Kump - Ep. 177 JULY 4TH SPECIAL

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

Ray and Lucie celebrate July 4th by discussing War Cowards, Joe Biden's desperate reboot, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Hello and welcome to come. Hello. Well, Lucy. Hi. How are you? Good. Happy Fourth of July. It's a day to be celebrated. It's the day the pilgrims landed in the, where was it, Columbia?

It's the day that we seized the Alamo. Right. That was the French, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then we, what, we burned everyone in, I think, is that the story of the Alamo that we just burned everyone inside? And that's why we, and like, Thanksgiving is like, that's, like, that's why we stuffed

turkey. Right. Yeah, that's basically it. And then this is just like, I think the Fourth of July is just like some legal days. Like when you get your marriage license before the actual wedding, like the wedding's Thanksgiving. You know, America, fat, eating. And the Fourth of July is just like, you know, it's just getting your ducks in a row. It's, you know, it's lawyer stuff.

You know, if you tried to, if you wanted to buy a child, like an adopted child. but you know you have to file documents right and bribe people because you know there's good luck getting a kid without greasing the wheels these days this bureaucracy isn't good it ain't it ain't built to last anymore we are on the brink uh this might be our last fourth of july um who's last fourth of july ours are we going to die well Biden he's pretty old um um yeah Why not change the date? Change the date? August 5th.

You think we should celebrate our nation's founding on August 5th? I just think we need a fresh start. I mean, they're saying what is the scuttle butt? I mean, of the White House, you know, the king. He's telling he's telling his advisors that, uh, I mean, the rumor was that he, you know, they had to come out, I think it was this morning and say, no. he's uh you know the rumors are not true that he's he's stepping down after his debate performance it's not which i think they made up i think they i think they they put that there to get the

bowl rolling to get him to step down not necessarily but just to get the how do you approach that subject right if you're the press secretary you know oh look i know you know he was spitting all over himself he was covered in his own bile um you know like you know he he stared the way a mummy would stare if you, you know, injected it with bleach. It was a very strange debate to watch. Sure. It was because Biden was being obviously the way he was being, which is bad. Mentally sharp is attached.

And Trump was like being a good boy. Well, yeah. That was just a strange thing that the pairing was really weird. They really is, look, no one, no one dislikes a role reversal. Freaky Friday, a vice versa for some of you older 80s kids. Lovely Seltzer. You know, Freaky Friday, what was that? When they swap, you know, older woman and a younger woman swap bodies?

Yeah, Freaky Friday, Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis, right? This is an older woman and a younger man by two years. Biden's really, I mean, honestly, not to be gender normative, but he's kind of an older woman at this point. Right. It's not, it's not, it's not,

it's a woman, but he's kind of got the vibe of just like, you know, he's like, he should wear pearls, like a, like a pearl necklace.

Yeah, and, uh, and just, and just, and just be kind of a, like Barbara Bush, a matronly,

you know, woman that, if he, if he pulled that off, that kind of, if he transitioned right now, but into a matronly woman. Yeah.

I feel like we'd accept it. It's just the vibe is off. He used to go yelling about corn pop. This is, you know, an African-American gentleman who we fought at the public pool with chains like it was the movie from the Warriors right and screaming about buying you know that people should buy um you know self-defense uh implements yeah I want to say that that story was fake but it's actually not the first time I've heard of people fighting with chains well well you wait you heard that story and your first reaction was like in possible. No one could fight with chains. I mean, it's been done. I mean, the name corn pop also sounds strange, but like it's like, but the fighting with chains part, I know that that's one other

person who claims they did that. Well, that's just something. I mean, I don't know if I've ever seen in person. You know, my friends didn't go down to the mall and pick fights with, with a bike chain and, you know, and nine feet of a, of a home depot chain. Well, that's what I'm kind of curious. about is like is like do people just fight with the chain because that's what on what's on hand or do people go out and get a chain for the purpose of fighting with it it's probably kind of thing you grab you grab it off you know a bike or i mean people used to work people used to work in shops machine shops you know warehouses and you see you know you if you were if you were newspaper man you would grab that like that thing that you press down on the ink with the you know like

the tamper and you could you could fight with that it's a heavy blunt instrument but you know some people i don't know what chains do i think in in factories you would use a chain or a car shop you know a car auto shop you would use a chain to hoist an engine so you were done hoisting someone's engine out of their Prius and you have to go fight at the pool where you're gonna go home and get your and get your you know japanese ceremonial sword you know your tantal or you know no you're gonna you're gonna grab that that hoist chain and you And you're going to, and you're going to, you know, have a nice Fourth of July, all right? But that was never my, you know, I never even disbelieved them.

It might be true. I just don't know what the point of the story was. Yeah. I used to fight, man, at the pool. All right. We're doing something else now. You know, this is a different thing than that. Trump can't call me a win, but I used to beat up this black guy.

But then we respect with each other. I mean, you know It's like Is it supposed to count it's like As military experience or something That's a good point Corn Pop at the pool I mean because he is

I guess he's a war coward Is he a war coward? I think they're both war cowards in some way Well Biden is a silent generation person right So he may have actually just missed No Silent generations like is he Yeah he's in the silent generation

Technically So that I'm refresh that that's the one that's after they didn't they were too young to be in world war two uh but too old to be boomer like they were they were already like they were like 10 years old when world war two happened i think it's the opposite i think that they were too old to be world war two but they were they i think they were older than world war two i think they're between world war one and world war two aren't they oh i don't know um oh wait no no you're right you're right he's he's yeah silent generation is after world war this is why all this is

you see what we said for the past minute and a half and sassan hamming and honing war coward yeah i made that term for a reason it zings you know you know i would love to name a sword war coward a sword yeah oh you i mean sure i mean when's the last time you named a sword i don't know but but you well you know they do it in like medieval things like they named their swords sure do you are you are you planning on getting a sword um i mean i wasn't but now i might i'm i'm here for it yeah what type of sword do you do you know anything about swords you know like would you know like is a would you get a broad sword or katana or rapier or uh just a massive chain and you call it a sword i like to get a the base of a sword yeah but then there's a chain that's kind of like a morning star

look a morning star you those don't when you see it i think it's you know or mace but you know more Yeah, oh, no, that's, that's not really it. Look up a mace. Maybe I'm thinking of a mace. Yeah, mace chain, yeah. No, mace chains, right word chain into it. Whatever. There's a thing, there you go.

Oh, there we go, yeah. A flail mace. Yeah, this looks great. Yeah, you do well of a flail mace. I don't know who you're, are you fighting for the glory of America? Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah, the glory, whatever country will have me.

Are you trying to, like, get into the power vacuum once Biden, you know, if he steps down, are you going to bring your flail mace to Washington and throw your mace in the ring? I think it would be a good at show. I mean, yeah, it's a show of strength, you know? Sure. Somebody comes up with this. Somebody comes up with a flail mace after society crumbles. I feel like you trust that person. It's very heavy.

I don't know if you, I mean, I'm not trying to, you might, you want to start doing some curls right now. It doesn't look that heavy. Yeah. Well, it's, okay. Well, I mean, oh, that's like, that's probably the thing at the end of it, it's like a bowl size of a bowling bowl, yeah? Yeah, we're not, but it's heavy. You've ever felt anything that was dense and heavy that was like not the size of a bowling? Like a big, you think a bowl of lead that size would be like no problem for you to flail around on a chain?

I don't think it would be that hard. Honestly, I think you're underestimating how strong I am. Sure. Sure. I would laugh so hard if you by them. that a flail mace if you try if you try to pull out a flail mace because you got mad at me i would just laugh at you and then i mean i would take the chance that you could do it i mean look what am i doing it so bad i didn't clean the counter well enough whatever i mean it's not like it's not like

i did tax evasion all right so i mean you get merely mad at me you know i left a bunch of crumbs and and and bond me sandwich crumbs all over the counter you know vietnamese sandwiched delicious. Oh, I'm getting angry already. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry. I was just enjoying my bomb me sandwich. You know, I'll clean it later.

And you just get frustrated and you pull out of flail mace. I am, I'm going to be 100% certain. You can't, you know, whether I don't know what we even call it, flail me. Now, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'll take that chance. I'll die believing that you can't bludging me with a flail mace. And that's my right is America. the last thing you'll be thinking before the spike of the ball enters your your cheek flesh

sure will be ha ha ha yeah i mean to be fair i mean even that like you're saying cheek flesh like don't that's not where you kill me if you want to kill me you don't hit my cheek flesh what do you why not because my cheek in the face temple uh you know a base of the skull maybe look if i'm hitting you and i don't even like thinking about this i would never hit you at the flail maze i don't know that I mean, I think you would if you could. But I think if I'm hitting you with a flail mace, it doesn't really matter where I hit you. Honestly, in the face with a flail mace.

I mean, it doesn't matter if it's temple or cheap. This is the kind of thing that, like, you know, George R.R. Martin makes his bones at. People, like, who just think, like, oh, you have a sword. You're a knight and this is that. And, like, there's, I mean, you know, that guy shouldn't be as successful as he is. But people like you think you can just,

as long as I hit the, throw the flail mace at the fat man, they'll die no it's you have to be skilled with the weapon look i think i have to be i think i have to be skilled enough to land to land it on the face i think i have to be that's i have to have that kind of a hand-eye coordination that kind of strength sure but what but if it's going on your face it's gonna hurt the fat phobia of it all is that's not it's a little hurt but i thought you're trying to kill me i mean we you're you're just what they're called goal post moving. Now, I think we got a little distracted here.

We were talking about our king, Joe Biden, he's very sick. He seems to have, I think it's maybe HIV, some kind of blood disease. It could be, you know, Alzheimer's or the men's. Who knows? I think we disagree. I think he's mentally sharp as attack still. And like, he still keeps bringing up the burn pits. I feel like burn pits, by the way, are like, I never, you know, watch Loss, lost.

The J.J. Abrams show. But I hear these things, like, who are the others? That was a thing, right? Right. What are the burn pits? That's my question for the past couple years now. Are we going to, this season, this election season, find out finally what the burn pits are? No one's ever told me.

So the military just goes around the world. just burning, making, you know, burning pits and throwing toxic, things, just having our soldiers, like, burn acid. I'm pretty sure a burn pit is, like, anything toxic. They dig a big pit and they throw it in there. And then they set it on fire. Why not just bury it? You were in a foreign land that you were invaded under false pretenses anyway.

Right. Why not just bury it? Why burn it? I feel like the burning's where we get into trouble. The burning's how we get, you know, Bo Biden. That I think was Bo Biden? Yeah, Bo Biden. Bo Biden had to watch from heaven as Hunter entered his wife.

You know that, right? You know how Hunter entered Beau's wife. You know this? Wait, wait, Hunter Biden fucked Bo Biden's wife? Yeah, I mean, that's not very lazy like, you know, phrasing, but sure. Yes, you know this? I didn't. It's not denied.

He admits it. He says, you know, he says some gobbly gawk about how, you know, in Greece. reef you find her pussy or whatever oh man no you find you know connection

I don't know it just seems it seems like you know maybe you could not fuck the crackhead brother look that's a dirty thing

for Hunter Biden to do but that's a low down dirty thing for that oh she is sleazy oh sleazy if she's still alive that's sleazy woman you think she

you think she regrets letting that crackhead hump her I don't get partisan it's not partisan i'm just saying like i'm just saying like you know everyone everyone's got some exes they're not proud of yeah well at least they wouldn't brag about it's like oh the most famous crackhead in history is he i mean he's got is he more famous than mary and berry he's got to be at this point i mean this day and age for sure mary and berry you don't even know

he is it was mayor of washington dc and he got uh oh right caught smoking crack and they kicked him out of office and he got reelected later yeah hero honestly it's like i mean i don't know anything about the man but like you know that's just i i i approve how does it's it's what's a mayor do whatever let him smoke you got to stay up late all the time probably let him smoke some crack yeah that good for the algorithm by the way we have a patreon like and subscribe um help you know because his algorithm is not is not helping itself we're doing this episode in the fourth of july And we're not sure if it's good or bad.

You know, people, people tend to watch, you know, these videos at work, in which case, it's not that work. And we're screwed ourselves. But maybe no one else is putting out new videos. I mean, you can schedule videos. So maybe they are. Maybe we're cornering the market on the person who's just sitting at the Fourth of July party, just hating that they're there, hating their family, hating the beach.

Just just imagine that his wife is humping. his crackhead brother when he's dead. A fat man wishing he was dead so his wife could finally hump his crackhead brother.

We're here for you while you're still here. Do you think that Hunter Biden, do you think that Mrs. Biden, Mrs. Bow Biden? I wasn't finished though.

Oh, I'm sorry. Notification bell. I'm sorry. You should click that for some reason because there's not enough to subscribe. We're going to get to, you know, keep that.

talking about this. We have to do the notification. I don't know why we have to say it's every week. There's 15 different things you have to do on YouTube to make sure you get the notification. I thought you had this AI algorithm. You just show people what they want. They obviously want us they subscribed.

They like us. Stop screwing us. I don't think you're supposed to say the name. Damn it. There's so many rules. Just like, you know, just like the Constitution. Anyway, Patreon.com slash Ray Kump. You get an extra episode every week for five bucks a month.

That's not bad. That's like getting a flail mace. That's as easy as swinging a flail mace into your husband's face. On the 4th of July. So what? What were you asking about these ladies you were asking me? This lady, this, this, um, the Biden. This trashy lady, Mrs. Bo Biden.

Sleeze fest. This sleaze, sleaze, please. This burn pit of a woman. You, nice. I want to take it out. I want to see your burn pit. Girl, I'm going to get inside your burn pit. Oh, it smells like bradteries.

Do you think, do you think she expected this to come out? Like, because it must have been Hunter Biden who said this, right? I don't think he like. I want to know how the world found out that Hunter Biden slept with Bo Biden's widow. I mean, this is. a lot of things that people figure out I mean

I don't know I mean what do you I mean but what I'm wondering is the man's the man's had a lot revealed in the past couple years I mean of all the things

that you know like how did this come out that he's got to be asking I'm just wondering if she would have done it had she known that the world would one day know do you think it was on the laptop is that how it came out

maybe it was on the laptop maybe it was on the laptop yeah you think so like you know I mean that that would actually make him look better no he's like he's like oh is that who is that prostitute or she's she how old is she no no it's all fine look i'm humping my brother's dope wife i'm a good man

my brother's got cancer from the burn pit i mean we shouldn't laugh directly about that but the fact they died in the burn pit he didn't die in a burn pit he didn't die in a burn pit that's on how people die from burn pits usually they don't get thrown into them i thought maybe he fell in the burn pit i mean i mean you get cancer pretty quick if you fall into a burning that of cancer if you fall into it you'll get you know are we just bringing our garbage over like afghan or iraq or whatever and like i don't know burning it there i remember watching some breakdown of what exactly is in them but it was like yeah it's just it's just garbage it's just why are our soldiers acting like the bums and rocky one you know every bum and

just got a fire in the trash can in the streets of philly right you don't know rocky one well enough to get that joke that's what they did you would see rocky running at night and his bums i'm sorry homeless people it was the 70s i could call him bums you can call him i mean you could say you could say it they were bums they were i don't think that's like i don't think it's totally foreboughton yet to say that these weren't people just placed by the malibu fires they were are a winos. I think that you can call them bums if that's how they're characterized in a movie. Yeah.

I think, yeah. Wait, I'm sorry, Rocky ran past the unhoused as they burned, you know, vats of lard. Anyway, what was the point? I wonder if they're called bums in the script. Probably. Probably. Filthy, disgusting bums. It's filthy.

This seems like a bit much. God. I wonder how Hunter Biden seduced Mrs. Bo Biden. Crack? Probably with crack. You think she mean? No, all right.

Let's imagine. I shouldn't. It would be funny if everyone in the Biden family is a giant crack addict except for Bo Biden. That's why they think they had them. They just push them into the burn pit. He's like, I can't.

believe it i just found out that you're all crack addicted no every last one of you even my oh his mother died in the car car crash years earlier oh that's right yeah no the biden family is uh oh he's got he's marked yeah he's got i mean it seems insulting to call him cursed like i mean what's the word for curse when you feel bad for the guy like cursed when it's like it's not necessarily something you did i feel like like technically and historically Curse doesn't, but like this day and age, when people said, that's guy's cursed. I feel like it's kind of

judgy. Right. You know, it's usually like that. He must have done something. He must have smoked some crack. Yeah, God doesn't like him. Right. Um. What does God like? No. He doesn't like anybody.

Um, yeah, I mean. No. Well, yeah, no, the mother. It's, well, yeah, what's, what's, what's a nicer word for cursed? Um, I, um. Culpable? evil shots fired uh haunted he's haunted he's a haunted man yeah um whatever i mean so jill was jill was the sloppy seconds

jesus that's how you use that word it's not even how you'd be getting sloppy seconds right is joe is jill's sloppy seconds She got a sloppy Joe But has no one done that yet No one's called him sloppy Joe This whole time Dude has Trump called him sloppy Joe He called him Sleepy Joe

Honestly he could have should have called him sloppy Joe Yeah I used to call you Sleepy Joe His impression's gotten so much worse Sorry But now That's this debate Sloppy Joe

Well I don't think you'd say that I don't think I really add anything with the impression. I just had him saying. That was like the least useful impression ever. And you phrased it the way the way dumb Chris Christie would phrase it. After all the, after how evasive you've been, we're not going to call you Donald Trump. We're going to call you Donald Duck. Remember that?

Yeah, that was fun. Remember an awful attempt at a nickname? He might be the president. I think the Democratic Party should tap him. you know i don't think he's doing anything chris christie yeah we might be we might need him i mean i'd vote for you know the man who killed my children

before i vote for chris christi but there's nothing to his politics though it's just you know it's just his demeanor i just rather got to kill my kids can't listen to that guy anyway no but back to jill biden um she was trotting him around

You know, you answer every question, right? Do you think she regrets all those, you know, dirty threesomes with, you know, Joe, her in the crack pipe? You think, do you think that Jill got, maybe Jill got him onto the pipe and that, you know, and that was like kind of his rebound after his wife tragically got hit by a trainer? No, he took a train. No, I was thinking that she got hit by a train with a daughter.

But I'm confusing that because the story, he loved to tell the story of how after his wife and daughter were, you know, tragically killed, he would take the train home every day or whatever from a cello train back to Delaware to see his kids, which, you know, you would think, all this thing about, oh, take care of your kids, go see your kids, don't abandon your kids. It doesn't seem to help. You know, he still became a crackhead. Yeah.

or crack it's a good man. I'm sorry. I'm just saying it doesn't pay to be a good dad. Yeah, some people are just, some babies are just born, loving crack. Yeah. I mean,

maybe you can get them hooked on like, you know, create him. I'm not sure what Kratum does, but maybe you can kind of get him on the world alpha brain maybe. Maybe Joe should have given him alpha brain when he had a chance.

You know, he needs some stimulation. I mean, I mean Joe Biden should, well, Joe Rogan should have mine and just give him out of them. This is so much better than crack. it's not though it's nice alpha brain yeah ever had it i i think i tried it once it just

kind of made me like don't you dare say anything bad it just made me a little it made you made you it made you feel so happy this man can make it break us if you dare talk ill of alpha brain it's the last thing we need i was i was doing this as a as a i mean it seems crazy in hindsight now that it was only moments ago but like oh maybe if i say alpha brain is great joe rogan what, see this? No. Hasn't it been like a year since he even promoted Alphabrain?

I mean, he has like a whole host of things he like promotes now, right? Well, like, like, you know, like topsoil. Like planting, like bags of soil. You can make, you know, plant your flowers in. I don't know. Maybe. Okay, sure.

I mean, uh, look, I think it's, it's my fault that I didn't have a good reaction. You know, aspirins invented like 100 years ago. They still sell it. You're actually. I love the idea of him like it was billion dollars of alpha brain money you know like that's enough you've had your fun this is kind of good you know it's like he used to sell like the fleshlights and well i think you look again don't bring he obviously doesn't like talking about that anymore look again we're not i thought it was very sex positive of him

well keep talking about how he used to be better that will help us that'll help our careers That's a lot of promoted. Well, they think my, she thinks my pills suck. And now I was better when I was promoting Inside Out Dildos. Why don't I just call, what, they should have called it that. Inside Out Dilda. I mean, maybe I'm not, I don't have a marketing. I mean, obviously, you know, look at our views, I don't have a marketing mind.

So, yeah, I would have a call it that. You know. The name they used was much more, it flowed better at least. I mean, if they called fleshlights male dildos. It's not a male. It's not, it's not what it is. They might not be as, like, stigmatized. It's not a male dildo.

I mean, male dildos exist. They call dildos. I mean, they might make different ones, like, aesthetically for game. But, like, you know, they're the same thing. You know, like... Or call them female dildos. But you don't... Because it should be, like, what part it's representing.

I mean, look, I don't know the epistemone. that's how you say that of the word i don't think it does us any good to keep saying it into the algorithm void i mean you so what do you right for the next half hour what do you want to do more you know just just denigrate jo rogan the biggest podcast in the world or do you just say dildo into a mic so you do you just bury us no it's good it's fun it's 4th of july this is what this is what this Country's four. You got to lose a little on Fourth of July. I agree.

I hope, you know, I'd like to meet this algorithm one day. Imagine if the algorithm was able to, like, you know, in the Matrix when they have, like, personalities and, like, you meet the, like, what was that, the French guy, the Mervingian. He's just a program, but he gave himself a French thing. What do you think the, the algorithm would be? I feel like if an algorithm actually existed as a person, it would just be like a fucked up, like pre-cog type human like a crack baby

a crack baby that lives in a pool just like something that would have been aborted but you know not but not anymore because you can't right you know yeah exactly like one of those things where it's like no this is like oh you you did an amniote test and like you you killed this baby not not not in the new America

and then it would just be we have like three arms and uh listen to cole play a lot just bleed all the time it would just constantly it would always be seeping blood. Nothing worse than something that seeps blood. It's full of empathy, but, but it's, the world is disgusted by it.

I love the idea of, like, of a weird three-armed blood-seeping creature, but it has empathy. All right. Well, we care if it has empathy. I don't have empathy for it. I mean, you need to have, that thing needs to have empathy. Yeah. I mean, like saying, like, it's like, oh, yeah, imagine being that thing. It's like saying, like, like, a guy who's just.

like saying guy he's got a mole like a giant mole in his face it's very sweet yeah i think he learned to be sweet and if he tried to be cocky a cocksure jerk bully everyone was like yeah hey mole face that's how that works anyway i don't know we're talking about anymore um so the reason we've been denigrating biting for you know tens of minutes is that uh yeah i mean do you do think he's going to step down do you want to step down? I personally am fine with either way. I don't know what people think presidents do. Look, at this point, he kind of has to step down

because, like, you know, it's like now it's, he's kind of has no chance now. Now that the entire media has, like, said this guy needs to go. It looks very bad. And I don't look, I'm telling cheek saying he's, you know, I do think he's mentally a little more sharp. Whatever degree I can just be a little less, he's like, that he has like Alzheimer's or whatever.

That's all I'm saying. Like those moments when he had that glimmer and he's like, you're a creep. My son's like, not war crime or you're a war crime. Whatever you're saying. Like, you can tell he, like he had it in his head. He couldn't say it and he couldn't, you know, think it properly. But he was like, 20 years ago, I was such on fire in a burn pit. He's just thinking, he's just rage.

You know, I mean, honestly, this is a guy who like, you know, would beat up black people all day, apparently. at pool he was just like a guy from stranger things showing up Joe Biden is that Billy from stranger things shows up at the pool and just starts fighting minorities that's literally Joe Biden's story yeah right didn't he have a problem that kind of character of a problem with the black kid and stranger things I think so yeah it's Joe Biden I'm just saying um but yeah like honestly I think before even though he was horrible like I didn't think necessary I wouldn't have thought that like

that debate performance would like kill him right because like I've seen him kind of like slip up like that before maybe not so many times in a row no there's just like a week or two yeah sorry yeah but like he mumbles and stutters a lot you know it's like it's not like that's not like a new thing like a week or two

ago he just like I mean everyone thought he took a shit yeah and I'm not sure he didn't I don't know what you thought with the guy who's like whose wife is cradling him His crack-enabling life cradling his shit-filled underwear on stage. And he thought this guy's, but this guy's going to do the Socratic method or some shit. At the very least, even if he didn't shit himself, and I'm like 80% sure he did.

Sure. Like, even if he didn't, he was definitely really confused. He didn't know. He was definitely, he either thought he was about to shit himself or he was like looking for a cat. That wasn't there. Best case he had one of those hot farts. Right. And where like in your,

and his asshole was wet, like the actual asshole itself was a bit moist. But like when he took his underwear, it was like basically fine. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he wasn't sure if he,

I don't think he took a big, because I don't, I think he just eats yogurt like Robocop. You know, I don't think they feed him like real food anymore. They can't afford it. I mean, if you had this man to be,

you know, and you were trying to tow him around to get reelected as king. you wouldn't feed him steak right you just give him you know yogurt and uh you know and just you like corn like like corn has been ground up to be like sand that's why we would feed joe budd uh on the other i mean do we have any other so he's defa oh and apparently the new news is that what he's supposedly told his closest aides his friends um that he's Biden tells allies he knows he has only days to salvage candidacy.

I mean, what is what do you think he has in store? I mean, like, yeah, like, how is he going to prove? Like, I, in, in the next few days, like, he's going to have to, like, uh, this is, yeah, this is like when he's going to have to try and go, he's going to have to, like, go for a jog or something. This is Jack Lemon and, like, Glenn Gary on Ross, right? And he's going, like, I need the leads.

Like, it's like the old days. I'll show you. Just give me a lead. Right. And I'll show you. Bruce and Harriet and I board. You know? He's going to have to, like, let the press see him doing some kind of weird physical activity.

And then he's going to die. He's going to die for the cameras. He needs to hump his wife, doggy style and get caught. Oh, yeah. He needs to be plowing her. Oh, yeah. They need to, they need to surgically, he's what they need to do. They need to surgically remove his face.

put it on to a man who's an older man like a man who used to do pornography right who hasn't done it for a while but still you know still still still sharp yeah down there

it's dick you know and like you know he's retired now but he did porn as an old man like well you something in between you're describing something awful

like something like well you know like Ron Jeremy type okay I thought you were describing someone who's like grandson you know, took advantage of him. But who made the only fans of his grandma of his Alzheimer's grandpa. It's called stinkygrandpa.com.

I mean, that was the only fan. Originally, it was just a web, you know, in the early days of webcam. Stinky grandma, it got absorbed by the bang bus. The whole network. But, you know, stinky grandpa was flop. I didn't think so. I always started as in poor taste.

Anyway, what were we saying? Oh, he needs, yeah, he's the... Surgically take off his face and put it on the face of an older porn actor. Yeah. And have them just go to town on... Or just like Clint Eastwood. Maybe Clint's, he's the Republican, though, right? Everything's so partisan now.

You know? Someone, you get the idea, though. But it can't just be anybody, like, he needs to, like, be seen, like, he needs to, like, fuck Trump's wife or something. He needs to go into, like, a very, like, a criminal, like, a, like, a, like, a Detroit at night. I don't know, is Detroit even bad anymore? I don't even know where you go when you, like, what's, what's the worst places to go, you know, somewhere in, like, you know, and just, like, like, he needs to go, like, the East New York or Brownsville and, like, I'm gonna chain, like, like, he's, like, he's, uh, Charles Bronson and Death Wish 3, like, you know, throwing around his Nikon camera has bait. we didn't see the movie but yeah he needs to he needs to get into a physical fight with you know someone you know i don't know if corn pop's still around

but he needs to pull a gun a pew-pue as the algorithm likes i mean what else could he do it doesn't help if you just say if you say gun before it we're learning all right where it's a learning process i think i feel like maybe if you if it goes if i challenged a review and then they go well i said pupe you after while you're trying. Yeah, so I don't know. Did they start a war? Baby.

Who would he invade? We've done Afghanistan recently. We've done Iraq a couple times. We're doing Ukraine now. Maybe he pulls out of Ukraine. What if he pulls out of Ukraine? Well, what does he pull? I mean.

Just, you know, this is, screw him he just said he'd be yeah no more he's done yeah yeah go home in the russia i'm not saying he should i'm not saying that that's their home even i'm being this is this is him saying that it's he's winning he's he's he's he's that's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's got his base by doing what they by going for the other side imagine if he started just going for the other side if he started you know like hey uh Ukraine, done And you so are pulling me

I guess they would Look, I'm trying to think outside the box here What's your move And who do you Would you invade Poland I mean Poland might be too big It's also something Nazis did

I don't think you should invade a country than not I mean very famously invaded by Hitler Yeah you don't want to draw that comparison but look to answer your question yes there are safe countries

if you invade Italy you'd be a lot safer politically than invading Poland you know Italy was an Axis power you would just

don't want to be able to say oh just like Hitler invading Italy hmm right right see yeah

so he invades Italy how many people die and the Italian invasion theoretical you know it's like it's a member I mean we would We're probably not that many. It's in the air show.

Remember where Desert Fox, I think it was called? Yeah. When the impeachment, when Clinton was happening, and then he, like, lobbed a bunch of cruise missiles of Iraq. Wait, wait, wait, not Italy. Okay. Vatican City. Ooh.

All right. We're now we're cooking. We're fire. So he launches a war on the Vatican. Mm-hmm. I mean, here's the thing. It does go against my idea of him. I mean, we're the same.

time it's like you know it's he's going he's starting a war which uh but it's war against the church so i mean is that is that neutralized honestly there might be a lot of like because you remember like because you know how like you know earlier in the country's history like the no nothing party and stuff like there there was all that kind of like anti-catholic oh no traditionally yeah i feel like there might be still be some of that we could tap into don't get me wrong. I mean, as a whole, the country is not in love with Catholics and the Pope. I mean, you know, yeah, don't get it twisted. This country is mostly, you know, it's founded by Protestants and weird, what, Dutch reformists, whatever they were, the orange party or whatever

they, right, William of Orange. Right. And then Quakers and Baptists and, you know, very few Catholics. I mean, the Irish were Catholic and the Italians. They were very skeptical of them. That being said, I mean, you know, it wouldn't, I don't know if it would be the best thing, you know, you think the Republicans, like you Trump's people would be like, look, uh, I mean, we're Trump is against war, but you know, we got, we got to tip our hat. He killed the Pope.

Maybe. I mean, I think at least a few of them. I mean, if Biden killed the Pope, that would be fucking insane. That would be crazy. If he bombed of that, like, if he bombed, St. Peter's Basisle. Is that what he lives? He doesn't live in St. Peter's

Basilica, I guess. Where does he live? Look up where the Pontiff lives. What's to say? He lives at Casa Santa Marta. Oh, it's a building. It's the building next to St. Peter's Basilica. So you're close.

Right. So, you know, you do 9-11 logic. You know, Tower 7. It just caught fire when we bombed the Basilica. You know, how did that collapse? I don't know, Billing seven, same thing. I mean, if it works for that, it works for this. Either way, the Pope is no longer, you know, of this moral coil.

And he's fine with that. He's, you know, if anyone should be prepared, it's the Pope. You know, he's been talking to God the whole time. Right. I'm not whining about him. He probably knew. He probably knew he was going to do. He knew a lot of things.

Yeah. He's the Pope. You know, a lot of things. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I think it's a good. I mean, look, it's a good people distrust the Catholic Church. They know they were up to no good with a lot of these scandals. I don't think, you know, because of the nature of the electoral college,

I think the Italians, at least, or not, you know, there's Italians all over the country, but they're probably mostly in New York. California and maybe Florida Right? Right. I have no idea. Are the Italians? I mean, it may be outdated.

The Irish. Are they spread about? But the Irish aren't really I mean, it's going to be the Italians mostly, I think. Feel like you still love the Pope. Yeah. Can you win the presidency without the Italians? Well, probably a lot of, you know, people in South America too. Oh, right. Because he's from, what is the Argentinian? Yeah.

The Argentinian Americans are going to be a little upset here if he bombs the Vatican. But, I mean, he's got to be bold. It just qualifies. Does he, what if he just says, like, I had AIDS? I'm sorry. Sorry, I just found out that that morning, I have HIV. So, you know, there's a lot of my mind. I don't want to make it, I don't get it twisted.

A man with HIV, a HIV positive man can still debate. but I just found out and I'm a bit distracted would you vote for that man I mean yeah sure I mean yeah I mean if I thought that if I bought it like if you believe he had AIDS that would convince you to vote for I mean sure

is with that I mean what are people I'm not I'm not trying to be too naive I don't think he probably should be the president anymore as much as it pains me I love I love I love the thought of him with a chain but that being said where are people like so like oh he can't we can't possibly like they think he's gonna like if he is like kind of you know mentally not great right if he's just kind of and just staring into a wall most of the time

what are they most like because if you were his opponent when you'd be like well it's probably pretty good he's not he can't do shit right he's just you're just he's just shit in his pants and well he could be like you know uh getting Bill's past, you know, passed, right? And pushing Supreme Court nominees through, right? Right. I'm just saying you wouldn't want to get him off the ticket. Like, worst case, you guys lose, you got some weird, you know, mental, you know, got just like, you know, Alzheimer's patient with AIDS, you know, sitting there.

Right. Getting nothing done. But, you know, is it the war stuff? Is that really what people are afraid of? Like, whatever, we get bombed? with China bombs us? I just feel like right. Yeah, unless that

happened. Like the stuff like getting getting bills passed through, you could just have some like party operative just puppet puppet his body. Yeah, but I mean what do you think he's going to do? You think he's going to plan the battle in midway? Even if he was sharp? I think Joe Biden's like is like, you know, the war general king?

No. No. I say let him be president. Who cares? I mean, what's, you know, if China bombs, I mean, the last thing we need is some Jack Kennedy type trying to be like, no, let's talk. I mean, if we had Joe Biden, imagine if our Secretary of State or whoever could go to China, like, back channel, you know, this guy's no. If you, if you, if you fucking attack, he'll do anything we say. Well, we can, we can clear our entire inventory of missiles and firecrackers, just dump them all all over you. because they just want to make new ones I mean that's all these people want

it's just bomb as much as possible so they can sell more whatever missiles you know fake ducks right you know these ducks you know spy on people you're talking about what like the balloons well people say birds are all drones birds aren't real whatever's going on I'm sure they're trying

I bet I bet people have seen probably a couple of legit fake birds yeah like you know like and that's why they think and maybe like that's just for the property of dirty grandpa that go that's how he that's how he gets them like oh well the lovely duck and it's just it's just it's just a duck's just recording his asshole taking a shit but that's not the kind of nuance that sounds like they're not going to clarify it with that kind of nuance they're not going to be like look people are wrong that all birds are drones right but like there were we there were a couple of birds that were drones like they're going to be like no these people are crazy I

Nobody's ever seen a drone bird. I bet they got a shit ton of, like, really lame, shitty ones that, like, they can't use for that purpose. But we go, if China attacks us, we'll just, we'll just dump on, like, guard. What if we, instead of dropping bombs, we just drop garbage all over, like, metal garbage. Like, all over failed experiments, like, like, these, these fucking robot ducks, Boston Dynamics, dogs, just drop this stuff on, like, you know, instead of bombs. Yeah.

Just cheap. It's just, you know, is it cheaper? At least in the next, probably the next time we invade a country. Yeah. There's going to be some robot dogs on the ground. Oh, you think that? No, I meant like literally like these things don't really work. You just throw them on people?

We just drop them out of a plane and lands on a school. Yeah, why not? Look, they say if you drop a tank. I think they work though. Sometimes. I mean, have you seen those things? They're disgusting. Have you seen those things do obstacle courses?

I would never adopt one. They're fucked up. I would never adopt those awful uncanny things. Valley dogs. I mean, no, but they always say you drop a penny off the Empire State Building and you could like go through, you know, a man's head. Yeah. Imagine a Boston Dynamics dog, we can drop him a plane.

How many heads could that go through? Now, this is, I mean, I'm just saying this is, this is like, so what are we so worried about? Some generals, like, what if we just drop, you know, bleach? We use the ancient orange planes and we drop bleach all over them. Sure. He'll say, he'll just anything. He's not aware of the world.

He's, you know, he's shot. I think that's scarier if you're, I mean, that's a better deterrent. I'm not making the case for him. Don't get me wrong. Don't get twisted. Just saying, I don't know what people are so upset about. Let's move on. Speaking of the 4th of July and the once in future king, probably, Donald Trump.

He is, uh, in the news what happened they were trying to do like you know charging with more crimes right right they're you know they're trying to say that like you know he he was eating McDonald's and he showed over the he showed over the white house rug and everyone did something where he tried to regulate whatever I mean basically the Supreme Court came out and said no you can't do that can't do that for most part he's immune the people are losing their minds over this the president has immune which I I felt like we already kind of knew.

I've been getting texts. Really? Because there's some kind of text alerts. Like I don't know even when I signed up for them, but I get, I get text alerts from like three political things. Yeah. And like, and I was getting a bunch of texts going, they just made Trump a king. Really? Yeah.

I mean, is that why? I mean, people are going to think that. I've been saying that all episode of people are going to think I've been, I was just making it out to be, you know, for fun, for folly. But people are actually saying they made trumpet king. That's basically the line. Because they can't charge him with shitting all over the White House rug. They made McDonald's. They made, legally made Trump king.

I mean, what exactly is he supposed to of like, I mean, you know what I've been amazing. If, who wrote this opinion, John Roberts? Is that the name? I think so. If John Roberts said, no, you know, because he said, he said something like he's immune when he's doing stuff as obviously. Part of his powers, part of his constitutional powers. And he's also, there's a presumption of immunity for stuff that's like in the outer trenches or whatever of that stuff. Right.

Which just seems like a very vague addition. But, but imagine, though, if he had said, and also, I'm going to throw us out there, he's immune to AIDS. He's immune to HIV. Maybe they declared that? They could have thrown him a bone. That would help. He's like, look, I know he's got the bug. But I'm declaring him immune.

I mean, Maddox Johnson lived forever. He's still alive. And there's all sorts of cures now. It's not a death sentence anymore. Not even close. Now, maybe for him, because he's very... But whatever. We're not talking about his age anymore.

What do you think of this Trump thing? Do you think we've made him a king? I mean, look, the presumed immunity, depending on how far it goes... Yeah. I mean, like, I could see it being construed. burning. Sure. Like, you know, but, uh, but yeah, for the most part, it, yeah, it doesn't seem like we convict. It doesn't seem like we send presidents to prison as a rule. I don't think we should. I don't think it's good to have like a president have to worry about, oh, I'm going to like,

you know, um, what, what do they do? They pass laws. If I sign, if I sign this bill that says, uh, you know, uh, my wife can, can peg me. No, I'm blanking. What, what, I mean, what, I mean, what bills get passed? Like bills to sign Trade agreements If I sign this trade agreement And then some kid dies in a fire Because we're building

Fireworks Because you know Now we now we can now we can sell fireworks or whatever To them We can import their fireworks With less tariffs Because of new NAFTA And then his family's gonna sue me

Hell fuck that Right I mean honestly We have no king right now I don't think I see in the Constitution or was it they say that they offered Washington you wouldn't think we could have a king but they offered it to Washington when did they offer maybe before they wrote the Constitution I'm just saying it seems weird that the founding father has made the Constitution all this shit

and they're like oh did you want to be king well I mean you guys just made the Constitution it says yeah I wonder if it happened before because I know that they were having like a whole debate where like I think Hamilton kind of was into the idea of there being a king for a little while right and then like Like before because there's a whole yeah articles of confederation before that too. Yeah, we're kind of a, you know, I'm making that mistake of like compressing 20 years of history. You know, they probably, they probably got drunk and I ain't guy smelled bad Washington. I already reeked at bad teeth. Oh, yeah. Gums. Pockmarked face. Park mark scumbag. Smallpox face. Wire. Cherry tree liar. I would just imagine that. Whatever. But point is. The point is, the point I'm trying to make here is that we don't have a king. So I don't think we need to like underline it anymore.

Oh, but, you know, he needs to be accountable. Yeah, he's not king. Yeah. You know, like we, he needs to be above the law a little. What do you, what, look. Yeah, it's a good thing. Like, he has to go away at some point. He's the thing.

The president can do a lot of shit. But like if he nukes a country without asking, you know, if he, you know, if he, you If he nukes to Vatican, I mean, I'm not going to feel that much better that he's in jail. Right. You know, oh, don't steal the election or you'll go to jail. It's not like, because on the other side of that, you're just, you know, it's very obvious that you're, you have the potential of, what do you call it, criminalizing your political opponents. Right. Which seems bad.

Yeah, that seems like the outcome of that seems worse. It seems like what we did in other countries to, you know. to get to out to get you know um bond market stuff happening you know to have coos it's what we it's a way we rig a coup right doing this shit oh you're uh you you paid off a porn star now i'm not saying he should you know i wouldn't be funny if he wanted to jail it'd be funny if anyone went to jail it's always funny when someone goes like like it almost someone like anytime anyone who's like wears a suit to work goes to jail it's hilarious and not could have It's just funny imagining how they'll adjust.

Sam Bankman-Fried. He's like, you know, that crypto guy. He's just sitting in beanbag chairs and making fake money. And the next day, he's just in jail. I bet, honestly, of all the people who have been president, though, I think Trump would probably get by the best in prison. I mean, I don't know. People like to say, well, prison.

I feel like he's the kind of person. I feel like he's probably thought he might go to prison a couple of times. Sure. He doesn't all. but does he seem like a guy who prepares, like, for things, though? I mean, he doesn't seem like the most, like, prudent, like, like, it's like, oh, I go to prison, we burn some documents, not like, you know, learn Krav Maga.

Right. But maybe. Here's my thing. Because I know I, I, on some level, you have a point. People like to say, you know, criminals in prison would respect him, his hustle, his scams, um, his criminal acuity, whatever, whatever you want to call. whatever they're saying and it's fun to think about right it's a fun it's a fun it's a fun folly but really what's probably going to happen is like someone's just going to smash them in the

face with a giant you know the giant fist and go give me a goddamn dessert you prague you find a little bitch bitch then you don't know who he is give me that look like this doughy motherfucker give me that goddamn lemon cake but it's not like it's not what you're picturing oh that's like it's like it's basically just like a sheet of like cornbread with a little bit of lemon like you know frosting it's way too sweet you know if my experience tells me anything and it tells me you know i've had some food prison type food prison food i've had it's not good no so and like imagine getting your face caved in for dessert you barely wanted i mean you were to eating it but i mean it's just i would you know if you told me we're gonna do

that first yeah i would have just given you the cake yeah like he might say like hey give me a lemon cake trump's like no and then he just smashes them that's what happens I mean you know I don't think these guys get newspapers right it's prison they're hitting rocks all day whatever they do

I don't know if they know who Trump is you know he's like I remember me from the apprentice but whatever he's not going to jail it's fine well maybe could he I guess he could still go for this other thing with the porn star oh right

maybe she could help Joe Biden she hates Trump so much why didn't she get rather than for, you know, old porn friends to, you know, do the Joe Biden video. And Jordan Stomby Daniels plays a chill. I mean, can't they defape that? Yeah. They won't. Because America, this country used to build things.

They can, but they could, but they're cowards. We used to make things in this country. War cowards. I mean. here's the thing it doesn't matter it's like you know people go oh what's the what happens if uh the outer it's like it's like it's like a it's like a

what they call it a credit default swapper or what they call those things a mortgage back security or something but these tranches of of like of criminality or whatever they you know he's liable for what's the difference it's like if you if you know you either have a guy who doesn't want to commit

too many crimes or you don't if we have to keep prosecuting a guy every time as a president this doesn't matter it's like it's done yeah this you can't oh we can't be you really want how often do you want we just charge this guy with 16 crimes you plan on on on charging another president anytime soon right imagine if we just start charging presidents all the time crimes it just it just looks bad they're definitely i mean they got to at least try honestly i'm a little bit surprised they didn't try to like charge Biden with more even though they kind of did try well they got hunter on a gun charge

Right. Oh, yeah, they got Hunter Biden on the gun charge. Was he waving it around? Let's try to smoke crack out. But yeah, it's like, I feel like it's, at best, at best, best case scenario, people trying to, like, charge each other or charge president's family members or whatever just kind of peters out after this. Yeah, but like, yeah, yeah, it's a good point. We don't like beheaded. Oh, you mean like, it probably will. Yeah, but it's the only thing, we don't ever follow through, even our really bad criminals.

It takes years to, like, execute them or whatever. Oh, yeah. You know, we don't, it's not like it's going to be fun. Right. It's just like you'll end up, I mean, I guess he could end up in a supermax. I don't think he'll put him in a supermax, though. I don't think they put him in soon. Next to El Chapo.

I don't know. I mean, I don't know what people want. I don't know what kind of country you want. I want one where. Joe Biden is just saluting a flag shitting his pants Trump is just

you know it's just going through his pockets he's just fucking stealing out of his wallet Jill I mean what do you think you think he was if if it doesn't go well

if his plan doesn't work out in the next few days does he step down to the Kamala or Kamala Kamala? Yeah I guess Kamala Like, I mean... Just give her a chance to be the president.

Doesn't seem like that's a good idea. Like, I just feel like any, yeah, like anyone, they really shouldn't have, to the extent that anyone, you know, wanted him to be president. Like, they really shouldn't have done that whole attack on his candidacy because now he'll, he'll probably won't win. But also probably neither will, uh, anyone else. You think, you think, um, no one else will win? Oh, you mean? Yeah, yeah, like no one else. They would replace him like.

Yeah. What if they got? what they got Bobby Bobby Jr. A man with a man with the golden voice. Maybe, maybe honestly, that would be great if they just replaced him with him. I mean,

I imagine, I mean, I imagine that the whole reason, the story broke that he like, you know, we'll wrap this up in a second. The story broke that, uh,

he in the past had, uh, there was a sexual assault allegation. Yeah. Um, and he responded basically, well, I'm not,

I'm not quiet. boy and uh what was the word of something youth like a vivacious a rambunctious youth so i looked up the ages of when this would have happened he's like 44 right so it's a weird response still it does seem kind of the timing like you know they want to just make sure he's not an option right right like the DNC was like you know hey just put no we're not one I mean no one's letting the candidates into the into the party anymore no I don't know what they did. Maybe maybe there's Maryland.

Everyone's just really mad about what happened to Maryland. They know him about him, you know, Jack and Bobby, tag teamed her. Spit on her, good stuff. And everyone, I mean, Joe DiMaggio loved Marilyn Monroe. I remember I joked about it once, like, you know, Joe, hit her or something. Then, like, hit her. Did she marry Sinatra, too? No.

Okay. She married, um, Arthur Miller. Well, he might hit her. But Joe DiMaggio went to her grave, every day and just gave her flowers when she was dead. And he whispered, he stood over a gray with the flowers and he whispered, I'm sorry for hitting you. Maybe so.

But he's an American hero. I think enough people coalesced in the hero, you know, in the hero annals of America. And they were just mad. And this is revenge from, you know, what they did. They got, they got inside her and now they'll never get inside again. But, you know, whatever. Maybe he wins. Maybe he wins the third party.

And then he gets to, you know, who would be the new Maryland? Oh, probably not Maryland. A girl from Furiosa or something. I don't know. Oh, God. I mean, it would be awful. He probably, I mean, honestly, probably some only fans, the girl is Maryland now. Yeah, just, her name is, her name is just ass, but it's spelled, it's like ice, but it's pronounced ass.

That's something weird. There's a bunch of dollar signs in it. And she has, like, terrible acne in her face, but her ass, but her ass is massive. Right. And it's, like, decently. And she does really dirty shit. Oh, filthy. She just, like, she just smothers you with the head.

But, like, a lot of, a lot of these types of smother you with the end, but she literally were like, you'll have to go to the hospital. You'll be legally dead. She don't care. She's, that's her, that's how she, that's how she wins. She don't care if she, if she, if you die. Yeah. But she's not a contract. The worms in your brain won't be able to breathe.

after she smelled you her. Yeah, it was worm treatment. That's great note to end on. So look, that's where we stand in America on this 4th of July. And I just want you to know, we're here with you and we're going to watch it burn with you.

And maybe Biden is going to bomb the Vatican. We'll see. Keep an eye on the Vatican. That's all we're going to say. remember we have a patrons patreon.com slash ray comp extra episode every week five bucks a month thanks so much for tuning in happy fourth of july see you next week You know, I'm sorry.

Thank you.