Kump - 92 - Kump Sick

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

Ray and Lucie discuss being sick, criminal parents, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your Kump Hand merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. There we go. It's higher now. We're a little late. We're a little late to the, To the podcast, someone was sick. I was sick.

Was I sick? No, it was me? Was it me who had illnesses all over my body? No, it was I. That's fine. I would never make you podcast sick, even though you're still kind of sick. I was fluey. You're not COVID.

It wasn't COVID. Not Omicron. I was so scared that you had Omicron and that I was going to burn your body to keep it from spreading throughout the apartment. apartment building um even before you died um i just don't know i want to burn me look at a certain point you have to think of society you have to it takes a village to burn your girlfriend alive i mean do you want the virus to win new york strong don't you remember new york strong yeah i guess so the part of that is you know using chemicals or i mean like i'm all for making sacrifices but you I have to burn my body while I'm living?

Well, I mean, at that point, is really a life. You know, I mean, I'm not trying. I don't want you to burn alive. It seems like you want me to burn alive. No, I just might need you to if you were going to compromise the hermetically sealed. You can't even use a hammer on me? You prefer a hammer. Yeah.

That burning alive? Yeah. I mean, I would do it very classy, the classy way. I mean, it would be like Game of Thrones or, I think in Rocky where they're all, they have like trash cans of fire and they're all just the champions, the champions of the trash cans, remember? And Rockies, I mean, homeless people were burning their hands. Right.

And ritual to honor Rocky in the streets of Philadelphia. Yeah. Be like that. And you could burn me. I mean, that goes about saying. You would burn me if the shoe and dropping the shoe. Oh, I thought you meant like we'd burned it. It would be a romantic thing.

Like, we'd burn together. Well, then why you even complaining if you thought that was it? Like, if I'm going to go into bed and set the bed on fire, you're going to get all like pissy about it. I'm going with you. You're the one who has COVID. Yeah, that's true. You're the one that, you know, sealed my... If you throw yourself on the fire.

Yeah. Like, you know, like it's a funeral pyre. yeah well then you killed me then i would consent to being burned alive so you're okay the omicron covid i mean omercron is supposed to be more mild which means you're just suffer longer is that how it works well it doesn't it doesn't kill you exactly so you're living with you're living with this covid problem take my life here's the thing we've been living under the credo of like if one of us gets COVID the other one of us gets COVID the other one getting it i'm assuming yeah so you're just burning me so our dumb neighbors don't get it they are

terrible neighbors it makes so much noise in the hallway i don't like it i'm not a fan uh you're right let's just get them sick yeah can we get co vials of now get into a territory of we get shut down for this this is eco-terrorism or welcome to the show welcome uh you can see we got new headphones uh we finally got the new he you know you don't have to jiggle them all the time to get them the work very nice very happy you don't realize that we have new lights now we had replaced one a couple weeks ago and then the front one went out i and look you happen to be sick but here i ordered it we did the cum dump episode on patreon last wednesday and it wasn't working so i went on amazon dot com right and then i i ordered this light and it said it's not going to

come to a sunday which seems like a long time but fine we record the episode on sunday that should be fine you know what happens doesn't show up now you're sick so it's fine then monday comes along i thought we're going to do the episode doesn't show up again then tuesday comes they cancel it i order it and it comes wednesday i order another one yeah this is this has to stop this logistical nightmare or is it just christmas i think it might be the christmas season yeah all right This is the season where there's no pissing. But now if I wanted to order one today, where everyone's pissing in bottles.

It wouldn't come to a Saturday. What do you mean pissing in bottles? I assume this is the time of year when Amazon employees are pissing in bottles. All right. I mean, at this point, if your bottle game's not up to snuff, what are you doing? Your bottle game? Yeah, I mean, you have a couple bottles. You have, like, they're on little hooks on your belt.

Yeah. And they can just easily, like, you know, chunk off, like, carabina, like, mountain climbers have. If you don't have a piss system, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, it's not right. Yeah. But it's also like it is what it is at this moment. We'll try to fix it. But in the meantime, what are you doing?

Not pissing? I got a piss. Well, I got a piss. I got a piss. I can hold it, but I mean, at some point, that piss got come out. So I don't know what they're saying. They're pissing on my packages. One solution that they could happen is that they have those panties now for when women

are on their periods. Oh, was it stinks? And they absorb all the blood. Wait, what are they call them? They call them like, thinks. Thinks. They should call them stinks. Yeah, they should.

They get piss into those. Yeah, why don't you get, why don't you get a diaper? Get out of diaper. You work at Amazon. What are you worried about your panty lines? Will, look, I'm going to start the union. I'm not anti-worker. In the meantime, let's get given diapers.

And next year, we'll do something to try and dig a big hole at least. If I worked at Amazon, now I know I'm not the man with the most dignity. Yeah. But like I would just dig a big hole. I would get, I would borrow, I would rent one day whether it was like, what do you call those a pile of, not pile driver? What do you call that? Um, that you break the cement with.

Oh, well. the what is that thing called uh what's it called pile driver it's not a pile driver whatever you know it is that thing I would get one I'd rent it on my own dime and I would just make a big hole in the middle of the warehouse and I would piss and shit in there and I encourage others to do that too and that would be my union move okay you don't want you know you don't want to build a I blows a bathroom I make the bathroom I'm the Amazon boy. Give it, give it, give me all the accolades. Give me all the Christmas cheer because I piss and shit right in this hole now, which is where I want. You don't think that your image

would be compromised as a union leader if people saw you shitting and pissing in a hole. I don't. I just be like, hey, chief, just taking a big, just take a little piss and shit. I'll be, I'll be back to working a jiffy. What of the company? like sleuths because you know the company has little sleuths work yeah little rats like one of them caught you like in an awkward moment shitting in the hole you do and then you know distributed the picture they won't get the picture you know why because i've got a lasso around the whole hole if someone looks down i mean if one of my fellow workers come to look down see like sometimes like you know other guys will look down or you're gonna be like just to see if you're pissing and shit in the

hole and like to see if they can take a turn and I'd be like oh just give me two minutes Jimmy whatever but if I see a rat I pull the lasso and he comes into the hole with me and he doesn't come out of the hole he he lives the rest of his life which isn't very long in a sea of piss and shit made by me yeah you know wow solidarity yeah union a union boy actually like this the the union symbol could be me pissing and shitting a man squatting over a hole and some shit is coming out and maybe some pissed too yeah and he's and he's got a lasso that he's swinging over his head I like it can we can we make this shirt is it going to be interpreted incorrectly I don't know uh look I mean I think he needs to be added to me I don't think it can

be a picture of me pissing him shitting It needs to be an illustration. Yeah. I believe. No, no, I'm picturing an illustrator. Yeah, it cannot be, you know, a digital camera portrait

with lighting. I'm picturing, like, you know, with like really nice lighting and like back lighting, but it's just me pissing and shitting with a lasso. That can't be it. Right. We can't do that. No matter how much we want to.

It's got to be a nice illustration. Classy It's got to be nice It's gonna be nice I cannot wait This is making me I mean look We got the light

I'm not I'm not gonna kill myself So it's fine It's just a Harder doing Christmas business Right Sure We got a tree huh We got a nice tree

You know people People uh People I thought it was a book I put a picture in Amazon I was a friend of the tree but it's just very blurry and you can't see the

people don't as a bush you know but the whole tray it's like a six foot tree excuse me I'm getting sick I'm getting the COVID I'm getting the homicron

represent piss and shit hole what can make hole is hole but you can call it like the hole of the gut no no you go ahead you go ahead

I was going to say like You can call it like the whole of dignity The whole of dignity I love it The whole of This is my whole dignity I'm The shirts will say I'm a whole dignity man

Yeah And it'd be like you could have meetings around the hole Yes And it will smell really bad It's gonna smell terrible But that'll make people even angrier, which is good. It's going to smell like pure piss and shit and sweat. I'm going to be sweating in there.

I mean, look, I'm working all day. I'm just making smells left and right. It's going to be terrible. Yeah. The people, the union, the company rats, the Bezos's little rats, he sends out, are going to die horribly. The last moment's going to be in the worst. It's going to smell worse.

in the morgue oh yeah this is welcome to the workers hole yeah the hole of dignity but not for you yeah every time i do what i say that if i have to pull the lasso that's like it's written on the wall of the hole yeah it's like welcome to the workers hole the whole the whole of dignity but not for you yeah but you can have meetings around that hole oh yeah and say like you know in there you have no Right. But in this whole, we have found it. We take our, we take the dignity best. We leak the, we leak out our dignity and we, and we suck it back in.

Piss and shit, reborn. Through our piss and shit, we're born again in Christ. Yeah. Or die. I mean, some people might be Jewish. It's fine. I'm going to try to be like, you know, if you're Jewish, I'm not going to try to force Christ on them. Sure.

But what are we going to say, like, you're born again in Abraham? It doesn't sound as good. Jesus had the blood. I got the shit and the piss yeah piss Christ this is mean

anyway maybe we could work something out with the Jewish employees yeah we just tell them to pretend to be you I don't think you could tell them to pretend to be Christian possibly not but you could tell him like look just

think of it as a Jewish thing Pizant shit isn't a Christian thing I think it was a Jewish thing It's a tabernacle Yeah you think of it as a tabernacle I don't know enough about tabernacles Know if I'm off off the Jewish issue We'll deal with it when it comes

But we're casting a big tent You think of it as a menorah Again this might be very very offensive I don't know what these, these objects, I know a little bit about menoris, but I mean, they get touchy about their objects. Yeah. I mean, like, Christians like to make fun of their own shit,

but the Jewish people, like, you'll be like, what is this, the fucking, where the dumb crack, Jesus Cracker goes, and the chalice with the dumb wine, but they, I don't ever hear them talking about, the Mizzouza like that, for instance. They seem to respect it. Yeah.

So we don't want to be mixing up terminology with our piss and shit hole with their objects. Yeah. They're not going to like it. Fair enough. They can sit that part out. No, no. They are part of it.

We will retcon it for, look. All right. John the best, we'll compromise. John the Baptist. Oh, sure. Yeah. He was the guy before Jesus.

He was his cousin. And he was pissing and shit in the river. Baptizing people. This is our John the Baptist hole. And you know what? No, I was saying, it was St. John the Divine is that church in New York. So the United States, John, the Dignantly. There would be so much better if it was sitting John to dignity.

And it would be a big, we could have a big prison shit statue. Oh, shit. What about the Muslim employees? They know who, look, I mean. I think now we're back to Jesus as a compromise. I think they got John the Baptist and Muslim stuff, don't they? They got John the Baptist? He's probably in there.

Yeah, probably. comment look comments go in the comments i want to know about if i want to know if you know if you know what what would be the muslim thing that would be the most appropriate for the piss and shit whole yeah like you know we wouldn't have every you let us know we want to have every faith and jewish too hindus i can speak for because i want to catholic school for a long time i know that that from from a catholic point of view at least as far as i'm concerned that the best analogy it's the blood of Christ. But I don't know about other religions.

Yeah. So we'll see. I'm very open. I'm very inclusive. And we cast a wide tent, a large, big tent, unlike the Democratic Party, with their narrow Hillary Clinton tent. Yeah. No, every faith will be representative. Every faith.

Even Satan. In the whole of dignity. Especially Satan. In the workers' whole. I want this to be a classical, like Jesus versus Satan kind of thing. Oh, yeah. In there. Well, everybody's got a Satan, right?

No, I want to pray to Satan. Oh, oh, oh. And Jesus. Yeah. No, we could probably... I want to pit him against each other. That's what the workers should be doing. We're just pitting Jesus and Satan against each other.

And then taking the money. Taking those spoils. Judas had it right, perhaps. Should Judas be the fucking... Should Judas be... Should Judas is scary to be the mascot of unions? Oh, maybe. Pitting Jesus versus devil and taking that silver.

Yeah. Yeah. I like it. They hung himself. And then it's like, you ruined it. We got a good thing going. We could have a unites Caldor.

You remember Caldor? It was like a precursor to the target and stuff. I mean, I think Target's been around for a long time, but not in Long Island. I mean, at this point, Long Island, but I mean,

when I was a kid, there's no targets on the island. was, you know, then it came. But there was Caldor before that. There was Rickle, Rickles. It was channel. There was all sorts of stores. The supermarket was called Finest.

Oh. Never heard of that, have you? No stopping shops now. Wall boughs. Meat, there's meat farms. They're still around. But you want meat farms that's really good at? Produce.

Great produce and meat farms. I'm just saying it's all very, I don't know what I'm saying anymore Christmas tree we have a Christmas tree now yeah it's very nice six feet or so comes pre-lit I ordered you know people to go did you order any Batman ornaments I didn't yet maybe we should I ordered Mario brother's ornaments or something playing Mario yeah whatever we'll get some regular balls too maybe a Buffy the vampire but you like that Buffy thing you like Buffy the vampire you want to actually hang a Buffy on the tree I mean, you like Buffy the Vampire, don't you? Yeah, but I don't know if a Buffy ornament really works. All right, whatever. I mean, I'm going to have a Mario if you want to Buffy the Vampire, you can have it. It's Buffy the Vampire Slayer, first of all.

All right? No, no. A vampire slayer slay is vampire. But she's also a vampire. No, no, she's not a vampire. How is she slaying, then? She's just the chosen one. Chosen what?

We're short skirts? Yeah. Oh, Marone. Who chose her fucking Dan Harmon Who's the guy Just Sweden? Josh Whedon chose Who's that the other one wasn't chosen to be pregnant

Huh Is that what happened? She got pregnant And he threw against the wall and said, don't you fucking dare Oh yeah I don't why I fucking hate pregnant bitches Quote Joss Whedon I mean I can't quote him

that's a satire I can't I think that's crossing the line I can't literally say something awful and say quote john sweet we got christmas tree people are giving me in the comments not everyone but there's a contingent of people who say they're sick of my hoodie on my car what is this it's this this is the classical working man's clothing this hoodie is like you're andy richter by andy richter like to your conan like it's not what is it's just useless is that it keeps me warm i was gonna say it's like it's like your right-hand person oh my god what's going you're ready tissue thank you you welcome this is how i got sick in the first place forever what from easy so if i don't said you're ready to we'll get your own tissues then

what am i'm stopping you look i got nothing against antie richter i got on the forum either i mean it's fine it's uh he's he's great we want me to tell he's he's he's a comic je he's buddy hackett reborn okay he's been anywhere i mean he was he was good in the rest of development i guess not particularly it's fine baby yeah no he's all right i don't care about he richter now to be fair i don't look cohen's very funny guy i didn't watch all the early conans maybe he's great was he great he wrote the monorail episode of the

Simpsons Andy Richter no no the Conan no Conan is obviously a very very talented man I mean I'm just saying I don't like you know I'm not I'm not a Conan head I'm not a Simpsons kid I like these things

but it's not my everything I didn't develop a personality based on uh Coen O'Brien I based on being a fat kid not having friends and threatening my father but we have a Christmas treat

I don't know what to tell you this is first of all I'm not wearing it like you know it's like against my skin it's like a jacket it's a zipper hoodie you can wear I mean I don't know what you want me to wear hype beast I'm not a hype beast do you want to be a hype beast

you want to go there well get I'm getting echo is echo still a brand is a Sean John I said a Sean John jacket actually It's very nice Hmm You wouldn't think that You wouldn't think I'd have a Sean John jacket

The Sean John or is this Sean John John John? Sean John Yes Yeah What do you think of that Of your Sean John jacket You don't clock that at all

I say Sean John you're gonna Really you and a Sean John I look good What is a Sean John It's Puffie Combs's brand Oh okay I look good in it It was brown and tasteful

You can't throw me these curve balls But I'm sick I'm sorry I just assumed I assume you go you were Styelessly wearing a Sean John jacket Anyway You were? Yeah

Ah The guy you're With Sean John all the way You never even knew it Wow We'll move on Uh

I'm very excited I got this in the mail along with, not with the light, doesn't matter. It doesn't matter which box it came in. This movie I've been searching for to watch with Lucy for months or a month. For a while. It's my favorite holiday film.

You can't find it anywhere. It's been scrubbed from the internet. And we're not going to discuss it too much today. I want to watch it with you the night after we do the podcast. And then we're going to, you know, we'll do a little review or something. but it's the Ed the Ed O'Neill vehicle

The John Hughes production of Dutch Dutch is a very funny film If I remember correctly, it's been a while With the young Ethan Ember He calls himself Ethan Randall here But it's Ethan Embry He's the guy from Can't Hardly Wait And he was Nick Papa Georgia

In the Vegas vacation movie Whatever He's a Ed O'Neill He's a rich, Braddie rich kid Ed O'Neill's the working class guy He has to take him home to his mother And he's just a very... I don't want to give it away, but I'm very excited for Dutch.

This is a setup for the next episode. Yeah. After we watch Dutch, because I don't want to spoil. I need a plot for you. But you cannot find this online to stream, to buy. I'm not looking for a free stream. I'm going to pay 40 bucks to one stream it. I'm going to be dumb, but still, I don't buy a DVD or Walmart.

Like I'm some guy, you know, in 2001. So I'm very excited for that I guess we'll do the Batman Wait did you say did you read any of the I'll read some of the box because there's one at the bottom that I really like Yes four stars it's like home alone with Bart Simpson Which is not accurate No it's not that's not don't go by that

I mean I don't know that the character resembles Bart Simpson at all Oh It was a very good movie It looks like a little puss I mean yeah Bird Simpson had some Yeah I mean if he was Bart Simpson I don't need able to get along with him

They'd be slapping ass or not slap me Slaping fives And smoking cigars together And watching Watching homeless men beat each other Yeah For fun Because of bad people

Damn not the homeless people Anyway it's like home alone with Bart Simpson Patrick Stoner W-H-Y-Y Philadelphia I don't know it's just a nice tease for the next episode

we haven't watched it yet we can't discuss it I've seen it but tune in for that yeah we'll get to the Batman I guess we have a the Batman the animated series Batman

you know I realized that I was complaining last episode that I don't have enough Batman I got a bunch of Batman's that I've taken out of rotation on the shelves that buried into my rubber made container so we still have a bunch of Batman's in reserve but this is what I don't know we've never used this one yet

Are you excited? Yeah I almost bought you in life Yeah I like it You're slowly simmering over this Batman in a situation I'm happy No I'm happy

I'm happy about it Good Oh. Yeah, look, here's the thing with the Batman, the Animated Series, Batman, is that it doesn't stand up very well. It's very, this one is very soft and rubbery. Well, the cave is very rubbery, yeah. And the whole thing is very top-heavy.

He's got the body of a, of a V, just a complete V. But you love the Batman series, right? I do love Batman, the animated series. I like that version of Batman. man he's just kind of like he's a little bit cheekier you think he's cheekier the other batman's he's always he's always hugging kissing criminals yeah i feel like he's a criminal yeah he's always like six episodes different episodes where at the end there's some criminals crying he's hugging them or some shit tell him it was gonna be okay yeah honestly the the the show

in general when we rewatched it recently it is a lot softer than i remember it being right like there's often like these little like these emotional misunderstandings at the core of thing sure but look he's dancing he is dancing oh that's cute we should make it we should make a stop motion thing i had an idea for a batman cartoon where he catches one of these lower criminals like the clockmaker guy yeah the clocksman whatever the clock smith dr clock whatever his name is and he fucking takes a and he just takes his batterang and puts it right to the back of his head it goes Saylo the Grim Reaper

and he's fucking fires a battering through his fucking eyes from the back of his skull and then so he doesn't help him just makes him make some die horrible deaths I know Batman doesn't kill people but I would

if I was if I was making a Batman I haven't kill everyone oh yeah pregnant women elves why would he kill those are the pregnant women criminals he knows he is he has a date uh just a six sense six cents six cents for this kind of thing you know it's like if harley queen gets pregnant he shoots her

things like that it seems like he just has a vendetta against pregnant women this batman well his mother was pregnant once uh that explains it yeah i don't know what to tell you i mean what it's art deco batman but with you know it's not just pregnant women you know also child molesters, tax collectors. Why are pregnant women just loved in with child molesters and tax collectors? Well, it's not all pregnant women. It's only pregnant women. I'm just like he won't rule out pregnant women.

Well, look, sure, I guess in theory. If a pregnant woman's a tax collector, he might have to, you know, and then she comes around Wayne Manor trying to like, you know. Wait, hold on. I completely glossed over this part. He kills tax collectors. Look, he's got to use his money. He's got to use his.

his money to save Gotham City. How is he going to do that if these, you know, these new, every four years, a new mayor comes into Gotham with their new policies, their new tax plans, trying to tax the rich. You think they're going to do better than Bruce Wayne and Batman? I've got to say this is probably a more realistic version of what Bruce Wayne Batman would be.

Yeah, but not because he wants to buy a yacht. I mean, he has to have a yacht to keep up appearances. That's why he hasn't. But, you know, so he's going to buy a yacht. And he can't, like, he can't buy a yacht and a Batmobile if you're taxing him at, like, 65% in, you know, tax rate. He, you got to, you can't, so he, you know, sometimes tax collectors, you know, or like mayors, mayor's or candidates, progressives. Yeah. And, you know, I'm just saying, but not because he's a fascist, because he's helping people.

Sure. By killing pregnant women You're dwelling, you're dwelling on the pregnant women It's not that he kills pregnant women because you're pregnant He just doesn't stop killing them if they're pregnant Right, right. If they happen to be pregnant, that's no excuse, that's not so. So I imagine him like, like let's say Batman is at the mall.

Yeah. Right? I just imagine him like he sees a pregnant woman And he kind of, he kind of slides up next to her like sidles up next to her yeah and just kind of like whispers to her just so you know this isn't a get out of jail free car yeah yeah and then he kind of who disappears yeah yeah don't think don't think I'm not going to kill you if I have to right murder murder is still an option have a good day okay well I guess that's basically fair yeah see it's just equal in the playing field so if a pregnant woman is collecting

taxes in Gotham city yeah that man will kill the pregnant woman if she starts nosing around his tax situation yeah i mean he might try to bribe them first yeah he doesn't want to kill people but he can't be stopped from helping people this is that can't happen sure he'd be god would be overrun by criminals so he has to sometimes kill politicians fair i mean a lot of times he kills him before he gets to get elected so it's I mean, they might not be tax collectors per se or whatever. They're just candidates, progressive candidates, you know, third party candidates. Andrew Yang, sure, nosing around his.

Oh, Batman would totally kill Andrew Yang. Well, that's not, you know, put that out in the open here. Look, I'm saying Batman would be wrong to. No, no, I'm saying is, you know, we are wrong. rat you know keep them up that man does what batman needs to do is all you need to know i guess so all right yeah if and you guys i mean look if that's the reality we live in then well if and i mean is and you gang for higher taxes even i thought he was actually not not really right i mean i think eventually it would have to be well it's eventually you're a problem

for batman yeah batman is not in favor of universal income you're almost universal income you're basic universal income as long as you don't try to take away his bat mobile or his yacht which he needs to keep up appearances by the way it's not because he's a you know a playboy it's to seem like a playboy right don't judge him you know many people he's killed to save this city i mean he'll lose their minds possibly because bad man famously doesn't kill people yeah but he's gonna have to yeah but i take over DC comics is very interested in this i'm assuming I've not talked to them but yeah so that's the animated Batman Art Deco, right? He's an Art Deco Batman Art Deco, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so we'll move on some of these topics are from

like Sunday, so maybe a little outdated but I think it's still good. I should have got more topics there was school shooter there's a school shooter and his parents and they got arrested I'm not sure what they did I'm assuming I don't know his name

let me look it up a school shooter I'm gonna guess you let me know if this is true I'm gonna guess that they somehow allowed him to get his hands on the gun oh I do know actually yeah

did they maybe that he got it from their house or something or that they ignored certain signs uh ronda her this is not a good article let's see maybe they ignored morning signs like the

columbine shooters uh a michigan prosecutor a prosecutor charged in michigan school's parents that's likely to be used against the black parents soon or what prosecutors this is not the article I was looking at I I was going to go off the top of my head I'm not sure this guy started a minute

uh so they bought him a gun i think on black friday which i mean is normal i think that's totally fine because you got a good deal right why are you going to overpay for a gun so they got him a gun and uh i guess they just kind of threw it in his crib or um where his bedroom he'll have it and he was the first baby school shooter in history I'd love to be murdered by a baby He's so cute He

The school called the parents I guess the day He killed everyone And they were like Look he's freaking out a little bit This kid of yours This kid's a real problem You know

Look I mean If this was pre-Columbine I don't know what I would do But this has been 25 years of this shit Yeah I think good spot in these things now and he drew this picture uh this picture of uh him shooting people and he captioned it okay i'll be the mom i'll be the mom so your son drew this picture of him

shooting a bunch of people so what you're punishing him for being creative well he captioned it and he said the voices in my head won't stop he has creative thoughts is that bridled creativity i'm gonna do something he should do it I should do you should be an artist don't you have art contest at this school we do what the fuck are we paying taxes for anyway can you just take him home

I'm afraid he's going to shoot me why why because he's a creative boy he likes doing comics he's literally telling us he's going commit a school shoot and can he just take him away for a while did he have a gun so fucking you

like it doesn't matter if he has a gun doesn't matter so he doesn't have a gun it doesn't matter if i bought it for him oh he did you buy a gun just because he gets bugging me did you buy him a gun i said i don't know how these things work but if you want to figure it out go ahead did you buy him a gun i'm not saying that hope he doesn't have a gun i'm saying why you get him into a fucking art contest i mean i just hope he doesn't have a gun right now i mean you're saying you won't take him home I can't take him over. I guess I'm better to do.

So I'm cheating on my husband. Oh. With this hot little piece. Hot little piece. Yeah. What is that? A guy works of chucky cheese. We got what are you going on?

Yeah. No, he's working with the trucking shoes. And I got to drive in places because he doesn't have his license. Wait, wait. Got taken away. How old is this good? Is that like 65?

65. Yeah. 65 year old piece? Yeah. all right so you sure you can't squeeze in taking your kids home so he can't kill us all well is he shooting is he shooting people now not that i'm aware of but that's not really we don't if we wait for that then we're nowhere you're honor you're right or it's not court it's not court i'm sorry i'm so i'm so i'm so used to speaking to a judge

yeah so i mean that mean that that's speculative i mean that that's not a transcript per se yeah but uh but they did that they didn't tell me the gun yeah and then he's a bunch of it's the most when i first heard i'm like i mean i'm never totally against charging the parents because like what do they do you know i'm always like if you said you're gonna charge your parents they're well maybe what's they doing this kid why's he shooting people he was just bad come you know yeah uh i'm open to it but i didn't they But then you hear about the facts, you know, these people, they're worse than this shooter. Oh, yeah, totally.

You know, and then they fled and they got like $4,000 in cash and then. Wait, is that part, is that part about the, that's the drawing true? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I got, basically, I remember the exact quote, but it was something like voices in my head. I'm going to do something. Holy shit. No, they're really bad, bad, not just bad parents, but like bad. It's almost like they wanted them to do it.

Yeah. No, no. Like, they totally just raised him to be a school shooter. Yeah. I mean, unless whatever article, I read, which I can't find, though, was wrong. I mean, like, sound off in the comments. If this story, if I'm, if she wasn't fucking a 65-year-old chucky cheese employee, sound off.

But, but yeah, I mean, this is pretty crazy. I mean, do you think they should? Do you think they wanted, do you think they were like group, like watching the past a couple decades going, you know, we should, I wish we could have done this. You know, they actually might be old enough that like, they could have been in Columbine. Who knows? Not that old. Maybe maybe maybe it's the kind of thing, oh, I wish I could have done.

Maybe it's more like it's the regret of not doing it, you know? Yeah. Just like I didn't make the swim team. I didn't try out for the football team, but you can because you, that's, That's what these parents were. I didn't shoot the school up. I could have. I watched Columbine on TV.

I was too much for a coward. But not you, my boy. Not you, my boy. What's this kid's name? We shouldn't say the kid's name, right? That's what you don't do. What, the school shooters name? Yeah.

No, I think you could say that. You're supposed to, though. It's bad. We don't want to give these kids, you know, trial. Oh, right, because of the copycass or whatever. Somehow I don't think that us sputtering at his name and probably mispronouncing it is going to give them the sense of glory of like reading somebody's manifesto on CBS. Is that dig at me? Is that a shot at me that some guy, there's not some kid out there who would love, who would commit a heinous act like that just for the mere fact of me saying his name?

I'm not big enough deal for that. between the audio and the video, this podcast now gets 10,000 listens and watches. But I'm not big enough. No, no, you're right. There are many teens who would kill for the honor of coming right after the Depression Batman segment. I mean, look, you could do a lot worse.

I'll tell you could do a lot worse. I wish I was saying that sarcastically. The pickings are getting slim out there, all right? you know they won't a crown kite no more i'm what you get maybe maybe that should be a psa this is what you get yeah i'll be saying your name and this is what you want you want to throw your life away so i say your name for after a depression batman i feel like we're the most likely to get like head hunted by like minor school shooters like the kind of the school shooters who don't get covered we don't we don't live in a school no no we're gonna get no no head hunted as in for media exposure

Oh, okay. We'd get head hunted by a minor school shooters who are the mainstream media messes out on. Right. Because they're too busy covering the major school shooters. And the ones, the ones, the ones we do get away. And we're heads like, we get stuck having the FBI. Like, I don't know where this kid is. You tell me he's a Patreon member.

Okay. I don't want to tell you. Yeah. And the FBI will just execute me and pretend I, pretend I reach the gun or something. Yeah. You know? Sure. That's going to get me killed.

Don't do that. If you're a big enough fan of the podcast, don't shoot anybody. Yeah, yeah. No, that's... But especially not the way that gets me killed. Terrible. Uh, I did, I would like, you know, to be known as a guy who, you know, um, like some of it's, Our show should be connected with those videos of soldiers and dogs.

That's something we can be aligned with. That's good for business. What do you mean soldiers and dogs? Soldiers come home from war. They're done killing. Now they come home and the dog and he's happy to see him. Oh. Imagine one of those, but then it just says comp at the end.

Yeah. Yeah. Right? It's great. That would be a great promo. I mean, many soldiers out there who listen want to do that. make a video like that and then go and like maybe maybe you just have maybe the video ends if you turning on the come podcast on YouTube I mean you know or even I'll retweet you

even if you want to do some stolen valor well I could also work I would never ask that I mean I'll never I would never ask you to go with a military surplus store I would never ask you to spend a very reasonable amount of money you know I would never never ask you to spend not as much as you might think or you know or even check eBay you might I would never ask you to get a really good deal possibly yeah no and and do that I would never ask that never I would never I mean and I would have no way of knowing if someone did so it's I'm incredibly fearful because I would totally retweet you I know I would I would feel awful if I found out but I would never know so you know but

I hope that doesn't happen. Yeah. We would never just retweet, knowingly retweet that video. Oh, they were totally retweet it, but there's no way I could know. And it all caps. How could I possibly know? At all caps, right. Hero.

Hero. Hero comp supports the troops. I mean, there's no way. There's no way I could never know. There's no way I can know. But, yeah. So I would just, I would definitely do it. It's just a fact.

No one could blame you. It haunts me. Yeah. Yeah. imagine that it's a dog cute dog make sure it's a cute dog so wait what is this headline say uh well this is a different article this is an article about what we were talking about what we were talking about this the Washington Post by the way democracy dies in darkness that's their whole lie they do because you know Jeff Bees this is a thing um

you know what you had the mantle head oh yeah yeah democracy dies and it's a big lie sure i mean if you got what i just said it was a nice little quip that's a lie they do i mean it was oh yeah like a david mammitt play or something i don't know so all right this is this is i don't know what i i am this is the washington post i don't like it but it's not it's it's a paper record of some sort it's a big paper i'm not making this up it's a it's an article that has a racial component which is fine i mean there's to make it a point i don't know i just have no idea one way the other it does seem weird you'll hear that it's i guess the name of the column is monkey cage what does that mean what is this monkey cage wait who wrote this article uh

kyle written no Evan Evan bernick I don't know I don't know I don't know what monkey cage means maybe it's fine okay I'm sure it's fine why would it be in the Washington post otherwise a prosecutor charged the Michigan shooter's parents that's likely to be used against black parents soon I can't say he's wrong I mean everything gets used against anyone gets used against black people I'm not saying that it's like that I'm not saying that I get what I get what it's trying to say

right but it's like it's weird because it's just weird because Because it's like, the parents who got arrested are so white. Oh, yeah. And it almost feels like a little bit racist, like, to be like, that will be black parents soon. Like, it's like, you know, especially since, like, it's always white kids. Especially if he's not a black guy writing this. What?

Yeah. Hey, hey, I know you're upset about these white people. Don't worry. Don't worry. No, I don't know. I mean, it seems like indisputable just because, like, again, react. is like anything it gets used against white yeah like you know five people gets you know screwed with the law and you know and sometimes like will commit crimes too yeah these people commit a crime right uh not all like you know police injustice but you gotta say usually the people like shooting up schools they don't tend to be black no no I mean well I guess you know if you can't like DC sniper that's different yeah yeah but yeah but you know that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was

I just mean, like, these Columbine-style shootings. I mean, I don't know. I don't think a lot of them are black. Yeah. I don't think that it's relevant. But, yeah, it seems implicit bias means those powers use as poor. Yeah, okay. He's like when prosecutors, powers expand broad.

I don't know that prosecutor's powers are expanding broadly here. These two are guilty of like, I mean, yeah, they're guilty as fuck. I mean, I guess it depends on what they're being charged with, or are they being charged with murder? I don't know if you charge They actually did like actively ignore all of this shit Was that criminally negligent homicide

Probably were like Or maybe Murder I don't know Like I don't think you can demonstrate intent Although this is pretty crazy Yeah This is really bad I don't look

I think Sometimes there's bad people They need to be put in jail And we don't go Not every case I guess Prosecutors is a thing Like someone murders So you know

Oh no We're going to charge a black guy with murder now? I mean, maybe. I mean, there has, some people have to go to jail. Yeah. Yeah, the guy, like, shits on his newborn baby's head. Ooh, that's bad. You should probably go.

There's probably some reason you should go to jail for that. Hey, guys, she's on the black guy. So we're going to rest of a black guy for that, too? I don't know It's all very tricky Very, very charged atmosphere out there What?

Black people are Disproportionately charged With shitting on their newborn baby's heads Even though white people commit the crime far more I mean you're joking But people probably do that Yeah, no, totally.

I don't know. I don't doubt it. I love to see stats. I mean, I'm not a guy who likes a little bit of crime stats, like one of those nuts. And we're looking at a lot of the FBI at crime stats. So, you know, relax. But that's one step I wouldn't mind just how many babies get shit on. Yeah.

I mean, I guess it would be a sexual thing, right? It's those cackophiles. I feel like it could also be like almost in the same vein as shaking your baby. Like you just do it? No, no, it's not the same as shaking a baby. You just do it out of frustration. what you think you're like trying to get a baby to stop crying so you shit on it or just like you're just frustrated with the baby I don't know

this is not a case that you make and you're not like a great case for us to have a baby yeah if you're look you just got a little frustrated and you take your pants on me you're shooting the baby's head I mean look it happens the best of us I don't ever do that I mean shaking a baby At least you can see a It makes some sense right Like it makes it kind of something like red bull Yeah

Like throat's getting scratchy I'm drinking too much red bull here You know But like I can see the end I would never do it But I can see how you get there Yeah Baby's crying

Just stop crying I don't see how you get to there Where you're shitting on it How it like walk me through that a little bit Well let's say Okay, so first of all, let's say you start off with a man who's in his boxers, right? So let's say it's late at night. Okay.

Like he's not, you know, it's not in the middle of the day. He's not getting out of a full work outfit. Okay. He's not wearing a three-piece suit. Yeah. Okay. But he's in his boxers. And let's say he's sort of like.

Let's say, sure. You know, rocking the baby back before the baby won't stop crying. Right. And then maybe like the baby spits up on him or something. Okay. And he's And maybe he's on a little Coke Okay

So he's on a little Coke All right fair enough So And I say he's just like He goes like And he drops the baby Oh so he's dropping the baby So he drops the baby

Okay And you know In a rage He pulls down his boxers And shits on the baby I mean look If you are arguing Yeah

That he's just like enraged Yeah drops the baby accidentally somewhat you know i would never drop a baby but you know we're arguing you know this guy should go to jail but so whatever drops the baby and then the shit comes out like he shits out of rage and falls down the boxers yeah onto the baby maybe i see your point but the pulling down the boxers that's a no go that's just that's that's like i'm not saying it should be allowed that is not all right i'm not saying it should be tolerated by is this

society. Are you sure? I'm saying it could happen. Look, I need anything. I need it could happen. We're talking about like we're talking about like I don't think you need to have billboard. You have to have billboards so people don't shake your baby. Because it's a thing you might do if you know any better.

I have frustration. I don't think your scenario of pulling down the boxers and after you drop the, the dropping is probably worse, honestly. Babies and heads are soft. You shouldn't be dropping babies. Right. And now you're shitting on top of that? Sure. I mean, it's a one-two punch.

I mean, I don't know where you draw the line. Probably before the dropping, though. Yeah. The dropping's a bigger, you know, that's... Well, in my scenario, I'm imagining, the baby spits up, and it kind of shocks the man. And he reels that. I mean, this is a man who just got out of jail? It's the first time he's holding a baby.

Baby spit up all the time. How surprised is he that he drops it? this is the first day I mean that's terrible I mean you should on one day old that's no good this is not relatable none of this is good

but it's not even relatable is my point you can't look there's a thing in the law it's a concept called a crime of passion right yeah because we understand that it doesn't mean you get away doesn't mean you get off scoffrey we understand that there's a certain

we can empathize that people can be pushed through a certain brink right that you can that a normal person faced with a traumatic event or just you know or you know a certain situation of you know instigations

can snap and have a moment of rage and do something they wouldn't normally do when it's not in cold blood and we allow for that because we have empathy I don't think anyone would have any empathy for the man pulling down his pants and shit on the baby Look, I don't think so either.

And I'm not saying that it should, it should qualify as a crime of passion, even. Okay. But what are you saying? I'm just saying. And you're the lawyer. You're the lawyer. We'll do one more, a little.

I'm going to be the prosecutor. All right. And you be, so I'm going to make my closing argument. Mine are going to be relatively quick. Okay. And you're going to be the defense lawyer. You're going to make your closing arguments. All right.

For the prosecution, my closing argument, this guy pulls his pants off his shirt. in a baby and I'm done counselor thank you uh I won't deny that my client

is a deeply disturbed person but the fact is when he The fact is, this is crazy, isn't it? I mean, this is a crazy situation. I can't be talking to you during your closing.

He's your closing arguments. Do you want me to respond? Sorry, I thought you were the judge. I'll be the judge. Okay. Yeah, I'm also not supposed to talk during your closing arguments. Oh, sorry, sorry. I thought you were the jury.

Yeah, I mean, none of us was really supposed to talk. Look, lawyers, lawyers perform to the jury. Okay. This is pretty crazy, isn't it? Huh? This is a crazy situation. It's so crazy that you might not even know what to do about it, in which case you should just let him go.

You're worse than your client. You should burn half of defending this man. Brad. Are you sick? Yeah, a little bit. Did he shit on you while you were? In your office? I may have gotten a little bit of the shit in my mouth.

But while we were getting to amid, the evidence. What evidence? The baby? The baby and the shit on top of the baby. Where, I mean, in what state is that they scrape the shit off the baby and put it in the Tupperware? Pretty much. All right. Okay.

I was curious about the procedure. I like crime shows. you know, like CSI and S-C-I-S. I'm just into that. Okay. Anyway. I don't know if this is really, if it's really prudent for a jury,

a member of the jury to be talking this much during my closing argument. You kind of opened the door, but you're very unprofessional. It was a rhetorical question. I mean, you paused for a long time as if you were waiting for a response. Like, look. I mean, the judge would be stopping me. He's not stopping me. objection is this is this okay time to ask for an objection look i don't know how this works

this is the worst this is the worst trial i've ever presided on that's a judge and i'm i'm probably gonna kill myself after this yeah i don't like you well um i have that's too bad to hear your honor because i have the utmost respect for you we're just letting go on the date the chilies maybe okay before i kill myself yeah sure um if you if you let this person off i really need to win yeah i mean is he promised not to do it again he can't promise that no can he truck can he say he will try not do it again he says that he'll try to do it he says that he'll try to take

it into the consideration but that he can't make any problem if i wasn't going to kill myself today i would not because it's not going to hold up in any scrutiny but i'm going to be dead tomorrow so it's fine uh so case dismissed i win you win i win yeah this isn't this is an abomination of it long here you realize that you should be disbarred and i should be i should be executed i can't believe i won this took a weird turn just a corrupt judge trying to get laid before it kills himself wait wait wait do you even have the authority to say it's not guilty isn't there a jury i mean if you pay attention you'll notice i said case dismissed

oh oh good oh nice i'm good that's that's good improv what's this about a bit of school shooter that's about a school shooter interesting So that was fun. Yeah. Do you guys think you want to plug? I don't think so. Okay. Tune into our Patreon.

You can find the link in the bio. Of the description of the podcast or YouTube, get an extra episode every week. Only five bucks for that. Then you get the come down. Five bucks. That was your episode every week. It's great.

We'll be back on Sunday, not Sunday, Monday. most likely once I get sick but Mondays are the days normally so enjoy have a great week goodbye bye