to do with that. I did read a news headline that said that the symptoms are mild but strange. Right.

I have to written down actually. Strange but mild. Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know. They're giving up. They're going into the post and the times, whoever their CIA handlers are. And they go like, wait, another one?

Yeah. You're going back to the web? I mean, what do you, what can I? You don't lose your taste and smell, but it makes you a pedophile. Strange but mild. Perfect. Amazingly, they seem to be keeping Fauci for this one. You would think it's to be a perfect time to get rid of Fauci.

Yeah, bring in the second string guy. Bring in a new guy. Bring in, bring in fucking Matthew Perry. Right. friends. Literally any celebrity would be better than Fauci. You look, yeah. You take, you take whatever that stuff is, the stuff he does publicly. And you give it to a celebrity. You give it to Idris Elba. Would he work or he, is he, because he's British, you can't be that.

He doesn't do it. I mean, yeah, why now? He was in the office. He got COVID. He's American enough. Yeah, Stringer Bell. Telling you about COVID. He got COVID. He can be like, look, I got this. I got you And I'm going to kill you If you're rat Have you ever rat Who else would be good Um

Matthew Schwimmer With David Schwimmer You're just pulling from friends Yeah I mean Jennifer Aniston Would really calm people down Oh yeah totally Yeah Jennifer Anderson would be good

Farrell I don't know Frel's too out there He's very talented He's too avant-garde You need someone Like Farrell I know he's very popular

But the guy's gonna like He's a beat genius right That first Any or the album I loved He is a beat genius He is So I mean you need someone's a little more Like just kind of basic bitch

Which Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston are Yeah not Courtney Cox The people won't trust her This is why Idriselba's not gonna work But Jennifer Aniston for sure Yeah I mean I think honestly this is a little out of left

field. Yeah. But I think Spike Lee, I think it would be true. Okay, well, I don't want to be, to clarify, even though I'm about to agree with this, for a different, he's not a basic bitch. He's not. But he could be good. I don't know why.

But you know why? I don't think he, I don't. He would appeal. Is he pro Vax? Maybe not. I don't know. He totally could be not. But he's the kind of guy who he would get credibility from like, you know, the skeptics.

skeptics about the system i don't know i think a lot of people don't don't trust them a lot of spike leased a loud mouth at nicks games and people nicks nicks like them like nicks new york people like them but i don't think i think they go shut up and stop yelling at uh you know carmelo anthony or whatever he yells at riffs he gets in he's like jack niggleston of uh new york Jack Nicholson would be great because he, you know, he is a disease. That guy is just weird looking dude. See, I don't know what to do about this.

We got another variant. I'm excited, exciting times. We'll keep you posted with that. I don't want to say make the same mistake I made with the original COVID where I came out and told everyone this is just a flutter saying. You did that?

Yeah. I wasn't quoting myself. I'm saying they're saying it's like a flu. I don't know what to do. And apparently it's not like a flu. Whatever. I don't want to make grandiose claims anymore. This is the new Batman for this week.

This is called Detective Comics 1000 Batman. This seems like a very classic Batman. It does feel like a classic. That's why I like it. It's a classy Batman. that I have where this has this is the one I keep on that perch over my desk on a shelf I built were put together um and it towers over looking down like the like the actual Batman um the comic it comes from I can't vouch for too much I read some of it it it seemed like an

it doesn't even look at the the one from that comic um it just is the round number 1,000 right kind of like we have upcoming the comp 100 episode which will be what is it 92 or 91 91 I mean this is 91 so in nine episodes we'll have to come 100 we should make a Batman figure for or a comp figure for that because you know round numbers are people to people it's a big deal uh 40 days in the desert you calling me Jesus comp 100 am i Jesus or the devil am I sitting there going like hey Jesus I don't think the devil gets credit for spending 40 days in the desert he was there he was there the whole time

I mean he was there the whole time that's true telling Jesus why don't you just get you dick sucked I think he just kind of came around you be Jesus hey we don't say hey the devil I'll approach you you just do your like establishing I'm praying hey Jesus I'm kind of hungry hey Jesus you look hungry I am a little hungry Why don't you do this?

Why don't you use your little Jesus powers Get yourself a sandwich Get yourself a nice cup of cola I look It sounds nice but I can't A blow drop from a hookah Maybe Mary Maglin We'll get it over here

She's suck you dick What day every way on in the desert It's day 10 Oh man that is a I was hoping I was closer to the end Yeah yeah 30 more days is this Look no one gonna know I've already done 10 days.

It feels like the 10 days don't count if I have a sandwich. No one's going to know. You're the king of kings, the ruler of the universe. God's trying to get you to fucking just be a cuck. Stop it. Do you really feel that way? Yeah, I really do. Oh, man.

It hurts me to see you like this, Jesus. It hurts me to see you not getting your dick sucked, getting your knob-slobbed, eat a sandwich. You know what? It hurts me too. Yeah. It hurts me too.

Look, I don't want you to feel weird. I'll get a blowjob too. I'll get a sandwich. Okay. Well, now it feels like you're just in it for your own blowjob.

I can get blowjobs whatever I want. I'm the fucking devil, bitch. I'm getting a blowjob right now. You are? Yeah, by a fucking rat. This rat's sucking my dick. Oh, is that like the devil trick? You convinced me to get a blow job,

but then I have to get blown by a rat. No, you get a real. woman with a mouth so why do you have to get a rat because i just i like all sorts of blowjabs i'm the devil i'm not like a human baby i mean i i got sometimes rats suck my dick sometimes cats i don't think you can even get me rats and cats what what i don't think you can even get me a blow drop from a woman i i think you're i think you're going to get me a blow drive from some disgusting animal in the desert no i'll get you a I'm a, we're going to a nice tavern. I'll introduce you some women,

and I know. I'll be a wingman. I won't go, we'll go. Let's role play. You be a woman, and I'll be a double role player. Okay. Hey, how are you doing, sweetheart?

Hey. Hey, I got this guy over here. He's fucking real important. Oh, man. What does he do? He's fucking the God. son why is he hanging out with you you're the devil because you know we different folks in different strokes you know he's a stupid whore oh okay that's cool

oh he's what i want you to do he's been out in the desert for like 10 days he's just hungry we're gonna get him a sandwich but i want you to fucking get on your dumb fucking horny's and start sucking it off okay but okay i got a question for you though mr devil yeah What's up? Did you tell you a friend that I'm actually a rat? Look, look, look. I'm the devil.

I can make you into anything I want. I can pretend to be a woman and only start sucking dick and then I turn into a rat. So I don't want him to be surprised in nothing. Just some guys get really freaked out when they realize they get in the dick sucked by a rat.

Especially when it was just a beautiful woman before. Look. we'll cross that bridge when we get to it all right i'm trying to win a bet here yeah i think that was our first double role play yeah we went we went it's like the inception we went two layers then uh we didn't we didn't we should have gotten like eased out of it jumped out we yeah no yeah we totally lost the threat of

how Jesus is reacting to all of us because in that in that version Jesus is coming up with that I'm just confirming what he says um how did that come from Batman oh because we need to do something special

for Batman 1,000 100 I don't know you know I tried I ordered a bunch of new Because we're running out of Batman's. We have to decide if we're going to keep this thing going. You don't seem to want to. The Batman series.

Well, the whole Batman every episode. Well, look, I suggested something. I thought it was a reasonable thing. You want me to throw them in the garbage. That's what you suggested. If you throw the ones you have in the garbage, then you can buy new ones. Is that really a suggestion? No, no, no.

Look, I didn't realize that you planned to keep the Batman series, the Depression Batman series going on infinitely. But I'm not opposed to it. Right. So here's what I suggested. I suggested a policy of Batman in, Batman out. Okay, a Batman comes in, you get a new Batman. I guess when we reach a critical mass of Batman's,

when one Batman comes in, maybe we get rid of the old. Maybe we sell them. We oilograph them and sell them the people. Yeah, totally. I didn't say you had to throw them in the garbage I mean sound off I mean what is a reasonable price

for this once I autograph it $1,000 $100 I don't know I don't know We're trying to get out of New York It depends on our It depends on I would say it depends on

Your emotional connection to the Batman Me or the piece and person buying it Yours Well I'm going to keep the good ones I'm not throwing out this, I like this one. Yeah, but of the lesser Batman's. There must also be a ranking.

There's a ranking, all right. I mean, we'll get to it. Look, sound off in the comments, and we're not going to be bound by your comments. We're curious. Sound off, he's like, start arguing in the comments, too. We need to start getting action going. Start arguing with each other in the comments.

Yeah, we talked about Biden. Make something out of that. Yeah. And start arguing about the Batman. Yeah. I mean, if you want to, I'm not telling you to make it up. You know, but it's just like, you know, but don't be afraid to, is my point. But yeah, sound off in the comments.

If you want to keep the Batman's going on, if you need to do a great part of the show. If you don't like the Batman's, I think we've done a great job. And they spur interesting conversations. But, and see, if you, if you buy one, if you, if that's something that would be interesting to people. I'm not trying to, you know, rip people. Well, hey, I'm going to sign someone else's Batman figure and sit it with a box. It does seem weird. Or if I should throw them in the garbage.

Maybe we should make a video. Maybe we'll make, we'll make, we'll make, uh, thing where I'll destroy a Batman. If we hit a certain Patreon number. Ooh. Mm. We'll destroy every, every 20 Patreon members will destroy another Batman on video. Oh, yeah. And there's fun ways to destroy things like that.

Oh, yeah. No, that's for sure. Burn him. Burn him. sticking them in their ass to sit down put them in a blender all sorts of shit so a lot of fun things

we'll figure it all out um also you know while you're commenting looking in the description of this episode you can see you have a couple days left if you want to get a companned gunhand t-shirt for Christmas you can still get them afterwards

uh I'm not pulling one of these limited time only things yet but uh if you want to get them by christmas you got to buy them by i think the first so uh keep that in mind the link will be in the description either of the podcast or the youtube moving on uh did you buy anything on cyber monday i didn't i thought you're going to get a dress i looked at a lot of things but i didn't buy anything you want to buy you something no i what are you gonna buy me a dress yeah no my boyfriend i i have but of all the weird things i would buy you the dress is like we're gonna buy me we're gonna buy me

flowers why don't you buy me a picture of a man's asshole because i need to get the sizing right i mean i but you have to do it anyway yeah i don't understand i mean i'm not gonna buy it I'll give you the money is my point. Whatever. This is, this shouldn't, of all the things we're talking about this episode. Of all the things this episode,

why is this the awkward thing? I'm gonna buy you a dress. And you're like, you're going silent. You're like you're fucking weird out. I can't believe this. But you're hanging out of the drive. Just Lane Maxwell's trial started today.

People were going off on Twitter about how no one's covering a trial. And other people responded, uh, didn't start. told today which is fair enough I mean you know I think there was a little bit of

I never did that I was just you know making you know pointed jokes about just lane yeah and also they're not like they're not filming it right it's a federal because it's a federal course you can't

apparently some people are saying that like journalists can go which I'm not a journalist but I'm not a journalist but also I have time I have a job uh Bloomberg

I shared in a tweet today uh what they write exactly very odd headline uh they wrote jizzlane is a headline from Bloomberg jizzlaine maxwell sex trafficking trial is said to be one of the biggest

of the me too era and what is this a little icon they put there next to it is that is that the hands me too is that yeah that's the symbol that's the Twitter symbol for me too okay I was making sure but the jury may have to grapple with a unique question is Maxwell herself a victim which look and these people who respond oh he's just like idiot it's a it's a it's a headline they're asking what the jury

would say is not the lumina blah blah blah blah yeah i get what it is all right because the thing you do in a headline that's leading yeah it's putting in people's heads is look propaganda isn't just like, she's an innocent child rape. It's how it works, idiots. Yeah, you plant the seed.

Yes. Is the jury going to have to grab all the question? Do you put that? How often do you see that's not like the most? If you don't think

that this like that this plans the seed effectively, I've seen this like a million times. Yeah. Like you see the headline first. And then before you know it, there's like 50 idiots who run into going like,

you know, I heard that she might be a victim right it's like you know it's like it gets into people's heads uh they look it'll be interesting to see this one because it is more after they murks her her boy uh by allowing him to kill himself i don't know we're calling this i mean look they take them off people forget they take them off suicide watch right and that day he kills himself yeah i mean it's just like yeah is it possible sure but i mean like can we cut the shit so uh there's nothing like weirder than these fucking like talentless losers who like try to like fucking like i don't know stand for like the go oh epstein didn't kill it's one thing that's not necessarily i think he

did but oh absolutely definitely didn't kill him how i got what is that you know yeah it's just anti-conspiracy fetish like you don't have to be alex jones right you don't have to be Paul Joseph Watson or whoever the fuck but like but you know or any of these QAnon psychopaths but I mean

to cuck that hard yeah and then on top of it like I don't I don't remember everything like super clearly like surrounding his suicide at this point but it's like there was also kind of a weird detail where there

was kind of like an unexplained changing of shifts like it's like it's like Like, you know, it's like, 100, but yeah. And there was supposed to be. The footage and then we didn't get video footage. Like,

it's like, it's all fucked up. Yeah, it's literally the kind of thing where it's like, it's like playing chickens. It's kind of like, if you were doing this. Like that's why I'd be bad at this job because I have no sense of like, I'd be the guy going like, no, they're going to call it. We can't just not have footage. Yeah.

Like, shut up. Yeah. They'll ask for a while and then nothing happens. Right. Really? All right. but my intuition is always to be skeptical to a fault so I don't make more money as a podcaster

because I'm always like trying to hedge my words I'm always mincing my words also I mumble and I'm weird and I sound like crap but I mean but it's also the fact that I just don't take a side word definitively and that's why I'd be bad at killing people like Epstein like really I feel like they're going to call us out of this one

they're going to call us that you fat's heard you just don't answer and they would kill me anyway I mean who are these people like like this is one of those things where it's like there are plenty of I don't know conspiracies out there where I imagine the default is to not believe it right like even even if I think there's some convincing arguments for why it might be true but it's like this is actually one of those things where I'm like what idiot out there actually defaults to thinking everything is like kosher with obscene suicide because of cute Like, for instance, Q&A, about other things, too, but Qaeda is the most recent and pungent example. People, and there's people are such partisan idiots, right?

Like that, like, despite the mountains of evidence of bipartisan, you know, not just child molestation, but, you know, like the war machine and, like, the Pentagon, and there's the CIA, like, everything about modern society. Let's just say post-war, but it goes back way before that. it's this is not a democratic or republican thing and the sea conspiracies become more mainstream and the understanding and then to see how partisan it became right um and it's just bizarre to me uh but yeah i mean it's just plenty of people out there i mean there's comics out there it's a certain kind i guess it's the neo libs maybe the leftist i'm not even sure a lot of

democrats yeah in this particular instance it is does seem to be that like The people who are least willing, it does seem like, unfortunately, like liberal Democrats are the people who are maybe like least skeptical of the government at this point. And to be fair, again, because I'm not trying to make the person and not to defend them. But to be fair, I think a lot of that, at least the current energy comes from the fact that a lot Republicans are pretty cozy with, you know, QAnon. Sure. So it's like, yeah, fair.

It's just, this is the problem when like, this is why you talk about things. Because when you, when you just, when you don't talk about the atrocities the CIA is done and like, you know, where, you know, where money comes from and the nature of financial, you know, fuckery and, and, and, uh, war profiteering and all sorts of shit. when you leave that to the realm of like, you know, like Q&R or the people like Alex Jones. Who, yeah, he's right a lot of the time because he's the only one talking about this shit. Right. I mean, like, believe me, he's not right all the time or even close to it. But, I mean, he's, like, for a long time, he was the only one talking about a lot of legitimate stuff. And then going off on rants about spraying silver into your throat and selling you like weird shit.

I'm just saying it's like, and then, you know, it's the same idea with QAnon or like, you know, I don't know At the point of Pizza gate shit It's like when you leave this shit to You know The shadows Yeah the shadows are gonna do shit with it

You're leaving it to hooksters To like just But everyone's a huckster now No one's not trying to fuck you I think that's what we gotta realize Is that like This is the age of getting fucked So lube up your ass

Just get it in there I mean if you like to suck This is a great time This is a great time to be alive if you're into getting fucked by unknown forces who control I don't know

I mean like it's just laying in the get who knows and at the end of the day what's it going to change anything what do you think is what are your predictions for the just lay Maxwell's trial I think she turns into a bat she just like floating around going like

I am the dark empress and then like you know but then um you know the prosecutor just pulls out like a Gandalf stick a wizard's wand you shall not pass Hobbit it's just the whole thing like that I don't know I mean are they gonna have testify yeah that's what I was wondering too like are people gonna testify or are they really gonna start bringing them to see like the weird massage and see your hate connections and all this shit

I mean there's a lot of stuff there with like You know, I mean, basically, what it is is a widespread, you know, network of, you know, sexual blackmail with minors, you know, used to, you know, compromise political candidates. Sure. Run by intelligence, you know, are they going to get into that a lot? Or is it going to be like, were you there that day here? Like, I don't know.

I don't know if the prosecutor is going to try and establish all that. So that's a big ask. Yeah. And I really have no, I have no knowledge. So once it starts going down, we'll see. Yeah. Maybe. I'm just going to have a diabetic coma in two days.

I mean, I don't know. We'll do a live stream. There's nothing to stream. With pictures. Yes. We'll recreate the trial with that with Batman's. Yeah. Catwoman's and whatever.

Just like Maxwell will be Harley Quinn. Yes. Yeah. The Jericho will be Epstein. Yeah. This could work We'll lose on the Patreon Yeah

You got to pay for this This is the good stuff Before we go There's this Beatles doc That's on Disney Plus It's called get back Or get out Get back

I kept saying get out Before Get back Get out before Get out before you Fucking People It's very long

I started watching it when you were at work today and it's just like it's just tremendously long and it's just what is it like four hours no it's like nine hours oh gosh yeah

and it's just it's like yeah I mean I saw a clip on Twitter of like Paul coming up with the get back and get back like coming out of nowhere

yeah but then Custer Ringo and George they're just sitting like a bunch of fucking morons they really aren't very good I mean Well George is pretty good No he's not Like he has a couple good songs

But he doesn't He's good like He'd be good In any other band He's not good as a beetle I mean you have It's fine Just stop bitching

It's just like It's just funny Like he's just literally Like people I'm watching people Who are gushing over this clip And it's like annoying Because I'm not that good

Of a song It's fine But uh Look at me He's in he's in the flow state He's like Ah Ha

He's locked in. I agree with the people who are like, is against the 12 bar blues. I mean, I'm not saying I can't do what he does. I also can't play 12 bar blues that well. I mean, 12 bar blues ain't nothing for the...

Yeah, look, no. That's a disgusting comment. Flow state. That is disgusting. Is that like insult shit? Where does it come from? Malcolm Gladwell shit. That's the kind of thing

that's supposed to be reserved for somebody. like Jimmy Hendricks like somebody who well but like the thing is the Beatles what flow state no I I love the Beatles yeah but like the Beatles are almost known for like obviously they're great they're brilliant musicians but a lot of what they do is pretty simple like it's like it's variations on simple concepts baby you can drive my car but that are executed brilliantly baby listen to me basically yeah baby you can drive my car The way the voice goes up at the end, it's not just that. It's little nooks and crannies I like.

Yeah. I'm not the biggest Beatles for it. Up until like, you know, college river, I hate the Beatles. But I got into it a bit. I'm a little confused why you think Jimmy Hendrix is like leagues above the Beatles. No, no, not leagues above. It's just a different kind of thing. But he was in a flow state and never up?

Yeah, totally. Why? Of course. Why? Yeah, there's like amazing solos where it's like it's not like necessarily intuitive what he's doing. I guess it is. It's totally into it. I can sell.

I'm not like that. Not like Hendricks. Not quite like Hendricks. But I've solo. Play a blue solo. Once you know the scales, he's going to go, bam,

boom, boom, boom, bobo. There's a lot more intuitive than, like, coming up with, like,

really interesting harmonic structures, I think. Or let's say, I, look, I don't know. I mean, I love Jimmy Hendrix,

but I mean, Palmer, they wrote some good songs. Hey, Jude. Hey, Jude. You got, you gotta be in the flow state

to write hey Jude I guess so I feel like it's just a really well-written song like it's like you can't write that out of the flow state wait wait what is the flow state I don't know I think it's a macum glad walking probably I know the flow state

was kind of like when you're like under a sort of spell yeah you're doing things that are kind of like yeah I mean not even accessible to most people I don't think that like doing a blue solo was like that in the excessive

like Hendricks was amazing well Hendricks didn't just do blues solos they're basically what he's down I mean he's doing very fast these guys don't flare but look I mean I'm just saying when you're a guy who like develops that skill set it's not like it's not like

how do you do that I mean it is how do that but it's kind of like you're not I feel I feel like painting like you know I feel like when you look at the pyramids being constructed how did you do that but I mean I had someone who like did some guitar stuff years ago

I'm not saying I could be Jimmy Hendrix As someone who did some guitar stuff years ago It's just like I'm just saying It's not like oh how I could look

I was great If you could say As someone who did some guitar stuff Years ago I have the same Qualifications We're so evenly man I can see how he got there I can see how he got there

I mean look I want to shoot in the Beatles as much as you maybe not as much as you because I thought I did but you're just going like hey Jude sucks this is a clash of the Titans yeah to people who used to play guitar a little bit but anyway that sounds that sounds boring I don't know if I want to watch that

no we're going to do some riffing on it like come up like But now I feel like it's just weird I feel like They'd just be like Literally do it like hey You're like what's the other one That's like Oh, tomorrow

They'll be These hacks He's fucking No look I love the Beatles I probably like the Beatles more than you do I mean at least like when I was younger Yeah You like to be as more than I'd

But like you think any like more on the OTP can write it No no I'm not saying that I'm saying they're different ways of doing music but I look I don't want to be Hendricks versus the Beatles I know I started it I don't care but I don't

but the Beatles I mean his biggest hit he ripped off Bob Dylan he didn't rip him off It was a cover Yeah It was a sanctioned cover Well fine I'm saying he'll like he's

I love I love highway child You think Bob Dylan is going around I don't go like that fucking Jimmy Hendrix. He ripped me off. If he didn't die, he wouldn't, yeah. We hadn't died. I don't think so.

I love Highway Child. Beow, boom, boom, boom. And I love, uh, well, no, that's Highway Child. I don't know what that means, but it's called that. That's on, are you experienced? Then it's voodoo child.

Then it's some sandcastle music, whatever, or magic castle music, what it was called. I love little poop, little pony. Little Pony, a little wing. Little wing, yeah. I love these songs. But, you know,

Let it B is also good. Oh, he was really a floe's date on Little Pony. Well, you know, what's the one he's always singing there? I love Let It Be. I was listening to the 2021 mix. What's that one? Wow.

No, that one thing. What's this big song? Hey, Joe. Hey, Joe's good. Oh, boom, ba, boom. You can't. put out that full state. What's the big one?

The big one's like, is it not wild thing. It's a, I think I love you. No, come on. That you're saying all the lyrics are wild thing. Does he write wild thing?

Yeah. I think so. No, Wild thing. That's not, that's how you make my heart. That's not Jimmy Hendricks. I'm pretty sure it's Jimmy Hendricks.

Jimmy Hendricks hits. You're crazy. It's like, wow thing. I don't, I don't know if he wrote it, but the lyrics are, he doesn't do what uh purple haze and foxy lady he did yeah but look a wild thing

he didn't do wild thing i think he did no i think it's like wild thing um no it's the trogs the trogs did wild oh really yeah let me tell you they were in a flow Those trogues Those trugs were a hell of a flow. You know, when I take it back, I was thinking of the trugs all the time. Fair enough. All right.

You got anything you want to plug? Oh, you can check out a podcast of mine called Al Bummer on Giant Bombom. Go to Giant Bomb.com. Is that behind a paywall anymore so you can check it out? But it's on Giantbobb.com? Yeah.

Nice. In his video? Mm-hmm. Is the audio also on Giant Bomb. dot com yes nice so if you can video or audio it's great lucy's very funny on it go support that and check that out you can check out our patreon the links in the description uh either the podcast of youtube and they get an extra episode every week it's you know really great we all and that's where you're gonna see burning batmans potentially so check that out uh you have a little bit

of time left for christmas to get your companned gun hand t-shirt um to check that the link and get that that's a lot of fun uh we'll see remember the comment sound off in the comments about the whole thing with the figures and stuff argue if you want just engage with each other start a whole i want i want to know what you think about the batman's if some guy says i don't like them you say have your week Thank you.