Kyle Kingsbury Podcast - #141 Natasha Kingsbury Q&A

Episode Date: February 4, 2020

Once again my wife and pal Natasha Kingsbury joins me for an intimate Q&A session. We answer so many questions from the public on everything from our open relationship, pregnancy, parenting and more.   Connect with Natasha: Instagram | https://bit.ly/2Zbxjnf Twitter | https://bit.ly/2Ayja9X Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/public/Natasha-Kingsbury   Show Notes: Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan: https://amzn.to/2kUf9aD She Comes First by Ian Kerner: https://amzn.to/2mnJKh6 Attached by Amir Levine - https://amzn.to/36UZzxe The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman https://amzn.to/2tpa1zt   Check Out:  Kyle's Inner Circle Course (Private 1 on 1 Coaching) https://www.kingsbu.com/inner-circle   Natasha Kingsbury's E book (30 recipes)   Purchase for $5 at https://www.kingsbu.com   Show Sponsors:    OneFarm Formally (Waayb CBD) www.onefarm.com/kyle (Get 15% off using code word Kyle at checkout)   Sated Keto Shakes  https://sated.com/kyle  use codeword Kyle for 20% Off Storewide    AMP Human PR Lotion www.amphuman.com/kyle (for 20% off)     Connect with Kyle Kingsbury on: Website | https://www.kingsbu.com/ ( Supplement List & Newsletter) Twitter | https://bit.ly/2DrhtKn Instagram | https://bit.ly/2DxeDrk Get 10% off at Onnit by going to https://www.onnit.com/podcast/   Subscribe to Kyle Kingsbury Podcast iTunes | https://apple.co/2P0GEJu Stitcher | https://bit.ly/2DzUSyp Spotify | https://spoti.fi/2ybfVTY  

All right, guys, we are back. I'm a little nasally from my recent trip to Los Angeles. Los Angeles is such a big area. Let's say I stayed in the Palisades. Who'd I get? I podcasted with Abria. There we go, Abria. I feel like I combined his name with Aubrey Marcus. So Abria, the handpan guy, if y'all have been seeing me play handpan, he's coming up. Did a great podcast with Taro from Four Sigmatic. We talked all things mushrooms, sauna, Finnish culture, just fucking really went down the rabbit hole. Santa Claus, all sorts of cool shit there. And then one of my all-time favorites, which will probably be coming up, I think in March, I got to check with Cortina's and Giles on that. But that was with the great Duncan Trussell,

who I've learned so much from and continue to learn from. So really fucking happy with those and excited for it. But as I tend to do from time to time, I push the envelope a bit hard. Now, this isn't the flu and I'm not beat up too bad, but definitely need to tend the garden a bit more and learn when to pump the brakes. Let's see. We've got my amazing and awesome wife, Natasha Kingsbury on the show today. We talk, what is it? It's just a Q&A. That's what we do. So we got our Q&A. We talk pregnancy. We talk parenting. We talk relationships. We talk all that fun stuff in this one. I think we got through 97% of the questions y'all sent in. So we do apologize if we didn't get the last few. We were a little bit pressed for time, even though we were able to take this conversation

longer than we have in the past. We're recording at the house. I still hadn't fixed the air conditioner. So sometimes the fan comes on, bear with us. It is fixed now. So if I'm recording from home, you won't have to hear that shit. But outside of that, yeah, it was a fucking awesome conversation. Love the questions that are coming in when I do these with her and I will be having her back on probably in March, I'm guessing. There's a number of ways you guys can support this show. Click subscribe. That way you never miss an episode. Leave us a five-star rating. So more people can see it with one or two ways the show has helped you out in life and check out our awesome sponsors.

Today's show is brought to you by AMP Human. This stuff is awesome. AMP Human is making really a fantastic one of a kind product. It's a, they call it PR lotion. PR lotion. And I've used this a number of times. I actually used it when I set the record here on it for the acid bath using the Concept2 rower, Concept2 ski erg, and the Concept2 bike. And what it is, a PR lotion, personal record lotion, what it's setting to do is absolutely get you to perform your very best. So they're using sodium bicarbonate technology transdermally. And this is really, really novel.

When you think about this, runners for many, many years have been using sodium bicarbonate baking soda pre-race. The issue is if you ingest it, odds are about mile one, you're going to have to shit your pants or pull over to the side and dump it out. I know that's because I did this for my 55K Ultra, the only one that I have done and the only one that I will do. That said, you can rub this cream on and through a novel technology, they are able to get better absorption rates and get this to bypass the GI system and be delivered directly through the skin. It's their flagship product and it delivers sodium bicarbonate and natural electrolytes safely through the skin. Bicarb buffers acid that builds up in the muscle during exercise, allowing you to train harder and recover faster. This is by far one of the coolest things that I've

tried in a long time. It is a game changer. And this is it right here. So you can go get yours at www.amphuman.com slash Kyle. And you can try PR Lotion by checking out their starter kit via amphuman.com slash Kyle. Don't forget to add Kyle 20 at checkout for 20% off your entire order. We're also brought to you guys by Sated Keto Meal Shakes. These guys are my favorite grab and go. They have two delicious flavors that are very convenient, vanilla or chocolate. Both of them taste great and both have less than two grams of net carbs per meal with no added sugar. They come with MCTs, omega-3s, prebiotic fiber, and 27 vitamins and minerals to give you everything

you need to stay sated throughout your day. These guys are phenomenal. I've got them in my fridge. Sometimes I add it to coffee. I mean, it's just, it's such a convenient and awesome thing to have around that also keeps me loaded up on fats, proteins without the carbohydrates. You could visit www.sated.com slash Kyle and use code word Kyle at checkout to save 10% off storewide. That's S-A-T-E-D.com slash Kyle for 10% off everything storewide. Lastly, we're brought to you by One Farm. One Farm is a 100% organic USDA certified organic farm out in Colorado that's making the very best hemp on the planet, the very best CBD on the planet. They have a full spectrum CBD that they use 100% CO2 extraction to get you, nothing but the best.

And what I mean is all the cannabinoids, all the terpenes, all the wondrous things that can be found in that truly a plant medicine, which is cannabis and which is hemp. And this is fantastic for inflammation, fantastic for sleep, fantastic for anxiety. It does a number of things. And I really, really appreciate this product. So check it out. Go to onefarm.com slash Kyle, and you're going to get 15% off everything in the store. They've got tinctures, they've got creams and salves, and they've even got some water soluble stuff that can be taken in form of a drink. Really cool stuff there with my boys at One Farm. Thank you guys for tuning in to today's show. I know you've got more comments, more questions.

Remember, love is the way. And even if you don't love the same way we love, love us through conversation, love us through our communication. One thing I try to drive home is communication is the foundation of all relationship. How we talk to one another online makes a difference. So if you have questions or concerns and they are worded in a way that comes across negative, the response will always come with love from me, but it's always appreciated when even if you disagree with certain things, you approach with love. Thank you guys. Hope you guys enjoy the show and I love you all. Today, I'm joined by my incredible partner and wife, Natasha Kingsbury. And we are going to do... And Guapo Man. Oh, and Guapo Man. If you're watching on YouTube, we got our little doggie in the house here from the crib.

So let me pull up the gram and not get lost. All right. Not a ton of questions. You have some more in yours. There's a lot of people that are giving us compliments. This photo was from the past. Obviously, I look like I've been living in the woods for the last year and I'm digging that. Where was that Matt Follies? No, that... It's the friend whose name you always called him and you never told me not to call him that. Brendan Reinhart. Yeah.

We used to call him Swine Poop for those that are wondering. Pig shit, Swine Poop. It's so mean. And that was like, you know, he was a couple years younger than us. And in the spirit of friendly hazing to our younger brothers on the football team and wrestling team, that was, yeah, Swine Poop. He was dubbed Swine Poop instead of Reinhardt, which really has no— Yeah, it doesn't— Swineheart instead of Reinhardt. And then it became Swine Poop, which is actually somebody else's name that we weren't that fond of but we're fond of brandon brandon's one of my closest

friends growing up you would talk about when you would talk about him or mention friends you would refer to him as swine poop you never called him by his actual name so i just thought like oh you have a friend named big worm you all call him Big Worm. Not derogatory. There's just so many names that just were ridiculous. So I thought like, oh, this is just another one. So I would actually call him that to his face, not knowing. And then you like pulled me aside and I'm like, he actually doesn't like that very much. Yeah, not a fan.

But it was like I had to really think about his actual name when I would see him after that. So yeah, that was his wedding. All right. That was a good wedding. It's like a had to really think about his actual name when I would see him after that. So, yeah, that was his wedding. All right. That was a good wedding. Like a Gatsby theme. Let's see here. Matt Vincent, what steps would someone take to be as classy as you two?

I don't, yeah, that's obviously a friendly question. But I think you clean up well, Matt Vincent. I don't think he needs to worry about that. I think the way you look a certain part is you go so far in the extreme of looking like you're homeless that when you finally shave, people are blown away by it. That's what I'm going for now. All right, let's get into some i'm like living in

sweatpants and then when i go on a date night i look fabulous yep yep living in sweatpants my brows on all right best books on relationships just read attached after you recommended it good stuff uh non-violent communication and that extends past even your romantic relationships that's been really helpful in my relationship with my family how I communicate with them that's a really good one easy read

great to read together and conscious loving the five love languages. Yeah, that's a great one. There's a religious undertone to it, but there's key points. And it really makes sense. It helps you understand how your partner or others give love and receive it.

Give love, receive love, and then also for you. And it might not be exactly the same. I love gift giving, but it's not a big deal to me receiving gifts. Yeah. Hence, you get a Dyson vacuum for Christmas and a sewing machine for this Christmas. That was a great gift. Both great gifts. Come on, it's a Dyson.

All right. Let's see. I know there's a couple more here that i'd like to recommend maybe one more um obviously for the open talk we've um open relationships i think more than two an ethical guide to polyamory is really good because you get to see a variety of practices of how people construct that each relationship is different even among monogamous people every relationship is different um but uh it's really cool to see that and then the do's and don'ts what works what are the common things that work among all relationships can be

found in that book what are the what are the things that don't work and And then if you are fully committed to a primary or monogamous, check out the episode that I did with Wednesday Martin, which we'll link to in the show notes, which has a wealth of ways to keep that fresh, right? Because that's very important. You don't want the sex to die. You don't want to have oversaturation. And what happens in long-term relationships is you tend to feel like you're not with your awesome partner that you met, you're with your fucking roommate. And over time, we shit in front of each other and that kind of stuff. And one of us will usually leave the room. But both getting, you know, both getting ready for a date night in the same bathroom was an example she used. It's a big no-no it's over familiarity

with the person. And so if you can get ready, like if, if the man or woman is, or if both people are working, you can get ready at the office and then meet each other out and treat it like it's your first date. Like you, she gets there first or he gets there first. And as you come in, you don't just run up to them. You act like you don't know them. And you spot them from across the bar. And you size them up. For one hour.

Yeah. And then you meander over and you offer them some filthy nuts that have been sitting on the bar, fumbled around with. And you chop it up like it's the first time. I mean, you do things like that to recreate the mystery of each other. And I think that's a really, really beautiful tip. I think Mastery of Love is another really good one. Don Miguel Ruiz. Incredible. We read that together, not paragraph by paragraph, but like half a chapter to half a chapter. And then we discuss each chapter at the end. And that was

really powerful to see what it was bringing up for us, what we agreed with, if there was anything we disagreed with, how our model of relationship fit into what he was discussing and how it didn't fit and what were the changes we needed to make to be able to become masters of love and truly love one another and truly love ourselves. You know, that's something that Paul Chex brought up before on this podcast and really anybody, it's not like he invented this idea, but you're only capable of loving someone else as much as you love yourself. And that was one of the greatest teachings that I received in open relationship was once you started dating Christian, all of the, every single fear that's

textbook came up for a man or for a woman, you know, like men are more worried. Typically, I guess if you're going to generalize about the physical attributes of the other man, women are more worried about the love. I experienced all of them. You know, how much do you love him? Do you love him more than me? Is his penis bigger? Is he better? Does he eat pussy better? All of those thoughts, are you going to leave me for him? Where do I fit? Do you still love me? All those things were questions on one side of a coin that when I turned on its head was

a reflection of how I felt about myself internally. And all of that was a limited self-belief that I couldn't recognize. It hadn't even come up for me in plant medicine ceremonies to the degree that it did from starting Open Relationship. And by far the most challenging experience that I've ever had because it felt like a ceremony that went on for several months until I became to understand it. And plant medicines helped me sort out what exactly was going on there. Once I was in the medicine space of open relationship, which is a ceremony that really doesn't have an end point.

And I think that that's one of the greatest, it's my personally greatest lesson in all of this, you know? And then from that, being able to love you more, witnessing you more and seeing how incredible you are and another partner, and seeing that the other partner is great, but not you in every way. Like you living together for eight years, we know every button to push sexually. We also know every button to push in an argument or in a conversation. And through those, understanding whatever trigger is our own, and then using nonviolent communication, we can see, okay, if somebody's upset, there's a need and a request that needs to come from this. And if we can not take it personally, like in the four agreements, and see through whatever resentment, anger, judgment, blame, fear that's in the language being used. And obviously, we do a lot

less of that now that we have nonviolent communication as a tool. It gives you a deciphering mechanism for someone else who hasn't fully grasped nonviolent communication, and you can cut through all the negative emotions that I just mentioned to see what is the real need here and how can I be of service to you. And as Dr. Mark Chang just said, and I think this podcast will air before his, but one thing that he mentioned that will always stick with me as an apology really doesn't mean much. Saying I'm sorry doesn't mean much. Behavior change says way more. And I think if we're in relationship and actively working for the benefit of ourselves, but also keeping in mind the tandem of actively working in the benefit of our own relationship, then there can be great

success there. Yeah, pal. I love that quote. All right, let's see see here I have not heard of the book Autobiography of a Yogi but I'll check it out when I get through the 30 20 books that I have purchased for the new year let's see here alright this is a good question

Kingsbow and Aubrey Marcus are my favorite podcasts, and I love you guys. If you could recommend one of yours or his podcast to help up a closed-minded person who deals with depression to lead them down a better path, what would it be? Love your stuff and hope to meet you guys one day. This was a question that stuck out to me.

Initially, it was just like, oh, I'm going to recommend him a podcast of somebody else that really can help with this. And then I thought, oh, he's asking for one of Aubrey and mine's podcasts that can help with that. And then as I reread it, I realized the sentence, podcast to help open up a closed-minded person who deals with depression to lead them down a better path, what would it be? Well, this comes back to, are you ready to learn? And one of my favorite podcasts right now outside of Living 40 with Paul Cech is Russell Brand's podcast. And he has, I haven't read his book, Recovery.

I've seen his stand-up comedy special where he talks about recovery and his own recovery and the 12-step program. And I'm quite familiar with the 12-step program, not because I've been through it, but because many of my family members have. And his talk with Jordan Peterson, as well as in his talk with Tony Robbins,

he uses that framework a lot, but the way he uses it is highly spiritual and highly beneficial for people because- And funny. And funny as fuck. Like he's brilliant, absolutely brilliant. But one of the things that he says is, the first step is you admit you're powerless

to whatever's going on in your life and that you need help, right? It is a surrendering of knowing that takes place. And that's not how everybody gets the plant medicine path. Sometimes it's just, oh, I want to explore. And then, holy shit, I've got all this stuff to work on now. And I'm not recommending everybody go down the plant medicine path but just the same as plant medicines you know when we do a week in the Amazon or have the heroic dose of psilocybin and have really big breakthroughs initially as you first get into that the tendency is I want this for everyone I know who could benefit from it which is pretty much much everyone, right? You would say, holy shit, I'm waking up now and seeing the world with new eyes and I'm completely interconnected or I have

this interbeing that Charles Eisenstein talks about. You feel it and witness it for yourself. Dennis McKenna calls that the direct experience of God. It's a knowing that's unimaginably strong, right? But you have to want that for yourself. Anyone that I grab by the wrist and take to the altar will not have the same experience as I do. It could go awry or it could just be really cool visuals and not a whole lot else. And it might not have the effect that it would

if they felt the call to it, when they actually hit the rock bottom and have that realization of, oh, this isn't't working what i've been doing isn't working i need to change and make changes and um sometimes the best it can take a while but the best um thing is just to be the example to that person so you do the work on yourself and people see the change in you and the joy and the healing, the health. Yeah, be the change that you wish to see in the world.

And so as you are the walking embodiment of any great spiritual teacher that's been here, if you're the walking embodiment of peace, unconditional love, and fill in the blank of good fucking vibes and energy, that is witnessed and felt by everyone around you. And then it's a, how did you get here? I want some of that for myself because they see it and they feel it. And it's real. It's not just pie in the sky. This is the experience I had and what it did for me. They actually see you doing the work. And not everyone who goes into plant medicines or any other path of transformation gets the downloads and actually puts it into practice.

Right? So no different than reading a fascinating book. Like Essentialism is one of the best books I've read in the last year, if I read that and understand it and can regurgitate it on a microphone, that's completely different than if I read that, understand it, and use it to change every facet of my life to look at what is essential and what is non-essential, to understand what's important now, to have a singular priority, one, not priorities, per day, and to know that all these other things, if they happen, great, but they're not a priority. If I can start to change my life in that way, then I have embodiment. And whatever those downloads are for the medicine that are perfect for you and completely personal to you,

they only matter if you actually put that into practice. Yeah. And I also think something that both of us have been getting a lot in different books and, um, ceremonies is this, this friend is on their path. This is their journey, our job, you know, our role in other people's lives is to just show love and be supportive and hold space while they're in their ceremony, you know, of life. And they, it's not our job to fix people. All we can do is just, you know, shine the love and be supportive. And the more tools you have in your toolbox, the better it is for you, the better it is for you to shine the light. And the more tools you have in your toolbox, the better it is for you. The better it is for you to shine the light. And when there is the inquiry and there is the calling and there is

the idea, and it doesn't even have to be addiction. He just, he uses that model very well for all things plaguing us for all kinds of suffering. But when you wake up one day and you say, I don't fucking like my life right now. Something is off about the way I live and the model that's been handed down that I was born into, right? Like the matrix. That's when you can say, I want help. And maybe you start finding different podcasts that can do that. Obviously you guys are listening to this one. So you figured out that much. And then from there, there are many other tools. And even if plant medicines are never a part of that toolbox, there's float tanks, there's different forms

of breath work, meditation, there's tending the garden, there is healing your body. Yeah. There's a lot of cool things out there that can help people transform. And it just has to come when they're ready. All right. What is a standard day in the life of Kingsborough and Natasha Kingsbury look like? Big love to you champions, by the way, from the slank in Australia. Go ahead, pal. Well, during the week, we have to get Bear out the door heading to Waldorf by 7.30. So typically we will set an alarm in case we sleep in. But 6.30 is usually our get-up time.

Start making breakfast. This week, since Kyle and I have been, Kyle's been able to work from home a lot and has sectioned out time in his day to paint. So we'll paint together. But since our table is covered in paints and canvases, Bear's been wanting to jump on the painting bandwagon. And so he's been waking up in the morning and painting while we make breakfast. And I get started on his lunch. Not a whole lot of room for meditation and it's usually pretty busy,

but it's a connection time. For us, it's connection time with Bear before he goes to school for the day and doesn't see us, isn't around us. So it's eating a healthy breakfast and sometimes if we wake up super early, there'll be time for some games or some dog man, you know, book. And, um, but once he's out the door, um, Goppa goes for a walk and, um, then I have some time to, to read and paint and work out. But early mornings lately have been, been um since he's back in school uh just i think the the typical yeah it's routine right yeah routine and then listening to your body seeing what you need if you already had a hard workout yesterday maybe it's just yoga or

music art getting outside getting the sunlight on our skin. Playing music. Playing music. For me, after reading Essentialism, this is the first year where I've really taken a fine comb through the last two and a half years that we've lived here and seen where I've been productive, where I've not been productive, where my focus has led me astray and off the path of my own self-discovery, my own wisdom in terms of not the inner wisdom, but I guess both. Activating the inner wisdom and intuition within me through my own creativity, creating enough space to be aware and listen to that inner guidance and wisdom and intuition, and then also acquiring more wisdom from other great thinkers like Charles Eisenstein and some of these people, the books that I'm reading right now, where I hope to have these guests on sometime in 2020.

So for me, it's, you know, Tosh touched, there we go, Tosh touched on a couple of important things. Everybody has the mundane to do. Everybody has their daily shit that just has to be done. Sometimes it's mowing the lawn. Sometimes it's doing the dishes or making food, three square meals a day or whatever the case is, or two squares if you're fasting. But you can apply all these concepts of meditation. And Dr. Mark Chang, again, I talked about this. I think he got it from Peter Krohn was on the podcast. I don't know if he mentioned on the podcast we did, but it's a meditative quality that you can bring to all action, right? And that's something that one of the best books I've ever read that I'm three quarters of the way through, the Vedanta Treatise, really dives into

is how do you marry the peace of the East with the productivity of the West? Because the West is productive, but there is no peace. And the East may or may not have peace, but they have a lot less productivity. So peace in action, right? And he says to be in the world and everywhere you look, there will be a pointer that shows you where you're in resistance or acceptance. But if you bring a meditative quality, like there's a lot of days where I'll have, we'll get bear ready. I'll drive him to school. I come back, I'm listening to audible and then we'll paint or I'll play music or I'll do something to open up my creativity. And that can be the sacral chakra, if you're into that,

or that can just be, I need more avenues of creativity. And one thing that I've discovered, which was a download I had in a recent psilocybin journey, was that the more avenues I have open for creativity, the better uniformly my creativity becomes, whether that's on this podcast or any of my work designing supplements for on it or in my coaching, whether that's the inner circle private coaching or within fit for service is one of the four coaches, all those avenues, playing music, painting, anything that opens my creativity channels up, opens them all up. And I see a benefit across the board. So I think that's been a priority in my schedule. And then there's days like today where I'd literally take bear to school. I get back

immediately to the house. Jaws is here setting up the gear. We're going to knock out this podcast. And then I'm going to go straight into meeting after meeting after meeting at work where I have a thin sliver of a one-hour break in the day where I'm going to do a quick workout, 30-minute workout, 15-minute sauna, 15-minute stretch session, and that'll be me tending the garden of my body. And in the 15 minutes of sauna, I'm going to have headphones on, probably some East Forest, and that'll be my meditation. So I can balance the working out with the working in, as Paul Cech loves to talk about. All right, next question. Will Bear be fighting in the UFC one day? What are your thoughts? I'd like to answer that, but what are your thoughts? So of course, as mother, I'm like, oh, I really hope he doesn't gravitate towards football or fighting or BMX, like anything that could, you know, have serious injury.

But ultimately, I will support him, maybe we do know some of the top coaches, you know, in MMA, in fighting. Whatever he does, he will have the best coaching situation. And he'll be on that CBD and fish oil and all the things, but I want, I never want to be a parent who pushes him to do things or says no. Yeah. I think that's an important thing there. I too, even having fought would rather he didn't and played football since I was 10 would rather he didn't play football or fight. Now that doesn't mean I don't want him to learn martial arts. He's in jujitsu right now at Tent Planet. They have a toddler class for three to five-year-olds, and he absolutely loves it. It's a lot of tumbling, a lot of body awareness.

He gets to learn chokes. That was the draw for him. You can learn how to choke daddy and papa, and that's who he called my dad, Papa Rick Kingsbury, who's also a black belt in jujitsu. And so there are certain things within martial arts that are absolutely critical, especially for children. One is self-confidence and the belief that they're not, they don't have to live in fear of others. The other is bullying. And, and I, and I bring this up in a couple of different ways because that's always a hot trending topic. How do we end bullying? And I was bullied a lot as a kid. And then when I grew older, I bullied some other kids. I didn't bully them physically,

but I was a fucking bully mentally. And I think one of the, I guess I did bully physically. Sometimes I kicked a Fanta that was open on top of a bunch of kids playing magic. And it just went end over end covering them in orange soda. It's a dick move, right? So how do you end bullying? Well, you put the bully in martial arts. And a lot of people would think that's contradictory because now you're going to teach somebody who has aggression how to be more physically damaging to other kids. And the truth is, kids who have a chip on their shoulder need an outlet. And if the martial arts coach, the sensei, or anybody who's coaching is a really good one, they're going to teach discipline,

and they're also going to teach responsibility and respect for what you learn. When is it okay to use this knowledge, right, and use this power? And the thing about martial arts that have a sparring component, like jiu-jitsu, is you get to roll. And if you get to roll with people, you have a constant check and balance. You constantly realize, oh, I know less than I think I do. Or, hey, I'm really good against this guy, but I suck against this girl or this guy.

And you start to understand that it takes a long time to master that. But all through that mastery, all through the thousands of times you tap and the times where you didn't tap soon enough and you got hurt and you had to take three weeks off or six months off like I did, that forces you to be humbled. It allows you to be humbled in a beautiful way. And in doing so, gets the chip off your shoulder. Now, we know Bear has the same fire inside that you and i do and he is a ball of energy but i also mean like he has a spark where i could see him wanting to fuck shit up i could see him you know like he's he's he's got we we coach him on the anger monkeys how to get the anger monkeys out by taking a deep breath with an audible exhale it's like our everybody do it

right now in your car or wherever you're listening, even at the office. It just feels good. It fucking lets off the steam, right? So we'll do a few rounds of that. Well, the funniest thing is, sorry, really quick, is whenever we see that ball of fire building in him, whatever object he's holding or near, you're like, do not break that thing. Do not break that thing in your hand yeah yeah and so you know i mean some of that there's there's really cool books like the mind body code um what was oh it didn't start with you by mark wallen um that talk about the epigenetics that get passed down and i know rogan's talked about this with Rupert Sheldrake and different people. And obviously Rupert takes it a step further from epigenetics into morphic

resonance, which is a beautiful topic I want to talk about. And he's a bucket list guest of mine. So anybody that knows Rupert, I do want to plan a trip, not this year, but 2021 to England to get Brian Rose, Rupert Sheldrake, Graham Hancock, and all of my favorite people out there across the pond. But all that to say, we do hand shit down to our kids. And even if we parent perfectly, we'll see some of the same things as a mirror that we experience as kids. We'll see the same anger, the same things. And it's just like, I didn't teach you that. How do you have that? And we understand from these books and the science that backs it, like, yes, there is a genetic component.

Yes, there is a morphic resonance component. That's not just, you know, even Eckhart Tolle talks about this in A New Earth. I shouldn't say even. Eckhart Tolle talks about this in A New Earth. We have our global consciousness of the earth and all its inhabitants and the earth itself, which is conscious. We have humanity's consciousness as a blanket. And this is not hive mind. This is not that kind of shit, but there's a field you can tune into. Then we have our own ancestors and our own lineage and our own family's stuff, right?

That we got to work through. And what is that there's a quote from the bible the seeds of our fathers the generational it's basically they call it generational curse that things get the sins of our fathers of our fathers get passed down until um someone ends it breaks it breaks the cycle. Yeah. Fucking wisdom. No question about it. All right. So, yeah, I wouldn't want him to fight in the UFC and currently working very hard with Nate Corey, John Fitch, Brandon Vera, Kung Lee, and Javi Vasquez. And a team of really great lawyers with the Supreme Court in Nevada to rectify a lot of the wrongs that are happening in the UFC. And that's a whole different topic for you for conversation.

We're going on Bloomberg. We've been on NPR. This thing's been going on since bear was in the womb, class action lawsuit. So a lot of stuff there fighting on behalf of all fighters so that that sport and that corporation can change its practices. All right. Oh, yes, plant ceremonies.

How to really surrender going into them. I'm off for my second one soon and want to learn how to go deeper. Man, there's a lot for that, but I think the biggest one is just um surrender and not fighting it so allowing you know going in with an intention um if so it sounds like he's going or they're going to an actual place but um well it doesn't matter it's ubiquitous if you're ubiquitous. Whether you're doing mushrooms in your living room, listening to East Forest Music for Mushrooms album in your solo or with a person or a sitter or a guide, or you're in the Amazon with maestros and curanderos that have been working with the medicine for 30 plus years, you're still going to have to push the surrender button, right? And the answer on how to surrender is to surrender, which you so beautifully stated is exactly fucking what it is.

The keys to that are very similar. I keep making a smacking sound. My apologies for that. The keys to that are very similar to meditation. And one of the reasons for that is in the science of mindfulness on audible by Ronald Siegel, and one of the reasons for that is in the science of mindfulness on audible by ronald siegel he talks about the fact that scientifically the more you meditate the more you strengthen that muscle to quiet your mind and get into your heart space

just like lifting weights anything that you're consistent with you know perfect practice makes perfect so however many times you actually can drop into zero space or your quiet center, it gets easier and easier the more you do it, right? It starts to snowball. And the same can be said for surrender. It's really a matter of how many times you've gone through the hard experiences, and that can be different for everybody. For me, that might, well, for sure, it was 30 grams of penis envy, or it could be a gram for someone else, right? Where they really get pushed to their limits. It's different based on people's neurochemistry, their history with the substances, how much situ unique. Each one is its own thing. And each one requires new ways to let go, new ways to surrender, new ways to process the information and start to embody it. And that's something that I'll always remember when Dennis McKenna was asked,

somebody said, you've done ayahuasca hundreds of times. When are you going to stop? You're also an older man. When do you feel like you're going to be done and he said i'll stop doing it when i stop learning but every time he goes and likely because he understands uh we have another question on this down the road but um in this podcast is how do you integrate right so dennis mckenna for sure knows how the fuck to integrate and so when he goes to his next ceremony he's getting fresh downloads he's not getting the same things like I had had in the past of, you know, for me, it was meditate and do yoga. And I had that three ceremonies in a row and I was like, hands in the air, why the fuck do you keep telling me this? Oh, you haven't done any of it yet. That's why. You're going to keep getting this message and you don't get any new messages until you start

practicing. Again, my medicine, not everyone's medicine, but... Well, and surrendering to the ceremonies that you don't want to have. When those ones come, it's basically saying that you are ready to tackle that. You are ready to face that and start to begin the healing process. And so, you know, any kind of scary visual or just, you know, any kind of flashbacks or things that might come up, um, accepting and, and, you know, knowing, okay, I'm, I, so the medicine is telling me I'm ready for this. I'm ready to work through this and it's going to be hard, but knowing there's going to be beautiful messages and healing. The most healing ceremonies I've had have been the ones that were by far the hardest. I had to work really hard to get through them.

Yeah, and that's that. Instead of being like, this is taking a turn. I was just planning on doing this for fun with my husband. Now it's taking a very dark turn and I don't want to do this. I don't want to see this. And then, you know, you being my partner and holding space for me and reminding me, no, you're ready. I'm going to help you through this. And, um, and then, yeah, then the journey begins and you come out and have a lot.

Yeah. A lot of healing. Those things to, to piggyback on what you're saying happen exactly when they're supposed to. It's not a mistake or a coincidence. And you're not given the kitchen sink. Somebody who goes to their first plant medicine ceremony or even just having a chemical like LSD or ketamine or MDMA therapy, you don't get all of it in one whack. Nobody's healed from one ceremony. And intelligently, the intelligence and consciousness of whatever medicine you're using is guiding you. And it's going to do it in a way where you don't just get ripped apart and have to fucking reassemble yourself. For the most part, that's dose dependent and guide dependent. But in our experiences and in many others that we've worked with and known and come to know through shared experiences, bit by bit, you work on yourself. It's like peeling the layer of an onion and you uncover more and you uncover more and you heal. And even if it's not for healing, you learn to explore the depths of your own

consciousness and what it means to be interconnected to all things with no separation from nature, with a capital N and no separation from God, as God, as a part of God. It's a very different worldview than how we were raised. And knowing that there are ceremonies sometimes where you're like, what was that? I don't understand some of the things I saw or messages that I received. And that is why it's so important to follow dieta after ceremony and continue to journal and meditate and keep your body clean so that you can continue to receive messages from the ceremonies. Yeah, and creating space. I know that's going to come into another question here on integration,

but creating space is a big one. I'll dive deeper into that in a moment. Would love to know if you've discussed how and when to talk to Bear about your family dynamic and how you'd want to explain to him what it means and how it differs from cultural norms. No doubt he may be in school and surrounded by kids or other families who don't understand or agree with your lifestyle. I know it'll be a love-filled conversation. I think y'all are amazing parents. Great question. Yeah. Um, I don't think it's going to be something where we're like, bear, we need to sit you down and tell you what, you know, about the relationship. I think as he grows, he's already

very aware as he grows. Um, and you know, has more awareness of the situation, then when he's, when he asks the questions, then we will have those conversations. Um, but I don't, you know, there's never a time in my childhood where I grew up and my parents sat me down and explained their marriage to me, their relationship to me. I'm sure he's going to have questions just because it isn't the norm and he'll have friends over and the friends, you know, well, what's going on there? But it's not like we're all making out in front of people when they're over. Like it's a very, I think, i think normal family yeah there's affection there you know like i'm even long before we were open we're very affectionate people touches our love language and you could see us rubbing on not rubbing genitalia but rub like massaging people

rubbing their ears giving them a scalp or head massage that are just friends with us. I do it to Aubrey all the time and we're not physically intimate in the sexual sense, but definitely intimate as brothers. And I think when that is normalized for kids because they weren't, you know, he's growing up and even as we just talked about from the epigenetic level and the consciousness field, the fields of consciousness that's long been embedded in us. The current model of how love should happen. And it takes a lot of work to move through that model and to see it differently and then to practice it differently. So no doubt that's embedded in him on some level, even though he's grown up in a house where he has other aunties and uncles around. And sometimes we sleep over at other

aunties and uncles' houses and he can come over and sleep there too. He does sleepovers at Uncle Christian's house. He'd come over with me to my girlfriend's house who had a kid and we'd play there. It just adds family, I guess. And that affection is already there. Even among other people, it was already there before we started open relationships. So he knows that affection that way too, you know, and we're rubbing his head and back scratching his back and massaging his legs and doing all the same things we do with other people. So he just sees that as the norm in terms of affection around the house. But yeah, we'll

have that conversation when it comes up. It's a great question. And there's, you know, honestly, there's going to be a lot of things for him that are different. You know, the fact that... He already knows how to pull cards and smudge people. He's just watching us do stuff. Yeah, he's dialed in. But there are still going to be conversations that need to be had around what most people think about certain things and also a big degree, a lesson in not having spiritual superiority.

The way that we do things, it's not to say I'm better than or worse. They're worse than. in not having spiritual superiority. You know, the way that we do things does not, it's not to say I'm better than or worse, they're worse than, it's not about separation. That increases separation. And that can go from, even from the diet nutrition standpoint, like we've had to let him know, like he doesn't like gluten stuff because it makes his stomach hurt. And he's figured that out for himself um at the same time if he has you know regular cake at a birthday party or something like that it's like fucking cool because 330 days a year you're not so not the end of the world but it doesn't make us better than

because we eat a gluten-free thing versus a gluttonous thing you know and it doesn't make us better that we have keto desserts instead of candy. Obviously his temperament is better. And when you give kids candy, as I've stated in the past, it's like giving a crack at a crack. It's all bad. It's not something you want to do. They already have fuck you energy. They have incredible energy. That's the way to short circuit them fastest. And obviously if you look around in the world and see how many obese kids there are, it's a problem and it's a a problem of knowledge. And it's a problem of discipline. And it's a problem of options. But if you have really good keto pudding, like you can

find a shameless plug in our ebook that Tasha just launched on kingsboo.com for five bucks, then you have some options that are still sweet and still allow them the experience of a treat in their childhood. All right. What do you do? What do you two do when the relationship gets a little chippy and or sex life wanes a little? Does being in an open relationship make it easier or harder? I wouldn't want to quote, turn, run to, or lean on and quote the other partner because I would fear that it would be ignoring a problem. Yeah. I don't think, well, I can't really quite put my, I need to think about that for a second if you want to start. So Tosh has this beautiful gift of being able to read people she's close to and even people she's not close to. And that's not an esoteric, she's not reading mine.

She's not looking at my auric field and saying, yeah, there's a blockage here. You look angry, but she can sense when I'm off kilter. And a lot of people can do this. It's not like a special fucking gift, but it is special to the degree that you can do it. And what that means is sometimes it's like, you're reading my mind mind. You know when fucking something's off. And if I just say I'm tired, then you know there's more than that. And you also have the gift of saying shit as it comes up. You don't harbor. You don't let it fester.

You don't hold on to it. I will know if you're upset right from the jump. And there is no sitting, waiting, and guessing. And that's something that has been strengthened over our eight-year relationship. And it's also been strengthened in the manner at which you present your ideas or your questioning over our status. And thankfully, due to nonviolent communication and doing the work to embody that, you'll bring stuff up as it happens. And so as far as the chippiness, sex life waning, any of those things, if it's felt, it's talked about immediately,

which is a crucial piece in any relationship dynamic, to not let it sit. And you might say, am I over-emphasizing certain things or constantly on this improvement model or constantly looking for shit to fix. Like, that's not the case. But if something's off, let's talk about it. And if we can communicate each other where we're at and communicate to each other what we need, then shit gets ironed out really quickly. And I've seen that that was not always the case and certainly not when we started open. But through the pressures of that and through reading these books and the fires lit under our ass to be better in relationship and better in communication, we've seen that really make a difference in ours.

Yeah. For the second piece of that, they talk a lot about this in More Than Two, An Ethical Guide to Polyamory. So if shit hits the fan with your primary or with any one of your partners for that matter, do you then just tune out and wait for stuff to die down and go hang with your other partners? Well, that's always a cop-out. It's always a cop-out. It's never happened between us because even with our other partners, we're not over there often. We have a day a week that we can take off from being mom or dad. And that's because we are parents and they are prioritized in that. And all the other days

are inclusive of, not all the other days, but a lot of the other days do include our other partners. So it's not like we only see them once a week. Yeah. They come over after work and play games. Play some board games, wrestle, hang out and jump in the bath all that good stuff so but but i would read that book alex it's um it's incredible and really dives deep into that and you know whether you're married or not you know people really do want deep connection uh doesn't matter which path you choose if you choose open relationship, polyamory, swingers, whatever, there is a burning desire to have a primary partner. And you don't have to get married to have a primary partner. You don't have to be monogamous to have a primary. You can do that in open. You can do that in a myriad of ways. But the craving is for a richness of to be seen and felt and heard by somebody that you truly love. And if you're

both on the same page for exploring sexuality and other things with other people, that's just one layer of the game. But the truth is at the core of all of that is the deeper connection you have. And typically, not always, but typically that is with one person. You know, Paul Cech has two wives. That's a double primary situation. He loves them equally. And they both have their own unique, beautiful traits and personality. I love them. I love all three of them.

They're fucking fantastic people. But Angie and Penny are different people. And Paul loves them for who they are and where they're at. And their situation works. It works because he's understood how to give and satisfy both of them, how to be of service to both of them. They know how their inner dynamics work well. And I've never been a, the entire year that we've been doing this with Christian in the mix um I'm not I'm mad at this one I'm gonna leave and go hang out with this one kind of a person it's very much I will

not enjoy myself until I you know I will I will feel that whole situation until I work it out. And that's why I'm very feeling this way. So let's talk about this. So if something, if I have a date night planned with Christian, but let's say Kyle and I, God, I can't remember the last time we were in a fight. Like we've really got things dialed. I mean, six, seven, probably like five or six months.

Yeah. It's been a while. Yeah. But it's a thing where I work it out. I need to work it out right then and there. And mine and yours communication is we're really good at talking, you know, taking turns, talking, communicating, apologizing where needed. If it's a, maybe a pregnancy of a reaction,

then it's quick to, I'm quick to have that realization. I'm like, okay, maybe it's not really that big of a deal. And Christian and I are still in the beginning, you know, first year. And so it's, we're, we're still're still learning yeah i want to say he's still learning but i gotta um and then as far as really quick as far as like the sex goes um it there's never like one of the things kyle's really great about and has been great about reminding me um especially in the first trimester, I was so tired, especially at night. It would just hit me and I would be ready to fall asleep by like 7.30. And that is typically

when your home bear's finally gone to sleep and that would be our connection time. And so there was a lot of like, I would feel a lot of guilt that I didn't have the energy. And you would just remind me that resting is the most important. We have the rest of our lives to play around and connect that way. Yeah. And that love is there. It's not going anywhere. So to trust in that and to know it with a capital K, it allows for space. And again, essentialism,

what is essential? It's essential that you get your rest, that the baby grows and has perfect health. It's not essential that we connect physically seven nights a week while you're pregnant. Fucking not essential. It's not the priority either. The priority is you and baby and then bear and then us, you know, and that's how it goes. So, um, but it's been nice cause you've had, you know, more time at home and so we've been able to have fun during the day and paint together. And so there's different, there's all sorts of ways to connect to your partner. Um, essentialism helps you figure out how that timing looks like. And I think that kind of answers this next question, which is a series of questions. Example, date nights with each other, friends, with and without kids, et cetera.

Also, how you divide proper time between the necessarily family time and necessary obligation to work and work life without one overcoming the other. So for that second question, that is Essentialism by Greg McCown. Get the book. It'll change your fucking life. You'll understand what the priority is, what's important now, what is essential and what is not essential. And then you'll practice that, which doesn't happen overnight. And then when trusting other adults, so babysitters, shit like that. So let's get into, these are great parenting questions. Example date nights, the with and without kids scenario, and then babysitting. All right. Your coffee there. Um, well, we love movies. We don't have a TV. So I feel like it's rare. When we do go to a movie, we're like, oh my gosh, look at that. Our people will tell us about a movie. But we haven't been super

consistent with actual date nights. We are really enjoying, it's like a date night for us, but we're home and we're painting together or we'll throw on Gaia Channel or a funny movie and just connect in that way. We're talking. We love eating out. Dinner and movie adds up. It does add up. And it's not, we can make food that we feel great after eating here. And we also like to eat earlier.

So it's usually like 4.30 or 5 o'clock when we like to eat. Yeah, so that way we're not paying for a babysitter for seven or eight hours for our date night and then tacking that onto an expensive meal and tacking that onto a movie. It doesn't mean that doesn't happen. Those are some of my favorite date nights. Dinner in a movie is so fucking basic and bland.

But when it's a dope movie and it's really good food, and we have incredible restaurants here that use high quality grass-fed, grass-finished meat. I mean, Valentina's is the best barbecue in town and it's the highest level of meat there, right? Now smoked meat's not the best meat. That's a side conversation. But point is, if you're going to do it, do it right. And so it's nice to have a really good meal

and it's something that we're not necessarily going to make at home. Like I have a smoker, but I don't know how to smoke brisket in the way the pros do, you know, things like that. So I think there's room there, but you know, in lieu of us not having as many date nights, especially with you being tired and things like that from the pregnancy, it's what are the different ways we can connect to one another with quality time that's meaningful and fun. And not just us doing something side by side like painting, but actually what painting does for us, which is brings us out of our minds and into our heart space. It's a meditative practice. And it's a practice of creativity, and it's shared, and I can learn from you, and you inspire me, and it's a really cool way to connect. And also remembering that life is not just

checking off all these fucking things, so we'll watch just a fucking dumb comedy and laugh and play and hear each other's laughs and snuggle and experience that in bed watching on a 22 inch iMac computer. But that's awesome. Right. Those are great experiences too. Well, and we also, even before we had bear, we were not like people who went out on date nights. Like we would go see movies, but, um, our dates were typically date days. We would go see movies but um our dates were typically date dates we'd go find a new dope trail spot and hike it on a microdose or go to our favorite beach spot and do a heroic dose um secluded beaches not a lot of people but um it's always been we've always gravitated towards things that were um beneficial to us as well as bonding and connecting yeah yeah babysitters has been an issue when we

moved to austin we have no family here we did like babysitter.com or something like that had two horrible fucking experiences with it um you know and we've had better babysitter experiences through people we've met here in town and it's usually a friend that says i have a friend who's a babysitter who's awesome and you have the interview and you see how well they play with your kid and then you're like yeah we can do this and so we've had some great babysitter experiences here where Bear calls him auntie and absolutely loves him and wants us to leave so he can have time with the babysitter. And so there's things like that. Obviously, you know, being in our relationship now, we can have Christian watch Bear on certain nights. I shouldn't say certain nights, like whenever it happens. It's not often,

but when it does, you know. Yeah, It's not often, but when it does. Yeah, he's watching Bear tomorrow night. So we can go to dinner with Aub and some friends. Gunter and Vi and Steph. So lots of cool things there, ways to differently implement that. But you always want to feel really strongly about the person you're about to leave your kids with. And that might be in two or three interviews.

But in the interview, it's not just you guys fucking chopping it up, asking questions. It's literally just watching them play with your kid. Yeah. To see like, what kind of energy do they have? Are they authentic? Are they on their phone? How many times did they pick up their phone

while they're talking to you? All that shit matters. Cause then they're not gonna be, if they're gonna check out with you right now, they're for damn sure checking out with your kid when no one else is watching. The energy of your kid when you come home. If you come home and your kid is still awake or, you know, if your kid's already asleep, you know, just watching them in the morning,

typically they will tell you no matter whether, you know, whether they can speak or not, that they had a fun night. You know, if it was a great babysitter then they'll talk about the babysitter and you know bear is you know very my love auntie leila like he just can't stop talking about her he loves her so much um the time we have the horrible babysitter he we got home and he was in a rage he was so angry and and i don't i don't we don't to this day know what happened don't yeah but like it really could have just been that what i think is that um she just wasn't playing with him she was on her phone um she wasn't present and he's very much a, I'm here and we're going to do something together. Yeah.

And if somebody is dismissive or not present, even us, if we're like, once he's home, it's like no phones around. Phones are charging because he, and it's awesome. It's a great reminder. Oh yeah, we need to be present. We are here. Let's play. Let's be, you know, this it's awesome. It's a great reminder. Oh yeah, we need to be present. We are here. Let's play. Let's be, you know, this is family time. But yeah, so just watching their behavior.

But the most important thing I think is before you leave them with anybody that you. You got to vet them. Yeah, have them over for an evening where they are just coming over to have dinner with you and hang out and play games. And you get to see how they are. If they seem, if it's just natural for them to play and talk to your kid, that's, that's what you want. And they get to see how you parent as well. So they can mirror that. So it's, it's, um, it's conducive to the way your kid understands how to learn and understands how to communicate. And I think that's, that's

important. Yeah. Uh, we got about 25 minutes left and I think we have, you have some questions. I have about 10 more. So let's see if we can get through all these, um, real quick, what is, how many pounds should you start with for kettlebells? Thanks. Pick them up. Try some different ones. Typically you want to be able to do three exercise, a windmill, halo, and bootstrap squat. That's going to come with a lighter kettlebell.

I use a 44 pound kettlebell, 20 kilo or a 24 kilo for those exercises, but I started with a 16. So you want to be able to do those, all those movements because they're going to open up the body. And that's something that you can do a Turkish get up with as well. So if you can Turkish get up with it, then you can for sure swing snatch and do all the other stuff, clean and press, whatever. You really want to get your reps in better reps with a lighter weight before you start going up in weight. And speed is one of those things that matters. So how fast you swing is important.

Pavel Tatsulin has a series of books and videos that will excellently explain that. And Mike Salemi. And my boy Mike Salemi. And you can also go to Onnit for kettlebell certifications and really master that. I've actually done. That's the only cert that I've done from on it, and it was a game changer. All right. I am interested in how you balance your solid morning routines, focus on spirituality and health, work, et cetera. Needs, wants, desires with partners. I'm starting a movement or morning

routine of meditation, gym, et cetera, but you wake up in the morning and want some morning cuddles and nookie, then my meditation practice slides. So some of this can be ironed out with the book Essentialism. One of the things I just want to say quickly before I let Tosh answer this question is, you know, when it comes to morning meditation and gym, but then you wake up one morning and want to have cuddles and sex, and then the meditation practice slides, remember, you can remain meditative in all things. And sex has been used as a tool for thousands of years for enlightenment and awakening. So there are books on Tantra and there are books on several other ways, the multi-orgasmic male. There are ways to extend higher levels of consciousness through

physical interaction with your partner. My whole thing is, whatever these tools are that enrich our lives, if there's a giant toolbox full of them, select from those tools. For me, that might mean sitting quietly meditating in a dark room one day with music on. It might mean no music. It might mean going for a walk in nature. It might mean doing Tai Chi. It might mean no music. It might mean going for a walk in nature. It might mean doing Tai Chi. It might mean I'm just going to work out today and then stretch. Right? So as many tools you have that are good and filling your cup and making you feel good about yourself, the better. But if you skip meditation to have sex with your partner, you got to rethink what that looks like.

It is not a bad thing. It's not your meditation practice is slipping. If you fucked seven days a week and didn't meditate that week but got back to your meditation when things cooled off, awesome. Awesome. That's a win. Yeah. Good work, son. That's good work.

So nothing to be, you know, let go of the need. Like people, as we get into the path of awareness and growth, people a lot of times will put those things, those activities up on a pedestal. And it's okay when you're building habits to want to be diligent and consistent with those habits. But just remember, if you were to classify each particular tool under a category, then you only need to pick from that category once a day. You don't need to pick everything from that category and do it every single day. That'll cause burnout, no matter how good it is for you. Yeah. And just remembering that it's not like

there's one place, one time you can do it. It's all day. Do it all day. Whether you, you know, if you have sex in the morning and then you're like, ah, yeah, you're ready for work. Well, there's shower. You can meditate in the shower while you're washing it. It doesn't have to be sitting in the same spot. Yeah. I think it's the most beneficial when you put it into practice throughout the day, whenever, you know, life is happening, being able to tune into that frequency. 100%. All right. Uh, before my question, love your family and glad you guys put yourself out there, share your experiences. All right.

Let's see here. Question is about Wolf. Here's the question that everyone is wondering and a lot of people are asking. I appreciate the way this was worded because I remember as we open up these questions for Q&As with Natasha and I, I always have the gentle reminder to be kind. So thank you for your kindness. My question is about Wolf. You mentioned in the past that you were trying with the open relationship and would be okay if Christian was the biological father. Did you all plan Wolf out or taking the chance to find out who is going to be the father after birth? Much love and respect.

So as much as we would have loved to have planned Wolf out, she is coming when she decided. So whether that's end of June, beginning of July, that is when she decided she wanted to come. And so, you know, we had planned two years ago to start, you know, to have our second baby and that wasn't in the in the plans um the question so if christian's dad is an issue was that part planned um no uh at this point it's a 50 50 and but yes we did plan by saying yes to including him and the potential for that. So there was many conversations around that. How do you feel about that being a possibility? Yeah, we talked about all of that. So all that was agreed upon ahead of time and with each other's blessings

and also under the idea that she is ours. She is ours. It doesn't matter to us. The child will never leave mom because she's never going to leave bear and the kids will always stay together no matter what happens, even with me and mom, the children always with mom. And that's an agreement we all have and understand how we parent together, not with our own ideas, not with our own anything really, not with our own anything, really. Not with our own baggage from how we were raised.

But that we actively learn and work towards a new ideal around parenting and a new ethics around what our family's about and how we want to teach and raise our kids. That is communal and tribal, and that is ours together. Not any one person with their head at the table saying, this is the way we're going to do it now. And I think that's an important understanding for anyone to have who's trying to cultivate something similar. Or even just in the situation through circumstance, you know, there's really no accident there. The soul will choose which genes it wants, even if it has a selection amongst 25 individuals. It's not an accident.

And the conversation of, you know, this situation, this setup will not work if there's any kind of possessiveness, you know, over children. Like, it's our baby, and she's going to be just showered with love. We're all ecstatic to have her. Bear's excited to be a big brother. So for me, it just feels like a pregnancy and extra love. Extra love. All right. I'd love to hear or I'd love to know about your birth intentions. I know you're looking at home birth, but we'd love to know if you're considering water birth,

hypnobirthing, if you, Kyle, will deliver slash catch. I got to be the first hands to touch and hold my son as I pass him to my wife. Still brings tears to my eyes thinking about how special it was. Fuck yeah. Yeah, we definitely are going towards home birth. I had a bear all naturally no help in the hospital at Stanford in the Bay Area. And we wanted to do a home birth then.

But being that we were in the Bay Area, it was very expensive to find a midwife. But this go around, we, since everything went well and I had a fairly quick delivery with Bear, so I feel like this one will be even faster. I'm on my catcher's mitt on. I'm flying out. We had considered doing a water birth with bear. And then the more we read on that, it became very apparent that that actually was not the best idea simply because all of the the vaginal juices that coat the baby as it's coming out are super important for microbiome and immune system, just so many different things. Allergies, the list goes on and on. Yeah, for life. It's just the importance of leaving that on there and with a water birth that basically washes off a lot of it. Not all of it, but a lot of it. A lot of it.

Enough to wash it off. And we left that gunk on Bear for a week and a half or something like that. First bath was like eight or nine days later. So we let him stay a little crusty. And then, yeah, home birth. I mean, there's so many things that my birth plan that we had for Bear and that we'll have for Wolf, we got from the nourishing traditions of baby and child care. And it was definitely a lot of that was foreign to the hospital scene. But thankfully, our doctor was very supportive and on board with it. But like we,

you know, did not have the umbilical cord cut right as soon as he came out. A lot of times they want to do that so that they can check the baby and wash the baby and do all these other things. But it's very important to basically wait an hour. And that's bonding time too, right? When that baby comes out, they don't need to do all that shit they need to check for that the baby's breathing yeah and has perfusion throughout its extremities you're fucking good lay it on mom let it latch let them connect right you know and then the placenta will pass and and just allowing all of that, you know, all of the rest. Why am I pulling blank right now? From the placenta cord.

You want all of the nutrients. All the nutrients that are in there from mom. That are in there, yeah. That are going to continue to feed the baby at that point. Into the baby. And then encapsulate that shit. We want to encapsulate the placenta this time. Last time we planted it under a tree

under an avocado tree in my mom's backyard you know there's so much that we don't like about hospitals in terms of the delivery process and this isn't to say it will fuck your kid up Bear was born in a hospital I was born in a hospital Tashi were born in a hospital

so look you're there we're fine We'll fuck your kid up. Bear was born in a hospital. I was born in a hospital. Tashi were born in a hospital. So look, you're there. We're fine. You know, but if you have the access and for some people, it's more expensive to hire a midwife and do it at home because insurance covers going to the hospital. So there is a financial aspect to that for other people who have some friends from Canada who have no access to insurance here. So they would either have to fly home, even though they work here full-time and live here full-time, they'd have to fly back to Canada to have their child, or they can pay for a midwife to do the home delivery.

So they did the home delivery and that was a beautiful experience for them. I don't like the fact that it is a procedure, a medical procedure when done in a hospital it's not a sacred beautiful magical thing that happens here when someone gives birth and so is death if you can witness that and it's not just you know pull the plug or give the old man an injection but actually to see somebody through death even when you put down your dog to be in the room with them when it happens is a fucking powerful ceremony but to treat it as such as as it is sacred and that's very hard to accomplish with giant fucking fluorescent bulbs and people coming in nurses coming in every hour and a half two hours to check on the baby and turning the brightest fucking lights on in the middle of the night over and over again no No, that's not good for your child.

No, that fake light has a fucking issue. It's a problem. Listen to the podcast I did with Matt Maruca or read any one of the books on photobiomodulation. Here's your post-delivery meal. So nutritious. Yeah, Salisbury steak and fucking hash browns. Jell-O. Anywho, yeah, there's a lot of reasons to do it at home. If you can't afford it, bring your own food, have family members or friends, bring your own good organic food, your favorite things, your favorite treats, whatever. Make it as good as you can.

If we were forced to do this again, I would bring my own light with an amber bulb and I'd say, this is what we're working with in our room. And if you can't see, you can use a red headlamp, but you're not turning overhead lights on. And that would be a part of the birth plan in writing on the wall and laminated. Here's your night vision goggles. Yeah. Find the baby. Exactly. All right.

And yes, Kyle will be catching. He caught bear and for a moment uh forgot that i wanted to hold him after i was like like my boys here powerfully pushing him out he was just in shock and it was a beautiful beautiful moment but yeah he'll be catching oh yeah there's another person here that you're still connected to that would like to meet you as well um all right so we got about seven twelve minutes let's rapid fire some of these um how about the soap one okay so did you circumcise bear so much info out there and i'm having a boy in june and what prenatal subs do you take on baby girl easy peasy and we're going to try to crank through these so forgive us for not having the long-winded answers we had prior.

No, we did not. We did not. Circumcised. It is not natural. The vast majority of boys being born on earth since time immemorial until right now in the world currently are not circumcised. And so why is that? Well, as long as you learn how to clean it and have modern sanitary practices,

it will not get infected and require surgery down the road, which would be really traumatic for someone to have happen at a later age. But it's not fucking needed. We're not made that way. We're not born that way. So it is not fucking needed. We're not made that way. We're not born that way. So it is definitely not needed. The prenatals that we have.

Go ahead. He's currently at the age where we have to teach him how to pull the skin back a little bit and wash it at the end of the day. Clean his smegma. And then some days we will put a little coconut oil. I'll have um put a little coconut oil i'll have a little coconut oil on their natural antimicrobial um yeah and then just teaching him like okay now when you pee we need to make sure that you're pulling the skin back a little bit you pee shake it out and then go about your day but also making sure your hands hands are, you know, like it's just, it's like with anything, you're teaching cleanliness.

Yeah, you teach them not to pick their butthole with bare hands. Yeah, if your hands are dirty before you need to go to the bathroom, give them a quick wash, go to the bathroom and wash them again. We are using Designs for Health Prenatal Pro Essential Packets, comprehensive prenatal support. It's expensive. It's about $100 for a 30-day supply on Amazon, but that's the one Dr. Craig Conover recommended we use. And he is—

I take a pack in the morning and a pack at night. He is my go-to guy for all things medical, who will be coming back on the podcast next month when I'm in Tulum with Fit for Service. Okay, my other DM question. I heard that Chris Ryan mentioned he hasn't used soap in years for microbiome health. Curious as to what yours and Kyle's take is on this. Soap after jujitsu seems like a must. Thanks and much love to you and the tribe.

Yes, I heard him talking about that on Rogan's. He is 100% correct that our microbiome extends well outside of our gut and onto our skin nose ear holes all over our body and there's different places on our body like our genitalia that share um commonalities with other parts of the skin microbiome and things of that nature so soaping too often even with really good dr bronner's organic soap or defense soap that's always a good thing mean, it's not a good thing to soap too often. If you smell, that's a pretty good idea to use soap. Now, Chris Ryan, who's a friend of mine, also doesn't do jujitsu and probably is less active than a Joe Rogan. So, how often he needs soap is up to him. Now, when we went hunting together, he didn't have a particular smell and this fell in the window of when he was not showering and not using or showering and not using soap or taking a bath in a river without soap. He doesn't smell right. It's different.

If you fucking smell messed up and that you're a problem to be around. And we have people that were in our lives that really do have BO issues that are, we bring up to them like, bro, you got to use some soap. I mean, a few of my boys have had to tell, you got to use some fucking soap, man. Like it's a distraction and it's hard to be around. And I don't want to hug you right now because that smell is going to be on my shoulder. Whatever the case is, if you're doing jujitsu, you have to use a good quality defense soap or Dr. Bronner soap to eliminate the infectious stuff that you come across on mats because not everyone else is doing that. So you do your part by coming in clean with clean gear and then cleaning yourself immediately after or as fast as you can afterwards. That's a part of jujitsu. So you have a different degree. Now, if you're worried about

what happens to the microbiome, there is a company that makes a soil-based spray. Mike Salemi knows it, so hit him up on Instagram. I don't have it off the top of my head, but you can spray your genitalia, armpits, behind the ears, different parts of your body, your butthole, and that will help to re-inhabit some of the good soil-based organisms that we have on the skin. Why don't you ever tell me about this? Because we don't need it. We're good.

And we don't wash bear's hair every day it's maybe every um maybe like tuesday thursday and sunday i think those are the only three days we actually wash his hair we'll condition it and brush it because he just has so much hair and it's um it'll definitely mat up if we don't brush it and detangle it. But yeah, it's only Jiu-Jitsu days and then the Sunday at the end of the weekend. All right, so a couple more questions here on psychedelics. I'm just going to lump these together. How do you integrate after ceremony? Is there a process you go through or is it different each time?

Supplements you use to support neurotransmitters? Besides a set intention and some tunes from East Forest for a psilocybin ceremony, what are some steps to prepare for the ceremony? What steps afterwards can you recommend? So integration, space. When you travel to the Amazon to do ayahuasca, one of the benefits, and I know this is cost prohibitive to some people. That's an argument some people have. Don't worry. you can get just as much done with psilocybin or in its own ways. You're creating space, you're taking time out of your work schedule, you're not

in your usual environment, you're not around kids, you don't have the same responsibilities, you have a couple days to get to where you're going. And that allows you to process and really give space and time into setting your intention, understanding it, meditating on it, going through your ceremonies every other day with a day off in between to really focus on the things that you're learning and take notes and journal and all of that shit. And then afterwards as well. So the recommendation and one of the lessons of traveling to do ayahuasca is that that needs to be practiced here too when we do things stateside or work with different medicines that don't require the same degree of creating space. You still want to create space. You still

don't want to be busting your ass at work, in meetings, doing everything, and then the next day you wake up and drop in. You got to create space on both sides of that to really make it matter and for it to stick. So it's not just a fantastic journey that gets washed away in the memories of this really cool vision you had, but actually it's something that you practice. Whatever the downloads are, put them into practice and that will make the change in your life. It's only showing you the way. It's not giving you the way. It's broadening your awareness to understand what will make your life better, but it is not doing it for you. You do it for yourself. I think that's it. I mean, yeah, we'll sage ourselves. We'll do a lot of the traditional

practices. Flower baths are used obviously in the Amazon because they don't use sage, but we do different practices like that from indigenous cultures and it's not appropriating a damn thing. There's an actual reason for that. You want to clear your energy and you want to create a safe space. Whether or not you've gone deep enough to understand the reality of some of the things that can happen in there and why you want a good guide. That's all knowledge you can acquire through the experience itself. But you want a safe container. And I think, you know, the awareness of whatever you put into your prayer, whatever you put into your attention, whatever you have for the space that you're creating to do that, the space within, as well as the space you will be in the medicine, all those are factors that are important. So having an altar, if you want,

things like that are things that have been practiced for thousands of years and they carry a certain importance and a certain weight and they're not required. You can just have the experience with the medicine itself and it works. It doesn't need all these other checks off, you know, checkoff list. But we have a series of things that we do, you know, from setting the intention ahead of time from painting mandalas as Paul Cech taught us to really dialing in and creating space for that experience before, during, and after and journaling and taking notes on everything that came up. Sometimes it's in the ceremony. Sometimes it's the next day after ceremony because you're too in it to actually write. That's okay too.

The medicine is always accessible. And on the dietary side, depending on when you're going to do it, creating some space from your last meal. And so not eating too close to when you're going to drop in, making sure you're very hydrated and that you have water available nearby next to your bed or wherever you plan on doing ceremony. And then post ceremony, taking it easy. Sometimes there can be this, I'm famished and like everything just sounds so good and you just want to eat all this food.

But I think in our experience that when we, when we had done that kind of towards the beginning of our exploration, it was a little hard to sleep versus now. You don't want the giant meal right before you go to bed. You don't want the giant meal before you go to bed. Doing the night ceremony create space as well like some berries um yeah that's kind of the the go-to or the keto pudding that's definitely one of our go-tos special little treat reward for hard work so there are more questions on open relationship um those can be answered

in more than two an ethical guide to polyamory and um you know again uh rachel had a question here on uh more depth on how you cope with jealousy and insecurity or self-doubt when kyle has a girlfriend or for me i mean it really just comes down to whatever that doubt insecurity and jealousy is a reflection of my own understanding of myself it is exactly that it is my own limit of self-beliefs that creates scarcity or creates fear which is an illusion according to ted decker around what it is now fear is not an illusion if you have a tiger chasing you, but fear is an illusion most often times because it's all in our fucking head and it never turns out the way that

we think it's going to anyways. And a lot of times you end up creating it if that is the focus. So if I'm focused on the truth, the truth of the situation and Kyle and I have an agreement, he will never leave me for somebody else. He's simply having an experience. He's, you know, just he's free to have the experiences that he wants to have in life. And I can either live in fear and distrust and anger and hurt, or I can hear about his experience and, and that's all it has to be. But, um, yeah, I think that's the biggest one living presently and diving into yourself. Why am I feeling this? Where is this feeling coming from? And most often than not, it's something from inside for, that most of mine has been fear of abandonment from my childhood. So yeah. All right. That wraps it.

We had a couple more. I'm sorry we couldn't get to them. We'll get to them next time. You can also answer them on your page. Yes. So you have one there for hippie high pineapple. High pineapple. All right. Thank you all. We love you guys. And we'll run this back sometime third trimester. So love doing these Q&As. Thank you guys for tuning in.

And check out kingsboo.com where you can learn more about my inner circle, private coaching, and mentorship program, as well as get Tasha's e-book, Eating with the Kingsburys, for the low, low price of $5. And you'll have all these keto recipes that are awesome ways to introduce sweets into your diet. These aren't things that we eat all the time, but having children, a sweet that you know is not going to change their blood chemistry, their neurochemistry, and leave them falling flat and angry and sad and emotional on an emotional roller coaster, but something that can still allow them to be kids and eat something with some pop to it,

because kids are used to that and they want to have that. Adults are too. I like having pecan pie. I like knowing it's not going to fucking impact blood sugar. I like having fucking, yeah, I like having pecan pie. I like knowing it's not going to fucking impact blood sugar. I like having the keto pudding and many other recipes in there. Just basically how we eat, you know, from the grass-fed burgers that we make once or twice a week. It's pretty regular what we eat. And I think, yep, lots of cool stuff in there. All right. Love y'all. Thank you guys for listening and I'll see you next week. Thank you guys for listening to today's show. Remember, head over to kingsboo.com where we've got all sorts of cool shit,

including monthly newsletters, everything that I'm up to, how I'm experimenting with my consciousness to the supplements that I take, to sleep practices, to fucking everything, what I'm reading, who I'm podcasting with,

anything under the sun that I find useful, you'll find there. As well as my Inner Circle mentorship program, which we just kicked off this year. We've got a few slots left that I'm still taking. That's going to remain open until all those slots are taken up. You just fill out a simple questionnaire and schedule a call with me via Calendly.

We'll jump on a Zoom call for 30 minutes and see if we're right to work with each other. All that is available at kingsboo.com. Thank you guys for tuning in and I'll see you next week.