Kump - Ep. 216 Israel Bombs Iran, Pirates Get Nukes, Italy’s Big Lie

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

Israel bombs Iran’s nuclear sites, Ray proposes nukes-for-jobs diplomacy, and the Houthi rebels become UN tech support in Ray’s fantasy global empire. Also: pirates in the desert, Dave & Busters for peace, and why Michelangelo’s David might be hiding a corpse. Plus thoughts on plane crashes, diaper diplomacy, and the Dead Sea.🔥 Get bonus episodes every week on Patreon – patreon.com/raykump

Hello and welcome to Kamp. We are looking at the attack of Israel on Iran's nuclear capability, amongst other things. This is a video from Tehran, I guess. It's from Tehran, yeah. Israel has decided that Iran, not allowed to have nuclear weapons. I guess, to be fair, the UN has. I don't, I've never understood that, like, who would agree to that? I guess because they were allowed to get nuclear capabilities.

Here's the there's a thing on fire. They've killed the leader of the Revolutionary Guard, which I think just means their army, right? Right. And then a couple of nuclear scientists. A couple of nuclear scientists. And now they're bombing Iran. They're bombing.

I don't know if it's the intention that they're going to keep going with this? I mean, they said they might keep going, yeah. Why not? I mean, I kind of thought they were. They keep saying they're so, their hands are so full. That's her. Yeah. If only John McCain could have lived to see this, you know?

It's a shame. It really is. I mean, he really, he did the whole thing where, like, that song, Bob-A-Ran. Bomb, bomb, bomb. Bomb, bomb. Yeah, and he did, like, a birthday party for a bomber or something, right? It was something weird. He was so ahead of his time.

Yeah, I don't know where he got his, he would have, he would have been a proud dad tonight. It's, look, if I starts go out to the people of Iran, I'm sorry if that makes me a traitor because the people we, you know, over, who we did a coup on, what was it, like 75 years ago are still, you know, are not gone. I guess that's the beef we have. Right. They took hostages in 79. People are very, people are, like, cheering this on because of, like, the hostage crisis

in 79, like, we're, which, look, I guess never forget anything. I mean, they got to come up with some justification. Right. They can't just tell themselves, we're doing all of this because Benjamin Netanyahu is going crazy from killing too many children. I mean, yeah, look, it's sad to Netanyahu, you would have thought they did their hands full, right, with this whole Hamas thing. They kept saying it's such a danger, but they were able to, you know, attack many different countries. They were able to take on a side gig. Right.

There's such a threat that, you know, we can turn this place to the Middle East Riviera and also just get, you know, bomb this country's excuse to like, you know, because I've got kicked out of office. Because that's why I mean, look, I get it. People, you want a nuclear Iran? I kind of do. I kind of think, like, everyone had a nuclear bomb. You were an early proponent of a nuclear Iran.

I don't want anyone to have them, but if, like, I think it's, I don't, well, I don't think it's good is when some people have them and other people don't, and then you go, oh, dear the evil ones. Well, isn't that convenient, right? What seems to be the case is that there's a bunch of people who can bomb with impunity and people who can't. It's like the mafia, right? It's like the, like in Goodfellas. It's like, you know, being getting made. It's a license to steal and you can do whatever you want, and no one can screw with you unless you. He's a made guy.

Then maybe he can't. You know, made guys and made guys, you know, a bad guy can't, even a boss can't touch a maid guy in theory. That was all beef and sopranos

or Ralphie, right? Right. That's how important it is to be made. Even though Tony was the boss of the family, Ralphie, after he beat up his girlfriend and he killed her, right?

Right, yeah. He's like, you know, he smacked him. He goes, you don't touch me. I'm a made man. And that's what it is to have a nuclear bomb. Hmm.

And I ran, really wants it and I don't blame him because we just you know we just go wherever we want we like imagine if Iraq had nukes if Zahm had a nuke I mean the whole reason we supposedly went because he wanted to get like because he wanted to get nuke supposedly I'm sure he wanted them you know this is that whole yellow cake thing and the Times the New York Times lied about that's right yeah I was recently I recently saw something where I don't think I I don't think I saw this at the time but like Netanyahu also like kind of made a cameo at that time sure I was like, you got to go get him.

He's been, there's a gap where, like, Ariel Sharon was in charge. But, like, otherwise, he's been in charge since, like, 95 or something. Yeah. He goes back to, like, to, like, L.L. Cool Jera. Right. Don't call it comeback. You know? It's a strange, yeah, I just feel like, you know, we tend to get into less fights when everyone, you know, if everyone's packing.

This is the whole theory of Texas. You hear about Texas all the time? All these good old boys, and it's like, you know, when everyone's packing, we, you know, no one messes with each other. Then respect comes back. Respect, because everyone's open carrying, like, it's the old west. Because no one ever got shot in the old west over nothing. That never happened.

You really, you're like, I bet you, I bet you, like, every Saturday, some guy was walking to the same bar in every town. Like, every time, you know, a guy walking at a bar and just start shooting into the, you know, at head level and just see what he hit. Because they were drunk as hell. But whatever. I'm four guns, but this is the idea that everyone's got guns

and we keep each other in check. Yeah, no one messes around. So why does everyone want, I get it, you want to be pushed people around. Iran talking about, you know, oh, they talked about, you know what they did they talk about bombing Israel? Right. They talked about bombing Israel.

Yeah. We're going to bomb Israel if we get a nuke. All right. Like, that probably wasn't great. No, wasn't great, but also like, well, one country seems to kill a lot of people. I mean, I don't know. Oh, they do proxy wars, what, like us?

Like we do all the time? I'm sorry that when we attacked, when we put the Iraq back into the, I don't know, what would we send them back to the 1950s? That there would be bomb them into the 20s. Wherever we bombed them to, I'm sorry I ran and just go, well, that's fine. And then the soon even Lishol popped up. Was it ISIL or ISIS? And they were like, yeah, it was ISIS.

and then it got shifted to ISIL at one point? Yeah, it's just a lot of different. You know, Mahakd al-Sadr, was he part of Iran's thing or not? I'm sorry, they were like, well, just not I'm getting involved. You know, we funded Saddam against these people.

And they were so screwed up at one point. They were sending like guys, like civilians with like broomsticks and like knives into the battlefields getting decimated by Iraq. I remember Zahm was our friend, right? Right. And then, but they were just supposed to not like, you know, get in the game a little bit.

I'm just saying, you won't go to war with them, whatever, but don't act like they're victimizing us. Right. I remember I used to hear a lot growing up that it's different for Iran to have a nuclear weapon. Right. Because their leaders are like our religious maniacs. Wow.

They're going to do it. They're just going to, they're going to pray. Yeah. And then just bomb away. They believe in God. Oh, man. That's a problem. And it's also like, look,

Occam's razor is that they're fakers just like our leaders or religious fakers. You know, everyone likes to take their, what they call those things, or women don't have the jobs. Men have the, I don't know what they have. Everyone likes to let their hair loose and get a little pipe. Yeah.

What are you put in your pipe? A little hash. A little crack. A little math little. You mix it up a little bit. You know, you get a speedball. It's nothing better than after Friday prayer. You get a little speedball going.

and you're hanging out with some ladies or whatever I wouldn't judge you the whole point of religion is to be hypocritical right so what do I care remember the like and subscribe the show it's like 40 minutes in but why not say it a little rat there you go and uh you know we got a patreon on the patreon.com slash ratecom you get an extra episode every week for five bucks a month nice deal it's just it's a it's a I don't know why we need to keep like it's we if we don't bomb them now they'll bomb us well that definitely is that I don't hope they don't get a bomb, though. I'm surprised someone doesn't give them a bomb.

So why is the rest of the world just like, why don't they ever team up against, you know? Like, when did we decide that, like, like, I get it. You can't get rid of all nuclear weapons. Why do we allow Israel to have them? Like, in that whole, in that deal? Or in the United States.

Like, it really should just be America, China. I mean, I guess Great Britain got grandfathered in. But they're pretty small. It should just be America. America, China, and Russia. Big countries with different, you know, likes. They like different people. Yeah, we, like China.

Nukes are a privilege. Sure. Of having, you know, just, just decimated many, many countries. Yeah. You don't get a nuke until you've decimated many countries. You have to kind of, look, you think China started out as that big? They conquered people. I don't know how it worry.

Go read a book about China if you want. I don't feel like it, but I'm pretty sure there was a whole unification or something that happened a thousand, two thousand years ago or something, and there was a little countries and it was a big country. And the United States is a little different, but, you know, we were a little states and it became big ones. Why don't you conquer a bunch of other people if you want nukes? Right.

I don't think it's good advice. I'm just saying, I don't know why we have, like, Pakistan and India, and like, and like, why, why are all these, like because that's how do you make that deal to people if it's not clear what your borders are you don't get a nuke who doesn't is that I'm making sure about that is that cashmere you mean well there's some like India Pakistan's I think it's the cashmere they both want that beautiful cashmere that's right is that where a sweaters are made I don't know I don't know is it lovely sweaters do we have a thing to the article I don't want to just just rant about how I will we can talk about this

thing. But no, but it's just like, I don't know, because the whole deal was supposed to be, we're just not a proliferation thing, peripation, was like in the 60s. And the deal was supposed to be, well, you get access to nuclear power. Right. But then why these countries, like Iran,

like, shouldn't we just give them reactors then? Right. If that's the deal, why aren't we just going, no, the UN will install power in your country? will come with the guy Hans Blix Remember him from the Iraq War? Yeah, but you know

Then it gets all messy And the UN guys start trading uranium For sex And like it's just There's always controversies With that kind of thing Well the UN's gonna get sex Whether you like it or not

Whether it's food or it's water Or it's or it's mosquito nets They're gonna trade something for sex You can't make your whole policy about what if the UN officials are corrupt and they want sex? That's just the gig. Who would join the... Who would, like, join the UN team otherwise?

It's one thing to be part of it as a country. But who was like, I'm gonna join like the, you're gonna join, like, the State Department? No, I think I'm gonna join the UN. What's that about? Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. You could go to Africa and the State Department probably. No, I want to go as the UN, the less powerful thing.

You know, it just seems like you're kind of like you want to be under the radar. I don't want to accuse of you. Yeah, I'm sorry, everyone assumes they're so good. Right. I just, you know, I don't know what they do. It's the whole point of having a new, a non-proliferation treaty. Because it gets rid of all the ambiguity, doesn't it?

Right. Well, right, no, we just want building power. Oh, okay. Well, it seems like you're making weapons grade. I don't know how it works. I'm saying. Like, we keep, this is this is a fuzziness to it. Just they should be like, Dune.

That movie Dune. Everyone keeps saying it so great. Right. Right. They're like the trade, we're not a trade commission. What they call those guys? The navigators? They don't want to control the Spice Malange.

The U.N., they control the frigging nuclear stuff. They come and build a power plant in your house. Like Musk, but a Stargate. What's it called? The Starlink. Right. That should be nuclear power. Let's take a look at this article.

Israel strikes arounds nuclear sites, kills military chiefs and scientists. A lot of people. What's happening? Is this the kind of thing that the, bomb a nuclear deal would have prevented? I think it or does it all go out the window when the paraclyiders come and the

bombs start? Well, I don't think you mean it's like, no, I think it probably look. I mean, when the guy who kicked who ended the deal is the guy in charge again yeah, I think that, you know, I don't know if it would help.

Are you saying if Trump didn't get elected? Well, yeah, like if it had stayed intact or whatever, you know, but on October 7, still happened. Yeah, I imagine if you didn't have an administration that gave everything to Israel that they ever wanted in a weird way, like, even more than like the really hard line. Yeah, you know, maybe they wouldn't have had the, yeah, maybe it would have been a little more dialogue happening.

I don't know. I mean, supposedly, supposedly we didn't want this to happen. Supposedly it was like, you know, I don't, what's worse? If they did do this on their own, even though Trump said not to, even though everyone assumed it was a wink, wink, wink. if you would say it makes them look weak probably right if the whole point is like you know hey

like they're our little brother we're not there with a brother you know yeah it's a whole gimmick we're supposed to keep them in life like it's one thing for them to you do you strike in the night without provocation you don't like draw out of negotiation

and then go don't do this and then do it that defeats the whole purpose of being like tough that's not tough anymore That's just like Anyway we got here Israel's Strakes surrounds nuclear sites Kills military chiefs and scientists

Israel launched a massive wave of attacks Across Iran on Thursday night bombing nuclear and missile sites Targeting military leaders and nuclear scientists And conducting covert sabotage operations On missile and air defense sites I can't read this If I have my glasses are fighting out

because I'm so enraged. I ran can't have a nuke. I'm going to be spun as like as the, as the, they're going to, they're going to leak stuff about me. I'm, I'm, I'm like,

I'm like an Iran, a nuke, nuke boy. Supreme Leader Kamani promised a harsh punishment for the attack. Okay, well, how would you just do it?

I mean, enough of this bluster. I mean, this iron, David's Iron Dome in Iraq, right? I mean, Israel. Mm-hmm.

Right, yeah. Yeah, I mean, last time they tried to respond. How that? Well, what was it? I am told me. What was that doing in October? I guess this isn't hurt hang gliders. State media also confirmed the death of two top nuclear scientists and other general.

This is really so, this is not new information compared to what we were just saying a few minutes ago. This article is long, but it's just stretching it out. No one really knows, I think. There's no videos of it yet. I feel like, did Israel just come out and say we did it? And Iran's like, yeah, they did it. But no one really has, like, foot's on the ground. Yeah, I don't think there's a ton of, like, coverage of it yet.

IDF, folks, persons, that only necessary activities should take place in Israel starting Friday. So I guess they're expecting a little. Includes a ban on educational activities, gatherings, and workplaces. It's COVID all over again, you know? Yeah, no, this is, I mean, people, are Israeli kids not going to be able to go to their graduation? Right. I mean, I hear a lot of people, I mean, look, it really, I didn't think of it. And I'm not trying to be callous.

I didn't think of it with COVID at the time. Because, you know, the kids don't go to their graduation. Like, ah, well, all right. And, like, because I didn't go to my graduation. Right. I got a high school. And then I went to another high school, and they would say I can go, but I don't know you people. Like, they were nice.

They were cool people. I was like, whatever. I don't feel like going And So I just didn't seem like But you know But I get it Not everyone's a little weird

Like you know A weird rat I'm not a rat You know What else could I be? A punk I'm not punk You were a young punk

I guess In a dirty hairy way Not in the way I'm not self aggrandizing I'm a scumbach Who clinics would shoot What would you say? If you were sent to negotiate

date with I ran and you were and you were you were you were trying to stop you knew this was a possibility what would you like I'm the I'm the atollah comini which wasn't that the guy the original guy whatever but this is this like a George W. Bush kind of thing what what about this what if we build you just a really nice kind of like state of the art home theater I'd love that yes I agree I was doing for a home theater oh wow that was easy Can you get one of those, like, Ronco remotes? You remember those? They would control everything.

I don't like these new remotes. What if we give you your own Coliseum? My own Coliseum? You know, you can use it however you want. You can use it for sports or whatever, but it'll be in the style of a Coliseum of like, you know, an ancient Coliseum. It'll be really nice.

I mean, it'll be the size of, because I'm pretty sure the Roman Coliseum wasn't as big as what we can build now. Well, yeah, but it's going to be nice. It's going to be built of a, you know, there's going to be marble statues. of Comani and everything like that. I don't know why you're assuming I don't have that. I think it's very rude of you.

We have a soccer stadium. Yeah, but this is going to be nice. It's going to be like you're... You think we built out of paper mache? You think we're building a nuclear bomb and we can't build a concrete stadium? Look, not to be a certain way about it, but it's going to be built to European, you know, standards of beauty and all of that. Have you seen mosques? The mosques can be very beautiful.

there's domes and uh this is a really nice thing i'm offering to give you i don't know i don't know why you're well i'll take it i'll take it to my my council and see if they'll if they'll trade the nuclear weapons deal for for soccer stadium maybe maybe i mean i i could look if i was if i was a guy i'll make that case yeah okay yeah i know you just missed my wife because you know you thought you was You guys on women, I get it. But, you know, it's like, you better just take, you might as well take the stadium because that's the best going to get. They're going to, I mean, maybe you can, maybe you can hide your nuclear new next guys

under the stadium and try to build weapons there because they know where, right now they know where your stuff is. They're going to bomb it. So maybe just take the stadium. I don't want to tell you, or don't. I don't. I don't care. I'm, I'm like on commission here.

How do you get commissioned on a stadium? It doesn't even make sense. Why? I'm going to join the UN. I don't I'd be able to seduce women in the UN but it's just

it's just a bunch diplomats and horse shit Hey y'all I'll give you some depleted uranium if you suck my thing it

it's just get let's just get down a brass tax I'm from the UN I'll make that yellow cake grain what they call

a nuclear rain a thing or nuclear yeah there's some kind of thing where the nuclear rain out because it's a radioactive rain or something because it gets it collects in the clouds and

it's something. It's something bad. I mean there's the other thing. It's like no one's ever attacked anyone with a nuclear weapon. And we're acting like, oh, they'll definitely use it. No one's ever. I mean,

India and Pakistan hate each other and the whole cashmere thing and they have them. And they're both like on equal footing or something or not. I'm not sure how to how big each other are. Isn't India a lot bigger? Yeah, I mean, definitely.

So you would think, you would think, like, oh, India will have to, you know, they'll... Yeah, I'm not sure, actually, I wish... Well, look it up against, Google it. I'm pretty sure India's a lot... Pretty sure. I'm just geographically, at least. I'm just saying it's kept them at peace for, like, you know, it's the greatest... Look at the Cold War.

You don't think we were in the war with Russia? If it wasn't for the nukes? We totally would have gone to... They would have... McArthur wanted, even with the new, I guess they didn't have him yet, we did. He wanted a nuke Boscoe, McGarthur, right? With the McGar, or Patton, I think both of them did. Yeah, right.

I'm just saying people act like the Cold War was the worst thing in the world. Like, it was inconvenient. We were constantly afraid we'd be attacked. But we weren't, were you? Because no one really wants to die in a nuclear explosion. It almost happens a couple times. It's going to almost happen. Right.

You can't stop it from almost happening. what i mean the only the only foreseeable issue is you know they get you know nukes get accidentally launched but they haven't so somebody's nukes get launched but you're calling i ran a bunch of clutches but it's in a cyber attack or something what yeah like like what if somebody did a cyber attack and launched somebody else's uh missiles oh it sounds like something we'd do it's i mean it does it sounds like sucks net didn't we do that to them before. I mean, wasn't that the thing

we did to Iran at one point? Look up Stuxnet. I think it happened like in 20, you know, read me what Stuxnet was. Let's look at this. It's a malicious computer worm first uncovered on June 17, 2010, and thought to have been in developments

since 2005. Targeted supervisory control and data acquisition systems is believed to be responsible for causing substantial damage to the Iranian nuclear program, although neither the United States or Israel has openly admitted.

responsibility, multiple independent news organizations claim sucks not to be a cyber weapon built jointly by the two countries. Right. So, yeah. Like that. Kind of like that. I think I also might just be describing the plot of the most recent Mission Impossible movie. Oh, right.

I mean, this is a case where, sorry, I mean to step on that. Because it actually did happen, though. And we did it to them. Wait, so what did it actually do to it? But it didn't, but it didn't launch missiles, right? No, we more.

It basically got in. It was a worm that we got into them. It got in a very interesting way, but I forget what that was. And it basically like kind of really just re-havening on their whole. It's three-met modules. A worm that executes all routines related to the main payload of the attack. A link file. This is all nerd speak.

It's typically introduced to the target environment for an infected USB flash drive that crosses the air gap. The worm then propagates across the network scanning for semen, step. 7 software that's how everyone understands that this is we're so screwed I can't even do HVAC you know I can't even I tried I tried crimping a wire to like put on my to put to like to hang our freaking curtains in our bedroom because there's like a wise one of those cable systems and I had to buy like a dangle of Amazon it was like a crimper for fat was called ferules in the case it's all it's all loose and they're and our curtains are sort of like crap

those like total dog shit and then people are out here doing this making stucks nets I can't make a stuxnet I'm nothing really makes me depressed sometimes but yeah I mean so it basically just like

it destroyed everything there to an extent or is this nothing we also did something where we like just disabled the entire air defense in Syria at one point with a Wi-Fi worm or something I'm just saying

like we're we have this like we're we have this like freaking mission we have we basically the guys are mission impossible and we're worried that bunch of Native Americans are going to kill us you know I have like we're frank guns and we're freaking you know all sorts of weird

accessories and masks and we're like oh what is this guy these Machu Picchu guys are going to like come and rape our women was screwed so you mentioned before that that this was kind of like that basically

this coincides with Netanyahu facing some pressure from the parliament some people in Israel are like we don't actually want to destroy Gaza right we didn't like the hang glide attack but I mean you know we don't want

we don't want to just wipe them out and it was the whole vote I think you have you have a thing right here let's see I don't know exactly the opposition the same they didn't like the war the wars are going on for a while you know it's like I was originally like yeah you got to retaliate whether or not these look people have been

these people and guys have been kept in this situation for a long time right you could argue it goes back and forth all right but that point is like they you know these people are agree where's the star It's one of those things where's where's the apple get bitten? That's not an expression. Yeah, but where does it start?

And like my point is, well, regardless, if you do an attack like that, you got to retaliate. I was never like it just shouldn't retaliate. But usually retaliation is like a few, you know, a few days. You bought them for a few days, not two years. Right. Not until they're all dead. Not when they're trying to get some soup, gruel. Yes, I'm sure when they're eating soup.

Soup is nice. There should be, you know, like there should be. be a nice, like a, what do you call it? What's that term I'm looking for? Like a neutrality. Like a, like a sanctuary. A soup sanctuary. The U.S. should have that.

Yeah. You should be like, if a guy's eating soup, you can't just shoot them. Right. Like, if it happens, like, my point, like, I'm not saying every guy who happens to get shot while he's eating a cannibal ration, you know, but, you know, it gets a war crime charge. But if you're a sniper, you shoot a guy

while he's eating soup you're no you get we put you in jail that's wrong yeah I agree you should be able to eat some goddamn soup uh then you know his government faces possible collapse as the opposition ceases as off parliament this is the news this is the story before the vote so I mean it didn't it didn't work out that way I guess but uh Israel prime minister and the government faced a major test Wednesday after the opposition admitted a bill just take control plus I can't, there we go was ultra-Orthalax

coalition partners threatening to support the measure and force early elections. The ultra-Orthalax parties are furious as the governments have failed to pass a law exempting their community from mandatory military service and this is not like oh I thought they didn't

want to destroy Gaza but they just we'll support the war if we don't have to go we just don't want to go we actually don't want to fight and this is not like this is not like Quakers or like Amish or whatever

they don't want to go because of you know just an opposition a staunch opposition to violence at any form or anything they're more worried that military service will like it will secularize like ultra orthodox people

that the military will have a secularizing like influence on them oh they'll get in the military just sucks like why am I doing this What else is bullshit Hey this military is bullshit What else is they long about?

While many experts The last minute Compromise of those the most Excerious challenge His government since Hamas is October 7th attack So basically it lost though He beat them

I wonder if he like basically I think the attack came out after this But he might have said to him I'm about the attack You know so you better fucking get in line who knows but the point is that's you know it just seems like a strange timing

right I don't know I mean it's like you know what do you think it would take to stop this violence in the Middle East are they like to have ice cream is that halal I mean yeah I think I think ice cream is okay

I mean I know they have like what's that stuff are there eggs in ice cream milk and eggs might be in it. That's more of a custard, but those good that can be very good. Like soft serve ice cream with the custardy kind of thing. Right.

Traditionally, I don't think there's much egg in there now. Eggs are on halal? Well, I think it's that there's, I think sometimes kosher, it's about mixing certain elements, but, you know. You can't have a, Iran with nuclear weapons. You know, something like that.

I don't know. This is all very sad. I mean, whether we, what are we do? What should Trump do? going, like, should he get a little Camp David thing going? He could do a Camp David, I mean... He's pissing shit all over that, though, right? Camp David?

He doesn't like... I think he said, like, it's a dump. It's just a bunch of trees. I think he likes to take people to, like, Marlago. He's not a woodsy guy. No, he should... He likes being near the ocean. Yeah, he like...

I mean, I... Look, if you were... If I've been... Pond Beach is very nice. I mean, those waves. I mean, on the day, They should take them to the breakers and just, I'll see those waves hitting the rocks and go, it's just calming. It's calming, yeah.

Does Israel have water? I think it does, right? They're at Dead Sea. It's too much salt. That's probably all just dehydrated all the time. When I worked in the jail, they would serve food that was like spruced up versions of like the same food they would give to prisoners. I'm not sure how they spruced it up, but I was like reading about that.

I was looking at it. But what was that stuff? And, like, it was most likely, like, just, like, shelf-stable meat. And just, and it's just, ooh, yeah, it was very salty. And I felt off the whole time. And that's kind of what they might be dealing with that Dead Sea, you know? The swimming in the Dead Sea, all of a sudden, you just get angry. You're not sure why.

You've been so dehydrated to get angry. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's rough. I feel like I get a little moody after too long on the beach every time. Oh, yeah, I got the sun beating down on you. People, we need to build them a nice day of and busters. to hang out and these people get to you're in the desert

and it's just you know I know they have those white clothes and those white clothes are supposed to help you right they're always wearing white like Saudi Arabia for instance and I'm sure it helps but that can't be your only thing you need and you're like you should have like

you know got you know big big fans that follow you around on wings or something I don't know it just seems too hot um should we get all this Could international waters help? Yeah, maybe some pirates? Yeah.

Why don't we have pirates handled? Maybe pirates. Honestly, engineering a pirate crisis. Right. Didn't we do that already? A couple of things last year? I feel like that was already... I feel like we were bombing Yemen for like ten years.

At the end of it, we were like, actually they've been pirates the whole time. Like, really? Don't you remember if we were bombing Yemen? No one ever said Houthi pirates or anything? No, they said Houthi rebels. Okay, right. But it was always Houthis? I feel like the Houthi thing, and I can be totally ignorant here.

Don't quote me. But I feel like it was just, oh, Obama and Yemen a lot. Like, wow, no one talks about it. And all of a sudden, everyone started talking about it, and Houthis became a thing, and they were pirates. Just, I'm just saying. But yeah, maybe. The pirate thing may have. Here's my policy.

I want the U.N. Give me the U.N., I'll make it all work. I will take the Houthis, and I will make it all work. I will take the Houthis. and I will make them into my Praetorian Guard of, you know, of the, of, I'll become emperor, by the way. I'll become emperor of the world, but no one's going to care because I'm not going to have an army, really, you know? I'm going to declare myself, you make me Secretary General to the UN, right? I'll declare myself emperor.

It won't matter, but just let me have that. Let me have that. I'm going to fix this. Yeah. Just let me have this. We want me to be like, I'm the Secretary General, listen to me. It's a stupid title. It is, it is, honestly, it is.

title that invites a lot of disrespect and mockery. It's so horseshit. Oh, oh, you're a president? I'm a secretary. Like, I should, like, if I'm the president of the United States and I'm a secretary, well, you should work for me then. Why am I listening to you? You're nothing. I guess, I'm

sure their rationale was like, well, no one's going to want to, like, who's going to be the guy in charge. You know how they handle it in the mafia? There's just a lot of Lusiana being charged. Did they? The commission, right? And he just ran it. And there was a boss of boss. Or they get rid of that. get. Doesn't matter.

The point is, like, it doesn't, you just, we have no one in charge. But I'm the emperor. And then you go, I'm going to go to them, I'm bringing, I'm giving, I'm giving everyone nuclear power plants. And yeah, they're going to melt down sometimes. Shut up. You know, we're going into a crisis, right? A crisis of, uh, rarer than minerals or something.

I don't know. Like, for some reason, we need to do oil left. The dinosaur bones dried up. the climate change I'm not a scientist but yeah sometimes they melt down whatever like just just deal with it we're giving everyone nuclear power plants

and like it's what I rang we're going to build it for you and you're not going to have to touch them because they're going to be operated by my personal guard slash nuclear power priests and it's a hootie it's the hooties

the hooties yeah we go everyone all these people who are pirates we give them real jobs You think the Houthis is, well, Iran and the Houthis kind of are around the same page, right? Are they? I don't know. Whatever. If they weren't, I still do it.

I was saying the Houthis is real, too. They're going to mend their power. It's not, I'm playing favorites here. Yeah. I'm saying is, you know, we send these guys to trade school. What do you think you need to do? You think everyone works at a nuclear power plant has some, like, Ph.D? Maybe they do.

I'm not sure. But whatever, they're not going to. We're living in the YouTube age. Now, I'm not saying we actually rely on YouTube, but the UN could build its own, you know, video site with actual tutorials that we approve, right? Right. I've learned enough. I've learned Photoshop and Adobe from here. And I know a difference between, like, you know, real tutorials and stuff on YouTube.

And so on YouTube you can learn stuff, but there's a lot of holes of horse shit mixed in because there's no one, no one's telling you not to. And it's not a comprehensive course, right? Same thing with the UN. and these nuclear, well, I'm not asking the Houthis to go on YouTube to learn how run a power plant. Right. That's how you get Chernobyl. We're going to make our own YouTube. Nuclear

YouTube. Yeah. All right. And it's just going to have, like, you know, tutorial. And it's not, I don't worry. I mean, not everyone can access this. But so what if they did? You know, we have all the yellow cake. That's the whole thing. We got that yellow cake, baby. And so what of Israel says, like, we don't want

our UN designated nuclear site run by Houthis? Well, then, you know, I give, I ran the bomb. See, that's how I, no one saw that coming, but I will play, I do have bombs also, because I'm a nuclear guy. I said it was all about power,

but no one's looking, and I made bombs, too, and I'll give them your enemies. But I'm not, I'm not, I'm just saying, it's a threat, right? mutual assured destruction was basically an inherent threat against Russia and the U.S., right? And it worked for like 700 years or whatever.

This will be a threat too, and it probably will work too, unless people act stupid. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I, the plan is to kind of get into a position where I'm, I got a whole cache of nuclear bombs and you don't know where they are because the hooties have sailed

with little alcoves hidden them for me. I mean, here's the thing, the Hootis are going to be on top for, not like, they're not going to be like the hegemony. I'm not saying Hooties are going to replace America and China, but they're going to be a power player. Yeah, I mean, I would, this would empower them a lot. People would not want this going in, but I tricked them in this scenario. I tricked them and like, I'm just giving them jobs. I don't want it either anymore.

These hooties have a lot of control over me. People get desperate, right? And then they go pirates. people don't go pirates because they just like being pirates I mean some do I don't think the hooties a long chunk silver black beard I don't think they're in for the thrill necessarily I think it's just you know the economy's rough it's a rough economy out there

you know so I'm saying is we've given them prestige and jobs and we'll have to figure out the women situation they have women there I know a lot of countries have women problems whereas not enough women to go around it's a real thing no one wants to talk about it But it's like, look, China had that because, I mean, they kind of caused it with the whole one child policy. Everyone's just drowning their kids or whatever. Yeah, especially the girls.

Nordy China. Yeah. But everybody wants a boy. The boy is the prize. I love the idea that these are, right, yeah. But I love the idea that these are people who have a social credit score. Like, where did you like making people drown their kids? Yeah, I feel like you'd have to agree to, you know, bury the hash and a lot of things.

and I call Trin. Oh, you're going to watch what I do. Interesting. Okay, you're going to watch what I do. Tritin, you have to credit. Why am I getting a credit score? And also it's like you're just like you're interacting with some woman who's turning you down for a loan or whatever.

And you're just like, didn't you like drown your daughter in a stock pot or something? It must be so much animosity. Maybe it's why they need the social credit score system because there's so much animosity. Right. Everyone's always bringing it up. There's just a lot of grudges. There's a lot of people bringing that up. Hey, didn't you have a kid?

It's not here anymore. You need you have a kid for six days? What happened to that? A lot of suspicious people. Like, you're not right? Everyone, like, then whoever was in, I guess Z came in charge. Like, I can't deal with it. I'm trying to make things happen.

We're going to do a social credit score because people can't stop bringing up the kid thing. It's rough. It's real rough. It's rough business. We're trying to be nice. I don't know. Yeah. What's the big Chinese movies or is it or was it there was that video game that came out, right? Last year. I remember still big. Video game. There's a big video game that came out. Look up Chinese video game. Like big, big hit, big hit. People know people know what I'm talking about. I didn't play it. It was like somebody on a panda or the bear or something. What am I say? Black myth, Wukong? Yes. Yeah. They're all playing black with Rukon now. Whatever. This is not a show about China today. There's a show about, yeah.

You know, my Houthi rebels, and how we're going to fix Iran and Israel. Black Myth Wukong tells a story rooted in a classical Chinese novel, Journey to the West. The player, the Destined One, the Destined One, a monkey. You get to play as a monkey in this game? Yeah, we should get, I mean, can you, see if it's on PS5. It's Black Myth, Wukon. I'll get, we'll stream it. What do you see as the biggest opposition to this, uh, my plan?

I think the biggest opposition is just the hooties cooing you, honestly. You think I'm cooed by my own hooties? I got nuclear bombs buried every. You think they got all of them? I got nuclear bombs everywhere, baby. I got, I got ones on me. I'll do the whole thing like they do in every Western movie where it's like, you shoot me, but I'll shoot you first. And like, oh, you all kill me, but I got my gun on you, the main guy.

And you're dead and me and you were dead. And everyone else can do what they want. And he's like, no, calm down. I don't want to die. Like, damn right. I'll still get some frozen yogurt. How would you suppress a Houthi uprising? With nukes.

Okay, all right. No, I would just, no, they would know. You wouldn't try to negotiate. There's nothing you would. I would constantly be, like, I would have whatever the smallest nuke is, like a suitcase nuke. Mm-hmm. If that doesn't exist the way it sounds, I would have to make it. And I would just kind of, I mean, I would, I wish it would be like a ball.

like a big like a like a like a like a like a like a botchy ball right I was just you know I'm just kind of toss it around like like that but you know worst case is a suitcase or like a or like a dragon ball zy thing sure or I mean that'd be very small yeah yeah yeah sure like one of the dragon balls and we tossed them around like like like they were still like a bag of nickels or something I was just imagining you I've been kind of spontaneously forming the nuclear bomb in your hand. Well, like, I just have like a bowl of yellow cake to like what my hand is. I don't know how these things work. I think you have to like, they require multiple explosions. My hand is only, I've only done it a couple of times. But my hand is completely like burned by radiation poisoning because at one time I grabbed a big hand full of green yellow cake to make a point.

And I have a black hand. It's like, it's not It would be a good intimidation tag Yeah, but it's not like I got one black hand, but it's fine It's like, no, it's The necrosis is spreading Every time you see me

It's further up my arm I'm gonna lose his arm What you guys need? And you're just getting sicker and sicker and singer What are you guys running out of pens? You need more pens? Lurzy, get on pens These guys keep losing their pens Coo!

Oh, you came to the wrong eye You're gonna coo me? I'm going to lose my hand. We're not care if I live or die. That'll be my plan. And then, yeah, look, the Houthis would just be like the tech support of the, of the, of the emperor comp world. Mm-hmm. I think I could fix it.

Is there anything, you get black, I can't look, black on the Rukon. Was there another big story we're going to do before this bombing happened? What was the big thing before that? There's this, uh, Zoron. I don't want to resort on the mayor The mayoral kid Was there like a bigger thing? There is the arrest of the senator

The Oh no Oh my PD vehicle set up blaze Probably once he gets a mistrial for rape charge Was it like a bigger What are we going to do? Oh it was a No there was a plane crash

Oh right yeah Right You think that Big plane crash Where was that? There was in India Yeah Yeah I mean

I'm at So that plane took off, right? And then immediately crashed into, what is it, like two, like a med school or something? Yeah, it was kind of like ascending for a second, but then it dipped and then just immediately crashed into a med school. Do you think Nathan Fielder will exploit this in any way? I mean, look, I think it's probably kind of thing because it's one of these Boeing planes and Bowen's having a bad run of it. and this plane's ever crashed before I would guess it might be the plane right

I don't know but I imagine he's going to be tweeting well you should have done my role play where I dressed in a diaper I didn't see there's that show to rehearsal and they feel it was a very funny guy but he seems to be kind of slowly kind of losing his mind he gets very mad the US government doesn't want to take his role playing advice for

pilots. Right. It does seem a bit grandiose. It does seem like you could overcorrect, yeah. It seems like the US, I don't want my government listening to this guy, even though I probably is smart, but like, this is how you're going to pitch it? Do we have like a, is there like a thing we can, uh, they're very, let's hit, they'll just pull the show.

But I, I played something off that Velma show like four years ago and they pulled the episode or something. Uh, but no, he's like, but yeah. We want to do Velma react to assholes. he freaking uh he like he wants the whole thing is he wants to like you know make sure pilots don't crash the planes i don't think the pilots are fault most of the time but maybe they are but the point is like well yeah i mean there's definitely play i mean with bowing there's definitely been plenty of like factory yeah errors didn't that look at the military helicopter

crashed into one recently that wasn't the how his nation's field was diaper gonna help that He dressed up in a diaper You can't like, look, if I'm in, if I'm in, I don't care what you're, I don't care if you're promising, you know, Shangri-La in the fountain of youth and, and renewable energy or some horseshit, you know, like, like the, like, like a water-powered engine. Remember, there used to be sci-fi movies, like, whether it was a war, it was in a Canada Reeves movie or something, where he built a water-powered engine and they try to kill him. This is a tanked economies.

point is I don't care if it was that if some guy's like doing diaper play I'm not listening to him which he did do it and it was a funny episode but he's dressed like a baby in a diaper and it's like I'm not gonna listen to you I'm just not

I don't know what people want from his world he I get the impression he's not just doing comedy he's actually upset they're not taking them seriously what do you want you want people just like I'm gonna get my dirty diaper change as an adult and tell people how to run their

countries shut your mouth sticks in the business thing where the nathan for you I know you're on a failing network when he did that but do that in HBO oh I rebuilt now I rebuild the new airport it sounds like you

honestly I mean if some guys if I'm HBO and even field comes I want to build a fake airport no that can't be good no

what are you going to do with it I don't know terrorism well you know I would just assume that I would never let some guy like him who dresses up in the diaper

build an airport terminal a fake one. It sounds like you're trying to do a 9-11. And it's like the thing he was like kind of attacking and critiquing.

Yeah. It's the kind of thing you could easily overcorrect on because like the critique was well, you know, co-pilots don't feel comfortable, you know. Right.

Yeah, basically they're supposed to, yeah, sorry. Overriding or or disagreeing with like their captain. The captain. Right. But I think you can easily overcorrect and just get a bunch of mouthy co-pilates.

No, just be like, yeah. Who don't really like, like know what they're talking about yeah and then the plane crashes because you know it's going to be hey check your white privilege that kind of thing whatever version of that shit yeah it'll be that really maybe that white privilege it'll be like that hey check your captain privilege and then we all die you know sometimes you got to take you got to dance with the one who brung you and that that means crashing into a mountain i'm sorry that's what you do you're gonna do you you're the one asshole

of a parachute. Do you know how to operate a parachute? It's hard. Push it over a mountain. I don't know. I mean, I imagine a lot of people who if they didn't know

how to use a parachute and they try to jump out of a plane like that, they'd probably just die. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's not like, I don't think it's rocket science. They probably forget to like

to connect the things. So you have to connect them. Honestly, I always, that's the thing that terrifies me about the idea of skydiving is all those little snaps. Well, you would be, those little snaps comes loose.

You would be strapped to the front of a man. yeah that's how i mean so you like skydiving it's fun you know you you you just have a man's fart all over your leg uh that would that be your biggest trouble because he he he i think he would connect the straps he'd be eating a hoagie a meatball sub on the way up yeah but what if it's just like it's just a bad day he's just having a bad day yeah and if it gets one of the one of the little straps his stupid wife told him told him to check his wife privilege that morning and she's sleep she found he's sleeping though who's he rebel who's he Pirate.

Like, where'd you even meet a hooty pirate? And he's like, I don't know. X.com. So shut your mouth. Go, go fly, go fly, go. Go, jump up a plane, you dingus. You know. Thank you.

Oh, bless you. Jeez. Sorry. Wow. See, this is why I think the straps would be forgot. Yeah, this is, that now. two hours later, I'm strapping some other woman to me

and I'm just like, I'm just farting and not making sure she's alive. No, my point. So whatever. Why did I bring yourself? Oh, because like, you know, you dance with the one who brung you. You don't friggin start going with the co-pilot who has no experience knows better. Probably doesn't.

They showed the Sally Sullenberger thing on the show, right? The guy, the miracle on the Hudson guy. And like, didn't they cut to him, the co-pilot? He's got any ideas? And he's like, no. So, I mean, whatever. I'm just saying, like, the whole point of having experienced is that you have the idea. You know what to do.

If you don't know what to do and you're going to rely on, like, some wet behind the ears idiot, then we're all screwed. And that might be the case going forward. People are worse at their jobs than they've ever been. You know, these people complain about, like, I can't get a gig. But you're also bad. Everyone's bad. No one knows what they're doing anymore. I'm not saying I'm above it.

I've been trying to do DIY for the past week, and I keep making holes in the walls. Crooked holes. We just say, it's like, no, my, you know, our grandparents used to build things, like, you know, chairs and hammocks and trees. And, like, you know, I try to hang a picture and then, like, you know,

and I'm digging into a wire behind the wall. And the whole, and the lights go out. Mm-hmm. You understand? Yeah. This is why I need, I need access to the hooties. I'll make, I'll break

wherever the other. Well, why are we, the same thing if I ran. Why are we acting like the hooties are like some crazy pieces like the pirates? But they, they're right, the pirates. You know, the Italians did a lot of, you know, a member of goodfellas, those guys.

Right? That guy was, you know, what was the Irish? Jimmy, Jimmy Conway, and then the mob, you got Italian guys, the Irish guys, they made nice things, right? The Italians have made also made wonderful art and pastas. Yeah, at the height of civilization, arguably. And they're also good.

And sometimes they're good at stealing, you know, fucking trucks. These are all inherently evil. Just because you seem to be very much skeptical to Houthis. I mean, am I wrong here? Is there like a channel or like? Is there, do you think there's a Hoosie Michelangelo out there? Yeah, I don't think Michelangelo is even that good. I think, I think, I was like, he's just, he probably just like covers some

guy uh i think he didn't really sculpt i think i think that i think that i think that david statue if you cut it in half he'd finally have it was an actual person he just he just put like a bunch of cement over a guy and pretend like he sculpted it he just thought he's something no one's going to do it it was just tracing for sculpture yeah no i honestly my my only other thing i'll do as i'm per of the u.n is i'll demand that they cut the david in half and see and find the skeleton inside of it that he killed him I guarantee it I've never been so sure of anything in my life

so I'm not no I'm not particularly impressed with Michelangelo the mafia the guy who started the mafia what was I saying no but does the hoot I mean look is there some YouTube channel I'm not aware of some X account where you like the hoot the atrocities where they're just the worst people ever

and I'm just like yeah well you are they on the same level of as ISIS well isn't when you tell me ISIS is back The Houthi movement in Yemen This is just the first thing that came up But

The Houthis have been accused of launching indiscriminate attacks Including shelling and missile strikes on civilian areas Yeah nobody else ever does that Right yeah Leading to casualties among Including women and children Oh well They've been accused of using land mines

You know when you point at the Houthis Four more fingers point back at you and those fingers are on a dead guy and that guy is inside the Michelangelo statue the David session and that's the problem these people just don't understand it's a it's a tough world out there

but honestly what would Italy do if I if I got that going if I if I released that information would that be a bigger like reveal you actually got like that conspiracy or that truth that should be

I should write a book like the Da Vinci Code, but it's just that. That would be great. The Michelangelo Code. I might do this. I mean, would that shake modern Italy at that point, like politically. Oh, I definitely think Italians would be furious about it. I mean, we don't have anything in America like that. We don't have any artifact, what, the declaration, but no one cares, right?

Like, yeah, we have the Empire State Building. whatever but like no one what do we have that like the rest of the world comes and sees like the m&M store you know right freaking i'm seriously like the hoover dam that's like there's nothing like that we you know we don't have precious art yeah yeah that's just nothing this is this is a bunch of we should build condos there i'm so sick of people like seeing the gougainheim i don't like it's not the david though the david's a big deal yeah that's one of those things they put I'm like, you know, in, uh, it's like, you know, that's one thing they put in like cliche art things, you know?

Mm-hmm. Right. So I'm just saying, like, could, could that crumble the Italian government? If I released that information, like, what, could I get, could I get, like, a vote of no confidence in Buscadale or whatever's name is? I think that you could get a lot of international support for that theory. With, what, here's a, here's, if I'm the president of the United States. in this scenario

I've pivoted I've used my emperor of the UN's and leapfrog to the United States President and I say based on my experience

of being at the UN as the emperor I know what they did with David the guy in there and they won't tell me they won't show what to me

I know he's in there so we're going to invade we're invading Italy and we're going to take the statue from them in Italy or is they have to move actually look up

where is my galilee it's actually like turns out as a Louvre in Paris France this is a meslord is at the gallery

the academia La Franzi in Florence oh it's in Florence yeah I'm invading Florence and look at that David statue

I'm on my hooties grab it and we're going to find the guy inside we're going to rip his head we're going to save him I mean

I feel like no one could refute that right there probably would be some art expert who'd be like well actually you could never truly refute it though without cutting them

give it open it would be like there you know here's the thing and you could even honestly this would be a good talking point to get this going to get this going. Sure. It's just like they could, they have

a lot of like restoration technology now. They could easily put the David back together again. Oh, sure. If they, if he was cut open and it was found that there was no real human man inside of him, but they refused to do it. You're going to be like my heavy I bring in at one point when they started giving me

shit's a price aside. I'm remembering Lucy in here. She's my hammer. She's going to tell you why you idiots can just put it back together. It's 2025. I think we have cement. I just for cement over it. I have the hoodies hold it in place and we just pour cement over it discriminately.

And then we're like afterwards and we wipe it down to try to wipe the excess off. No, but I'm just saying it's like, look, easy things. So this is why it's perfect. If you wanted to invade Italy and I don't know what the end game is, but it doesn't matter. Because we'll go, look, you've got the statue and there's a guy inside. You've been lying. You've been lying for a thousand years. And like, what are you talking about? You're crazy.

nonsense and they bring out some nerd who's like who claims to have like these notebooks or whatever you know these parchment papers or whatever that like the because like art you don't realize a lot of great paintings even like a tragically classic painting tragically whatever like Mona Lisa

there's different versions of it I think most of them have it at least where like you can see like we assume it all you got painted it at once it's like 30 of these things sometimes but the guy's like working it out and figuring and some of it's like just sketches and some of it's freaking you know

terracotta and some of it's clay and some of it's you know he's using an apple iPad pro or whatever um just saying so the point it is he'll bull and I'll just I'll just accuse that guy be the spy and I'll arrest him have him hung I'll have him hung sometimes you gotta hang people

you can do it selectively you hang guys early I don't really to respect the leader who hangs people quickly but sparingly you know like you're for you're Your first day in office, you hang 50 guys, and never again. Because you didn't have to. You don't want to overindulge.

You don't want to overindulge. People got to know that, you know, it's a heavy hammer makes the heart go around. That's my expression. So the point is, you know, I'm not, I'm business. I'm all about business. And I say, I'm looking, you got to give me this statue. We're going to bomb their shit out of you. And they, and, but, like, remember how Saddam wasn't even building a weapon?

And he was like, screw you. I'm not going to let you inspectors in. Mm-hmm. And afterwards, we never found weapons, and we're like, why didn't you just let him in? I don't think he's crazy. He was really, like, he was telling people he had weapons the whole time. He's afraid, like, they would attack him, like, these other people, the Kurds or whatever the fuck. And I'm like, yeah, but he knew we were coming.

And like, yeah. There was never really a definitive answer there. It's almost like he worked for, now I'm thinking about it doesn't really make sense. We never got good answers, did we? It's almost like he was told to do a certain thing. To Dom. Right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Whatever. I'm just saying. So that'll be Italy in this scenario. And they'll just let me bomb them. That's my prediction. And then they go, well, cut it half. We're like, you know what?

It's like, we've already bombed Florence into the dust. Let's look. Let's keep this one thing. It's for the birds. And that'll be the end of it. I'll never have to pay for my crimes. whatever I mean the key thing is here is Iran will be okay anyway thanks much for tuning in thank you we hope the dubs of peace find you for finds you quickly is that

nice that is great I thought I was no war it someone played that for me a clip if you happen to be in Iran you I don't have many Iranian listeners we have cut that audio up for me. Yeah, you have my permission and put that on like a talk boy. Like, well, like, some kind of thing you can play it. And go around to the victim and play that. And make it feel nice. I hope the doves of peace find you quickly.

What a lovely sentiment. That is a good sentiment. I wish someone would say this at me, Jarl War. Anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. It's important. And members, subscribe if you can, and then get to Patreon.com, slash ratecom, be an extra episodes. You know how it works. We'll see you all

next week. Have a great week. Thank you.