Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #116 Erick Godsey

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

On this weeks episode I'm joined by my good fiend and colleague Erick Godsey. We discuss Erick’s Fit For Service workshop teachings in Tulum, diving deep on habits, and dating in the year 2019. Strap in and get a notebook out for this one.    Connect with Erick: Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/erickgodsey/ Twitter | https://twitter.com/erickgodsey?lang=en The Myths That Make Us Podcast | https://apple.co/2JN4bNK   Show Notes| Fit For Service Mastermind | https://bit.ly/2O0yrIP The myth of Prometheus | https://bit.ly/2BNBfRM Carl Jung | https://bit.ly/2avuCEB Wim Hof | https://bit.ly/2s1GKqF Joe Dispenza | https://drjoedispenza.com/ Heart Math Institute | https://bit.ly/2K14IKT Spiderman Far From Home | https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6320628/     Show Sponsors|   Indochino Visit www.indochino.com Use codeword Kyle at checkout for 30%off your total purchase of $399 or more plus free shipping    Felix Gray Blue Blocker Sunglasses (Free Shipping/ 30 days risk-free, returns and exchanges) felixgrayglasses.com/kyle  https://bit.ly/2J0BhJA   Butcher Box www.butcherbox.com/kyle $20 off your first box (Limited Time offer) Plus two pounds of grass fed beef for the life of your subscription    Waayb CBD www.waayb.com (Get 10% off using code word Kyle at checkout)   Onnit  Get 10% off all foods and supplements at Onnit by going to https://www.onnit.com/kyle/   Connect with Kyle Kingsbury on: Website | https://www.kingsbu.com Twitter | https://bit.ly/2DrhtKn Instagram | https://bit.ly/2DxeDrk    Subscribe to the Kyle Kingsbury Podcast Itunes | https://apple.co/2P0GEJu Stitcher | https://bit.ly/2DzUSyp Spotify | https://spoti.fi/2ybfVTY IHeartRadio | https://ihr.fm/2Ib3HCg Google Play Music | https://bit.ly/2HPdhKY

Hello, friends. Today's guest is my boy, Eric Godsey. Eric's been on the show before. He's the host of The Myths That Make Us, and he's one of the other four coaches alongside Caitlin and Aubrey Marcus and myself that is a part of Fit for Service. And a lot of today is around what Eric taught in Tulum at the Quarter 2 Summit, which is a fantastic workshop that I got to sit in on because I really wasn't doing shit. So I was like, let me take one of these classes. So I sat amongst the group and I listened to Eric. Eric is huge on journaling and getting down to everything that's going on inside with our inner workings. He is a psychologist, studied a great deal of Carl Jung, and obviously has a shit ton to share

with you. So I'm really excited for this one. We go pretty deep. And I think this is going to be one that you're going to want a notepad and pen for. If not, just re-listen to it when you do have the notepad and pen, because there's a lot of detail that we get into in here. I know you guys are going to dig this one. There's a lot of ways you can support this podcast. Click subscribe, leave us a five-star rating. If you do leave us a five-star rating, write some ways leave us a five-star rating, write some ways that this show has impacted your life and how it's changed you personally for the better. If I like yours the most and I select it, I will select on October 31st one winner to receive a free 30-minute Zoom call with yours truly to answer any and all questions you might have for

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get an additional $20 off their first box. This is a limited time offer, so act now. For two pounds of 100% grass-fed beef, free in every box for the life of your subscription, plus $20 off your first box, go to butcherbox.com slash Kingsbury or enter the promo code Kingsbury at checkout. Thank you guys for tuning into this one, and I really appreciate your feedback, so hit me up on the gram at Kingsboo. Hit me up on my website, kingsboo.com and enjoy the show. Here we go. The return of Eric Godsey. Thank you for having me back on, man. Fuck yeah, brother. We got to make this a more regular deal. I am here. Amazing. All right. So yeah, our desks are literally like five yards away from each other. And you're always standing. So it's very easy to see you

and to talk to you. I am taller than the desks. Exactly. Our cubicles, at least. There we go. So we were just in Tulum. I want to break some of this down. I don't think I've talked about it before on this podcast. Obviously, Aubrey has. Aubrey Marcus put together a mastermind group known as Fit for Service. And this isn't a huge ad for Fit for Service. This is just me. We're going to talk about what we're doing here. And we're also going to give people some take-home stuff, some homework you can do, action items that Eric was teaching at the last Fit for Service meetup. So I guess the basic synopsis to this, and I'll have you fill in anything I leave out, is people have signed up through AubreyMarcus.com to be a part of this. There's an application process. We take people that we feel are ready and obviously those

that can afford it. And from there, we have quarterly meetups. Each quarter this year has a theme to it. So the first quarter was fitness, physically fit, second quarter, mental, third quarter, emotional, which we're in right now, fourth quarter, spiritual. And there are weekly challenges and a number of other things, including weekly Instagram lives that we do to answer any and all questions. And you and I are frequently on the mics together handling those. It's gone really well thus far. Absolutely. And we finished, you know, I kind of carried the torch in the first quarter doing the physical stuff. We had our summit here in Austin. And then our last quarter was the mental and that's your fucking wheelhouse. For sure. And you fucking crushed it. It was absolutely amazing.

Just watching you work, you know, like seeing that unfold. And it's curious to me too, because you're a young man, you know, by comparison. So to have that kind of wisdom, it's one thing to see a 27 year old or 28 year old that's ripped. It's another thing to see one who's got a good head on their shoulders. Cause I certainly didn't when I was that age. Yeah. But you, you know, I get to sit in this last quarter in Tulum because I really didn't have much to coach. So it was just, let me walk around, be a fly on the wall and see what everybody's experiencing here. So each one of the coaches, I got to sit in much to coach. So it was just, let me walk around, be a fly on the wall and see what everybody's experiencing here. So each one of the coaches,

I got to sit in on their presentation. You guys were doing workshops. So let's dive into your workshop in Tulum. Cool. Yeah, so the idea of what I tried to bring to the Tulum workshop was essentially what my primary tool is that I use to calibrate my mind. And essentially it's this internal dialogue with what the Greeks called your daemon. And I think daemon is the word that

was eventually bastardized and called demon because the church didn't want you talking to something outside of the priest to talk to God. But there was this idea in ancient Greece that everyone had what was called a daemon. And the daemon was this little voice inside of you that was guiding you towards your destiny or your, of your individual growth. And I think when I look at psychology, so my background, I have a bachelor's of science in cognitive psychology, and I was going I have a bachelor's of science in cognitive psychology, and I was going to go get a degree in clinical psychology and get a PhD after I graduated. But I thought for a couple of years, like, how can I help the most people? Is it to get a PhD and to sit in a room and maybe work with 20 people over the course of a year?

Or is it to learn how to run a business and to teach all the psychology through the business. And I chose option B and that's what brought me here. And what I have found from reading all the psychology that I've read is probably the most fundamental thing a healer or a therapist can do for the client is to help that client connect to that internal guiding force that the Greeks called the daemon, other cultures called the soul or the higher self, but they're all words for what I think the same thing is. And what I tried to bring to the workshop about how to help people connect to that thing is essentially, this is actually something that you and I talked on the first podcast, but there seems to be a moment in a young person's life where the ego gets completely exhausted or destroyed by some obstacle. And when the ego is at the brink of giving up, and for a lot of times, this is a true contemplation of

suicide. My first encounter with this voice actually was when I thought about killing myself and I can tell that story. And I know that yours is too. And so there's this moment where the ego is about to give up and then this voice comes in and this voice doesn't feel like you. And it basically gives you some type of information that fundamentally alters the way that you approach the world. And then from that point on, I see that as step one. That's like the first call to adventure. Like, whoa, there's something else going on. And then the step after that is where the workshop gets really weird. And I bring my like Jungian and mythological obsession to this is I think that the ego is not the enemy. I think the ego is a wolf that you have to learn how to tame so it

hunts with you. I think a lot of people give away a lot of their power by viewing their ego as the enemy and they just don't feed it. And really then the ego sneaks in through the back door and will fuck up your life. We evolved to have an ego. It serves a function. And I believe that if you marry the ego with that voice, that thing that I call the daemon, if you merge those two things together, you get your potential. You get the person that you know you could become. If you had no ego, you would not aspire to be more.

So I think that there is this fundamental wedding that can happen between the ego and the daemon that produces this idea of your potential. And then I had people go through a visualization technique where they really imagined like their potential walking towards them, like the man or the woman they know they could be in 50 years. If they did everything they know they should, and they stopped doing everything they know they shouldn't. And then I had them imagine

this person walk up to them like right in front of their face and it's like you have the power to kill me by not doing the things you know you should do and you have the power to bring me into the world if you choose to take on the responsibility to do the things that you need to do to manifest me what is the sacrifice that you're willing to make in the next three months to bring me more into the world? And that was essentially the workshop. There was a lot of stories that I put in and some techniques I had people do to make people get weird, but that was kind of the overall frame. And it's such a badass thing. It's funny. You were the first one that I sat in on and you did that. And I was like, I actually don't have anything to do. So I'm actually

going to participate right now. So, you know, I don't write notes and I have to always tell people I'm not being a dick because I have my cell phone out. I'm not texting people. I'm just typing in my notes in the iPhone because that's the only way I can read my handwriting. So I write in the notes and I start to picture this best version of myself. And I kind of get that implanted in my mind. And then in another talk with Aubrey and Maya, they were using something similar where they talked about writing down 10 things you're grateful for that haven't happened yet.

Also powerful. And to experience them as if they've already yet. And to experience them as if they've already happened. And to experience them as if they've already happened. And what was funny is I kind of combined yours with theirs. So as I started to visualize, yeah, they started to think, you know, you close your eyes and imagine this has already happened. Who do you tell? How does it feel? What does it make you want to do?

How do you react? How do you celebrate? How does it feel? What does it make you want to do? How do you react? How do you celebrate? Right. And so one of the biggest ones that I'd written down my gratitude for that hasn't already happened is to live in love rather than fear consistently 24 seven and not falter, not waver, not toggle as Paul Selig says between the two worlds of the higher self and the, Oh, I talk like a motherfucker. Right. And, um, what was crazy to me, because you talked about walking up to meet this person, your future self, in a place that you love. So I was on the beach in California and I walk up. And by the time I had actually started to live that way where I fucking lived in love rather than fear. And I didn't falter and I didn't waver.

And I had ultimate trust, faith, and belief. I was a fucking old man. Yeah. And that broke me down, man. That just opened me right up because I was like, fuck. But the silver lining in that was I did get there. Yeah, man. It just took a long ass time.

Amen. So hopefully I can make that happen before I'm an old geezer. But either way, to have it happen in a lifetime will be pretty special. Yeah, and I can feel it too with things happening in my life that I want to live in unconditional love. I want to have unconditional love

for the people in my life. And I can feel and I have the awareness to know that I am not there yet. I have so many conditions on how you have to be for me to love you and for me to accept your love. And I know it's going to be a long journey for me to get to that point, but that's what this is about, man. You know? And the beautiful thing thing, the thing that I'm really grateful for is I do feel like I have a unique amount of awareness for my age, but that doesn't mean that I've dealt with all the bullshit a young man has. So the interesting thing is I know that I have this level of

awareness and that I will write and share. And that I know I'm going to have to go through all the bullshit that like a young man has to go through to start to learn how to be truly mature. And I'm grateful that I have the awareness and the ability to like articulate what I'm going to see and what I'm going to experience. Cause I know it's going to help people, but I also know I'm not going to spiritually, but I don't get to spiritually bypass with awareness. I'm going like to fucking trudge through all my guilt, all my shame, all my inadequacies, all my insecurities, all my fears. Because I too, like you, want to get to that point where it is unconditional love for all the people that I live my life around and with. Yeah. And there's one more to add to that, that I'm sure you would agree with from the Bhagavad Gita,

when they say, enter into a state of Samadhi as many times as necessary until you see God in all things. God, that's so good, man. And that's it. And Samadhi being this ultimate state of bliss, right? And we can get there from psychedelics. We can get there from breath work,

sometimes in a float tank, sometimes just meditating if you're really good at meditating. Many times if you're a good meditator. Joe Dispenza talks about that quite often. He's even done some trip reports in Becoming Supernatural where he talks about the visions he's had.

I can't wait to read that book. Just from meditation. It's one of my all-time favorites. But it's curious to me. There was Paul Cech, who's a fucking absolute wizard. He's going to be our 100th episode, or actually the 100th episode has already aired by the time this one airs. But he's been on, I think that was his fifth time coming on. He is such a legit medicine man that he can tap into me from his house in California and paint what's going on

in my life. And I'll give an example. Right when Tosh and I started an open relationship, he said, hey, I'm sending you and Aubrey out some paintings that I did of you. Let me know if it resonates with you. And the painting he had for me and Tosh was a triangle of fire with fucking wood burning in the middle of the triangle and it's beautiful it's absolutely beautiful but it is it's hands down exactly what was happening there and the thing is we talked about this a little bit before the show but you can understand things conceptually but it's not visceral until you go through it amen right and actually do it and i think i understood very much so the reasoning behind wanting to do open for growth, for novelty, um, to bridge the gap

and, and bring my wife and I closer together. And it's totally been that, but it didn't happen without the fucking ultimate work, the ultimate fire and just getting singed and burned and fucking hurt and pain. And then from there, gaining all the wisdom that comes through the ultimate stressor. Yeah. Yeah. And so this actually connects to a really interesting, probably my favorite part of the workshop is I have this, here's a myth from Greek mythology that I love love and it's the myth of prometheus and i think i so one of the things that carl jung kind of made that what he brought into the zeitgeist that now a lot of people who are into this space already kind of take for granted is that myths are anthropomorphizations

which means just to make human of something that's non-human, aspects of the human psyche. And that you can look at all myths and look at it as these are archetypical forces in the human psyche. And so the myth of Prometheus is this. There were titans that were tasked to create all the mammals on the planet and to give them their gifts so they could hunt. And there were two titans that had this responsibility. One was Epimetheus and the other one was Prometheus. And Epimetheus translates to afterthought and Prometheus translates to forethought. And because Epimetheus was the older brother, he got to go first. And Zeus gave them a bag of gifts

to give to mammals. And Epimetheus gave all the gifts away without giving anything to humans. So he gave claws and fangs and speed and strength and stealth and camouflage to all the mammals, and there was nothing left for humans. And Prometheus was like, I have to give something to man. So he went and he stole fire from the gods and gave it to mankind. Zeus eventually found out and was like, that was too powerful of something to give to mortals. So he chained Prometheus to the side of a mountain. And because Prometheus was a titan, Zeus sentenced a vulture to eat his innards every day. But because he was a titan, he would rejuvenate.

And this was his fate for thousands of years until eventually Hercules, when he was doing all of his heroic quests, came and found Prometheus and broke his chains and released him. Okay. So if you look at this as an anthropomorphization of the human psyche, I think very clearly Epimetheus and prometheus reflect the two tendencies of our mind, the ability to either think after your action or to think before your action. And prometheus, I think, is the most powerful aspect that the human psyche has, which is the ability to think about the future. And if this is an untamed power, it will destroy your life. It will rob you of your

happiness. But if you tame it, I think it's a God-like power. And I think what happens when you're able to think about the future is the necessary power that you get from that or the invitation you get from that is sacrifice. And I think sacrifice is represented by the fire and i think prometheus represents our potential like our ability to become who we could be but in order to become who we could be we have to we have to shed the chains around our potential and our and the chains are all the self-limiting beliefs that we have about like, you and I both want to become a man who is capable of unconditional love. We have so many chains around our current self that keep us from being that based off

of cultural beliefs and conditioning. And we are going to have to burn those fucking chains to become our potential. And I think burning is the best metaphor for this. And I think it's spot on why Paul Cech drew fire and why it resonated is like, some part of us knows that a lot of what we are right now is false and we have to like digest it. And the way we digest it is through putting it in the fire. And so I think Hercules represents

the intentional saying yes to the call to adventure, to going and doing the things that we know we need to do to fucking break those chains. And every single one is going to fucking hurt. But it's going to hurt in a way that's going to liberate us. And it's like, are you going to say yes? Your potential is asking you, are you going to say yes? Say yes. You have to, there's no other way because when you're not, I don't, I forget the, uh, I'm really good at butchering quotes on here, but it goes something like, if you're not, if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward. You never stay in the same spot. Amen. Right. So if that's true, I mean, sure there's stagnation stagnation and I guess there would be break-even months. If you're thinking of finances and shit like that, it's not always up or down. But your energy, because you're going to die one day, any day that's not directed towards growth is a day that you're pointed down. 100%. I love that.

And that's the call. I think the call to action here is to actually have self-reflection, to carve out space for you to think of those things. Where are your chains? What are they? What do they look like? And that starts with the idea of who your best self is. Yeah, man. And then bridging that gap to get to that point.

Every day. Like, it's funny if, if you took a moment to really reflect on, like, if you're awake for 16 hours a day and you really look at the amount of time that you're doing meaningful work, truly, if you're really crushing it, maybe it's three hours. And then it's like, for the rest of the day, what are you doing with your mind? And the truth is that most of us aren't doing anything with our mind our mind is just doing we're not taming it but like truly if you carved out 20 minutes to just get still and then 20 minutes to visualize the person you wanted to be and you only did that 40 minutes a

day we all have 40 minutes you know if we really looked at how we... And even if you're freaking the fuck out about 40 minutes, cut that time in half. Right. Do 10 in the morning and 10 in the evening. And cut it further in half. If you can't do 10, do five and five. Right. But it's the act of doing it that creates the habit that will allow you to expand upon it. All right, guys. So you just heard me talking with Eric Godsey about some of the ways we

implement habit change. Now I want to switch gears for a second and tell you a little bit about how I look and feel my best. And that starts with really good fitted clothing because I'm a big dude and I'm a muscly dude. And a lot of clothes, if I go to the men's warehouse or some of these other places, they got to fit me in a fat guy suit and then trim it. It doesn't look good. I promise you it doesn't feel good. And I'm of the mindset that look good, feel good, perform good has always been a part of how I approach sport as well as how I approach some of the bigger events in life like celebrating a wedding or a marriage or any other ceremony for that matter where cool shit's going on and I want

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Plus, shipping is free. That's Indochino.com promo code Kyle at checkout for $30 off your total purchase of $3.99 or more. An incredible deal for made to measure clothing. You really have no excuse anymore to wear clothing that doesn't fit. You can also use code word Kyle in the showroom. So if you go in there and you want to be a boss and you want to get fitted and look great, just mentioned Kyle at checkout and you'll get $30 off your order of $3.99 or more. And now let's return to the show. Amen. And truly, I think it comes down to we have inherited the most powerful known substance in the known universe right now, and it's the nervous system. And we have no manual, or at least we are not born with a manual about how to use this. But fuck, if you learn how to start to use your nervous system and we have no manual, or at least we are not born with a manual about how to use

this, but fuck, if you learn how to start to use your nervous system, I think the nervous system is the philosopher's stone. I think if you look at alchemy and like what they were talking about, the human nervous system is a philosopher's stone. We literally transmute food into a conscious being that can do things in the world. We can transmute tragedy into medicine. We can transmute wounds into stories. Like, we are the Philosopher's Stone. We've got to learn how to use this thing, man.

Yeah. And it's funny, too, because, I mean, up until Wim Hof, only a few years ago, the autonomic nervous system had been taught to be automatic. Right. Zero control. And now we know we can reverse engineer things through our breath. Yeah. Through our mindset, through mindfulness, through different forms of meditation. And from that, if you think about it that way, and even you can gear up too.

You know, we had the guys from art of breath on brian mckenzie and rob wilson if you're tired and you want to get up start doing breath of fire for sure breathing you will wake the fuck up in an instant you know yeah so like i think just the more knowledge that comes out around these things the more we can begin to understand it but since you brought it i mean this is just like i think wim hof is like the low-hanging fruit in terms of what we're capable of with regards to our nervous system. And when you take that further, you look at somebody like Joe Dispenza's work, where he's literally putting people into a state where they can receive all the gifts right now. And I know Aubrey just did a podcast with him. Probably going to release.

In like two or three weeks. Yeah. So it'll probably release before this one does. So we'll link to that in the show notes for you guys. But it's about this heart coherence. So there's a company out in Boulder Creek, California called HeartMath Institute. And they're featured in the documentary, I Am,

which is amazing. I'm going to get that director on the podcast. He'll come on both our podcasts, actually. But point being, when you get into this place of heart coherence through various forms of meditation, and you live as if the thing you want has already happened, it changes your nervous system. And Bruce Lipton, who's coming on, he wrote The Biology of Belief. This is fucking is right up their alley yeah i think the reason why this is so important between guys like bruce lipton and joe dispenza is that they're bridging the gap from woo-woo the secret to this is actually how you change the way you feel and operate in the world the science behind it absolutely and joe said something really interesting on the podcast that I completely agree with. Science is the modern language of

mysticism. And if you're worth your salt at whatever it is you're talking about, you owe it to the people that could help in this age to learn how to explain it scientifically. Not just scientifically, but if what you're doing genuinely helps people. And you can create a reliable experience over and over again. Learn how to explain it scientifically, and that's what they're doing. Yeah, you got to back it up because that's the language, that's the religion of science. For sure. Right? Doesn't matter who you are, you're a religious person. Yeah. Whether you believe in God or you're an atheist, you're still religious because you believe in the religion of science.

Everyone has an idea that they hold at the top of their hierarchy that they give a godlike belief into. All of us. It's like a part of the way that our psyche functions is we all have the God idea. And the God idea for you might be skepticism. It might be agnosticism. It might be capitalism, whatever. It tends to be an ism, you know?

But we all have it. Fuck yeah, brother. Well, what else you got in terms of the Tulum stuff? Yeah. So when I got back from the Tulum workshop, I was on fire because I saw like the effect that this had on people. So for the next like four days, I felt manic for the Tulum workshop, I was on fire because I saw the effect that this had on people. So for the next four days, I felt manic for the first time in my life, truly.

And I turned it all into an online course. And then I recognized that there's a big piece missing at the end. And it's the practical implementation of what happens when you say yes to whatever the sacrifice is. And it comes down to habit change, truly. I believe all integration comes down to, if you integrated it, you change some habit. It might be a habit of thought. It might be a habit of how you deal with an emotion,

but it tends to be a change in behavior, a fundamental change in behavior. And I used to be a habit change coach before I got the job here. And so my background is that. And so I added a new section basically about like how to take whatever it is your potential asks you to sacrifice and to transform it into a practical habit change plan. And basically, long story short, there's a meme out there that you can change a habit in 21 days. No, that meme was created by a plastic surgeon who found that when he did plastic

surgery on people in about three weeks, their self-image changed because of the way, but that's not what the habit change research shows. A university in London found that on average, it takes about 90 to 120 days to make something a new habit, depending on how hard it is for you to do it and how consistent you are doing it. And essentially, whatever the sacrifice is, you try to articulate it as a single habit change. You write it as what is called an implementation intention, which is basically, I will perform behavior A in situation B to achieve goal C. If you state your habit change like that, research has shown that you have a 300% higher chance of actually changing. And I could get into that actual study if you want to later. And then you just track it. Like, I keep it super simple. I have this goofy child-looking whiteboard next to my door where

I just write a big X in a red marker every day I do the habit. And truly, everyone listening has about four or five habits that they know they should acquire. And that if they acquired it now, the rest of their life would fundamentally transform. And what people tend to do is that New Year's Day comes up and they want to do all five at the same time and they go really hard for two weeks and then they stop. But if you pick one thing at a time and you work on it for 90 days, after a year and a half, you will have acquired four or five fundamentally new habits that if you had for the rest of your life, you would completely transform your life. Like if everyone here truly,

truly got their diet right, it would transform their life for the rest of their life. But people are rushing. And I think it's because habits are like compounding interest. Like if you really get a habit right now, the compounded interest will fucking explode over the next 50 years. So if you start a writing habit and you write every day, 10 years from now, you're going to have books and books or just a full website of all the things that you've ever wanted to talk about. If one of your habits is you really want to meditate and you get that right, you will have a mind that you can point and do whatever you want with it in 10 years. If your thing is you really want to get your body right and you want to work out,

like I'm 28 and I haven't got my workout habit down, but I'm starting to get it now. If I continue with it, I will have a body that will serve me when I'm 90, you know, and like to really connect to how powerful your life can change. If you get a couple of core habits, right. I think that, um, that's one, I think that's one of the ultimate self-improvement practical practices that you can do, which is just habit change. And so that's the last thing that I would add to that workshop. That's so sick. Yeah. And the idea that we've been talking a lot about finances, obviously you got Ramit coming on and some different people and this idea of compounding interest is I've heard of it before, but I have never fully understood it until now. And I don't say things that I fully understand it, but I do understand what it means. And the, the, the main call to

action there is to fucking get started sooner. Right. And they talk about people who start saving at 25 versus 45, you know, it's, it's, it's mountains different at the end of the, at the end of the day, uh, with what they've accumulated. And I think the same can be said for fitness or mental health or any of these other things that we're working on. The sooner you get started, the better, right? Because that's a longer life you've lived healthy rather than unhealthy. If you first get into shape when you're 45, awesome. But if you got into shape when you were in your 20s and never lost it, even better, right? I think the other point to make too is,

for people who are listening that are 45 and aren't in shape, get started now. Don't be pissed that you didn't start it when you were 25. Same thing with fucking investing and taking care of your future. I'm 37. I started a 401k two years ago. Yeah, man. You know, like it would have been way better

if I started that in my 20s. Yeah. But I'm happy I started now rather than when I was 45 or 55. Yeah. Right? Yeah, man. everything. I think that's because they're trying to change everything at once. And you're inspired, you want to do it, you got a fire lit under your ass, but you try to accomplish too much at once. And I think it's much easier if you can write down those four or five things and then prioritize them and work on them one at a time, maybe two max, but one at a time, you're going to for sure land that thing in three months and keep it there. Then you go to the next piece and you're constantly finding something new to work on yourself. And maybe those priorities will change, but that's fine. If number five moves up to number two,

and that's the second thing you do, that's totally fine. But that's how you can systematically approach positive change and integration in your life. Absolutely. And I think that the key there is so counterintuitive, but one thing at a time, max two, and you'll find that in a year, you're going to have acquired so much more than if you tried to do all five. So there's two quotes that come up. One is the best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago. The next best time is now. And so you can't change your past, but you can affect the present. And so if you are trying to change,

you can start now and it's okay. And the other one is, what is one of the most famous myths about two types of animals trying to accomplish the same goal? It's the tortoise and the hare. And truly, the tortoise wins. The tortoise wins. The tortoise wins. Slow and steady. Pick one thing at a time. Track it. Try to do it every day. Create the smallest amount that you need to do each day to have done it. So

when I was trying to make meditation a habit, I started at one minute. I just have to do one minute every day. Because before that, I was trying to do 20 minutes in lotus pose, never fucking got beyond five days in a row, ever. But then the moment I changed it to like, I can sit in whatever position I want, and I just have to do it for one minute. I started to do it every fucking day. And now, every day, like clockwork,

I show up to my desk and I meditate. And I don't even have to think about it anymore. Like truly, I show up to my desk and I meditate and I don't have to think about it anymore. Like truly it pulls me to it now. And I think that that's like, that's what happens when you actually acquire a habit is before you have to push towards it. Like right now I still have to push towards the gym and I'm going to keep doing it, but you're at a point where I'm sure it pulls you. You are pulled to the gym. I feel completely off kilter right i mean i could take a day off i really only lift weights three days a week but if i miss that one of those three workouts i feel a pull to go something feels off inside because my body is accustomed to the feeling i

have from working out right and your body is accustomed to the feeling you have from meditation yeah and how important that is. I get fucking antsy indoors. That's why you see me. We're both, we got a large group of people doing walks with their shirts off outside in the dead heat of Austin summer because it's so powerful. And there's not a day that I'm at this office that I don't get out and walk at least one mile. At least, even if I'm fucking super sore enough to walk like an old man, I'm going at least a mile. And oftentimes three to 10 miles I'll walk. Yeah, and so there's this beautiful thing that when you really connect to your potential,

to the person you could be, it begins to pull you as opposed to you having to push towards it. And it's such a, like, I did NAD for the first time yesterday. And I, it was a sensation that I could never have anticipated until I felt it. I think most people feel like they're pushing their life. And once you click over into that feeling of, you feel like you're pulled, like it is impossible for me not to be

religious now. Like I don't subscribe to any specific religion, but there is truly this feeling of there is this force at the end of my life that feels like it's pure love. And I think it's my potential and it's just pulling me towards it. And I have so many chains around me and as he it pulls me towards him it those chains have to fucking get burnt off and like i i just have this weird knowing that like i'm going towards it and it's going to burn off all the bullshit but it's going to you know be like 100 years yeah that's a fucking awesome brother i think the one last thought i have on that is we have to break our own chains hercules doesn't come and do it for us i think hercules is a part of us okay it's there we go it's our intention

like you have to fucking go do the uncomfortable shit you You have to do it. But Hercules, I think is a part of you. Yeah. So there's not someone else who's going to come save you. Yeah. Fuck yeah, brother. Excellent way to open up the podcast. Uh, we're going to shift gears here. Cause I want to talk to something, uh, talk to Eric about something that's been on my mind for a while. Aubrey and I have both had different styles of open relationships and we're both the same age. He's 38, I'm 37. And it's curious to me because I've been, I had a six and a half year relationship before Natasha and then seven years with Natasha, monogamous, and only in the last year have been open. And it's just curious to me the differences in the dating games that go on now and what has changed in the game of dating.

Like you guys live online for the most part. Yeah, man. It's bananas to me. I don't even have, I have zero apps on the phone and I'm not looking for a partner right now. But point being, there are some differences here. For sure. So let's talk about what dating is like for you as a younger man and what people out there, if they're looking for people, if you can point them in the right direction to find someone. Yeah. So there's a couple of things, man. There's this weird transition phase I feel

is happening since the cultural acceptance that a lot of relationships now start online. Like if you look at the studies on the graphs that I see, more people than any other type of way of meeting are meeting online now. And so there's, we evolved to be around 150 people and you would choose your partner between the 150 people. And that was what life was like for most people even fucking 50 years ago. Like you had a very small pool to choose from depending on where you worked and where you hung out

and you chose from that. We now live in a world where you have access to millions of people. And the people that you tend to find are the people who have really high just genetic mate value. Like we are skewed now in a way that we're not used to. And I think that the dating apps have just exacerbated that for good or for bad. But I just think most of us, our brains have evolved to deal with 150 people. And we're dealing with thousands of of specific

of specific potential mates thousands and what i have found is that most people are most people my age are fucking jaded either they've stayed in a monogamous relationship since they got out of high school to kind of like, and I just hear them say, oh my God, I don't want to fucking ever have to date again. Cause they see the way that it looks. And the people who are perpetually dating are just fucking so jaded, man. Like, um, they just don't trust that the other person will commit in any type of way where they could be or where they could feel vulnerable. What I did when I started, because I basically dated someone, I didn't date until college. And then I dated someone for like four years. And then after that, I, because I'm around you guys, I really tried open. And what I tried to do was to be viscerally honest on the first

date to let people know, like, this is exactly what I'm looking for. This is what I tried to do was to be viscerally honest on the first date to let people know, like, this is exactly what I'm looking for. This is what I'm doing. This is what I'm committed to. Do you want to join? They all said no on the first date. And then they all text me a couple of days later saying, okay. And then we would try it. And what I found is that really all I was doing was dating, but just telling them that I was dating other people. Whereas what most people seem to be doing my age is they're dating other people, but there's just this implicit, we're not going to talk about it. And so most relationships feel like they're starting from a fundamental place of we're not going to be honest with each other.

Yeah. That's the one thing, not to cut you off because I want you to keep going, but in the book, More Than Two, An Ethical Guide to Polyamory, which is the best book I've ever read on polyamorous relationships, they say there is no cookie cutter way to do it. Everyone does it differently. But in polyamory, not swinging, but in polyamory specifically, meaning more than one love, more than one meaningful relationship, the only thing that consistently does not work is don't ask, don't tell. Because you sever the cord of communication that brings you together. Amen. Amen. And what I found after doing that type of dating where I know I wasn't in full truth with any of them because they didn't

want to hear, they did not want to hear it, that I found that I wasn't letting my guard down and that I was just having sex. And I was being like a gentleman and I was being a good person while I was with them. But when I wasn't with them, I didn't think about them. It was not challenging for me to think about them being with other people. But eventually I found a monogamous relationship after I stopped.

So basically I did open for like six months and then i did an mdma trip alone and i really fucking saw my own shit like oh i'm i'm playing myself i'm actually not being vulnerable with any of these women and that's what i said i wanted to do in dating was keeping them at a distance exactly man become it was bullshit so i stopped and then i was single for a couple of months and then through the internet there was an organic connection that wasn't through a dating app and then we started talking she doesn't live here and then she visited and it was fucking fireworks and then we started dating and now what i am seeing is i've let my guard down

and this is an interesting thing we all have guards around our heart. We have all gone through things either when we were children or teenagers where we were wounded or hurt. And then we put a guard up and then we don't let people in. But what's interesting is the moment you let your guard down, if you have self-awareness, you see whatever the wounds were that made the guard go up. And the partner that gets close enough to you that lets you put your guard down will then be the reflection to bring out that wounding again. And this is what happens. This is my hypothesis. I think the moment you fall for someone enough to let your guard down,

if they trigger your wounds, just by them being in their truth, like not doing anything to you, but just exposing to you your shit, people retreat or they break up or they go sabotage the relationship. And most people are serial monogamists. And I think it's because like we have these wounds, we date someone until like, there's an idea in Jungian psychology, which is called like an anima or animus projection. And the idea is that all of us have an internal ideal of what the other gender should be like to be our lover. And when we find someone at the very beginning, you have no idea who the fuck they are. You can't, you barely know who you are. And so when you meet this other person, if they fit enough into the ideal of your ideal mate, you project that image onto them. For the first six

months, you're in love with your idea of what they should be. You barely know who the fuck they are. And the more you get to know them, it's like the hologram slowly starts to give way to like what they actually are and people referring to spider-man 2 right dude such a good movie so good such a good fucking movie yeah it's just like that it's just like that man and most people who are serial monogamists will date someone until the hologram starts to give way and they're like oh you're not who i thought you were breakup next person um the really powerful thing that i've witnessed in you and in aubrey from doing open is you eviscerate that projection real fucking quick like that idea of who you think they should be like if if you let your other

being complete truth and openness and freedom like your projection is is a crayon drawing that you drew as a 10 year old based off of like your conditioning no human is going to be contained by that bullshit drawing and the thing that i'm seeing in dating for young people is we're just trying to put our drawing on top of a human and the moment we don't like it we're like nah we do it again and we do it again and we do it again and um good luck guys i don't know yeah yeah and that. And that's a, that's an interesting point. Interesting point because one of the things that I've, I've realized very deeply is that the reason Tosh and I can go through the fires of open and actually come to a place where we're better than we've ever been in our entire lives is because we had such a long stint in monogamy. Yeah, man. And the beauty of monogamy is it forces you to deal,

I mean, unless you're just going to fucking call it quits after a year and a half, right? But if you're committed, it forces you to deal with each other. You can't run to a different partner and you can't say, fuck it, she's not the one, I'm on to somebody else. Eventually, and it's different for older people,

eventually at some point, whether it's the ticking clock in a woman's body to have kids or whether it's a man who doesn't want to die alone, they figure out that I do have to stick around and work through this, right? And the beauty of monogamy is that you can't run to somebody else when shit hits the fan with your partner.

Even if you have a primary in an open relationship, unless you've built that bridge of communication and trust with one another, it's very hard to maintain that. And I can't speak to people who start in polyamory or start as swingers or start as any variation because we didn't do it that way. But at the same time, I do see incredible value in how we started our relationship to bring us to where we are now. And that's a really good point. And my intuition is that the only way,

I have not met anyone who has done enough work where two people can come together and start an open, in complete, honest communication. I just haven't seen that yet. I'm sure that that's possible. I haven't seen it either. They write about it in the book, so it does exist. Exactly, exactly. Same. Everything exists. But my hypothesis is that you have to start from a place of monogamy because we have so much cultural bullshit that in the container of monogamy, you can truly cultivate the most important skill of the relationship, which is communication, which is honest, honest communication. And fucking lay that groundwork for five or six or seven years, whatever it is. And then maybe just

then you have a strong enough foundation to fucking bring in the fires of like, the fact is our biology is such that you will be attracted to more than one person, period. It doesn't matter how amazing your partner is. You will be attracted to other people. You don't have to act on that attraction. And maybe a beautiful thing about a conscious marriage is you choose like, even though I feel this, I will make the sacrifice not to indulge in it. And that's one way to do this dance. And that has its own challenges, I'm sure. But the other is our commitment

that I will never waver on is me telling you my truth and you telling me your truth. But then we will let our desires have freedom. And then you just fucking go through the fire. But I, I, I do believe that starting with monogamy, so you can have this container to start to really open up. Cause like the thing that I see, man, and it's also because I'm probably like my natural energy is to be a psychologist. So I'm starting to see this, but every girl I've ever been with, there is so much trauma from relationships that they don't, that are unconscious chains around each of us about how

we behave in the relationship. And to really get to a place of true connection to each other is you have to like share all of your traumas about like, this is why I get triggered when you do X. It's because my last partner did this and this and this. Or, you know, like me saying like, this is when I get emotionally triggered because in my past relationships, this happened and this happened. And you can just start to slowly admit to each other,

like, here's my shit. This is my shit. And I think the only way to really dissolve those chains is in the fire of honesty. And I think that starts with monogamy. Yeah, brother. Beautifully put. What else are you working on here? We've already crushed 45 minutes of this yeah um my next big thing right now is i'm working with aubrey on doing the research for his next book and it's going to be about um master your mind master your life is a tentative title um i'm pretty sure i'm allowed to say that yeah you can give a little teaser trailer and uh it's just it's going to be all about kind of the archetypical stages each of us take to understand and master your mind. And I'm super excited.

Like it's basically, I truly think that the reason I was brought to work here was to help do this. And so I feel like I'm doing the thing. Living the dream, brother. How about you? What's new for you right now? Well, as you know, I have been balls deep in financial optimization. Yeah.

So since... I've learned so much from just hearing you talk in the office in the last month, man. I think somebody wrote me on one of Ramit's posts when he said he was coming to Austin for his book tour, that I should have him on the podcast. And then I heard him on Tim Ferriss's. And then I reached out to him online and he said, I was like, let me come to you. I'm not going to be in town when you're here. So I'm going to New York to interview him. And I read his book, I Will Teach You To Be Rich, the second version of that, which just came out recently. And it's for sure. And I've read other books on finance. This is for

sure the most dialed in, straight to the point, pull no punches book on how to fucking get out of debt, optimize spending, conscious spending, still have money for the shit you want to do, how to automate your investments and not worry about it, all that shit. And it's stuff that I never knew. And I think that should be required reading in college. Absolutely. A hundred percent. But there's a, there's a funny quote. I forget who it was. It was like the, the finance bros or some shit on Twitter. And they're like, the reason you're not taught personal finance in college is because if people understood it, they wouldn't attend college. Amen. There's some truth to that too. But, um, and I'm happy I went, you know, but point,

well, yeah, exactly. Point being, uh, I've really been studying that as much as possible because it is a piece and it, you know, this show is still categorizes health and wellness, but the umbrella of optimization is all things, whether that's physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or financial, all these things matter. Relationships, all of it matter, right? And these are all the things that we discuss in the mastermind with Aubrey in Fit for Service, how to be fit to serve others. Absolutely. And our stories around money and the emotional turmoil that money causes in our lives

and the unconscious patterns that we have around money that we learn from our parents and from culture are a huge part of mental wellness. Like, I don't think truly truly like most of my friends, the, the most constant problem for them, at least consciously that causes the most turmoil is relationships and money. Like it's not working out, even though I know if they worked out, it would make all the, all their other problems seem less intense. And they're not worried about meditating because they don't even see those things, but those things would help. But the two things that I see people emotionally upset about the most in my life is relationships

and money, man. And I think you learning how to optimize money is going to serve a lot of people because like it it has helped me so much just hearing you talk about this shit in the office for the last month and like um it for sure is a part of health and wellness yeah no doubt brother and there will be other shit where we stretch that we stretch we stretch the health and wellness angle but um yeah i'm excited to have ramit on and uh just excited to to get that aspect dialed in because it's something that i never had before you know when i was fighting in the ufc money would come and go you know like uh donald cerrone says you win a fight of the night and it's gone like a fart in the wind that's exactly how it was for me you know yeah um but it's cool and you know what's funny is that I feel

just as lifting weights or running or doing yoga or meditating all kind of lower the noise of life so we can handle things easier. Everything gets a little stiller, a little bit more quiet, a little easier to tolerate. I feel like once we have an idea, whether it's true or not, of some degree of financial security, that too drops the noise a little bit further.

Absolutely, man. And it doesn't matter what comes at us next because we have this base layer foundation of trust and knowing that things are okay. Yeah. Well, dope, dude. It's been awesome having you. Thank you for having me on brother yep and you have the podcast the myths that make us absolutely yeah please subscribe to that give them a fucking five-star review give us a five-star review while you're at it um and we'll link to your social

media on the show notes so if you guys want to follow eric on any of the places he's at then uh that'll just be in the show notes one click it and you can get to his page. Beautiful. And I look forward to continue doing this brother. Hell yeah, brother. Right. Right. And right next to you. Thank you guys for tuning into the show with my man, Eric Godsey. Please visit me on kingsboo.com K I N G S B U.com where you can enter your email and join my newsletter list where I'll be sending you out a monthly newsletter, not a weekly. I don't want to bombard you. And I really don't have that much shit to write about, but I do have some cool shit that's going on in life and I want to keep you updated on it. Also, when you give me your email, you'll receive my exact supplement protocol that I take

on the daily. Now, of course, is the office guinea pig here at Onnit. I am trying new shit all the time, adding, implementing. So that list may change, but these are my tried and true absolute go-to supplements that I use for waking up, pre-workout, and for getting to bed and maximizing my sleep. You'll get that all at kingsboo.com. If you got questions about this podcast, hit up me and my boy Godsey on the gram, not through the DMs, just ask a question on any one of our posts and we'll be happy to get those answers. Thank you guys for tuning in. Also, leave us that review, and you can win that 30-minute answer anything Zoom call with myself.

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