Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #137 Kyle's New Years Solo cast

Episode Date: January 6, 2020

Starting off the new year off with this solo cast. I talk about lessons from 2019, my recent bout with the FLU, plant medicines, family and more. I also leave ya'll with some of my own music.   Show Notes: Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky | https://amzn.to/2QL7J5h Cambo | https://erowid.org/animals/phyllomedusa/ Music for Mushrooms by East Forest | https://spoti.fi/39BoWHi Kilindi Iyi | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4eMCc8VdgE DMT Dialogues by David Luke | https://amzn.to/2rVtRlk Stuart Smalley | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ldAQ6Rh5ZI Mother! | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpICoc65uh0 A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle | https://amzn.to/2tqfAgU Essentialism By Greg McKeown | https://gregmckeown.com/book/|  Civilized to Death by Chris Ryan Phd | https://chrisryanphd.com/books/ Vedanta Treatise by A. Parthasarathy | http://bit.ly/2MTQQnZ   Check Out|   Kyle's Inner Circle Course (Private 1 on 1 Coaching) https://www.kingsbu.com/inner-circle   Natasha Kingsbury's E book (30 recipes)   Purchase for $5 at https://www.kingsbu.com   Show Sponsors|   Butcher Box ($20 off first box and 2lbs of Alaskan Salmon Free) Use codeword Kyle www.butcherbox.com/kyle   OneFarm Formally (Waayb CBD) www.onefarm.com (Get 15% off using code word Kyle at checkout)   XPT App - https://www.xptlife.com/kyle   Connect with Kyle Kingsbury on: Website | https://www.kingsbu.com/ ( Supplement List & Newsletter) Twitter | https://bit.ly/2DrhtKn Instagram | https://bit.ly/2DxeDrk Get 10% off at Onnit by going to https://www.onnit.com/podcast/   Subscribe to Kyle Kingsbury Podcast iTunes | https://apple.co/2P0GEJu Stitcher | https://bit.ly/2DzUSyp Spotify | https://spoti.fi/2ybfVTY      

All right, y'all, we can keep this brief. Today's episode is a solo cast. I am sick, so I sound a little different. The podcast today will be about much of my medicine work, a few of the books that I'm reading. And of course, because it is January 6th, we're going to talk New Year's. We're going to talk 2020, 2019, some of the things that I've adopted in ways that I'm significantly changing my life right now in real time. So y'all can be a part of that process. Not much more to say. You're going to learn it all in the podcast. It's one of my favorite podcast episodes I've ever done because I get to share with you all that I find meaningful in my life right now, as well as some music, which is cool because I don't consider myself a musician and you will see my amateurness in playing a song for you guys.

But the point is, that's the point. It's to play. It's to let the medicine of the song come through you. And I think that's something that I'm doing a better job of lately. I know you guys are going to enjoy this one. As always, you can support this show by clicking a five-star review to let other people know one or two ways the show has helped you. Click subscribe so you don't miss an episode. I know right now we're doing one a week, but we will be going back to six a month, I believe, hopefully in February, and support our show sponsors. One of today's sponsors is XPT.

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new products, like some topical lotions. Some of the lotions are water-soluble. That means you rub them into your skin transdermally, and they are absorbed at location where you need it most. They've got skincare for women or for dudes. I use skincare on occasion, and they're some of the best products that I've ever used. You can head over to onefarm.com slash Kyle or use code word Kyle for 15% off. That is one-o-n-e-f-a-r-m.com slash k-y-l-e or use code word Kyle for 15% off your entire order. Thank you guys for tuning in. Let me know what you think. Hit me up at Kingsboo on Instagram or Twitter. I'll answer your questions. I'm sure many of you will have

them. And then also head over to kingsboo.com, leave me your email, and I will get you set up with a once a month detailed description of everything cool that I've got going on in my life, all the information I'm learning, and all the wisdom and knowledge that I'm downloading from the medicine, as well as from the books that I'm reading. Check it out. Thanks for listening to the show. All right, here we are. This is the New Year episode, New Year's episode. Let me think here. I've had, there's a couple things to address first and foremost. Number one, if I sound different, it's because I've had the flu for the first time in probably, I want to say since 2012. And there are a number of reasons that led to me catching the flu. First and foremost, stress. So as Paul Cech talks

about in How to Eat, Move, and Be Healthy, and as I've mentioned before, which it gets misconstrued, so I want to be clear on this. All stress in the body does not get compartmentalized. Stress from work, stress from the wife, stress from the husband, stress from the kids, stress from overtraining. And I want to be clear on that. There is a proper stress like doing a cold bath or a sauna, proper stress from working out according to need, minimum effective dose and not overdoing it. All those things are hormetic stressors that make us stronger and better in all ways in life. They don't just make us better physiologically, which they certainly have an adaptive response to, but they also make us better everywhere. Anybody who's strength trained knows they feel better afterwards. Your mind, your soul, everything feels better after a good workout

that doesn't leave you toasted. I mean, there's some high-intensity interval training that should be done from time to time, no doubt. But for the most part, your workout should leave you feeling better than when you started. Same thing with a sauna session, same thing with a cold bath. These things, these practices bleed into all aspects of life. Meaning, if I can find peace in the storm of 35 degrees, then I can find it when someone cuts me off or when I don't get the raise that I asked for or anything else in life. Those things translate in all aspects of life. So with that, as a positive stressor, if we dive into the negative stressors, chronic stress, and Robert Sapolsky outlines this

beautifully in Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers. We'll link to that in the show notes. Chronic stress over time will create dis-ease, which is disease. It can show up as sickness. It can show up as injury. It can show up as a number of things. So all that in mind, I got the flu this year, not by fucking accident. And it hit me like a Mack truck. It hit my entire family. Bear got it. Tosh got it. Christian got a little cold, but he didn't get too bad. Bear, the best of us all, had had a little bit of a fever here and there. He's been hocking up some stuff, but he also has not felt the full wrath of this the way myself and Tosh have. Now, for myself here, what does that look like? Let's see. For 10 days, I sweat so bad that the sheets had to be changed every morning. One night, I actually shit the bed. That is not a fucking parable. It's not

something you need to read in between. It's literally I shit the bed. And the funny part is I couldn't tell that I shit the bed because the wetness of my ass matched the wetness of every other part of my body. So I rolled in my shit the entire evening, not being able to smell it, not recognizing it until the morning when I went to change the sheets. And I said, oh, I fucking shit my pants. I shit the bed. And yeah, that was, I mean, the deepest level of flu I think I've ever experienced. But I treated this, why tell you all this gross shit? I treated this as a ceremony for the first time. So what is that? For those that haven't done plant medicines, you can treat anything like a ceremony. It's anything you hold with respect

and reverence and you understand there is a purpose and a meaning behind it. And with the flu, I knew that here is a chance for me to get wrung out, wrung the fuck out through sweating, through fevers, through coughing, through mucus, through green fucking snot flying out of my nose for the last two weeks. All of this is a cleansing process. And even though I have not done Cambo, I'm going to have a conversation with Mike Salemi about it. We've talked briefly about it in the past prior to his two-week training in becoming a Cambo practitioner. There's much more to talk about. I'll be talking with him about that at Paleo FX. But Cambo is a medicine that is very hard on the body. It's not one where you see fantastic colors and have visions. It is one

that cleans you out and it gives you a fever. It gives you a migraine. It gives you, let's see, La Perga. So you will puke. You possibly will shit. You possibly will do both at the same time. It's very hard. Why do it? Well, the reason for that is the hormetics response that we were talking about from some of these easier practices like sauna and cold therapy and weight training there is a response that happens from combo and the antibodies that your body raises can build an immunity that lasts for a year or two. And so you willingly say yes to make me sick in order to come out of that better on the other side. Now I'm confident after having spent the last two weeks really resting and tending in my body that I'm not going to get the flu for a

long ass time. From a physiological adaptation standpoint of having had the flu and beat it successfully, and also from the standpoint that I know what got me there. So if the stress of work and the stress of overtraining, we ran a 5k, so there's a physical stressor that I had not prepped for. I didn't do any training leading up to that. I think I'd run once in the last six weeks leading up to that. I think I'd run once in the last six weeks leading up to that race. And I tried to come out with my wife, which was a very dumb idea because she is a fucking runner and I am a 225 pound athlete, but not a distance runner. And even though I've run much further than that, I've done a 55K ultra, I had prepped for that well.

I did not prep for the 5K well, and there was a physical stressor that my body was not used to, in addition to the mental emotional stress around work. So with that, there we go. My body is receptive for something floating through the air like the flu. If I am at the top of my game mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, then I'm impermeable. I'm not going to catch a cold even if I'm around a bunch of sick kids because of the fact that my immune system is fucking robust and I'm ready to take on all challenges of life. That is what your immune system is for. We are constantly surrounded by sickness, constantly surrounded by flus. Obviously, Austin is a place

where a lot of people visit. I think if you look online, someone was telling me that a lot of people got the flu in Austin this year. And that makes sense. We're in the center of the country. A lot of people come in here. And this is a time of year where we don't necessarily tend the garden. What the fuck does that mean? Well, in my 10th ayahuasca ceremony, I was down in Colombia and they call them taitas, not shaman, not curanderos, they're called taitas. And the taitas brought the wisdom of the elders. And the elders of their tribe do not travel with the medicine. They're too old, some of which are 90. The eldest is 95 years old. But what they start each ceremony with is the word, and the word is what the elders wish the titas to bring with the medicine, the word of the ancestors, the word of the tribe.

And so the elders get together with the titas who will bring this medicine out to other people. And this ceremony was in Sente Elena, a small mountain town outside of Medellin, And so the elders get together with the titus who will bring this medicine out to other people. And this ceremony was in Sente Elena, a small mountain town outside of Medellin, far away from the Amazon in which they practice mostly. And one of the things they said was very crucial is we need to learn, we need to learn to be in the rhythms of life. Now, this literally translates to our circadian rhythm on a daily cycle, but it also translates to the circadian rhythm of the earth on an annual cycle. What that means is very plainly, when it's summertime, and this is all backed by science,

when it's summertime, we can handle more carbohydrates, our testosterone goes up, we can run, we can play, the days are longer and we have more energy. Conversely, when it goes to wintertime and the nights are much longer, we don't tolerate, most of us don't tolerate carbohydrates as well. They're not seasonally available. But more importantly than that, we should be resting more. Not doing more, but being more, connecting to source more, relaxing more, having a fucking fire and hanging out around the fire, not staying up late,

not going to bed at the same time that we do in the summertime. And for the most part, I've listened to that wisdom. It's something that I think about often. My wife and I, my wife is pregnant. Hallelujah. She's fucking in the second trimester now. So we can talk about that. I'm going to have her on the show and we'll discuss more with Q and A because I'm sure you guys have questions around that and the open relationship that we're in. I'm sure there's plenty of questions there. So we'll get to that in the upcoming Q and A with my wife. But all that aside, Tasha and I have been going to bed at 8.30, 9 o'clock every single night. Now, you've taken the fact that we are listening and paying attention,

but maybe not so much with the allowing of stress to come in. And stress will hit you when you least expect it. The challenges of life are innumerable and they come at you when you don't think you're prepped for it, but you're always prepped for it. And so there's a couple of really important books that I've been diving into. I'm going to talk about some medicine journeys that I've had. And I'm going to talk about these books, which are equal to, if not more valuable than the medicine journeys themselves. I can't say more valuable.

I don't want to give a pecking order there. That's an egoic thought. But I've had, let's see, I've had some of the deepest journeys I've ever had very recently within the last month, month and a half. And these are calculated. These weren't haphazardly like, let me just fucking see what happens. They were very much held with respect and reverence. And it calculated yes to go into the deepest work that I've ever done. So first, let me talk about this ceremony that I did with myself, Solo Journey. And this will be brought up on the podcast I had with East Forest, which is coming out soon. Not in the detail that I'll go into today because of the sake of time

and really me wanting to get to know East Forest. But for those who don't know, East Forest was on Aubrey Marcus's podcast. He is a musician. He's a beautiful human. And he created a five-hour-long playlist, an album rather, with five hours straight of continual music for mushrooms. And it's called Music for Mushrooms. We'll link to that in the show notes. It's available for free on Spotify, iTunes, Amazon, everywhere. And having worked, I want to also be mindful of what people say online because everything is true. So if someone writes to me, hey, man, you've got it so good. You've forgotten what it's like to be poor. No, that's not true. I still struggle with finances. And when I talk about work and some of these stressors, that is the stressor. Finance is the stressor. So I haven't made it out of the woods financially yet. And that's part of the reason why I've had guys like Ramit Sethi on the show. But I'm digressing. One of the things that

somebody said to me online was, you've forgotten what it's like to be us. We can't travel to the Amazon. You have all this wealth, and you get to have black belts guide you and all this shit. And the truth is, you don't need a black belt. East Forest is your black belt. And you can inch your way up the ladder, so to speak, with Mushrooms, with with this album and have just as good of a ceremony. I mean, I promise you, I've done ayahuasca 26 times. I've for sure done mushrooms in the hundreds. And to put it plainly, this album is as good as any black belt I've ever worked with.

And the solo journey, which is what Terrence McKenna is really trying to get people to do, is to create ceremony with the medicine. Now, as I talk about with East Forest on the podcast, one thing East Forest disagrees with is Terrence McKenna's five gram heroic dose. Because for some, and I know this, some of my best friends I've watched freak the fuck out on a gram and a half, just lose their fucking mind on a gram and a half of penis envy. Now that's a strong mushroom, but still, it's a very light dose and probably somewhere in the range of five grams of ground up, dried, golden teacher, any average mushroom you would find from your local normal mushroom dealer. So the five gram heroic dose.

I think it's a good entry point for people who want to really blow the rails off and not be in control. And that's one of the beautiful aspects of things like ayahuasca is if you drink enough, you realize and not be in control. And that's one of the beautiful aspects of things like ayahuasca is if you drink enough, you realize I'm not in control. I have to surrender. And there are deeper lessons within that. Surrendering to the medicine allows it to work within you. And same thing with the mushroom ceremony. When done alone, it's all you you Now, the reason why we Enter a way up the ladder is because You can do something stupid

On the medicine If you believe you are dead That's when somebody will say I can fly and jump out of a fucking two-story window And not die, but break every bone in their body Or maybe die There are ways that you can do this properly And ways that you can do this improper and ways that you can do this improperly.

So again, as Jim Fadiman says in the Psychedelic Explorer's Guide, it's worth having a sitter. And that doesn't necessarily need to be a black belt, but you can orchestrate your very own ceremony where you write out an intention of what you wish to accomplish. You surrender to the how and when. This is something that Joe Dispenza talks about. And this also parallels for all of you. I don't want to lose you right now if you're not into psychedelics. For all of you setting intentions for 2020, same fucking deal. The difference between intention and surrender, as Joe explains, is you set your intention, that is which the thing you are going to call into your life. And you surrender the how and when with full trust and faith that it is coming to be.

And you actively work towards that thing. This isn't the secret. You don't wish it into being. You fucking act and move and take the steps necessary to make it into reality. You make it manifest through action, not through waiting, not through sitting, twiddling your thumbs and hoping the fucking lotto comes your way. None of that happens. So you set your intention, you surrender the how and when it happens. Because oftentimes it's not on your timeline. And oftentimes it's not how you expect it to happen. And that's okay. It can be better than you expect if you can surrender that portion of it.

Surrender used in this way is also unattaching ourselves from outcome, which is one of the ways we suffer. It's one of the ways we get into some of the teachings in Buddhism. And if we are attached to outcome, that is a surefire way to find suffering in your life. It's a surefire way to find misery in your life because you're attached to outcome and you're always caught in the state of desire. So a lot can be said on desire in this book that I've just read, the Vedanta Treatise. I think it's phenomenal. I'm going to said on desire in this book that I've just read, The Vedanta Treatise. I think it's phenomenal. I'm going to touch on that in a moment, but let's get back to this ceremony.

I had a friend of mine send me a video from Kilindi IE. I will link to a couple of his YouTube videos in the show notes. He's a speaker at many of the big psychedelic conferences. He has some fantastic videos, but what he calls the heroic dose, again, not for everyone. Psychedelics in general, not for everyone. This dose, for damn sure, not for everyone. Even for the experienced user, it is not for everyone. His dose and what he's talking about as the true heroic dose is 20 to 30 grams of psilocybin. So when I first was sent this video from my friend Kerry, I looked at it and then I thought,

this guy's a fucking quack. And that's what I responded with. No one should take that much medicine. It's pointless. There's an upper limit to mushrooms. It's probably the same as just taking 10 or 7 or whatever. And then I watched the video. And I realized in watching the video that Kalindi was a number of things.

Number one, he was grounded. And there are a lot of times, a lot of people in the medicine space that you will come across who look like they have one foot on earth and one foot in the astral. And there's a number of reasons for that, which I don't need to get into. But to say Kalindi is grounded, I think is a fair statement. And so knowing he had been working at these levels of doses for 20 to 30 years showed me, okay, you can go that deep and come back, come all the way back to your body. He's also very well-versed. I want to get this guy on the podcast. So put your feelers out.

If anybody knows this man who I'm talking about, please reach out to him and connect us via Instagram or email. I'd have to have him on the podcast at some point. But what I was getting at was I realized he was giving me permission to do this heroic dose. And then I had been called to do this heroic dose from a number of different ways. First of all, ayahuasca had told me years ago when I was asking, how can I work with a medicine at this level stateside? The answer was with psilocybin. And it showed me three numbers, 7, 10, 14. And this was ayahuasca telling me how to scale up the ladder to continue to dive in deeper and deeper. Now, any time that I had done ceremony stateside, it was usually where somebody had to be at the helm. And even though I don't consider myself a black belt, I am versed well enough to,

I guess, sit at the helm with others and make sure that people are having a curated experience and that they are safe. And so anytime given the opportunity to go deep, I never took that opportunity because there were other people around. So knowing that this ceremony is supposed to be done solo, knowing that I have kind of neglected my own deeper work, I decided to do the 30 grams. And I'm not sure how far into the trip report I want to go because of the fact that there are things that I've seen in this that go well beyond what I thought was possible. I guess I'll just fucking say it. I had finished the DMT Dialogues book, which talks quite a bit about the entities you come across in DMT. And I've never experienced entities in DMT.

And I've done that dozens of times. I've felt my grandfather with me at times in ceremonies. I've felt my sirowitzi, who was my first medicine man, my old boxing coach, who many of you have heard me talk about on different podcasts. He's been there guiding me in many ceremonies, but I've never felt or seen other beings. With eyes wide open at the 30-gram dose,

I could see what Kalindi calls insectoid-like beings. So giant fucking insects as big as I am working on my body. And they had giant eyes the size of softballs, long snouts, little snake tongues, and they were speaking in a clicking noise like they weren't talking to me, they were talking to each other, but they were working on me. And I could feel that they were there for me. So instantly, I had a relaxed feeling wash over my body, knowing that I was cared for and taken care of, and that I wasn't here solo. And for whatever that's worth, whether that is a projection of my own mind or not, it gave me comfort in knowing that at that dose, I was taken care of and I was

provided for. And in the room where I was doing this, there's a giant mandala. Now, Kalindi talks about this, mandalas as places within the multiverse. And they're two-dimensional, but if you use 3D rendering, you can create a space. And a lot of mandalas look like Buddhist temples and different sacred spaces. And so the first part of my ceremony was what I would describe as pure God consciousness, Christ consciousness, pure love, pure compassion. Every intention that I had written out with regard to Christian, bear, my wife, all of those were answered in a very, I don't, I guess, rapid, rapid fire, I guess is the term that's coming to my mind right now. And obviously I'm not looking at a clock, but dropping it at 8.30 p.m., I'd have

to imagine that all of this God space and love happened within the first hour. And literally, every intention that I had written about was answered within the first hour. I had complete clarity on my son, complete clarity on Christian, complete clarity on Natasha and our child-to-be, Wolf. And I had this very beautiful was this idea that we are safe and I kept saying that as a mantra because my wife and I had a miscarriage. And this was after Bear. And my understanding now is that it wasn't the right time. It wasn't the right time for a number of reasons. But it wasn't the right time for that child to come into being, even though we've been trying for a while. And it was really fucking hard. It's really hard to have that undeniable faith that we are safe, that this child-to-be is going to come here, and that she's ready to be here and to come into our

family. And so I kept saying that we are safe. And I had this really beautiful and incredible realization. And for those who have done the deeper work with medicine, there is a knowing. And I've talked about this before, but that knowing is with a capital K. And the knowing is so deep within, it's undeniable. It's often not heard with words, at least in my experience, it is something that is felt deeply and understood. And I understood perfectly the divine timing of our child coming at this time as she is ready. And seeing that she is ready because of Bear and that she's protected because of Bear. And I got to witness Bear's soul in a way that I'd never seen. It looked like a mountain and some ancient language that I'd never seen. It looked like

one letter that was representative of his soul buried into this mountain and gold and white light strung through it all the way through. And I could witness his wisdom very deep within that soul. And to see him as that, rather than a four and a half year old kid who has his wants, his needs, his desires, who often butts heads with us because he's a fucking ball of fire. He's a ball of energy and a ball of light. And just to witness him as that, to witness him as my teacher, not the other way around, completely changed the way that I see my son. It's the way I saw him prior to his birth. And what a beautiful reminder for me to know he is my teacher.

And what can I learn from him rather than how am I going to coach this kid into becoming a man? I don't need to worry about that. teacher and what can I learn from him rather than how am I going to coach this kid into becoming a man. I don't need to worry about that. All I need to do is be the best I can be and refine myself and I will show him through action what it means to be a man. But knowing that Wolf is coming because of him, because of his stage of development and that she'll be born when he's five years old. That's a long time for spacing. My first visions of Wolf were in 2016. You talk about patience. I've had to wait. You talk about surrendering the how and when. That is surrendering the how and when. And all of the time spent wondering why, when, how come it's not happening. All of that shit

was put to rest because I understood it as divine timing. I understood it as coming exactly when it is supposed to be and the interconnectivity of all things as by design, not on accident, not by fluke. And it really just set this piece in me that I haven't had in a very long time. So back to this mandala, because there was one thing that I wrote about that had not come to fruition, and the last thing that I wrote was rebirth. So again, 99% of everything I've written about accomplished in the first hour. I can see with my eyes wide open these beings working on me, they're caring for me. And then

this mandala comes to life. It fucking comes out like a wormhole and starts inching its way up my body like a caterpillar. And I'm calling it towards me like a little kid. It's okay. Come here. Come here. Come on. You're safe. And as it lands on my chest, I look into it and then there's a line that goes around this circle that separates it from the rest of the room. Rest of the room, I see the beings. I see my room. Low light, but I still see everything. Within the circle, complete darkness with a couple specks of purple light. And I realize that is the darkness. And that darkness is within me. It's not a hell that's outside of me. It's a hell that lies within me. And having read the DMT dialogues, I've come to understand that when you

come across the demon, the dark energy, Satan, whatever the fuck it is, it's there to teach you something. So you say yes. And the reason you say yes is because if you say no, you don't get to go on the ride. You don't get to have the journey and you don't get to figure the fuck out what it is that it is there to teach you. So I ask myself, can I go to the darkness? And the answer is yes. And pretty quickly, I go deep inside this darkness and I am locked into five different stages of hell. Each hell is personal. Each hell is so personal that, I mean, I thought my consciousness was gone there forever. I thought I was there for eternity and each level felt like eternity. And so this mantra, we are safe, that I was repeating to myself, I realized

I was saying that because there was a lack of belief that it was true. And oftentimes we do this. We affirm the thing we want to be true that we don't yet believe is true. So if you think back to SNL when Jack Handy's sitting there and he's saying, or maybe it wasn't Jack Handy. Who was the fucking guy, Giles? You know what I'm talking about? Stuart. Yeah, yeah. I'm enough. And doggone it, people like me, right? He's saying this in front of the mirror each day. And it's such a funny representation of that. But if you think of a mantra, anytime you say a mantra, it is calling in the thing that you don't believe is already there. So it's a misrepresentation of prayer. You must say it as if it is already so, whether that's in prayer or whether that's in the thing you wish to call in. You must fucking believe it is already there.

And this was shown very quickly how not safe I am. One of the first layers of hell was watching the earth fail. It was watching the earth fail. It was watching Gaia fail. If anybody has seen the movie Mother with an exclamation point by Darren Aronofsky, it is a horror story that is the tale of God and the earth through the lens of the Bible. And if you understand the parable, it is fucking pure art. It's hard to watch, but it is absolutely pure art. And spoiler alert, if you haven't seen it, it ends with the failure of the earth and

a new earth being born because God creates a new earth. And Jennifer Lawrence plays the earth, and in the end, it's a different woman who comes into being in this house. So for what felt like infinity, I witnessed all of consciousness fail. I witnessed the earth fail. I witnessed the destruction of the earth and the way that we know it to be happening right now, whether we fucking agree what the reason for that is or not, it is happening. And I witnessed this on repeat and it was super hard. And then in the same line of mother, I went into a hell once I had come to terms with that. It should be said that the only way I graduated from one hell to the next was in complete surrender. I could consciously say I

surrender, but it was only until I said, fine, I'm here for the rest of my life. I'm here for eternity. Who the fuck cares? And if I really felt that, like, okay, cool, this is it. Then I would go to the next one. And so the next one was, and this is something I talk about with these four, this is very hard to hear. It's even hard to say. I basically had the ability to telepathically communicate with everybody I ever knew. And I was updating everybody as I do on podcasts. A lot of this fear has to do with what I share and what I overshare. So to briefly explain that fear, there is a line that I like to look at. One of which is Chris Ryan.

The other of which is my brother, Aubrey Marcus. Now I'm friends with both of these guys. I've learned a shit ton from both of these guys. Chris Ryan never talks publicly about his own personal life. There's that side of the spectrum. Aubrey Marcus, as many of you know, will share everything that goes on in his personal life. So where do I fall on this pendulum between the two? Knowing that there is something sacred that doesn't need to be revealed about every aspect of my life, but also knowing that there is medicine in sharing the trials and tribulations of life.

There is medicine in sharing my process, and there's medicine in sharing all the peaks and valleys, the ups and downs, the things that have brought me to become the person that I am today. Somebody asked me once online, I don't understand how you can share the things you share about your open relationship. And the answer was, the reason I share these things is because if I didn't, I'd be leaving out an aspect of how I got here. And to give an analogy of that, one time I went on a strength and conditioning podcast and they asked me to not speak about psychedelics. And I said, cool, let's talk strength and conditioning. And then they asked me, how is it that I've come to be the person that I am today? In more or less words. And I laughed in their fucking face because I would be giving 10% of the answer if you thought that that came from fucking strength and conditioning. Most of it has from fucking haphazardly going through life and lifting weights. No, they happen through my

individual process. And so in talking about open relationship, that's been a big catalyst for my growth. It's been a big catalyst for my belief in myself. And it's been a big catalyst in ironing out where there is fear in my life. So back to this thing. In the vision, I am able to talk to people. And of course, I'm letting everyone know that everyone's safe. The baby's safe. Everyone's on point. And then I get a message from the baby.

Hey, we're not safe. Something's wrong. And I start telepathically communicating with every doctor I know, Dr. Craig Conover, Dr. Amy Offutt, anybody who's even been on the fucking podcast. I'm communicating with Rob Wolf and I'm letting them know, hey, there's a problem. And then, hey, this is critical. This is really critical. And I watched my wife explode a miscarriage with blood everywhere. And then she too explodes, which is graphic and gross. And that was my experience. And then it repeated from the beginning. I was brought right back to the beginning where I was telling people,

hey, everybody, the babies are doing great. We're all doing good. And slowly I get the message, oh no, wait, we need help. There's a problem. And then we go from that to, holy shit, the situation's critical. And all the while my wife is blaming me saying, you fucking did this. You did this. And so I have blame. I have guilt. I have shame. And I have oversharing. And I have the fear of this miscarriage all being shown to me in a way that was absolutely horrific and felt like eternity. Now, that's a very conscious fear that I have. I understand that I have that fear. And I'm not certain that that fear needs to be removed. I don't need to live in that fear.

But, and I think that's part of the medicine, is I don't need to carry that fear with me in everyday life. What will be, will be. And I can do my part to ensure everyone is safe by visiting the doctors and by having the right support for a home birth, by doing all the things that I want to do to make sure mama's safe, the baby is safe. Outside of that, I don't need to have any more fear or concern than what would be there through a pregnancy had we not had a miscarriage prior. And I think there's a lot of medicine in that for me. But that fear was shown to me because it is conscious, because it's right in my fucking purview. Now, the layers of hell that preceded that had to do with things that are not in my purview, meaning they're not in my everyday awareness. And one of which was showing me, and I promise you,

I'll move along from the trip report, but one of the hells that I experienced was all the shit that I have resistance to in everyday life. And it felt like I was on an elliptical that I pedaled. And every step I took was a different version of hell that I experienced in everyday life. So I would hear a refrigerator buzzing by my ear. In the past, I have not liked the sound of a refrigerator buzzing. It sounds like shit. And even though I know that refrigerator is keeping my food cool so we can eat, there's resistance there, or there was resistance there to the sound of a refrigerator doing its fucking job. And every other little thing that I didn't like about life was shown to me. All the small stuff was brought into my purview. And that showed me that any time I am in resistance in life, if you think of the sliding

scale, and Eckhart Tolle talks about this in A New Earth beautifully, I'm either in resistance to, or I'm in acceptance of. And if I'm in resistance to, however small, I'm microdosing hell on a daily basis. It could be someone cutting me off. It could be the fucking gas is low in the car and no one else filled it up, so I got to go fill up the gas. It could be anything that I feel the slightest edge of resistance to. It is a microdose of hell. So that concludes, I think, the bulk of that 30-gram ceremony. But the truth is, it was probably the most important ceremony I've ever had in my life because it was the greatest report card on where I'm at that I've ever experienced. And hell is personal. It was personal for me at every layer.

And it was important for me to see where that was at every layer and still come back to my body afterwards and have time to process all of that and understand why. And I thought I was dead when I came out of this. Again, this is why I caution people to not have a sitter, even at a five gram dose, because of the fact that thinking I was dead, I could have done something stupid. Now, I don't have, thankfully, I've exercised out a lot of the anger in my heart. I don't have any idea of harming myself. So when I looked at my hands and I thought, wow, that's curious, my consciousness still perceives a body. I just laughed at it. I took a cold shower. I went back and laid down. And then I looked at my clock and it was 12.01am. The whole thing had lasted three and a half hours. And I was like, wow, okay,

I'm back. What do I want to do now with my life? How do I want to live knowing I'm not dead? And I've experienced death on a much smaller level in ayahuasca, a much smaller level in 5-MeO-DMT, but to experience to that level where for, I don't know how long, 30 minutes, an hour, I believed I was dead. To then know that I am alive is the ultimate rebirth. That was the ultimate, I'm back. The ultimate, what do I want to do with the rest of my life while I'm here on earth? And that was the final piece to my intention of the ceremony, which was fucking fantastic. Because that has spawned ideas and really more reading, you know, more learning. And this is all, you know, part of integration in what grounds us back into reality is what we do with that knowledge going forward. It's not the story that I just told. It's how has that

impacted my life. So I'm watching my thoughts like a hawk. And in doing so, I'm seeing where am I in resistance? Where am I in acceptance? And if I'm in resistance, as the great Peter Crone mentions, can I be with this? It's a very simple question for us to ask ourselves when we find ourselves in resistance. Can I be with this? Is the reminder, the answer is always yes. And once you realize that, then you touch peace again. You're no longer microdosing hell, whether it's a low level of anxiety all the way to full-blown fear. You can return to your quiet center, which is peace, which is stillness. And it all starts with, can I be with this?

So I think the medicine that I've received in Medicine Journeys, the medicine I've received from books, and the medicine I've received from these podcasts that all seem to correlate together. This trip that I did to LA where I interviewed Peter Krohn, David Nurse, Paul Cech. Paul Cech read me like a book and gave me six books to read and bought them all on Amazon and I've been diving into those. And there's a couple of books that I'm going to talk about here that have been absolutely instrumental in the way I wish to live going forward. The first of which is Essentialism by Greg McCown. And this is the

disciplined pursuit of less. On paper, it's the power of no. It's the power of your ability to say no to things that aren't important. And so exercising and prioritizing, as they say in the book, priority used to be that. It used to be the first time priority was a part of our language, it was the number one thing you had to do. Priorities, the pluralization of that did not happen until much later. Priority, what is the most important thing? That's the thing we need to focus on. And he uses the acronym WIN, which I've talked about before. He learned it from someone else. I learned it from Lou Holtz. WIN is the acronym for What's Important Now. And that is an absolute guiding light in how I wish to live going forward, not only in 2020, but for all the years to come. Essentialism really is the cornerstone in what I wish to embody. So that way I have more time for my family,

more time for myself, and more time to explore the things in which I find to be the most powerful instruments in my life. And so as I looked back on 2019 and prior, I realized the one thing I've negated is my own creativity. Many of you have heard that I am writing a book, and it feels funny saying that, but we do speak things into existence, so I can say it here first. It will come out in 2022, 2023. There's no rush. But the point is, it will be tying a lot of these concepts back together, including rites of passage and medicine journeys, and what has been lost in our ancestors to where we're at today. So looking at books like Civilized to Death by Chris Ryan, which is fucking incredible. We'll link to it in

the show notes along with Essentialism and the Vedanta Treaties. Very powerful when we start to try to piece together what's been lost in our current civilization. But essentialism gives you the tools and the know-how on how to clarify what's most important in life and to dive wholeheartedly and fully into those experiences, into that priority of one, whether that's at your work, in your home, in whatever it is you wish to call into your own life. And I feel like I have been implying or employing essentialism in my workouts very well. I use minimum effective dose most often. I'll still push myself hard every now and then. But for the most part, I have a very well-rounded picture of what my fitness looks like

based on years and years of experience and coming to the conclusion that I don't need to crush myself in the gym anymore. And my workouts are enjoyable and they leave me with more energy in the tank than when I started. And I think that's a good place for most people to wrap their heads around and how do you train. If you're not training for sport and you're not competing professionally, you can train differently and you can train for you. How you optimize your body is very important. But essentialism is something I've been employing with that. Now I'm employing essentialism with my work.

And what that's done is it's freed up time for me to do other things like read more, to learn more for the book that I wish to write, writing more every single day in this book, and also working on my creativity in general. So creativity is something that I've lacked forever. It's something that I've pushed to the side. I talked about this on my podcast with Dr. Patino. He went through all the brain battery tests. And the only thing that I showed a lack of happiness in was creativity. So what is creativity and why does it matter? For me, I was introduced to painting from Paul Cech. We would paint mandalas pre-ceremony. And painting is not something I'm good at per se,

but it is something that anyone can fucking do. All you do is you go to Michael's or order on Amazon some art supplies, get some canvases, get a, what's that called? A compactor? Contractor? A compass. A compass. Get a fucking compass, draw a circle in the center of that bitch, and then paint within the circle. That's a mandala. And you paint whatever's coming to mind. You paint your intention. You paint the thing that matters. It could be anything that has meaning. And you make it as beautiful as you can. And in seeing other people's paintings, you get ideas. So in looking at other people's paintings, and my wife is a beautiful painter. She went to school

to be an artist. And she's fucking incredible. And I love looking at her artwork because it inspires me to create art in a beautiful way. And now I can create it in my own way. So painting more, which enhances creativity. Again, as we talked about with the physical, the reason I'm so into hot and cold therapy, working out and all these things is not necessarily because the cold tub burns fat or the sauna excretes and detoxes through the sweat. Yeah, all that shit's good. But again, if I can withstand and remain calm and still the last three minutes of a hard sauna session, I can do it anywhere. If I can remain calm and still in a three-minute ice bath at 35 degrees or a five-minute ice bath at that temperature. I can do it anywhere. Those things lead to benefit in all aspects of life.

So in creating a book, what is the muse? The muse is tickling every part of my creativity through painting, through song, through music, through play, and through learning. Because the more that I read, the more that I know I can write about. The more that I read and learn from and embody, the more there is to talk about. And I think that's been my biggest intention for 2020 is leaning into what is essential and mastering my own level of peace. And this came to me in a 5MEO ceremony regarding my mother. I had a vision of wanting to help her and thinking of taking her to do 5MEO and then realizing she's not ready.

And she may never be, and that's okay. We each learn our relationship with God at our own time when we are ready. But what it showed me was I must know peace before I can teach it. And this ultimately will be a big part of the book. So here I am learning peace. Learning peace in the face of the flu, which there was no peace. There was no peace that led me to the flu. Learning peace so I may write about it. Learning peace so I may share that peace and the pathways towards it that have impacted me the most. In this book, The Vedanta

Treatise, I'm going to say his name wrong, Partha Sarathi. Partha Sarathi is a fucking brilliant book. It's one you read and you have to set down. You can't read it straight through. You set it down because it will fucking crack your mind open and your heart open in a way that very few books I've ever read have done. A New Earth was the first. I've read it 13 times by Eckhart Tolle. We'll link to that in the show notes as well. I think it's a great starting point. Vedanta Treatise really takes you in a step-by-step manual on how to have peace in action, which is exactly what Peter Krohn is talking about in the podcast that we just did. And I'm sure he'll be writing about that in his book, which I can't fucking wait for. It's going to be powerful. But this book really is the pointer and it's out right now. And it's a pointer in the direction of how do we marry the peace that's found in the East with the lack of

productivity to the productivity of the West, but the lack of peace. We want to marry the best of both worlds. We want to marry the peace of the East with the productivity of the West, but the lack of peace. We want to marry the best of both worlds. We want to marry the peace of the East with the productivity of the West. And we do that through action, but not just haphazard action. We do that in finding peace and meditation in our action. And when we can act to serve others in the service of all, para al bien de todos, as the great Don Howard once said, for the good of all.

When we act in that way, we are acting in service of our highest accord, of our highest being, of the reason we are fucking here on this planet, to serve others, to serve humanity, and to serve this planet. And I think the Vedanta Treatise is an excellent, excellent way, a how-to guide on how to be the embodiment of those practices. So Essentialism, Vedanta Treatise, absolutely important. I think everybody should put them at the top of their reading list. I have a number of other books that I'll be diving into as well and sharing with you via my website, kingsboo.com. Self-shameless plug, go there, leave me your fucking email. You will get a one-time per month newsletter. I promise it will never be more than that. Once a

month, you're going to get a newsletter on what I'm reading, what I've gleaned from the medicine, upcoming podcast guests, and anything that I find value in. And that's it. That's how you stay up to date in between these solo podcasts, which I've been doing, I think, less than I should. In terms of frequency, I'll probably be doing more of these more often, especially with the amount of downloads that I've been getting lately in life. We do have a Q&A coming up with my wife. As I mentioned, you guys will have more questions around the pregnancy and all that stuff and open relationship and how it works. That's all good. I'm happy to answer your questions so long as they are gentle and as

long as they are talked about or asked in kindness. And there's a great part in the Vedanta Treatise that talks about kindness. And so let's see if I can pull that up here. I'm going to read this portion for us. And then I'm going to play a song on my new instrument to leave us with. Let's see here. Oh, I like this. Here's one that I, not on kindness, but sacrifice is a synonym for success. So is charity for prosperity. The way to gain anything is to lose it.

The more you run after wealth, the more it recedes. The more you crave it, the more it eludes you. Leave it alone. It follows you. Work dispassionately. The reward you crave it, the more it eludes you. Leave it alone, it follows you. Work dispassionately, the reward of work courts you. Fall in love with the work that you do and do it for the service of others, not with anyone in particular singular motive behind it. All right, here's another one on anger. There can be no anger unless there is an underlying desire hence to overcome anger you need to locate the desire and eliminate it fucking powerful let me see if i can find not finding on kindness but guess what i got another one rise above desire the objects of

the world seek you whereas you start desiring craving for anything the object the objects of your desire elude you the holy bible states seek and it shall be given to you knock and it shall be opened unto you that is the law it is a great message to humanity. Seek the kingdom of God. Seek the self with a capital S within. Everything seeks you. Meaning as you seek your own awakening, books like this will fall into your fucking lap and you will be shown the doorway. And now you got to walk it. Let's walk it all together. Leave us with that. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. Oh, great. Kindness. It's the last one I'll say before the song. So many gods, so many creeds, so many paths that wind and wind. While just the art of being kind is all the sad world needs. Let's be kind. I love you guys. Let's have a fucking fantastic 2020. And here's a little music

on the way out. All right. So I think the last thing I'll say is, is one of the reasons I've been practicing music more as not a professional, just somebody practicing, is the lesson that music is in us all. And this was taught to me by my brother Porangi. It's that we're all meant to sing, we're all meant to dance, we're all meant to play music. And the songs are in us. They're in us because they're deeply embedded within humanity. To access that, we just need to get the fuck out of the way. So as we quiet the mind and find stillness inside, they're much easier to access. And in playing music, if we do it correctly, we will get out of the way. And that's the way the music comes through us. So this is one of those tools that I've been talking about and alluding to that does much more than create sound.

It's meditative. It allows me to get out of my own way and it allows me to find my quiet center, which I think all these beautiful practices are pointing towards. Whether that's the cold bath, song, ecstatic dance, singing like nobody's listening, dancing like nobody's watching, all that good shit. It's all there on purpose, and it serves so much more than the act itself. So I invite us all, find an instrument, find something to fucking play. Djembe drums are awesome. They can be a little expensive, but you can find cheap ones at Guitar Center and different places. And really, once you get into the practice of playing something, you'll find your rhythm, you'll find your song. So here we go. Okay. අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි අපි Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys for listening to today's show and for me to bang on that hand pan for you. I appreciate you all. If you have

questions, you can hit me up on Instagram. Remember to check out kingsboo.com. I am doing personal and private coaching. We have something called the Inner Circle, which is what I'm working on with a select few. And it is a year-long practice of all these methods that I'm getting into. And we can take a deep dive together. If it is something you cannot afford, please check out Fit for Service at aubreymarcus.com. It is a fraction of the cost of what I'm charging for my personal coaching. And as always, if you can't afford either, the podcast is free. And all you got to do is hit me up online, and I'll be happy to answer your

questions. Much love to y'all. Let's have a beautiful 2020.