Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #113 Gabrielle Reese

Episode Date: October 4, 2019

Gabrielle Reece is an American professional volleyball player, sports announcer, fashion model, actress and author.We dive into her story, parenting and the work she and her husband Laird Hamilton do with XPT Life.    Connect with Gabrielle| Website: https://www.gabriellereece.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/OfficialGabbyReece Twitter: https://twitter.com/gabbyreece Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gabbyreece/?hl=en YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/c/gabbyreece XPT Life: https://www.xptlife.com   Show Notes| Joe Rogan Experience #1277 - Gabrielle Reece:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTHahHrdaZw   Show Sponsors| Butcher Box www.butcherbox.com/kyle $20 off your first box (Limited Time offer) Plus two pounds of grass fed beef for the life of your subscription    Waayb CBD www.waayb.com (Get 10% off using code word Kyle at checkout)   Alpha Brain Golden Ticket Sweepstakes https://bit.ly/2m01mQ0 Get 10% off all foods and supplements at Onnit by going to https://www.onnit.com/kyle/   Connect with Kyle Kingsbury on: Twitter | https://bit.ly/2DrhtKn Instagram | https://bit.ly/2DxeDrk Get 10% off at Onnit by going to https://www.onnit.com/podcast/ Subscribe to Kyle Kingsbury Podcast iTunes | https://apple.co/2P0GEJu Stitcher | https://bit.ly/2DzUSyp Spotify | https://spoti.fi/2ybfVTY    

Today's guest is a very special woman, somebody that I've grown incredibly fond of since I got to meet her a few years ago at an XPT event, Ms. Gabrielle Reese. Gabby and Laird are people that I've learned quite a bit from. I've been wanting to get her on the show for some time now. She was excellent on Joe Rogan's. We'll link to that in the show notes if you want a longer form with her. We dive quite a bit into parenting on this episode. It's something that I obviously have a personal interest in understanding because her daughters are all at different ages and they're kind of getting to the point where it's a little sticky. It's a little tough. It's not easy and there is no roadmap. So we talk all things that are good in this podcast and I know you guys are going to dig this one. If you have questions for us, hit us up on the gram.

I'll be sure to answer any and all. Just write them on a post. Don't DM me. And then support the show. There's a few ways you can support the show. One, click subscribe. That way you never miss an episode. We're cranking them out twice a week now, Mondays and Fridays. And we've got a lot of good guests coming up.

Also, leave us a five-star review. If you listened to the last Q&A, you'll remember the fact that I told you we're going to do a grand prize winner for one of those reviews. And I'm selecting this based on the words that you'll remember the fact that I told you we're going to do a grand prize winner for one of those reviews. And I'm selecting this based on the words that you write about the show. I would like it to be prefaced with one or two ways the show has helped you out in life and the shit that you've learned from the show. That would be really helpful. And then I'm going to read that one when I select on Halloween, one winner who will get a 30 minute zoom call with me where I'll answer any and all questions for you via zoom. So get them in as much as you can. That helps the show grow. And then also

support our sponsors. These guys make the show possible. I'm always out on the road filming this stuff and they help quite a bit with the cost of the show. Today's sponsors are Vital Farms. Vital Farms is right down the street from Onnit. And we've been serving Vital Farms hard-boiled eggs and butter in the Onnit Cafe for years. It's products that I've been taking on a regular basis. I always buy their eggs at Whole Foods and Sprouts. They're just a great company. They've got the highest-end eggs and butter, but now they've got something else. Vital Farms ghee is a clean and versatile butter oil for every culinary need. It's made by cooking down butter to remove the water and milk solids, clarifying, I guess it's called clarified butter, which means it's lactose and casein free. So if you've had any issues with butter in the past, say you have a real dairy

issue, ghee is probably the cleanest, safest form of that. And this is awesome. It's got a high smoke point, so it doesn't burn or chemically alter at high heats, making it great for frying and sauteing. You can throw it on anything. I throw it on my ribeye when I finish it off and it's the perfect add-on to a steak. It's great if you're in ketosis, it's great if you're carnivore and it's great if you're not

and you just want to have other really high-end fats. Vital Farms Pasture Raising ensures its four-legged ladies are free to roam and forage open pastures on the American family farms they call home. This makes for contented cows, better butter, and now greater ghee. Look for Vital Farms ghee in a squeeze bottle exclusively at Whole Foods Market in original and Himalayan pink salt and visit vitalfarms.com slash ghee. That's vitalfarms.com slash G-H-E-E for a chance to win Onnit products and a year's

supply of Vital Farms ghee for free. So buy it from their fucking website. If you don't remember to buy it from their website, get it at Whole Foods along with your other good Vital Farms eggs. These guys are the best. Hope you enjoy their product the way that I do. Also, we've got my dudes, Wave. I searched high and low for the very best CBD product. I finally found it. It tastes phenomenal. And even though I enjoy cannabis and I enjoy the taste and smell of cannabis, one of the beautiful things about their product is that it's a full spectrum CBD. That means you get all the cannabinoids, got CBN, CBG, as well as CBD under 0.3% THC. So it's non-psychoactive. You don't have to worry about popping positive

on a drug test. It's incredible stuff. And it tastes phenomenal. You do not taste cannabis in it. My son has taken it. My wife takes it. I take it. I have one full dropper in the morning with my coffee to help balance me out. And I have two or three at night to help me sleep. CBD has been shown to help with inflammation, anxiety,

sleep, and all sorts of myriad of benefits. It is awesome. It's not the holy grail like you might read on lines. I know there's a lot of pushback around that stuff, but I will tell you it is a must-have in your arsenal of supplements. So if you go to wabe.com slash Kyle, that's W-A-A-Y-B.com slash Kyle,

you'll get 10% off any and all products. They've got creams, they've got oils, they've got pills, you name it, they got it all. Check it out at wabe.com slash Kyle for 10% off. And as always, onit.com slash Kyle for 10% off. And as always on it.com slash Kyle for 10% off all supplements and food products. Again, we're running this fucking alpha brain sweepstakes golden ticket Willy Wonka jazz up until January something. I mean, we're, we're doing this for a while. The grand prize for that is two fucking tickets,

round trip airfare, and a stay at the Onnit house to Austin, Texas. You're going to get to train with me and Aubrey Marcus at the Onnit HQ. You'll get pampered. You'll have the nightlife. You'll do the whole damn thing in Austin with us if you win the grand prize. But guess what? Everyone's a winner. You can win all sorts of shit. Just check it out at Onnit.com slash Kyle and buy a 30 count or 90 count bottle of AlphaBrain to enter and get 10% off as well. Onnit.com slash Kyle and get a 30 count or 90 count bottle of AlphaBrain. I hope you guys enjoy this show with Gabby Reese. She is just a phenomenal, phenomenal human being.

Hit me up with any questions you have on Instagram or Twitter, and I'll be sure to get back to you. Enjoy the show and thank you. Perfecto. We're here in Gabby and Laird's house. Finally. You look healthier than ever. I feel healthier than ever, other than Montezuma's revenge. I know, but that's even somehow working for you. Forced cleanse. I still have a good glow.

No, you do. I was thinking that when you walked up, I was like, because sometimes when people train, especially it feels more at times men, it's like this idea of like, I'm going to get bigger and bigger and bigger. And you've done all that. And then, you know, with your, with your career and everything. And then I was like, I wonder if you feel different, better, is it unusual? Like, because you have sort of changed your physique and gotten, you know, a little more compact, leaner. It's probably a lot less to carry around, nicer on the joints, things like that. But I wondered like as a guy and as a big guy, what that was like. And I'm not trying to interview you, but when you walked

up, I was like, I was like, how's Kyle right now? Like just, you know, that that's a different kind of transformation. No doubt. I think, well, that came to me actually in a mushroom ceremony to soften myself. Interesting. And not like turn into a fat slob who sat around all day, but just the concept that if I'm physically tight, then I'm emotionally and mentally tight as well. So if I'm really stiff from powerlifting and jujitsu, my world becomes that. I see the world through that lens of everything stiff and tight and I'm less flowy. I'm more like an oak instead of a willow. And it's, you know, I like people always talk about balance and homeostasis and trying to find that in life. And it's like, I do like to explore the outer edges and extremes of certain things.

That's why I ran a 55K at 238 pounds. I also loved powerlifting and really seeing what's a happy medium between me being bigger than I normally should be, but still not just going for pure size. And I think when I did XPT, I realized, among other things, like, all right, I probably should scale back a little bit because I have a much better balance at 220 pounds. Right. You know, and that's where I'm at now.

You know, when they talk about like, oh, masculinity, sometimes size is this weird representation of like, I'm more masculine, but in ways like the notion of real masculinity is like, obviously, first of all, you as the person. But then this idea like maybe you're even more highly functional, which maybe if we were in a time of stuff was going on, you'd have to be that diverse. And that would really be masculine. Yeah. Kelly Sturette talks about that. Like if you, you could be an expert in one thing, but if you haven't covered all the basis, you're a liability in some of these other areas. Right. So like I, Greenfield put me through a workout at his house.

Were you naked? I'm just kidding. Almost. But we were doing, it was like a basic warmup for him, but we were hitting like 30 pushups and sit-ups and it was a good flow. And I mean, 30 pushups fried me and I was like, oh, that's what 30 pushups at 235 pounds feels like. Whereas if I'm like 215, 220, yeah, I'll keep up with them. No problem. But now it's a liability. Now I'm huffing and puffing through this warmup. Yeah. And I think that's where fitness, that idea of fitness for me is moving closer to that definition. Laird and I talk about this a lot. Laird sometimes will come in and let's say the pool is full of giant guys that definition. Laird and I talk about this a lot. Like Laird sometimes will come in and let's say the pool is full of giant guys that day.

And sometimes Laird comes in, he's like, I mean, like, do I need to be banging more iron? And I'm like, I don't know. Would that help you do what you need to do better? And of course it wouldn't. And I think it's for that definition of wellness and health and all this stuff. It's like, you guys are really, for me,

like when I see you, I think that's a really good representation because everyone knows you're a badass and everyone knows you've been giant. And the fact that you choose to explore the other stuff, I think is really, I think, especially for men, it's probably really good to see. So they're not afraid. Yeah. What is that? Paul says that, and you were great on Paul's podcast, by the way, Paul Cech. Oh, yeah. I love Paul Cech. Yeah.

Like anytime you do something that maybe goes against the grain of what everyone else is into, you just give everyone else permission. That's it. Like, this is it. Like, it's okay to do that. You know, and I really am attracted to people that do that and kind of push the bar on how we view the world. When your bigness and toughness gives you a different

opportunity to say that to other guys too. Yeah. You know, if you were naturally maybe a smaller guy and you didn't have that career, they'd be like, oh, what do you know? But it's sort of pretty, I think, intuitive to go, well, obviously he has done that. So anyway, I just wanted to say, because I've seen you over the years and it's pretty cool. Hell yeah. Yeah. Well, this is a great way to start. I want to jump into your background because it is awesome. And I know you've talked about this on other podcasts, but for my listeners, I'd love to hear about how

you grew up, which is super interesting. And what got you in athletics and even how you view your view have viewed yourself as an athlete. I find pretty fascinating. Oh, the non-athlete athlete. Yeah. That just blows me away. Really? Yeah. You're one of the greatest of all time. No, I I'm okay. Well, okay. So I think that's always funny. Um, well, I grew up, I lived, I lived away from both of my parents from the age of two to seven. Um mother was training dolphins in the circus and my dad, they just weren't together. And then in that time, my dad passed away when I was quite young, when I was five. And then when I was seven, I moved back in with my mom, who, by the way, is like six,

two and a half or was six, two and a half. Maybe a little gravity has taken effect. But I grew up then in the Virgin Islands, which was really, I think, an important part of my development. My biological father and that whole side of my family is from Trinidad. So that was really good for me in a lot of ways to connect to a version of his culture and my family's culture. And I think to grow up on an island can be, it's a really interesting, like there's a sweet spot. Like it's so good and grounding and your values. And if you stay too long, it can be pretty, it can be a little tricky to expand your life. And so I got moved out of there when I was 15

and moved to Florida. And that's really when I fell into organized sports. When I, when I lived in St. Thomas, I dabbled in volleyball because I was very tall, you know. And so when I moved to Florida at 6'3", at 15, they were like, you're going to play volleyball and basketball. And I was in 11th grade and everyone expects you to be good and you're not. And that was sort of interesting. And then I got offers to play in college and thought, oh, that's really weird.

Like I never even thought about going to college. Growing up in the Caribbean, you're like, I'll probably get a job at a gift shop. You know, only a few kids that come from better families think they're going to go to college or someone really smart. And I ended up going to Florida State and simultaneously started modeling because I was, you know, kind of paying my bills.

I was on scholarship, but I was there to take care of myself. And so after my second year, I gave up my scholarship and paid to play because NCAA, it was just getting kind of funky. And so I paid to play. And after college, I had a really good, solid college career and went and moved to Miami because I didn't want to live in New York and work in that environment. And then I picked up the beach game. So at 20-ish, 21-ish, I started playing beach volleyball. And then after about a year, maybe a little more, a player there said, you know, you should move to California and try to be professional. And I was like, oh, okay. And I made my way to California and then ended up

having a professional career. And so for me, I've always fell into the sport, but my ability to work really hard and also to, I'm a weirdly sort of disobedient, obedient person. So if a coach will say to me, hey, do this, I will. It doesn't mean as a person I'm completely obedient and I do it the ways that everyone else does it. But I would say if I trusted and respected them, I will. And I could take information and turn it into movement. And also gave me a family. I think it really gave me the family I didn't feel like I had. And it gave me like every athlete to have purpose and to put in a hard day's work to know yourself that way, I think is so powerful. Um, even when it's uncomfortable,

I think those are the things I was really gravitating towards. I have friends that are intense champions, you know, they win, they'll, you know, all these things, what I needed and wanted from sport was, I think, a little different. Again, I was looking for that family, that pursuit of excellence felt like an honorable quest to me. And I just like working for goals, like the notion of being better each day for me is like, what are we doing? Like, that's the best thing. Like, could I be smarter? Could I be a little better at something? And that really drove me. And I did that for quite a long time, at least until in my early 30s. And because I feel like I'm a survivalist, like fear has

always been less now. I've tried to change that narrative. But because of that, I have to take care of myself. I also was always doing other things. Volleyball is an incredibly small platform. So I was doing TV and writing and exploring things that were a natural fit for my interests. And so when I transitioned out of volleyball and I did it earlier, it was so that I'd say, okay, could I have enough time to develop these other crafts and jobs and things so that I'd say, okay, could I have enough time to develop these other crafts and jobs and things so that I... What lives beyond the sport that you've been great at? Yeah, because I knew there was going to be a time. And I thought before that time came

knocking for me that I would transition and move and develop other skill sets so that I could navigate the next chapters coming. And I think that's really been an important thing for me personally. But if someone said, oh, you know, you always looked ahead. Yes, part of that was a habit and playing in a small sport. But also, I think that's an important skill is to be present, but also to look ahead and to anticipate, well, listen, this isn't going to last forever. And you want to be in it when you're in it, but also you want to be looking ahead at the terrain and say, what out there seems interesting or calls me? And what could I be doing now simultaneously to kind of cultivating that language or the

energy to attract that to me. So I think that that's a really important thing because a lot of times people, athletes especially, right, you get spit out of your sport. You're, oh, yeah, congratulations, you're the greatest. And then they do, now what? And so I was fortunate that I didn't get caught in that so much. And I met Laird at 25, so I met Laird in 1995. And so when you talk to me about what kind of athlete am I,

I already was insecure as an athlete because I was so late to the game and I felt like I was playing catch-up. I'm very tall, so sometimes you get caught and you see yourself and you go, wow, how's your lack of coordination? In other ways, I'm really coordinated, but in other ways, when you're honest with yourself, you're and you go, wow, how's your lack of coordination? In other ways, I'm really coordinated. But in other ways, when you're honest with yourself, you're like, oh, yeah, okay. You know, I'm not a gymnast. Let's just say that. And then you live with someone like him who is, you know, sort of beyond exceptional as an athlete and as a person who has a relationship

with discomfort and kind of has a pretty good balance of power, endurance, and flexibility. And so living with him, I'm like, oh man, I just, I wonder if I'm faking all of this, quite frankly. Yeah. There's been times where I've questioned things like that. You touched on a couple of really good points that I wanted question things like that you touched on a couple really good points that i wanted to i wanted to make sure that we touched on and i'll give them to you one at a time so these aren't super loaded questions but something that stuck out to me when you're talking to paul was your coachability you know like because you maybe weren't the most coordinated or you didn't you came into this sport late. You didn't have the necessary skill sets that other people did, but because you

were coachable, you were able to do anything they asked and you're willing to try it in a way and make it your own. How much has that affected your life and how have you seen that transition? I mean, you've worked with both of you guys have worked with so many great athletes here among other stars in their own field, right? Sure. I think that's, it's something that can be learned, you know, it's not, I mean, obviously there's people that just generally gravitate towards whatever coach says, I'm going to try. Um, that's,

that's a big one, right? So, okay. So that's, that's sort of two pronged. I think you have to be, have really high discernment from who you're taking information from. And I think you have to listen to your gut. And also, is your coach trying to help you and make you better and believe in you? Or are they trying to control you? And sometimes those maybe even live a little close together, right? Like if you have a coach of a lot of athletes, they have to keep a little bit of order. But within that, are they giving you the space

to explore it your way? Because your language is different than my language. And great coaches somehow have that capacity to go, okay, within this system, I'm going to honor you as the individual. So for me as an athlete, once I came to a place and my college coach, Cecile Renaud, I trusted her very much. Once I came to a place that I'm like, okay, they have

my best interest at heart and they actually know what they're talking about. Even when it's uncomfortable or I'm not sure why, I'm going to give it a try. And I think it's okay to ask questions. Not all the time, you know, not kind of, you know, paralysis by overanalysis. Like you have to let things unfold a little bit. But I think sometimes it's okay to have informed questions to get the answer. So when you're doing stuff, not only are you learning so that you could manage to get yourself in or out of the situation when you needed to without your coach, right? That's learning to be an athlete. Yeah, you understand the why behind it. Yeah. And then you're in that moment and you go, oh, I have a sense of what to do here. And that's also when you start to get the experience. So I think sometimes it is important

to ask why you're not just a blind, you know, what did Thoreau say? Like, you know, in the obedient, she'll be enslaved. I'm not talking about that. I'm just talking about saying this person's been doing this a really long time. They're trying to help me be my best. We have the same goal. And also they're willing. It's like when people come to the pool, it's like, it's taken me 12 years to know some of this stuff. I'm willing to give that to you in 30 seconds. Take it. Because it took us 12 years. And so for me, I was looking at it like that. Like this person has been doing this. They have information. Pay attention. And that's in everything. You want to talk about business, but also simultaneously, can you always stay in touch with your own feelings? Because then I think that's real success.

Because then your path, your journey, your game, whatever it is, will reflect you. And then that is the only way I believe that we can genuinely sort of be the tool and instrument or portal that we're meant to be. I think if we try to copy other people, if we try to compare, if we try to compete, it stunts sort of our path. So how do you simultaneously go, okay, I'm going to get the goods, but I'm also going to try to honor what feels good to me on how to do it. And so I think that for me, that was one of the big ones for sure. Hell yeah. Well, the next piece I want to talk on, and you mentioned family,

something that's really been cultivated here and with XBT and what you guys do in the backyard is community. And that's certainly the family you had in college and in sports. Talk about the importance of that. And we've seen this with the explosion of small box gyms. Logan Gelbrich is here. He was on the show yesterday. So badass that guy. His deuce's gym. You think of things like that. You think of CrossFit, you think of anything where you really have like a reason to be there outside of whatever the activity is. That sticks with you. How has that been something that you've chased over the years and made

manifest here in your own life now? Well, it's interesting. I've looked at that a lot. And I think first and foremost, Laird and I, because we're not that smart, somehow knew if we're going to actually keep going ourselves, we probably need to create an environment that is motivating and inspiring. And so I actually think it starts there. And then what you learn in that is I need to connect with people. Now, having said that, let's say there's people who come to my house. There could be 20 people that come in any day, right? Some of these people, this is actually the only place I connect with them at. We don't go to dinner. We don't go to lunch. We even probably live our lives philosophically really different. But within this moment, within this square, within this pool,

within this, behind this gate, we've all agreed that we're going to work hard and we're going to help each other work hard to be better. And for me, I think we live in a time in a life where I don't have to agree with everybody. I don't have to do it their way. They don't have to do it my way. But if we could spend and have that sort of brother and sisterhood and say, but we do agree on this. It is probably the only way to keep going. There's very few athletes that can say like, I'm going to go down there by myself and turn my music on and kick my own ass. There are a few and they're usually miserable. They just are. They're usually some, they're fighting some demon and devil you go, who are they grappling? You know what I mean? Kind of. But so I think it comes from that and the,

and the, and the up the feed to get, to get the best of someone else and to do your best to say, I'm going to give you my best. I'm going to honor that. I'm not going to come here. And even if I have something going on, even the way I'm going to express that is going to be still in information. It's not going to be in complaining. It's not going to be a downer. It's going to be like, hey, man, I'm going through a hard time. And so it's trying to figure that out. So really, like we have people come here all the time. They say, hey, thank you for opening your home. And I

go, yeah, but what you don't realize is you're leaving your energy here. You're putting that here in my house, which is a real gift to myself and my husband and my family. And so what people have to realize is it takes a little extra work. Not every day do I go like, oh, yay, everyone's here and it's 745. But the reward, the gains, it's like everything in life. It takes a little extra. You have to participate. You got to open the house. You have to clean up more. There's more people. It's just the way it is. And it's so well worth it.

And that's why for me at almost 50 years old and Laird at 55, why are we able to still have output at that level? Because we've created those environments with those people that help contribute to that output. It is so hard to show up for it each day. Yeah, definitely takes a lot. We'll have all the gratitude in the world for you guys. We're the lucky ones. That's the thing I always say is how fortunate are we

that we got to first be together and then have a life that enabled us to even do that. Oh, yeah. You touched on something that I think is such a big deal right now. We live in a society where everything is fucking polarized and we see the right and the left in politics just moving further and further and further away from one another. And even without politics or religion or everything that's always been a trigger for people because of social media, we don't... And Rogan talks about this too, like we've lost the language of nice. We've lost the ability to communicate with one another and just to hear each other out. And I think there's, the people that can do that really stand out.

They stick out like a sore thumb because it's not common where you would say, I may not agree with you on anything, but I'll let you into my home and we can have a great time together working towards a common goal, like finding the similarities and commonalities between us and forgetting all the rest because that shit doesn't matter. If we can get along on these things, let's center there and live in that space just for a moment. And then we can go our separate ways and live however we want to live. That's maybe not on the same page. So I want to segue into kids because obviously you've got three daughters. You guys are great parents. We have a little guy that just turned four.

I know, fair. And I think that's such an exciting thing to be able to show them that, to be the living example. And that's the best way we teach anyone is to live through example. But that example of you can get along with other people if you find commonality and similarities. Can you touch on that and maybe some of the other things that you're gifting to these bright young ladies? Well, first of all, and we'll get into parenting, but I think, you know, the notion of honoring everybody where they're at, you know, sort of having the thought that everyone really is doing the best that they can, whether you said, and connect on something, there's opportunity there to not only understand what they're thinking and feeling greater, but it also helps you crystallize your own thoughts and feelings. Like, why do I believe what I believe? And also being

open to, I could see it that way. I think it's really important. And you have to make a really diligent effort. I mean, that's the thing. As every year goes by, and especially if you've had anything work for you, it gets harder and harder to go, well, let me look at that and see if I could do it different. Because why would you? And so I think for both Laird and I, and Laird in different ways is actually better at this than I am, is staying open. Again, it goes back even to the thing we're talking about where I'm always going to trust myself because I have to start from that point. But that also gives me the stillness and the ability to really hear what you're saying because it doesn't threaten me. I'm not threatened. I don't have to agree. I don't

have to analyze. You know yourself. And something that you talked about with Paul Cech was you've done the work to not be identified with your ego or with whatever it is that you've accomplished or any of these things. And that kind of gives you the purview to trust what you have inside and who you are, but also to not be attached to ideas and beliefs and the way you've lived in the past. Right. Because it's all kind of smoke anyway, right? It's like, how much am I going to put on things that, first of all, don't even exist anymore? And I'm only here for a split second. And is it really, is it me? Is it really, am I sitting here? Are you really sitting here? Like, I don't know. And so if I, you know, to allow people, and there's days like guys come in and I'm like, this bugger, you know, like I'm not in love with this guy, but I still can be loving. I can still like, be like, I can give you that space

and send you only positivity. And actually what I started to do in the last year is the more people provoke me, I'm like, I need to send them love so I can liberate myself from this heavy feeling. Because I can be really intense about my opinions. Believe me, they come up automatically. And I'm like, wow. Like, it's pretty, it's not good. You know, like, I'm like, I'm so like, oh, this is good and bad and all these things that I like to put everything in their buckets.

And it's like, no, are you going to be beholden to those emotions or just send them love and realize like they are doing the best that they can. But here, when we agree that we're trying to care for ourselves and at least get the vessel dialed enough to help so that the brain can do, make better decisions and help the spirit, give a better house for the spirit to, to be more kind and less fearful. Um, I'm all for that. And so there's an exchange of information. There's like, you can look over and be like, wow, that guy's going hard today. I got to, I can go hard. And so it's all those exchanges that are so powerful and also realizing too, when someone pointed out to me, when someone's saying something, short of something really morally wrong, which do have to go back to yourself and say, what is going on with me that I am so triggered

by this person's opinion or their choice? If really it's not hurting anyone, it's just the way that they see it and the way they want to. And so I think that that has been a really sort of good reminder for me. It's like, I'm not going to walk around getting triggered by stuff.

And if I am, then I have an, I have an issue like with my kids, like my kids could say something to me. And if I have a real reaction, I'm like, Oh, Oh, because it's either close to something uncomfortable that I don't want to deal with, or it's something I'm insecure about, or it's something I think they might even be right. How about that idea? And so, you know, as far as the girls go and giving them information, I think, and I've said this many times, they don't actually really listen to you, right? They just watch you and they watch your example. And are you that same way throughout the day and in the car and behind closed doors and all of that. And it's to say to

them, I love you and I'm going to do the best I can. I'll try to apologize when I am wrong. I am not your friend. That's the other interesting thing. Like sometimes I have a role. I'll even talk about this like with one of the girls where she has a certain attribute and i think oh yeah but i'm the mom so i'm the one person who's really got to bring it up and everyone's like oh they'll figure it out and it's like i totally agree with you but i'm the mom yeah and so we can look at other people and their children be like oh that kid's gonna work that out but as the, you do have a different role. And so, and you have to, you sort of have to really do that role. And it's uncomfortable because you don't really know what you're doing. I mean, I've been a parent for almost 23 years,

and I don't know more. I just know more about what I don't know and also the surrendering. Like if you said to me one word in parenting besides consistency and like I said, the notion of I'm not trying to be my girl's friends is the level of surrendering that I've had to do as a parent has been so uncomfortable and so scary for me, especially given my own background. I think when we feel that we've had a real deficit that our parents didn't parent us, we overcompensate and we do all these things. And it's tricky. It's been really tricky and eye-opening for me to do that. Because in parenting, right, you think, well, I'll do all these right things and I'll avoid all these other things and they're going to turn out

this way. And then they're going to say, good job, mom. I love you. You did your job. And it doesn't really, I don't think it really happens that way. Yeah. I mean, there's no script, there's no playbook. And then I think we try to apply that to all things in life where we're like, I'm going to do it this way and I'm going to have all my ducks in a row. And this is what it looks like, the light at the end of the tunnel. And then we realize very quickly like, oh shit, each one of our kids is completely different. They're their own soul, they're their own personality, they see the world through their own lens. And it's not necessarily applicable. Like even among

teaching styles in school, you have to understand that they're going to learn in different ways. Right. And yeah. And that's, that's pretty remarkable. One thing I wanted to ask you was your, your oldest is a bit older than your younger two. Eight years. Yeah. Well, she's eight years before the next one. Well, Laird came with a four-month-old. Okay. So I wonder how has that been different from you? Because when you have a first child, and we're working on child number two, so this is a personal question here. Yeah, let's have it. How does it change?

Because a lot of people will say like, oh, yeah, I remember being helicopter mom around first kid. And then after that, I was like, fuck it. They can do whatever they want. How has that changed the parenting style from one to two and three? Well, I think the gap, you know, so Bella, my oldest who, you know, she's my daughter, technically she's my stepdaughter. Her mom is a great mom and we, we co-parented, you know, with her. And then came Reese, my first biological child. And you're right about the same time when Reese had just turned four.

A few months later, Brody was born, my third daughter. And so weirdly, Laird and I have been pretty relaxed parents as far as like the rough and tumble stuff. You know, like, oh, they're on a vehicle and they're driving really fast and they're okay, they fell. Like that part we've always, I think, been really relaxed. It's the volume of learning that increases with each child. And also for anyone who's a parent out there, if you have a kid that kind of kicks your ass in a real way,

they are the ones that are going to show you. Right? Bella was pretty cool and there was sort of an easiness. And Reese was really sweet and easy. And then she hit a pocket where she put us both on our backs. And so then I would say what happens is you realize certain things are going to be okay because you sort of have seen versions of it. You don't react and freak out quite so much. But also if you can take the lessons that you're learning from the one and go into it, when the next one gets to that phase, the way you can handle it and actually get through some of the uncomfortable stuff, you can get through it so much quicker. You know, I had a thing where sometimes I'm super literally minded. So if you tell me something, I'm so literal that I'm like, well, that must be how Kyle feels. And let's say you have a child who's going through a transition, like puberty, for example.

They say a lot of stuff. And so as a parent, what I would say is maybe don't take it all. Yeah, that's one of the four agreements. Don't take it personally. Well, you never take it personal. But even what they're saying doesn't mean that that's going to be how that they live their whole life. And so, for example, I have a woman I've talked with, and let's give you a scenario where I'm like, well, you know, she said she did this and this, and, you know, it's all these things that you don't want. And it was Byron Katie, and she said, you know, and that would make us special, wouldn't it?

So it's also understanding that as kids go through transitions and they're looking, it's weird, right? Like as I get older, I'm trying to unload my identity. But when kids come in through puberty, they have to create an identity. They do. And so within that, they try in a bunch of stuff. And as a parent, it's really scary. Because you go, is this who she's going to be now or he's going to be?

Is this what they really, this is how they're going to believe or this is how they're going to go into relationships? And it's not. And so if you ask me the difference from stage to stage to stage, it's just through each one you learn that surrender if you're willing and you want to make your life easier. You kind of go, oh, you're in that phase. Because older women will say that, oh, the phase is like, oh, they're not sleeping.

Oh, they're saying no to everything. Oh, they're, you know, it's like they're in that phase. I remember my mom saying no to everything oh they're you know it's like they're in that phase i remember my mom saying that to me all the time or saying that to my dad about me really yeah yeah it's just a phase rick she'd say that to my dad and i'd be like really fuck is a phase yeah they know she's smart that's probably is your mom like not have a head full of gray hair right now like is she doing pretty good? She's doing good. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? She's still with it for sure. You almost have to defend, protect yourself because you love your kids so much that to watch them go through all the phases sometimes, if you lean in too much to it, you'll drive yourself crazy. You will. You just will. And so it's like

you thinking this, I'm going to do the best I can. I'm going to be the best example I can. I'm going to try to love them the best that I can. I've talked about this a lot. I'm going to, you know, I quote Katie a lot because I learned a lot from her. She said the two best things you could do is make yourself happy so they know what it looks like and really listen to them. What does that mean? They tell you stuff, don't try to fix it. Don't try to rationalize it for them. Don't try to put it in a box. Nice and neat for them. Just listen. The best thing I ever learned to say was, wow, that must have been really hard. Was it really hard? It seemed to be for them. Is it really hard in the grand scheme of all of life and my life's experience? Maybe not. Wow, that must have been really hard. Oh, wow, I could see why you feel that way.

Those things have been really important for me as a literal listener. Because I could be like, well, why would you not? No, forget it. Let me fix this real quick. Don't fix anything. So uncomfortable. And then having that faith, that belief that your child with your love,

support, and positive boundaries, I'm not talking about freewheeling, yeehaw, they're going to find their way. And if you think you're going to control it, will it? You won't, because on the other side of that, if you do control it and the reins are so tight, then they're 18. And now they're going to move out of your house and go to college and try to navigate it. It's almost better that when they start at 11 or 12-ish, you say, okay, here we go. Some kids it's two years, some it's four, some it's, you know, it takes a little longer. And that belief. And Laird has said to me many times,

sometimes it's gotten heavy a couple times, I'll tell you. And he's like, oh my God, just make it to 25. And in a way, because we think, oh, they should be a doctor and they should be a professional and they should have this life. Screw it. Just survive. Just make it. And if they could find their voice and their own passion and their sense of self in that

interim, that'd be awesome. But some days it's like literally we've been there. Like just stay around. Because they go heavy. And these kids, what they grew up in and the fact that even like self-harm and suicide and all these things are really like become a real option when you get into that stuff and hopefully people don't have to then it gets real clear it'd be like going to war and being like you know my interior of my car is dirty it's like i'll fuck off you know what i'm saying like at a certain point when you really get down

into the teeth it's like okay it's all real clear right now. I'm not worried about that. Your clothes are on the floor. Like let's stay focused on what's important. And somehow if you can learn those lessons and take that in your day-to-day BS, it makes it more fluid. Yeah. You talked to me before the podcast about how hard it was to let Reese go and walk her own path. And it reminded me of a book called Iron John by Robert Bly. And I've talked a little bit about it on the podcast before. I think it's a great book for men. But it also applies to all people in general.

But our children grow in mom. They're attached to mom. And in the tribal setting, oftentimes when you had the coming of age ceremony or the rite of passage, what would happen? The kids would be taken from the parents, even the dad, and they'd be with all the elders, the aunties, the uncles, and they'd go through whatever ceremony they were going to go through, whether that involved plants or some type of physically harmful thing or rigorous activity. And it would be separate from the parents so they could find their own way.

It really reminded me of that. But I want you to touch on that story and how difficult it was for you because that really resonates with me. Well, so Reese, my middle daughter, who, you know, she's also, I'll add this in, she's also like a really nice kid. So you, it's sort of like easy to be around her, if that makes sense. Like I was not such a nice kid. So it was probably like, haha, bye, you know? And so she decided last year, Hey, I, I think, uh, she had gone through some stuff for a couple of years and she sort of looked at her own life

and said, I would like to, you know, pursue tennis and try to accelerate my growth and learning and all this. And so based on everything we had gone through, I realized as a parent, and this is where you sort of go, hey, I've got to do my job here, right? It can't be about it. Well, I feel, you know, that's not really being a parent. I was like, okay, so what is best for this kid will be for her actually to move out. And she lives a bit away, a drive away in a sort of a tennis house with a tennis family. Very loving, kind people. So I'm happy because she doesn't feel alone.

Because what she's doing is so difficult already. I mean, you're training every day. You're trying to learn. You're looking how much that you're trying to do. That can be daunting. I don't want her to be alone. So it was really attractive. They have got kids that play tennis. They're very kind people. But she moved out two years earlier than I sort of was mentally programmed or ready for that to happen. But again, we talked about being human and adapting and all of these things. Well, it's like, here's my opportunity to show if I'm resilient or if I'm able to pivot and

say, okay, let's look at where we are now. And it did feel sad because I felt like, oh, that type of dynamic with her got cut short, my mothering of her. But if I'm going to be her mother, then I have to say, well, what launching pad can we create for Reese to get to the good stuff? For Reese, by Reese, Reese's idea. And yeah, and it still makes me sad. Like she was here last night, you saw her today. But sometimes she's not here,

like for a week at a time or more. But I have to be reminded of what my job is. And that would be the good time to do it. So it's been really good. She's become, I don't know if you remember, I don't know when the last time you've seen her, but even in the last few months, she's more vibrant. I can tell she feels so good about herself and her path and the work she's doing. And I know it's hard and I know she's beat up and she's thriving. And between us, I could really care less if Reese

plays tennis in college or at all. But if this is going to provide her that platform to get her through this time of transition that can be very uncomfortable and also a little bit dangerous for certain types of people, great. Yeah, she can find herself. What happens after that or how far she goes doesn't really matter. It's inconsequential.

And that's really important. I think parents have to, we attach to so many definitions of like, well, my kid went to this school and then they have this job and this. Screw that. Like I have come to a place in my parenting where it's like, hey, listen, hard work, part of life. No way around it.

Okay. Telling the truth, important. What job you have and how much money you make and when I go to dinner and what school you went to, and I tell my friends, it doesn't really matter. If you can get a kid who can manage their own happiness or versions of that and also say, I feel like right now I have a purpose. The purpose is going to change, thank God. But right now I have a mission. I have a purpose. I have a sense of self.

I kind of am starting to get to know who I am, what I like. How about this? What makes me feel comfortable and uncomfortable? Who makes me feel comfortable and uncomfortable? If we could do that, I will feel good about that. And if you asked me when I gave birth, if I thought that way, probably not. I didn't understand. Yeah, there's no way to prep.

There really isn't. There just isn't. Every book, it doesn't matter because there's no one size fits all to anything in life. No, and you have to also stop, you kind of can't project your minutia, your crap, your childhood, your wants and needs on your child. And it is so very

tempting because they're this beautiful, clean template and the world it's, it's unlimited. And so we go like, oh, awesome. And then we put some of our stuff on their template. And then you realize like, oh yeah, I can't do that. And luckily for Laird and I, we have very strong children. And so they were like, you will not do that to us. And I was like, oh, really? Okay. And it wasn't quite that calm of a conversation either. It was like, it was like, oh, and by the way, zing, zing and another zing. And here you go. And by the way, you're not going to do that. So both Laird and I have, you know, Laird is, because he's in nature so much, I feel like his capacity to handle that spontaneously is better. And he's male.

And people can say whatever they want, male, female, we're all the same. No, actually, we're not. We are all equal. But we, for the most part, biologically are all very different. And as a mother, it's like, I wanted planning and plotting and look ahead and warning and all this stuff. And where Laird, and it's accentuated because he is in nature, is like, oh, okay, this is what we're doing. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. He's more sensitive than I am. And for him to not have his daughter in the house in a different way is harder than me. Because that's, he's the dad.

And you want to protect and keep him near and do all this stuff. And so it's been great. It could have killed us. And it did not. And it could have been harder on our relationship. And we managed to figure the ways to come together on this. And I remember we had one specific day, I remember it, July 2nd, exactly two years ago. And I was given some information that I literally went up into my bathroom and I had to look literally into my own eyeball and look into my eyeball and say,

you cannot fall apart right now. And because I knew it was like one of those moments and people can, you know, you can, you can have your real feelings and that's okay. But I feel like you often simultaneously have to go, okay, how am I going to want to be right now? Like this is the fucking worst thing ever. I don't want to deal with it because it's's like you can't just walk through things reacting. And so, you know, you don't want to have to deal with certain things. And then you say thank you because they're huge, huge, huge opportunities. Yeah.

I forget the Viktor Frankl quote, so I won't even try to butcher it, but I think it's like man's last choice or fucking right now. But he talks, it's about attitude. Like in any given situation, you choose your attitude, right? And we always have a decision to make. We always have a choice in any circumstance. And Eckhart Tolle talks about that, the three levels of acceptance. First is acceptance. Second is enjoyment, where we're pleased to be there. And then third is enthusiasm, where we're, literally translates to being in God.

I'm working on two and three all the time. I'm always like, okay, mercy. I accept it very quickly. I'm smart enough to be like, yeah, yeah. I think the last two are the ones I'm always like, all right. I get to two pretty good. Three, I don't know. I'm working on that. Well, and it's situational, right? Obviously, and I think he uses the example when you're in a storm and you have a blowout tire, you have a job to do. You could sit there and beat the wheel and

F this and F that, or you can just accept it, get out, change your tire, and get back on with life. That's just acceptance. That's your base layer. But there's different things. Obviously, I was somewhere between two and three in the pool workout just now because I love that and I miss that and I don't get to do it all the time. And that was my first time with my good friend Christian and it's his birthday today. So it was really cool to share that with him.

What's interesting for me is to have guys like you come here and, okay. Like this is what we're doing. Okay. When people can move through life like that, it's interesting what they're able to experience. Yeah. I think there's the ability to be more available for things at that point. Yeah. You know, and that just, that's kind of like going back to coachability.

You know, it's like there's a willingness. You still listen to yourself and know, like, obviously I've had, I've been shitting water for seven days. So I knew I couldn't do the full workout, but yeah, I'm going to get in the cold tub. I'm getting this on. I'll do a few rounds there and then I'll get in the pool and see what I can do. And it's always a pleasure being here. I know you have to run, so I don't want to keep it too long. I'm good. I'm totally good. I think for me, you know, listen,

I, I just want to tell you that I really appreciate you are a representation. And I started this, this talk saying this, you are, you are to a lot of people, a representation of, um, you know, sort of a hyper masculinity, if you will. And, and, um, and, you know, I even think like you guys have this weird, like little boys club and, you know, like Joe and all these guys, like super masculine, but like asking the questions and willing to sort of say, okay, I'll listen to your side. And even, you know, you and Natasha like coming together, like I feel like her influence on you feels very evident to me. No doubt. Yes. But this for me is a great example of like if you enter any relationship, a friendship and maybe even more importantly, a relationship with a partner is the representation of each person is person being better. You, what you see people, like when I see you two together,

each person becoming bigger and better in the dynamic, not smaller and worse. And so I just think that in this time, and by the way, right, if you, they talk about all the time, like the science on, it's never been a better time. Like if we could remind everybody, it's actually never been a better time, a safer time. Um, if, if people went into things that way, um, they'd be surprised. And it goes back to, does it take a little more effort? It does. But the, the reward you yield that hopefully is never the expectation is usually, is, is usually really big. And, and it reminded me of something recent.

I were talking yesterday and I, and I have to be reminded of this with technology. I'm always like, Oh, technology and social media and all these things that are, are pretty dangerous. You know, it's all an experiment still.

We don't really know yet. Lucky for you as a parent bears coming up that you're going to have a sense of it and how to manage it. Like we didn't know was like, Oh my God, that's ruining their happiness. Okay. The other side is for us also to keep looking at the younger group because we think they're not paying attention. They're distracted and they are a lot of those things. However, when I talk to her, it's like they care about the planet. They care about other things. And in a way they don't trust your young, but my group in a way they don't trust us. Right. Cause we wanted more and the planet and all these things.

So if I could say to people, um, to keep paying attention and, and listening to younger people and not just thinking that they are tuned out because they're on their devices, because maybe they're not, and maybe we can learn from them, you know, and exchange back and forth. But also to go back to the point with you is, and I felt this way a lot, love is the ultimate. Like if you really want to be a badass and you want to be a crusher and you want to be a tough guy or girl and whatever, then like you have to be like the most loving. And I think you're showing that. And I really appreciate that. Thank you,

Gabby. That's true. I mean it. Thank you so much. This has been excellent. Excuse me. I'm getting a tickle here. Where can people find you online? Obviously I want to talk about the things that you're into

now you guys are rolling out XPT in a lot of different places and getting coaches and satellite groups going and I think that's beautiful because how do you share what you've created with the world so I want you to touch on that will you train with Mark Roberts today who's one of our top two guys PJ and Mark are the guys who teach everybody. So we have certifications. The pool certifications

are really hard to get. They don't just give those out. No, those are hard. Like they're pretty hard to get because you have to really be responsible. And there's a breathing app. So XPTlife.com. And the whole thing around XPT is this. We always say, we hope what we're showing you now is different than what we would show you in a year because we only know what we know today. And hopefully we'll know more in a year's time. And it's not to be a moving target. I mean, getting to bed and being hydrated and certain things are always going to be important. But just the notion of each person within the movement says, well, I would like to be vegan or I eat animal protein or this makes me, I prefer to move this way and that way. It's

actually just trying to get people to sort of ask those questions of themselves and dedicate time to understanding that. And, you know, Laird always says there's only one first day, which is something I really appreciate. So it's the willingness to try new things like you were saying. And Laird always says there's only one first day, which is something I really appreciate. So it's the willingness to try new things, like you were saying. And so they can go to XPT Life and there's the breathing. And we always encourage people to have heat and ice kind of gatherings at their place. So if one person has room or can afford to have a sauna, people come and maybe they do the freezer or they just have a freezer. That's what I got in the garage.

Just have a freezer. Because this idea of just once in a while coming together, that's all. Just connect. And not being ooey-gooey about it, just get together and sort of check in with other people and feel like if I needed somebody, I'd have someone to talk to. And so for me, that's what XPT means. And they're doing very well with all their certs and things like that. And it was never our goal. It's just we were doing it so long.

And Jennifer, who basically runs XPT and has been my friend a really long time was like, you have to do this. And I was like, I really don't want to. Like, what are we going to show people? But it's really worked out and it gives back as much to Laird and I as it does to the people who participate because to watch people go through things

that are uncomfortable and they can do it and they didn't think they could do it, it's pretty freaking great. It's like, you know, like they're afraid of the ice and they get in, they breathe their way right through it. Because it's also, again, it goes back to, I'm reminded, oh yeah, I can live like that too. Because I don't wake up each day with 100% confidence. I'm questioning things all the time. I'm questioning myself. I'm questioning everything because I'm a human. For sure. I love it, Gabby.

Thank you so much for coming on the show. Yeah. And come again when Laird's here. Most definitely. I'm going to circle back. Okay. Hell yeah. Well, we'll be out in October.

So I look forward to coming by. Yeah, we'll set it up. Awesome. Okay. Thank you so much. And we'll link to everything in the show notes. Yeah. Promotion. People find you if they want to find you right. We'll make it up. Awesome. Okay. Thank you so much. And we'll link to everything in the show notes. Yeah. I, you know, promotion people find you if they want to find you, right? We'll make it easy.

Thank you, Gabby. Thank you. Thank you guys for tuning in this one with my lady, Gabby Reese. Just an incredible person. I'm going to be getting Laird Hamilton coming up, her hubby coming up here in October. So I'm super excited for that. I'll be back out at Malibu at their place, doing some training and getting some podcasts. So really looking forward to that one. You got questions. Hopefully I got answers. Hit me up on the gram with your questions.

And remember 10% off all supplements and food products at on it.com slash Kyle. Thank you guys for tuning in. I love y'all and we'll see you next week.