Kump - Ep. 259 The Catholic Bomb

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

https://www.patreon.com/raykump Support the show + get bonus episodes every week.Ray talks about the start of summer, the Strait of Hormuz, gas prices, the Washington Reflecting Pool, a strange Saddam Hussein book order, Pope Leo’s warnings about AI, Catholic power politics, He-Man, the World Cup, grilling, summer projects, giant ant movies, and The Butterfly Effect.

Much like a Mormon girl's legs, the straight-of-horred moves is closed again. Or they have a lot of kids, so the legs are always open. Well, I'm not Santa Claus, so I don't know, do I? I couldn't have built a motherfucking pipeline through the Caucasian mountains by now. It's like investing in Bitcoin. He'd to shut your scumhole and just do it. Much like the new He-Man movie, the weather has been pleasantly mid, and the Washington Reflecting Pool is falling apart

and making D.C. look like Flint, Michigan's dirty pussy. Maga activists on X are saying that liberals are actively sabotaging the pool. Well, why don't you stop being a bitch and renditioned random people from the crate and barrel and waterboard them with piss to get some proof? Summertime is finally here. enough of this miserable war and high gasoline prices.

It's time for a hot sun and breaking your neck at a water park or falling out of a roller coaster because you were too fat for the safety bar to close on you properly and high gasoline prices. This is the age of intelligent machines and blowing your hand off with a firecracker like in that butterfly effect movie, which had no butterfly effect.

So I'll tell you what does everything else. A butterfly flaps its wings in Bangladesh, and you end up dead from Havana syndrome, or Gulf War syndrome. Or maybe you'll just crash like Princess Diana. Who cares? Smoke them if you got them. Welcome to the endless summer. Welcome to Kump. I got this book, Zabiba and the King, by its author.

Saddam Hussein. I don't know where I forget where I found it this week. I think I just happened to see it on, uh, oh no, it was a question on jeopardy. That's right.

I guessed it correctly. It was a final jeopardy question about the Beba and the King. What is it about to be able to be in the king? See, it was something about a dictator or wrote a thing or something and I guessed Saddam Hussein

and I couldn't have been more right. And the book, uh, I believe it's, it's in some dispute, you know, who wrote Zabiba and the king and, you know, who,

if it was in fact, Saddam, people think it might have been. Some people say it wasn't. It was written around the time of the invasion. It's kind of a metaphor of some sort. Um, a morality play, if you will, or something.

An allegory, an allegory, I think. About rape. I think it's a, something to do with Zabiba or the king rapes? I'm not sure. It has something to rape. I'm not sure for this reason. I'll read you the back first. Then then we'll give the payoff. Does Saddam Hussein receive any money for this book? Not a dime. This translation is owned by the editor. Also, he's famously dead. So that's, you know, another reason

why he's not getting paid. I didn't fund Saddam Hussein. You know, famously his sons are also dead. The ones used to do I think they used to do Prima Nocta for real. I mentioned out on the show a few weeks ago that bring up Udadi and Husay. They used like to do shit like that in the real world. What is it about? Zabiba and the

king is an allegorical love story between a mighty king, Saddam. Oh, he supposed to be the king in this. And the simple yet beautiful commoner named Zabiba, the Iraqi people. Zabiba is married to a cruel and unloving

husband to United States, who forces themselves upon her against her will. This act of rape is compared to the United States invasion of Iraq. Why translate the book? The editor, an American businessman, had the book translated to English to satisfy his own curiosity. He also felt it would be interesting and a beneficial tool for the curious, the patriotic, the educator, historian, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What is the setting? the stopping grounds of a young Saddam Hussein near to Crete.

What is the time period? The era of the mid-600s. Oh, so I guess it's a Biba. I guess the king isn't literally Saddam. Whatever. Cut to, why do I have to read off the back? Why didn't I read this? It's not a very big book.

Why didn't I read it first? And then I can tell you all about it, right? And then I sound like a moron. I'll tell you why. I got this book. It's not widely available on that. It's available, but it's like, you know, it's one of those things where it's like, it's not like try and get it tomorrow. It's like to wait a week or whatever and like pay shipping.

And I'll just read you. This book is dedicated to those entrepreneurs who are driving to launch brands rooted in empathy for humanity. Interesting. That's very interesting. What is this? So what's that got to do with Zabiba and the king, you might ask? And I will, oh, oh, maybe we'll go to the first page. It's not the Beba and the King.

It's a payoff. That's a goddamn. It's a bullshit scam. I got fucking fleeced here. It's bigger than, it's called Bigger Than This by Fabian Geertherlter, which is interesting. I find it very interesting because this book actually has a forward. It was, that was written by David Gertelter. Glaze, creative director of Amazon.

So let me get this straight. I don't know if I piece this conspiracy together just yet. But I've got this book about Saddam or was written by Saddam. It's not that. It's a scam. It could be the Indian in the fucking cupboard, right? It doesn't matter.

Regardless, it's not the book I ordered. It's this bullshit thing, which I don't know. It was the coincidence that the creation. director of Amazon wrote a forward. Maybe the scammer. I mean, is this book not been translated? Is that the thing? Maybe it's not been translated.

Why, what would we the scam? Do you want me to read it? Like, what is the get? What is the authenticity, like storytelling, disruption, and the dreaded innovator, authenticity has become one of those buzzwords that gets tossed around with abandon. Also, Saddam raped me.

That's also a buzzword, apparently. than this Fabian Garretel. I mean, this is just I don't even know what this is fucking about. I mean, it's highlighted. This book comes pre-highlighted by the creator. I was reading one of these highlights. For the first time in history,

it is more difficult for big brands to gain unconditional consumer trust than it is for a startup brand. I guess, I guess it's harder for a big brand. I guess if that's what you want, unconditional consumer you know it's hard to get it's never been harder in history for a big brand

to get just give me a child just give me a baby just give me me a fuck i'll give it back to you maybe they're very skeptical now now they only want to do that at two your time and uh and the mother story school but it used to be that the coca cola corporation could just take your baby and you would say fine give me a few shekels a few fucking shillings It would all be fine. It wasn't a matter of trust. People just use the value of babies less. But that's the, I don't know, it was another highlight.

Again, these are not my highlights. These are highlights from the altar, I guess. We don't work for money alone. Money is a necessity, but not the reason we are going into the workforce. Now, I go into workforce to find people to sexually harass. Like, what is you, what is this? You and the company have to intentionally live the story that embodies the brand's values.

Honestly, this is not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea to pre-highlight your best shit in a book. I don't mind this because now I can just read this bullshit. It is the absolute best way to launch a brand that is not based on innovation. Well, that's not... Just as I'm about to say, I was won over by this Saddam stealing book

and its pre-highlights, It just, this highlighted the meaning. It's a middle of a sentence. So fuck this. How about I read a book? How about I read a goddamn self-help book? It's called How to fucking, I don't fucking just shit on the street

and scream at women by Ray Kump. By that. This summer, I want you to go out of the street, take your pants off, shit into a fucking, take a fucking bunch of toilet paper. and make a ring and sit in the ring better yet cardboard make a cardboard toilet

on the street this is how you do it this is actually a trick I learned in the army you get a bunch of cardboard go behind a supermarket go behind a Walmart and try to get some cardboard if they try to tell you hey fuck you that's our cardboard you're not allowed to take that just fucking throw a bunch of bleach

just throw it in the air don't throw it at them throw it up in the direction that might hit them. If you throw it at them, you're much more likely to get a charge, catch a charge, right? Catch the carge of the bullshit.

If you just throw it in a general direction, you can say I was just fucking throwing with abandon. You know, it matters. There's not a lot of space in prisons these days, and they need to make room. So you really need to watch what you're doing. It's all I'm saying.

It's all I'm saying. All right, so shut the fuck up and listen to me, please. and throw some bleach and they'll scatter because they don't know what it is they don't know if it's piss they don't know if it's fucking nothing right i got i've ever done this none of your business and you get the cardboard or you just yeah whatever hopefully you just get it without throwing bleach but always carries some bleach with you because if it happens to get in the eyes you know it's very cheap and it scares people they don't know is it's safe to get in the eyes of bleach probably not right should i look it up uh

I'll ask chat GPT. I'll just say, I won't say, I'll just say, is it safe to get hit in the eyes with bleach? I bet it'll say no. This is an intuition I have. Let's see what it says. Let's see if it says, bleach in the eye can be a real chemical injury.

There you go. No, bleach is not safe. So I wouldn't, I can't advise you to do it. But that's what I say. It's, you never throw it at people. But if you throw it in the air, who knows? That's why I think it's a good thing just to have on hand. It's a diversionary tactic, right?

If someone's coming at you, you just fucking throw it in the air and go, whoopsie, and you get the cardboard. And then, I mean, this is all an aid of me. I mean, we're going on a long way for a premise where myself, whole book is me sitting in the street. I feel like we've gotten the idea, right? It's a satire of me getting screwed over by Amazon.com. I guess I can return this.

To be fair, we really just wanted it to put on the bookshelf, you know, to display as a conversation starter, which it has become. It's certainly a conversation starter. No one could say otherwise. So, you know, welcome to show. Welcome to company. Welcome to Kump, welcome to the show. It's a wild time.

It is the beginning of summer. You know, it may be the end of the American Empire, but it's the beginning of summer. It's June 21st, which is Sunday. Well, it's always the longest day of the year. People forget that. You get to July 4th. A lot of times you won't be out and about in the summer fun until July 4th.

At least I wasn't, you know. And now everyone makes it a point to be a beach bum and get to the beach the first week of summer, right? It doesn't even get the water doesn't even get cold hot until, you know, not hot. It's still freezing in June. You got to wait until July, but people are going to rush to the beach, not me. But I'm always struck when you, when you, on the 4th of July, when you look around and it's like, you know, it's like you're already two weeks. It's true. It's what I'm saying.

It's too, a week or two into summer already. it's already getting worse the amount of light you have per day you'll never have more light per day than the 21st of the year of June and I think that's something to remember I used to go to camp in August

like late August like a third week of August maybe and I used to strike me that around 8 o'clock or 8.30 it was already getting dark and it's a very depressing thing to realize and that summer is ending and you have to go back to school

where everyone tries to fucking, you know, tell you what to do and fucking, you know, and give you shit. And they won't let you fucking, you know, harass people, bother people. That's what they say you do. You don't do that. You're fucking, it just stinks, whatever. So the point is, uh, that's my pitch for summer for June 21st. It's the first of the year. it's the fun i mean why i keep saying the first of the year it's the 21st of june and it's a fucking it's just

like a there's something about it being like 9 p.m. and being like bright out that i find alluring maybe i'm just stupid maybe it means nothing to you maybe you know maybe you feel like it's makes more sense for it to be dark by then um i tell you when you're making a show like this Sometimes I have blackout curtains now. Because I'm a man, you know, I can't be subject to nature, much like, you know, much like the conquistadors of old, who were so well ambassadors these days because they, oh, the Native Americans were one with nature. Well, nature fucks you, all right? You have to take control of nature. That's a lesson that we all learned.

That's why I have blackout curtains. But it can be a real hassle or vice versa. I used to try to make movies in the winter when I was young, these shitty movies. And you'd run out of a fucking sun by 4 p.m. You know, and it would be cold, bitter cold. And, you know, summer is just the time of fucking renewal. It's the time of fucking, you take your fucking,

you get some heat from the sun, right? Like, you fucking, you feel warmth from the sun. I don't know. I everyone accuses me of being this fucking marauding like oh you're a doom scroller now you talk about how set I'm trying to tell you how nice it is to be in the heat of the sun to be out in the elements to fucking you know you feel the sun's rays on you you get some vitamin D you know you oil yourself up this is this is this is a time to you know go to the beach this summer go in the watering hall if that's what you're a swimming hall right it's where you guys you know if you don't have a beach you know go hiking they can't you know they they can't take that from you yet you it's a i think it's starting to fizzle out if you ask me i think they've really bit off more they can chew they got greedy you know maybe eventually we'll all be in some fucking you know stick me in the ass uh cyber prison but i don't think this is this go around i think i think i think

i think the whole thing's gonna crash for a while and you have to really look their wounds because they got, you know, like, they always just get too greedy too quick. No one can just kind of keep their fucking predictions conservative. No one can fucking just act like an adult. So we're really dealing with the, you know, just like the Trump administration. I feel like, yeah, regardless of how you feel politically, they just just couldn't and these real things. Everyone like, you know, everyone was giving me shit. Oh, you know, Trump, he's fucking, you must feel like a real moron for question again.

he's doing so great now he's fucking got this peace deal you're all your fucking your chicken littles running around whining about it well where is it now you know israel bombs lebanon just because they hate they love war right and then and then and it's all fall apart they closed straight of our moose again of course they did this is this this this is just what's gonna be there is no straight or four moves there's nothing there there isn't even oil here here's you want to really blow your tickle, tickle your mind, blow your brain. There's no more oil. What about that?

What if all of this is just a fucking, you know, that's the conspiracy, perhaps, that there actually isn't that much oil left. They all got together and said, hey, we got about like 16, I don't know, what will be a small amount, but still use it like 16 million gallons.

Whatever, you fill in the gap there. On my computer. We have enough for a fucking year. And then we're done. let's pretend to have a war about this bullshit and we're closed the straight oh no I'm just say you see what I'm getting at I don't have to fucking you know back back back into the idea with me you know fucking give me a little fucking room to hang myself but you know what about that why are we you always have to keep limber you always have to keep your brain a little loose

what if the fucking just isn't that much oil and we're out of it we're running low and this you know and they'll just keep they'll use the straight of four moods as a fucking dangle. Now, do I think that's true? I just came up with it a minute ago, so I don't commit to it. But actually, this is what's important. You never, whatever you, you start getting like fucking fixated on something, right?

You get fucking, like, you know, locked in, like, oh, Trump is so dumb and he fucked up. And it just seems like it just kind of, it doesn't even make sense why we were in a war, we just bomb Iran. And see that we're just getting, you know, he's just getting fucking dog-tailed.

Is that the term dog-tailed? Does Trump get dog-tailed by Israel? He got tramp stamped. He got fucking sticker-fisted. He got fucking whale-tailed. Whatever he did. It's easy to kind of get stuck in that pattern. And perhaps that's true.

But maybe the alternative idea is this that like there is, it's actually a great theater happening before your eyes. And it's just not how much oil left. It just isn't very much oil. Scary. It's actually scarier than it might think. I'm not looking at my phone here. I mean, I technically am, but this is in the same vein.

I saw this. I didn't, you know, transfer to the computer, so it's a little, you know, I'm just going to read to you. This is from the, what is this, the Wall Street Journal? The classic movie was nearly destroyed by a single line of code. A beloved film was accidentally deleted, and miraculously saved. The real story behind the Toy Story franchise is even better than the movies.

We brought up Toy Story, uh, was it last week, a week or four. We talked about Toy Story. Before anyone saw it, one of the most beloved movies of all time was nearly destroyed by a single line of code. It had to be saved by an unlikely cast of characters that included a six-month-old baby. What the fuck? It only survived after a computer with the last known copy of the movie was trapped into the backseat of a Volvo station wagon and chauffered the Pixar Animation Studio

and inside that computer was billions of dollars of intellectual property. Woody Buzzlight, you're Mr. Potato Head. They're just lying to you. And I don't know why anymore. It used to make sense why people lied why people got into this bullshit. Now it's just like, you know,

tell me a story, fucking the CIA. They want to make it seem because all we've seen in the past, you know, number of years, four years, 10 years, is the other incompetence of our foreign security services, of our intelligence services, of our executive branch,

of our government in general. The only reason they were able to keep their fucking finger on the throat of humanity is, you know, by pretty much monopoly power. And so they'll just, hey, they'll think it's uplifting for you to hear about how the CIA

like poisoned the fucking, well or fucking you know or like or like how the nsa saved uh pixar just because it makes them seem like he did something competent hey the nsa the nsay had to step in because woody was good propaganda for the fucking first go for you know oh i guess a second goal whatever what happened in between monocke lowinski the guys at pixar like to fuck monogne loewinsky with bill clinton and so they helped them out the nsa helped that bixar because they're all fucking monogneuxel together they had their type I always thought she was fine she looks you know Molly whiskey's a fine woman you know dog shitter they make her feel bad I think she's

you know I think she gets a bad rap maybe she shouldn't have blown the president while he was talking to the you know premier of China or the president of China but you know I mean was he just like doing crossword puzzles and shitting in her mouth or she blew him was she getting blumpkins was he was she blumpkin in he was he getting Blumpkins by Ronald Olenski while he was talking to China and doing the New York Times Crosber puzzle that's how brilliant he was he was a peto adjacent guy probably allegedly involving other you know I can't say like he could probably assume me if I say he actually we don't know but he was you know he was hanging home he was around an Epstein

a lot definitely seems like he was uh involved in some shit huh um but brilliant like they say he said they say he was really good the new york times crossword puzzle so you know take that for what's worth i remember hearing that like anecdote he's so smart he's talking to the fucking president of norway and he just doing the new york times crossword puzzle like in pen in pen in pen diamond pencil the implication being that he you know he you have to erase it he'd always get it right the first time unless he was fucking trying to aim into malcolm's asshole with his own asshole, shit into her asshole.

And then he got a little messier. I'm such a crude person. Why do I talk like this? What do I say these things? A brilliant guy, I guess. You know, I guess people think he's brilliant. Speaking of, I saw the new he-man movie,

Masters of the Universe. I thought it was fine. You know, I like to review movies when I get a chance. I thought it was mid. I thought you know it had a light it has it has kind of a light of reverence for these characters that were like you know I watched he man as a kid a little you know a little boy I don't remember the guy whose head you know spun around like

like like like stretch armstrong very well I have I have a vague recollection ram man like they built they built into this thing of like because the character you know he man gets sent to earth to the boy and then he has to like remember these people who were part of his dad's kingdom and so he names he get these names that were i guess were their names in the 80s he gives he had he are names that he kind of creates the spoiler alert i'm sorry um but his names you know so so it's kind of a nice touch it's touching i guess there's a way of kind of keeping it grounded because the He-Man needs to be fucking grounded, all right? You understand this is a toy that they basically created

just to like, as a show they created to sell a toy. I think they had the Conan the Barbarian thing and they lost the license, you know, and so they fucking came up with this, just call them He-Man. They didn't bother to come over a little. Why not call them like bulk man? Why not call them fucking AIDS man, right?

Call them fucking glamour man. All these things are more creative. Call him buff boy. Big, call him beefcake Bob. No, they call him he, man. I mean, I know you're thinking it's based nowadays because it's all very gender, you know, but they weren't thinking that way back then.

It was just lazy, just lazy. I'm gonna drink some of this. Lovely bull. Your God, give me wings. Let me fly away. Far far far away. Like Jenny, right? From raging bull.

No, Boris Gump. Oh man, so many things happening. So many things in the news. Not really. Pope Leo is right about AI. He's just too late. What is this? I don't know.

This seems like some bullshit. As artificial intelligence rapidly advances and massive global changes hang in the balance, Pope Leo the 14th recently declared that humans must maintain control of his incredibly powerful technology lest we lose our humanity. I think the Catholic Church here is, uh, I don't think they know.

I don't, I think Pope Leo is some, is the night, I was going to call him something else, but I don't know, he's from Chicago, right? He's a Chicago boy. You know, I think he's, you know, he's like a fish out of water. I don't think he's savvy on the world stage. I think they fucking got some guy from Chicago because they were trying to like, maybe we could talk some sense to America. I don't think it works, you know.

I don't think he's up on this. I think he's afraid and I think he thinks maybe we can get like you know the Catholic church can get back some power they used to have they used to be a big deal they used to fucking run shit and now they you know for a long time

they've been kind of you know a secondary power on the world stage and they're thinking like oh we we gotta get a handle on his AI and stay on top of it and he's just you know he's just kind of taking for granted that's actually like not bullshit um Pope Leo's recent

document magnifica humanitas how many just speak english how about you fucking grow some balls pope you know that that you know that that chair that he sits in that with a hole in it it's not the shit in this is true there's a hole people famous chair the pope sits in and it's got a hole in it and the purpose of that hole is to let your balls hang down into the hole and some other cardinal or priest or whatever can look at your balls and you're You think I'm great. You can make this up. I'm not making this up.

Because at one point, some woman with a pussy instead of a dick, got herself into the Pope's chair, I guess. And they just lost their minds about it. Big problem. So how about we check for his balls? Because why don't you fucking make things English? These guys from Chicago, you like Chicago dogs, right? You like tomatoes and your hot dogs?

How about you fucking write these things in English? Don't call it a magnificent. humanitas just call it a fucking is that human magnif magnificent humans the stupid title you think just because it's Italian you can call something dumb you know call something cool call it the fucking call my way the fuckhole call it I control heaven if I was the Pope here's what I would say hey you pieces of shit over in fucking in Silicon Valley as you call it I call it silicon piss shit That's not as great as it could be. I call a silicon suck my fucking gun.

You guys think you're so fucking smart. Well, I control who gets into heaven or not. So I'm going to start exercising that right. Sam Olman, you're going straight to fucking burn with the Bialz above himself. I'm just calling. I'm making a call here. You don't think guys going to listen to me?

Think guys going to listen to some other bullshit? I'm the only guy on earth. You want gamble? You want to play? Hey, you all like to go to fucking Macau? right in China or whatever in Hong Kong and gamble we go to Vegas

how about we gamble on the biggest stage I'm the fucking Pope and I'll set you fucking soul on fire do it these Pope you're so afraid what are you afraid of like you survived the Nazis just go to work

I guess they'd ally with the Nazis but you know this fucking Pope Leo's recent document Magnific humanity Spotify it's Shetty, are you one of those media strategy people? Scrolling through spreadsheets, searching for an audience that pays twice as much attention to your ads than they do on social?

Let me introduce you to fans. And they're here with me on Spotify. Trust me, I know fans. They don't skip. They stay for hours. They don't move on. They manifest. They're not a demographic group.

They're fans. Spotify advertising. You're among fans. by warning humanity about the dangers of AI. His concerns are thoughtful, sincere, and rudent desire to ensure that technology serves mankind. But there's one problem. The AI genie is already out of the bottle.

What moron wrote? I'm going to listen to some guy who writes for MSN? If I had a Windows computer, I wouldn't even know this fucking thing existed. Microsoft's Edge? This shows up. I just delete this thing. Throughout human history, every transformative technology has been used for both good and even.

fire cooked food and burned cities the printing press spread knowledge and propaganda nuclear energy powers hospitals and lights homes but also reduce the most destructive weapons ever created or if they'll just be no different so the question is no one all right how about the pope grows a fucking sack

and just fucking says hey I have a nuke here's what I would do if I was a pope I would just say I have a nuke you all thought you were smart going after Iran you're so worried about Islam well they don't have the bomb I mean Pakistan does but then whatever they haven't used it now I got the bomb anybody can get one too I bet you I mean does it only have the bomb probably not right there's any Catholic countries have the bomb that's such a good question do any Catholic countries have nuclear weapons

I don't think I mean I mean there are a lot of Catholics in America Don't get it twisted But like Spain is a big Catholic country A lot of South American countries Are Catholic countries Depends what you mean by Catholic countries Trickly yes France

Well okay France So France better give the Pope a fucking nuke I mean like I'm not I don't actually advocate for this I want to be very clear I want plausible than my ability unless they make me the Pope. If I'm the Pope, I'm going to go into France. I'm going to remember how we used to Pope.

Fucking Pope funnel, you motherfuckers. Charlemagne, right? We used to crown your kings, King Francis or whatever the fuck. Was it King Francis? Was King? What was the big fucking Pope? The French Kings? Doesn't know.

King Louis. He used to love the Catholic Church. Let's get back at it. You guys are doing dog shit now. You're on the world stage. No one respects you. Let's, let's,

let's bring this partnership back. Give us a nuke and we'll do the dirty work. And then I would come out and say, you all worried. Then I could do my speech about how you were all worried about Islam. I got the Catholic bomb. Muslim bomb. Oh my God.

Catholic bomb. That's for real. That's laudy fucking da. And I would, and I would, I need two, one to test. One,

that would detonate, I would blow up Stonehenge while people weren't there. I mean, imagine the Pope fucking blew up Stonehenge where a bunch of people were there. I was told that first of all, let's get something straight. I speak emphatically. I cannot be held accountable by man's laws.

I'm the Pope, right? So let's just get that out of the way. Second of all, I'm very sorry for anyone who died in a nuclear test of Stonehenge. Again, you guys are telling me, well, you know, I made some deal with France, but as, you know, Stonehengers and England. But, you know, I'm again, I'm the Pope of the world. God runs the world.

I know we, you know, Catholics let that get watered down. But, you know, we do. We run it. Now, you know, you can argue with Muslims and Episcopalians and Buddhists. Sure. Yeah, again, this is what I would do if I was the Pope. You have to press your advantage. It does you know good as a pope to be.

be like making people's cases for them. If they want to argue, well, like, even in your understanding of power, you know, you're not accounting for, like, you know, billions of people are Muslims. Let them make that argument, that's my point. So, I'm sorry, I was told by my, you know, my staff that, uh, there wouldn't be people when we, when we tested it, but to be clear, these, these, these, these, these, guys don't really know what they're doing. I'm trying to make it better,

but we don't have a security state. I have a bunch of dumb priests and monks, and they fucked up. So what I'm not sorry about is for having a nuclear bomb. I have one, and you're going to start fucking treat me with respect. And I'm making the fucking

language of the Vatican English. You know, Vatican 2 famously made it so that, you know, you could speaking, you know, you didn't have to go to mass in Latin anymore. In the old days, you have to go to mass. It would be Latin in America, right? And then we didn't even face you.

And then Vatican II made it so that, like, well, you know, we'll say it in the common ton. So in France, you're here in French and America, here in English. And some people on Twitter are like, it's no good. We have to go get rid of Vatican II because people got in soft. Why say the other way around?

people who are back in soft press your goddamn advantage we have an we've an american pope for the first time ever and we're doing jack shit with it from from the american point of view i mean i don't want this american pope to be coward town to trump but i do think he should be pressing american interests you know that's the thing shit on trump all you want call all you want call whatever whatever you want to call what did he say the rise of fascism what he said fine fine with me but fucking be you should make it clear trump he's a fucking fat idiot scoundrel i think he's a fascist but but he's the american president and that does count for something

right because that's still that's still important because america is the most important country um that's born here you don't like make some fucking gay people get too fucking wired until like he's like oh we have to build a rationale for it no he's a fucking he's born in america if he just not serve American interests, if the Pope does not serve American interests, he's a traitor to America. Does that mean the real Pope was it? Yes, it does.

It means they're all traitors of their countries. And those countries want to fucking not do shit about it as they tend to not do shit about anything. That's their business. But we're Americans. And when people betray us, we put them in jail. So the Pope, I'm just saying I'm a Catholic. So, you know, take that.

I was an older boy. if the Pope does not want to fucking get down with, you know, securing America as the first among equals, at least, in the Catholic world, he's a bit of a traitor. He needs to be put in jail. Is that contraver?

I don't care of it's controversial. I'm a controversial guy, all right? I have controversial views. It's the summer of, it's the summer of American Catholicism. Now, are we technically not a big, you know, we're not a big Catholic country? We have a lot of Catholics, but you know, we're technically more Protestant, right?

Episcopal, Baptist, or whatever. I would just, as a Pope said, look, get on board, shut up. We got big organization here. We're all Christians. Let's unify. Who care? Oh, you guys don't want, you guys don't want to not eat meat on Fridays? Eat a fish filet and get on board.

All right? It's like the mafia. What you want to be like, you want a tiny little, bunch of tiny little mafia families? We want a big one. And we're all fucking getting paid. I'm just saying, I don't know what this Hemming and Hong is as the Pope. It seems crazy to me.

Seems crazy. Excuse me one second. I think the Pope should technically, you know, elect the American president. I mean, he'll do it officially based on our votes. But I do think it would look good. If we, you know,

we're getting to a point where every fucking president is getting like, oh, you know, did Russia do, did Russia help you? It's trying to get you elected, but Israel, blah, blah, blah. And it's just, none of it matters. Like, everything's fake. Everything's bullshit.

It's worse than it's ever been, sure. But like, just powers power at the end of the day. So we need a rubber stamp. We need to go back to the age of rubber stamps. So you get the Catholic Pope. There's rubber stamp wherever it is. God, you know, whatever happens, you used to have the Pope there to go,

God did this. God made this happen. Shut your pig mouth. I think it's nice right I think it's nice Scott Galloway says skills like computer signs and Mandarin are no longer relevant

here's what kids need instead I'm Scott Galloway shuts his fucking mouth he's that guy from that stupid podcast for Kara Swisher I don't care what he says this guy's a piece of shit someone told me to watch his podcast

you might not even know who he is that's good but I heard it on it was just an annoying scumbag I ever heard my life with the AI boom honestly MSN this I don't usually prep my show by fucking reading this MSN these things caught my eye as I was like you know starting to record but these are all just bullshit articles I'm I'm just gonna tune out of them no more no more of this bullshit but he ma'am's you know it's

all right I wouldn't necessarily recommend it it's fine but it's true you know what's going on the reflecting pool it does seem like some people may i mean look are people actually tearing apart you know chunks of the reflective pool maybe um that should be i i don't know why you don't have guards there we did we talk about this for days now are they doing it or not do you have security i mean what was wrong with this fucking thing in the first place just pour some pour some bleach in the goddamn water. No one should be in there. You know, it's dumb Forrest Gump when fucking running through the reflective pool

in, uh, in Forrest Gump. And like, he should have been shot for that. I don't care that he was, he was an American veteran at that point. You know, I think he would Jenny and him were fucking running in the pool. Because that pool was made for heroes. And I'm gonna have a sniper. Literally sitting on Lincoln's head in the Lincoln

Memorial. And he was shot Forrest Gump. Half that movie wouldn't exist. Just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying we don't need this. It's all very, it's a wild time. Now, what is the summer mean to you? What is the summer mean to all? I mean, I have barbecue, right? We moved recently.

We bought barbecue last summer. It's just, it's, you need a gasoline barbecue. This whole thing, if you're going to have, like, it's no good having an apartment with these fucking brick cats. I tried this shit. You fucking, you get the stupid, um, what do they call it?

The, the urn, it's a big, big piece of metal that you throw the briquettes into and you, and you heat them up with a, like a piece of lighter, uh, you know,

stir a lighter. And like, you get the briquettes hot and then you pour them into the, into the thing. It's too much smoke for a balcony in the city, right? You just need a get, you need one of these gasoline, propane, fucking barbecues.

Uh, if you're out in the middle of a, field sure start a fire pit that we all need to move in the country the city shit is for the birds although you know i mean i'm enjoying myself you know all sorts of greek foods you know that's what that's what life is about different types of fetish cheese is that is that what i've been missing no but you know we need to you know go out in the woods uh go out in the water start a barbecue we should all start like a fucking barbecue meats club

where we it's not look burgers are great um hot dogs are fun and you know and but we should all challenge each other I don't mean like fucking Texas barbecue I mean just like hey why don't you barbecue a kabasa this week

you should you should you should have to change your fucking meat every week do a steak do a do a do it's some snake I've never eaten snake I would try it I'm sure it's good that's like honestly the sun on your back the smell of fucking

you know fire smoking meat I don't mean like a smoker but smokers are good I mean like but the smell of smoke coming off a grill that's that's what tethers you the reality all right the pope can control what he wants to and and Trump can fucking

you know accuse he's probably he's gonna be putting people in jail stay away from the refa That's my that's my advice because I whether or not he's whether or not anyone that actually sabotaged it This guy he had who like built it does seem shady Seems like a duck right you got this weird guy who like what they do they painted the bottom of the fucking Seabed I don't even know they painted it blue and now it's leaking into the fucking water supply It seems crazy they're gonna start putting people in jail for this shit.

shit and even if they didn't do it even if it's you know they're gonna find reasons to put you in stay away from dc this summer stay away from cities this summer don't we you're gonna you know you know disney world for what let's all fuck why don't you go go out in the woods make a fucking tent make a shelter like i did that year i cut my thumb open and my thumb was just fucking bleeding out right for a fucking you know and i was going crazy. I told you the story. I cut my thumb open, making a fucking shelter for emergency preparedness

marriage. The wilderness survival marriage, like camp. I was cutting open a garbage bag. And, you know, it just, whatever. I'm not going to tell the story over and over and over again. How I cut my thumb open, but 19 stitches.

But, you know, I still feel like, you know, I still remember pride because I built the shelter. I built it. I tried to. I endeavor to survive in the wilderness. So, you know, look, say la Vie, I guess, you'd say. Just get out there and fucking enjoy yourself.

World Cup is big. I love this World Cup. I was at a bar watching World Cup. And, you know, I ran. Did they win? I think I ran one. It was tied with Norway. or some bullshit.

I don't know. I can't get into it. I mean, I enjoy watching it. I sort of fucking messy. Get a hat trick for the first time. It doesn't have the same sting as Joe DiMaggio, does it? But not much does. Not much does.

Maybe this summer we should all venture to learn like a art. Here's what you did in camp. We had arts and crafts. And I used to make baskets in arts and fucking camp. That's what I'm going to do next week. I'm gonna try and do it I'm gonna try to go to Michaels that store that sells all that shit

the pains and stuff and I'm gonna try and get basket weaving stuff and I'm gonna do a nice basket I'm gonna make my own basket you get reeds if I remember correctly you get reeds you wet them and then you weave them in and out

of like another of a kind of of a core right or you put reeds out a certain I don't know and you weave them together and you make a kind of weird

little baskety things like they have Americans would what that's maybe what we're missing arts and crafts learn to sew learn to make a sausage learn to make a fucking pickle why don't you make your own pickles

I made quick pickles a couple years ago they came out on not bad but make your own full on pickles it's a we need to get back to nature the art you know to enjoying the fruits of our bounty one of America's first and best monster movies just got the upgrade it deserves what is the beast shall rain over the earth what is this

a little girl wanders out of the New Mexico desert mute with shock her face frozen in absolute terror that's the opening of the most iconic sci-fi film in the 50s them which team of local police officers and scientists discovered that a rampage and colony of ants mutated to the size of elephants by atomic testing is on the march to los angeles i'm gonna watch this we'll see i mean i i just kind of happened upon this but it could be a nice thing right it could be a fucking a nice uh that's a scary look at that thing oh this is this is a scary fucking thing goddamn ant

if you were face to face with an ant like that and the aunt was sentient and said hey I want you to betray your country are you down you ready what would you do think about this it's one thing to be like oh I'll let you torture me right

I'll let you waterboard me I'll let you fucking throw asses on me look how crazy that ant looks would you let that ant torture you would you let that ant be a piece of shit to you treat you like shit it's fucking dangerous it's fucking

fur it's fucking hair I mean there's nothing worse than ant hair the hair of a bug we need to get out there more we need to get out into a fucking a mode of uh

we take a country back from these animals I love my cat but I mean if I got if some aunt tried to grab me and like milk me and fucking like fist me you know

it would be terrifying. I'd fucking, you know, I'd be, I'd be, I'd be horrified. It'd be terrified. But also, I mean, it'd be a little erotic, I guess. I mean, imagine if an amp, like, fucking put you, I mean, so I saw the fucking butterfly effect, by the way. That's what I blend on this. Lucy recommended the butterfly effect to me.

Have you ever seen this butterfly effect? I'm like, no, I, it came up in, I think on Jeopardy also. The actual butter, maybe the actual butterfly effect. If you haven't seen it, there's zero butterfly effects in the Ascent Cutter film, The Butterfly Effect. It's basically about this kid who has memory problems. His dad's in a mental institution, and he has memory. He just kind of blacks out.

And he blacks out at one point and goes to his friend's house. And he's in the middle of like a child porn movie that Eric Stoltz is making. And then like that happens. and then like they also do some traumatic stuff they they use a firecracker and like and and and i don't spoil it but you know someone gets hurt someone very young and uh other shit and then like so but he basically just like if he reads his journals he's able to go back in time and like imagine like wow what if i stopped the guy from doing the child porn movie that was in and like and then like they things change, but it's not like a bunch of things change. It's a ripple effect. It's just, yeah,

the obvious thing that would be different is different. No one ever told it. Ashton Couture is a terrible actor. I mean, I know he wrote like a fucking letter trying to get his friend who got convicted of like rape or whatever, uh, less prison time. But yeah, I guess he's just a good friend. But I'm not going to, I'm not going to shit on them for that per se necessarily. It might be, it might not be the best thing. And me, a cootness. But he was in that Steve Jobs movie and he looked like Steve Jobs. He sounded like Steve Jobs, much more than Michael FastBender did, and he was fucking terrible. He has no, he has no fucking soul. And he was terrible in this fucking, you know, butterfly effect movie. I don't know. I'll make a real butterfly effect movie where it's like, you know,

I become the Pope and then all of a sudden, um, ants run the world. That's the, and the mystery is how does it happen, right? That's what you want from a butterfly. movie how does right come becoming the pope and convincing france to give him a nuclear bomb lead to ants i guess because the ants i guess the end they just think all these movies are like oh the atomic bomb makes everything bigger but in reality it just makes people dead or have cancer it makes cancer tumor's bigger it doesn't tend to make your body bigger unless your body's made of one big tumor but you know we live and we learn uh yeah it was a fun it's a look it's been a fun opening the summer it's a nice salvo and uh you know just just try to just try to do one thing a week

an arts and craft cook a new sausage make your own sauce like do something that way at the end of the summer you can feel like it did something this is my advice i'm gonna try and do it we're all to keep summer journals. Go get that marble notebook and start keeping track of what you do this. You still have time. Tomorrow is the beginning of summer. It hasn't happened yet. We still have time. Don't waste it. All you have left is arbitrary timelines, right? That's all we have left to rely on. So just keep track. And then in a few months' time, you go, hey, so my money has my money has no value and the economy's on the brink and more is on on the rise i've been drafted and i'm in china and i'm in afghanistan and i'm fighting virtual wars across five timelines but i learn how to

weave a basket it's not all bad right you just make lemonade out of lemons thanks so much for tuning in enjoying enjoy enjoy enjoy your weekend