Kump - 96 - Port Kump

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

Ray and Lucie discuss the Ukraine situation, cell phones grounding planes, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Get your Kump Hand merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/

Hello and welcome to Kump. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Hi. hoodie. Yeah. Now, the reason I brought that up, and we went on a very long diatribe about a new museum, was originally because I wanted to acknowledge I was wearing my dirty Mets hat.

And that, you know, I don't know what to what end, just to be, just try to get ahead of the curve. So if someone said, hey, why are you wearing the filthy Mets hat from the summer? I would say, you know, look, I mean, I couldn't find my hat, my newer hat. Oh, okay, I think that might be my fault. Why? I may have inadvertently hid some of your hats. Why did you hide my hats? Well, I wasn't really trying to hide them.

I was just, I was cleaning up the bedroom. And for the moment, I thought it would be convenient to kind of throw a few of the hats in the drawer. What does this mean? And what does it mean when you hide things? Is that alcoholism? Is it, uh, horderism? What do you, what do you, what do you, showing the early signs of right now by hiding objects well it's like i hate to admit it because you

have in the past i would say falsely accuse me of hiding things i think look i think i think it's it's something to do with like um foraging yeah like like a like a like a animal creature foraging nuts for instance and berries things things like that it's like so it's like it's not like on it's not antithical to evolution right you just but you're high for saying that you know it's it's your your animal nature is just coming through and you're foraging my my items not even realizing it perhaps instinctually right yeah maybe so but yeah you hid my hats what what do you hope to gain from this where where is this end i don't know i mean look maybe on some level i do like i do like the moment where you go where you come to bed you go where my thing so then i'm like oh

they're actually am i in a hospital bed being stabbed in the stomach or or or mouth instead i'm stabbed in the mouth i don't know by who someone you someone you got wrapped up when you could with because of these hats something with your hat friends because you at one point you had you had too many hats and you started trying to sell them on eBay and on crazy where else people sell things these days at sea yeah facebook market groups and somehow it ends up with me being stabbed in the mouth and you coming in with a with a bag full of hats i go here's your hats motherfucker uh is that where this ends i'm like after this we're done oh really i i i just thought that was like weird that's that's that's how you end it yeah wow because i know this time it's gone too far i didn't see that coming

i'm now i'm hurt i thought you're just going to do that and then we just i would get you know, healed up in the hospital and we go home and eat Arby's. No, no, I met with my hat dealing partner. Oh, okay, cool. Welcome to the show. So I'm still wearing the dirty hat, even though it was days later. I didn't make an big effort to find it. I should have shaking you down.

I should have put you in the room like Vic Mackey. That is a pretty dirty hat. All right. You're supposed to be at my side. No, but it's like, it just makes me wonder because the other hats are black yeah makes you wonder how you know how dirty they must be underneath that black shows it more we're talking about what do you what do you think it doesn't hide it more no i thought black hid more not sweatbands that doesn't make sense because when you wear a white shirt every little thing

it shows on it and black too so you want like a maroon that's what does it nicely hides the blood blood and those spaghetti sauce maroon is a perfect shirt whether you're bleeding or you're eating Getty. Remember that. So, you know, I'm just a little floored right now. I mean, I'm sorry. I just wanted to acknowledge why the hat and now I'm, I'm hearing all these, you're just trying to like take, you're trying to come at me. Why is your hat so dirty?

I don't know. Why'd you hide them? Why did you hide them? This is not how you win. Right? Sure. Okay. I can see that.

Yeah. Can I pour spaghetti sauce on one of your hats? What, like for charity? No, just to see. Or sex things? No. Just to see of what you're saying is true. Because I think actually those hats would hide spaghetti sauce.

Now a picture the guy who I eventually realize I'm cucked by coming to me going, remember when you were, she was spills spaghetti sauce in your hats? I was watching the videos. And I was in, I was loving every second of it. I'm just like, this is just, you tell me on Valentine's Day. I've been sharing these videos. videos that you thought were just clean fun. If you spilling spaghetti sauce with some guy?

Imagine me. I mean, there's people who have like little baby fetishes, right? I mean, I don't mean child molesters. I mean people who like get dressed up in diapers and get changed. Sure. Do you think there's any who just are just like going to look, there's people who shit in the diaper and I'm not going to judge anybody, but that's not, yeah, a lot to judge any. you can't say it's weird to shit in a diaper and have another adult change you well look

the other adult better be into shit too yeah well you know a cackophile yeah sure I mean look whatever you want to do it's fine I guess you know but do you think there's any of them who just get in a makeshift high chair which I know they make them I've seen a video about this where people make adult baby furniture right but do they ever just act like a messy baby I'm sure what would be the fun in it if you couldn't act like a messy baby I don't like having things on my face. I can never get off, have a spaghetti sauce on my face.

Yeah, but one of the pleasures of being a baby is that you can get all messy and then someone else is there to clean you up. That's not a pleasure. You're helpless. I don't, I mean, I'm really just sick of babies. I don't know. The whole idea,

someone getting off and being a baby, that's just, you can't call anyone a pet. Look, it's not my thing. I hope not. I'm not going to be a baby. I'm not going to dress up in a diaper. unless this is because of alcoholism i destroy my colon or something and you know

why not make a why not make a baby play thing out of it at that point yeah i mean you know just just baby you know it's baby's bottle full of the ether can you drink ether or you die i don't know you usually inhale ether right what is ether i'm not sure it's some kind of like chemistry thing right you can even knock someone out I think but like people just inhale it like a drug sometimes like you huff it

but isn't there like if you drink it I mean I don't know is that what he was doing in the master or Bakkeen Phoenix isn't the ether just like the atmosphere because I always hear like lines like it's in the ether like

well that's just like an expression like it's in the air there used to be a thing called the ather I think it was called that was before like Newton or something or before Tesla or Tesla was into it I forget but these I think there was like an electrical something around the earth and physics was based I don't I'm not physicists I don't know but it was debunked along with like I don't know Einstein or

Newton one of these fucks one of these fucking guys who like I gotta give a shit make my calculator Einstein that's all I care about right fucking didn't he made the A bomb he invent war fucking stupid Einstein he's telling me he's telling me about if I can I got to know it's physics now equals M equals MC we're going to Ukraine motherfucker

is Einstein responsible for the Ukraine invasion probably on some level I mean look if there was no nuclear capabilities right and we're going to get to this in a robust way in a minute but if there was no nuclear capabilities there would be no Cold War

I mean there'd be something post World War two But it wouldn't have been as weird. Yeah, but also arguably, if there wasn't nuclear capabilities, wouldn't there just be, like, a lot of war instead? Uh, little, little wars, right? Little cool, little, little cute wars. Wars that, you know, it's, it's, it's kind, we would, we would have gone back to having those Napoleonic era, like, we just get up in a line and we, and we, and, like, a chess game and we just shoot at each other until, like, and then no one goes into the cities. Right. Or they, well, maybe they wouldn't.

I guess they were doing that before the nuclear bombs, right? Why can't war just be that again? Why don't we just have guys line up again? Can we get back to that? Just guys standing up in the line, shooting muskets at each other? I mean, that could be, like, maybe you give everyone a gun. It's a better gun, more modern guns, more accurate, but you don't get one bullet. What do you think of that?

And then whoever, like, lands the most bullets wins? Yeah, you better have a lot of guys who can shoot really, well one time because you know you can't have like 10 you're your best guys that might get clipped you know and then and the rest of it's bricks you got you got a bag of bricks and a gun with one bullet it's not it's not a terrible plan right um what about that whole like you know from that episode of star trek where they just like do a little uh calculation oh right like a simulation yeah whoever wins in the simulation wins in real life they take a Facebook poll yeah who should win this war and

who would win like who do you think we'd win us versus Ukraine in the Facebook poll we're not that popular anymore we're very dirty we're like we're a messy baby country now that's true we like to you know people getting sick of America yeah but there's still a lot of diehard fans of

America like blue jeans they would flood the polls is anyone still obsessed of blue jeans like they used to the whole thing like blue jeans ice cream right of this president. Remember that, like they used to be in the Yakov-Smyrnorf, whatever, and he's doing Russian accents

and he's talking about blue jeans. What was blue jeans ever, like the fight? I love the idea that, like, no, it's fine that we carpet bomb Vietnam. They like our blue jeans. I mean, I guess we'll get to it. We're going to Ukraine.

Me and you. Yes. Let's go. We have to join the Army first. Can we, are we too old? Am I too old? Are we too old? Are we too old?

We're going to the Ukraine. We're definitely too old here. Are we too old in Ukraine? Oh, can we join Ukrainian army? Yeah. That's something. That's an idea. That's not a good move.

I feel like they like you. I feel like they would like... Why would they like me? They would look at you and they would be like this guy's a bull. Like he'll like... Spend all day playing Witcher 3. I know. It would be like we could train him and he would go down biting.

You know, you look like a guy who would go down. Well, I would definitely bite somebody. Yeah. I don't know if he's doing a battle, but we're definitely, once I get there, I'm definitely biting someone. But apparently, so it's been going on for a while. I don't know how long. I kind of tune out with the whole Russia thing, right?

Because everyone's, like, always shitting on Putin, and he's not a good guy. But they also, they act like, it's a Cold War. And then so I'm like, whatever, like, you know, oh, Putin wants to, like, not, you know, he's afraid, he isn't like NATO being on breathing out of his neck. I'm like, why would he? But then he starts in trying to invade Ukraine. Right. And so I'm like, ah, like now I got like, now I got to get involved and be like, oh, Putin's

gone too far. I don't know. I haven't been covering this as much, right? But like, we're apparently Putin has been massing troops in the border of Ukraine and he's trying to get into Ukraine, which I thought already happened like 10 years ago. Yeah. Didn't he go in with that Crimea? Did he invade Ukraine?

No, no, there was already kind of a secret invasion of Ukraine. I mean, it wasn't that secret, but it was kind of like they kept denying they were in there and they were obviously in there. When? I don't know, like 2000, was it like 2015, 2016 and something like that? Okay. I think it was before, I think it started happening before Trump got elected, but. Right. And he said, Obama sanctioned him.

Right. All right. And then so, but now, look, now he really wants to like get Ukraine. Is this kind of COVID? Is he like, is he mad or not, is Ukraine not wearing? And he's just like, look, I was tolerant at first, but it's two years in, and I can't go

to a movie without wearing a mask, because you people won't wear a mask. It's like, let's start a war. Yeah. Is that, is that what's going on? It's like freaking out on TikTok. Like, fuck you selfish people for ruining it for the rest of us. I just walked. It could have been over in two weeks. I just walked through the square next to the Kremlin. I don't know what it is named.

Why would I? Why would I know what the name is? that square is and uh tabooly square no it's a tabooly anyway and i'm just seeing people walking around no mask mask under their nose uh and no one's saying boo and it's all just fine i mean i don't know if they have natural immunity they don't even know i'm just sick of it Putin is like going around taking pictures of everyone at the airport who's not wearing a mask and tweeting them out look at it he's like finance minister look at this piece of shit piece of shit and then people are responding to Putin like this is not this is not it

dude this is the scummiest thing you do in the internet he's like whatever I don't care look at all these anti-vax anti-maskers coming at me to silence me I'm just worried about my health I mean I mean would war could you fight COVID with a war with a war on I mean look this is kind of dark I wouldn't recommend it but you could you could

quarantine and you know well China did that right stabby stabby everyone with COVID well I don't even stab them I mean China just locked them all in their room like houses for like three months or whatever right yeah but I'm saying it would probably be even more effective so you you're like

in your mind as soon as you get power you become like more brutal than China not me not me I'm just saying look there are ways why couldn't you just do what China did why are you going further I'm saying they were asking if we could literally fight COVID with a war

well I'm saying somebody's got to die in war well you have to fight the war to get to the point where you can put people into their quarantine but you're stabbing them inside quarantine that just seems that's a war crime war is one thing well look arguably so is letting people die

like when they have COVID this is how we get into wars things like this look who's like well I don't I don't want to invade Ukraine, but I don't want to let these people in the good people who mask up and get their vaccines to be subject to the tyranny of the anti-vaccers, the anti-maskers. So we're fighting this war for them. It's a war.

This is not a preemptive war. This is an act of aggression wearing a mere mask under your nose. But I mean, you could just like, I guess, I mean, so is that what's happening or is there something else going on? I mean, look, I think that Russia has a lot of, like, strategic reasons for wanting to be in Ukraine. Besides COVID. Yeah. Yeah, besides Putin's hatred for anti-vaxxers.

It's a, it's, I think there are some, like, pretty, like, profitable oil lines that go through Ukraine. Okay. That Russia wants a piece of. Like essential oils? Yeah. Like, what's some of those? Like, like, like, like, like, a.

Yeah. What they call those? Sage. Sage. Essence of lemon. Yeah. Lavender. Lavender's the big one.

It's really hard to get lavender right now. Is it really? No. I don't know. I wish we, I mean, imagine it's going to war. I mean, is that all it? It's just essential oils. What?

It's just essential oils. Does that else they produce? Well, that's all they can produce. Is it because? Don't they have, like, ports? Isn't that the big thing? Wait, wait. Are you asking seriously if they only produce essential oils?

It's very fluid. I don't know. I think there's, like, natural gas. Well, they have ports, right? I think they have ports is a big thing. It's a big port. Because Russia is, like, landlocked. We don't know much about anything in this case.

We were very, very, Russia to me is Dapsievsky. It's not how you say his name properly, right? Dostoevsky. How do you say his name? Dostoyevsky. Dashtoyevsky? Wow. It's not Dazievsky?

Okay. And it's, you know, Chekhov and it's Rasputin. Mm-hmm. You know, I don't know much about modern Russia. Boris Yelson. Yeah. The Russians thought he was a pussy.

Well, the Russians thought he was a drunk who sold it off or everything off to the mafia in the military. That too. But, but. I don't think they thought he was a bitch. I mean, I didn't know he was just like. I think there was like there was like things of that though. He was literally having like cirrhosis episodes like in the middle of like, you know, G8 meetings or whatever.

Selling a trident missiles or whatever the fuck they call them to like, you know, just some general. Now it's like control of like St. Petersburg mafia. So you have to admit like getting so addicted to alcohol that you that your liver shrivel. up it's kind of a pussy move yeah I guess I mean the toughest I mean Hemingway never did that right had cirrhosis of the liver yeah I don't think so well why do you kill himself then he did shoot himself in the head so maybe he would have eventually I mean I had a teacher my covers before I don't forget but I had a teacher in high school who and he wasn't like saying this like I'm saying he wasn't a man but he was saying it like uh he was a very macho guy having way it's

true if you read i read the sent also rises the guy wouldn't shut up about fucking uh bullfighting he went everyone to think he's a bullfighting guy even though it was a character doing it we could tell it's just like his character is reading bull fighting newspapers imported to paris but you know he was doing at the what was that bar he hung out with with james joyce and like all the other idiots who would be like acting like writers back then the algonquin or whatever yeah he's just like oh you're another bull fighting newspaper what they call him bill yeah bill Hemingway Hey, Bill, that's a bullfighting newspaper? You know, I like these.

I like to keep abreast of the bullfighting. It's my passion. And then he's just fucking hitting guys because, like, you know, he's like spitting on some guy's wife when he's trying to hit on her. And the guy's like, don't do that. And he's like, just humbles him. Or just punches a guy being Jewish. Yeah.

What happened in the book, right? It was like, so, oh, yeah, was his Dave Cohen. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, that wasn't, that was, there's no coding. Is there coding to the coding? Is that racial coding?

Perhaps. But the point is, what are we talking about with Ukraine? Ukraine, I could weigh it on this. You know why? Why? Because I used to be in a, I used to be in a UN club. Oh, yeah. A little model UN club.

And we, we, we played Ukraine in a little, in a UN, uh, Really? Debate team. Oh, I know. We were Poland. God. But it was a debate about whether to let Ukraine into. NATO or the UN?

Into the UN. Did you allow it? Why wouldn't they want Ukraine to the UN? Why would they stop it? Or wait, it wasn't NATO. Well, they are NATO. I think they joined NATO kind of recently. I'm not sure.

Or like, you know, not recently, recently, but like, you know, whatever. I don't understand any of this. You, so Poland. What's your take on this? Do you think it's good? It's a very good thing. Is Poland or Germany? Look, it's a, Poland was all for it.

Was all for all in Ukraine. Yeah. Who was against it? Russia? Well, uh, Soviet Union? Yeah, well, Russia didn't like it. I'm sure. Russia didn't want them in the UN.

I think Venezuela wasn't psyched about it. Why? Why they care? It's the other side of the world. Why is Venezuela trying to stop this? But Poland liked it. You have no insight here. Poland was like, I mean, Poland finds himself, I think, in a similar, at the time, at least found themselves in a similar situation as Ukraine.

So I'm going to try to call up the foreign office, whatever we call it. Yeah. And tell them, you know, look, I mean, I was talking to Lucy and Poland likes it. Likes what? Letting Ukraine in. they're being invaded I'm trying to help take that for what it's worth

always likes it letting you create and wear we're not sure it's either the UN or NATO take look use that for whatever it's worth take it for it's worth then we shoot ourselves

I mean I don't know well I think it's a port right like I was trying to say before right and What port? It's got ports So you can ship things I was saying like Russia's landlocked maybe

Or doesn't have good ports Deep border ports And I'm saying I don't like Russia is landlock I mean It's Ukraine I think is on like the Black Sea Or whatever the fuck Why does

We're gonna Google Russia want Yeah why is Russia want Ukraine? Why are you so obsessed With Ukraine Russia Google that why am i so obsessed of it but no google why you so obsessed with ukraine russia oh okay no i'm not going to tensions between ukraine or is the highest uh nears with a russian troop build up near the nation's

two borders uh spurring fears of moscow could launch an invasion ukraine's warn that russia is trying to destabilize the country have any planned military invasion western powers of uh what's this you know it has such a perfect but just tell me what why they like it we'll get this in a second I'll read it in a second the ports is my it's my theory okay here's why because they're trying to get more PlayStation fives in the country because it's a whole COVID thing it's like impossible to get anything shipped like a port of at Los Angeles it's like been like they they have like one box come through every day or some shit because everyone's sick and like uh they they

all these COVID restrictions, right? So things are just sitting on the docks of the ports. So they're trying to get another port going so they can get some Sony PS5s in so that, you know, Putin can play a ghost of tomorrow. I don't know. What's that game? Ghost of something.

Ghost of... It's a Japanese game, but Samarize that he likes. Or what's the game? Ghost of Genji. Dead rising. Death Stranding. He wants to play the PS5 versus. of death stranding.

Okay. Oh, I have a similar. My theory actually isn't that far off from yours, but it is different. I think Regener is interested in the natural resources in Ukraine. I think they're interested in oil pipelines. I think they're interested in natural gas pipelines because they want to make knockoffs of PS5s and sell them.

I mean, do they work with PS5 games? Well, you have to buy, like, Russian PS5 games. Like, if it's just a different system, the pretending looks like it yes yeah you you can play them but it's like you can play the other games but it's like it's like clunky but the people who are buying it won't know that until they get it right uh and i need ukraine for this yeah because of what because the ports no no because of because of the natural resources which ones they have they have like fake fake circuits they're going to make them out of uh like frozen they're going to make the

knockoff PS5s. Frozen microwave meals. I have like frozen oil. Yeah. It's going to be really slick. You think you can make micro circuits and advance like, you know, graphics processors out of frozen oil? Look, I don't claim that I can do it, but I think they want to try and do it.

But Russia has the oil and oil. They have a ton of oil. And they're cold. I mean, Siberia is incredibly cold. Why does bring some of their oil? oil to Siberia. All I'd say it is, the basic theory is, I think it's natural resources. I don't think it's ports.

I think it's ports. We'll see if we can read on here. The Ukrainian Defense Ministry's latest intelligence assessment says Russia has now deployed board the 127,000 troops near Ukraine, including some 21,000 air and sea. This doesn't tell me why. Oh, God, I hate news. tensions between Russia and Ukraine

and Moscow when you the Kremlin is repeatedly denied that Russia plans invading Ukraine including insisting Russia has not posed a threat to anyone and the country

moving troops of course its own territory should not be causable along I love that move we're just shuffling some troops around calm down we're not why would we invade you

why would because you want you think we want to make your frozen oil to make computer chips why so we can make not counterfeit PS5s you're crazy Putin's call for specific legal agreements that would rule that any further NATO uh what what does NATO say was yes is this such a bad article he's like I get from reading an article from channel 7 ABC News fucking dot com stupid fucking website uh so we're going to go with the uh ports we're going to say it's the ports i don't think that's a good idea but i don't think it's a good idea to go with the ports you're just saying that because it was your thing yeah um i'm pretty sure i read that years ago

does russia does russia want does russia ports russia russia russia wants russia russia russia is like the type of this thing want ukraine It's not coming up Ukraine ports It doesn't say that Wait wait You've almost got it anyway

So just replaced ports With pipeline Pipeline that comes up this pipeline the center of geopolitical drama Nord Stream 2 is looming over escalating Russia-Ukraine tensions

I still think it's the ports I still think but apparently yeah apparently it's a pipeline all right you win Lucy wins her years her years of being the cool kid in the UN Poland group

have paid off. I have egg on my face, I suppose. Well, that was literally just for two people, but we just did. No, it was entertaining. No, it was, it was fun. I, I, you're just watching us fiddle around on the internet. I'm just kidding. I'm just joking.

It was very fun. It was fun. People love it. People are enjoying our process of trying to figure out things, right? it's not about the fucking where you get to it's where it's a journey okay something you you fail to learn sometimes are you are you upset about that it wasn't the ports yeah I'm all upset I'm a little edgy about the fact that you know I'm I put a lot of money on that emotional money yeah um but the what we're sending 8000 troops there America is uh I don't know

where they're going I guess they're going to Ukraine or on the border or somewhere I don't but apparently they're not going to fight they're just going to be there to just get in the way or just to be logistical provide you know they're there in case they gotta do recon I don't know how do you get in the way

without fighting though I didn't why I said that right I mean that wasn't what the Pentagon said we're going to get in the way we're going to get in the way did you think I meant like like some kind of protester chained themselves to like a

tree we're going there look if Russia wants you Ukraine and you have to go through us and we're not going to fight him, but we'll have to shoot us first, and they will. What do you think we should go help Ukraine or do you think we should stay out of it? I mean, look, my default is stay out of it, but, you know. Is that why we were the said in Germany, in back in the 30s and the 40s? I mean, look, not necessarily.

Just let them do it? No, no, look, I wouldn't want to let him do it. Is that what Poland stance was? We were part of the UN Poland? group you guys say hey look let germany do what germany's going to do do you part of the minority polish group that was like pro germany um they love kill us it's fine i mean look i think there's other what do you think they should um yeah i don't know i think we look what i think we should do i i think they want a war

uh that being said it does seem like you can't just let Putin go over there and like make fake PS5s right right you got to draw a line somewhere sure because because of Germany everything goes back to Germany and Munich that's a I understand the logic of it and I'm not saying it's wrong but like you'll never not have war because of the whole Munich thing yeah they could always be like we appeased them in Munich and then we got the Holocaust yeah the point let's go let's go invade Iraq yeah I mean they use that they tried to like use that it was an iraq war didn't they like on some level oh i'm sure they did we can't appease saddam i mean like you know he's like it's like

no it wasn't saddam what wasn't saddam like it's like it would be one thing if we actually like went and like uh you know killed a bunch of people who did 9-11 like people the CIA yeah okay but what wasn't saddam uh no who did 9-11 Are we sure about that, though? I mean, like, I think I was still open the interpretation. I thought, I'm still not convinced that he wasn't behind 9-11. I mean, and like, that's why he had, like, wouldn't, like, submit because, you know, he'd rather dial, like, the quote from him, I heard, I'd rather die like a rat and never admit what I did. I was, I, that's also my yearbook quote, so.

but um yeah we're so i mean should we send 8 000 troops over it seems like we're getting involved i mean imagine if russia sent 8000 troops to iraq what you're looking at i mean uh then they might be heroes they stop those yeah i mean now now with 8000 troops i think what are we doing with 8000 troops it seems like a vietnam situation yeah sure did you like vietnam It seemed great. It seemed great. With your favorite part, Agent Orange, burning down the forest, napalm. But yeah, so people are on edge about that.

And what you've learned from us is practically nothing. That's fun. See, you don't have to point it out. It's good. What are we the news? No. Are people looking to go, oh, I just listen to Ray and Lucy for heaven. Imagine if they learned something on this.

Oh, that would be terrible. Imagine if we were some scumbag journey. Well, speaking of which, there was a press conference today, not about Ukraine. It was about prices. It was about lowering prices for American families. So basically, Biden was just about prices. Like, like, well, you have all kinds of prices. Well, that would be like inflation, you mean.

you said things are two dollars some things are five dollars i mean you think so like Biden just calling press cameras going to like you know uh what i want to talk you about today is the fact that not everything costs the same you know you might have a a house that's worth $100,000 but it's also has worth $200,000 and uh i don't want to make sure we'll know that when you're buying a house

I mean he might as well because he's fucking old as shit and he's kind of like sounding senile. Yeah. And so he might as well have done that. He might as well just call the press conference going like, you know what the color blue is? No, seriously, I don't know what blue is anymore. I've forgotten what blue is.

What kind of? And like, I don't even know how to explain to you, Mr. President. And like, which one's blue? Red, white, and blue is what they say, right? Which one is blue? I call this press conference because, I haven't eaten anything today. Sir, you did have breakfast and lunch.

I haven't eaten anything today. They're lying. I love some spaghetti. Nobody's fed me. Someone feed me, please. They hurt me. They hurt. They hit me when I don't know.

Who? I'm like, who hits you? I don't know his name. It's a secret service guy. Yeah, maybe. He wears a suit. That doesn't help. But he called a press conference to talk about

apparently lowering prices for American families. And I guess we just played a video first. Then we'll, you know, let's see if it contextualizes. Sure. Mr. President, if you give us a brief update on your call with Europe and leaders on what's happening in Ukraine today.

The only reason I don't like doing this is you never report on why I've called a meeting. and this is really important. I had a very, very, very good meeting, totally unanimity with all the European leaders. We'll talk about it later. Thanks. Thank you.

So he's mad that like, the reason I'm like doing is because you never, like I'm trying to talk about prices and you won't let me talk about prices. You won't let me, you know, you're asking about the Ukraine, who gives, I'm talking about prices here. And, uh,

what is that? Who's, who's, who's, who's, who's ringing on a doorbell? I don't know. this is did you did you order something no i don't know what this is about uh anyway we have a we're very strange doorbell people always comment on our doorbell stop it i can't hear you i don't know who are these people i didn't order anything what the hell should i just go see that yeah go see i guess i'll go see this is the problem this is this can be don't look don't want someone names they're going to try and

who is it they probably they probably have a gun all right just come back just come back jeez let's play the video why are you sending

any 500 troops to Ukraine possibly thank you guys will you take questions on in place and then thank you Thank you. Do you think inflation is a political liability? That's a great asset. More inflation.

What a stupid son of there. So the guy asks him, do you think inflation is a political liability in the midterms? And he responds, in theory, I like this. I don't mind it. He goes, no, it's a great asset. Yeah.

I'll say the way I would say it. Ask me the question. What was the question again? Do you think inflation is a political liability in the midterms? Mr. President, do you think of inflation is a political liability in the midterms? A political liability? No. It's a great asset.

Fucking idiot. You stupid son, bitch. But what he really did was go, no, it's a great asset. More inflation. Stupid. I mean, like, it would have been cool, but he just sounds like he's just dying as he's saying it.

This was like, I mean. There's the, the bio-shotgun guy is still somewhere inside of him. The what? The bio-shot gun guy? The buy-a-shotgun guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. By a double-barrel shotgun guy is still somewhere in there.

Yeah. Tell him to buy a shotgun a few years back. Now he's just like, I don't know, it's a brass of a piece of shit. Where's my spaghetti? Yeah, so it's like, it's just a situation of, I mean, look, it's like Trump. Like, imagine, like, people like, didn't always like Trump, but it was fun when he would, like, attack people, right? Like, he was like, but imagine Biden trying to attack, like, remember the whole thing of, like, which one was it? Mike Bloomberg.

Bloomberg, but also the, who was the one who was like? his wife his model with a hammer oh ben cars yeah ben cars he's like bye he's just like you know he tried to his mother with a hammer and was just like what there's not like some momentum right well like in the mike bloomberg one yeah which is my favorite trump moment right which do your impression of that with trump little mike oh mike pocahontas so she she she uh we should just play it it's amazing yeah I don't know. Mike.

Well, dude, keep you doing your approach. He said, get me off this stage. But the best part is, you really have to see. Like, I have any mic, but I think he's out of it. I would like to spend $700 million and end up with nothing. Mini Mike. I know him well. I knew that was going.

to happen. That was probably the worst debate performance in the history of presidential debates. Do we agree? Is there ever been anything like that? But he's going to keep spending the money. I think this weekend he's going to, I hear his ad stop on Tuesday. He's going for Tuesday. He's going to spend a lot of money. It just shows you that you can't buy an election. I mean, it just is a point at which people say, you got to bring the goods a little You got to bring the good. Boy, did Pocahontas destroy him? Oh, you did say that from.

And look what I did to her. She choked, you know, she went out and got a test because I was killing her with a Pocahontah. Remember I said, I have more Indian blood in me than she does, and I have none. What? I said it for them. Love to have some, but I have none.

What's that mean? I love to have some. And she was getting hit with that name, Pocahontas. That was one of the good ones. And they said, we want you to apologize for that name. And I did, I apologize. Nobody ever heard me apologize before. I apologize.

How long is this? It is a real Pocahontas, I apologize. It is all very funny. It is coming up, though. Okay. But she went out and she said, oh, this guy's killing. me remember she was dropping like a rock but I learned something never do it too early two a year and a half before the election I said what am I doing I shouldn't say

but that's all right because she had those burning embers and then she started but ultimately she found but she was really mean to mini Mike he didn't know what hit him he's going oh get me off of this stage get me off shrinks yeah it's amazing it's so if that was Biden I mean that's that's a very long impression you know I mean would even be able to duck like that oh no absolutely not that that requires the like you have to be able to do it to do kind of a full squat yeah to do that and I always thought you don't think Biden can squat not right not even physically just mentally I don't think he could do you mentally he just I don't think he has the mental capacity

to squat. Like, I don't think the signal would go from his brain to his calves or whatever holds up a squat. And he would fall, even though he could technically physically do it. I don't know what you're saying. Like, I think that he could beat up Trump. Look, I think he could do a squat technically. His body could do a squat, but his spinal, he's paralyzed.

So he can't. So I don't know. I don't think he could do it. His body could, but he's literally paralyzed. That's what you're saying. signals aren't going from the brain to the legs that's called being paralyzed being at least a quadruidic quadriplegic uh yeah

paraplegic is being paraplegic yeah but he can still do it technically he could still do it um I call I call it apparently is a package for me oh well Just people, whatever. I'm going to get into it. Very mad right now. We'll move on. So, I guess,

did we solve everything? I think so. I mean, I think, look, it's fun. It's kind of fun that Biden called that guy a son of a bitch. Right. There's Peter Toohey from Fox News. So you know they're going to make,

apparently he antagonizes Biden a whole time. Oh, okay. Spits on him. Calls him a whore. Commiss elder abuse. Yeah, put cigarettes out in his hand. Yeah. Biden can't even feel.

He looks down in his hand. Stop it. Like, I don't even doing that for it. It's like two minutes. Because you can't feel anything because you're a quadruple reason. You can technically feel this. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it's like it is a scumbag question to ask. It's just one of those. I didn't even know the guy. was from Fox News. It sounds like a CNN question, actually. Like, it's just one of these, like, you know, dumb question where you're, what you want to ask about inflation, but you have to frame it around the midterms for some reason.

Right. And, you know, it's a piece of shit question. Like, you need the liability? I mean, I get, look, I get the instinct. It's a guy who's like just a little bit like, he used to have it and now he doesn't. He's like, your mother's a whore. No, your mother's a whore. I can get it up

That's what it sounds like I guess I can fuck her Yeah What why don't you fuck my mother No wait no I mean Hmm I'm gonna look he's an aggressive guy I mean this is a guy who's

Wasn't Biden behind that whole like What was her name is one who sued Uh or like Was a witness against Clarence Thomas Oh I need a hill Anita Hill. Wasn't he like, wasn't he like the architect of like going after Rita Hill?

Yeah. Like I think he was behind a lot of it. I imagine if he was at the Anita Hill hearings. Right. And he was like talking to Anita Hill. Like you see the back then he'd be like, you stupid son of a bitch. There's a pub on a Pepsi can. Right.

That was the issue. They found a pub. He put a pub on a Pepsi can. Well, it was like that. I may, maybe, I never heard of that one. but I know that he was like showing her porn it was like imagine that being a judge being like I mean what is that what is that move just being like hey you need to come over here I think this that was some nice tits huh so we got in the docket today

yeah he this is called this is called doggy style imagine that imagine that i mean it's just the weirdest sexual harassment ever i don't mean that's a weird i don't know it's very weird especially for a judge yeah oh sure i mean and that is just like having people ask i think by i think it was biden who was like like i think he was asking about him showing her porn on his computer yeah and he was like it was one of the most like egregious questions that was asked like he was like, look, is it possible that, you know, he may be since you had some kind of a crush on him? And then this was like a, you know, is it possible you were putting signals out there?

You be Biden. Yeah. Is it possible that, like, yeah, you were putting signals out there, like, flirtatious signals of that maybe he felt that this was. invited but so you think you think that's what I wanted you think it was I was flirting with him hoping he would show me some girl getting fucked in the ass I mean I mean maybe if you heard taking someone after dinner asking him to see the opera perhaps he's a powerful man maybe takes me to the opera that'd be nice now I didn't have a crush on but that was the case

I'd never flirted with a man in the hopes that he would show me a girl sucking off a guy in a clown outfit with clown makeup on that wasn't my goal that's not why I joined whatever this is

the court the court but yeah so Biden I mean Peter Tooey do you feel bad for Peter Tooie you think you got a raw deal he's the journalist or whatever yeah or whatever yeah no look I'm sure this guy's a scumbag

Biden's a scumbag too right but like you know it's like I hate any journalist who just frames all their questions around elections like yeah it's like the most useless do you think your dead son's going to affect the election yeah really you think your dead sons of political liability in the midterms I do you think your son's going to be able to liability in the midterms like oh you mean hunter no the one who died what do you think of that do you think that's a liability that he's dead I mean like I know I think it's good more more dead boys piece of shit more dead boys please he was so good even like I mean look I guess when you get out that up in years like a few years does make a difference but

it's like i remember when he was like doing like uh doing the vice presidential debates with obama yeah and even during that like he was so sharp like it was it was like uh right he didn't say anything inappropriate like i can remember yeah he could have right he probably wanted to i mean look he was going against sarah palin which but like uh he could have been like you you you slippery bitch i ought to hit you with a rock uh but uh but But he didn't say that. No, we didn't. But what happened to say we're failing?

Yeah, that's a good question. I mean, she's like a... Yeah, no one cares. You would think she'd have like a morning show or something. What? In America? Yeah. I guess.

I mean, she should be on like that show where the girls get drunk? Like an Ellen... Who do? Hoota? Hoda? Like an Ellen-style show, but on Fox. Oh, yeah. That could work, I guess, whatever.

I don't know. We'll skip the Batman. We're getting late in the show. It's late in the show for the Batman. Yeah. This is the, this week's Batman. What do you think this is? Guess what this is?

If you guess what this Batman is? Well, this seems like a pretty classic Batman. I mean, it's. Does it? Yeah. I mean, apart from like all the swords. Right. There are swords on his back.

His cape is weird. This is the Todd McFarrow. See, the figures I buy, for the most part, are the McFarlane Batman toys. And this one is simply called the McFarlane Batman. Now, Tomic, you know what Todd McFarlane is? No. He's a stint on Spider-Man that was very popular in the 80s. And then he made the comic book called Spawn.

Oh, Spawn. Yeah. For Image Comics. I think he was a part owner or whatever. And he got massively popular. And then Spawn was big. he made a movie on and then he started his toy company uh you know tonic fran is it was a big for years this was his interpretation of batman he said what you know it was the way i would

have wanted to see batman and he has fucking swords in his back now yeah i've had batman's had guns uh i've had batman's that had you know whatever rocket launchers but like the idea that one of those iconic guys in the industry like his definitive version of batman is like pirate swords why is this thing up uh this is very odd it's kind of like making a jesus action figure and just having him live forever or uh or have have like a bunch of porn with them that wouldn't be something jesus would do don't you agree yeah i do i mean what do you think what do you think he does those swords he stabs women i feel like he probably like he can't kill people right so like he probably just he can he's just he is his decision but it's against his moral code to kill

people so why do you carry swords well i'll tell you maybe he goes around and like you know he goes like he'll be intimidating some thug and the thug will be like i you know i don't have to pay attention to you batman like you can't even kill me he's like yeah but i can do this and then he cuts the guy's uh legs off like at the knees wow obviously he's he's like cutting you like wow So the guy gets, so the guy's got stumps now. Interesting. You know, he still has his life. You still technically do squats, though, right?

Yeah. Yeah. It's just the signal won't come up from his feet. Sure, that's the problem. Because he doesn't have those anymore. Right, yeah. Yeah. Interesting.

So, like, do you think he ever, like, goes around the shop owners just waves like the the swords in your face? Oh, I picture him constantly waving them. Yeah. I think that's kind of how you know he's coming. Yeah, like, he's just, like, he's like helping rape victims and, like, shop owners. Yeah. You're like, tell me about the people who robbed you.

He's a waving gun in the knife in their face. I mean, it's just, it's a pretty mediocre Batman, in my opinion. I think it's weird that you start a toy company, and it's pretty well received overall. And then, like, this is your, and here's the version I would make. And it's like the shittiest Batman. yeah it's really not great with like a shortened tape and much of swords why don't you just give him a when did you just give him a abortion clinic tool right like what are they called it's not a vacuum but whatever it is might just give him that when you make an abortion doctor batman and this is my this is my take on batman he'd just be an abortion doctor and words like all right I mean can you make can you make can you make that's the, you know, underwater Batman that we like? No, I'm going to make a gynecologist Batman.

I don't seem vaguely similar. Yeah, sort of. I mean, that's not why I see Batman. It just seems dumb. Yeah. Why isn't McFarland giving us toys? I'm sick of buying these things. I mean, I'm promoting these things for months on end.

People love it. It's a segment. Why am I not? We should be getting these things directly from the McFarland toy company at this point. Look, I agree. I mean, maybe that we should reach out to places. I want them to send us everything they make. And so our apartment will be full of them, you know, more full of them.

I mean, I'm honestly, we're going to start burning them on the Patreon. We're going to find a way to burn them on video. I mean, we'll bring them to the roof of the building. And we're going to dim them in some kind of burning, like, gasoline. Right. And just light them on fire for the troops. Yes. You know, in charity.

who what would you do if I gave you two real stores like that who would you wave them at I mean maybe just like you know if people were you're talking too loud by the elevator or something you could crack open the door and just wave it a little bit right would you go to their apartment and like knock on the door and you're going to answer it

and just start waving knife at them Well, I don't think that's the most effective thing Because it's like these people are like dogs You know They're like you've got to do it in the moment Okay I think you gotta pop out of the apartment While they're at the elevator

And go waggy waggy waggy Right And if you don't listen Stabby stabby stabby Yeah I picture you like aggressive with it You gotta catch them in the act Like the rounders

I mean what What's the most aggressive That you've ever gotten with someone most aggressive like in public like like remember we went to the uh i might have told the story before but it's a great story so we'll tell it again we went to see a concert a couple years ago the tickets were gifted yeah what was it was like it was sycaros but it wasn't yeah it was like the people who it was the guy front like one of the guys from siga ross and then some other guy named tom or something right right like cigar like bob and alex or some shit right whatever's

cold and we were giggling well it was horrendous I mean I like electronic music I can get into ambient but it's just like I think what made us really crack up was just like there was like a song starting yeah and they were holding this note for such a long time so I think I think we were both expecting like something's huge yeah it's gonna happen at the end of the snow everything about life in history and the history of music and just genetics and biology tells you that like this is leading up to a fucking

something of like where the beat drops or something. I'm not like the beat we have to drop but you know Mozart didn't drop the beat per se but whatever he did like you know when it was slow and then bum right something right but it's dead it just goes

oh oh oh It's half pitch up, half a step up and pitch. And we just started laughing. And we've been kind of laughing the whole thing. Not hysterically, not like cackling, but just like to ourselves. It was half full.

It was on Halloween. Right. And these people in front of us were really into this man because they were morons and who liked this. And they were getting fed up. I could tell. I didn't care. And at one point, I could see him like, you know, he basically, I don't know if I just,

if I saw it coming or whatever, but he could tell. He'd been, like, working, like, oh, they say one more thing. I got, I'm going to say something. Oh, yeah, because he was leaning over to the girl. Yeah. Kind of posturing, like, I'm going to say something. And she's like, Joe says it. I'm going to say something.

And so I get all that will simulate this again. Like, so you be the guy. Yeah. So he's like, this is it. He's building it up. And he's giggling. And he turns around. Hey, if you don't like it.

Stop fuck up. Stop fuck up. Stop fuck up. I mean, I, I, I, I, I don't. I'm not to say like 10 times. I mean, like, I didn't even want him to get a sentence out. And, uh,

I mean, it wasn't the most, but that was the most aggressive thing you were probably part of. Probably, yeah. No, no,

that was definitely the most aggressive thing I've ever been part of. Do you like it? It was like a thrill. It was sort of accelerating. Yeah. You know, to be the,

on the side of the terror. Yeah. Well, look, I think I was being terrorized, but it's like atonal music. uh from sweden or whatever and you know and just look if i ruined something's birthday party i wouldn't be happy right and i'm trying to ruin this guy's concert but like i i mean i i'm sorry it's funny

that like this is so bad the music should have been loud enough that they didn't hear any of that right can you imagine me the concert and like look it's like snickering yeah that's what it was it wasn't It wasn't laughing. We were snickering. Yeah. Like, and I kind of subtly, too. Yeah.

It wasn't like we were like, wha-ho-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hall-knitling a little bit. Yeah. Just kind of like, you know, and these guys, so fuck them. Yeah. We got, they got theirs, and Lucy got her, they got her first act of aggression. Mm-hmm.

And now you're a terror. Yeah. This has been great. Hopefully, this time next week, Ukraine will resolve itself peacefully definitely won't happen right

no you don't bet on that definitely not if anyone wants to donate a PS5 to Russia the kind of plague hopefully they don't treat it like a Munich situation and then make a Holocaust right can we give them PS5s without being appeasement

no right that's a problem look maybe we're maybe we're the and from everyone taking all the PS5s in America. Maybe. Anyway, that's the end of this story. Tune into the Patreon.

You sign up with the link in the description. You get an extra episode every week for $5 a month. That's four episodes a month for $5. Great deal. And we'll see you guys soon. Have a great with the button. Have a great week. Thank you.