Kump - Ep. 246 SOME THINGS MIGHT CHANGE

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

Ray discusses Trump's ultimatum, Netanyahu's return, and much more. patreon.com/raykump⁠ for bonus episodes

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Don't wait. Visit your local GMC dealer today and make it yours. You can't end the world without breaking a few eggs. As the war in Iran escalates, I know you think you're feeling the pain of the gas pump, but let me tell you about real pain. The Strait of Hormuz's turn what was supposed to be a quick weekend romp of regime decapitation and mass destruction into a prolonged battle for the fate of the global order. Iran doesn't want to negotiate unless we agree the completely unreasonable demands.

Like, you can't bomb us again whenever you feel like it. Well, that's not going to work for us. President Trump has issued a 48-hour ultimatum before he starts blowing up power plants, because God knows what's in those Epstein files. Energy markets are on the brink, and starting to look like pegging the global economy to the stability of a region we bomb every other week may have been riskier than we thought. But here's the real problem. What does the world look like when nations can no longer count on cheap, reliable gas, flowing into their ports?

Are we looking at military expansion or return to mercantilist empires? We're not really sure. We kind of thought Iran would just give up or something. I'll admit, some things might change. You may have never known a world without cheap gas, but there was also a time when you never had a pokey bowl or a Vietnamese foe. And that worked out, okay? So what exactly are you complaining about?

We're all just going to have to start going along to get along. You're going to let Alon Musk and stole his giant battery in your house, where your wife sleeps and your children play, and you're going to like it. You know, you are worried about competing with immigrants for coding jobs. Well, I've got good news. Now your only competition is an AI neural net built by Antichrist Venture Capital, powered by the blood and tears of children. Let's cut to shit. We all love to complain about AstroTurf suburbs and have Times Square turn into Disneyland. Well, good news.

That probably won't be a problem for much longer. You're welcome. Welcome to Comp. You know, if you thought the Strait of Hormuz was a problem that was really perplexing the generals of the American Pentagon and the Knesset, well, don't worry. They figured out a solution to the Strait of Hormuz. We'll just bomb the world's largest gas fields.

South Pars gas. You ever know? You know what the South Pars gas? I didn't know it's South Pars. Now we do, because we're bombing it. Let's take a look. Stip pushback all day today from not only President Trump on this, but several Gulf allies over Israel's decision to attack this critical Iranian gas field

really said to be the largest natural gas reserves in the entire world. Trump today denying that the U.S. had any knowledge of that plan. Israel acted alone against the Israel gas compound Fact number two, President Trump asked us to hold off on future attacks Why is this better, by the way? Well, I mean, it's the whole idea.

I thought he keeps saying like that Trump is leading the call, leading the attack, leading the campaign. And it's like, oh, look, we just did this on our own. We didn't even consult. It's the world's biggest natural gas field. And we just did it on our own. We didn't even tell you. We didn't get you into a war.

Wait, wait, we got you into a war? We tricked you into a war. We backed you into a war? We blackmailed you into a war? How could you say that? By the way, we just on a lark, we bombed the world's biggest gas field. Is that a problem? Is that an issue?

I don't think it's an issue. Now, in response, Iranian strikes here on energy infrastructure and other Gulf nations sparking market slides. Well, how could you respond? I mean, that's true. I mean, it's one thing to get bombed, but another thing, you're going to shoot back. Fuel prices. Now, the price of oil briefly hitting upwards of $119 a barrel today.

That seems high. U.S. average for a gallon of regular inches near the $4 a gallon mark. The president here downplaying the fallout saying he expected a sharper spike. Oil prices will go up. The economy will go down a little bit. I thought it would be worse, much worse, actually. I thought there was a chance to be much worse. It's not bad.

and it's going to be over with pretty soon. Well, I honestly thought the economy was going to collapse when I agreed to this and now I didn't know. It just seems like a farce. I don't know. Look, it's obvious that this wasn't playing through. It's obvious that this doesn't suit the American interests at all. You only put, you know, who does this serve?

Who does this, who is it benefit? to just start, like, you know, decapitating the regime, to start just annihilating gas fields. I mean, gas seems like a thing you want to preserve, right? It seems like you want, you know, it seems like who benefits from destroying the world economy just to, you know, get one, oh, was Israel? No, couldn't be. It's facetious.

And there's been a dangerous new escalation in the Middle East War with nuclear sites now under threat. and Iran has launched rockets capable of striking Europe. All this as Donald Trump starts the clock on a frightening 48-hour ultimatum. A revenge strike at Israel's nuclear heart. The iron dome pierced by an Iranian rocket. Wrecking the town of Demosa in southern Israel, the damage and injuries severe. But the nearby nuclear research centre reported. reportedly undamaged. Iran claiming its payback for Israel striking at its main nuclear site.

I don't see the connection. Let's just see. Look, this is, it's just got, it's goddamn, look, don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a, a bitch. I don't want to, I don't want to seem like, I'm not in, I don't want to seem like I don't like war. We all like war, all right? I grew up with the Persian Gulf War, all right? I had trading cards of General Norman Schwarzkopf, and probably Colin Powell, though I don't remember. You know, we, it was a lot of fun. And it seems to have tainted the kind of, uh, the image a little bit, the idea.

We got a little drunk on our own, uh, omnipotence after the Cold War. You know, when we, I said, I had these dog tags that for operation, it was an operation does, it was shield at that point. To be an operation of the shield, we were like, we were pretending we were going to, like, you know, protect Kuwait and before we started bombing this shit out of Iraq. The whole thing's very confusing. But, you know, we did good propaganda back then. We're not even selling it anymore.

We're not even bothering to tell you. It's like, and Trump's just doing its ultimatum, I mean, let's read this for a second. If I was it, there we go. If Iran does not fully open without threat, the straight of whore moves within 48 hours from this exact point in time, United States of America will hit and obliterate their various power plants, starting with the biggest one first. thank you for your attention to this matter, President Donald J. Trump. I mean, I don't hate it. I got to be on.

I mean, like, the sentiment aside, I do like the idea. It feels like something I would do. You know, I, you know, look, we all know, I mean, if you've listened to the show before, you remember, you know, I remember responding to a bully once that I would show up at his house and shoot myself on his front lawn. You know, it's seen, which is not exactly the same thing. but I feel like it's the same energy. You know, I'd love to do, I'd love to try something like this at a McDonald's

when they tell me that I can't get a McFlurry. Like, you know, Adam McFarrow, we're doing service on the machine. If you don't, I'll blow, I will blow up every goddamn outhouse and McDonald's, every, every goddamn happy meal.

It just, it's a real, uh, it's got to be a thrill. I get it. Don't get me wrong. I get the thrill of being Trump. I mean, you know, because it's, you watch the West Wing, you watch anything where it's like the president's supposed to be an adult.

And it's just, it's really kind of every time they want to bomb something, some generals, like, well, we can't do that. You know, because that would upset, that would upset the global oil price. That would threaten the world's economy. And Trump is just unbound by this. And I kind of, it's a last gasp for the people of America. you know he really is the voice of the people whether we like you know you may not like that you love the idea of that I'm the sound of it but really Trump is what everyone would even me I fancy myself uh not the dumbest guy in the world but you know when I'm in alone

in the shower or when I walk I think about what would I do if I was president it's something like hey well you ever you better let my hostages go or I'll start bombing every site What are they going to do? And it's like, I don't know, not just, just, just keep it. Just do nothing. That's what they'll do. It just doesn't seem to work. You would think it would work.

You think if you start bombing people, it would like convince them to like, well, it's better than not be bombed, right? But people are resilient. We have no idea of scale. And it's hard to imagine. The world's a very big place. And we're bombing them for weeks now. It's got to stop.

And like, I guess that's not that many buildings blow up. or the people who were getting bombed the administrations don't care it's like you know it's like it's kind of we don't care but you know it's just it's kind of it's what we endure people don't die every time you know maybe we've just you know we remember the blitz in england that went on for a while they didn't give up they didn't just you know english isn't isn't isn't a bunch of germans germany didn't take over here england you get what i'm saying it just seems like we you know we think that we could just bomb our We can't bomb away out of everything.

Trump says he wants to get out. We'll see what that happens. There's a, you know, I want to get out, but if you don't completely relent in 48 hours, I'm starting to bomb every power plant in the country. And then let's see if you, I mean, at a certain point, they won't even be able to surrender. You won't be able to get a hold of them on the phone.

There's this. So Diego Garcia was attacked for the first time last night as part of this conflict. Why is this important? Well, Dick, Ego Garcia, shown here, it's in the Chegos Islands. It's part- Diego Garcia is basically the long-range, it's where we launch our long-range bomber runs,

which I didn't know about until that long ago. So don't feel bad if you didn't know. But it's like, it's far away. So Iran's hitting things that are further away than we thought, which seems like a failure of intelligence. I don't know. Arthur, in the Indian Ocean, it's UK-owned at the moment, but it's a joint military base.

We don't care about the deed, all right? About 50 UK military personnel there, up to 5,000 American personnel, largely focused on the air base where they operate a number of their B-1 bombers, and they've been very active throughout the course of the war. Now, the recent reports overnight that actually two Iranian ballistic missiles were fired at the islands. One, we understand, broke up on re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere.

The other one apparently was targeted by the US-Ages CM3 missile system, very expensive, very capable. we don't understand so it seems like we you know we did we didn't really hit uh they didn't hit much but you know they're going further than we thought and uh look if that's a like people and people are you acting like that's like something big like wow you see they weren't a threat well they didn't seem be bombing us until we bombed them i yeah i hate the stress it's just this goes back to like we we we think their world starts and stops with us and if you know if you want to start invading every corner of the world

and being like just having just brute force about it just being like you know just being uh like gangous con for instance I guess it doesn't matter I guess you could argue that we'll just start bombing it and will it work

well it doesn't seem to be the only metric right like we're not supposed to be the country that just bombs people at will the whole post war World War II mythos is supposed to be that we only fight just wars. Now we know that's not true,

but I mean, there was at least the mythos, the idea that we like, you know, we only attack when we're attacked, and we don't just, even, you know, even with the Iraq war, we had this whole, you know, it's a preemptive war. It was, again, it was a preemptive war.

Iraq didn't attack us, but in a lot of ways it felt like it did. Like, I didn't fall, I'm not saying, but I, look, 9-11 happened, right? there was a there's there's there's what happens then what it feels like and at least there was this big attack right 9-11 happens and and we last shot at Afghanistan but there's not enough targets and even though and they had ulterior motives but we for the people was more like we want to see more things blow up it's not enough we watch the twin towers collapse we need to have

a catharsis and they go well here's iraq you go oh they didn't involved? Not really. I mean, we're going to tell you they are, but you know we're full of it. Yellow cake uranium. We think about that. I don't know what that means. Exactly. Let's bomb Saddam. He seems like a bad guy. He bombed. We attacked him before. Right. Went into Kuwait.

Right. Just as good. You know, this is just as good as this is just as good as actually going after the people who did it. And we had that. That was an effective mental loop, whatever. You know, it was a nice, it was a nice feeling.

I said, I was at the time saying we probably shouldn't go in. I didn't have a podcast back then. But, you know, it was still in the back of your head. You're kind of like, whoa, I wasn't really around for any big wars. This is going to be bigger than like, like, oh, a thunderstorm. We were just smart bombing. And I was also a little kid at that point.

Every generation wants to see a war where they like it or not. It's an impulse you have to fight. But in this case, we didn't have that. We didn't have any. It just feels like, you know, hey, they're developing nuclear bomb. Like, all right. But didn't we have an agreement about this before? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we canceled that.

All right. And so you want to bomb this, this nuclear facility? All right. And they, you know, I don't know what it's good. Well, you've done it already without asking. Okay. I guess at least they won't have a bomb. Oh, they've already developed it.

This is what, five months later and then they've already, I mean, this is just like, it's laughable at this point. They want you to know that they don't care. They're kind of sick of having to make the case to you. They're kind of sick of feeling like they have to answer to you. Who the fuck are you? Bibi wants to explain more plans. He wants you to shut your mouth.

go back eat the new big arch for McDonald's it's not that bad that should be the slogan big arch it's not that bad it's all right the big burger everyone got got mad at the CEO because he was you know oh he he he doesn't actually like that burger it's it's a fine burger this is what we should be talking about not not whether or not we should bomb the south powers gas port anyway Speaking of BB, people thought he was dead for only a whole week. He wasn't showing up. You know, there's a few videos came out.

People were saying he's a eye. It's not like I. There's a whole thing. He's got six fingers. Oh, I love my coffee. You know, and all of a sudden, a week later, he makes a comeback for an interesting, you know, make an interesting point. One plus one equals more of the greatest stories.

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Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Well, history proves that unfortunately and unhappily, Jesus Christ has no advantage over Jingeshan. Because if you are strong enough, ruthless enough, powerful enough, evil will overcome good. aggression will overcome moderation. So you have no choice. If you look at the world as it is today, you have to be blind not to see that the democracy...

It's just... Led by the United States have to reassert their will to defend themselves. I mean, through invoked, it's just a funny thing. I mean, I went to college school. It doesn't make me a great Christian, but I kind of remember... Jesus's whole thing being like, hey, you live by the sword, you die by the sword.

You know? Like Peter tried to defend him before the Romans took him to get crucified. He's like, hey, put that sword away. You live by the sword, you die by the sword. He also tended to like healing people. You know, his whole thing was turn the other cheek. Now, practically speaking, there's probably a point there. It just seemed to be a weird, weird, you're trying to own Jesus.

Hey, Jesus said that, you shouldn't, you know, the violence is not the way, but he's kind of a punk, I guess, is what, you know, I was saying. Which isn't it? It's a good way to kind of get, hey, America, I know a lot of you think that I sold you, you know, this country on a war by blackmailing. Trump, perhaps, you know, or not, maybe just convincing him, you know. Joe Kent resigned this week And he you know The counterterrorism head with chief whatever And uh He was making the case that you know

Like he was he was iced out of You know Influencing Trump that basically They basically had these Israeli Influenced the operators inside of The administration You know You couldn't get access to Trump

Whatever it is So maybe it's not blackmail Maybe it's something out Maybe it's just you got you got you know they made the they made the case either way it seems like a weird conciliatory note to be like hey by the way uh that jesus guy that a lot of you like he's kind of kind of a bitch seems like a weird thing jesus ain't gonna save you i'm gonna save you i'm bb i'm i'm ganga gangus con got not not on me seems a bit i don't know good for him though good I'm glad he's alive.

I don't want anyone to die. Glad, glad he, glad he's still going and still, I guess he must have been alive so he could bomb gas, South Pars. In case you thought maybe someone else was responsible. But, yeah, it's a, it's a fun time. Let's move up. We have a, I have an ad read to read.

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I'll put me I'll try to put the website I swear to God if I don't get paid I'm going to lose my mind it has me a little perplexed I feel like I feel like the propaganda uh of Israel in America like it just seems to be hitting the wrong note who I feel like if I was in charge I wonder people respond to first of all I mean I don't like to admit it

what do I like looking at on the internet I like cats all right I love uh you know you put a cat in an airplane you put a cat uh in a backpack you put you know some guy traveling with cat now I don't know what's behind this right well you see these accounts where people are traveling with cats uh in their backpacks what is the what is the in between of that it seems really cute as you're watching it

but like are those cats being shoved in a box you know are they being mean to the cats I hope not I hope they love their cats but you know I wouldn't be surprised if like

it's all you know you're watching some some late some girl with a cat and she's snuggling and it's inside one of those taking rooms like from taken and you're in Albanian dungeon. No shade to Albania. But my point is,

why don't they, people love this stuff? Why don't they incorporate cats to propaganda? Like, Israel would do a lot better, I think, than trying to, like, you know, take shots of Jesus. He's not, you know,

he's not tough enough, you know, that maybe, maybe just, like, why don't they just, they should have started in, they plan, they knew it was doing.

It's been going on for a while. If I was in, charge of the Knesset or I'm their PR guy I'm the social media guy I would have set up the Israeli cat you know a BB I'll call him little BB a little BB the cat it's a cute little tabby and he snuggles and he just hangs around the Knesset and he's just you know or maybe somewhere else because the Kness is pretty secure you want him going around Tel Aviv and and then like yeah you shoot these videos and you have his little kid you a little tabby cat and he's like oh little baby, little baby. And he's at the, he's at the coffee shop. He's getting a sesame cake.

And everyone's, everyone's treating him to all the treats and they love him. And he was killed an airstrike by Iran. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine little BB the cat? I mean, it would, I would know it's propaganda and still want revenge. That's how much I like little cute cats. And I feel like that's, it just seems like we're missing opportunities here. We're in the age of the internet. The age when like you could have just the most effective minute, like just people at the top of their game making up like, you know, believable fake stories. Using AI, interesting ways.

I mean, just pushing the back. And we've lost all ability to do anything good. We should be at the apex and we're at the, what's the opposite of apex? The crater. we're at the crater of propaganda right now. Everyone knows what this is. There should be so many cats. I mean, this should be a cat cafe that gets blown up.

If I was in charge, oh my God, because, like, look, there's speculation, right? We'll call it speculation about al-Qaeda and ISIS having their roots in the CIA or the Mossade, respectively. You know, maybe there's a great truth to that. Maybe it's not. I'm not here to judge.

but you know at the very least we know we know both you know both sides both both teams know how to get you know make a false flag let's just say they let's just say they read a few books on it cat cafe I mean and God forbid I would if I was in charge I'd be like we're gonna use AI for this we're gonna we're gonna you know we're gonna swap them out the last minute I'm not blowing up cats but you got to blow up people it seems like you know you're probably probably willing to do a few things of cats I don't know you call me crazy and I would call it a meow meow meow massacre

oh my god the meow meow meow massacre I mean why is why am I the only one who has these ideas why am I the only one who's using their head you call it and it's too late now if they if BB comes out and I mean I don't want this to be a thing where BB starts stealing my ideas is I'm not even getting paid here all right you bet you you're the very least pay up I don't but I don't know my my stuff you use for war but the meow meow massacre the the the

the the butter box killing the little box killing fields that's not as good that's really not as good I mean little Trump could even be like ah put put a baby he was a curious cat I left a baby I would pet him over the day he would come with the he would come to the white house it's hard to I'm just hurt my throat little baby would come to the white house I give him a nuzzle I play I tussed his hair I tested his fur well a little cute cat baby a little baby I said a little baby little baby the baby I mean yeah if you could get him to do this you see a whole new side of Trump instead of just being like hey we're gonna

kill you all i know we did this on perp we started this i didn't listen to reason or any one with objections but i'm going in i mean he didn't listen to i mean the whole joe kent thing is an interesting the joe kemp was a counterterrorism chief and they couldn't you know you it's yeah i didn't pay attention to his whole rise to whatever power whatever he is um I knew can you hear all these things like oh but buddhaj and jaddy vans through all these guys you served and you did and good glad you served whatever you were jack core whatever i didn't really this guy was like cia s ad special activities division which is what i'm gonna call sac now but like these like the most elite guys in like you know the fucking covert world right which i'm not trying to like you know

fan boy about it and you know i'm not and it does raise a few questions like oh that's interesting you know like you are there ulterior motives here I don't know but regardless it's like this is a guy who's like this is a guy who's like this is a guy you send just kill whoever you tell him to and any you know any corner of the world he's like if he's telling you I think you're going maybe going a little too far here you think it might listen to him I don't know if you're any ounce of like hey they're a threat they're they have their bombs they're going to bomb us so we hey look I'm not the guy who doesn't kill people I don't who you think I am I'm not the guy who doesn't commit heinous crimes and for the CIA you know

and the oh I didn't say war crimes can't you know the whole point in CIA is a do illegal shit don't get me started don't don't kill me Joe Kent don't don't please don't murder me Joe Kent I know you could he seems like a sweet guy it struck me is weird like you would think that which is like you know it makes you because those you know usually the guys you send the kill people like it's limit there's levels to this and usually guys you send to like you know break down the door just you know kidnap a goat farmer and torture you know whatever get information uh I think they usually have more of a stare but the CIA like the ones the CIA picks for their SAT team I feel they're even more they like they're

little sweet boys Joe Kent the sweet boy and like hey I'm just batting my eyes and I'm not gonna kill it like it's hard to be able to do both so I don't know uh very interesting but me but you know it's just you get the cats involved well be me the yeah baby the cat give me a little tossle give him a give him he likes to purr oh my god because this is what we could have had it's crazy you know i feel like i should give a little bit of a a prayer maybe or an invocation for you know like i i don't want to like you know get in a way of you know b b's reinterpretation of maybe let's try so dear dear jesus please put aside your pacifist uh your tedious pacifism but far be from me to question you christ the lord but you're being a little bit of a

let's cut the shit you know we we got to do what we got to do and you're getting in the way. How about you, how about you pipe down? How about you, how about you give us a sign that allows us to just, you know, bomb, whatever, and just give us a pass. Oh, oh, oh, Christ the Lord, blood of the lamb, son of God. Just stop. Just stop already, which is, which would you, which are turn the cheeks. Enough. We need to fight this war because, you know, the shifting alliances of a global power are you know and global

artificial intelligence acquisition or coalescing in ways that are unpredictable and we need to strike while the iron while we can bomb the iron so please just stop it already love you Jesus so look I mean

from diplomacy there's a new story the story out here this woman U.S. Senate candidate convicted of tossing live tarantula into Airbnb is inspired by Home Alone.

A U.S. Senate candidate was just convicted of tossing a live tarantula to a home she rented out on Airbnb admitting she got the bizarre idea from the flick Home Alone to get her tenant to flee. She also got the idea from Home Alone to abandon her child. That would be fun.

I don't know if she had a child. independent Minnesota hopeful Marissa Seminetti that she was inspired by the movie so she just threw a tarantula it just seems it seems wild I mean if I wanted to get is there any responding officers

found pins tax nails a live tarantula which was moving around what appeared to be the context of a terrarium dumped down the stairs and several small toys uh Seminetti who was a Republican candidate for the Hepwin-Heppinen County Commissioner at the time claimed she was upset after

Vasquez refused to leave the unit. Look, I mean, this is a problem. The Airbnb thing, I don't, I don't know what the, it's hard to get, you know, good, good facts out of the post. But there are a lot of people out there who were trying to squat in units. And, you know, basically try to be, people think that if you, have the money to buy a property that you're renting out, then you're kind of part of the problem.

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Whether it's improving cash flow or exploring investment banking solutions, with Desjardin business, it's all under one roof. So join the more than 400,000 Canadian entrepreneurs who already count on us, and contact Desjardin today. We'd love to talk. business. Basically, look, you don't, here's what you don't want. You don't want contract law to become questioned on large scale.

There's a certain thing about the, I'm not saying that this woman's right to be squatting if she is. I don't know the situation. Let's just say there are people out there who are squatting, and I'm not on the side of the squatters. If I had a property, I was renting it out, I lose my mind. I get it. That being said, there needs to be at least the appearance of fair.

in general, you know, when you start losing the thread of fairness of, you know, that's what the whole American dream thing was about. Well, you know, you can you, if you, hey, if you go fight for us in Japan and Iro Gima, when you come back, we'll let you buy a house in Levitown and hit your life and get drunk on cheap beer and listen to whatever was big back in Leviton. town with Hank Williams I don't know you have a shitty you can have it it was better it was it's better than you would think it's better than having it being in a city probably at the time little suburb things evolve you know people that were that would act like these places along island were like the worst places like it's the first time if people liked it and it's bad honestly you probably would like it now we've come full circle where people I mean I was growing on people with shit on these places I'm from near there I'm from a place you know my town

it wasn't that far off And you know, you dumpy little fucking suburb. Oh, you piece of, you piece of trash. And it's like, you would kill for this most people. Because we're letting private industry just, you know, hedge funds, whatever they are, these private equities for and just foreign. Look, there's a lot, look, at a certain point, there's only so much the government can do.

But you can put a stop to like some of this stuff and give the appearance of fair. People will accept a lot if you give them the appearance of, fairness you know vice is starting to close on you you just don't want it to feel like it's a like it's a like it's a fake they complete the quote to quote the french no one no one we've lost our ability for small talking nuance this is another example and so what happened i mean in the same way you get vigilantes you get bernie gets in the 80s on a subway shooting these youth because you know they were coming they were they were I'm sure they worked I think the story it seemed like they were they were intimidating him he might have gone overboard

and you know in shoot whatever I'm at a judge I did he went to jail right so what are we talking about why am I have to answer for him the point is uh you really have to kind of we have we have to kind of start tricking people into thinking it's fair again and he It's just just stop letting people get so blatantly rich. These regulations that just, you know, I, send a few people to jail. That's all this is. You get a few sacrificial lambs. The rich have just gotten, it used to be cutthroat, and now the rich are just like,

we don't send each other to jail. And like that just seems like a, that's a problem. You got to start getting scapegoats, you know, Michael Milken went to jail at one point. You got to start putting these people in jail. jail you're blowing up the whole game anyway we got a new segment is we've just some of this on the patreon uh which you know if you haven't checked it out patreon.com slash ray cump uh you get extra episodes every week and throughout the uh years we've done a lot of these you know but i want it's a new it's a new thing called comp better movies where we start i'm gonna i'm

pitching i'm taking the movies of the week and i'm gonna pay you know my own version of the movie, an alternate version of the movie, if you will. And this week we have Project Hail Mary. So Project Hail Mary is a science fiction story about Raylan Grace, a junior high school teacher turned astronaut who wakes up from a coma with amnesia on a spaceship, only to discover he is humanity's last hope to stop a solar-eating microorganism from causing an ice age. He must solve the intercellular crisis alone or perhaps with an unexpected alien ally. So he has an alien that pops up.

And so this guy just wakes up as a teacher and he wakes up on a spaceship and he's got to save the world. I think I've seen the trail. They seem to think he's an idiot. That makes kind of make sense because they seem to think he's. dumb um everything why we just got to be on a spaceship view he was so dumb but apparently he was kidnapped uh with chloroform or something and now they're gonna you know whatever so i have my alternate here's my alternate pitch a man wakes up in a bathtub and his kidneys are gone and he has to find the men who took them because he has to deliver a message from tom hankton's

clone to president trump he thought he was meeting cue and also he may have AIDS. So I think this is an interesting thing. It's like it takes the same idea of Project Hell Mary, but it makes it more believable for the people. You're not going to wake up on a spaceship, but you may wake up in a bathtub full of ice, if you're lucky. It always seems weird to me that they like cut your kidneys out and you wake up, but

they put a bunch of ice in the tub for you. I guess they not want you to, I mean, it just seems very, why do they just leave you to die at that point? Can you even live without kidneys? But without, I mean, I've never happened to me. Maybe in real life they don't. That just seems like a, I guess kids, you know, you can't wake up if you're dead. That's a real story.

That's a real conceit of the film, I guess, is that, you know, in real life, they would just kill you and cut your kidneys out. You know, they murder you and they cut your organs out and they leave you like meat wherever they want, you know, whatever they do the operation. But then you can't have that moment where you wake up. up you know that's the real like the the real the comforting thing it's one of those things where the comforting thing is that you're actually dead it seems very scary to wake up at a room you know a bathtub full of ice well don't worry you won't wake up but uh that's my movie so basically you know because you know don't forget tom hanks is tom hanks was uh in real life i don't know i mean the last i've heard is tom hanks was arrested along for a number of notorious people in

Hollywood and for being vampire pedophiles they say this is this is part of the whole cute thing there's the myth right and he was replaced with a clone so this guy's got to get a hold of him because I guess you know the clone the clones are in charge what yeah I've developed the questionnaire to kind of prop prop you know steal man these films to give a little bit more depth to these ideas because it's not, you know, I'm not arrogant enough to think

that, you know, like, I can write better than the guy who wrote Project Halmerry. I need to be proud with a little bit. So first question, who is this for? Who is, who is? First of what is, I mean, let's, what is the name of this film?

Forrest, Forrest Dump. Call it that. Forrest Dump. He's got, he's got, he's got Forrest Kump. It's like Forrest Dunck. What is Forrest Dump for? Who is it appealing to?

I think it's like a Christmas movie. So anyone's got a family. I think this is a good film for anyone who's kind of, you know, missing, missing their family at Christmas time. You know, it's for people, it's a metaphor for like, you know, for having everything you love taking away for you. Maybe you're a guy who gambled a lot on polymarket or, you know, or even just football.

You do anything. Fandle. You lost a lot of money on a football on the Super Bowl. And you lost a house and your wife divorced even took the kids. That's kind of like losing your kid, you know, kidneys in the bathtub. That guy is for that guy. It's for anyone who's had a who's lost their job for being a drunk. anyone who's lost their job for um you know maybe uh you know telling the boss uh or the far you know

the fraud you know it's it's for anyone anyone who who dared to believe in themselves who's funding this movie well that's a good question uh is mostly being funded by look I really don't want to you know can you can you can you elicit drug sales that is that a legal thing that you can you has any movie ever been I mean it has to be right the 80s a lot of movies were funded by illicit drug sales right what happened to that why can't I mean that's the thing why can't movies now be funded by uh that you used to have like apparently like in the 80s these action movies are we're funding by Israeli uh well there's one team i forget where they were but whatever international arms dealers and stuff would you know use these as like you know money laundering but i guess it's just

easier now to use crypto or something that's what we we need to regulate i mean hollywood's like down they're saying hollywood's down like half you know the productions of the hollywood are down by half the whole town it's just when you go to la it's just you can tell it's like the bars and the uh all the uh all the uh all the ancillary kind of businesses around the business or just kind of either gone or depleted it doesn't feel like a vibrant town and uh and i'm not even i was never there at the apex per se you know i've been going on i've been going on off since like you know 2019 uh i even know it's a difference you know i mean it's it's i'd like i'd like to inject uh a stimulus into this um

town and so we know and why can't why can't fentanyl be used to make the country a better place too i know i know i know it's hurt the country a lot i know a lot of people have lost their uh i mean would you be using would you really be that uh offended if you lost a kid to fentanyl overdose and you know someone offered you a ticket to a movie that's kind of what what if i what if i gave you free tickets. Now, first of all, I'm not the one selling this stuff. But if I get the, if I convince these guys that, you know, hey, you owe something to the American people, how about you, how about you give back? Uh, and they say, well, what, how about we'll fund this movie and then you can give tickets to the people who's, you know, lost their kids. I feel like

that's, you know, that's, that's kind of, uh, it's a good start. You know, it's a good start. And, uh, you know, maybe, maybe I can get some popcorn for you, you know, a couple of, some nachos, little pretzels. You know, I don't want to overstep my bounds. These, they're serious people. I don't want to get garrauded. But we'll see. Who do you cast?

I mean, I think I go with Ryan Gosling, right? I think it's, you know, I don't see why we have to change the casting. We still get Ryan Gosling, but instead of waking up, I don't know, this guy, this guy knows how to act. So we, you know, I think it'd be interesting instead of seeing him, like, just dancing around, like a silly boy. on a spaceship he's like a like a kindergarten teacher or some shit that he wakes up and he's like and he's just scarred up he's an ice ice pool of blood and i saw i saw that movie drive

this is a thing you get these guys to make these serious films they start off like like like like pretty boys right and they do what they do a movie like drive where he's just a brutal he's a guy you know if he didn't see drive it's a great it's a great movie he plays a stunt driver who also does getaway driving for criminals and uh he's also even though it's not part of his criminal job typically a very brutal man who will like you know do a lot of brutal brutal killing i guess it's hard to expect he just had a lot of rage uh and he gets bloody he like there's a scene where he like hit he used like a hammer in the elevator he's in an elevator and he kills like four guys i think with a hammer right my alley uh albert brooks is in it's great movie the point you know

But most of the time he's just sitting there, like doing dancing in La La Land. He's being, he's being, how about you put you, you get back in the game, Gosling, all right? You get in this movie and you have to fucking find this clone. Um, he goes, oh, look, I'm a serious actor. I need to know why I would be trying to find Tom Hanks' clone. That was a good question. I didn't really think this through.

Maybe because Tom Hanks has, uh, he's got. He's got the information about, you know, the Iran thing. He's got the actual, he's got the real Iran. He's got the evidence that Iran, he's got the evidence that Iran. They have a nuclear bomb and it's buried somewhere in America. And you got to get it. And this is that we, we get, look, I can't save Iran at this point. So if I, you know, don't blame me if I'm going to make a propaganda film that's, you know,

oh, this is going to promote the war. Hey, hey, the war's already going. The best thing you could do is, like, when a war is already going, might as well make you know make a few box office right so the bob somewhere in like you know it's hidden in in uh delaware maybe and and and so he's got to find and he's got traced down you know and this clone likes to go back to uh different places where were tom hanks from his movie so tom hanks well you know this tom hank clone yeah because who who's making clones right they're kind of fucked up they're kind of weird things it's not like it's not a perfect copy it's like a

weird broken down like mentally unstable thing that's based on Tom Hanks. So he kind of reverts and it'll just kind of like it'll go to it'll try it goes to Chicago to try to find the house of Brisbane buddies that sitcom he was in or goes to you know it tries to go

with these places. It's confused. It has the memories of Tom Hanks sort of. You know, it's imagine the guy imagine it was Tom Hanks but he was in a traumatic you know, he had the thing from regarding Henry or whatever where he got shot in the middle of a robbery with the Harrison Ford movie where he gets shot in the robbery

and he loses and he was kind of a scumbag, rich guy and he goes to buy cigarettes and gets shot at a convenience store and he ends up being a really good guy I haven't seen the movie in a long time but I liked it as a kid the point where that Leo it's that kind of he doesn't get shot but it's that kind of level of thing

where he's like you know he can he can go to the Oscars and like he's not going to shit himself usually and so he you know but he so he has to kind of true it's a that's what makes it's a fun thing we're tracing tom hanks his whole career and now i don't love the last 10 years of tom i mean he's had some great movies turner and hooch with the dog uh he's in you know jovers the volcano where he like he basically thinks they convince him he's dying so he'll sacrifice himself in some some tribe and in the islands i don't i forget the reason uh there's uh there's uh sleepless in Seattle maybe maybe get me make Ryan involved that'd be I mean

I'm a big big Ryan fan so I mean all these yeah and look this is so why would you do it because you're a because you're trying to show respect to fucking Tom Hanks that's why first of all Ryan Gosling all right and you know and and you get to basically play these characters a little bit like we basically have Forrest Gump is great Philadelphia it's kind of a thing where like As he's, so as Ryan Gosling is tracing himself, he's kind of acting out Tom Hanks' career. Just kind of, you know, big. He goes to, I mean, F.O. Schwartz gone.

He goes to someplace in Times Square. He goes to the M.M. store. And he does the dance on the keyboard. You know, they do a version of the M&M store. It's kind of like that. He dances with the green M&M. And he does, like, he grinds on her. He does like a fucking, like a, like, um,

What do you call it? Like, you know, he's just grinding and it's very, it's a little sexual. You know, I'm not going to lie. It's a family film, but it's going to be like, it's going to be. I remember there was a scene in Turner and Hooch. I started Turner and Huch with my mom and my aunt. And I'm pretty sure there was a scene where like at the very least she takes her top off, his love interest and they're making out.

I doubt it was newsy, but I think he takes his top off. She takes his top off and she's in a bra and they're kissing and me. And I've ever. I was like four or five I like five probably six years old seven I felt a little bit uncomfortable I looked at my aunt she seemed to be fine with it into it there was nothing I mean I guess I guess yeah I mean what you're gonna do I'd be like oh I'm sorry yeah what the last thing you want to is look to the kid you brought and go let's talk about it but you know it's so my point is like it's just it didn't do anything it's not

inappropriate um and this is better than that is my point I'm not doing it because It's a family film, but you know, you need to have a little bit of just kind of dining, maybe we kind of, I, in the age of have to see, maybe we have to cut this out. It's the right thing to do. I don't, I don't want to blur lines. This is not that Robin Dick video. I'm not trying to blur lines. Or maybe we, maybe it's not really a family film.

I mean, Tom Hags is a family guy, but this is, you know, the kidney thing. You know, it's like, this is the kind of thing. it's okay to show a guy getting his kidneys cut out but it's not okay to grant on the M&M some people will argue that and they have a point um be no one's no one's trying to cut

kids kidneys out you know I mean I don't these are complicated themes but uh it brings us to the next thing what you know oh I get our always questionnaire number four how you convince them right okay well that's part of what I was talking about

so I convinced him that he always he owes the Tom Hanks He's kind of this error is Tom Hanks. And, uh, I, you, hey, Ryan, God, this is a picture I'll make to Ryan Gosling. Hey, I'm going to shoot a video and, like, and try to get it to him. Uh, hey, Ryan, like, maybe I'll pay, I'll pay someone to kind of like get, like, at him. Like, I'll pay people to try, like, you know, throw themselves at, like, not attack him, but, like, get near him and go, hey, I have a video to show you. And maybe he'll, like, it'll be me on a phone.

Hey, Ryan Gosling. you think you're you think you're a fucking big guy you think you're a big man but you're you're standing on the shoulders of fucking giants you i've just you owe it to tom hanks you fucking don't be a scumbag i you're fucking you'd be nothing without tom hanks and and and i didn't watch the movie where he's like a music he's the monument man or whatever was that him what's the last thing he did da vinci code i didn't love that you know we all love turnton and hooch and Forrest Gump sorry got to fight in the middle of the Black Panther party You owe it to him a piece of shit don't make me fucking tell Tom Hanks that you're

I'm not gonna get into the clone thing Maybe I'll maybe I'll go back to threatening myself I will do self-harm I'll shoot myself in my front lawn if you don't do this movie So yeah that's basically you know all I have Um, you know, pay them too. I mean, look, well, I'll tell him. Look, I got, I don't, here's the thing. I know you, uh, you're one of the few guys.

You probably gets paid still. But, uh, you know, we got fentanyl money in the mix. I'm not the guy. I mean, if someone's going to go to jail, it's not going to be me. I hope. I mean, I guess you could argue I'm like, you know, complicit or whatever. That I'm part of the problem. Uh, but there's money involved.

Real money. You know, like, what do you think? What do you think funds these movies typically? you you're an adult yeah you you understand this is like a don't be a bitch you know kids die but now we now we get to give their parents some fucking popcorn and the movie ticket so what are the themes uh the theme is redemption we redeeming brian gosling and we're redeeming tom hanks um because honestly i don't i mean that's the thing maybe maybe what we realize is that he's not a clone this guy was wrong you know you know the

This guy is actually... Okay. When I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community. Ooh. Then, it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my out of office has a forever setting. An IG private wealth advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business,

your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IG. private wealth.com. I mean, he does have AIDS. He wasn't wrong about that. He has AIDS. We do have an alien in the movie,

I forgot to mention it as an alien. It's just like in Project Hell Mary. But she looks like a prostitute that he meets at the Waffle House. And she's this companion. So she's kind of his Meg Ryan. And they're going around and they're doing, like, you know,

when he's doing the thing at the M&M store, she's vomiting um and she's just trying to you know pick up you know dads who were buying m&m's for the kids what happened i never been to the m&m store what happens there it seems like a magical place but i mean it just seems like a limited it's a limited amount of stuff that actually happens but uh anyway uh move on to what's the theme what is the climax and ending so the client is the climax that he meets tom hanks the real tom hanks and goes i'm not a clone and and And Ryan got, and like, maybe he wakes up and he's cutting his kidney. It means gruesome.

I mean, but, you know, whatever. It's a movie. It's not real life. He, he finds Tom Hanks' clone and he's going to put, he's going to use, I'll take one of his kid, you know, it's kind of a sidebar. He's like, I'll just take one of his kidneys. You know, I'm not greedy. And he was cutting into his fucking, you know, and he does.

And he, you know, and he tries to install it. He doesn't really know how. And he's bleeding out. And Tom Hanks wakes up. You know, I guess he chloroforms him, but you know, we'll figure out how he actually, you know, finds him and then, you know, he fucking wakes up and he's like, well, what's going on? You clone and I don't know. He goes, I'm not a clone. And, you know, you have that kind of voice, right?

I mean, he did find him, by the way, in like on the shrimp boat. That was the big, you know, the shrimp boat from Forrest Gump. But he's like, no, I do that as a charity. And he explains the whole thing. and then he goes let me help you out and he cuts his throat he goes you fucked around you found out

I'm the Tom Hanks clone but I'm fucking you know I'm actually I work for the I work for the you know the aliens and I'm bombing Iran and you know oh shit it's a prequel the Iran war is where you find out

because you fucked around you found out and I'm the clone of Tom Hanks but it's never about that I was ever about that I was ever about that yeah I was ever you know, pet, I was just, I was actually just,

you know, bombing Iran secretly. I think it could do, I mean, whatever. I mean, maybe is, like,

look, the guys exist. I just want to be sued by Tom Hanks. I wonder if he's never addressed it, has he? It seems like, it's a terrible thing.

I don't think he's involved. But it's a strange error we went through. When people, it's just accusing people of being clones. That, feel like this is a way we can kind of like could dart that we can kind of get through it you know anyway well this has been fun it's been a great time uh i appreciate everyone sticking around and uh look there's a lot to figure out and uh a lot's going to happen in the coming days and we'll figure out

together if we're still around in the week and so hopefully i'll see i'll see you i'll see you next week Thank you.