Kump - Ep. 178 CAT LADY ELEGY

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

Ray and Lucie discuss Trump's speech, JD Vance,, and much more. Sign up at https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week! Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykump Kump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/ Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Hello and welcome to come. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Hi. Welcome to everyone. Uh, just see you know, if you're a crook, you can't steal America Matthew Crooks

that we someone's got to make a shirt like no crooks allowed and then I guess his family really should change this is an awful name yeah I mean honestly if you don't change your name now

you should be put in like a gulag I mean I'm all for freedom of speech and freedom of having names but I mean your name is already crooks the terrible last name I don't know why what did you like steal chickens?

Was your family a bunch of poachers from the king? I get it. Everything was the king's land. It's why you came here? Because you can't, everything's poaching over in England. Sure. But still, you know. But you must have been really bad if they like named the crooks.

Hey, like, you know, a lot of people poached. You know, but they called you crooks. You probably stole other things. Female sanitary napkins, things, whatever. Someone got Britain. Medieval sanitary napkins. Yeah, just rags. Stealing rags.

Gross. Filty things. Anyway, you should have changed it. Maybe if it's dumb parents would have changed his name. People are getting on them about why did you look? How did the dad let his kid get the gun and shoot at the president? How about you don't, you change your name?

Maybe he wouldn't have had to. What everyone call him? Bougar crooks in school? They probably called him bugger crooks. I'm not saying that that's an excuse. I don't care. I'm glad they did now in hindsight, but if they hadn't,

maybe he wouldn't have done what he did. Wasn't there some pair of, like, school shooting parents who, like, who got arrested? Yeah, like last year or something, yeah. Yeah. Why do these people have to do time? Well, well, there's still time for that.

Yeah, I guess, I think, I think maybe the crooks should have a few years crooks from them. The best years of their, they're, well, they're empty-nest life. You know? their baby looks like a dead That's such a funny way

To describe having your child To try to shoot the president And then get killed himself It would be empty nesters Well I meant just because he lived with them I got it's kind of meant he was of the age Where they'd be empty nest I guess that's true yeah

Now you have an empty nest Your boy Try to become infamous But now he's just a failure And your nest is empty as hell That's why I'm not I'm not I might be a country

star but not successful country star i should i'm like the towns van zant of this generation though boy you're not assassin you're just a emptiness bird crushed little windpipe's what you look like i mean he was a drug addict i think towns van zan if he all know who he is he's a country he's my kind country star i'm starting to go for luke combs oh luke holmes look i go look at colmes who he was on with Travis Tripp. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I like Towns Van Zandt better. Sue me.

And I'm also saying I'm as good as him. In order to do a righteous thing, which is the, oh, I'm sorry. Am I sorry? I'm sort of our liberal fans and we're taking shots at Matthew Crooks. Are they mad at us, Lucy? Are you going to be mad at us? And they're mad that we're taking a shot. Shots fired, crooks.

We got a. We got your head. Now, the boy is a failure. But I don't mean that in a sense, like, you know, I wanted to succeed. I mean, we covered this on a Patreon. While we're at it, patreon.com slash Raycom. We'll get it out of the way. We got an extra episode every week for five bucks a month.

If you like the show, you want to do that, you can. And if you don't want to do that, it's all good. But you can like and subscribe anyway, if you want. Please do that. And click the notification bar. That's how you stop guys like Matthew Crooks. You get the notification bell. and you get our alerts for our podcast and that somehow will stop me he's already dead but you know it will restore hope in a way in the end it's a net positive we're on the side of the angels so i mean it's all going to work out if you just support us get us over the over the finish line and we'll we'll fix it all eventually you got to trust us you got you get us into power you got we have to make some compromises to get into power and then once we're we'll fix it all eventually you got to trust us you got you got you got we have to make some compromises to get into power and then once

but we'll clean up what's in there. Yeah, we're going to have to make some dirty deals with people. But that's just to show that we have credibility and then we're going to start to no one good has ever gotten into all of this except, but we would be good. But we're going to have to do some dirty, dirty deals. Oh, yeah, no, invasions. I'm going to start a war if I can, if I get a chance. Because, I mean, there's nothing more powerful.

Imagine the kind of things I could do, good things, with the cloud I'd have from starting a war. I mean, you can say war is a bad thing. I'll do more good things. These guys don't start wars and don't do anything good. I would do good things after the war. Yeah. Like World War II. You know, I would start the IMF, the new IMF.

No one really knows what the IMF does. They give loans, the countries. They push loans down their throats. Hey, why don't you build a pool? I was like, we don't need a pool. Build a pool, and then you give it in the Vigs real high and we'll juke you. They like those little micro loans, right? Or is that the World Bank?

No, that's some other horses. Yeah, that's nothing. Either one's a microloan. They're massive loans. They're loans of like trillions of dollars, perhaps. Oh, right. Yeah, they do the massive loans. Yeah, and they go, hey, build some infrastructure.

Like some what? Infrastructure. You love it. Build a bridge. Get a look. How many build a new castle? And the Vig's real high. And they can't pay the Vig.

You know? What's a Vig? What the Vig is? I don't know what Vig is. Well, I mean, usually it's a bookie. We have Vig's a Vig's. big or loan shark it comes from the term vigorous

vigorous interest oh like high interest the interest on the loan the bank doesn't call the vig though the bookie or loan shark were called a big interesting I mean a bookie if you have to lay if you can't pay them right away

how do you know all this I don't know why I watch the pranos do you have bookies threatening you no it's all it's all now it's all like sports bets dot com or whatever will we use draft uh sports oh right fan duel fan duel draft kings

draft kings sports come sports come it's just called sports come that's what it is it's just it's just like it's just that's the most direct but we're getting off topic this show is sponsored by sportscom dot com get your free bets today

no big but these the the IMF doesn't have people can't pay the interest or whatever. And then what will we get in the end? We get, you know, hey, oh, you know, that's okay. You know, you have, you know, mining stuff. You have a lot of caves.

You got a lot of cobalt over there. Yeah, you got a cobalt. How about you just give us some mining rights, you know, stuff like that. You give us land easements or, you know, the rights to put our air bases there or whatever we need, you know, whatever the modern day capital slavery requires. I'm sorry I'm sorry for saying that I love money I do I want a pool

I'd love a pool this room the gase doesn't really work that well and it just makes me want a pool real bad so I'll start a war anyway Maggie crooks is a piece of garbage and I'm glad he's dead yeah this was covered you know on the page we went hard on him on the Patreon

I think too hard I don't think so and I think you know, I'm just saying but he didn't ruin the Republican National Convention which is good because I don't care what party you vote for

these both need conventions you got one side you got Donald Trump Donald Trump is on one side we'll cover him first we have Biden also and he's great too he's really doing well

he's just he's refusing to step down that's that's brave even though he's just like you know it is it is ball I mean it is balzy to just like when everybody your entire party the entire media establishment is going we can't have you

yeah he's like pissing your ear but it's not it's not like in the way that you know Trump Trump was defiant defiant he's defiant he's defiant like I'll shit my pants I'll just shit him

I'll shit my pants forever I was like all right I won't back now Like that Luke Perry song Me Tom Betty Luke Perry It's almost like as it goes through All these messages

As they go through the filter of his dementia Yeah He's just thinking like Oh you need me to doubt You need me to commit more Right I'm in this to win it I'm staying in

Yeah I am gonna be He thinks he thinks they'll kill him And they might He thinks Matthew Crook's waiting for him He saw a picture of Matthew Crooks is like I can never leave. If guys, if they're letting guys like this take shots.

Like a lot, you can take a shot. I think Oswald was a decent looking guy. Not great looking guy, but compared to Crooks, you know Matthew Crooks, Lee Harvey Oswald looked like James Dean. Oh, yeah. Oh, Matthew Crooks was rough. Atrocious. Rough looking.

People are thinking he, like, worked for Black Rock. You realize how embarrassed Black Rock it is that Matthew Crooks was in that video, let alone, like, took a shot at the. president what's the guy's name Larry Fink or something Harry Fink right I'm at yeah I'm not sure black rock Black Rock CEO

Larry Fink Larry Fink he called someone that the day that happened and that can that video came out he's like and they're like we're looking into the we know he's definitely we can't be culpable who put that that disgusting rat in the video

of ours because he's not overseeing like I don't even know They own, like, you know, everything. They're an equity firm. They own, like, every house in America, right? They own all of it now. I don't know why they need to, like, make a commercial for schools. Hey, like, we own your school now.

Cool. What are you going to do? Because they need somebody, they need people to confuse them with something else. Right. They own so much now. Yeah. They need people to think they're doing something different. They need, when someone's like, when they're trying to buy a house, it's like,

oh, maybe they'll turn it into a school. Right. You know? And then, and then maybe like, maybe just. school will teach a school of assassins like a ninja school you know was but that what it was was that assassin school he was teaching matthew crooks out to shoot the president i mean it was a bad school i mean it wasn't very good yeah well he doesn't look like a great teacher well i mean i guess he got pretty close trump was saying i mean i'm going to step on his speech but he said that if he

didn't move his head the last second um then you know perhaps he would probably be dead yeah i mean Which makes me think I might live forever Because I move my head a lot Or do I don't, I move my hands No, see, I would maybe I would, yeah I would probably get the bullet in my hand Imagine how bad ass I would look I'm just talking

And all of a sudden blood starts flowing out of my hands And you're like And blood's flying all over the front The first like few rows I'm like, oh! Yeah I feel like that It would be a strong move.

But, you know, regardless, Trump picked a vice president, I'm sorry, president, we can say President Trump, right? I'm not trying to blow smoke up the guy's ass. I'm glad he's not dead. Is that enough? Or too much, I mean?

How do I walk the line of America? Look, if it makes you feel good. I want to call him King. To call him President Trump. picked a new vice king but that's too much you don't like that I can tell when you're looking at your eyes all right President Trump

Duke maybe I'm just lame His tweet So President Trump picked a vice president today It's a few days ago JD Vance who was the author of the legend of bagger vance

Is that right I don't think that's one that he wrote no He wrote Hill Billy Ellies Screenwriter, right? I don't think so. What is, is that like, I mean, I heard that one. It's a movie about how he abandoned his mom.

Okay, Gilbert Grape. Yeah. What's eating Gilbert Grape? Right, yeah, exactly. They said that's the fat woman on fire at the end. Right. He wrote, that's a good, that's a good movie. Honestly, that's the Caprio's breakout role.

Sure is. I mean, you know. Gilbert, wake up! If you don't count growing pans. Well, that was like a breakout role. But I mean, like, I think, I think people are like, these kids are real good actor. I mean, basketball,

He was very good. This boy's life. De Niro told Scorsese. He got work with this kid. That's where Scorsese got in his map. Oh, yeah, when he was just screaming out through the mustard, right? With all the mustard on his face.

Yeah, he's just pouring, as your mustard play. He was like, this is a kid who will let you abuse him all day long. Yeah, he just put mustard in his face. He goes, oh, good, gung. In my heart, he's like, tell me more. As long as not one of those Marvel movies

that I hate. I'm about. I'll put this kid in 15 movies. He must hate casting so much. Martin Scorsese hates casting more than I hate, I don't know, being a healthy person. He just, he just has like, he's got like 40 movies and it's like three guys and all of them. Just three guys. Yeah.

They rotate power. It's like, it's like Martin Scorsese is like the film version of the kids in the hall. The high cinema version of kids in the hall. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Just Pesci. I mean, he's literally got like Petchie. He's on like, he's on like, fucking dialysis.

And he's like, can you, can you kick higher? Can you do Kung Fu? He's going to do a Bruce Lee movie starring Joe Pesci. Just fucking literally just fucking. They're just going to be on ventilators. Yeah. I love it. It's so hot in here.

It's a fix his air conditioner. It's very hot. I hate this. I need a pool. How do I start a war to get a pool? you got um so the legend of bagger vance um and then this guy became like somehow so the guy is he is that based on him in bagger vans yeah what is backer vans is that movie where it's like will smith is like a ghost like a golf ghost oh right right he's like the ghost of he's supposed

be a ghost i think so i think he's like a ghost of like the first black guy to try to play golf and they lynched him or something and it's like he's a ghost now and he's teaching matt damon who like I guess plays Bobby Jones, or is Bobby Jones some other guy? I don't know. But, I mean, he's, I don't know if they make that movie today. Yeah, I mean, look, it does seem like something J.D. Vance would write it, so maybe he did write it. Yeah, it's just like black people are ghosts and, like, Matt Damon's, I don't know. But, but, I mean, what is?

I mean, the Legend of Bagger Vance by J.D. Vance. Yeah. Flows off the tongue very nicely. I mean, who did write that book then? Was it a book? I don't know. look up legend bag or vans who who's the writer of it i mean i i think you're wrong i think he did write it uh look at the cast the cast doesn't tell us anything let's see novel

now just just look at who wrote the damn screenplay oh it's novel by stephen pressfield wait it's even pressfield somebody's name did he write who's stephen pressfield what else he write he did write the war of art he's the guy that Joe Rogan's always talking about I bought that book and I read three pages of it I read that book The War of Art

The Bagger Van Sky wrote the War of Art What was that book about I didn't Like he's Rogan years ago You gotta read this book It'll teach you to stop procrastinating And then I just you know I thought it's always gonna be like a picture book with, like, like, kind of, like, cut people's heads off and stuff.

It was just a bunch of, like, you know, hey, like, you know, like, the monics or something. He also wrote something called Gates of Fire. Gates of Fire about the Spartans in the Battle of Thermopyly. That's cool. Everyone loves Spartans. All right. Well, why is this? Biden should pick this guy to be his vice president.

It's even Pressfield. Wow. All right. Well, I guess, I guess, I guess J.D. Vance didn't write this. all right so who was jd vansston you tell me i don't know much about this guy i was i was tuned out the whole time he was who was in that movie the the woman from uh this is he spacic i don't remember the legend of baggie no hillbilly elegy nearly as much as you do oh oh ill billy elegy right um yeah who was in that that was a bad movie i didn't see i didn't watch you

that is that the one where tom holland the spider man came was in it felt like a very long-winded Look at this woman. It's stupid Amy Ryan and Owen close. And this woman looks like a big, like, just dumb idiots. Yeah. You can live in, you can live in Appalachia and not be a hillbilly, right? I don't think you have to be. I mean, I watch Justified where it's like, you know, it's like, you know, with Tim

Theola fans. I know he, I know it's not authentic. He wasn't, you know, it's written by Elmore Leonard, who might as well be. you know i don't think they were he would have done well in appalachia i'm or leonard well isn't he from appalachia i doubt it you weren't like jacky brown and friggin like uh and which you would call it and like look it up then if you're going to make accusations i don't know you wait you're talking about jade vans you're talking about what's his name i'm more leonard where is he from where was he born

oh louisiana close not it's not even close at all maybe it is but yeah like the whole thing at least watching the movie whatever hillbilly elegy

yeah it just felt like a long winded explanation for why a guy doesn't like his family and like I don't need an explanation for that I look my family who cares yeah exactly no one likes their family what is this

wait what do you do you think you live in Italy, where everyone's living in a house together and we're like, and we're like watching pasta? Yeah. And like putting our underwear in the same bucket and like soap and like cooking pasta in the bucket. No. Some bambino is sitting there just like rotting in the sun. You know, he's like taking shits in the in the grapes and he's squashed the grapes with the shit. No, it's Italy. It's America. You know, you have a family. You hate your family. You fucking who cares. I feel like as he was ready You eat some Oreos

It's like when I run for office Like people are People are gonna ask me about the No it's like I get it you know Yeah you didn't like your Yeah Hanging out with your poor family I get it

Oh you're a hillbilly You guys What did you guys You guys make moonshine No one cares about you Yeah You're just an asshole Everyone's just an asshole

No one You think what you think People go like You scamming just scammers And then hooksters Or hocksters Hocksters Hocktaws

gotcha the greatest The hope tall girl is going to be Speaker of the House in five years I mean supposedly like

the greatest like family of politics was like you know the Kennedy is like Camelot and like JFK was fucking underage girls half the time

Underage well maybe I mean I go I probably go the hardest at JFK of anybody I just constantly bring up

how him and his fucking brother with his Addison's an emphetamine addiction are just railing Marilyn Monroe just shoving pills

in her mouth until she died and he covered it up but I mean underage even I'm like were they underage I don't know

oh yeah this is the theory anyway did there is something on court about it did JFK have affairs with underage interns code named

fiddle faddle and meamy wow is that Hillary Clinton in the picture there she is oh man Is she fattel? Looks like her.

Oh, okay. They were of age, but they were like teenagers, but they were of age. What are you doing? You can't, look, this is the 1800, what, 1880s? Where was Kennedy president? The 1950s? Yeah. No, 60s, right?

No, no, I honestly just didn't remember that. Yeah. Oof, I'm a little rough. I bet that one's fattel. Yeah, she's definitely fattel. Oh, man. woof weird but

yeah I don't know what to tell you Lucy what's your point I don't know I was just I was just making a point that it's like that's the greatest family of politics oh yeah yeah yeah no I mean

they were doing dirty things well they're still around you got you got a robber who won't do our show even though I've never asked them but why doesn't he reach out we have we have mutual friends you know what i don't hear shit i'll start saying stuff i out of respect i won't bring up i should i brought up everything last time but i mean they're not to do it is is is schwarzenegger technically a kennedy i don't think yeah he's an honorary kennedy he's married to maria

shriver who's like oh she is a kennedy right yeah yeah something yeah so he's kind of he's part of the Kennedy legacy. Yeah. Just nailing his freaking housekeeper. So hot. She's fucking full cum. This fucking comes.

He takes his comb and she gives him a baby. She's like cleaning a fucking ottoman. And he's like, I got to put some cum in here. Like, give me a baby back. And she, but she seems, she loves him, right? She loves him, yeah.

I mean, she's like, she's into him. Yeah, I think so. So it's not, it's great. I mean, it's cheating. He's a dirty cheater. But it's still, like, it's just, it's pure. I mean, that's just, that really reminds you, like, just nature. Sometimes people just want to make a baby.

Yeah. Like, there's no, there's no judgment. There's no, oh, you're my housekeeper. I can't impregnate you. She was a thing as just a guy. You know? He's just a guy. I got some come.

I got to get rid of it. Would you like some? And she's like, sure. And she's like, do you want a condom? He's like, no. say it's hot it is pretty hot if i thought if i thought she was getting taken advantage of somehow but she gave he gave her a fucking like awesome baby look up look up schwarzenegger is like ha you know maids maids housekeeper's son look at him like now he looked like people say he looks

like schwarzenegger maids baby Yeah, look at this kid. Oh, damn. Yeah, his kids built like a fucking young Schwarzenegger. Do you think, did he has kids with Berea Shriver, too, right? Yeah. They're probably disappointments compared to this one. Well, yeah, because you get Shriver babies.

You should have gotten something like, you know, he should have married the housekeeper. He gets dope. I mean, he's a little bone you get married to Arnold, but whatever. Yeah, I mean, his ribcage is a little. But, you know, it's whatever. Yeah. I'm sure he didn't work as hard either. I'm just saying what odds are

I mean the source of him came here He was a maniac Yeah he doesn't have to Right he's got a lot money now probably Why are we talking about? I don't know You've worked up the candidates But yeah

J.D. Vance The legend of J.D. Vance He also has a bone to pick With the childless He's bowling Oh wait okay What I'm

He's boating the childs No He's bowing the childs He's bone-picking children? He has a bone to pack. I'm the bone picker. I'm Jeannie Fats. Back in Appalachia, they call me the bone picker.

The bone. They tell the children about the bone pair, a bone. Jeannie fans are going to pick your bones. It tells you to be, if you don't eat all your vegetables, JD Vans will come and pick those bones. He doesn't like that. He doesn't, he think people, he thinks the childless are, uh, he called out childless cat women, right?

Right. But women in particular, but he doesn't like any childless people. He's got a problem with both of us. Right. J.D. Vance thinks that we should, I should be getting you pregnant. Yeah. Which is, you know, it's a fair point. You did, you did mention having a Woods baby.

Hold on, hold, I didn't mention having James Woods baby. I mentioned, what are you, why, like, James Woods cuck? Well, James Woods can come over and give you a baby. No. Yeah, like having a baby in the woods. Yeah, I mentioned. Because apparently you think children can only be conceived in the wilderness, which, you know, might be another thing we have to discuss. I just said that.

I just said, I don't like people that much. so I mean like if you wanted to like move to the woods I'd be fine with that yeah and we could have a baby in the woods it wouldn't matter we just homeschooled the baby in the woods yeah I mean if these idiot people out there can homeschool their kids I can home school oh totally yeah people I mean could both people homeschool just seem dumb I'm very skeptical I'm not saying because it's just more like I they're gonna turn my kid into a rat

I mean they're gonna turn my kid into a jibble well you know they might turn them trans but they're not turning into a rat and also it's like if you ever I don't know if you've ever seen like homeschool people like defend their their system yeah and I'm not saying there are no good

homeschool and parents but it's like but sometimes like you'll catch some saying stuff like well it's like the whole point of it is that it isn't like a traditional education so like they're not studying all the time like you're just teaching them practical things and I'm like okay so these kids aren't going to know how to read get the

milk come in with the milk Like it's like everything like Howard used Coming in with the milk Come in a 45 degree angle This is a weird pole I'm not sure we'll get this one Come in with the milk

Remember that aviator Come in with the milk That's what's homeschooling is Come in with the milk Here's out of beat a cow Until milk comes out of it Yeah It's like well

No need for math I mean I'm all I'm all Look just turn on like The History Channel you can watch ancient aliens and like in Bible myths or whatever's on there now

remember they used to have actual history in that dumb channel that was just like you know the legend of JD Vance about one pick but at the same time I feel the same way you do

whereas like I'm so skeptical of homeschool parents that I'm like I could totally do that yeah yeah I could be a bad teacher too

if that's allowed fine I don't care like I remember growing up and people were telling me people are telling me you got to get in a good school.

We were we watching Sopranos, right? And like the whole first two seasons were so meadow was like obsessed with like, I got to go to college. Da, da, da, da! Which college? I remember thinking, it reminds me like,

you know, when I was a kid, people would say that stuff, but I just thought they were morons. And even though they were right, I still think they're morons. I don't care. I'd rather, I'd rather die in a ditch than care about college.

Right. Like, oh, I got to go. I got to get in the brown. I knew a guy who was like, who seemed like a pedophile who went to Brown. I didn't watch him do anything, but, you know, I can't talk about who. Okay, you can't go into more detail about what? No, I'm just saying, creepy-ass guy.

Okay. Went to Brown. Now, I don't know a lot of people who want to Brown, so I don't want to slander Brown. Right. But I'm just saying, that guy's better than me. They went to Brown? Go ahead. Set up your society based on where creepy people get to go to school.

and I'm on the outs. How about we just all put our spit in a bucket? We shake hands and we trade. Call me the bone picker. So, J.D. Vance thinks that you're a childless cat coven, a cat witch. Well, he said in the past that he said that childless people have no physical commitment to the future of the country. What, what do you mean? about me what about myself right you mean you make a physical what you want some blood do you want a hand what do you want a finger

right you want to cut a finger off for you jane mr bone picker hey bone picker what do you need a hand a foot i'll give you a foot i'll give you a head i'll set i'll set i don't give a shh you can have average you can mutilate my legs or arms but not both I guess lower half he can get on my lower half can we somehow can we somehow I'll become a spider like put my put my body onto a mechanical spider base and then you know I can't have children anyway then can we somehow create a bomb that goes inside of us that that's that's connected somehow by Wi-Fi to stock prices and if the economy tanks it'll it'll go off in our asses speed three what you dance hopper there's a bomb in your ass the price of Tesla goes above 220 it's armed

if it goes below 220 you blow your ass blows up I'm the bone picker J.D. Vass this is crazy why does it arm when it goes up because that's over value that's how it worried speed worked yeah we go over 55 oh okay

I think you just had to stay above a certain speed no because well the whole thing it made I don't know

if it was made that way because otherwise it would just blow up immediately we turn the car run and blow up

you know your version of the script it would just be like the guy at the bus depot like turns on

the bus and blows up which might have killed more people so that's true I should have done that

but yeah No, I mean, so that's, what is the script workshop podcast? Anyway. Are we selling this? Call your agent. What is he doing? Have you, call your agent, tell him about what's his movie called? The ass bomb.

Can we call him on the podcast? Your agent? Maybe, maybe at some point. Let's call him right now. Tell him about the ass bomb. Oh, is your manager? Manager. Let's call your manager.

Get him on the phone and let's talk to him about this ass bomb project. What are we doing here? Why are we wallowing in their hot room without a pool? It's so hot. We don't have to live like this. Call your fucking agent. Anyway. But yes, he did take a shot specifically at single, the childless cat ladies.

Wait, like he's a crook shot? A crook. He took a crook shot at. at us. Well, not us. I'm a married. You're a married, cat lady.

Cat lady. We have a cat now. We mentioned that. We did, right? Beautiful Dana Scully. The rat cat. The beautiful rat cat. Someone's abandoned her and we picked her up.

They're just suckers. Yeah. The cat cucks. But with that, we're not here talking about cats. We're here talking about how we're just childless wanderers who who give our secrets to the Russians is the first chance. If you don't dump your load and your housekeeper

and you might as well just be a spy. You're like that guy with the Wall Street Journal Evan Gersh whatever. He got 15 years by the way. Oh really?

Yeah. But yeah, look, I don't necessarily think he was a spy. I think it's probably a spy. Yeah, probably. You know what? I don't know why I got? I mean, maybe.

What was he ever done from me? I mean, honestly, we can go back. and read his articles. I don't think anything he did ever, ever, he never pumped the comp show, the comp podcast. That's true.

Yeah. People, if anyone who's reported the comp podcast got convicted in Russia, I'll lie and say he didn't do it, even if I think he did. I'm not going out on a limb saying it's rushing, what's he apparently his parents are Russian or whatever. I don't know what the hell. Oh, he can't be a spy. Of course he's saying that.

He's just, you know, that's what you would say. Right. Putin's a liar. Oh, what's that like? Um, but yeah, I, I, there's, there's some, there's like an op-ed response to this. Oh, sure. Yeah, well, I want you, can you want a response or someone else does? Someone else, it's, oh, you beat, did she beat you to it?

Yeah. I wanted you to write a letter from the desk of the, uh, of a childless cat, mom. Look, I, I just don't, I, I, I can understand, I understand the internal logic of, uh, you know, people attacking childless women. even though I think it's a little bit shitty Maybe some of those women, their pussies don't work Yeah But you need your main exception If your pussies don't work

It just doesn't apply to you You think you should have said that at the convention? Yeah I think that's the least he could have said Yeah I know exactly like that I know to be fair I know some women's pussies don't work But in general These cat moms are really putting a sour note

In the pussy capital of the world Which is America But I don't understand I don't understand the hatred of cats so much. I don't understand why adding a cat to the mix. I understand why you have a lot of them. That's creepy. But I don't see how adding a little furry cat to the mix makes things worse.

Because people are confused by cats. People are very dumb and they like dogs. Now dogs are fine. I like dogs to a point. Yeah. But I mean, enough with you stupid dogs. All right? Like it's just the people in this country are very, very dumb.

and they're obsessed with their stupid dogs and they follow them around and they pick up their shit and they go, oh, look at us. Let's pick this bone. And I don't know. And they think cats are like, yes, cats are a little more complicated. And but you know, Dana Scully, the cat is very, very friendly. And she cuddles us and she does all sorts of playful things.

And we train her properly. She's a little retarded. We gave her a bed and she tried to eat it. Yeah, sorry, she's showing on her bed. Maybe, like, don't buy a smart cat. Yeah. Yeah. That's that.

Dumb cats are nicer. Yeah, they're, they're friendlier. They're like dogs. Yeah. Dogs are real morons. Dogs are loyal. So what? What do you mean loyal?

You feed them and they eat it. What do you think they're going to do? Like, like, you think they're going to be Evan Gershowitz and betrayed you to Putin? What is this? Oh, dogs. If you keep feeding them, they'll just stick around. Oh, they won't wander and start fucking my wife. Is that what it is?

They don't fuck my wife? Cool. Thank you. Dogs, they'll never fuck your wife if you feed them. But yeah, do you want to see this response? Yes, whatever it is, yes. I don't know if it was the most productive thing. Sure.

Look at his woman's face is very. Yeah. All women, hi, whatever. Sorry, JD Vance, for being a childless cat lady. is actually not a bad thing. It sounds bad when you say it. Right. You're making it sound bad.

It's not, but you're making it sound worse. Hey, my barren room is fine. When you say it like that, maybe it should be against the law. Hey, cock sucker, I like not being able to have kids. Hey, I fuck my cat and I love it. It doesn't fill my pussy, but it's fine. rather than being miserable, as Trump's running mate once said, women who are child-free by choice are often happier and healthier.

Well, if you're arguing that women who aren't raped are happier, are forced to carry rape babies a term. If that's your point, then yes. Right. I'm sorry, I call them rape babies. You're also leaving out a bunch of women who, like, aren't quite child-free by choice. Like, it's like, you know, but, you know. Whatever.

But I'm saying, if she's arguing the product of rape, well, what's the nicest way to say that? but babies who were the babies who demon babies okay so if you're arguing if that's your barred and I guess JD Vance he's really look first of all

yeah I'm not yeah I'm not sure if he didn't mean that he might have meant that he might have meant you know I'm not giving him a benefit of the doubt I'll give him a benefit of the doubt I'll give Trump a little benefit of the doubt but I don't know this hillbilly

the hillbilly uh... ULogy guy and what is it? What's that book about? Is that book about him just like speaking of a bunch of funerals for hillbillies? It's just like fucking even yet. Like it's like 40 chapters and it's like short chapters. And so like Jimbo was a with a rap scallion.

He died using a Buick to make gin or some shit. Yeah. Well, I think it's hillbilly elegy. The gun dug came. The goddamn gun dugs. And then he starts. tab dancing like Walton Gagans. Yeah.

I mean, honestly, if J.D. Vance was just replaced by Walton Gaggans, the world would make, would be better. Why can't, why, look, there's no movies anymore anyway. Walton Gagans. And if you don't know Walton Gagans, I don't know, Shane from the Shield. He was the monster in Fallout. He's in, he's in, he's baby Billy and the, everyone knows Walton Gaggans, all right? He's been around for 20 years.

Yeah, I think he's pretty famous now. He's been around for 20 years. He's in a hateful age. He's in a lot of movies. Not, I mean, I think he's a big star But I mean, this guy can't get Why isn't he a big star? Why isn't he Brad Pitt?

Because there's nothing left to do, right? I love Walton Goggins. But you might as well just make him the vice president. Why are we screwing around with the bone bicker? The JD Vance. Get Walton God. Just cut this shit and get Walden Goggins in there. And while you're at it, get fucking Tim Fiola fan to take Biden's job.

I mean, why do we, these people aren't doing shit? Oh, man, Timothy Oliphant versus Walton Goggins and a presidential election. Amazing. Incredible. That would be, like, why can't we just skip to that? We're on their way there. And look, Trump's fun. But I mean, if we just, like, but he's not going to, he's probably going to win.

And then it's only going to be four years, unless he, like, you know, does what everyone says he's going to do. And honestly, you might want, you might, you might, when it comes down to you, you might be saying, please do it. Because apparently, because who are you going to have. place Biden with you don't even know do you you being honest you don't even know there's no one there yeah comella Hillary Clinton Michelle Obama might be a good but she's the only one who won't run yeah who you got can't got no one you think he's gonna get better than four

years hey what's her name well the headscarf the Somali one she can't even run Elon Omar can't run right yeah Yeah, yeah, she can't do it. I mean, who are you getting get? Who else is out there? Yeah, I mean, AOC. AOC. Get out of here.

Get out of here. You're going to want Trump. But whatever, I'm just saying. I'm not saying he should, like, overthrow the Constitution. But at that point, what's the difference? But I forget, Walton Gagans, I can be an elephant. People might get excited. Well, we had Reagan.

He was a big movie star. That's true. He wasn't John Wayne, but he was big enough. why are we fucking around here get the goods get the stranger things kids to be like pretend to be their kids get the guy from get the guy from squid game to be like the friggin the head of uh human services or ocean you want a whole oh you want a whole hollywood actor i want neb presidential family i want nef i want a net i want a netflix white house get the get the get get the money heist i've never seen money heist but people don't even like that make him the king of spain that guy why do we why are you

pretending that people do shit like that like presidents matter it doesn't matter just get anybody but make them compelling get brad pitts a they don't want the job he's like you gave those guys too much money brad pitt Kevin spacey well i know he's only yeah we can pull him back uh who else Michael Scott Whatever those people are too big But these people Walton Goggins is probably worth like you know 200 grand

I hope or but I mean I'm just saying They'll pay these people today Yeah his profile would benefit from being the president He would do well to be the vice president Vice President we're not I mean I look I will give some respect to Trump I'm not looking to replace him with a Netflix character yet I'm just saying like if we're not going to give

If we're just have JD Vance picking children's bones and yelling at cat women, we might as well just have Trump re-up in four more years. Tell me why I'm wrong. No, I mean, you're right. You're absolutely right. So let's just, let's get, yeah, let's get.

Can cocoa melon be the, cocoa melon's got to do something. There's cocoa melon. I think it's like a baby show about babies. I don't watch baby shows. The cocoa melon baby can be, uh... I'm looking at the camera and say this. I don't watch motherfucking baby shows, all right?

I'm a man. the cocoa melon baby is a designated survivor is this like kaiju I think it's a little like kaiju I actually said cocoa melon because I couldn't remember kaiju is that true yeah you just made up cocoa melon well no I pulled cocoa melon it does exist okay okay okay yeah I mean kaiju is probably old enough by now right

yeah president whatever why not get cartoon characters to be president it doesn't matter Trump said people try to cancel Trump Because he said he likes prime pussy There's nothing better than prime pussy Yeah what you want You want a guy other one on fuck

Yeah it seems like kind of a step down From grab him by the pussy Yeah You want Biden said about pussy Corn pop That's what he said about pussy He said Oh burn pits

He thinks that pussy's a burn pit Bussie's a burn pit Anyway I think pussy gives me flashbacks to the burn pits That my son had to take Yeah I sent my son to the burn pit while I was A brother fuck his wife

But for me Did I tell you about the time I chained a black guy To death at the pool? His name was corn pop That was when he was like Good yeah that was that was prime biden anyway um

look no one listens to me you all you guys out there thinking i'm turning for trauma i'm not i'm i'm i don't carry either way that much i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm cynical i'm sorry i'm like oh you abortion yeah it happened what's going to happen if we get we have more we get more rights taken away from people maybe i mean it could be a national abortion ban Whatever. What am I going to do about that? I just, I have ideas and no one listens to him.

You get, you get, you, you use, give Walton Goggins 10 million bucks. He'll be the vice president. He'll buy a nice house. I hope he has more money than 200 grand. I don't know what people pay any people anymore. No one seems to be a big movie star anymore. No. And they got to do a bunch of stupid digital content.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm watching him like talking. to like, you know, Dame McBride, who I love by, I mean, I like his work. I love Danny McBride. What am I a fucking clown? Well, I love you, Dan McBride, whatever, I'm saying, but I, I enjoy them, but I mean, like, you think

you think freaking Matthew Perry would have to do digital content 20 years ago? No, they let him just sit in his backyard and do whatever. What's that shit he did? Ozympic? Heroin. I think he did something else. Oh, yeah, percocets. Look it up. Look up what he was doing. Back then, I guess.

What did he die on? It might just been fentanyl. Ketamine. He's doing ketamine. Yeah, ketamine. I love to die doing ketamine. He looks fine. Cute effects of ketamine.

Who cares? Why am I bringing this up? I love it. Good. He's probably worse ways to die. He doesn't look in great shape. You want him living 30 more years? He fricking, he rode hard.

He roared his body hard. He put his way wet. I don't envy dying in the hot tub, though. it's best place to die why it's turned to a soup nice body just turns to a pool of soup hopefully you know

you don't get found and just drain we should be we should basically make hot tubs that gradually get hotter you old people go into them and they acclimate to it

and eventually it just melts them into it down in the drain that's nice we vaporized like heroin into the air and he's kind of like knung it off and then you become a puddle and then just does a filter in there

and the filter catches the puddle and so we have something to put in the box at the end. You know we have like end of life drugs that make the experience of dying pretty pain like you know that's a painful. This builds character. I don't like this idea that you're just like

oh I'm alive one second the next minute I'm talking to the Satan and he's going why did you eat that cookie? I'm like oh this is not what I wanted I did not expect this I expected a different result I can't I love your page

that's the first that's the first thing that's the first thing you hear when you get to hell no matter what you did to get there it's just why did you eat that cookie I mean that would be

that would be amazing because like he could probably list a bunch of other stuff that like according to the Bible you go to hell for the Bible's full of crazy shit but But the real hell would be like, no, it's because you ate that cookie. You should have eaten.

And like, that's like, that's the extra, the last dimension of hell. Right. You think, well, if I only didn't do that. That's the real torture. That's the whole reason you're there. Yeah. All those other reasons that you were worrying you were going to go to hell? Yeah.

He didn't even care about that. And you're thinking, well, like, oh, that did, I guess it was more. I guess it wasn't a sin to have sex before marriage, right? But the cookie. If I only didn't eat that cookie that one time, I'd be in a, grace of God I'd be a great Satan I'd really put

the works on people I'd make their I'd make their fucking afterlife miserable I know all the tricks I'm the bone picker anyway so Trump gave his little speech it's two hours long right

yeah it was 90 minutes it's long Right, I mean, people are saying it's the length of long legs. Oh, it's true. We saw, and we saw the film Long Legs. I thought it was going to be a hot, sexy film about a woman with long legs, but I guess they're, you know, leading more towards a spider thing. Not only is it not about a woman with hot long legs.

It's not really about long legs at all. What's about it? It's spider. I mean, I don't think that, are there even spider themes in it? I think Jim Carrey plays a Spider-Man. Or what's his name? Nicholas Cage? Nicholas Cage.

Same difference at this point. Nicholas Cage plays a man who is basically a ghost-type man, like a hillbilly of sorts, a bone picker of sorts. And this is not a very good move. I don't know, you know, you want to talk about it a little bit? Yeah, I was just kind of like, I don't know. The point of the movie just kind of changed multiple times. It's framed like a detective story, kind of.

I don't want to ruin it for spoilers. for anybody who hasn't seen it but like yeah i just didn't i just didn't feel it we're we're gonna do comedy but this is not it yeah yeah it's a false start lucy it's a nice little shoehorn we're gonna do we're gonna start doing we have to you we do this stuff you have to have like the movie trailer play and like this and that it's not it's not gonna be attacked on to this podcast like it's it's it's not we we need to be yelling about me and hell being you know yelling at fat people that's still what we're doing right now Um, so Trump's speech

You want to listen to that? I love the idea of, like, of an aborted shoehorn. Um, um, so we gave a speech. Yeah, play a few clips, I guess. Friends, delegates, and fellow citizens, I stand before you this evening with a, message of confidence, strength, and hope. It's boring.

Stop it. It's boring. I can't. I need Trump to be yelling. I need him to be screaming. You know, Rosie O'Donnell. So that slob. So I shouldn't be president. I think she should have a feedback tied to her chin with Stapler. Yeah.

There's something eerie about Trump being kind of a sympathetic human. Yeah. It's unsettling. I mean, honestly, if it wasn't for, if it wasn't for the Matthew Crooks' crookery, then honestly, Biden might have a shot only because, I mean, not really, he's brain dead lunatic, but I mean, just because he's like, he seems to be throwing, Trump has to be, like, the rational guy now. Right. Trump used to be the guy who, like, go after Jeff Bush and be like, you know, your family is a bunch of oil crooks, like Matthew crooks. I can't do that anymore Pre-cogging

He's pre-cogging You think Do you think that If Trump ever Do you think if Trump met Matthew Crooks beforehand He would just been repulsed by him Oh absolutely

But like openly He'd been like Absolutely I think Matthew Crook is the kind of guy Trump would be up on site Honestly It would be interesting If it turned down

Because we don't know Like really what his political motives were except for that he didn't like wanted to kill Trump obviously but like you know he's would be kind of crazy to find out it's like this is all because Trump snubbed him at some campaign event I believe that might well I don't blame Trump but it seems plausible I do think also Trump's not like like 6 3 he's a bigger guy it's not like he's the I mean but he's not the most physically act you know fit guy let's just say but I think he could easily have taken like a crooks well Stephen was the name is in Matthew crooks

Matthew I think you're going to beat the shit out of that kid And that's not me trying to pump him up. I just think, like, I think Biden could have all, you know, Biden's just, I mean, he wore a shit his pants just because he's confused. But I think Trump would have fucking just walloped the kid.

You don't think so? Oh, yeah, totally. No, he, Trump could definitely beat up Matthew. I don't know if he could take Oswald. Maybe not. I'm not sure. I just don't know. He seems scrappy enough, but.

Oswald was, wasn't, these guys have never, never seen Bill. Why don't I get like Matthew Gallagher? Well, he probably likes Trump. but these guys are never like any Gallagher the Navy SEAL who killed that guy he was on trial those guys are big you know yeah

but the guys who try to kill kill presidents always seem small you know John Wilkes booth small guys that was the short man complex actually I don't let me know if Booth was small he was an actor he was like a pretty

supposedly a pretty good actor all right well you know how many minutes of this podcast would you like to devote to praising John Wilkes Boots. I don't want to praise him any more than that. Do two, two minutes.

No. That's funny. I just heard that some people like that. I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to railroad you, Lucy. I don't think it's like

a deaf knoll to our podcast if you praise John Wokes Booth for two minutes. I just feel like if you're going to the whole rest of the pod, it might be a problem. Obviously he was a rotten, no nothing who murdered

perhaps the best president of the United States ever. Why? The best. Because he's, because he could, but well, you know,

or at least who used the bully pulpit in the most inspiring way I think but like oh well look I'm not against I don't mean to say he was like the worst or anything but I mean like oh I mean he's fine he's good I used to give him shit because like you know all the emancipation proclamation

didn't actually free anybody um this seemed kind of like but I guess in the end he did kind of you know end slavery effectively yeah I mean he pushed for the amendments right yeah no I went through a period of my life where he was like he was kind of

hypocrite but at the end of the day it's not like it's not like he's like ended the war and it was like all right get back in the slave places look you didn't nitpick and say like well maybe like once he was on that track you know it would have been weird to just like pull back from it yeah but like you know he's good president yeah no he was he was a good

you know I just feel like you know no he probably you probably right it just seems like it just seems like honestly it just seems like a a hack answer but just kind of like the obvious answer like maybe i don't know much about calvin cool which maybe he's really good maybe not

i don't know i can name every president Washington i'm Jefferson mass more Adam Jackson and bruin hefton taylor from a piece began against the grand hate governor of cleveland has to cleveland McLeodney was of technical and hard college whoever was around trumpin now with kanexon four carrievich clinton and there was that's in uh... Bush

Bush and uh Obama and Trump and then Biden Hmm. Well, I could I definitely know the last few were right. Let me go slower. Washington,

James, Jefferson, Madison Monroe, Adams, Jackson, and Buren, Harrison, Tyler, Philmore, Pierce, Buchanan, Lincoln, Johnson, Green, Hayes, Governor, Harrison, Cleveland, McKinley, Roosevelt, McKinley, Roselville, Nashville, Nashville, Norton, Hoover, Roosevelt,

and Ist, Howard Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Nick's Ford, Carver, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama Biden. Biden. It's amazing what you can just memorize when you're in eighth grade, and then just remember forever.

Yeah. It was a part of a competition. Oh. Yeah. I won. I was the first person to beat my eighth grade teacher ever. Nice. I'm a gram now.

It paid off. Beat them up. Yeah, I just left her in a pool of her own piss. Piss and shit. Piss and shit. Look at her piss. Why is everything? I just said a bunch of presidents.

It's kind of a. imagine like hey timestamp look at this podcast where they discuss the names of all the presidents like piss and shit look at this I can't succeed oh man

I was just thinking about how you know like now it's like in the last election like Biden did the whole thing where he was like challenging Trump to a push up contest and saying that he punch him in the nose and stuff and like it all seemed at that point it actually all seemed kind of like plausible like okay I'm like I'm not sure who would win a push up contest between the two old men but now it's like so clear yeah that Biden would that Trump pointed that it would

almost be elder like it would feel like elder abuse I mean like he should his pants but I feel like he's still fitter probably that's the thing I don't know it's like it's I'd love to put Trump's brain into Biden's body that would be a lot of fun I don't know if it would work Trump's brain into Biden's body Ooh yeah And yeah Freaky Friday

Well I mean I would just throw Biden's brain out I was throwing the trash I would just put like a A rat Into Biden's brain No one knows the difference It's a rat of shits himself

That would actually be a great variation On freaky Friday oh wait i'm sorry i screw it up because it would be biden's body yeah but you throw biden's brain out yeah no but i was saying i would put biden's a rat in the biden's brain but he the trump would be in there right i mean i it just seemed it i wasn't saying that no one the difference between trump and a rat that shits himself it's not because i'm not being biased here i'm just saying like that's not that's how trump's m oh he does a lot of stuff but he doesn't shit himself Biden's the one who shits himself like a rat just is what it is

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that your politics get in the way of no one rats and shit does. Now, where were we? Do you think Steve Miller is going to be the least, like, appreciated classic rock guy to newer generations? Yeah, you were playing me some of his songs earlier.

Lots of bangers. Slipping, slipping, slipping into, I feel like kids, Zoomers just sleep on Steve Miller band. We should do a sewer. We should be a single huge project us. It's driving me, man. It's making me crazy. Where does jungle love me?

Is that like a, um, is like a racist thing? It seems like it might be. I mean, whatever, maybe don't lead with that, but these,

these humor's very sensitive. Playing them the other one, like, uh, the Joker. People call me the space cowboy. People call me the gangster of love. No,

nobody's ever called. that yeah maybe gangster love maybe maybe it's not going to work Steve Miller what's like the biggest man like time he's on slipping I actually don't like that one that much do do do do do do do do do do do do stuck in the middle oh wait no no you think that's that's Steelers wheel I kept thinking I honestly I keep even though we discuss this I keep each time we discuss Steve Miller this this has been a teaser

of our new classic rock podcast. Fillion failure cast. We're nothing. I'm kidding. We're great. No, this is honestly, this is a great podcast.

I don't know how you tell, like, market this podcast. This hour we just did. I think it was great, though. I think anyone who's listening to it loves it. I understand it's a little hard to, like, put into a box.

But just tell your friends about the box. Go around, go to your neighbor and be like, well, just get one of those boom boxes and just play our show. I'm like, what is that? What are they talking about? The bone picker, why they keep saying bone picker every 10 minutes?

It works. So do that. Or just subscribe and like and notification bell. And then we got Patreon. Patreon.com slash rate com because subscribe if you like the show. You know the deal. It's five bucks a month. You get an extra episode every week.

It's so good. And even in weeks we are doing the show here on YouTube, It's every week. We don't miss shows in the Patreon. So don't worry about that. People worry about that sometimes. No, we don't miss shows. We try to miss shows here,

but when it does happen, we still make the Patreon one. Because they're paying for it. What are we going to do? Screw people? I'm not going to screw people. Great. All right.

Thanks a much for tuning in. We'll see you all next week. Have a great week. Thank you.