Kump - Ep. 202 What The Future Is

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Ray and Lucie talk about Sesame Street lay offs, the State of the Union, a meet cute in the sky, and much more https://www.patreon.com/RayKump for an extra episode every week!Follow Kump on Twitch https://www.twitch.tv/raykumpKump Hand Merch https://bonfire.com/store/kump/Follow Ray on Sound Cloud https://on.soundcloud.com/QbP8

Hello and welcome to comp. Hello. Hello, Lucy. Hi, how are you, Ray? Oh, I'm okay. How are you? Do it pretty good. We got a lot.

Color coordinated today. Well, you know, my drip is very important to me these days. I'm all about drip. And really, if you're not, you're finished. This is a drip age. We're in the age of fly color-coordinated drip that shows people that you're not some punk who would be pushed around, laid off, put in the fire mixed up with animal bones and turned into gelatin. for kids jello treats. None of that for me,

because I'm a person. Drip is how you prove you're a person. There's no more of this Gary Cooper, strong, silent type. Hey, I just do my work. I'm a farmer. Don't, no fuss. I don't like peacocking.

I don't like showing off. That used to be America. You know, just get your work done, keep your head down. But the Lord have his, have his fill. you know give the Lord whatever he wants because you're all you all I need is a biscuit and a piece of chicken no more opulence is how you prove to the Lord that you belong in the gates of heaven oh man they said they said it's hard it's hard for a rich man to go to heaven in the Bible

I don't know who wrote that Bible the guy trying to make heaven less populated because you need money you need to pay off st peter you really need to get into uh the prosperity gospel game i really should i should i could i could toast these mfers you know i could show them in streets saint peter needs to get his needs to get his beak wet before he opens those pearly gates all right there's no more uh you know it used to be mass not masculine to be color coordinated opposite now most masculine the most the most way to be the man all right is to is to get your head in the game and eggs ain't going to save you I got to put this out there I'm here a lot a lot about eggs it's non-stop we don't talk about right we're going to cover the Trump

speech we're going to cover the things you know other people who are losing their jobs there are livelihoods and all sorts of things in the middle, right? Mm-hmm. But I got to talk about eggs. What are you guys to say about eggs? Your kids don't need them. You, you don't need them. But eggs are so nutritious.

They're not, it doesn't matter. You're really talking about me. I'm always going on and on about eggs. My wife loves her eggs, and I got to tell her it's just, it's, you could combine things. You can eat beef jerky and a carrot and come out in the same, and it all comes out in a wash. Everyone wants their perfect food. They're ovum, right?

They want to wash in the glory of a, I mean, that's for a little baby chicken. I don't eat baby food. I'm a man, all right? That's what I'd be telling people. I don't eat baby food. I only eat animals that are adults. We should. veal it's delicious it's tender i'm not going to stop in in in secret but in public i'm

i'm i'm i'm you you see me eating veal that's that that's me on the crucifix but it has nothing to do with the cruelty that the that the little lamb suffer what cruelty but well well you know babies can't feel things you know baby baby cows don't have nerves don't worry about that they that's their purpose you're per you you you you you you you're you you You got to stop worrying about other things getting beat because you're getting beat. Because this is the A, things are closing in, all right? And we don't do something about it. I don't know if Trump has the answers.

But they, but they're, but they're problems. Yeah. Yeah. Well, wherever you stand on the streets of politics, right? We got robots coming. We got, we got, we got China coming. We got, and we have, you know, just, just rancid egg. What do you think is going to happen now?

What used to happen to eggs when they were in bed? People like threw them out, I imagine. Because what's the different? What are you going to get for an egg on the black market? Isn't that a plot point in Angela's ashes where the family spends their life savings on an egg or something? Is that the book where the Irish are in a concentration camp or something? I don't remember what the Angeles is. I'm not sure what is about.

Where someone took the Holocaust and said, well, if it was just Irish people? I don't know. I'm not that familiar with Angela's ashes. But yeah, maybe they stole from me. Maybe the Irish stole that idea from me. But the reality is you're going to have black market eggs. You're going to have rancid eggs out there in bodegas. And not the slender bodegas, but, you know, they don't have the same corporate structure.

But also fine Italian markets. Oh, oh, you trust Dino who prevents. vase your prosciute. Good luck. Because Dino was feeling a squeeze too. All right. As your fine Italian butcher that also sells eggs.

Dina was feeling a squeeze. Everyone always sells eggs. Eggs are like the thing you can sell. You know, you go to restore that sells herbal refreshments and they'll give you an egg. You got an egg brother? Six months ago there was a yes.

Here it is. And you eat the egg with him. You break an egg in them and you suck a little bit. You go, he wants them, and he goes, most deaf. And you go, now let's get to business. In Japan, it's bad luck to do business if you haven't handed someone an egg.

Does one person get the white and does one person get the yolk? Or do you try to split it in? Yeah, well, the idea is to cook it just long enough that you could do that. You boil water and you put it in for like half a minute and then you play wishbone with the egg. We used to give, I used, Eggs are the number one, you know, tool in the bedroom for years.

You could use eggs for anything, but that's over, all right? God's cloak has come off, and it ain't that big, if you know what I mean. What he's got down there. You thought he was packing for millennia, with it was phallus. How about we get one of those tricks? one of those chick was chickens you know just chickens in general hens sometimes people have a chicken in their yard

I think you're referring to a hen in Brooklyn yes I mean well I'm not sure in Brooklyn somewhere sure I feel like I've seen that before really so it must be legal sure I mean yeah I mean what the cops gonna do come and come and take my life you're gonna stuff me out because I had a chicken in my backyard we don't have a backyard but maybe honestly we can do

a peanut the squirrel thing if if they come and take her chicken. Oh, peanut. If you're not familiar, peanut the squirrel was from earlier this year, I believe, or last year, whether it was a squirrel, and the feds came,

and they snatched its life away. It was fed snatched the life of peanut of squirrel because, what, had rabies? It was biting children. Get a life, feds. If they come for us, we can make a video and say,

they took our Charlie the chicken, even though we never really gave it a name. We were just using it to harvest. it's eggs. Yeah, we're just treating it like an egg slave. Egg slavery is really in vogue now. Now, here's the thing. I mean, a lot of people are losing their jobs.

It's not all, I mean, there's layoffs all over the place. Some of it's in the federal government. You know, you wonder, did the people who snatched Peanuts' life, are they part of the layoffs, or are they going to stay as part of this institutional government that never changes? Right, yeah, that's a good point. Did Trump fire that peanut killer? I hope he did.

If I get his ear for one second, he'll be gone, the peanut killer. I'll say a man killed peanut. Do you know who that is? And Trump will say no. And I'll say he's a delicious, beautiful squirrel. And I believe, honestly, he'll have my vote for all his elections. Because there'll be elections if it's worst case. If people are worried about it happens, he'll still have elections.

And I'll vote for him if he gets me the man who got peanut. But that's not what. we're here for today we're not here for squirrel vendettis we're here to talk about the other people who did get laid off it ain't getting better i know you think uh you think you think you're safe because you uh you bake the bread everyone's gonna make eat bread people who made eggs thought they were safe right egg farmers they all thought they were safe now we got here at sesame street searching for a new home because the Sesame Workshop

is only going layoffs. Look at Big Bird there. He looks sad. Big Bird doesn't, so the Sesame Street's on the outs. I thought this was an institution. Big Bird's going to go home and suck on an exhaust pipe. Wow. He does he has that tie, he put the tie on.

He got himself, you know, primed and ready for the task of the day. Is he giving a press conference here for this picture? What am I seeing? It looks like a kangaroo court that's being held like a French Revolution. Yeah.

And big birds, like, he's got the gavel and a tie, but he's about to take his own, take self-delete. Also, why are all their diversity puppets just people? Are they supposed to be a creature of some kind, like a Latina squirrel or something? Like, yeah. I think you're, everybody else is a creature, everyone who's white-coated as a creature. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. When you start running this game of diversity,

people will, you run into all these kinds of problems. What if we give you a Latina puppet? It's a squirrel. Well, I'm not a squirrel. You call them Latina squirrels? What are you going to call the blacks? Peoples.

What are you called a black? Wait, what are they? What are they, frigging skunks? Yeah. No more. So they got to be people. And now you've taken a whole point of the Sesame Street, the puppets. And you, and you, no, we can't, we can't associate a race with an animal.

Well, no one was trying to do that. No one never said Big Bird was white. Right. Is Big Bird white coated? But that's, well, I mean, what is Elmo? What do you mean diversity? How are they diversity puppets? They're all animals and weird colors.

Well, no, the ones in the background. I know. I don't even say. I'm like, where did this? I didn't know they did this because I don't watch children's television because I'm not, you know, a weirdo when I don't have kids. But, uh, wow. So that's Larry Bird, the big bird.

Uh, it's a, look, it's, people are dreading. Because they act like, people act like Sesame Street is the re. It's like, you know how like we talk about like things that, like we take for granted, oh, one and four children died in childbirth before 1910. Oh, the vaccines. Oh, and rich flour, you know? Oh, sure. Well, you know why it's called Wonder Bread?

Because it was the first bread, commercial bread that was like, they stuffed it with fake vitamins. Well, vitamin, but, you know, no more pomegranate for you. Now you take bread that's got pomegranate, you know, take our word for it. Right. We can put pomegranate powder in it. It's got everything you need. We eat the pomegranate and you get this. crap and it's bread that when you try to put the pizza butter on just falls apart you know yeah

that's why it's a wonder bread and in the same vein people act like sesame street is the reason their kids can read right that's all i ever hear i mean i watched as a kid i don't i don't get don't get twisted you know elmo didn't teach me to read not even gar who's the who's the man gary alfred whatever count count the men there were men on sesame street when i watched it they were like they used to have men and puppets and women sherry right and albert doesn't matter i'm sure there's different men now right the men get replaced like always we're just here to make your eggs but no we we but people are you you that's true the people do act that way I think it's like I think the idea of Sesame Street to begin with yeah was kind of that like if a kid's basically being a

little bit neglected right like and they're just watching TV all day yeah this will at least teach him you know what the number of three is right three is the amount of men who your women your mom's been with since she left the home and she and I'm not saying your mom's uh you know getting paid that'd be nice right maybe you can force megs but she's doing it for free because she don't want to be around you because you make too much noise time to raise your own kids no more el Elmo's not here no more elmo's not going to save your kids all right the snuffalo off i guess your kids need to learn start you learn to use their own imagination again you know they need to made their own snuffle off a guy, their own Elmiss.

Meet my friend Elmiss. Oh, you can't see him. That should be everything. Every interaction with a kid is going to be back to, like, meet my imaginary friend, and it's just some puddle of goo. Whatever. These kids don't have imagination. I used to concoct worlds.

I used to say I was from, you know, crazy worlds. I was a lie all the time. Where did you say you were from? Why didn't want to actually Planet Wacko? I was like three. I said I came here in a spaceship and I flew up my mom's nose

and like that's how I got down into her genitals eventually. Maybe we should make a new Sesame Street out of this out of planet wacko. I mean... Maybe the people of Planet Wacko can teach kids out of read now. We're not about that.

We'll use them to make, you know, to help the animals, to tend the fields. That's what needs to happen. These kids are to be farmers again. We're bringing farming back to America. That's what Trump said, right? So no time for Sesame Street. They can think about their own friends while they're using the plow.

While using that, you know, well, what's that thing, the hoe? Well, they're slamming a hoe into the dirt, tilling the soil. All right? That's when they can, and they can think about. at this number. They can contemplate counting. Count the amount of, you can count. Hey, we'll get, we'll get the count. You can count the amount of hours it's been since you ate. Because it's going to be a while. People don't, there's no snacking on the farm

unless you want to take a dirt covered carrot and shove it in your mouth. Gm-nom-gum. That could be, that could be, that could be the cookie monster is you trying to chew some dirt. Hopefully there's some berries in there. All right? And it's not torture. It's not the end of the world. But, you know, things are going to get a little. We have to transition the economy. The robots are coming, you know? And Big Bird's not going to save, you know, save your kids from the robots.

But maybe, you know, now we can, you know, if we get these imagination going, they can imagine the world where they didn't have to pray to a machine. Which they're going to do. We're going to have a new religion. It's going to revolve around a robot Jesus. He's the new AI. He's going to have his own crypto. We're going to get calibrated, all right?

no more puppets it was a fine try yeah puppets are for a more innocent time a more a more wasteful more decadent time a more wasteful time a time when you know hard times hard times make soft men and soft men make puppets and puppets make problems

all right we need to get we need to get our children right with the Lord we need to get them right with General Mills with General and General Motors you know I I would love to look back at my life and see some time when I was I was making you know cars at the other than I was like six

or ten what was I doing at six or ten that was so great that couldn't be like learning to install a carburetor right or or or just spray paint something on an assembly line I can make the firebird that'd be cool for kids Right? Yeah, I mean, I feel like the worst part of child labor back in the day was that, you know, they'd send the kids into these little crevices that were dangerous and nobody else could go into.

You know, they'd get smog in their lungs. Yeah. And, you know, like, but that, but there's more regulations now. So maybe kids could actually be happy. For now. Yeah. Well, look, it's actually not a bad idea. Why not have R&D?

And it's commercials that have done this, right? I'm not trying to rip off Verizon or whoever had these. commercials back in the day, but they have children given ideas. Why not just do that? That's your Sesame Street. Let's harness the innocent whims of childhood into business. Yeah.

You know why we haven't been doing that? They've been harnessed for the wrong reasons. And we're seeing the results of that. You know what I mean. Right. Epstein. Oh, sure, yeah. You know? That day's over. He's he's where he belongs.

and now these kids can be where they belong in the boardroom or in like some kind of lab but it's a nice lot where they're designing flavors you know for rich kids right do you think rich kids watch Sesame Street

they watch the market I don't why do you think they made puppets to keep those kids from investing to keep those kids from working You think child labor laws They're protect kids

They're to keep families poor I want every kid to be affluent Crypto day training Crypto day training is a perfect replacement For stuff aloffigus All right Don't talk to me Until I've had

I've bought the dip Let's take a coffee thing People get it Let's make a shirt that says that Don't talk to me until I've bought the dip And then I'm five Honestly, maybe we should make, like, here's a good replacement for Sesame Street. Sure.

Basically, a Chucky Cheese style kind of like crypto day trading hub. Love it. Where there are fun characters like Chuckie Cheez. Yeah. Kind of going around. Animatronic. You know, dancing with the kids. Yeah.

You know, doing goofy things. Serving pizza. Delicious. But everybody's trading crypto. Everyone's trading. Everything's crypto. It's, you know, oh, I'm going to play the game. game where I'm shooting you know virtual fighter or what we play bubble what we play bubble gum

what's the game we played the bubble gum game what's it called what the bubble gum game what we play when we go to the arcade oh oh right bust a move bust a move it's a classic game with the bubble bubble characters bust the move imagine of that you know every time you won you get a little bit of crypto that's what the blockchain's for the blockchain kids love playing with blocks Oh, yeah. So how about they harness crypto for us? If I made the first child crypto blockchain where you actually, you sell the kids a toy and playing with the toy somehow,

because that's the whole thing with these GPUs, these Nvidia GPUs everyone uses. They use them, like somehow they use graphics processors to mine crypto. What if we can mine it with children's play or work? These are all sorts of ideas that wouldn't be on the table, if you know Benjamin the rat or whatever these characters are

we're filling our child's days up there's not enough time for that we don't have time for Benjamin the rat or whoever the new Elmo is maybe Benjamin the rat can be the only thing I want to keep Benjamin the rat is he a thing Benjamin the rat Benjamin is he called Benjamin the rat

I just I don't I think it's my thing I'm trying to think of a name I know I know this is the count is Burtnerney Those guys are cops Yeah I've ever seen them Jaspers

That's a good Kids character name Jasper the The hole in the wall Rat hole I don't mean like I don't mean I just Jasper

The hole in the wall Where the boys can see it all Point it is time to grow up All right It's time for kids to grow up We try to this whole, I love this idea, oh, kids should be kids. This concept of childhood only existed for 100 years, and they weren't a great

hundred years. Some of them are all right. And we got the Beatles. That was, you know, but then after that, what happened? Right. You know, a lot of, a lot of confusion. Just lots of brainwashing. A lot of brainwashing.

A lot, lot, lot, lot of people fiddling with, people, things they should be fiddling with, you know. A lot, a lot of unaliving. A lot of horror. Just saying. I don't get, whatever. What else are we dealing with here? This is, this is, uh... Do you want to read some of this?

Let's take a look. Sesame Workshop is cutting staff as the fate of its flagship TV program, Sesame Street, remains in limbo. The nonprofit is still looking for a new TV or streaming home for Sesame Street after Warner Brothers Discovery opted not to renew its output deal. um so HBO it was on HBO I mean this idea like what was you have to pay you have to pay for HBO to get Sesame Street was that the thing too they used to give this to you on public broadcasting but then then they're like no no no no no no no no no Muppets got to get paid we got to get we got to get this money hose uh I'm in the changing media and funding

landscape we have made the difficult decision to reduce the size of our organization uh the These changes are necessary to ensure that the workshop is poised to continue to deliver on its mission for years to come, turning kids gay. But that does not make this. Hi, I'm Elmo. You were born in a wrong body. But that does not make the human impact of these reductions any less painful. For them, not for us. I mean, this is all, yeah, it's just propaganda.

We don't, look, we have, we have plenty of things now for kids. When Sesame Street first came out, you know, it was, I guess it was all just, like, you know, Bob Vila and, you know, and birds on TV. But now we have Cayu, right? Right. We have, we have Arthur the, Arthur the Anteater, right, or the Antelope. What is he? Arthur. Arthur.

The Anteater. Yeah, Arthur, the, the, we're Richard. We're Richard Smiley. Which is scary. I mean, which are scary. little pogo stick thing The worm No one needs

I mean why how come Nobody's created that in real life I'd love to see that little worm writing an apple You want a living giant worm and a pogo stick I guess it does sound kind of disgusting If you saw that thing you'd shoot it

You would self to leave if you ever saw that thing All right welcome Welcome to the new age Why so what is the hope what is the hope that we're gonna we're gonna

we're gonna somehow get them onto another paid service right you've already you've already broke the seal it ain't free it used to be free now I got to pay I got to pay to play so what it's gonna be on it's gonna be on peacock now

if they get their way it's gonna be on it's gonna be on showtime or Cynamax are you gonna put Sesame Street next to soft core you know, horrible content, you know, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, I was after that, um, no, put it where it belongs in the trash bag. Oscar the grouch. Did you have a tickle me Elmo when you were a kid? I don't know. That was, was after my time. I had, I had, um, no, I, I, I, I, I, I remember Elmo, but I always thought he was kind of a punk.

I liked I liked Bert No, Ernie I liked Ernie Really? Yeah Bert seemed like kind of Like a cop

Like Ernie was his informant I felt like Bert and Ernie were like A cop and his snitch Because as a kid I feel like I had snitch energy I've grown out of that But Sesame Street taught me to be a snitch Who did you like snitching on?

My brother I think, you know, just, just kids I saw. Yeah. I would, you know, I would just do things and blaming on them. I would mess myself. Say, that kid messed them, you know. Did you ever ride on any adults through the DARE program? I really, yeah.

If I go back in time, I would totally out my parents. They got all sorts of, they got, I wouldn't even know what to say because they didn't. But I mean, like, if I had a chance, I would totally put them in. jail. Kids and parents should really, they really need to realize their adversarial nature. You know, this all idea you love your parents is really

for the birds, for the big birds. And that means they're done. You should look at raising a child as, as looking, as raising, like, the ninja who will come back and you should want your life to end at the hands of your child. That's the natural way of things. Like, as if it's Rex, you know?

Right. Yeah. I know some other stuff happened there, too, but let's not get in the, you know, mired in the weeds. We think of that as a complex, but we should think of it as the baseline. Yeah. That's what that is. It's like, you know, aren't there some animals where the young eat the old? That's a good question.

I'm making it. Can I Google it? Look, I'm homeschooling my kids, so I'm going to tell them there is. But my, if my kids ever come from me, good luck. Because I'm ready for it. there is a Wikipedia article on filial cannibalism what does that mean family cannibalism oh but that's all oh but that's the one about the adult consuming the babies which we know happens right but but they're somebody they make it seem like they're just hungry that's just because they're hungry

wait oh there is a category there is a word for it though yes some animals eat their parents a behavior you're called matrophaggy matrifaggy matrafaggy what matrophagy is that how you're supposed pronounce it or is it matrophagy matriphagy matriphagy matriphagy matriphagy this behavior is most common in insects and arachnans yeah well the creepy crawlies do it well look i mean creepy crawley's got a few good ideas i don't see creepy crawley is complaining about you know layoffs i don't see creepy crawley is complaining about the price of eggs oh yeah it's time to take responsibility for where you are in life whether it is your fault or not no one's going to come help you you have to learn to manipulate

your body you know right we're coming to an age where you can start screwing things into your body like computers and weapons and I advise you to do that you got to chrome up People look at the future and they go, oh, this guy's got a robot arm. This guy's got a gun for a hand. This guy's got legs that are actually, you know, fan blades. And you go, oh, what is it terrible thing? It's the greatest thing, all right? You're no longer a slave to your rotten flesh.

All right? What did your rotten flesh ever give you? Mediocrity. You know, you know, it's like, oh, are you cheating in the race? If you have wheels on your feet, well, I care. I've also got a gun on my back. Come come at me. I don't think that people should ever be a penalized for evolving.

No. I think people should be penalized in a facility that I make. Make your own prisons. That's where we're coming to, all right? If you don't make a prison for your enemies, then you're going to be in that. There should be an expression here. So it's like, what is it? Like the, if you're not making your own prison, you might as well make your own cell.

Right? Right. That's because, you know, that's, that's what is, we're going to have competitive prisons. And it's not, everyone, you know, again, they put these in the movies. And it's always like, oh, this guy, you know, made, you have people hidden in his basement. But that's going to be mainstream. Because, you know, maybe, you know, eventually, you're going to need to have armies. Right.

we need to have friends and if you don't have you know we're going to have to start stockpiling people you feed them yeah i'm not telling you if you can't feed your kids don't make a prison but that that that should be where like instead of saving you're going to have to you know there's not mean anything to save we're going to save eggs they go bad we're going to save sesame street you can't you start saving people though if they and look at first if it's only if they come at you because they're going to come for you there's going to be people coming for you and your kids because there's not going to be eggs around.

There did, I mean, they're in hard times of the past. There used to be way more, you know, not just prisons, but, you know, houses of discipline. Sure. You just, you just roll up on some. I mean, Coral Pansram came out of one of those. Yeah, well, you know, he's a tough guy. I love my kid to be that tough, you know?

Yeah. I don't want him to copy everything, but if he was that tough? You're referring specifically to the thousand rapes. Well, I didn't think we have a sophisticated show here. You don't have to, you know, people know, people don't know to score. We're trying to keep things above board. Self prisons. But yes, that's what I was referring to.

Now, these prisons, anything different than the typical prison? Well, it won't be as nice. You know, I mean, I'll have a nice one. I'll keep it clean, and I'm going to abuse people, but I can't vouch for everybody. I'd rather you be my prisoner than some, like, random, like, maniacs prisoner. Right. That's what I'll tell them. I'll make a porridge.

I'll teach him to read. Teach him to read. I would love for to die the hands of a man I taught to read in some kind of riot situation. Right. This is the future. I'm telling you what the future is. is going to be. And unfortunately, if I'm right, there really won't be, you know, much for me to benefit. Right. Because, you know, the internet will be gone. But they won't be

an internet. It's like the idea that we're going to have like, you know, oh, and it really hasn't helped us. What do you? I mean, 20 years from now, if our kids ask us, let me do, uh, spit it out. You're 18 years old. Spill it out. And they go, what was the internet? What was the internet? Tell them one good thing. Right. You can look up the weather. You could watch John Stewart.

You could watch John Stewart. That's kind of nice. It's fine. I mean, what are you going to show them? It's going to be like, or tell them it's going to be so compelling. Oh, I wish we had the internet. You know? You can look up any little piece of information.

Useless. I could do that too. Ask me a question. what's the capital of idaho uh blue it's fine there won't be anyone a fact check it doesn't matter i'll be able to make up my own facts any time i want do you another one how how how what is the distance between the earth and the moon pain see doesn't matter i have answers for everything i'm the i'm the great best daddy ever met all right so let's just let's just get it back things to back to basics all right family units

personal prisons self flagellation um some kind of new religion that revolves around robots and eggs black market eggs spoiled eggs you pay a lot of money for you're gonna make you sick you also had it you while we're on the subject of the future Of the future. Yeah. And the future of prisons. Right. The future of prisons is me.

Yeah. You are the future of prisons. Right. And you had another kind of innovative idea in addition to this. I'm always coming up with ideas. It's teaching prisoners how to read. Right. What was your other idea about the...

Well, here's the thing. And this can be implemented now. If you want to prevent things from going south, which I don't. I'm going to thrive in the post-apocalypse. So I'm fine with things going bad. But here's a little thing. You won't use it, but you could.

Give prisoners cats. Little kitties. Little kitties. You know, all I hear about is how prisoners are getting gnarred. Prisoners can't get leg up. Their food stinks. They're always fighting. They're always...

Recidivism. Recidivism. They're always in the middle of a race war. right you go into the joint and you go I don't want to fight well then you're dead getting get involved in the race war or you or it's a war against you men come out more hardened more hardened they come out more violent they come out more racist yes all these things what if we gave them hope hope in the form of a cat of a little kitty I have a cat and I love a cat my cat but cats are great

And then, you know, you snuggle them, you kiss them, you clean their piss, you clean their, the mess they make. And you feel like a nurturer. They purr, you know, I mean, look, some of them are going to eat them or do horrible things. You know, we have to make it a thing where you earn it. Hey, stop. If you don't do race wars for a week, you get a cat. Yeah. And then if you do anything to harm it, you get the death penalty.

I think that is a good rule. Yeah. Just, you know, contingencies. It's like when you got, remember back in the glorious days of our youth, when eggs were so abundant and cheap, they would give it to you in school? And they would say, hey, take this egg, don't break it. It's your child. Right.

You broke it anyway, didn't you? Often they were broken. I broke my egg. Oh, you broke your egg? Oh, yeah. I don't think I ever. Do I come across? They used to call my desk the comp dump.

I used to have this pouch on my desk because you have to take your old pans and it would be a mess of old cookies and torn up papers and the homework that I didn't do I would just take my papers and crumple him like a maniac You think I'm going to keep an egg safe How did it break? Do you remember?

I dropped it 16 times the first day Just knock it over my clumsy arms You know You dropped it multiple times? Yes. What was just like a baby Bjorn and put an egg into it? Did it not break the first time? I mean, you would tape it.

Oh, okay, so it gets a little crack you tape. It must have been disgusting, but... I think they were supposed to be hard-boiled eggs, right? I thought that they were supposed to be, you know... The hard-bored eggs still cracks if you drop it. What kind of teacher would you be? It's also just not really reflective of how strong a baby's skull is, you know? Like a raw egg

I think we're worried about salmonella too Look I don't think they're like It wasn't supposed to be a one to one thing The point was that if you drop it It will crack right And they can they would know And they would know not to give you a baby or whatever What was the point of that by the way

So like the teachers can figure out Which students they want to impregnate Right yeah And which ones they want to sterilize It would be like if you drop your egg During the egg the egg experiment man you get staring honestly give it some stakes

yeah yeah i mean honestly winning doesn't sound like winning though because then then they start talking about how you look old for your age like what yeah when teacher comes in his wife won't give another baby darkness oh my god anyway

I am not about that I just think that we should, you know, give them a cat. Give them a cat, okay. And it's, you know, and it teaches them love. It teaches them not to do race wars. And I assume that if you killed, because I could see this happening more often. Yeah. If you killed another prisoner's cat because you had a beef with us.

Oh, God. I imagine that's also instant. We cut your leg off. And you know, a cat, look, they're going to come out of me. All these, the ACLU and these whiny people who. watch Sesame Street. I'm going to come from it. Sesame Street.

What is this? What do you think is this? An episode of Sesame Street? An episode of Sesame Street. Oh, so they're going to come for you. The ACLU's coming for you. Well, so I'll cut an arm and the leg off. So imagine who I was the ACLU.

you know it's i i actually mr cumb i actually admire your cat program um obviously you know thanks for saying so i guess but you know i just think that uh i i think that mutilating prisoners who you think i should like a bunch of ars out of prison is that what you're here for ACLU no ars how you how you just admit multiple r whatever you got what's up but you know cutting the arms and legs off of prisoners who can't handle the responsibility of cats yeah um it's not humane i what what what is this lady think i did i cut the arms and legs off people who like didn't feed their cat they forgot to give them the second feeding of the day they didn't do enough uh they didn't do enough play who didn't who didn't

clean their litter box hurt the cat we're not going to kill you if you're cat gets fat yeah it's i mean don't try to make your cat's fat it's not good for them right it's hard for them to breathe and they're not happy yeah trust me but i mean don't you know but like you know with this idea but if you're going to if you're going to use a cat as some kind of you know victim then yeah we we cut your arm off what what's the problem right who's side do you want i'm talking to you No, ACLU-A-L-U-A-W-A-Well, you know, I'm on the side of the rights of incarcerated peoples. You know whose side they're not on?

Yours. It's a strange, that's what's going to go away. This idea of like, oh, I'm going to go become a lawyer so I can defend the people who would kill me. That America is over. That was an interesting idea for America. There was an idea that America was so good that, like, no, we'll protect the people who want us dead.

No more. Now it's robots harvesting us for eggs. It's a different thing now. It's prisons in my basement. The different thing. You have to transition. Right. Yeah.

A new job. Yeah. You know, a warlord, being part of a warlord's harem, perhaps. But what about, what about our rights? What the rights the sun gives us? I don't know. What do you think the future looks like? You think it looks like a game of beckerat

Or some casino They're gonna replace you with the computer They're gonna take your food They're gonna cut it up and mash it And with friggin, you know, with sedatives And feed it back to you They're gonna blot out the sun for no reason Because I saw it in the Matrix

What is What is this moving on? You know, hopes and dreams. Other cats, yeah, look, I mean, if you don't want to do, don't do it. If I got to deal with this lady telling me rights, and say it again. What about the rights of the constitutional rights of the prisoner? He armed my son. Oh, oh, man.

Yeah. Wow. So is that, are you on his team? Fine. I guess cut his arms and legs off. There you go. every answer now just lie Dave look

use lying against them and by them I mean anybody if we're in a post-truth age and just keep saying they ard my son make shirts make a fake son use AI to make a fake

picture of a son and go he got ard to death by uh whoever whoever you're against whoever you're trying to attack yeah it's the age of slander you know if no one's telling the truth

then nothing can be slander problem solved do you still need sesame street i'm your sesame street i'm your big bird i'm your elmo you know what i mean god damn it's not filophagus welcome to the future welcome to the new reality yes enjoy it now what's this a lighter note we have this Trump speech. Trump gave a nice little state of the union and he didn't even need to do it, right? And there's a gentleman,

did you have a clip you wanted to play of this? So we got some highlights here. Watch a couple of minutes. Seals dabble. Mr. Speaker, the president of the United States. I heard they're playing the song. This is just walking. This is just walking.

We have accomplished more in 43 days than most administrations accomplished in four years. Is that true? Doesn't matter. Eight years. It's just something to say. It's just something to say. Trump is a hung up on it.

We got a fact check him? Getting started. started. We won the popular vote by big numbers and won counties in our country. Mr. Green, take your seat. Take your seat, sir. Take your seat. This is Mr. Green. The chair now directs the sergeant-at-arms to restore order. If I had a cane like that, and I was in Congress, I'd be shaking that thing all the time. So that's Al Green. I'm not sure. I guess he's a representative from someplace. And he was, do we know? Do we know? know what he was saying? I mean, I watched it live. I couldn't tell. Whatever he was trying

to accomplish didn't really work. I think he was yelling. He was yelling something along the lines of you don't have a mandate to, um, uh, kill, to kill Medicaid or something. I mean, it's probably technically true, but I mean, I just don't know. I didn't, first I didn't hear him that well. Second of all, he didn't get that. You should have a shirt. Right. Always have a shirt that says what you're saying. Yeah. Because you're going to be, you're going to be bound and gagged and put into my basement prison in the future. Right. Uh, so, you know, at least have a shirt that can say what you, what you're about. Yeah, always have a visual.

Really, you, you're, you're going to need a visual going forward. Always, the age of oratory excellence, no one cares. No one cares that you made a speech. It really shouldn't even have words on it. Your, your, your shirt. It should just be a picture of like Trump, you know, like, I guess beheading a sick old man. And then maybe one of those circles and slashes through it, like Ghostbusters. Mm-hmm.

You know, like, don't do this. Right. What he should do is, since, you know, his region is probably struggling without the medicated stuff. Yeah. Visit one of your, you know, some of your dying constituents. Right. Your crippled dissuance. And make sure it's out of them.

Right. Right. Maybe make yourself look like a Sesame Street character. To make it fun. To make it more enjoyable for the kids. Yeah. happy has a song go happy day tilling the field away making having no play that's my situation can you tell me how to get some water from a dying mom something like that you can use that

you can riff on it it'll be like a like a like a minstrelia like a slave song because you'll be kind of like that oh man and people go well you're appropriating cultures like that's what you're going to worry about we're not the OG slaves whatever you know I don't want I'm gonna get canceled for saying that you know

because I didn't I appropriated slave culture for my future whatever um no enough of you he's a problem about Algreen he didn't mean business if I was in that situation

But I wanted to start screaming. I would first of all, I would say, stop, stop sucking the elderly off. And what? And I was just say, and I would mess myself. And just start, and then after you say that,

just start screaming, you're sucking, you're sucking, you're sucking, over and over again. He's sucking us off. He's sucking us off. And I would mess my pants.

I'd wear a white suit, and I would mess myself. I would eat a bunch of rotten eggs I could throw up on command. I would become such a disgusting mess. And I would just, I would go, what's that thing when you go limp? Play possum?

Whatever, we, we, we, we, we, we like, let the sergeant in arms carry me out. Oh, yeah. Let the sergeant in arms of the U.S. Congress. Yeah, I'm, I have no dignity. Especially because he's got that cane and he looks kind of sick. I would, I would, I would strip down,

you should have wore a loin cloth. and then like had like a ripped hair away clothes and it's stripped down to her loincloth and start and wear a baby's bonnet. Al Smith is that the name of Al Green? Al Green should have put on a baby's bonnet and got down to his panties and started messing himself

and throwing up and throwing a fit. Because it's all about creating the kind of spectacle that will ruin the day. Yes. It's no matter what you say from that point on, it's ruined. It's going to smell in here. Right. And maybe even you make some smell things, right?

You bring some cowpies with you from the farm, whatever. You make it harder for people to win. That's how you don't. That's how you lose properly. This idea of being a good loser is something they teach losers. Yeah. How, you know, you what winners do when they lose? They fucking freak out.

They lose their minds, all right? They destroy everything. They lie. They say they didn't lose. There's other thing as being a good, good, good loser amongst the winners. They're the worst losers you've ever seen your, you know, Michael Jordan would do if he lost a card game to his grandma. He would cut her, but a knife. Really?

It's in the last dance where he pulled a butterfly knife out and goes, give me that money. I won this card game. It's peanut. whatever the hell it was. Just just pulling a knife in her face. You know, who's the greatest football player of all time? And she goes, you know, Pat Garrett. Who's Joe Montana?

You know, no, it's me. You play bad. He was, whatever. This is not about how Michael Jordan tortured his grandma. That's not what this is about. I hope he just beat me up over this. You think I can take Michael Jordan now. He's an older man, but I, I, I, I, I, you're my wife.

I wouldn't want you to go and. You're my wife. you're my wife yes yes you could kill him that's this is what we need to get back on no more calling out your husband you know what I do think you could you could take him how it's just because I think if you decided

to fight Michael Jordan yeah I just think you'd be so vicious right oh if I decided to fight a mailman I'd do that right because I I don't I'm not like I'm not I'm not uh Daniel Rousseau which you know he's been an obscure reference but everyone everyone loves this Copacan so they get it

I'm not one of the Cobra Chi kids. I don't know karate. So I have to use my own methods. All right. So you're right. If I decided to fight Michael Jordan, it's a big of a tough day in the farm. I don't tell you that much.

So I don't know. How do you feel about these speeches? Do you feel like? Like the State of the Union speeches? I'm not optimistic. No, it's fine. I hope it works. I really do.

because no one's saving you if this doesn't work where it's it is the last thing right this might not be the best solution to every answer but honestly we are facing down the barrel of robots and china and um just just it's all coming home to the roost we've played a lot of weird games over the 20th century we've got our fingers on a lot of pies and i'm not sure we know how to get out of this. We've talked a lot of shit. You know? We can't just be like Finland and go,

we're just doing our thing. We're giving corn to Zimbabwe to offset the, you know, the pain from the warlords who we fucking funded to start to, to offset Chad and Nigeria and India and we're doing something there. You know, we got, we have like we have competing forces in our own government and our own government. secret government for 75 years let's say since world war two at least it's just a mess it's a rat's nest

you know if you open up the pentagon and the CIA it's just a bunch of wires and cheese and garbage no one knows how to fix this like don't tell me this some democratic answer is less messy right you know it's just a mess either way this is the only and all due respect mr president Is the only crazy MF or that's going to, you know, try to open up the rat cage? Like the guy, look, the guy who handles the snake. Yeah. Is he a normal guy? You mean like the snake charmer?

Right. Yeah. That guy's weird. That guy's aggressive. That guy might have some weird views about women. Hmm. You want to take up the snake? I don't know.

That's where we're at. Interesting point of view. Wait, go ahead. No, I was just going to pivot to, you know, a quality of life. What do they call those things? Where they used to call those things? A slice of life? What were those, the news things?

Oh, yeah. Where they used to be called, like a nicer story? Like a human interest kind of? Human interests. Let's get some human interest here. So we have this interesting story. Wait, no. Bird drops severed to human hand that may have

belonging to a child into a schoolyard. That's not what I thought this was going to be. What is this? Is this another victim of your work farm? Maybe. What happened here? Honestly, I don't know what this is. Irish authorities, oh, this happened in Ireland.

We're alerted to the discovery of partial human remains per police statement obtained by people. A human hand was discovered in a school yard in Ireland and it is thought to have once belonged to a child. How long ago? Right, yeah. How old is it? You know, you could tell probably just from looking at it. Me? Why?

Because I'm so used to children's hands. Well, you're just used to seeing, you know, work, you know, death. Well, I did. And assessing how long it's been. Could be the midget. That's true. Or a dwarf. They have little hands.

I don't know. I was looking for a different story. That's it. Plain passage goes viral after receiving romantic note. We'll just leave. We'll put a pin in that. Okay. so a child's hand has been found it's a prodigal a prodigal hand

plane passenger goes viral after receiving romantic note from pilot on the back of a napkin what's becoming pilots used to be like like like people you look up to yeah a pilot used to be a guy who would like you know be like he was an air force pilot maybe you know he bombed Saigon or Illinois doesn't matter yeah you know and he flew he flew missions and now he's flying you to to scranton or the yeah he's he's stoic stoic he's drunk but you wouldn't realize that ice cold like ice man from top gun val kilmer yeah he's he's got

he's all he's all vodka but he keeps it together but now we have that what is this is this guy roll down please so this chick got yeah no that's it that's it so this chick it's on a plane and the pilot what reads me what the pilot wrote there um okay what did it say it's not it's not big wait no I got it right here it's easier to read here

the handwritten note on a napkin read I have seen the whole world and you are the most beautiful human in it I've seen the whole world and you're the most beautiful thing in it the most beautiful human in it he probably wrote a thing at first so you can't call her a cross it out human take that off the table

please uh interesting so if so this guy is supposed to be like making sure that you don't crash to a mountain but he's trying to get some strange that's where we're at like is this what we need I mean we have planes crashing every week we have planes crash like they're landing upside down

the helicopters are crash into them maybe that's because pilots aren't getting late enough you think they're too pent up yeah here's the thing since 9-11 we've kept those doors closed there's no reason they can't take care of themselves up there you know if you can't do that in front of your my pilot jerking off in the middle of the flight can you speak like a lady please all right The YouTube sensors have told me They're very sick of you Not speaking like a lady

That's the one knowing I keep getting back Because your co-host Doesn't speak it up like a lady But yes But I do I disagree I want my pilot journal off

Yeah I want them smack I want them smacking I want them choking I want him pushing it out I want I want him to do it three or four times I don't want him worried about What some yoga pants girl

and economy plus, you know, how far she's bending over to pick up her, you know, their snack cake that fell on the floor, you know? You're talking about? I just couldn't disagree with you more on this. I don't want a pilot. I don't want some fucking insult for a pilot. I want a pilot who fucks. Well, I want a pilot who spent, you know, maybe spent those days when he would have been

hanging out, you know, as. some dairy queen trying to pick up some some college girls to be studying maps air maps maps of the air and look at this girl she is a little cutie pie she's attractive i was going to say i was going to say i was ready to say this guy is some kind of uh degenerate sex addict drunk you know but but you know maybe she is one of the more beautiful people he's ever seen well i mean that that that first of all that educates out of prison or whatever. I think we should remember, that's not how you get women.

You get, I would say this, lady, I can tell you're making the effort, but I've seen a lot of beautiful women, and you're, like, pretty mid. So you got, you got to increase the, you got to increase your game, all right? Yeah, you got to step it up. I've seen, it's a handwritten note on a nap, it says, I've seen the whole world, and you've hit the wall. I mean, honestly, that should be the thing. And things should be like, you know, just, just like handwritten notes that neg.

And maybe we can help write these notes. Honestly, this is an idea. Maybe we should make, we should make bar napkins. Because the other thing, if somebody gave you a bar napkin, what's the nicest thing you think of? What's the nice? What, what the, what the, the poem I made you for Valentine's Day. Oh, yeah, beautiful. Which I'm not going to tell people what it is.

I'm a great poet. But if I wrote it to you with a bar, if I didn't know you, it would still be beautiful. Yes. It would still be the most beautiful thing I ever read. Would you care if the napkin was from a different bar? Would you even notice? No.

We sell generic bar napkins that have amazing things on them. But they neg. Because men are just bad at nag, and they don't know how to be creative. They don't know how to go, like, you know, like, you know, like, I'm usually attracted to, you know, beautiful women, but I would be willing to spend this layover telling you. how to fix yourself something like that or like or just or just one that says you're trash what want to cuddle you who look like trash want to cuddle question mark three question

marks underline the question marks yeah right you look you you you your face is all right but you smell like ass stuff like that you know like get off my plane get off my plane unless you're once you're ready to play ball things like that i can help pilots out what are you waiting for marriage you're no prize why buy the cow if the milk's all sagging sour Keep dreaming, bitch. The stewardess brings over the girl and say, this is, nope, the pilot. And he just keep dreaming, bitch. And he draws a picture of a guy getting filleted, a stick figure.

Oh, man. Well, look, I try. tried i tried to give you everything that you wanted people it's dangerous world out there no more no more birds no more snuffalo guys no more cessima street but you can't like and subscribe you can do before it's all over you like and subscribe on this guy in his youtube app so people can find us so they can hear the good word right they can do that and if you end up liking the show which i know you do we have a patreon don't forget patreon.com slash ray comp you have an extra episode every week for five bucks a month

so that's fun that's the nice thing right do that if you like either way hope you have a great week we'll see you next week Thank you.