Kump - Ep. 167 House of Mouse

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Ray and Lucie talk about Good Friday, Ray's pitch to Disney's shareholders, Reborn Doll Therapy, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Hello and welcome to come. Hi everybody. Hello, Lucy. Hi. But it's hope because we have baseball now. We went to a Mets opening day, which, you know, on Friday, on good Friday, the day Jesus let himself be, you know, hammered to a cross. Oh, let him, let himself.

I guess he did let himself. He could have stopped it. He was a wizard. He's like, he's, look, the whole thing that I don't want to get into this again, all right? I was raised Catholic. I know how powerful Jesus was. He could have done stuff. Yeah.

He could have done a little light show. He could have played, you know, card tricks. He could have smited people. It's not the point, though. So you're victim blaming Christ a little bit. He's not blaming. He wanted it. Yeah.

I mean, he didn't want it, but he did. He's like, hey, God, if I could, if you can let this comp pass me over, please do. And he waited for a minute. Nothing? All right. All right. do it. But he could have, you know, Pontch's pilot, he could have been like, I'm a good guy.

Yeah. He didn't bother. He said, whatever you want to do. He could have complimented Punches. We're talking about the baseball game. Actually, before we get into the baseball game, you just reminded that you just brought something up. Yeah. Did I ever tell you this story about when I got scolded on Good Friday?

No. There was like a, like my mom, my brother and I were at like McDonald's on Good Friday. one year. Someone's cold. Why, why you would McDonald's on your fries? Yeah. Even. We guys get a nice fish-fil-A sandwich?

Yeah. That's the sacrifice they intended. Jesus intended. Why don't you get stuff like fish fillet and a large fry and a high sea? I think that he would want us to have a fish filet. Why would he take issue with that? Because it's delicious and greasy. And you get a side of fries.

And you're going to dip it in the barbecue sauce. and the sweet and sour. Well, what do you guys eat on Good Friday? Did you eat? We ate, we ate, we ate, seasonless cod. Just cod with nothing on it. Just boiled cod. My mom would put cod in the bag, boil it.

And say, here you go. This is what Jesus wants. He's on the cross bleeding from the hands. Want that? You want to drink some of that blood? Or you want some boiled cod? God. So we were at McDonald's.

Like real, what do you call, what did your family call them? A&P Catholics? Yeah, well, that's because they would show up at the church only on Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday. I did like getting my ashes and palms as a kid. I never liked it. I was always very humble about it. I never sort of a point. I said, why don't you put the ashes, you know, to some homeless guy?

It's a big tease about religion. Why don't you ash up a homeless guy? They're big teases in the Catholic Church. They want you to like do stuff. They want you to do all these rituals but not enjoy any of them. Right. They want they want you to like mope around like a like a like a victim of some abuse and, you know, it's like they want to flunk it. Yeah.

What they're doing behind the doors. My mom always used to say like you shouldn't get the, you shouldn't get the Eucharist unless you're feeling holy. Like unless you're feeling like in touch with God. Well, that's a bit much. It's sinful to get the Eucharist. Your mom did not know how to, like, dumb stuff down for kids, first of all. And, like, no one said that. No one ever said that.

You can't, you have to be, you have to, you're supposed to go and get confession first. So that you're, you, you prep yourself. Yeah. Spiritually. But, like, this, what, you just have a deep personal connection? Like, what is, what kind of hippie bullshit is that? What is she, what's your mom? I mean, like a, your mom's, I never met it, but whatever, she's great.

But, you know, like, like. enough. Yeah. No. You don't have to you don't need a bespoke connection to God

to get the Eucharist. Right. You just can't, like, you know, if you touch yourself, you have to tell the priest. Because I guess

some kids like chewing on it a little too much, maybe. Yeah, my mom would like take the Eucharist away from kids who were like,

you know, playing with it. And you're not supposed to bite it, I think. I think you're supposed just let dissolve in your mouth.

You're not really supposed to chew on it. She might have, I bet my mom would have taken, you know, if she's someone chewing it, but she definitely would like swipe it from kids and the parents would be like and like she would get I looked I stared them down but I feel like they were just like

they thought she was a crazy person right I mean if any woman never touched my like anything like I mean I wouldn't let my kids run wild but through it was like what happened did they did they sexually abuse you or something like why why did you you know touch my child and they were they were playing with the you and I was spot with a punched her before she could say Eucharist like oh that oh okay I'm like knocked her out her head I mean like if she could have died by her head back of her head hitting the pew I wouldn't care I'm saying if I was if you know not to my mom but I'm saying if my mom did what she did to me as a parent or another show my child I was like I would be like oh oh are they or are they did they do something horrible and criminal do you oh no they were just playing with the ukra before they you should get the in eucharice out my fifth Just follow through. Don't touch my kid.

You know, I'm not going to let them become like, you know, disgusting people in Amniville who like mutilate bodies. Right. That's not what I'm not, you know, if they were, if she was stopping that, I would have been like, oh, good, good call. Yeah. Nice. Well done.

I'm not just here to hit my mom. That's not of the point. So I guess you could say, you know, props to her because she was playing with fire. but the kind of people who go to church I guess I would have thought no one would I know about the people who go to church because no one ever seems that happy no one I don't mean like happy

I mean like no one seems better off for having you know gone regularly to church they all seem more screwed up than the people I knew yeah and it didn't seem to be yeah it didn't seem like a great life plan yeah so knowing that

I'm surprised more people weren't waiting to punch each other right but you didn't really see a lot of fight break out. Because I guess they're weak. Yeah, you know, I guess it's church. The kind of person who accepts, like, you know. No, no, he could have stopped it, but he didn't.

Oh. Right. Oh, yeah, those are the personalities. He's just three gods, the ones, they're enough. You're going to sell me, you. Oh, yeah, I bet you got a PS5 to sell me, too. Let me go out to your van. What is this?

Uh, but anyway, we guys were a religious discussion here. But I really, oh, oh, yeah, you. But anyway. Go ahead. So we were sitting at McDonald's eating our Good Friday meal, and there was like a guy, and I like, I basically, like, there was like a fat guy eating alone. You don't say. At a table near us.

Was it me? There is. Go on. There's a bad guy eating alone near us. They smell bad. I mean, you know, he was kind of like spilling out of his, he was spilling out of his clothes a little bit. Oh, sure.

A somewhat nasty way. And so I, I go. And so I just kind of like, I just started giggling. And like, you know, like I couldn't stop giggling when I started back that. So they were just like, they were like, you have to tell it. You have to tell us what you're laughing at. Because we can't, we can't talk while you're giggling like this. Yeah.

And so I was just. I'm laughing. I got that very fat man. And I said like maybe a little bit too loud that it's, oh, that guy's so fat. Oh, wow. On Good Friday. That was your gift to Jesus?

Well, that's exactly what my mother said. You pre-cogged it. What, she literally said that? You know, yeah, she was like, that's a horrible thing to say on Good Friday. I'm so disappointed in you. Sure. Yeah. She didn't use my line, though, right?

My line was better. Your mom probably said something like, that's not good. saying good Friday mumbled said good twice she'd have the eloquence of me that's your gift to christ this is christ's birthday you know and i try and i did i tried to get back i tried to get back at her the next day because she got mad in the car and she got mad at the car and called some guy an asshole while she was driving oh and so i tried to get back at her and be like that's a bad thing to say on a good saturday i didn't even know that it had a name at that holy saturday Holy Saturday.

And she pulled a gun out on you. And she just goes, yeah, whatever. Oh, wow, that's a great way. Yeah, as my, you can hand these, you could hand these people on a silver platter, religious shame, and they'll just serve you up just whatever. Yeah, like, all she had to do was, like, there was so easy to weave out of these, all you had to do was, all you had to do was, like, all you had to do was, like, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. I would just jerk the car. Like, I would jackknifed. You don't even know what it's called.

I would jackknifed. You want to meet Christ? You know where he lives? So where dead people go. You want to play this game? On this day of all days? Christ hasn't risen yet. You want to see if we can beat him to heaven?

But yeah. sure what yeah whatever i guess works too yeah this is a long way to go to get to we went to a met's game we went to a match game we went to opening day it was not planned uh it was kind of a last minute thing i only heard about it because the first one was canceled from rain uh i thought the game stunk yeah it was pretty slow uh i mean you can say baseball stinks i ain't gonna argue it's fine whatever i might one of these guys who like talked about you know kem burns docs and goes You know, what about the straw hat man? Or whatever myth, you know.

It's a great American pastime. Some kind of straw hat talking about, talking fondly about the Jim Crow era. It's like, whatever. But, you know. Yeah, there was a little kid. Kept trying to get in and out. She just kept kissing and shitting.

Yeah, I didn't want to, like, shame him on our platform. But sure, let's go, let's find his name. That's find his address. He kept drinking. slushies. I had a line that kept saying over. I wanted to yell. Oh, something like, I wanted to start screaming.

I'm like, what did you? It didn't make sense at the time. It still doesn't make sense, but I almost screamed out. I'm like, you know, why are you drinking so many slushies? Did your dad die in the person go for? One day I'm going to say what I mean. Get him what he wants. His dad died and the person gone for.

I should have said that. I should start really just speaking my mind. in public. I mean, I yell at people a lot. They were lavishing him with treats the way you would

the way a child of trauma you would lavish a child of trauma It's just I had to keep getting up because he's just I'm like, I'm gonna let some kid rub past me He's like no, hold on.

Don't, because these stadiums are built, you know, I mean, it's not, it's not just because I'm a very, I'm the guy from McDonald's Lucy's story.

It's also because even Lucy had to get up to what this guy. You know, these stadiums are built like, you know, like sardine cans now.

And I'm not letting, I'm not letting, I'm not running Nickelodeon over here, so I'm not letting some kids slide past me. I'll get out of the way. All right. But whatever. It's a time of spring. It's time of fun.

Enjoying ourselves. Let's get a gun. What else happened in this week? Whatever. You know, it was a time to see family. Yep. That's it. I have no description there.

Shout out to family. But moving on. Before we're going to get into some current events, if you will. But before we do, remember, Kump podcast has a Patreon. And if you, it's the kind of thing if you like Kump and why wouldn't you? Because I just spent 10 minutes talking, you know, about my religious shame. And Lucy made some veiled attack at me through some past Fat Man. It's a perfect podcast.

So you get an extra episode of Kump every week for five bucks a month. I think it's a pretty good deal. And we've been doing a lot of cool content on the Patreon lately. We're in the middle of a five-part science fiction. And now a series on our Kump Dump Tier, which is a little bit more. But whatever, you don't have to do that one. There's all sorts of stuff. I have to get to Disney, though.

So if you like it, do it, don't. It's fine. Disney. So what's going on here? We have Disney's, there's apparently been a proxy fight going on at the Disney Corporation. Head back up to that. I need the top of this for five, for a year now, apparently. Disney's fight with Nelson Peltz will come to a head tomorrow,

which is actually going to be the day we air this or today. As I'm saying this, who the hell knows what's going on? Isn't business insider the people who like, you know, like, what's the word? hogwoggled David Portnoy Hogwaddled what's that They ambushed them Yeah They ambushed

Are we trusting these people They tried to get him to talk about stuff When like you know they had no sources I don't know Yeah I remember look I'm pretty Oh like a me too

I'm not getting on this outfit side I don't know what David Portnor is up to I don't know the man Yeah But he seemed to make embarrassment Out of these people These people seem like

Ill-tacted And I love to me Day, Portnoy. Let's become Friends Day, Portnoy. I just shit on business insider. Let's go eat pizza together. Oh, wow, you're really wearing your heart on your sleeve there. Well, he's got the whole gimmick where he eats the pizza. Yeah, right. Yeah. Whatever. Why don't we make friends, Lucy, instead of enemies. We need to expand our network of people. Do we have enemies? I would love some enemies. I'd love to get some enemies. Hey, Portnoy, if you want to be our enemy, it's fine. Yeah, either one.

The pizza thing is dumb. Shit, we screwed up already. Anyway. Disney's fight with Nelson Peltz. Let's read through some. Read some of this to me, please. I can't read. The battle between Disney CEO, Bob Iger,

an activist investor, Nelson Peltz's triand partners, will come to a head on Wednesday when House of Mouse shareholders finally... I hate when people, by the way, say House of Mouse and, like, business. Like, you'll see it in, like, the financial time. of London. Yeah. The House of Mous. It's too cute of a name for business

discourse. You know what these people have done? It's like calling Blackwater the House of Mouse. When House of Mouse, shareholders finally have a chance to weigh in on the proxy fight that's been going on for more than a year.

The shareholders' decisions at the annual meeting will serve as a referendum on the future of Disney. A vote for the Disney's slate of board members will show support for Iger's performance. Whatever. Look, this is not that hard.

I don't understand why it's problems. It's not that hard to run Disney. What's the issue here? You know, you get an animal of some sort, some stupid animal, like a tiger or a lion, and you get some princess, some quote unquote virginal princess, and then you apply that they have sex together, right? Yeah. You beastiality, you make a song, you get some gay guys to write a song.

Even though there's no gays in the thing. No gays are allowed. Right. Gaze in the back. Gaze in the back. Not in the front. Not in the front. You get, you know, you get some, if you want to get avant-garde, you get some alien to hang out with a Hawaiian girl.

These are not, these are not, like, what are we, this is what these two guys are like, you know, it's like they're hatching out like oil versus like, you know, cold. You know? Yeah. Cold fusion. It's like, it's, it's, it's slop. The Korean, like, kids have to drink. Now it's Bangladeshi kids probably. Sometimes North Korean, wait.

I bet they were South Korean. North Korean. Well, but South Korea wouldn't be that bad. You're a pretty, you know, good economy. I read a graphic memoir one time about a guy who worked in the animation industry and some of the stuff that he did in North Korea. Well, South Korea probably. No, but North Korea.

Really? Yeah. Well, is this before the war? Maybe. No, it was after. Interesting. Yeah. So that's really, I didn't realize that they were such good artists in North Korea.

Well, you know, efficient, they could be efficient, I guess, at a certain point. I would, look, I wouldn't mind totalitarianism if I could draw, like, a guy in a hat, and the hat was like proportional to his head. I can never do that. Yeah. I would let them, like, you know, whatever, burn my kid. Yeah. Just teach me how to put volume into my pictures.

Perspective, three-point perspective. Yeah, and it loses me at that point. I think I can draw, I can draw a stick figure, but then, you know, the legs are always the wrong size. Yeah. I never get that. I love, I don't, you know, feed me gruel, whatever. Like a stand eat some gruel. But yeah, you're right, it's simple.

This stuff is simple. Why, why, what's the problem? They, they're making too many. Don't they make these like, you know, mysteries in Venice movies with Kenneth Brana? Yeah. Stop that. When's the last time you had a mouse? You called the house a mouse.

I haven't seen Mickey in 25 years. Right? I don't think he's that great, but it's your whole gimmick. What was the last time they did something about a dog? Never. Kids love dogs. Pluto, the lady in the tramp. Yeah.

Make a dog. I mean, I'm sure a million people will say, oh, you didn't see, no, I didn't watch that movie because I don't have kids. I don't care. And don't tell me, don't tell me that there's some goofy movie. But I guess the goofy movie, because goofy's a dog. You have goofy the dog. You have Pluto the dog. You have the tramp dogs.

Why didn't let everyone love letting the tramp? Why didn't he become the icon? Wasn't Mickey like a racist thing? I don't care of it, wasn't he? Yeah, you know what was a great movie? I don't even know if this is a Disney movie. Right. Cats don't dance.

That was a great movie. I never heard of this. Cats don't dance? Cats don't dance. It's a whole movie about cats who want to be performers. I don't think this is true. I think you're making this up. It's amazing.

It's called Cats don't dance. Cats don't dance. What's the plot of it? A cat wants to dance. He wants to be a performer. Who's telling him he can't? Like the cat, the cat, Illuminati? The world.

The world is telling him he can't. You're telling me to this world who can't shut the hell up about goddamn cat doing a, you know, just making a weird face because it's sitting in a bodega all day. And someone's feeding it velvita cheese. And it's just kind of going to, oh. And everyone's like, look how cute this cat is. We'll call him grumpy cat. I can't digest this

But we're going to stop him from dancing That doesn't make sense This is like coded for like sociopaths Yeah well it was a different time back then What's when? But I don't know what the 90s The Third Reich? Yeah

But yeah cat There's only more you can find about this Well yeah Let's look into this I'll bring it up Cats don't dance. Cats don't dance. But it's actually a real movie.

Are we sure this is a Disney movie? Yeah, it's great. Wait, hold on. Is it Disney? It doesn't look like it's Disney. It looks like it's, um... Oh, it's Warner Brothers. It's Warner Bros.

You have... Well, I said I wasn't sure if it was Disney, but... You have really... They could take a page out of Warner Brothers, well. We just took a huge swing of Disney. And now we are exposed because cats don't... Lance, what I thought was a made-up thing. Apparently, an alternate in 1939.

Wait, that's literally when they invaded the Third Reich. Hold on. This is basically the plot of the man in the high castle, but with cats. In an alternate 1939, in a world where humans and anthropomorphic animals coexist. Right. Yeah, okay. Danny, an optimistic cat from Kokomo, India, travels to Hollywood in hopes of starting an acting career there after me i mean so

so the cats so it's basically about jews not being allowed but that's not true though like you would assume this is about like a racist that like oh the jews won't be allowed to be that but they but there's plenty of jews always been good actors i guess so i don't know what this is a parable for i guess it could be about about black people maybe i guess but cats yeah i never i didn't think of this as an allegory while i was watching it as a trial i mean it's not an allegory It's just insanity What is this supposed to teach a kid And why is this such a frivolous industry

Is the Hollywood This is literally like what This is literally what like All this inclusion crap is based on This movie Everything everything where there's not enough cats And uh and lower the rings You know, and the Lord of the Rings

Amazon reboot We have to make the cats black And the And the and the and the freaking mouse Chinese. Just tell the cat story, whatever. I mean, I'm all for Chinese, what I say? Rats.

I don't know what they were. Don't make them rats. No, they're going to be a rat. Rats are so evil. You can make anything a rat. It's a problem. I guess it's because, you know, propaganda. Whatever.

I didn't invent a world. We want me to do apologize for everything? I'm sorry. I'm sorry to whoever. What I just offend? Care. Come out of me, pornois. Anyway.

Did you like this movie? I love this movie. Well, I thought it was great of. Tilly the Hippo, Cranston the goat, Francis the Fish. This is really Francis the Fish. Is anyone trying in this company? This is Warner Brothers? T.W. the tortoise?

What is this about? This seems. like it was made by a bunch of, who are those guys, the, uh, who are those, who are those guys, the, uh, the free, the people in court, sovereign citizens? It seems like it's made by a bunch of sovereign citizens. Danny's just made on learning how minor his role is. As we get to roll and tries wheezing his way into more time in the spotlight. This doesn't seem like a very objective plot description. He tries weaseling his way into more time in the spotlight. Danly, unwindly anger's Darla Dimple, a popular, a spoiled child actress, and star of the film.

She probably has her gigantic butler, Max, intimidate Danny, against further attempts. This seems like a very random plot. This doesn't seem to have a lot of pathos. I don't know if Joseph Campbell would sign off on this. I don't think he's really, you know, I don't think Darla Dimple's part of the hero cycle. But you liked it, so. So as a shareholder, you would come into the Disney meeting and say, why don't we make a sequel to Cats Don't Dance?

Try that. Let's get the rights. Look, I know kids love animals. And no movie has more animals, more different types of animals in it, than Cats Don't Dance. Man, that's not a Disney film. Please sit down. We could acquire it from Warrior Brothers and then maybe make a sequel of our own. If you want to make a mockery out of us, we're Disney, and he wants to start buying it.

property from other companies. We did it with Marvel. Lays got a point. We are kind of just creatively bankrupt. Why can't we do the suicide thing I talked about? No, we all just set ourselves on fire and there's a cool band.

And then I shoot my... All right, whatever. Uh, sure. Boo! Always trying to kill myself. I don't know. Do you have any other ideas with Disney? They could,

um, maybe they could just become. What about a credit card? Why isn't Disney just a bank at this point? Why do I have to go to a bank and ask, and ask them for a house to be a, from mortgage? Why can't,

there's no one I trust more than Dumbo, the people who made Dumbo and the people who made Pinocchio and, you know, and beauty and a beast. right yeah i mean i'm i'm this is actually real why aren't have I thought of this

why the hell what's the point of building up all this trust if you're not gonna fleece people on a mortgage this is like honestly like i mean i shouldn't even be giving this away this is a great idea i can't use it because i'm at disney i mean i don't have it like you know a hundred years of like you know um stupid you know insipid cartoons that

like half of which are racist to, like, you know, fall back on. Yeah. So I can't make my bank this way. They have to be based on pure financial fuckery. But, I mean, I don't know why they did it. Look up, does Disney have a Disney credit card? Like, has ever something they ever tried that?

That seems like the whole point of making a stupid scam like this. Disney Chase credit card. Disney vacation financing. Yeah. They really got in that whole, you know, hey, come, you're a slop. Yeah. They really should have gotten in a mortgage game. Imagine, like, pay extra points, but, you know, once a year,

um, some guy in a goofy mask, you know, comes in, like, since happy birthday of your kids, and he probably tries to goose him. Yeah, you keep your guard up. I have an idea for Disney. Sure. Somebody needs to come along and take animated pornography to the next level. I do not endorse this. I don't think it should be Disney.

Disney. I don't think. Disney for adults, Disney after dark, Disney, we're going to, all of that, that cheap kind of knockoff porn that you see on the sides of the porn site. Never seen it. No idea what you're talking about. Simpsons porn. What?

Go ahead. Beauty and the Beast porn. You know, it looks disgusting. It doesn't look like anything. Anybody want to watch. But it's not. Dan, but what if it was really high production quality? Wait, like, you want, you want to bring back, like, you know, cell animation for

hentai, for American hentai? Yes, exactly. Innovating American hentai with, with Disney IP. Interesting. I mean, honestly, I don't know why you're trying to accelerate dystopia so fat quickly. I mean, it's coming. Wait, look, look, we're just talking bottom line here, right? Sure, sure.

I mean, look. We're talking the bratty bottom line here. All right, so I'm Iger. This guy, this guy, Peltz. Is that the name? Make this full screen again from me, please. Bring that article back. This guy's name was Peltz, right?

Peltz. A self-described bully billionaire Peltz. So he's making his case. He wants to, like, probably cut debt and whatnot. And I'm Bob Iger, the besiege CEO of Disney. And my response to bully billionaire, Bapa. So, like, why don't you, you know, give me a little runway here. Hey, why don't you put me in charge of your company, you little bitch?

What, I got billions of dollars. What do you have? Not that. Well, I'm, I mean, well, hold on. We do have a new idea. We wanted to bring up at a meeting. It's pretty innovative. So, you know, Mr. Pelt, please, you know, show some decorum.

I'd like to announce this new project. The Disney, the American Hentai Project from Disney. I'm told there's a lot of demand for this hentai type of situation. It involves animals and having sex to each other, which... What kind of animals? I guess the ones we operate, you know, was the T-cup. Okay, so the T-cup and the candle, stick getting together physically things like that naked I thought I don't are they wearing clothes

I don't know how this works if he's a lot I can bring in some people for the details but it's basically you know cartoon porn using our creatures or various creatures uh um I'm you people we have to know we're not going to sell the kids only for so it's also only It's a new one for our adult clients, something for them. You people are disgusting. No, this is good. I'm a family man. I thought this was a family business.

I mean, what we've been working up to for years. You're sick. What is this even basic? What's hentai? What is that? I mean, don't we draw dicks in the clouds anyway? Why is this different? Yeah, that's in the clouds.

That's subtle. That's artistic. That's something for the parents. It's not portographic. Look, I'm told that people want to, Watch the T-Cup have sex. I don't, I don't know. Who told you that?

We have a bunch of guys. The guys here, consultants. They come to my office and you're late at night and they tell me they have charts. They show me. They show me pictures of goofy, philatine. Who's the thing? Sebastian, the fish. That thing?

What is he? A guppy? Sebastian. What is Sebastian? He's a crab. Oh, the crab. Okay. Who's the yellow fish?

Flounder. Goofy's got him on. He's using his mouth. Oh, God. I don't know. And the crabs, the crabs in the ass doing stuff with the ass. I mean, I, again, we can bring, we can bring in experts here. They can go over all the details.

All the princesses, they can, they'll be in various positions, I'm told. What? What's the problem? My daughter looks up to those women. Well, she doesn't really know. My 42-year-old daughter looks up to those women. Maybe we can make a bank, start a bank. Anywhere anything of that? We can give people mortgages.

I don't know. This sucks. I should have stayed retired. Poor porn mortgages. Porn mortgage. Well, speaking of, of a sinking ships going down with the ship Kate Millington's not doing well

I'm on her side what I'm on her side I'm I know we're not fans of the British on this show no we usually don't we oh god she doesn't wow well this is her revenge now

this is what she's doing now it's like you don't want me photoshopped here so I think we covered dying face we covered them did we covered the last episode maybe we did maybe we did but there was an issue with the Photoshop that people were mad

that Kate Middleton was photoshopping her mother's day. What was it? Her Mother's Day. I didn't have a mother's day in Britain because of the war or whatever. And so she photoshopped her Mother's Day picture. And people were speculating, I guess, because, you know, at the time,

I was like, what could she possibly be covering up for? Oh, there's a hand here, does no line. Like, well, all right. The kid's making the face probably. I guess she was covering up like Carposi sarcoma or something. Like scars, cancer scars. Lesions. Yeah.

I'm not sure. But, yeah, it's unfortunately she has cancer. Yeah, what a little pricks. What is, yeah. I mean, honestly, what is the British? I mean, we have the freedom of the press and we don't even do this. We send some this to me. I like to know some context here.

What is people? I get up People magazine. We're talking about the people. The Patreon, they have people was covering the Puff Daddy case. They were like, they were like, you know, people were leaking affidavits to People magazine. They seem to have their fingers and everything now. Right.

I don't know what people's up to. Kate Middleton carefully chose when to share the news of her cancer diagnosis with the world. Even that. It's like, it's like, this bitch, this is what they're saying. This bitch thought she could, on her own terms, tell us she had cancer. She would try to pull a fast one at us. Some wondered if increasingly frenzy conspiracy theories and online rumors about the Princess of Wales Health and whereabouts

amid her private recovery following abdominal surgery in January drove Kate 42 to announce the news. No, I'm sure it had nothing to do with it. Despite the hype around Prince William's last minute absence from the memorial service for his late grandfather, his late god, who the hell is this got to stop? Britain's got to, like, start invading countries again. This is what happens when you don't have colonialism.

This woman's got, like, you know, like, she's Christ on the, on the British cross. Her cancer is like, is the crucifix. I'm on her side. In controversy around the family's UK Mother's Day photo, which multiple global photo agencies dropped due to suspicion of manipulation. God forbid that she should. She covers up to vomit from her feeding tube. Princess Kate timed the announcement to when,

to when was best for her kids. Bitch. It doesn't seem like she did. It seems like you guys just kind of bullied her into saying it publicly. Yeah. So that, you know. This is like the, I mean,

to be fair, like I don't know why there's a king in England, also don't know why America, you know, is. Right. Whatever it is. So I'm not judging.

that being said this seems like the best case scenario for the monarchy this family you know William's William could say to have some hair but who am I the judge

but you know Kate's attractive she was yeah um yeah no I mean she looks like a mom who used to be hot now

yeah which is yeah but before the kids until the cancer yeah right right the kids are cute enough

you know but they're not like you know I'm about a Nickelodeon material but you know they're fine uh what i don't know i don't know what drives the people who run nickelodeon i wouldn't know i'm not part of the board but uh i'm looking at this family it's like do you want do you want megan and and harry doing their shit is that what you want i mean honestly you drove that woman out of england and i'm not saying she didn't deserve it

she was you know yeah the american was it again The American Jubilee. American Riviera Orchard. Yeah, if you're not careful, you're making the American Riviera Orchard back into England. Yeah, I'm sure, look, I'm sure Megan Markle would have let you, like, you know, do a do a zoom in on her legions.

On a biopsy. Biopsy Tuesdays with fucking Megan Markle. She would have done a sexy Legion shoot. That would have been nice. I mean, that really is the last frontier. It's cancer porn, right? No one really does that. Never seen that.

I've never seen, like, sick, like, as a subgenre. Me neither. I'm just saying. I don't think anyone wants that. I think, if anything, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like a nice salad. You want it to be vibrant and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, of vitality, right? But, you know, whatever.

Yeah. They need to be sick people need to make some money. I'm not going to begrudge them. Moving on. Kensington Palace, I don't know what that means. Is that the second tier Buckingham Palace? Yeah, I guess so. I've never heard of it before.

Release Prince, King's William, Prince Kate's self-written. I mean the people who read people like read this like we read like news where this all makes sense to them and they're just kind of like oh interesting and they're eating the croissant and they're scanning this they're folding it the way you fold in New York Times in the subway

yeah and it's all like oh yeah no this is this is this is I need this information to start my day I don't understand I got to read the whole article so I'm sure I'm informed about it they do that weird where they use their finger to scan it around in a serpentine fashion they're highlighting

Yeah. Is there anything else that? I mean, the woman's got cancer. Yeah. Is she going to live? I mean... She still looks good. They never seem to die.

The real. Maybe back to the cancer picture. She still looks good. Yeah. I'd like this to be a new look. I'd like to see her flop herself around like this at the next Jubilee. I want her to keep looking like this, but then also start wearing titty shirts. She shows up to, like, the changing of the guard in a halter top.

Yeah, like bedazzled halter tops. With a catheter hanging out of her, a female, the females have catheters of her. Some tube hanging down her miniskirt. Mysterious tube. Yeah. Leaking. Full of IV fluid. Just, just drinking some bee, drinking an IV bee feeder while she's, It's actually harassing one of those beef feeder guards.

A multi-purpose fluid tube. Yeah. That sounds fun. Yeah. Let Kate be Kate. So this is nice. So good for her. Yeah.

Well, glad you're not dead. I hope your abdomen's doing okay. I guess she was coming up with an abdomen scar, maybe. Gross abdomen scar. Hmm. What will she wear it? Crop top? I don't know.

I don't think so. I don't know what's... I still don't get how this covered up cancer. But whatever Enjoy Enjoy it England Moving on

So I guess I've been I've been He this is a no It's not a new story This documentary came out a few weeks ago right But Nickelodeon Yeah we haven't talked about this yet So Dan is Dan Snyder

What's his name? We should be careful about who is the guy Scroll back up Be careful about it I don't know I'm not, this is the middle of the article. I want to make sure

I'm getting the right guys name right. Dan Schneider, that's it. Yeah. I don't want to inadvertently like, you know, uh, like,

you know, implicate the, the, the creator of everyone loves Raymond. When I get the name wrong, you know, some of their show. Oh,

I thought you were saying, like, we should be careful of them because he's a powerful guy. Oh, he might not let us be under, whatever is a, Sam and Drake to reunion.

Uh, from fostering a toxic workplace to predators, Yeah, again, this is a weird This is a weird analogy. It's like, it's like from, I don't care about the toxic work, but stop having sex with children. Right.

That's, yeah, that's all I care about. That's triage that. And then we could deal with toxic toxicity. On set, Nicolone, here's everything that came out so far. Okay. After the mid-March premiere of Investigation Discovery's docuseries,

quiet on set, the dark side of kids TV. Audience has got a behind-the-scenes look. What's the light side, by the way? What's the light side of kids TV? Yeah, it's like it seems like every 10 years It's just like nope, this was a Pito Fest too Didn't there was a time when children weren't like They didn't exist. I watched this stuff as a kid

We've talked in the past How I used to watch that show 15 Even though I wasn't allowed to And Ryan Gosling was on it I didn't even know who he was Yeah But that doesn't need to be the case I don't think kids need to watch kids

I don't think so I think there was a time we need to watch the Street Stooges The Marks brothers and they were fine. Yeah. If anything, they were better off, even though they didn't have, like, you know, essential vitamins and penicillin.

You did have, like, Judy Garland watching some director crush a butterfly to make her cry before scenes or whatever. With that, with the bars? I'm not sure, but I think it was Judy Garland that I heard that anecdote about.

So somebody got crushed a butter, yeah, but he didn't, like, crush her. If you were, you know, he didn't, I'm saying. I'd rather he'd crush her butterfly and made her cry Didn't like, you know Yeah I don't want to say as a kid

I'm the same Well that I don't know That may have happened to you I'm not sure Don't bury the lead please But yeah They all got you know They all got fucked truly temple

What's her name? Did she? I mean I don't mean literally fuck But like fucked over In some one way or another Was she molested? I mean it makes sense It doesn't make sense

I would venture to say it doesn't make sense to do that But like it makes it that's everyone seems to I've never heard of a kid who had a great child experience Yeah Mickey Rooney Maybe Jake Gyllenhol but his dad was in the biz Yeah He was like a kid and the kid from a Mighty Ducks At least one of them

I think one's the jail though I forget which one It's kind of a grab bag Yeah But yeah I feel like maybe maybe just no more Maybe no more child actors I don't know Why don't we just get

Like, you know, we can just Photoshop or whatever, CG, After Effects, adults. We'll get Joe Pantelone. Remember Joe Pantelone? He was Cypher in the Matrix. He was Ralphian and Sopranos. Just like, put his head onto the, you know, a CG child's body. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Joey Pant, make his full screen.

He could totally be a kid. Yeah, this guy, Joe Pantalone. He's a living legend. He's 72 now, but 72 years young. I feel like he could easily play. He's a very good act. actor. He was in Memento, bad boys, uh, babies day out. The Goonies. Oh, he's in the Goonies? Interesting. I don't remember him in the Goonies. He's full of surprises. Why not just shove his face

onto like a little robot child body? And that's child cinema from now on. We could also get, you know, um, like we, we can maybe make like a CG River Phoenix, like right before he died. Yeah. Scan him, put him on a robot. Like, we're going to have robots. How about instead of, you know, them all just, you know, being like props for, like, you know, like what are robots even doing nowadays? Boston Dynamics is just going around having robots, you know, like, hunk babies in the fields of Boston. Right.

Right. You're a robot dogs. Scaring people. You just, you make a little robot children and you put them in the shows. We can't trust these people. We can't trust the parents. I don't, home improvement wasn't better because there was kids in it. Right.

Right, or anything. I'm trying to think of a show that you need a kid in. Everyone was Raymond. That was a fun show. The kids were nothing. Yeah. Yeah, the kid should just be exposition. They should just be cardboard cutouts.

I mean, you know, we accept this like, it's not like these things are shot in a realistic way anyway. They just props. It's like they're placeholders. Why do we need, we don't need realism for three camera sitcoms. Yeah. You know? Yeah, that's a good point.

Just have a cardboard little rat kid. Even that, I mean, I'm not even sure. If you need a baby, just have a little dog in a bonnet. Yeah, this is our baby. This is our baby. And you can throw it against the wall, then no one will care. I mean, it'll be fun. I don't know why.

And, I mean, I used to watch Nickelode as a kid. And they're always covering these kids and fluids, dropping slime. on them. I mean, it's all very evocative of something. I don't, nothing good. I mean, like, and the, I believe you didn't know it's the magic word because it all started with a show called you can't do that on television, which I liked to the kids because it seemed a reverent, but they love the pet, Peter's love a reverence. The parents want to want you to see this, but we'll show it to you. It's very groomy. And, um, and the, and the, and the thing.

was any if you ever said i don't know on that show it's like a sketch show but if someone said i don't know they covered you and they drew up slime on you so i don't they just seemed like a weird initiation into like a into a secret world of slimes yeah different different fluids you're trying to erase your your thought process i don't know hey like why shouldn't i do this i don't know there you go you're coming in my fucking slime it's fun for the a whole family, and it produces a Pavlovian response. Where's Belly? I don't know.

Here's some come. So, wait, going back to this. Go back to what? Oh, the Nickelodeon. Yeah. The series, which has been watched by more than 16 million viewers and set streaming records on Max, explores allegations of discriminatory behavior. How about, how about you write about the content, not the streaming?

the records on max. Yeah. Hey, a lot of people, too. We made a lot of money making this documentary about rape. It's fine. Look, America's Cap. Look, America's Cap.

What do we do? I'm not trying to rewrite Adam Smith here. Let me don't put that front and center. Hey, we probably, we made a lot of money. Who produced the documentary, Dan Schneider? Open on set. Or, sorry, quiet on set, open on set. Open on set, there would have been a name for it too.

Quiet on set. that opens with a disclaimer quote i will warn you if you were a trial of the 90s this is going to ruin that for you on quote that seems like the lowest priority ever heard in my life it's sort of it's a little too pithy for a for a documentary that's going to be about trial the rape hey i got to be honest i don't know who's doing say he's on the first person by the way it's like fucking sally struthers coming on camera going like i got to tell you something if you like double there well just give me a problem that they won't, like, ruin with their, with their attempts at sassiness.

Right. There's just, it's just no one, there's nothing Americans love better than being sassy about trauma. Yeah. About child trauma. RIP, your childhood. Right. And theirs. And your T-sop catalog.

Why is it? Yeah. Good question. In response to the. Who is Dan Schneider and what are the allegations against? Yeah, let's just get into this. Uh, what? once described as Nickelodeon's golden boy.

Who said this? Yeah. The one thing kids don't know and didn't know is who the fuck Dan Schneider was. I can't really. These shows seem to be after my time because I remember Drake and Josh, like, I never saw it. Like, this was all, I think Amanda, Amanda, is Amanda Binds, right? Amanda Binds, yeah. I think she was on that show, Roadhouse or whatever.

It was on Snick. Snick was like there at the time I stopped watching Are You afraid of the dark was on Snick? You remember that Okay, yeah, yeah It was their Saturday night lineup That was kind of new at the time in the 90s

And I think there was a show called A Roundhouse maybe it was Like a sketch show And I think she was on that first So I like that but you know But by the time Drake and Josh came out I was a young adult Reading

I don't know Orwell I was dumb in the gloating Dan Schneider created a number of the most successful live action shows in Nickelodeon history. His career at the Kids Network began in the 1990s when he worked as a writer and producer. Eventually, he would go on to create the Amanda Show, Zoe 101, Drake and Josh, and I Carly. And personality alters. Countless personality alters.

He parted ways with Nickelodeon in 2018. And he was accused of creating, when he was accused of creating a hostile work environment, in a gender discrimination and hostile workplace claim that was filed in the year 2000, a writer on the Amanda show claimed that Schneider made her uncomfortable by persistently requesting messages. Massages, not messages. Oh, massages. Hey, can you just let me know when you're going to be late to work? You're harassing me.

When I, Carly, starred Jeanette McCurdy, who I think it was, long girl who was up top who I've seen in like yeah whatever clips or whatever did they show over this stuff uh like I'm aware of these shows it's not so far removed I was more just like that was I think I think like bosses who had kids and they were like this would be on it was a weird thing I've been aware over the years like I mean I'm pretty sure when I was watching Nickelode and these shows weren't quite as insipid because I remember like my like my bosses is like kids and like they happen this to be on and I'm like wait what is this Disney or no this is Nickelode this is Nickelodeon this is Nickelodeon

This is the Nickelodeon? What happened to the irreverent anarchic spirit? But no, but it was like, but I was like, it was like, Brennan Stimpy and Doug. Right. It seemed a little better.

Oh, yeah, for sure. I think this Schneider guy may have like, you know, been part of this issue. Oh, yeah, no, he was definitely part of the degradation of whatever they were doing before that. Like, yeah, Doug, Renan Stimpy, yeah, those shows had some like, you know.

Pathos. Yeah, artistic merit. I mean, I'm pretty sure the guy who made Ren Stimby wasn't, uh, wasn't clean. Yeah. I think he, oh, no, yeah. Sean Kay. He had some.

kind of thing. I think he recruited some fans. He may have been worse than Dan Shiger. They're in the same. Same wheelhouse. The only people who are qualified to parse that are people you don't want to know. Yeah.

When I Carly Sharred Janette McCurdy published her memoir, I'm glad my mom died. Many readers speculated she was calling out Schneider when she wrote about an executive that pressured her into drinking alcohol, gave her an unwanted massage, young actors against each other. I mean, honestly,

if you're writing a book, some child starts writing a book about getting almost a massage, that's never like the end of it, right? No. That's just what they were like at that point willing to say. Yeah.

It's like I, someone gave me a, or they're just the biggest, well, you shouldn't be massaging the kids. It was kind of hard to say. Yeah, that roach comes out of the rug like just in the process of writing a memoir

and a completely unrelated subject. It's like, it's, that's. Hey, my mom's a scumbag. This guy has a fucking massage thing. There's probably more in the walls somewhere. Yeah. In fact, McCurdy and her Sam and Cat co-star, Ariana Grande. Salmon.

Oh, this is, oh, she's not the girl from Mike Carly. Who's Samin Cat? I have no idea. I don't know. I shouldn't have pretended to even vaguely know who these people are. I'm sorry. Filed complaints about a producer on their show. Insider reports that an investigation launched in 2013 found inappropriate behavior on the set of the ICarly spin-off.

We're not going to find anything good here. Yeah. Let's move on to a realistic, let's end it on a high note. Okay. This is just, this is not getting better. I'm making, I'm making a call. Let's just move on to Reborn Baby Dolls. Whatever this, nightmare is.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. Reborn dolls look just like real life babies. Why people buy them may surprise you. Why? Why? guess why people, do you think it would surprise you? I mean, we did kind of, I looked this

over before, and I didn't no, I mean, he's trying to be, the weird thing is he's teasing like child molestation via doll. Yeah. But I don't think that is the point in the story. No, it's not.

No story can be bizarre enough, tragic enough, inappropriate for these vultures who call themselves journalists to not make them creepier. Hey, this is a story about, like, tricking people with dementia with, like, realistic dolls. How about we also tease pedophilia? I mean, it's not, all right.

Two dozen life like babies lie nestled in a nursery right now in Tracy Knope's Missouri home, except the Cribs and Bass. Is that the woman from Parks and Rec? I think that is her name, right? Leslie, nob. Oh, Leslie, no. It's still weird. Except the Cribs and Bass. Nats aren't holding real babies.

They're holding guns. They're dolls. You might have come across the reborn dolls in the past. No, I haven't. These are dolls that artists designed to specifically resemble babies. Artists? These are dolls that the creeps specifically designed to resemble babies. Why is them out open?

why is the mouth open Make it with the mouth closed That's where you can feed it These dolls look so real This journalist is like really into this Yeah this is a problem These dolls look so real It's almost scary

But before you write them off You should know reborn dolls have proven therapeutic benefits Particularly for those with dementia What's the guy's name? What's this guy's name? Hold on What's this guy's name? David Oliver

Someone, this is a guy, he's like, imagine being shown, let's just assume it's then there were babies. But those things called real dolls, those adult dolls that people use for sex. Yeah. These are actually very good for people with the scoliosis. That's what I'm hearing right now. A lunatic, rationalize why a doll exists. Yeah.

No, just helps treat people with dementia. What? The hell are you talking about? Right. No, nobody would judge it if you didn't call attention to it. Well, I would. No, no. I mean, I hate to disagree with you, but I would.

And it's that exactly the point. But you notice that he's picked, who is his treat? I mean, is it treat people who will remember the lie that you're telling? No. Oh, okay, cool. People with dementia. People who can't verify that they're not being treated with this doll. This is.

I mean, they've got to, every once in a while, they say it's helpful. But I feel like every once in a while a dementia page, but must look down, realize they're holding a fake baby and freak the fuck out. Is this person? I would. I realized I was holding a fake baby. Yeah. Like I thought that was my grand kid a second ago. And I'm like, oh, it's eyes don't move.

Holy shit. No, you're like, this is, this is going to give them schizophrenia. Yeah. Scroll down. Look at this person. This person, this person looked calm and soothed. This is, this is, this is, this is like that documentary where the priests were, you know, working in the, with the deaf blind kids. Remember?

Yeah. How did you had that one work out? Right. Dahl therapy improves emotional state of people with dementia. What started out as volunteer work for BB became. a business. She now brings her 32 babies, sometimes eight at a time, to dementia patients across Connecticut and Massachusetts. Okay, so this is all one middle-aged woman's scam. Right. She's sold all of these different, like, you know, nobody, nobody ever tries to,

probably not that many people come to, like, retirement homes and try to pitch them on things. Well, look, they recruited, BB is her name? Someone recruited Beebe. We need a front. Yeah. Probably a woman. We go to these dementia. of facilities this is this is horrible this is real this is the darkest thing I've ever seen in my life this is this is the this is the this is the definition of iceberg theory I think I don't really I don't actually know it's funny this is a problem um research backs it up, too. What research.

What research. Dahl therapy improves the emotional state of people with dementia, diminishes disruptive behaviors, and promotes communication, according to a 2022 study. Oh, this is freaky. Is a doll? Yeah. Enough.

This is, why is the world not ending? Please end it. Why is this? We're not getting better. It's not going to improve. This is just like the Nickelodeon story It is no coming out of this They

They construct a whole nursery around these things This is a problem This is This is Freaky We have a Patreon You get an extra episode every week It's great

It's great We'll try to talk about this anymore Sign up You get $5 a month Whatever We're going to buy one of these dolls instead? Is that your game? Subscribe to our Patreon, or this will be your life.

It's not getting better. I don't know what to tell you. So look, this all started on a good Friday and ends on the, what is this? What is it? Why? Why? It says love you. he's that.

I can't deal of this. This is, what this is, I don't know what this is an ad for up there, but ambient gaslighting. I feel like this is just, this is ambient gaslighting.

Oh, this is what this is? Ambient gaslighting. I'm just being, I'm just being, this is like what they show you to get you to swallow, this is no series about gangstocking to develop.

I feel like I'm being gangstocked by the news. They came to my, home and they put a fake child in my hand and said it was my grandchild. All right. Well, thanks for tuning in to comp. Make sure, you know, look, you hit that like and subscribe button, I guess. Please. At least you can do.

We're really going to throw with this one. Sorry for the Patreon if you like. Otherwise, yeah, we'll see you next week. Have a great week. Thank you.