Kump - Ep. 224 Is Kump Alive?
Episode Date: August 8, 2025Marc Maron is out here talking to Howie Mandel and allegedly coming after Ray Kump for hiring “Navy SEALs” (who may or may not be homeless) to protect himself and his wife at comedy clubs. Ray set...s the record straight, breaks down the culture war over grilled meats, shares his recent 17-lb weight drop, and explores the etiquette of acid attacks. This episode is part prison romance tutorial, part security strategy seminar, and full-on mind control operation.Join the Kump Empire.👇 Bonus Episodes Every Weekhttps://patreon.com/raykump
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                                        Of course I'm alive.
                                         
                                        What do you think?
                                         
                                        I'm actually thriving, okay?
                                         
                                        But I'll tell you what, Mark Marinbert
                                         
                                        keep his name out of my mouth.
                                         
                                        He's been talking a lot of smack.
                                         
                                        A lot of these out there are talking to Howie Mandel about me.
                                         
                                        We'll get to that in a bit.
                                         
    
                                        He's tiptoeing around it.
                                         
                                        He won't say exactly who he's talking about.
                                         
                                        But we all know he's talking about you.
                                         
                                        We'll get to that in a minute.
                                         
                                        Yeah, I don't want to bury the lead here,
                                         
                                        but we'll get to that.
                                         
                                        But first of all, welcome to Kump.
                                         
                                        And, you know, we have a lot to get to today.
                                         
    
                                        but Mark
                                         
                                        this will not stay
                                         
                                        with Mark Marin
                                         
                                        all right
                                         
                                        I'm not gonna allow Mark
                                         
                                        Marin to besmirch my name
                                         
                                        he wants to talk about
                                         
                                        you know I'll get to it now
                                         
    
                                        what
                                         
                                        why
                                         
                                        am I under attack
                                         
                                        for hiring Navy SEals
                                         
                                        to defend me
                                         
                                        why is he
                                         
                                        why am I at target
                                         
                                        why is this guy who does
                                         
    
                                        what's he famous for
                                         
                                        the for thinky pain
                                         
                                        is that his comedy special
                                         
                                        that's the most recent one.
                                         
                                        Well, maybe if he had hired a few Navy SEALs to keep him safe.
                                         
                                        Maybe he wouldn't be so intimidated by a guy.
                                         
                                        But he's running out there.
                                         
                                        Mark Barrowing the comedians, you know, allegedly,
                                         
    
                                        allegedly the comedian is out there running his mouth
                                         
                                        about how I hire homeless guys and pretend their Navy SEALs
                                         
                                        to defend me and my wife.
                                         
                                        When we go out in public,
                                         
                                        when we go to a comedy club to hold court.
                                         
                                        And I bring these men, these armed men,
                                         
                                        Men who, you know.
                                         
                                        Strung out, men.
                                         
    
                                        Of course, you think you're not strung out from war?
                                         
                                        You think you go to war and you're going to be okay?
                                         
                                        Everything's fine.
                                         
                                        War is hell.
                                         
                                        Nothing to lose.
                                         
                                        War is hell.
                                         
                                        And the men who I pay to defend me are strung out.
                                         
                                        They're a shot.
                                         
    
                                        And they will attack you.
                                         
                                        Well, look, I mean, we're going to get into trouble here.
                                         
                                        Don't, don't, it's a less loaded statement.
                                         
                                        They will do.
                                         
                                        Whatever is the right move at any given time.
                                         
                                        I will not stand for my Navy SEALs to be called, hey, homeless, they smell bad.
                                         
                                        You know, some of them are fat.
                                         
                                        You know, they're constantly hitting on people, you know, other guys' wives, trying to intimidate them, asking people for food.
                                         
    
                                        I've also heard they don't stand for pregnant women on the train when you guys are going around.
                                         
                                        I've heard complaints about their basic civility.
                                         
                                        Look, if you don't gradually increase your leg strength as you get more pregnant,
                                         
                                        that's not the fault of my Navy SEALs.
                                         
                                        That's not the fault of the men that I contracted for defend me and my wife.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        All right.
                                         
                                        And just me, look, oh, I'm sorry.
                                         
    
                                        I'm sorry you don't have it in your heart to feed a soldier.
                                         
                                        You know, you know, if you eat half a hot dog and he asks you,
                                         
                                        you're going to eat that, he comes up to your table.
                                         
                                        You have, you know, and he comes up and goes, hey, you're going to eat that hot dog.
                                         
                                        And it was, I just try, wait, what?
                                         
                                        You want my hot dog?
                                         
                                        People aren't saying stuff like that.
                                         
                                        Why, you want my hot dog.
                                         
    
                                        It's disgusting.
                                         
                                        What are you a vagrant?
                                         
                                        What are you homeless?
                                         
                                        And they pull the gun out.
                                         
                                        And things get nasty.
                                         
                                        And I'm to blame.
                                         
                                        Why do you think I'd hire people?
                                         
                                        Because the world's full of conflict.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        The world is full of just terrible, you know, misunderstandings.
                                         
                                        And I need guys on my side who know, who know the ins and outs of combat.
                                         
                                        You know, despite the fact that they practically make the world more dangerous, I feel safer when they're around.
                                         
                                        Well, if I have to, the world has to be a little more victimized so that I can be okay.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        And my wife can be okay.
                                         
                                        That's what a man does.
                                         
    
                                        That's what a man does.
                                         
                                        Thank you.
                                         
                                        Thank you, Lucy.
                                         
                                        That's what a man does.
                                         
                                        He shields himself with less mentally stable men to protect him and his wife.
                                         
                                        I mean, look, are they shell-shocked, maybe?
                                         
                                        I'm sorry that, you know, our wars of treasure didn't leave them, you know, centered and zen-like, you know?
                                         
                                        I'm sorry, I'm sorry they're not, you know, they don't do Pilates like Mark Barron and his friends.
                                         
    
                                        I don't know what Mark Maron wants.
                                         
                                        He's talking a lot, you know, he's going on the Howie Mandel show about talking about me.
                                         
                                        And the men I hire.
                                         
                                        And I'm just, I'm pretty sick.
                                         
                                        I'm pretty sick over it.
                                         
                                        But otherwise I'm doing great.
                                         
                                        I was doing so great today.
                                         
                                        I woke up.
                                         
    
                                        I was doing my macros.
                                         
                                        Right?
                                         
                                        I've lost 17 pounds in 10 days because I'm by pure willpower.
                                         
                                        I'm chefing.
                                         
                                        I'm being a chef now.
                                         
                                        I'm doing meditation.
                                         
                                        You got us a wonderful, uh, uh,
                                         
                                        little Joe what is it called a little a little Joe a little Joe a Smokey Joe a Smokey Joe I got the Smokey Joe grill and uh from Weber and I'm gonna make I'm gonna make all sorts of grilled meats because I I was living in a first of all before we get any further like the show you like people you know we already like to subscribe to the show stop saying subscribe fine like it you know everyone reviews it should
                                         
    
                                        like it, put your, put your, put your, put your, put your name in the sand.
                                         
                                        Stop being afraid of Mark Maron.
                                         
                                        Well, your free Mark Maron is going to like, you know, write down every, every guy who likes
                                         
                                        the, the, to come podcast and then report you to some, you know, some, some, some child
                                         
                                        protective services because you won't let your kid transition.
                                         
                                        Oh, this guy, they like come podcast, and he hires homeless guys.
                                         
                                        And I think the guys, you know, who like the like and subscribe won't let their kids transition.
                                         
                                        that's free you know he maybe he'll do that i don't know what business is i have no i have no opinion of
                                         
    
                                        anything but if he if he thinks he's gonna ruin my career
                                         
                                        i'm i'm just so i i feel ill thinking about him how smug he is yeah he talks about my
                                         
                                        homeless i'm in my navy seals now uh also patreon that com slash raycom you get an extra
                                         
                                        episode every week for five bucks a month that's fine that's a fine thing to do
                                         
                                        okay so here's the thing
                                         
                                        I am
                                         
                                        the Smokey Joe
                                         
                                        is a grill from Weber
                                         
    
                                        and I'm going to make a lot of vegetables on it
                                         
                                        I'm going to make a lot of chicken on it
                                         
                                        I'm not going to be the guy anymore who says I smoke
                                         
                                        out my apartment
                                         
                                        every day trying to make
                                         
                                        chicken steak oh I don't have a window on my kitchen
                                         
                                        oh I don't have a proper ventilation hood
                                         
                                        oh I live in a I live in a slum
                                         
    
                                        and I pay too much money I took action
                                         
                                        I bought a Smokey Joe.
                                         
                                        Can you get,
                                         
                                        can you bring a picture of a Smokey Joe?
                                         
                                        I've been seeing like,
                                         
                                        what is this?
                                         
                                        Having an issue with.
                                         
                                        What is that part of the Smokey Joe website?
                                         
    
                                        Here it is.
                                         
                                        Oh, this is going to be a wonderful grill.
                                         
                                        This is a wonderful.
                                         
                                        I'm going to make so many smoked meats on here,
                                         
                                        grilled meats.
                                         
                                        Look at that,
                                         
                                        Sparagas and grilled chicken.
                                         
                                        What's Mark Burns got a problem with that?
                                         
    
                                        You go,
                                         
                                        why don't you feed that to your Navy SEAL?
                                         
                                        crickets on that grill.
                                         
                                        Why don't you put some crickets and
                                         
                                        and your
                                         
                                        and your daughter's cock on that grill?
                                         
                                        If you want to be a good person.
                                         
                                        Yeah, what I mean,
                                         
    
                                        Mark Barron wants me to have a daughter
                                         
                                        and then what, like, yeah, like, you know,
                                         
                                        and then put it on a grill.
                                         
                                        And I'm supposed to like treat it.
                                         
                                        And I'm just, but we're equals.
                                         
                                        We're just two guys who podcasts.
                                         
                                        I don't think, I think that's dirty pool.
                                         
                                        I think you should just focus on your own
                                         
    
                                        content all right and and you leave you keep my name out your mouth
                                         
                                        and you stop talking that germaphobe Howie Mandel and you keep the Navy
                                         
                                        SEALs names out of your mouth I don't even know they don't even have names
                                         
                                        look I think they're lying when they tell me that they were you know that they served
                                         
                                        and you know whatever you know they said they were they were they got the Medal of Honor
                                         
                                        they said they all got together I don't think that works that way I don't think you can just
                                         
                                        get the middle of honor together.
                                         
                                        I think there's like three of them, right?
                                         
    
                                        You know the guys, the guys.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        And they said, you know, and they keep lying about having the middle of honor.
                                         
                                        I mean, I'm not saying that they're the most honest men.
                                         
                                        I'm sure they've done terrible things in war.
                                         
                                        You probably want the people who've done terrible things.
                                         
                                        Yeah, you want, I don't want some conscientious objector, okay?
                                         
                                        I don't want some guy who, like, when he saw a bunch of Iraqis, you know,
                                         
    
                                        running away from the big machine guns
                                         
                                        said like oh they seem like
                                         
                                        I wanted the guy who was like you know
                                         
                                        just just deadheaded on
                                         
                                        did his job
                                         
                                        it's not your job in the military
                                         
                                        to decide things
                                         
                                        yeah you don't want the person
                                         
    
                                        ringing their hands going out should I
                                         
                                        should I take the life of this child
                                         
                                        right is does that woman
                                         
                                        really have a
                                         
                                        a gun under her veil
                                         
                                        yeah or is this or
                                         
                                        or is or is uh
                                         
                                        you don't want to
                                         
    
                                        somebody who's splitting hairs all the time i don't need a soldier splitting hairs i don't need a guy i hire
                                         
                                        to protect my wife at a bar splitting hairs i need i need i need a ferocious man dog of a man
                                         
                                        he he doesn't have that dog in him you know what i mean that dog wolf wolf yeah that's gonna be us babe
                                         
                                        look at look at this this is a couple on the ground this is that smoky joe in the foreground this is
                                         
                                        affirmation material.
                                         
                                        This is the kind of thing I want to see.
                                         
                                        This is the kind of thing they don't want us to have.
                                         
                                        You look at that picture on the right.
                                         
    
                                        You see on the right.
                                         
                                        This is what they,
                                         
                                        this is exactly what the culture war is about.
                                         
                                        There's two white people
                                         
                                        have, you know,
                                         
                                        cooking a few nice meats
                                         
                                        and a few veg.
                                         
                                        I mean, look, I don't have to be white.
                                         
    
                                        It doesn't have to be white,
                                         
                                        but I mean, they don't want
                                         
                                        I have to say, I'm for everyone.
                                         
                                        everyone's gonna get a smoky joe i'm not the one trying to they're the ones trying to stop white people
                                         
                                        having grills right they're they want it for themselves yeah guys like marron right doesn't want me to have
                                         
                                        a smoky joe i just think he's like i don't i why is everything got me you know oh why what
                                         
                                        you couldn't hire a black guy they do they probably could have mm-hmm why's every commercial
                                         
                                        got you know why can't why can a white guy grill a grill a piece of meat anymore in his country is that
                                         
    
                                        possible or you're allowed
                                         
                                        can a homeless guy
                                         
                                        accept a little money
                                         
                                        in exchange for if anyone
                                         
                                        anyone comes up to me in a bar
                                         
                                        and just talking shit about how
                                         
                                        you know like why are you wearing what you're wearing
                                         
                                        why are you
                                         
    
                                        you know if I'm knocking in a glass if I knock their
                                         
                                        glasses over a big
                                         
                                        slob and I go
                                         
                                        well yeah you're fat so what they call me
                                         
                                        I lost a lot of weight recently
                                         
                                        I lost 17 pounds in 10 days
                                         
                                        and I go by my
                                         
                                        What are you doing?
                                         
    
                                        No, no, I'm doing the right things, macros.
                                         
                                        I'm doing macro business.
                                         
                                        And they go, and you go, well, it doesn't show.
                                         
                                        I'm just eating complex carbs now, slag.
                                         
                                        Yeah, I got rid of simple sugar so my blood sugar doesn't spike.
                                         
                                        And I eat a lot of protein earlier, so I don't get as hungry.
                                         
                                        And they go, why are you knocked over our glasses?
                                         
                                        And that's when I want this, like, the guy, what was his name?
                                         
    
                                        do we know I need Bob Bob the Navy SEAL who happens does they have a home I don't know do you follow your employees home it doesn't make sense to know too much about these guys do you think Henry Ford follows factory workers home and make sure they had homes I pay this man to protect me and so that's whatever his job is the blindside that guy is my point because you know you don't ask quite you you better off asking him for forgiveness than
                                         
                                        permission.
                                         
                                        Exactly.
                                         
                                        So, you know, like, I'd rather he just, you know, throw a bottle, you know, just start
                                         
                                        pissing everywhere, you know, flip a table, and then, like, you know, maybe he says
                                         
                                        to borrow a fire.
                                         
                                        I don't know if this is a fire.
                                         
                                        The point is to create chaos.
                                         
    
                                        Chaos is, you know, the best friends of everyone.
                                         
                                        If you have money.
                                         
                                        If you have money, you want chaos.
                                         
                                        A lot of the time, it all boils down to them doing something extremely destructive
                                         
                                        so that we can kind of sneak out
                                         
                                        Right
                                         
                                        Yeah without too much
                                         
                                        Hullabaloo
                                         
    
                                        Mark Barry was saying
                                         
                                        Well he only paid them like
                                         
                                        You know
                                         
                                        A hundred bucks a month or something like that
                                         
                                        I go well yeah they're barely working
                                         
                                        Most of the time they're just bothering people
                                         
                                        Most of the time
                                         
                                        They're just making more problems for me
                                         
    
                                        So yeah I give I get a hundred cash a month
                                         
                                        And I let them have sips in my drink
                                         
                                        You know if I get a burger all them have some fries
                                         
                                        You know I'm trying to
                                         
                                        I'm trying not to eat out of his month
                                         
                                        They're going, you know, they're not, they're not, let me go to a bar now.
                                         
                                        And I'm like, hey boss, you can get a burger?
                                         
                                        We got some meat of your fries.
                                         
    
                                        I mean, no, I'm not diet.
                                         
                                        I'm watching my, I'm doing my macros.
                                         
                                        And they're like, well, how are we going to eat?
                                         
                                        I'm like, I'm not your dad.
                                         
                                        And realistically, like, these are the kinds of guys who, they wouldn't, they wouldn't be the most charming, like, you know, people.
                                         
                                        They wouldn't be the most charming beggars, you know.
                                         
                                        They wouldn't be making a lot of cash.
                                         
                                        No, these are the guys in their regular life.
                                         
    
                                        It's really, it's just, it's just whatever the market can bear.
                                         
                                        Funny thing is they were beggars when I met them.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        You know, you're using a Navy Steel can't beg.
                                         
                                        But they make people and they don't have, even the social skills of most homeless people.
                                         
                                        They would get into people's faces, spit at them while they were asking for money.
                                         
                                        Well, because they're not, they're not pussies.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
    
                                        You know?
                                         
                                        I'm sorry.
                                         
                                        I don't mean to research the homeless, but these are men.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Because they're real men.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        And then where they're war.
                                         
                                        So, you know, in some way that attitude is what shows you that they'd be a good.
                                         
    
                                        security guard.
                                         
                                        That's why I think
                                         
                                        they're not homeless.
                                         
                                        I doubt they tolerate
                                         
                                        that even though they smell
                                         
                                        like they're homeless
                                         
                                        and they have all the characters
                                         
                                        other characteristics.
                                         
    
                                        I'm like they're too,
                                         
                                        they're too confident
                                         
                                        to be homeless.
                                         
                                        They're very confident men.
                                         
                                        You're self-assured.
                                         
                                        There's got a good head in their shoulder.
                                         
                                        Their heads on a swivel all the time.
                                         
                                        And you go, oh,
                                         
    
                                        yeah, but Mark wants to talk
                                         
                                        about how, you know,
                                         
                                        I exploit these men.
                                         
                                        They're basically, you know,
                                         
                                        I treat them like human cattle.
                                         
                                        It's not true.
                                         
                                        I don't eat them.
                                         
                                        I eat beef
                                         
    
                                        not as much
                                         
                                        to mushroom
                                         
                                        macros
                                         
                                        but I don't know
                                         
                                        what you think cattle is
                                         
                                        but I don't
                                         
                                        they're doing a job
                                         
                                        which I replace them
                                         
    
                                        with AI
                                         
                                        should have chat sheet BT
                                         
                                        defend me
                                         
                                        that's a gimmick now
                                         
                                        oh I should have
                                         
                                        I should deep fake some Navy seals
                                         
                                        and then like you know
                                         
                                        show some guy
                                         
    
                                        at a bar
                                         
                                        when he told
                                         
                                        when he says hey
                                         
                                        I'm I'm gonna
                                         
                                        I'm gonna seduce your wife
                                         
                                        tubbo
                                         
                                        and my, hey, I just, instead of, you know, instead of,
                                         
                                        instead of sticking my Navy seal on them,
                                         
    
                                        this happens all the time. Right. Hey, Tubbo, I'm going to seduce that wife
                                         
                                        of yours. That's your wife? Frazy, I'm going to seduce her. And I go,
                                         
                                        I have to pull up my phone and then show what, some AI generated picture of
                                         
                                        some soldier and go, this is my security guard? That's not going to work. I can't
                                         
                                        outsource this. Right. They need to be there at the bar with me.
                                         
                                        You have nothing to apologize for.
                                         
                                        I don't know why I'm put it on the back foot by this by this supposed so-called comedian
                                         
                                        He wants to talk about the Rogan sphere the manosphere the cump sphere
                                         
    
                                        You know
                                         
                                        Sickening he wants to be on yeah I like that show he had when he was uh when he was you know
                                         
                                        When he was going when he was a homeless guy that the show was Marin yeah, but I believe the plot was he was a homeless guy who kept like trying to live with young women
                                         
                                        Like a dog
                                         
                                        I'm not saying
                                         
                                        But you know
                                         
                                        You're like
                                         
                                        College girls or whatever
                                         
    
                                        He kept trying to like
                                         
                                        Move in with them
                                         
                                        So he's
                                         
                                        And then you steal their cats
                                         
                                        I don't remember exactly
                                         
                                        It was a long time ago
                                         
                                        I mean I'm all
                                         
                                        I'm all for it
                                         
    
                                        I think that was a really funny show
                                         
                                        I'm not a cop
                                         
                                        That episode where he became a subway slasher
                                         
                                        It was great
                                         
                                        Right
                                         
                                        Yeah
                                         
                                        Oh you gave you like you know
                                         
                                        That thing when he set up
                                         
    
                                        The thing on the toilet
                                         
                                        In the public restroom
                                         
                                        And you know
                                         
                                        It was a needle
                                         
                                        It's his own
                                         
                                        Congratulations now you have AIDS
                                         
                                        and it was like
                                         
                                        And they go
                                         
    
                                        And they leave it ambiguous
                                         
                                        They leave it ambiguous
                                         
                                        They don't know if he actually is doing that
                                         
                                        I mean they don't have a plot point
                                         
                                        Where he gets AIDS
                                         
                                        So I assume he's just doing a gag
                                         
                                        But you mean
                                         
                                        It's it's like a David Lynch film
                                         
    
                                        You know
                                         
                                        But I mean
                                         
                                        I don't go back through his career
                                         
                                        And just try like you know
                                         
                                        Like police what he did on camera
                                         
                                        Right
                                         
                                        What we've had that scene
                                         
                                        I doggedly defended him
                                         
    
                                        Yeah
                                         
                                        When people say, hey, that's over the line
                                         
                                        I was like, hey, there's a line
                                         
                                        I said, yeah, he said he's an artist
                                         
                                        Right, he's the right, now there's a line
                                         
                                        When I do it
                                         
                                        Or my men do it
                                         
                                        The men I, you know
                                         
    
                                        Oh, we don't pay him a living wage
                                         
                                        What's a living wage anymore?
                                         
                                        I got like I got like
                                         
                                        I got like what to keep like a chart
                                         
                                        For groceries costs now
                                         
                                        And like every time like the price of eggs go up
                                         
                                        I got to give them a raise
                                         
                                        I'm not equipped for that
                                         
    
                                        All right
                                         
                                        This is this is this is your killing capitalism
                                         
                                        You're supposed to me to pay these guys a living wage
                                         
                                        The army, you know
                                         
                                        Keep me alive
                                         
                                        That's a living wage
                                         
                                        How is that?
                                         
                                        See?
                                         
    
                                        Where they're there?
                                         
                                        Keep me alive
                                         
                                        That's your living wage
                                         
                                        That's your job
                                         
                                        I don't know why
                                         
                                        People think I'm a post show over
                                         
                                        They think I'm a patsy.
                                         
                                        They underestimate you?
                                         
    
                                        They always think they're going to, like, just, like, throw me under the bus, and I'm just going to, like, take it.
                                         
                                        You do seem to have a lot of tails throughout your life of people, just kind of assuming.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Assuming that you're, you don't see what they're up to.
                                         
                                        I see my mile away, and then they put me in the corner, and I just, and I deconstruct the corner.
                                         
                                        So don't, don't, don't, don't be another one, don't be another statistic of guys that have smarted.
                                         
                                        You work best in the corner.
                                         
                                        corner.
                                         
    
                                        I worked bad.
                                         
                                        No one's put me in a corner in a while and I've actually done very poorly.
                                         
                                        I'm miserable.
                                         
                                        I need I need this is why I, you know, look, should I have gone through like a, like a firm like black water?
                                         
                                        Can I, can I buy?
                                         
                                        I mean, I didn't think I was allowed.
                                         
                                        I was, I could afford it, you know?
                                         
                                        If you all think I should have a more stable, you know, armed security guard force, you know, guy like Rogan does it and so everyone's thought, oh, those guys are like,
                                         
    
                                        elite he just he just does whatever he wants and he knows karate himself but maybe we should bring
                                         
                                        those guys on the show you know because i've been thinking you you you should my howard stern you should
                                         
                                        have a bunch of homeless guys on the show i'm howard stern i just think you would work very well in a in
                                         
                                        the in a crew context yeah we could use a zoo crew you're right i wouldn't mind having a zoo crew
                                         
                                        like some got like beetle juice yeah we're going a picture of beetle juice i'm not sure if everyone
                                         
                                        knows that beetlejuice the homeless was he homeless when they met him this is uh he's dead
                                         
                                        he's alive still good for him this is a man and look and Howard Stern would have him on I don't
                                         
                                        know I wasn't a stern fan but uh does is beel juice allowed in the Hamptons as big
                                         
    
                                        Hampton's house now does Howard Stern allow Beetlejuice to come and hang out in like
                                         
                                        bridge Hampton or wherever he or Southampton or wherever he lives
                                         
                                        did he allow him come to Sagaponic
                                         
                                        and go hey
                                         
                                        Why don't you have a
                                         
                                        Why don't you have a
                                         
                                        Mohito
                                         
                                        My my my
                                         
    
                                        My servants
                                         
                                        Were back over if he
                                         
                                        This man Beetlejuice came
                                         
                                        I don't like if you're the people are in audio
                                         
                                        I'm not talking about the Michael Keaton film
                                         
                                        This is a
                                         
                                        An African American gentleman
                                         
                                        With a very large teat
                                         
    
                                        I guess I don't know what's wrong with him
                                         
                                        Honestly now that I remember
                                         
                                        Seeing him in the past
                                         
                                        and thinking he looked pretty weird,
                                         
                                        but he doesn't actually look as...
                                         
                                        He's unusual.
                                         
                                        He's unusual.
                                         
                                        Howard Stern made it seem like,
                                         
    
                                        oh, you must, you belong in.
                                         
                                        Pee C. Barnum would not hire this guy.
                                         
                                        But Howard Stern's like, you know,
                                         
                                        you're a freak.
                                         
                                        Don't let's than anyone else.
                                         
                                        You're actually, though,
                                         
                                        you're actually a genetic, you know, calamity.
                                         
                                        P.C. Barnum, we're like,
                                         
    
                                        why, he's just a guy.
                                         
                                        I need real freaks.
                                         
                                        You know, women with beards.
                                         
                                        Fat men.
                                         
                                        I don't need beetle juice.
                                         
                                        So, yeah.
                                         
                                        Yeah, PT Barnum would need, like, a good story to make that work.
                                         
                                        Yeah, like, oh, this guy, this guy was defending where he cump.
                                         
    
                                        He was a soldier and someone threw acid on them.
                                         
                                        I mean, look, yeah, I really hope that I don't get, I, the worst thing could ever happen to me is I get acid thrown in my face.
                                         
                                        That's the worst thing.
                                         
                                        I mean, look, that would be horrible.
                                         
                                        I love people, people who are like, oh, the worst thing that happened to me is I like, you know, I stop enjoying.
                                         
                                        classical music or some nonsense they say no i mean like something horrible no i've honestly i i can't
                                         
                                        obviously yes that would be very horrible i mean i guess if i but i got to say i dwell on that
                                         
                                        a little bit myself right like if i if i if i get acid attacked i'm gonna be so pissed off
                                         
    
                                        you can you imagine like oh like why why don't you live in a house why don't you buy your wife
                                         
                                        a house why don't you have health insurance why don't you have any of the things that adults have
                                         
                                        I go, oh, so I should have
                                         
                                        that, just as well, I get into my face
                                         
                                        and take my house? You got to build
                                         
                                        in the right order.
                                         
                                        You know, you know what sucks
                                         
                                        about getting attacked for the acid?
                                         
    
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Is that like, you know,
                                         
                                        the whole point of the attack
                                         
                                        is to kind of like,
                                         
                                        is to shame you, you know,
                                         
                                        I feel like usually when people do it,
                                         
                                        they want to shame you.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
    
                                        About your, like,
                                         
                                        like turn you into a monster
                                         
                                        and while it hurts.
                                         
                                        Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying, yeah.
                                         
                                        And like,
                                         
                                        they want to give you something,
                                         
                                        they want to give you something.
                                         
                                        They want to give you.
                                         
    
                                        If you were, like, they basically, they have a bunch of jokes about a guy who's acid in his face.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        And they want to use them on you.
                                         
                                        So, like, for my first, I got to throw the acid in your face.
                                         
                                        And then I have so much, I have so much material for acid.
                                         
                                        And it works.
                                         
                                        Like, you know, that's exactly what it does.
                                         
                                        I, well, do get me wrong.
                                         
    
                                        Like, I respect people who get attacked by acid and then they become activists or whatever.
                                         
                                        But it's like, it's a cruel joke of attack.
                                         
                                        Hypothetically, if you, just hypothetically, if you drew acid in someone's face,
                                         
                                        the next time you saw them what's the line you'd use that you have in your pocket now um
                                         
                                        you got one but do i um okay so i throw acid in their face well you use the whole point it's a shame
                                         
                                        i i i'll start you know calling the mush mouth would probably be really hurtful wow are you
                                         
                                        gonna wait for them to talk or you're just gonna call them like it's just like like like
                                         
                                        because they're usually mush mouth there's like someone would be like on me
                                         
    
                                        someone like I call me much bad because I mumble sometimes
                                         
                                        and that's usually what it implies yeah but you're kind of
                                         
                                        putting that on his head because your face is mush too
                                         
                                        so you're not even going to wait for them to say hey much mouth
                                         
                                        yeah so you're not gonna be it's not gonna be like hey and you're like
                                         
                                        mohah and not if they tried to say anything bad like they won't be able to
                                         
                                        talk well right but it's funny that you call them much before you even
                                         
                                        get a chance yeah that is a great move yeah because yeah because usually
                                         
    
                                        it's like um it would be bad enough if they were like hey you suck you're really
                                         
                                        asking me to step into the mind of a villain here.
                                         
                                        Well, I mean, you brought this up.
                                         
                                        You're, it was your thing.
                                         
                                        I mean, I'll come up with a line.
                                         
                                        No, but I'm saying, but like a lot of people would go, hey, like,
                                         
                                        hey, you suck, burn victim.
                                         
                                        And you go, mu, mu, oh, what was that mush mouth?
                                         
    
                                        But you're like, it's so much better when you're like, hey,
                                         
                                        mush mouth, oh, yeah, see, what was that wrong?
                                         
                                        You look prescient.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        That's the word.
                                         
                                        What would I say?
                                         
                                        Yeah, I would be so upset if that happened to me.
                                         
                                        I would, if I was in your shoes, throwing ass to the people and then see him again later at the library or whatever, I would just be like, hey you, why don't you brush your teeth?
                                         
    
                                        Like, you smell your teeth.
                                         
                                        This guy's breast smells awful.
                                         
                                        Look at him.
                                         
                                        Just because everyone already sees his face.
                                         
                                        His face is burned with acid.
                                         
                                        You don't, like, you don't got to say that.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You already, and you, like, it's one, if you just met a guy who was acid in his face,
                                         
    
                                        and it's not really for you to say that.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        I'm not for, like, victim blaming or, or piling on.
                                         
                                        But if you're the guy who burned someone with acid, you then, like, it is your, you, you did the work.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        You know, so, I mean, like, you, you saying that's kind of just, like, you know, you put the effort.
                                         
                                        Like, that's like when, like, someone, like, plants a garden, they get to eat the lettuce.
                                         
                                        You know?
                                         
    
                                        This is how it works.
                                         
                                        You're allowed to, you're allowed to.
                                         
                                        You're allowed to eat your own tomatoes.
                                         
                                        What is it about acid that makes people's faces like puff up like that?
                                         
                                        Because it's like if you get-
                                         
                                        Something there's a pH scale.
                                         
                                        If you get burned with fire, somebody with a lot of fire burns can actually still be kind of cute.
                                         
                                        Well, sure.
                                         
    
                                        You know, they're unusual looking.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You know.
                                         
                                        I don't know.
                                         
                                        I'm not that from- I mean, I, I, first of all, I never said that if a woman had acid burns, I wouldn't, you know.
                                         
                                        I'm happily married.
                                         
                                        But I mean, you know, I'm not like, I never, I've never, I've never, I've never gone on, I'm not like, you know, I'm not Howard Stern. I'm not like Mark Barron. I don't go out and go like, ah, you know what? I can't stand women with ass and burns. Disgusting. I'm completely unaroused by that. I wouldn't bother saying that. I mean, I take every case as it comes, you know, case my case basis. Right. This is how I live my life. But, uh, yeah, I mean, but to answer your question, probably.
                                         
                                        something to do with the pH scale and or, you know, just, um, you know, like, jails.
                                         
    
                                        I don't know if ask it counts just a gel, but I mean, whatever, it's like if you, if you,
                                         
                                        um, what, what depends on, like, fire is fire, right? But like, what's on fire? Is it a grease fire
                                         
                                        or is it a paper fire or wood fire? Yeah. Garbage fire. These are all different fires, right? And
                                         
                                        like grease fire like spreads differently because it's on grease, right? And like it sticks
                                         
                                        to things. Right. Or something like that. Um,
                                         
                                        So if someone throws grease on, fiery grease on you, I think it sticks to you long or flaming pitch, right?
                                         
                                        In the Middle Ages, it's called oil pitch, I think.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        And they would flame that.
                                         
                                        We don't need to show it.
                                         
                                        I was just looking at some.
                                         
                                        We don't have to show them.
                                         
                                        But she actually looks kind of cute with us.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        I mean, it's all fine.
                                         
                                        It's all fine.
                                         
    
                                        It's not about.
                                         
                                        I think it's just the end up being the worst of asses.
                                         
                                        This is the kind of thing Mark Barry Emerson interprets all the time about me and you, you know, us.
                                         
                                        Yeah, we happen to be talking about cases.
                                         
                                        where we're, you know, if, if my wife burns someone with acid, that's not the same thing
                                         
                                        as picking on people who are burned victims.
                                         
                                        Yes.
                                         
                                        You know?
                                         
    
                                        True.
                                         
                                        It's a different thing.
                                         
                                        Keep it in the context.
                                         
                                        Context is very important.
                                         
                                        You know, you, you, everyone loves beef.
                                         
                                        You know, everyone likes to talk about the Twitter beefs, right?
                                         
                                        And like, oh, what's this guy?
                                         
                                        What are the beefs are happening this week?
                                         
    
                                        Do you remember firsthand?
                                         
                                        But there was.
                                         
                                        Tucker Carlson's Nick Fuentes are beef.
                                         
                                        There's also one with engagement rings, and it spiraled into a bunch of right-wing e-girls calling each other whores.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        That's not, is that beef, though?
                                         
                                        I guess it was like a multi, it was like a multi-directional beef.
                                         
    
                                        So what happened with that one?
                                         
                                        So basically it started with one young right-wing woman posting her in.
                                         
                                        engagement ring.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        And then, you know,
                                         
                                        engagement announcement.
                                         
                                        And then another girl commented, like, why is it so small?
                                         
                                        People were piling on her for being small or, you know,
                                         
    
                                        inexpensive looking or something.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Didn't look that small on it.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        But anyway, like they were, and then that turned into somebody accusing
                                         
                                        someone else of getting fingered at a conference.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        And then it's,
                                         
    
                                        these conferences are just baccannals.
                                         
                                        Sure.
                                         
                                        and this is all
                                         
                                        I eat and stuff up with a hammer
                                         
                                        They eat up with a hammer
                                         
                                        Oh yeah
                                         
                                        But if I if I start talking about how
                                         
                                        You know
                                         
    
                                        Who's getting acid in their face
                                         
                                        Who you know
                                         
                                        Who's who's
                                         
                                        Who's life is getting ruined
                                         
                                        Which is actually an important issue
                                         
                                        Right
                                         
                                        And you almost I'm the bad guy
                                         
                                        Right
                                         
    
                                        Even though I didn't make beef culture
                                         
                                        What is
                                         
                                        The Navy SEALs have never used
                                         
                                        I've never used acid
                                         
                                        Have they to defend us
                                         
                                        Look, I mean, I don't know what Eddie Gallagher, you know, he might, I don't think it's
                                         
                                        a standard issue.
                                         
                                        But I think if the Navy SEAL, you're allowed to pick your weapons.
                                         
    
                                        Sure.
                                         
                                        Like, it's not like the regular army where, like, they give you a gun and they know,
                                         
                                        this is your gun.
                                         
                                        I go, okay, a different gun?
                                         
                                        No.
                                         
                                        Like, you can't be like a kind of attention to eagle.
                                         
                                        No, you're not, like, regular.
                                         
                                        But if you're a Navy SEAL, like, you can buy your own stuff.
                                         
    
                                        They might buy it for you if you're really good at shooting.
                                         
                                        You know?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        It's kind of like, it's like if you joined.
                                         
                                        Metallica as a guitarist they might buy you a better guitar like if you were one of those guys like just homeless again the homeless guys
                                         
                                        I'm the bad guy but Metallica hires a homeless guy would be a great thing right if they if they felt if there was some guy who's living in his car playing you know death metal songs on YouTube and was how it was like hey we like this we're gonna join our band we'll pay you know we'll pay a 30 grand a year to be in Metallica uh they might buy him a better guitar
                                         
                                        it was really good
                                         
                                        right you know what I'm saying
                                         
    
                                        kind of like that
                                         
                                        but like if I try to draw Metallica
                                         
                                        they you know
                                         
                                        they're gonna buy me
                                         
                                        I'll get a gretch guitar
                                         
                                        I can barely play anything
                                         
                                        you understand the difference
                                         
                                        yeah so Navy SEALs allowed to have
                                         
    
                                        you know they might have acid is my point
                                         
                                        yeah if that's their thing
                                         
                                        if that's their weapon
                                         
                                        they might come to their boss
                                         
                                        their general go hey look I got an idea
                                         
                                        I want a board gun full of acid
                                         
                                        well wouldn't it melt through the gun
                                         
                                        And he was like, well, we'll figure, you know, maybe you get a scientist to help figure this out.
                                         
    
                                        All right.
                                         
                                        And then I'll go at MIT or whatever and they go, hey, like, look at some intern.
                                         
                                        Can you?
                                         
                                        And it probably is.
                                         
                                        So you probably have a thing where, like, because acid's got to be inside something, right, glass.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        So instead of being plastic, it's glass.
                                         
                                        A glass gun.
                                         
    
                                        You make me a glass gun that can shoot acid.
                                         
                                        That does sound deadly.
                                         
                                        Yeah, right?
                                         
                                        And everyone acts like, oh, that Navy SEAL, but Navy SEAL is a war criminal because he shot
                                         
                                        acid is different one.
                                         
                                        That's what doesn't do with whether I, you know,
                                         
                                        my point is like,
                                         
                                        what's the difference?
                                         
    
                                        What's the difference?
                                         
                                        Honestly, what's the difference getting shot in the face with a bullet or an acid?
                                         
                                        But,
                                         
                                        but like, you know,
                                         
                                        like bullets are actually worse in a lot of ways.
                                         
                                        Bullets are like,
                                         
                                        if you got shot in the face of a bullet,
                                         
                                        it's actually much more dangerous,
                                         
    
                                        I feel like.
                                         
                                        But,
                                         
                                        but you know,
                                         
                                        but acid,
                                         
                                        it's just like it's,
                                         
                                        like,
                                         
                                        you could easily survive that if it didn't,
                                         
                                        you know,
                                         
    
                                        if it didn't go in your eye,
                                         
                                        even if it did, I don't know.
                                         
                                        I don't know what kind of, or different kinds of acids.
                                         
                                        I mean, honestly, you're describing something kind of like technically more peaceful, but also nightmarish.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        That every time there was a war, like, I'm just mentioning every time there's a war, like, people don't die nearly as much, but like they get that, but everybody is like horribly scalded with acid after a conflict.
                                         
                                        Well, I'm reading a book right now called Fat, Salt, Acid, Heat, and I haven't gotten to the acid chapter yet.
                                         
                                        Right now it's just about, like, salting your meat.
                                         
    
                                        but I mean, I'm excited for the part
                                         
                                        where it gets to like, where it's like, you know,
                                         
                                        I mean, the fat chapter's like, oh,
                                         
                                        use the kind of olive oil you can use.
                                         
                                        Interesting.
                                         
                                        I've been using cheap olive oil my whole life.
                                         
                                        You didn't realize.
                                         
                                        Apparently, Americans eat rancid olive oil.
                                         
    
                                        I don't even know it.
                                         
                                        And they actually used to it.
                                         
                                        They're conditioned to like rancid olive oil
                                         
                                        because they're suckers, apparently.
                                         
                                        They don't know any better.
                                         
                                        But now I know better.
                                         
                                        So I can't, so I can't wait.
                                         
                                        Change my life so far.
                                         
    
                                        that fact alone changed my life
                                         
                                        I've got better olive oil
                                         
                                        and I can't wait for the chapter
                                         
                                        where it tells me how to throw ass in people's face
                                         
                                        because I feel like that'll also
                                         
                                        give me
                                         
                                        maybe I won't even need to pay these Navy seals
                                         
                                        Have you ever gotten a little bit of lemon
                                         
    
                                        A little bit of lemon juice in your eye?
                                         
                                        Yeah, yeah
                                         
                                        It hurts pretty bad
                                         
                                        It is not great
                                         
                                        I mean like it's not
                                         
                                        At the end of the day it is acid
                                         
                                        Like it's like it's like oh it's like
                                         
                                        It's not hydrochloric acid right
                                         
    
                                        It's also furic acid.
                                         
                                        But it's like how much more painful could that be?
                                         
                                        That's how much lemon juice hurts.
                                         
                                        They say if you over-salt your food, you can put acid in it.
                                         
                                        If you really over-salt it, could you, like, you, like, is that, like, should I throw,
                                         
                                        and to that point, if, like, it's the, there's, like, the way you call it, the community of property
                                         
                                        and math, like, should, like, if I saw a person get acid, like, if I saw a woman get acid thrown
                                         
                                        in their face in the middle of Times Square
                                         
    
                                        right well-known to the M&M store
                                         
                                        horrifying I'm coming out of the M&M store
                                         
                                        um yeah
                                         
                                        the last symbol of freedom and some guys like
                                         
                                        hey you you
                                         
                                        cheat on me cheat on you
                                         
                                        and he took a subtle you know ass in your face
                                         
                                        right in front of me I'm like oh my god
                                         
    
                                        um
                                         
                                        he says you cheat on me I'll cheat on you
                                         
                                        well no you just said cheat on me cheat on you
                                         
                                        he kind of was a little more poetic
                                         
                                        about it right yeah um
                                         
                                        but that's
                                         
                                        I guess it's implication
                                         
                                        I think he's
                                         
    
                                        I would call a guy at Laos
                                         
                                        but my point is
                                         
                                        before that
                                         
                                        before I bother name calling
                                         
                                        if I happen to have like a big thing
                                         
                                        of salt on me
                                         
                                        should I throw in her face
                                         
                                        should I throw salt in her face
                                         
    
                                        when I counteract
                                         
                                        if acid curves over salting
                                         
                                        can oversolting curb acid
                                         
                                        That's a really interesting question
                                         
                                        Yes
                                         
                                        Or are you just
                                         
                                        Or am I is it hurt
                                         
                                        That would be an interesting way
                                         
    
                                        to try to save an acid effect.
                                         
                                        People, I got like Mark Barron would
                                         
                                        play this clip. You're just salting her
                                         
                                        wounds? Yeah. Well, I just think
                                         
                                        Mark, I can see Mark Merrin like on the Harry Mandel
                                         
                                        show and like, look at, look at Kump.
                                         
                                        Look at Kump doing this.
                                         
                                        And he's literally throwing salt in her wound.
                                         
    
                                        And she, and look at how she screams, it hurts.
                                         
                                        But I would say this to Mark Maron.
                                         
                                        You know, like some things that are gertry wounds
                                         
                                        hurt. You know, you get a wound
                                         
                                        and you got to throw alcohol on it to kill
                                         
                                        the virus or whatever.
                                         
                                        someone stabs you you pour out all on the wound you're supposed to sometimes the sting yeah that brings
                                         
                                        screaming the stings worth the juice is the sting that heals is the sting you is the sting worth the lemon
                                         
    
                                        juice wait no yeah should we play some of this thing that you're talking about you but
                                         
                                        did you want to play this mark mary anything is you have the clip we're talking about me
                                         
                                        do you have the main one we're talking about us
                                         
                                        um yeah
                                         
                                        let's see
                                         
                                        for what you do
                                         
                                        I've been seen like
                                         
                                        jeselnick having an issue with
                                         
    
                                        people like Tony Hinchcliff
                                         
                                        who he's saying uses
                                         
                                        profanity or just shock value comedy
                                         
                                        what's your thoughts on
                                         
                                        at this point it's lazy and sloppy and hackneyed
                                         
                                        you know to be in a fucking club where you know I walking
                                         
                                        down the hall at the comedy club at the comedy store and you know in one
                                         
                                        room someone's doing their bit about trans people and then I get down the hall
                                         
    
                                        and there's someone on stage going well I guess I got to do my bit about trans people like
                                         
                                        no you don't you don't it's fuck it's hack now
                                         
                                        what's the part where you know the one who talks about how I I just hire these homeless
                                         
                                        guys and they and they're hurting people
                                         
                                        and he doesn't want to do shows with me anymore
                                         
                                        sorry that might be later in the video
                                         
                                        whatever I'm not gonna go find you on your own
                                         
                                        I'm not gonna bother but yeah there's a whole
                                         
    
                                        different part of this where he's like he's going like
                                         
                                        and right comp he's you know I don't think he had a transmit
                                         
                                        but you know he but he does this whole thing where he like
                                         
                                        has these guys and keeps saying your Navy SEALs but they're
                                         
                                        clearly homeless guys and they're just pissing and shit
                                         
                                        and everywhere all over the all over the green room
                                         
                                        all over the kitchen he goes in the kitchen
                                         
                                        and has some chicken fingers
                                         
    
                                        uh for his for his boys and you know you know you know you really got you can have a meal you
                                         
                                        you know you we don't even want to give you a meal because you're not performing but well
                                         
                                        but i mean you can't i'm not gonna like fund your these guys and like well they're soldiers
                                         
                                        and then they come wandering in and their pants are off and they're shitting on the floor
                                         
                                        this is the story he was telling the highway mandel and he's just like it's not true it's just not
                                         
                                        true they're terrorizing new york city it's like what do you care
                                         
                                        you live in LA right well that was LA yeah yeah I mean I'm I'm by coastal okay I can be
                                         
                                        I can be on any coast any given time you and your boys you don't know where we live I have
                                         
    
                                        different guys on different coast and they'll protect me anywhere all right and I don't need a guy
                                         
                                        like Mark Merring going like hey we're going to the owner who owns the comedy store
                                         
                                        Mitsi Mitzie is it Mitzie Ross the Pauly Shores mom she's died right
                                         
                                        just saying i don't i don't need him spitting in the rear right spit and pissing the rear
                                         
                                        telling them telling them about me exactly you i feel you i feel like you're i feel like you're not
                                         
                                        committed to to my my you know you're like seeing both sides here i feel like i really i really feel
                                         
                                        like even like i could see how maybe if they wore uniforms well you oh i thought i got buying uniforms
                                         
                                        though. Uniforms might
                                         
    
                                        calm people. It might
                                         
                                        they might not look as threatening.
                                         
                                        I bet he'd be like, why are they wearing these
                                         
                                        uniforms? They're wearing Nazi uniforms. What is this about?
                                         
                                        You know, Ray Kump brings in these guys and dressed like Nazis.
                                         
                                        And then people get mad about that.
                                         
                                        Or if they weren't wearing skull masks.
                                         
                                        Yeah. Why couldn't you give them just chemo?
                                         
    
                                        Well, I thought it was out there. I just want
                                         
                                        I want people to be on
                                         
                                        to be on edge and just leave me alone.
                                         
                                        And so if they dress like
                                         
                                        That's just because, you know, it keeps the focus off me.
                                         
                                        Yeah, it's like, people are like, why are your boys, why are your Navy SEAL protectors
                                         
                                        wearing a skull masks?
                                         
                                        And it's like, well, stop doxing them.
                                         
    
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Stop attacking them.
                                         
                                        Why is he wearing a Jimmy Carter mask and offering to suck people in the bathroom?
                                         
                                        Why is that?
                                         
                                        I think, well, who were you, Socrates?
                                         
                                        What are these questions?
                                         
                                        Am I some guy?
                                         
                                        the Canterbury Tales or whatever.
                                         
    
                                        You know, I'm being questioned here.
                                         
                                        You know, it's not your business what soldiers do.
                                         
                                        Just because, you know, what do you, I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I go out in public.
                                         
                                        If I'm supposed to just like, you know, allow people to like, you know, treat me like Jesus, just grope me, touch me, like, like, swarm around me and like, oh, make us more bread, make us more wine.
                                         
                                        You know, I'm just to take it.
                                         
                                        Just like treat me like you know that like lift me up like I'm crowd surfing like you know
                                         
                                        Just just throw me and and then like roll me around in flour and like and then bake me and
                                         
                                        What's supposed to happen here? I can't be manhandled
                                         
    
                                        I'm thinking about I'm thinking about hiring some more men
                                         
                                        I just what I mean how many how many are you are you aiming for
                                         
                                        like eight you know just just a bunch of like I want I want I want like four guys around me
                                         
                                        any given time like a diamond pattern and I want a guy I want a forward guy back
                                         
                                        then a guy could watch my back see if anyone's tailing me you know and then um and then some guy
                                         
                                        you know some other guy to just be like a floating option right just just just just just
                                         
                                        just more of a cleanup guy you know and you know you know you that's the thing it's like you
                                         
                                        you like you don't need to like have like people like oh we need to get immigrants to do these jobs
                                         
    
                                        like people there's plenty of people who don't have homes don't many money you give them some
                                         
                                        money yeah you don't have to you don't have to outsource everything there's plenty of homeless
                                         
                                        here there's plenty of desperate souls right i think and it can be turned into you know
                                         
                                        assets for you and yours anyway moving on
                                         
                                        on.
                                         
                                        And if people can front us, if people say, oh, your guys are, your guys are forming master
                                         
                                        blasters and, and, you know, attacking people on the subway, we never said we were
                                         
                                        role models.
                                         
    
                                        Why did, why did your, why did your head of security roll a bowling ball at a school bus?
                                         
                                        I don't know.
                                         
                                        It's like asking Bill Gates, why did the guy, uh, who designs, uh, the, the clipy, the Microsoft
                                         
                                        off as clipy why why did he beat his wife i don't know
                                         
                                        i don't know everything about every employee i ever had
                                         
                                        being an employee employer doesn't mean you're the mayor right you keep track of
                                         
                                        everybody oh why why why is why did you pay this guy to the go into the mnm store
                                         
                                        and then like and just pulling the ummms his mount and then and then piss himself yes
                                         
    
                                        I thought it would be fun
                                         
                                        for everyone
                                         
                                        I thought I'd always be
                                         
                                        I didn't realize the M&M store
                                         
                                        was like you know
                                         
                                        was an accounting firm
                                         
                                        I didn't realize it was a
                                         
                                        it was a court of law
                                         
    
                                        where you couldn't have some fun
                                         
                                        I thought like you know
                                         
                                        it was a place you could do pranks
                                         
                                        yeah
                                         
                                        the elk boys
                                         
                                        and look it's this is
                                         
                                        you need the firm hand
                                         
                                        and a soft hand
                                         
    
                                        you need the hard touch
                                         
                                        and the soft touch
                                         
                                        there's a reason God
                                         
                                        gives you two hands. If you want to have Smokey Joe in the park
                                         
                                        with your loved ones and you know, bask in the sun
                                         
                                        and just have a leisurely life, you need the hard
                                         
                                        fist of the Navy SEALs. If I didn't have
                                         
                                        homeless Navy SEALs at all times
                                         
    
                                        watching my back, if we try to enjoy Smokey Joe in the park
                                         
                                        there'll be people mugging us.
                                         
                                        Why are you both? Why are you both?
                                         
                                        white people just kicking it
                                         
                                        why you both white and
                                         
                                        why aren't you biracial enough
                                         
                                        yeah I don't know what's happening is what I love
                                         
                                        and then we go no no good no good
                                         
    
                                        culture war
                                         
                                        you should give some of that asparagus to me
                                         
                                        right and then all of a sudden
                                         
                                        you're you're just ears in the bathroom
                                         
                                        with them you know
                                         
                                        you know how this happening
                                         
                                        no one's watching my back that's why
                                         
                                        if you refuse yeah
                                         
    
                                        Cole's fucking scattered across the
                                         
                                        lawn. Yeah. Your wife's getting dragged
                                         
                                        to the bathroom. You're
                                         
                                        just, you're
                                         
                                        I was in the bathroom. Oh, or you're
                                         
                                        getting dragged to the bathroom. Dragged.
                                         
                                        Okay, I guess so, yeah. I didn't drag.
                                         
                                        Whatever.
                                         
    
                                        I don't know.
                                         
                                        This is why I need, I need to have
                                         
                                        employees of men to keep me
                                         
                                        in line. To keep me, watch my back
                                         
                                        so I don't make bad choices.
                                         
                                        You know?
                                         
                                        do you out there want a better life do you want to make money do you want to meet women
                                         
                                        you should listen to me i could teach you how all right i'm sick of pretending i don't
                                         
    
                                        i have all these tricks you know stop listening to these fake ass men i'm the only one who matters
                                         
                                        Let me be your everything.
                                         
                                        Let me be your everything.
                                         
                                        Oh, I used to be modest.
                                         
                                        I used to pretend like I didn't.
                                         
                                        Who am I to tell you how to love?
                                         
                                        He really do you open a woman and you tell them that you've,
                                         
                                        that you're, that you've been to prison.
                                         
    
                                        They will, you, you look, here's the thing.
                                         
                                        You go, let's just roleplay a little bit.
                                         
                                        We don't know each other.
                                         
                                        You're at a bar.
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        Hey, hey there.
                                         
                                        Hey.
                                         
                                        You know, where you're from?
                                         
    
                                        You know, I'm from Long Island.
                                         
                                        Yeah, I was in prison.
                                         
                                        Oh, for what?
                                         
                                        What did you do?
                                         
                                        My, I was molest of my parents.
                                         
                                        Why would they send you to prison for that?
                                         
                                        They framed me.
                                         
                                        They said I was, they said I was like, they said I was making a mess, you know, coming to their house, bothering them,
                                         
    
                                        during the trash cans on the floor.
                                         
                                        I lit their trash cans on fire.
                                         
                                        But really the whole time they were molesting you?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Oh, wow.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        See, here's what you did there.
                                         
                                        Look, it's definitely a conversation starter.
                                         
    
                                        Here's the thing.
                                         
                                        Of course, you, if you want to be Mark Barron, Mark Barron about it, you can go, well, that doesn't make any sense.
                                         
                                        You know, why would you go to jail for being molested?
                                         
                                        Why would you, you, you, even if you did, like, your trash guns on fire, was that, you know, what was that prison?
                                         
                                        How much stuff?
                                         
                                        You're overthinking it.
                                         
                                        You know,
                                         
                                        here's what you don't want to do.
                                         
    
                                        I was a prison.
                                         
                                        Really?
                                         
                                        For what?
                                         
                                        Murder.
                                         
                                        Too much.
                                         
                                        It's too much.
                                         
                                        You got to give them,
                                         
                                        you have to basically,
                                         
    
                                        very confidently give a bunch of reasons why it's not that bad.
                                         
                                        Because you want her,
                                         
                                        you want to be the bad boy,
                                         
                                        but you don't want to be like the bad,
                                         
                                        but you don't want to.
                                         
                                        But women also like the whole idea of a grand misunderstanding.
                                         
                                        Women love to.
                                         
                                        That's a bad boy, but it's only because there's a misunderstanding.
                                         
    
                                        Right, right.
                                         
                                        They love the fixed men, and they love men who, you know, just get caught up in things.
                                         
                                        Mm-hmm.
                                         
                                        People act like it's just all about confidence.
                                         
                                        They love men who just get, you can't keep, can't keep it straight.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You know, I think I got molested, but now I'm the bad guy and I'm in jail.
                                         
                                        They love that.
                                         
    
                                        They love the confusion of it all.
                                         
                                        Mm-hmm.
                                         
                                        So that's what you, that's what you, that's what your lie should be.
                                         
                                        You lie to women, you know.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        It's also, who would lie about this?
                                         
                                        Who would make this up?
                                         
                                        That's the thing.
                                         
    
                                        You need that plausible liability.
                                         
                                        Because here's the thing.
                                         
                                        You're not six foot four.
                                         
                                        And you're never going to be.
                                         
                                        Until the, you know, you, I don't know why.
                                         
                                        They can't just saw your legs off, put them back on with more leg on it.
                                         
                                        They can make, they can make it intelligence out of computer parts.
                                         
                                        You know, they can make a sentient man who teaches me how to do macros.
                                         
    
                                        Right?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        I got my chat, GBT open, and I'm like, how do I eat?
                                         
                                        How much fat and calories and cholesterol?
                                         
                                        And that's not macro.
                                         
                                        The carbohydrates and those it all.
                                         
                                        But, but like those resources couldn't be put towards just like cutting a man's legs
                                         
                                        open and shoving more leg bone in there.
                                         
    
                                        Look, they can actually give you, they can do a leg extension now.
                                         
                                        They should do it every time then.
                                         
                                        But the only thing is that you're basically disabled for the rest of your life.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        know, in order to get some, some height.
                                         
                                        I'm not asking for the stuff garbage in your legs.
                                         
                                        I know they could open your legs up and just have McDonald's wrappers in there.
                                         
                                        I'm talking about, like, actual calcium bones.
                                         
    
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        I'm fine.
                                         
                                        I'm not like, but there's guys out there who like, I'm a married man.
                                         
                                        I'm fine.
                                         
                                        I'm fine.
                                         
                                        There's guys out there who can't get it going because the women think they're too short.
                                         
                                        And so I'm sorry, you have to lie about being in prison.
                                         
                                        That's the move.
                                         
    
                                        This whole thing of like, I don't know who taught these guys to go,
                                         
                                        no, I'm, you know, actually be mean to women and like, and, and, and then try to get them to, like, be a housewife and, and, and, and call them horrors.
                                         
                                        I mean, like, that can work.
                                         
                                        I'm not saying, you know, if you, if you have the gift of gab, you can make that work, but it's much easier just a lie.
                                         
                                        What happened to this country?
                                         
                                        So you tell.
                                         
                                        It's true.
                                         
                                        It's all about making a lore for yourself.
                                         
    
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        So he's becoming, becoming a, becoming.
                                         
                                        a larger than life figure
                                         
                                        in your mind. So in prison
                                         
                                        I was actually the guy who
                                         
                                        was in charge of all desserts.
                                         
                                        That's actually, honestly
                                         
                                        that's really good. Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        Because it's kind of like his feminine side
                                         
                                        is a little bit represented in there.
                                         
                                        Right. I was the pastry chef
                                         
                                        in prison. Well, I mean, it was like a Dunkin'
                                         
                                        I'm kind of thing. I mean, there's no pastry
                                         
                                        in prison. You basically
                                         
                                        take the, you know, I imagine
                                         
                                        it's like camp where you get like the
                                         
    
                                        crappy cake at camp sometimes.
                                         
                                        the cornbread almost it's basically a cornbread but I would do things like I would I would make a little I would make frosting out of a
                                         
                                        I would take a I would take a little sugar what could you even make frosting out of in prison I'm trying to think
                                         
                                        I would just I would just I would just get like a I would think I would say I would take salt I was I was like mix it with water and turn into a frosting
                                         
                                        sounds I mean in reality it's disgusting but this woman is a bar she
                                         
                                        about it's not a Coke.
                                         
                                        Honestly, if you want to get a lady,
                                         
                                        you should just,
                                         
    
                                        you should start by trying to become like a prison,
                                         
                                        a prison lifestyle kind of influencer.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Here's some of the desserts I would make in prison.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        No,
                                         
                                        you start,
                                         
                                        start an Instagram thing and just pretend you're in prison.
                                         
    
                                        Like,
                                         
                                        just say,
                                         
                                        I mean,
                                         
                                        I feel like that's like I enjoy,
                                         
                                        I mean,
                                         
                                        the content I enjoy of prisoners.
                                         
                                        might be fake for all I know I mean I always thought it was real it would be hard yeah it
                                         
                                        would be hard to verify sure I want to call a warden hey I'm enjoying this you know
                                         
    
                                        TikTok channel I just want to make sure he's guys actually in prison oh it does that yeah
                                         
                                        so you tell this this this this hooker this this you know dits that you would
                                         
                                        you would take you would take salt you're putting in your mouth and you kind of gum it up
                                         
                                        like a fly does don't flies do something like that
                                         
                                        have pollen.
                                         
                                        Don't they make them
                                         
                                        kind of a gummy thing.
                                         
                                        They mix the
                                         
    
                                        or the ants with the honey.
                                         
                                        Something like that.
                                         
                                        You tell them what it's actually what ants do.
                                         
                                        I watch the ant documentary.
                                         
                                        I learned this.
                                         
                                        And then you're at a bar.
                                         
                                        Matt,
                                         
                                        because honestly,
                                         
    
                                        I'm,
                                         
                                        you're in to roll.
                                         
                                        You got where you are some guys,
                                         
                                        some guys talking to you
                                         
                                        about Mark Marin,
                                         
                                        you know,
                                         
                                        right before this.
                                         
                                        You're like,
                                         
    
                                        oh, I love,
                                         
                                        I love all those albums.
                                         
                                        Stinky pain and the other ones.
                                         
                                        All right.
                                         
                                        And they,
                                         
                                        I love him in glow.
                                         
                                        Oh, they won't shut up about Mark Maron.
                                         
                                        And then I come along and I'm like, you know, I like to, I like to fucking, you know, I'm like an aunt.
                                         
    
                                        In prison, I would say it's off and put in my mouth and make it like a weird paste.
                                         
                                        And that's how, that's how it makes frosting for the boys.
                                         
                                        And she's got you, you, you're telling me some woman's not going to have sex to be done.
                                         
                                        Or at least take, at least take you out, you know, take you out to dinner.
                                         
                                        buy you a meal
                                         
                                        yeah
                                         
                                        should I buy you a meal
                                         
                                        you get a free meal
                                         
    
                                        I can't guarantee
                                         
                                        you're gonna get late
                                         
                                        every time you do this
                                         
                                        but I mean
                                         
                                        if women don't want to hear about this
                                         
                                        I don't know what
                                         
                                        the world's
                                         
                                        the world is gone to hell
                                         
    
                                        this is a very interesting content
                                         
                                        you know
                                         
                                        this is a very interesting story
                                         
                                        that you'd be telling in this case
                                         
                                        I'm the one making it up now
                                         
                                        and I'm like I'm intrigued
                                         
                                        like I mean like you're out there going
                                         
                                        does he have his plan
                                         
    
                                        I'm winging this part and I don't know but if I'm being you know objective here I think it's like I'm how has this story end right I think also a good strategy is to tell women that you used to be homeless yeah you know that that's also kind of like a like when he isn't homeless currently right but he has that kind of rough past right and his history that can be kind of intriguing right and what happened when you were like
                                         
                                        would you live in the street?
                                         
                                        Like, yeah, I was always, like, Mark Barron was always mean to me
                                         
                                        on the streets.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        We walked past me.
                                         
                                        You know?
                                         
                                        I go, like, who?
                                         
    
                                        You know, who?
                                         
                                        Oh, yo, you know, think he pain?
                                         
                                        That guy.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        The guy wrote thinky pain.
                                         
                                        He was always throwing his coffee at me.
                                         
                                        And, you know, whatever.
                                         
                                        You know, um.
                                         
    
                                        You know, and you make up a noble reason that all these things happen to you.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        You know, the molestation thing is good.
                                         
                                        So I'm not getting thrown into prison for trying to protect somebody.
                                         
                                        Look, thank you.
                                         
                                        First of all, thank you for the compliment.
                                         
                                        Like, let's continue the roleplay.
                                         
                                        So, yeah, my parents molested me.
                                         
    
                                        And then, like, they say, like, was it garbage and the fire?
                                         
                                        To follow, give me a follow question.
                                         
                                        Wow, that must have been really hard for you.
                                         
                                        Like, how did you cope during that time?
                                         
                                        You just got to try to get in shape in prison.
                                         
                                        So we got to do, it's just, you know, I would put the salt in my mouth.
                                         
                                        you know, get ready for that meal, nice meal.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        It was my job.
                                         
                                        Yeah, you told me about the mouth thing.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        So, but while I was doing that, I would like double, I would like kind of do double duty.
                                         
                                        I was like, you know, kill two birds of one stone.
                                         
                                        I would like, you know, do a bunch of pushups of potlids to try to get tough.
                                         
                                        But don't they have gyms and stuff in prison?
                                         
                                        No, you know, there's a lot of the guys there, they, they would, they would, if I tried to go in that gym, they would, they would, they would be, they wouldn't, they would be the shit on me.
                                         
    
                                        they were they were they they were they because I got labels a victim I got labels of
                                         
                                        you know you're laughing it's fine but you know it's like you know he's guys are very big
                                         
                                        you like on normal street you know I'm I'm not saying I'm a Bruce Lee but I could
                                         
                                        probably defend myself a lot of I mean he's the guys in prison are very big and uh and then
                                         
                                        you know and they hear they hear oh that guy got molested by his parents we can probably do
                                         
                                        whatever he wants them so I had to watch I didn't watch my steps and so
                                         
                                        I had to work at my own in the kitchen with my potlids, you know.
                                         
                                        That's right.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah, well, I guess, yeah, that is a creative.
                                         
                                        I know I should be a tough guy like Mark Marin and go, oh, no one can ever, you know, or me.
                                         
                                        Did you eventually?
                                         
                                        No one could ever shove it inside me without my permission.
                                         
                                        But, I mean, these are big guys.
                                         
                                        And then they get together in a group.
                                         
                                        Who knows what happens?
                                         
                                        So working out with the potlids, eventually did you get confident enough to go into the,
                                         
    
                                        to actually go into the weight room
                                         
                                        and defend yourself?
                                         
                                        I mean, look,
                                         
                                        you were asking if I was ever assaulted,
                                         
                                        yes, I mean, but I was pretty careful, usually.
                                         
                                        So, I mean, you know, if that's what you mean.
                                         
                                        Yeah, I mean, it's not like that American History X movie, all right?
                                         
                                        No one has to sew anything shut.
                                         
    
                                        It wasn't that bad.
                                         
                                        All right?
                                         
                                        If that's what you're getting at.
                                         
                                        You know, I actually don't like this line of questioning,
                                         
                                        honestly.
                                         
                                        I think it's a little invasive.
                                         
                                        So sorry about that.
                                         
                                        I feel like you just want to make sure
                                         
    
                                        that I can function down there.
                                         
                                        It's fine.
                                         
                                        It's working fine.
                                         
                                        If that's your interest.
                                         
                                        All right.
                                         
                                        If you're so selfish
                                         
                                        and all you care about is,
                                         
                                        oh, can you get the job done?
                                         
    
                                        Yeah, I probably can.
                                         
                                        All right, but I was trying to open up to you
                                         
                                        about the whole situation of me.
                                         
                                        And you really just be very,
                                         
                                        you're being very, what's the word,
                                         
                                        transactional about it?
                                         
                                        I don't like it.
                                         
                                        And I just think, you know,
                                         
    
                                        I think you should be a better person.
                                         
                                        to quote my favorite
                                         
                                        YouTuber
                                         
                                        Do better
                                         
                                        The other guy
                                         
                                        The guy who gets fitness
                                         
                                        Oh yeah
                                         
                                        Mind your business
                                         
    
                                        Mind your business
                                         
                                        I would say this is the woman
                                         
                                        Mind your business and do better
                                         
                                        Apparently he got in trouble
                                         
                                        He said something nice about Hulk Hogan
                                         
                                        And they got mad at him
                                         
                                        Oh really?
                                         
                                        Yeah I don't know
                                         
    
                                        I hope he's doing okay
                                         
                                        Mind your business lady
                                         
                                        You gotta do better
                                         
                                        Here's the thing
                                         
                                        do you think
                                         
                                        what do you think is a woman
                                         
                                        what do I think is a woman
                                         
                                        no as a woman
                                         
    
                                        like that whole strategy
                                         
                                        oh um
                                         
                                        look I think that the prison thing
                                         
                                        yeah that definitely has an allure to it
                                         
                                        but you'd rather right not be like
                                         
                                        not have been assaulted
                                         
                                        I just wonder
                                         
                                        I just wonder if if
                                         
    
                                        you know
                                         
                                        the whole the vulnerability
                                         
                                        of the molestation part
                                         
                                        counteract some of the bad boy energy
                                         
                                        that you're creating by lying about
                                         
                                        having been in prison.
                                         
                                        No, because I...
                                         
                                        And it's not like, and I would understand
                                         
    
                                        if this was actually your story.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        If this was actually your story that you got molested
                                         
                                        and then ended up going to prison for it somehow.
                                         
                                        I can understand why you wouldn't want to hide that.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        From a...
                                         
                                        No, my parents did.
                                         
    
                                        It was my parents.
                                         
                                        It was me.
                                         
                                        I did this.
                                         
                                        And they put me in prison.
                                         
                                        Like, it's like, you're right.
                                         
                                        That would be really, I would burn my ass.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        I'd be like, well, no, no, I'm not.
                                         
    
                                        shut my mouth. I don't believe that anybody
                                         
                                        who's happened to should have to
                                         
                                        live a lie. No, right.
                                         
                                        I agree. But since we're instructing
                                         
                                        people to fabricate this
                                         
                                        anyway, I don't know.
                                         
                                        I guess you can just be like,
                                         
                                        I drive a Lamborghini. Is that a better a lot?
                                         
    
                                        Hey, I'm a doctor and I drive Lamborghinis everywhere.
                                         
                                        Look at me. I'm 5 foot two.
                                         
                                        I mean, I'm trying
                                         
                                        to give people things they can use.
                                         
                                        Right. Things they can help them.
                                         
                                        Look, like a, well, yeah, of a hot doctor, of a hot 6'4 doctor with a big hog and a Lamborghini rolls up into a bar and says, hey, I'm the Prince of England, but you want, you want to, you want to get slipping slides up inside me?
                                         
                                        Yeah, women will say yes, all right?
                                         
                                        There's a lot of ways to get, you know, to get, to get, to get going.
                                         
    
                                        Honestly, more men, I do think more men should be trying to pretend to be a prince, like trying to pretend to be royalty.
                                         
                                        dressing in velvet
                                         
                                        yeah you know like if nothing else
                                         
                                        is by far the finest
                                         
                                        material the finest material
                                         
                                        like you know if
                                         
                                        you are a little bit short
                                         
                                        or a little bit stubby
                                         
    
                                        or you know people
                                         
                                        just overlook you
                                         
                                        why not just start to addressing head to toe in velvet
                                         
                                        you know people call
                                         
                                        swinging a can
                                         
                                        that's a great point I'm basically describing
                                         
                                        Willie Wonka
                                         
                                        that's a great point no let's do another rule but so I'm
                                         
    
                                        I'm a short guy in velvet in this scenario
                                         
                                        yeah i woke up to you the bar hello oh hello i like your suit i love that velvet suit thank you i've worn
                                         
                                        for myself the day i got out of prison now we're getting now we're getting something
                                         
                                        yeah i'm just celebrating so i'm i just got out of prison see this guy already feels
                                         
                                        quite and quite intriguing yes uh do you wonder what the prison for what well because you know
                                         
                                        people always treating me you know like you know your hair short
                                         
                                        guy energy, like Joe Pesci.
                                         
                                        I have, yeah.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah, people, you know, people get the chip on their shoulder.
                                         
                                        So I've always been accused of being short.
                                         
                                        People always accused me of that.
                                         
                                        And I said stuff, okay, you're not tall enough to live.
                                         
                                        We're going to make sure you die.
                                         
                                        No, that's rude.
                                         
                                        And I put up with it, it was too long.
                                         
                                        And finally, I started doing methamphetamines all the time.
                                         
    
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        And I ended up, you know, robbing some guy's car and it was the whole thing.
                                         
                                        and then he called the cops.
                                         
                                        Yeah, and that's when you went to prison.
                                         
                                        Yeah, because my life was in shambles.
                                         
                                        It was just too much stress, you know, whatever.
                                         
                                        But now I'm all right, because I was in prison, I was, I was, I was desserts.
                                         
                                        That was my old gimmick.
                                         
    
                                        Just making desserts and working out with potlids.
                                         
                                        And that's behind me.
                                         
                                        I put it behind me.
                                         
                                        And I just, it's been so many years since I've had sex of a woman.
                                         
                                        I'd love to
                                         
                                        I'd love for that to happen
                                         
                                        Honestly I feel like we're imagining the next chapter
                                         
                                        And the life of that bagel store guy or something
                                         
    
                                        The guy who had that meltdown at the bagel store
                                         
                                        I could have made that guy president
                                         
                                        Mm-hmm
                                         
                                        And I still can
                                         
                                        He's not too late
                                         
                                        Bagel Star guy
                                         
                                        Was the name show up Chris?
                                         
                                        Yeah
                                         
    
                                        Let us groom you
                                         
                                        That's the president
                                         
                                        I could make him the head of
                                         
                                        I can make him the mayor
                                         
                                        Give him a top that guy
                                         
                                        That guy should have a top hat
                                         
                                        I mean, whatever.
                                         
                                        People, this is the kind of, I'm always misunderstood.
                                         
    
                                        I'm always, people are always getting the wrong idea about me.
                                         
                                        But if they listen to me, they might actually do something with their life.
                                         
                                        They might make it, they might make a positive change.
                                         
                                        Thanks so much for tuning in.
                                         
                                        Thank you.
                                         
                                        And yeah, we don't forget.
                                         
                                        You just like this show.
                                         
                                        Like it.
                                         
    
                                        Like it.
                                         
                                        Like it.
                                         
                                        Otherwise, we die.
                                         
                                        Right?
                                         
                                        Otherwise, no smoky Joe for us.
                                         
                                        Otherwise, I go back to prison.
                                         
                                        it's back to the it's back to the spittin the salt sugar sugar water spit factory salt
                                         
                                        I use salt instead of sugar I don't really give me sugar and uh also patreon that combsle
                                         
    
                                        every week five bucks pretty good deal I mean look is it a better deal than than
                                         
                                        president I think so have a good night
                                         
